#has always been an uphill years long battle...

[bbydoll18xx]

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

Paige Bueckers x reader

KK tries to set you up on live, and things between you and Paige go south.

Word Count: 1.7k

Themes: angst, maybe some fluff?

This is heavily inspired by my love life, so yes, please feel free to feel bad for me thanks xoxo

~

“And oh, my god, he was so fucking stupid,” you exclaim exasperatedly, your longwinded rant having no ending in sight. “Like you’re literally in college and you can’t even hold a basic conversation? And don’t even get me started on his fucking mustache,” you add, gagging dramatically for good measure.

Hands were flying in the air as you spoke, and the girls of UCONN’s women’s basketball team listened amusedly as you complained about your latest failure of a date. You had promised yourself you’d get back out into the dating world after your two year relationship with your high school sweetheart had ended, but that was nearly three years ago. And now that you had gone through every stage of grief and were now (mostly) mentally stable again, you had begun dating to find ‘the one.’ 

However ‘the one’ seemed to be hiding among the frat boys and useless idiots you had been spending your friday and saturday nights with for the last six months. And you were quickly growing tired of their bullshit. 

“And then,” you dragged out the word theatrically, leaning forward to the group of girls listening, “he told me he wanted to do a line of cocaine off my ass! Like who even says that?”

The girls erupt in a fit of giggles and gasps, disturbed by your most recent date. 

You shake your head in mild embarrassment and place your head in your hands. “I can’t do this anymore,” you sigh, trying to avoid Paige’s stare. 

She was always staring, as if she could tell what you were thinking. And to be honest, it freaked you out because if she actually knew what you were thinking, you’d be in some deep shit.

You had feelings for Paige from the first day you had met her, and the battle was certainly an uphill one at that. A little voice in your head whispered mockingly that the reason you had been going on all these dates was to distract yourself from the harsh reality that Paige was just a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. 

And it really fucking stung. 

KK cuts through the silence, placing a soothing hand on your back. “I know what to do,” she says with a knowing smile. You meet her smirk with a confused look, wondering what the younger girl had in mind. “Let’s go on live and find you a boo!” she exclaims, clapping her hands together.

The other girls erupt in laughter at the idea, nodding their heads in agreement. The only one who is uncharacteristically quiet is Paige, who has a funny look on her face. Her nose scrunches slightly, and because you had spent years memorizing every part of Paige, including her moods and facial expressions, you would almost say she looked pissed.

Glancing back over to KK, you let out another long sigh, throwing your hands in the air defeatedly. “Sure, why the hell not?” 

She whoops excitedly, grabbing her phone and propping it up on the table in front of where the two of you were sitting. She clicks on the live, and it was not long before hundreds of people were flooding in with comments. 

“Hey, y’all!” KK greets the fans with a small wave and a huge grin. You try to hold back a grin of your own, but her excitement was infectious, and you felt grateful that your friends cared about fixing your sham of a love life. 

“We’ve got a special guest tonight,” KK explains, and you wave shyly at the camera. You typically did not love all the attention, and you tended to stay in the background when the other girls would go live. 

“Okay, so boom, we are looking for a date for my girl over here,” KK begins, explaining the situation to the people on the live. “Serious inquiries only!” She adds, wagging a finger towards the camera. “She is precious, and some of y’all are straight up freaks.”

You giggle at her words, trying to read the comments. Many of them we’re trying to gauge your sexuality, and upon reading another ‘is she gay’ comment, you decide to clarify. 

“I’m bisexual,” you murmur shyly. It had been nearly 6 years since you had realized you like girls, yet you still struggled with enunciating the fact. 

“Oh girl, they love you,” KK sings, patting herself on the back for her idea. “How about if y’all have some talent, join the live and woo my girl.”

Paige has since moved from her chair opposite you to sit next to you on the couch. Her leg is pressed up against yours, the warmth of her body radiating onto yours, and you bite your lip. 

“Yeah, yeah Paige is here. This ain’t about blondie today,” KK scolds the fans. “Now I want to see some good talent.” 

You turn your head to look at Paige, and she rolls her eyes at KK. “KK, don’t be mean to them,” she laughs, waving to the live. 

In your head you’re thinking that you honestly can’t even blame the fans. Paige was hot. You wanted to see her too. 

KK lets in the first girl, who upon seeing Paige, shrieks and throws her phone onto the carpet of her bedroom. You laugh, and KK lets out a huff of annoyance, deleting her immediately and moves on to find another person.

“This one seems promising,” she mutters, and you play with a piece of hair nervously. Being in front of the camera felt ridiculous, and you wonder how you got yourself into this situation. You are quickly pulled out of your thoughts by another young girl, desperately trying to serenade you and the other girls with a song. You try your best to avoid cringing, but the performance left you with bad secondhand embarrassment. 

A whole twenty minutes pass before someone promising pops up on the screen. A girl about your age with long dark hair and piercing green eyes is waving flirtatiously at the screen, causing you to sit up a little straighter. Next to you, Paige stiffens, and your eyes flit to her on KK’s phone, jaw clenched in a way that has your stomach rolling. You look down and notice her hand was closed in a fist, the other picking at a piece of lint on the couch. 

You avert your eyes back to the girl who was still smiling widely, and you make casual smalltalk with her, feeling warm from the attention of a pretty girl.

Comments are flooding in, and while you’re glad to see that many of them are about what a cute couple you and the mystery girl would make, you also notice an influx in comments regarding how mad Paige looked.

Before you could look over to check on her, she was flying off the couch and stomping out of the room. You hear her door close loudly, and you meet KK’s eye with a confused look. Paige’s departure has the fans going wild, and you whisper to the younger girl that she should end the live. 

“Okay, y’all, we gotta go. Feel free to DM her, though,” KK tells the dark-haired girl with a devilish grin, and she signs off quickly.

“What the fuck was all that about?” you ask no one in particular, eliciting shrugs from Aubrey, Ice, and Jana. 

“She’s been moody all day,” Aubrey says casually, and you pout, thinking about your best friend who was clearly unhappy about something.

“I’ll go check on her,” you mutter, heading towards the closed door of Paige’s bedroom. Standing in front of it, you take a deep breath before knocking.

“Come in,” you hear her mutter, and you enter the dark room, the only light shining from the tv and reflecting off the glassiness of Paige’s eyes. 

You sit on her bed next to her, placing a comforting hand on her thigh. “What’s wrong?” you ask gently, not wanting to spook her. She rarely opened up about the way she was feeling, and you did not want to rush her into admitting anything if she wasn’t ready.

She shrugs, quickly wiping at her eyes, and your heart nearly crumbles at the sight. You rub soothing circles onto her leg and reach up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. The intimacy of it all is almost overwhelming, and you bite your bottom lip to keep in the feelings bubbling inside of you, threatening to expose everything.

“Just tired,” Paige mumbles, and you peek at her face, studying the beauty of her features. 

Your phone lights up in your hand, alerting you to a DM you had just received from the girl from the live, and you attempt to hold back a wide smile at her boldness. Paige looks down at your screen as you text the girl, Scarlett, back with a giddy expression. 

“I’m going to go to bed,” she says coldly, already moving to get under the covers. 

“Want me to stay?” You ask hopefully, trying to sound casual. Sleepovers between the two of you had become a cherished ritual, and you needed the simple proximity to make you feel whole again. 

“Nah,” she replies flatly, eyes closed and back turned in harsh finality. 

“O-oh, okay. Well, goodnight,” you stutter, temporarily stunned at her poignancy, and you flee her room with your head hung low in rejection.

“Is she okay?” KK asks. You don’t even know how to answer that.

“I have no clue what her deal is,” you mumble. “She’s never not wanted me around, so I think I’m just going to go. I’ve got a girl to get to know,” you add, trying to make yourself feel better.

“We’ll let you know if anything happens,” Ice responds kindly, and you nod gratefully in her direction before you take your leave.

You ignore the anxiety as you walk back home, instead focusing on the flirty messages Scarlett was sending to you. ‘This is what I need,’ you think. Paige was never going to be yours, and now you finally had a real chance at getting over her. 

With your head held high, you vowed that your feelings for Paige Bueckers would disappear. But would they really? Time could only tell. 

~

Part 2

Part 3

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if you would be interested in a second part to this!!

[alchemistc]

It's not something he thinks about terribly often - no real reason to, until this moment, with an arm slung over Evan's waist and a pair of eyes blinking at him out of the darkness.

Maddie and Howie are significantly smaller than Buck and Tommy. They are. There's no denying it. The bed that probably fits the two of them neatly with plenty of room to spare is just no match for Evan's mile-long legs, their broad chests and wide shoulders. Evan's tendency to kick one leg out from under the duvet and Tommy's habit of sprawling are just no match for this perfectly normal sized bed.

He'd said so even as they were turning out lights, voices low as they bypassed the frankly laughable double in the spare room in favor of the master, and Evan had joked that it wasn't like they didn't end most nights practically on top of one another, anyway, so what did it matter if they were a little cramped?

And he'd been right - at the time. In a California king they barely used half the bed - some combination of torsos and limbs always sliding together, heads tucked under chins and legs tangled together, arms slung over waists and pillows shared between them. Six months past the argument that had tipped them straight out of the honeymoon phase and firmly into 'actually we're just like this and that's clearly not going to change' and Tommy can't think of a single night they've actually laid down to sleep and not ended up a sprawl of interconnected pieces.

And they'd made it work, even though Maddie and Howie's bed is not large enough for two 6'2" men.

It wouldn't be a problem, except for the shadow hovering just a few feet in front of a softly snoring Evan - wet eyes and messy hair and a trembling bottom lip that Tommy is sure other people also find as devastating as he does, in this moment. "I sleep with you?" Jee Yun murmurs, wiping at her snotty nose and blinking her eyes like she doesn't already know Tommy would do pretty much anything to wipe the sad little frown off her face.

It's just.

There's no fucking room in this bed. Sure, if she'd had a bad dream and gone to seek comfort from her parents, there'd have been room, but, as Tommy has come to understand, her parents are significantly smaller than he and Evan and if Tommy shifts his weight in the wrong direction the both of them are tumbling off one end of this bed.

Jee's lip trembles.

"Did you have a nightmare, bug?" Tommy asks softly, and Jee shakes her head fiercely, tucking her chin towards her chest, a hand reaching out to dig tiny hands into the duvet. Stubborn, like the rest of her family, a refusal to admit weakness he's been in an uphill battle to stomp out of her uncle for going on a year now. Evan mumbles incomprehensibly in his sleep, and Jee turns still-wet eyes on Tommy.

"I sleep here with Uncle Tommy?"

Which is not playing fair at all.

When they'd all but shoved Maddie and Howie out the door to go enjoy a long weekend, insistent that it would be easier on Jee if they watched her in her own home, Jee had been ecstatic. She'd bounced off the walls for hours, dragged Tommy around with all the resolve of a child aware she had him wrapped both figuratively and literally around her tiny little fingers (her whole hand could wrap around two of his fingers at a time), insisted on piggy back rides when it became clear that riding on either of their shoulders was just a recipe for bonked heads. She'd tired herself out before the sun had even set, and passed out with her head pillowed on Evan's thigh and one foot tucked in Tommy's armpit, the other shoved under his knee on the couch.

She'd barely stirred when Tommy swung her up into his arms and tucked her into bed, and Tommy had spent a good twenty minutes after the fact furiously reminding Evan that they were not having sex in his sisters bed.

("The biological impossibility of knocking me up aside, you know what it does to me when I see you with kids, Tommy."

"Yeah, well, let your non-existent ovaries quiver with excitement for a few more days and I'll make it up to you.")

The Uncle Tommy thing is new. As in, she's never used it before this evening, nodding off in her seat while she picked at her chicken nuggets, and maybe Tommy had gone so still when she'd murmured it that Evan had actually been a little concerned, and maybe he'd indulged her request for a third episode of Bluey because of it, but he's a grown ass man who can surely let her down gently - sweep her off her feet and tuck her back in to her own bed and sit with her until she passes out again.

Or Jee can employ an absolutely deadly combo of trembling lip and tears at the corner of her eyes and Tommy can cave like the idiot he is.

Tommy assesses the scant space on Evan's side of the bed - knee curled up towards his torso and ankle dangling off the side of the bed, a hand under his cheek as he continues to snuffle in his sleep. No go there. Tommy's flush against him, knees tucked behind Evan's, arm still settled against his waist, and at his back there's plenty of space but if Tommy rolls sideways he's got maybe six inches of leeway between himself and the end of the mattress.

Tommy sighs and rolls. Jee's face lights up. Evan snorts awake and grunts in pain as he gets an elbow to the sternum and a knobbly knee to the give of his stomach when Jee climbs right up over him to shove into the newly opened space between them.

"Jee?" comes the tired voice as Evan shuffles onto his left side to face Tommy and their new company, rubbing at his eyes and smacking his lips like he's thirsty.

"Bad dream," Tommy intones softly even as Jee settles herself between them. There's a sharp knee dangerously close to his groin and a tiny little hand fisted in his sleep shirt and a face shoved into his rib cage, and Evan is giving him that look again.

Evan rests a hand against Jee's back, fingers shifting back and forth across her shoulders while she shifts her weight to find the optimal position. Jee sighs into Tommy's shirt, hot wet breath fanning out over the little spot, and kicks a leg back at an angle that must just miss something soft of Evan's, if the look in his face is anything to go by.

She's asleep before Tommy can count to ten - out like a fucking light in the space between them.

Evan's eyes meet his. It's a conversation they've had in fits and starts for months, now - since the first time he caught sight of Evan holding a baby and nearly had a meltdown in aisle three of Trader Joe's because he'd tucked that idea away years ago.

It's one they really need to have in full. Soon.

Evan's hand shifts, fingers reaching for the bolt of Tommy's jaw, thumb pressing into his cleft and then shifting sideways. "She played you like a fiddle," Evan says, voice soft, grin going wide, and Tommy glances down at the shock of dark hair tucked between them with the sudden realization that of the two of them, Evan is gonna end up being the disciplinarian.

Christ, they're fucking screwed.

He breathes, rubs his face into the pillow, reaches up to cup Evan's hand in his palm, enjoying the stretch of heat across his cheek and jaw.

"Go back to sleep," Tommy tells him, and doesn't fight the pull of a few more hours for himself when Evan sighs and lets his eyes drift closed.

[gatorbites-imagines]

Can we see Enji Todoroki (reformed) x male reader who is so unabashedly flirty. Him and the reader working together on hero cases and the reader is so touchy and is trying to go on a date with him.

Enji Todoroki x Hero male reader

Headcanons

Reader has no specific quirk mentioned, cuz I couldn’t think of anything. On the short side, but I enjoyed writing this.

After having grown as a person and reformed as best as he can, I cant imagine Enji sees himself as someone who would go out of his way to date, there’s probably part of him that feels like he doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship.

You two have probably known each other for years and worked side by side for just as long, but your flirting up until then has just been jokes and to keep the mood light because of how serious Enji always is.

After he grows as a person, you start to actually flirt with him for real, though he doesn’t realize that’s what you’re doing. He would just assume it’s the same type of flirting you’ve always done, and just brush it off.

Enji has never been in an actual relationship based on love, since his relationship with Rei was a quirk marriage and he focused so much on becoming strong in his teens, that the thought of dating didn’t even cross his mind.

So, when you start getting touchy with him, like squeezing his biceps or wrapping an arm around his waist, he thinks you are just taking your usual play flirting farther than before.

I can’t imagine Enji is the type to flirt back, even if he returns your feelings. Hes way too stoic and serious, and again, part of him probably doesn’t think he deserves it after everything, or he fears messing that up too.

You don’t let that discourage you though, as you keep flirting with him, hugging onto him, or complimenting him and bringing him gifts and trinkets, which he always ends up accepting even though he scoffs and grumbles about it.

Getting Enji to believe you that you actually have feelings for him is an uphill battle, so you gotta be real determined for it to bear fruit. But when it does, you get to see parts of Enji you never imagined you would ever get to see.

As he starts to gain feelings for you in return, he will start to get the smallest of flushes to his cheeks when you flirt with him. Its barely visible since he already runs very hot, and he’s trained himself to be in full control of his emotions, for the most part. But it’s there.

He has no idea what to do with the fluttering in his chest that you cause, since again, he’s never felt that before, and Enji doesn’t really feel like he has anyone to go to with these feelings.

Of all people, I could imagine he ends up spilling it to Toshinori, most likely on accident. Much to Enji’s surprise, Toshi actually helps him figure out his feelings and how to process them. Enji being Enji would mumble a small thanks and go about his day.

He might clumsily and kinda stiffly try to flirt back, but it just ends up being stuff like him complimenting your form during a fight, or telling you to be careful. You’ll most likely start finding small gifts in your bag or locker back at your agency.

Unknown to himself, Enji starts leaning into your touch when you hold onto him, as he’s probably super touch starved in general. Ends up finding out he’s super sensitive too when you rub at his neck and he almost melts into it.

He kinda reminds you of those battle worn, older male street cats, with their big pouchy cheeks, scars and tired eyes. You joke that if it was possible, he would be purring, especially when he almost arches into it when you run your hands through his hair.

In the end you most likely are gonna have to outright tell him to his face that you like him and want to date him. Enji is still emotionally constipated, but ends up mumbling out that he feels the same, but he has no idea what he’s doing.

Even after you guys start dating, you still flirt with him and get super touchy with him, except now you can also kiss him all over, which always leaves him a little flushed.

Since hes not one to express his feelings much, when he finally does it, it means so much. Like when he kisses the top of your head during patrol, or mumbles a compliment in return to the hundreds you shower him with every patrol.

[deelightful54]

Thoughts on Why Chenford Works, and Tim/Isabel Were Likely Always Going to Fail.

We never learned much about Isabel and Tim's relationship outside of the fact that her addiction ultimately led to the dissolution of their marriage. However, they clearly loved each other and will always care for one another.

From what little crumbs we did get, one of their deeper issues was that they were too similar. There are the superficial things like them both being cops and both being competitive (but if either of those were the issue, Chenford wouldn't work well either). But ultimately, they both internalize their hardships, have a hard time opening up, and don't let others see their worst sides (which everyone has). When both partners are like this, it's easy enough to proceed in the relationship. If you're hiding parts of yourself you don't want your partner to see, you're not going to push them to expose themselves either.

This works great - until it doesn't.

Isabel was struggling with addiction, and didn't feel like she could be open with Tim about it. As she told Lucy, there was also some unresolved stuff from her past that contributed to the secrecy and addiction.

At this point, we are well aware of Tim's own challenges. Given the uphill battle he has faced in the last 7 seasons to open himself up more easily, he likely kept much of his own stuff from Isabel.

Isabel's addiction was the breaking point, not the root cause of their divorce. Absent the addiction, they likely could have continued for years, maintaining a certain amount of happiness together while still keeping each other at arm's length. Tragically, they might have even been able to work through these issues and become a healthier, more connected couple.

Tim and Lucy's personalities are complimentary. Lucy generally likes to get everything out in the open, even if she sometimes pretends that she doesn't. Admittedly, her execution is sometimes flawed, but nobody bats a thousand. They saw each other's worst long before they were a couple. When together, they pushed each other to open up, even if they had to struggle through it. Frustratingly, their breakup and work towards reconciliation has been messy, but we do see them largely turning towards each other in times of trouble, not away.

Tim and Isabel being so similar likely made life together easy, but ultimately unsustainable. Eventually, life was always going to get in their way. Tim and Lucy's complimentary natures have their challenges but (after repairing their relationship) will empower them to move through life together.

[livingasaghost]

hello i love your takes so i wanted to ask for your thoughts on jerejean’s development in tgr?

-@you-know-i-get-itt

oh my god this made my whole week im obsessed with you

i think there’s a few ways to answer this - mostly because the jerejean of it all depends on the two halves of the whole. obviously.

(i am soooo sorry this is literally an essay)

spoilers below!

at first glance, jean is the one who needs the most healing, so for most of book one you are so focused on his trauma and his grief and his healing that you almost (i said almost, bear with me) overlook jeremy’s mysterious past. so stepping into book two we had a good idea of what jean’s been through and where he needs to go to make changes and start the actual healing process. yes he has friends now, yes he has a team and coaches to support him, yes his abusers are dropping like flies, but healing is a CHOICE for jean and he spends most of book two battling that internal struggle of whether or not he deserves to make that choice. i’m so invested in jean’s character because it isn’t easy for him to accept his worth, and every victory is an uphill battle for him. whether he realizes it or not, he is fighting for his life, and it takes him most of book two to finally come to terms with that. and HE DOES!!! his arc isn’t over yet by the end of book two, but he’s made so much progress that he can admit he didn’t deserve the abuse, he can admit that he LOVES people and wants to protect them and wants to keep loving them, and he can admit that he needs help to step into his healing. he starts taking therapy seriously. he allows other people to care for him. he’s taking steps now that will make book three infinitely easier on him because he’s finally made that choice to heal. all he has to do now is accept the love and joy and peace that’s coming to him.

and if jean were the (only) main character, that would be it. book three would be a happy silly time where he learns how to garden and falls in love and rebuilds his home with cat and laila and wins finals and fixes his relationship with kevin. hooray! but that is not what nora set out to do. it’s a classic bait and switch. mr captain of the sunshine court himself is the one who can’t heal. mr im so happy and kind and positive all the time is the one who is still actively being abused.

the reason book two is so compelling is that we see the narrative switch happen. jean starts the book fresh off grayson’s abuse and jeremy starts the book ready to help him through that. but then we watch jean get closer and closer to accepting what he really deserves (what he wants) and all that time, jeremy is being driven deeper and deeper into abuse. his mother keeps imposing boundaries on him. we learn more details about jeremy’s freshman year, about his past sexual exploits, about his PRESENT sexual exploits with people who do not respect or care about him. we watch jeremy’s family beat him into the ground while jean is lifted up by kevin and andrew and rhemann and the trojans and jeremy himself. but jeremy refuses to let anybody save him. he doesn’t think he needs it, doesn’t think he deserves it, doesn’t think it’s even possible to be saved. by the time the fire hits the house, jean has decided he doesn’t care what he loses as long as his people are safe…but jeremy is NOT safe and his mother and step-father are doing everything to keep him away from the people who WOULD save him. and all the while, jeremy and jean are so caught up in trauma and grief and abuse that they refuse to even acknowledge the elephant in the room.

that jean knows jeremy’s favorite color, that he’s always aware of his brown eyes on him, that he would beat bryson and ivan and anybody else to a bloody pulp if it meant that jeremy was safe. that jeremy is possessive of jean when he looks at other people, that jeremy is actively seeking out a marseilles french tutor simply because it would help him communicate with jean, that jean is exactly his type.

we knew there was mutual attraction in book one, and it really ramps up in book two, but these two traumatized people are still nowhere near acknowledging that attraction. and in book two it’s grown into more than attraction. it’s a mutual understanding, a witnessing, a protectiveness that transcends friendship or sex - these two people are mirrors that refuse to look at each other lest they see themselves reflected back at them. jeremy cannot look at jean too long or he’ll start to realize that he doesn’t deserve his family’s abuse. jean cannot look at jeremy too long or he’ll start to realize that even after all his sexual abuse he’s allowed to act on attraction, he’s allowed to love someone romantically. and the two of them are caught in a deadlock until one of them breaks.

and at this point…i think jean is going to act before jeremy, if only because he has to. jeremy himself states in tgr that regardless of how attracted he is to jean, he is conscious of jean’s specific trauma, that jeremy can’t ask that of him no matter how much both of them want it. but more than that, jean is miles ahead of jeremy in his healing. he’s made the choice, he’s acknowledged he deserves better, he’s working towards overcoming all the abuse that was done to him, and who was there for all of that healing? jeremy. who is his safe space? jeremy. who is his partner? jeremy. but jeremy still can’t look his shame in the face. he can’t deal with his grief and his mistakes, but more than that, there’s still a part of him that thinks he deserves the abuse in payment for all the things his actions caused. as IF this whole thing didn’t start with bryson! as IF it’s his fault his family is PREJUDICED and SELFISH! as IF he wouldn’t still deserve to be loved, regardless of what he did.

i know some people are nervous that jerejean isn’t romantic/sexual endgame because nora has a complex history with them as a ship and as characters, but this book has cemented their partnership in my mind. i do think if/when they start making moves in book three it will look unconventional - because all the ships and characters in AFTG are unconventional - but there is a queerness there that cannot be denied. not when there’s so much attraction, so much yearning, so much care between the two of them. like i’m sorry, but you cannot end a book with THE RULES HAVE CHANGED (ignore jean’s inner monologue, that bitch is still healing) and not expect me to believe that they’re destined to be together.

bonus for those who want it: here’s a playlist of taylor songs that are also jerejean

[yesimwriting]

been obsessed with coryo after watching tbosas 😭 please write more of bestfriend!coryo <3

so so adorable 💋 i love u tehe

me gasping like in that tiktok sound: oh my goodness i love this question!!!

in all seriousness i have so many more thoughts on this dynamic omg

----

thinking about bestfriend!coryo who knows your parents love him, and, more importantly, he knows how to use that to his advantage.

it's no accident, he's put in meticulous effort in making sure that they not only approve of the friendship, but that he's their favorite friend of yours. when it comes to a family as prominent and wealthy as yours, parental approval goes a long way, especially with how regularly your parents leave town for business.

your father's admiration isn't an easy thing to win, but coriolanus is no stranger to uphill battles, and you're worth it. with the way that you look at him, how could you not be?

so he puts in the work: being the perfect student in classes taught by known friends of your father, wearing his best clothing and practicing old capitol etiquette his grandma'am was more than happy to review with him before family dinners that you invited him to, and making sure to keep proper distance between the two of you whenever your parents are around, no matter how difficult it is for him to remember to not hold your hand.

the hardest part is the fact that most of your father's intimidation comes from the fact that he's the exact kind of man coryo wants to be. powerful, respected, and in a position to never worry about finances or status. but he keeps at it, taking more care than usual to make sure that the signs of poverty are never visible in front of your parents.

even if that means purposefully leaving leftovers of the best food he's eaten in years on his plate so that no one will think he's starving. even if you give him a look that only he can feel the strangeness of because even though you've never spoken of his financial status, you can tell that he's not as well off as everyone thinks. that's the only thing about you that digs beneath his skin--you can always tell.

he's unsure if his efforts are working because of your father's constantly stoic disposition even though you assure him that that's your father when he's relaxed.

but then one day, he's over on your father's last night at home before returning to the districts to oversee some business, and your father asks to speak with him in private. you're instantly snapping your head up from your textbook, wanting to make sure that your father won't say anything embarrassing or rude.

he's scared off other friends in the past and even though it hurts, you never fight back too much because your father isn't an easy man to talk back to. but this is where you draw the line. you're not going to lose your coryo.

coryo feels something in his stomach knot, especially at that bewildered look behind your eye, but he's not about to be openly intimidated, so he assures you that he's fine. when you push, asking what topic could possibly involve just coryo and him and be that private, your father says that it's just business from man to man.

coryo has to force down a smile because he knows he'll be hearing no end of it from you as soon as the two of you are alone together. then he starts to think that this might be it. maybe your father has found out about his true financial status or dean highbottom has finally gotten to him and he's about to be banned from seeing you.

he forces down his anxiety and follows your father into the hall. your father's quick to the point, letting him know that he's leaving for another long stretch of time and that your mother's social and professional engagements mean that you'll be alone often. he closes the statement by asking coriolanus to look after you until he returns.

the realization that coriolanus has made it hits him at the same time as the relief and for a second all he can do is stare. then his senses return to him and he's swearing to your father that he'll take such good care of you, your father will have nothing to worry about. then your father's clasping his shoulder and offering him a gruff but oddly genuine thank you, son before telling him to get back to your room before you get paranoid.

it's an odd way to end the moment, but coryo's so busy trying to convince himself to not mentally plan out your wedding (because let's be honest, that's a level of trust from someone like your father might as well be a pre-engagement) that he doesn't think of it.

when he gets back to your room, you ask as casually as you can manage what your father wanted. after telling you that your father just wants to make sure that you're looked after while he's away, coryo expects you to be happy. but instead of reacting positively, you just sort of nod and mumble something polite before attempting to go back to studying.

something in his chest hardens. he's your best friend, who you spend as much time as socially acceptable with, and you two are being given the perfect excuse to be around each other more and you're not happy.

he immediately pushes and you reluctantly tell him that this has to mean that he's in with your father. another thing that coryo thinks you should be thrilled about. the more your father approves, the closer the two of you can be. he's accusing you of being sick of him, of trying to get rid of him, of no longer wanting to be best friends with him.

that has you scrambling to defend yourself. there's little you consider more important than your friendship with him. it's the only bond you fully trust.

so you tell him that your real concern is that your father never gets along with your friends that way, and that the only similar reference point you have is the way he talks to people like him.

you then tell him that the people in your father's social circle aren't like coryo. at the very least, not your coryo, who's never harsh with you and would rather spend parties sitting with you than sharing cruel opinions to impress other men.

all coriolanus hears is that you don't see him the way you see the actually important men. the hurt behind his eyes has you moving to stand and reaching for him. he lets you take his hand but doesn't react, so you explain it as transparently as possible. people that your father likes are mean, and you don't want to lose him to that.

there's something about the way you say it, all round eyes and genuine worry. it reminds him too much of tigris, of the newfound hint of tension in their relationship that's become more prevalent. she's constantly reminding him of what his father's success turned him into.

coryo's pulling you into a hug, whispering promises that you could never lose him. you're hugging him back tightly, hand smoothing circles against his back.

he realizes he means what he's saying. he can achieve the prominence he wants without alienating you. there's a way to be stern with the world and just coryo to you. and even if his edges become a little sharper, he'll keep that away from you and you'll understand.

you may criticize some of your father's views and actions, but you do love him. coryo sees it in the way that you constantly strive for his approval, he sees it in the way your face lights up when he's home. if you can love your father through your disagreements, you can love him as well. he'll make sure of it.

feeling better, he starts semi-playfully chiding you for even thinking that anything could take you away from him. that you should know better than to not see this as yet another thing he's doing for you, for your friendship.

you don't want to admit it, but you're feeling a little bad for reacting like that. after all, coryo was so excited to tell you and you know your father's capable of scaring people out of your life. at least this means that nothing's going to get in between the two of you.

coryo recognizes your slight pout and the apologetic line between your eyebrows. the two of you so rarely argue that even a hint of conflict has you willing to do anything to make things feel normal again.

so he lets himself play into his hurt. you're quick to pick up on it, holding onto him a little tighter. the two of you stay like that for awhile until you break the silence, saying that you're happy that he has an excuse to be around more.

eventually the two of you end up sitting on your bed, both of you silently agreeing that you've done enough homework. instead you focus on reassuring him, holding his hand between both of yours, pressing the occasional chaste kiss against his knuckles and resting your head against his shoulder until he has to go home.

after your father leaves, coryo takes his promise to look after you seriously. he's already in the habit of walking you home after school every day, but he start staying over after every day. the lack of authority figures around makes it a little easier to accept the after school snacks your maid always prepares and sometimes he even lets you send some home with him.

his grandma'am's over the moon when he starts accepting invitations to school social events that he honestly considers painful because he's escorting you. she's convinced that the two of you are getting married and with your family's status and the snow name, there's no door the two of you won't be able to unlock. even though you're still just friends, he rarely reminds her. it's for her own sake, he tells himself, it makes her happy.

the promise to your father also makes him bolder. he feels more assured, more justified in his disapproval of those that show a little too much interest in you.

you still don't notice the way his jaw tightens when some unaware guy gets too close, or think anything of the way that it almost always leads to him grabbing your hand.

he also stays over more, sometimes leaving for a few hours in the late afternoons so your maid doesn't think anything's going on. your family's estate is so large it's easy enough to get him in and out through a secondary exit.

the two of you fall into such a good routine that when your parents do get back, they start trusting coryo even more. your father asks if he can take you to certain social events that normally you wouldn't be allowed to attend and your strict weekday curfew becomes more of a suggestion when he's around.

[darsynia]

Surprise blurb bomb!

You’re at a conference and a little worried because your boss has enlisted you to present. You’ve got about a day to go, so you’ve been in pacing in your hotel room rehearsing. However, the frustration mounts every time you hear yourself make a little mistake. Your next door neighbor has heard all of this, so they come to knock on your door, checking that everything is alright. When you explain what’s going on, they nod sympathetically, having to present as well. They kindly offer to help you practice, which leads to the two of you falling asleep collapsed on top of each other on your bed. What happens after that? Who’s your babe?

Thank you so much for this!! I chose Steve, and this is teeth-rotting fluff with my signature little characterization moments. I hope you enjoy!!

gif from @askthesuperhusbands

Notes: Pre-Ultron, no warnings, 2,447 words, first draft so I get it out without fussing

Excerpt:

“I get it. Public speaking is hard enough when it’s important, but it’s even harder when there are no friendlies in the audience.” Steve smiles wryly. “That won’t happen here, I promise. I’ll be in the room, because just like with the war bonds, I’m a symbol of what you’re fighting for.”

Always On

“The idea of ‘public relations’ has fallen into disrepute, just like ‘human resources’--and I think their tarnished reputations are related,” you say, hands clutching the edges of the wooden desk chair ‘podium’ precariously balanced on the hotel bed. “I know everyone in this room is well-acquainted with the concept of finding common ground with a myriad of people-- Argh!”

You frown, feeling the judgment of the rumpled sheet hanging on the wall. It’s covering the mirror that had pulled your focus away for the first twenty minutes of this practice exercise, but you still know it’s there. At this point, the sheet is a fig leaf covering your dignity and your inability to stay focused.

It’s past midnight, and the long day is getting to you. The introductory paragraph of your presentation is in the bag, but paragraph two isn’t working at all. It’s your thesis statement, the crux of the whole project, and you know you’re fighting an uphill battle. Without help from the well-respected UNITY Project, the governments of the world might try something extreme to keep the Avengers in line. Each year the group of philanthropists, aid workers, humanitarian lawyers, and other notorious do-gooders meet and choose ten groups to endow aid or oversight on. You’re hoping for the oversight, but it’s a long shot. The group has a sterling reputation, and their clout might be enough to get Secretary Ross to back down.

Your hands ache from where you’ve been clutching at your makeshift podium, but you square your shoulders and try again. “What we’re seeking is a partnership, a way to celebrate this team’s efforts and smooth over their rough edges.”

The sheet is mocking you, so you close your eyes and picture the faceless group you’re going to be appealing to.

“Citizens around the world trust your judgment and their heroism. Together we can ease fears and--” You stop, struggling to remember the word you’d thought up in the rental car on the way to the hotel. No amount of squinting at the note cards does any good. Your notes are rain-splattered and ruined in exactly the wrong spot, of course.

Throwing your head back, you let out yet another miserable groan.

Seconds later, there’s a gentle tap on the door. You recognize the pattern.

“Go away Steve, I’m busy dying of frustration!”

There is silence for over thirty seconds, but you’re not fooled. After counting to fifty-five, you stride over and throw the door open right before Captain America’s knuckles strike the wood again.

“Yes?” Your withering glare doesn’t faze him. Steve just raises his eyebrows and holds his hands up in a ‘surrender�� gesture.

“Three ‘arghs’ in fifteen minutes gets a visit, you should know that,” he tells you with mock sternness.

Hot embarrassment has you stepping back in dismay. “You could hear that?”

“A few words of the speech, too,” he nods, prompting another ‘argh’ from you.

Your choices are to spontaneously develop superpowers so you can drop through the floor, or do as you always do in this friendship--or let Steve Rogers be the hero. Your dilemma must show on your face, because for once, he doesn’t wait for you to ask for help.

“Something tells me the board of United International Continuing Acronym won’t be convinced by those noises,” Steve says, using Stark’s nickname to cover for the way he pushes past you into the room. For a few seconds, the fronts of your bodies brush against each other, and the heat from those few seconds burns through you.

By the time you recover, Steve’s already across the room, clearing his throat. “I sympathize, believe me. Doesn’t matter how much public speaking I’ve gone through, it still ties my stomach into knots.” He turns and gives you a look of teasing determination. “I have a few suggestions, but I’d have to swear you to secrecy.”

Your crush surges up to color your voice with maybe a little too much affection as you say, “Captain America has secrets?”

The look he shoots you has the same sort of heat from seconds ago. “Here,” he says, pulling a folded page from his pocket. “This is a new one, but back when they first put me in tights, I practiced my script in a room set up with some of these.”

Steve hands you a drawing of a crowd of people, some smiling, some frowning, some turning to their neighbors instead of looking forward. It’s got all of the charm of his usual drawings, despite being more simple than usual. When you look up at his face, his sheepish expression tells you why. He must have drawn it right before knocking on your door.

“Steve,” you breathe, touched by the gesture but also the way he’s captured the spectrum of audience reaction. It reminds you of everything he’d gone through to be the man he is now, the man you’ve fallen for as inevitably as a crowd cheers for a brilliant performance. You couldn’t help it.

“Not now, all right?” he whispers, a kind of pleading in his eyes. “Speech first.”

You blink at him. Did he just acknowledge that something’s different between you? What is it about this corporate hotel hundreds of miles from the home that’s turned everything deliciously sideways? He’s already on the next Act, and you shove those feelings aside to focus like he’s asked you to.

“My place was a quarter this size, but maybe we can…” Steve trails off, propping his drawing on the draped wall sheet and flipping off all but the lights above the bed. Somehow it works, limiting distractions and changing the covered mirror into an easel for his thoughtful drawing.

There’s only one problem.

“Are you planning to lurk behind me?”

“Well, I’d sit in the chair, but--”

“Steve!” You can’t even glare at him, because all you can see is the glint of the fluorescent light reflecting off of his shined shoes. He pushes off the wall and steps forward just enough so you can see the kind look on his face.

“I get it. Public speaking is hard enough when it’s important, but it’s even harder when there are no friendlies in the audience.” Steve smiles wryly. “That won’t happen here, I promise. I’ll be in the room, because just like with the war bonds, I’m a symbol of what you’re fighting for.”

There’s no way he could know how romantic that sounds, so you swallow against the sudden tightness in your throat and nod at him.

You start again, and suddenly it works. The chair is a podium. The crowd is real. Steve is somewhere out of sight, rooting for you. You get through the whole thing, and it feels great. You can hear Steve clapping for you through the relieved buzzing in your ears.

Then it all falls apart. When you let go, the chair falls over and smacks you in the face, and the little breeze from your flail of pain knocks the drawing down. Steve rushes over to help, but he bumps into you, and you both fall sideways onto the bed.

The giggles last for a glorious few minutes, and then he says, “Okay, since everything went sideways, can I make it worse?”

You’re lying on a bed with Steve Rogers and his smile is like an early sunrise, so you say yes.

“The concept is good, but you sound like you’re using big words to impress. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not really us. Tony’s irreverent, Clint’s the salt of the Earth, and Bruce is the kind of scientist that puts everyone at ease, at least until he turns green.” Steve turns onto his back, but he doesn’t get up, which feels consequential, despite his criticism. “Nat’s public persona is standoffish but not pretentious, and I’m--”

“You’re folksy,” you interrupt, still stinging from the unfortunate truth of the word ‘pretentious.’ “The epitome of ‘plainspoken.’”

Steve shoots a look over at you, and you realize those two words are exactly what he meant.

“The guy next door,” you add. Inside, you’re crumbling a little bit. Does he think you’re pretentious? Are you pretentious?

Steve rolls to face you again, reaching out to brush his thumb gently across the place the chair had struck you. It’s covered by your hair, but he somehow knows exactly where it is.

“You still have a full day left of the conference before it’s your turn. I could have colored that drawing and given it to you tomorrow, but that wouldn’t have helped tonight.” He pulls his hand back, but sets it on the bed between you. “That’s what makes us a team.”

You’re confused, but comforted nonetheless.

“You paint with words. It’s not that different from art, and every artist chooses how much effort to put in each piece,” he explains patiently. “It’s the same for this. You’re representing everyone, and that means you have to save some of that energy for the physical part of it. Not everyone realizes that.”

“Oh, God,” you blurt out, sitting up. “You are a symbol, just like you said. You’re always on, even at the Compound! How much energy does that take?”

He looks up at you, and the truth in his eyes is painfully intimate. “It’s not as bad now. When I came out of the ice, it kind of felt like I was still in tights. Always exposed for the greater good.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. It’s your job to book him for events. You’re the one shoving him onto the stage.

“No, no, don’t do that,” Steve says, sitting up and framing your face with his hands. “It was worse before, when it was Tony or some random person at SHIELD sending me out. I trust you. This conference was your idea--”

You scrunch up your face with guilt at that, and Steve gets this look of determination on his face. The next thing you know, he’s leaning forward and kissing you. It’s electric, stage lights blaring, orchestra in crescendo, and the velvet curtain rolling closed on the triumphant final scene to the roaring of the audience applause.

Then he’s pulling back, standing, and running his hand over his face. “That was out of line, I’m sorry.”

“It was a masterpiece,” you say, looking up at him with your hands clutching the blanket and your heart in your eyes.

The way his nervous tension completely leaves his body is even more reassuring than the softly-spoken “Oh. Good,” he lets out. His encore wins all the awards your heart has to give: “I didn’t practice that at all.”

Joy colors your voice. “You’re a natural.”

Steve’s ears turn red, and he says, “Well, I should let you get back to it. It’s past one--”

“You could stay,” you rush to say, standing up and stepping past him to pick up the drawing. Behind you, he makes a strangling sort of coughing noise, and you realize what you’ve said. “To practice!”

That just makes Steve gasp your name, clearly amused and scandalized in equal measure, and you groan in frustration. Feeling giddy just destroys your cognitive abilities.

“The speech! What is it about this hotel??”

“A new medium. Canvas instead of watercolor paper. A speech instead of short stories,” he says, setting the fallen chair back upright.

“You know about those?” you ask, surprised. You’ve made a point of working on them only during your downtime.

He has the grace to look apologetic. “Tony made a comment once, that I’d turn up in one of your stories if I offended any world leaders, when I was sent to the UN Grand Assembly.”

“Shit, I forgot I threatened him with that one time when he was being an ass.” Your grumble ended in a colossal yawn. “What time does breakfast start tomorrow?” The conference is a multi-day affair, and missing the early meal had not set you up to stay awake through the panels today. “I won’t have any time to practice this tomorrow night and you’re right, I really need to clean up the wording,” you add, feeling your elation at the kiss drain away with worry.

“Then let’s keep at it,” Steve says, taking the drawing and setting it back up on the sheet. He turns and gives you as wicked a look as you’ve ever seen on his face. “The speech, I mean.”

You wake up to the alarm with a sore neck, your dress pants digging into your hip, and a bed partner. He’s the farthest from a pain in the neck as a man can get, but falling asleep fully dressed with your head on his shoulder wasn’t the wisest decision you’ve ever made. You pull in a deep breath, trying to clear out the mental cobwebs scattered in happy glitter, and Steve tenses up under your head.

“I’m sorry,” you say immediately.

“Don’t be. I’m the one who should have left you to sleep.”

You sit up so he can slip out of bed, knowing that he needs to put distance between you for his own peace of mind.

“Be honest: have you ever voluntarily abandoned a woman who needs your help?” you tease. “In all seriousness, you were a huge help last night, and I’m sure that was outside your comfort zone. That was probably the most I’ve ever seen you talk outside of lecturing Stark!”

“I didn’t even notice,” he says, pulling the sheet off of the mirror expertly folding it over in the corner of the room.

He’s faced away from you, so you indulge in a back-arching stretch while muttering under your breath, “You have no idea how hot that is.”

“Right back at you,” Steve retorts, looking back at you with the sheet in one clenched fist. “I need to get going. Want me to pick up breakfast for you?”

You’re off script and floundering, trying to reconcile the sexy rasp in his voice with this attempt at professionalism. It’s exactly the kind of relationship you’ve always dreamed of, and you find your heart slipping further into romantic oblivion.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Thank you,” He says, holding out a hand to help you up. Once you’re standing, Steve holds your gaze and lifts his eyebrows in a very clear question. Heart pounding, you nod, and he takes your lips in a brief but fervent kiss. He moves back, pausing at the door. “I just thought of something, but it’s--”

“Tell me anyway,” you interrupt. “You don’t have to alter your wording for me.” It’s maybe too symbolic and cheesy, but you’re sleep deprived.

“I’m looking forward to another collaboration,” he says, flashing you a brilliant smile.

Note: I may have to write a sequel with what happens AFTER, given that I impulsively wrote this and missed that the prompt was 'what happens after that' I feel so dumb haha

[askthehedgehogs]

[Happy One Month!!!]

[Hi everyone, mod here!! It's been exactly one month since I started this blog and oh my GOD, how did we get here??? I honestly thought it would last maybe 2 weeks tops. You guys have all been SO wonderful, sent in SO many interesting asks and I'm having such a great time drawing/writing responses! Hope you're all having a good time too 😊 Thanks for sticking with me this long!

Under the cut I'm gonna give y'all some blog stats, a "story so far" blurb, a handy tags list and a vague timeline! I will later add anything that's useful to my pinned post.]

Well, to kick off, let's see some stats! Mostly based on Tumblr's little badges. We've been here for 1 month and:

The Hedgehogs have answered over 250 asks

With over 500 reblogs

And over 10,000 likes!

We've also just passed 280 followers. Woo!

10 animations (sorryihaventdoneanylatelytheytaketoolong)

Sonic has received 13 chilli dogs

Shadow has used Sonic as a pillow 9 times

There have been 33 hugs/cuddles/kisses drawn

So let's take a look at what's happened!

THE STORY SO FAR

Sonic and Shadow set this blog up to appease Tails, who wanted Sonic to become an influencer to bring in some cash where his sponsorship deals have declined over time, and Rouge, who wanted Shadow to practice Normal Social Interactions. They were both reluctant at first, although Sonic faced it with his usual enthusiasm. Over time, they've grown to love answering all your questions and started to open up more--going from sarcastic and unserious answers to genuinely considering your questions. Well done! Their relationship began with a heart-to-heart after Sonic's birthday party, immediately following the Time Eater's attack on the Sonic gang. They talked about their feelings, and took some time to open up to each other before deciding to give dating a try. They were together for almost 5 years before getting married in June 2024. Sonic moved in with Shadow a few months before they got married. Wedding 1.0 was a quiet affair with just a few close friends on Angel Island. Amy insisted on planning a real big shindig for the boys, so Wedding 2.0 will be held on July 12th 2025! They had no honeymoon, either, so they might want one of those this time around 👀 The Hedgehogs had been married almost a year before starting this blog, and dating almost 5 years before that, although their relationship was kept secret for most of that time. A few slip ups from Sonic lead to announcing their relationship to the public (and, uh, Eggman...), but so far nothing terrible has come from letting everyone know. Although Shadow likes the idea of having kids, Sonic is unsure about it, so for now they're sticking with raising Chao and helping out with kids that need the support!

Phew, I don't know if any of that makes sense and my laptop keyboard is lowkey broken so typing it out was an uphill battle... but you can always ask the hedgehogs if you want any clarification!!

Onto the VERY ROUGH timeline--this is not going to be 100% SEGA canon or real-world compatible, but this is the timeline as it goes in my head because I can't work with a character who was stuck at 15-ish for most of his life haha.

TIMELINE

Aaaaand now for the tags list--these are frequently used tags for themes that crop up a lot, be sure to check them out if you want to know specific details or see a certain kind of response!

FREQUENT TAGS LIST:

mod yaps - for when it's just mod yapping the hedgehogs answer / hedgehog doodles - every post the boys have answered basically hedgehogs animated - anything with animations! tag: hedgehugs and kisses - art with the hedgies being physically affectionate tag: hedgehog history - mostly regarding past games/Sonic media in their canon tag: relationship questions - questions about their relationship tag: hedgehobbies - questions about hobbies tag: movies - specifically questions about movies tag: music - specifically questions about music tag: sonic is jealous - Sonic being whiny about Shadow getting attention tag: sonic is not legally allowed to cry - Sonic talking about/avoiding talking about his feelings tag: shadow is allowed to feel - Shadow talking about his feelings tag: bring them gifts - when anons/not anons offer them gifts tag: food - mostly Sonic being a fatass honestly but also Qs about food tag: shadow has chronic pain - Shadow's chronic pain issues feature in these asks/drawings tag: getting personal - Questions of a personal nature which they tend to avoid answering tag: hedgehogs in clothes - anything where they're clothed tag: mobian questions - questions about Mobians tag: not dads - questions about whether they'll have kids tag: coparenting chao - When they're with Chao tag: ticklish shadow - that time everyone discovered Shadow is ticklish tag: wine drunk shadow - that time Shadow got wine drunk and loosened up tag: flower crowns - when anons have gifted flower crowns tag: wedding 1.0 - anything about their first wedding tag: wedding 2.0 - plans for their upcoming wedding party

[All right, I think that's about it! Thanks so much for all your asks, likes, reblogs, comments, and follows! I hope this post is helpful!

Mod out ✌️]

[allmylove-t]

1: God’s Country

Masterlist (Fun little extras)

Setting: Post-crash, modern au, Providence

Pairing: Shauna Shipman x Reader (1st Person Perspective)

Word Count: 539

Growing up in the Southern region of the United States engrains a layer of vulnerability into you that I'm biased to believe doesn't appear anywhere else in the country. An upbringing in the Southern Baptist church drives that nail home even further. It's toxic and does everything in its power to sink its rigid claws into your skin, refusing to let go.

I stopped believing in the church long ago, despite its omnipresence throughout my childhood. If I remember correctly, my naive belief came to a full stop after my dad left, and my mom and I moved to Rhode Island. I turned twelve, the shameful divorce was finalized, he gave up his custody rights, and a week later, we'd moved out of the Bible Belt and up to New England.

Like I said, the thing about the church is, is that it lingers. I may not believe in the teachings, or lead a "Godly" life, but I carry an immense amount of guilt upon my shoulders. Being my "father's" daughter gave me a disadvantage in that sense. He has anger issues, I can't regulate my emotions; He's manipulative, I spent most of my life evading fault for anything I had done; He's a self-proclaimed dictator, I can't handle a lack of control. But my mom was my saving grace. She's a good person and refuses to let her daughter be anything like her ex-husband.

I work on bettering myself every day, but growing up around a man like that, being half of him, those things are hard to shake. It's like an uphill battle trying to erase him, but I'm slowly getting there. All I really need is stability, and moving North offered me that, but it also rocked my world. Seven years of living in Providence, and I'm still trying to change.

Trauma clings to you the way the scent of an old church clings to the fabric of your clothes, the way the splinters of old pews sink into your skin, or the way the psychological burn of holy water lingers after a baptism, knowing your sins haven't been unburdened from you; because those sins aren't yours to be forgiven. Divine timing, God's plan, whatever. It's an unfair exchange when you feel as though your parents put up walls in your path.

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

Meeting Shauna felt like a rebellion against a church I haven't been a part of for almost a decade. A final "fuck you" to the Baptists and my father, when, in all reality, it was mostly just illegal. I was somewhere I'm not yet allowed to be, with someone who isn't allowed to be there either.

It was new, something I'd never done before, and she embodied someone I'd never formally met. The kind of person my mom always told me about. You know the one. The bad influence, the troublemaker, the extra baggage, the kinda fun I shouldn't bring home to her. The kind of person my dad was when my mom met him. But I'm young, I'm dumb, and one "bad" decision won't make or break me. The same things my mom said. But I'm not my mom, Shauna's not my dad, and I don't even like girls. No harm, no foul.

[phantomarine]

Hey what were you trying to say in your “it gets good at page 1001” post

Was it more of a comment directed at yourself ( self degradation), is it satire about perfectionism,

Is it supposed to be inspirational for Beginners webcomic creators, or we’re you just in a bad mood?

More of a warning against self-sabotage, because I see it so much. Sometimes it's tied to perfectionism, sometimes it's the opposite - people surrendering to imperfection when they don't really have to.

Creator chat incoming. I'll put it under the deelybob for anyone who wants to read it 👇

I've been in the webcomic sphere for several years now and I've seen so many people introduce their comic with 'I know it's very long and not easy to read, and I won't be going back and changing anything about what I've already made - but please critique it so I can make the rest of the pages better and attract a bigger audience from now on.'

And that's a hard thing to respond to. If a reader can't get through all those existing pages without being confused or bored, then how can they get to the good stuff that lies past them?

So much of gaining an audience is about actively making it easy to 'fall into' a work. Without that easy entry point, it's always going to be an uphill battle to build an audience, no matter how good the later chapters get. There are outliers, but most webcomics won't be those outliers, especially with thousands of them available nowadays. Some people love the grind, but most people will jump to a new tab and try to find something less frustrating.

And webcomic creation is particularly cursed by its very nature. Creators are hesitant to go back and edit pages, even once they've figured out more details about their craft or story structure. It's mostly because of the seeming permanence of it all - the art takes ages and the words feel unchangeable if even one other person has read them. To go back and edit is to publicly admit your failings, right? That's how it feels. What do you MEAN you didn't get it right the first time? You were supposed to do it live, and do it PERFECTLY!

But ideally it shouldn't be any different than prose writing, which is ALL ABOUT finding the story in those edits. And because your story is digital, you can go back and change things whenever you feel like it. A webcomic is fluid.

And if you're thinking 'I should just redraw my whole first chapter' - NO! Hell no, old art can be a part of the appeal! It's far more about finding little tricks to convey your story/characters more clearly. I have read some first chapters with janky art that made me fall completely in love with the story and cast. It's not about the art - as with all things comic-related, it's about conveyance.

Examples I've seen and some I've used myself: A single extra page with a meaningful interaction can solidify the theme of a character's arc. One additional 5-to-10-page scene can help add visual context for an offscreen event where there was none before. Adding a map can tell people where the characters currently are. Changing a character design can help if they get often confused with another character. Redoing your lettering to make it more legible is a huge one too.

In the end, I just don't want people to be afraid of small edits. When I got feedback about the bad clarity of my own work, I knew it would take some time to fix those problems. It wasn't fun to think about or to do, but I'm glad I did it in the end - because it would have limited my audience tremendously. With just a bit of extra effort, I opened a door that wasn't there before, and it now leads more people even more easily to 'the good stuff.'

tl;dr You started your webcomic for a reason, and you're learning more things about its characters, story, and craft every day. Don't be afraid to go back to old pages and inject some of that wisdom through editing. Even a little can go a long way.

***Caveat: If your goal is to just create chaotically, with no goal of gaining an audience, you are a wild and free little thing, and I am in awe of you. This whole rant doesn't apply to you, and you are stronger than me.

[wayiiseetheworld]

One Look

Summary: A prompt from Tumblr, "finding them on the bed and with only a look, they automatically know it is time for cuddles." Jack has bad day, Robby is there.

Warnings: Talks about depression, medical inaccuracies, male friendship, pre-relationship.

Word Count: 1,110

Author Note: I am obsessed with Jack Abbot, Michael Robinavitch and The Pitt. Slowly going to post my stories from A03 on here. || Not my gif.

A03 Link

Masterlist

The harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital were beginning to hurt Jack's eyes, and the frantic footsteps along the corridor mingled with the sorrowful beeping of monitors, creating a haunting symphony in his mind. He longed to escape, to leave this place behind. After a grueling twelve-hour shift, the echoes of the night weighed on him like a thick fog, overshadowed by the burden of the few lives he couldn't save.

As soon as his replacement arrived, Jack wasted no time; he was out of the hospital in less than fifteen minutes.

Jack trudged up the narrow stairs to his townhouse, each step feeling like an uphill battle against the weight of exhaustion that clung to him. He knew he should probably eat something or at least drink some water, but all he really craved was the simple comfort of lying still in his bed.

As he turned the key in the lock, the familiar click of the latch opening provided a fleeting sense of relief. The moment he stepped inside, he was greeted by the gentle glow of a lamp on the living room nightstand. Jack paused for a second, wondering if Robby had left it on by accident or if he had done it intentionally, so Jack wouldn’t have to turn any of the main lights on when he came home. With a weary sigh, he hung his to-go bag on the hook beside Robby’s, a small gesture of normalcy amid the fatigue that engulfed him.

Jack moved to the master bedroom, ascending the stairs to the right. As he paused in the doorway, his breath caught in his throat. There was Robby, sprawled comfortably across their bed, a medical journal resting on his chest. The sight of him, completely absorbed in his reading, sent a rush of warmth through Jack’s heart.

Over the past few years, they had gone through so much together—leaving behind their "friends with benefits" arrangement, finally getting together—and now they found themselves sharing a townhouse, merging their lives in ways that felt right. The heartfelt conversations about their feelings, which had been long awaited their long friendship, had drawn them from friends with benefits to a real relationship. 

Robby looks over to Jack, a soft smile tugging at his lips before it drops. He knew, without a doubt with one look, that Jack had a rough day.

Silently, Jack made his way to the edge of the bed, his tired feet moving quietly on the wooden floor. Jack feels Robby eyes on him - Jack felt a wave of relief wash over him. He slowly moves to take his prosthetic off, setting it on the ground before moving himself fully on the bed, inches away from the other man. 

The one look at the doorway, Jack thinks, it was a look filled with understanding, empathy, and an unspoken promise: Robby would be here, a comfort in the storm. Jack wasn’t alone.

Robby's expression softened, and Jack felt the weight of his fatigue lift as if it were dissolving away. Without saying a word, Robby set the journal aside, opening his arms wide in a silent invitation for Jack to come closer. There was a familiar rhythm between them; Robby always seemed to sense when Jack needed him the most, when the burdens of the day became too heavy to carry alone. They had developed a beautiful give-and-take, each serving as an anchor for the other during moments of vulnerability, allowing space for breakdowns when needed.

Jack shifted further into the bed, now just inches away from Robby, before surrendering to the warmth of his familiar embrace as Robby pulled him close. He breathed in the comforting scent of Robby’s cologne blended with the gentle musk of the sheets. In this space, he felt a sense of home and safety. Here, he could be himself and allow his vulnerability to surface.

“Rough day?” Robby murmured softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Jack nodded against his chest, feeling the warmth emanating from Robby—a stark contrast to the chill that had settled in his bones. “A few… lost a couple of patients.” His voice cracked slightly at the admission, that familiar ache creeping back in. “An infant, a teenager, two vets. All in one car crash…” 

A drunk driver collided with two cars at an intersection; one vehicle carried a teenager and an infant, while the other was occupied by two veterans. The drunk driver survived though, no major injuries.

Robby felt his arm that made him go a little tighter, his fingers running gently through Jack’s hair. “I’m sorry, love,” he murmured. “You could have called me…”

Jack surrendered to Robby’s embrace, letting the emotions he had kept at bay rise to the surface. Tears streamed down his face as he breathed in the comfort of the moment. Robby didn’t hurry him; he simply held Jack close, his fingers gently running through Jack’s hair, providing the space to feel, to mourn, and to process. 

“I just wanted to come home to you,” Jack murmured, his voice muffled against Robby’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you were here and not on shift…”

“Me too,” Robby replied, his voice calm and filled with love. “But no matter what, I am always here for you.” The words come out as a promise, Jack takes it to heart.

As they lay there, tangled together, Jack felt the heaviness begin to lighten. In Robby's embrace, he found solace. The world outside faded away, and in their small sanctuary, all that mattered was the closeness they shared.

Eventually, Jack pulled back slightly to look into Robby’s eyes. There was that knowing smile again, a soft light illuminating Robby’s features. No words escaped his lips, but Robby could see the affection in Jack’s expression. “Yeah, I love you, too,” he said quietly. 

With a gentle laugh, Robby leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Jack’s temple, causing a small yawn to escape Jack's lips. “Cuddle time? I think that’s what you need most right now,” Robby suggested. “That and some good sleep.”

“Yeah. More than anything,” Jack agreed. 

They shifted together, allowing Robby to become the big spoon, enveloping Jack in warmth, Robby’s hand on his chest and the other in Jack’s hair. “Just go to sleep. You need to sleep, it’s going to help.” Robby murmured, reassuringly. “I’ll be right here. We’ll wake up in a few hours to eat, maybe get those sandwiches you like from Sammie’s.”

Jack mumbles out okay, feeling his eyes go heavy. A few moments pass before Jack closes his eyes, letting himself drift off into a peaceful sleep, comforted by Robby’s embrace.

[timeclipsed]

Hello hello hello to all my mutuals, and to all the ones I haven't followed back too! The last few days have been so hectic that I haven't had the chance to sit down and properly articulate my thoughts until now, so I hope you can forgive me for missing the mark a little here.

With this bummer of a year finally coming to an end, I know a lot of people are scrambling to find something hopeful to hear to give them faith for 2025. Reassurance, acknowledgement, kindness— anything to at least put a pretty bow on top of everything. Maybe some of you received that of which you were looking for, maybe some of you didn't and were saddened by it.

If I could, I would send every single one of you a personalized message telling you how much you mean and how happy I am that you are here with me. I suppose something more generalized doesn't have the exact same sentiment, but regardless I want to tell you that I see you, and that I care for you. Even if nobody else in the world has made you feel valued or seen, I promise that I do. You are so real, and so, so rare.

In the short time I've been here, this silly little community has become a home to me. It's always fun when things get chaotic, or when we're sharing promos, or talking about the same topics. Every single presence on my dashboard matters to me, because it creates an entirely new verse in this big, endless orchestral song we're all performing together. And every time we get a new player, with their own new instrument, I get so happy! No matter how minimal or fickle you think your contributions are, I hope you know that I appreciate them. You are beautifully articulate writers with intricately wonderful portrayals and uniquely valuable concepts/ideas. And you, in your own little ways, help to cultivate this community and make it into the exciting, welcoming place it is now! Whether you're an AU writer, or you're so canon divergent that sometimes your character doesn't even seem like the original thing, or you're entirely about OCs, or even all of the above, everything you do here is great! Thank you for being brave enough to share your thoughts with the world; with us, with me!

I may not know any of you very well, or have an idea of what you face in your real lives day-to-day, but beyond a shadow of a doubt I know that you're so brave for waking up every morning to face it and even still having the motivation to come online everyday and show us your most creative thoughts and visions! You're tenacious, resilient, and best of all you're you! You can take whatever this wacked out life throws at you and still stand tall to come back for more!

You know the craziest part? You faced that uphill battle head-on, a conflict you can only take one day at a time, and you won. Every single fight this year threw at you, you overcame. I am so proud of you! So, so extremely proud! Maybe you had days that didn't feel great or nights where you made mistakes that you regret, but those are leaps and bounds away now! Because you're still growing every single day! And now you're here, in the future!

Well, I could go on, but I won't take up any more of your time. I don't know if this is anything, or if it will matter much in the long run... but I do hope you all recognize that the sentiment is here, and that it's not going away any time soon (much like you, heheh, go you go!).

Thank you for being here, and for being you. Happy 2025!

[putschki1969]

Hello Sarah,

First of all, thank you for the insight on the matter. I know you are super busy and not in the perfect mood (trust me I'm not doing any better) considering what happened, so I leave it up to you if you want to post this or not as it may be abit too dark of a message.

I know these past couple of days have been disheartening and disappointing, especially when you feel powerless to do something right now other than support the girls.

Part of me was thinking, "Why we the fans don't do something about it?", like signing a petition with a respectful message towards Yuki to reconsider, and for the future FJ/YKL events (since this year has already been decided) to include Keiko (and Hikaru, Wakana if possible) again.

However, I'm also thinking that this may add fuel to the fire and maybe it's something that the girls and Keiko foremost would not want us to do, considering how subtle and professional she was in her statement.

I'm not gonna lie that with all this s...show, makes me worry about Keiko's wellbeing.

Seeing 20 years worth of work thrown out of the window from someone who you have utmost respect and getting the silent treatment from people you have long friendships it's a tough pill to swallow.

Considering what we have seen with other Japanese celebrities over the years, it's a thought that gives me shudders.

Now, we never know what is going on behind the scenes, and I pray that the connections are still there.

Apologies if my message got a bit dark there, but some tend to forget that we're dealing with human beings.

Hopefully, we will have some good news in the near future to turn things around. We really need a breather after all this. For every low, there's a high as they say! 🙏

Hi there!

Thank you for being so considerate. I am in fact having a very hard time right now. Questions are piling up in my inbox and every post inspires a new wave of replies. It's a uphill battle for sure. But don't worry, it's mostly my fault for feeling too overwhelmed and not knowing when to stop🙃. I want to try my best to clarify the situation as best as possible and to answer any open question. I also feel the need to explain myself if things didn't come across properly. Oh well, in short, I am happy to reply to your ask even if it's a tricky topic.

Hmm, yeah, I don't think petitions directed at creators or artists are ever a good idea. I'm actually strictly against them. Even if we hate the current developments, we have ultimately no choice but to respect those decisions or move on to another fandom that brings us more joy. Of course we can be critical and question all the things that are happening but we should always do it in a contained space, in our own little fandom corner, far away from any of the involved parties. With a delicate matter such as this, it would probably cause more harm than good to publicly express our dissatisfaction and make demands. Everything in this feud boils down to keeping your head low, avoiding confrontation, being quiet and not disclosing any valuable information.

And yes, as you say, based on Keiko's comment, she would definitely not want us to do anything drastic that would draw attention to us. and could potentially make Yuki look bad. She has taken this decision in stride so as her fans, we should probably be able to do so as well. It's gonna take a little while longer but that's basically what I'm working towards. Just have to get rid of some of my bitterness.

Keiko is strong, I think we don't have to worry about her. She has stayed true to her word in her last Yodel message and gone back to her regular routine as if nothing happened. Like always, she has been wishing us a good morning with a funny emoji, she has given us glimpses into her work day and made sure to emphasise how much fun she's been having (probably to give us some peace of mind). Yesterday, she apparently had a super fun photo shoot. Many of the photos will be useless because of her cracking up and laughing like crazy [She didn't specify but I think this might have been for a new calendar? I wouldn't know what other things she would do a photo shoot for. Maybe the Undokai festival will have a pamphlet or something? I don't know.] Today was filled with lots of meetings [Once again, no idea what for but I'm kinda hopeful it was Kalafina related since Hikaru's tweet about starting "another task" for the day - implying that she had been doing something else before - came around the same time as Keiko's message on Yodel, saying that she was done with interviews for the day] . She got home pretty late but apparently she had a blast and time went by super quickly. She treated herself to some chocolate and sent an adorable picture. I cannot possibly gatekeep this precious photo so here you go!

For my part, I am confident that none of their connections are severed. It's a rough patch for sure and what is being conveyed to he public seems very harsh. But there's so much more going on behind the scenes. I wish there wouldn't be so many missing puzzle pieces but that's just something we have to live with. Do you remember when everyone believed that the connection with Wakana was lost? None of that was true. And I never believed it to be true. I always had faith and I shall continue to have faith.

Yes, let's stay positive!! Hikaru herself just recently said that life balances itself out, good things will follow for sure.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Nate Silver at Silver Bulletin:

Last night, as President Trump delivered his State of the Union address1, the Wall Street Journal reported that ABC News would lay off the remaining staff at 538 as part of broader cuts within corporate parent Disney. Having been through several rounds of this before, including two years ago when the staff was cut by more than half and my tenure expired too2, I know it’s a brutal process for everyone involved. It’s also tough being in a business while having a constant anvil over your head, as we had in pretty much every odd-numbered (non-election) year from 2017 onward at 538/FiveThirtyEight.3 I don’t know all of the staffers from the most recent iteration of the site, but the ones I have met or who I overlapped with are all extremely conscientious and hard-working people and were often forced to work double-duty as jobs were cut but frequently not replaced. My heart goes out to them, and I’m happy to provide recommendations for people I worked with there. Beyond that, I wasn’t inclined to say too much more, but it felt weirder not to say anything at all. And it’s easier to say something here than filter it through a reporter or something. For more extended thoughts on the environment at Disney — plus plenty of self-reflection/self-criticism — you can see the item at the bottom of SBSQ #12.4 But the basic issue is that Disney was never particularly interested in running FiveThirtyEight as a business, even though I think it could have been a good business. Although they were generous in maintaining the site for so long and almost never interfered in our editorial process, the sort of muscle memory a media property builds early in its tenure tends to stick. We had an incredibly talented editorial staff, but we never had enough “product” people or strategy people to help the business grow and sustain itself. It’s always an uphill battle under those conditions, particularly when it comes to recruiting and retaining staff, who were constantly being poached by outlets like the New York Times and the Washington Post.

“Data journalism” has a bad name but a bright future

It also doesn’t quite feel like the end, exactly. “Data journalism” may have been a dumb name for what we were doing — that one’s on me — and Fivey Fox aside, the FiveThirtyEight brand was never warm and cuddly. But it always found a huge audience, and coverage of polls and political data is now much smarter. Compare the extremely analytical polling deep dives that Nate Cohn is doing at the New York Times, for instance, to the vibes-based coverage of the Boys on the Bus era. That trend may get even more entrenched as former 538ers form a diaspora that filters out to the rest of the media.

Also, I’d like to think we’re carrying a piece of the FiveThirtyEight torch here at Silver Bulletin. So, just two more quick beats. One about our near-term plans here — in slightly awkward timing, we’re launching our Trump approval ratings dashboard tomorrow. But first, a shout-out to one of the extremely valuable functions that FiveThirtyEight provided. Collecting and maintaining a database of public polls is a lot of work, requiring diligence, meticulousness, and dealing with constant complaints about edge cases from readers and pollsters. But it’s also a public service. Polling has its challenges, but I believe it’s vital in a democracy. People only get to vote every two to four years — if they’re lucky enough to live in a state where their vote even matters. While being too “poll-driven” has pitfalls, the alternative isn’t necessarily enlightened governance. Rather, left to their own devices, elected officials are often inclined to follow some combination of (i) narrow self-interest, (ii) the loudest voices in the room, and (iii) elite opinion, which often doesn’t match broader public opinion. FiveThirtyEight had long made its data publicly available through APIs and other tools. At Silver Bulletin, I hope we’re upholding that tradition too — although admittedly with a twist. For instance, not only are our pollster ratings (which apply the methodology I originally developed for FiveThirtyEight5) publicly available, but so is the underlying database of more than 12,000 polls that populates them. And for our presidential election forecast last year, our polling averages were free for everyone — though, here’s the twist, of course — the probabilities that the model spat out were paywalled. Even so, there were literally dozens of data visualizations and downloadable files just beyond that paywall — we’re not giving away the cow (the model code), but you’re getting basically everything else.

Nate Silver, the creator behind FiveThirtyEight, touches on ABC News’s shutting down of the venerable data site on the same night as 47’s address to the nation. Seeing a poll aggregator like 538 going away is sad in many ways (just like HuffPost eliminating Pollster).

[casual-praxis]

This should not have taken me nearly this long, but it's finally finished! Behold, the redundant relationship chart for my high school au fanfic!

I wasn't sure how to go about this at first, since it's pretty much just a big friend group, but I tried to touch on the specifics. They all interact with one another slightly differently depending on who it is, so I'll try to elaborate a little.

Red and Green are twins, so the usual sibling banter is common. They relentlessly tease each other about their respective crushes, but only because they trust the other not to go too far with it. As the "older twin" (by about seven minutes), Green feels the need to protect Red, who just rolls with it since he likes the attention.

Green and Blue have known each other since middle school, and while they didn't always get along, their rivalry eventually gave way to mutual respect. They're still very competitive, but they've got each other's backs when the going gets tough. Playful teasing is pretty much how they communicate (it only occasionally results in Blue angrily chasing Green around the school, big step up from the occasional fistfight).

Red and Vio, similar to Green and Blue, have known each other since middle school, and Red was the one to give Vio his nickname. The two are close, to the point where casual contact is more expected than not (it's a fairly common occurrence for Red to run up and jump onto Vio's back, with Vio simply adjusting his stance to support Red as the only acknowledgment it happened). Platonic soulmates.

Red and Blue have had crushes on each other for a while. Everyone can see it, except them apparently. They dance around the subject (i.e. flail) out of fear it'll change the dynamic of their group too much, but they're already so soft with each other that it wouldn't make a difference. Many nights are spent with only the two of them in vc, talking aimlessly just to hear the other's voice.

Green and Vio met through Red back in middle school, and while they aren't the closest, they do spend a lot of time together while waiting on Red and Blue to stop lowkey flirting (their version of it, anyway). Green has made it his mission to find Vio his own fashion style, but it's been an uphill battle so far on account of Vio not having much preference for anything. Vio, meanwhile, thinks it's funny to rile Green up, so he goes along with it despite not caring either way.

Blue and Vio, while not seeming very close, do talk way more than the average outsider might think. Blue is the only one in the group so far who knows almost the full extent of Vio's homelife, and while he can't do much to change it, he does his best to offer support (though he will absolutely not admit to it). These two can and will deck someone in the face if they mess with Red (or Green, but Green will defend himself at least).

Zelda and Green are the potential power couple just waiting to happen. They were always loosely aware of each other throughout the school years, but it wasn't until Vio (reluctantly) introduced them that they started to hang out. Green greatly admires her leadership skills and fashion knowledge (they'll talk for hours about it), meanwhile, Zelda finds his charisma and dorky humor charming.

Zelda and Red aren't incredibly close, but still friendly with each other. They're in drama club together and mostly talk about related club work, or Green, usually both. There isn't much to say about their relationship other than they get along and Red is excited at the idea of Zelda dating Green.

Interestingly enough, Zelda and Blue have a dynamic similar to the one Blue has with Green. They're gaming buddies, and very competitive with each other. This bleeds into their casual interactions at school, which always throws some people for a loop since Zelda's gaming hobby is very much a secret. The no-context smack talk is kinda funny to be fair.

Zelda and Vio do not get along. They grew up together because their families were friends, but both view their childhoods with one another very differently. While not outright hostile to each other, Vio tends to avoid Zelda and go silent if she's brought into a conversation. Zelda, on the other hand, would like to talk to "Violet", but his frequent avoidance of her does tend to make her a little bitter.

Zelda and Shadow have an odd friendship. What had started as an attempt to make peace, quickly turned into an unbreakable bond of solidarity. The two are gossip buddies, as well as theater kids, so you can imagine how that goes. They balance each other out in surprising ways (Zelda reins in Shadow's more over-the-top theatrics, while Shadow pushes Zelda to be more daring). They also game with Blue on the weekends, it's chaotic.

Shadow and Vio are a mess. Neither of them understands normal relationships and that's probably the only reason it's working out so well for them. Due to Shadow's history of bullying the group, Vio initially does not want anything to do with him, but once they get over that hurdle, depending on how you look at it, it's all downhill from here. Stalker x Stalker. They're obsessed.

Shadow and Blue, as mentioned before, are also gaming buddies. They usually don't interact much unless Zelda is with them, but they get along fine once they bury the hatchet. Blue is still a little wary of Shadow's intentions in the group, but he can always just punch Shadow again if he steps out of line.

Shadow and Red (who I forgot to draw a line between) get along great despite their history. They're both in theater (not the club) and match each other's energies fairly well. They both "fight" over Vio if he's around, but this usually just results in them hanging off of Vio while trying to have a normal conversation. A surprisingly chaotic duo.

Shadow and Green, much like Red and Zelda, aren't super close but can tolerate each other. None of their hobbies or interests really align, though they might team up to find Vio a fashion style someday. When left alone together they talk about cats. Specifically, Nail Polish, the weird orange cat Red found in a dumpster eating nail polish.

And that about wraps it up. I didn't mean for this post to be this long, but hopefully, if anyone reads it, it'll be at least a little entertaining. I'm excited to work more on this au, even if it takes me forever. ^^

Figuring out everyone's dynamics beyond just "character A knows character B" has been really fun! I look forward to exploring this more hehehe.

[bliss-in-the-void]

Satoru, Suguru, and the Detriment of Their Origins. (How their characters completed each other.)

This is going to be an analysis on how their differences came together and contributed to their downfalls once they parted. I really like how this turned out—it’s very interesting.

Long post, read under cut:

Satoru:

Blamed the Jujutsu Higher-ups for even burdening him and Suguru, who were both sixteen, with the task of escorting Riko—who was only fourteen—to Tengen. The fate of the entire world rested on the shoulders of three kids who were only put in their position because of abilities assigned at birth, and nothing else. The three of them literally had no choice in the matter. Also, because of what happened with Haibara. Satoru deduced that the elders shouldn’t be in charge of sending kids off to their deaths to fight uphill battles.

So, he in turn decides to raise strong allies in the form of students so that they one day can overthrow the elders in hopes of establishing a more fair and just system for sorcerers. Here, he recognizes the need for sorcerers to exorcise curses to protect the populace, but does not agree with the system as it stands.

Note, Satoru before the Star Plasma Vessel incident had barely any motivation to exorcise curses other than the fact that he could do it. He did it for fun. He just liked using his powers. He was always a self-assured person.

Suguru:

Blamed non-sorcerers for generating curses in the first place, and developed a deep hatred for them that was seeded after Toji (a non-sorcerer) ‘killed’ Satoru and killed Riko, as well as after he witnessed non-sorcerers applauding the death of Riko, a fourteen year old girl. He met Yuki, Tsukumo, who introduced to him the idea of getting rid of the source of curses. He also blamed humanity for conjuring a curse that killed Haibara. His turning point was finding two young sorcerer girls, Nanako and Mimiko (~seven years old) caged up like animals by non-sorcerers. It probably reminded him of his own childhood—I can only imagine how his parents must have at least alienated him for his abilities, since they were not sorcerers. It also in part probably reminded him of Riko, and how she’d been a young girl unfairly targeted due to her abilities. It definitely triggered him.

So, his goal became to rid the world of non-sorcerers, so that curses wouldn’t exist. To do this, he had to abandon all of the principles he had subscribed to thus far and become a villain who kills people—but he did it for his cause.

Note, Suguru has always been a self-righteous person. It’s a bit different from who Satoru is. He has had time to think about his place in the world because unlike Satoru, he was born to a normal family and had to find where he belonged himself. Satoru, on the other hand, was told where his place was from the moment he was born.

So, Suguru defined himself as somewhat of a hero who valiantly, selflessly swallows nasty curses to protect the populace.

Satoru never had to define himself. He was already defined at birth. A wielder of the Six Eyes and Limitless, a once in a lifetime anomaly, a scale-tipping, monstrosity more powerful than anyone else.

These origins are both of their downfalls, and this is ultimately why the two needed each other so badly. They did complete each other as people.

As I said above, Suguru had to define himself. He had to affirm to himself that what he was doing was for the good of the people—it was how he had convinced himself society had to run. The strong protect the weak, it doesn’t matter if one had a choice or not. If you are strong, you have a duty to become a protector.

The issue with this mindset is that he has absolutely no attachment to it whatsoever. The only thing it does for him is make him feel good about himself in his early days as an active sorcerer. Even Satoru calls him out, letting Suguru know he “hates righteousness” and that he just “makes himself feel better” by “spouting bullshit”, the bullshit being his ‘heroic’ beliefs. At his core, Suguru believes himself to be a hero of sorts, which is why when things go sideways, he does a one-eighty and decided to kill all non-sorcerers rather than protect them. In his mind, he’s still affirming to himself that he’s the hero. It’s just that now, he’s protecting other sorcerers. The enemy has changed. He’s still the self-righteous, martyr-Suguru he has always defined himself as, sticking his neck out for the good of his cause.

He lost his grip because he was not emotionally attached to being a sorcerer. He was just attached to being a hero. This is why when entering Jujutsu High, Yaga puts such a huge emphasis on digging deep and finding a strong, personal reason to be a sorcerer. He recognizes that he fell short in that aspect when it came to Suguru, and doesn’t want it happening again. Resolve is very, very important so that once doesn’t lose their mind.

Now, let’s take a look at Satoru’s mind in contrast. He is the strongest sorcerer. The ‘honored one’. He always has been. He had bounties on his head before he could walk, and grown adults feared him even as a child. He was always seen for his abilities first and not his soul, so he identified with his powers more strongly.

This caused him to become disillusioned with himself. He believed that being strong was all someone could need, and that he was untouchable. He was relied on by everyone. “Gojo can handle it.” “Just wait for Gojo.” He was the trump card. That’s why he strolled up to Shibuya so nonchalantly—the way he was raised gave him a natural arrogance. It’s not because he’s a jerk. It’s because that’s all he knows. He was raised believing he was all powerful, so what else can he default to? He was literally wired that way.

Unfortunately, because he leaned so heavily on his powers, he forgot who he was as a person. Especially after Suguru, the only person he was able to form a vulnerable emotional bond with, compared him to his powers and left him.

Caveat I want to make about that point: Suguru was the only person who treated Satoru like a human being. Everyone else saw him as the Six Eyes. Because he made Satoru feel seen, because he tried making Satoru a better person (teaching him manners, acting as his moral compass), Satoru grew attached to him. So, when Suguru’s psyche took a turn for the worst and he left Satoru in Shinjuku, the line “are you the strongest because you’re Satoru Gojo? Or are you Satoru Gojo because you’re the strongest?” dealt a fatal blow to his heart. This was the one person he trusted deeply, reducing him to a man with powers, just like everyone else his whole life did. It caused a rift in their relationship. It caused Satoru to rethink his entire identity—how much of himself was based off of his powers? How much of himself wasn’t based off of his powers? Suguru’s presence allowed him to feel more human and less like a creature than he ever had. But those words pushed him back into that constraint.

In chapter 236, Satoru reveals to Suguru that somehow, though he had love for everyone around him, he felt a line had been drawn where he felt more like a creature than a human being.

A TikTok user (lauravpvp) pointed out something that drives this point home. Satoru wears a blindfold over his eyes 90% of the time. As his powers grow, the coverings get thicker and more restricting. He starts with glasses, then bandages, and then the black blindfold. Eyes are the window to the soul—and as he gets stronger, the less he shows them; the less he beard his soul.

We look into someone’s eyes to see how they’re feeling, to connect to them. His eyes are always covered, so he prevents that connection and prevents people from knowing how he feels. He dehumanizes himself that way.

Because of that, when he goes into his fight with Sukuna, he goes believing he’d the strongest and that he would win. It’s all he’s reduced himself to. This blind attachment to his powers, to the idea that he had to do it alone, is what lead to his downfall.

Because he learned the hard way that he wasn’t the strongest.

In his final moments, he reinforces what he had discovered after Suguru left him in Shinjuku.

Strength alone is not enough. Why?

He said that if Suguru had been there to pat him on the back, he would have truly been satisfied.

Suguru, who had to fight to find his identity his whole life—who, because he spent so much time defining himself, helped Satoru define himself in ways that were separate from his abilities. And Satoru, who identified himself with his abilities so much that it reinforced Suguru’s confidence in his own abilities.

They completed each other. Suguru’s moral compass and strict principles held Satoru’s head on right, and Satoru’s confidence and youthful heart kept Suguru motivated and away from the dark.

Without each other, Suguru descended into madness and Satoru lost sight of his human side.