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amberjazmyn · 11 months

Text

matthew gray gubler one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - you are my sunshine

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - mention of miscarriage, rainbow baby announcement, crying, sadness that turns into happiness, song lyrics (does christina perri also need a warning?)

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - with the lyrics of christina perri's "you are my sunshine" we learn about matthew gray gubler and his wife jordannah gubler's miscarriage that they never publically posted until now when they've gone through their grieving process and the process of them finding out and announcing their first rainbow baby which then ends with them having three kids.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i wanted to rewrite and retransform my jared padalecki miscarriage chapter for MGG so, that is what i'm doing. however, this isn't going to be sad the entire time so, don't worry you won't be crying/sad the entire read. as always, song lyrics are italicised bold, flashbacks are italics and present time is normal font.

masterlist

- - -

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey!"

jordannah gubler, the wife of matthew gray gubler, fellow criminal minds costar, had just been given the best news ever. she just found out she was pregnant with their first child. she couldn't believe that finally, she was going to become a mom and her husband, matthew, was going to become a dad.

frantically, she put together a box of things to surprise matthew with to let him know the amazingly good news that she had just found out moments ago. just as she was finishing up with the surprise, she quickly set up her iphone so she could film her husband's reaction. when, suddenly, the front door opened and her husband's loud, excited las vegas, nevadian accent reverberated throughout the house. scaring jordannah, making her jump for a second as she stared at the camera with a scared look. she then waited for her nevadian husband to come into the kitchen, in which she had placed the surprise present for him to open.

"...good afternoon, darling! i'm home!" matthew's very obvious nevada accent calls out and jordannah smiles at the camera

that was after though because at first it made her jump in fright as she waits for him to come into the kitchen. the iphone continuing to record the surprise that was to come.

"hey hun, i'm in the kitchen!" jordannah calls out as matthew's laughter can be heard as he puts his stuff down in the mudroom

with his phone in his hand, matthew walks into the kitchen to see his wife, "hey, sweetheart!" matthew mumbles as he swoops in, not even noticing the fact that his wife was filming the both of them as he pulls her in for a hug as she chuckles

they talk for a few minutes without matthew even realising the present on the counter right in front of him. let alone noticing his wife's iphone that was filming them until jordannah nudges him and forces him to notice the present.

"...oh, bubs, i also got you a special little something..." jordannah forces her husband to notice the present as he giggles

placing his phone in his hoodie pocket, he then looks down at the counter - finally noticing the white box in front of him.

"...jordy, honey, why? it's not my birthday or christmas or anything! why'd you get me a present? fuck...please don't tell me i missed an anniversary of ours!" matthew panics as he tries to remember if he had missed any anniversaries or anything as he started to open the lid

but, he was very skeptical in opening the lid of the box which made jordannah laugh but filled her with anxiety that maybe, he wasn't exactly ready for a baby and to become a parent. however, all of jordannah's fear and anxiety went away instantly the moment when matthew just fell into jordannah's embrace. immediately starting to cry happy tears. she knew it was happy tears due to the way his face contorted before he hid it away into jordannah's shoulder.

"bub, are you serious?" matthew whispered as the couple hugged as matthew couldn't speak any louder

in the muddle of emotions, jordannah giggled and nodded her head, confirming matthew's question.

"yes, i'm absolutely serious, bub, we're pregnant!" jordannah spoke softly and lovingly with excitement

matthew just stayed silent as he hugged his wife tighter as she continued to giggle.

"how far along? does it say on the...on the thing?" matthew stammered to himself

he then grabbed the clearblue pregnancy test to see how long his wife was when he smiled - she was more than a couple of weeks along.

"you happy darling?" jordannah muttered as she giggled and matthew nodded his head, wiping his tears as he chuckled softly

"i'm more than happy, bub, we're gonna be parents! we're gonna have a little family of three!" matthew spoke softly as he smiled the brightest smile he had smiled since their wedding

"i know, babe, it's crazy!" jordannah giggled as matthew then kneeled down and gave a sweet little kiss to his wife's tummmy

this, of course, made jordannah giggle as she sat herself up, "what are you doing hun?" jordannah giggled as matthew lifted his head up at his wife

"i'm saying hello to our little baby! it has to know who its parents are!" matthew spoke as though it was so obvious as jordannah shook her head

then, it was decided that a photo of the positive pregnancy test would be taken and then sent to their criminal minds group chat. but, making it known that, this information stays in the group chat and doesn't leave.

"...let's send this photo to the criminal minds group chat and tell them to keep it secret. so it's just between us and the group and private for as long as we can. that is until we know that it won't miscarry, is that okay?" jordannah suggests, worried that if they did post it now when it was still considered early, that they could potentially lose the baby

and without hesitation, matthew agreed with his wife's proposal and that's just how the wind blew for this situation. no ifs, no buts, no watermelons.

"that's totally fine babe. we can do that, it'll just be our little secret with the criminal minds cast. and no one else, until we're ready, will be told!" matthew whispers, moving closer and closer to his wife and baby as he pulled her closer to him, making her giggle

criminal minds fam

joe, kirsten, matthew, aj, jordannah, thomas, paget etc.

matthew

joe

wait, hold up!

thomas

omg! congrats you two! wifey and i both send our love and congratulations

paget

no way! congratulations you two!

shemar

duuuuuudddeee! that's amazing news you two!

kirsten

MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER! you can't just do that and then dip darling!

awe, jordannah and matthew, congratulations my darlings!

aisha

guys that's the best news ever!

jordannah

thank you, guys! i'm very early, i'm only a couple of weeks. so, because of that, i'm only wanting to keep this between us if that's okay with y'all!

thomas

oh, of course, honey! that's totally fine. better to be safe than sorry, my wife did the same thing when we had our children. best decision we made i reckon.

honestly, that's an amazing choice, jordy, however, i also told nathan and mehkai and they just let out the loudest screeches of happiness, we send our love and congratulations. and, that's totally ok, jordy, besides, anything we talk about in this gc rarely ever is mentioned outside of it so, it's locked, never to be released until the time's ready.

paget

amen, sister! good choice.

thomas, shemar, aisha and joe sent thumbs up.

kirsten

better safe than sorry, jordy. secret's safe with us darling

aisha

i agree, until ready, this announcement will not be mentioned outside of this chat. also, i'm with adam and daniel and they send their congratulations and squeals of excitement xx

jordannah

thanks, guys! and, thank you aisha! tell them i said thanks and send all the hugs and kisses

aisha

of course, i will babe x

however, not even a month after the group chat was aroused in excitement for the new news that the gubler's were going to have their own baby gubler, tragedy struck. jordannah's biggest and worst nightmare came true - she miscarried their baby.

you'll never know dear, how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away

just days before and during the day that jordannah miscarried her baby, she was singing a sweet, famous lullaby to her not even rounded baby bump. it was christina perri's version of you are my sunshine. she was sitting on the couch, her feet resting underneath her bum as she sang with her hands resting on her bare barely pregnant tummy. matthew smiled as he sat down next to his wife, his head resting on her shoulder as he was the third and fourth hands to join in with the rubbing/resting on the pregnant belly.

"you'll never know dear, how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away!" jordannah sang softly to the little baby that was peacefully resting in her belly as matthew smiled lovingly

"i wonder if it's a boy or a girl," matthew spoke softly, as not to disturb the gorgeous serenity that his wife's singing voice had brought to the baby as she smiled

"as long as baby gubler is healthy and i'm healthy, that's all that matters, babe," jordannah whispered back as matthew nodded his head, very happy and satisfied with his wife's answer

the happy couple and their little munchkin just rested against the couch for the rest of the night. they watched a few movies on netflix before the night drifted away from them and it was suddenly coming close to 11 pm. which meant that, it was time for the gubler's to go to sleep.

however, for some odd reason, the next day and night, jordannah couldn't seem to get herself to fall asleep comfortably. because, she was starting to feel pain which, truthfully, wasn't just worrying her but also worried matthew. thinking she could get through the pain, jordannah just tried to slowly move through it like she usually would when she'd cramp up. but, this time, when a searing pain forced a blood curdling scream to come from jordannah, both her and matthew just knew. they knew that this wasn't normal and that they needed to get to the hospital now.

matthew, who people would think in this scenario would be panicking and crying, having no clue what to do, was the complete opposite. he was calm, he was collected and he didn't show one ounce of fear nor panic. and he calmly picked up jordannah, being mindful of the searing pain she was in that had now reduced her to tears and via voice control, send a text to the criminal minds group chat, letting them know. as well as sending paget a message if she and her partner could meet up with them at the hospital, just for some extra support. and almost immediately, the group chat was bombarded with messages of worry and prayers of healing and love whereas paget and her partner responded straight away saying they were ten steps ahead. all due to the fact they were the first to see the message in the criminal minds group chat.

thankful for their criminal minds family, jordannah and matthew got into their car and were quickly on their way to the hospital at 11:30 pm. and, fifteen minutes later, the gubler's had been given the heartbreaking news that, in fact, they had miscarried baby gubler when it was in week four which equated to a little over a month of jordannah being pregnant.

the other night dear, as i lay sleeping, i dreamed i held you in my arms

jordannah couldn't and wouldn't dare to fall asleep knowing now that she had lost their gorgeous baby. she couldn't even think about sleep anymore now that she was out of the hospital. cause, when she was in the hospital with matthew for those few days, that was all they did. but, even in the hospital, all jordannah would dream about was holding her newborn baby in her arms with matthew standing next to her as they both cried in awe and love for their new child. but, that was no longer the dream that they would have been getting in nine months. realistically, in nine months, they would potentially still be grieving over this loss when it came to the estimated due date. when women miscarry, everyone always just thinks of them and how heartbreaking it must be for them since the baby was being carried by them. but, no one ever really stops to check on the father of the baby to see how he was doing. and, matthew, he was destroyed by the fact that jordannah miscarried. but it destoryed him even more that jordannah wasn't sleeping properly. but it really hurt him every night that whilst she laid in bed next to him and couldn't fall asleep but he could. it honestly made him feel like he had stopped grieving completely or that he wasn't grieving properly.it made him feel like he was being an awful husband for not staying awake for her whilst her brain ran wild and he just slept as if it didn't bother him. but, it did bother him. it bothered matthew so much more than he allowed people to know, including jordannah. every single time he closed his eyes, all he saw was the innocent little baby that was going to be his and jordannah's first child. their first love but by the time he woke up, the image would be gone in the blink of an eye. so, the second he closed his eyes again, the image would change and it would change to the moment in the hospital where the midwife confirmed the news. the news that would end up haunting the couple for the rest of their lives. the news that they ended up miscarrying their first baby.

most times, when he knew that jordannah was out of the house or just not paying attention, only then, did matthew allow himself the space to grieve and to cry. however, it had started to become harder for matthew that when he did cry, to cry silently. because each time he would have regular cries in the safety of the bathroom, he began to notice that jordannah wasn't always not paying attention and started to become suspicious and worried. worried that matthew was struggling and hurting over the loss of their baby. matthew would cry and cry and cry and try to be as quiet as he could whilst his wife lay sleeplessly and awake in their shared bed or whenever she was away for work. that was, until the poor guy was all cried out, with no more tears left and as quietly as he humanely could would tip-toe back to their bed to go back to the god awful sleep that he would fall back into until the alarm wakes him up in the morning. to which he'd repeat the process of the night before the following day. matthew hated that he'd cry and cry and cry all on his own whilst he was alone or whilst his wife laid in their bed absolutely none the wiser as to why he would spend hours in that ensuite all alone.

and sometimes, matthew hoped that one night, he would accidentally be too loud and jordannah would hear him. and hoped he did because, the last time he weeped over the miscarriage, jordannah was home, wide awake and she noticed that something wasn't right with her husband. sitting up from her laying down position on the bed and leaving the room, jordannah slipped towards the ensuite to make sure everything was okay. she had realised that matthew had been in the bathroom for nearly two hours at that point and it was giving jordannah the worst most unsettling feeling in her tummy. so, in worry for her husband, jordannah called her husband's name, expecting to hear something like "i'm on the toilet" or an "i'm getting dressed" but, what she got was a strangled noise that sounded nothing but a sob that was not meant to be so loud. and it was obvious to jordannah that it was matthew crying since they were the only ones at home since she had let paget and her partner to go back to their own home. and, it broke jordannah's heart hearing her husband cry in general but to hear him cry like that, it was more than heartbreaking. and it then made her think - how long had matthew been all on his own as he grieved and cried over the miscarriage when she'd be lying in bed awake or out at work or running errands?

"...matthew...babe? you okay?" jordannah whispered softly

as she whispered, she pressed her ear against their ensuite door when she could tell that matthew was trying his hardest to quieten down his sobs. ultimately failing as involuntarily, his sobs continued to be loud, unable to be quietened.

she spent two minutes with her ear pressed against that door, hearing the strained sobs of her husband that he desperately tried to keep silent. still, having absolutely no clue that his wife could and was listening in on the other side of the door. however, two minutes suddenly felt like forever and jordannah could no longer stand with her ear pressed against that door any longer. she couldn't believe she hadn't realised until tonight that for so long, matthew had been grieving all alone. jordannah was annoyed at the fact that he was grieving all on his own when it was late at night so if they were to have guests over. in which, since the miscarriage, they had been. no one would suspect a single thing nor would they become suspicious. however, matthew could no longer cry quietly anymore and frankly, jordannah couldn't be ignorant and ignore it anymore. she had to go into the bathroom and make sure that matthew knew that she was there for him and that she wasn't ever going to let him grieve this on his own anymore and any future grievance they go through.

jordannah knocked on the door softly as she heard her husband's cries as he begged for the oxygen in his lungs to let him breathe. but wasn't able to due to the amount of crying he'd been doing. jordannah then burst in without a moment to think, knowing that she now needed to get her husband to breathe normally. and to stop his tears as that wasn't going to make his panic attack any better and it was going to make him sick. maybe not physically but it was for sure going to make him dizzy and maybe a slight bit nauseous if he kept going.

immediately, jordannah kneeled on the bathroom floor, identical to matthew and pulled him closer to her body. doing that to see if her regular breathing could regulate matthew's and bring it back to normal pace. holding him close, she had one hand tight around his back with the other lightly fluffing his hair as a way to calm him down.

an hour later and matthew was no longer loudly sobbing as his tears had now reduced to sniffles. he and jordannah resting their backs against the bathroom wall with his head in her lap as jordannah brushed her fingers through his scruffy hair.

"...how long have you been grieving on your own, babe? why didn't you ever tell me?" jordannah spoke up softly, continuing to brush her fingers through her husband's hair as he sniffled

"since it happened....i...i guess i didn't tell you because i didn't really want you to worry about me. and also because you needed to focus on yourself and your own recovery. so...i...i guess i just thought that if i grieved and cried in here when it was late at night and when you were in bed and i was quiet enough, you wouldn't worry about me..." matthew trailed off, his voice cracking as jordannah's heart broke

"...matthew gray gubler, you know you could have cried with me. we always have cried and grieved together except for the loss of the baby. i have already focused on myself and my recovery. i'm now worried because you were all on your own and grieving for all this time. you didn't need to hide away and do it on your own. you didn't need to be so quiet to the point of losing your breath. and you wouldn't have made me cry if i heard you cry. i would've gotten my arse out of bed and i would've been right here. please, matthew, don't run and hide next time you need to cry, okay?" jordannah whispered as she caressed matthew's cheek

she played with his hair to distract him as matthew nodded his head. another tear slipping down his cheek as jordannah caught it with her soft finger as he chuckled softly.

"mhm, i know," he mumbled shyly as jordannah smiled softly at her grief-stricken husband

"then why didn't you and, tell me the truth bubs, the full truth," jordannah spoke softly, not in a pushy, demanding matter but a sensitive matter which matthew loved

"you were the one carrying baby for four weeks when we lost it. i...i just thought that because you're the mommy and the one that's carrying bubba that i shouldn't be so upset about it. i guess i was just embarrassed about crying over it than normal..." matthew trailed off as jordannah pouted, cuddling her husband closer and tighter

"...oh, honey, no. just because i carried baby, doesn't mean you can't grieve over the loss. it wasn't just my child, it was yours. it was ours, babe. sure, you couldn't feel the physical pain of a miscarriage and you'll never be able to but i'm glad you can't. but that doesn't mean you can't grieve and cry over the loss of what was going to be your child. invalidating your own feelings isn't okay sweetheart. once again, let me remind you, you're allowed to cry and be vulnerable. besides, you're a pisces and you're matthew gray gubler, if anything you're allowed to cry because of that fact *giggles*. not that that's stopped you before but, in all seriousness matthew, you're allowed to cry. because, again, this baby was also yours and you also deserve to grieve and miss it," jordannah spoke soothingly as matthew nodded his head and sniffled

"thanks babe," he muttered softly as jordannah smiled and nodded her head, scratching the top of his head

as jordannah scratched the top of matthew's head, he smiled and groaned with delight at the relief her scratches were giving him.

"your welcome sweetheart," jordannah smiled as it was now 2 am

and because of how late/early it was, it was decided that that night, for the first time, jordannah was to finally go to sleep since she had completely exhausted herself out. whilst matthew was zonked out from all of the crying he had been doing.

when i awoke, dear, i was mistaken so i hung my head and i cried

after a couple of hours of sleep, jordannah and matthew woke up and, just as she imagined, she dreamt of holding baby gubler. so, she hung her head and she cried. and, just like the way she was there for him earlier, matthew was there as he held his wife tightly for it was now her turn to cry over their devastating loss. although, jordannah didn't cry for as long as matthew did, she was still finally able to allow herself to fall asleep even though she knew she'd still dream about their baby. she knew she was always going to have matthew right there beside her to make sure that she'd never cry on her own like he had been doing.

whispering comfort and sweet nothings to his wife, matthew held her as tightly as he could. so he could make sure that she knew that, just like she had promised him, that she wasn't alone in this sadness and grief over their lost baby.

for the gubler's, it took them about three to four weeks of crying and grief after waking up before it stopped. and the both of them were able to wake up without crying and dreaming about baby gubler. they loved that and called it progess in their grief and loss journey. the entire cast and crew of criminal minds had also welcomed the couple back with open arms back to los angeles. that was when the both of them finally returned back for the filming of the show. it was obvious though when the girls, paget and jordannah, reunited that they were extremely happy and excited to be reunited with each other again. and, the same could have been said with matthew and paget's partner.

"...jordy, how are you and matthew going after the loss? you guys tried at it again or, are you just waiting until it feels right again?" paget asked as the two ladies waited in matthew's trailer - the usual resting place for the gubler/brewster family

"we're going great thanks, pag, umm, we've had a lot of sex as honestly, losing baby made me want to try even harder for a baby. so, we've decided that we're going to try for as long as we can until we get another positive and then we just hope that it'll work," jordannah was confident and all smiles as she explained that to paget

which, in all honestly, not only shocked paget but made her so proud of her best friend. as, when they were speaking over facetime, paget couldn't even say certain words like "loss" and "sex" because it would be too triggering for the grieving girl. reducing her to tears but, not anymore it wasn't.

"jordy, that's amazing! so, are you still getting your period then?" paget questioned, moving closer to her so no one else could hear the two of them as jordannah giggled

"no...i've got a few tests that i'm gonna take today so, i'm hoping that what i think is happening is going to happen..." jordannah trailed off as paget was shocked - she couldn't believe that her best friend was most likely pregnant again

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey

the news of jordannah's second pregnancy was the best news that she could have ever gotten after that day on set in matthew's trailer with paget. whilst it gave her a huge wave of deja vu of their first pregnancy. which then ultimately gave her a smack in the face of the rememberance of their heartbreaking loss of the baby, the biggest emotion she felt nevertheless was excitement and happiness. she was over the moon with the four tests that she held with all of them saying that she was pregnant. and, the best part was that she was basically teetering on the edge of her second trimester already. meaning that she had way surpassed her miscarriage date which was week four of pregnancy meaning she was now around twelve/fourteen weeks pregnant.

jordannah squealed in excitement as she looked at the four pregnancy tests in front of her. all of them saying "positive" as she caculated that she must have been teetering on the edge of the second trimester. which meant that baby gubler was definitely not going to miscarry. which meant that jordannah was less fearful about this pregnancy like she was over the first one. and, just like the first time, she decided she wanted to surprise matthew. and, she had to be better about it this time. and better she did. this time, she upped her game and used the tests and a snapback with the word "daddy" stitched on the front.

announcing the news to matthew was probably the most exciting thing ever. just like the first time, he came home and she had her iphone set up to film his reaction. the tests and the snapback cap on the kitchen bench just resting there as they waited matthew's reaction.

"...jordy, i'm home! where you at pretty girl?" matthew calls out as jordannah giggles softly

"in the kitchen bubs, i have something for you!" jordannah calls back out which makes matthew rush into the kitchen

he then halts suddenly when he notices what was resting on the counter waiting for him. it took matthew a couple of seconds to a minute to realise but, the second it clicked in his head, he realised it was real. and that, jordannah, the love of his life, was pregnant again. overwhelmed with happiness, his knees buckled and he dropped, his hand holding tightly to the counter so he wouldn't fully fall. he then broke down into happy tears as jordannah smiled, giggling softly. joining her husband on the floor, she carefully brought him close as they rejoiced together for the fact that they were getting their rainbow baby. crying into his wife's embrace, matthew couldn't believe that he was going to be a dad again. not caring if it was a boy or a girl, all he cared about was the fact that his wife was not only past her previous miscarriage date but was also in her second trimester. and this then meant that they actually had a fair chance of having a healthly and successful pregnancy together.

immediately, just like the first time, they told their castmates and even better reactions than the first time followed. due to the newest baby gubler being a rainbow gubler, it was a lot more of happy crying as their first reaction to the news. which, seemed to be the best but most common reaction when jordannah and matthew told someone.the best reaction, however, had to of come from paget and steve, her partner, and aj & her husband nathan. the four of them being told separately, matthew telling aj, steve & nathan in their trailer and jordannah telling paget during a scene. and, let's just say they were really the best reactions ever. especially when paget broke character immediately, grabbing a hold of jordannah, pleading to her that she wasn't lying. all of the cast just glad and grateful that their best friends were becoming parents again after the loss of their first baby.

it was at just after fourteen weeks that the gubler's finally decided to post about their pregnancy but also talk about their miscarriage. since it had all seemed like it happened so quickly.

gublergram

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gublergram five months ago, before our current pregnancy, jordannah was pregnant with what would have been our first baby. we were absolutely overjoyed as was our best friends and criminal minds family. the second photo was when i found out about our first baby gubler. jordannah had obviously just thrown the test onto the counter whilst she was off from work and when i was working as it was when we were living at our apartment in los angeles. and she just quickly whipped it up just in time to surprise me with it when i came home. i was honestly the happiest i had ever been in my life. jordannah had filmed the entire surprise and i was overjoyed with the news that we were pregnant. the first people we actually told were our criminal minds cast through our cheeky group chat. they were all so excited and rejoiced alongside us over our little secret of baby gubler. that was until, not even a month into jordannah's pregnancy, we went to bed late one night after jordannah had sung a lullaby to our baby when whilst we were sleeping, she felt a sudden, excruciating pain that reduced her to blood-curdling screams. immediately, i knew something wasn't right and, with paget and her partner steve ten steps in front of us, waiting for us at the hospital, we got there at 11:30 pm only to find out fifteen minutes later at 11:45 that jordannah had miscarried and we had lost baby gubler. it honestly broke my heart more than i'd liked to admit it. for the entire time after the miscarriage, i would cry alone in the bathroom, as quietly as i possibly could whilst jordannah laid awake in our bed as she refused to fall asleep. because, if she slept, she knew she'd dream about the baby and wake up to just cry. and this was something that she didn't want to become as a habit of hers like unbeknownst to her for ages had become a habit of mine. that was until i cried a little too loudly one night and it happened to grab jordannah's attention. we then cried together for the next two to three weeks in the mornings after waking up before we just slowly started to be able to wake up and be happy and not cry over the loss of our baby. and then, twelve weeks ago, i got the surprise of my life (deja vu?) and found out that jordannah is pregnant again. and this time, it's for real. jordannah is in her second trimester and we're about to become parents!

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jordannahgubler that day i told you about this new pregnancy, i really did think i was going to have to restart your heart because of how much you were crying.

jordannahgubler but in all seriousness darling, i'm glad we get to have a second chance of having a family of our own

pagetpagetgram still in tears over this! the best surprise during filming ever!

kirstenvangsness congratulations again guys! you'll be the best parents ever

ajcook still the best news ever! also, sorry matthew if i screamed in your ears too loudly, i was just so excited haha

jordannahgubler

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jordannahgubler before i got pregnant with matthew and i's second baby, about five months before, i was pregnant with our first baby. however, it was obviously not the right time as heartbreakingly, at four weeks, we lost it and i miscarried. of course, matthew and i were both devastated but, there is a reason why we're only talking about our miscarriage now alongside our new pregnancy. and that is because the general rule of thumb is to wait until around the twelve-week mark, which is around the beginning of the second trimester and it's generally when the worry of miscarrying and pregnancy loss is at its least likely to occur. and for those entire five months after, we grieved, the first two were the worst. those first two months were the months that we cried separately and then cried together after waking up from dreaming of our baby. but, now that i'm a little further into my second trimester and have the blessing of being pregnant again, we feel comforted and like we're strong enough to finally speak up about our miscarriage. the first photo was actually the photo we did after we went to our first ultrasound with baby to announce to our families that we were pregnant again and the second photo was from when matthew, myself, paget and steve were at the hospital and found out about the miscarriage. i had to stay in the hospital a little bit longer than the four of us liked but, it was just to keep an eye on me considering i was experiencing a lot more pain that what was normal. so, they had to keep me in for supervision and the photo was taken by paget. despite the fact that in the photo, matthew and i aren't crying or looking devastated, we were sleeping because it was all we could do in the beginning. we were knackered to the point where for the first couple of days, we just slept but, it wasn't until the third day that i knew i wouldn't be able to sleep any longer because i would just dream about the baby we had just lost. i would stay awake throughout the night because if i did fall asleep, i'd dream about the baby and then i'd wake up just to start crying which was something i was determined not to do. i didn't want to be the mother who miscarried and just cried about the loss every day. even though i knew that was totally acceptable and more than okay for me to do, it just wasn't the mother i wanted to be. however, it was until i heard matthew cry in the bathroom one night when i was laying awake that i realised that for the entire month, nearly two, he had been crying and grieving all on his own in the ensuite. whilst i laid awake in our shared bed. that was when i finally realised that matthew was also grieving and that we couldn't do it on our own. it then took us another three to four weeks of crying every morning before we could wake up without crying. and now i'm fourteen and three days pregnant and baby is as healthy as their older sibling was. matthew and i are extremely excited to be parents again and it's all we can think about. now that i've passed all the dates of the possible miscarrying dangers, i'll now be spam posting my bumpdates and updating you all about the pregnancy. to the point where you may think about wanting to block both me and matthew. we are genuinely so excited and cannot wait to introduce our baby to you all and i'm sure baby can't wait either. thank you all for the love and support you guys have given us over these few months even though we left you guys in the dark. it truly means so much to know that you guys still love and support us.

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gublergram i am so excited about baby two! you are going to be an amazing mom, jords and i can already tell

jordannahgubler gublergram awe, babe, you are so sweet! you are going to be an amazing dad!

ajcook i'm so proud of you two for not giving up just because you guys lost the first baby. i cannot wait to watch baby grow inside you, my love!

jordannahgubler ajcook thank you aj! and i cannot wait for little baby to grow either!

aishatyler ahh congrats again jordannah!!!

joemantegna that photo that paget sent us in the group chat after the miscarriage was haunting. but, congratulations again for baby number two bella xx

jordannahgubler joemantegna oh absolutely joe, that photo is a photo i never thought would ever have to be seen, taken and then seen again. and i agree, the next time i'll be at the hospital will no doubt be the best day of my life

you'll never know dear how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away

a little over eight months later and finally, jordannah had given birth to a very healthy little girl. named sage emily gubler, sage was matthew and jordannah's pride and joy and was loved by everyone. but especially by her uncles and aunties at criminal minds, sage was spoiled but, it didn't seem to faze the little girl as all she cared about was the fact that she was going to be an older sister alongside her little sister harlow penelope gubler. yeah, you heard that right, jordannah and matthew were bringing their third and final baby into the world after aj and her husband nathan, in july, had introduced their baby boy, pheonix sky, into the world and after the gubler's had introduced their second little girl, harlow into the world. harlow a little over a year before their newest pregnancy. obviously, it did shock the gubler's that they were pregnant again after they had caught up to aj and nathan but, now they were just excited to complete their family with a baby boy. it also made sense for jordannah to finally give birth to her mommy's boy after birthing two girls who were head over heels, obsessed over their daddy. the photo that jordannah used to announce that she was pregnant with their baby boy were photos from when she was heavily pregnant. since, she decided that instead of how she announced her two baby girls, sage and harlow, that she would wait until she could take adorable maternity photos of her son. obviously, without even needing to announce it on instagram, the criminal minds family knew about the third pregnancy because it had been previously announced but, that didn't stop the husband and wife from still posting about it.

jordannahgubler

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jordannahgubler spencer gray gubler, we are so blessed to finally meet you after waiting for you for so long. sage and harlow are so excited to meet you i think they're being a lot more impatient than daddy and mommy are. these three photos are truly, in me and matthew's opinions, the most encompassing of our pregnancy with you little man. the first two, i was still pregnant with little spence and, the other one was when mommy and daddy got to finally meet you. and i hadn't even realised but october 31st seems like the best day to have a birthday in this family. whether matthew posts the same photos in his own post or not, we'll find out because there are some cute ones of the girls meeting spencer. spencer gray, you are so loved by so many my little man. the family is so blessed that you are finally here with us. i have been waiting for you, my little hallowbaby, for so long that when daddy and i found out we were pregnant with you so unexpectedly, we jumped for joy. as did your big sisters, sage and harlow when they found out they were getting a baby brother. harlow especially loves the fact that she finally gets to be an older sister after having to be the baby. we love you forever and a day, spencer gray.

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gublergram ok well shit babe, you made me cry all over again

jordannahgubler sorry babe! but look how cute our son is!

ajcook i still can't believe you guys finally got your little man! mehkai and phoenix absolutely adore little spencer. they're for sure gonna give us a run for our money now!

jordannahgubler ajcook i know right! i'm so glad we finally got our little spence!

pagetpagetgram he's gorgeous, jordannah! hubby and i are on our way to las vegas this weekend so, maybe we'll be able to catch a small glimpse of baby spence?

jordannahgubler pagetpagetgram omg, yes please! that would be perfect, paget! sage and harlow would love to see you two again! i know for sure that matthew would also love to see steve again as well!

thomasgibsonofficial oh, he is just gorgeous, jordannah! the family and i are longing to meet the little bug.

gublergram

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gublergram hello spencer gray gubler. our little halloween baby. sage and harlow are a little too obsessed with him at this point but, honestly, we're just glad we've finally completed our small little family. and, we are also relieved that the two girls love their brother. the first photo is of savannah, pregnant with spencer at the beach with sage holding her hand, i had harlow with me so that's why she wasn't in the photo. and, i just thought it was too good for me to not post. in the second photo was of me, jordy and spencer not too long after spencer came into the world and i think it's very easy to see that we were still so shocked that we were given a little baby boy. the third photo is of spencer and sage and it's the sweetest thing and the most recent photo that has been taken. and the last photo is of harlow and spencer and it's another recent photo of spencer with one of his sisters. we love you so much spencer gray, thank you for completing the gubler family.

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jordannahgubler my lordy lord, those photos of sage and harlow with spencer is going to be the death of me! most especially if the adorableness continues

ajcook awe, bless! spencer is gorgeous you two. nathan, mehkai, pheonix and i are on our way to see you guys since mehkai and pheonix want to meet you so badly.

aishatyler oh my days. spencer is gorgeous, matthew! jordannah did a gorgeous job with your guys' kids.

stevedamstra okay, yep, matthew and jordannah, paget and i are now on a plane to las vegas, we cannot wait any longer!

gublergram stevedamstra that is fine by us, steve! i'm sure sage and harlow will be excited to see you again! and i'm sure spencer would love to meet more of his mommy and daddy's friends

what originally started off for the gubler's as a heartbreaking miscarriage turned into them having a gorgeous little family of five. with their three beautiful kids, sage, harlow and spencer alongside their criminal minds family.

jordannah and matthew's sunshine was no longer taken away from them.

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i loved rewriting and reimagining this and i'm so glad it turned out like this. also, if any of the social media handles were wrong, apologies. i also love christina perri's cover of "you are my sunshine" so that was also the original inspiration for when i first wrote this imagine. and i really hope that i could maybe do more of these with the characters and actors of criminal minds as that would be cool ya know?

ok ily xx

#criminal minds cast #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler x you #aj cook #paget brewster #steve damstra #nathan andersen #joe mantegna #kirsten vangsness #aisha tyler #thomas gibson

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