#hate how my cats wake me up at 5:30am and then again at 6am for second breakfast

[selfconsciousfangirl]

The thing I hate the most of being awake this late at night/early in the morning (thanks a lot, cats), is that I worry about being unable to go back to sleep, which in turn makes it hard for me to go back to sleep, which stresses me out even more. I wish I could just take a pill, roll over and wake up in a few hours, feeling fresh and rested.

Also, the chirping birds. Delightful creatures, to be sure, but I’m trying to sleep here. You guys aren’t helping. It’s summer, which means I must sleep with my windows open wide or suffocate, which means I can hear traffic and if you thought there wouldn’t be much traffic at 6am you’d be wrong :/

Please recommend me music/videos/anything to help me go back to sleep

[blablabrat]

27

Yesterday was my 27th. I am nearing the end of my mid 20s and I hate it. But this isn't a rant. I actually want to remember my 27th birthday as it was much more pleasing than what I had expected. I didn't have expectations actually, because of all the Covd19 chaos and my busy daily schedule, I had been too tired to plan for a celebration or to think about it at all. I only prepared to order some steak and burgers for a nice warm dinner at home with my mom and sister. It was just gonna be a small simple dinner, but I guess I needed a reminder that I was a little more special than I thought. Yesterday was a very nice reminder. I have to be in the office at 6am everyday, so I usually wake up around 5:30am. My alarm clock is set at 4:30 to make sure I get the fuck up lol. Still, I manage to be late almost everytime. Yesterday my mom and sister got up at 5am just to wake me up with the happy birthday song and brought me breakfast in bed. It was really sweet and I enjoyed waking up to that. It was funny because they were laughing and singing and dancing at 5am in the morning, you wouldn't even remember how early it was with all the energy they were bringing into the room. But it was funny because while I was eating the egghead, they finished singing and dancing at this point and were just sitting on my bed watching me eat and I couldn't help but laugh out loud because it seemed that their sleepiness had finally hit them again, and they were just staring into space. both of them. lol. I laughed and told them they could go back to sleep haha, and they laughed too because they realized how quick the energy de-escalated. lol. It was a good start to the day. I got to work, 15minutes late as usual, on my bike. It was cloudy but not enough to rain so that was good. As I got off my bike and walked to the office it started to seem like another regular day, which is what I expected anyway, but when I entered the office, there it was again. The birthday vibe was in the air. My computer was turned on for me (which usually I have to do myself and takes about 10 minutes to load) and there were 2 paper bags on my desk. 1 bag with brownies and another with a gift from my team. It was very touching and I was thrilled because I didn't think they would be aware of my birthday. I was really happy, and I really appreciated the effort. Inside the gift bag were 2 bottles, both cleaning formulas for my motorcycle. They know me so well, I was ecstatic. and the brownies were such a nice touch and good substitute for a cake actually. They all greeted me a happy birthday and by that time I had realized that I had really good co-workers. They actually cared haha. I feel very lucky to have them, even though we spent most of my first year at work not really talking to each other lol. I guess we have all grown on eachother ever since we got back to the office in July. Funny thing is, we're closer now that we sit one seat apart than we were when we were sitting next to eachother. Ironic huh. Anyway, it was nice. I ordered 2 pizzas for the whole office to show my appreciation as well, since the total of people in the office are only 11 lol, wasn't too hard or expensive.  My boss also gave me a popsicle to celebrate haha. Kids stuff I know, but it was nice too. I got dismissed 30 minutes earlier than my usual time off, and was able to get to big house at about 3pm and waited for my orders there. The steak and burger. While I was waiting I got my motorcycle checked by my cousin, who confirmed my suspicion that something was wrong with it because it wobbled while I drove. He took it for a test drive to double check, and while I waited for him too, I went to the back yard where my other cousin was doing some gardening and feeding his fish, he gave me some of his fresh produce (Pechay) which were ridiculously aesthetic. They looked like they came out for a photoshoot or something. It was so satisfying to look at and pluck off the ground. They looked perfect. After that, my uncle finally came with the beef that I ordered, and after some chit chat with my mechanic cousin I headed home. I was about an hour late so I knew my mom and sister were probably pacing around waiting for me. When I got home I was right haha, it was really quiet as I entered the house, suspiciously quiet. When I opened my room door, that was the queue for the happy birthday music and my sister and mom started dancing again and singing happy birthday. There were a few decorations and a cake for me to blow out, it was really small and simple but I really really enjoyed every second of it. I blew out my candles and my mom took the steak to start cooking. I was getting greetings all day in person and on social media, it was unexpected because I try to not be too loud about my birthday but since the cat was out of the bag already, I went ahead and posted some pictures and videos of some of the nice things I got today. My mom and sister got me some presents and they were all great, especially the cards lol. The birthday greeting cards were amazing. one of them read, “Smart, thoughtful, and good looking, but enough about us. Today is about you. Happy birthday.” LOL. I gotta admit this one made me laugh, and another greeting card from my sister read, “Thank you for always being older than me, Love,Dasha” How freakin’ sweet is that. haha. I don’t know why but I am happy they didn’t do or write anything cheesy. It was all laughs from there. I opened my presents and got 2 sets of “Dasters” I’m actually looking forward to using them. And another gift - 3 packs of medical facemasks lol good one, and the last gift, by far my most favorite and best freakin’ gift in a long time... My mom and sister got me Kush. That’s right. M mothafuckin’ J. I went wild, I was super happy, still am actually. Can’t wait to try it out with them. Lastly, my boyfriend and I video called for a bit and he revealed his gifts to me via video call. He’s in Baguio so it was hard not to see him specially on my birthday but he made sure I wouldn’t be sad about it that day. He got me 5 gifts, because my birthday is Aug “5th” lol, I’ve never had that done for me before so I was ecstatic to find out what he got me. He’s actually really good at getting gifts.And I was right, he got me almost all the things listed on my shopping cart lol, literally. I don’t know how I got so lucky. Here’s what he got me:

Vlog lapel mic for my action cam

light reflector for photoshoots

SSD storage for my PC

Logitech webcam for my pc

3 sets of Des Buncio’s facemask + 1 eye shield

1 whole set of accesories for my action cam

Dude he got me more than 5 gifts, I was overwhelmed af. I didn’t know which ones to be more excited about! Like I was lost for words, I was so happy that I didn’t know what to say or what to do, like I was going into shock lol. 

I have such a good boyfriend for once. I realized that he knew me so well, that he got all his gifts right. I mean like, they are all literally useful to me. I was always meaning to buy them myself but I just kept putting them off, and he finally got them for me. haha, the day could not be more perfect. 

The day was great. By far one of the best birthdays I have had in a long time. Even if I didn’t get to spend it with him as well, he made it clear that he was still there. 

That’s all, I just wanted to put this out there so I could read this on my future shitty birthdays and remember this one perfect birthday, for one day, I forgot about the pandemic, I forgot about all the problems, I forgot about everything negative and I was just really truly happy. 

[thomaspredestined-blog]

“The Only Way I Could Talk To God Was Through Profanity.”

5:30am.

Play on my phone for 30 minutes, pretending that I’ll have more notifications.  Pretending that I will have digitally saved a soul through regurgitated theological insights on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr.

6am.

Wake up.  Start water to boil for coffee.  Start breakfast.  Make coffee.  Eat breakfast.  Head to the patio with pipe and lighter.  Smoke while it rains.  Drink coffee while it rains.  Check notifications again.

7am.

Shave with Levi the Poet playing via Bluetooth speaker in the bathroom.  My wife is still sleeping.  We fought last night.  Pretend that fighting with her isn’t a sin.  Pretend harmony exists within these four walls.  Shrug off conviction.

7:30am.

Cry in the shower, realizing how broken you are.  Realizing the peace you felt yesterday at this time is something you will have to fight for daily.  Do not ignore the hurt.  Do not ignore the pain.  Do not bottle it up, push it down.  Do not.

8am.

Love your wife.  As Christ loves the Church.  Forgive her.  Forgive yourself.  Remember that moments are not promised one to the next.  Speak in cliches about life and love and wedded bliss.  Convict me, again.

8:30am.

See her walk naked from bathroom to bedroom with a smile.  Hear her laugh at one of your four cats.  Remember to love her.  Always.  Remember to fight for peace and for her.  Remember to submit.  Remember to always, always put her before you.  The oxygen masks are upside down and you need to save her first.  

9am.

Love her as she’s late.  As she’s making you late.  Forgive her.  Let it go.  Let yourself go.  Love her.  Love yourself.  

10am.

Pray over each table as you set up the chairs for work.  It’s a bar.  Love it.  Love those you hate.  The pretentious clientele making their way to, or from, class, getting a degree that they’ll never use.  You have an hour.  Make it count.  Find peace.  Hold on to it.  Turn the panini presses on.  Pray over them.  Make coffee.  Pray over it.  Check your phone for notifications.  Pray that you stop it.  Be present and in prayer.  Make sure the sandwich cart is stocked and the beer cheese is made.  Pray over them.

11am.

The bar is open.  You’re at the end of it.  Surfing the internet for new movies to torrent.  Checking social media for likes, hearts, affirmations that you’re on the right track of spiritual growth.  Checking email in hopes that the island comes true.  Be in prayer for that position.  Be in prayer for your life and your wife.  

12pm.

Let it all go.  Stop fighting.  Stop holding.  Stop planning.  Stop.  Let things be what they’ll be.  Grow.  Pray.  Live in the moment and do not project into the next.  Be.  Be still and be here and be present and be now.