#harry would be a spoiled little thing and james would pretend he wasn’t sick and try to do things when he clearly couldn’t

[calamitoustide]

thinking about how often teach them how to dream regulus would get sick being a kindergarten teacher and how every time it happens he would swear up and down that he was gonna quit his job not because he got sick but because harry and james would both get sick too and he can’t take their dramatics anymore

[thesiriusmoon]

Harry Potter ships I truly hate

Disclaimer: I’m not telling you who to ship and whatnot, I’m just expressing how awful these ships are to me and then explaining why.

1. Harry X Draco

Now this is coming from a former drarry stan who before, hadn’t read the books. I thought Draco ‘had no choice’ and ‘just wanted love’ until I opened my eyes and saw the character for who he really was. That is a spoiled blood supremacist who hates muggleborns, and is loved by both of his parents. Draco bullied Harry. Although Harry fought back, it was because he was the victim and had to defend himself. Harry never went out of his way to hurt Draco, but Draco did it constantly. Draco and Harry would never work because Harry hated Draco just as much as Draco did him. You could ship Harry with so many others that wouldn’t be toxic such as, Ginny, Cho, maybe Hermoine (but I prefer Romoine), maybe even Ron if you want to. (I don’t ship Harry and Cedric because the ages are too weird). It’s so obvious throughout the entire book that Harry didn’t have romantic feelings for Draco, he only ever thought he was doing bad things, seeing as he was a bad person. Harry found love in Ginny in like the fifth book? Which is when the crush started, and no one else was in the picture for him once he began dating Ginny. In conclusion, Ginny is the one he married and had children with, not Draco, because he hated him and wanted nothing to do with him as he was nothing but a bully who hated muggles and muggleborns. Seeing as Harry is a half blood, and his mother was muggleborn, why do you think Harry would turn around and be like “oh he’s just broken I’ll fix him.” And ignore everything Draco ever said about his family???? That’s such a toxic thing to think... because believe it or not, in a relationship you’re supposed to be with someone you like as a person. Just because you may find Draco attractive, that doesn’t make him a good person!! Harry would never choose Draco over anyone for that matter. If it were between Ginny or Draco to be saved, you better bet on Harry saving Ginny.

2. Hermoine X Draco

I genuinely hate this ship with my entire being. It disgusts me. This isn’t an enemies to lovers, this is literally bully X victim. Hermoine didn’t fight back, meaning Draco was the full oppressor and she was the oppressed. Draco is a blood supremacist who called Hermoine a mudblood constantly and hated her, and the feeling was mutual from Hermoine because why would anyone like their bully? Falling in love with your bully is a book trope, that doesn’t happen in real life. When Hermoine was being tortured in Malfoy Manor, Draco stood and watched because he didn’t care, meanwhile Ron, the boy Hermoine was attracted to and loved, was screaming and crying begging for him to take her place so she would be protected. That’s true love, something Hermoine and Draco will never have. I really will never understand why so many people love shipping victims with their oppressors... like do you get a sick kick out of it by babying the oppressor? Saying things like “oh he’s just unloved” or “he can change!” When none of that is true. Draco chose to be who he is, which is a blood supremacist and was loved by his family, and Hermoine chose not to ever engage with him because of his personality and attitude. Draco hated her, and everyone else like her because of their status, and overall, Hermoine just isn’t attracted to him. Hermoine is attracted to Ron and he’s the only person I can see dating Hermoine because everyone else would be a bit strange. Dramoine is unbelievably toxic, and all it does is romanticise abuse. “Oh Draco only bullied her for 7 years because he was afraid to love her.” Stfu. You’d never hurt someone you love. Draco bullied her because he thought he was ABOVE her, and she was nothing but dirt on his shoe.

3. Hermoine X Pansy

When it comes to fanon, I still don’t understand why it gets shipped because in order to do that, you have to change Pany’s entire personality to the point where it’s not even Pansy anymore. It’s just some nice girl with the same name. Because the real Pansy bullied Hermoine and made it known how much she didn’t like her. Not only that, but Pansy was head over heels for Draco. This isn’t an enemies to lovers, this is shipping the bully with the victim for some weird reason... because Hermoine didn’t fight back just like Hermoine X Draco. If they were both at each other’s throats I could see your enemies to lovers, but that’s just not what this is. If you ship them because you’re looking for a wlw ship, why not take a look at Ginny X Luna, Lavender X Parvati, or even Tonks X Fleur, rather than picking the toxic ship that would never ever work and would only hurt Hermoine. Ron Weasley exists for a reason. Again, shipping someone with their oppressor is a very weird thing to do. For example, Ron is a pureblood, but Ron wasn’t prejudice towards muggles or muggleborns, because he’s a decent and normal person. Pansy and Draco aren’t decent people, and they bullied people. Really there isn’t much else to say as all canon stuff about Pansy is about her bullying people, and encouraging people to capture Harry because SHE’S A BLOOD SUPREMACIST THAT’S ALL SHE IS. Hermoine is a strong and independent woman and would NEVER date someone prejudice like that, she has standards.

4. Lily X Snape

We have to stop with this “she can fix him” mentality, because women don’t exist to fix men. Either Snape was a good person, or a bad person. He should be able to choose that himself. Which he was actually, and he was very clearly a bad person. You can’t force someone to be attracted to another. Attraction forms on its own, and it’s something Lily never had for Snape, they were only friends. To say that Lily owed Snape something because he liked her... is so wrong and disgusting. If she doesn’t like him, she doesn’t like him and Snape should fucking move on instead of obsessing over her. But, Snape overall was a creep so you can’t say “oh he made a mistake” when that man knew EXACTLY what he was doing. Ripping Lily’s happy photograph of her with her husband and baby, and taking the letter she wrote for Sirius who Snape could pretend she did that for him. Literally disgusting. Even the friendship was toxic. When reading I realised that Snape played the victims card a lot when talking about the marauders as if he wasn’t doing WORSE thing to them. Lily knew that Snape wanted to join Voldemort, as seen in the books. ‘You and your previous little death eater friends — you see, you don’t even deny it. You don’t even deny that’s what you’re aiming to be! You can’t wait to join you-know-who, can you?” Then she says “I can’t pretend anymore, you’ve chosen your way, and I’ve chosen mine.” Lily PRETENDED that Snape wasn’t going to be a death eater because she didn’t want to believe that her own friend would hate her kind so much. Though once reality hit her she was gone and was never coming back. To ship someone who was oppressed with the oppressor is so weird and wrong, and I genuinely think you’re strange if you do that 😐. Snape already didn’t like Lily having other friends... so what does that tell you about what kind of relationship they would have? A manipulative one and an emotionally abusive one. James Potter was a pureblood, and not once did he ever bully someone for their blood status. He did things to Snape because Snape was a prejudice piece of shit and deserved it quite frankly. I would have done the exact same thing. Remember, the Potter’s were ‘blood traitors’ and Snape was a blood supremacist, of course the two aren’t going to like one another. But the difference is, Snape bullied innocent people (laughing at the fact Mary MacDonald was subdued to dark magic) and James fought back for those without voices. Getting revenge for people who couldn’t do it themselves. That’s the difference between a bully and a hero tbh. There’s no way Lily would ever date a death eater, she’s a strong woman who can make up her mind for herself rather than having people on the internet say things like “she was brainwashed!” And things like that. She became attracted and fell in love with a respectful man who would never cause her any type of emotional or physical harm.

In conclusion, I will judge you if you think shipping abusers/oppressors with their victims is ok in any way.

If you made it this far, feel free to comment or reblog with your own opinion. Just know that my opinion on these ships will never change because they’re all extremely toxic whether you like it or not. That’s just common sense. It’s canon that Draco, Pansy, and Snape were horrible people who liked to make fun of others. Fanon doesn’t mean a single thing in this because fanon isn’t real. If you have to change the entire personality of someone so they aren’t abusive... what does that tell you about their character? A lot of people do this because they like how a character looks, which is so tone deaf. If you think a victim should date their oppressor because of looks... I’m judging you heavily. If a character is wrote to be abusive, I don’t understand people do fan art of them with the people they hurt in a romantic way.

You might say I’m being over dramatic, but really it’s not that hard to understand that you shouldn’t romanticise abuse or say that oppressor X victim would make the perfect couple just because of their looks.

Would you ever ship Neville with Draco? No you wouldn’t. And it’s not for the reasons you would think. I bet if Neville was conveniently attractive (in the books, I love Matthew.) people would have shipped him with Draco despite Draco mercilessly bullying Neville for 7 years. A lot of people would have made excuses like “Draco was broken!” In order to be able to ship two attractive men together. (Which also plays into fetishisation of lgbt+ couples I think...) This fandom is rather toxic when it comes to this, and they’d rather ship a very abusive relationship with two conventionally attractive people rather than a loving one with two people that aren’t.

[ronanwazlib]

Godfather Sirius and Baby Harry please?? I just love them so much

“Sirius, what are you doing?”

Sirius chuckled, craning his neck back to look upon Remus leaning in the doorway of the Potter’s house in Godric’s Hollow.

“Moony, do you mind, you’ve interrupted my bonding.” He tossed back petulantly, tossing his head in feigned annoyance. His hair was longer than it had ever been at school, brushing his collarbones, which were helpfully revealed since Sirius had begun cutting off the necks of all his tee shirts, whining about how the tight material had felt too much like being collared. “We were having a good time before grumpy Uncle Moony spoiled our fun, weren’t we, Prongslet?” Harry, only a few months old and perched upon the pads Sirius’ feet up in the air, gurgled in reply.

“Padfoot, come off it, that’s hardly comfortable for him.” Sirius staunchly ignored Remus’ warnings and continued what he’d been doing prior, which was hoisting the baby, clutching at the wizard’s fingers in his miniature fists, up with his knees, and singing to him. Remus would bet ten knuts he didn’t have that Harry got sick all over him in the next five minutes.

Remus didn’t know why people saw Sirius and thought he couldn’t sing. Maybe it was that when he laughed, his loud guffaw sort of… barked its way out of him, even before he’d met the rest of the lot or mastered complex and illegal magic (though it was, truth be told, at first a much haughtier guffaw). Or perhaps it was his height, he was after all, the third tallest Marauder, and since he was generally no less than 9 inches from Remus at any given moment, the werewolf’s statuesque form often seemed to dwarf him by comparison. Still, on his own he wasn’t by any means a short man, and often times the tiniest persons revealed to have the largest lungs. Sometimes Remus would chuckle at the notion that people probably just assumed someone who seemed to have it all on the outside: money, intelligence, prized friends, an impeccable jawline, and a rather attractive physique, couldn’t possibly carry a tune to boot. They were so very wrong.

Sure, Sirius was nothing like his beloved Freddie Mercury, but after years of hoarding memories of muggle music to get by without a record player at Hogwarts, or when his mother blasted the thing far beyond any Reparo, he had nearly perfect pitch. His voice was soft, the kind of singer whose vocals are unused to performance, a man whose songs are most often sung only in his own company, and a touch throaty, probably from the constant stream of cigarettes he kept tucked behind his ear before lighting them quickly with the tip of his wand at every Order meeting or during Auror training. And now here he was, doing what for most would be impossible, but for him of course came naturally, being Sirius Black as he was: laying flat on his back, lifting an infant above him, and crooning at Harry’s smiling cheeks. For some reason, the song of choice was Blackbird by the Beatles, who James always affectionately referred to as “those Buggy Buggers.” He and Lily weren’t entirely sure if it was a jab at their name, or his pureblood memory being entirely unable to recall the actual title of one of the most popular bands in Muggle Musical History. Either way, Harry seemed to enjoy it, and Remus had to concede that from his doorway perch, the sight wasn’t entirely unfavorably. Harry, as always, was adorable and cherubic, not a blemish on him, and from his vantage point he got a good earful of Sirius’ gentle crooning and a rather delicious sight of his abs and collar as his shirt rose and fell with holding the baby up, sort of crumpling together at Sirius’ middle.

When Sirius finished his song, he just took it up again, or repeated the chorus. Eventually he lowered the baby, sat up and cradled Harry in arm as he sang. Harry’d giggle every so often when Padfoot’s fingers would poke at his tummy, but for the most part he was tranquil, wide green eyes transfixed on his godfather’s mouth as it moved to murmur the words as he brushed a kiss across the child’s sweet smelling forehead beneath his already unruly tufts of brown curls.

Remus moved to sit beside Sirius on the floor, leaning against him back to back. “Is it supposed to be about you, then?” He dropped his head against Sirius’ shoulder.

“Is what?” Sirius replied, not faltering in his singing even as Lupin turned his cheek to nuzzle against his neck.

“The song, Padfoot. Blackbird singing in the dead of night.”

Sirius chuckled. “I’m not much of a Black anymore, am I, Moony? And it’s not the dead of night, is it?”

“Come off it, its close enough…”

“Moony,” he chuckled. “It isn’t even half past eight!”

“Maybe, I like to retain the belief that art is open to interpretation.”

“Snob.”

“Heathen.”

“Arse.”

“Prat.”

“Oi, I can’t HELP my prattish ways-”

“Git.”

“Moony, come on, that WAS uncalled for.”

“Animal. OW! What did you bite me for?”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it.”

“Loon.”

“Wanker.”

“I’m the wanker? Are you serious?”

“In fact, I am.” God, he sounded so smug. Remus had really walked into that.

“What luck.”

“Your luck.” Sirius smiled.

“My luck indeed.” Remus mused, coming round front to meet Sirius face to face, or rather, mouth to mouth. Harry, at first entertained by his exchange, but hating that his song time was so rudely interrupted by banter and kissing, reached out a small hand and thwacked Sirius’ Adonis-esque chin.

“Oi, Prongslet, use your words. No hitting. Hurting people is bad.” Sirius scolded rather lightly, feigning seriousness.

“Says the man who hexed more Slytherins than anyone else in Hogwarts, probably.” Remus deadpanned, taking Harry from him and rocking him to settle the baby down.

“Well be fair! I broke my fair share of noses too!”

“Oh yes, this coming from Godric Hollow’s pacifist in resident… right, Harry?” Remus finished with a sarcastic coo.

“Don’t bring the baby into this, Moony, fight your own battles like a real man.”

“Half man.”

“Fine then, like a real wizard.”

“Sirius he’s terribly fussy, can’t you sing to him again?” Harry, quite happy to be comforted by his Uncle Moony, had begun screeching once the banter started up again. Lupin also suspected maybe being jostled around on feet didn’t help his stomach any.

“Alright,” Sirius agreed, throwing himself down into the werewolf’s lap. “But only if you sing with me.” He grinned up at Remus.

“Sirius…”

“Oh don’t sigh like that, I know you know the words.”

“Maybe but that doesn’t mean I should sing them.”

“Do it for Harry!! He’ll love it.”

“He’ll probably cry harder once he hears me.”

Sirius slapped his thigh. “Shut it, he won’t because you sing fine. At least do it so he’ll nod off and Lily won’t boogey bat us for having riled her son up on their first night out since he was born.”

Remus finally let up, tucking Harry further against his chest to keep him warm, and mostly whispered the words along with Sirius one final time. Apparently the song in hushed tones worked to lull the little boy to sleep, so soon was he nestled against the jumper and dreaming. Sirius got up and knelt behind Remus, arms looped around his neck, chin on the taller man’s shoulder, and together they murmured the last few words, “You were only waiting for this moment to arise.”

[aparecium-hq]

Welcome to Aparecium, Christie! You have been accepted for Lily Potter with Aisha Dee as the faceclaim. Thanking for being willing to make the switch! We love the clear personality of your app. It’s evident you have a strong idea of who Lily is, even if she’s still struggling with that herself. We’re excited to have you! Check out the new member checklist, and jump right in.

Character Basics

Birthday (Age): 12th May 2008 (19) Gender (Pronouns): Cis female, she/her Sexuality: Lily herself has no idea. Sure, back at Hogwarts, she’d had crushes on boys, had gone through a stage her mother had, with no small dose of amusement, dubbed her ‘boy crazy’ phase, but she’d never really had a boyfriend. It wasn’t that no one had asked her out, but rather that somehow, as soon as any boy seemed to reciprocate her feelings, Lily found herself losing interest; she doesn’t know if that means she isn’t interested in boys or if she just hadn’t been interested in those boys in particular. Meanwhile, she’s not too sure how she feels about girls either. She has girl friends, she loves her girl friends, and if they tend to be very touchy and affectionate, well, girls just do that. It’s the warmth that spreads inside her every time they hug or hold hands that makes Lily question herself, though; is it just the happiness that comes from friendship or is it potentially something romantic? She has no idea. Blood Status: Halfblood Hogwarts House/School: Hufflepuff Occupation: Artist Faceclaim: Anya Chalotra Any requested changes? Nope!

Biography:

At home, Lily is spoiled rotten. Toys, attention, affection, you name it, she has it. She’s Mommy’s favourite, Daddy’s princess, the baby of the family, and Lily revels in it all, adores the feeling of being adored; it’s not just a good childhood, it’s the best childhood. Stupidly, naively, she thinks school will be like that too. She wants to grow up, she wants to join James and Albus in Hogwarts, she wants and she wants, and up to this point, everything Lily Luna Potter wants she’s gotten. But growing up, it turns out it’s not all that.

In school, no one asks her what she wants, they just try to tell her instead, how she should act (“Hufflepuffs are supposed to represent patience and kindness”), who she is (“The Boy Who Lived’s youngest, Ginny Potter’s daughter, Luna Lovegood’s namesake, James and Albus’ sister”) and when Lily pushes back, they call her hot-headed and rude. It pushes her off-kilter; she’s not used to people assuming the worst of her. But Hogwarts isn’t home, and her classmates aren’t her parents, and Lily Potter isn’t universally adored.

She has to work hard for everything, from people’s love to her grades, and it’s new, but she doesn’t exactly mind. It’s refreshing, almost, to have the chance to be perceived as someone other than the Potters’ little princess and to be able to create a new image for herself. But while she doesn’t mind hard work, she does mind the press sticking their noses where they don’t belong; it’s hard enough to navigate puberty as it is and it’s even harder with eyes on her at all times, just waiting for her to mess up. Honestly, screw the press. Lily vows not to mess up, if only just to spite them.

Except. That’s easier said than done. Teenagehood is marked by lapses of judgement, by mistakes to learn from, and Lily is no exception. It’s not as though she’s committed any Azkaban-worthy crimes or anything, but there are things she’d rather keep to herself, you know? So what if she may have crossed a line or two while playing a prank on a girl she saw talking to the guy she liked? She knows it was wrong, she apologised, but how is that news-worthy? Wix play pranks on each other all the time, she knows; uncle George’s told her stories. But none of her peers end up making headlines like HARRY POTTER’S DAUGHTER FACING EXPULSION OVER A RUTHLESS “PRANK”. Which isn’t even true, by the way, she was never about to be expelled, but do those dementors care about the truth? No, of course not. They only care about their stories.

She misses one of James’ games, they speculate he doesn’t want her there. She mentions that Muggles would probably not be too accepting of magic, they paint her as some prejudiced asshole. She has a bit too much to drink, they question the way her parents raised her – and about this one, in particular, she personally tracked down the author of the article to tell them to their face precisely what she thought of their “reporting”. No matter what she does, though, it seems that there are people who don’t agree and Lily just can’t figure it out.

But she wants to. By Merlin, she wants to. She wants to stop being “controversial”, she wants to make her parents proud, she wants people to stop acting like she’s embarrassing her family. Again, she wants and still, no one seems to care that she does. But by now, Lily’s grown used to hard work and her determination has never been under question, either; she knows she can change the narrative if she just keeps pushing, but the question now is, is there even a point? Maybe it’s okay to let people have their misconceptions and spread their rumours; as long as Lily and her loved ones know the truth, does it matter? She’s not sure.

Character Questionnaire

Answer at least three of the following questions about your character. This could be in character or a third period explanation.

How does your character feel about their family? She loves her family, there’s never been a question of that in her mind, which only makes it all the harder whenever she catches herself wishing she’d been born in a different one. It makes her feel terrible, even just considering it, because her parents are wonderful, and so are her brothers and cousins, and she does really love them all! But the expectations that come with being a Potter are a bit much and she could definitely go without them. She hates the feeling of all that attention on her (which is ironic, really, because she’d loved attention as a child) and while she would never actually want to trade her family, it’s hard not to consider what-ifs.

What does your character value in a friendship? Hard work. Perhaps it’s the Hufflepuff in her, but Lily knows without a shadow of a doubt that friendships take work. She’s seen people drift apart, turn from practically siblings to strangers, all because they give up and let it happen, and she tells herself that would never be her. But she and Hugo aren’t as close as they used to be, and for some reason, no matter how hard she tries, it’s like there’s a gap between them she can’t close. That’s okay, though; she’s not planning on giving up on Hugo anytime soon. If someone can figure it out, it’s the two of them.

How would a stranger who has just met your character describe them? Does this stranger have access to newspapers and online sites? Because if so, Lily doesn’t even want to begin to imagine what they might think of her. The thing is, the media seems so determined to push this narrative of her being a wild child and Lily is so angry at them for doing it that it kind of ends up working. She’s snappy with reporters, she pretends she doesn’t care what they think, she speaks her mind and she does it loudly, just to spite all those journalists who try to put her in a box and silence her.

That’s not her, though. That’s not Lily. Or rather, it is, but it’s who’s she’s become rather than who she is at her core. So if a stranger carrying all those preconceptions of her was to meet her, they would probably be surprised first and foremost. “She seemed a bit… shy? Only at first, though, then eventually she just became really chill and easygoing. Yeah, no, she’s actually really cool.”

What magical skill or talent is your character most proud of? Her Charms work. She’s always had a knack for Charms (though not for much else, as the tabloids love to remind everyone ever since her NEWTs results came out) and incorporating it in her job was a child’s game. She doesn’t only do enchanted portraits, of course – she has enough eyes following her as it is. But whenever wix come to her requesting magical portraits, it feels good to have full confidence that she can perform all the right charms with her eyes closed. Not literally, obviously, although… it would make for a fun experiment. She’d have to see about getting Lydia on-board and giving it a go.

Para Sample

Please include at least 3 paragraphs to showcase your writing style.

She slams the newspaper down on Raphael’s desk and the feeling she gets as she does isn’t as much of a déjà-vu as it is reminiscent of a habit with how often she’s found herself in the exact same situation. It does nothing to lessen her irritation; they’re not taking her seriously, any of them. Oh, here she comes again, they probably say when they see her march in. Just send her off to complain to Selwyn again.

She’s sick and tired of being written off as a daily annoyance and, unfortunately for Raphael, it seems his coworkers have decided he’s her scapegoat. Lily stifles a bristle, just barely; if he wants to blame anyone he better blame them.

“Harry Potter’s youngest celebrates nineteenth birthday with a wild night in town,” she quotes, not even needing to look at the damn headline, having already memorised the whole thing. Her tone manages to remain even, somehow, but as she goes on to continue, she can feel her annoyance increasing by the second and it becomes audible in her voice too. “Since when did the Prophet turn into a gossip rag? Who even- who even cares what I do for my birthday, it’s my birthday! And I have a name, by the way, and it’s not Harry Potter’s anything. It’s Lily. Lily Luna, hi, nice to meet you. Except it’s not really.”

She’s launched into a whole rant now, hands on her hips and all, and she would usually feel bad for not letting him get a word in, but hey, they weren’t concerned with hearing her when they printed out this thing, why should she be the bigger person? She lets it all out, going through all the points on her mental list of things wrong with the blasted article, and finally, when she feels satisfied, she looks at him expectantly.

Then the prick has the nerve to say, “Is that all?” and Lily has to wonder what sort of headline the Prophet will come up with if she hexes one of their journalists right here, right now.

[torestoreamends]

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Show Recap – Sunday May 21st

Note: This recap was written over several days, so please forgive the bizarre and inconsistent references to time.

What a bizarre, indescribable day. I think this is going to be more a recap of emotions (as I try to figure them out), but of course the cast gave us some beautiful and incredible moments too. I'll do my best to talk about everything I can, but as I say, it was a little indescribable, and I'm still not sure how I feel.

*

The start to the day was simply beautiful. It was warm and sunny and full of excitement. As I travelled into London I felt so connected with the rest of the fandom. I could feel us all converging, and it was electric. Everything felt perfect. Everything felt right. Everything was as I expected it to be.

But so much has happened since then then that all that feels like a lifetime ago. Walking in St James's Park was surely another day entirely? Meeting half the fandom in Pret to flail and eat sweets is just a distant memory. Did queueing to go in ever really happen? Because all that was before we read the cast board.

The thing that brings a cast change its magic usually is the full principle cast all saying goodbye to each other, both as their characters and as themselves. All the scenes take on multiple layers and new emotions, because they mean so much both to the actor and the character. These people, who have been cast together, rehearsed together, performed together, and established such strong bonds, as surrogate family and close friends, are all together for the last time, and it brings something so special and unique to the show. And that was what I expected to happen here. It was what I'd been looking forward to for months and months, but it wasn't what happened.

I took my photo of the cast board without reading it, and I posted it, also without reading it. We were all joking around, having fun, taking photos of each other taking photos of the board. And then someone actually looked at it, and there it was.

James Le Lacheur -- Scorpius Malfoy

It was shock. Shock and denial. Grief. A wash of overwhelming emotion. Because where was Anthony's name? Was the board wrong? What was happening?

I felt empty. I didn't know what to do with myself. Other people were inconsolably crying. I had to go and find hugs from five different people because this wasn't what I expected. It wasn't what I wanted. It felt like the heart of cast change had been ripped out.

I think at this moment that I should clarify that I had no problem with James. James's Scorpius is my favourite, genuinely. James herself is such an incredible, warm, lovely person, and her Scorpius brims over with the most incredible emotion, accompanied by technical brilliance and careful thought. My problem was that Anthony should have been there to say goodbye. I was worried it would spoil the day for Sam, for Alex, for really everyone. I was worried the atmosphere would be warped. And most of all I was so scared that something awful had happened to Anthony. The lack of information was horrendous, and there were all sorts of rumours flying around the theatre that only made it all worse.

When Act One started, I wasn't ready. I was still reeling. No one in the theatre saw Anthony's tweet until the interval, so I spent the whole of the first act with horrible thoughts about him being really sick, and worrying about how the other actors must feel. Every time Alex was on stage, every time Sam was on stage, every time James was on stage, all I could think about was the absence of Anthony. I couldn't focus on the show or hold onto any of the details. There were only a small handful scenes I really managed to enjoy, and only one I felt a real emotional connection to.

The opening was the moving part. The beginning of the end. Chris Jarman looked so emotional as he walked on, taking his time, and plucking the hat from the air to begin proceedings. Seeing Jeremy run round the suitcases for the final time was a truly special moment, and the energy of the cast was phenomenal.

The parts I managed to really enjoy were everything Cherrelle did (when she said 'and he's my cousin!' she said the 'and' so loudly and so high-pitched that she cracked herself up). She was really bringing it, and making the most of her final show. I also enjoyed the blanket scene, which was brimming with genuine emotion, especially the final few lines. There was something poignant about seeing Jamie and Sam, who've established such a connection, yelling that they didn't want to be each other's father and son anymore, when at the end of the day they would never again play Harry and Albus. And I also absolutely adored Jamie as Scorpius. He was absolutely tremendous, and the part where he was alone trying to solve the riddle was the only moment in the first act where I completely forgot Anthony's absence and was truly immersed in the story.

There were other great things that happened, but I barely remember any of them. I was desperate to focus, but I couldn't, and I hated that. At that point I was certain the day and this performance were doomed for me, and that I wouldn't manage to enjoy them at all. Everything I had been looking forward to for so long felt like it was falling apart.

But then the interval came, and we had some time to talk and digest, and I reminded myself that I actually prefer James's Act Two to Anthony's. I thought about all the wonderful things I had to enjoy. And the fact that Anthony had tweeted and was clearly alive and okay, and the fact that I'd already seen James on stage and could come to terms with everything, made it so much easier.

Act Two was probably the best one I've ever seen, and I had so much fun watching it. All the problems of Act One melted away into the distance, and I became fully immersed. It was a real delight to watch.

Harrison Noble as young Harry kicked Act Two off with an incredible bang. The fear from that boy while he was being terrorised by the phantom Voldemort was audible. I think he's the best of the young Harrys, he's certainly my favourite, and I think he's truly talented. You could hear the terror of his breathing, and you could see him really thinking through every one of the actions he made. It was simply brilliant.

Then, the moment the show really clarified for me, was the part where everyone is out searching the Forbidden Forest. That's one of the most beautiful parts of the show, and it was one of my favourites when I first saw it back last June, and I somehow managed to watch it as if for the first time. It looked new, and fresh, and beautiful, and I remembered why I love this play and this cast.

And then we reached the moment where Albus and Scorpius see Hogwarts through the trees at the edge of the Forest. I knew it would be an emotional scene. It's all about Hogwarts, and wanting to be there, and it's emotionally resonant with the fandom, and I could see how it would also be resonant with the actors who were leaving Hogwarts for the last time today. It definitely lived up to my expectations.

I think it's worth saying that Sam in this performance was completely incredible. The genuine, raw emotion, the vulnerability, the simplicity and honesty of so many of the lines. He really stole the show, and I think he got the chance to shine during his last performance in Anthony's absence. Sam is the sort of generous actor who gives everyone on stage with him their space and time, and that's something that Anthony doesn't need giving, hence why Sam can be overlooked (and has been by the media), but today perfectly encapsulated how incredible he is and how incredible he can be.

In this scene, the way he was looking at Scorpius, and listening to him was simply beautiful. He was so intent on him. You could see all the emotion passing across his face, as he found out all this new information about his friend. He was understanding Scorpius in a new and lovely way. This whole scene was wonderful.

After that we led straight into the first task scene, which was about as wild as I expected it to be. The ensemble were going for it to the extent that I found it impossible to look at Sam or James at all. I can't remember nearly all the things that happened, but there were people hiding behind one another from the dragons, Mackley shouted something to Fleur that I couldn't hear but was presumably terrible (it got a really big laugh from the stalls), Stuart put the Slytherin banner down when Harry was introduced because he didn't want them to be associated with supporting him. It was action packed, overwhelming, and really hilarious. The crowd scenes have always been a massive highlight with this cast, just because they have so much enthusiasm, energy, and excitement, and I'm going to miss the wild mess of activity they've become.

And then we were back in the second timeline, which was where the emotion really kicked in.

Sam's pained fainting was the best I've ever seen it, and he lay sprawled on the stage for so long after Albus's arm was broken, like he couldn't manage to haul himself up. He only got up in the end because he had to pretend to be okay in front of the adults.

There were a hilarious amount of new people in for this show, and I'm sure most of them had no idea what a special performance they were watching, but the bit about Ron and Padma got lots of little laughs from those people.

After that, James showed up and began turning our worlds upside down. When Scorpius reeled back from Albus, he sat on the stairs shaking his head and staring straight in front of him, like he couldn't believe what had happened. He didn't seem sad to start with, just in denial, which was even more heartbreaking.

The DADA scene was so painful. I don't think I've ever seen Noma do such an incredible performance throughout the play, and this was a real standout scene. She was radiating bitter, awful anger and sadness, and taking it all out on Albus who was just confused and miserable. When she threw him off his chair he just lay there again in a crumpled heap, and he had to drag himself up. And her final words about the Patronuses were gut wrenching. There were so many pauses and gaps, as Hermione struggled to explain all these emotions that she clearly couldn't imagine herself ever feeling anymore. But even in her pain, she was still strong and intimidating, pointing her wand directly at Albus with a shaking hand. She still has the Minister For Magic's authority, despite her broken heart.

I always forget that the staircase ballet comes straight after the DADA scene, and I was not prepared. I will never be prepared for what James does with this run of scenes. Scorpius was just completely shattered. There's a moment where he runs up one of the staircases and you can hear him sobbing, face dripping with tears. There are moments where he collapses onto the stairs in despair. And the moment when the two boys come face to face is heart-rending from both sides as they try to work out what to say, and Scorpius wants to run away but can't bring himself to leave Albus, and Albus tries to find the words to apologise but knows that it might jeopardise everything with his dad.

It was the final moment when they stand at the top of their separate staircases and stare at each other as they're pulled apart that was the worst. Albus's shoulders were slumped, and Scorpius just looked broken. He took a step forward, like he wanted to try and reach Albus, then he thought better of it and just stopped, presumably expecting to give Albus up for good.

One of my favourite things about the duel scene is the building, ominous background sound that begins when Harry says 'Are you sure, are you really sure he's yours?' You can hear the tension rising, and the imminence of the fight, and it's such a cool effect. It all finally bursts with the start of the duel, when a flashbulb goes off as the two Expelliarmuses collide and the fight music begins.

This was a pretty great duel. At the beginning, Jamie and Alex were flung so far apart by the people lifting them at the back that they both nearly flew off into the wings. I've never seen such an enthusiastic start to the duel before. And they were both giving it everything, flying around, having so much fun. That scene got a very well deserved round of applause. This is one of the scenes where I'll probably most miss Jamie and Alex, because they play it out so perfectly, and the characters of Harry and Draco most come shining through.

I've always loved the quiet heartbreak of the scene between Delphi and Scorpius, and I love how she twists and manipulates him. It feels like such a tender moment between the two, but there's so much underlying it. This was a particularly intimate version of the scene. Esther brought so much warmth and kindness to it, and on the surface it felt like she was being a mother or an older sister to Scorpius, listening to his problems and helping him figure things out, giving him advice. And Scorpius was just assuming that Albus's friend was there to help him. Just the mention of her being ill when she was younger wiped away all his critical thinking and mistrust, and it makes him so vulnerable. He reveals himself in that scene, in a way he doesn't much in the rest of the play, because it's all purely about him and his own problems and how upset he is, not about using those to get someone else on side with him.

I think it's very important to mention at this point that Alex Price does a spectacular job of taking not-funny lines and making them hilarious. At the end of the chat between Harry, Ginny, and Draco in the kitchen, the line "because he needs you, and Scorpius," always gets a laugh. It's like he focuses on Harry, and then throws in Scorpius at the last moment, almost trying to get him under the radar without starting another fight, but it also feels like a massive dig at Harry. It feels like one of Draco's most petty moments, because it's all about Harry and Albus, and explaining loneliness to him, and then at the last moment he takes the chance to remind Harry that he's been a massive asshole. I love that delivery.

This library scene was the best one I have ever seen. James smashed it, and Sam was so emotional. The whole thing was just stunning.

There were moment in Scorpius's big emotional speech where James had to stop to compose herself because she couldn't get the words out past her tears. It was so heart-wrenching and painful. The moment Scorpius starts talking about being excited that his mum might be alive was the moment where James really fell apart, and there was a big gap before 'but no, turns out she is', as she tried to gather herself together for the end of the speech. And then when Albus was offering the Cloak to Scorpius it sounded like Sam was in bits too, all choked up, and more quiet and desperate than usual.

Albus's apology was one of the moments in this show where there was genuine, raw emotion from Sam, where Albus and Sam sort of intersected, and Sam found a way to channel himself into Albus. It was heartfelt and broken and beautiful. I think when Sam comes through, Albus becomes more vulnerable, smaller somehow, and quieter, and it's a lovely quality I wish we'd had chance to see more of.

The only moment in the library scene where I missed Anthony was the exchange: "Friends?" "Always." simply because Anthony and Sam have their own friendship, and I would have loved to see what probably would have been an emotional moment between the two. But other than that there was nothing out of place, and I could have watched that scene a thousand times. It was an incredible thing that was a privilege to watch.

I'm not entirely sure what to say about Annabel's performance as Myrtle, other than that it was spectacular and well deserving of the round of applause it got. She was up to all sorts of antics, including flicking the sleeve of Albus's robe with her toe, and just generally being hyperactive and overexcited. I'm not sure if anyone will manage to live up to her amazing Myrtle, but I hope they try, and if they succeed then I will be ecstatic!

Mackley was on as the Scorpius double on the wires, and he waved at Fleur as she swam past, and then when Cedric was turned into a balloon, he waved at him too.

I don't know why, but the end of this act was just really good fun. James's panicked screaming for Albus in the lake was amazing. Helena was really giving everything for her last Petunia and Umbridge; at one point she did an excitable sort of jump and kick, that was the sort of sinister, girlish thing Umbridge would do when faced with trauma and distress. And the attack of the Dementors was just cool, maybe because I was sitting in Dress Circle Row A and had the perfect view up to see the auditorium Dementor terrorising the grand circle and balcony.

The break between shows was really great. A bunch of us went and had dinner together, and chatted and ate sweets, and started to get excited about the new cast. I met up with the wonderful @abradystrix who was sweet and kind and gave me the most hilarious gift. Then there was the fandom group photo which I'm sure is floating around somewhere online (probably on twitter).

On the way back into the theatre we checked the cast board again, just to make sure Anthony hadn't miraculously recovered, but no. I heard later that they'd been talking about him coming in for Part Two, but his doctor had said it probably wasn't a good idea. So we were treated to James's incredible, emotional Voldemort timeline instead.

This was a particularly special version of the Voldemort timeline. The only sad thing was that we missed out on Anthony and Alex saying farewell to each other in spectacular style, but I didn't mind James's version of the scene in Draco's office at all. I'll come back to that in a second.

First, massive shoutout to Jack North for giving absolutely everything in this performance. His movement is always so exceptional, but this time it was clean and crisp, and he was working so hard. He just stole all the dance moments, especially at the beginning of the second timeline. I'm going to miss him a lot. (Also, he did a fancy double pirouette thing going into one of the EGMs, which I enjoyed immensely, and looked like him just having fun on his last show.)

Back to the James L. I loved the strength of her Scorpius in the office scene. During Scorpius's initial tirade at Draco, he was so authoritative. Whatever Draco says about his son not being a leader is rubbish. He could make whole armies follow him with a speech like that.

Draco came briefly out from behind his desk to face him, intent and focused. It didn't feel like the previous version of this scene, which I saw on the 7th May, where Draco was actively impressed by his son and his boldness, but he was certainly listening and giving Scorpius the time of day.

The real standout moments of this Voldy timeline came when James L and Paul B were onstage together. I loved Scorpius's initial reaction to Snape, which was to real back across the whole stage with his hand clapped to his mouth in excitement and amazement. He just stood there, seeming like he didn't know where to begin and couldn't believe this extraordinary moment, for several moments before finally gasping out that it was an honour to meet him.

I know that Paul's been struggling with a sore throat this week, and you could tell his Snape and Voldemort voices were different in this show, but I actually preferred this version of his Snape voice. It was softer and more carefully pronounced. There was less anger and rasp to it. It never got too loud.

This is another of those scenes where James brings Scorpius's strength to life. He seems authoritative and confident, and full of determination. He has to get his best friend back after all, and Snape can help him do it, because he knows that of everyone in this godforsaken place, Snape at least will be firmly on his side.

I absolutely adore how Snape turns on Scorpius when he says "For Lily, for the world, help me", and I love how his hand shakes as he points his wand directly at Scorpius for the longest time, still trying to decide whether or not to curse him and be done with it, before he finally closes the door. That moment of struggle is amazing.

In the campaign room scene, there were so many highlights, but my favourite was the way Hermione gestured at Ron to pull down the map. I've never seen her do it quite like that before. It was commanding in the funniest way, and it felt like Ron was obeying her because he was still slightly terrified about the fact that they were married in the other world. He didn't seem to know what to do with her, so he just obeyed without question. Those two had a really sweet relationship in these scenes during this performance.

I don't know what it was about this performance in particular, but everyone who had to be in pain was really nailing it. Paul's Thornley's broken leg screaming was phenomenal, and he, like Sam earlier, just lay on the floor for a while, and I was almost worried he wouldn't get up.

When he did, the moment kissing Hermione before they're caught by the Dementors was simply lovely, and I was very happy to see that Noma managed to get herself hooked onto her Dementor in decent time for her final show. She was still winched up after Paul, but I wasn't stressed out by the length of time it took her, which has happened in the past. I also had fun watching the little Dementors that whizz around the auditorium during this section. They'd almost be cute if they weren't so creepy.

After Ron and Hermione were kissed and carried away, Scorpius was absolutely freaking out. He was completely terrified and overwrought, shaking, and breathing so hard, and then when the Dementor came for him he just couldn't break away because was already so scared. While he was connected with it, he was leant so far back, facing up at it, full of pure terror, and even Snape's words didn't seem to be breaking through to him very well. He was buried in the hell that was going on inside his head, and it was awful to watch. When he was talking about his mother he was sobbing, voice all squeaky, barely able to get the words out from how overwhelmed he was. When Snape finally broke through to him he tore himself away and stumbled down the stage towards the lake. He seemed exhausted from the struggle.

The part where Snape blasts Umbridge back got a cheer from the audience, which I don't think I've seen before. I loved that. She has to be fandom's least favourite character, just because she's so evil.

When Snape conjures his Patronus, both he and Scorpius were crying, and it was just a beautiful, intensely emotional moment between them. Scorpius could barely get out the words "thank you for being my light in the darkness", and Snape was crying as he said "tell Albus -- tell Albus Severus -- I'm proud he carries my name". And then once Scorpius had gone into the lake, as Snape was facing the Dementors he was saying Lily's name over and over again, because in facing death he was going to find her again, and he was holding onto that hope. It was heart-breaking.

Scorpius's delight when Albus came out of the lake was beautiful. Everything in that moment got applause, which is always fun to see. And I will always love the way Alex's Draco just looks at Scorpius and judges him for a moment before saying hello and handing him the robes to put on. I also loved how Draco looked at Scorpius when he said he'd lost the Time-Turner, completely exasperated.

Random detail. I suspect the shirt Scorpius wears under the Voldy timeline robes is velcroed for quick change purposes, because it came undone when James pulled the tie off.

The gossip scene, with all the kids running through the halls of Hogwarts, was really fun. At one point Jack North leaned so far over the banisters of one of the staircases that I was scared he'd fall right over. Also, they were all really relishing throwing themselves off the stairs into the wings.

Things from the McGonagall scene: Harry jerked to attention when McGonagall said she should expel the boys, apparently ready to fight on Albus's behalf. Scorpius was holding his left arm when he was talking about the world with Voldemort being a horrific world, which is basically my favourite James mannerism. And then at the end of the scene, the Hermione and Rose hug was sheer beauty. It was as much a Noma and Cherrelle hug as it was Hermione and Rose, and Hermione stroked Rose's hair and cupped her face in both hands and looked at her, before gather her in and holding her so tightly. They were both crying, which probably comes as a surprise to none of you. Crying is going to become a theme of this recap, moving forward.

I've always preferred Lowri's Petunia to Helena's, but in this performance Helena was pretty great. Full of emotion and intensity. I was really happy with what we saw from her. Albus's cries for his dad and Harry's scream of agony were also stand out moments from the dream in Scene Twelve, both even more intense and painful than usual.

The slumber party scene was one of the scenes where Sam really shone on Sunday. It was a really sweet scene generally, all Scorpius's confessions about the Voldemort timeline were heartfelt and beautiful, and Albus was listening intently. But the best moment was when Albus was talking about Cedric, and how the whole situation was his fault. He was curled up so small, and his voice was so soft and vulnerable. It was a real, genuine moment, and it felt like he was speaking right from his heart. It's not often that you see Sam deliver his lines that way, so it was wonderful to see. A really stunning little moment. And with James responding in kind, it was the perfect intimate conversation between two best friends.

The Owlery scene was really lovely too. There was a really nice pace to the conversation between Scorpius and Albus. I adored how James delivered: "It's a much underestimated part of modern witchcraft". It was authoritative and nerdy, and it was just an example of Scorpius in his element, having so much fun with his best friend.

There was at least one classic creepy Delphi moment in this scene. When Albus and Delphi were talking about the tattoo, Delphi reached out and cupped Albus's chin, and Albus's voice went all high-pitched and hoarse. It was a perfect example of her playing with the boys and using them. It was amusing, Sam played that moment brilliantly, but also horrific knowing that Delphi was being so awful and relishing having Albus wound round her little finger.

The moment of Delphi's attack was really good. I can't put my finger on precisely why it was so excellent in this performance, but there was something about it. Between Scorpius fumbling for his wand, and Delphi drawing hers like she had all the time in the world to strike him down, and Albus's confusion, it was perfect. And Delphi's jubilation at having taken down the boys finally was jubilant. She was revelling in her power, and in the world she was about to create.

Ron did his kneeling down for the reproposal, which I was really happy to see again. It really is a beautiful touch, and it makes him seem so sweet and earnest. How could that not make Hermione melt?

I love Draco's irritation while Ron is talking about Neville. He was there tapping his feet and leaning against the chair, and just generally looking like he was about to burst. And when Ron calls Scorpius by the wrong name he turns to Harry to appeal to him to sort out his best friend. The thing that makes it even better is that Harry is having almost the same reaction to Ron's speech. When Ginny says they all want to strangle him, she means it.

In case anyone's interested, I've finally figured out the mechanism behind Scorpius's gymnastics while he's being tortured. In this show there was a moment of quiet as James was getting into position for the torture, and I heard a sort of snap like a magnet connecting. And when she moved away a little later I noticed a metal plate on the floor of the stage. So I think that leaning back is done with magnets somehow, that hold Scorpius's feet in place.

The worst moment in the torture scene was actually Jeremy's last line. I was really sad about that one. And after Craig's death, there was the longest silence as the boys lay despairing on the ground, just staring and taking it in, full of so much horror and fear.

By the way, I'm not sure if this has been mentioned, but I heard that Paul Thornley did the voice of Bagman, and I think that's accurate because when I listened to it carefully during this show, it did sound a lot like him at times. It'll be interesting to see if they change that and let Thomas record it for the new cast, or if a tiny piece of Paul will remain with the show forever. I'll be listening closely on the 24th.

There was something so awful and heartbreaking about the moment between Cedric and Albus in this show. The weight of it was so poignant, and it felt like a real goodbye between Sam and Milligan. It was their last line to each other after all.

In fact, my favourite moment of the maze sequence was when Delphi took them back in time. Her pure joy at shattering the Time-Turner was amazing. I've never seen her so delighted by it. She just watched the pieces fall with sheer delight for a moment before laughing and addressing the boys. And the boys' despair when she left them behind was horrible to behold. They were so vulnerable and sad and scared, but still strong and protecting one another.

It was a sad moment for sure to hear Jamie speak Parseltongue for the last time. I'm not sure if that moment got anyone else, but I was a little bit heartbroken. He delivers it with a really great panache, and I'm going to miss it.

And then suddenly it was Act Four, and I don't think anyone in the theatre was ready for it. This was where the tears really began, for the cast as well as for me.

The big surprise of the night in terms of emotion was Hermione's line at the end of the second EGM (it's given to Harry in the script, but Hermione is the one who says it). "Then -- just like that -- most of the people in this room will be gone. We'll no longer exist, and Voldemort will rule again." I don't think anyone was expecting that to be the line that broke everyone, but Noma could barely get through it, and as I realised what she was saying I started sobbing. It was the most horrendous, sad line for the occasion. Starkly painful.

The second time I cried was at the pumpkin transition into Godric's Hollow. This has always been my favourite moment of the show, right from the very first time I saw the play, and Chris Jarman does it so beautifully. The way he moves his hands, and the time he spends over every detail. He commands that moment and makes it feel perfectly paced and poised. I don't think anyone will ever perform that bit of movement as well as he does. It was heartbreaking to see him do it for the final time.

Another last show thing from this first Godric's Hollow section was Annabel and Milligan saying goodbye to each other and to James and Lily. When they come out of the door together, normally they give each other a quick peck on the lips, but this time they kissed once, then kissed again really hard before finally walking off. It was a really sweet little moment.

The scene in Harry's office is always a sob fest, but this time it was even worse, full of so many emotionally potent lines. Jamie was sobbing so hard through the whole thing. And I knew the line that would be the worst. The second Jamie said: "Don't go!" I began tearing up in anticipation of the response. "Those that we love never truly leave us."

When Dumbledore talked about paint and memory and love, my mind wandered to all the beautiful memories from the year, of all the performances I've seen. I thought of all the photos and videos, both of the actors and with the actors, and with my friends. This play is full of beautiful, touching lines, and they became so poignant and painful in this particular context.

The thing I remember most about the second half of the scene, when Draco arrives, is how much Jamie was wiping his eyes. All the way through Alex's speech, he kept taking his glasses off and dabbing his eyes with his handkerchief. Alex got pretty emotional too. I've seen him worse, but actually when Alex is at his most emotional his voice doesn't break at all, and that was pretty much what happened here. He also did his little gestures skywards when he mentioned Astoria. I'm going to miss his constant mission to make us laugh and then break our hearts in the next second.

The second half of the boys' waiting around in Godric's Hollow contained one of my favourite features of James's performance. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but starting around Easter, she began grabbing Sam by the face during Scorpius's "HELP!" routine. This time I wasn't sure if she would do it, because she was facing away across the stage, but right at the last second she turned and took Sam's face in both hands and yelled right at him. James's performances have been a goldmine of Scorbus feels, and it's going to be so sad to lose her. Although, she still has four weeks as first cover Scorpius to go, and as we saw at this show, anything can happen.

Most of the next few scenes were at their usual, top quality standard. The most interesting thing happened in Scene Ten. After the decision had been made to transfigure Harry into Voldemort, Jamie took his time getting into position for the Transfiguration. He turned round and looked every single one of the other adults in the eye, finishing with Poppy, and had a significant, beautiful moment with each of them before finally kneeling down. It was his last chance to directly interact with all of them, and he really did justice to the moment.

Paul Bentall and Esther were really incredible in the scene between Voldemort and Delphi. I mentioned earlier about Paul struggling with his voice, and it continued here, giving us a much softer, slightly posher and more restrained sounding Voldemort than usual. There was less of the bite and animosity. He sounded more distant from Delphi, which was actually quite a nice quality, that level of dismissiveness.

Esther was giving everything of course, begging her father for attention. But she seemed perhaps a little more suspicious of him than usual. I felt as though Delphi saw through what was going on a lot earlier than usual, and the last bit of the scene was just her checking to make sure before she acted.

I don't know about anyone else, but the last time Jamie lay under the bench in the church and it didn't fall on him, I was so relieved. My greatest source of stress in the play is that bench, and I'm glad Jamie survived eleven months of it.

The level of pain that Jamie poured into these last few scenes was incredible. When Voldemort was coming Harry's scream as he clutched his scar was the most awful I've ever heard. Full of so much agony. He seemed like he could barely climb to his feet for the death scene.

The transition into that moment was slow and almost reluctant. It was Alex, Poppy, Noma, and Paul's last moment on stage, and they didn't seem to want to do it, but they eventually got into position and completely broke our hearts. Everyone was crying. I don't think I've ever seen Sam really cry before, but even from the dress circle I could tell that he was. His face was all red, and he was clinging to Jamie with a new level of ferocity. Alex was cradling James in his arms. And Noma and Paul were clutching each other. Whoever made the observation that Ron is the only person not to look away when Lily is killed was completely right. He just stands there and stares at the house, and it's such a brave thing to do. He's being the strong one for everyone else. I thought for a moment at the end of this scene that Jamie wasn't going to scream in his grief, but maybe he was just crying too much to do it right away, because when he finally did it was awful to hear.

Hagrid's speech was another bit that made everyone cry, including Chris. He mentioned at stagedoor that he struggled to get through it. Which is understandable when it contains the line: "Hard though it is to leave yeh. I want yeh to know -- yeh won't be forgotten -- not by me -- not by any folk." That was the one that really got me, because it's true. We'll never forget this cast and the world they've conjured up for us. They've been spectacular, and these memories will stay with us all forever.

Act Four Scene Fourteen contained, as you may have heard, Rose kissing Scorpius on the cheek. She beckoned to him and reeled him in, then kissed him and skipped away without another word, while some of the audience exploded with delight. I really loved how Albus was grinning the whole time, half entertained by his best friend, half wanting to mock him for how ridiculous he was being. But of course Albus is always supportive, and always loves everything Scorpius does, because he simply can't help himself.

The final hug between the two boys was tight and long and lovely. Just what you'd want for the final Scorbus hug with this cast.

And then we reached the final scene, and it was heartfelt and emotional and gorgeous. Jamie took hold of Sam's hand and placed it on his chest during the 'I know that heart' line, and he adjusted Sam's hood for him. There was so much tender love between them, as they just looked at each other and stayed so close together, like they couldn't bring themselves to part. It was a perfect final moment, and a beautiful send off to their Harry and Albus. They've both been incredible, and that moment with the two of them with their arms around each other, will stay with me forever, the final image of two characters and two actors who've changed my life.

And then it was all over!

After a surprisingly short but raucous curtain call we all sprinted to stage door for a bit of a wild one, during which so many questions were answered.

The first people out were Jamie and Noma. Because the line was so long they decided to start at the other end to where we were, so people didn't have to wait too long. This ended up causing a massive traffic jam as the actors tried to cross over each other in the middle of the line, but that in itself was entertaining. When they came out they sprinted along the line, giggling and grinning like children, and everyone screamed at them. It was like a movie premiere or something.

I spoke to Chris about the pumpkin transition, and how much I love what he does with it, and he said it was because of Steven Hoggett's movement. But I insisted that he makes it really special, because he does. As I said earlier, no one plays that moment like he does.

James Le Lacheur gave us a couple of excellent bits of information. She's staying on to cover Scorpius for the next four weeks until the new cover is ready. So you never know, we may yet see her again. Also, I can't remember how it came up, but she said she was thinking about kissing Sam in the penultimate scene, however she decided it was more of a James choice than a Scorpius choice, so she restrained herself. It's great that she was thinking about it though. James has been a true gift to the play.

Esther was just the sweetest. She was giving everyone hugs. I told her how much I loved her Delphi, and how she'd become one of my favourite cast members, and that I was going to miss her. She was the only one I teared up in front of, and we both started crying a bit and she hugged me. I'm going to miss how lovely she is, and how incredible her Delphi has become.

Jack Thorne was amazing at stage door. Most of this has been extensively mentioned elsewhere, but he was part of the sugar ban conversation, where it came out that Ginny bans sugar in the Potter household to preserve Harry and Ginny's sex life. He also said that Delphi doesn't have a last name. She should go by Riddle, but given that that links back to her Muggle grandparents, she'd probably reject it. Jack also said that she'd like the idea of being just Delphi, in the way that Voldemort is just Lord Voldemort. It's a way of establishing her own identity and following in her father's footsteps.

The greatest thing to happen at stagedoor was Milligan's hair. I couldn't see round the corner, and I asked someone who was coming, and they were like 'I think it's Milligan, but it's difficult to tell because he has no hair'. Which I found mildly confusing because Milligan has hair. So I craned round the corner and oh my god he really did have basically no hair. It was shocking. Apparently he shaved it all off because he dyes it black for James and wanted to be free (which makes me wonder if maybe Sam is allergic to hair dye or something, because he's the only Potter boy who didn't dye his hair).

The other actors hadn't seen Milligan shave his hair, so as they saw it for the first time they were all gasping and shrieking and freaking out. There's a beautiful video of Noma and Jamie's reaction, and Sam's reaction has been preserved photographically forever. I think it was James Howard who ran a hand over his head and looked generally amazed. I didn't see all the reactions, but the ones I witnessed were stunning and hilarious, and I feel like Milligan was having a great time. He certainly made an impression.

And finally, stuff from the remaining cast!

Mackley (who kissed Sam on the cheek at one point in an amazing, mildly incestuous, Albus moment), confirmed that he will continue to be first cover for Albus. He also said that this year they might be able to tell us when they're on! Fingers crossed.

I told James Howard and Annabel how excited I was to see the show on Wednesday and Thursday, and they both looked mildly horrified. Jame said he hoped they'd be ready (he also said he was excited, and I know he referred to Samuel as his son to some people further down the line). Annabel told me to cut them some slack. She explained that the old cast had five weeks of tech rehearsals, while this cast has four days. I'm fully expecting adrenaline and carnage at the first show, and I will keep you posted on all of that. If she told me all that to warn me about the new cast and to temper my expectations, it didn't work. I'm more excited than ever, and having said a wonderful goodbye to the original cast, surrounded by all my friends, I'm so ready to look to the future, and find out what we're in for this year. It's been great, and it will continue to be great. As Scorpius would say: "Good. This is going to be good."