#have some cake and maybe a cup of cat biscuits to celebrate

[onse-chill]

Happy Gooseday everybody 🥳

[voiceless-terror]

And Many Happy Returns

a sequel (or companion piece) to Inseparable, my childhood friends AU. chapter 1 of 2.

“Next week?” Jon shrieks, slamming a hand down on his desk and startling the nearby students. “That’s not nearly enough time to prepare!”

Martin does that blinky-eye thing that means Jon’s being too loud, but he can’t help it! Martin’s turning eight in six days (less than a week!) and didn’t think to tell him. They’re best friends, he should know these things. He curses himself for not asking about this at the beginning of their relationship, when he was collecting Martin facts. Favorite color and book seemed more important at the time. 

And while Jon doesn’t think birthdays are that important, it’s still a fact he ought to have known. Well, his Nan doesn’t consider birthdays important. These past two birthdays he’s gotten one new (!) book and a dessert after dinner, but that’s about it. Nan doesn’t have money to spend on frivolous things, and Jon’s never needed much, but he wouldn’t mind a bit of fanfare. His mum always made sure he felt very loved- he got plenty of hugs, a fun cake, an outing where they would do his favorite things. But maybe that’s something only mums do. Nan, with her rare, stiff hugs and general stand-offishness was never one to put up much of a fuss.

“It’s not that big a deal,” Martin mutters, his pencil twitching in his hand as he refuses to meet Jon’s eyes. He doesn’t like it when Jon starts fretting about him. “We never do anything for it, anyway.”

Martin’s mum isn’t anything like Jon’s, that’s for sure. It’s not every day you turn eight. It’s a nice number, very even and divisible. Much better than boring old seven. When Jon turns eight, he’s going to get fifteen extra minutes added to his curfew, and he’ll be able to walk to the corner store all by himself. He’s already walked there several times, but it’ll be nice to have permission. That’s the real treat.

“So you’re not going to bring in cupcakes for the class?” he asks, remembering the last birthday they celebrated- it was Lydia’s, a quiet, unassuming girl that Jon doesn’t mind but also doesn’t think much about. As soon as Jon asks it, Martin gets that sad look in his eyes again, the kind that’s always followed by an “I’m sorry” or something equally nonsensical. Jon hates that he’s the cause of it, him and his stupid mouth. Think before you speak, that’s what Nan always says. She says that for most anything he talks about, though, so he takes her advice with a grain of salt.

He reaches out to pat Martin’s arm consolingly, giving him his best sympathetic head tilt. “It’s alright. I’ve never brought any in either. Just thought I’d check in case you needed help bringing them to school.” Jon’s not very good at carrying things, but for Martin he would make an attempt.

“That’s nice of you,” Martin replies, though it’s not really nice, it’s just a normal thing a friend would do. Jon’s read books about it, he ought to know. “But yeah. I don’t think Mum’s planning anything, much less making cupcakes. She’s really busy.” Martin’s always saying how busy his Mum is, but Jon’s pretty sure she doesn’t do half the things around the house that she’s supposed to. Martin already knows how to cook and make tea and do the laundry without hurting himself. It’s very admirable. The last time Jon attempted to do laundry, he flooded the cellar.

“Do you like cupcakes, though?” Jon asks, scooching closer to Martin’s desk. “Lydia’s mum brought some for her birthday, but they were all carrot cake. Blegh.” He makes an exaggerated face to get Martin to laugh. It works.

“Carrot cake’s not so bad,” Martin says, poking lightly at Jon’s hand with the eraser of his pencil. Jon flinches back dramatically, putting on his most wounded look. “You just don’t like it cause it has the word carrot in it.”

“I don’t like it cause it has actual carrots in it,” Jon sniffs, turning away from Martin to show his displeasure. He decides not to talk to him for the rest of the day, or at least until he has something else to say to him. He’s got a lot on his mind now, and he needs to be left alone with his thoughts. Besides, Martin will poke him again once he gets bored enough. 

Jon flips open the school planner that he’s never used for actual school work and starts to write. He’s got a birthday to plan, and he’s going to give Martin a Mrs. Sims birthday special.

______

It’s a Thursday, which means Martin can’t play on account of his many, many chores. Jon hates Thursdays.

But this time it works in his favor, as he’ll actually have time to plan without Martin thinking something’s up. Jon very rarely cancels on Martin; he’s his most important (and only) friend. But he does on occasion get a little mixed up. One time, he thought it was a Wednesday instead of Thursday, and wound up at Martin’s flat when he didn’t show up at the park. Martin was very nice about it, though, and gave him a cup of tea to ‘calm down’ to drink in the hallway, before he went home. Martin thinks a cup of tea is calming. It doesn’t really do much for Jon, but it is tasty, and Martin gives him extra sugar just the way he likes.

But today is most definitely a Thursday so he scurries on home, slamming the door open and screaming a greeting to Nan that goes unanswered.  She must be off at the shops, otherwise she’d be giving Jon an earful for being too loud. He kicks off his shoes and gazes at the picture of him and his mum on the wall. If his mum were here, she would know exactly what to do to make Martin’s birthday extra-special. But she’s not, and Martin’s mum seems like kind of a jerk, so it’s Jon’s responsibility. “I won’t let you down,” he solemnly tells her smiling face, and turns to take the steps two at a time.

After grabbing his planner and throwing his backpack into the corner,  he pulls out the chair to his messy homework desk, which is usually only used for doodling or writing stories or reading when he wants the activity to feel more official. He flips open his planner to next Wednesday, Martin’s birthday (!!!) and taps his pen impatiently against the page. 

What do birthdays need? Food. Presents. Happiness. The first two might be a bit difficult to pull off, considering his lack of money and cooking skills. Martin deserves a lot more than stale discount biscuits from the grocery. He can get those any day.

But a whole cake is going to be hard. If Nan won’t make one for Jon on his birthday, she most certainly won’t do it for ‘his little friend,’ even if she thinks he’s a good influence. Martin is always very quiet and polite when he sees her, and Nan always gives him a smile in return for his good manners. She doesn’t smile at Jon like that. He tamps down his jealousy and gets back to birthday thoughts.

He thinks he had a purple- or was it pink? - cake on his fifth. It saddens him that he can’t remember. He thinks he’d forget his own mother’s face if he didn’t look at it every morning and night. Memory’s fickle like that, as his Nan likes to say.

Maybe, if he’s very nice and good tonight, Nan will take him with her on the weekly shop and he can convince her to get Martin a cupcake, a good one. One that doesn’t have any carrots in it, even if Martin says they’re alright. He must like them so much because they’re orange, like his hair. Unsurprising. 

He stops wiggling in his chair and straightens his back, as if Nan can see him in his room right now. It’s good to practice, he thinks. If he can sit still all through dinner and not make a mess, she’ll come round. 

Next, an essential part of any birthday: a good present.

His mum never really showered him with gifts, but she always gave him something good, something from the heart. The last present he received - Augustus, an orange cat plushie- still sits on his bed. It’s kind of babyish to sleep with a stuffed animal at his age (or so Marcus declared during recess one day) but Jon doesn’t really care. It helps him sleep.

Unfortunately, Jon can’t buy Martin a stuffed cat. He doesn’t have much money except for what he’s found on the ground and in sofa cushions. And he’s supposed to give that to Nan if he finds it (which he does, mostly).

He could be creative. Make him something. Jon’s not very good at crafts, though. And he doesn’t have a lot of supplies. But he has almost a week to figure something out, minus the times he’s playing with Martin. Well, even then he can stare at him and hope it jogs a good idea.

Lastly, he’s got to make it the happiest, most special day he can. Martin should feel special all the time, but Jon knows how hard that is, especially when you go home and you’re lonely and it seems like you’re the least special person there is. But if Jon is very nice to him and makes the day as fun as possible, maybe he’ll be able to keep that happiness all night, even when Jon leaves. 

That’ll be the hardest part, Jon thinks. He’s not the type of person to make someone happy. Sigh in aggravation, maybe. Roll their eyes. But Martin does neither of those things, so Jon might have a chance. He’ll try and ‘tone it down,’ though. His Jon-ness can be too much at times, and he doesn’t want that to get in the way of what should be Martin’s day.

Everything’s going to be perfect. 

________

And then it’s Saturday, and Jon still doesn’t have a present for Martin. 

He somehow managed to get Nan to agree to the cupcake bit- he’d asked very politely, ate all of his dinner and didn’t spill a thing. Though he thinks it has more to do with her liking Martin. She always acts surprised when she sees him over, like she’s shocked Jon kept a friend for longer than a week. He’s not that bad. But Tuesday she promised to take him to the grocery with her, so it’s fine. One part of his plan is done.

But the present. 

Actually buying something is clearly out of the question- he already exhausted his Nan’s good will in that department. And Jon, for all his usual creativity, is plum out of ideas. He could give him one of his books, but he does that already without prompting. He doesn’t have any good toys, and Martin certainly isn’t getting his best pen, the one that glides real smoothly on the page.

“Are you alright?”

He’s been staring at Martin too long. “Of course,” Jon snaps. “I just like your shirt today, that’s all.”

Martin looks down at his worn t-shirt. It’s not Jon’s favorite, but it’s Martin’s, so he likes it. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome.”

They’re out in the woods behind Mr. Fletchley’s house to investigate what Jon thought was an ancient ruin but just turned out to be a couple of crumbling cinder blocks. It was an incredibly disappointing find, but Martin wasn’t discouraged.

“We don’t know where they came from, or why someone dumped them here,” he reasoned, a hand on Jon’s shoulder. “What if they were stolen? What if they’re part of a...a crime, or something?”

Jon doesn’t know what crime would need a cinder block, but he intends to find out. They’ve been walking down the relatively short path (it’s not so much woods as it is a cluster of trees) and haven’t seen anything suspicious, besides a few empty wrappers and a particularly sharp stick that Jon’s been whacking against the ground. He thinks it could’ve been used as a weapon.

“What are you going to do when you’re eight?” he asks, nudging Martin in the side. He hasn’t mentioned his birthday since the first time, so he’ll be in for a real treat come Wednesday. Jon just hopes he can think of something good in time.

“Mm, I don’t know.” Martin slows down to a mosey, and Jon tries to match his strides no matter how much he wants to jump ahead. Martin’s a real ‘slow down and sniff the flowers’ type of guy. Jon’s more of a ‘run ahead and accidentally trample them’ type. “Probably the same as I’m doing now. It’s not like it’s an important age. I can’t drive or anything like that.”

“It’s a very important age!” Jon insists, though he doesn’t have much to back that up. He’s mostly just excited because it’s Martin’s very first birthday with him. “You should look forward to something.”

“I dunno, I don’t want anything to change,” Martin says, his face going a little red as he stares at the ground. “I’d just like to spend more time with you. Have fun. That kind of stuff.”

Jon blinks. “We do that now, though.”

“Yeah. It’s the best.” Martin gives him a toothy grin, the kind that Jon puts away and thinks about later when he’s at dinner with Nan or getting ready in the morning. People don’t smile at him like that, only Martin. He does it all the time when Jon tells him a good joke, or shares his food, or passes him a particularly funny doodle.

And now Jon’s got the perfect idea for a present.

part 2

[survey--s]

317.

What was the last game you played?: On my phone, Klondike.

Is there anything going to get released soon that you're looking forward to?: Nah, I don’t really pay attention to things like that anymore. I don’t have any interest in going to the cinema or whatever nowadays, it’s just expensive.

Do you have a fan in the room you're in?: No.

How many candles do you own?: I own loads of those plain tealights and then I just use them in my wax burner. I probably have about 50+ different scents overall.

What's something you wish you liked but you don't? : Socialising.

Do you use a baby voice when talking to animals?: Sometimes yeah, depending on the animals involved.

Would you say your parents put too much pressure on you?: Yeah, especially my dad when I was younger. He was huge on academic achievement but didn’t really appreciate that not everyone wanted to go down the same route in life that he did.

What's for dinner today?: I have no idea yet. It’s not even midday.

Can you fall asleep easily or do you need something to help you sleep?: I don’t struggle to get to sleep in the first place, but if I wake up in the middle of the night then I do find it hard to get back to sleep sometimes.

What do you do when you get bored of sitting in the car a long time while on trips?: Not much. I get carsick really easily so I normally sleep or stare out of the window and listen to music. I can’t read or play on my phone without feeling or being sick.

What game did you play most as a kid?: Imaginary games or board games, mostly.

What's the best thing that's happened today?: I finally got a lie-in, hahah.

What about worst thing?: Nothing bad has happened today, really. I slept in, had breakfast in bed, had a coffee and a shower and watched TV lol.

Do you like the scent of gasoline?: I absolutely love it. I accidentally split some on my shoe the other day when I filled my car up and it smelt amazing, hahah. What's an odd smell you find pleasing?:  Well, that one really. Otherwise I’m not really sure.

How often do you visit Bzoink?: Never. I get all my surveys off other Tumblr sites.

Which cell phone network do you use?: I’m with o2.

What's something you've been made fun of for before?: Wearing glasses.

What is something you need to work on?: I don’t really know, but I to be honest, I don’t care enough to really work towards anything new right now, ha.

What movie or show has scared you the most?: The film “The Others” really freaked me out the first time I watched it lol. I think ‘cause it was so quiet and suspenseful and made you use your imagination a lot.

Would you rather have cake or ice cream? or ice cream cake?: Cake or ice-cream cake.

What is your style in clothing and would you like to change it?: Casual and comfortable, I suppose. I normally wear leggings and tunic tops or t-shirts, and maybe dresses occasionally. If I lived in a city or something it would probably be different, though.

Do you like the color yellow?: I do, but I wouldn’t wear yellow clothing..

Have you ever been to a drive in movie?: No, they don’t really exist here - the weather just isn’t set up for them lol.

When were you last in a body of water? (pools count): About two or three weeks ago when I went swimming in the sea.

What dead celebrity would you bring back if possible? why?: I have no idea.

Do you listen to gospel music?: No.

What do you think of Harry Styles? : I don’t really think of him, lol. His music is good enough.

Would you say your personality is naturally outgoing?: Nope, I’m the complete opposite.

Are you currently talking to anyone?: Nope.

What are you craving right now?: Nothing in particular.

What did you last order online?: Cat biscuits, lol. Very exciting, I know.

What's the weather like today? : It’s been absolutely pissing it down all morning. I’m glad I’m not working though we really do need the rain.

Do you know anyone in the military? : No.

Do you consume a lot of caffeine daily?: Normally 1-2 cups of coffee and a couple of cans of Pepsi - maybe an iced coffee as well in summer. I’m not sure if that’s a lot or not? lol.

Would you rather listen to rock or rap music?: Rock.

Have you told anyone you loved them today?: Just the cat lol.

Do you have any songs stuck in your head?: Not at this precise moment, lol.

What were you doing the last time 10am came around?: I was in bed drinking coffee and cuddling Toby cat.

What are you planning on doing a few hours from now?: Uh, I have absolutely no plans for today so whatever I feel like doing.

What's the best gift anyone could give you?: I mean, I’m always happy to get given money of some description.

Where did you get the top you're wearing?: George.

What was the price of gasoline the last time you saw it?: It’s gone down recently, thankfully. It was £1.82 or something last time I filled up.

What's something you have a strong opinion on?: Animal neglect.

Do you like watching scary movies?: No.

Which is closer.. your birthday or Christmas?: My birthday - it’s only two weeks before Christmas, though.

Do you keep your loose change in a piggy bank?: Nah, I pay any money I have into my bank. I never use cash anymore.

Are you planning on getting any tattoos or piercings soon?: Nope.

Do you like your middle name?: Yeah, I prefer it to my first name actually.

[mmjjbbaannkkss]

2020 March 8-14 Dod yn ôl at fy nghoed.

While the covid-19 is odd, it doesn’t scare me, there’s even a possibility that training until your immune system is low, for four years, and being around many viroids, that just taking a rest week, and eating the oranges nobody is buying, will be enough. Long post. I’m going to go to the gym to see if it’s open in a few days from now, but generally speaking, it’s time for a break. 

Yesterday, two days ago, I somehow jammed my outer wrist, and it’s an injury that can cause serious af problems later on; the ball of my left foot keeps getting cramps, after getting new shoes the ankle and perhaps posture improved, but it’s another worry; and my back, obliques, traps, all in knots, so the next phase of training is just walking and stretching and reading books outside. In the fresh air, in the park, laying down in the forest and inheriting what it has to offer. Playing outdoors builds immunity, the microbes and extremophiles we share with the planet will steer our evolution, this might just be an upgrade to the next immunity level on the way to Mars, and you can get the vaccine at PHARMACY when it’s ready. If you’re not already healthy. 

It was sad to see people with masks that don’t work buying things they don’t want, which is why I park across the pond at the supermarket Christmas eve and laff at them, today went to buy eggs, and panic buying had cans and tp empty, even tho like i keep telling the lefties, capitalism doesn’t stop just because the demand goes up, and they keep panicking anyway, site to store, distribution centers to home, wait in line, etc. All you’re doing is driving the price up.on yourself. I literally have libertarian prepper amounts of food, so this is rather Sodom and Gomorrah territory, and why I study the logics, the stoics, and the zenists. I do have to worry about mom’s cats, but again, capitalism isn’t stopping, i’d bet manufacturers are popping corks before the next quarter starts. 

Isometrics, outdoor cardio if you’re urban, calisthenics, are perfect options if you’re still aversive. I’m going to finally do my taijiquan, walk in the mornings, stretch outside, read books, actually enjoy my tea, and meditate. Food reduction is mandatory when not exercising, your calorie intake/expenditure, caloric deficit measures. I’m going into a cut, and so you don’t have to, meditate for hours on end. Eat small, meditate on my emotions and senses, controlling my metabolism with my mind, confronting how perceptions and emotions control me and resolving my fears of social anxiety, especially now. I’ll be sure to post my cutting diets and my carb-less fever dreams of the chocolate cake from Portal 2.

My ancestors lived on muddy rivers in homes dug right into the earth, this virus isn’t exactly neighboring raiders or attackers after our knee-high mud paradise. Wuhan closed it’s last makeshift hospitals. Be logical, don’t get emotional, or get emotional in a preworkout-fuled rampage IG story and fight locals for the crown of TP mountain. 

No I don’t want you to transmit, yes I want you, to look up the symptoms, and compare them to other viroid symptoms, yes you should look at the physicality of those getting it, and those who aren’t. Some of you may need perspective before causing fear. It’s been suggested to practice “social distancing” and my inner child is ROFL at the idea that I’m not already. I’ve been doing the Vulcan salute for 20 years, and now everybody tryna jack my steeze. I’m taking a week off, or more idk what the gym plans to do, and it only took a global crisis to trigger it. It’ll also allow time to see if I present any symptoms while not spreading disease. Practice hygiene and some civility will follow. LLAP

Celebrations Held at Wuhan’s Makeshift Hospitals After City Closes Them Down https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJLC1WInVzQ 

PS I’m going to post regular updates proving i’m not sick, not disproving that I’m not freaking out right before the zombie apocalypse, but just to post and inform to entertain your time, if i can figure out how to talk to the camera again, it always feels rehearsed so be kind.

>workouts/notes

Week 6 (mixed: heavy neg & fst pos)

#31 Heavy Push  

Treadmill 5 > Shldr Press *6/1030507090 > Lat Raise *6/10*4,15? > Hoist *6/35*3,50*3 > Chest press *6/507090110130150170- > Dips *8/6/666/66 > Pec Deck *8/100*3,115130145160175- > Smith Bench *6/100*3,150-1 > Tricep Machine *8/b mñn v e/prolly, 304560 > Pullover Press *8/50506060 > Twist *8/506070 > Treadmill 12, stairs 25-, 5

Shldrs wanted 20 more nice place tho, lat raise cld better but not sure if by cable or db; hoist idk if improved but feels better, where started doing double sets bc pwo, chest press finish low glycemic, dips above avg doubled ended bricked up biceps, smith bench should've pumped bricked hundo instead of 150, was a challenging final rep; pec deck finally in range reps worth repeating, quizás the pwo, a little warm; triceps would've been better at cables, pullover PR if I did them right; still weak left obliques, maybe I'll take up rock golf at the lake; 

Singularity's entire new album >>>>> https://youtu.be/eyirbcaGbC8 

A few days without legumes feels fine; we are the masses that can't park straight until mid May; 

½ L, 4 eggs, c rice; ½ L, sammich; veggie straws, gym, pwo ½ L, ½ L lite, ½ L water, done; veggie straws; 

#32 Lite Pull  

Treadmill 15 > Palms-In pulldown *7/7085100*3120*2 > DB 1-Arm Row *7/15202530355065 > Wide Lat pulldown *7/30*2,50*5 > Pulldown/over *7/30*3; > Shrug *7/60*3,100*3,150? > Row *7/100*7 > Delt Deck *7/15202530354250 > Preacher Curl *7/5050656580809595105105- > Straight Bar Curl *7/20303030404040- > 1-arm cable curl *7/15*3,20*3,25- > Treadmill 5

Chaz Cardigan, Not Okay

Defrosting windows. ½ L 30g whey; 4 eggs, 2 potato toast, ½ L+; 4 eggs, 2 potato toast; gym, 1 L pwo, veggie straws; c rice, 4 eggs; ½ c cottage cheese, mandarin, 2 bread, spinach artichoke dip, cheese, ½ L 30g whey;

#33 Heavy Legs 

Treadmill   15 > Mule *6/5050707090110130 > Horizon Press *6/1030507090110130150170190210- > Deadlift supine curl *6/60*5- > Hack Squat *6/x > Leg Ext *6/1030507090-1 > Leg Curl *8/305070 > Heel Raise *8/30507090110 > Side Bends *8/(2)152535506580100? > Chair Crunch *8/7590105120135 > Press crunch *8/ > Stairs 25, treadmill 5/2;

Bad session, mule stress, horizon press possible PR, deadlift/curl better, skipped hacks b/c possibly last week didn’t mend before retrain window //drove to officeplace for errand across shopping centers 5 min// leg ext better form maybe better reps, leg curl better depth, heel raise worse/cold, side bends PR get some, chair crunch improve better form, would like to do slower crunches, muscle confusion, almost press crunch, but was there way too long, circa packed start, weird wrist…

My right wrist or forearm has become stiff, inflexible at first, might have slept right palm left face and hyperextended it, idk so much, 

Everyone washing their hands, wiping down equipment, not jumping in front of me, brodin wut 

Svartport, Orbit Culture; After gym, grocery store, home, had crockpot chicken mediteraneano, ½ cup rice, ¼ L 15g whey, fell asleep; woke, ate a piece of cheese and another ¼ L, watched a show, back to sleep; however, none-not-theless, i’d only had breakfast and ½ L liquids before gymming, by the time i got home i was past hangry and into cold; 

C rice, ¼ lb gr beef, ½ L 30g whey; ¼ L 20g whey, $1 cashews, gym, 1 L +pwo, 1L electrolytes; chicken mediterraneo, rice; muffin and milk, slice of cheese; 

#34 Lite Push  c/lb/x >> FST 

Treadmill warmup > Shoulder Press *7/10303005507070 > Bb Raise *7/20*7 > Plate Lat Raise *7/10*7 > Incl BB Bench *7/60*7 > Chest press *7/50*3,70*3,90*3,110*3 > Crossover *7/20*7,25*7 > Pec Deck *7/100*7 > Pullover *7/x > Tri-bar tricep *7/15153030454560607575 > Twist *7/507090/x > Stairmill 25, treadmill 5/2

C rice, 4 eggs, ½ L 30g whey; 2 mandarins, ¼ L creatine/aminos, 1L pwo lite, 2 mandarins, ¼ L creatine, done; 1 country biscuit, ½ cup cottage cheese; ¾ med chicken bacon ranch pizza; piece of cheese

#35 Slow Pull   > Treadmill warm-up 15 > Lat Pulldown *6/305070 > Low Row *6/100*5 > High Row *6/35506580100- > Chin Up Palms In *6/666- > Facepull *6/202530355065 > Shrug *8/100*3,150*2- > EZ Curl *8/203030505050 > Cbl Curl 1-Arm *8/15152020 > Preacher 1-Arm *8/15153030454560-60-1 > Twist *8/ > Stairs 25, treadmill 5/2

Cup of rice, 4 eggs, 1/2L 30g whey; fries and 2 cups coffee; Angus burger; pause, 

#36 FST Legs > /halt