#halsteadlover ramble

[halsteadlover]

A little rant feel free to not read it I just needed to talk about it

I hate so much being an overthinker. Like for every aspect of my life I just have to sit analyze every fucking little thing and think about the worst situation ever whether it’s relationships, university, going shopping, even writing on here. I’m so tired because sometimes I wish I could just enjoy little things without actually thinking they won’t last and they’re gonna get worse but I really don’t know how to do it, it’s like I live with a constant anxiety I can’t do this anymore.

I wish I could just say “fuck it life is short and do whatever you want you might die tomorrow”. Like for example when I’m studying I just keep thinking about “why am I doing this I’m gonna fail again I know” “what if this question comes this way instead of that way” and I get so much anxiety that I can’t even focus on studying anymore and I just end up crying.

Another example, I’m thinking about writing for Charles and/or Lando in my previous post and I’m overthinking it so much “what if someone will say something about this” “I’m writing for chicago med and PD and criminal minds characters I don’t even know anything about formula 1 what the fuck will I write” like ffs it’s just fics and I’m here thinking and rethinking about this and being anxious about it, it’s not fucking normal honestly. Like this hurts me so much because writing is like my escape from everything and getting anxious about it makes me mad. Rationally I think about “do whatever makes you happy, it’s okay if no one will read your fics”.

I’m sorry for this ramble I just feel like I can talk on here I hope you won’t judge me. If someone out there feels the same I’d really love to talk to you and know what you think and how you cope with it ❤️

[deanstead]

With Spencer

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Requested: no

Summary: Y/N deals with the wave of anxiety that hits her after Spencer's conference

Word Count: 900+

Tags/Warnings: established relationship, anxiety, insecurities

A/N: Had to get this out of my head so I wrote this on a whim, then it sat in my drafts because I was worried it sucked (still am) but @halsteadlover once again threatened to kick my ass (because that's how we communicate love) so I'm posting this. Please do not shoot me if it sucks lol.

SPENCER REID MASTERLIST

You stood off to the side of the spacious conference hall, quietly watching as people approached him after his spotlight presentation.

You’d have been able to spot him anywhere he was standing even if the place was twice as crowded as it was now.

There seemed to be something that had drawn you to him almost automatically since the first time you met, and he seemed to emit a glow that only you could see.

Spencer raised his head slightly, his eyes locking onto yours effortlessly, and he smiled softly at you before his attention was drawn back to the person next to him.

You couldn’t help the small smile that flit across your face, accompanied by the familiar flutter in your gut that only Spencer managed to make you feel.

At the same time, a darker swirl of insecurity seemed to rise up to meet the innocent butterfly flitting around in your stomach.

It wasn’t new. This feeling of being inadequate next to Spencer, the feeling that he was made for greater things and that maybe somehow you were holding him back. It was totally irrational but the thought still greeted you once in a while. Sometimes it reared its head when he made a joke that you didn’t totally get or when he started rambling and you lost him halfway. But even if that wasn’t it, personally watching him stand up in front of an entire conference hall and deliver facts and research you didn’t fully grasp would definitely do it.

You didn’t know how long you stood there, lost in your thoughts while trying to keep the dark swirl of anxiety as controlled as possible.

“Sorry, I didn’t expect to take so long.”

His voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you smiled back at him, although the look in his eyes told you that he knew something was up.

Spencer didn’t ask, merely smiling as he let you lead the way out of the hall and to the car.

It was about halfway through the car ride back that you realized you’d been a little too quiet. But that realization was too late.

“You okay?” Spencer asked quietly.

You looked up into his hazel eyes and tried a smile.

Spencer didn’t say anything, his eyes flicking back to the road before he made a deviation in his route and you raised your eyebrows.

“Caffeine replenish.” He said quietly, as if he could read your mind.

You watched Spencer as he stood at the counter, letting the intrusive thought of ‘maybe coming with him wasn’t such a great idea’ creep into your head.

When Spencer had asked if you wanted to come, all you’d thought about had been how happy you were that he wanted you there, and about how you’d take any extra time you could spend with Spencer before work whisked him away again.

You wondered if you would still have come if you’d known how you would be feeling now. Yet, something told you that you would have. Nothing would have deterred you from time with Spencer.

That thought was merely reinforced when Spencer slid into the seat opposite you, armed with your favorite coffee order.

After a short silence, Spencer broke it. "You okay?"

You nodded, then you shrugged realizing how futile it was to try to hide your emotions from your profiler boyfriend who was sitting opposite you.

You looked back down at your coffee, and sighed.

“You were amazing today, Spence. Really amazing.”

Spencer smiled back at you, the shy smile that seemed to be reserved just for you and you felt your heart flutter once again.

“You are amazing. And I just… well, I’m not.”

Spencer blinked back at you.

“Actually, recent studies have shown that couples are indeed more likely to be similar than different, but it also shows that other than similarities, complementary skills and features are just as important…” He paused mid-sentence. “I’m rambling again, right?”

You couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“What I’m saying is, you are amazing.” Spencer concluded.

Now, it was your turn to blink back at him.

“You have no idea. I can explain a lot of things, Y/N. But I can’t explain this. I can’t explain why we fit together like the last two pieces of a puzzle that didn’t seem likely but are actually the only two pieces that are supposed to be together. We just are.”

You ran your finger across the rim of your mug and Spencer reached out for your hand, taking it and playing gently with your fingers, almost like a habit.

“We are meant to be, crazy as that sounds coming from me.” Spencer laughed as he said it.

You let out a small chuckle.

“So don’t…” Spencer said, his voice dropping lower just slightly as his voice trailed off.

You glanced up now, unable to miss the crack of slight insecurity in his voice and you realized he was just as scared as you were.

Spencer smiled. "See? Similarity."

Sliding your hand out of his grasp momentarily, you made your way to sit by him in the small corner booth, sitting as close as you could before you slipped your hand back into his.

“I could never.” You whispered, in response to the sentence Spencer hadn't been able to bring himself to finish.

Spencer didn’t answer, just leaned toward you, taking your face gently in his hands as he pressed his lips against yours, almost like he was sealing a deal. You smiled against his touch, pulling closer to him, before you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck.

The dark swirl was still there in the pit of your stomach, although it was slightly muted, but somehow but it didn’t matter because Spencer was here as well.

And as long as you had Spencer, the dark swirl had nothing on you.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee!

[hereforhalstead]

Love Languages

*Gif not mine, credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested: No.

• Warnings: Pure fluff besties

• Summary: A look into your relationship with Jay and the love languages you portray.

• Words: 1400.

• A/N : I’ll be honest, I just wanted to write some straight fluff because I was craving soft Jay and came up with this ramble/long drabble. No plot or real thought went into this I just started typing and let myself run away with it... One to try and put a smile on my besties face @halsteadlover ily sis😌

Hope you enjoy!

***

When it came to love languages, you and Jay were quick to work out what the other liked. Your love language being gift giving and his being touch and affirmation, the pair went hand in hand with the both of you being more than happy with the way affection was shown in the relationship. 

You were constantly picking things up for Jay if you’d see something that reminded you of him or simply something you know he’d like. A shirt of his favourite american football team, a new pair of sunglasses as he’d broken his others a few weeks before or a cheeky guesture of a new pair of grey joggers as he moans you constantly steal his. At this point, he was always on your mind so you could see a bottle of water and be taken back to the time where you’d seen him pick up the same one at a gas station on route to work. Maybe you’d pass someone in the street and get a whiff of their cologne and be reminded of the many mornings it would be the first thing you smelt as you’re awoken to soft kisses being pressed into your skin as he engulfs you with his arms within the imprinted sheets.

It didn’t matter how big or small it was, you wanted to show your affection by proving to him how often you thought of him, luckily this perfectly matched his affirmation desires so you were more than happy to ablige. Something so small as a cute keyring you picked up on vacation as it had a certain phrase on it that caused him to flash through your mind. He would instantly attach to his keys so whenever he looked at it he thought about how you’d gone out of your way to buy it for him, and how he must’ve been in your thoughts, it meant alot to him. You’d even bought him an ice scraper for his truck as he was constantly moaning he didn’t have one and felt bad about always borrowing yours and to this day he still uses it, even though it’s in a pretty worse for wear state he still can’t bring himself to get a new one as it wouldn’t give him that little boost of serotonin to picture you strolling through the store and the smile on your face as you took it to the checkout. 

At first, you felt you were being over the top with the words of affirmation towards Jay. Did he really need to hear you tell him how much you love him, multiple times a day? Surely he knows by now and didn’t need you to tell him this much but he basked in your expressions and was constantly looking forward to the next time the words he craved fell from your lips. 

'I’m so glad you made it home safe’

‘Did I tell you how much I love when you cook for me, baby?’

‘I’m so proud of you, Jay’

‘Thank you for everything you do for me’ 

The glowing feeling you get to see the heat creep to his cheeks, the doting looks he would give you and the way his grip on you would tighten at the smallest of affirmations confirmed how much he loved to hear it. He wouldn’t even have to verbally respond, a simple kiss to your temple or a content hum would be enough to acknoweldge that you knew exactly what he wanted and needed to hear.

His love language of touch was something you had to get used to. Jay was your first proper boyfriend, you’d dated on and off in the past but he was the only one who’s stuck around. He on the other hand, had more expeirence in the dating world so seemed to know more about it than you and with that came more things that just felt natural to him, but was a shock to your system. 

He without a doubt Jay had to have his hands on you in some way, these desires varied depending on the situation you were in and what he felt was necessary. In public his hand would be pressed into your lower back as he guides you through a crowded place, his grip falling to your waist as you stood next to him in a que at the mall or his hand finding yours as you strolled along the street just to name a few.

His lips would press into your temple as you rested your head on his shoulder, the way he runs his fingertips up and down your back whilst you lean into him. Planting a soft kiss to the back of your neck as he creeps up on you pouring yourself a glass of water in the morning, him pulling you into him to place a chaste kiss to your lips just to show you his love took you by surprise. 

You’d never had someone be so consumed by you that they needed to almost be a part of you but you loved it. Behind closed doors he was equally as attentive, fingernails grazing your arm as you lounge around watching a film, his hands finding their way on you as you cuddle into him. He would abscentmindidly fiddle with the ends of your hair as he concentrated on the TV, his mind fully on the screen but you were so much his main prioroty that he didn’t have to even think about it.

Even in his sleep, he needed you close to him, you’d fall asleep on the edge of the bed and wake up lying of his chest with the soft grazing of his fingernails down your spine, zero complaints but also no memory of how you got there. If he opened his eyes and he wasn’t holding you in some way, he’d automatically shift to intertwine your bodies under the sheets to sooth himself back to sleep. 

If he was jealous, you’d know about it in a matter of seconds. The intenstity of his grip on you would tell you someone else was eyeing you up, before you got to see for yourself. The way he would pull you onto his lap and wrap his arm tightly round you to keep you in place. How he’d pull you inbetween his legs as he sits at the bar in Molly’s, grabbing at your waist as he settles you in front of him. Even so much as a heated kiss being placed upon you to firmly deter the eyes of another man wasn’t unheard of and again you had zero complaints. 

Jay would find it adorable in the beginning of your relationship, noticing the way you’d glance down as he reached for your hand while you walked, trying to hide the smile that was spreading on your face. The chills you would get as he tangled his hands in your hair, the little quips you’d make at his sudden forms of intimacy were what spurred him on more. He loved the effect he had on you and moreover, he loved that you’d grown accustom to his love languages without a shadow of a doubt and were always there to accept them.

The little giggles you gave out as he pinned you onto the sofa to cover your face in light kisses, him digging his fingers into your sides as you were concentrating on something to make you jump. Reaching to tuck a piece of stray hair behind your ear had him always craving more as you leant into his touch. 

People around you loved to comment on it too. Will would always dig at Jay whenever you were together with the familiar comment of ‘Will you just leave her alone for two seconds man’ as Jay responded with a scowl. He hated people telling him what to do and especially when it came to you, if anything it would give him more motivation to hold you closer. Adam would often joke about how if you needed to find Jay, just to look for you as you he would ‘follow you round like a lost puppy’, to others they thought it was cringey and annoying but you wouldn’t have it any other way. You were his weakness, he wore it like a badge of honor and he wanted everyone to know.

***

TAG LIST

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Inbox and requests open🥰

[halsteadlover]

I fucking hate university and I fucking hate studying

[deanstead]

is it a real cliffhanger chapter if @halsteadlover doesn't threaten me in the comments

[deanstead]

Happy New Year everyone!!!!!

Had some struggles in 2021 but still overall very very grateful for the friends I’ve made here who have been so supportive and stuck with me through everything

I say it so often but i have no idea how I lucked into finding @fighterkimburgess !!! Like yes, in terms of fics, they giv me so many new ideas, they pushe me in the direction of new ones, they support the ones I have and seriously The Way Home would not be posted without them! But in all other aspects of life too, like how they always check in with me if I’ve been quiet for too long or if i posted a rant-ish post, how they always let me get personal things off my chest and listen to me ramble well into the night. I feel like I never do enough for them compared to what I’ve received. Ciara, thank you for making me feel like I mattered in 2021 and I hope only for good things for you in 2022!!!

My Jay/Jesse girls @hereforhalstead @halsteadlover for always letting me be who I am with them, all the unpopular opinions and talks about [redacted]. The fact that we have a group chat says it all! If anything, both of them motivate me to write more for Jay all the time and im not even kidding, protective! worried! jay coming soon maybe? :D

And of course everyone who was been so supportive, sweet and interacts with me on this site, naming a few mutuals and/or blogs who interact with me regularly

@sylviebrettsey @enchantedblackrose @deandaydreaming @campingmonkey @sylvies-chen @lexi-ruz @kim-ruzek @dedlund82 @i-like-sparkly-things @tysonjost-taylorsversion @unmistakablyunknown @morganupstead @mssleepy876b

I hope yall have a fabulous new year ahead!!!!! And hope we can talk more in 2022 too, sending much love!!! 

[deanstead]

900!!

I reached 900 followers???

This is a few days late, but thank you to the 910 of you who bother to even follow me, let alone read my works!!!

I’m currently working on my first ever series (which everyone has been so wonderfully supportive of) as well as clearing some of the old requests still in my inbox so I’m not going to particularly do anything special, but if I do ever get to 1k, I might plan to do something!

But with that, moving forward, I will be tracking the tag #user.resa !! If there is a fic you wish for me to read, or really, any post you think you want me to see/reblog, feel free to use the tag and I will be there to hype your posts!!!! 

I’ve started to tag #resa.fics for all my new works and #resa writing when I’m talking about writing, so feel free to jump in anytime! :D

As usual, feel free to send me any questions (unfortunately requests are still closed for now) - fandom related, writing questions, questions about fics, or even things you might be curious about and I will answer them all as best as I can! Answers have always been tagged under #resa answers !

That’s all I can think of for blog updates, so I’m going to stop here before I ramble too much. Once again, thank you everyone for following me and liking my works, I appreciate it so so much!

Tagging some mutuals who I hope won’t mind!!

@fighterkimburgess @campingmonkey @deandaydreaming @sylviesunshine @i-like-sparkly-things @halsteadlover @hereforhalstead  @shelby-love @winterreader-nowwriter @study-coffee-chicago​ @dreamingmanip​ 

and so many more!

Thank you so so much for following me and for all the love!!!!!

[hereforhalstead]

A post dedicated just to my @halsteadlover who I haven’t even known for a year and she’s still one of the main highlights of my 2021.

The drunken rambles, the endless threats and requests and let’s not even speak of the chats we’ve had🤭🤭👀 I fade in and out bc I have attachment issues and live in fear she will replace me (lol) but she’s still there and doesn’t judge me for it.. I hope not anyway..

You made my days better and I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been sobbing in laughter from something you’ve done and not even been to explain what it was. You’re the best and I love you for being the exact same little weirdo as me, you da best🥰