#haven't listened to them much recently but when a song comes up on shuffle I still go insane 🥰

[running-in-the-dark]

listening to Toto and realising I'll see them live again in five months 😭🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[romanarose]

Hello Sunshine, Won't You Stay?

Santiago Garcia

Triple Frontier Master List

Moon Knight master list here

All Fanfic Masterlist

Summary: A song fic for the wonderful universe created by @astroboots, Homecoming, to Hello Sunshine by, you guessed it besties, my daddy Bruce Springsteen. If you haven't read Homecoming, I'm literally begging you to read it, but Ima be honest, Homecoming is like. THE STANDARD for Triple Frontier fanfiction. Does not take place any specific time, and OBVIOUSLY ITS JUST MY SILLY FIC SO IT'S NOT OFFICIAL IN TIMELINE but just it's when Santi is trying to figure out his place.

A/N: First of all, are y'all tired of my Bruce Springsteen and Fleetwood Mac references all the time? I will not be stopped. But also. Hi Astroboots I hope this isn't weird ;-; I just tend to hear songs and attached it to things and if I get really inspired I write a song fic, and I've been, predictably, listing to a lot of Springsteen and I just had this song going on repeat and thinking about Santi and Homecoming.

Warnings: Nothing much. Anxiety, commitment issues, mentions of death, mentions of sex.

Enjoy!!!

********************

Had enough of heartbreak and pain

I had a little sweet spot for the rain

For the rain and skies of grey

Hello sunshine, won't you stay?

Santiago laid in bed, wide awake as usual. The sun was up, so he was up, old habits die hard, he supposed. He could hear her in the kitchen making coffee and breakfast before she’d be heading out and goddamn if it didn’t smell good… He could get used to this… But he wont. Santiago refuses to. He had started to get used to it, that was the problem. Santiago had begun to form a routine; a dangerous thing for a man like him. He was supposed to be on the go, never staying in one place very long, coming and going as he pleased, french exits and one night stands. Men like Santi couldn’t form routines, can’t afford to. Routines mean regularity, and regularity means familiarity, familiarity means closeness. And closeness… Well that meant he could get hurt. Having something meant that it could be taken away, at any time. And he couldn’t stand to lose her and Frankie. In the morning, Santiago would wake up, take a piss, shower, and complain about something as he stumbled into the kitchen. That’s where she’d push a coffee into his hand with a soft smile and continue singing along to the radio as he leaned over the counter, watching her… Maybe she is talking to him about plans for the day, maybe it’s quiet, and they listen to Bruce Springsteen sing about glory days over the radio waves. After a while, somewhere between the coffee and when Frankie’s bedroom door opening, Santi’s mood had greatly improved, and by the time Frank’s socks are shuffling across the hardwood floors, firm hand patting Santi on the back as he mumbles a greeting on his way over to her, the sun is fully up and the room and the world seem just that might brighter. But see, therein lies the problem, doesn’t it? The world is brighter with them in it. It always had been, of course. Her, Frankie, and the Millers were some of the only things that ever brought him back to the states since his moms death, but everything that had been going on recently between Santiago, her, and Frankie had complicated things. What exactly that was, he wasn’t entirely sure himself. They hadn’t addressed it, they hadn’t talked about it, it simply was, and so far… Santi liked that. Until Frank kissed him.

You know I always liked my walking shoes

But you can get a little too fond of the blues

You walk too far, you walk away

Hello sunshine, won't you stay?

It wasn’t even anything out of the ordinary, they had kissed each others heads before; they were from very affectionate cultures, touching and chaste kisses were the norm, even between men, but this felt different, domestic… Like every morning, Santiago leaned against the counter as he drank his coffee, Billy Joel was singing “She’s Always A Woman to Me” and he couldn’t help but think of her ‘she steals like a thief but she’s always a woman to me…’ Right on time, as Santi’s mood lightened from the ‘grumpy old man’ Will referred to him as and into something more akin to a normal, functioning adult without commitment issues, Frankie emerged from his room. Santi auditorially tracked his steps, as always, as he did anyone within earshot but Frankie was for a particular reason. Bedroom doorway, down the hall, stop to take a piss, back down the hall, around the couch, hip checking the kitchen table yet again, and Santi waited, refusing to admit how eager he was for his friend's familiar touch on his back. It came, as it always did, the large hand tender on Santi’s ever-tense back, but accompanied by something else; a gentle kiss on the side of Santi’s head. Santiago watched her turn around, eyeing him nervously and looking questioningly at Frank. She knew what this would do. Catfish was in way too much of a sleep haze to connect any dots, but she always knew exactly how Santiago’s brain ticked. So, for the last week, Santi had avoided both of them, getting up ungodly early, going for a run until he knew both had left, and then finding any excuse to stay away from them. “Ben’s truck needs work” “Gotta help my sister move” “Gonna be on a zoom meeting for a few hours”. It was all bullshit and everyone knew.

You know I always loved a lonely town

Those empty streets, no one around

You fall in love with lonely, you end up that way

Hello sunshine, won't you stay?

Apparently, she had enough. Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the fact Santi had refused dinner yet again, and mumbled something about “getting out your hair soon”, and Santiago should’ve know what that would do to her; she had probably started plotting the second he disappeared. Never one to take Santiago’s bullshit, when Santi woke up this morning, he heard the distinct sound of the coffee pot going, and Fleetwood Mac on the radio; she had gotten up before him on purpose. ‘I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’ cause I built my life around you…’ he heard her sing softly along. Had she and Frank done that? The spare bedroom, the way she kept his things, the way Fish always asked him to stay, as if it was a favor to him, not an inconvenience… that was the problem. The kiss on the side of his head, the light way it had fluttered against his hairline, how Frankie hadn’t even looked at him, like it was completely normal. That wasn’t the worst part. The part that got him, the part that made Santiago go into fight or flight, made every nerve stand up on edge was that, yeah, it felt normal. It felt right. And he wanted it again. But Santi couldn’t intrude on their marriage anymore than he already had, it wasn’t plausible, it wasn’t possible. What would the guys think? How would he explain this to his sisters? Since when was he gay? He’d have to come out and god, he’d have to admit that part of himself to his own reflection first. It was all to much. So he was hiding. Hiding in his bed, tracking every sound in the house, hoping to god she’d leave. It was saturday, who knew what the schedule looked like, weekends always depended, and since he had missed any time with her or Frank this week, it was all up in the air. She did this on purpose. She knew she had to corner him, force him to make a choice, one way or another, and she knew what he wanted. She’d seen it in his eyes every time he watched her, everytime she watched him watch Frank leave the room, and that time they spent together, as he watched Frankie pound into her and he couldn’t decide which one of the pair of them he wanted to be more… 

You know I always liked that empty road

No place to be and miles to go

But miles to go is miles away

Hello sunshine, won't you stay?

But the fact is he wanted to be both. He wanted to touch her, feel her, fuck her, but he also wanted to taste Frankie; his mouth, his cock, every inch of skin on the man. Why did the idea scare him so much? Was it the fact he’d be entering into a relationship with two people? Would it be admitting he was bisexual? Or was it the fact he’d be opening himself up to more than just friendship. He had friends, close friends he loved dearly, he had vulnerabilities when it came to them, seeing Will shot made him lose focus and watching Tom die certainly had an affect on him that no one dared bring up, but there was also the death of his mom, a life in the military and a litany of other issues in that brain of his that caused him to push anyway people that got too close. How was he supposed to bury another friend? None the less someone he loved? And death wasn’t the only problem, what if they got tired of him? And that’s not a what if, that was a when. She said he had a home here, that this place would always be his… but no one ever wanted him around that long. Santiago was a temporary person, a rolling stone, people could take him in small doses, but this little morning routine he had come to love so much would only end in disaster. One day she would be tired of making coffee for him and yell at him to make his own, one day Santi would say something hurtful as he always did when trying to push people away, one day Frankie would be over Santi staring at his wife’s ass… But what if they didn’t? The sound of singing and the smell of food was growing tempting… What if they really, genuinely wanted him to have him long term in their life? And what if Santi could push back all his instincts to run away and allow himself a home… because this feels like home, this feels like forever… What if he just… tried? It could hurt, it could hurt real fucking bad… but god, the glimpse of domesticity and the little slice of this american life he had seen so far, he didn’t want to lose. Was it worth the risk? Maybe he didn’t have to make a commitment, not forever, not right now… but he could make a choice for right now. Frankie was in the kitchen now, no doubt giving her a kiss on the cheek, and he could keep the ghost of his lips on his skin. He could allow them in, allow himself to love and be loved in return by two people who already know the darkest sides of him and still chose, no, fought to keep him in their lives… plus, he really had to pee…

And miles to go is miles away

Hello sunshine, won't you stay?

Hello sunshine, won't you stay?

Hello sunshine…

Santiago put on his socks, hating the feeling of cold foot on his feet and with a deep breath, he opened his bedroom door, the sound of her voice singing Anerican Girl became joyfully louder as the wooden barrier was lifted. He allowed the music, the instruments and her voice and Frankie’s in tandem with Tom Petty to surround him, fully and completely surrendered as it penetrated through him and Santi thought ‘I can get used to this...’ After the bathroom and his usual shower, he dressed and nervously walked into the kitchen, where he found her cooking, and Frank in Santi’s usual position; leaning over the counter, staring at her ass. ‘She was an American girl; raised on promises…’ Santi knew Frankie wouldn’t do what he had done before, not at the risk of scaring Santi off again, so Santiago slide up beside his friend “buenos dias, hermano”, patted his back and, shakily and hesitantly, kissed Frank’s temple, and whispered, loud enough that he knew she heard too, but quiet enough he could pretend he only said it to himself. “Te echaba de menos”

She turned around, his favorite mug in hand and a knowing smile on her face. “Hello, sunshine” She extended the mug to him, a gesture Santi hesitated on taking, knowing the weight of what it meant. “You staying for coffee?”

He looked at her kind eyes, looked at Frank’s softly waiting face, and back to the coffee, taking it in his hand.

************

ANYWAY I HOPE YA'LL LIKED THIS I HOPE IT WASN'T TERRIBLE AND I HOPE IT WASN'T CRINGE TO WRITE A FIC FOR A FIC

I've had a v v v v bad day with so much anxiety (I aint had an anxiety attack in like a year, but two this week thanks to bad friends) andalthough it's one am and my first day of class is literally tomorrow, writing this was the only thing that managed to get me to stop shaking and think about something ELSE

Ima take a moment to plug Awakening Series Masterlist, if you're into poly/gay/group sex, shit like that, might enjoy it! It's got 3 parts right now all leading up to group sex, but the next few chapters will be a few different things!

Also, if you like how I write Santi, check out my PRIDE AND JOY! My recently completed series Leather and Lace. Check all warnings bc it's pretty intense in content but I've been told it was handled well, and I'm very happy with how it ended, and opening up the gate for Frankie's story next <3

And to Astroboots, I gotta say again, I love homecoming (and red flags!!!) and I wanna say a huuuggee THANK YOU!!! For writing it!!! it makes me so happy and so horny at the same time.

tagging people who I know read homecoming/reblogged the first story or something, instead of my usual whores, sorry if you literally dont care, you can ignore this lol

my loves, @welcometostayingawake @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @axshadows @softlyspector

[shima-draws]

Taro, papyrus, daffodil, and orchard

taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

This is an ongoing joke LOL but whenever I catch up with friends I haven't seen in a while, I tell them absolutely nothing has changed and things are the same old boring they've always been. My life is very stagnant--not that that's a bad thing! I just don't really get up to much outside my hobbies. My friends always appreciate venting to me as the one person who never has any drama going on haha

So. To properly answer. Not much is happening, business as usual :)

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

HMMM I don't really have a special playlist...usually when I listen to music I just put my entire library on shuffle. But the first song that came on was True Kinda Love from the SU movie!! I tend to think of when I lived back at my parents house, I watched the series on my laptop and would talk about it with one of my college friends. Good memories 😊

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

Yes, I have a younger sister! A lot of people tell us we look really similar; we even got mistaken for twins back in high school even though we were three grades apart lol. I'd say she's definitely more independent and responsible than I am 😂 But we were both cursed with the family genes so we've both got anxiety and depression lmao. Gotta love those shared mental illnesses amirite

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

Weird question...I've never really thought about a song as being "perfect" before. How about I just hand you one of my favorites lol

I've been listening to this one a lot recently, it is THE Trafalgar Law song of all time. To ME!!!

[magicaltickles]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals <3

:3

Hi sprite <333

So I don't usually listen to playlist playlists, just compilations or individual songs so instead I'm gonna look through my most listened lol (and add an extra one for me to geek at)

WONDERHOY !!!

One of my current fav vivid bad squad songs

BEST OPENING IN ANIME NOTHING TOPS IT

I was never the same after someone pointed out all the similarities of this song and Aventurine...

What are we even TALKING about some CRACK WHORE who FUCKED UP already

Okay so this last one is just me geeking bc I recently found out this song is on Spotify and omg I love it so much and it's so hdudhsms to me I love it I love it

THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER FIREWORKS SHOW!!! I was one of those kids who would watch the firework shows on YouTube and stuff. Even the rope drop shows they used to do (the older ones hold a special place in my heart bc I've seen them irl). I haven't been to disney in so long but I love the parks sm imagineering is so so cool to me and if I wouldn't get disowned for suggesting it again I'd do the Disney college program in a HEARTBEAT. I'm not a hardcore disney adult, but I wouldn't be opposed to living in Orlando and having an annual pass and just spending random afternoons in the parks or popping in for dinner or lunch and stuff like that. I have the fondest memories of walking around the resorts and downtown disney (when it was so much better imo). Goofy candy co my forever and always. The Lego dragon in the lake. THE OLD WORLD OF DISNEY STORE! I just ugh I'm so normal about the parks okay sorry this derailed lol

[hyumjim]

1, 3 and 30 for the ask game!^^

three songs ask set

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

why bonnie - galveston

2. v - blue

3. ty segall - my lady's on fire

i honestly don't really know any of these songs lol. i have a lot of music in my library <3

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

yesssss!!!! time for a fun one. (@lesbiandeancas asked about this one too)

STAYC - bubble. teddy bear is my favorite stayc song i think, and this is very much in the same vein, really really fun energetic cute pop girlie stuff. may even surpass teddy bear! also to me this song is about being gay. in many years i believe the "mannish schoolteacher trying to get the girls to behave" trope will be widely discussed as a hallmark of lesbianism in kpop

2. stray kids - super bowl. kinda haven't been as obsessed with skz lately (on mood stabilizers so im not as into bts etc), but this shit just so-- well-- the shit so bussin, you could say. its so interesting to me that this song was the original "gods menu." I see some people saying let's stop making gods menu, well i disagree. let's do gods menu forever and ever and ever amen

3. walk the moon - tiger teeth. i put it on an OC playlist and i loooove it! lovely melodically and lyrically captures the feeling of loving and wanting someone so much it's painful. yes i have emotions too! this is a great song for having a nice emotional shower. crazy to think this is by the same people who made that awful "shut up and dance" song. absolute madmen i say

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

hmmm interesting.. i'll just post things i think people are not likely to have heard?

waxahatchee - with you. yes a cover of the song by jessica simpson! yes it's from the girls hbo soundtrack! lol whatever. this is amazing to listen to on your way back home after something wonderful has happened.

2. LUCY - stove. these guys are geniuses. they're a korean band (not really kpop) with an incredible violinist and amazing lead vocals. i never see anyone talking about them, they're really underrated in that way but everyone should get the chance to listen to them! I'll recommend "stove" because it's a wonderful wintery song and it's just getting cold out now. but definitely listen to "flare" too!

3. soccer mommy - your dog. for anybody who's ever been in a shitty, unfair, unequal relationship.

[childside]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals <3

I made this playlist few weeks ago while I feel gloomy, so I add melancholy songs as much as I can lol. I like to talk about music, so this might be a long post me yapping about this and that 😖

Thanks for the askkk @keenonkinkley 🫶

1. Someone To Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

I discovered this songs not long ago (I forget where I listened it for the first time), but the voice and music style pretty much my taste and I think I've heard different songs from VCS but just not pay attention much to them.

This song has been on repeat literally the whole day. It feels magical, like floating and to be touched softly. I'm not digging much about the lyrics interpretation, so I just enjoying the music.

2. State Lines by Novo Amor

My love Novo Amor 🤌 *mwah* Their type of music is similar with Vancouver Sleep Clinic (I honestly don't know what genre that is... Folk(?) melancholy vibes(??)

I've been listening to them since 2013ish(?), not a die hard fans, just casual listener, and still in love with them.

3. Listen Before I Go by Billie Eillish (TW sui**dal)

I usually play this song when I'm at the lowest on my depression episode to help me crying more and let it out so I can cry myself to sleep. As someone with constant su**** ideation, I can relate so much with the lyric. I like how she craft the music and lyric beautifully. Not sounds too cringe like some of the songs about mental health/depression out there.

4. Ivy by Frank Ocean

I recently discovered this song after never know or listen to Frank Ocean before. My fav musician that do cover music on tiktok (Eamon Mo *plz check his account he's so good I've been obsessed lol*), and then I fell in love with this song. again, I'm not digging much about the lyric, but the song is easy listening so it's good.

5. Miserable Man by David Kushner

I find this song/artist randomly when I scrolling through suggestions songs on Spotify. So, of course, this song have similarities with Novo Amor and Vancouver Sleep Clinic 😅 I haven't really visit the artist discography, but this song already hooked me.

[purplesurveys]

1734

1 - What’s your favourite type of survey to take? A survey with just a mix of random questions is always a safe choice – that's what most of them have been, anyway. Every now and then I like to enjoy categories, and to a lesser degree, themed ones.

2 - What about your least favourite? Do you ever take these anyway if you can’t find anything else? I mean, about-mes are only fun if you're new to surveys but they'll get old quickly. I don't like song shuffles either because I have a million separate playlists on Spotify, so those surveys could never capture my music taste as a whole.

3 - Do you have a favourite survey maker? How long have you been following their blog for? I have a few favorites on Bzoink but I haven't been able to catch up with any of their newer surveys because life.

4 - Do you ever get surveys from somewhere that isn’t Tumblr? What other sites do you like to use for finding surveys? I used to go on Bzoink and lift newer surveys from there over here, but 2022/2023 has kept me very busy that these days I just play catch-up with all the surveys everyone takes here. Until around 2-3 years ago I also used to go on LiveJournal but the survey tag doesn't get updated as much, so I eventually I stopped visiting.

5 - Do you like to take surveys at a particular time of day? I like taking them in the evenings before going to bed. I also reserve most of my survey-taking on weekends, but if a work day has been gross and just need an outlet to vent or whatever I will occasionally squeeze time on a weeknight.

6 - Do you have a favourite location to take surveys - eg. on your bed or in the living room? I'll take them in my room most of the time – it's quiet and peaceful here. Occasionally I'd do them on the couch in the living room or at the dining table, but it's almost always too distracting to finish one.

7 - How often would you say you took surveys? Do you go through phases of taking loads and then stopping for a while? I've been pretty consistent in the 10-11 years I've been taking surveys, tbh! I never really took a 'break' from them – they serve the same purpose as a journal, so I've never felt burned out from surveys.

The most distinct difference, if anything, about my survey-taking habits is how it surged like crazy during the pandemic. Like dude. I didn't have a job, I had just graduated, I was stuck at home – I used to do 5-6 surveys a day, EVERYDAY, for like six months.

8 - Do you like to watch TV or listen to music while you take surveys? If I have something on in the background, it has to be something I can't understand so that my brain doesn't get overstimulated lol. That said, I like having Korean-language vlogs on when taking surveys.

9 - Have you ever taken surveys with another person before? NOOOOOOOO. I prefer to keep IRLs out of my survey-taking hobby.

10 - Do people in real life know you take surveys? If not, would you be embarrassed if someone found out about your blog? Only my sister knows and that's just because I know she doesn't give a shit and I trust her to not judge me for it. I shared the blog with my now-ex at some point but that's also why I changed my user recently.

11 - Do you often have something to eat and drink next to you while you take surveys? Drink, yes. Coffee and surveys go hand-in-hand for me. Food, no. Too much of a distraction.

12 - What kind of chair or surface do you find yourself sitting on the most when you take them? The mini sofa in my room.

13 - Have you ever taken surveys at work before? I used to sneak surveys in during my internship when work would be slow; but otherwise I've never done it since getting formally employed.

14 - Do you prefer doing surveys on a laptop, a phone or another device? Laptop. Dealing with this big a body of text on a phone seems like such a headache.

15 - What kind of surveys would you like to see more of? What about less of? I mean I don't have any expectations when it comes to surveys lol. As long as I don't run out of any to take. Thank you, active survey-makers!!

16 - Have you ever discovered new bands, TV shows or anything through reading other people’s surveys? I'm sure it's happened, but I wouldn't say it's a frequent occurrence.

17 - Do you like to read other people’s answers? Are there some people whose blogs you always check? Sure, I keep up with the little circle I have on here. I'm usually too shy to comment, but I'm generally aware of the ups and downs everyone's been going through and I just kind of like...silently send my support or well wishes or condolences and whatnot.

18 - Have you ever taken a survey while drunk or high? I have taken surveys while drunk but most of the time it ends up with me being too sleepy to take the full thing and just finishing the rest the next morning.

19 - Have you ever attempted the 5,000 question survey? Did you ever finish or did you find yourself getting bored part-way through? I have actually never finished it, no. I should get my ass to take the whole thing at some point.

20 - What first got you into taking surveys? I have no clue, honestly. Maybe it's because the earliest forms of social media like Myspace and LJ would have people do the generic about-me prompts and I guess it just made me curious about more long-form surveys that could possibly exist out there. Eventually I found Bzoink and that's how this whole habit started.

21 - How old were you (roughly) when you first started taking them? I was technically 10 when I first found out about Bzoink, but didn't start keeping a blog up until I was either 13 or 14.

22 - What’s the reason behind you taking surveys? It's a journal that's able to keep a record of my life, simply put.

23 - What’s one thing that would put you off taking or finishing a survey? If the questions get too irritating, or if I'm way too stressed that not even surveys could save the day.

24 - In your opinion, what’s the ideal length for a survey? Would you not bother taking a survey if you thought it was too short or too long? Anywhere between 40 to 60 is fun enough for me, but overall it depends on my mood and how awake I feel.

25 - Do you answer questions using proper spelling and grammar? Yes.

26 - Do you prefer questions that require long answers or are you happy to take yes/no surveys? Ones that demand more substantial answers are fine but don't, like, get all philosophical or existential. That's another thing that would push me away from finishing a survey.

27 - Is there a specific style of survey that you’ve never taken before? Surveys that have you answer with a photo. I don't like those either.

28 - What kind of surveys would you like to see in the future? That could be in terms of style or category or anything, really? Again, don't really have expectations when it comes to surveys haha. I just take whatever I see that I feel are interesting enough.

29 - Have you ever shared your surveys with friends and family on social media? Nope.

30 - Do you find that time goes by quickly or slowly when you take surveys? Quickly.

[edens-pen]

"i'm not feeling human, i think he's a good guy"

summary | "i cry in his bathroom, he turns off the big light. i'm being the cool girl, i'm keeping it so tight."

pairing | eddie munson x fem!reader (no description)

wc | 1,303

warnings | angst, hurt no comfort, reader has a savior complex, eddie munson isn't a good boyfriend, one-sided relationship, but they are dating.

a/n | i needed to write this extremely badly. the way i needed to get this fucking fic off my chest. i also made a playlist of songs i listened to while i wrote/edited this. you can find it here, if you're ever not feeling human.

--

you shrug off the heavy lump that is your boyfriend on to your shared bed.

"i got him," you smile at steve, who lingers in the doorway.

a quizzical eyebrow raises in response. "you sure?"

"hardest part is only getting him up the stairs," you assure him, waving him off. "c'mon, let me walk you out."

steve nods, allowing you to walk him to the door. "he gonna be okay?"

"he'll be fine, just needs to sleep it off," you promise, patting steve's back.

he turns to face you, eyes staring at you intently. "are you going to be okay?"

it's not the question that stops your heart, it's the sincerity in his eyes. the way he's looking at you, the way he's searching for something.

"i'm great, just a bit sleepy."

it's a lie. he knows it and you know it.

he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead and his lips linger for just a second too long. you don't pull away until he does.

"goodnight," he whispers.

you don't trust your voice to say it back.

when the door is tightly locked behind him, you make your way back to eddie.

you peel off his sneakers as he mutters to you, mostly incoherent until he gathers his slurred thoughts into sentences.

"had so much fun tonight."

tonight consisted of eddie getting crossfaded, celebrating his success with his bandmates, and then the entire bar. tonight consisted of soda and conversation with steve as you watched eddie laugh with women across the bar.

a little bit of light fun, but at least he comes home with you.

"'m glad, baby," you grimace.

tonight happened every other week for the last 8 months.

you lugging a drunk or faded eddie home after he made an achievement.

as corroded coffin got more attention, there was more to celebrate. the bar they played at was getting crowded, their first song played on the radio, them getting picked by a manager and most recently, playing at larger and larger venues.

it wouldn't be long until they had a record deal with international tours.

it's selfish but you wish you knew where all this left you.

once you've shimmied him out of his pants, he falls asleep soundly.

exhaustion wears on your bones as you move into the bathroom. it's been a long fucking day. eddie quit his job as the band starting taking off, leaving you as the only one working to pay the bills, to keep the lights on, to pay for the gas in the van that eddie drives to venues.

he promised it would all be worth it once they made it big.

you have to believe him.

in the shower, while eddie snores in bed, you let the water run over your face as you try to contain the shattering feeling inside you.

even as you dry off, you stay in the bathroom, sitting on the closed toilet seat as you break into pieces.

you're usually so much better than this, you haven't cried in months, but sometimes it'll claw it's way to the surface. remnants of the girl eddie fell in love with. the one who cares too much and feels everything. the one who cried the time her boyfriend forgot her birthday.

but you're not that girl anymore. those things don't hurt now.

even so, you sniffle quietly in the bathroom and you jump when the door opens and a bleary eddie shuffles in, muttering something about needing to piss. moving to the wall, you watch as he uses the bathroom, washes his hands, and mindlessly flicks the light off.

you call out his name, but he grumbles something that's not an apology. he doesn't come back to turn the light on.

this is the cycle. wash, rinse, and repeat.

but you don't remember when your relationship became this.

it was so hard to explain because eddie wasn't a terrible person. not cruel or hateful. he just didn't consider you.

not when he made plans to play at venues far from home. not when he got drunk and needed to be picked up late at night. not when women slipped their numbers into his pocket. even if they were never used, still folded in his pocket when you washed his jeans.

he didn't consider you.

not as his girlfriend.

not as a human.

even when you slinked around in his t-shirts, trying to cling to him while he pried himself off.

he was everything to you. and you still didn't know what you were to him.

what you do know is you love him. you love eddie enough that it doesn't matter if he loves you back right now.

maybe he could do it later.

if he has time.

and as it would turn out he didn't.

he came home, bouncing off the walls about how inevitable happened.

there was a record label in los angeles that heard of a growing metal band from the midwest. they wanted to fly them out and before you knew it eddie was pecking your lips as you dropped him off at the airport.

you watched jeff's girlfriend go with them, tucked under her boyfriend's arm.

eddie insisted you stay home, swore he would be home to celebrate his accomplishment in a couple of days,

in a couple of weeks,

in a month or so.

"i don't think, uh, i'm--"

"you're not coming home," you finish, saying the words yourself. because even in the difficult moments, you're still saving eddie, still doing the hard things. still carrying him.

you're still cracking yourself open and giving him something he doesn't deserve from you.

still filling in his blanks.

"yeah, things are big for us now! i mean, we're signing deals and we'll be recording singles and i just can't come home right now. but don't worry about my stuff, i'll just buy some things while i'm out here," he promises. "and dustin and mike are taking good care of DND, so that's all good."

he doesn't apologize. nor does he ask if you're okay.

he just doesn't consider you.

he doesn't consider you when the local paper prints a picture of him and supermodel, hands interlocked on rodeo drive.

you shrug when people ask you about it. still protecting eddie, promising that the breakup was amiable, and you're still good friends.

because eddie is still a good guy. he calls dustin and mike every month, sometimes more. sends money home to wayne, who doesn't want to move out of hawkins, even buys him a house eventually.

he's the guy who stays to take pictures with fans outside of his hotel. the one who signs autographs until his hand cramps. the guy who gives away his guitar picks after shows. the one who shows up for everyone all the time.

he's still the guy who hasn't called since the last time you talked. the guy who hasn't written you a letter or even left a message with dustin for you. the guy who didn't even ask how you're doing.

the guy who's never asked. he's never needed to.

you've always been okay.

eddie made his home inside you and he never cleaned up. not even while he lived there. he made a mess, left his clothes on the bed, and let the dishes pile up in the sink and then he left the front door open.

he didn't bother to say goodbye.

not in this life, but perhaps the next.

--

years later, after he starts seeing a therapist, eddie writes a letter to you.

a detailed apology, an acknowledgment of everything he did and should have done better, a request for a second chance, a plea to let him love you right.

a week later he gets mail.

his letter, unopened,

[return to sender.]

[miastideclock]

please take the boygroup sorter on biasorter.tumblr.com and post ur results, i'm so curious

bah, your wish is my command: lets get to it i would also like to add that these results are PURELY based off of how much of their music i listen to, i can't name a single person in half the groups here lmao

stray kids is anyone really surprised?? im not

bts same with this one, very much expected

seventeen also very predicted

the rose this surprised me a little bit ngl, but when i look over my playlists it checks out

shinwha i did NOT see this coming wth

shinee my guess was that shinee came over shinwha but here we are

block b i used to be a HARDCORE BBC but fell out of it almost as fast as i got into it and i have no idea why

winner they have some good party bops, but i don't listen to a lot of their slower songs

got7 same as block b, i was a massive fan few years ago, but now i barely listen to them?? i listen to jackson's songs a bit and im super excited for their comeback coming up!!

super junior y'all, their early music is my SHIT- nothing gets me going quite like some early 2000's bops

astro i haven't really kept up with them, but every now and then a song of theirs is reccomended either on tiktok or on spotify and i add it to my playlists

ateez i'm not gonna lie, they have some great tracks, but im deadass scared to get into them. they are intimidating as fUCK

nu'est i was a fairly big fan of them a while back, and it was mainly because of minhyun i watched produce 101 season 2 :)

pentagon their songs give me such summer-vibes, so whenever i need me a good pick me up, i blast their music and pretend its mid-july lmao

24k i listen to only a handful of their songs, but the few songs i listen to, i listen to like all the time hehehe

wanna one i was SUCH a big fan when they were promoting, and it absolutely shattered my heart when they 'disbanded', but its like they say, all good things come to an end :(

day6 they give me a sense of home when i listen to them, but i haven't been supporting them a lot as of recent

infinite there was a solid two month period in like 2016 where i would pretty much give my life for these men, but one day i just forgot they existed, so if i put my music on shuffle and their songs come on, i look like thats so raven, just zooming to a different point in time- its weird

ikon i never really informed myself on what happened with them and b.i. which is 100% my own fault, but ever since the incident i haven't listened to them. idk, it wasn't really on purpouse.

b.a.p i only listen to them during VERY special occasions. when me and my hometown friend are out driving at night during the summer, we always blast their music, it's become tradition by now

the link for the sorter here! let me know if our results are similar!!

-bennie♡

[ahiijny]

ok might change this last minute later on, but (tentatively) here's what I'm going with for now! It was really hard to narrow this down to only 10 and there are a bunch of others that I really wanted to include too...

but anyway here goes...

10. The Shining Needle Castle Sinking in the Air (x)

TH14, Stage 5 | Seija's stage theme

I actually haven't gotten around to playing DDC yet! So this track just caught my attention when I was having the music playing in the background while I was working on other stuff. It has a dark, looming, overwhelming kind of vibe.

The song starts out kinda ordinary and nothing too special, but the... er, higher pitched instruments (I'm not a music person sorry!! >_<;;) that come in starting at 0:42 it just reallly alfsgdjsgfkhdljfl REALLY GOOD atmosphere. I like it.

9. The Flower Like the Fantasy (x)

TH9, Ending

Okay maybe I'm biased bc PoFV is one of the few games I can actually reach the end on before running out of continues (this is on normal difficulty ^_^;;) so this is one of the few ending themes that I've actually come across a lot in-game.

I just really like the vibe of this one! It's not too light-hearted, but not super depressing either, it's just kind of. A somewhat melancholy mood. It really kind of pulls me in. It just feels immersive, somehow. Probably my favourite ending song. (Of the ones I know, anyway).

8. Mystic Oriental Dream ~ Ancient Temple (x)

TH7, Stage 5 | Youmu's stage theme

Very ghostly and atmospheric kind of vibe. I've listened to this one enough that I've gotten tired of it. But not really. Recently, when it came up in my music shuffle, I was like 'right that's going right into the top 10 vote then.' The nostalgia ufff. I love this theme so much.

7. The Dark Blowhole (x)

TH11, Stage 1 | Kisume's stage theme

Another dark, atmospheric kind of vibe. The beginning of a new adventure.

I've never actually gotten around to playing SA yet, so actually my first exposure to this theme was from that one meme video where Reimu's gohei kept getting longer with each passing game. This song immediately caught my attention as a super catchy theme.

With most songs, I need to listen to them a few times before I really start finding it catchy and liking it, but for this one in particular, it happened the first time. It's super catchy.

6. Higan Retour ~ Riverside View (x)

TH9 | Komachi's theme

This really is a slow burn kind of song. I didn't really think anything of this one at first, but after grinding this stage a bajillion times just trying to get past it, the theme kind of grew on me.

There are a lot of other songs I really adore from PoFV that I wish I could have included here as well, but as the penultimate stage, I feel like it stands out the most to me on a personal level, so here it goes.

(No offense to Shiki Eiki's stage theme. It's okay, but I like Komachi's theme a lot more ^_^;;)

5. Charming Domination ~ Who done it! (x)

TH7, Phantasm Stage

This is a song that I've never heard in game because I was unable to get that far ^_^;; So I discovered this one when I was letting the PCB soundtrack play in the background, and then when these stage themes came on, I was like 'ohhhh, this kinda slaps!'

Honestly there's not too much of a difference between this one and the other Charming Domination theme, so I chose this one bc it's from the later stage. Also the abrupt pauses are fun :3

4. The Magic Straw-hat Jizo (x)

TH16, Boss 4 | Narumi's boss theme

This theme is so epic!!!!! And I just love the way Narumi starts this fight in the game. Honestly this is the high point in HSiFS for me. After this boss it just goes downhill from there... (and I'm not saying that just because the stages afterwards are a lot harder and I usually run out of continues around Mai and Satono ^_^;;)

3. Swim in a Cherry Blossom-Colored Sea (x)

TH16, Stage 3 | Aunn's stage theme

This theme is just so atmospheric!!!! It just feels like spring, and I can almost see the cherry blossoms falling while listening to this theme. And it's so upbeat and happy and wholesome! Like Aunn!

Also I'm not a music person so I don't know what it's called when the music starts overlapping two note sequences of different rhythms and speeds at once starting at around 1:01 but I really love that part!

2. G Free (x)

Magical Astronomy, Track 7

This from one of the Hifuu Club albums, and this is one of my favourites. Honestly it might at least partially be influenced by the really cozy looking RenMerry scenery art that one of the uploaders on YouTube included with this song.

Very heavy, immersive kind of feel. I get impressions of night, dark skies, late autumn, Renko and Merry bundling up with slightly warmer clothing, biting winds, freefall.

1. Blue Sea of 53 Minutes (x)

Retrospective 53 Minutes, Track 2

Honestly most likely one of my all time favourite original Touhou tracks. I just really love the atmosphere in this one. The way you can hear the waves crashing in the distance.

Also I appreciate how there's a decent chunk of the song in the beginning at least without the ZUNpets. I love me some ZUNpets but having a good chunk of the song being more chill, down to earth instruments gives it a kind of different vibe, which is nice.

And as always, RenMerry are there ^_^

trying to narrow down which songs to put for the popularity vote

I went through all the albums and picked out the tracks that I recognize and really like, and now there are 119 of them o.o

it's so hard to choose only 10 >_<;;