#hamster catholicism......

[meegan420]

[mendely]

please look at this thing, I'm so obsessed with it

no thoughts head empty only a single communion wafer

[picklebunbun]

-" intro page

𝄞₊ ⊹

‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹

" it's a windy afternoon, can't afford to buy my food,, "

"-/*

dr. ratio is my wife

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹- call me angel or pickles !

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹- I belong in catholicism, I am an INFJ-T, I have autism and I change my theme depending on my pfp. I usually write queer ships. I use any pronouns but mostly they/them, I am agender and aroace.

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹- SHINYA HIIRAGI, MIKAELA HYAKUYA, AVENTURINE, VERITAS RATIO, ARGENTI, GALLAGHER, SIGMA, CHUUYA NAKAHARA, NIKOLAI GOGOL, AKUTAGAWA RYUNOSUKE, FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY, SAMPO KOSKI, AND MICHEAL AFTON ARE MY WIVES ! DON'T TOUCH THEM BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THE DEVIL IN ME 😡

IF YOU WANT TO REQUEST, READ MY OTHER LINK HOW TO REQUEST

Do’s:

Platonic fanfics

x Readers

lgbtq+ characters/reader

write in headcanons you put on a character

write hc’s that you want me to put in the story

Basically anything as long as it’s not in the “Dont’s“

{YOUR} oc x reader

character x oc

oc x oc [has to be on the fandoms listed]

Dont’s:

Anything with r@pe/SA (unless it’s for backstory but even then it's a bit uncomfy)

F3t!shes

Inc3st, p3dophili@ or anything morally wrong

Explicit NSFW (can only do suggestive or sensual situations)

Characters/readers with the opposite gender of a gay character I'm writing (basically canon gay characters shipped with people of the opposite gender)

Any hateful political views (honestly politics in general)

Please don’t try flirting with me

FANDOMS I WRITE FOR:

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 BSD

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｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 FNF

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 Southpark

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 FNAF

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 HSR

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 TMC

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 HTF

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 Madness Combat

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 Saiki K

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 Sally Face

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 BFDI/BFB/TPOT

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 TKATB

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{special requests for fandoms not listed from mutuals/friends/family can occur}

[eddiegettingshot]

bpd anon back!!! thank you for your kind reply hima ❤️ i forgot to mention like even down to the identity issues buck has are so relatable to me as a bpd person. like the self improvement shit and software updates only to stay stuck in the same patterns is SO real

honestly id love for the show to actually address a lot of bucks mental health issues. i dont think they will though. bpd is also more commonly diagnosed in women which i think would play a factor even though all of the signs are there. tho also i dont want to see it because idk if it’d actually bring up any real discussions since the fandom tends to think buck can do no wrong lmfao

i still think buck is on that hamster wheel though, but in a different way? realizing your sexuality is a pretty big leap regardless but to me he’s still approaching relationships in the same way. tommy fell into his lap because he couldn’t acknowledge what was right in front of him (and again as someone with bpd change in relationships can be very terrifying!! even the slightest drift in a different direction can be debilitating to deal with!!). i think the bi buck arc is a stride in the right direction but not the end goal. buck needs therapy imo. id still be on my own hamster wheel without it (he also needs a break from dating because jesus christ just watching it is a lot to handle lmao)

also wouldve loved to see an actual apology on screen (i find it very hard to believe one wouldnt have taken place at all) because like no matter your mental issues or whatever you need to take ownership of your behavior. mental illness is an explanation not an excuse and it wouldve been really nice to see him take ownership with that even though eddie wouldve forgiven him regardless.

and on the eddie ptsd stuff — why the FUCK do people think he needs to address every little flaw before having a relationship? i feel that way about myself a lot of the time but he’s done so much work on himself and made so many strides???? i think addressing the shannon of it all is one thing but can my guy have permission to be happy 😭 he doesn’t have the same problems as buck and thats arguably the fucking point lmao. also with the catholic guilt thing its crazy because i grew up catholic and honestly i dont think that’s something that ever really goes away? i think it can stop bothering you and you learn to accept it but catholicism can ingrain itself pretty deep. i think eddie can move on from it but saying he has to get rid of it to be in a gay relationship when that is like the foundation of his childhood belief system is a little wack to me. like i rarely think about religion anymore and don’t really feel a huge connection to god (and i dont have a lot of emotions on it ig) but i also find myself still dealing with that mindset that growing up in religion can cause in some ways. its just kinda there

anyway eddie army stays strong 🫶 hopefully if they address shannon tonight it goes well

this is soooooo thoughtful anon you're so right!!!

eddie army we will make it through <3

[neurotic-urutau]

omg hi.... can you talk me more about samira? ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ ₎o

Hii🥰, I'm glad you asked!

-Born in Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt.

-Her narcissistic mother abandoned her at the age of 5. She was raised by her father, aunts and paternal grandparents.

-Her family professes Coptic Catholicism. She is a polytheist.

-Her father owns a hotel chain. So she grew up in a more than favorable economic position.

-Because of what her mother did, she is very afraid of abandonment.

-During the school period, she stayed and studied in Cairo. When she went on vacation, she returned to Sharm el-Sheikh.

-Her father encouraged her to practice self-defense.

-She had several hamsters, guinea pigs and rabbits as pets.

-She just graduated from law school.

-She met her fiancé when he was leaving a business meeting with her father. His name is Omar Al-Fassi, a television and film producer and occasional actor. He gives her acting lessons. ;))

-Eventually meets Kang Zhiqiang "KZ", a Chinese-born actor who becomes another love interest.

(She does NOT cheat on Omar. I plan to develop this story into alternative endings. In it there will be three possible romantic routes: Omar, KZ or both 👁👅👁).

[micamicster]

🌇 & ✂️

Hii thank you so much for asking!

You're looking for a worldbuilding detail which is tricky since this is set in the real world, so instead I'm gonna give you a punk history detail that I cannot for the life of me fit into this fic. Sid Vicious, of Sex Pistols fame, was a lot of things (an enormous asshole, possibly a murderer, an appallingly bad bassist...) but most importantly he got the name Sid after a friend's hamster that bit him one time. He was super embarrassed by this and hated the name ever since.

I want you all to pretend that Imani has a hamster named Sid in the background of every scene in this fic, it's just not mentioned because it's not relevant to Saira's journey.

Deleted scene of Saira trying and failing to hook up with the bouncer at her local bar, a man who is NOT at all a carbon copy of an irl friend of mine, is beneath the cut.

fic ask game!

She makes a halfhearted pass at Evan, The Roxy’s bouncer, and it’s almost more embarrassing how long it takes him to pick up on it than it would have to have been rejected.

“You serious?” he says. She’s smoking in the alley, and he’s standing there frowning at her because he thinks smoking is bad for you, or something. “Because I always had you figured for a lesbian.”

“It’s called bisexuality,” says Saira, scowling. “Get with the times.”

“Don’t get why you would date men if you had any other option.” He shrugs, giving the most cursory of glances at the IDs being held out to him, and waves the obviously underage kids on through. Saira must have let some of her judgement show on her face, because he replies to it. “Hey, better they drink here, where I can keep an eye on them. Place down the road gets rough.”

Saira takes a drag, and shuffles her feet together before she says something too honest. She ends up saying it anyway. “I’m trying to get over a girl.”

His eyebrows go up, which is as much interest as he’s displayed so far this conversation. “And you thought I’d be a good reminder of the appeal of the male sex?”

“Yeah, well. I don’t hate you.”

“Thanks for the glowing review.” He checks another ID, of a girl who’s clearly eyeing him up, and Saira’s being unkind, implying that she’s not attracted to him. “But I’m exclusively attracted to women who hate my guts, so.”

“Nice. Healthy.”

He ignores this. “It’s that little pretty one, isn’t it. The one who’s scared of me. The other guitarist.”

“Fuck you.”

He laughs. “Bandcest? Mate, you are fucked.”

“What about you, then?” says Saira, meanly. “Your girlfriend realize she hate your guts?”

“Mate, she stabbed me.”

“What?” Saira’s momentarily distracted by a love life messier than her own. Straight people are something else. “The fuck did you do?”

“I was eating breakfast, and she was bitching about some store wouldn’t take her returns, and I said, ‘stop bitching while I’m eating breakfast,’ and she stabbed me.” He holds out his hand, and Saira notices the bandage around it for the first time. “Put a fork right through my hand. Had to pry the tines out of the tabletop. There’s still marks.”

“Bro,” says Saira. “What the actual fuck.”

“Didn’t even need stiches.”

“Bro.”

“Hey. That’s love, isn’t it?”

“I don’t usually give advice I wouldn’t take myself,” says Saira, “but please see a therapist?”

Evan turns his hand over and examines it, completely unconcerned. “Got a couple good Jesus jokes out of it, so.”

Saira stares at him blankly.

“You know. Stigmata. Got my gran worked up enough to call the priest.”

“I don’t know anything about Catholicism, and now I want to know even less.”

“That’s fair.”

Saira squints at him interrogatorily. “You’re still sleeping with her aren’t you?”

“Only like, once or twice a week.”

“Why didn’t you say so? Spared me the humiliation of putting myself out there, or whatever?”

“Hey, I didn’t say no.”

She frowns at him, and he looks back at her, as unruffled as he always is. “We close at two. You could come to mine and sit on my face, and I’ll give it the old college try. But I don’t think I’m going to be your magic bullet.”

He’s probably right, which is so irritating considering everything he’s revealed about his life choices in the past five minutes. “No thanks. Don’t feel like getting murdered with a fork, today.”

“Hey. I offered.”

Evan lets a couple more people into the bar, and Saira smokes her joint down to nothing in relieved silence. “She’s pretty good. Your guitarist. You guys sound way better since she joined.”

Saira sags back against the brick wall. “Yeah,” she says. “I know.”

[ccacoethes]

— THE ROAD TO PARADISE BEGINS IN HELL.

{ genderfluid, he/they/she } huh, who’s TESSA THOMPSON? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually YENNEFER MALSTROM. he/they/she is a 37 year old MUGGLEBORN wix who is A HITWIZARD. he/they/she is known for being UNPREDICTABLE, IMMORAL, COLD, UNREPENTANT, and VIOLENT but also SELF-ASSURED, ALLURING, DAUNTLESS, RELENTLESS, and METHODICAL, so that must be why he/they/she always reminds me of the song SELFISH BY HAMSTER FT LEE and RESENTMENT AND VENGEANCE BEING PART OF YOUR DNA; SHOWING GOD THE MESS YOU’VE MADE AND BLAMING IT ON HIM; HOLLOW, EMPTY CHURCHES THAT ARE LONG ABANDONED BUT FILLED WITH PHANTOMS; SETTING EXPECTATIONS ON FIRE; THE BELIEF THAT VIOLENCE CAN BE DIVINE; KNOWING PAIN MORE INTIMATELY THAN FAMILY. i hear he/they/she is aligned with DEATH EATERS, so be sure to keep an eye on him/them/her.

PARALLELS: the joker ( dc comics ), loki ( marvel comics ), cait ( fallout 4 ), bronn ( game of thrones ), bellatrix lestrange ( harry potter ), meave millay ( westworld ), asha greyjoy ( game of thrones ), iron bull ( dragon age inquisition ), alex krycek ( the x files ), tyler durden ( fight club ), villanelle ( killing eve ), freddie lounds ( hannibal )

WARNINGS: religion / catholicism, chronic pain, murder.

STATS.  INTRODUCTION.

[fictionkinfessions]

party cat i'm bored in quarantine what are you doing? rec me smt scary to watch I offer you fish cake? :3

I..! Ok! I am not immune to the :3 face! I finished this one a lil while ago! 

Yuppie Psycho, a survival horror game which has the worlds worst name because it's ableist and because it has nothing to do with the plot.

You play a young man who received a mysterious letter saying he has been hired for the most prestigious office in this bizarre dystopian future. Naturally head on over there, only to find what you've been hired for isn't the typical office work.

No. See, you've been hired for only one thing: to kill The Witch.

You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyYlsmI5681wgrG7y9zJP2HsMyWS4fBz_

It's a subtitled let's play, so you don't have to endure a random stranger pretending they're scared of pixel art and shrieking like a hamster learning opera. The audio is a big part of the game and definitely adds to the atmosphere.

Here's the content warnings if anyone's interested:

FLASHING LIGHT / SEIZURE WARNING. There are multiple places throughout in the game where lights are rapidly flashing. Idk if it's enough to set off a seizure, I'm not a professional, but it's genuinely concerning.

Themes: classism, child abuse, torture, suicide, capitalism, hazardous workplaces, ghosts / hauntings / possession, abuse and manipulation, some gaslighting of the character, fire, demolition / destruction, torture, underwater segments, suicide, heights, paranoia [there are cameras watching you constantly], mild unreality [you enter ‘cyberspace’ except not really, except you do. It’s confusing. Enclosed spaces [vents, elevators], racism and orientalism, religion [specifically christianity and catholicism]. I take issue with misusing culture and religion in this game because it’s sooo goofy and pointless. A lil research would have made it so much better.

Visual: Body horror, eye trauma, blood [real and pixel art], gore, explicit unsanitary [horse feces on floor, irl images in the videoclub mysterio tapes], sharp objects [there are pencils used as weapons and swords], insects [maggots, spiders, spider imagery as body horror], mannequins, frogs [as a costume], clusters / trypophobia, shaky video [irl, not in video game pixel art format], religious imagery [christian and catholic], implied nsfw imagery, horses and body horror relating to horses, robots.

Audio: occasional misophonia triggers like slurping, asphyxiation / choking, gagging sound effects [think the sound the female ghost made from Ringu], body-less whispering which may trigger paranoia, high pitched tinnitus sound effects [ep 14 only, I think]. At some point I stopped watching with the sound on, so I may be missing some CW for audio.

EP 15 - Videoclub Misterio has most of the irl gore / horror in the form of avant garde clips. It can be skipped without missing anything from the plot.

[distractedhistotech]

Before MSA + 1: Lessons

Vivi had been learning about various religions since she was a kid.  It came with having a theology professor for a father.  She didn’t really bother to sit in on lessons much anymore, but she was curious about Arthur Kingsman and wanted to see how he’d react to the lessons.

His reactions were…honestly a bit concerning.

“I’m confused. Isn’t Christianity the one true religion?” asked Arthur.

Vivi tried very hard not to stare.  Was-was he serious?

“Do you mean Catholicism, Baptism, Methodist, Protestant, or Lutheran?” countered Hiro.

Arthur blinked. “Uh, are those all different names for Christianity?”

“They are all different types of Christianity,” explained Hiro.  “They all have different ideas as to how the scriptures are to be interpreted and how to practice their faith.  No proof exists as to which is the ‘correct’ version.”

Arthur blinked. “The oldest?”

“That would be Roman Catholicism for simplicity’s sake.”  Yeah, it was probably too soon to talk about The Gathering.  “You don’t practice Catholicism.  Your community did not practice Catholicism.”  Hiro crossed his arms.  “In fact, I’d say your elders were trying to come up with a new form of Christianity based on whatever occurred to them.”

Oh crap.  Arthur was raised by a cult, wasn’t he?

“God told The Prophet that humanity was corrupting his followers so we had to isolate the true believers to keep them pure,” explained Arthur.

Yeah, definitely a cult.

“Wouldn’t God rather have his prophet spread his word to the masses and save those who were simply misled?” countered Hiro.  “That is the standard pattern in the Bible, often with the prophets suffering to fulfill their goal.  Yet, there are also signs of divine favor being placed upon them.  A sort of combined blessing and test to see if they were worthy.  Was your prophet ever visibly tested?  Did he ever show any signs of powers that could not be explained logically or scientifically?”

Arthur opened his mouth, paused, and went still.  “He, uh, he got arrested a couple of times for…stuff?”

“It couldn’t have been his religion,” reasoned Hiro.  “We have a separation of church and state, and the Constitution allows for religious freedom.  You could say that you believed a flying spaghetti monster created the universe and that pirates are his chosen prophets; it would be completely legal.”

Arthur made a face. “Who would believe that?”

“The Church of the Flying Spaghetti is just a bunch of people who make fun of people who think if schools are going to teach people about evolution, they should teach about intelligent design too,” Vivi provided helpfully.

Arthur blinked. “I have no idea what you just said.”

“The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fake religion that acknowledges that it is fake,” explained Hiro.  “Evolution is the very long process of one species becoming another over generations of random, favorable mutations adding up.  It takes thousands of years so no one has actually witnessed it happening, and scientists rely on the fossil record to support the theory and determine what species evolved from previously.  Intelligent design is the theory that God or a similar entity created the various species on the planet with a plan in mind for each one.”  Hiro paused.  “Out of curiosity if you had to choose between evolution and intelligent design, which would you believe in?”

“Intelligent design,” said Arthur.

Oh, this poor boy.

“Do you know how dog breeds work?” asked Hiro.

Arthur blinked in surprise at the sudden change in topic.  “Uh, they only breed dogs with the traits they want?”

Hiro nodded. “And eventually the traits make them a distinct breed, a sort of artificial evolution.  Now, what if a higher power, one that could live for millenia, did that with the species on Earth to make us along with all the animals we are familiar with?”

And now Arthur looked like his mind had been blown.  “Is that what happened?”

Hiro shrugged. “I have no idea.  These are all theories that cannot be proven unless someone figures out time travel.”

“…I’m so confused,” Arthur finally said.

Hiro nodded. “Religion is confusing.  We wouldn’t have so many wars over it if it was clear cut.  It’s really too bad.”

“Hey, uh, maybe we should end for today,” suggested Vivi.  “It kind of looks like Arthur’s brain is about to explode.”

Hiro studied Arthur and decided Vivi was right.  “All right. I do believe that is enough for the first day.”  He pushed a book over to Arthur.  “Your homework is to read the chapter detailing the different ways Christianity is practiced around the world.  If you feel up to it, perhaps read the chapters on Judaism and Islam.”  Hiro paused.  “And if it is possible, try to find out why your prophet was arrested. It’s always a good idea to verify another person’s claims if possible.”

Vivi nodded. “Yeah, you’d be surprised what some people will lie about.”

Arthur looked like he wanted to argue about something but instead picked up the book.  “Yes sir.”

Hiro nodded and checked his watch.  “Now, your uncle should be here momentarily, and I have papers that I need to grade. Would you be all right left alone with Vivi and Ben?”

Arthur gave Hiro a shocked look.  “But she’s a girl!”

“Hey!”  What the heck was that supposed to mean?!

“Please explain to Vivi and me why that is a problem,” Hiro patiently requested.

“It’s improper for a boy and girl to be left alone unless they’re close relatives,” answered Arthur.

Oh, ugh, that was another cult thing, wasn’t it?

“You won’t be alone. Ben will be here to keep an eye on you,” said Hiro.

Said dog was sleeping between Vivi and Arthur and showed no signs that he’d paid any attention to the lesson.

“Besides, most people honestly don’t care if boys and girls spend time together,” continued Hiro. “Why I see it all the time, and it never causes any problems.”

Arthur looked between Hiro and Vivi.  “Um…”

“If it would make you more comfortable, Vivi can find something else to do,” said Hiro. “However, I think it would do you some good to interact with children closer to your own age.  You will be starting school within a few months after all.”

Arthur winced. “Y-Yes sir.”

Hiro smiled, because while it was small, it was still a step in the right direction. “Good.  Come fetch me if your uncle wants to have a word, but otherwise I wish you a pleasant rest of the day.”

And then Hiro left and Vivi was alone with Arthur.  That had been what she wanted so she could talk to Arthur, but well…she wasn’t sure she should.  The poor boy kind of reminded her of the abused puppies shown in ASCPA commercials, like, like…

Like no one had ever loved or cared for him and he didn’t know how to react when someone did.

“Wanna pet Ben?” asked Vivi.

Arthur blinked. “Huh?”

Vivi started petting Ben.  His tail wagged.  “He likes to be pet, and it makes you feel better.  Try it.”

Arthur hesitantly placed a hand between Ben’s ears and started scratching.  Ben moved his head and licked Arthur’s other hand, causing him to jump a little.  When Ben failed to do anything else Arthur returned to giving the happy dog scratches.

“It’s nice, right?” asked Vivi.

Arthur nodded. It was oddly relaxing.  After a little while, Ben lifted his head and looked towards the door.  A moment later there was a knock, and Lance opened the door.  He studied them for a moment.  “You ready to go?”

Arthur quickly grabbed the books and stood.  “Yes sir!” He quickly walked over to the door.

“Bye Arthur! See you soon!” called Vivi.

Arthur winced but stayed silent as he and Lance went to Lance’s truck.  He glanced as Lance started it up and waited for Lance to say something about what he’d walked in on.

“So, you like dogs?” asked Lance.

“I, uh, maybe? We didn’t have dogs.  We were forbidden from having pets,” explained Arthur.

Lance rolled his eyes. “Figures.  Seemed comfortable with that dog.  What’s his name again?”

“Ben.”

“Ben’s a pretty big dog.  I imagine you’d have been panickin’ if you didn’t at least like dogs,” continued Lance.

Arthur nodded nervously.

“Now, I would not have a problem if you got a smaller pet, but our apartment is probably too small for a dog, ‘specially one that big.”

What.

“And if you never had a pet before, you ought to start small.  Maybe a gerbil or a hamster.”

“Are you offering to get me a pet?” Arthur questioned is disbelief.

Lance made a thinking sound.  “Maybe once you settle down a bit more.  A pet is a lot of responsibility, and right now you oughta focus on learning to live in…the outside world.”  Lance had wanted to say the ‘real world’, but he thought Arthur might take offense.

Arthur was still surprised.  “And you’re all right with that?”

Lance shrugged. “I sometimes consider getting somethin’ myself.  Then I remember how busy I am,” he muttered.  “Wouldn’t know what to get either.  Not exactly the most…social person.”

Arthur nodded. He didn’t have many social skills either.  It was different from Lance though.  Whereas Lance just seemed to be stoic and blunt, Arthur worried about what everyone would think about him if he did even one thing wrong.

He was pretty sure he was doing a lot of things wrong.

…

Arthur wondered if he’d ever get the hang of this new life.

[justfinishedreading]

Right now I’m writing a review of Antal Szerb’s Journey by Moonlight and I’m not sure where to start…

When you begin reading it you don’t quite know where the story is headed. It opens with a newlywed couple travelling through Italy on their honeymoon when a sudden encounter with an old friend propels the protagonist, Mihály, to tell his wife about his tragic adolescence. He describes how as a boy he befriended his classmate, the sensitive Tamás, and Tamás’ bewitching sister, Éva. As I read this, my mind went back to similar childhood/coming-of-age relationships found in books such as John Banville’s The Sea and Evelyn Waugh’s Brideshead Revisited. They all have relationship triangles made up of two siblings; a boy and a headstrong girl, and their new friend, an awkward boy from a lower social background. I was preparing myself for some nostalgic, lost-love mystery in the style of Carlos Ruiz Zafón’s The Shadow of the Wind.

Side note: all the novels I’ve referenced so far were published after Journey by Moonlight, which came out first in 1937. It seems important to me to explain that Journey by Moonlight didn’t borrow the relationship element from the others, in fact it would be interesting to see how many other narratives, even before Journey by Moonlight, use the same device.  

To my surprise, I was only partly right about the friendship triangle; nostalgia plays a big part, but there’s no real mystery as Mihály quickly wraps up his tale of youth. However, the rest of the novel still takes unexpected turns and keeps you guessing.

As I said ‘Nostalgia’ plays a big, never-ending, irritating part, at times making Mihály seem like just a guy going through a mid-life crisis, although the book tries, at times, to paint him as a misunderstood outsider.

‘Suicide’ is another big player, the author was Hungarian and until now I wasn’t aware that the country has one of the highest suicide rates globally. In Hungary ‘suicide’ is an acknowledged national obsession. In 1933, four years before Journey by Moonlight, the Hungarian pianist and composer Rezső Seress, composed Gloomy Sunday, also known as the "Hungarian Suicide Song", which urban legend tells us has led those who hear it to kill themselves.

Other themes include the oppressive nature of Catholicism and the oppressive nature of bourgeois society, of marriage, and work. A slightly subtler theme is emotional masochism; Mihály has a constant desire to be the victim of his life, an example of this is his addiction to Éva’s indifference towards him. Later the themes of Erotism and Death hold hands... although the novel really isn’t as sexy as that sentence might imply. 

Two things make Journey by Moonlight special; first its humour, secondly its readability. It is a pleasure to find a book that is a page-turner without being a crime thriller. From the very first pages you are driven to continue, the relaxed conversational tone carries you along. There is an illusion of simplicity to the writing and yet it never loses its cleverness or, paradoxically, its complexity. And paradoxically a book obsessed with nostalgia and death, does, in the end, give us the readers, new strength to face the future.

Review by Book Hamster

[supertagged]

S10E16: “Paint it Black”

CHARACTERS: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Crowley, Rowena, Father Delaney, Isabella, Sister Mathias, Pietro Mutti, Olivette, Lisa McCathy, Terry McCathy.

RELATIONSHIPS: Sam & Dean Winchester, Crowley & Rowena, Olivette & Rowena, Sister Mathias & Isabella, Pietro Mutti/Isabella.

ADDITIONAL TAGS: Churches and Cathedrals, Nuns and Priests, Confessions, Blood and Injury, Meddling!Rowena, Guilt and Manipulation, Implied/ Referenced Suicide, Flashbacks, Catholicism, Married Life, Implied/ Referenced Infidelity, Ghost Possession, EMF, Crowley Being Decent, Revenge, Implied/ Referenced Mental Illness, Torture, Men of Letters History, Confessions, Destiel Subtext, Monster of the Week: Vengeful Spirit, Spells and Enchantments, Finger Amputation, Salt and Burn, Hamsters, Angst and Brother Feels.

[antifra]

there may be a place for god

One afternoon, my mother tucked the telephone into the crook of her neck and asked me pointedly, "Do you still want to go to CCD?" I took a beat and answered "No; I don't believe in God," and never attended a confraternity of Christian doctrine class again. I had received communion, but was never confirmed at my Catholic church, the bells of which I heard ringing every hour on the hour from my childhood home, I'd only ever memorized one prayer, the "Our Father," and performed it upon request more as a means of showing off than displaying my dedication to Catholicism. The Hail Mary never stuck.

I still don't know or understand the basic tenets and histories of major religions, only the perceived divinity and delusion that persuade its followers to continue to do so. There is no malice in this statement--not because everyone is susceptible to being deluded, or that divine command produces "good" deeds in an unquantifiable amount of instances. Moral codes themselves are questionable, and though I've appreciated what I've read about how there are underlying shared values that manifest themselves by different means in each society, the very idea of abiding by explicit or implicit rules for the betterment of a largely invisible society still puzzles me. Making generalizations about particular instances and the inverse,--both abstractions--extracting meaning from these, and operating under that meaning seems like enslavement, especially in instances of subscribing to any ideology in its entirety.

This is indicative of the more complicated struggle of finding purpose in life apart from what religion dictates, and philosophers of the enlightenment era, many of whom were raised in the church, have tried to intermingle basic moral ideas with secular ways of life. What it all seems to boil down to is suffering, survival, and guilt, all of which evoke negative feelings, but only exist objectively. It is we who have assigned meaning to these things, and to Aristotle, humans' ability to do so is what makes us important and sets us apart from animals in a positive sense. Judgment and discernment, with reason or without, differ greatly, and only the latter can be objective, language being its only boundary. 

God himself has played no part in my life, which has made it easier to forego feelings of guilt or obligation in instances in which it wouldn't serve me to feel either. What, then, I wonder, are the criteria that something must meet to serve me? Also: why only serve myself? I've heard in several iterations over the years from therapists and civilians that serving others is one of the secrets to euphoria. Self-interest has been heralded as satanic, and from experience, operating with quiet selfishness instead of empathy yields surprisingly positive results. This differs from conventional theories that tie back to a greater purpose defined by the consequences of one's actions for others. Disregarding the ramifications of such to an unmeasurable extent is a classic symptom of sociopathy. I wrote once that those with this personality disorder "may be onto something."

There are countless books with suggestions about how to truly reject the constructs that bind human beings to the endless hamster wheel of unhappiness and break the fourth wall of life, but having had the mind to really do so, I'm convinced it is chemical change that cannot be taught, and much less that religion can be its driving force. Any narrative that promises a specific future or relies on the past to determine what happens in the present seems misguided--we only know what is right in front of us in the literal sense and that is our reality. There are a slew of things that have interrupted, distorted, and perverted our experience that I had initially been resentful of and still do not appreciate, but recognize objectively nonetheless. Meditation has been instrumental in bringing awareness to the sole existence of this, here, and now, and seems like an effective means of getting a grip. Note that the sensations it brings about occur in only the body of who practices it.

Still, in trying my best to withhold both positive and negative judgment, dismiss contrived collectivism, and not fictionalize my existence, I derive platonic pleasure from a non-iconographic religion resonating with someone whom I care for in a way that improves his or her life. I am not immune to seemingly divine compulsions. There was a three-tier existential experience precipitated by nothing in particular not too long ago that gave way to a major weight loss, career change, charity work, and a completely new attitude that redefined my relationship with the earth and other people driven by no substance other than caffeine that I'd already been addicted to. The nature of what is done to please the "Big Other" is not at all what I'm concerned about--arguments about things being "good" or "bad" are elementary in my view. In some way, I think this pleasure comes from a place of feeling that since I've gotten my life in order due to some obscure drive, a loved one doing the same under a different delusion creates a sense of control. Perhaps this is the inverse of empathy: I desire for others to feel what I have felt, but do not absorb their emotions (see: personality disorder.)

All this to say, latching onto an invisible driving force that encourages concentrating on only that which is currently within our control seems like a reasonable means of personal development, whether it'd be religious or not. Attributing one's achievements to faith seems less harmless in the sense that it undermines the inwardly, immediately accessible power of taking responsibility for oneself. Truly internalizing that all humans are inherently capable of survival apart from constructs, external entities, and even each other (because once we become reliant on them...that's another post) was what ultimately set me free for a time, and arriving at this realization can be done with or without God.

[theythemsam]

spn 10x16, liveblog, collected posts (all 12 of them) or as i like to call it: don’t be a cheater or a ghost might disembowel you

Creepy church murder ghost

#rude! #also it looks like a painful way to go

 Rowena is a garbage mother… I love her though

 Why is Sam such an ass right now? Like there is obviously a case there?

  I love the nun lady

#but the fact that dean immediately starts hitting on her is disgusting!

 “he aint heavy, hes my brother” ahhhhhh

 Crowley is a great son right now

#bringing his mum the perfect revenge

 I ship the two sad lovesick nuns tbh

#they are so sad and sappy and I don’t care about that at all cause ufff het #so uhhhh I decided they are bi and in looooove now

 Dean in confession is so awkward….

#he has no idea how Catholicism works and its funny

 The reveal that the men of letters stole the witches spells and Rowena is just so distraught that it’s the damn Winchesters again

 Rowena is very, very scary

#but I love her!!!

 That woman was really hecking obsessed with Pierro

#darling no man is worth that! I mean she just… she just chopped off her finger

 Rowena is so scary… She just turned her into a hamster

#like what a downfall