#have an appetite anymore. pretty bad for my ed but i need to have money ��😃

[gojuo]

fomo on ff7 rebirth hitting hard bc im too busy in life to play games right now + i made a promise to myself to never buy games at full price ever again

[beepbeeprichiellc]

Hey! If you could write anymore of the best friend’s brother au with Stan and Eddie as brothers I would love to read it!!!

Yes I can. Part One. 

Richie had never seen someone so pissed off in his life.

Sure there was that one time he had stolen Wentworth’s keys to take Betty Ripson to make out point, which ended with the loss of his virginity but even then there was a glimmer of knowing amusement in his father’s eyes when amidst the scorning. Now though-he knew that what honest and true annoyance looked like as Stan shot him the dirtiest look ever known to man. Mrs. Uris was cooing about having someone other than Mike over, practically fawning over the fact that Stan had more than one friend-not that the woman knew that Mike wasn’t exactly Stan’s ‘friend’-and asking him all about himself. Richie was in love with this, giving him something other than Stan’s annoyance to keep his attention.

Not that Eddie was giving Mrs. Uris a run for her money.

All he was doing was sitting there, in a school hodie and the same pair of sweats that had nearly given Richie an aneurysm earlier. Looking closer Richie realized that Eddie was an angel in disguise, his features soft and tangible, his voice like bells and every time he looked in Richie’s direction the air in the trashmouths lungs vanished. This was probably apparent to everyone except the parents, giving that Stan constantly growled out his answers and Eddie smirked when he did so.

“Yeah, my dad is a dentist and my mom stays at home. Although she has become quite a master of needle point here lately.”

“A dentist, that’s pretty neat.” Mrs. Uris replied, apparently fascinated with every word Richie spoke. “That must be why you are so polite, dentists always have polite kids.”

“How many dentist kids do you know there Andrea?” Mr. Uris asked, chuckling to himself. “Do you go around grading childrens politeness based on their parents occupation?”

Eddie snorted, nearly choking on his food in the process. “Sorry,” He sputtered out. “Went down the wrong tube.”

“Right,” Stan nipped, “And I’m Johnny Depp.”

“I didn’t know the Depp man was Jewish.” Richie playfully pointed out, earning a small chuckle from Eddie, causing the trashmouth’s heart to skip a beat. “You’d think they’d advertise that.”

“Anyways,” Mrs. Uris ushered, trying to keep her son form jumping from his chair and strangling Richie. “What are your hobbies Richie? Do you play any sports?”

“Oh god no.” He chuckled, earning an unimpressed look from Eddie. “I mean no offense but I’m not the most graceful person in the world.”

“I don’t know, have you ever seen Stan play any sport? It’s like watching a newborn calf walk.” Eddie laughed at his own joke, forcing Stan to toss his roll right into his chest. “Hey now, the truth hurts Stanley.”

“Now boys.” Mr. Uris warned, making both children halt their actions and mutter an apology under their breath. “Eddie her is on the track team at Saint Ann’s, they are expecting him to take state.” It was a brag, no doubt about it making Mr. Uris’s chest puff out and his wife smile. “Stan is set for an academic scholarship so both of the boys are looking at only the best colleges. A good extra curricular activity is good for you Richie, you should look into taking up something even if it’s like the chess team.”

“Richie is in the drama club.” Stan blurted, making Richie’s ears burn. “The president even, I think.”

“Wow.” Eddie whistled, coming to Richie’s defense. “That’s about as cool as Stan’s bird club.”

“Alright you know what Kasbrak?” Stan shot back, pointing his fork right at his brother. “If you wanna go there we can go there, remember that I have pictures of you with that stupid fanny pack on. Want me to bring those bad boys out?”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Eddie hissed, narrowing his eyes.

Stan licked his lips. “Try me big boy.”

“Kasbrak?” Richie asked, the name sparking a memory in his brain. “Wait, are you related to Crazy Kaspbrak that lives down on 2nd?” The entire room went tense, making Richie realize his mistake immediately. The Uris’s became fascinated by their plates as Stan shoved his fork into Richie’s thigh. “Oh shit, I didn’t mean to-”

“I didn’t know Sonia had a nickname.” Eddie chuckled, his face twisting into an unreadable emotion. “Why didn't’ you tell me Stan?”

“It wasn’t something I thought you would be impressed with.” Stan quipped, staring down an already shrinking Richie. “It’s just a dumb name some kids gave her Eddie, no one thinks-”

“It’s fine.” Eddie cut, shaking his head. When his brother tried to speak again, he would have none of it. “Stan, it’s fine, really.” Looking at Richie he continued, “Sonia is my mother, although she’s nothing more than a birther to me.”

“Eddie…” Mr. Uris whispered softly, reaching out to his adoptive son but faltering when the phone began to ring from the kitchen. For a moment it looked like he was going to ignore it, but politeness won over as he pulled from the table and disappeared from the room. His voice still carried, the moment the person on the other line spoke, all politeness vanished. “I told you not to call here again.” Pause, “No, he doesn’t want to-”

Eddie sighed, rolling his eyes and excusing himself to go to Mr. Uris aid. His voice was much louder, much sharper and borderline pissy. “I told you not to call here again Sonia.” The name like venom to the dinner table. Stan looked sympathetic to Richie for the first time since his arrival, biting his lip and closing his eyes. “I don’t care what your therapist says, stop trying to contact me. You know what the judge said, I don’t have to put up with this bullshit anymore.” A very long pause, followed by. “Call here again and I’ll call the cops.” The slam of the phone caused everyone to flinch, their eyes advertising Eddie as he walked into the room.  Eddie cleared his throat, making the parents look up. “Can I please be excused from dinner? I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Eddie, are you okay?” Mrs. Uris soothed, her eyes soft and inviting.

“I’m fine.” He assured, “Just tired.”

“Alright.” She replied, obviously unconvinced. “Goodnight son.”

“Goodnight.” His eyes lifted once more to meet Richie’s and a shiver ran down the trasmouths spine, settling down at the pace of his hip making him buzz. Once gone conversation lagged until it was over, and Richie was relieved when he and Stan could go back to their homework, although Richie’s mind kept wandering to the room next to Stan’s, ACDC blaring form it’s walls.

It was well past midnight before Richie realized Stan had actually passed out sitting upright. His mouth hung open, a deep breath coming from his lips. It wasn’t that Richie wasn’t impressed-because he was-it was that he knew how pissed he was going to be when he woke so to make sure he didn’t kink up his neck too bad, Richie literally tucked him. Once that was done he picked up the books and paper, careful not to disturb other things that Stan himself had organized. With a need for a cigarette making him itch.

Knowing that he had to be sneay, Richie chose the backyard for his secret smoke, careful not to make a single creek aas he snuck out. It was a relief, feeling the nicotine touch his lungs and he thanked every deity for whoever invented the damn cancer sticks. It was calm out here, Derry was fast asleep as well as it’s residences. A sweet release that only a cool night could bring and an easy feeling that a good breath provided. Richie was at peace.

“You know those things kill right?”

Richie nearly jumped out of his skin, obviously not expecting the sudden voice. It was Eddie, sitting on the porch swing, silently swaying to and fro. How in the hell Richie hadn’t noticed him was beyond him but there he was, in all his angelic glory. “Fuck, I didn’t know anyone was awake. I’m not-uh-this isn’t-”

“Calm down, I don’t care that you smoke.” Eddie reassured, waving away Richie’s fear of being outed. “Did mean to scare you, sorry about that.” He didn’t sound one bit sorry, his smirk an indication of his amusement. “What are you doing up? Isn’t Stan’s bedtime like nine o’clock?”

Richie chuckled, “Yeah, he straight up passed out while writing. Not a night owl is he?”

“Never has been.” Eddie nodded, “Does have a tendency of waking up early though. It’s super annoying.”

“Hmm.” He hummed in response, taking in the last drag before flicking the bud onto the ground and stomping on it. “And what about you? What are you doing awake this late?”

“I don’t sleep much.” Eddie shrugged, crossing his legs. “Come out for fresh air when I’ve got a got alot on my my mind.”

“What what do you have on your pretty little mind Eds?” The nickname just slipped out, tumbling down his front before falling between them with no grace whatsoever. He thought about taking it back but it stuck with him, Eds. His Eds.

“That’s not my name.” Eddie corrected, rolling his eyes. “Eddie already is a nickname dumbass.”

“I like it.” He admitted. “And that’s not really an answer.”

Eddie sat there for a moment, squinting his eyes and pursing his lips. “I’ll tell you what,” He sange, standing from the swing and strolling towards where Richie stood. “I’ll tell you what’s on my mind if you take a walk with me.”

“A walk?” He repeated, raising an eyebrow. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“Hmm.” Eddie passed by him, turning so that he was walking towards the gate backwards, his sparkling eyes inviting the trashmouth to join in the sins that the night held. “So it is.”

“Wait, what are you-”

“Come on Richie, where is your sense of fun?” Eddie playfully jested, licing his lips and pushing open the exit with his hip.

Richie knew Stan’s rule.

Knew what he had promised.

But those eyes, that smirk, it called to him in a way that couldn’t be ignored. It was an invitation, a sudden need to fulfill any of  Eddie’s request that made Richie want to run head first through that gate. Somewhere deep down he knew that it would only cause his best friend to scold him in the morning but that was hours away, which right at that moment felt like a century. There was no use in arguing, which is why Richie followed, his heart leading him out into the streets and into the unknown.

Eddie fucking Kaspbrak, Richie thought, you are going to be the death of me.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Where is your favorite place to get fries? McDonald’s, I guess. What is the most recent article of clothing you’ve purchased? A shirt and hoodie from Disneyland.  Have you ever paid for anything with a cheque (check)? Nope. Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? No. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No.

Who was the last person you had an in-depth conversation with? My mom.

Are there any waterfalls nearby? No, you’d have to go a few hours away.  What was the last food item you ate? Ramen. What are your earliest memories of going to see a doctor? I’ve been seeing doctors regularly ever since my accident at 7 months that made me a paraplegic. I spent a looooot of time at doctor appointments and hospitals.  Can you hear traffic right now? Nope. Have you ever pulled a muscle? Yes. What did you do last weekend? Laid around and did my usual things like I do everyday. What is your favorite gaming console? Nintendo Switch. Have you kissed someone today? Nope. What is your favorite condiment? Ranch with just about everything. Olive oil with my sandwiches, and my pizza in addition to the ranch. Do you have a strong opinion for or against Justin Bieber? I like some of his music. Have you used a telephone today? I use my phone all the time for the apps. I rarely use it for its main intended use. Do you prefer coffee or tea? Coffee, always. Have you taken a painkiller today? Yeah. I’m on a pain management regimen. How many theaters does the closest cinema from your house have? I’m not sure. Do you always have a stock of alcohol in your house? Yeah.  Have you ever had a pumpkin latte and if so, did you like it? Ew, no. Have you had a nap today? No, but it’s only been today for 10 minutes. Is there an antique store in your town or city? Yeah, we have a few. Have you ever been to a baby shower? Yep, a few. Are you currently in a relationship? If so, do you think it will last? No. Do you have a hyphenate name or know anyone with one? (eg. Carter-Brown) Nope. What would you wear if you were being taken out to dinner tonight? I’d have to wear jeans and a nice shirt cause that’s all I got. I’d probably add my pleather jacket, too.  What were the last shoes you wore? My Adidas of course. Who cooks most of the meals in your household? My parents and brother. I don’t cook except for my bowl of ramen I like to have every night. Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? No. Have you ever had a mojito? Yeah. Do you take your Christmas decorations down before or after New Years? The decorations in my room are still up. :X As for the rest of the house, we take them and the tree down like a week after New Year’s. What is the first thing you do when you get online? For the past 6 weeks I’ve been doing the stuff for my online Bible study. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? I’ve never had a real relationship. Have you ever been camping in the wilderness? Nooo. I have no interest in doing so. Do you have any money on you right now? Yeah. Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? Ugh, very. It’s actually very annoying. It’s not even just pickiness, it’s also appetite and other issues that make it so I can’t eat certain things. Have you made a large purchase today? No. What was the last candy you ate? I don’t remember. It’s been awhile since I’ve had any candy. How often do you eat Subway? I haven’t had Subway in years. Have you ever lived in a house with a pool in the yard? No. What color is your toothbrush? White and blue. Do you have gluten intolerance or anyone who does? Nope. Have you ever cried while watching a movie? Yeah. I’m not one who usually cries during a movie, but there’s been a few that got me. First thing that catches your eye when you look out the nearest window? It’s 12:16AM, it’s completely dark out. Have you ever had a migraine? I don’t think I’ve ever had a migraine, but I get really bad tension headaches. I can’t take anything for it either, so I have to just ride it out. It’s horrible. A cold wash cloth over my eyes helps a little, though. And sleep.  Do you have a gym membership? Nope. Have you locked your front door today? It’s always locked. Have you ever slept in a car overnight? During long car rides. Have you washed the dishes today? I don’t wash the dishes. I just rinse off whatever I use. Have you ever fainted? No. Have you been awake before sunrise today? Well, yeah seeing how it’s after midnight. When was the last time you went to the bank? It’s been awhile. Do you avoid conflict as much as possible? I try to avoid it at every cost. Have you ever used a leaf blower? No. You see someone running around naked in the street. Your reaction? I’d be like, uh...wtf?? I’d wonder what was going on. Have you hugged anybody today? No. Who called you last? My mom. Have you ever been to Mexico? Yes. Has someone close to you died of murder? Yes, one of my uncles. :( Do you cry easily? “They call me crybaby, crybaby...” Do you have any drugs in your bedroom? No. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? Um, that was dad...that’s a HELL no. Does your school offer driver’s ed? I’m done with school. Do you abbreviate when you text? The only abbreviations I use are “lol”, “wth”, and “wtf.”  Did you ever have sex with your ex after you broke up? Virgin. Have you ever given up something you really wanted? Yes. When’s the last time you did laundry? It just got done yesterday. Do you recycle? We recycle plastic bottles.  Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers? With some things, but whatever ya’ll know I overshare and it ain’t pretty.  Do you pray to God often? I want to spend more time doing so. It’s something I’m working on.  Have you ever done volunteering work abroad? No. Can you stand spicy foods? Not anymore. D: I used to love spicy foods. Is anyone in the room on the phone right now? It’s just me in here and no I’m not on the phone. How good are you in terms of ‘saving up’ money? I can do it if I really need to for a trip or Christmas. The rest of the year I sometimes get a little too carried away. I’m trying to cut back... I really don’t need any more clothes, but damnit Hot Topic and BoxLunch really tempt me. Do you currently need the toilet right now? Uh, no I’m okay thanks. Do you have a shower stall or a bath tub? We have a bath tub with a shower head. Have you been to the beach this year? Not yet. I’m sure we’ll go a few times this summer. When did you graduate high school? 2008. Can you read HTML code? I only know the very basics. Does a blizzard from Dairy Queen sound good right now? Nah. Do you drink diet pop? I don’t really drink soda at all anymore. Do you like the taste of cough syrup? Blech, no. How many people did you hang out with today? No one so far. It’s 12:30 in the morning and my family is asleep. How much money did you spend today, and on what? None so far. When’s the last time you were high/drunk? 7 years ago. What are you doing tomorrow? Nothing. Who is the person you often go to for venting? I tend to save that for surveys and/or Twitter.  Why do you do these surveys? I like doing them. I like that it gives me a place to vent and ramble when I want to. Have you spoken to your mother today? Not yet. Like I said, it’s after midnight and my family is asleep.

Do you have current feelings for anybody? I don’t have romantic feelings for anyone currently, no.

[absolutezrodeg]

I know I don’t post but I should

I want to get this off my chest... about a lot of things... also some trigger warnings about some ed stuff and depression related stuff and transphobia and probably some other messed up crap

1. Within the past year I’ve realized I’m trans... and currently I live in a pretty conservative area, so I just mainly wear a binder and try to go unnoticed. However, as liberal as my family is they draw the line at being trans, I even remember the time during my freshman year, I was in a class with trans guy and though he was so cool, when I brought him up, and I can’t remember if I told my mom about the teacher for that class, who was extremely transphobic, but she said right to my face she doesn’t ever want me to be trans... it didn’t sound like something you’d say meaning you don’t want someone to suffer through that. And that’s not even all of it, before I moved to where I am now, my mom and grandma took my shopping we stopped at a cafè for some coffee and when we sat down almost immediately they started going off about how trans people can never be happy and they’re just mutilating their bodies, I felt sick to my stomach

2 . More on the shitty family life I have. For much of my life my family has gaslit and just been overall been just shitty to me. When it comes to my dad, who refuses to ever apologize for a single thing he’s done to me, even when I broke my arm... which it took him over 24 hours and constant pestering from me for him to take me to the ER where they had to do x-rays and confirmed that I literally BROKE MY ARM! I’m pretty certain he didn’t even apologize for not listening to me the whole time. Amongst some other things my dad has done, that I don’t particularly remember, but if me, my brother, my stepmom, stepsister, and dad went out together, occasionally he wouldn’t feed my brother and I If our mom didn’t give us enough money... recently I decided to have next to no contact with my dad, the only condition he has to meet if he wants me to talk to him again is pretty easy, give an honest fucking apology. But because of this he had my 80 y/o grandma with cancer to be a middle man, but seriously you shouldn’t be stressing out a woman in her position, you just don’t. But it doesn’t stop there! He decides that he should completely victimize himself and make me the bad guy whose done everything wrong imaginable (over exaggeration obviously) but just if he kept it between him and I fine, but I draw the line at getting my grandma involved, especially considering her health. Then I general my whole family doesn’t want to believe a single thing that comes out of my mouth, in the past I’ve said pretty damn open about liking girls and never having a crush on girls, yet still without fail, my mom, whose heard the most of it, still believes I’m gonna settle down with a man in a few years and have some kids... the mere idea of being pregnant makes me prefer death. For a short period I was trying to over do femininity and my whole family refused to acknowledge is uncomfortable I was.

3. I’m pretty certain for a large portion of my life I’ve probably been suffering through an eating disorder, I was able to push through when I lived with my mom, cause I knew she’d be mad, so for the last 6-7 years I’ve been forcing myself to eat, I have next to no motivation to eat full meals anymore, especially when things get out of hand, I feel guilty for eating, like I need to be punished... I just always feel like shit, like I don’t deserve any of what I get...

4. More on my mental health bullshit, when my potential ed really started up was about a year into taking ADHD meds, which if you don’t know suppresses your appetite and makes it increasingly hard to sleep. Anyways while I was on those meds, I could only sleep about 2-4 hours a night, gave me a lot of migraines and now have damaged vision, and that lack of sleep really fucked my mental health, which again my whole family ignored... that lack of sleep induced a pretty average case of depression, however there was something else, thanks to this lack of sleep... I kept having these dilusional moments where I became momentarily convinced that my body is just a very slowly rotting corpse that my soul is just somehow possessing...

I’ve been trying to get the chance to see therapist, and I’m trying to get to a point where I can get away for all this toxic stuff in my life...