#hashtag . idk anymore I'm rambling

[crushingcasanova]

am I ... normal.

[faceeeeee]

Yoooo I heard my little pony: friendship is magic, is going to have a new season after years of ending!!!!! Featuring this new character as the main antagonist of the first two new episodes!!!! Wonder what it will be his name ngl 👀👀👀

Sorry if you have to see this abomination, I've wanted to draw your funny Robtop design for a few weeks but... idk how to draw him yet so I had to ponify him... plus I have been into a lot of mlp related stuff lately so like

I hope that's okay for you </3 and happy april fools lol! (At least here)

I HAD TO GRAB THE EDGE OF THE TABLE CAUSE I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES HAHEAAHFTYFGRXUDJFYDFH IT'S PERFECT IT'S PERFECT IT'S PERFECT!!!!! Funny that you drew him as a pony cause mlp was one of the main reasons I got into art at all so this is coming full circle for me AND HIM BEING AN ANTAGONIST it makes me want to unironically make a fake screenshot KYRWUKKETFYGE IT'S SO GOOD THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUU this made me kick my feet back and forth and giggle.

I really had to draw pony Rubrub cause how could you not?????

[leopardom]

i thought i wouldn't end up making one of those sappy posts before the end of 2023 but here we are i guess

what i wanna say in advance is a huge thank you, and that i'm sorry

this year has been a nightmare for me and i can't stress that word enough. i won't get into details, if you follow me you may have seen some occassional rant posts. long story short though, i'm ending 2023 being mentally exhausted af and even though i'm not in my most optimistic mood, i hope 2024 will not as shitty as 2023

as of my tumblr presence, there have been some changes. i jumped from one fandom to another without completely leaving the bc fandom. i'm just not that much in the mood anymore. maybe this will change once the new album is out? we'll see 👀 and jumping to another fandom means that i lost contact with so many people from the bc fandom. i promise you i didn't do this on purpose and i don't hate or stopped liking any of you. it just... things got weird and a bit too much in my head and now idk how to keep contact without looking extremely weird in this fandom

anyway! entering another fandom has been weird not only in means of interests but also in means of communication. ever since i remember my tumblr activity in any fandom, i always tried to interact as much as possible with other accounts and talk with people, whether that was via posts or messages. in the jo fandom i feel like i have kinda failed that

i'm aware that i post a lot and i'm probably everywhere with the content updates and the gifs. and that may be annoying to some people. and i understand it, i don't like it but i understand it and i wanna apologise for being... all over the place yet not really reaching out to anyone in the fandom or building any kind of online friendship

idk if there's an accurate explanation for the way i feel about this so i'll put it in the best words possible: i wanna make jokes and have fun in here and exchange random messages or mentions in posts and talk shit or not about jo etc, but i feel like my social anxiety (both online and offline) has passed any limit i had put to it until now that i end up thinking it's actually wrong to interact with anyone in this fandom. because everyone has already connected with some people and have built a specific line of interests and you all seem so fucking cool for someone who is as insecure and scared to talk as me so i end up hiding behind my gifs, shitposts and content updates in hopes that people will like me or at least aknowledge i exist in this fandom. and again, that's all on me, there's no one to blame for this behaviour but me and my fucked up mind (which got even more fucked up in the past year). so idk, i feel like i wanna apologise for this, for being like that

however, no matter the anxiety, i must admit that the jo tumblr fandom was actually my escape when things in real life got bad bad. i've spent hours scrolling through the jo and kaarija hashtags in hopes of seeing something unhinged and funny to lift my mood and you know what? i found something every single time. and that was more than nice. if it wasn't for all of you being as funny and crazy (in a positive way) as you are, i'd feel even worse. but every time i open the jo hashtag there's someone posting a wholesome thing or saying something unhinged like how many ways has Kris listed to kill Bojan in his sleep lmao

anyway i ended up writing a lot, this could easily be an entry to the journal that i don't keep but maybe should start keeping. if you read until this point, congratulations for going through all this ramble and i'm sorry

hope 2024 is gonna be a lot different than 2023 but in a good way this time. and i hope i get better and actually get to interact more with all of you great people 💕 and obviously i hope you all have a fantastic year ahead of you 💖

[quackle]

So what’s your final opinion of Disventure Camp All-Star now that it comes to a end?

Also regarding winner, you are right! They didn’t go with “Who deserved to win” and tons of fans are piss off.

and so we have made it to the end. dcas is officially over... sobbing a lil at that fact. now. finale rambles under the cut (tldr: 7/10 season):

i think dcas was pretty nice for what it gave. i know a lot of people think it's shit, and i do nod my head at most concerns i've seen through posts on here and elsewhere. but idk. i had a relatively good time these past couple of months while watching!

let's start with...

Things I Liked:

The Main Premise (and in extension, Riya's Story) — this season showed that it truly wasn't about who deserved to win, it was about who wanted it most. and riya wanted it badly, to the point where it changed her for the worst whenever a camera was around. it took me until ally's elimination to see the direction this season was going (so... basically near the end LOL), but once it clicked, i was like. wowie. this is a bold choice of a winner. and interesting as fuckkkk, despite it not being hinted at as much as i hoped it would near the beginning. i don't think i've ever seen someone who is deemed as a villain be the only winner of a show like this. no alt endings or anything, just a villain win that sort of translates into a loss when you really think about how nobody is in riya's corner anymore. i know people (mostly riya fans) were disappointed with how sad and slightly open ended riya's conclusion arc was, but i personally can't be that upset at it. rosa maria's message during her elimination in season 2 really hit here. riya let the game change her, and though she won three million dollars, she has absolutely nobody (except potentially her sister eesha, but even still, that's not the best way for things to end for her). tis the way the cookie crumbles. i'm glad the writing team decided to go with this instead of the jake ending like thank GOODNESS for the proofreaders omg this is what proofreaders are for!!! (also. i'm clearly biased to the 'faking in front of cameras/others just to become a realer version of oneself once that's tested' characters in particular. look at my icon rn. i think you can understand why i'm such a big fan of this)

Allyson Amber— obligatory ally mention LOL. i think i already rambled enough on why i love ally so so so much as a character, so i will avoid. today. just know that opinion still stands.

Voice Acting— i am not a voice actor, just a voice actor enthusiast, so idk how much my words truly mean here. but i absolutely loveeeee the vocal direction this season went. best vocal performance in the whole series thus far. i can tell each actor + anybody on the voicing team worked hard to deliver! each character's voice really fit and everyone is so talented. hashtag i love connecting voices to characters. i'm excited for s4 voices ahhhh <3

The Grett + Gabby Friendship— we had her for like a good two eps and it still solo'd. going from what had happened in season 1 to what happened in season 3 was chef's kiss. it showed that both grett and gabby grew as characters throughout their whole journey on dc. idk i just love their bond so much, hashtag thank you for adding that.

and now...

Things I have Mixed Feelings About:

Gabby and Ally's Elimination— am i that mad that they ultimately left? eh not really, especially after i learned what type of story onc was aiming to tell this season. but am i mad about how they left? absolutely. because it was bullshitttttt omg. last minute, out of nowhere changes that cause eliminations of characters will never fail to piss me off. personally. even if real life is unfair like this too. (i'm only human LOL let me live)

TomJake Plot-Line— the good news (?) is that i don't find it absolutely mind-numbingly awful anymore. jake's cool. tom's okay. so overall, now i just think the plot is thee definition of mid. improvement! but still mid! i think certain ships in media are not for me, and this is one of em. sorry tomjakers, they should have had a meaningful conversation a long ass time ago. (also why tf they the finale thumbnail like MOVEEEEE with yall yaoi moment /lh)

Connor's Marriage— not that big of a deal, props to connor for finallyyyyyyy retiring from his savior complex (like i genuinely clapped for him cause that was a LONGGGGGG time coming), but a record scratch DID go off in my head when i saw that lol wedding pic. like OH... okay! congrats? i guess? (idek why i had this reaction or why i'm even writing about it lol, connor is Just Okay to me so)

Certain Lack of Character Interactions— i know this is a parody of reality TV and the show can only do so much, especially for characters that got eliminated early on. and i know i can quite literally go on something like ao3 and either find some fic that caters to my tastes or create it myself. but i frowned a lil when i realized certain characters wouldn't talk that much canonically. the curse of an all stars season is that they're bringing back some of the best characters this series has to offer. so when i don't get to see them interact, i go "aww. fair. but aww." (biggest examples here would be grett and hunter during the returnee challenge (because they can serve as interesting parallels (why would they finally make me gaf about hunter just to make him have like 30 seconds of lines ugh onc i am GLARING)), and jake and tess in general (the slightly healed meets the destructive work in progress. the difference in mental health journeys and how they can reflect within gameplay + outside convos. we coulda squeezed a lil somethin here. for me.))

Ellie's Plot-Line— one of the main reasons why i found ellie so compelling as a character is because the choices she made, both good and bad, all connected with her need for money due to being a college student who's not that well off. so to see that written off at the end was... well. eh? like cool, she's got gabby and grett, and they do matter the most, and i loveeeee their bond, but like. girly is a student in nyc and losing all that money is fucking huge. (i think it's mostly the bad pacing here, so i'm not giving it too much critique)

Grett's Plot-Line— onc introduced that whole tree scene (one of my fav scenes btw), and i thought that was so inspiring. "oh my gosh, i can't wait to see grett shine after she was constantly disrespected by some fucker that should have gotten his ass beat a long ass time ago!" i exclaimed. and then, she was eliminated. look. i get the whole premise of this season. i like it, too. so even though i think grett deserved to win the most, i can understand why the writers didn't have her win. BUT i think they should have written her arc with way more care and attention. if anything, i remember more harmful moments than good. grett deserved better than that. to me.

Huntally Plot-Line— i like huntally. and i wish it was written a bit better. it felt... rushed in comparison to other things we've seen here. granted, they couldn't do as much as others when hunter was eliminated so quickly, but still. meh overall.

and finally...

Things I Didn't Like:

The Staffs' Plot-Line— yall. the way i grew to not give a singular fuck about this plot... i saw people complain about tomjake screen time or jake screentime or ally vs jake screentime or connor vs riya screentime or riya screentime. which, okay whatever i guess. but LOOK AT THE REAL CULPRITS HERE... they're already getting a spinoff, idgaf about some staff when i won't be able to see some of the contestants ever again after this season!!! trevek irritated the absolute hell outta me, kristal made me side eye, marcus, nina and oliver were there i guess, and emily? man. i think that alone needs another bullet point hold on-

Emily's Plot-line (if you can even call it that)— yes, yes, i already know, emily was terrible, this was shown in the very first ep, she was never supposed to be rooted for, blahblahblah. but why. why did she decide to help yul. why did she decide to help trevor. why is she helping men so much. why did she turn so cartoonishly evil in the end. why is she like that. it's so uncanny to me. it just feels like she's more of a plot device that she is a character, which makes her fall so fucking flat. it blows. to me.

The Therapist Characters— ashley and tess are the biggest examples of this. not to say that friends irl don't ask this question, but fuck, did i get tired of hearing "are you ok?" or "what's wrong?" or "here let me give you some advive." it feels like such a reduction of their characters, which really sucks considering they didn't get much characterization in comparison to other characters in the first place.

"Be the Bigger Person, Ally"— okay. the more i think about this the more it pisses me off. this is a quote from episode 18, where connor tells ally to be the bigger person in her whole situation with jake. now riddle me this, chat. why is it that connor only tells ally to be the bigger person, then a few minutes later when talking to jake, he goes "oh there's only so much i can accomplish with jake" in the confessional? you didn't even reiterate the same words old man. that makes it seem like ally should do more and adjust what she deems as okay and not okay, just so her tension with jake can dwindle, while jake gets a sigh and a slap on the wrist and a "welp i tried." despite her more immature reactions later on during this plot, ally had every right to be bitter toward someone who kept snapping at her and giving her attitude because no good communication was being used to explain why he kept doing that. instead, i wish the message could have been something like "communicate, then try to insert yourself in their shoes so you can understand each other better because you're more alike than you think" to BOTH ally and jake, because this conflict involves BOTH of them, and needs to be worked on by BOTH of them, not just by one damn party. (i could dive into shit like the sexism connotations of the message "be the bigger person" only being directed to the female character here, but ehhhh, not today + people would think i'm overreacting when i know i'm not)

Yul— look, even if i put the whole slur slinging slanger incident that occurred to the side, i still was not a fan of how yul was portrayed here for that long. idgaf if he's sometimes funny. it just made me feel uncomfy seeing such a disrespectful piece of shit get this far with a burn to the face that didn't even stay permanently. like oh so emily can be in bandages for "a year or two," but bigot mcgee here gets off burn free? okay. don't piss me off. and yes, i understand his sponsorship ending where he's still acting fake because "it doesn't matter to him whether he's liked or not," and i know he serves as an okay parallel to james at best. but personallyyyyy if we were going with the whole "yul is the worst type of famous person imaginable" angle, you could have at least made the consequences of his actions stick to his face forevermore. (that's like the only thing they got right with endeavor from my hero like come on)

and that's about it. i think. overall, i'd give this season a solid 7. i know it looks like there's more stuff i didn't like or felt indifferent about,but i just feel like i have to explain my distastes a little more so people can understand me pfft. but yeah, it's not too bad of a season, even if i side eye some things.

and i'm looking forward to season four! from what i've seen, from the short character dialogues in the voice acting tryouts (ruby save me), to the potential storyboarded scene of the setting (abandoned carnival vibes???), i am most certainly sat. i really hope onc improves from here on out :)

[zer0psd]

never used photoshop so im curious to see your opinions about photopea vs photoshop

ok things to be known: 1) adobe can suck my cock and balls theyre evil and i wish that the corporate entity that is adobe would go up in flames, a corporation shoud NOT have that much insight in your privacy, files, sensitive info, etc 2) photopea is great and built off a small dev team as a basically a passion project, which is awesomesauce! i'm not knocking them at all, and i think ppl should support them in anyway they can

i've been a graphic designer and photographer for years now, and in hs i became adobe certified. i literally spent four years of my life learning on an industry standard. it becomes muscle memory after a while. beside that i was a roleplayer so i became VERY familiar with edits and gifs and all that. again everything became muscle memory. adobe suites are the industry standard for a reason, and for GOOD reason. i think they have an amazing interface and work hard to update the experience and make shit easier for artists; like i will give them that even if i sound like a bootlicker. i never paid for it tho lol as a student i got it for free and i would use cracks/torrents.

when i got my new computer it wouldn't let me run bootcamp so i couldn't crack the adobe suites like i used to :/ new mac processors or whatever don't rely on intel anymore, so not intel = no bootcamp. most cracks are pc based so i just couldn't find one that worked for me. apple went ham on protecting IP and combating torrents so it's like impossible to crack without an extensive VPN or else adobe will literally send a cease and desist to your internet provider. its sincerely fucked up.

i switched to photopea bc of this. i really liked it, but im autistic so having to relearn my own workflow that ive had for years made me want to hashtag die. the interface is VERY close to photoshop, so it wasn't hard, but it doesn't have the same capabilities i was used to w ps. i do NOT like edited photos in photopea; i think its way too laggy and glitchy to work with giant raw files, which really sucks!!! for making small edits and doing my graphic design tho??? i do really like it. it doesn't have the same capabilities as ps sure, but once i just fucked with the filter galleries and different plug ins and worked my process around what photopea could accomplish, i was good as gold. i've been producing quality work on commission through photopea. it's a learning curve for sure, especially if you have zero experience with an editing interface like that, but the more i use it the more i learn.

all of that being said, i think photopea is fucking awesome for being completely free and open source. it has its issues —— sometimes its way too glitchy for me and pisses me the fuck off, i have to frequently save my psd files and hope that they don't fuck up, and then reopen so it's less laggy and rinse and repeat bc some of my stuff takes hours lmfao —— but i think its pretty darn close to the photoshop i was using like less than a year ago. its glitchy, its laggy, the ads are annoying and clog up the screen, but i simply cannot complain to much when its a smallish dev team working on a shoestring budget (last time i checked) and for FREE. like its open and usable on any browser and computer and i think thats rad.

if i could go back to ps without giving them money i would in a heartbeat. ps is awesome for the work i do, and i like that there's constant improvements and updates. it just boils down to look, feel, and workflow to me; ps is rarely laggy and glitchy, its meant to handle giant projects, there's so many plug ins you can find online, etc. i just wish it wasn't a subscription based software; honestly if i new adobe was less like the elf on the shelf and i could make a one time purchase, i would. but alas.

anyways i'm pro photopea all the way. idk if any of this was helpful its mostly rambly lmfao. but yeah. i don't do much photography anymore, so i don't have to work around the glitches and lags and all of that with photopea; i focus on graphic design for event fliers and social media content + rp resources. it has room for improvement for sure for sure, but it's lovely and helpful in its own way.

[orbees]

Rambling about internship woes

<_> nervous honestly doesn't even begin to describe how anxious I am about this internship. I'd feel better about it if I had been able to do literally anything I wanted to do over this break but. Alas. Life happened hard

Mostly I'm worried I just won't be able to do it because I'm a hashtag crazy and insane g*rl. I was wanting to do small things to address this like going out more and interacting with others but then my parents got sick and weren't able to teach me how to drive and all this shit... 🙃 like I have not rly been out much since covid hit and I was a hermit to begin with, I'm just worried I'm going to fuck it all up

I just honestly wish I had more time but I can't postpone my internship anymore x_x so It's sink or swim rly. And with my whole future riding on this it's a very terrifying prospect. All this anxiety too makes me feel like I made a horrible mistake like how can I help others when I'm literally *points* like this

Idk there's nothing rly for it but to try my best, try to stay positive and embrace the fact I'm probably gonna be awkward and make mistakes. And that's rly all I can do... it just Sucks that I'm having to go in so unprepared <_>

[impala-dreamer]

Just curious, do you and Kelly have a special tag like you and Ashley do? Don't get me wrong, no one can replace Ashley(I fucking love her); but I think you and Kelly should have one. I'm not the greatest at thinking up names or else I would give it try. P.S. I'm sorry someone stole yours and Kelly's The Chosen. Also, I don't think you two are bullies. At all.

umm... we don’t really have a hashtag, no. we couldn’t come up with a good one. Kelly uses “big sis beka” i think, and i usually do “kellyneedsahashtag” but we don’t really have a ship name. lol. Bekelly? Kebeka? Idk. I got nothing. 

also it’s like 50/50 that i remember to tag shit anymore. if it’s not staring at me in the face “HEY PUT A HASHTAG” i prob won’t. like this- i don’t have xkit at work so this isn’t getting tagged. bc I dont care. lol

prob should come up with a tag... idk.... hmm. Idk. ashley came up with beksley. she’s just far more clever with the names. hey look at me rambling in this answer. i wonder how long i can do this for.

That’s really dumb because I could literally just sit here and type forever.like, what’s stopping me? i mean, I am at work and I’ve been doing these gdamn invoices since monday and it should have taken me like 20 mins but i’ve managed to stretch it out this long so like why rush? also i need to do the january recs and taxes but honestly, i just can’t stare at tiny numbers right now. do you have any idea how hard it is to do accounting work when you can barely see? like... not easy. also i’m not really in the mood. but i do have to do it before the 10th. that sucks. what’s today? ok, i have a few days. i’ll do it friday probably. Fridays are good days because I treat myself to dunkin donuts every Friday and get a giant freakin iced caramel latte and a choc chip muffin and just munch all day. that’s basically all i eat. which sounds bad, but compared to not eating anything? like, go for the muffin. how am i so fat if i dont’ fucking eat anymore? that’s fun. 

there are so many red squiggle lines staring at me right now. hey! you not spelling good! you’re a fucking writer! nah, sorry. don’t care. you know what really annoys me? every time I send an email, the thing says “are you sure? you spelled this wrong-” and it’s my fucking name. Like, thanks dude, I know how to spell my name. it’s been spelled like for 35 years. Holy shit imma be 35 this year. that’s crazy pants. Like, wow. that’s a milestone age, dude. i’m fucking old as shit. dude, i freakin- jokingly told bill i wanted a birthdya party this year. a bowling birthday party and i think he’s gonna actually do it. like a kid’s bday, but adults only. and i was like “that’s fine and all, but if no kids are coming, we should do it like... laser bowling with booze” who knows. prob not gonna happen anyway. i don’t really want a party. that means people and talking and gross. 

jesus fuck, how many times do i have to tell pandora I don’t like dave matthews?? come on man, i thought i trained you better than this. yeah, i SHOULD like dave matthews, but I don’t ok? get off my back about it and keep him off my gdamn playlists. shit, man. he’s ugh. idky i don’t like him i just dont. stop. 

are we done yet? i don’t even know how this started anymore. here’s a gif

[akaanonymouth]

Ok so it's late and shit happened in my life the last few hours so whatever but I'm watching tonight's Holby right now writing fic and drinking laced coffee and Jasmine drunk dialling Rossini with basically the heretofore elusive answer to Mr Farquad or whatever's problem just soooooo reminded me of Rachel Bailey totally forgetting she'd drunk dialled Gill, and then Gill hauling her into office and Rachel's all ready to apologise bc she really doesn't remember anything she said and then Gill's like "You should get drunk more often!"