#haven't slept in my own bed for 30 days

[heybaetae]

.

[theetherealbloom]

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM - CH.4

Chapter 4: ​​Scandal Does Funny Things To Pride, But Brings Lovers Closer

Summary: After harboring a crush on your dad's charming best friend, Joel Miller, you graduate college only to be confused by something he supposedly said to you, but then he and his daughter Sarah, reluctantly move away due to his work. Six months later, Joel returns to town, and you're desperate to confirm if his words were real. Both you and your dad eagerly await his arrival but for entirely different reasons. As feelings intensify, you realize that falling for him might not be temporary after all.

Paring: Dbf!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, AGE-GAP Romance, Reader is Early twenties and Joel is in his late 30s to early 40s, Secret Romance, Sneaking Around, FLUFF, LOTS OF SMUT, SMUT, SMUT, Heavy Make Out Session, Oral Male Receiving, Penetration Kissing, Barely any plot, NOT A SLOW BURN AT ALL, Relationship, Swearing, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, Flirting, Flattery, Awkward, Virgin reader, inexperienced reader, slightly Self Deprecating, Suggestive Content, Size Kink, Reader is “smaller” than Joel but no further descriptions, Breeding Kink, PWP (wrap it up), Body worship, declaring their love for each other, 

Word Count: 5.8k

A/N: I wrote this in two days and I’m lowkey unsure if this all makes sense LMAO. So here we are, at the final chapter… tf am I gonna do now… (*stares at all the unfinished series rewrites*) well… damn. See you at the epilogue. 

Side note: I’m dyslexic and English isn’t my first language! So I apologize in advance for the spelling and/or grammatical errors. As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated. Thank you and happy reading!

Song: But Daddy I Love Him by Taylor Swift

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Joel doesn't think you both slept a wink that first week, the two of you creeping around in the dead of night and again in the pre-dawn light. You were over at Joel's place every morning, right after your dad left for work. He still thinks you're in your own bed every night, only helping Joel out part-time during the day.

But in between when he leaves for work and when he gets home for dinner, you're right where you belong – by Joel's side. Or, in most cases, bouncing your fine ass on the end of his thick, throbbing cock until you're screaming his name into a pillow.

It's not as if you haven't tried to tell your dad the truth. Joel has, too. But it cuts him up to keep anything from his oldest friend, especially when he sees your dad on such a high. Telling him the reality of the situation would surely ruin him.

Even though Joel knows it's the right thing to do, the thought of shattering your father's newfound joy and confidence is almost too much to bear. He's seen the way your dad's face lights up when he talks about the success of his business, all thanks to Joel's intervention.

Your dad is even making noise about setting up a workshop on the East Coast, making Joel's original idea sound like his own. But if it makes him happy, Joel's happy. Because of all that, you and Joel made a pact – if your dad asks either of you directly if you're anything more than just friends, you'll tell him the truth. But he's been so busy that neither of you have actually seen much of him at all.

As uneasy as it makes Joel, keeping the both of you a secret just a little longer seems like the easiest way to avoid making waves. Or so Joel thought. It's been two weeks to the day, and Joel doesn't think you or him have ever been happier your whole lives, except for the sneaking around past your dad bit.

But your dad is no dummy. And Joel can see now that he should have just come out with it, long before helping him get his business into first gear. You both guess that you two got lazy.

It happens right after another one of your father's dinners on a Friday night. He's insisted Joel, Tommy, and Sarah come over, and he'll cook for all of you. But come eleven o'clock, when Tommy and Sarah go home, and then midnight, you and Joel are giving each other guarded glances. And your dad takes on the air of a man who has something to say.

"I should probably head to bed," you say, about to excuse yourself, but your dad asks you to sit.

"You don't have to pretend anymore, honey," your dad says calmly, shaking his head and laughing to himself. But it's not a happy laugh – it's a wounded, ironic kind of grimace he wears as his eyes settle on Joel's.

"And you, Joel? I suppose you're beat after spending the day with my daughter 'helping you out' around the house, huh?" your dad says cuttingly, but he regains his composure quickly.

"I guess I have somethin' to tell you," Joel croaks, trying to swallow but feeling his mouth dry as dirt.

"I guess we both have something to tell you," you add, making Joel jump when your hand slips into his, and you rest them both on the table.

Your dad takes in a sharp breath, steadying himself, and Joel has to say, he's being a fucking man about it. "So go ahead," he murmurs.

"Tell me all about it," he says before raising his hand quickly. "No. Don't tell me all about it. I don't need to know the sordid details... Just tell me when all this started, Joel. You too, hon'," he asks, looking over to you, his eyes filling up with tears before either of you even says a word.

"How could you?" he sniffs bitterly, looking every bit as hurt and betrayed as Joel thought he might, but he's not angry. Not angry at all. Just hurt that you two have been fooling around behind his back and keeping secrets.

You feel upset too and lower your head in shame, but Joel, for one, feels better now that he knows. The burden of the lie has been removed, and he's ready to face the consequences, whatever they may be.

Joel takes a deep breath, his hand tightening around yours. "I've been in love with her since the day she graduated," he tells your father, his voice steady and unwavering.

"Things moved quicker than I thought, and it wasn't until we both knew how much we were in love that it meant hurting you if you knew," Joel explains, not making excuses, but trying to help your dad understand.

Your father is silent for a moment, his brow furrowed in thought. "So. You coming all the way out here, for good. All that was just a way to get to her?" he asks, his tone laced with a hint of accusation.

"Don't twist it to make it look like that," Joel retorts, but your dad isn't entirely wrong.

"I meant what I said about helping you, and I still do," Joel reminds him, his voice firm.

"I can give her more than any man half my age, too. Give her a life..." Joel trails off, his words hanging in the air.

The tension in the room is palpable as your dad's anger flares, his words sharp and cutting. "What? Give her a life her father couldn't? She's my fucking daughter, Joel. Who the fuck asked you to help yourself, huh?" he demands, his frustration evident. But you interject, your own voice rising in defense.

"I'm not a kid anymore, Dad. I'm an adult. And I know you've provided for me, always made sure I have everything I need," you assert, your tone firm and unwavering.

"But do you think a woman like me is ever gonna have a guy like Joel just breeze into town, sweep me off my feet, and then let him go?" you challenge defiantly. "Getting eight bucks an hour tutoring part-time and living with my Dad into my old age isn’t the kind of life I had planned for myself."

Joel admires your fire, proud of you for speaking your mind. The air crackles with tension, but at least everyone is having their fair say. Despite the burning bridge, the honesty in the room feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

For your dad to take the news without his fists flying, Joel realizes he's matured more gracefully than he would have given him credit for. The pulse of the moment slows, the truth out in the open. No more hiding, but decisions loom ahead that may not be easy.

Your father reflects, a nostalgic air settling around him. "I knew that day of your graduation, sweetheart. And I know you better than you think, Joel," he says, his gaze shifting between the two of you. "I just didn't want to believe it."

"I love her," Joel declares, his voice unwavering. "I'm having his baby, Dad," you begin, the revelation causing a moment of shock between both your dad and Joel, before your laughter breaks the tension.

“You should have seen your faces.” You chuckle a little.

"Honestly, I want to have his kids, Dad. I want us to be together forever. I want to take care of Sarah. House, kids... the whole nine yards," you chime in, relief evident in your voice.

Your father's response is unexpected, a mix of emotions playing across his face. "I know you do, sweetie," he comforts you, a smile creasing his face. "You wanna be the mom you never had. And I guess I just didn't wanna lose the little girl I raised all on my own."

As your father prepares to leave, the moment's weight settles over you all. "I just need time, Joel," he finally says. "Time to get used to all this... Time to get used to not having her around."

The nuclear fallout you both expected never came, not in the way you expected. The night ends with a sense of understanding and acceptance, your father's blessing a silent promise of support and love.

Walking home next door, the weight of the evening hangs heavy in the air. In the quiet of your shared bed, you find solace in Joel's arms, the raw emotion of the moment bringing you closer than ever before. You are crying in his embrace, the tears flowing freely as the tension and relief of the confrontation with your father wash over you.

But it feels just as good to Joel, this shared vulnerability. Sharing the not-so-great times as well as the good times – this is what being with someone is truly all about. The good thing is that you don't have to keep anything secret anymore, and better still, you both have your dad's blessing.

Probably the most important thing for Joel, because without his best friend and the woman he loves, where would he be?

"We good?" you sniffle, rubbing your puffy eyes as you look up at Joel. He lifts your face from his chest, holding you close.

"Oh, we're better than good, darlin'," he smiles back at you. "We're perfect," he tells you, stroking your hair as you lie silent for a long time.

"I love you," you eventually murmur, drifting into a dreamless sleep with a little smile playing on your lips.

"And I love you more," he promises you, kissing your forehead goodnight. He's already waiting for the morning so he can tell you the same again, his heart swelling with the knowledge that you are his, and he is yours, without the need for secrecy or shame.

The weight of the evening has lifted, replaced by a sense of relief and contentment. No longer do you have to tiptoe around, hiding your love and affection. Your father's blessing, though not without its reservations, is a testament to the depth of your connection and the trust he has in Joel to care for you.

As you sleep peacefully in Joel's arms, he can't help but feel a profound sense of gratitude. This woman, this life, is more than he ever dared to dream of. With your father's acceptance, the path ahead is clearer, and Joel is determined to cherish every moment, to build a future that will make you both proud.

As you stir from the depths of slumber, the remnants of a dream linger, tantalizing and vivid. Joel's image flickers in your mind, a hunger burning behind your eyelids, a relentless craving that claws at your senses.

With a slow, drowsy blink, reality floods back, engulfing you in a haze of sensation. Heat coils low in your belly, radiating outward as awareness seeps into every pore. And then you feel it—the intoxicating pressure between your thighs, a languid caress that sends sparks shooting up your spine.

Your gaze drifts downward, heart pounding in your chest as you take in the sight before you. Joel lies beneath the duvet, his form obscured yet unmistakable in the dim light. His rugged features are softened by the shadows, the scruff of his beard grazing your skin like a promise unspoken.

A shiver courses through you as his tongue dances over your slick folds, igniting a firestorm of need that threatens to consume you whole. Your back arches involuntarily, a breathy sigh escaping your lips as pleasure blossoms deep within.

"Joel... fuck..." you moan, the words torn from your throat in a desperate plea for more. His head emerges from beneath the covers, lips glistening with your essence, eyes smoldering with untamed desire.

"You gotta be quiet, darlin'," he murmurs, his voice thick with a southern drawl that sends shivers cascading down your spine. "Might wake the whole house up. Can you do that for me, be a good girl?"

Your heart pounds in your chest, pulse racing as his words wash over you like a wave crashing against the shore. With a nod, you bite down on your lip, a silent promise of compliance as you surrender to the whirlwind of sensation engulfing you.

As Joel's tongue delves deeper, tracing patterns of ecstasy along your sensitive flesh, your senses spiral out of control. Every flick, every swirl sends shockwaves of pleasure cascading through your body, igniting a fierce inferno that threatens to consume you whole.

"Fuck, Joel," you whimper, fingers tangling in the sheets as you surrender to the heady rush of sensation. His touch is electric, setting your nerve endings ablaze with a fervor unlike anything you've ever known.

With a low growl, Joel's lips capture yours in a searing kiss, his tongue tangling with yours in a passionate dance of desire. His hands roam over your trembling form, tracing the curves of your body with reverent exploration.

"You taste like heaven, darlin'," he murmurs against your skin, his breath hot against your ear. "Gonna make you scream my name until the whole damn house knows who you belong to."

A shudder wracks your body at his words, desire pooling low in your belly as you succumb to the primal urge driving you both. With a wordless plea, you arch into his touch, craving more of him with every fiber of your being.

Joel's fingers slip between your thighs, finding you slick and ready for him. With a wicked grin, he teases your entrance, circling your clit with agonizing slowness before plunging deep inside you with a single, relentless thrust.

"Fuck, yes," you cry out, the words torn from your lips in a breathless plea for more. Joel's pace quickens, each thrust driving you higher and higher until you're teetering on the edge of oblivion.

In the soft glow of morning light streaming through the window, you find yourself tangled in Joel's embrace, limbs intertwined in a mess of sheets and limbs. His chest rises and falls with each breath, the rhythmic cadence a comforting lullaby as you revel in the aftermath of your shared passion.

With a tender sigh, Joel presses a lingering kiss to your forehead, his touch gentle against your feverish skin. "God, you're beautiful," he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. "I could spend eternity right here, just like this."

You feel the heat stain your cheeks at his words, warmth flooding your veins at the intensity of his gaze. "I feel the same way," you whisper, fingers tracing lazy patterns over his chest. "Being with you like this... it's like coming home."

Joel's lips curve into a tender smile, his eyes alight with adoration as he brushes a strand of hair from your face. "You're my home, darlin'," he murmurs, his voice a soft rasp that sends shivers dancing down your spine. "And I'll do anything to make sure you feel safe and loved, always."

His words linger in the air, a comforting blanket enveloping you. In Joel's embrace, you discover a sense of peace, a haven amidst life's storms. Here, in this quiet moment, you realize that with Joel beside you, and you're so excited and can't wait to see what happens next.

As the morning sun filtered through the kitchen window, casting a warm glow over the breakfast table, you took a deep breath and shared the news with Sarah and Tommy. The revelation of your relationship with Joel and your decision to stay with them while your dad was away for the week hung in the air, a mix of excitement and nervous anticipation.

Sarah's eyes lit up with joy, her enthusiasm palpable as she practically bounced in her seat, devouring her scrambled eggs with gusto. Tommy, ever the observant one, shot you both a sly look that made your cheeks flush with a mixture of embarrassment and arousal.

You knew you needed to work on being quieter, but it was a challenge when Joel had a way of taking you to heights of pleasure that left you gasping and moaning, unable to contain the sounds of ecstasy that escaped your lips.

The dynamic between the four of you shifted subtly, a new energy crackling in the air as the unspoken tension of your newfound relationship with Joel lingered between bites of toast and sips of coffee. Sarah's infectious excitement was contagious, her chatter filling the room with a sense of camaraderie and shared secrets.

Tommy's knowing glances added a layer of intrigue to the morning, his playful smirk hinting at a deeper understanding of the dynamics at play. You couldn't help but feel a rush of desire at the thought of Joel's touch, his presence a magnetic pull that left you yearning for more, even in the most mundane moments.

As the morning unfolded, the anticipation of the week ahead hung in the air, a mix of uncertainty and excitement swirling around the breakfast table. The unspoken promise of stolen moments and whispered confessions added a layer of tension to the morning routine, turning the mundane into something charged with possibility.

With each passing minute, the weight of your decision to stay with Sarah and Tommy while your dad was away settled over you, a mix of nerves and anticipation building in the pit of your stomach.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the landscape, you found yourself in the midst of a perfect evening with Joel. The air was filled with the sweet scent of blooming flowers, and the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze created a soothing backdrop to your shared moment.

Joel's hand in yours felt like a perfect fit, his touch sending a shiver of anticipation down your spine. The two of you had decided to take a leisurely stroll through the nearby park, the soft grass underfoot adding to the sense of intimacy that enveloped you both.

As you walked side by side, the conversation flowed effortlessly between you, a mix of playful banter and heartfelt confessions that deepened the connection between you. Joel's laughter was like music to your ears, his Texan drawl adding a touch of charm to every word he spoke.

"You know, darlin', I can't get enough of these little moments with you," Joel said, his gaze warm and adoring. "It's like the rest of the world just fades away when I'm with you."

You felt a blush creep across your cheeks, your heart fluttering at his words. "I feel the same way, Joel. Being here with you, it's like everything else just falls away."

The setting sun painted the sky in hues of pink and orange, casting a romantic glow over the scene. You couldn't help but steal glances at Joel, his features bathed in the warm light, his eyes reflecting the beauty of the moment.

As you reached a secluded spot by a tranquil pond, Joel's gaze met yours, a silent understanding passing between you. Without a word, he pulled you into his arms, his touch sending a surge of desire through you. The world around you faded away, leaving only the two of you in a bubble of shared intimacy.

"I can't get enough of you," Joel murmured, his voice low and husky. "Every moment with you feels like a dream."

You melted into his embrace, the heat of his body searing through you. The air crackled with tension, desire simmering just beneath the surface as you lost yourselves in each other.

The soft rustle of the wind in the trees provided a gentle soundtrack to your shared moment, heightening the sense of intimacy between you. In that perfect moment, surrounded by the beauty of nature and the warmth of Joel's touch, you felt a sense of peace and contentment wash over you.

As the evening drew to a close, the stars began to twinkle in the darkening sky, casting a magical spell over the night. With Joel by your side, you felt like anything was possible, the future stretching out before you like a blank canvas waiting to be painted with the colors of your love.

The stars had begun to twinkle in the darkening sky, lending an enchanted quality to the night. As you and Joel continued your leisurely stroll through the park, hand-in-hand, you couldn't help but be filled with a sense of wonder and possibility.

As if reading your thoughts, Joel squeezed your hand gently, his dimpled smile lighting up his features. "What's got you smiling like that, darlin'?" he asked, his affectionate nickname for you causing a flutter in your heart.

"I don't know," you replied honestly. "I just feel so... happy."

Joel's smile widened at your words. "Me too. Being here with you feels like magic."

You walked in comfortable silence for a while, taking in the sights and sounds around you. The chirping of crickets, the rustle of leaves in the gentle breeze, the distant hum of traffic - it all blended together to create a peaceful symphony that added to the romantic atmosphere.

As you reached a small clearing by a pond, Joel guided you towards a bench tucked away under a weeping willow tree. Sitting down beside him, you leaned against his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you.

"This is perfect," he said softly, gazing out at the tranquil water. "Just being here with you under this beautiful sky."

The next few days were a whirlwind of stolen glances and heated touches, the air thick with unspoken desire and anticipation. Every stolen moment with Joel left you breathless, your skin tingling with the promise of what was to come. The thought of your father's imminent return lingered in the back of your mind, but in Joel's arms, the world faded away, leaving only the two of you in a bubble of shared intimacy.

One evening, as you stood side by side in the cozy kitchen, the scent of simmering spices filling the air, Joel's presence was a magnetic pull you couldn't resist. Without warning, he pulled you into his arms, his lips capturing yours in a searing kiss that left you dizzy with need.

"I've been craving this all day, darlin'," Joel murmured against your lips, his breath hot against your skin.

A soft giggle escaped your lips, your fingers trailing down the strong lines of his jaw. "You certainly know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?"

Joel's eyes gleamed with mischief, a wicked grin playing on his lips. "Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea what I have in store for you. I'm just gettin’ started."

Before you could respond, Joel scooped you up in his arms, a playful glint in his eyes as he carried you towards the bedroom. Your heart raced with excitement, your arms wrapping around his neck as he laid you down on the soft sheets, his body pressing against yours in a deliciously intimate embrace.

The room was bathed in a soft, golden light, the air heavy with the promise of passion and desire. Joel's touch ignited a fire within you, his hands roaming your body with a hunger that mirrored your own. Every caress, every kiss, sent a jolt of electricity through you, building the tension between you to a fever pitch.

Joel's breath was hot against your skin, his body moving in time with the rhythm of your own desires. He pulled away for a moment, gazing into your eyes, the only source of light in the room casting shadows across his face. "I love you," he whispered, his voice husky with need.

You couldn't respond, lost in the intensity of the moment. Your heart pounded in your chest, matching the throbbing pulse of desire between your legs. With a low growl, Joel moved his lips to yours once more, his tongue probing your mouth with a fierce hunger.

The sound of your labored breaths, mingling with the low growls of desire that escaped his lips. The air grew heavy with anticipation, charged by the electricity that crackled between you. His fingers traced the sensitive skin at the apex of your thighs, sending shivers of pleasure coursing through your veins.

The heat radiating from his body, the primal energy pulsing between you. As he pulled you closer, your muscles tensed in anticipation, every cell in your body yearning for the connection.

His lips met yours in a searing kiss, their tongues dancing together in a frenzied tango of need. You could taste the sweetness of desire on his lips, the tang of salt from your tears of pleasure. His hands roamed your body, exploring every inch of your skin as if committing it to memory.

You couldn't help but feel a thrill of excitement as he spoke those words. You wanted nothing more than to take him into your mouth, venturing into the world of pleasure and sin that awaited you. You opened your mouth, allowing your tongue to dart out and wet your lips in anticipation, his eyes never leaving yours.

He guided his erection towards your mouth, the velvety head brushing against your lips. You opened wider, welcoming his invasion. His eyes darkened, and he groaned as you enveloped the entirety of his shaft in your warm embrace. You began to suck gently, the rhythmic motion of your head creating a wet, slurpy sound as your lips and tongue massaged him.

As he thrust deeper into your mouth, you struggled to breathe, your lungs involuntarily attempting to escape the suffocating embrace of his thick, pulsating member. Yet, you remained steadfast, determined to please him, to satiate his carnal desires.

His animalistic groans echoed in your ears, as though the very walls of the room had begun to quiver in response to his euphoric release. You could feel his veins, now bulging with the ferocity of his climax, vibrate against your sensitive lips and tongue, heightening the already intense sensations coursing through your body.

You could feel his heart pounding wildly, the rhythm syncing with the beats of your own. The room was filled with his scent, musk and sweat, a potent mix that drove you on. Your tongue swirled around his hard length, savoring the taste of him.

His hands gave your head a gentle squeeze, urging you on. His pleasure was your reward, the way his breath hitched and his hips thrust harder. You moved your head in time with his, sucking him deep, keeping a steady rhythm as his release approached.

The sudden tightening of his body spoke of his climax, and you knew you had to continue. Your lips glided up and down his shaft, focusing all your attention on the growing flutters within him.

Finally, he groaned, his release a hot, salty flood that filled your mouth. You swallowed quickly, eager to please him, the taste lingering on your tongue like the first bite of a ripe peach. He pulled away, breathless and flushed, his eyes locked on yours in a silent communion of satisfaction.

“You’re turn, darlin’,” Joel says, his eyes dark and his voice deep as midnight. You feel him grab your hips and begins to devour you, kissing every inch of skin and grabbing your body with an almost primal hunger. The air around you seems to grow thick with desire as you cling to him, your breath catching in your throat. He slides his hands up under your shirt, his fingers tracing the curve of your spine, and you can't help but arch into his touch, moaning softly.

Joel's lips trail down your neck, and you suck in a sharp breath as his teeth gently scrape against your delicate skin. A warm flush spreads across your body, and you feel yourself growing bolder, more willing with each passing moment. He bites down gently, leaving a mark that matches the one he gave you days ago, and you shudder with pleasure.

His lips explore every part of your body, getting closer and closer to your core. You can feel the heat radiating from him, his desire for you palpable in his every touch. The pace quickens as he takes your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down gently, a possession claim of sorts. Your breath hitches, your heart pounding in your chest, every nerve ending tingling with anticipation.

His hands, strong and calloused, graze the soft skin at the nape of your neck, expertly unfastening the delicate clasp of your dress. It falls to the ground, pooling around your ankles, leaving you exposed in just a lace-edged bra and matching underwear. 

Simultaneously, his hands slide beneath your underwear, his fingers exploring, tracing patterns and leaving trails of fire on your skin. He pauses, his eyes locking with yours, his gaze fierce and unyielding. In that moment, you feel a connection, a bond that transcends physical desire. It's more than just lust; it's passion, raw and unbridled.

The room is filled with the sounds of heavy breathing, skin against skin, and moans of pleasure, creating a symphony of desire that drowns out any other noise.

The air is heavy with the scent of sweat and musk, a heady mixture that serves to heighten the sensual atmosphere. The lingering scent of scented candles adds a touch of sweetness to the mix.

You can't take it anymore. The anticipation, the desire, it's all too much. Your body is on fire, begging for release. And Joel knows it.

"Fuck, Joel, please," you whine, your hips grinding against his in desperation.

He chuckles darkly, his lips grazing against your neck. "Alright, baby," he murmurs, and before you know it, he has entered you.

His cock slides into your weeping hole with ease; you're slick and wet from both arousal and anticipation. You gasp at the feeling of him filling you up completely, every inch of him stretching you in all the right ways.

Joel's movements are slow and deliberate at first, as if savoring every moment. But soon enough, the pace quickens as he pounds into you with a primal need. 

Your bodies move together in perfect harmony, each thrust sending shivers of pleasure through you.

Moans and gasps escape your lips uncontrollably as Joel hits all the right spots within you. Every touch feels like electricity coursing through your veins; every kiss like a fire burning between you two.

Your fingers grip onto his back desperately as he brings you closer to the edge. Your moans become louder and more frantic as your body tenses with impending release.

With one final thrust, Joel pushes both of you over the edge into pure ecstasy. Your bodies tremble together as wave after wave of pleasure washes over you. You cling onto each other tightly as powerful orgasms rock through your bodies.

As you come down from your high, Joel pulls out of you gently and collapses beside you on the bed. Your breathing is heavy and labored as both of your hearts beat in sync.

Joel pulls a blanket over both of your naked bodies before wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close to him. You snuggle into his chest contentedly, feeling more satisfied and loved than you ever have before.

The sunlight streams in through the window, casting a warm glow over your tangled bodies. You stir, slowly coming to consciousness as the events of last night flood back to you.

Your eyes flutter open and you find yourself staring into Joel's deep brown gaze. He smiles at you, his fingers still tracing soothing patterns on your skin.

"I love you," he says, his words soft and sincere. 

The sound of his voice is filled with love and emotion, sending butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

You smile and snuggle closer to him, basking in the warmth of his love. It's a feeling like no other, one that fills you with happiness and contentment.

As you lay there together in peaceful silence, memories of how the two of you came to be fill your mind. And it was the best decision either of you had ever made.

"I can't imagine my life without you," Joel whispers, breaking the silence between you two.

Tears prick at your eyes at his words. You feel overwhelmed with emotion - gratefulness for having someone like him in your life and overwhelming love for him.

"I feel the same way," you reply honestly, turning to look into his eyes once again. "I never want to lose you."

Joel leans in and kisses you gently, sealing his promise with actions rather than words. And as your lips move against each other's in a sweet embrace, all doubts fade away.

This is real and true love; a connection that goes beyond physical attraction or fleeting emotions.

It was a connection that defied reason and logic, a force that could not be contained or explained. It was a love that knew no boundaries and bloomed in every corner of their being, the sweetest melody that echoed in their hearts with every beat.

[girlsgoneplague]

Cramps

Spock x reader

Warnings: period talk (not graphic) cursing, depression

Promt: pain/comfort, you have the day off however your period has kept you in bed all day so your boyfriend Spock comes to check on you

Part 1 of 2 or 3, I plan on in the second part it gets worse

Waking up that morning you knew something was wrong whenever you rolled over, the cool wetness of your ass made it obvious your pad just couldn't take it last night. After groaning into your pillow for a solid minute you decide to get up and get cleaned up. When you get in the bathroom its obvious the pad never stood a chance, so you take off all your clothes and put them in the laundry hamper

So much for having a relaxing off day...

Before taking a shower you also removed all of your bedding, as well the pillow case since it won't match your other bedsheets. The pale blue of your former bedsheets start to irritate you and instead of putting them in the hamper you decide to throw the fitted sheet away. A ringing on your PADD goes off so you make your way to your bedside table and pick it up to see Spock is calling.

"Hey babe, I was just about to hop into the shower" you keep the screen aimed at your face in case he's with someone else.

"Hello, I trust you slept well?"

You sigh, "not really, I ruined my light blue bedsheets and I didn't even fall asleep until pretty late last night"

He tilts his head slightly, "I see, well the duration of my shift will end in a few hours, I will come to check on you."

You smile as you nod, "I'd love that, bring me something to eat too will you?"

"I shall, please continue your morning, I will see you soon"

"See you soon Spock" you end the call and make your way to the shower. Your cramps are starting to act up and a nice hot shower will ~hopefully~ help it.

After 30 minutes you've given up on the prospect of easing your pain. They haven't gotten worse but since its been so long its started to irritate you.

I swear they've just been getting worse these past few months....maybe I need to see McCoy.

After thinking it over you decide its not serious enough for that, if it gets worse then you'll have a good enough excuse to waste an entire day in sick bay. The worst part about it so far was the damper it put on your mood. Its only been about an hour since you've woken up but crawling back into bed is the only appealing thing to you right now. You look at the clock and see it's only 11:03.

You haven't changed your bedsheets yet but decide to lay on it bare anyway, the only thing touching your skin is the robe you were gifted last Christmas. It's dark blue and goes all the way down to your shins so it acts like your blanket for now.

After a few minutes you decide to try and watch something before you get too caught up in your own head. After picking an old cartoon movie you've never seen called Treasure Planet, you decide during the opening scenes you'll actually eat something.

I'm sure spock won't be back for another couple hours I think he mentioned around 4pm the last time we talked-

Suddenly your PADD starts to light up again, wondering if it was the man himself you leaned over to find it was actually Uhura.

"Hey whats up?" You ask somewhat confused

"You forgot about lunch didnt you?" She said with a small smirk

"Ohhhhhh shit im so sorry! I forgot this was the only day this week we both had free, my period came yesterday and its been kicking my ass"

She raises her eyebrows, "Oh my, that sounds like you've been busy dealing with the worst time of the month I understand. Its kind of weird that you're having issues though, you don't usually have cramps that bad right?"

"Right!! I have no idea why they're so bad this time around, I haven't even gotten around to changing my bedsheets-of which I RUINED last night" you shake your head and move the screen to show you laying down on your bare bed

"Yikes, well to be honest I actually called because I'm already in the mess hall but Sulu wants to join me for lunch, would you be offended if I visited you tomorrow after my shift?"

"Not at all, im not really in the mood to socialize....or get dressed haha. I only really want to see Spock so we can cuddle"

She rolls her eyes, "yeah yeah I'm sure your hot boyfriend will help melt the pain away. But if you need anything at all before he shows up then call me"

"Sure thing, you have fun with Sulu and tell him I said hi" I waved bye as she said she would and then hung up.

I put the device back down and roll over on my back, the cramps are getting bad enough I decide to take some Tylenol and grab my medicine bag to fill up with hot water.

I'm so glad I bought this damn thing, take that you stupid uterus

After gettin settled on the bed you realize you didnt actually grab something to eat, but maybe that's a good thing because your stomach also starts to act up.

It be your own body, your own treacherous body

At least the movie still has an hour left before you paused it, so you hit resume and make a wall of pillows on your bed to protect your back from the hard headboard.

After about 30 minutes you decide to send Spock a message asking how long he will be on duty. After a few minutes he responds

Unfortunately I have to stay slightly longer than planned, so far we belive the problem will be taken care of by 5 at the latest. My apologies

You frown but don't want to make a big deal about it, especially since its not his fault so you respond quickly

Thats fine! Just don't forget to bring me some dinner, I want pizza, you know how I like it. I hope the ship isn't giving you too many issues i know we had a rough day yesterday

Rough is an understatement, however it comes with the job and you both understand most things are out of your control when it comes to repairs and maintenance.

Indeed. I shall update you at 4 about my arrival.

You smile at the screen and think about how happy you'll be when he gets here

In the meantime I can ask Uhura for some chicken noodle soup. Thank you:)

You look up and realize you didn't pause the movie but luckily there's not been anything super crazy that happened. Its actually grabbed your attention quite well. However you do pause it to message Uhura because you're not sure if you can call her.

You free? I've got a craving for some chicken noodles or maybe even some chicken and dumplings, either way something warm with chicken

As you wait for a reply you get up to change the water in your medicine bag again, after you get up however you realize you have to use the bathroom.....immediately.

When you get in there you cuss loudly

How the fuck did my pad manage to slip off, I swear today is not my day

After you finish up, you change your underwear again and rub your sore breasts.

This is possibly the worst off day I've ever had, including when we were all turned into those rocks or cubes or whatever they were*

Looking at the clock you quickly realize its only a little after 12. And since Uhura hasn't responded its starting to look a lot like you'll be alone for quite some time.

The movie ended after some time, it was really good but you frequently clenched your whole body due to the waves of cramps. And thankfully Uhura had let you know she would bring you food around 1. So you searched around for another movie to keep your mind off of things and settled on Asteroid City. After a few minutes you hear a knock so you get pause it to open the door.

After it slides open you smile at the sight of your friend with some much needed soup, "so whatd you bring me?"

She hands you the tray and follows you into the room, "just some chicken and dumplings, I remember last time you had noodles so I thought I'd take the liberty of switching things up for you"

"I love it when you make our relationship spicy" you chuckle and sit down on your bed gesturing her to join you.

She looks at your screen, "oh you'll like this one, but after this you should watch that horror movie that came out in the same year"

In between spoonfuls you ask her to send you the title in case you forget.

You and her chat for some time until she gets up to stretch, "well I think I'll leave you to it, I have the holo deck reserved for 3 and I'd hate to be late. See you later"

"Sure thing, see you!" You wave to her as she leaves and start your movie again.

2 hours later you decided this Wes Anderson was definitely worth checking out. Then you look at your PADD to see the title Uhura sent you and also notice Spock has sent you a message as well

Excellent news, I shall be done in less than an hour. Is there anything else you need me to bring?

Yes please! I need new bedsheets I can't find any clean ones. I like yours so maybe you could bring those?

Clicking on Talk To Me, you lean back again and wait for him to respond.

Roughly 20 minutes later you hear a knock on your door, so you pause the movie and practically run to see if its Spock

Once the door slides open you grin at the sight of him with a pair of sheets underneath a tray with an entire pizza.

"I missed you so much, here let me take the tray"

He lets you grab the tray while he starts to unfold the sheets, "I have missed you as well T'hy'la, I trust you were not disappointed with my tardiness"

You set the food down at the small table you usually eat dinner at, that is when you're not suffering, and turn to face him. "Its not your fault T'hy'la, besides im sure you can make it up to me"

The ghost of a smile is on his face as he walks over to you to hold your hand and lean his forhead against yours, "I will try"

You give him a kiss and tell him to start eating so you can finish your movie.

As you eat your pizza, and he eats his soup you discuss his day as well as how awful you've been feeling, "I mean I seriously have no idea why its been so bad this time around" you notice a frown on his face and raise an eyebrow

"If you are truly having issues why did you not see McCoy?" Concern all over his face makes you feel like you've said the wrong thing.

"Its just that I didn't think it mattered that much" you look away from him and at the floor, "I just didn't want to spend the day in sick bay or worse taking some disgusting medicine that makes me lose my appetite"

He considers this for a moment and reaches across the table to hold his two fingers out to you for a Vulcan kiss. "While I do not understand the human response of hating the doctors i understand you would have gone if you felt that the pain was too much, but please mention it the next time you have a check up"

You smile softly and nod your head, "deal, so long as you spend the night with me?"

His eyes light up and the corners of his mouth slightly turn upwards, "I believe those terms are acceptable"

You both finish up your meal and he excuses himself to grab a change of clothes while you head to the bathroom to change your pad yet again.

One of these days maybe he'll just keep a change of clothes here

You ponder to yourself about the future for a moment until you start to have an awful pain shoot through your abdomen.

You leave the bathroom and immediately lay down to curl yourself into a ball, its not clear how long you stay in that position but when Spock returns he knocks and let's himself in after you tell him its fine. He immediately walks over to your bed at the sight of you, "is the pain becoming too much?"

You nod slightly and roll over to face him, "is it alright if we just lay here together for awhile"

"Of course, just allow me to change into my robes"

You feebly nod and go to turn the movie back on, you might as well finish it before bed considering its not even 6 yet. After he gets changed he looks at the screen, then at you, and raises an eyebrow.

"A recommendation from Uhura" you respond to his wordless question

"I see, well you'll forgive me if I do not watch it with you"

"All I need is you, I know you don't like this sort of thing but I'm glad you indulge my human tendancies"

"There are many qualities of yours i admire, and as you are well aware I do not require silence in order to think about how to improve my work efficiency"

You shake your head slightly as he climbs into bed, "well as long as you're holding me i couldn't care less what you're thinking about i just enjoy your company"

A light green blush comes across his features, "I too enjoy being with you" he grabs your face and kisses you for a few moments until you break the kiss to groan about your lower abdomen. He places his hand on your forehead and looks in your eyes to silently ask permission to ease your pain. You nod and his presence fills your brain, the pain starts to leave your mind as you finally relax for the first time that day.

"I don't know what I would do without you" you tell him as he lowers his hand and once again wraps his arms around you.

"I am sure you would-"

"That was rhetorical, and I don't think I could love anyone like how I love you" the light green blush returns to his face and he puts his forehead to yours again.

"I love you as well" he tells the computer to turn the lights off and you fall asleep despite the horror movie still on in the background. He watches you for a few moments to be sure you've fallen asleep and then turns off the movie and allows himself to drift off alongside you.

End of part one

Authors Notes, in the original series theres an episode where only 5 of the essential crew weren't turned into these blocks so if you're curious this is what I was referencing in the paragraph that talks about being turned into rocks lol

[9thbutterfly]

I need to whine a bit, and if any of you have suggestions, please go ahead.

Specifically, whine about sleep, the toddler's and mine, and tangentially the husband's.

Part of me is like, "you're a wimp, this isn't nearly as bad as ages 4-8 months, when OR never slept more than an hour at a time, would only go back to sleep by nursing, and I had to go to work as well."

But then again, I could mostly set my own hours, and take a nap at lunchtime/take regular breaks for nursing during work (I brought OR to work with me at that time).

Now I mostly work 8-6, without any breaks long enough for a nap. Then I get home, try to get some dinner into me and OR, and then it's their bedtime. If we're lucky, we have a bit of time left to play/read together.

I mean. At least they now tolerate LG taking them to bed. There was a time when it was all Mama, Mama, all the time, and LG trying to do bedtime got screaming and crying. Now we take turns, so at least every other day I actually have time to shower and tidy up a bit.

(except that I'm usually still frustrated, because LG loses track of time, or spends ages on the toilet, and bedtime ends up being late if I don't remind him and/or do things that he should be doing.)

Anyway, then we get to bed and it's wriggle time. OR wants me to lay down with them, so I'm constantly getting kicked and grabbed and my hair pulled and my covers pulled off and so on.

They used to fall asleep easily with their bottle (and yeah, I know they should have stopped bedtime bottles long ago, but we haven't had the energy to deal with it) but now that no longer works, and they will just wriggle and twist around and talk and talk and keep themselves awake, and I can't figure out how to get to calm down and fall asleep.

And it would maybe be easier if I weren't in the bed with them, but I'm so tired that I just want to lie down too, and I don't have the resources left for a lot of singing/storytelling/whatever (apart from the fact that at least half the time, that just makes them more wound up).

And then most nights they wake up at some point and call for us, and it's always me who wakes up first, and me who goes over, because by the time LG wakes up, OR would be even more awake and scared because noone is coming, and then we're back in Wriggleville, and I have been awake since 3:30 now, and have a long and busy day ahead of me and just want to either cry or kill someone.

I mean. Some changes are obvious. If the bottle is no longer helping them, they could just have milk before brushing their teeth. But the bottle still has about 20% chance of putting them to sleep, and what do I do instead? I need to not be in the bed with them, but where else do I go that's tolerable to my tired body? I thought about buying a beanbag chair, but there is no fucking room for buying anything/if I need to move one more thing to be able to vacuum I will start just chucking everything out of the window.

[justjasper]

60 Alkaline Trio Lyrics Writing Prompts

What do I do with these? Write something inspired by one of them! Get your followers to send you a prompt for you to write for!

Themes: love, death, substance abuse, suicide, violence

Kiss You to Death

1. I don't care if we fuck or we talk or we cry

Every Thug Needs a Lady

2. Right now you're all that I recognise

Over and Out

3. Please tell my wife I loved her more than life itself

This Could Be Love

4. I've got some mad ideas involving you and me

Cringe

5. You were the last good thing I ever saw

Pocket Knife

6. I've been waiting here so long // For someone just like me

Clavicle

7. I want to wake up naked next to you // Kissing the curve of your clavicle

Mr Chainsaw

8. Found out recently that you were leaving // For good I hope, I softly tell my ceiling

You're Dead

9. But I now have nothing but your heartbeat in my head

Enjoy Your Day

10. I hope he bought you roses

Steamer Trunk

11. I love you so I told you, but it didn't matter much

Dead on the Floor

12. We felt so good together // It was way too good to be

Continental

13. Ran out of time, no kiss goodbye

One Last Dance

14. Beyond repair, the damage that I did

Kick Rocks

15. You had nowhere to go, so you came right back here

Sorry About That

16. Maybe I just set aside the fact that you were broken-hearted

Midnight Blue

17. I had nobody but you

This is Getting Over You

18. Today I woke up younger than I've been in years

Bleeder

19. My heart bleeds for what you never did

Calling All Skeletons

20. I've come to love your disappearing act // Do one more pretty please

Blue in the Face

21. I don't dream since I quit sleeping // And I haven't slept since I met you

Radio

22. I've got a big fat fucking bone to pick with you, my darling

Dethbed

23. They tried everything and everyone but you

One Hundred Stories

24. I'm dying just to feel you breathe

My Friend Peter

25. I don't care who you've been sleeping with these days

Sweet Vampires

26. This love-hate is making me cry

I Lied My Face Off

27. It's never fine when you go away

Love Love, Kiss Kiss

28. Do you curse the happy couple?

Crawl

29. Never had a drink that I didn't like // Got a taste of you, threw up all night

Cooking Wine

30. Sorry I'm late, I was out spoiling my liver

Off the Map

31. I'm like a junkie for your smart mouth

San Francisco

32. And I was drinking you goodbye

Fine

33. It's ironic that I drink to make my insides stop hurting

I'm Dying Tomorrow

34. Take lots of pills, commit irreversible sins

Back to Hell

35. Like the pills in your hand, I'll never let you down

This Addiction

36. I once tried to kick this addiction // I swear I'll never kick again

Trouble Breathing

37. You said tonight is a wonderful night to die

While You're Waiting

38. I'm not crying wolf, you whisper // I'm really dead this time

Sadie

39. Play dead dear, it's your only hope of pulling through

Only Love

40. You're dying when you start thinking like that

Do You Wanna Know?

41. My spine is slipping like a fault line // If I go I'll bury us all

Eating Me Alive

42. The end of me was so beautiful

Queen of Pain

43. I've never seen scars like yours

Burn

44. Everyone learns faster on fire

Trucks and Trains

45. Some hit so hard you barely feel a thing

Is This Thing Cursed?

46. My haunted head aches so much worse

Your Neck

47. We'll do our very best to keep our appetites in check

Emma

48. Note on the bed stand signed in blood: Sincerely, never coming back

I Was A Prayer

49. To a hopeless cause I sold my soul

Hell Yes

50. You watched all my dreams come apart at the seams

Take Lots With Alcohol

51. I have no desire to see through my own eyes any more

Trouble Breathing

52. Cause things they never work out right

Help Me

53. You left all the lights burning but nobody's home

Prevent This Tragedy

54. I'm begging you, stop praying for me

If You Had a Bad Time

55. If you're up to your ears in blood sweat and wasted years // I'm hoping you're going to open your throat and just scream

Balanced on a Shelf

56. A somewhat inviting very different kind of hell // To live without ever looking at yourself

Settle For Satin

57. You'll never dream again, but you can pray

Every Thug Needs a Lady

58. I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer

If We Never Go Inside

59. A train appeared in town one night // For some of us it saved our lives

Song For Julie

60. I was wrong when I said things never turn out right

[power-rings]

Till Death

AN: So, I just finished Reminders of Him by Colleen Hoover and it inspired me to write this story. Just a heads up... if you don't like Shadamy don't read. I'm not usually writing about these two so this is different than my usual content. They're a guilty pleasure of mine. ;) Listen while you read!

Chapter 1: This life Without You

(Amy's POV)

Every now in then I will sit in our bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about our beautiful children we made together. How they are living life without you, just as I am. I would have never imagine you'd go first. You died doing what you loved, though. Died as a hero. I have to remind myself that constantly. I guess I should have expected it. You have came to so many close calls before. But, seeing our oldest daughter trying to process the meaning of death. She's eight-years-old now, and she's slowly understanding it. It's heart shattering. We decided to have you cremated, we spread some of your ashes and ever since then all I could see is our daughter's teary eyes watch them as they fall. We had a stuffed toy made for our younger son with your ashes inside. I kept a ring with your ashes inside the stone. It's been 2 years since your passing. Most of everyone we know has mostly moved on, excluding Tails. I haven't actually slept in our bed since your passing. If I'm in our bedroom, I just usually hug your pillow and try to savor your smell. I tried so hard to wash it out. It still smelled like you, and that's why I can't sleep in here. After about 10:30 I get up and start my day with a cup of coffee. The house is eerily silent, our children went with your parents, and Uncle Tails to the beach. They deserved it with school starting in a couple of weeks. I'm trying my hardest to get back into routine now that the kids are going to away from home more.

Cream and her mom still runs their cafe in town, and they're gonna have me work there. I need to get out of the house, anyway. Cream will be starting her own career soon. She surprised me as she grew up very interested in fashion, and over the years with her mom's help, she landed an opportunity to purchase a spot to design and sell her clothing. I never felt so proud. Since she'll be away finalizing some paperwork with her mother, so I'll be working with some other employees instead. I stand before the closet and sighed. It's been 2 years. You've got this, Amy. I pick out a white top, with the uniform provided for the employees. It's just a simple blue apron with the emblem of the company's name "Vanilla's Cafe". I positioned my name tag near the front pocket.

I left the porch light on in case I have a later shift. I lock the front door, fix my purse strap on my shoulders, and hold my coffee tumbler close to me as I make my way towards the cafe. The cafe is located almost at the end of street, it's an adorable little building. Suits Vanilla perfectly. I hesitate at the door, before Cream rushes towards me, and embraces me tightly. I embrace her just as tightly. "I'm so glad you showed up, Amy!" Her gaze was apologetic. "We shouldn't be too long," she squeezed my hands. Understanding that I haven't been in the work environment since Sonic passed away. "Alex, and Clarice will be there to help. Ciara should be in soon too." I didn't say much, just nodded and gave Vanilla and Cream one last hug before they hurried over to a nearby taxi. Immediately, the smells of cupcakes, cookies, and coffee is overwhelming to my senses as I step inside. Alex is the first one to greet me, and help me find a spot in the back to put my belongings. Clarice greeted me once she finalized the customer's order. They're both wonderful company. They ask which task I prefer to do. Cream must have told them I have been out of work for awhile. I ask to keep up with inventory, restock items, and clean. After about a slow hour or two, the customers started pouring in as I was cleaning off a table. We got a phone call from Cream that everything went well finalizing the paperwork, and payment. However, they discovered some electrical issues, and wasn't sure how long that would take. We were all doing well, by ourselves, but I know Cream and her mother felt awful about abandoning them at the cafe. After the phone conversation, we continued on handling orders, I was able to take care of some costumers at the register, while another employee took a restroom break and Ciara handled a big to-go order.

It's been about 6 hours that I've been at the cafe, I was told by Ciara to go to my break. I actually felt hungry for a change. I finished sweeping under the booth nearby, then she took over willingly. We each had 30 minutes, unless we were running slower than normal. Ciara encouraged that I take a longer break if needed. I grabbed my purse, and stepped outside. Looking down at the various shops nearby. A diner caught my eye. It was one of Sonic's favorites. I hadn't been in years. I don't think I can handle going in there. I stop in front of the door. Hesitating, to go inside. It's torture. I see a sign with hot dogs topped with every topping that I could think of. The sight of it made me sick to my stomach. I shook my head, and I pushed myself to open pull the door towards me and walk indoors. Nothing had changed about the diner. Same smells, same workers, the only difference was some of the decor. I picked a booth near the entrance. I sighed in relief. It's a step forward. A familiar waitress came up with a big smile, "Good evening! Just one menu?" She kind of looked confused, I guess she remembered Sonic and I coming here often. I felt a lump in my throat.

"Yes please. Can I have a water?" I asked, before she handed me the menu, and some utensils rolled up in napkins. She nodded, and went towards the bar while I looked over the menu. The first item I noticed was of course the well-known chili dogs that Sonic loved so much. I didn't eat them very much, but I loved making them for him at home and his excitement when he came home to a good handful of chili dogs. When the waitress came back, I asked for a chili dog, with no jalapeño or onions, and a side of steak fries. The waitress actually looked shocked; I'm sure she remembers I would mainly order a salad here. She went back to the bar, and gave the cooks my ticket. I sat back and waited. Feeling antsy, I got up and fiddled with the boombox to find something. Sonic always liked rock. I picked a random playlist, and played it on shuffle. It played Fortunate Son by Creedence Clearwater Revival. As it played my feet tapped along with the beat, while I opened my bag and retrieved my phone to see if there were any missing calls, or text messages. I only saw a few from Tails letting me know how there kids were. I opened one text message that had an image attached to it. Before the picture, Tails had texted:

Mach got stung by a jellyfish. He's ok! He handled it like a pro. It looked really nasty so we took him to ER. got him some painkillers to relieve the swelling.

I scrolled down, and noticed he sent me another about two hours ago,

You doing ok? How's work?

Of course he was worried about my wellbeing. Always did. I went to type a message back.

It's going well, I'm on break now! I respond with a heart emoji. I notice the bar on the bottom of the message box spin, until it shows delivered. I put my phone aside when I hear the waitress come to my table 10 minutes later with my food. I thanked her and stare down at my order. I munch on the fries, not daring to take a bite of the chili dog just yet. Memories of Sonic sitting with me, at this diner come flashing back to me. I could picture Sonic enjoying his meal, messy as ever, napkins and napkins piled on his side of the table. I was always so disgusted by it, but I missed seeing that messiness. Back at home, I was use to random clutter (he called it his hobby), but after his death, I had to hide all of that clutter of his. I felt like I was cleaning after him constantly, but that's what he got for marrying a neat freak. Although, he would do his best to keep the house tidy when I had a bad day, or was under the weather. I was so grateful for that. Since his death, the house hasn't been as tidy as I typically preferred. It didn't feel the same anymore. I shook my head, and turned my focus back on my food. I probably need to get back to work soon, anyway. I glance at the time on my phone. I have exactly 25 minutes before my break is over. I know I shouldn't worry, but I didn't want them having to pick up for my slack. I finally managed to eat my chili dog. It was okay. I didn't understand Sonic's fascination with it, but it was edible. The waitress' timing was the worst, as she approached the table after I dabbed a napkin at the corner of my mouth wiping off any chili remains. "Do you need anything else?" She asked, "we have several dessert options if you like?" I shook my head no, "It's so nice seeing you-" she paused, "it's Amy... right?" I forced a smile and a nod. "Where's your fella? I hadn't seen him in ages!" She exclaimed, as she took my empty basket of food, and refilled my glass of water. "I remember all the times he'd-" I interrupted her my eyes met hers. Her lips formed a straight line, as if she shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

"He died." I hate saying those two harsh words. I probably sounded so cold towards her; when I didn't mean to. I felt my hands shake, and my eyes sting. No. We agreed to not cry today. "It was all over the news, was it not?" More words formed, dry, and cold. I looked down. I couldn't look at her. I shook as I reached for my phone, and put it in my purse.

She swallowed, "I'm sorry... I -" she backed away, when I stood to my feet. I didn't realize I was even standing. I felt sweat pouring down my forehead, she went to put a hand on my shoulder, but I made a beeline to the bathroom. I vomited my lunch, and then when I composed myself. I started to sob over the bathroom sink. Grief is funny like that. It hits like waves... one minute you're fine, you're listening to his music, enjoying his memories, and then... you lose it all. There was a knock at the door, it was the waitress. The thought of her asking more stupid questions made me want to throw up again. I leaned against the bathroom wall.

I can't do this thing called... life.

Not without him.

But... I have a family to think about. Our children. I had to push through for them. I had to remain strong. I swallowed, my throat felt like it was on fire, I took a deep breath, and fiddled for my phone in my bag. My hands still shook as I struggled through my contacts. I stared at the name "A-hole" a pained smile spread across my face, Sonic must have gotten my phone and renamed Shadow's name to A-hole. He never did ask why his number was in my contacts. Shadow and I kind of formed a friendship, if you can call it that. He was honestly very comforting to me after Sonic passed away. Despite his demeaner.. I knew deep down he cared. My finger hovered over his name, hesitating. I could just call Vanilla, couldn't I? Or someone from the cafe, even. Even Rouge... something tugged at me to call him though. If he didn't answer. Fine. Rouge was next on my list. I meant to send him a text, but my hands still shook so bad so I just called him. Each time it rung, I felt tears start to stream my face again. I shouldn't talk to him. I don't think I can even talk. It rung several times more, and then there was a pause. "S-Shadow?" I managed to get out, in a shaky tone.

"...Rose?" He always called me that. I didn't mind, of course. I grew accustomed to it after so many year; I stopped correcting him. I breathed out in relief, and cried.

"Can you come get me?" I slowly make out these words.

"Where are you?"

"Diner... in town. " I couldn't even remember the name of this damn diner. I couldn't even recall the name of the street it was on. There was silence on his end, so I responded with a "please." Shadow didn't answer back, the phone call was dropped. My heart sunk. I'm not sure if he would actually come, or knew which diner I even meant. I slapped my forehead, and brought my knees to my chest. Normally the thought of being on the floor of a restroom disgusted me, but I didn't care. There was another knock, I believe it was the owner. He was concerned. "Ma'am? Are you alright?" I wanted to answer with no, but I remained silent. I blocked out their voices by covering my head with my hands, and continued to cry. I was feeling so many things right now that I couldn't keep track what they were. The phone ringing scared me to pieces. I jumped and saw Shadow's number show up. I blinked back the tears. He told me he had arrived. "I'm in the restroom..." I heard a commotion going on, and his voice to confirm he was at the right location. I pushed myself up, and wiped away more tears. I tried to wash my face, but my face still looked pale, and my eyes were bloodshot. I forced myself to open the door, outside stood the owner, and the waitress that served my table. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Shadow walking towards my direction. He looked me over, his expression unreadable. I looked away, avoiding his gaze. "Can you take me home?" He didn't say anything, shrugged and angled his head toward the door. He lingered long enough for me to pass him out the door. The waitress gave Shadow a ticket, but said the bill was taken care of. Not that paying for my meal was a concern at the moment.

I was shocked that Shadow didn't ride his motorcycle. Sonic never did understand why he got one. He was "almost as fast as him" Sonic would clarify. Shadow walked alongside me the entire way to the end of the street. "Did you just leave work...?" He finally spoke. Oh, shit. I forgot. I paused when we reached a crosswalk. The light was still red, so we had to wait. I asked him to text Cream on my phone. He blinked in confusion, but seconds later he did as I requested. This was the longest walk to my house. He didn't ask any questions, but he kept glancing my way. I just kept glancing at the sky, after we left town. The sun was setting, and I always loved watching it. Sonic would always watch it with me outside on our porch. I gave a sigh. We reached the front door of my quiet home, I fiddled with my keys, and opened the door. I was disappointed that no one welcomed me. I dropped my belongings on the bar and hugged myself. Shadow just stood at the doorframe when I slowly made my way deeper in the kitchen. I took off my apron, and grabbed a bottle of water. I hovered over the sink feeling my eyes sting even more. Shadow slowly inched deeper in the house, closing the door behind him. "Are you okay?" I saw him kind of wince like he shouldn't have said that.

I took a sip of my water. "I... I will be." I say this as if I'm trying to convince myself more than Shadow. I wiped at my eyes, I slowly glanced over with a weak and forced smile. "You don't have to stay, Shadow.." I leaned against the counter. "Thank you." There was a silent acknowledgement from him. I didn't see him make his way to the living room.

"Where's the spawns?" I jumped back into reality, when he spoke after minutes of silence.

"You mean... children?" I raise a brow.

"Yes."

I needed to sit down, so slowly made my way into the living room with him, and laid down on the pillow that rested on our sectional couch. "They're on vacation with their grandparents, and Uncle Tails."

Shadow glanced over, looking me over again. "But, you stayed home to work?" I couldn't tell what he was getting at. So, I just looked at him. He shrugged.

"Rouge says you're the one who works too much." He stayed silent before he scoffed. Before long, nothing was spoken between us again. "Shadow." His ear twitched in attention, "please speak... this house is way too quiet nowadays.." I sunk deeper into the couch. Closing my eyes, trying not to cry again.

"You didn't tell me what happened at work." I felt him sit at the end of the couch.

"I... it didn't happen at work. Work was fine!" I dramatically responded, "I ate at that stupid diner... " I swallowed my words, "his favorite diner." His red gaze locked with mine for a moment. "Ate his favorite food. Damnit. I should be over him after two years. Shouldn't I?" I didn't really want him to answer that, or think he would. I finally sat up, and hugged a pillow close to my chest.

"You never do." He could see the confusion on my face, so he elaborates. Shadow glanced away, "you never get over their death." I probably look dumbfounded to him. "Do you think I don't miss Maria still?" It felt weird hearing him speak of her. He rarely did anymore. He had moved on, and continued to follow her wish and lived his own life. He face furrowed. "I never knew you could cuss."

This earned a smallest grin from me, "does that bother you?"

"Hell no."

"I didn't think so." I gave a sigh. "I just assumed I would feel better by now. I usually pick myself up pretty quickly." I glanced at the clock, and then back at Shadow. "I loved him so much. It's like a piece of me is gone..." I wipe at my eyes again. Here we go with the water works. "I hate this house now. It makes me think of him. Sometimes... I.." she swallowed, "when I see our children I break down." I grab a handful of tissues, "I hate how clean it is in here! I hate... life without him, Shadow. I really do." I finally stood up, and walked in the kitchen, trying to compose myself. But, feeling his gaze on me doesn't help. I silently sob at the kitchen sink.

My ears prick when I hear his footsteps. He's leaving me. He's gonna walk out and leave me alone in this quiet house, with just the sounds of my sobs. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around. I feel more tears sting, not in grief but relief that Shadow did not leave. I want to hug him. "I shouldn't be saying all this... you didn't even like him." I stubbornly respond, with a uncertain smile. "Heck, you probably hated him. You're... probably glad he's dead." I don't even know why those words escaped my lips. It even shocked Shadow. I immediately want to apologize. He's been so supportive this evening... and I'm being a bitch about it.

"...He was annoying, but I'm not glad he's dead." His eyes darted from me, to the floor. "Sonic gave me more chances than I deserved, Amy. Hell, I even tried to destroy -" Shadow pauses, I can tell he is so mad at himself for that mistake. "he didn't deserve to die the way he did." Shadow hesitated about going on. "You didn't deserve to watch him die, neither." Shadow paused again, unsure of what to say next. He always struggled with expressing his feelings. Just like the blue blur. Before I could control myself, I buried my face into his chest. No tears escaped, this time. I just wrapped my arms around him. A single tear fell down my cheek.

"You didn't deserve to watch Maria die, either." Maybe I shouldn't have said that. I know he doesn't like to think of that day. I don't understand all what happened. Maybe he didn't hear it. I sorta hoped. "I'm sorry." My voice shook, and I went to pull away but stopped when I felt his hand on my back. Like he was sort of accepting this embrace; if you can even call it that.

"Thank you." Shadow hadn't heard anyone say those words to him. They always blamed him, or his creator. It was nice to hear someone actually was concerned about all that he witnessed that terrible day, and how that would affect him. We both distanced ourselves. I hid my blush from his gaze. "You look exhausted." The heat in my cheeks went away. Ha, no kidding. "I should let you get some rest." My disappointment must have been noticeable, but his eyebrow raised slightly.

"Don't leave. Please." I must sound really bipolar. An hour ago, I was hoping he'd leave so I can cry myself to sleep. But now, I can't imagine being alone. Shadow looked awkward now. "Just for tonight... I can't be alone.. right now." My ears went flat.

"Okay." Was all the dark hedgehog said. It was enough to ease my concern. I gave him a thankful look, and then encouraged him to sleep in the spare bedroom. If he even sleeps. Sonic always said he didn't sleep. After getting my pajama's on, and my teeth brushed I come in the living room. I gave him the remote, "If you wanna watch tv... that's fine." I collected my sheets, and comforter and settled on the sectional. I wasn't sure if Shadow stayed in the living room, or hid in the bedroom. I did hear the television moments later, and then I was out like a light.

The next morning, I woke in my bed. I sat up quickly. Went to the bathroom, and washed my face trying to make sure I was actually awake. I went downstairs to find someone on my sectional. It was Shadow. He rolled to face me, and sat up. "You didn't look comfortable... so I took you upstairs." My mouth formed an O shape.

"I hadn't been able to sleep upstairs.." I muttered. Shadow didn't say another word. Like, he knew how it felt. "I... what time is it?" I couldn't recall whether I was gonna need to go to work or not.

"Just before noon."

"I'm surprised you stayed this late." He could hear the sound of gratefulness in my voice. "Uh... you want coffee? Because I need it."

"I fell asleep." Shadow shifted slightly, "Sure.."

"I didn't know you even slept." I laughed slightly, as I started gathering a coffee pod for us and pressed my preferred brewing setting.

"Sonic said that didn't he?"

"Yep."

"I don't require sleep like everyone else. I can go a whole week or more without it."

"How did Sonic know you didn't sleep?" I pestered the black hedgehog. "You two have a slumber party that I didn't know about?"

Shadow looked at me, disgusted. "No. We were on a lookout for Eggman. He noticed I hadn't slept."

"Code for slumber party." I whisper. Shadow gave me a stern look.

"I like this side of you, better."

I blinked. "What?"

"Your sarcasm." He raised a brow, and stood to his feet. Making his way over to the kitchen. I noticed he looked slightly shorter. He had removed his shoes. I handed him a cup of coffee. "Who says that was sarcasm? You two could have had a slumber party, and you just not admit-"

"Hush." Shadow surprised me when he covered my mouth with his hand. "I take it back. I like the cursing side of you." There was a small grin that I saw forming on his face.

"Fine. Asshole." I pushed his hand away, and muttered the insult under my breath.

I encouraged him to sit with me at the small table as we finished our coffee. It was odd having his company here. Of all my friends, I had chosen to call him last night. However, I realized his company was exactly what I needed.

[timeoverload]

I didn't do much yesterday because I had no energy. I went to the store but that was it. I didn't want to drive too far because my dad was out of town and I think my car is still adjusting to the new battery. It shakes a lot when it's idling. It just sounds like it's going to fall apart. It's so rusty. I tried to take a nap in the afternoon but I couldn't because the neighbors were outside being loud as usual.

I fell asleep around 11:30 last night. I woke up at 8 and I didn't want to get up yet so I slept for another hour. I was so sore and it was hard to get out of bed. It feels like someone beat me up while I was asleep. I've also been having cramps so that's annoying. I made myself get up, but I wasn't happy about it.

I was getting ready this morning and I got sad because I feel really ugly today. My appearance is being affected by my lifestyle. My skin doesn't look good. I use toner and moisturizer but it doesn't help much. It looks like it has sort of a gray tint to it. I keep getting bruises on my legs. I want to exfoliate everything and put a face mask on but I don't know where all of my stuff is. I used to have a routine, but that was when I had my own bathroom and I was more organized. I really miss my bathroom. I want to take a hot bath. I haven't shaved my legs or anything in a while because it's too much work for me right now. I have sensory issues with having body hair so it's bothering me a lot. My hair is thinning on one side because I have been parting my hair the same way for like 18 years. It probably doesn't help that I used to dye and straighten it all the time. I rarely do anything with it anymore. I haven't cut it since last year. It's getting darker because I haven't been getting enough sun. It used to be such a pretty color when I would spend a lot of time outside. I used to have freckles and I liked them. I just look so tired. I'm not happy with my body and I feel deflated. I am wilting like a flower that hasn't gotten enough water.

I think the only thing that I have improved is my teeth. They look better than they have in years but I am still having some issues. I will keep working on it and hopefully they will go away. I have been good about wearing my night guard because I was having a lot of jaw pain from grinding my teeth. I don't think I am ever going to stop doing that, unfortunately.

I think I will look better once I can be in a different environment and go outside more. I really need help changing my diet because that would help me too. I need someone to help me eat more fruits and vegetables. I'm sure I will still want to eat unhealthy things but I need to find more of a balance because I eat like shit 90% of the time. I need someone to help me eat more. I have tried to do it on my own, but I can't do it. I bet that I would be in a better mood and less depressed if I was healthier. I want someone to go on walks with so bad. I don't want to live like this forever. It's not good for me. I don't want money or material things, I just want to do things that make me happy again. I want to go on adventures.

I want to be able to manage my responsibilities because I haven't been doing that. I have been too sick. I want to be able to take care of myself again. I want to be more self-sufficient. I like being able to do things for myself. I'm tired of expending all of my energy at work and be unable to care for myself when I get home. It's not right or normal. No one should have to feel like that in order to survive, but I suppose life isn't fair sometimes. I know I'm not the only person who feels that way.

I should try to stop worrying about everything right now. I will do my best to take care of myself today. I will try to be in a good mood. I hope that I can enjoy the rest of my day.

I hope everyone else is having a good day so far. Thank you for listening to me vent. :) 💖💖💖

[liyazaki]

get to know me ask game tagged by @plaidcladjuno Juno Juno JUNO- I've missed you! thank you for the tag, friend 🖤

RULES: bold the ones that are true & tag 10 people to do it.

APPEARANCE

blonde hair (+ rainbow underneath) // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look (mostly) // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

HOBBIES & TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument (drums but I’m out of practice) // I am artistic // I know more than one language (does knowing random bits of 5 count?) // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami (I fold tiny paper cranes out of receipts, wrappers, etc. & leave them everywhere) // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand (I haven't tried in years; I'd be low-key scared to- I can still do a back bend though)

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // ✨I have a crush✨ // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years (we're coming up on our 23rd anniversary) // my parents are together (unfortunately) // I have dated my best friend (a different bestie- we skipped the dating & went right to the fun stuff 😅) // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend (many) // I met up with someone I have met online (many times & hopefully many yet to come!)

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise ('twas not thrilled to be conscious) // I enjoy rainy days (LOVE THEM; fuck sunshine) // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching (too bright; hurts my baby blues/she a vampire) // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors (aesthetically > symbolically) // I find mystery in the ocean (also fucking abject terror) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths (kinda sorta sometimes- mostly, I'm indoorsy) // autumn is my favorite season (I want to live in fall 365)

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle (more like I struggle to stay conscious in a moving vehicle) // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote (many quotes) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities (I'm in my 30s; my whole life is extracurricular) // I enjoy Mexican food (LOVE MEXICAN FOOD) // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love (I believe you can have many loves throughout your lifetime- all of them equally true) // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial (I look white as hell but I’m a cultural mutt) // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs (2 cats)

tagging @elnotwoods @fleet-off @vegaseatsass @i-got-the-feels @mineonmain @ommited-miscellaneously @guzhu-furen @forcebook @icouldhyperfixatehim @ayan-sukkhapisit & anyone else wants to do it- just say I tagged you!

[ladyhoneydee]

30 Day Song(fic) Challenge: Day 14

Hi hi! Being late seems to be my new normal, but given that I haven't slept yet, it still feels like the 14th to me, lol. Today's Song(fic) Challenge prompt was "a song you think is underrated", and I chose "Grilled Cheese" by Peach Face. It's a dreamy song (with a very fun finger-snap beat in the background) about the early period of a relationship, and so I sought to capture those feelings!

Please note that this fic references past sexual activity, but nothing at all explicit! The most that happens is some suggestive dialogue and one single line mentioning the touching of a male chest. Still, if that bothers you, you may want to skip this one! (Also, if anyone thinks that this should be rated M instead of T, please let me know.)

halfway (to something that you'll never find)

Game: Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom

Pairing: Zelink

Word Count: 1905

Keywords: Modern AU, waking up together, romantic fluff

To be honest, Zelda really had no clue how she had found this. For all intents and purposes, it should be impossible to just stumble across a man who would share his nights without judgment nor the expectation of more; a lover who made sure of her happiness as well as her pleasure; a friend who she had just as much fun splitting a sandwich with as in the sack. Statistically, the odds were astronomical. And yet…here they were. Taking their sweet time as they wandered into love.

Read the fic on AO3, or under the cut!

Zelda woke with the coming of the light. 

Link’s bedroom windows faced west, and so, heavy sleeper that he was, he never bothered to draw his sage-green curtains at night. She wasn’t sure why he even had them, honestly. He’d never once covered the windows up while she’d been over at his apartment, even during sex. She supposed it made sense—the view from his eighth-floor apartment was one of his favorite things about living in Castleton, and it was true that no one would ever be able to see them entwined on the mattress. Still, Zelda was a light sleeper, and even the ambient light from his window was enough to stir her.

Link’s arm lay draped over her waist as he spooned her from behind, and she pretended that the easy possessiveness—the good kind, not ‘you are my property’, but ‘I want to keep you close’—didn’t send a sparking thrill to her stomach. It wasn’t that it was too soon for that kind of excitement, with how many months they’d spent sleeping over in one another’s apartments and meeting for random meals since that first encounter at the bar, but…she didn’t want to push it.

Zelda scooted over an inch and rolled from her side onto her stomach. Link’s arm fell heavily across her back, and she smirked at the dead weight before reaching for her slate.

No notifications. Just the way she liked it, when she was over at Link’s. Although she did need to head out in about half an hour so she could meet Riju for coffee. Eight-thirty in the morning was pretty early for plans, but Riju was still entangled in the depths of her senior year, so Zelda couldn’t begrudge her the weird timing. Hers had been even worse last spring, after all, when she was putting the finishing touches on her master’s thesis. 

Satisfied that she wasn’t missing anything important, Zelda tucked her slate back under the pillow—oh. She froze, before a smile slowly crept over her face. 

Once again, she’d fallen asleep with her makeup on, and the last remnants of her berry lipstick and smokey bronze eyeshadow were decorating Link’s striped pillowcases. Good thing he’d just set out her usual one last night before they got in bed. 

She probably shouldn’t be so elated at having ruined one of Link’s pillowcases so thoroughly and repeatedly, but how else was she supposed to feel when that meant that one of his pillowcases was basically hers?

She turned around to face him. In sleep, Link’s face was open and relaxed. His hair was a disheveled, wheat-colored mess that was half pinned beneath her own head. It was lucky that he hadn’t been out that night as well, before she came over, or else his own pillowcase might’ve been marked with that forest-green eyeliner he favored. His eyes weren’t twitching beneath his lids, which meant he was at a lull in his REM cycle. 

Perfect. That meant it was a fine time to kiss him awake. 

She started with his face, peppering the lightest of pecks along his cheekbones, before drifting to his jawline. Link was slow to grow facial hair, and so her lips smoothed across the skin without any friction to inhibit her trajectory.

When she began a long, slow, suckling sort of kiss at the sensitive place where the underside of the right side of his jaw met his neck, he began to stir. First with the slightest roll towards her, seeking the sweet, soft pleasure of her mouth, and then with a stretching arching of his back that made her wish she had more than ten more minutes to spend in bed with him. She knew the moment he woke: he stiffened the slightest bit, then melted under her lips, and then reached a hand up to cradle the back of her own bedhead. 

“Good morning to you too,” he whispered, voice roughened with sleep. 

She hummed into his skin in response. Link soaked up her touch for another moment, before shifting his hand to cup her chin, and gently guiding it in the direction of his face. She pressed one last rebellious kiss into his skin, before following his lead. 

His mouth tasted sour with morning breath, and she was sure hers was no better. She adored the realness of it.

Her eyelids fluttered open slowly, taking her time in this warm cocoon. Link was already gazing at her, lips curved in the sweetest of smiles. When he looked at her like that, she…well. She felt a lot better about the ever-increasing intensity of her own feelings toward him, that was for sure.

“I have to get up soon,” she singsonged. Her tone was teasing, as though he was the one who would be crushed by this news, but she felt a pang in her own chest at her words. Truth be told, she never wanted to leave this bed. 

Link played along, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her atop his chest. “Not if I hold you right here.”

“Mm, I think I could get out pretty easily if I wanted to.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Never breaking eye contact, she stroked one hand slowly and deliberately down his chest. “We both know how quickly I can get you to sing for me. Once you’re distracted…”

“Or you could just stay the whole time.” Link grinned, but she didn’t miss the way his pupils had dilated at her touch. 

“I do prefer taking my sweet time, it’s true.” She indulged herself in the tracing of his lips, and the way they parted under her touch. “But…it’s still early. We wouldn’t want to wake the neighbors.”

Like ripping off a band-aid, she pulled herself free of Link’s arms—he’d never cage her against her will—and swung her legs off of the bed. For all her teasing of Link, she’d never actually flake on Riju like that. The girl was practically a little sister to her, after all. 

Link groaned, but followed her up willingly. As she yanked the flared pants she’d worn the night before over her hips, he passed her black strappy tank over as well, which had ended up on his side of the bed. She returned the favor with a beatific smile. 

“Are you sure you won’t be cold? You weren’t wearing a coat last night when you came over, and it’s chilly out this morning.” 

Fair point. Zelda’s arms were already prickling with goosebumps. “Yeah, but…” She shrugged. “Guess I’ll just have to deal. Not very wise of me to go out without a layer, huh?”

Link’s voice was carefully controlled as he picked at the corner of the quilt on his side of the bed. “You could borrow one of my hoodies, if you wanted. I don’t mind.”

His hoodie! Link was a nice guy, with a lot of clothes, and it wasn’t a stretch that he would lend clothes to any friend in need. But she couldn’t help but be thrilled at the offer of a hoodie. It was such a boyfrie—no, she better not even think it, else she risk jinxing it.

“Yeah, sure,” Zelda answered, cool as a cucumber. “I could do with dressing down my outfit, anyway.”

“I’ll find something that looks nice with your pants.” He disappeared off towards his closet, and Zelda took the opportunity to put her socks and shoes on. Thank Hylia she’d worn boots instead of heels the night before. 

Before long, Link returned, handing over a soft, thick black hoodie bedazzled with golden designs. “It should be nice and warm. Developed by Embr Labs over in Eldin.” He gave her a lopsided grin. “Supposed to provide the sensation that you’re right next to the volcano.”

“Aw, Link, it’s so nice!” Zelda pouted. “Now I’d feel bad if I stole it.”

Link laughed. “Damn right! I expect a prompt return.” He watched as she pulled the garment over her head and gave a shiver of delight at the coziness. “Flip up the hood,” he suggested. 

She did, and gave a laugh of delight. “Are these dragon horns?” She petted the plush prongs lightly. “That’s so cute. Now I’m really going to have to buy myself one.”

“Super cute,” Link agreed, a soft smile on his face. 

Zelda looked down, flustered. “Well, I ought to head out,” she hedged. She tipped the hood back off of her head carefully. “Riju’s gonna yell at me for being late if I miss my train.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course!” Link rubbed the back of his head. “I’ll walk you out.”

At the door, Link opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again, apparently changing his mind. “Have a nice coffee date with Riju!” he said instead. “If you want to hang out again sometime soon, just give a whistle.”

“Same to you! Enjoy your day off.” Zelda bit her lip, and before she could lose her nerve, leaned in and planted a kiss on Link’s cheek. 

The last glimpse she caught of him before heading out the door was of his blue eyes wide, hand pressed to his cheek. The image lingered in her mind as she descended the stairs, exited the apartment building, and headed west for the nearest train station. It was only interrupted when, keen to protect the back of her neck from the chilly morning air, she flipped up the hood again and realized she’d forgotten her earrings back on Link’s bedside table. 

“Stupid, Zelda. So distracted with—wait.” She paused in her self-flagellation. Come to think of it…

She pulled out her slate.

Zelda: Turns out I forgot my earrings at your place? They’re amethyst and gold. Should be on the bedside table.

Zelda: Could I come over again to pick them after I’m done with Riju? I could return your hoodie then too, since my apartment isn’t far from the coffee shop and I could change into some fresh clothes then.

Zelda: Maybe we could have lunch, too. You could make us that mushroom tomato stew and some grilled cheeses. They’re not the same at home… :3

Link: yeah they’re here!

Link: sounds perfect

Link: see you at 11 <3

Link: whoops idk why the heart sent! 

Zelda laughed out loud and nearly ran into one of the train station poles. Link might have no idea why the heart sent, but she had a clue. No two-character emoticon could be written ‘accidentally’. 

Hylia, he was cute. Maybe over lunch, she’d finally ask if he wanted to take their unspoken mutual desires and make something official out of it. She had a feeling it would go all right. Everything had so far, at least, and she didn’t see why that would have reason to change. They were still Link and Zelda, after all. 

To be honest, Zelda really had no clue how she had found this. For all intents and purposes, it should be impossible to just stumble across a man who would share his nights without judgment nor the expectation of more; a lover who made sure of her happiness as well as her pleasure; a friend who she had just as much fun splitting a sandwich with as in the sack. Statistically, the odds were astronomical. And yet…here they were. Taking their sweet time as they wandered into love.

She stepped onto her train just as the doors whished closed, with a smile on her face.

[youtastelike-sunlight]

@rmd-writes tagged me on my fandom blog and why not eh?

Bold all that apply:

APPEARANCE: i’m under 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

(Notes: I have like 30-40 tattoos lol)

HOBBIES AND TALENTS: i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks (if i can afford it) // i can do a handstand

(Notes: I did play a sport and then I fucked my knee. Considering getting into roller derby though.)

RELATIONSHIP: i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friends i have known for (more than) ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

(Notes: Dated my best friend? No. That doesn't preclude anything else lol.)

AESTHETICS: i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season 🍂

(Notes: Every time I've watched the sun rise I've still been awake from the night before lol)

MISCELLANEOUS: i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend// i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities //i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

(Notes: My ability to drive stick is mostly theoretical at this point, I haven't done so in well over a decade. But I grew up on a farm so I learned lol. And tragically I only own two dogs.)

Not sure who hasn't already done this? @nontoxic-writes @maxbegone @roguebebe @celeritas2997 @januarium let's pick on y'all for now.

[profane-or-pragmatic]

The Devil You Know (Snippet) Pt 21

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I will tell you one single thing about The Code. There is an equation within it, not technically mathematical, but close enough, that says your personal skill, combined with your network of connections, should provide usable information on a prospect in proportion to their position of power and recognition within a society. Subtract recognition, the information diminishes. If the information diminishes beneath expected levels, your personal danger increases because the prospect is clearly cognizant of potential vulnerabilities.

When the information your best work provides is little more than what is readily publicly available? As was the case with the Rauch family? You prepare for your own death.

Because no one should have to arrange a funeral on short notice.

.

I was, to be fair, actually gaining solid intelligence. In certain areas only. And mostly because of points put down by Arden Rauch. I could track him and show up by surprise but that didn't mean I learned anything in the process. He learned more than I did from it, because each time I did that, he saw another flaw in his security and understood, a bit better, how I work.

I couldn't avoid it though because I couldn't avoid Nolan any other way. The man had an extensive network of eyes and I only marked perhaps 30% on my own. The rest were fed to me by Arden through one of his very strange messengers. When I say strange I mean that they didn't exist. By any of the measures by which the government defines our existence.

I spent an exorbitant sum, almost ludicrous, to have my best contact in the Ministry of Residency and Census Control do some research. In an attempt to get an actual name to go with the photographs and fake documents that a repeated messenger used. That contact in the Ministry understood forged documents. She provided me with most of mine. Two weeks of exclusively searching on my behalf led her to conclude that the person had valid documents but didn't exist.

That's not as bizarre as it sounds. Bureaucratic systems, clearly, are subject to abuse.

.

So step into what my life was in the sumner of '44. I was operating in four legal channels. As myself amongst my known colleagues in Farwood. As Wings in the Uplands. As the Rauch Brothers scout and ears, and then as Arden Rauch's covert personal investigator. I was maintaining overseas contacts and tracking shipping and commodity trends for my mother's sake, and I was the lover, agent, and chief patron of my beloved songbird.

I slept two to three hours a day and there still wasn't enough time. Somehow I always knew what I was doing and never grew confused or made mistakes. I'm still alive after all. If I had slipped up in those early days I wouldn't have needed a funeral. My body would have never been found.

My mother had ended her relationship with Stepan. He was too proud to accept her advice and he lost all of his money and also some of hers. He was at least smart enough to immediately leave the city.

My mother had a fling with Exeter Rasmussen. I warned her not to do it. Exeter is my friend but he's a bit of a whore. Who expects "older" women to reward him for his attention. She thought her skills would neutralize that possibility.

She was wrong.

Exeter is what he is and admits it without shame. He is, by all accounts including his own and my mother's, exceptional in bed. Unfortunately you have to eventually get out of bed.

"The nerve of that arrogant little shit! Oh, certainly he's impressively endowed, but to imply that I owed him after just giving him a thorough demonstration of my ability to..." and I'm going to censor that. My mother has always been open and explicit about sexual matters with me. But I know that. I have had extensive conversations with her on the topic. You haven't. And I just realized how horribly inappropriate certain things sound when you don't have tbe proper context. So, jumping ahead.

"I know that you would never be so crass as to charge a partner." She said.

Mm. Alright. If I censor that it changes too much. I'm trying to limit my unreliability. What she really said was...

"If I did that for you, would you even imagine charging me? For YOUR pleasure?"

(I'm not describing the act. Get over it. What's wrong with you?)

"I did warn you." I said and felt a bit of pride that she was wearing the necklace I'd gotten for her. "The only friend I know that I would ever actually recommend is Fontaine DeBusy. He however is not currently available."

"Is he the one you almost slept with?" She asked. Because of course she knew. I had told her to illustrate my disinterest in bedding men. "He must be something to see if he had you even considering it. And he said no? To you? How?"

"We actually are friends." I said and wished I hadn't mentioned Fontaine in the conversation. He would not have approved. "He sincerely cares about my happiness and well-being. More than I do actually."

"And what does he think about how you're running yourself absolutely ragged?" She said and caught me so thoroughly off-guard that it stunned me speechless. I was making very good money at that time. "And what does your other woman think? The artist?"

Don't make that into something strange either. Yes she was The Woman in my life. She taught me everything. She was there when my father wasn't and she has never let me down. Ever. We are mother and son, man and woman, and the closest of friends. Our love isn't entirely conventional, but neither are our lives. A love like ours can be intense and deep and intimate without being sexual.

Hm. I realize I'm getting close to being overly defensive. Implying that there is something to hide. I've also realized that one of the ladies who taught me at her behest might actually see this. Fine. In my younger years my mother inquired of the ladies as to my abilities, enthusiasm, and endowment. Which sounds lascivious and indecent, but if you recall, I mentioned that I am not equipped to the standard of an average Mattaturian. I knew that. I heard about what the expectations were, and I knew what I had. As a young man it was concerning.

She is the one who sat a teenaged me down and made me understand that I had no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed. If you think that sounds perverse and improper, fair enough. But I have my confidence because of her. Only her. Because the ladies are paid, and being complimentary is part of the service. My mother didn't tell me fables because I was her son either. She explained the ways to tell if a woman felt true pleasure.

I spent my teen years living in a bordello. If that's not strange enough for you already, you're more jaded than I am.

.

I am not a violent man. But I did punch Exeter Rasmussen in the face. On my mother's behalf. He understood the necessity and didn't hold it against me. My friends tend to be like that.

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Sex. Drugs. Death. The three things that drive the decadent. To be blunt it's fuck or be fucked, get high, get as close to death as you can without falling into its grasp, and then repeat. I suppose if you think you might live a hundred years it's all a bit of a game.

I grew up watching how sex drove people to risk everything. I saw others let drink and drugs numb them to the pain of life until life itself didn't matter. And I saw what death was. I learned to use sex, kept well clear of drugs, and accepted that death was inevitable but chose to never deliberately court it.

Life is not long. And it's no game. Death equalizes all but while we breathe there is no such thing as "fair". Nobody is waiting to save you. Nobody will fix all the wrongs and make this world shine. Decide what you need. Not what you want. Need. And then get it. However you have to. Just remember this. Nothing is free and you will pay your price.

That is not optional. Ever.

[beginning-to-be-happy]

I have 4 small cuts on my abdomen and 1 larger vertical cut from my belly button to my pubic bone. Looks fairly gruesome, so I'm not sure if I should post pics. I came home yesterday and slept in my own bed.

I'm a little stronger every day, but getting up and sitting down is very painful. My dad let me borrow his walker and I use it most of the time to walk from the couch to the bathroom. I did venture outside. I made it right past the next door neighbors house and had to turn back. I'd say I walked about 30 feet, then rested for a while.

I don't have an appetite, but I have to eat a little snack before I take a Percocet. I'm taking Tylenol during the day then 1 Percocet at night.

I'm not allowed to take ibuprofen or aspirin ever again, I have to shoot for 100 ounces of water every day, and I need to be careful on my salt intake for life so I don't over tax my remaining kidney.

My sister (the recipient) is doing great! She's already healthier with her new kidney than she was on dialysis.

Lots of pain, nausea and weakness, but 10/10 would do it all over again. I'm swollen and tired, but I'm getting better every day with that as well. I'm wearing a binder 24/7 to support my torso.

I got to bring home this sweet kidney shaped pillow that I press against my stomach for comfort. I haven't coughed or sneezed yet, and I'm dreading it.

I may not post much for a while. I imagine I won't feel up to cooking, baking or shit posting for a couple weeks.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

The great regular sleep experiment of 2024 part "spine"

I got to bed by 2 am ish, slept until 7:30 and woke up on my own, to discover I still haven't turned my alarm on for weekends :/

But I slept -well- for whatever length of time I actually slept and when I woke up I moved and got my entire upper spine to crunch in a way it probably really needed [this was probably the wine making my muscles actually relax all the way in my sleep, it tends to do this].

Not sleeping during the day shift yesterday and the wine+ STILL could not come together and help me fall asleep by 10 pm, and -again- the most solid sleep I got would seem to have been after 5 am.

I feel plenty okay this morning, but now I am not going to be able to sleep for the day shift again because I just woke up, and falling asleep at some point after noon just isn't going to happen. I keep laying in bed trying to make sleep after noon or before 2-5 am happen and it simply won't.

The idea for Saturday was order from the LCBO, which I did successfully, the plan for Sunday was to reorganize some stuff and then start calling doctors on Monday, but that will require running on too little sleep, and I am probably still sore from getting my ID. Not sure I should be walking 20 minutes let alone 3.5 hours.

Some adjustment to what hours I am trying to sleep is probably needed but I don't know what the solution is...

I just kind of desperately feel the need to sleep 8-16 hours just one time and then get back to being a person again, but with more energy.

[thedelilah75xl]

27/03/2024

Hmmmm so much for spinning this morning. I set my alarm for 4:30 this morning and I know it went off but I never got up...i slept further and woke up at 5:20.... and class is 5:30. So I missed it. It will take me 15 min to get there.

I was just dead tired. Maybe I should just go according the my original plan when I have to go to the office.....

I am a bit disappointed with myself, but I'm really just dead tired. I have no energy. The work is getting to me. I need a break.

I was yesterday in a very ugly and bad mood....and I took it out again on my Master. And yes my thoughts was the last few days to walk away from us.

But once it got to that point with our fight it felt like I lost someone to death. I just could not handle the thought not to see him ever again.... I need this man in my life....he keeps me focused....he's the reason why I want and need to better myself.

I really have to look at my outlook on life....the world is not owing me anything...this is where I have to show up and make the best of my life. I'm my own worst enemy...im my own biggest critic.

I need a energy drink today...i really feel so dead tired....i truly hope new work coming in is not too much. I need a long weekend....i have a appointment for my hair on Saturday with a lady who did my hair in 2018. So I know I will be happy this time with no xtra drama. Yes and this time I'll rather drive to Centurion, because the hairdressers close to my home is only drama.

I really need to do my planning for next week when I go back to the office.. I have to pack my bag in the evenings with my work clothes , hair brush toiletries....it's going to be an adjustment. But I did it in the past and I can do it again. I'm a bit older and a bit overworked.... But I have to make it work...all to better myself.

I did masturbate last night...its like a ritual...before bed. But I haven't felt so drained in a long time ....

[viktuurionice]

Venting /// sorry gkdkksksk

I told my sunt that on week's where I'm working 39 hours a week, that I don't want to do dishes. I only have to do them 2 nights in a week, which isn't a lot but considering I'm exhausted and working so I can get my own place and get out of everyone's hair I don't think it's too much to not want to do dishes.

But after taking a 3 hour nap I got a lecture about how the teenagers are out of the house for 12 hours a day for school and extra curriculars (also mentioning they like and enjoy their extra curriculars. They've chosen this) and they still get their chores and stuff done. Which... Is a fair point. But they're not disabled. Neither of them are disabled. They're both fully functioning and have been doing this for years. Again, they're not fucking DISABLED. And ARE CHOOSING THINGS THEY ENJOY.

I'm disabled and this is the first time I've managed anything other than part time in VERY short increments in about 10 years. My fucking disability no one believes in is disabling and I'm not spending an hour on dishes while I've been on my feet all day.

Also wanna point out this is conveniently ignoring her son that's in his mid 20s and has never worked a job in his fucking life, who went to bed 30 minutes after I got up this morning.

I'm not spending 12 hours a day doing shit for other people. Make the NEET do it. I'm not even spending an extra hour after a full shift doing it, make the fucking NEET do it.

"what exchange are you going to give?"

Idfk me being rested enough to not be a raging cunt? Me moving into my own place as soon as I'm able? Dude I'm in PAIN. And you bitch when I take ibuprofen like it's a hard drug. I'm too tired to even remember the non over the counter pain meds. But that's sure what my family acts like ibuprofen is. Well, if I'd been able to go to a fucking urgent care for my wrist they probably would have told me to take fucking ibuprofen. Jfjskskdkdkks

Don't complain about me acting drugged, I just flipped my sleep schedule on its head and I haven't slept through the night without a sleep aid for as long as I can remember, and I don't like taking sleep aids because they make me drowsy. Lower your fucking expectations. Of course I'm fucking tired.

I'm allowed to read or draw for a bit if I have the energy, not spend an hour on dishes. I will, not be doing that. Especially after standing and moving boxes and stocking shelves and otherwise moving around for over 8 hours.

If I'm not able to do something to keep my head on straight soon I will simply kill myself and let that be your problem. I was going to do that a few months ago anyway, I am not attached to survival. If you make it unpleasant I will simply peace out. I'm done. I've been done. "Well that's life." Cool!!! I don't fucking want it. I don't care. "Cook all your meals! It saves money! All your doing is paying for other people's labor! Everyone still does their chores! Dogs are loud, so are kids!" I DO NOT CARE. I can buy ready made meals to save time! I value my time more than cheap food! I value my time more than organic food. I was able to do all my own chores before, it's called a fucking dishwasher and not having to hand wash everything before putting the dishes in. Your dog barks a lot because you treat her like a human toddler when she's a dog. You haven't trained her NOT to bark. In fact you've trained her to bark in order to get whatever she fucking wants. So SHE BARKS ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Every human child I've been around since becoming an adult is quieter than your fucking dog. "Dogs bark" yeah, no shit. I'm pretty sure I've had more dogs than you. I at least know how to train them better, but I'll never own one again.

Like lower the fucking bar for fucks sake.

[timeoverload]

Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me. I got woken up by a fox screaming in the yard again around 5am. I yelled out my window to scare it away and thankfully it worked. I don't like yelling at them because they are too cute. After that, I couldn't relax so I didn't go back to bed until about 6:30. I slept until noon which is unusual for me but I felt like I needed to do that.

My boss said that she was going to text me yesterday to let me know what is going on but she didn't. I didn't want to text her because I felt like I was annoying her about it on Thursday. I'm guessing she didn't get a chance to meet with the lady from HR either. I think it's so dumb that I have to jump through hoops to get time off. It wasn't this bad before I started specializing in eyes. They also switched to a new program for payroll a few years ago and it has gotten so much worse since then. My boss thinks I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday because I didn't want to tell her what I was doing. I shouldn't have to explain myself. That shouldn't be the only thing I'm allowed to take time off for. I am just so upset about it and I probably won't know until Monday unfortunately. I'm not going to bother her over the weekend about that.

I also was not feeling good all day and I was in a bad mood. My allergies are kicking my ass and I think inhaling rust particles on Thursday contributed to my issues. I love spring but I hate sneezing constantly.

I feel slightly better today. I had to go pick up some allergy medicine this morning because I'm afraid it's going to get bad again. I think I sort of did this to myself because I want to have my window open. It's just so nice out.

I am a little concerned because my grandma texted me last night at 10:30 and told me to call her when I'm not busy. I didn't see it right away but I told her I would call her this afternoon. I wanted to get a couple things done this morning before I did that. I am afraid that she is going to have bad news for me. She usually doesn't text me late at night so I thought that was weird.

I was thinking about my mom a lot yesterday because I realized I haven't heard anything from her in a while. I don't think she has texted me since November. She used to blow up my phone all the time and it was really annoying but at least I knew she was still alive. My grandma is the only person that she is in contact with anymore. I am afraid something happened to her because I couldn't stop having thoughts about her getting hurt before I got that text from my grandma. I don't know where she is or what she is doing. She is not in good health and I'm worried. I can't go see her by myself and I don't think I am going to get another chance anyway. There's nothing I can do about it.

I know my grandma hasn't been doing very well either. She will be 79 this year. She has been having a lot of health problems for a long time and I know she falls all the time. She is so depressed. I wish I could help take care of her like I used to but she's too far away now. She wants to move back here but she can't do it on her own. I think she needs a caregiver and she spends too much time by herself. I know she would be in a better mood if she wasn't alone all the time. I try to talk to her as often as I can and I know my dad calls her sometimes too. She is upset that my brother and sister don't want to talk to her and I feel bad. There's nothing I can do about it because they don't talk to me either. Hopefully she doesn't have something serious going on because I worry a lot. I want to be there for her because she deserves that after taking care of everyone else her whole life.

I need to stop jumping to conclusions and being anxious. I just need to call her and find out what is going on. Maybe she just wants to talk and I'm getting myself worked up for nothing.

Anyway, I think I am going to do that soon. I'm sure I will be on the phone for a while because that's usually what happens when I talk to her. I don't know what I am going to do after that but I will try to enjoy the rest of my day.

I hope that everyone has a good day today. 💖💖💖