#half the reason they haven't before is the level of research i wanted to put in

[ace-malarky]

aw shit lads the fair folk are coming back 👀

[girls-alias]

Bookworm - Sam Winchester

Title: Bookworm - Sam Winchester

Words: 2,290

Relations: Sam Winchester X Reader

TW: Drinking.

Taglist: @qinnroki @moldyorange @littlemadamred

Request: Anonymous

"you could do dean and sam (separately) with the reader who is extremely organized and she is the one who does the research and they are always lovely and organized"

Heat of the moment began chiming through my phone. My immediate reaction was to chuckle. I smiled as I pulled my phone from my pocket and answered with a cheer.

"Hey, Sam. What's up?" I asked happily as I rested my hand on my book, keeping my thumb between the pages so I wouldn't lose my space. I had chosen to change my ringtone for Sam to 'Heat Of The Moment' after a night-long phone call where he explained his Groundhog Day.

"Hey, Y/N." He cheered, my smile instantly growing just at the sound of his voice. Butterflies in my stomach instantly swirl around like they always do.

"Is this a catch-up call or a work call?" I asked, my smile only growing as I listened to his chuckle. People probably think I am crazy. I have a huge crush on Sam and the crazy thing is that I have never met him. Well, not in person. I don't even know what he looks like. I don't know anything about his appearance and yet I blush, giggle and sit hoping he will call me.

"Unfortunately, it's a work call," He expressed, my giggle left my lips before I even thought about it. I blushed softly.

"No problem, you have your laptop?" I asked as I opened up my laptop beside me, quickly putting my bookmark in as I waited for my laptop to boot up.

"Yep, right in front of me," He explained, I chuckled as I nodded.

"Okay, what do we have?" I asked slowly, half focusing on writing in my password.

"Okay, I need to know just about everything on the mark of Cain." He explained, I paused in my actions, my attention turning to my phone as I looked at it puzzled.

"The mark of Cain? Like biblical information or you already have a lead that it's real and need me doing the research," I asked, slightly perplexed by his request. In all of my years, I haven't heard a single thing about the mark of Cain. I have large research files on all things hunters need and often am sending those files to whoever needs them but the mark of Cain was never on any of my other files. I smiled softly as I heard Sam take a deep breath through gritted teeth.

"Well, I have confirmation that it's real, Dean has it and I need to know everything." He explained, my eyes widened at the information. My mouth trying to form words before I could even think of what to say.

"Wh-what?" I managed, an unusual stutter leaving my lips. I'm not one to ever stumble over my words. I used to be but then I became a hunter, and then I stuck up for myself. There have been enough occasions of me 'bullying' men. If one gets too handsy I will fight him, if one gets cocky I will belittle him and men that just can't take a hint get barked at... aggressively. Hell, I could be completely wrong about something, I could know for a fact I was wrong and I would not back down. If anything knowing I'm wrong only fuels me more as I want to make them think they are so stupid that I must be right. It's a talent and an art. I shook myself into reality at the sound of Sam's chuckle. "How? We talked like, two days ago," I added, further showing my confusion as to how they were in this situation.

Sam explained the whole thing, and although we normally keep work calls short so that I can focus on the research today was different. Sam and I stayed on the whole, both researching as we talked casually. I think the main reason I am crushing on Sam so hard is that he is so easy to talk to. I understand him and he understands me. On some level we don't need to explain ourselves too much as we already understand and relate.

I yawned, stepping away from my laptop as I moved into the manky motel kitchen to stretch my legs and get myself a drink. My eyes felt heavy and I wasn't completely sure if it was due to the hours I had now spent staring at my laptop or because of the darkened day. I checked my watch, eyebrows raising as I saw it was 11:40 PM. It's not that it was particularly late that surprised me it's that time went by so fast.

"Getting coffee?" Sam asked through my phone which was still on speaker, now also on charge as we had been on the phone long enough to drain the battery.

"I need something to keep me up," I practically yawned as I stretched a little, multiple joints cracking as I moved. A satisfied breath left my lips. I smiled out of reflex as Sam chuckled.

"I know the feeling. I'm so glad I'm not in stingy motels now," He sighed, clearly stretching his back judging by his tone.

"Rub it in," I commented, a joke in my tone as I smiled. Sam laughed and sang through the phone. I smiled, yet again blushing from simply making him smile. I can just imagine his smile and it's adorable, a part of me sad, not only because I was unsure if I would ever actually see his smile but because he may be nothing like I imagined. That wouldn't be fair to him.

"Come here," His tone reflecting he was shrugging. I chuckled as I headed back to the table and back to my research set-up.

"Oh, yeah. I'm on my way," I chuckled sarcastically as I took a seat, getting comfortable.

"I'm being serious. Why don't you come stay here?" He asked, his tone showing his seriousness. I chuckled nervously.

"Ugh, maybe because we're strangers," I chuckled, my mind not working as well as usual. Normally I can come up with excuses and lies instantly but with Sam, I have never lied. A part of me enjoyed the fact I could say anything to him and nothing bad could come of it because he's almost a stranger.

"Oh, come on. That's so stupid, we call for hours almost every night, and we've known each other for almost a full year. We don't qualify as strangers when we've fallen asleep on the phone multiple times." He explained, I blushed knowing he was right. It was a stupid thing to say in the first place but he's still making me blush with his explanation of the relationship or whatever this is. I chuckled as I blushed, moving some hair from my face as I cringed as if he was in the room with me and staring at my blushing cheeks.

"Fair enough," I chuckled, wanting to fill the silence I knew would only make me giggle and feel little under his finger. Sam is the only man I could never bully. I turn into a little girl when I hear his voice, I'm blushing and giggling. Every other man makes me scoff, roll my eyes and grimace at their stupidity or disgusting comments.

"So, you're coming?" He asked, I chuckled nervously as I hid my face in my hands.

"Sam, we've never met and you want me to come and stay with you?" I asked, partly expecting him to realise the weirdness but he chuckled.

"Yeah, you're sick of motels, I'm sick of being alone. It's perfect," He added but I smiled.

"You have Dean," I shrugged, I haven't really talked to Dean before. There's been times when he's answered Sam's phone when I've been done with research but we've never talked about anything other than research.

"He doesn't count," He shrugged but I chuckled.

"Why not? You live with him, hunt with him. You're never alone," I argued but Sam seemed to pause.

"Maybe I just feel alone when I'm not on the phone to you and maybe I'm looking for a reason to meet you in person," He explained softly. I bit my lip, smirking as I tried not to squeal. There was a silence and I internally screamed with joy. Oh my God. He's adorable!!!

I took a deep breath, mentally calming myself as I climbed out of the car. I checked my outfit and appearance in the window reflection. I fiddled with my outfit, instantly wishing I had worn the black shirt instead. I sighed knowing I would be thinking the opposite if I had actually worn it. I just have to get over myself and just walk into the dinner. I gulped as I approached the door. I looked around, eyes surveying each table as I looked for Sam. It's our first time meeting and I know he's already here. My breath hitched in my throat as I noticed a man, a very attractive man sitting at a table tapping away on his laptop. It's Sam. It has to be. I seemed to freeze as I watched him.

His hair a little long as he had it tucked behind his ear, a nervous but excited smile on his perfect lips. My heart raced, he's clearly tall, we're probably the same height now and he's sitting down. He's muscularly built and as he checks his phone I know he's waiting for me. My mouth dried as I willed my body to move. To stop being frozen in place and just go up to him. Introduce myself and talk to him. My eyes widened as he turned to look my way, I looked away pretending to read the little poster on the wall. I subtly watched as he looked disappointed, this was a mistake. I was stupid to think I could actually meet him. He looks like a Greek God, I was stupid for thinking he might actually like me, that we would meet and fall in love. I'm such an idiot. I walked out, hurrying as I didn't want to see him any longer.

I found myself drinking in the first bar I came to. Drowning my sorrows and wallowing in self-pity. I jumped as my phone rang, heat of the moment blaring at me as I sighed. I'm tipsy enough to answer without thinking. I press the phone to my ear, not saying anything.

"Hey, is everything okay? I thought you were almost here," Sam questioned, I sighed, a wince covering my face as his voice calmed me just like always. The memory of his smile consumed me.

"I got scared," I winced, a part of me wanting to block his number and never have to deal with this.

"Scared? Why?" He pressed. I gulped, rubbing my forehead as I tried to bite my tongue.

"You're not what I expected," I explained and he paused.

"Oh," He sounded a little disheartened.

"No, I mean. You're too hot," I cringed as I moved the phone away, mentally begging the world to save me from such an embarrassing conversation. Sam chuckled.

"So, you stood me up because I'm too hot?" He asked a smirk clearly in his tone.

"It sounds weird when you say it like that. I just thought that when we meet you wouldn't be as attractive as I pictured you'd be and my feelings would just pass," I explained, half distracted by the memory of his appearance.

"Feelings," Sam commented, my eyebrows furrowed as I wondered why he had said feelings. Feelings? How does he know about my feelings? OH MY GOD, I'M AN IDIOT!!!! I facepalmed as I considered banging my head on the bar top, repeatedly. "Why don't you come back and I'll tell you all about my feelings towards you?" My mind was wiped as I recognised he had a slightly deeper tone, something telling me that he was deep in thought. I bit my lip, not having the nerve to say anything. "Maybe this time you can sit with me rather than staring at the poster." My eyebrows furrowed, realising that he had figured out that was me. I blushed as I considered going back. "Or maybe I could come to you, I do have to warn you that if you get me drunk I can't promise I won't try to kiss you," He joked, his smile growing at his words. There was a pause as I smirked.

"I'm in the bar across the street," I explained, he chuckled as I heard him shuffling things around, clearly getting ready to leave.

"See you soon," He added before ending the call.

The rest of the day was perfect. He came to the bar, instantly knew who I was and sat with me. We drank and talked, it felt normal, natural. Just like all of our phone calls. We concluded the night with a kiss, a heart racing, tongue dancing, hands exploring kiss. Sam ended up calling Dean to pick us up, he'd dropped Sam off and I wasn't able to drive. We headed back to the bunker, our slightly drunk state making us forget my bags in the boot. I didn't intend to stay here but Sam and I hit it off so well that I never wanted our conversations to end.

Sam gave me one of his shirts to sleep in, we sat on the couch eating ice cream and talking. We exchanged stories of how we knew we had a crush on each other and ended up falling asleep on the couch together, I woke up in the middle of the night to find Sam had interlocked our fingers, holding my hand as we slept. I snuggled in close to him, cuddling him as he slept. I fell back asleep with a wide smile on my face and love in my heart.

Masterlist

Working On

Taglist

[izzy-b-hands]

Feeling slightly better than i have been at this moment (hence being on Tumblr for more than a half second before my body goes 'hm, actually, that's too much. put the phone down or i make u throw up 🥰' as it has been all week since this back pain bullshit began

(more blathering abt this stuff and work and just. general life update as of this week below the cut)

But realised that's probably only bc:

-Housemate (who has been an absolute angel thru all of this and has looked after me better than my own mother ever has tbh), got me some Pedialyte style drinks, and I've made it thru nearly all of one today (a miracle bc the nausea has otherwise been constant even when the pain isn't as bad and has made eating more than like. broth and saltines and gummy edibles basically impossible)

-Im stoned, on a increasing rotation of meds (acetaminophen, ibuprofen, mucinex which it turns out has potential off label use for muscle spasms, as Housemate researched and found out, edibles, magnesium, and now ginger pills to help the nausea) all of which im grateful for but combined leave me feeling less in pain but a bit. idk. blah? brain foggy, more than usual? Tbh it's probably the pain making the brain fog, the pills just can't do anything for that and i don't fault them for that, but for a brain fog example, I've been trying to place an order for some local chocolates to ship to my mum for mother's day, and legit it's taken me ALL WEEK just to get the site open, to the shipping menu, and just today actually putting things in the cart, but I haven't managed to check out yet bc just getting the cart together that made me feel like i needed a nap. This post is the longest thing I've typed in days, and I'm struggling rn to keep going..But i started it, so we're finishing it, back spasm at a level 4 of pain be damned

-and im doing basically nothing aside from stretches (gentle yoga ones i already know the forms for, and some pilates gentle type things i remember from when mum joined that fad lol), using one of our wand vibes on my back (never had done before, they actually do work for that too! kinda fun to find out, just wish i hadn't found out like this!!), laying on a heating pad and wedge pillow, and trying to nap (bc the pain is worse at night so I've somehow been sleeping even worse than i usually tend to)while YT videos and/or the 1973 JCS plays on repeat.

I mention all this bc i work this weekend, and i don't want to have to call out for the first shift tonight. but like. if im struggling just to type this post up (nvm that i have my zine checkin to finish and send in as well, if Nads or anyone else from the group reads this pls know i will make sure i have it done by the due date! it's just been taking. longer, with this back pain mess), keeping my brain on track is difficult rn (as evidenced by...this entire post), and my back is starting to twinge up to a 3-4 overall already bc i let the heating pad turn off, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I'm feeling okay enough to be on Tumblr then maybe that's a sign this is finally over, and my back is done making life miserable...

then maybe work isn't a great idea. but it scares me every time i have to call in (and I've tried not to unless i absolutely had to, but they're very particular abt ppl basically never calling out, so i know that even if they acknowledged i sounded as sick as i was, that doesn't mean this wouldn't be reason enough to fire me)

I just don't know what to do. i want to work. i want to make money. i also don't want to have to mute my mic bc my back spasms hard enough to make me vomit tho, and that's unfortunately still a very real possibility (spent entirely too much of this week throwing up from the pain tbh!!! not happy abt it, i do not like being sick like that, for any reason!!) The last reason makes me think calling out is the right thing. but. i have a few hours yet, so im gonna see how it goes, acknowledging that i probably do need to call out, whether i like it or not

(if for nothing else, to maybe be recovered for my first set of doubles on Sunday)

[deadboyfriendd]

I've seen you mention that you're studying graphic design and for some reason I had it in my head that you studied English or followed a writing course. I think it's because your writing and your style always makes me feel like I'm reading a published novel. Hardcover honey. It's so well put together and I've really enjoyed reading all the recent anon asks about your wips and past works. The level of thought and detail you discussed in those alone blew me away. Are you self taught?

Hi anon!

First off, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the reading and all of the love. I literally can't think about people reading and liking my work too much or else I will start crying. It means SO much to me.

Yes! I am currently getting my BS in Graphic Design, but I do have an AA in Liberal Studies and a second AA in discretional honors from when I thought I wanted to be a nurse, got into the honors program at my community college, and got all the way through nursing school before I decided I wanted to be an artist!

I am self-taught! Writing has always just kind of been something that comes naturally, but that isn't to say that I haven't had a ton of practice working on this website. When I read back through some of my stuff from my Wattpad days and read back through some of my stuff even from a year ago on here, I am so surprised to see how much and how quickly I was able to grow as a writer when I didn't see that kind of growth on any other platform I've ever written for. A big part of this can be credited to @dr-aculaaa in our little writer's room. Her work pushed me to be the greatest writer I can be and Drac is always my go-to!

I think the first time I ever got recognition for my writing was in the 7th grade, and I just didn't stop! I was a weird kid and really insecure with myself so when I was good at something like writing or art, I tried to capitalize on it and milk it for all it was worth because I thought it would make people like me, but, as an adult, I write largely for myself now. My great granddad was a published author and he wrote westerns! I didn't know this until after I wrote Cochise!

I also had a couple of really great teachers and some really great college courses that I think helped me out quite a bit. My middle school english teacher (who I still talk to!) really encouraged me to continue working with writing and art. I was also his TA for four years so he was able to fuel my flame for reading, writing, art, and music! He is also part of the reason why I became a teacher and I can only dream of being half the teacher he is.

In college, I took a couple of really cool electives, Theatre History, Witchcraft and Heresy in Europe, Art History, and The Politics of Punk to name a few. It really helped me expand my worldview and fueled my love of writing because writing is also largely a reading and researching process for me!

As far as my actual writing process, I write about the things that make me happy and largely, I write about myself and my own experiences. In reality, my cochise universe is a culmination for my love of Tombstone, my love for my desert home, my passion for westerns, and the fact that I was watching a LOT of yellowstone at that time. Just like Stone Gothic came out right after that class on Witchcraft and when Drac was talking to me about monsterfucking lol! I write about the things I've seen and the things I've stored in my brain. I think the reason it takes me so long to get anything out is because, when I feel like getting really descriptive and getting in the zone, I pretend I'm standing there with a macrolense and think about what I'm seeing or feeling, how someone else can be feeling that, and how I've felt when something similar happens. I also think about how I've read about how other characters feel in similar events!

My love for writing also ultimately comes from my love of reading, if you scroll down a little on my page I have a couple of lists of books that have really inspired me! When I see prose I like I try to write like that, and its always going to come out in my own way- which I have learned to be okay with.

Ultimately, my entire relationship with writing is this weird pieced-together mosiac of learning how to deal with myself and my life experiences, catharsis, my desperate need to be creating something, my love for reading and learning, and also my constant craving for validation and praise.

I'd be happy to talk about this all you want, anon! Thanks for reading and letting me spew these thoughts all over the dash!

[littlefireofhestia]

hi! i'm sage and i was going through the "hestia devotee" tag and found a post of yours that said you were open for questions about her. i don't know how old that post is or if you're still taking questions, you can ignore this if you're not, but since i'm here i wanted to talk/ask about something.

i'm a baby witch (like the babiest of babies, almost a new born) and most of my experience is through reading and watching since i don't currently have time or resources to do any practice other than lighting incenses or candles or working with crystals. and i definitely don't know any form of divination, like tarot or pendulum, that would allow me to do actual deity work and properly communicate with them.

the thing is, i've researched deities from multiple pantheons multiple times, mostly out of curiosity, but the moment i came across a prayer to hestia my heart skipped a beat and i immediately felt a kind of comfort. it could have been nothing, but i still researched all i could about her and just. i've never felt this drawn to a deity before, much less felt a pull to actually worship one. but i feel very much that way about her.

i looked up ways to honour her and i'm genuinely shocked at how happy it's been making me. i'm finding joy in domestic activities i used to loathe, like washing the dishes or helping with house cleaning. i tried baking a cake all by myself for the first time and lit an orange candle for her while doing it. it turned out absolutely delicious, i discovered i actually really enjoy baking and even started my own cook notebook with some of my grandma's old recipes. i make a point to always tie my hair back when i'm doing something that makes me think of her or in her honour, like making tea or baking or making dinner for my family or cleaning, because i saw people talking about how she appreciates veiling but i don't know how to do it so i just tie my hair in a bun instead of putting on a scarf. and i used to hate tying my hair, but now i feel very good about it!

i've always struggled with feeling connected to religion and never really understood how that could bring peace to someone, but i haven't felt this grounded or loving towards my family and pets or in peace with myself as much as i have since i started doing things as acts of devotion to hestia.

now, on to the actual problem: i'm scared it's all in my head. i'm worried i'm not enough of a witch to worship a deity yet, since i'm still trying to learn ways of communication and can't directly ask her if she's with me. i'm scared that the little things i'm doing aren't enough and the comfort and faith i feel while doing them are my imagination and not actually her watching over me and appreciating my effort.

anyways, i'm really sorry for dumping these worries on you but i didn't see many hestia related blogs and i really needed to ask someone about this. is what i'm doing enough of a worship right now? do you have any tips on how to worship her better? thank you!

Hi Sage! I don’t know when you sent this ask so I’m sorry if it’s been a while since you sent it and my response is late. When I read this ask for the first time I nearly cried tears of joy. Before anything I do want to say that you’re doing amazing sweetie!

I’m always open to questions about Hestia.

First off, there is no prerequisite to worshipping deities. I am admittedly not a witch and worship the gods exclusively for religious reasons and not for witchcraft. I have not learned many divination methods yet (although I have used the very handy Greek Alphabet Oracle a few times) and my rituals are still relatively basic, mostly not even occurring on an altar. But I have felt Hestia. I have been in her presence. I have received dreams from other deities and signs. None of this is required to happen to believe in or worship the theoi, but I just want to assure you that beyond doing some research to figure out who you want to pray to and how to do prayer and ritual, there are no prerequisites to worship. My first prayer to Hestia was literally me throwing a scarf over my head and talking to her in the dark with a flashlight to represent a flame. No formal structure. Didn’t even know how to correctly hold my hands yet. And still she accepted me.

The vibe you get from Hestia is very much similar to my experience. I’ve been drawn to her for YEARS but didn’t know I could worship her. But she’s always felt like home and comfort and just right for me. I never ever had a reason why she was my favorite deity before becoming pagan. She just was. My connection to Hestia has been a fact for over a decade that I just didn’t know was religious until a year and a half ago. Me wondering if I could worship her is the reason why I started researching Hellenic Polytheism in the first place. She brought me to this faith and I am so thankful to her for that.

You finding joy in domestic activities you used to hate is something I’ve discovered through Hestia too, although it’s still a journey I’m early on due to depression and physical disability and having a lot of work to do on figuring out how to make things accessible for me. I’m excited to go further for and with Hestia.

I understand the thought about it being all in your head. I had those thoughts early in my practice too. Basically, belief is a process. It takes time to switch from whatever religious thought (or lack thereof) that you grew up with to polytheism and worshipping a variety of deities or even just one deity, and from there to truly believing in them. I’ve been practicing for a year and a half and it probably took me at least nine months to truly feel secure in my faith in the theoi. Research, pray, do ritual, devote acts to the gods, think about the gods, notice the influence of the theoi in your daily life, and gradually that belief will solidify. You may or may not receive signs, which may or may not speed this process up. I promise, if you want to believe in the gods, in Hestia, it just takes time.

Also on feeling that you aren’t doing enough, the video at the bottom of this post (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhRRYqQo8Y) might help. And I promise: you are doing enough, you are enough, just as you are.

Now as for worship tips. You are honestly doing great so far. Thinking of her while doing household chores and tasks or dedicating those tasks for her is a great way to worship her. I’d also recommend checking out her Homeric and Orphic hymns, one translation of which can be found here, and a copy of the Homeric hymns can likely be found at a local bookstore or definitely through online ordering. The Homeric hymns can also start to teach you some stuff about prayer structure, but prayer doesn’t have to be formal. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Hestia, or to any of my other deities. Tell them about my day, thank them for things in my life or the world, and sometimes asking them for things (although I find that I ask for aid much more rarely than when I prayed as the Catholic I was raised to be). I also have perpetually in progress playlists I have made for my deities, and if I want to spend some non-ritual time just focusing on a deity I’ll put on their playlist and read something religious or talk in religious discords. I actually had my most profound spiritual experience with Hestia while doing this.

Last but not least, worshipping Hestia, or any other deity, is something you have your whole life ahead of you to do. Take it at your own pace. Faith is all about the journey. The destination is irrelevant. There is no deadline or leveling up system, no authority checking your progress. As I have experienced time and time again, the gods will very much meet you where you are. A few months ago I was in a deep depression and did not do any ritual for several months. When I finally did a ritual again, I felt Hestia’s warm hand on my shoulder, as if to say “I miss you, welcome home”. I promise, Hestia will always welcome you home.

P.S. I know this ask is anonymous but Sage, feel free to message me with any additional questions about Hestia or worshipping deities in general. I’m here if you need any more help.

[frostcorpsclub]

I'm super curious about Antoine and Paloma's deals since I can't remember seeing much of anything about them. I'm mostly curious how they met the Frosts/January and Jasper?

Don't worry you're not misremembering I haven't made content for them yet skskkss that's part of the reason I put out feelers so I could get the motivation to actually do stuff with em

I could totally answer this for you though!

Antoine first!

His parents Khenan and Tashelle Hill are scientists! Specifically cryptozoology, you have to remember that in this universe that's an actual justifiable field and not pseudoscience. Despite how many mainstream academics feel they're both qualified and fully trained. This isn't about them so I'll say more in the future but let's just say they raised him with a very open and adventurous mind.

Antoine is less of a scientist and more of an athlete with a scientific persuasion. He's usually a very rational person but his fun-loving side gave him the crazy idea of going into cave-diving. The ocean is a terrifying and demanding mistress but he'd love her til the day he died. He's a very compassionate person but not the type to let his emotions override logic. His level head allows Antoine to successfully be a diver who retrieves the bodies of his fallen peers. Ant is fully aware of how dangerous his profession is and he does his best to be careful, it'd eat away at him on the other side to know he left his parents to grieve. He's very much a homebody so despite needing to be near an ocean a lot of the time he still travels with his parents for their research.

This was how he met January.

His parents were looking for the Colorado Slide-Rock Bolter so he had the time to go swimming and diving in lakes he had never been in before. January often went back to visit the asylum that Juniper and Jane took over since it had the largest lake nearby. Coincidentally, the pair often crossed paths.

Well...more like January used her advanced swimming skill to stalk him like she usually did with humans while he went about his business. Yet she found she could never bring herself to devour him. She had plenty of opportunities to do so but January learned she'd rather watch him swim around like a kid with a goldfish.

Then one fateful day as Antoine swam he made a rookie mistake, he was too far down to swim back up quickly enough, his breathing tube was cut on a rock.

He was quickly losing oxygen and the last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was an apparition. She was so pale her skin was nearly clear, with eyes as black as the deepest parts of the sea.

Antoine imagined that this was his brain playing tricks on him while he was still able to form thoughts.

Yet he awoke on the ground coughing up water about half an hour later. He was definitely terrified of January once he got a real look at her but, in addition to saving his life, Ant had to admit something about her was hauntingly alluring.

The pair got to know eachother all night long, one of the things they had in common was wandering out by themselves to explore after all.

January was enamoured that a human could be as brave and strong as he was, despite being clearly scared of her the way he spoke about his life experiences showed that he had reverence and respect for "people" like her. Antoine was excited to hear her perspective. She could swim anywhere she wanted without having to worry about coming up for air. Not to mention her usual overly-serious way of wording things matched the way he felt about the water, it's majesty, it's power.

Antoine would still have to move along but January would follow and the pair would meet up at the closest body of water. She even made the rescue missions he would embark on a whole lot safer, it's not like any of them were alive, she was doing it for her man she didn't mind. They realized they would have to tell their families eventually, and they would but that's for another time.

Paloma

please remember this is a horror universe i am not promising im writing perfect healthy relationships with perfect healthy beginnings lmao this one requires more context

Jasper is not the best at talking to people. His love story takes place many many years in the future and he's in the middle of his 20s

Paloma worked at a GameStop that Jasper would frequent using his cryo-invisibility, he was there to steal games to play tbh but getting to see her and learn more about her from the conversations she would have with her co-workers was a huge plus.

It was amazing! So far he knew that she was soft spoken like he was, an introvert, yet she always knew how to talk someone into buying a new game or some dlc. It made his heart flutter the way she saw nuances in Warhammer or Skyrim that he thought only he could....even if he did have a bit of an "um achtually" complex about them. He paid attention to when she would go on her breaks and began to leave her things he felt might brighten her day. Candies and cakes, even a small figurine once or twice, he didn't want to make her feel like she was stealing from anyone. Paloma just seemed so sad. So tired all the time and he had no clue why. Yes he's a bit of a creeper but he never thought he would get the courage or the opportunity to actually talk to her, if he knew she was so open minded at the time he would have.

Before the unfortunate circumstances of their true meeting.

This all took place at the time the Frosts had moved to their home at The North Pole. Since there are no permanent human populations there they often have to leave to eat. Sometimes Santa will take them but the sleigh is VERY obvious so most times they either use a hell portal or just...swim, it's their element after all. For this same reason they no longer picked off a few people at a time but whole families.

When they went back to their very first stomping grounds, the neighborhoods you could find wandering away from the asylum, Paloma's family was chosen. Some were killed before they left some weren't it didn't really matter but Paloma was left alive.

She was incredibly shaken but managed to hide herself in a corner. She wasn't forgotten about but at the very least while the rest of her living family was being picked off these monsters weren't focused on her.

Jasper of course came up to see what his parents had brought home for dinner and instantly was put through a rollercoaster of emotions. One second he was thinking about how horrible it was that a girl like her would meet a fate like this, then another he tried to convince himself that there'd be other girls, only to go back and (rightfully) beat himself up inside for thinking like that. So acting on impulse he went invisible and dragged her down the basement.

After a long period of eerie silence he brought her as many blankets and pillows as he could find. He asked her her name and she reluctantly gave it to him.

When she soon found out that he was the one who had been making her days for so long she got even more upset. This was what made her go off on him, she aleady assumed he brought her down here to get her all to himself and now it seemed as though he planned this all for weeks.

Her happiness was a lie and now the closest opportunity she had to freedom was her death.

Despite tucking his tail between his legs so to speak Jasper did choke up the courage to ask her what she meant by this. She wasn't in the mood to explain and just turned away from him. He urged her to at least listen to what he was about to say next and explained that the reason he had done what he did didn't matter now (he didn't want to make her feel like she owed him) and that now he just wanted to make sure she was safe.

She opened up a little more but mostly just to poke holes in his plan. How was he going to get her there? How was she gonna survive in the mean time? Most importantly, how the fuck was she going to live on her own once she got back.

The other questions would have to be answered later, Jasper held up a claw to ask for a second before leaving the room. Paloma took the time he spent upstairs to inspect, finding the tiniest silver lining in the familiarity of her surroundings. He left his computer open and Paloma, not giving much of a shit about manners during her kidnapping, was going through his games when he returned.

He explained that he told his family he ate her all on his own, yeah they were pretty pissed at him but nobody would be looking for her.

To make a long story short Paloma did open up to him more. He wondered why her reaction to what she had seen was more self centered than anything and he found out they had more in common than he thought. Neither of their families really understood their interests. Jaspers family at least tried to be supportive but Palomas family saw her as something to be ashamed of, she was embarassing and not living up to what they wanted from her. That was why she took so many shifts at work, it was the closest thing she got to being in a place she was comfortable with people who liked her for who she was even if she wasn't allowed to keep the money she had earned.

It was decided she would have to stay there for a while but the more her and Jasper hung out the less she minded. He tried not to get in her space, he truly wanted her to be able to get out and live her own life, but they couldn't exactly ignore eachother.

She was envious of the stories he would tell her about his family. Despite how much she was enjoying spending time with him being cooped up caused a lot of animosity too. Jasper reacted immaturely at first but he came to understand her perspective, he could go anywhere he wanted and the best she could do was walking around the basement and only if he was around to hide her.

Jasper knew it was finally time to take their chances no matter what he had to do.

[concubuck]

Obstetrician Appointment Again

"I wasn't expecting you back," Dr. Stripper said. "I thought you would have aborted by now."

"Change of plans," Alastor said.

"And you're sober today. At least you smell sober."

He smiled wanly. "Ever since our last appointment." He was a little insulted by how impressed Dr. Stripper looked.

"You really have had a change of plans. What brought this on?"

"The paternity test."

Dr. Stripper's brows furrowed in confusion. "The one that said the baby's DNA is the same as yours? But that was a mix-up..." She trailed off when Alastor shook his head.

"No. No, the test was right."

She opened her mouth, paused as she apparently considered the possible reasons why the baby might have the same DNA as Alastor, shut her mouth, and nodded. "Okay! Well. If you're definitely going to give birth to him, then let's pick up where we left off."

The lab they'd sent the genetic samples to hadn't continued with testing for genetic disorders after discovering the apparent "mix-up" with the samples; but, knowing now that the baby really did have the same DNA as Alastor, Dr. Stripper STRONGLY recommended continuing with that testing. Alastor agreed, but he wondered about the emphasis.

She talked about scheduling him for a whole slew of appointments; he'd need to be tested for gestational diabetes ("next month," she said) and get a whole battery of vaccines ("the month after that," she said), and during months 7 and 8 he should start having fortnightly appointments, and in month 9 weekly appointments—and Alastor thought that sounded like way too many appointments for him to remember. He hoped his familiar was good at remembering dates, because Alastor was going to offload half of this schedule onto him.

She recommended books for him to read about pregnancy and birthing classes to take in the third trimester. She talked to him about all the places and ways he could give birth and where to find doctors or midwives that were trans-inclusive. (The phrase threw him for a loop. He didn't think of himself as "trans" anything. Maybe an extreme transvestite, but he was given to understand that term was rapidly going out of style. But did it matter what he considered himself, if that was what everyone else was going to consider him and he'd have to prepare himself accordingly?)

"And you're currently planning to keep him, right?" Dr. Stripper asked. "Or raise him with the... father?" She said the last word dubiously and after a long pause, as though uncertain of whether she should be suggesting that there was, in fact, a father.

Alastor hesitated. "I'm—not sure yet," he said. "We're... I know that he's going to raise him. But we haven't talked about—whether I'm going to be involved. Or how much." It's one of countless things he's put off thinking about.

He's not sure what she makes about the fact that there is, in fact, a father; but she just nods and makes a note in her file. "That's something you're going to want to talk about soon. It'll affect quite a few of your other decisions."

Alastor laughed wearily. And there were the other countless things.

Before the appointment ended, Dr. Stripper said, "Oh—I looked into your magically vanishing contraceptive tattoo."

"Oh?"

"I haven't found much research—but there's been some anecdotal incidents where particularly magically skilled succubi have unconsciously disabled their own birth control during sex—if the succubi have kinks for pregnancy or breeding or were engaged in related roleplay."

Alastor's breath froze. "... Oh."

"There haven't been any formal studies on it yet—the amount of succubi that have magical skills on your level and have some kind of pregnancy kink is pretty low, and most of the contraceptive techniques being studied are only a few years old.

Alastor didn't have a pregnancy kink. Hell, he'd needed someone else to explain to him the appeal of breeding.

But he was an excessively skilled shapeshifter—whether or not he wanted to be.

And he could remember, very clearly, catering to one alternate's breeding kink.

That didn't prove it was Cal's. At least one of the other prospective fathers had a breeding kink—which Alastor hadn't even discovered until after the fact. For all he knew, maybe all of them did, and he could have picked up on it subconsciously.

But. But. He had to wonder.

... The idea of being knocked up by somebody else's fetish didn't sit well with him. It made him feel... powerless. No, worse than powerless—it made him feel like his body, his mind, his entire life really could be bent to the sexual whims of whoever was fucking him. And was there anything he could do to stop it?

For now, that was just another thing for him to put off thinking about.

[tsukikoayanosuke]

I Should be Studying, But...

I'm still in my finals week so that's why I haven't post anything, but also the next two chapters are Training Camp snippets, so yeah. I had a Break & Gosh flashback...

So, yeah. I guess I can tell a bit of story.

So, back when I was still in high school or early college, there's this online novel writing competition, and I was excited. I had this overcomplicated fantasy novel draft, so I submitted it, updating everyday.

However, that's the problem: because I suck at promoting, I had to update everyday to at least gain attention. The novel was a mess, with writer block and not knowing now to connect the plot points. It was abandoned. But back then, I thought it was because the fantasy genre wasn't that popular.

The second try was a detective story. This time I had a guideline. It was way easier to write, however I wasn't that excited. The mystery genre was something I hadn't try before so putting the clues and the murders required to much brain power. So it was abandoned.

They say third time the charm. Well, in this case, it wasn't. The next time, I wanted to try to write a magic high school story, however this was sort of an experiment. Instead if putting it in Fantasy, I put it in Romance. Will it gain more attention? It didn't because I was being a halfass.

I can't delete the novel, so this will forever haunt me.

Looking back at this, then to the update-everyday-fanfic-attempts and the success of TW:OPT, I guess I've learned some things:

Plan your story. My biggest mistake from all five previous attempts (3 novel + 2 fanfic) was the lack of planning. I was too spontaneous for a half written story that when I've posted what I've written I don't know what to write next. I had these cool plot points and characters, but didn't know who to connect them, which made me frustrated and didn't want to continue. Meanwhile, I had written episode lists and short summaries for every chapter in TW:OPT, granted this is a based-on fic, but the processes are the same. Planning really help you to stay on course and motivate yourself.

If you need a world building, finish that first. Continuing the planning process, world building, especially in fantasy is important. Out of five story, four of them are fantasy, yet none of them had concrete world building. My two fanfic are also based-on existed media (Kingdom Hearts and Tales of the Abyss), but they had never reached the same level as TW:OPT. Setting the rule of your universe, the power scale, the magic system, all of those are important. If you don't set the rule first, then the world will be jumbled.

Keep your spirit burning. This is the trickiest part. I'm someone who is often overexcited but quickly burnt out in the end. This will be a problem for the 3 novel which will reward you with points to rank up if you update everyday. With the lack of planning and incomplete world building, I was quick to give up. How you keep your spirit burning is up to you, for me and TW:OPT, it's because the warm reception and review that keep me want to write more for you guys. But also...

Stay focus. This is another thing. The reason why TW:OPT still going is because I know my end goal and focus on that. But this is also because TW:OPT is my only project. I don't write two fanfics at once, because of that, I can focus on this project. Once TW:OPT Season 1 is done, I'll probably go back to the novels, but this time writing them one at a time.

Research (and understanding source material). Same as world building, research is important. TW:OPT may not have the best character interpretations of the canon cast, but I've read some of the card and can imagine how this character will act in a situations. Not only that, the Harry Potter spells and potions, the battle scenes, references, even the meaning of my OCs' name are the result of the research.

Chapter target. In order to get point in the novel competition, the writer must write at least +1k words per chapter. With this target, you can plan further which scene you want to include, adding more description, knowing where to put cliffhanger. This point is the one that I still do after the failed 3 novels. For fanfiction, I lowered my target to 500 words and I'm pretty sure some chapters in TW:OPT barely pass 1k. Create your own target to motivate you.

Experience can be your guide. I've started writing since I was in middle school. Heck, I finished my three novella (that I never published). I still have the files. However, looking back when I am older, I can notice the plot hole, the simple description, the inconsistent personalities. If I have to compare my old fanfic with my recent one, I like the latter better. As you grow, your writing skill also grow. You became more creative in choosing words and have less grammar mistake. Your plot becomes more complicated and your characters are more colorful. From reading even more great fanfic and listening to booktubers and writing advice, I became for passionate in writing because I want to be better.

As you can see, I rambled a lot because I just love writing stories. Even if I'm bounded by the rule of canon and world building, I can still let out my imagination and wacky creativity. My dream once was to become a novelist, that's why I still want to learn and write more, listening to your feedback brings me joy and will to keep on going. Your suggestion makes my brain turn to make this story better. I could've done this without everyone; reader, writer, booktuber, and many other who push me forward.

I hope you don't mind this long ramble.

Keep on writing guys.

[yaboymercury]

Gassy Lessons - Fifth class: Computer Technology

Jay knew his farting was getting better and Mr Watts was agreeing, but through his gassy persuasion he convinced Jay he could still get better. So since Jay's last training session with him he had been tasked with going back to basics and researching other ways to make himself fart more.

The opportunity to get this research done was in Jay's Computer technology class. His class had been tasked to do a trial run with some coding program, but Jay wasn't so invested in the class and the room was big enough for him to get a place a few seats away from anyone else so he took the opportunity to get some gassy research done.

Jay only got a chance to look through a couple fart themed webpages giving him nothing but basic information, when a notification of an email from the teacher popped up at the bottom of the screen. Mr Anderson was the one holding the class today, Jay hadn't had too many classes from the man but he was pretty sure he had a strong impression of what he was like. He had quite a twinkish build not being very muscular, covered half his cute face with chunky framed glassed and had curly pale blonde hair. He was a relatively softly spoken man and was never too assertive at least it seemed so to Jay, and the young teacher never seemed to be able to command a classroom.

Jay never really spoke to the teacher so the email came as a shock. When he opened it though his shock deepened.

'Jay Carter. Can you please keep to the schedule of today's class and refrain from any childish web searches, as the teacher we have screen tracking technology on all the computers to keep issues like this from occuring. Please start your proper work for the lesson.'

The level of polite assertion in the email surprised the student and he couldn't help but be a little embarrassed at getting caught. He gave the teacher sitting at the other end of the classroom a glare, but the man at the desk didn't notice him, he seemed to be typing something else giving the screen his full attention.

Jay gave up any attempt to spite the teacher and letting out a sigh of premature boredom, he closed his tab and went to open the coding program. However before he could even move the mouse again another email notification popped up from the teacher.

'Jay Carter. I take back my further request if you can display the fruits of your research as soon as possible, especially if you could thin out the number of students in the class. Either that or start coding.'

This was of course an unexpected turn for Jay and when he went to look at the teacher over the classroom he could see him staring straight back at him with a challenging look and a slight smile. Jay looked around the class, there were no guys in here he particularly cared about, and Jay didn't particularly care about his reputation either, and since his past escapades in his sports class maybe leaning into the gassy aspect of his personality would catch him some respect.

After a full day of classes Jay had been holding in his gas for a while anyway and it was ready to burst, so he leaned back in his chair stretching and whole doing so spread his legs apart and let loose.

FRAAAAARPP

The first reaction he got was from two friends sitting a couple seats away who both immediately looked over at him, one chuckling and the other just staring blankly.

"Oh you want some?" Jay questioned jokingly wafting it in their direction. The rancid stink finally hit them and they both started coughing in unison. Jay laughing decided to put the final nail in their coffin and aimed his butt in there direction still sitting.

RRRRRAAAAAAAAPP

Jay's newly developed brand of eggy stink made it's way to them and their coughing grew stronger. The mumbled something to eachother and stood up and left the classroom giving Jay a dirty look as they said some incomprehensible excuse to the teacher as they left the room. Jay glanced at the teacher who was chuckling lightly, the student was happy to entertain.

Obviously his gaseous fun was not as well received by the rest of the class, mostly whispering and giving him strange looks, but one of the class reps obviously wanted to take justice into their own hands striding over too Jay. The Prep was obviously caught off guard gagging a little as he entered the stinking cloud surrounding Jay who played dumb and gave the glaring class rep and surprised look.

"Is there a problem officer?" Jay asked.

Through a pinched nose Jay could make out "Mr Carter as a class rep I'm going to have to ask you to stop your expulsions they are reprehensibley rude and a distraction to our learning."

Smirking back Jay grabbed the boy's hand off his nose and in doing so made him stumble closer in a quieter voice he said to him almost seductively "I would hardly call this a distraction?" And he leaned forward in his chair and let rip.

BRRRRRRRAPPPPPT

The other boy got a whiff of the toxic blast and his face went pale as he staggered out the room with a hand over his mouth trying to stop anything escaping. As the boy left Jay thought he heard him say something stupid along the lines of "This won't be the last you bear of this. As Jay watched him leave with a smile he noticed that others were leaving but from the other side of the class, from the side closer to Mr Anderson.

Jay looked over to the teacher who was obviously pretending to be distracted by something on his screen but still wore a cheeky grin. The student took a deep whiff of the air, he was happy to take in his personal brand of month old rancid eggs gas, but he sensed a foreign fart smell growing in the mix of rotten veggies and fragrant compost assault his nose. Looking back at the teacher it didn't take Jay long to work out who the culprit was for the rival gas.

The classroom had been emptied of most of it's students filled with a significant amount of gas. Other than Jay and Anderson there were just two friends looking quite scared and ready to leave sitting pretty much an equal distance from the gassy competitors. Realising what it had come down to before the boys could leave both Jay and the teacher gave eachother a nod and a smirk and walked up to the two.

"You need some help bud?" Jay asked ungenuinly putting has hand on the shoulder of the student on the left.

"You having any trouble with the work?" Anderson leaning on the desk asked trying to keep his usual reserved demeanor to the student on the right.

Before doing anything Jay got a good look at Anderson's perky ass which had been hidden up until this point, he was happily surprised. Both of the students stammered mainly worried about Jay since he was the only obvious farter, they were probably hoping that Anderson would help them. Before Jay could get anything out he picked up on a very subtle hissing coming from the backside of the still concerned looking teacher. Jay of course wanting to contribute to the stink out quickly turned around and sat on the desk almost hitting the keyboard of the boy on the left and pointing his ass towards both.

"Get a load of this action!" Jay strained knowing it wouldn't be a small one.

PRRRRRRAAAARPPPPP

The eggy explosion rocketed out of Jay's ass into the faces of the unfortunate soon to be casualties, and right at the same time Anderson's stinky gas leak got to the boy's nostrils. The combined stench was obviously too much for the two buddies as they knocked heads as they passed out.

Finally getting drop any facade Jay and Anderson smiled at eachother in stinking solidarity as they both took a deep sniff of their joint creation. Of course the two passed out students were currently the main source of the smell, the room as a whole was now filled with a flatulent fog starting to make even Jay's eyes water.

"Impressive work Jay, it seems that it was obviously not coding I should've been pushing you towards."

"I don't know why you spend all your time with computer shit, when your stinking butt obviously is obviously far more interesting." The disguised compliment was a risky move Jay thought but Anderson seemed to respond well. He gave his ass a little smack and adjusted his glasses as he stepped towards his gassy student.

"Well I guess you've got to have a day job."

Jay watched smiling excitedly as the seemingly transformed teacher ran his hand through his hair walking past him.

"Let's leave these two here, I'm sure you don't mind taking the blame for them, I think I'll be giving you some private tutoring if you just follow me." Giving Jay a wink from behind his glasses and strolled out the room.

Happy at the direction the class had gone Jay took one last sniff of his gassy handiwork and clambered off the desk to follow him, leaving the unlucky last two victims to marinate in the stink.

Leaving the room Jay caught up to the man on the quick walk to his office only a little ways down the corridor, all the while making sure to stay a little behind him as to enjoy the view.

In comparison to the quite airy and spacious computer room, the office was tiny. There was barely enough room for the desk and chair, and with both men standing in there, there was barely any room to move. Jay also noted the lack of be ventilation with only one small window which seemed to be locked shut.

"You'll have to excuse the heat." He closed the door behind Jay who leaned against the wall. "I only got moved to the office this year and I haven't been able to find the spare key for the window, I hope it won't be a problem." He gave Jay a knowing look.

"Don't worry I think I can cope" And in spite of the uniform policy Jay began to undo his tie, which prompted his teacher to follow suit. "So Mr Anderson what will this tutoring be about, I hardly think my computing skills need any improving, and I can't seem to think of anything else we have in common." Jay made sure to finish the question in cocking up one of his legs.

FRRRRAPPP

The fart despite not being the biggest managed to fill the room in seconds making both men smile at what it's stink implied.

"Now Jay no reason to misbehave." The teacher sat on a spot on the desk and unbuttoned a few of his shirt buttons as they had both began to sweat. "I merely wanted to give you proper punishment for your unprovoked biohazardous assault on your fellow students, it's highly unprofessional." The teacher concluded by leaning over on the desk displaying his butt again to the increasingly aroused student.

Frrrrrrrrrrsshhhhhh

What the flatulence lacked in volume it made up for in stench completely dominating the room with his rancid personal stench. Both men inhaled obviously neither really expecting how bad it stunk coughing in response to its bite.

After recovering Jay responded keeping up the erotic teasing act they had going by turning around and leaning against the wall and peeled down his now stuck on with sweat trousers just enough to let his boxer clad ass show with the gray colour accentuating his now sweaty crack.

"Well Mr Anderson I think I have quite a skill and I occasionally like to show it off to my classmates I don't see the problem with that?" He stuck out his ass further in the direction of the teacher and winced.

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARPPPPP

He was impressed with himself, the gas shook the room and reintroduced his eggy gas to the room. The power of the fart seemed to shake the tiny room and make both men laugh at the sheer masculine stinky power it showed.

Again matching Jay, Anderson got up and began unzipping his trousers, the now erect student looked back at his teacher reveal his amazing smooth bouncy round ass cheeks. He made sure that Jay got a good look at them giving them a little shake.

"Now Jay I do see a problem with that, thinking your gas could even rival something like mine is worthy of punishment."

Psshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It sounded like a high pressure gas leak and it intensified the heat in the room exponentially, but by far the worst aspect was it wretched stench making Jay's eyes fully tear up and burn his nose.

Jay managed to recover from his coughing fit relatively quickly in spite of the rancid stench feeling like a cartoonist stinky brown fog in the room. His brain was going haywire at the horrible sensation but he decided to go for one last shot.

"Well then punish this..." He back closer up to Anderson until they were butt to butt. In a brave move Jay pulled down both their boxers until their bare sweaty asses were touching and let a rippling blast straight onto the man's ass.

BRRRRAPTTTTTTT

The rank stink vibrated against the cheeks of the two men making them both gasp. The room was becoming a deadly hot box and Anderson could tell it was his place to finish it.

The teacher after letting Jay's fart finish strolled around his student toying with him and leaned against the wall pushing his ass out until it was just touching Jay's erection. The two sweaty men could tell where it was going.

Rssssssssshhhhhhhh

The heat combined with the two men's combined evil stink, either that or the pleasure Jay got from the last gassy blast from his teacher but he was out, collapsing at the other man's feet.

[skys813]

Discovery

Chapter 5 (Arc Finale)

Me: Before we start, is there anything you'd like to say, Anxiety?

Anxiety: *gives me a hard look and then looks away* No.

Me: I see. Let's begin, then. Over the past couple of weeks we've been struggling to deal with a new possibility. I'm aware that in every happy reality Research conjured for us we were in a romantic relationship with implied sexual undertones. The new possibility suggests that we don't find a romantic or sexual partner in the future. Up until now it's only been a vague suggestion, however, after further examination, I thought it would be best to bring it to the council's attention as a legitimate possible plan for the future.

Anxiety: I don't see why this is relevant given that Sexuality is obviously a lesbian. Haven't we been over this already?

Me: Actually, we haven't. That was a suggestion you made, not a fact of life. Which brings us to our first issue; determining Sexuality's true orientation. I'd like to bring some memories to the front if you don't mind. Let's start with a few questions I asked after I first learned what sex was. "Do I have to? Can I be married without doing it? Can I have kids without doing it?" Our first reaction was aversion. Of course, that's normal at the beginning, but those feelings never went away. Instead, it changed to reluctant acceptance that this is what would happen to us. The truth is that we never felt sexual attraction towards anyone, regardless of their gender. We knew instinctively we wouldn't like sex in any form, but we pushed the feeling down and convinced ourselves that it'd be fine and we'd just have to do this for love.

Love: Is that not true? The only lifelong bond that allows us to be as invested and dedicated as we wish to be is a romantic one. Friendship can be strong, but it's not the same, Sky. We would not be prioritized the same way, you can't expect that of someone. If they have a romantic relationship with someone else, they have to prioritize that person above you, regardless of how close you get. Only a romantic bond guarantees you that level of trust and faith in each other. The exclusivity.

Me: I understand and accept that we wouldn't always be prioritized above the person's romantic relationship, but the rest is simply not true. It's possible. Research, if you'd be a dear, and pull up the definitions of a Queerplatonic Relationship and a Zucchini.

Research: A Queerplatonic relationship is defined as "a committed relationship that is neither romantic nor sexual in nature but is based on an emotional bond beyond friendship, often between aromantic and/or asexual people" (AVEN, General FAQ, Definitions). "A zucchini is a partner in a queerplatonic relationship. The commitment level between partners is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship, but with platonic love. Zucchinis may be of any romantic or sexual orientation" (AVENwiki).

Me: Thank you, darling. As you can see, it's entirely possible. In fact, it's so possible and has been felt and established by enough people that there are terms to describe the relationship we want. That's what we were looking for all these years, not some romantic relationship, much less a sexual one.

Anxiety: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've only proven sexuality is ace. Romance has been on board waiting for Prince to show up since day one. And we already agreed that Sexuality's orientation would be irrelevant to us in such a scenario as we would want him to be fully satisfied in the relationship.

Me: Romance hasn't actually been very vocal about her desires, she's been going along with whatever you and Research determined would be the best scenario. Again, let's pull up some memory files. First, there was her "crush," which she picked out for us much like one would pick out fruit at a stand, and is also a shared experience among other aromantics. We were never jealous of his relationship with our best friend or hurt by it, but instead helped them with arguments and were happy for them when they were happy. She shies away from any possible romantic partners under the guise of obeying our parents and religion when we all know full well we're stubborn and reckless enough that if we had ever desired such a relationship we would've acted on it by now. But we haven't.

Anxiety: Because no one has been worth the risk! We just haven't had the chance to meet the right person and it was never the right time before. We were too young.

Me: No one? When was the last time you saw Romance actually consider anyone as a potential partner?

Anxiety: That's because we're waiting for Prince, no one else is worth considering.

Me: That makes no sense and you know it. We can't find him if we never look. And Romance isn't interested enough to look in the first place. The fact of the matter is that she hasn't been active since we finally settled comfortably in our relationship. We might not use fancy terminology, but that's the nature of the bond we established with our best friend. The meaning we agreed upon for the relationship is the same as the one listed for queerplatonic relationships.

Anxiety: It's just too risky, it's irresponsible to put all your eggs in one basket like that. Friendships are fragile and fleeting-

Me: So is every other relationship. Friendships are not less than other bonds, they're equal and valid and they are what you make them. I believe in this one.

Anxiety: Fine. Don't listen to reason, whatever. But you might want to consider Love's needs and that certain aspects of our dreams would be off the table right off the bat if we went along with this madness, such as children and the home life we were so desperate to create one day. That's a dream you can't deny. You can't adopt children in a platonic relationship, so unless you plan on being a hypocrite and going out to have sex, praying not to catch an STD, and hoping to get pregnant that way, children would be completely off the table for us.

Me: First of all, it wouldn't be hypocritical, asexual people can have sex. But I do agree that that option is extremely unappealing all around. However, it wouldn't be as big a deal as you're making it out to be. Our motherly instincts can still be fulfilled if we add the found family element; we'd build a group of friends and mother them just like we used to. Love, how do you feel about that?

Love: I want children. We've always wanted children, I can't let go of that dream overnight. Mothering some friends isn't the same, I don't know if it'll be enough. I can agree to build new visions and scrap the old ones and incorporate Sexuality and Romance's identities, but you can't ever expect me to stop wanting children. I'm sorry.

Me: Don't be, it's who you are. Thank you for being so understanding. Research, what do you think?

Research: To be absolutely frank with you, I'm glad this is who we are. No husband to tie us down, fewer responsibilities, financial independence. It spells out a lot of opportunities to explore the world that we might not have had otherwise. And, no offense, Love, but children are expensive as hell. Our horizons just quadrupled without that financial and emotional burden. I vote yes.

*an awkward pause where Anxiety fumes on the side and refuses to say anything*

Me: .......Anxiety?

Anxiety: I'm the one who played the dreams. Are you happy now? You were right all along, and I was wrong. We're aro ace.

Me: I know.

Anxiety: *head snaps up* What?! You knew? How? And how long have you known? Why didn't you say anything?

Me: I think the meeting's done now, let's continue this privately. Love, Research, please act according to the council's decision and inform everyone of the verdict. Thank you. Anxiety, walk with me, darling.

Then.....

Sexuality blinks sleepy eyes open and looks around. Someone is by her bedside that she's only ever seen from afar. She tentatively lifts her hand and runs her fingers through Libido's hair. Her birthmate. What was she doing here? Libido stirs and murmurs something incoherent in her sleep before slowly opening her eyes to look back at Sexuality. Libido smiles softly.

Libido: You're finally awake. *jerks up frantically* Oh shit, you're awake! Oh my God, how're you feeling? Are you okay? Does anything hurt? Who do you want me to get for you? Do you want some water? Of course you want some water, what am I thinking-

Sexuality grabs Libido's sleeve as she makes to get up. Libido looks back, concerned and on the verge of panic. Sexuality shakes her head and tugs Libido back to her side.

Libido: Are you sure you don't want me to get you some food and water? You've been out of it for a while.

Sexuality shakes her head again and tugs Libido back down into her chair.

Libido: Okay, then. Um. Let's see, how do you usually communicate with Romance?

Sexuality: *gestures in sign language*

Libido: Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I don't know any signs though. Do you want me to get Research? They might be able to translate. Actually, they'll know what to do about all of this and what you need and-

Sexuality grabs and squeezes Libido's hand and she falls silent. Sexuality smiles briefly and shuts her eyes.

Libido: Oh. You're tired, yeah, that makes sense, too. Sorry about all that. Go back to sleep, sweetie. I'll notify the others when you're ready.

It was a while later before Libido realized that Sexuality had been fully aware and responsive during those few minutes without throwing up. On top of that, she'd made contact with Libido without any noticeable harm befalling her. Sexuality was, at long last, fully recovered.

Meanwhile.....

I walk with Anxiety down to his room. It resembles a library, but instead of books, there are notebooks, each and every one of them filled to the brim with scribbles and half-finished thoughts.

Anxiety: Welcome to my lair, oh annoying one. Have a seat.

Me: I think we need to discuss why you're so against us being aro ace.

Anxiety: I already made it very clear-

Me: The real reason, Anxiety.

Anxiety glowers at me for a few minutes. I don't look away and he finally backs down grudgingly.

Anxiety: *sigh* Do you remember what we were like when we were a kid? What we thought of ourself?

Me: How can I forget? I was the brattiest, most arrogant child I've ever had the displeasure of having to think about.

Anxiety: *shakes his head* I mean before Prince, specifically. We were in a low place and we had accepted that we would die old, bitter, and alone. I just don't want us to go back to that again. It was devastating enough the first time around for all of us. At least like this, it would've only hurt Sexuality and Romance.

Me: Anxiety, listen to me. We are not who we were five years ago. That vision of the future was built on self-hatred and hopelessness, that's why it looked like a doomsday vision. This time we're rebuilding to take care of ourself and every aspect of who we are. We don't have to sacrifice Sexuality and Romance to be happy. We can just build a future that makes all of us happy by accommodating them too. We would've never been happy if we'd tried to suppress them.

Anxiety: *shakes his head stubbornly* We can revert right back to where we were, not enough has changed, not nearly enough. I've just collected more reasons to hate ourself since then, there's no guarantee it won't happen.

Me: *eyes sharp, trying to casually scan the notebooks* There is one thing we could always do..... If you'd allow us, I mean.

Anxiety: *torn between hope and trepidation* Like what exactly?

Me: Burn them.

Anxiety: *stands up and positions himself between me and the nearest shelf* Get out. Get out right now!

Me: *stays seated calmly with my eyes fixed on his* Only the notebooks where you write all our faults. The memories would all stay intact. All your other notebooks would stay exactly where they are. I'm only suggesting we let go of the guilt. Those notebooks are as old as I am, cataloging every tiny mistake we've ever made, every embarrassing thing we've ever done, every regret. You're absolutely right, we can't move forward until we've let go of all of that. We have to move forward, Anxiety. The council has come to a decision. Something has to give or we really might revert back to what we were before.

Anxiety: Then we would've learned nothing! Do you want to repeat all the mistakes we've made?

Me: A gentle reminder that you're the reason we made some of the more serious mistakes.

Anxiety: Don't you think I know that? That's why I refuse to let go of them. If we never forget, if we never stop regretting them and feeling guilty for them, then we'll make up for it and we'll never do those things again.

Me: Darling, that's ridiculous. You do realize that you've written down things as small as chopping the wrong vegetable by accident at our job, right? And the serious errors in judgment are almost all from our childhood, from years ago. We've grown, we've changed, and we're past that now. We can't stay this way forever, hating ourselves for every tiny inconvenience we've ever caused anyone. Please, Anxiety, we have to burn those notebooks.

Anxiety: No. You don't understand. We can't! No! *clutches at his head and his breathing becomes shallow and rapid* I can't. You can't. I can't.

Me: Anxiety? *gets up slowly* Are you okay?

Anxiety: No! We can't! We'll never be good enough. We'll never be happy. You can't erase the past. We're horrible, can't you see that? So horrible. Horrible. Horrible!

I notice a smoky shape formed behind Anxiety, whispering in his ear and grinning at me. The time for conversation is over. I carefully sidestep Anxiety who is too wrapped up in his sobbing to notice my movement and try to punch at the shadow. My hand goes right through it. Right, then. Those notebooks need to burn. Now. I step behind them slowly. The creature turns to watch me but continues whispering to Anxiety. I reach for a random notebook to test out the waters. No reaction besides a widening smirk. Good. I quickly scan through the notebooks until I find the section I need before looking up again. The shadow is still, watching me with a contemplative frown while Anxiety drops to hug his knees and hide his face as he cries. I collect the notebooks loosely in my arms, carefully noting how tense the shadow is getting. It stands between me and the door. I had a feeling it would find a way to stop me if it wanted to, smoke or not. I edge my way back to the table and set the notebooks down. The creature relaxes. I sit down and pretended to start reading one. After a few moments, it loses interest in me and goes back to tormenting Anxiety. It starts to whisper faster, progressively more aggressive. When it looks to be distracted enough, I grab the notebooks and run. I hear a shriek of anger not long after but it doesn't follow me. I run and run until I reach the common room and dump the notebooks on the floor.

Me: Research, get over here! I need lighter fuel! Love, if you could grab a lighter for me, that'd be great! Now!

They get up from the couch without a word and go about getting the requested items as I start tearing the notebooks apart. By the time they get back, I've torn haphazardly through the notebooks and stacked them in a hollow pyramid shape. Research douses them all and I give Love a handful of paper to light before I carefully place them under the rest and watch the fire spread. Anxiety rushes into the room with a much-faded version of the shadow I'd seen behind him, but by then even the topmost of the pyramid had caught fire. The creature shrieks and Anxiety faints into Research's arms.

Research: *sighs* I should've known something like this would happen. I'll take him to the infirmary.

Love: What just happened? Who's Research taking to the infirmary and what did we just set on fire?

Me: Don't worry, Love, everything's going to be okay now. C'mon, let's sit down and I'll tell you everything.

Then.....

Romance jerks awake gasping and clutching at her neck and chest and starts coughing. Sensuality rushes into her room and gives her a crushing hug.

Sensuality: You're alive! You're awake! Oh thank God, I won't be left with just Aesthetic for company!

Aesthetic: Hey! I can hear you, you know. And good grief, get off her before you really kill her. Welcome back, Romance. How're you feeling?

Romance: *gestures for water*

Sensuality: I got you, just a second. *runs out of the room*

Aesthetic: *hands Romance her board and marker* Figured you'd have a lot to say after being out of it for so long. Wanna elaborate on the whole "help Anxiety" message you left? Cause it really didn't help, for the record. What'd you want us to do, tie you and Sexuality up and dump you in the basement for him?

Romance rolls her eyes as Sensuality comes back in and accepts a glass of water with a quick nod of thanks. She downs the whole glass in three giant gulps and sets it down before relaxing back against her pillows a bit. She starts writing.

You're both idiots, for the record. I bet you didn't even try to figure out what I meant, just sat around worrying as usual. It's alright, someone must've figured it out since I'm awake now. We'll all hear the story in detail, I'm sure. Right now, though, I'd much rather discuss Sexuality. Is she okay?

Sensuality: Well......I mean, she's definitely safe now, we made sure of it, right Aesthetic?

Aesthetic: *nods her head with a smile* Don't worry, Romance, we took care of our little sister. She's safe.

Romance: *relaxes a bit more*

Good. At least you did something right. Who's guarding her? Libido, right?

Sensuality: *shocked* Yeah, actually, how'd you know? I thought you'd be upset.

Romance: *smiles* *writes*

They were never meant to be apart. They're different, but they're still birthmates. You know how strong that bond is. They'll figure it out. They just need time. We all do.