#haven't listened to them much recently but when a song comes up on shuffle I still go insane 🥰

[running-in-the-dark]

listening to Toto and realising I'll see them live again in five months 😭🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[sailon-ishmael]

Tag Game: People I'd like to get to know better!

Ty to @erebusbabylon for the tag! <33

Last Song: "Nowhere Near" by Yo La Tengo. I've been getting very into shoegaze recently and this song just popped up on shuffle. I've known of this band for a while but haven't really listened so this song might be what gets me into them!

Favorite Color: It's always so hard to choose but it's probably green or blue. I also just generally really like the primary colors, I had a big phase of wearing very color block-y outfits that featured just one color throughout and it was pretty enjoyable.

Last Book: I'm currently reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky because I met someone recently who told me I should read the Russians, and I just requested A Perfect Spy by John Le Carré from my library because I've been on a little bit of a spy thing recently (see TV answer). The last book I fully finished though was Free Food for Millionaires by Min Jin Lee (also wrote Pachinko). HIGHLY recommend, it was a re-read for me actually but it hit me so differently this time round as a recent college graduate trying to figure out what I want from life.

Last Movie: A French movie called The Taste of Things, directed by Tran Anh Hung. Really, really gorgeous film. It's a quiet, mature romance set in late 1800s France, slow and meditative. This film emphasizes the beauty of process when it comes to food. The cooking and eating, yes, but also the growing, the preparation, the cleaning etc.

Last TV show: I've been sick at home for the past couple of days and as such I've been allowing myself to binge as much TV as I want, and my ultimate comfort genre is British murder mysteries and spy thrillers (a la La Carré). So I just binged Marlow Murder Club (very fun, short, and sweet) and The Night Manager (sexy, stylish, and riveting).

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: I'm a savory lover through and through, give me a piping hot soup to sip on instead of a hot chocolate any day! I used to scarf down a cup ramen in the 20 minutes I had between two back to back classes in my last semester, and I couldn't stand to throw out the soup after I finished the noodles so I'd just show up to class with my little cup of steaming leftover soup and sip on it throughout lolol.

Current Obsession: Mmm trying to think of an answer that isn't astoundingly obvious *side eyes my whole blog* but honestly, I guess my current obsession as an editor is one Harry Goodsir. His wet eyes and spiral of disillusionment have bewitched me body and soul. Other than The Terror and TROP, I've also been recently re-awakened to my obsessions with Bagginshield and Valvert (Les Mis). For some reason, my high school comfort ships have decided it's time to make a reappearance in my brain's rotation of rotstuff.

**********

No pressure tagging @plotdesigner @roundtriptojupiter @mxdzin @alexnortonweldon @daughterofthesunlands @commonguttersnipe

[itwoodbeprefect]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals

hello friend. ❤ i think you sent this to me in april of 2024 so surely finding it in my drafts and actually responding to it in january 2025 is, like, normal. and stuff.

to make things better and/or worse, i'm going to be incapable of keeping this short. this is from my playlist just called "thai", which i need to start splitting up in some way that makes sense, rather than throwing everything in a pile, but i haven't done that yet, so it has 219 songs in it, nearly all of which are there due to some sense of emotional attachment:

-

สะมะกึ๊กสะมะกั๊ก (stuckling) - earth & mix ft. jennie panhan

fjdkfd okay, look. we're starting off strong with a song i skip half the time it comes on, but it stays on the list because it does also make me go <3 when i'm reminded of it. this is the OST for ossan's love thailand and it's very nearly unlistenable to me and i deeply love it. the MV is very loud chaos in its purest form (i thought that was true about the peaceful property MV and in hindsight that was SO wrong. the peaceful property MV is goofy in its own way but it's almost demure next to this). bonus points for featuring jennie panhan! i don't know how this series will turn out yet (it's a remake of a japanese property, a type of history on which gmmtv (the company behind this) has a mixed record so far) but GOD am i happy to see that they're finally letting earth (the one in front of the pool table) play a role that lets him be the useless immature babygirl object of everyone's affections, instead of a stoic forest ranger (a tale of 1000 stars) or "almost 40" at 29 (moonlight chicken (i am. still not over that. i may never be.)), because he's GOOD at goofy comedy! jojo tichakorn did not make mama gogo (yet another series) to prove this but he did, inadvertently, prove this! also, there's literally never a bad time to watch mix sahaphap on screen because he's always great. also also. a gmmtv series with an actor who is (actually!) 46 as third billed and an official part of the central love triangle shenanigans? yes, please, thank you. most of this paragraph is not directly relevant to this song but to me it is, because these are the thoughts i have when i hit skip. (actually, one thought that's truly about the song: this has an E rating on spotify, which is incredibly funny to me, because the english subtitles on youtube don't have a single thing even close to a curse word in them, but apparently the thai original may be more rude? or spotify is being weird, which is also possible.)

-

เพื่อชีวิตกู / peua chiwit koo - TaitosmitH

taitosmith!!! one of the first times i listened to them i put on a random album and most new thai song lyrics are way too much for me at once to catch more than a sentence fragment here and there, but then at some point i snapped to attention when it was, like, wait. are they singing that someone doesn't want to be a man? and they were. i love their songs, and i love the music videos they make for them, i love how often those MVs actually add layers or tell their own stories. they have a huge number of songs about class struggle, poverty, getting painted as a criminal, problems endemic to thai society (and many societies, but they're very clear about their roots). the MV for กี่ฤดู (kii reudoo, "how many seasons") tells a much smaller story but caught me at the exact right time to have me sobbing for a bit. and then there's one song that had me squinting at the title going ? is this called "helmet"? that can't be right. but it was! that's what it's called! so i was like, okay, this is a song about. wearing a helmet, i guess. but then the lyrics go something like, wearing a helmet isn't cool, i want to go really fast and smash my head into the pavement, it's my business if i want to take this risk. but then the MV was released (fairly recently, this is one of their newest songs) and in it a guy goes on a sort of vigilante spree to force people into wearing helmets and avenge his family member(? or friend?) who was killed by reckless drivers, and also there's a chance that at the end he's a ghost? which, just. i do enjoy a poppy catchy love song, but goddamn, the journey that one single song can take you on.

-

เจ็บก็สิอดเอา (stay strong) - MANG bamm

love this one, it's great! in the MV mang (from bamm. mang is her name, bamm is the group she's usually in) stands in the middle of a field in a giant hat and a beautiful dress and high heeled boots and it's honestly pretty impressive she doesn't fall over. it also stars daou and offroad (actors, singers (though not here), etc.; currently stuck on my radar because they're the leads in century of love, which is stuck in my head) playing characters seemingly called daou and offroad (it's on daou's namecard at the start, and near the end he's crying over offroad's actual instagram handle. choices.) who meet and start dating and break up because they have to follow their dreams (that's those few lines of on screen dialogue in thai in the second half somewhere. offroad saying that) and so during the entire video the village is performing a traditional healing method on daou (they're not preparing to burn the man! they're helping him with his broken heart), except then they keep piling more and more improbable things on the fire, and it's a very understated kind of comedy and i'm incredibly here for it. it took me a second watch to realize that at 2:30 daou is absolutely about to burn down the whole music building because it reminds him of meeting offroad, and it's only mang's wise guidance (she shakes her head) that keeps him from going to prison i guess. i unironically love every single thing about this.

-

แพ้คำว่ารัก / pae kam waa rak - calories blah blah

the title means something like "losing to the word love". we're staying daou pittaya adjacent somehow, because this song is here because he did a cover of it. i'm in love with the band name but i don't really know them. i'm pretty sure daou sang this on an episode of a tv show that seems to be about singers covering other people's songs (i'm right. it's here), and another one he did was รอพี่ก่อน / roh pi korn, which has one of my favorite (of many, by now) moments where i misunderstood what the lyrics of a thai song were doing, because the song is called, essentially, "wait for me", and it's about how he doesn't have money right now but he'll hurry up to get it and then he will, or so i blindly assumed, hurry to his lover. because at some point he sings something about a car, and a train, and a plane. except then it clicked that in between the car and the train he sings about a refrigerator, and for a while there i was having lovely whimsical visions of paddling down a river using a fridge as a boat (?? how else are you going to use a fridge as transport?), but actually. he's singing that once he's rich he'll pay for the car, and the fridge, and the train, and the plane. some of which seem like more realistic goals than others, but hey, go for it.

-

แม่เกี่ยว / mae kiauw - palmy

you know what. i actually genuinely don't have a long story about this one, not even something that's vaguely related around two corners. i have zero memory of how this even ended up on my list (spotify recommendation? maybe??? i don't really know palmy beyond this one song, though i keep meaning to more seriously explore), i just know i really really like the sound of it! i've been listening to this one a lot.

-

and finally! i don't think i'll be sending asks but i will tag some people: @redgoldblue (you may have forgotten by now that you ever did this, so that could be the perfect time to do it again, if you want), @theartichokesarepurple, @littlestarsailor, @spaceradars, @batvreason, and anyone else who wants. all of this with no pressure of course, only if you feel like it!

[shima-draws]

Taro, papyrus, daffodil, and orchard

taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

This is an ongoing joke LOL but whenever I catch up with friends I haven't seen in a while, I tell them absolutely nothing has changed and things are the same old boring they've always been. My life is very stagnant--not that that's a bad thing! I just don't really get up to much outside my hobbies. My friends always appreciate venting to me as the one person who never has any drama going on haha

So. To properly answer. Not much is happening, business as usual :)

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

HMMM I don't really have a special playlist...usually when I listen to music I just put my entire library on shuffle. But the first song that came on was True Kinda Love from the SU movie!! I tend to think of when I lived back at my parents house, I watched the series on my laptop and would talk about it with one of my college friends. Good memories 😊

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

Yes, I have a younger sister! A lot of people tell us we look really similar; we even got mistaken for twins back in high school even though we were three grades apart lol. I'd say she's definitely more independent and responsible than I am 😂 But we were both cursed with the family genes so we've both got anxiety and depression lmao. Gotta love those shared mental illnesses amirite

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

Weird question...I've never really thought about a song as being "perfect" before. How about I just hand you one of my favorites lol

I've been listening to this one a lot recently, it is THE Trafalgar Law song of all time. To ME!!!

[magicaltickles]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals <3

:3

Hi sprite <333

So I don't usually listen to playlist playlists, just compilations or individual songs so instead I'm gonna look through my most listened lol (and add an extra one for me to geek at)

WONDERHOY !!!

One of my current fav vivid bad squad songs

BEST OPENING IN ANIME NOTHING TOPS IT

I was never the same after someone pointed out all the similarities of this song and Aventurine...

What are we even TALKING about some CRACK WHORE who FUCKED UP already

Okay so this last one is just me geeking bc I recently found out this song is on Spotify and omg I love it so much and it's so hdudhsms to me I love it I love it

THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER FIREWORKS SHOW!!! I was one of those kids who would watch the firework shows on YouTube and stuff. Even the rope drop shows they used to do (the older ones hold a special place in my heart bc I've seen them irl). I haven't been to disney in so long but I love the parks sm imagineering is so so cool to me and if I wouldn't get disowned for suggesting it again I'd do the Disney college program in a HEARTBEAT. I'm not a hardcore disney adult, but I wouldn't be opposed to living in Orlando and having an annual pass and just spending random afternoons in the parks or popping in for dinner or lunch and stuff like that. I have the fondest memories of walking around the resorts and downtown disney (when it was so much better imo). Goofy candy co my forever and always. The Lego dragon in the lake. THE OLD WORLD OF DISNEY STORE! I just ugh I'm so normal about the parks okay sorry this derailed lol

[hyumjim]

1, 3 and 30 for the ask game!^^

three songs ask set

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

why bonnie - galveston

2. v - blue

3. ty segall - my lady's on fire

i honestly don't really know any of these songs lol. i have a lot of music in my library <3

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

yesssss!!!! time for a fun one. (@lesbiandeancas asked about this one too)

STAYC - bubble. teddy bear is my favorite stayc song i think, and this is very much in the same vein, really really fun energetic cute pop girlie stuff. may even surpass teddy bear! also to me this song is about being gay. in many years i believe the "mannish schoolteacher trying to get the girls to behave" trope will be widely discussed as a hallmark of lesbianism in kpop

2. stray kids - super bowl. kinda haven't been as obsessed with skz lately (on mood stabilizers so im not as into bts etc), but this shit just so-- well-- the shit so bussin, you could say. its so interesting to me that this song was the original "gods menu." I see some people saying let's stop making gods menu, well i disagree. let's do gods menu forever and ever and ever amen

3. walk the moon - tiger teeth. i put it on an OC playlist and i loooove it! lovely melodically and lyrically captures the feeling of loving and wanting someone so much it's painful. yes i have emotions too! this is a great song for having a nice emotional shower. crazy to think this is by the same people who made that awful "shut up and dance" song. absolute madmen i say

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

hmmm interesting.. i'll just post things i think people are not likely to have heard?

waxahatchee - with you. yes a cover of the song by jessica simpson! yes it's from the girls hbo soundtrack! lol whatever. this is amazing to listen to on your way back home after something wonderful has happened.

2. LUCY - stove. these guys are geniuses. they're a korean band (not really kpop) with an incredible violinist and amazing lead vocals. i never see anyone talking about them, they're really underrated in that way but everyone should get the chance to listen to them! I'll recommend "stove" because it's a wonderful wintery song and it's just getting cold out now. but definitely listen to "flare" too!

3. soccer mommy - your dog. for anybody who's ever been in a shitty, unfair, unequal relationship.

[floralandfailing]

Ethel Cain

Big loving talk about my favourite artist, I need to get it out of my system

I go through cycles in my music taste where I listen to one artist, or a handful of artists, over and over and over again. It's nice, I don't really get bored of the songs. Recently my Big Current Artist in the brain is Ethel Cain. I love Preacher's Daughter so much, every time I listen to it I'm sure I have to title it as my all time favourite album (it never gets there though, I'm too sentimental about another album by another band) mostly because it makes me experience things I never thought I could. And each and every time I listen to it, I gain a new experience from the songs. It's never the same.

It's not only Preacher's Daughter. I'm enamoured by her other songs, by Inbred and by Golden Age and covers and demos. Preacher's Daughter will always be special though, it'll always be that One Album I hold above the rest.

I find Ethel's music so...inspiring. I'll go through creative slumps where I cannot even begin to think up a character or a plot to write, and it annoys and angers me so much when I get like that, but without fail I'll always pick up an idea whenever Ethel Cain comes on shuffle. I'll always listen to these songs and find a new aspect of them, a new way of interpreting the story that is so compelling I can't help but go off an explore those ideas myself. Preacher's Daughter specifically makes me question my faith, my identity, in this sort of terrifying but comforting way - Sun Bleached Flies is a hard hitter for this.

It makes me laugh a little when Spotify gives me those "similar to Ethel Cain" suggestions for new artists. I don't think there is anyone like her. I haven't found another artist that makes music sound so beautiful the way she does, and honestly I'm not looking for it. I don't want someone else who's kind of similar to the concepts Ethel brings, I just want Ethel. If she deletes all her music, if Preacher's Daughter is gone from any non physical form, then I'm okay with it. I'm happy I had access to it for at least a little while.

I'll always gush over Ethel Cain. Can't wait for Perverts to come out. I'd buy the Preacher's Daughter vinyl if I could, but it releases on my birthday so I'll take that as the closest connection I can get. It's a good album, I can't even describe it.

[childside]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals <3

I made this playlist few weeks ago while I feel gloomy, so I add melancholy songs as much as I can lol. I like to talk about music, so this might be a long post me yapping about this and that 😖

Thanks for the askkk @keenonkinkley 🫶

1. Someone To Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

I discovered this songs not long ago (I forget where I listened it for the first time), but the voice and music style pretty much my taste and I think I've heard different songs from VCS but just not pay attention much to them.

This song has been on repeat literally the whole day. It feels magical, like floating and to be touched softly. I'm not digging much about the lyrics interpretation, so I just enjoying the music.

2. State Lines by Novo Amor

My love Novo Amor 🤌 *mwah* Their type of music is similar with Vancouver Sleep Clinic (I honestly don't know what genre that is... Folk(?) melancholy vibes(??)

I've been listening to them since 2013ish(?), not a die hard fans, just casual listener, and still in love with them.

3. Listen Before I Go by Billie Eillish (TW sui**dal)

I usually play this song when I'm at the lowest on my depression episode to help me crying more and let it out so I can cry myself to sleep. As someone with constant su**** ideation, I can relate so much with the lyric. I like how she craft the music and lyric beautifully. Not sounds too cringe like some of the songs about mental health/depression out there.

4. Ivy by Frank Ocean

I recently discovered this song after never know or listen to Frank Ocean before. My fav musician that do cover music on tiktok (Eamon Mo *plz check his account he's so good I've been obsessed lol*), and then I fell in love with this song. again, I'm not digging much about the lyric, but the song is easy listening so it's good.

5. Miserable Man by David Kushner

I find this song/artist randomly when I scrolling through suggestions songs on Spotify. So, of course, this song have similarities with Novo Amor and Vancouver Sleep Clinic 😅 I haven't really visit the artist discography, but this song already hooked me.

[purplesurveys]

1734

1 - What’s your favourite type of survey to take? A survey with just a mix of random questions is always a safe choice – that's what most of them have been, anyway. Every now and then I like to enjoy categories, and to a lesser degree, themed ones.

2 - What about your least favourite? Do you ever take these anyway if you can’t find anything else? I mean, about-mes are only fun if you're new to surveys but they'll get old quickly. I don't like song shuffles either because I have a million separate playlists on Spotify, so those surveys could never capture my music taste as a whole.

3 - Do you have a favourite survey maker? How long have you been following their blog for? I have a few favorites on Bzoink but I haven't been able to catch up with any of their newer surveys because life.

4 - Do you ever get surveys from somewhere that isn’t Tumblr? What other sites do you like to use for finding surveys? I used to go on Bzoink and lift newer surveys from there over here, but 2022/2023 has kept me very busy that these days I just play catch-up with all the surveys everyone takes here. Until around 2-3 years ago I also used to go on LiveJournal but the survey tag doesn't get updated as much, so I eventually I stopped visiting.

5 - Do you like to take surveys at a particular time of day? I like taking them in the evenings before going to bed. I also reserve most of my survey-taking on weekends, but if a work day has been gross and just need an outlet to vent or whatever I will occasionally squeeze time on a weeknight.

6 - Do you have a favourite location to take surveys - eg. on your bed or in the living room? I'll take them in my room most of the time – it's quiet and peaceful here. Occasionally I'd do them on the couch in the living room or at the dining table, but it's almost always too distracting to finish one.

7 - How often would you say you took surveys? Do you go through phases of taking loads and then stopping for a while? I've been pretty consistent in the 10-11 years I've been taking surveys, tbh! I never really took a 'break' from them – they serve the same purpose as a journal, so I've never felt burned out from surveys.

The most distinct difference, if anything, about my survey-taking habits is how it surged like crazy during the pandemic. Like dude. I didn't have a job, I had just graduated, I was stuck at home – I used to do 5-6 surveys a day, EVERYDAY, for like six months.

8 - Do you like to watch TV or listen to music while you take surveys? If I have something on in the background, it has to be something I can't understand so that my brain doesn't get overstimulated lol. That said, I like having Korean-language vlogs on when taking surveys.

9 - Have you ever taken surveys with another person before? NOOOOOOOO. I prefer to keep IRLs out of my survey-taking hobby.

10 - Do people in real life know you take surveys? If not, would you be embarrassed if someone found out about your blog? Only my sister knows and that's just because I know she doesn't give a shit and I trust her to not judge me for it. I shared the blog with my now-ex at some point but that's also why I changed my user recently.

11 - Do you often have something to eat and drink next to you while you take surveys? Drink, yes. Coffee and surveys go hand-in-hand for me. Food, no. Too much of a distraction.

12 - What kind of chair or surface do you find yourself sitting on the most when you take them? The mini sofa in my room.

13 - Have you ever taken surveys at work before? I used to sneak surveys in during my internship when work would be slow; but otherwise I've never done it since getting formally employed.

14 - Do you prefer doing surveys on a laptop, a phone or another device? Laptop. Dealing with this big a body of text on a phone seems like such a headache.

15 - What kind of surveys would you like to see more of? What about less of? I mean I don't have any expectations when it comes to surveys lol. As long as I don't run out of any to take. Thank you, active survey-makers!!

16 - Have you ever discovered new bands, TV shows or anything through reading other people’s surveys? I'm sure it's happened, but I wouldn't say it's a frequent occurrence.

17 - Do you like to read other people’s answers? Are there some people whose blogs you always check? Sure, I keep up with the little circle I have on here. I'm usually too shy to comment, but I'm generally aware of the ups and downs everyone's been going through and I just kind of like...silently send my support or well wishes or condolences and whatnot.

18 - Have you ever taken a survey while drunk or high? I have taken surveys while drunk but most of the time it ends up with me being too sleepy to take the full thing and just finishing the rest the next morning.

19 - Have you ever attempted the 5,000 question survey? Did you ever finish or did you find yourself getting bored part-way through? I have actually never finished it, no. I should get my ass to take the whole thing at some point.

20 - What first got you into taking surveys? I have no clue, honestly. Maybe it's because the earliest forms of social media like Myspace and LJ would have people do the generic about-me prompts and I guess it just made me curious about more long-form surveys that could possibly exist out there. Eventually I found Bzoink and that's how this whole habit started.

21 - How old were you (roughly) when you first started taking them? I was technically 10 when I first found out about Bzoink, but didn't start keeping a blog up until I was either 13 or 14.

22 - What’s the reason behind you taking surveys? It's a journal that's able to keep a record of my life, simply put.

23 - What’s one thing that would put you off taking or finishing a survey? If the questions get too irritating, or if I'm way too stressed that not even surveys could save the day.

24 - In your opinion, what’s the ideal length for a survey? Would you not bother taking a survey if you thought it was too short or too long? Anywhere between 40 to 60 is fun enough for me, but overall it depends on my mood and how awake I feel.

25 - Do you answer questions using proper spelling and grammar? Yes.

26 - Do you prefer questions that require long answers or are you happy to take yes/no surveys? Ones that demand more substantial answers are fine but don't, like, get all philosophical or existential. That's another thing that would push me away from finishing a survey.

27 - Is there a specific style of survey that you’ve never taken before? Surveys that have you answer with a photo. I don't like those either.

28 - What kind of surveys would you like to see in the future? That could be in terms of style or category or anything, really? Again, don't really have expectations when it comes to surveys haha. I just take whatever I see that I feel are interesting enough.

29 - Have you ever shared your surveys with friends and family on social media? Nope.

30 - Do you find that time goes by quickly or slowly when you take surveys? Quickly.

[edens-pen]

"i'm not feeling human, i think he's a good guy"

summary | "i cry in his bathroom, he turns off the big light. i'm being the cool girl, i'm keeping it so tight."

pairing | eddie munson x fem!reader (no description)

wc | 1,303

warnings | angst, hurt no comfort, reader has a savior complex, eddie munson isn't a good boyfriend, one-sided relationship, but they are dating.

a/n | i needed to write this extremely badly. the way i needed to get this fucking fic off my chest. i also made a playlist of songs i listened to while i wrote/edited this. you can find it here, if you're ever not feeling human.

--

you shrug off the heavy lump that is your boyfriend on to your shared bed.

"i got him," you smile at steve, who lingers in the doorway.

a quizzical eyebrow raises in response. "you sure?"

"hardest part is only getting him up the stairs," you assure him, waving him off. "c'mon, let me walk you out."

steve nods, allowing you to walk him to the door. "he gonna be okay?"

"he'll be fine, just needs to sleep it off," you promise, patting steve's back.

he turns to face you, eyes staring at you intently. "are you going to be okay?"

it's not the question that stops your heart, it's the sincerity in his eyes. the way he's looking at you, the way he's searching for something.

"i'm great, just a bit sleepy."

it's a lie. he knows it and you know it.

he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead and his lips linger for just a second too long. you don't pull away until he does.

"goodnight," he whispers.

you don't trust your voice to say it back.

when the door is tightly locked behind him, you make your way back to eddie.

you peel off his sneakers as he mutters to you, mostly incoherent until he gathers his slurred thoughts into sentences.

"had so much fun tonight."

tonight consisted of eddie getting crossfaded, celebrating his success with his bandmates, and then the entire bar. tonight consisted of soda and conversation with steve as you watched eddie laugh with women across the bar.

a little bit of light fun, but at least he comes home with you.

"'m glad, baby," you grimace.

tonight happened every other week for the last 8 months.

you lugging a drunk or faded eddie home after he made an achievement.

as corroded coffin got more attention, there was more to celebrate. the bar they played at was getting crowded, their first song played on the radio, them getting picked by a manager and most recently, playing at larger and larger venues.

it wouldn't be long until they had a record deal with international tours.

it's selfish but you wish you knew where all this left you.

once you've shimmied him out of his pants, he falls asleep soundly.

exhaustion wears on your bones as you move into the bathroom. it's been a long fucking day. eddie quit his job as the band starting taking off, leaving you as the only one working to pay the bills, to keep the lights on, to pay for the gas in the van that eddie drives to venues.

he promised it would all be worth it once they made it big.

you have to believe him.

in the shower, while eddie snores in bed, you let the water run over your face as you try to contain the shattering feeling inside you.

even as you dry off, you stay in the bathroom, sitting on the closed toilet seat as you break into pieces.

you're usually so much better than this, you haven't cried in months, but sometimes it'll claw it's way to the surface. remnants of the girl eddie fell in love with. the one who cares too much and feels everything. the one who cried the time her boyfriend forgot her birthday.

but you're not that girl anymore. those things don't hurt now.

even so, you sniffle quietly in the bathroom and you jump when the door opens and a bleary eddie shuffles in, muttering something about needing to piss. moving to the wall, you watch as he uses the bathroom, washes his hands, and mindlessly flicks the light off.

you call out his name, but he grumbles something that's not an apology. he doesn't come back to turn the light on.

this is the cycle. wash, rinse, and repeat.

but you don't remember when your relationship became this.

it was so hard to explain because eddie wasn't a terrible person. not cruel or hateful. he just didn't consider you.

not when he made plans to play at venues far from home. not when he got drunk and needed to be picked up late at night. not when women slipped their numbers into his pocket. even if they were never used, still folded in his pocket when you washed his jeans.

he didn't consider you.

not as his girlfriend.

not as a human.

even when you slinked around in his t-shirts, trying to cling to him while he pried himself off.

he was everything to you. and you still didn't know what you were to him.

what you do know is you love him. you love eddie enough that it doesn't matter if he loves you back right now.

maybe he could do it later.

if he has time.

and as it would turn out he didn't.

he came home, bouncing off the walls about how inevitable happened.

there was a record label in los angeles that heard of a growing metal band from the midwest. they wanted to fly them out and before you knew it eddie was pecking your lips as you dropped him off at the airport.

you watched jeff's girlfriend go with them, tucked under her boyfriend's arm.

eddie insisted you stay home, swore he would be home to celebrate his accomplishment in a couple of days,

in a couple of weeks,

in a month or so.

"i don't think, uh, i'm--"

"you're not coming home," you finish, saying the words yourself. because even in the difficult moments, you're still saving eddie, still doing the hard things. still carrying him.

you're still cracking yourself open and giving him something he doesn't deserve from you.

still filling in his blanks.

"yeah, things are big for us now! i mean, we're signing deals and we'll be recording singles and i just can't come home right now. but don't worry about my stuff, i'll just buy some things while i'm out here," he promises. "and dustin and mike are taking good care of DND, so that's all good."

he doesn't apologize. nor does he ask if you're okay.

he just doesn't consider you.

he doesn't consider you when the local paper prints a picture of him and supermodel, hands interlocked on rodeo drive.

you shrug when people ask you about it. still protecting eddie, promising that the breakup was amiable, and you're still good friends.

because eddie is still a good guy. he calls dustin and mike every month, sometimes more. sends money home to wayne, who doesn't want to move out of hawkins, even buys him a house eventually.

he's the guy who stays to take pictures with fans outside of his hotel. the one who signs autographs until his hand cramps. the guy who gives away his guitar picks after shows. the one who shows up for everyone all the time.

he's still the guy who hasn't called since the last time you talked. the guy who hasn't written you a letter or even left a message with dustin for you. the guy who didn't even ask how you're doing.

the guy who's never asked. he's never needed to.

you've always been okay.

eddie made his home inside you and he never cleaned up. not even while he lived there. he made a mess, left his clothes on the bed, and let the dishes pile up in the sink and then he left the front door open.

he didn't bother to say goodbye.

not in this life, but perhaps the next.

--

years later, after he starts seeing a therapist, eddie writes a letter to you.

a detailed apology, an acknowledgment of everything he did and should have done better, a request for a second chance, a plea to let him love you right.

a week later he gets mail.

his letter, unopened,

[return to sender.]

[miastideclock]

please take the boygroup sorter on biasorter.tumblr.com and post ur results, i'm so curious

bah, your wish is my command: lets get to it i would also like to add that these results are PURELY based off of how much of their music i listen to, i can't name a single person in half the groups here lmao

stray kids is anyone really surprised?? im not

bts same with this one, very much expected

seventeen also very predicted

the rose this surprised me a little bit ngl, but when i look over my playlists it checks out

shinwha i did NOT see this coming wth

shinee my guess was that shinee came over shinwha but here we are

block b i used to be a HARDCORE BBC but fell out of it almost as fast as i got into it and i have no idea why

winner they have some good party bops, but i don't listen to a lot of their slower songs

got7 same as block b, i was a massive fan few years ago, but now i barely listen to them?? i listen to jackson's songs a bit and im super excited for their comeback coming up!!

super junior y'all, their early music is my SHIT- nothing gets me going quite like some early 2000's bops

astro i haven't really kept up with them, but every now and then a song of theirs is reccomended either on tiktok or on spotify and i add it to my playlists

ateez i'm not gonna lie, they have some great tracks, but im deadass scared to get into them. they are intimidating as fUCK

nu'est i was a fairly big fan of them a while back, and it was mainly because of minhyun i watched produce 101 season 2 :)

pentagon their songs give me such summer-vibes, so whenever i need me a good pick me up, i blast their music and pretend its mid-july lmao

24k i listen to only a handful of their songs, but the few songs i listen to, i listen to like all the time hehehe

wanna one i was SUCH a big fan when they were promoting, and it absolutely shattered my heart when they 'disbanded', but its like they say, all good things come to an end :(

day6 they give me a sense of home when i listen to them, but i haven't been supporting them a lot as of recent

infinite there was a solid two month period in like 2016 where i would pretty much give my life for these men, but one day i just forgot they existed, so if i put my music on shuffle and their songs come on, i look like thats so raven, just zooming to a different point in time- its weird

ikon i never really informed myself on what happened with them and b.i. which is 100% my own fault, but ever since the incident i haven't listened to them. idk, it wasn't really on purpouse.

b.a.p i only listen to them during VERY special occasions. when me and my hometown friend are out driving at night during the summer, we always blast their music, it's become tradition by now

the link for the sorter here! let me know if our results are similar!!

-bennie♡

[ahiijny]

ok might change this last minute later on, but (tentatively) here's what I'm going with for now! It was really hard to narrow this down to only 10 and there are a bunch of others that I really wanted to include too...

but anyway here goes...

10. The Shining Needle Castle Sinking in the Air (x)

TH14, Stage 5 | Seija's stage theme

I actually haven't gotten around to playing DDC yet! So this track just caught my attention when I was having the music playing in the background while I was working on other stuff. It has a dark, looming, overwhelming kind of vibe.

The song starts out kinda ordinary and nothing too special, but the... er, higher pitched instruments (I'm not a music person sorry!! >_<;;) that come in starting at 0:42 it just reallly alfsgdjsgfkhdljfl REALLY GOOD atmosphere. I like it.

9. The Flower Like the Fantasy (x)

TH9, Ending

Okay maybe I'm biased bc PoFV is one of the few games I can actually reach the end on before running out of continues (this is on normal difficulty ^_^;;) so this is one of the few ending themes that I've actually come across a lot in-game.

I just really like the vibe of this one! It's not too light-hearted, but not super depressing either, it's just kind of. A somewhat melancholy mood. It really kind of pulls me in. It just feels immersive, somehow. Probably my favourite ending song. (Of the ones I know, anyway).

8. Mystic Oriental Dream ~ Ancient Temple (x)

TH7, Stage 5 | Youmu's stage theme

Very ghostly and atmospheric kind of vibe. I've listened to this one enough that I've gotten tired of it. But not really. Recently, when it came up in my music shuffle, I was like 'right that's going right into the top 10 vote then.' The nostalgia ufff. I love this theme so much.

7. The Dark Blowhole (x)

TH11, Stage 1 | Kisume's stage theme

Another dark, atmospheric kind of vibe. The beginning of a new adventure.

I've never actually gotten around to playing SA yet, so actually my first exposure to this theme was from that one meme video where Reimu's gohei kept getting longer with each passing game. This song immediately caught my attention as a super catchy theme.

With most songs, I need to listen to them a few times before I really start finding it catchy and liking it, but for this one in particular, it happened the first time. It's super catchy.

6. Higan Retour ~ Riverside View (x)

TH9 | Komachi's theme

This really is a slow burn kind of song. I didn't really think anything of this one at first, but after grinding this stage a bajillion times just trying to get past it, the theme kind of grew on me.

There are a lot of other songs I really adore from PoFV that I wish I could have included here as well, but as the penultimate stage, I feel like it stands out the most to me on a personal level, so here it goes.

(No offense to Shiki Eiki's stage theme. It's okay, but I like Komachi's theme a lot more ^_^;;)

5. Charming Domination ~ Who done it! (x)

TH7, Phantasm Stage

This is a song that I've never heard in game because I was unable to get that far ^_^;; So I discovered this one when I was letting the PCB soundtrack play in the background, and then when these stage themes came on, I was like 'ohhhh, this kinda slaps!'

Honestly there's not too much of a difference between this one and the other Charming Domination theme, so I chose this one bc it's from the later stage. Also the abrupt pauses are fun :3

4. The Magic Straw-hat Jizo (x)

TH16, Boss 4 | Narumi's boss theme

This theme is so epic!!!!! And I just love the way Narumi starts this fight in the game. Honestly this is the high point in HSiFS for me. After this boss it just goes downhill from there... (and I'm not saying that just because the stages afterwards are a lot harder and I usually run out of continues around Mai and Satono ^_^;;)

3. Swim in a Cherry Blossom-Colored Sea (x)

TH16, Stage 3 | Aunn's stage theme

This theme is just so atmospheric!!!! It just feels like spring, and I can almost see the cherry blossoms falling while listening to this theme. And it's so upbeat and happy and wholesome! Like Aunn!

Also I'm not a music person so I don't know what it's called when the music starts overlapping two note sequences of different rhythms and speeds at once starting at around 1:01 but I really love that part!

2. G Free (x)

Magical Astronomy, Track 7

This from one of the Hifuu Club albums, and this is one of my favourites. Honestly it might at least partially be influenced by the really cozy looking RenMerry scenery art that one of the uploaders on YouTube included with this song.

Very heavy, immersive kind of feel. I get impressions of night, dark skies, late autumn, Renko and Merry bundling up with slightly warmer clothing, biting winds, freefall.

1. Blue Sea of 53 Minutes (x)

Retrospective 53 Minutes, Track 2

Honestly most likely one of my all time favourite original Touhou tracks. I just really love the atmosphere in this one. The way you can hear the waves crashing in the distance.

Also I appreciate how there's a decent chunk of the song in the beginning at least without the ZUNpets. I love me some ZUNpets but having a good chunk of the song being more chill, down to earth instruments gives it a kind of different vibe, which is nice.

And as always, RenMerry are there ^_^

trying to narrow down which songs to put for the popularity vote

I went through all the albums and picked out the tracks that I recognize and really like, and now there are 119 of them o.o

it's so hard to choose only 10 >_<;;