#happylifechange

[happylifechanges]

So labor

I know you all are dying to read about my labor adventure since you’ve been following me since my first post about first trimester truths.

So at 3 in the morning on Monday on June 11 I thought I had to pee. So I went and then went back to bed, then 10 minutes later I thought I had to pee again. Realized I didn’t so I rode them out till 330 just to make sure then woke up Aj so he could time them. They went from every 10 to every 8 to every 5 by 430 and then stayed at 5 minutes apart till 530 and Aj was like ok we should go. But I didn’t want to. The pain was manageable and We actually had a doctors appointments at 840 so I wanted to wait. Aj was getting nervous so I called my mom and she came over around 6 and waited it out with us until the doctors appointment. The doctor told me I was only dilated 2 cm so it was to early to be admitted.

Went home, Aj went to work and mom stuck around for a little bit and then even she left for a little bit because the contractions backed off to every 20 minutes. I got a nap in and ate some cheeze it’s. But I didn’t want to eat too much because I didn’t want to poop during labor. That was a rea fear y’all. My contractions came back around 11:30 am being every 5 minutes. So I called Aj just to warn him and before I could call mom, Aj called her and she came over. I then labored at home with mom there helping me. Y’all my mom is a champ. Talking me through each contraction. Rubbing my back. Talking me through the breathing. I started to think that if I breathed faster it would make the contraction go by faster... it didn’t. Most of my contractions were really tolerable, I started to understand why some moms can make it through without drugs.

Aj got home at 4 and I kept laboring until 630 when I decided I wanted drugs.

Unfortunately the hospital is going under major renovations and we could not find the entrance to labor and delivery. We found the valet, but he was not helpful with directions. Aj dropped mom and I off at what we thought was the entrance, it was not. We ended up walking for about 10 minutes through a maze and when we got to the office to check in, had another contraction and then they are asking me all these questions and I have to fill out paperwork and it was incredibly stupid in my mind. I had pre-registered. I thought the whole point of that was so I didn’t have to do any paperwork or think.

Anyways, they put me in triage and had me change into the gown and I layed down in bed and waited around. They asked me questions, they took blood, I had very very painful contractions (mom coaching me through the whole thing) and then they had to examine me and see how far along I was. THEY WERE HORRIBLE AT EXAM! Mom wanted to punch the nurse in the face. I was already in pain from contractions in labor and now this stranger is causing me pain and not even apologizing for practically making me scream. When that was done, I kept asking about the epidural and the nurses sucked at communicating that they had to send my blood down to labs to actually prove I could handle the epidural... yes you read that right... because apparently there are women that can’t. I would have given up if I had been one of those women. Anyways, I was crying and in so much pain and I just kept thinking that Aj was dissappointed in me because I wasn’t strong enough. Crazy thought right. But he eventually told me that I was doing good and that helped. Husbands make sure to tell your wives daily in the beginning of labor and right after the baby is born how proud you are of her. She wants to be seen as brave and strong but giving birth is scary and as a first time mom there is no way you can prepare yourself. So husbands be a great cheerleader.

Anyways it took Aj getting on the speaker asking for pain meds to get them to tell us why we were waiting. Then they took me and wheeled me over to a delivery room. Riding in the bed was a weird experience. I compared it to being backboarded but more comfortable because it was a bed. However when you are having contractions it makes you motion sick. Once we got to the delivery room I was able to have Aj help me labor by holding me up while I was waiting for my epidural.

Getting an epidural is weird. It just is. The pretty anesthesiologist comes in and starts to tell you how you’re gonna get this miracle shot and you’re totally listening but then a contraction comes on when she gets to the part on how the drugs actually work and you stop listening and then you kinda register she is saying that there are risks and here’s what they are but let’s be honest you’re really just focused on breathing. And then when your contraction ends she says do you agree? Sure lady, I totally agree with everything you were saying because I was completely focused on it.

Then she starts to prepare you and then another random lady comes in and she says basically you’re gonna hug me and put your head down on my chest, basically embracing her bossum— not making this up. And then the pretty anesthesiologist says she is gonna put a needle in your back and while you are trying to stay calm and relaxed and not move the needle hits and it hurts and the only thing you can squeeze is this strangers hips while your head is nestled in her chest. It’s so weird. And then they give you a catheter which ya know, means you don’t have to get up to go pee, but it’s also incredibly weird. It goes against everything you’ve learned since potty training. You just have to be free. I just kept telling myself you’re in the river or ocean (because we’ve all peed there) and then it got easier to deal with.

But beside all of that, the relief. Oh. My. Goodness.

It was great!!! No more contractions, I think I got some sleep even. It was great. Well at first. As the night went on, my legs got heavier and heavier, to the point where we had to call Aj to lift my legs because I had no control over them. Absolutely could not feel them, I would try and lift and my mom would be like you have to lift them... I am! In reality I had lifted them maybe an inch off the bed. You also have to flip sides every thirty minutes. I hated it. Every time the act seemed monumentous and I was literally just rolling over. I had no control over the lower half of my body.

Sometime during the night I’m being woken up by my mom saying I need to roll over to my right side right now. I remember struggle bussing it but I did it. Apparently Henry’s blood pressure just DROPPED. which obvi isn’t good. But rolling over brought it back up. We tried again on the left side later that night but he wasn’t having it for whatever reason. The problem with that though was he wasn’t able to turn to get in position for the birth canal. Mom kept saying if you could get on your hands and knees he would turn, but guess who had no control over the lower half of her body? So yeah that wasn’t happening.

You know how on TV the pregnant lady’s water breaks and then she is all cute and glamorous while waiting to dilate? Example: Rachel Green in Friends. Well they are sooooo wrong. It’s just gross. My water broke when I was at 8 cm and being examined (side note: every time I was examined except by the doctor it hurt like hell, even with the epidural) and then yes there is an initial gush but then it keeps coming. It leaks down your legs and the catheter is still there and you’re also conscious of not wanting to poop during labor, and you can’t wash yourself. You just feel gross.

Well when they examined me again, another gush came out and this time it came with more than just water, it came with poop. Yep, Henry got fed up being inside me that he pooped inside me. That meant, c-section. Right away.

I was told that my mom and Aj got to come with me but would be coming later as they had to get me set up. So I was wheeled again into a surgery room. Doesn’t look like anything on TV, the room was brightly lit and had the big lights over the operating table. I was EXTREMELY COLD. I could not stop shaking. They moved me over to the operating table using this cool wood thing. Then I was told to lay my arms straight out like Jesus. And they put this blanket on me and pumped hot air through the blanket and it was AMAZING. I don’t remember when they put the drugs in, but then I had the doctor asking me if I could feel this or this below my chest and I couldn’t at all. I did get nauseous, and they put an alcohol swab on my nose. Apparently that combats nausea which is cool. At some point Aj and Mom got there and I remember seeing Aj and feeling so relieved. Seriously that man is my rock.

Before surgery started, they asked me my name, birthday, and what they were doing to me. I told them that they were cutting the baby out of me and everyone laughed. That’s the last thing I truly remember until mom said, oh Katy Henry is out and he is beautiful and I heard him crying at 5:51 am.

They brought him around the curtain and he was NOT beautiful. He was blue. And had a bunch of funk on him and honestly looked HUGE. But he was crying and out and as far as I could tell healthy. He was taken to get washed off and then the next thing I remember is mom bringing him up and me being able to kiss his forehead three times. Then being told he was going to the NICU for all the tests and Aj was going with him. I panicked in my mind because Aj and Henry were both leaving me and I didn’t want to be without them but logic ran over panic and crushed it reminding me that Henry needed to go to the NICU and Aj was gonna be there with him.

Somehow I got back to my room and was asleep, blissful sleep. I remember coming in and out of sleep and don’t remember people until Aj came in and updated me on Henry. Then around 8:30 I was told I was being moved to the mom and baby wing and I would get to see Henry along the way. I was wheeled once again down the hall to the NICU specialist and I got to hold him and tried breast feeding which honestly I had no idea how to do. Two nurses were around me helping me out but kept staring at me and Henry. I didn’t cry at the sight of him but I was really happy to see he was okay. Then after we tried for about 10 minutes I was rolled up to my room where Aj was and I got to nap some more and then Henry came in and everything was good.

It’s Thursday and I have been at the hospital since Monday. I have realized that women get shamed for having c-sections, even by doctors. Like, my doctor apologized that I couldn’t deliver vaginally and looked at me all sad like but honestly I could care less. I wanted to come out healthy and I wanted Henry to come out healthy. I didn’t care how it happened.

I also feel judged about using formula but not from the hospital from the world. It’s also pro breast and feed in public and no shame and women are powerful hear me roar stuff. I’m all for breast feeding and making free food for your child. But when your child loses 10% of their body weight and the doctor prescribes formula, you do the formula. Thankfully I get to breast feed and do formula but I’m totally okay with it. Because Henry is healthy and happy.

I’ve also realized that being in the hospital this long is AMAZING. Sure, my bed isn’t that comfortable and I’m very thankful I brought my own shower towel because hospital towels are awful. Being here is just a blessing because I get to meet with lactaction consultants every day. They are amazing and super informative. They have helped so much with breast feeding. Also the nurses are so nice. I also don’t have to cook! It’s really great.

We go home tomorrow after Henry gets snipped and I’m actually excited. Today I spent most of it alone because Aj had to work and I did okay. I know not every day will be easy but I’m gonna take it day by day with this little one and he and I will figure out how this works together.

Thanks for reading my super long post!

[happylifechanges]

Belly bump update

I’m starting to waddle. Like a duck.

It’s kinda crazy. My belly button which is an innie is slowly becoming an outie. I discovered Ross’s maternity section (thank you mommas for the tip) and maternity pants are the bomb!!!! Other than sweatpants I live in those things. I found that swimsuit shopping still sucks, everything looks awful. I just want to be comfortable, but fashion apparently doesn’t design for pregnant women. 

Who knew? I’m also getting the fears. I work at Marshalls part time and always see kids. Sometimes kids are great, most of the time, super annoying. I want my son to be a good person, to be adorable, and definitely not annoying. What if I fail him? What if I see my son as annoying all the time? What if I just can’t handle it? What if I mess up incredibly badly, and it messes him up? Every time I feel Henry move I smile and I thank the Lord for this great gift. Then I let the fear in. I am praying constantly to the Lord to take my fears away. I finally talked to Aj about it and it was encouraging to know he is also fearful. I need to keep reminding myself three things: 1. I’m not alone. Women have been becoming mothers since Eve and the majority of kids turn into decent human beings. 2. The Lord is with me always. He is my strength and my conqueror. He shows me the light in the darkness of my fears. He reminds me constantly that I can do this. 3. Henry will grow up into his own person. I can’t control how his personality is shaped. He might love Harry Potter and be inspired to write a novel. He might not find it interesting at all (Lord I pray that if this is true, you are able to help him hide his distaste well) and love something like science that I have no knowledge of. Whoever he becomes, I want him to know the Lord and be a good person.

I want to be a good mom. I’ve never been a mom before. I can read all the books and the mom blogs and talk to all the moms but they all say the same thing, all babies are different and all parents are different. So while yes, all the advice is encouraged, in the end I will just have to figure it out.

Pray that I stay brave. Pray Aj and I can figure this out. Pray that the rest of pregnancy goes well. Pray that I can continue to have energy as I waddle into motherhood.

[happylifechanges]

The big day approaches

I am 33 weeks. That means 7 weeks till my due date. He could come early or come late. I’m hoping for a week early but who knows, that’s up to the Lord.

I keep getting bigger and bigger. Honestly it’s hard to look at myself in the mirror. I wonder if other moms struggled with their reflection. I know I’m carrying life and Aj’s only heir and you know...

but sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror I just feel fat. I definitely stress about weight gain.

Which, when I truly think about it, is a funny thing to stress about. Every mom gains weight. Duh. You’re growing something inside of you. But I’m afraid I’ll still be huge after the baby comes, and I’ll be so exhausted to work out, and I’ll never have the motivation to get up and move.

Other than that, I’m not really stressed about being a mom. There’s nothing I can do to stop it from happening, he is gonna come out of me, and I will have to take care of him. And since it’s so concrete, I’m not stressed about it. I’m confident I can keep him alive. I know it’ll be hard. But also rewarding. Every time he kicks inside me, reminds me that soon I’ll be able to actually see that foot that makes my belly move.

Confession: When he wakes me up in the middle of the night kicking, not so cute. Like the one time I hit Aj awake because I thought he was kicking me and it turned out to be Henry. Oops

Reality: my feet hurt constantly. I have the excuse to lay down now, but man my ankles have disappeared. Aj blessed me with purchasing a foot bath that massages them, but it’s for my feet, not my ankles. The hot water in the bath is very nice.

Having to constantly pee is annoying. Especially because when I’m laying down, getting up is HARD. I feel like a turtle stuck on its back. Aj is constantly helping me up but when he isn’t around, it takes me a minute.

Funny story: I have cried twice for no reason. One at the end of infinity war which I knew was going to end tragically but not quite that tragic, but I don’t usually cry at stuff like that. But as I was sitting through the credits discussing what had happened and what might happen next, my cheeks were wet. I didn’t even realize I was crying and honestly I couldn’t stop. So odd.

Second: when Aj asked if I missed wine. I couldn’t control my emotions and just started bawling because y’all, I really do miss alcohol. Like I never drank all the time, but after long hard days it was nice to make a drink. Or get margs with friends.

Other than the swollen feet, the body issues, and odd mood swings I am enjoying being pregnant. People look at you with joy, people are nicer to you, people just help you with things. It’s nice. Feeling him move is exciting every time. I am constantly talking to him, singing to him, poking him.

I am very grateful to moms who offer advice or those that complain about the same things I complain about. I am grateful to moms who tell me how much fun it will be. I am grateful for hand-me-downs. Seriously I love hand-me-downs. Anyone reading this and think, man I really need to get rid of all this baby stuff, maybe I should take it to good will... no, I’ll use it. And if I don’t I’ll gift it to moms that need things. I love free things. Who knows if he will like it, he could love it or hate it, but at least I had IT. So yes, if you have baby stuff that you don’t need, I will be so excited for it to show up at my house!

So. Excited.

Thank y’all for reading. Thank y’all for praying. Thank y’all for following me on this up and down journey. Pregnancy is weird, exciting, and not a walk in the park. I have no expectations because I’ve never done this before and that’s why this is a scary, beautiful time in my life. Thank you.