#happy one ywar to me

[tumbwr]

​peace and love on planet HRT!!!

[mintythecup]

HAPPY NEW YWARS GUYS

I wanna give a thanks to alot of people here

going by my followers

I wanna say thank you for all the support you all have given me, and helping me get through this rough year. I've never expected to get this far and meet the people I have now.

you all mean so so much to me that you don't even know, it means the fuvking world to me that you all have supported me for what I do

@shortcakelils i wanna give a thanks to you for being there when you could, and im thankful I was able to try or even help you, you have given me so much inspiration that it helped me increase my ability and improve alot. its been a year now that we have been best friends and one day we actually might meet. thank you so so fucking much for everything man, I hope you have a good new year (even tho it was yesterday lmfao)

@whosectype i wanna give a thanks to you for BEING MOOTS WITH ME. BRO YOUR ART IS SO FUCKUNG AMAZING I CANT, thank you for letting and even inviting me into the better casino, but generally. thank you for being my friend, it means alot. I hope you have a good new year aswell, it was just a good journey we had, even if we didn't know eachother for very very long. I wish you a good career on this path. thank you so much

@mochlinathecuphead241 i wanna give a thank you too mocha! you watched me improve alot in my art and in myself, your art is amazing and im thankful to be your friend too. I love that we had to experience lots of fun time together even when we were on that live lmfao. it means alot to be friends with you, even if we did have some differences. thank you so so much for being my friend. I hope you have a good year:)

@creator-of-monsters MY FUCKING IDOL. MY FRIEND. thank you alot for just being my friend, especially in the better casino, your aus and art has given me so so much inspiration that I cant even explain, it means alot being your friend especially mutuals, but generally, just you standing there being a human being is already so much to take in 😭, i hope you have a good new year :D

@lunarshadow04 i can't even explain, thank you so so much just for being there. your art is amazing and I can't even explain how good your designs art tbh, thank you for being my friend too, JUST KEEP STANDINH THRTR AND BEING AMAZING YOU GOT THIS EGEHEHE I hope you have a good year too :)

and for the rest. thank you so so much for everything, so much can't be explained as I'm on a small ass phone right now

@cjhs-world @4ce-of-2pades-inkwell @mimuo-no @cupsnroses @magicalbarau @cupid-shortcake @potatoreak @winterleaf098 @carlarosenakilah @fresacake (I cant with ur pfp fresa. IMMA BEAT YO-) @memento_morii(I couldn't find ur account in sorry) @fizz-wizz-dizz @cups-and-pentacles and everyone else! (im sorry I couldn't remember more)

and lastly. my brother mugsy,

I wanna give a special thanks to you, thank you so much for being there and helping me. but I'm also thankful for helping you along the way, I'm making sure one-day we will meet. I'm thankful that we have met and im thankful I was there when others couldn't, I love you so so much that you don't even know. you're my brother. even if we aren't related, we may live far but one day we will get to see eachother one day, ill make it happen even if we don't talk anymore. I still want to make sure that we are gonna hug properly for the first time. I remember the times when we would talk 24/7 and I'd smile each time I saw ur notification. two hours ahead of me yet nothing can keep us separated. even if you hurt me, I know it wasn't intentional. I love you alot mugs, after we met. I hardly had anyone around that would keep my phone blown up and all, I hardly had any notifications come up at all until I met you. my phone was always silent when I woke up to be honest, until I met you, I always woke up with your notifications and it made me so happy to have someone to talk to. thank you for being there, you even got to watch me change for the better and even changed myself for other people aswell. thank you so so much

and to my online parents, thank you alotnfor being my parental figures. nurf, lin, arka and kat. thank you alot for being the parents I couldn't never been able to get even just talking to me helped alot. through the times I was forced to do something I couldn't back out of, lin thank you so so much. even helping with your au designs also was a big thing for me. I love you all so so much and you all mean alot to me :D♡

@notarkanoria (I COUnRNT FIND YOUR USER JEHFJSJDJDJJD IM SOREY FATHER FIGUREq)

I CANT FIND ANY OF UR FUCKINF ACCOUNTS

[crazylil-lion]

I just can't stop. I can't be happy.

I need romance I need affection.

But I'm literally not what people want.

Stuck in between being too feminine and not masc enough. Not enough of either.

No one listens. Screaming and crying does nothing.

At least the warmth of burns can bring comfort.

I wonder if this was all my life was meant to be.

The support "friend" the one who has to be strong. The one people only turn to when everything is going bad for them.

Nothing helps relieve this pain but maybe I can continue to redirect it to my thighs instead of my mind.

But honestly day after day. I get closer to suicide.

This isn't like a oh ima kill myself

No this is I have letters written.

I have a date planned. I have multiple plans but I expect it will be OD on benzos and massive amounts of alcohol until I passout. If that doesn't work and I awake. Then I'll lay in the ocean and slit my throat and slowly drift away.

It's hard to say goodbye but frankly I don't see a point in life.

I see others happy. Having partners and friends. I see people with hope that maybe not tomorrow but some day things get better.

I don't have that hope. I try to fake it. I try to plan things on the future so I have to live bc this concert or whatever.

Really it doesn't work. I spend nights crying myself to sleep. I spend nights in agony feeling like my chest is getting crushed.

I have no hope left. So what's the point in going through the motions of things that are supposed to help.

I'm tired of crying all day cycling between emotions but none of the good ones.

I'm the same child. Screaming for someone to care.

Screaming for someone to notice.

But it didn't matter if I was dying on the floor they wouldn't come.

No one cares. And to expect someone to care is a foolish dream.

What I've learned is love is conditional.

You must me x physical requirements. Must be willing to spoil with money.

Must not be super emotional but constantly provide emotional support.

Honestly I have no hopes of falling in love because no one sees me. I can be on 7 or 8 dating sites for ywars to never get liked.

I can go out irl to be laughed and talked down to because I'm too feminine and not a man.

At the end of the day. I'm just fucking alone like I've always been.

Broken, bruised and exhausted.

Death would be a fucking blessing.

And all I can do is shit post here to no one to pretend someone listens. Even if its a lie.

[ratanslily]

Irreplaceable

pairing: bryce lahela x f!mc (Dr. Theia Valentine)

genre: angst but with happy ending.

about the fic: im just giving bryce's premium scene some closure ♡

inspo: this post by @ofpixelsandscribbles

a/n: I've never written for my mc before oof i hope i did her justice!! honestly this fic was so rushed (like all my fics lmao, i write on impulse, not meticulous planning and its a self indulgent fics so i dont rlly expect people to read because i kinds wrote it for my own sanity)

"We should do this much, much more often"

"Agreed."

Bryce looked around the on-call room. So much changed, the beds, the technology,  the lights... and maybe them. or maybe he was the one who changed.

Theia smiled and took his hand in his, beckoning him to accompany him back to the party. He slowly removed her hand away from his and took a step back. his face grew serious as he said,

"its.. probably not a good idea"

"why?"

"its just.. I don't know.. just go ahead, without me, I dont want to draw attention to us."

Theia could tell there was much more to Bryce's strange behaviour. Ever since they started their third year, she could see something was wrong with him, something was troubling him. but when they'd get intimate, all worries would go away and he'd get back to his normal self.

so what happened?

"so it's all a game to you, isn't it?"

"wh-what?"

"you don't need me.. you just want me to satisfy your needs"

"liste-"

"No, Dr. Lahela.  listen to me.", Theia raised her voice as her eyes started glistening with fresh tears.

"was it all a game to you? I thought we had something special.. something unique.. something homely.. when you dropped your fries just to kiss me..when you comforted within these same 4 walls, when we longed to feel each other when I was sick, when you walked me home after the funeral.. I guess I was a fool, I was just a distraction to you, wasn't it?"

she turned on her heels and made way to the door. Before her hands could even touch the handle, she felt Bryce's shaking hand on her shoulder.

"Theia.. please. please stay."

"what for?"

as much as she wanted to resist, she turned back to find Bryce on the verge of tears, with a face full of longing for her.

---

Bryce never hated anything more than the sight of Theia in pain. tonight, he made her cry.

He never meant to hurt her. but he always knew this day would come, especially since they started their third ywar of residency. He knew she and him would end up on different paths.

so why try? why grow close, just to fall apart? kiss, just to say goodbye? make memories, just to move on and forget them?

but he fell,  he fell hard for her. against his best wishes. he found himself caring more for her rather than himself. he found her tears as his own. maybe more painful than his own. when he found her alone on the floor, crying all by herself, he couldnt stop himself from comforting her, feeling the same hurt as she did. they grew closer faster than he imagined, but he loved every second of their relationship.

the day he saw Theia behind the glass walls, trying to reach for him, he aligned his hand on hers, with a glass wall between them. he needed her more than ever in that moment. that night, when he sat by her side, close but not close enough, he felt it.

he felt it surging thru his veins.

he felt love.

but he didnt admit it, for the fear of rejection.

he thought of himself as someone who was easily replaceable, someone who was just a second option to others, never the priority.

little did he know, all Theia wanted is, him by her side, no one else. She never thought of him as the second option, but as the only option.

---

Theia softened at the sight of him holding back his tears and silently cursed herself for being the reason behind his tears.

"im sorry for being so loud, but tell me one thing, Bryce. Do you even need me anymore?"

her words struck him right in the heart.

"if you dont have any answer, I'll go. I'll never bother you again.."

He looked right into her eyes, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

As the tears gently rolled down his cheek, he said,

"I need you, Theia. I need you by my side. I need you to be by my side at every moment of my day, not just at fancy rich parties, but by my side when i wake up to find you curled up in the sheets,  when I make coffee for us and you scoff at the amount of sugar i put in our latte, when there's something on my cheek during lunch and you offer to kiss it off. when i have trouble sleeping at nights and you offer to cuddle me until i feel safe. when i hate the movie you pick, and doze off with my head of your shoulder. I would always need you. But.. what if.. one day.. we don't need each other anymore?"

"what if one day.. say when you've completed your third year here and get a job in a place far away, away from me, away from us. what if there's no "us" anymore? what if you find someone better? what if one day, i end up badly heartbroken, if you ever do so? better keep my distance to lessen the pain, isnt it? Im replaceable, after all."

She couldn't believe the words he said, the feelings he was going through. She felt more horrible than ever for lashing out at him when he felt all of this.

She held his hand, and guided him to one of the beds.  they sat down together,  with her head on his shoulders. Tonight, roles were reversed, she was the one comforting him.

"I didn't know you felt all of this, and im sorry that I misjudged your behaviour."

she rubbed his arms, soothingly and continued,

"I dont know how to tell you this, but i can never go away from you, ever. for physically we may be apart but emotionally and mentally,  i find my home and my residence in your heart. I just-"

she took a deep breath.

"I just love you so much. I dont want you to drift apart from me. and from us. I maybe  a doctor and such sentimental stuff may sound crazy, coming outta my mouth but, I just want to make one thing clear."

she carefully removed her head from his shoulders and turned to look at him.

"Dr. Bryce Lahela, your name is engraved in my every heartbeat. Other people may try to change it, but I know they're gonna fail, as I don't love anyone else apart from you. Do i make this clear?"

Bryce's lips curled into his classic beautiful smile as he started to speak, but Theia cut him off.

"and you better not call yourself replaceable next time, or im gonna punch you so hard."

she playfully punched him, earning a hearty laugh from him.

"Now, now Valentine, would you give me the mic to talk?"

She nodded and he continued.

"I don't think I expected a love confession to be in the very room we hooked up, ans honestly its kind of iconic, though i expected a few roses and all that glam..."

".. but you're enough to make my heart leap with joy. No roses needed, no chocolates required."

he took a moment to choose his words,

"I may be good at giving prep talks and all that stuff, but wow, I suck at this. Its probably cause i never did this before.. so let me get to it.. I love you too, Theia."

Theia crashed her lips into his for a fulfilling kiss as they both shared tears of joy,  finally confessing their love after 2 years of pure longing and messing around.

"Whew, who thought these simple 4-5 words would be so hard to say?"

She simply nodded as she wrapped her hands around his for those precious moments of bliss and joy.

yes, the walls, the beds, the room and the infrastructure around them changed, but they were still the same 2 people as from before,  with the same love and feelings in their heart.

and no amount of change could ever change that.

[channoticedmeuwu]

GRRRR ARF ARF ARF BARKKKKK BRWDY IN THE BUIDLINGGGG 😎🍞

(haha swewtie if i make tupos its okay i dont have my glased on HAHSHSH)

ANHJOWU how was ur xay sweetie??? was it iNTesreStiBg ?!?!! i hope u had fun and i actually hope u witnessed random shit in ur life 2day HWHSHSN

SO earlier, i woke up at 6 am, did some yofa , i meditated and i tried to hunt for doyoungs spirit (weird shjt, i know love,,,) AND THEN i had some brekafast ?!! i ate,,, well,,. bluebetry juixe * insert clown emoji too lazy to put it there *

THEN i pealayed some scales on my violin,, and treated myseld with skme good old channnitixedmejwu (ths spelling of channoticedmeuwu needs help oh my fuckibg god * insert crying emoji*) content and i listened to doyoubs wish you were gay and bad guy cober ?!!

also its so weird cuz ,,, ive been an nshittyzen nctzen for almsot 4-5 ywars :o damn 😩😩😩 i have gone trhu half of the shjt nct and nctznens go thru back then HAHSJSJ

NOWWWWW its tkme fkr u to shine loml,, SO LIEK i love u so much u lnow that shit cuz i knkw u know we lnow lee know AND ONXE AGAIB, YOU DEAERVE ALL THE CHICKEN NUGGIES AND THE LOVE IN THE WHOOOOOOLE WIDE WLRRRRRLD !!! ugh just some good old channoticedmewuwu love cuz channoticedmeuwuw deserves kt!,, goodness vracious i love u so mich

~jaejhyun and kai' s bready bread anon who needs help cuz brewdy cant spell !! 🍞

also ka i im so sorry if u donr undersstand this ask u can delete if u want <3

BITCG IM LIKE CONFUSED HAPPY SCREAMING RN AHAJAJBKDHD OML I'M CHOKING WAIT

.....okay what the fuck

I WAS EATING RAW COCONUT THAT MY GRANDMA GAVE ME AND I CHOKED AHAHAHVDJDBDV

BB YOU TYPE LIKE UR DYING I LOVE IT OML one day when u wanna you better be in my dms every second of the day smh LIKE AHAVDGJDVDJ

IM GLAD U HAD A GOOD DAY BB AJAJJSHDJ I WAS WATCHING SARANGHOE AND WISHING I WAS TALLER BC QUEEN IS 5'5 SMH planning on starting a workout routine when June 1st hits bc I need to grow taller before I hit 16 AHAHH only one year left help

ALSO WHAT THE FUVK NO U DESERVE ALL THE CHICKEN NUGGIES IN THE WORLD >:((( WHY U SO CUTE SMH AHAHSVJDVDJ

AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO EHEHHEHAIDVDJDB BETTER BE DRINKING THAT WATER PLANTY

[missnctyukhei]

Happy new year 🎊

My dears, I hope you had a great holiday season and I wish you a great and happy new year 2019.

I would like to say thank you that there are really over 2000 readers on this blog and I am really grateful for this. I remember how I started writing stories in English for the first time in this summer and it has attained so well by you all. Thank you for your support. You have definitely enriched my year ❤❤❤

The year is coming to an end and I was very inactive towards the end. But slowly my writer's block gets loose. Currently I'm writing on my subblog k-kaffee and I'm slowly getting back on the track, but in the new year I want to write more here again. So I'll be back soon.

There will be some changes on this blog too in the coming ywar.

• I will delete most requests because they have become too much for me. Unfortunately, I was overwhelmed and I will only leave three requests.

• Even though the Dreamies are almost all legally legal adults in Korea, I will not write about them. Mark is the only one who appears in my stories.

• I don’t accept fluff requests anymore. I will only write SMUT.

I hope that's fine with you and you'll still read my stories on my blog. And while there are a few changes, I have a few intentions for this blog as well:

• get in touch with you more (I would like to get to know you a little bit)

• post regularly

• keep an eye on the blog, even when it gets stressful

The last point is important because I will graduate next year. I am already incredibly afraid of the oral exams dsfjsbfsdlf *panic modus*

So now enough written. I wish you all a Happy New Year and celebrate well. See you next year. ❤❤❤

All the best and much love

missnctyukhei 💁🏼‍♀️⭐️💖