#hamilton backstage

[lil-gae-disaster]

The Hamilton musical has fuckin doomed me and my brain

Because

In take a break, Hamilton sings "Jefferson's Macduff" as if he was thinking of writing a Macbeth x his political enemies and himself fanfiction (insterting shi)

Now

My school's doing the Macbeth play (the last play this school year)

And whenever the word "Macduff" falls, ALL I SEE IS MOTHERFUCKIN DAVEED DIGGS IN HIS THOMAS JEFFERSON OUTFIT

[zot3-flopped]

Harry backstage at the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden with Melissa Hamilton, lead dancer in the ballet Requiem. Melissa is a famous ballerina who is First Soloist with the Royal Ballet Company.

[driftwooddestiel]

i often think about how much insane stuff i didn’t post during my peak studio c obsession like i’ve said this before but i really cannot get over how utterly abnormal i was about them. like i was trawling through cast members wordpresses from 10 years ago i was watching several hour long instagram streams. i almost entirely and fully convinced myself two cast members weren’t actually dating and were just really good friends

[strechanadi]

Melissa Hamilton, Calvin Richardson

Sleeping Beauty - The blue bird pas de deux

photo Andrej Uspenski

[zerothisnero]

Having issues with drama club rn got inspired to make this

(I am part of backstage crew btw and there's literally only 2 of us working back)

[yr-obedt-cicero]

I really wonder how returning Philip’s late library book went;;

imagine if the poor librarian thought that Hamilton was joking at first😭😭 (though highly unlikely ofc)

Librarian: does that little wench know how late this book is???? What was the wait???

Hamilton, distraught: he died

Librarian: lmfaooo

Librarian: ……..oh nonono

It was likely a very awkward conversation lmao

[shapoopy178]

Perks of being married to my wife is having unrestricted backstage access to all the studios at 30 Rock

[greensparty]

Talking with Jim Sullivan

In the Boston music scene, Jim Sullivan has been quite a tastemaker for decades. He began writing about music and pop culture for The Boston Globe in 1979 and remained there until 2005. He is still in touch with national and local music today, writing for WBUR's The ARTery. He has been a fly on the wall for so much great music and rubbing elbows with so many rockers over the years. Last year saw the release of his books Backstage & Beyond: 45 Years of Modern Rock Chats and Rants Vol. 1 and 2, which were just released in paperback editions and in an E-book all-in-one version with some added chapters not featured in Vol. 1 or 2.

The books are a collection of encounters he has had with a number of musicians over the years notably David Bowie, Lou Reed, The Kinks, Leonard Cohen, Neil Young, Alice Cooper, The Clash, The Police, Talking Heads, and U2. There is also quite an emphasis on Boston rockers The J. Geils Band, The Cars, The Pixies, and of course Aerosmith!

I recently caught up with Mr. Sullivan via phone. We have been connected on social media for a while now and have a ton of mutual friends in common, but we hadn't actually talked until now. When I mentioned that I read his articles in the music section of the Globe as a teen, he said "So I have both influenced and damaged your life". Ha! That's one way of looking at it!

author Jim Sullivan

Me: What's cool about these books is that it's like a compendium of your "greatest hits" in a way.

JS: In a way it is. It sort of expanded and shifted perspective a bit, and certainly if I had talked to an artist over an expansive time, the stories kind of merged together. The other thing I did was put myself a little more in the story to set the scene and what the relationship with me and the other person might've been. And through the inside details that would not have shown up in a newspaper type story.

Me: These books are really a who's who of music history. But is there any musician who you never got to meet or interview that you always wanted to?

JS: I guess my standard answer to that is either Mick [Jagger] or Keith [Richards] back in the day. When the Rolling Stones were creating more new music. I guess they are now as well, so I guess they would be now as well. But when they talked it was with my partner at the Globe, Steve Morse, he kind of did the inside track on them. He would handle anything Stones-wise. Whereas I would handle mostly The Who, The Kinks, Bowie, Roxy Music - a pretty good list, so I wasn't that sorry that Steve took the Stones. But from a personal point of view, it would've been fun to do that.

Me: Let's talk about Aerosmith. I'm a lifelong fan, I've met them, and I've seen them live countless times. You have a chapter on guitarist Joe Perry. You have actually become friends with them, including bassist Tom Hamilton, who you golf with. What's it like to hang out with them, not to do an interview but just to hang out, golf and talk about life?

JS: One of the best hangs we had - Tom and Joe were both there - was at the Hollywood Vampires show in Boston last year. It's funny because I golfed with Alice [Cooper] during the day and then said "Hey, I'll see you tonight" and we had backstage passes (my wife and I) and we went back before the show. Joe was in the band, so he was there, and then Tom showed up and their wives too. It was kind of a family affair. It was nice, we had plenty of time to talk. It was fun, off the record, just talking to Joe and Tom about life itself. Also fun stepping back to watch Joe and Tom interact, which was really quite sweet. They've been together off and on, it's not a steady line (as you well know) from the beginning to now. But to see that that friendship still existed and that easy camaraderie they had there, it was great to just observe. Just realizing that these guys have been through a lot and at the end of the day they've remained friends and just enjoy each other's company. Nice to just kind of watch.

Tom joined our little golf gang a few years ago. He has been a fairly frequent participant. It's fun because Tom is good and bad like the rest of us. He does not come off in any rock star kind of way. He dresses in black, which I tend to as well. But there's no way anyone on the golf course would say "Hey, that's Tom Hamilton of Aerosmith". I mean if somebody does recognize him, he's fine with it, take a picture or something like that. For him it's a good escape, like it is for us. Reality doesn't exist for four or five hours. You get to hammer away at something you sometimes succeed at and often fail at. Tom, like the rest of us, smiles when he gets a good shot and curses like a sailor when he doesn't. [laughs] Joe is kind of interesting too. During the COVID-19 shutdown, we sort of formed a bit of a bond over the phone. I did stories on the shutdown, did stories on Aerosmith. There was one time in particular I remember where he rang up, out of the blue, said hey. And I said "Is this an interview" and he said no, but I asked if I wanted to tape it and anything good came out of it, you good with that? and he said "Oh yeah, sure". We talked for about 45 minutes or so. Good things came out of that. We've spent some good time together. It doesn't extend to dinner parties in his home, but it's certainly a good relationship both personal and professional.

book covers

Me: I was actually at that Hollywood Vampires show (see my concert pics here). In terms of these 2 volumes you released, could there be another volume with more interviews and stories?

JS: There could be. There's a few possibilities I've written down. We've talked about doing it, but we'll see.

Me: In your chapter about Peter Wolf, you asked him why he stayed in Boston after getting famous. I wanted to ask you a similar question: Did you ever think about leaving Boston and covering music in another city?

JS: Only slightly. I mean, you're aware of what's going on in other cities, pre-internet, getting tips from people living in other places. But I got in at the Globe pretty early when I was 22 as a freelancer. The Globe was a great paper and at that point and time especially and for quite a while when I was there, the Globe had a lot of space to fill and it was making money hand-over-fist, so they could afford to send me places even as a freelancer to L.A. or Minneapolis or Chicago, Detroit or wherever. So there was a lot of freedom to both travel and get stories and a lot that came in to Boston. Anything that came to New York, be it from England or anywhere else in the U.S., if they played New York they were going to play Boston. So even if New York was a hotter scene overall, Boston - I thought - was pretty damn close, so the overlapping bands was probably 98%. I felt I could cover as many of those groups as I wanted to here as any place. Also - the Globe was great. It was a very supportive environment and good editors. Long way of saying, I liked working in Boston and then, of course, friendships, etc. that I made over the years.

For info on Backstage and Beyond Vol. 1 and 2

[23victoria]

shut up

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authors note: 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝟣𝗄 𝖼𝖾𝗅𝖾𝖻𝗋𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇!! 𝗌𝗈 𝖾𝗑𝖼𝗂𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝗎𝗒𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝖾𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂'𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇!! 𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄, 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾𝗌, 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗌, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽!! 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗈𝗒!! 🤍

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f1 masterlist 1k celebration

Lewis

You and Lewis Hamilton are seated in the back of a sleek black SUV, the city lights blurring past as you head towards a charity gala. Dressed in an elegant gown, you can feel the weight of the evening's expectations pressing down on your shoulders. Lewis, ever the gentleman, reaches out and squeezes your hand reassuringly.

"Lewis," you begin, hesitating slightly. "People keep talking about our age difference. They think it's inappropriate."

He looks at you, his eyes softening. "What do you think?"

"I think they should shut up," you say firmly. "I'm grown, I know what I want. And I want you."

A slow smile spreads across his face. "That's all I needed to hear."

The tension dissipates, replaced by a sense of resolve. As the car pulls up to the venue, you lean over and kiss him, the heat of the moment promising more to come.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ♪ ♫ .• ☆.°.• .

Charles

On a quiet night in Monaco, you and Charles Leclerc are strolling along the waterfront. The Mediterranean Sea glistens under the moonlight, casting a romantic glow over the scene. Charles has been quiet, his mind clearly occupied.

"Charles," you say softly, nudging his shoulder. "What's on your mind?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "It's just...people keep talking about our age gap. They're saying it's not right."

You stop walking and turn to face him, your expression determined. "They need to shut up. I'm a grown woman, Charles. I know what I want, and I want you. End of story."

He looks at you, a mixture of relief and admiration in his eyes. "I should have known you'd say that."

You grin, pulling him into a kiss, the world around you fading as you lose yourselves in the moment.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ♪ ♫ .• ☆.°.• .

Max

You're backstage at a racing event, surrounded by the hum of activity. Max Verstappen is leaning against a wall, his eyes fixed on you with an intensity that sends shivers down your spine.

"Max," you start, crossing the distance between you. "I've been hearing things...people talking about our age difference."

He straightens up, his jaw tightening. "Let them talk. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

"Exactly," you reply, stepping closer. "They need to shut up. I'm old enough to make my own decisions, and I've chosen you."

His eyes light up with a fierce pride. "Damn right."

The moment is electric as you press your lips to his, the kiss deepening with a promise of more to come later.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ♪ ♫ .• ☆.°.• .

Oscar

In the quiet confines of Oscar Piastri's apartment, you sit on the couch, the glow of the TV casting shadows across the room. Oscar sits beside you, his arm casually draped over your shoulders. Recently, there's been a lot of talk about your career and whether you're using Oscar to boost your own professional profile.

"Oscar," you begin, your voice soft but steady. "People are making a big deal about our relationship. They think I'm with you to advance my career."

He frowns slightly, turning to look at you. "Does it bother you?"

"No," you say firmly. "But it bothers me that they can't mind their own business. I'm a grown woman, and I want you for you, not for what you can do for my career."

His expression softens, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Then let them talk. They don't know us."

You lean in, your lips meeting his in a kiss that speaks volumes, the promise of more intimate moments hanging in the air.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ♪ ♫ .• ☆.°.• .

Lando

You're at a racetrack, the roar of engines filling the air as Lando Norris pulls you into a quiet corner. His eyes are filled with concern as he looks at you. It's been a tough week, with rumors swirling about your relationship. People have been questioning if you're with Lando because of his fame and fortune, insinuating that you're just a gold-digger.

"Lando," you say, placing a hand on his chest. "I know what people are saying about us."

He nods, his expression serious. "Yeah, they're not exactly subtle."

"Well, they need to shut up," you say, your voice gaining strength. "I'm an adult, and I know what I want. And I want you, not for your money or fame, but for who you are."

His eyes widen in surprise, then he laughs, the sound warm and genuine. "You're amazing, you know that?"

You smile, pulling him into a kiss that leaves no room for doubt, the passion between you undeniable

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ♪ ♫ .• ☆.°.• .

Carlos

In the warmth of Carlos Sainz's kitchen, you both stand side by side, preparing dinner. The conversation is light until Carlos suddenly grows serious.

"Hey," he says, turning to you. "I've been hearing things...about our age difference."

You place a hand on his cheek, your gaze unwavering. "Carlos, they need to shut up. I'm grown, and I want you. That's all that matters."

He smiles, his eyes shining with affection. "I love how straightforward you are."

You lean in, capturing his lips in a kiss that promises more than just a shared meal, the air around you charged with anticipation.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ♪ ♫ .• ☆.°.• .

Sebastian

In a serene countryside retreat, you and Sebastian Vettel sit on a porch swing, the world around you peaceful and quiet. Sebastian seems deep in thought, his brow furrowed.

"Sebastian," you say, breaking the silence. "People keep bringing up our age gap."

He looks at you, his eyes filled with concern. "Does it bother you?"

"No," you reply firmly. "But it bothers me that they can't mind their own business. I'm a grown woman, and I know what I want. I want you."

A slow smile spreads across his face, and he pulls you closer. "Then that's all that matters."

You kiss him, the world around you fading as you get lost in each other, the promise of more intimate moments lingering in the air.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ♪ ♫ .• ☆.°.• .

Jenson

In a cozy cabin in the mountains, you and Jenson Button are curled up by the fire, the warmth enveloping you both. Jenson looks at you, a serious expression on his face.

"Jenson," you say, your voice soft but firm. "I know people are talking about our age difference."

He nods, his eyes searching yours. "Yeah, they are."

"Well, they need to shut up," you declare. "I'm grown, and I know what I want. And I want you."

His eyes soften, a smile spreading across his face. "I love how clear you are about what you want."

You lean in, your lips meeting his in a kiss that speaks of promises and passion, the fire crackling softly in the background.

© 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

[heartsoftruth]

.

@.lewishamilton Cleaning out my camera roll before 2023 ~ There’s so much to celebrate from this year. It’s easy to focus on the negative, but we have to remember the good, and SO MUCH good happened. This is year I finally travelled through Africa and saw so much beauty it was almost overwhelming. The year +44 came to life. The year Roscoe turned 10 ❤️!! It’s so important to look toward the light and embrace being open and letting our guards down. Let’s be compassionate to ourselves, to others, to our world. Thank you to everyone for the love, energy, and passion in 2022. I’m proud of all of us and rooting for us all to succeed in 2023 🎉💫✨

[ssavaart]

i can’t remember if i ever asked or not but have you ever painted anyone from a broadway musical? i always thought ben fankhauser as david jacobs (which was from newsies) would have looked really interesting in your art style!

(obviously i doubt you’ve painted newsies. it was fairly niche until the musical; and while i don’t know you in the slightest, i’ve never perceived you as a musicals guy. or a 90s disney movie-musical about unions and child labor guy, haha.)

Hi. No... definitely not a musicals guy. BUT... I did go to ONE musical... Hamilton. I had met someone who worked on Hamilton on Broadway 5 years ago and they invited me and the family to come see. My first ever musical.

And then, afterwards, we got to hang out backstage and meet the cast and such.

While my wife and twin boys got the tour, I sat on the stage and sketched while the cast hung out and met with people.

It was really fun.

Here's the final sketch (I finished back at the hotel)

Maybe I'll paint Newsies one day...

Sending Big Hugs from the Hobbit Hole. ♥♥♥

Scott

[marybeatriceofmodena]

What did Andrew Lloyd Webber do to make Patti Lupone upset? Sorry, saw your tags and i was curious

Oh.

Oh honey.

You sweet child.

Anyway, get ready for one of the most infamous showdowns in all musical theatre history, with the guy who writes the straightest musicals on Broadway (derogatory) and the one and only, the matriarch, the queen, two three-time Tony award winner Patti LuPone.

So, Andrew Lloyd Webber was basically kind of a boy genius in his prime - he met his future collaborator Tim Rice when they were 17 and 20 respectively, he wrote his first big hit, Jesus Christ Superstar, at 22, with Tim Rice writing the lyrics. And it was kind of a big deal at the time because the topic was controversial (you know, the Passion with rock music), but also because Broadway wasn't that far off from its golden age and let's just say the music and style were very different from, say, My Fair Lady. Or The Sound of Music. Or Funny Girl. It was basically the Rent/Hamilton of its time. (Yeah, Stephen Sondheim was around at that time, he worked on West Side Story which was revolutionary in of itself, but he's kind of an oddball in this case. You'll understand why later.)

Their real follow up (I'm not counting Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat for a variety of reasons) was a little musical called Evita, which you might know mainly because of a song called Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Or at least, your mom has probably heard it once at the very least. It's that song that's oversung from a musical while being out of context along with I Dreamed a Dream for Les Misérables. Or Memory from Cats.

Evita tells the story of Eva Peron, the wife of an Argentinian dictator, who basically screws her way to the top and ends up becoming the mistress of Juan Peron and the most beloved woman in her country through guile and deceit. Yes, I know the historical accuracy is very much debated but I know jackshit about Argentina's history except the bare basics so don't come at me. It was first produced in the West End in London, with Elaine Paige in the role, but because of Equity issues, she couldn't reprise her role for the Broadway production. So a Julliard graduate who was mostly starring in David Mamet plays got the part instead, and that was Patti LuPone.

Patti... did not have a good time during Evita, because the part is basically the kind of score where you can tell the composer is used to writing male parts, but most female singers have a two-octave range (yes, you got Julie Andrews who used to have a three-octave range, and many others, but they're exceptions), so she struggled a lot. That being said, if you listen to live recordings of her, you wouldn't be able to tell, and it got a lot easier later on. But she had this to say:

"Evita was the worst experience of my life. I was screaming my way through a part that could only have been written by a man who hates women. And I had no support from the producers, who wanted a star performance onstage but treated me as an unknown backstage. It was like Beirut, and I fought like a banshee."

This is from Patti's autobiography, which she wrote in 2007 - 8 years after shit with ALW went down. With all that said, she won a Tony Award for Evita, and she pretty much became a musical theatre household name from then on. She played Fantine in Les Misérables, Nancy in Oliver!, Reno Sweeney in Anything Goes. Meanwhile, ALW's next big hits were Cats (I'm not even kidding, Cats was a hit), and, you guessed it, The Phantom of the Opera, which he wrote in part to showcase his then wife Sarah Brightman's triple threat talents.

So, you need to understand before I continue that ALW, from my perspective, has always had a bit of an inferiority complex. He's basically associated to writing these commercially successful musicals that show a big spectacle but aren't ultimately substantial. I'm not sure I entirely agree with that, but I do think that if he didn't have Hal Prince, Maria Bjornson, Charles Hart and Gillian Lynne backing him up for Phantom, it would have probably been a Rocky Horror Picture Show knockoff people would have forgotten about pretty quickly. This is what I mean:

Yep, that was Phantom before any of the people I mentioned above (and Michael Crawford) were really involved.

Remember how I said Stephen Sondheim was an oddball? The thing with him is that his musicals weren't always commercially successful, but in general, in part thanks to being Leonard Bernstein's protégé, he was generally pretty well-respected and it was considered that his work was bringing musicals to a whole other level. Without Sondheim, you wouldn't have Jonathan Larson, and you wouldn't have Lin-Manuel Miranda. I am convinced ALW is resentful of that, and when you stop and think about it for more than 10 seconds, it's so obvious he REALLY wants to be Sondheim or at least command the same level of respect, but that's a story for another day.

So, after Phantom, ALW had other musicals that followed that either got a meh reception or outright flopped. Then there was Sunset Boulevard, which is based on the movie of the same name with Gloria Swanson. Despite all of her griefs for Evita, Patti LuPone agreed to partake in the musical as Norma Desmond, for its production in London, with the promise that she would transfer to Broadway once that production would open. And overall, after a string of flops, Sunset was actually doing pretty well.

HOWEVER. One day, while reading the gossip column of a newspaper, Patti found out that contrary to what she was promised, Glenn Close, who was meanwhile starring as Norma in the Los Angeles production, was to play Norma on Broadway. That was a complete surprise for her since no one on the production team had bothered to tell her it was happening - and keep in mind that for the news to come up the way it did in a gossip column, it probably would have necessitated a delay of a few weeks between the producers and the newspaper, which would have given them plenty of time to break the news to Patti. And Patti kind of needed the leg up because she was pretty bitter that a) Madonna was cast in the Evita adaptation instead of her; b) they actually lowered the key to fit Madonna's voice range, and she still had to expand her own to be able to sing the (lowered) score. And trust me, Patti is mad about it to this day.

So of course, she trashed her dressing room, the cast and crew weren't even mad about it because they were as shocked and angered as she was by the news. Patti sued Andrew Lloyd Webber for breach of contract, namely for 1 MILLION DOLLARS (yup, those are the real numbers), won, used the money she got from the lawsuit to get a swimming pool, which she called (and I SHIT YOU NOT) the Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool. Since then, Webber is dead to her, to the point rumor has it she had part of a building blocked during an event so she could get out of it without coming across Webber, because she hates him so flipping much she doesn't even want to be in the same building as the guy.

(There's also drama that happened with Faye Dunaway who was supposed to replace Glenn Close after she went from Los Angeles to Broadway, except they abruptly closed the show down after Close left, but that's a story for another day)

So with all the bad press, and with ALW forced to pay 1 million dollars for Patti's lawsuit, that led Sunset's productions to close earlier than expected. ALW has stayed around since, with... mitigated output, so to say. The lowest point for a lot of people is Love Never Dies, the sequel to Phantom, which some people love, and that's fine, but it didn't do well with either critics nor fans of the original show, which ALW is EXTREMELY BUTTHURT ABOUT. And like, there are so many stories I could tell about LND alone, but I will share my own crack theory about it, since it does relate to the ask.

Anyway, buckle up.

So. There have been jokes going around for years that the Phantom in LND is basically ALW's self-insert, where he displays to the world that he's totally not over Sarah Brightman leaving him (in part because making Phantom kinda ruined their marriage lmao), despite, you know, having married since. (Aaaaaakward.) So LND basically becomes this really uncomfortable therapy session where a man writes a self-insert musical about how his ex-wife made a big mistake of leaving a sensitive artistic soul such as himself. The characters from Phantom who appear in LND are all more or less unrecognizable as a result, and one who gets it worse (in my humble opinion) is Meg Giry, who was basically Christine's sweet and loyal ballerina friend who basically went into the Phantom's lair on her own to save her friend despite the danger. In LND, she's basically a bitter hag (because ALW hates women, guess Patti was right about that), who really likes the swim and even has a stripping vaudeville number about it, written in universe by the Phantom, no less.

For comparison, here's Don Juan Triumphant (the Phantom's opera in the original):

And here's Bathing Beauty (the vaudeville number):

Yeah, so... do you see why people hate LND already?

And that's not the only thing with Meg! She's also pining for the Phantom to pay attention to her and threatens to drown the Phantom and Christine's secret love child when he makes it clear that he's gonna love Christine for EVA AND EVA.

So, with everything we learned today about ALW, would someone like him view someone like Patti LuPone as some sort of crazy, bitter diva who's obsessed with him for whatever reason? Absolutely. Would he be petty enough to insert Patti LuPone into his self-insert musical, which gave us the version of Meg Giry we got in LND? Of course. Why does Meg love to swim so much and why does she drag Gustave out ostensibly for a swim? Is it a dig at Patti's Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool? Maybe.

I kind of hope we find out one day if that theory is true. And maybe start a kickstarter so Patti can add this painting from the 2004 movie in her collection.

Fun fact: during the process of casting for the 2004 movie adaptation of POTO, ALW allegedly suggested Patti LuPone to play Carlotta... only for Joel Schumacher to have to awkwardly remind him that they were not on speaking terms. The idea was therefore promptly dropped.

[amuyyi]

she wants me (to be loved) .

synopsis; you have always loved huh yunjin, but not in the way she loved you.

trope; huh yunjin x f!reader, angst, unrequited (?) love, bittersweet ending

wc; 4.6k

cw; idk like one cuss word LMAO

a/n; i swear im still in forever writers block but THIS FIC IS INSPIRED BY THE SHE WANTS ME TO BE LOVED WARRIOR CATS AMV ON YOUTUBE ITS ABOUT BLUEFUR AND THRUSHPELT PLEEEEK WATCH IT AND/OR LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE READING IM JUST SO ARRGGHHH also its almost 4 am i am half asleep i just realllyy wanted to finish this. also i used to be a theatre kid so.

You have always loved Huh Yunjin. But not in the way she loved you.

You recall very vividly the first day you met her.

It was the middle of freshman year of high school, and you had just moved into New York from out of state. Your father had just gotten a new job opportunity, and practically wasted no time packing all of your things to move in the middle of the school year. Perfect. New place, new faces, and definitely no friends. Everything an emotional teenage girl needed in a cruical stage of her development. All of the other students in your classes were nice enough, but everyone already had their established friend groups by now, and you simply didn't fit what they were looking for.

Despite the different environment, there was one thing that this school provided that provided some sort of familiarity.

Theater.

Back in middle school and for the brief semester you had in your old high school, you had always been a fan of the big stage. The music, the dramatics, the acting… It was all so whimsical and alluring to you. How could you not get involved?

(Okay, honestly.. You had gotten really into musical theater in middle school once you found a Hamilton animatic and it became your sole personality trait for a good two years or so–)

Unfortunately, you were too much of a coward to truly put yourself out there like the actors around you. High school insecurities and poor self esteem truly did take its toll on you back then. So instead, you settled for being part of the stage crew. 

You thought that getting involved with a club would make it easier for you to socialize and make friends. You could join a community. Yet somehow, it made everything all the more difficult.

Everybody seemed to already know each other and have their own established friends. On top of that, everyone also seemed to know who they hated as well. You would always overhear what other actors and techies would say about one another and it only just put you off from making friends even more. The whole environment was incredible… cliquey. 

Still, you had nothing else better to do, so you stayed. It was… Fine. You still had no real friends, but you did enjoy doing various tasks around the stage. Working with stage lights, helping prepare costumes, painting backdrops. It keeps you busy. It was routine.

It wasn’t an uncommon sight to walk in on actors practicing their lines or their songs backstage. Back home, you knew everyone involved within the production– including the actors. You would always compliment them and occasionally even provide help whenever you didn’t have your own techy jobs to fulfill. The main problem? This isn't home. Nobody here was your friend.

But when you found a pretty girl practicing for this semester's production of Phantom of The Opera in an empty hallway, you couldn't help but stop in your tracks and stare. You’ve never seen her before. Well, it's not like you bothered to pay much attention to the people around you anymore— but you feel like you wouldn't miss a face like hers.

She had the prettiest brown hair with highlights and the cutest beauty mark near the corner of her mouth. She was pacing around the hall, script in hand as she did various vocal exercises. The sound of her voice echoes off the walls, and it was just as angelic as she looked. 

“Prima Donna, your song shall live again…!” She sings out, her voice at a steady yet powerful vibrato throughout her verse. Her Bel Canto was skilled and practiced, and you can't help but wonder how long she’s been doing this for. Surely she’s overqualified for a simple high school production? You needed to hear more…

She moves her hands in elegant and dramatic forms as she immerses herself into the self-centered character of Carlotta. She played the roke perfectly, considering how most definitely had your attention now.

 “You took a snub, but theres a public who needs you, think of the cr—“

A loud thud rings throughout the hallway, startling the mystery opera singer as well as yourself. Shit. You look down and see the culprit. Well, it was you. you caused the interruption— but more specifically, it was a freshly decapitated mannequin head with a wig you were going to more securely attach to the top. It was a bit of a horrific sight, in all honesty.

Now that you think about it, this prop might actually be for her. Though you didn't have much time to ponder that thought considering the mysterious brown haired beauty has now caught you eavesdropping on her singing.

The head rolls across the tile floor and lands at her feet. You feel your face warm to what was most likely a bright tomato red as she picks it up by its shortened neck, the wig threatening to fall off as it dangles limply off of the top of its head.

“I'm assuming this is yours?” She smiles kindly at you, though a bit wary. Understandable, really. You would be wary of yourself too if you were in her shoes.

“Y-Yeah, sorry…” you nervously laugh, taking the head from her hands as you try to pat the wig back into place. 

“You sounded good, by the way!” You quickly stammer out, absentmindedly hugging the head to your chest, “Like… really good. Seriously.”

The mystery girl laughs at your flustered words, and she waves her hand dismissively. Her cheeks warm bashfully as she shakes her head.

“Thanks but… I have a lot to work on. My tones off, and I still need to memorize these lines by tomorrow…” she trails off, moving to press her back against the wall, sliding and sitting down on the floor.

Fiddling a bit with the mannequin head, you don't allow yourself to think too hard before you suddenly blurt out.

“I-I can help!”

You watch as her pretty brown eyes widen slightly, and

“Really? You sure you arent too busy?

You were actually quite busy, but she didnt have to know that.

“Of course not,” you lie confidently, sticking a hand out, “I’m y/n.”

She eyes your hand curiously, but ultimately shakes it, “Yunjin. Jennifer, if you’d like.”

From then on, you would spend every other day after school with Yunjin, helping her recite her lines, fitting her for costume changes, and even finishing that mannequin head prop for her.

Soon after, your after school hangouts turned into out of school hangouts and then eventual sleepovers every weekend. You learned everything possible about Yunjin. Like how she had always dreamed of being a performer, how she wanted to make it big in the Kpop industry, how she loves snakes…

Since then, you knew you loved her.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

On one seemingly normal spring afternoon, you were abruptly torn away from your sunkissed siesta with the sound of your door being kicked open.

With the growing bond between you and Yunjin, you made the mistake of giving the girl a spare key to your own home. (Oddly enough, your parents werent against the idea. They considered Yunjin like a second daughter.)

You whine out as she grasps at your half asleep form, shaking you aggressively.

“I got accepted into a company, y/n!! I'm gonna be a trainee!”

Eyes shooting open, you try to sit up through the aggressive grip Yunjin had on you.

“No kidding?” You croak out, looking at her with disbelief.

“I'm not!” She cheers, bouncing happily through your bedroom. Trying to match her energy through the grogginess, you slip out of bed, stumbling a bit as you tumble into her arms. Yunjin laughs at your state, wrapping her arms around your waist to keep you steady as she jumps excitedly.

“I’m  going to move back to Korea next month— this is so exciting!!” She squeals out, and your smile falters ever so slightly. Move? To Korea?

Still, you bite back the sickly feeling developing in your stomach as you squeal alongside her.

You were happy for her, and did nothing but support her all throughout her time in Korea. Called her every night after training, sent her pictures of school life without her, even voting for her in that odd survival show she participated in. You did anything and everything you could to be the best friend you could be.

Yunjin always had the stars in her eyes. But in yours? There was only ever her. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

The day that everything truly changed is still fresh in your mind.

After spending years chasing after Yunjin, it feels like you have finally caught up to her. She's back in the states after her time in Korea, and she's planning on staying. She looked a little different than before, but it was the same old Jennifer you knew and loved— even when missing a few moles and deeper eyebags.

Upon her arrival back home, it was like no time had passed. Once again attached at the hip, as it should be. You practically made it your job to crawl into her skin at any given moment and to pamper her with all of her favorite things. 

You would treat her to meals, spontaneous shopping sprees, and simple girls nights out. All of the good stuff to make up for lost time. Unfortunately, your attempts to keep your best friend happy came with their own obstacles. you would occasionally find advertisements or clips of idols that would show up during your time together, and for just a brief moment, you would see that usual spark within Yunjin’s eyes falter. It was a stark reminder of what she could have had.

It hurt you to see her get reminded of her time as a trainee. It truly was everything she wanted and more. But it was okay, you were here now, and you weren't planning on letting her go this time.

You’d drop any and everything for Yunjin. You allowed her to vent whenever she needed, to come over whenever she wanted, and to indulge in spontaneous late night meals whenever you two felt like it.

Needless to say, your wallet was crying by the time summer was nearing its end, but you didn’t mind at all. Yunjin was back. She was happy. You were happy. Things were finally returning to normal.

The two of you decide on a college to attend together in Boston, both pursuing a major in business. It's neither of your first choices in majors, but it's a good enough money maker in the long run. 

The pair of you sat in Yunjins bedroom, with you comfortably propped up against her bedframe on the floor whilst the brunette lay comfortably on the mattress. You hugged the  djungelskog plushie you had gifted Yunjin some birthday ago close to your chest as you atared at your phone, with Yunjin crunching away on cheez-its as the entire La La Land soundtrack softly plays from the record player in the corner of the room. 

Its nearly less than a month until move in day at Boston University, and you feel beyond giddy. Actual independence? And spending it with your best friend slash secret crush? Your dreams were coming true. Looking through your college dorms on the website, the pair of you converse about the future.

“What kind of theme do you think we should go for our dorm?” you ask, leaning your head against the bed to look up at Yunjin, who was still crunching away contentedly at her snacks.

“I'm not sure… But I do know I want to cover my wall with all of my posters…”

“Ooh! Yeah!! I can add fake flowers on the walls…”

“ Of course, we need a bit of girlish charm— oh! we need to make room for a record player and my guitar.”

“Google maps says there's a 7-eleven near the campus…” you murmur, your short attention prompting you to immediately shift to another topic.

“ Should we go got late night snack runs?”

“Duh.”

“Or maybe if we get tired of the dorm food, we can get equally as crappy convenience store food for instead–”

Suddenly, the music from Yunjin’s phone gets cut off, being replaced with her ringtone (it was Come Inside Of My Heart by IV of Spades ) as she huffs.

“ sorry, hold that thought..” She murmurs, answering the call.

You didn't know any Korean, the only bits you’re familiar with are the phrases Yunjin taught you to talk with her parents (which you also butchered) so you naturally begin to tune out whatever she begins to say on her end. Despite this though, you easily pick up on the shift in tone as she speaks. Professionalism, skepticism, to Shock. That was all you could read off of Yunjin as you looked up from your phone, curiously glancing at her. Her eyes were boggling out of her skull, and she placed a hand over her mouth before ending the call.

The brunette remains frozen in place, hand still over her mouth as a silence passes over the room.

“So….?” You ask, crawling up onto the bed to sit next to her.

Yunjin’s voice is shaky, yet laced with a twinge of excitement and disbelief as she speaks, “I just got a call from Hybe. I… I have the chance to debut.”

You don’t know what came over you at that moment. It felt like the world came collapsing down on you. Right now, you should be happy. Jumping for joy, focusing all on Yunjin and her chance for success. She's been given a real chance to make her dreams come true, even after it seemed impossible, even after all the years of rejection and work. This was all she wanted in life and more— you should be happy? Right?

But you’ve always been a selfish person. Or maybe you convinced yourself you were ever since that day. You don’t know. Maybe in that moment, you realized you could lose everything you’ve been waiting for. You’d lose the girl you've chased after for so many years now. If you didn't do something now, you wouldn’t have the chance to do it ever again. You were a greedy person, so you confess.

“Yunjin, I love you. I always have.”

The words feel like a slap to the face, and it shows. It shows in the way her eyes widen and smile falls. This was a bad idea, but you can't back out now. Your eyes begin to water as your voice cracks.

“I… I don’t want you to go— to leave me…” you choke out, “What about uni? Our dorm? What am I going to do without you?”

You knew you were being manipulative, you knew you were being selfish. But you didn’t care. You wanted her to know how you truly felt. You didn’t want her to leave you, not again. Your heart couldn’t handle it.

Through tears threatening to spill out, you can see her cheeks slowly dust a faint shade of pink as she processes your words. She seems… hesitant. Over what? You weren’t too sure. You weren’t too sure if you even wanted to know. 

The silence that washes over the two of you is beyond suffocating. You feel like you’re drowning, digging your nails into your palms as you look away. If you looked at her, you were scared you’d break, and the tears would begin to flow. After a few moments that feel like hours, she finally responds.

“I believe you have feelings for me…” she begins, voice soft yet strained. For some reason, those words leave a bad feeling in your gut. You muster up enough courage to meet her gaze. She looked just as hurt and conflicted as you felt. Yunjins grip on her phone tightens as she takes a deep breath, continuing, “...but I can’t give this up, y/n. It's my dream.”

That was the moment you knew you truly lost her.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

In another life, you and Yunjin would be at Boston University together, pursuing that business degree that neither of you want.

It's a dream that used to occasionally return to you when Yunjin was overseas. Every now and then, you’d wake up in a cold sweat, and you’d check Yunjins location. She’d still be in Seoul. It was okay though, because you knew she’d always come back. She always came back. Now it haunts you every other night.

The dream is always so incredibly vivid and real. You would wake up to Yunjins many alarms that she somehow manages to sleep through every single time, and you’d peel your eyes opened to your shared dorm room. Though you didn’t have much time to admire the beauty of it all through the sound of an alarm continuously dragging you out of your slumber. She’s always been a heavy sleeper. you’d have to jump on Yunjins sleeping form to even stir her into some form of consciousness.

Yunjin groaned in protest, but you knew her. She wasn’t truly bothered, not when it came to you. Instead of entertaining your futile attempts to wake her up, she would wrap her arm around your waist, dragging you down with her as you squeal out.

She's warm. Her brown bobbed hair has grown out by now, black roots peeking through the top of her head as you join the mess that is her bed (and hair.) She smells like vanilla and wood, and you can't help but laugh into her embrace. You’ll be late to the dining hall for breakfast, but it doesn't really matter. There was a 7-eleven nearby that could provide breakfast while the two of you rushed to your classes– in which you had meticulously planned to have almost every single class together.

After a long day of school, you would return back to your dorm both collapsing on your respective beds as exhaustion settles in. It was decorated just the way you two liked it. With both boy and girl band posters littering the walls alongside some fake vines, flowers, and a multitude of polaroids you two have accumulated over the years. 

Once the two of you move out of the dorms and graduate, you’d find an apartment to share. Dual income and no children, that was the way to live. Alongside a cat and a dog, of course. You’d have a black cat named Binx, and a golden retriever named Dug, something you two had discussed many times before. 

It’s beyond perfect. You lay on the couch, comfortably in Yunjins arms as a blanket is lazily draped over your forms. Binx is settled upon your lap as Dug takes up the space on the rug. The tv is playing Coraline— a staple movie for you two, and you'd smile. Yunjin would lovingly return the grin, leaning in to place a soft kiss on your lips.

And then you’d wake up, the grim reality of your situation compared to your dream sending tears flowing down your cheeks. You’re constantly reminded how Yunjin wasn't yours. Not in this lifetime. And it hurt more than anything else.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You’ve always been there for Yunjin, both before and after she became famous.

In High school, you of course supported her throughout your brief time in the drama club. But you also provided a shoulder to cry on, a free source of math homework answers, a friend.

When she moved back to Korea to become a trainee, you helped her through the rough patches. Hours of dance training, rigorous workouts, and unhealthy dieting took a toll on her. But you were always there through the phone, no matter the time. 

Even after her debut, you remained loyally by her side. Yunjin grew busier and more distant over the years, and it was understandable. You were busy too. With college, internships, and general “adulting,” it was a challenge to remain in contact. Still, when you two did find time to talk, Yunjin would tell you stories of her members, of the rumors and scandals that would plague the group. It hurt to see her hurting, especially knowing you couldn't be there for her like before. But you were glad to see her achieving all she wanted and more.

You hop into one of Yunjins late night livestreams (even if it was the morning for you.) It wasn’t like you couldn’t just call her whenever you wanted, but it was just another one of the little things you would do to continuously support your friend. Yunjin never made a scene whenever you popped in, but always made sure to look for your comments and read them out every single time.

“Sing something from Phantom or you’re lame?” She reads out, a soft laugh slipping past her lips as she does so.

The idol gives the camera a knowing look, one that only could be read by you, and you smile as she clears her throat. Phantom of the Opera is what brought you two together, after all. She spends a few minutes doing short vocal exercises to warm up her voice, and the sight is oddly nostalgic. Yunjin then sits up straight as she begins to sing, and you feel your heart twinge slightly at her song choice.

“Think of me,

Think of me fondly,

When we've said goodbye.

Remember me,

Once in a while,

Please promise me you'll try.” 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Now here you were, in a completely foreign country, placed in more than accommodating seats within the VIP section of this unfamiliar venue you’ve never even heard of before. There were hordes of men around you, all cheering in a deep voiced mass for the girls on stage. You stuck out like a sore thumb. Yet, there was Yunjin. You watch her, shining brightly on stage whilst donning a fresh head of bright orange hair. It suited her. Her fiery passion, her fierce determination that got her here in the first place, her glowing smile. It was all only a physical expression of who she was on the inside.

Yunjin had insisted on getting you these tickets– even going out of her way to even cover part of your plane ticket here despite you having a very stable and office job now. You tried to tell her you were happy enough to see her from the nosebleed seats in the back, especially since it was all you could afford on such short notice. But she refused, pulling some strings to give you the best seats possible. She wanted you here. More than anyone else.

You’ve seen Yunjin perform before. How could you not? You could vividly recall the way she would sing out and capture the entire crowd’s attention from the stage of your high school’s auditorium. How she would perform with such confidence and precision, how she performed like she was made for this. 

Things have changed a lot since then. There was no business college in your future together anymore. No planned dorms together. No more late night talks. No 7-eleven snack runs. Yet oddly enough, despite the changes, this was seemingly no different than before. Every person in the crowd was entranced, immediately allured by her natural charm and her passionate voice. You included. Just like those many years before, she still managed to have you bewitched on the sidelines while she chases after the spotlight.

So you cheer. Joining the roaring crowd as you call out Yunjins name, a bright smile playing on your lips as you do so. You’ve always been her biggest fan, after all. You swear you saw her make eye contact with you, seemingly providing her an energy boost as she sings out to the audience. She was beautiful, and she knew it.

Once the show is over, you find your way to the backstage area. You tried your best to explain to the security how you were friends with one of the members, and how she invited you back there. Unfortunately, your Korean was less than conversational, and you pretty much looked like an embarrassingly desperate and obsessive fan until Chaewon came and saved the day.

“y/n-nnie! Come, Come!! I saw you in the crowd!!” She chirps out sweetly, abruptly pushing past the guard and dragging you backstage, leaving the security both confused and a bit exhausted. This might not have been the first time the girls have tried to meet with their friends after performances.

There were people everywhere. Stage hands, stylists, makeup artists, and more, all rushing around you two and occasionally praising Chaewon. You felt beyond out of place, and probably looked the part too. Despite having Yunjin as a friend, you’ve never once felt like you were friends with a celebrity. She was simply your Jennifer, and that was more than enough. Being here though, you could truly see the extent of the impact she had on people. How so many people respected her and admired her.

Lost within your thoughts and observations of the crowd, you barely notice when Chaewon lets go of your arm, leaving you to fall victim to a bright orange mass stampeding your way. Without warning, you’re tackled into a hug by none other than Yunjin herself. You swear you see stars as the air gets forced out of your lungs.

“y/n!! You made it!!” She beams, giving you a firm squeeze pulling away to fully take in the sight of you. Her arms are still firmly wrapped around your form as her eyes almost sparkled with pure affection for you. Your cheeks warm at the contact, and you can't help but shyly avoid her gaze. Even after all of this time, she still has the same effect on you. After letting out a soft breath, she quietly murmurs, “I was singing for you, y’know.”

And your heart aches. Aches for what you two could have had. Aches for feelings she chooses not to reciprocate. You want to be angry with her. Despise her for leaving you behind and living this luxurious celebrity life. 

Yet your heart also swells. Swells with pure affection for the girl you love. The way she holds you, how she insists on having you attend, how sweetly she says your name. All of it makes you crumble all too easily. She truly cares for you, and never let the fame change that. You truly were lucky to have her.

“Really, now? You sure you weren't singing for the sea of men you forced me to sit with?” You laugh out, gently shoving her, “I swear I heard a guy say he ditched a family dinner to be there.”

Yunjin loudly laughs at your comment as she shakes her head, “How about you come over to our dorms to celebrate tonight, yeah? We’ll even let you pick a movie – or I’ll make them watch whatever you choose… Please?”

You were a bit hesitant. These were Yunjin’s friends. You didn’t want to intrude, especially after a crazy night like this. Yet, despite your reluctance, Yunjin stares down at you with those damn puppy eyes, and somehow manages to get Eunchae and Chaewon to join in…

“... Okay, fine,” you groan out, feigning disappointment as you see Yunjins eyes light up. “but we’re watching Coraline.”

The girls all cheer and pull you into a tight hug, with Yunjin holding onto you just a bit tighter than the others.

Huh Yunjin loves you. But not in the way you want. Yunjin wants you to be loved. 

And loved you are, even if it means she can't be yours.

[blackgirlsrxck]

Krispy Kreme

Paddock x Driver!reader

Summary: Y/n wants Krispy Kreme

Note: This is just something funny that I wrote to try to help with my writer's block as well as cope with the fact that I actually can't have Krispy Kreme because I'm on a liquid diet :(

The prestigious F1 Conference had gathered the world's top drivers, including the talented female driver, Y/n, who had been making waves in the racing world. The conference panel discussion was underway, and Y/n found herself seated among her fellow drivers, ready to share her insights and experiences. As the panel discussion progressed, Y/n's passion for racing shone through her words. She spoke eloquently about the challenges she had faced as a female driver and the triumphs that came with perseverance and determination. The audience hung onto her every word, captivated by her presence and undeniable talent.

As the panel discussion moved to a Q&A session, one audience member asked a lighthearted question, attempting to break the intensity of the conversation. "Y/n, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?" Y/n paused for a moment, her mind drifting away from the intense world of racing. A mischievous smile spread across her face as she answered, "Honestly, all I want right now is a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. But unfortunately, they don't have a store here in Monaco."

A wave of laughter rippled through the crowd, appreciating Y/n's unexpected response. But beneath her playful demeanor, Y/n couldn't deny the slight tinge of sadness and stress that came with her Krispy Kreme craving. As the conference concluded, Y/n made her way backstage, feeling a mix of exhilaration from the successful panel discussion and the lingering disappointment of not being able to satisfy her Krispy Kreme craving. Little did she know that her fellow drivers had overheard her remarks and were planning a surprise intervention.

Lewis Hamilton, the legendary driver and fellow panelist, approached Y/n with a mischievous grin. "Y/n, I heard about your Krispy Kreme craving, and I think I may have a solution for you," he said, his eyes twinkling with excitement. Curiosity and anticipation filled Y/n's heart as Lewis led her to a waiting car. They embarked on a secret mission, racing through the streets of Monaco. Y/n couldn't help but wonder what surprise awaited her.

As they arrived at their destination, Y/n's eyes widened in astonishment. There, in the heart of Monaco, stood a pop-up Krispy Kreme doughnut shop, specially arranged for her. The familiar scent of freshly baked doughnuts wafted through the air, and Y/n's heart filled with joy. Surrounded by her fellow drivers and the conference attendees, Y/n indulged in the delicious treats she had longed for. Laughter filled the air as they shared stories and bonded over their love for racing and, of course, Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

In that moment, Y/n realized the power of friendship and camaraderie within the racing community. It was not just about the competition on the track, but the support and shared experiences that made the journey all the more meaningful. From that day forward, Y/n's Krispy Kreme craving became a running joke among the drivers. In every race and event, they would playfully tease her about it, reminding her of that unforgettable day in Monaco.

But beyond the laughter and lightheartedness, Y/n carried with her a deeper appreciation for the small joys in life. And whenever she crossed the finish line, the taste of victory would be even sweeter, knowing that she had the unwavering support of her fellow drivers and a delightful memory