#happy birthday number 1 ted fan is what i'm getting across

[thecreativecorner33]

took me a moment to formulate a request, it's rather simple though lol

I'm a fan of the transmasc Ted hc, partially because i'm a transmasc individual myself, so perchance a transmasc reader x transmasc Ted oneshot/drabble? Something comfy, maybe even hurt comfort, bonding between reader and Ted. A kinship of sorts. I'm not good at formulating my thoughts as a request I'm sorry lol, I hope my idea is conveyed a little bit, I'm leaving most of it up to writers choice :]

Acts of Trust and Care

A/N: First of all, happy birthday Jayce!!! Decided part one of your birthday present would be finally doing this request! This turned out to be... Much more than simple kinship, but I don't think you'll necessarily mind? Second of all though, in relation to that, I really do hope I did this justice. Keep in mind: I am not trans, and more than that, I am not a boy. In fact, I am the most feminine cis woman you might ever come across. But I still wanted to do this correctly! So I would also really like feedback for this! I really do hope it comes across that the reader is also transmasc. Last I checked, it can only be read in that way, but maybe I'm wrong? I'm not sure. Oh, one more thing: Ambience music! I linked the song I was listening to while I was writing this, and I think it does the job nicely! The perfect amount of warmth and melancholy; the feeling of things being okay for a moment, even if the bigger picture is anything but. Alright, happy birthday! I hope you and everyone else enjoys this!

The glow of the firelight helped ease your troubled mind, even if it was only for a moment. You took a deep breath; shaky, trying not to get to a point where you ended up in tears. Just a simple in… then out… in… then out… 

It usually wasn’t this bad; the dysphoria. Not to the point where you couldn’t reign it in. But AM seemed keen on reminding you of its existence with every step you took today. Like a shadow that seemed to always be behind you; even if it was out of sight, you knew it was there. Staring. Watching. And everyone else could see it, too. 

You didn’t want to dwell on the torture AM brought down on you to pair with it. 

By now, everyone had fallen asleep, save for you and Ted. 

Ted was always the last one to sleep; too paranoid of what lurked beyond the shadows, where no one could see. He didn’t want another incident where everyone “laughed” at him while he ran from some monster. You never really figured out if there was or wasn’t one, but you were inclined to believe him. It didn’t matter. He insisted on staying up, as late as he could until he physically passed out. You were just too overwhelmed to join everyone else. 

Lucky him (lucky you, maybe), he could tell. 

“Are you okay?” He asked softly, moving to sit beside you. 

You wanted to muster a smile and reassure him, but even that felt too hard to do. “I… I’m fine, I-… I’m just… feeling…” Why was it so hard to just let it out right now? You didn’t know.

Ted seemed to pick up what you were getting at, though. With swift motions, he untied the grey sweater from his shoulders and held it out for you to take. You looked at him, surprised. How did he-?

“Ted-”

“Take it. It’s okay.” He reaffirmed, voice still soft.

… You stopped hesitating and did so, pulling it on. The fabric was soft and kept you much warmer than the fire. It was large enough to cover the parts of you you felt most unsure about; the thinness in your arms, the way your shoulders weren’t as broad as they should be. When you looked down, you looked flat. 

And best of all, it smelled like him. 

You hugged yourself loosely, giving him a nod of appreciation. “Thank you…”

“Of course. Anything.” 

He smiled; small, easy to miss if it was someone else looking at him. Whatever tension you felt eased up in that moment. You let yourself relax enough to just enjoy his presence, thankful that when you needed him most is when he was lucid enough to actually be there for you. 

The two of you had been going through these sorts of motions for years now. You were coming up on 10, if you had been keeping track of time right. It was nice. Your relationship with him was nice. And you were especially glad that you no longer needed to completely voice how you were feeling for him to understand, because he felt the same. 

An experience only the two of you shared. That’s what it was that brought you together. Among other things, of course, but this one experience, it pushed it forward in a way that everything else fell into place so simply right after. 

“ … Ted… How do you handle it?” You asked, glancing away from him momentarily, “The dysphoria, I mean…”

He snorted, “I don’t.”

“Hey, I’m serious.”

“So am I. How do you handle anything living like this? You don’t. You just survive. And I would barely call what we do survival.” He turned away from you to look into the fire. His face began to harden. “It’s just torture. That’s all this is. Never-ending torture. We’re never going to be free of it, so why should I waste time worrying over shit like that? I’m a man and I know I am. I always have been. AM can do a lot to us, but he can’t change that.”

A small part of you regretted asking, if only due to how upset it seemed to make him. You reached out to place a hand on his cheek, gently turning his face back to you. Immediately, his face softened once more, and he took a deep breath. “… That’s how I handle it. I trust my mind. No matter what he does, he can’t take that away from me. From us.”

He placed his hand on top of yours, and you felt inclined to believe him once more. You knew it would never fully make the struggles go away, but the fact that Ted understood and could give you reassurance made it bearable. 

You finally smiled; your first time today. “… Thank you, Ted.”

“Of course. Anything.” He repeated. You couldn’t be more grateful for him. “You should sleep.”

“So should you.” You gave him a look.

“I’m fine. You need to sleep.”

“I get nightmares, anyway. I can stay up with you.”

“No.”

You both stared at each other, neither of you willing to budge. 

“Both of you shut the hell up,” came a third voice; an upset Gorrister who laid nearby, “None of us can get any damn sleep with the two of you runnin’ your mouths.”

Ted’s face flushed red. You fought the urge to roll your eyes and start a fight. “Fine.” You said, loud enough for him to hear. You focused back on Ted, “Let’s both sleep, then.”

“No-” You cut him off before he could start.

“Nothing bad will happen. Please. Trust me, for once.”

The two of you stared at each other for a few more moments. The pleading eyes you gave him eventually won out though, as he sighed and pulled your hand away from his face. “Fine.”

He didn’t let you go. He laid down, pulling you with him, wrapping you up in his arms and holding you tight to his chest. Tight enough to almost hurt. Tight enough that you knew, no matter how much he lied, the truth was he was scared. Deeply. But it was okay. You were there to reassure him.

You wrapped an arm around him to hold him just as tight. “Goodnight,” you mumbled softly.

“Goodnight,” he whispered back.

And with the soft glow of the firelight fading from view, you fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.