#happy April fools everyone! Look at how fucking intense I am about this

[prettyflyshyguy]

Happy April 1st, I have no new joke but here's a really good old one.

Buckle up.

Alright. Can't remember if I posted much about this before, but at my old job I produced this videogame. It was pretty cool!! It was set in the future, you're a super soldier who piloted remote robot drones called Espire.

(Violent little robot Sooty, my beloved. The shotgun pump in the trailer is still my favorite bit.)

I had my fingers in just about every pie that made up this game, and it was extremely cool getting to work with the team. April fools rolled around, game hadn't released just yet, we were finalising into the certification phase.

Every friday we had something called 'demo friday' where the team would show off something they worked on that week and we'd celebrate. It was charming to let everyone have a chance to show off their contributions, from every department in the company. I never really showed off anything because the spreadsheets I worked with, everyone already saw cause I would run around showing people every day as part of my job.

So on this fatefull, April 1st Friday, I asked to show the team something special. I pulled up a powerpoint presentation and add-libbed a new game concept pitch.

I pitched Espire to Love, a robot dating simulator, to a room full of 25 odd videogame developers.

Now as you may or may not have noticed, I don't often dabble in romance as a genre. I've barely touched dating sims and I'd never mentioned them before at work.

"From Dreamy daddies to anime girls, KFC's the colonel and even dinosaurs, there's an incredible range of options in the dating sim genre" I said with a straight face infront of a room full of people who were crying with laughter. I was barely holding myself together.

No one was prepared for the fake screenshots.

Still remember how hard some of them laughed when I pulled these slides up. I packed a lot of in-jokes into these that I won't explain - I wanted this to hit hard and hit home for the people I'd spent two + years working with.

People loved it, I made my friends laugh, it was good. And then upon being told "Hey you should send this to the publisher!"

That's exactly what I did.

The response from our assigned reps at Tripwire (YES, THAT TRIPWIRE) said they loved it, and they too were asking themselves the question "why not!" the whole way through.

But this story doesn't end there, oh no.

Fast forward a year. The game is released, we're hectic busy working on post release content, I'm cooking up the next stage of the joke.

Unfortunately, it never came to fruition due to time and stress. But here's what it was going to be:

We'd had our community clammoring for merch - so I wanted to pitch something bold, new and exciting, and the kind of thing that'd make us stand out.

Body pillows.

Would have been incredible. Might've made someone faint.

The robots were called Bean and Sooty during development so yes. I was going to deadass say "The bean bag and the sooty sack" (I mean what I say)

Unfortunately I didn't make it in time, and then double unfortunately, I lost my job when the studio had to significantly downsize.

But that never stops me from posting a good bit. You all know I'm a committed freak.

Fast forward a bit more and I'm trying to learn how to make my own games! So I download RenPy since it's a good starting point. It's designed more for VN's, so to find my feet I figured I should make as VN right?

I didn't want to make to make new assets, as the point was me learning to code. What to do..... what to do....

Full circle babeeeeyyyyy

And that's where we're at today! Long post I know, but I'm real proud of this joke. I love a good laugh that hits you at home, that's just honest fun. Huge shoutout to my old co-workers for listening to my original presentation, their laughter filled my heart and I was fucking terrified at the time, it was worth the joke.

It became a running gag in the office - we were playing Jackbox for a work party and it was one of those question and submitted answer games, and without any input from me the team had made the question "What would the for the sequel to Espire to Love be?"

and the options were "Espire to Live" and "Espire to death"

Anyway, I hope you only have charming and well considered April fools jokes today - designed for you to laugh at as much as the person making the joke. That's the best joke. Peace out.

[everything-withered]

Despite what other people might think, literature major Kurosaki Ichigo and law student Kuchiki Rukia were not dating . . . or were they? -- prompt: ichiruki through the eyes of nosy college classmates.

Okay. So. I tried to write them as students. But. They ended up being professors (in Ichigo's case) instead? Yikes. Outsider POV is really not my wheelhouse and I found it really hard to make college students care about each other's drama so I hope this is alright.

When classes have to be shifted online, students around the country who've witnessed their professors struggle with power point on a daily basis, collectively shudder.

But those under the tutelage of Professor Kurosaki are spared the dismay for his classes.

Professor Kurosaki Ichigo is not like other lecturers. He's young, he's good looking, and thank every god above, Professor Kurosaki is also good with technology.

With him, classes aren't all that different to real life lectures which is a relief, but some students bemoan the lack of his physical presence. Though that has less to do with the quality of education as much as it does the purveyor himself.

Professor Kurosaki has a bit of a reputation.

He's one of the youngest educators on campus, and practically inhuman given his meteoric rise to academic stardom especially since, as the rumors go, Professor Kurosaki isn't some prodigy, he's simply a workhorse who's too stubborn to quit.

It's a work ethic he pushes onto his students, and they shoulder it admirably.

Though, not for nothing.

Besides being the youngest professor, he also happens to be the most good looking, a feat that isn't just attributed to youth but also to pure magnetism. There's something very. Attractive. About Professor Kurosaki.

It's obvious even through a pixelated screen.

He's confident, but quiet about it. Serious, and sharp. He's always direct and doesn't dance around a topic, and he has a way of making you feel important when his attention is on you -- which is perhaps one of the best things about having lectures through a screen, it feels like you are.

Until, of course, you realize you aren't.

That day is today: pausing for a moment to take a sip of water, Professor Kurosaki glances just above the camera and smiles.

And the private group chat collectively loses its mind, and it spills out into the group chat accompanying the stream for the lecture itself.

Pausing to glance down at the screen again, Professor Kurosaki's eyes narrow, his expression shifting to his more familiar scowl as he dismissed the deluge of question marks (and some braver "What are you smiling at??") with "That's enough, you know better by now than to ask about my personal life."

Which is perhaps, the only caveat to Professor Kurosaki: him being intensely private that the only thing anyone in the student body knows about him that isn't shrouded in rumor is what's on his profile on the university website. The bare bones. The minimum. It's agonizing.

Not even the most advanced of internet stalkers among them can get anything more than that, and if not for an incredibly locked down Instagram account, they'd think their beloved professor simply appeared one day fully formed from the ether.

As it stands Professor Kurosaki is standing before the camera looking unimpressed, and the class' curiousity is punished with another load of essays due.

This doesn't stop the more persistent of the class from trying to gather intel from wherever they can get it: starting with what can be gleaned from Professor Kurosaki's home. While he usually shares his screen when he lectures, there's the in between moments when he's just sitting before the camera or pacing in front of it as he talks, or simply setting up or shutting down the stream. It's a goldmine of moments.

One person in the private group chat reports framed photographs on the shelf. The light always hits the glass so they can't make out the faces, but they're sure a later or earlier lecture could yield results if someone looks. It's on the left corner, is the instruction . If you've got a morning or late afternoon lecture, keep an eye out!

Another says, "I saw some kind of pet bed in the corner once too, when he was still setting up. Does Prof have a dog??"

Then, "I saw a lady's shoes on the ground when he was still setting up. Did you see them?? AM lecture yesterday??? Is Prof married???" which is followed by vehement denies because of course not and we would've noticed a ring by now and then, "women in the photographs are his sisters, maybe one of them is staying with him during quarantine?" And yes. Yes, that's feasible.

Except the next time, thanks to a student who'd read the time wrong and arrived too early to the stream, spends it listening to Professor Kurosaki set up for the lecture with the screen tilted onto the keys; they catch snatches of conversation between the professor and someone who very clearly isn't one of his sisters:

"You look tired."

"Thanks, that's exactly what a woman wants to hear," a female voice says, sarcastic and fond. And while there isn't much of a view, lacking in faces for one, the student can see the two bodies standing close enough to touch without actually doing any touching, a gravitational pull that's being resisted by sheer force of will. Then, voice softer than they've heard it ever, Professor Kurosaki tells her, "Go back to bed, the court documents can wait."

"My name's on the door," is the response that sounds like a whine which makes Professor Kurosaki chuckle. "It's Byakuya's too, he can sort it out. I'll make you breakfast when I'm done with class."

There's a sigh, dramatic and long suffering. "Promises, promises, Ichigo."

By then, there's more people in the stream logged in and listening, the private group chat is a mess of epic proportions: Professor Kurosaki has a woman in his life. He cooks her breakfast. She works with court documents, is she a lawyer? Who's Byakuya? We need answers people!

Whoever Byakuya is ends up being the key, though this is only realized later because the class is side tracked by the momentary affection on Professor Kurosaki's face, a tenderness so breathtaking no one says anything for awhile. Which is all well and good because Professor Kurosaki is not pleased with the direction of the conversation in the steam's chat. To the questions of "is that your wife?" He scowls and says, "That's none of your business."

And in his defense, it's not.

Until it is.

The quarantine is getting to everyone, Professor Kurosaki included. The woman doesn't appear again, though there have been reports of a woman's shoes in the background and a cardigan that looks too small to be Professor Kurosaki's, and if his class is disappointed, so must he. Except, "They must be in quarantine together...did they have a fight?"

Which thus begins the great advice giving of May 2020 wherein everyone throws in some casual dating wisdom about apologizing for whatever dumb thing you did, and how to compromise, and what to do to get out of the dog house and stop sleeping on your couch.

Professor Kurosaki must think it's some kind of late April fool's joke or something because he's kind of pissed about it for awhile.

Right until he forgets to end the stream, and few stragglers witness him resting his head on his arms and moaning as he mutters, "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

The audio picks up a growl, and Professor Kurosaki dismisses this with a, "I know, Kon, I know."

When he starts to bang his head on his desk, the students still on the stream start to worry, though thankfully the woman appears.

No one had really known what to expect, but it certainly wasn't her.

Where Professor Kurosaki has cut a famous figure in his jeans and a leather jacket, this woman is soft as a watercolour painting: she is a sunrise in a sweet, misty yellow sundress, what remains of the night sky clinging to her black hair and space blue eyes. Her voice is alarmed, but grounding, "Ichigo, what the hell?"

Professor Kurosaki is so startled he vaults up from his seat behind the desk, completely missing that the livestream is still on his screen. "What? No, I'm fine."

There's a scoff. "You've been acting weird for days, don't lie to me."

"Rukia..."

"Is this because of Saturday?" Is the question. "We were drunk, and ridiculous, and."

"Rukia -"

"Other people sleep together all the time" she says affecting a calm tone though there's a hint of desperation beneath it, "It doesn't have to mean anything."

The private group chat buzzes. The chat on the stream stays mercifully silent.

"We're not other people, at least not to each other," he finally says.

A sigh. "No, we're not."

Almost like a reflex, Professor Kurosaki absently reaches out to his laptop screen, and says quietly, just before they're all shut out, "And I want it to mean something so. What now, Rukia?"

The search for who Rukia is ends twenty minutes later: Kuchiki Rukia, lawyer, philanthropist and university alumni; she's the shining star of Sereitei's highest social circles, the only daughter of the Kuchiki family and the proud dog mom to a pitbull named Kon.

The intrigue continues.

By the time classes resume in person, Professor Kurosaki has revealed nothing. Rukia does not appear in the following streams.

There's a temptation to ask, but there's no doubt the professor will deny it.

Which is why when a student spots Rukia on campus, the group chat lights up.

A student still in Professor Kurosaki's lecture hall slows in packing away their things as Rukia enters, and it feels like Professor Kurosaki's entire class is holding their breathes.

Rukia and Professor Kurosaki, however, don't notice, and with an exchanged kiss in greeting as natural as a breath exhaled, the group chat lights up again.

The student is sufficiently embarrassed when, called forth by Professor Kurosaki about what they think they're doing, and show me your phone if it's nothing, then the last message insists: pics or it didn't happen!

Rukia laughs so hard, her happiness all but lights her up, and oh, the student can see how Professor Kurosaki could be in love. And from his expression to the one Rukia returns to him, amused and fond and tender in one, the student wonders why no one's seen it before at all.

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 21 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: I am very excited to post this chapter, especially because I get to include this outstanding artwork by my HERO, @grinder-lector-art​. It’s the banner on my own blog and every time I look at it, I get a bit weepy-eyed. -V

Also, this seems like a good a time as any to plug the wonderful moodboards that Scorpio made to go along with this story (including a few specifically inspired by this chapter). If you’re looking for previous chapters, click here! Xoxo!

Chapter Summary: Everything falls apart. But it’s Courtney’s party, and she’ll cry if she wants to…

Chapter 21: It’s Raining on Prom Night

“Hello party guests!” Darienne called over the mic. “We are now serving dinner! Please help yourself to the lovely Mexican spread, over by the garden. It is all vegetarian and the trays marked with a pink heart are vegan. Don’t make that face, Adrian, you’ll be fine,” she chastised Adore’s brother. “Anyway, after you have your plate, the birthday girl has requested for you all to take your seats, as we have some entertainment, produced by Courtney and Thorgy and starring some people here tonight...I wonder who?!”

She stepped away from the mic, trying to help usher people towards the food, especially the slower-moving adults and the cheerleaders who were still on the dance floor fooling around.

“Mrs. Del Rio!” she beckoned Roy’s mom over. “Look, only a few people know this, but there’s a secret tray of chicken under the veggie skewers. For VIP carnivore guests only. Tell your husband.”

Aida laughed, giving her a hug. “Thank you, honey. Courtney already tipped us off, but we appreciate you looking out for us.”

“I do my best,” Darienne said, winking. She walked over to the main table where Courtney had a confused and mildly irritated look on her face. “Dari, there’s one too many seats here. Is it because of Raja? Didn’t we fix this? I don’t want an empty chair right up front, it’ll look weird--”

“Calm down, it won’t be empty.”

“Well, who’s sitting here?” Courtney put her hands on her hips.

Darienne imitated her pose, hands on her own hips, and leaned in. “It’s a surprise. Go get yourself some dinner, Miss Sweet Sixteen, and don’t worry about it!”

Courtney narrowed her eyes, and after a beat, backed down, pulling Adore and Roy with her over to the food. “I’ve got my eye on you, Darienne!”

Darienne laughed, shaking her head, and pulled out her phone.

-

“Courtney, everything is set up if you want to start the video,” Thorgy said.

“Okay…” she glanced down at her phone again. Still no answer from her dad. “Let’s just wait one more minute, until everyone is sitting.”

“Cool. Tell me when to hit the lights and then--”

“Shut up, Thorgy.” Darienne shoved him out of the way and stood behind Courtney’s chair, covering her eyes.

“Hey!”

“I told you there was a surprise, right? Well...it’s a little late due to flight delays and other extenuating circumstances, but...come on out!”

There were few delighted gasps and squeals from the table, and Courtney exclaimed, “What? What?!”

Darienne uncovered Courtney’s eyes and turned her chair around and standing there, in a black and white checkered dress, was Dela.

Courtney let out an ear-piercing shriek, jumping up and throwing her arms around her old friend. “DELA! OMIGOD! I can’t believe you’re here! How are you?! How’s Seattle?! I miss you! Oh my god!!” Courtney jumped up and down, hugging her tightly.

Dela laughed and hugged her back. “Happy Birthday, sweetie. I missed you too! Sorry I’m late…”

Courtney pulled away, teary-eyed, and sat Dela down beside her. Darienne laughingly moved the place card that had been there (Roy’s) and soon everyone was chattering excitedly and catching up, hearing about Dela’s new school in Seattle. Courtney promised to tell Dela the story in detail of how she and Roy became an official couple after the video.

“And we finally learned the truth of why Adore never liked me,” Bob joked, causing Adore to roll her eyes.

“Is it because you were so annoying?” Dela smiled.

“Absolutely,” Adore said.

“Not,” Bob added.

Courtney filled her in about the family that had moved into her house.

“See the pretty blonde over there next to Gia? Her name is Pearl. She’s really nice, actually. Adore tried to fuck her but that didn’t work out.”

Dela’s eyes widened and then she looked over at Bob, who made an “I told you so” face.

Adore scoffed, offended. “That is not how it went down.”

Courtney shrugged, smirking, and replied with a teasing, “Whatever you say,” and a hair toss.

Dela giggled. “So, I heard there’s about to be some intense walk down memory lane video? Is that true, because I love those, it’s my favorite part of every wedding, every Bat Mitzvah…”

“Yeah, we were about to play it.”

“Go for it! I better be in it though.”

Courtney grinned. “Oh, trust me. You are.”

-

As Adore suspected, the video was incredibly long and cheesy, filled with tons of photos of Courtney, Courtney with her family, Courtney with friends. There were also a lot more video clips than Adore anticipated - from recitals, home movies, including a gem from Courtney’s first day of kindergarten that she’d never seen.

“Courtney, love, please come out! Bob is waiting so nicely!” Karen cajoled.

“NO!” Courtney shouted, stomping her feet, refusing to come out the front door,

Bob, already tall and lanky at five years old, sat down on the front steps, head in his hands, clearly over Courtney and her temper tantrum.

“Courtney, why don’t you want to come out? You love school...” Karen wheedled.

She opened the door a crack and shouted, “I love PRESCHOOL! I don’t want to go to kindergarten! I’m too small! Everyone is going to be mean to me!” She slammed the door with a loud bang, continuing, “NO NO NO NO NO!”

Bob shook his head at the camera, rolling his eyes.

“Roy! Vanessa!” The camera flipped around to catch the Del Rio kids walking down the block, Karen at her wit’s end, begging them to help convince Courtney how much she’d love kindergarten.

Roy scampered inside and emerged 20 seconds later, holding Courtney’s hand, a big smile on her face.

“Roy’s gonna beat up anyone who’s mean to me!” Courtney announced happily, skipping down the steps.

Everyone at the party let out a collective “Awwwwww…”

Roy shook his head. “I was so full of shit. You think I was about to get in trouble by starting a fight my first day of school? That goes on your permanent record. Luckily for me, no one was mean to her.”

Courtney laughed and kissed him. “It was a comforting lie.”

On the screen, young Roy put his arm around Bob and led him and Courtney down the block towards the elementary school. “Kindergarten is great. You get to play all day and sing songs and do lots of fun stuff.”

“Did you like it, Roy?” Courtney asked, gazing up at him.

“I thought it was kind of boring, but I was already reading books. You’ll love it.”

Adore shook her head, chuckling, as the video faded back into photos. Even in first grade, Roy was a patronizing know-it-all.

-

Willam and Pearl dug into their food, plates piled high with enchiladas, Spanish rice, beans, grilled chicken that they’d begged off Adore’s mom, veggie skewers, salad, taquitos, and mini quesadillas, amused grins on both of their faces as they watched Courtney’s baby videos.

A video of Courtney and Adore learning to rollerblade played across the screen. A young Adore was pretty good, compared to a falling and pouting Courtney.

“Attagirl, Lesbian!” Willam cheered, earning a glare from Adore, three tables away.

Pearl leaned over and murmured, “Why does this feel like a wedding more than a birthday party?” Pearl glanced down into Willam’s lap to see him texting someone.

“Or a funeral,” Willam mumbled back, causing Pearl to laugh which was covered up by the chuckles from the crowd laughing at Adore having to hold Courtney’s hands to help her skate.

Willam slid his phone over to Pearl, to show her the texts he had been sending Adore all night. Most of them had been him insulting Adore on her horrible fashion choices during her preteen years. Pearl shook her head, snickering to herself as she shoved another mouthful of rice into her mouth.

“What y’all laughing at?” Alyssa whispered leaning forward on the table.

The screen started off black, a few girls could be heard talking. The camera shook, before a round face framed with red hair in pigtails popped into view.

“Okay, it’s on,” Darienne said before she ran off screen.

“Turn the music on!” someone hissed. Seconds later the music started and Adore ran into view, hair teased huge, in an animal print top and pleather pants. Followed by Courtney, in white gogo boots and a British flag dress.

“Ohhhh, shit!” Willam began cackling with glee.

And then the rest of the girls. April wore a black dress and stilettos, hair ironed flat. Dela was in track pants and a sports bra, and Darienne was in a little pink dress with white sketchers, sucking on a lollipop.

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want So tell me what you want, what you really, really want I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

Pearl’s mouth dropped open and Willam covered his mouth to hold in his laughter as they watched the girls prance around the room.

Darienne was a beat behind the rest of the girls, obviously missing steps, and clearly uncomfortable as Baby, comically overplaying the cutesy little girl thing to the point where it was nearly creepy. Dela and Courtney were the most enthusiastic, and seemed to know all the moves (with Courtney as a nearly manic Ginger and Dela really trying to sell Sporty’s “tomboy” vibe).

Watching a younger Adore, who was apparently Scary, prance around the room trying to keep up with Courtney and Dela was absolutely hilarious. Every time they had to turn, she would go the wrong way, at one point crashing into Dela and nearly knocking her over. And April’s imitation of Posh Spice, barely doing the moves at all, an air of “too cool” apathy only added to the overall disorganized vibe.

“This is soooo embarrassing,” Gia whispered to no one in particular, but everyone at the table heard her.

“Gurl,” Alyssa nodded.

WILLAM: Nice moves, you guys could have replaced the real spice girls

ADORE: Fuck off

PEARL: Was this professionally choreographed?

ADORE: Fuck. Offffff!

Adore glared at Willam and Pearl as they doubled over laughing, flipping her phone closed and crossing her arms. She watched them prance around on the screen and couldn’t help, but remember the arguments that took place just for this video to happen.

April, Adore, Courtney, Darienne and Dela had gathered at Courtney’s house and as they sat around the living room listening to the Spice Girls, Courtney suggested that they should make their own Wannabe video.  

“Oh! That’ll be so fun,” Bendela said, the other girls nodded excited about Courtney’s idea.

“I’ll go get the camera!” Courtney ran off.

“I’m Posh,” April said.

“I’m Ginger,” Adore quickly called.

“Don’t you think I should be Ginger? I mean I have red hair,” Darienne suggested and Adore made a face.

“You can be Scary,” Adore suggested.

“If we’re doing this, I think I should be Ginger, I have red hair, I’m the oldest. April should be Posh, Courtney should be Baby-”

“No, I wanna be Ginger,” Courtney rushed back into the living room with her Dad’s camera, interrupting Darienne. “I’m the biggest Spice Girls fan, and I love Geri, I--”

“Too late! I already called Ginger,” Adore said smugly.

Courtney’s mouth twisted up in anger, gripping the camera tightly; steam was practically shooting out of her ears. “Adore Delano you know I waited FIVE HOURS at the Glendale Galleria to get Geri Halliwell’s autograph, and I have the British flag dress, and I--”

“Blah blah blah, whatever Baby!”

Five minutes later and Adore and Courtney were still in a heated argument over who got to be Ginger.

April watched on in amusement, happy that no one was trying to take Posh away from her, Dela just wanted the arguing to be over and Darienne didn’t understand why they thought they were more Ginger Spice than her.

“It’s! Not! Fair!” Courtney stomped her foot, crossing her arms and pouting at Adore.

“Yes! It! Is!” Adore mocked Courtney stomping her foot and crossing her arms, “I called it first. So I’m Ginger.”

“If you’re anyone, you’re Sporty,” Courtney rolled her eyes.

Adore took a step back from Courtney, fuming, looking around the room to see the other girls’ reactions. Dela sat down next to Darienne, silently offering her snack to her.

Adore leaned to Courtney whispering, “I should have been Ginger and you know it.”

Courtney stuck her tongue out in response, before shaking her head, “I think you made a good Scary. And you’d have been good as Sporty, too.”

“What?! Now that I think about it, that was a totally homophobic suggestion,” Adore said.

“Hey, if it looks like a duck, and walks like a...well...”

Adore’s eyes bulged and her mouth opened in mock offense, and Courtney laughed, leaning over and kissing her forehead.

“I’m pretty sure I’d be the best choice for Ginger,” Darienne whispered to Dela, who nodded in agreement.

“Well, you’re the obvious Baby, Courtney! Come on!” Adore cajoled desperately.

“Ugh!!” Courtney screeched, then cried, “You know what? We don’t have to make the video at all.” She turned around and tried to run off before Adore stopped her.

“Okay, okay, fine. I’ll be Scary because she has the coolest hair and you can be Ginger,” Adore huffed out in annoyance.

“Yay!” Courtney cheered, wrapping her arms around Adore, planting a wet kiss on her cheek, “You can be Ginger next time, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Adore said, knowing full well that Courtney was lying and that she’d pull the same shenanigans next time, if there ever even was a next time.

“So, that means April’s Posh, Adore is Scary, I’m Ginger, Dela you can be Sporty and Darienne can be Baby,” Courtney turned to the other girls. Darienne frowned, not really on board with the casting.

“Courtney, are you sure you don’t want to be Baby. I mean you’re blonde and cute and would make the perfect Baby,” she tried to convince her one last time.

Courtney frowned, “Do you want to be Sporty?” the tremor in her voice and the look on her face told Darienne that they would be in for another tantrum if she kept arguing, and she didn’t think she could deal with it.

“Fine, I’ll be Baby,” Darienne sighed.

-

“I’m never gonna forgive you for dredging up that Spice Girls video…” Adore grumbled.

Courtney laughed half-heartedly, shrugging. “Sorry boo, it’s my favorite.”

“I loooooved it!” Dela cried happily. “I think we should do it again, like a reunion tour. There's totally room on the dance floor.”

“Uh, how about no fucking way?” Adore retorted, a look of horror on her face. She looked to the others for support, but Courtney was distracted by her phone.

COURTNEY: Where are you? It’s almost 9…

Darienne looked at Adore and cleared her throat. “You know what I think we need? Presents.”

Adore nodded. “Yes!” she exclaimed as Courtney’s eyes lit up happily.

“Great idea!” Roy jumped up to help Darienne grab the gifts and Adore mouthed ‘THANK YOU’ at both of them. Roy smiled and gave her a wink.

-

Courtney sat in a decorated chair, ankles crossed demurely like the princess she was, everyone gathered around her wanting their present to be opened first.

“I’m only going to open a few presents for now,” Courtney announced knowing that she wouldn’t make it through everyone’s presents quick enough. “So, who wants to go first,” she sang, closing her eyes and holding her hands out, making grabbing motions.

Her dad’s parents, Grammy and Papa were the first to pass Courtney her gift, which consisted of a card and birthday money.

“Thank you, so much,” she squealed at the hundred dollars, giving both her grandparents a kiss.

Darienne decided to be the brave soul to go next. “Here you go, Courtney.”

“I wonder what it is,” Courtney shook the wrapped present causing everyone to laugh. She tore the paper off to reveal a beautifully carved frame, painted pink and white. The picture in the frame was taken at Courtney’s 13th birthday party. Courtney started to tear up at the memories that the picture brought.

Courtney stood in the center of the picture, brows furrowed cutely, with icing on her nose, a laughing Adore beside her. Roy was trying to stop Bob from digging his fingers into his slice of cake. Darienne was the only one posed for the camera with her hands on her hips and a smile on her face while April, Dela, Thorgy and Jamin were captured in the background, oblivious to the picture being taken.

“Thank you, Dari!” Courtney sniffed, pulling Darienne into a tight hug.

“You’re welcome, sweetie,” Darienne squeezed her back, “I made it the frame and painted it myself.”

Courtney grabbed the picture frame and stared at it for another moment before sitting it aside carefully, “Thank you so much.”

After Courtney sat back in her chair, Roy stepped forward with his present. “Here you go, princess.”

Courtney took the big bag from him, dramatically weighing it to see how heavy it was. Pulling out and tossing the pink tissue paper behind her, Courtney pulled out the card first. Ripping it opened, her mouth dropped at the season passes to Six Flags Magic Mountain.

“Oh my gosh! Thank you, babe,” she pulled him down her a quick kiss on the cheek, “This summer is going to be sooo fun,” she shimmied her shoulders excitedly at the thought of going to the amusement park all summer, especially since the new rides were supposed to be amazingly death-defying.

“Told you,” Adore cracked. “Whore for danger.”

“Yeah, I’m counting on it,” Roy joked quietly, and Adore made a face at him.

Courtney laughed, setting the envelope to the side, her face lighting up when she dug into the bag pulling out what looked to be lotion and bubble bath.

“Oooh,” she bounced in her seat as she unscrewed the top on the lotion to get a good whiff, “My favorite. You remembered.” She looked up at him with adoring eyes.

“Of course. Keep digging,” Roy urged.

Courtney set the lotion and bubble bath aside, reaching into the bag and pulling out a rolled-up t-shirt. She shot Roy a skeptical look before opening the shirt to get a good look at it.

“A Destiny’s Child shirt,” Courtney turned it around, holding it up for everyone else to see.

“Yes, because you’ll need it for the concert-”

“CONCERT!?” Courtney screamed, scooting to the edge of her seat looking at Roy with huge eyes.

“Yep, my cousin Monica is a dancer on the tour and she hooked us up with some dope seats when they come here in September--” Roy said.

“Ahhh!” she screeched, hopping up out of her seat to show her mom, sister and grandparents what her boyfriend had gotten her (even though they saw the whole thing) and they smiled and gasped in excitement for Courtney. Roy slid into Courtney’s seat, glancing around the room, momentarily catching Adore’s eye and smirking. She smiled back sweetly, letting him have his little moment of glory.

“Omigod, thank you!” Courtney leaped into Roy’s lap, covering his face with kisses.

“You’re really happy? I figured like, jewelry or something...you know, it would be kind of predictable. But this is something we can do together.”

She pressed their foreheads together. “You’re the best boyfriend ever, and we’re going to have the most amazing summer.” Courtney wrapped her arms around Roy’s neck, whispering, “I love you so much…”

“I love you more. Even though you’ve been a real pain in the ass…”

“Hey!” Courtney exclaimed, pulling away, but Roy pulled her back, capturing her lips in a sweet, tender kiss, hands circling her waist.

Dela looked at Adore. “Are they always like this?” she asked quietly, wrinkling her nose.

Adore stuck her tongue out, nodding. “Always. Gross, huh?”

Dela nodded, then poked Courtney on the shoulder. “Hey, birthday princess…” she sang.

“Yeahhh?” Courtney lifted her head, leaning against Roy’s shoulder, slightly glassy-eyed.

“Want another present?”

“Yes!”

Dela handed her a shiny turquoise bag.

“Wait, you really got me a present?! But you came all the way here, you didn’t need to also buy me something!”

“Awww, I love you, and you’re so full of shit!” Dela laughed.

Courtney giggled.

She opened the turquoise bag and found it stuffed to the brim with glittery nail polishes, lip glosses, and a pair of super chic retro sunglasses, which she immediately tried on, pursing her lips in a model-esque pose.

“Gorgeous! See, I knew they were you!” Dela exclaimed.

“Aw, thank you Dela,” Courtney pulled her into a hug, “I've missed you so much.”

Courtney was about to get up, when Adore asked, “Time for one more?”

“I think we can manage that,” Courtney grinned.

“Here you go.” Adore handed Courtney a long, narrow box, wrapped in black glittery paper. The tag said “2005.” “I hope it satisfies your demands.”

Courtney giggled, remembering how she’d made Adore promise that her present would make everyone jealous. She unwrapped the box, opening the velvet lid slowly. Inside was a rose gold charm bracelet.

The first charm Courtney saw was a tiny little bow. She bit her lip, holding back tears, studying at all the other charms. There were some sweet ones that represented them and their friendship, like music notes and drama masks and a little heart, and then a bunch like the bow that seemed to go with the presents she’d gotten over the last two weeks...a tree, a roller coaster, tiny little crutches, a lollipop, a microphone, a hairbrush, a ladder, the British flag.

She laughed at the skull and crossbones, then touched the one beside it, looking up at Adore’s expectant face. “What’s this one?”

“The eternity symbol. Best friends forever.” Adore’s voice was soft.

Courtney lunged forward, wrapping her into a hug, tears dripping down her face, sobbing into her neck.

“So you like it?” Adore whispered teasingly into her hair, holding back tears of her own, trying to keep things light.

“It’s perfect.” Courtney pulled away, tears still falling. “Can you help me put it on?” she asked.

“It doesn’t match your other jewelry--”

“I don’t care,” Courtney sniffled, wiping her eyes with a gloved hand.

“Okay, then.” Adore took her wrist and fastened the bracelet.

Courtney hugged her again, clinging to her tightly.

“Come on, let’s finish dinner so we can dig into that ridiculous pink cake over there,” Adore murmured.

She slung an arm around Courtney’s waist and led her back to their table, glancing at Roy on the way, who had his eyes narrowed at her. She shrugged and grinned at him, feeling a little petty, but knowing her victory was bittersweet. She may have won this round, but he was still the boyfriend.

-

DAD: Hiya kiddo. Hope you’re having a blast. I hate to be a bummer but I’m not gonna make it tonight. I’m sure you’d rather spend the night with your friends anyway. Have a fantastic birthday, I love you loads, and I promise that Katya and I will take you out to dinner real soon to celebrate.

Courtney snapped her phone closed and put it down on the table, straightening out her skirt.

Roy put his hands on her shoulder. “Did he say when he’s--”

“He’s not coming,” Courtney said flatly, clearing her throat.

Adore swallowed, trying to think of something to say that would make her feel better, and coming up dreadfully short. She looked up into Courtney’s eyes, could see how crushed her best friend was, and knew that nothing she could do would fix it.

Courtney looked away from Adore’s sympathetic expression, those hazel eyes so full of concern that they’d make her burst into tears if she looked at them a second longer, took a deep breath and turned towards the dance floor, sighing. “Why are those lights out?”

“What lights?” Roy asked.

“Those!” Courtney pointed to a string of fairy lights that were out, near the dance floor.

“They probably came unplugged. I’ll go check.”

Courtney followed him over to the dance floor, looking around, tapping her foot. “Nobody is dancing. Tomas, can’t you play something more fun? Where’s the playlist I gave you?” She crossed her arms.

“Yeah, sure. I was just trying to keep it kind of chill while people finished dinner. We can kick things up.” The DJ winked at her and opened his laptop.

Darienne walked up and asked, “Hey, babe, do you still want to try and save some of the enchiladas, ‘cause they’re almost gone…”

“WHAT?! We were supposed to save a whole tray in the kitchen to bring to the shelter tomorrow! Who put it out?!” Courtney demanded.

“I don’t know, I’m sure it was an innocent--oh, no...”

“What?”

“It looks like you’re missing an earring,” Darienne said, touching her cheek softly.

“What?!” Courtney cried, panicking.

“Yeah, hold still, it’s probably just somewhere on your dress. Dela, come here, help me for a sec.”

Courtney stood, wringing her hands, as the two girls searched the folds of her skirt. “I can’t lose that earring, I borrowed it from my mom, it belonged to my great-grandmother, oh god, you have to find it, please hurry.” She began to whimper, covering her face, as Grandma Muriel approached.

“Why do you look so distressed, dear?”

“Grandma, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” she wailed, grasping the older woman’s hands. “I think I lost Nana’s earring, it must be around here somewhere but I don’t know if we can find it and--”

“Courtney, for heaven’s sake, get ahold of yourself.” Muriel shook her head, walking away.

“Just stop, it’s no use…” Courtney shook Dela off her skirt. “It’s too dark. We’ll never find it.”

“But maybe we can--”

“I said leave it!”

“Okay, sorry.” Dela exchanged a look with Darienne and backed off. “I’m gonna go get some more punch…”

“Uh, Court, I think one of the bulbs in that string burned out, they aren’t working,” Roy said.

“Ugh! Great!”

Suddenly, the cheerleaders stormed the dance floor as Missy Elliott’s “I’m Really Hot” began blasting.

Courtney nodded at Tomas, who winked, and then was pulled into a group of squealing girls by Laganja. That’s when she noticed the red flower on Alyssa’s dress. “Really, Alyssa? You of all people can’t follow a dress code?”

“Step off, Jenek.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m one of the few people here who doesn’t find your diva nonsense charming. I’m not the one. So step. Off. If you know what’s good for you.”

Some of the cheerleaders paused, taking notice of the two girls standing in the middle of the dance floor.

Bob's hand tightened around April’s as he tried to subtly nod in Alyssa and Courtney's direction.

“Five bucks on Alyssa,” he whispered, causing April to snort.

“You're terrible. Alyssa won't do anything but make her run extra laps at cheer practice or something. She's all talk,” April murmured, eyes watching the two girls.

“I don't know, Alyssa has about 20 pounds on Courtney. She could definitely take her.” Bob shrugged his shoulders, pulling April closer as he waited to see what would happen, April’s cheeks reddening.

After staring each other down, Courtney turned on her heel and flounced away, nearly bumping into her mother.

“Hey, love, did you want to do the cake now, or wait a little?” Karen said. “I think people are mostly done with dinner, so--”

“I don’t care!” Courtney snapped. “Whatever.”

“Well, it’s your party, Courtney, so I think you should--”

“Fine! Do it now! It’s not like it fucking matters, mom, it’s just a stupid cake!” Tears burned in her eyes.

Karen looked at her like she was debating whether to smack her across the face or give her a hug. After a few moments, she spoke in a quiet voice. “I’ll go get the candles.”

“Great.” Courtney bit her lip, holding back tears.

Roy took a step towards her. “Courtney, everyone is doing their best, okay? I mean, I know you’re upset about your dad, but that’s no reason to act like a bitch to everyone who’s here, who’s trying to--.”

Courtney narrowed her eyes at him, pushing him away. “This is not about my fucking dad, Roy!”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, babe, whatever you say.”

“Go fuck yourself!” Courtney screeched, shoving him out of the way and storming off the dance floor.

Roy stood for a moment, helpless, knowing he’d done the wrong thing, as “1, 2 Step” began blaring over the speakers, the bass pumping, the dance floor filling up even more, suddenly feeling stifling.

“Good work, bro,” Adore said, thumping him on the shoulder.

“Fuck. I don’t know where she went…” He shook his head.

“I know where she went,” Adore assured him. “Maybe let’s not light any candles yet, though?”

Roy nodded.

-

Adore climbed the ladder, hoisting herself into the tree house and sitting cross-legged on the floor. “Hey.”

Courtney wiped some tears from her cheeks.

“Hi.” She was curled in the corner, in a beanbag chair. Her tiara was askew and her gown was wrinkled, the tulle bunched up around her like a glittery fuchsia cloud.

“Planning to hide in here for the rest of the night?”

Sniffling, Courtney shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Alright.” Adore shoved the second beanbag chair over to her and stretched out. “In that case, I’m sort of bummed I didn’t bring any snacks, but I guess we’ll live.”

Courtney giggled a little in spite of herself, then sniffled as her tears continued to fall.

“I know I’m being awful. Roy was right.”

“Yeah, well, Roy’s always right, isn’t he? That doesn’t mean he needed to say it.”

Courtney closed her eyes.

“I hate that I care this much. I feel like such a stupid fucking baby. But...it’s my first birthday without him, you know?”

Adore nodded, silently taking her hand.

“I just really thought he’d come. I really thought, even though things have been weird and everything, that when it came down to it, I’d still be able to count on him. That he still gave half a shit. I’m so dumb.” She shook her head, tears pouring down her cheeks.

Adore brushed the tears away gently with her fingers, whispering. “You’re not dumb.”

Courtney leaned on Adore’s shoulder. “I even had a song picked out for us to dance to.”

“What song?”

“You Are My Sunshine.”

“Dude. That is so cheesy.”

“I know! That’s the point!” Courtney laughed, fresh tears falling.

“Well...it’s his loss, because you are sunshine. And you’ve never looked prettier.”

Courtney smiled, knowing that she was, at the moment, a tear-stained mess. “Thank you for lying.”

Adore took the edge of a blanket and dried Courtney’s cheeks, then opened her handbag and pulled out a compact, eyeliner, and lip gloss. She got to work fixing Courtney’s makeup and within two minutes, leaned back, pleased with her work. “There,” Adore said, adjusting the tiara on her head, rearranging her blonde curls. “Beautiful.”

“You are, too,” Courtney said softly, gazing up at her.

Adore looked at Courtney and, for a moment, it was if she could really see her. Every insecurity, every desire. She took Courtney’s face in her hands and tilted her chin up. She leaned in slowly and brushed their lips together.

Courtney’s heart raced as she savored the sweet softness of Adore’s mouth. She gripped the tulle fabric of her skirt in her hands, and then before she could blink, the kiss was over and Adore was pulling away again, still looking at her but not in the same way. The walls were back up and it felt as if a chasm had opened up between them.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--” Adore’s voice was hoarse and distant.

“No, it’s alr--”

“We should go back.”

“Okay.” Courtney felt like crying again, and she wasn’t sure why. She just followed Adore, out of the tree house and back to the party.

-

The good news was, the DJ had managed to keep the party going. It seemed like most people hadn’t even noticed that Courtney left, from how much fun they were having on the dance floor. Except Roy, of course, sitting at their table, sipping forlornly out of a pink sparkly cup.

She approached him, nervously biting her lip, adjusting her elbow-length gloves. “Hey.”

He looked up. “Hi.”

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a monster all day, and you’ve been really great, like you always are, just the best, and, and you were right, I was upset about my dad, and I’m just...I’m sorry.” Courtney pressed her lips together, trying to hold in her tears. “Please don’t be mad.”

Roy stood up and wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to upset you. But like, this is a birthday party and you’ve been so stressed and irritated, and I just thought--”

“I know, I know.”

“This is probably a totally insane idea, but what if we...keep an open mind here, this is crazy, but...what if we try to have fun for the rest of the night?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Huh...huh?”

Courtney laughed, pulling him in for another hug. “You’re so lame. I love you.”

“Me too, baby.”

“Do you wanna dance?”

Roy put his hand over his heart. “I would love to, but I don’t know that Spice Girls choreography.”

Courtney giggled and pulled him onto the dance floor. “Don’t taunt me, Del Rio, or I’ll make you learn. Dela’s leaving again Monday, and I think you’d be a really cute Sporty.”

“She is the butch one.”

“Good point. Maybe you should be Posh.”

Roy laughed and put his arms around her as the DJ switched to Usher and Alicia Keys singing “My Boo.” Courtney leaned her head on his shoulder, and sighed, glancing around the dance floor. She caught Adore’s eye and smiled at her. Adore raised a pink sparkly cup at her, holding her gaze for a long moment until Willam thumped her on the shoulder to get her attention back.

Courtney looked back at Roy, who flashed his dimples at her and kissed her softly. She felt a stab of guilt, remembering the other kiss she’d gotten that night. But, it didn’t mean anything, right? It was just a friendly kiss, her best friend trying to make her feel better.

She closed her eyes, insides twisting, stomach in knots. Because if she was really honest with herself, it wasn’t the kiss that she felt guilty about. It was that feeling, the moment Adore pulled away, of regret. She dug her fingers into Roy’s shoulders, and he held her tighter around the waist.

Suddenly, she couldn’t stop the tears and she was crying again. Roy cupped her face and kissed her cheeks. “What’s the matter, babe?”

Courtney shook her head.

“One of those ‘it’s my party, I’ll cry if I want to’ moments? Should I just leave it alone?” Roy asked.

Courtney nodded as Roy swiped a napkin from the dessert table and dried her eyes.

“Alright. Come here.” He pulled her close and she fell into his arms, unable to tear her eyes away from where Adore stood with Willam and Pearl, deep in thought.

Adore stirred her punch with a straw as she half-listened to whatever Willam was running his mouth about. She couldn’t believe that she had kissed Courtney, especially in the emotional state that the blonde had been in, but in that moment it had felt so right and that’s what made it all the more wrong.

Adore was a slave to her feelings, and it felt like the more she tried to run from them, the more intense and reckless they became when they caught up to her.

That’s the moment when the lights suddenly cut out and Karen wheeled in the giant birthday cake, decorated with a huge fuchsia bow, black and white stripes, and shiny silver stars. Everyone gathered around the birthday girl to sing, and Adore focused on the sparkler candles, glittering in the darkness.

Goosebumps rose on the back of her neck, the feeling of someone’s eyes on her pulling Adore from her thoughts.

Hazel eyes looked up to find bright green eyes staring back at her. Adore grew anxious, unable to interrupt the emotions behind Courtney’s piercing stare.

Adore wondered if she had fucked up and Courtney was mad at her or even worse, if Courtney knew Adore had feelings for her that she shouldn’t have.

Adore looked away, her chest growing tight as a million thoughts ran through her head.

Courtney continued to gaze at her best friend, unable to focus on the crowd, on her mother and everyone urging her to blow out the candles.

“Babe, make a wish…” Roy said, kissing her temple.

Courtney bit her lip, eyes falling closed as she blew out the candles, not daring to let herself form a coherent thought in that moment. Because if she did, she was afraid of what she might wish for. She opened her eyes back up, and everyone was cheering, while Kimmy began to slice up the cake.

Roy swept her up into his arms again while the lights turned back on and Tomas turned up the music, Beyoncé‘s “Baby Boy.”

Pearl handed a piece of cake to Adore, taking one for herself too. “Dude, let’s go ask the DJ to play ‘American Life.’”

“That song where Madonna raps about her household staff?” Willam asked skeptically.

“Yeah! It’s so good!”

“That’s fucking embarrassing, New Girl.”

“Adore, come on, back me up here! I mean, or ‘Hollywood’ is good too…” she mused.

“I think I’m gonna take off,” Adore murmured, setting her cup down and pulling her phone out of her back pocket, sending a text to Raja asking if she could get a ride so that they could hang out.

-

As the song finished, Courtney lifted her head from Roy’s shoulder, smiling at him. “Thank you,” she said, reaching up and touching his cheek with her gloved hand.

“Anytime,” he replied, flashing those killer dimples at her.

Courtney glanced over to where Adore had been standing, feeling an urge to clear the air, just to make sure everything was okay, but she was gone. She excused herself from Roy, leaving him with Darienne and Dela, and hurried over. To her dismay, Willam and Pearl both reported that they thought Adore had left, and so she tore through the backyard to Adore’s house, shouting her name, finding her leaning on the side of her garage.

Her pounding heart began to slow down as she caught her breath.

“Hi...sorry for yelling, I just…”

“No, it’s okay. Are you alright?” Adore asked.

“Yeah. Um…” Courtney licked her lips, adjusting her gloves awkwardly. “Willam said you left, and I just wanted to find you so I could...I wanted to say thank you. For...for the bracelet. And...everything.” Courtney took another step towards her, eyes soft and misty.

“You’re welcome. Happy birthday.” Adore’s own eyes still had the same inscrutable, slightly guarded expression they’d had earlier. But her smile was genuine.

Courtney wrapped her arms around Adore’s shoulders, burying her face into her friend’s neck and hugging her tightly.

“I love you, Dory.”

Adore closed her eyes, holding her close, trying not to be hyper-aware of the warm breath against her skin, the scent of her silky hair, the all too recent memory of the taste of her.

Her chest rose and fell rapidly. As if by some miracle, they were suddenly blinded by headlights as Raja’s car pulled into the driveway. Adore broke away from the hug, waving gratefully to her.

“Um, that’s my...I gotta go,” she told Courtney, who simply nodded. “Goodnight. The party was awesome. And I love you too!” She blew a kiss as she slipped into the car.

Raja tossed a cigarette out the window as she pulled out of the driveway.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Glad you texted.”

“Me too. I had to get out of there.”

“Not into the quinceanera fantasy?” Raja laughed.

Adore shook her head. “Been a long day.”

“Stressful?”

Adore looked over to Raja, the streetlights illuminating her features.

“Yeah,” Adore said, voice only slightly above a whisper, eyes flickering to Raja’s lips.

Pulling up to the stop sign at the end of the street Raja put the car in park, turning to face Adore.

“Well, we all do it. Have a big princess-like party; if we don’t want it our mom’s ‘ll make us,” Raja said lowly, leaning on the armrest.

“Really?” Adore asked, leaning on towards Raja, “Did you?”

“Mhm,” Raja smirked, eyes flickering to Adore’s lips, “My ma made sure that I had an extraaaavagant birthday party. I had a big turquoise dress, my hair done up, the works.”

Adore let out a breathy giggle, “You don’t look the type.”

“No?” Raja raised her eyebrows, slightly tilting her head and Raja’s warm breath hitting Adore’s face made Adore notice that they were closer than she realized. Lips inches apart.

“No.”

“Maybe when we get to my place…” Raja placed a sweet kiss on Adore’s lips-- that had her chasing Raja’s lips as she pulled away, “I can show you some pictures.”

Raja smiled innocently, but Adore wouldn’t let her get away. She needed to forget what happened earlier; she needed to forget her mistake, the way nothing seemed to matter, but them in the tree house. Adore leaned over the armrest, pulling Raja back towards her, pressing her lips into Raja’s harder than the first kiss, desperate to erase the way Courtney’s lips felt against hers. Raja could do that, Raja could make her forget and when the older girl nipped at her lip, Adore let her in.

The position was awkward with the armrest pressed between them, but the feel of Raja’s hands on her, tugging her closer was worth it. Adore gripped at Raja’s jacket, when they broke for air, Raja leaving kisses along Adore’s jaw before Adore guided Raja’s lips back to hers.

Before the kiss could deepen again the girls were scared apart by a horn beeping behind them. They looked up, both startled, as a car sped around them, the driver tossing them the finger.

“Damn, bro, calm down,” Raja said, and Adore giggled, arms sliding back around her neck.

“Come back here…”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 007: Costumes and Comforting White Rice

Previously on BnHA: Aizawa had everyone do fitness tests. Turns out superpowered children are very talented. Deku broke his finger.

Today on BnHA: COSTUMES. AND A GUY NAMED LUNCH RUSH

Notes: As always, all comments not prefaced by an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 11 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.

so the title is “costume change”, ooh I’m intrigued

All Might is helpfully rehashing the shit that just went down in the last chapter in case we missed it or weren’t paying attention

basically “Deku fucked up his finger but it was actually somehow the coolest thing ever”

right away Izuku is still crying his gritted-teeth pain!tears, so the unbroken streak continues!

aw Ocha is really happy that he did well and now won’t get expelled

I think Bakugou is broken

[waves a hand in front of his face] you okay there pal. deep breaths. it’s going to be all right

and now he’s fucking launching himself at Deku, presumably with the intent to beat the living shit out of him, oh dear

but teacher’s not having that shit

OH MY GOD AN ACTUAL EXPLANATION FOR THE MAGIC SCARF

YEEES THIS IS HOW WE DO THINGS IN GROWN-UP MANGA! WE EXPLAIN OUR PLOT HOLES LIKE ADULTS

THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING RUSH GUYS

also these panels are hilarious

voop

god bless, the logical explanations for everything just keep on coming. now EH is explaining that the reason he always looks so fucking shake-and-baked is because he has to maintain eye contact in order for his powers to work. I love this, it explains so much. the goggles, the eye drops, the creepy intense staring. and it’s such a good handicap for what would otherwise be an insanely OP quirk

just. thank you jesus. thank you oprah winfrey. thank you tom cruise

do you know, so far I haven’t had a single plot thing to complain about in this entire manga series. (except maybe the whole “surrounding community somehow doesn’t notice the beach cleanup happening right under their noses for ten entire months” thing.) can they possibly keep this up?

“is your finger okay?” “yeah.” NO

HGUMNANAA A FLASHBACKKKKKK A BAKUDEKU FLASHBACK. HOLD ME. I NEED TO SIT DOWN

they’re so cute they’re so fucking cute. Izuku following him around fanboying about quirks. Baku saying Deku’s probably won’t be as cool as his. trampsing along through the woods catching bugs. using the nicknames

and now Baku is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT because he’s been the special one all this time and now Izu finally has a quirk too. like, he seems pissed off, but also strangely threatened. like he’s really nervous that Deku might all of a sudden outshine him. once again, I am speculating if there are possibly secret self-esteem issues. I know it’s too early to be theorizing and I’m just going to look like an idiot but I CAN’T HELP IT. Deku is so good and pure and kind and smart, like he has everything going for him, but because he didn’t have a quirk, Bakugou could always rest assured that he was still better! but now DEKU HAS A FUCKING QUIRK. that’s like the ONE thing he solidly had on him and now the gap is narrowing by the minute. hmm. hmmmmmmmmm

disclaimer, he’s probably just an asshole and I’m projecting character development onto him that doesn’t exist sob I know

BUT MAYBE NOT?????

anyway we’ve apparently seen all we needed to see of these tests, because Deku sums up the rest of it in a couple of summary bubbles. “after this we finished up and I hung in there but it sucked”

yay now the results. which sad son of a bitch gets kicked out I wonder. it’s occurred to me that it might not be anyone and EH might just have been fucking with them, but you never know

HAHAHA

[SLAMS HAND ON TABLE]

NOT TO TOOT MY OWN HORN BUT I CALLED IT AND I’M A FUCKING GENIUS. [drinks a glass of water too fast and chokes]

this motherfucker is such a troll

Izuku appears to be phasing into another dimension from the shock of this news. meanwhile this smug-looking girl with a ponytail standing next to him is all like “I already fucking knew”

you know what, smug ponytail girl, ANYONE can say that AFTER the big reveal. the real MVPs are the ones who saw it coming a whole entire page before it actually happened, so you can shove it okay

and now Eraser Head is saying “we’re done here”? but I want to see the rankings, damn it

(ETA: funny how in the anime he shows the rankings first thing and THEN all the rest of this goes down. somehow he’s an even bigger troll there.)

and he finally takes pity on Izuku and sends him to the nurse’s office. you really shouldn’t need a teacher’s permission to go see the nurse, but I guess it’s the thought that counts

and there we go! rankings. so Izu’s all the way down at the bottom. and surprisingly Bakugou is not quite at the top? AND WHAT’S THIS?

THIS IS A NAME I RECOGNIZE. THAT’S DISCOUNT ZUKO BY GEORGE 8D

please be introduced soon, I’m excited to meet you

no idea who that person is at the very top. but hey good for them

hey guys. guess who ships All Might/Aizawa ever since their rivalish history was established in the previous chapter. [points to self]

so this is good stuff

look at this shade being thrown back and forth. or rather, EH throwing shade and AM struggling to throw it back but he’s too much of a straight arrow for it to really work lmao. “april fool’s day was over a week ago”

also oh shit last year he threw out the whole damn bunch. those guys must have SUCKED

oh my god now All Might is smugly confirming that EH likes Izuku too

hey guys here’s a closeup of All Might’s reaction to this:

you like krabby patties don’t you squidward

my boy Izuku out here accumulating mentors like... something... that accumulates a lot

that’s right, he has TWO whole mentors. what a legend

I got really confused for a second when the following panel said Izu was going home after the first day. even though I know it’s not a boarding school, I somehow tricked myself into thinking it was for a sec

oh hey it’s Iida. he wants to know how Deku’s finger is

lol he didn’t remember being healed last time. thank you for that, information bubble

I’m serious, it’s not essential information but it helps the series to remain consistent with itself, and it shows that the mangaka so far is remembering even minor details like this, and I’m honestly really impressed

Horikoshi Kouhei is the author. just looked it up. I gotta remember that. Good job so far Horikoshi-sensei. also he’s apparently younger than me?? nice to know that some of us millennials are out there crushing it at least

oh snap Recovery Girl cautions him that if he keeps getting hurt he’ll eventually run out of stamina and die. wtf. is “stamina” really a finite resource like that? can’t he just get a good night’s sleep and replenish that shit

I’m genuinely wondering how long him not being able to control his powers is going to be an issue then. I’m starting to think not that long. at first I thought it would be a very slow process, because if he got too strong too quickly it would be bad for the story. but on further reflection, it’s really the other way around. there’s only so many times he can be the only guy without any powers and trying to figure out what to do before that shit gets really old. basically right now he’s TOO nerfed

“I thought Iida was scary but he’s actually just super-serious.” he’s very nice for a 40-year-old trying to hang out with a bunch of teenagers. I’m sure you two will be good friends

Ochako!

Iida’s calling her “Infinity Girl” since she threw the ball so high it registered as “infinity meters” on Aizawa’s scale. I wonder if this name will stick, cuz I like it

haha Ochako doesn’t know Izuku’s actual first name and calls him Deku. he was listed as “Izuku” on the results board, though. you could hardly fail to notice that, since he was in last place. she just wants to call him by the cute nickname. fucking sly move there

hmm apparently he doesn’t like the name Deku? or he’s just trying to play it cool with the Girl He Likes

(ETA: now I know the whole sad story of “Deku” and its various meanings. I wonder just how much work Horikoshi put into selecting this name and its kanji)

like he said, he fucking loves that name

“it’s like the Copernican Revolution” hahaha what. a quick Google search confirms that this was the whole shift from people thinking the sun revolved around the earth to realizing it was the other way around. I completely fail to understand what this has to do with the situation of Deku letting Ocha call him “Deku” because she thinks it’s cute. this metaphor is beyond my fucking grasp

(ETA: I must have been tired or something because it’s obviously just that he’s done a 180 from hating the name to embracing it. still a weird analogy but whatever.)

ohhhhhh here come the feels ready or not

SHIELDS UP. IT’S THE PURE, GENTLE HAPPINESS OF A BLOSSOMING SHOUNEN FRIENDSHIP. THE PROTAGONIST’S FIRST FRIENDS EVER. NO, I MUST BE STRONG, DAMN IT. DAMN ITT

oh what the fresh hell, All Might

first the training!! ten months! grueling!! then the entrance exam!! fighting a bunch of giant robots! not having the slightest clue about how to actually use his brand new powers! then the first day of school!! you think you’re finally safe, but NO we’re going to have a trial that may possibly expel you! but he somehow makes it past that too! surely he’s in the clear NOW, right? he has to be?? but nooo, the SECOND day of school, THAT’S when tHE REAL FUCKING TEST BEGINS, FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE THIRD DAY GOING TO BE. THE END OF THE WORLD?

lmao Mic teaching them English

lmaaaaao everyone is bored out of their fucking minds except fucking Izuku, that FUCKING NERD

the school chef is a sentient humanoid vacuum cleaner named Lunch Rush

nice try with that gimmick there Lunch Rush, but you’re no Best Fucking Jeanist

“the white rice is comforting, so I go with that!” fucking damn, Deku. maybe try branching out just a little

by the way, Izu is narrating all of this like it’s already an established routine, but isn’t it still just the second day? or was All Might just talking out of his ass before about that “real test”

omg

it’s All Might’s class. don’t tell me this was what he was talking about when he was going on about the “real test” fjksj

PROFESSOR LOCKHART. PROFESSOR GILDEROY LOCKHART IS THAT YOU

yet again they talk about how differently he’s drawn sob I can’t

everyone: [turns and winks at the camera] WE KNOW WE’RE CARTOOOONS

what is this pose

gri gri gri

“today’s activity is [holds up a card that says BATTLE] BATTLE”

UNIFOOOOOOORMS

I MEAN COSTUMES

YEEEES. I’VE SEEN DEKU’S COSTUME IN TUMBLR POSTS. I WANT TO SEE HIM WEAR IT YES PLEASE

HERE WE GO

-- PFFFFFFT

Bakugou looks... I’ll let you know when I stop laughing

Ochako looks like your standard Marvel heroine really but the two little buttons on her chest give it an extra dash of cuteness

Iida looks like a fucking super sentai with that helmet

Yuri on Ice, Mickey Mouse, Kermit the Frog, and Tall Guy with Pterodactyl Arms look fine, I guess

do not fucking tell me the chapter’s going to end before we actually see Izuku

...

the chapter ended before we actually saw Izuku

I’m going to kick you you stupid chapter

there isn’t even a bonus character bio at the end, it’s just a thing about all of Horikoshi’s assistants. good for them, I guess, I know they work fucking hard and they’re doing a good job so far

guess what I’m going to do. “read the next chapter.” yep

[jupiterm00n]

Monday_   April 10, 2017    2:36pm

This is only some of the shit, I’m going to update more even later, I need to write, goddamn.

_____________________________________________________________

So besides all the sadistically comedic disastrous mess that is my social life, things aren’t really going well anywhere else either. I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what’s wrong with me and it’s so difficult. This semester has been so weird. This will be long, and weird, and probably super fucked up and sad. But I haven’t written in a while about anything that I feel:

So a while ago I started taking lithium to decrease suicidal thoughts and to regulate my emotional reactivity a bit. It was the last thing that Asa wanted to give me, he didn’t even want to give me that... He keeps saying that the only thing I could possibly do to get better was to try ECT, ketamine injections, TMS, or to go to an inpatient facility for a while. (None of those sound ideal, because I don’t want to go to an inpatient facility doing group therapy until they decide that I have an identity and can control my moods and then just send me back, I’ve seen people right after ECT, and oh god it does not look pleasant, giant bruises all over their body, zoned out of their goddamn minds, taking fuck tons of valium, plus I’d also have to go away for like 4 weeks. I don’t want to do ketamine because I don’t really want to trip with my psychotic tendencies already, and even with TMS, I’d have to have like hour long sessions every day for months...)

But after being put on lithium I felt so great, I felt almost happy, and I’ve never ever felt like that. It was easy to walk around and to do things and I didn’t feel so heavy. It was like the whole world looked different, and I was so scared that it would all go away, the happiness. And I think it did. I’ve been trying to hold onto it and be cool around other people because my friends are so happy I seem to be feeling a little better. Instead, this is probably the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. For a few weeks now I’ve felt so heavy, I’m so sad and anxious all the time, and everything is exhausting. It’s hard to get out of bed way more then it has been before, and the sadness and anxiousness and anger come in waves faster and more powerful even before lithium. I can hardly do anything at all and the smallest things just knock me over.

Anxiety_

Like this week and last week, most days I’ve been having panic attacks with very few breaks for like 8- 10 hours. Most people don’t see them since usually when I’m around friends or a lot of people I’m able to somewhat control how I behave. I’ve tried to control it when I’m alone, but even last night, for 4 or 5 hours I paced and shook and cried and hyperventilated and clawed at my skin, and it’s getting way out of control. Sometimes the shaking looks like I’m practically convulsing, and I can’t control the jerky movements when I’m so panicked. It’s getting so much worse, I’ve even had times where I have to leave class and sit in the bathroom stall trying to stop freaking the fuck out. Luckily though, I haven’t been dissociating too much. I’ve tried so many things, meditation, doing something to calm me down, taking ativan, drinking, smoking weed... drinking and getting high seem to calm down the panic attack, but it never really completely gets rid of it. I don’t know what to do. It’s only about 1pm and I’ve already had 2 panic attacks.

Depression_

My depressive bits have gotten so much worse too. Part of it is definitely the fuckery with my social life. I’ve always been so used to seeing and hanging out with people every day, and now all my high school friends seem to have dropped off the earth. Besides them, my friends are guys, and I’ve dealt with some weird situations and weird issues with pretty much all of them recently. Not just small things either, I’ve had some very big conflicts with every single person I see regularly. I’ve never had friend issues before, and since I have few friends, it’s very scary. I’m so sad all the time, and I can’t talk about it to the people I see regularly because either they’re upset with me, they don’t want to see me, I don’t want to burden them more than I have, or because if I’m sad about a specific thing that happened, it most likely involves them. I just feel very alone, and I don’t know how to fix anything. I can’t seem to make new friends and I really can’t now since I’m so depressed, and I can’t even seem to keep a hold of the friends I have.

I’ve felt so hopeless. I hate absolutely everything. I have no hobbies, and whenever I try and find one or do something I used to enjoy, I can’t do it. I have no real interests when it comes to school and the thought of graduating with a major and finding a career seems so impossible. and it all seems so meaningless when I think about how little I actually have to look forward to. I’ve never thought I’d live this long, and going toward the future sounds terrible and so bleak, even if I imagine myself living my ideal life, I still don’t want to do it. I could be the happiest person in the future and have the best life, and I’m still regretting it because I’ll be alive. Even when I’ve felt kinda happy in situations, there’s still that deep sad feeling that sticks even though I can joke and laugh and smile at people, it still hurts in the exact same way the exact same intensity as when I’m crying and alone.

It’s fucked up, a bunch of people think I’m a lot better, which scares me. That means I’m even more detached if I’m feeling the worst ever, but people think I seem so energetic and happy. I can’t just go up to people and be like

“hello, yes, I am halie. Don’t let this energetic engaged conversation, loud laughter, and cheery facial expression fool you. I am very sad and anxious all the time, sometimes to the point of splitting or dissociating or hallucinating, and frequently my moods are explosive and switch within seconds. I wish I was dead every day, and I don’t have a core identity, so when I’m alone I feel like I don’t exist. I’m impulsive and engage in excessive drinking, drugs, and starving myself. I hurt myself to calm down, and push people’s limits by manipulating others to hurt me, because it hurts more when someone else hurts me, and I believe I deserve it. I fear abandonment but I’m so reactive, black and white, and unstable, that I undertake in behavior that perpetuates everyone I love abandoning me... but it’s cool, we should hang out sometime soon or go see a movie.”

yeah, so it’s a fucking mess. I’ve been cutting again too, which is bad, yes, I know. I went so so long without it, then that incident over break happened, and now since everything has turned to shit and I’ve been panicking, I’ve picked up the habit again. Jalen and Job threw out most of my blades which means that the thing that happened over winter break probably won’t happen again. And I’ve been careful, they’re just tiny. I do hate it though. I feel like people have seen some and I hate that so so much.