#haven’t been able to hit the gym so peaking outside for silly little walk is the best i can do some days

[cloudboba]

going for a 15 min walk, telling myself through tears that ‘something is better than nothing’

[datingadviceonreddit]

I’ve seen a lot of posts asking for advice that end up having incredibly similar and sometimes preventable problems with the fascinating world of online dating.​I’m 28, female and have been using various dating sites with small successes for the last 7 years. I’ve gone from someone incredibly open minded about dating to realizing that I need to narrow down my focus, by a lot, if I want to find someone to fall in love with. I used to write a blog about my bad dates. I probably have enough material to write a book about online dating at this point. I thought I would jot down a few of the common mistakes or problem that people seem to be running into. Maybe all of my experience will make it a bit easier for someone else. I’m not an expert and I’m single currently so take this all with a grain of salt.​1) Tinder is the worst dating app out there if you are looking for real love.​Tinder is perfect for very pretty people with very interesting hobbies. It is the most look based dating app out there. It’s amazing for hookups and non-serious encounters. Of course there are people looking for their soulmate on Tinder and they may very well find them but that is going to be rare. You swipe based off looks and a headline blurb. It’s very hard to make yourself stand out on Tinder. You have one shot to make an impression. So if you aren’t having any success on Tinder, keep it but download another app. There is no rule saying you can’t have 15 different apps trying to meet people. As long as you're not overwhelmed, you do you. At my peak dating point I had Bumble, OKCupid and Tinder. The free apps are great and you can meet someone looking for similar things but if you are tired of the game and want someone who is as serious about it as you, you might need to pay for an app. If you are both paying for a service, the chances of them being more seriously focused is higher. Not always true, but try to tailor your app choice to what you are looking for. Just a hookup for a night? Tinder is perfect.​2) When the person you are talking to starts not responding as often or if you have to initiate every time and it’s like pulling teeth to have a conversation, they are not interested in you. Move on.​It sucks, I wish people would just tell you “Hey I’m not interested anymore” but that rarely happens. Yes, sometimes certain life circumstances do pop up. They can get busy with work or a personal emergency pops up, but at the end of the day if they aren’t making any effort to reciprocate or try to get to know you, you need to walk away. If you think they are losing interest and you don’t want to waste your time, ask if they are still interested. Rejection sucks but its dating so it comes with the territory. Better to find out sooner and focus your energies elsewhere. On the flip side of this, if you start losing interest, just fire off a “You just aren’t what I’m looking for” you don’t have to be mean or rude or point out specifics unless asked but give them the courtesy of telling them goodbye.​3) Be honest and upfront about what you want.​This seems silly but the amount of times I was willing to settle for less than what I was looking for because I liked the person is much higher than it should be. If you absolutely are looking for your soulmate and marriage is what you want as your end game you can absolutely say that. I wouldn’t necessarily lead with the ‘I want to get married within the next 3 years” but telling people on your profile that you are looking for a serious relationship only is a good first step to weeding out the people you wouldn’t end up marrying anyway. If you just want a hookup, make sure that’s apparent too. If someone tells you they just want a hookup, don’t expect anything more. If you do, that’s on you.​4) Stop taking rejection as personally as you are.​Before online dating we used to have to strike out in person. So we didn’t go after as many people as we do now. We have a surplus of options, at least at first glance. Now we have easy access to hundreds of profiles instantly. We can be pickier if we want and there still is a certain anonymity online. If we are stepping up to bat 50% more than we used to, the chances of us striking out also increase. That’s part of the give with online dating, you have more options but you still aren’t going to be able to win most of them. The thing about online dating is you are really looking through hundreds of profiles to connect with one person. Rejection sucks every time, but just as not everyone will be perfect for you, you won’t be perfect for everyone. So stop taking it as personally.​5) Online dating sucks for both sides. Guys have a harder time being given a chance and girls still have to fend off a ton of unwelcome offers/creeps.​I will admit when I was online dating I would get at least 10 messages a day, if not more. But out of those ten how many were worth responding to? Several would be hookup offers or something about a penis, some would be rude or sexual. It was rare to get a tailored message saying hi from someone who had actually read my profile. I responded mostly to those. Every girl is different but if you treat us like people we will treat you like people. There are exceptions to every rule, so if a girl is rude to you, move on.Girls, guys have to deal with bots and the pressure to continuously reach out. Generally they don’t have as many options and they aren’t bombarded with messages like we can be. I wouldn’t be willing to say online dating is worse for men or women but both definitely have some major pitfalls that are gender specific more than not. Online dating sucks for everyone, just in different ways.A good piece of advice is to read the profile, find what resonates with you about them and start from there. Don’t be pushy, if you wouldn’t say it to their face as a first interaction it probably isn’t going to be a good first message. Ladies, message men first too! If you see a guy you find intriguing send him a message! Never know what could happen.Give people a chance, they might surprise you.​6) Have realistic expectations.​Some people look like truck wrecks and have amazing personalities and some look like a perfect 10 and have the personality of a truck wreck. We all have a little truck wreck in us in some way, so expecting perfection from someone is just unrealistic and setting the encounter up for failure. Stop putting so much emphasis on just looks. Looks fade or don't hold up as much in person. There is so much more to people than their looks. I would rather have a guy who treated me nicely than a hot stud who looked amazing in photos but couldn't hold a conversation to save his life. I see a lot of people here saying they aren’t the most attractive person out there and they think that’s the sole reason they aren’t getting any dates, it probably isn't. Looks matter but so does everything else about you.​It sucks to be judged by your looks but that is the harsh reality of dating; lots and lots of instant judgement. If you look like Dick Cheney made love to a walrus or 2018 Lindsey Lohan mixed with a gorilla, you probably aren’t going home with Heidi Klum/Mr. Universe home but if that is your type and you absolutely will not talk to anyone less attractive then it’s on you if you keep getting rejected. If you are banking on getting lucky with one hot person saying yes, you probably aren’t going to get a ton of dates. By all means, aim higher than you think but don’t be surprised if you get rejected if you are continually going for people well out of your league.​7) Present yourself realistically and take pride in what you look like.​Looks absolutely matter (for better or worse) but your face and body are only so much. If you aren’t presenting yourself well then that’s almost more of an issue with being not generically attractive. The care you put into your appearance matters, wear nice clean clothes, take pride in your appearance. I’m not saying you have to lose the weight or go to the gym or spend hundreds of dollars on expensive clothing but make an effort. If you look like you got hit by a truck, you are wearing dirty wrinkled clothes and it looks like you haven’t brushed your hair in weeks, you probably aren’t going to be reeling in any fish. You don’t have to be physically attractive to look nice. If you are on the bigger side and not willing to lose the weight (it’s hard, absolutely no judgement from me) just be honest about it. You can't exactly hide it and attempts to do so just look worse. Don’t take ‘angle’ photos. Don’t use photos from when you were 20 lbs. lighter. You aren’t going to shock and awe someone with your personality if you lied about what you looked like in reality. If you are honest and up front about what you look like right now, people who ask you out or agree to go out with you aren’t going to be shocked when they see you. It hurts to be rejected based off appearance but it sucks to be lied to about what someone looked like.​8) Stop trying so hard.​There is a reason some of the most common things people will say is that they found someone when they weren’t looking. If you make finding a date your second job, it’s going to consume you. The rejection will hurt more and you’ll feel more discouraged because while you’re putting in so much effort you are still not meeting the one you want. A healthy balance is key in everything in life so it applies to online dating too. Have hobbies that matter and you are interested in. Devote time to friends, yourself and the life outside of dating. Once you have a steady person in your life you are still going to need hobbies and activities outside of this person.​If you have any specific questions or just want my take on something, I’m an open book and I’ll gladly try to help. Like I said, take all this with a grain of salt. None of these are rules by any means but guidelines to maybe help steer you in a better direction. Everyone is looking for something different and you might be exactly what someone is looking for as is, so if this helps you great, if this pisses you off and does nothing for you I'm sorry you wasted your time. Good luck out there. via /r/dating_advice