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chipchase · 3 years ago

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A stay with Hannibal

Name: A stay with Hannibal

Characters: You, Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham.

Reader: Minor, Male/GNC, hinted autistic. TW: Crying, descriptions of zoning out.

Other: Yea this is definitely just a self insert to cope with my feelings. Except I’m a child and this is basically how I felt during my childhood. Also this is my first time writing fanfiction. Have fun! Summary: You are the son of Will Graham. He needs to leave for a while to do some distant work on a case. He decided to ask Hannibal to take you in for the time he was gone. Hannibal reluctantly agreed since he found the way you act interesting. You don’t know much about Hannibal and don’t really like being with strangers.

Word count: 2548

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You stepped into your dad’s car, still doubting whether this would be a good idea. You never liked the idea of going to other people’s homes, let alone to stay there for an unknown period of time. You let out a sigh as you buckle your seatbelt. Your dad looked back to see your face resting in a nervous expression.

“Y/N. You’ll be fine I promise. Hannibal is a great man. I promise you’ll be comfortable there. If I knew how long I would be gone I would let you be home alone. I promise to call you often.” he said.

You looked up to meet your dad’s eyes. A slight breath escaped your mouth. “I know I will be, dad. I just don’t like unknown places. Therefore, I’ve never met the man.” Your dad smiled and nodded at you. He knew you prefer routine. He felt slightly bad about doing this too, but he knew he had no choice. He started the car and so the drive had begun.

The drive seemed to be taking forever. After what felt like hours you finally stopped in front of Hannibal’s house. You took your suitcase out of the trunk of the car and followed your dad to the door. You were nervous, anxious and afraid. You had no idea what to expect. Will didn’t really talk about Hannibal to you. All you knew was that he was a psychiatrist and always wore a suit. “That’s just great. He can also read my mind” you sighed to yourself. You didn’t enjoy psychiatrists. You always felt like they could read your every move.

Your father knocked on the door and stepped back. You heard footsteps approaching the door and you could hear the lock getting unlocked. As the door opened you met the man you’d be stuck with for a while.

“Welcome Will” Hannibal said. Hannibal looked down at you and you felt your heart stop. His eyes looked like they could read your every thought and a slight lash of fear shivered over your spine.

“You must be Y/N” He said, looking at you. You could only nod. You still weren't convinced you’d end up comfortable here. Hannibal gestured for you and your dad to come in. Hesitating for a second you followed your dad inside. You felt your thoughts float again. It usually happened when you felt uncomfortable. Your mind would become silent and no thoughts would be found. You wouldn’t be able to hear anyone speaking to you. Every other moment you would have called it a blessing. However, you’d prefer to not do it in front of a psychiatrist. You wanted to act as normal as you possibly could.

You heard your dad and Hannibal talk for a bit. You didn’t know about what, and you weren’t interested in finding out. After a few minutes your dad walked towards you to say goodbye. You hugged him and he felt your heartbeat raising out of fear. He whispered to you that you’d be safe here, and due to the time you had no chance but to hope he was right. You watched him walk out of the door and get inside of the car. The second he left you wanted to sit down and cry. It was difficult not to. Your hands were shaking and you just wanted to go back home.

Hannibal looked at your hands trembling and your breath slightly shaking. Your dad told him about you being rather nervous about this. He wanted to make sure you knew you’d be safe here, but he wasn’t sure if this was the right moment. He saw a tear roll down your face. Slowly, he walked towards you. He put a hand on your shoulder as a way of saying that it’ll be okay.

You dried your eyes and looked up to Hannibal. He looked slightly concerned. A sudden wave of thoughts overwhelmed you. You were asking yourself if you scared him, if you upset him. It would be the last thing you’d want to happen. You felt your thoughts fly away again, you felt your consciousness slip away. You wanted to stop yourself from it, but with your current mindset you couldn’t.

As if Hannibal was able to sense this he guided you towards the living room. He looked into your eyes for a second to find some form of reaction, but your mind had already gone away. You had a slight idea of what was going on but that was it. Hannibal sat you down on the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. Your mind wasn’t getting any clearer.

Hannibal came back to you with a cup of tea, slightly cooled down for you to drink. He noticed that you weren’t completely on earth. He slowly tried to get you back. “Most likely a stress response” he thought to himself. He looked at you and slowly squeezed your shoulder. You were able to feel the pressure. It felt reassuring.

“It’s alright Y/N. I won’t be a bother. I promise you that I won’t bother unless I feel the need to.” His voice was calming. He kept reassuring you that everything in here would be okay. You felt your mind become clear again. You turned your head to see his face. He still looked slightly concerned, but you knew that your reaction probably caused this. Your mind became a lot clearer after you took a few breaths.

“Thank you” you mumbled. He smiled and handed you the cup of tea.

“I feel like this would help a bit. It’s a herbal tea. Maybe it will calm you down a bit, yes?” he said. You gratefully took the cup and started to drink it. Hannibal’s concerned expression seemed to be going away.

Hannibal felt some form of need to take care of you. He knew Will cared about you deeply, and he felt like he should protect you for him. He saw and protected you like you were his own child.

You finished your cup of tea and took a few deep breaths again. You felt slightly ashamed of what happened. You must’ve scared Hannibal. You looked down at the floor. Hannibal stood up slowly.

“Why don’t I show you your bedroom for your stay?” he said. He hoped that having your own space would help you feel more comfortable here. You nodded. You wanted to say something but you just couldn’t. Not because you didn’t know what to say, but because your brain refused to let you. Hannibal smiled “Good, would you follow me?”

You stood up from the couch and felt your legs become slightly weak. You held onto the couch for a second. Instinctively Hannibal caught you. He waited for a second to make sure you could regain your strength. When he saw you regained it, he guided you towards your room.

Your room was slightly dimmed. The walls were painted in a light gray. You felt slightly more comfortable here. You sighed and sat down on the bed. Hannibal looked at you for a bit.

“I will leave you to calm your thoughts a bit Y/N. If you need me I will be just downstairs. Promise me you’ll call for me if you need help, yes?”

You nodded again.

“I will.” It’s the first time you spoke clearly to him. He seemed to be relieved when he heard you speak.

Hannibal had already noticed a few things about your behavior he deemed “Unusual.” The constant avoidance of eye contact, the need for routine, the zoning out. He heard from your father about things that interested you so much that it would take over your life. He noticed you seemed to be unsure how to cope with these things. The constant zoning out when approached, the complete and constant loss of time and sense when you felt uncomfortable. He wanted to somehow help you manage these.

You felt yourself dozing off in your bed. It was only 3PM but you felt like you hadn’t slept in ages. You tried to stay awake but your eyelids were heavy. You laid down feeling defeated. You closed your eyes and for the first time since you got here you felt safe and comfortable.

Hannibal first wanted to cook something big and majestic as a welcome, but after he saw your state he decided to order something online instead. He felt like the simplicity would make you feel slightly more comfortable. He knocked on your bedroom door, but since you were asleep he didn’t get a response. He opened the door softly to find you asleep. You were holding onto a pillow. You rolled yourself up like you were hiding. The fact you could sleep meant a lot to Hannibal. He was already afraid he would find you awake at 3am while you were unable to sleep. He stayed there for a few seconds to make sure you weren’t having any bad dreams. After making sure you didn’t he closed the door and let you be for a while.

You woke up after nearly 4 hours to find your suitcase unpacked, the wardrobe filled with clothes and your plushie of a squid, which you named squiddie, sitting next to you. The fact you had something recognizable in your room made you feel calm. You grabbed squiddie and carefully walked outside again. You went downstairs to find Hannibal sitting in a chair near the fireplace, reading a book. You carefully stepped around the corner, unsure of what to say.

“Ah, welcome back Y/N.” Hannibal said. You still weren’t sure what to say, and Hannibal knew that.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Would you like to sit here with me?” he said, pointing at a chair opposite of him. You slowly walked towards the chair, still holding squiddy.

The quiet was nice. The heat of the fireplace was calming, the silence of nobody saying anything was comforting. After a while Hannibal closed his book and turned to you.

“Would you like to talk about what happened?” he said. You suddenly looked up. You hated talking about your feelings. Not because you were scared to do so, but because you didn’t understand them yourself.

“Your father already told me you don’t like talking in a form of therapy. Don’t worry. This is not a therapy session. I just want to make sure you feel comfortable here during your stay” Ýou looked at him. You wanted to say something. You just didn’t know what. There was a moment of silence. You took a deep breath.

“I’m not really sure what happened” you said, looking down at the floor feeling defeated once again.

“You don’t like unknown places, right?” Hannibal said. “Do they make you feel unsafe? Or more like you have no control over the situation. No escape plan for when you want to get out?”

You leaned forwards. He just described you entirely. Unknown places meant you couldn’t leave when you wanted to. You didn’t say a word, afraid that if you did, you would start crying. Hannibal noticed your sudden change of posture, your hands suddenly moving, your leg bouncing, your eyes looking around like you were looking for an escape route.

“You seem like you’re forcing yourself to stay quiet, I promise you you don’t have to. I also promise you that talking would make you feel a lot better” Hannibal said, hoping to reassure you.

You stared at the floor for a while. He knew more about you than you seemed to understand about yourself. Every feeling you had he put it into words. You felt a tear coming down your face. You yelled at your brain to stop crying. “Not right now. I don’t need to talk to him. I don't need to and maybe I don't want to. Do I want to? Is he right?” Hannibal stood up and walked a little closer to you. You felt vulnerable, scared. Like a mouse trapped by a cat.

Hannibal recognized someone in you. He wasn’t sure who. He didn’t like how you coped with your feelings by ignoring them. He wanted you to speak about them.

He relocated his chair to be next to yours. You could feel more tears forming in your eyes and all you wanted it to do was to stop. You were screaming in your head for it to stop but it didn’t.

“I can see it’s difficult for you to accept your sadness, yes?” he asked. “Why is it difficult for you? Do you feel vulnerable, open or maybe even afraid when you cry?” his voice wasn’t angry, it was soft. You looked him in the eyes while yours were still filled with tears.

“I don’t even understand why I feel sad. I shouldn’t feel sad, I have no reason to. Do I even deserve to cry?” you replied. It was the first time you actually managed to talk about how you felt with someone. Hannibal looked slightly shocked because of your response. There was a moment of silence until you stood up. You wanted to walk out and forget that it ever happened. Hannibal stood up with you.

“Please just leave it be. I don’t even understand my feelings myself.” you said, your voice shaky.

Hannibal watched you take another step and out of instinct he just held you. He hugged you. Supporting your back and head with his hands. “You don’t need a reason to feel sad. Sometimes we just do. It’s fine to be sad sometimes, and you deserve to be sad just like anyone else.” he reassured.

The feeling of being held, reassured was comforting. You felt your breath slow down. After a few minutes Hannibal looked at you again.

“Does your father know how you feel?” he asked you. You shook your head. “He has enough on his mind to also get constricted with my issues.” Hannibal understood what you meant by that. Your father was constantly busy with his job and he seemed to have enough stress from just that.

“I promise you. My door is always open. You don’t even need to talk. If you just need a place to cry without being near your father just knock.

Hannibal guided you to the couch. You sat down and he sat down next to you. He handed you something.

“I think this little guy belongs to you” he said, handing squiddy to you again. You took the plushie back and just held it. Maybe your dad was right. Maybe I was safe here. Maybe I was the safest I had been in months. Not because I was physically safer, but because I finally felt the courage to open up.

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