#half of this grinding is just finding keys or materials that let me buy keys

[shanklin]

The Gargoyle (4/?)

Filbrick angers a witch, gets cursed and gains two sons. One is special and has twelve fingers. The other is a gargoyle.

Chapter Summary: Shermie has no idea what he's doing, but that won't stop him either. Let’s feed the baby some rocks?

Chapter [1] [2] [3] [5]

Read it on Ao3

Wordcount: 1643

4. Don’t Forget To Eat Your Rocks

Shermie starts with the arm. It seems the easiest part to fix and he supposes he could just try gluing it together somehow. He takes the detached limp and inspects it for any other damage besides the obvious ‘not being attached to the body’ problem.

The arm appears to be mostly intact except for a couple of cracks and missing edges. It’s nothing Shermie can’t fill up with a bit of clay. He gets to work smoothing out the arm and in his concentration he fails to notice that the little creature has stopped biting on the glove and is slowly limping towards Shermie, grabbing for the limp.

A rough crackling noise finally causes Shermie to look up. He’s barely able to pull the arm away before the creature bites down.               “Nononono, limbs are not for eating. No eating!” He says in a frantic whisper. The creature tilts its head and lets out a small whine as it tries to grab for the limb again.               Shermie wants to refuse, but rethinks his previous statement. It’s not like he has a proper idea how to deal with a living rock creature. Maybe he should trust the little guy’s instincts.

Oh what the hell, why not?               Shermie takes the wing parts he collected and holds them out for the creature to take. His offering is accepted and the creature promptly shoves the parts into its mouth, chews and swallows.       “Tasted good?” Shermie chuckles nervously. This situation is getting more bizarre by the minute.

The creature makes something that sounds almost like a burp in response. Shermie takes it as a yes. So rock things like eating themselves. Good to know.  

Eating seems to have calmed the creature down a little. It sits down and observes Shermie’s handywork with its single eye wide open. It would be almost cute if half of its face wasn’t missing and reminding Shermie of his father’s actions.

“Okay, so I need you to hold still now and if you’re good I’ll give you the rest of your wing. Deal?”               Shermie holds out the remaining parts and the creature tries to grab them again. Seeing an opening, he catches the creature in one arm to hold it still. With the other arm he takes some clay and sticks the limb back on the body.               The moment the arm touches the place it detached from, the creature stills and Shermie holds his breath.               “Yes!”

The fingers twitch. It works! Shermie would’ve cheered louder if he wasn’t so afraid his father might hear.

He lets go of the creature to start fixing the face next and immediately regrets it. The arm slides off and falls down on his desk. Damn it. How stupid of him to forget that the clay still needs to dry up.               The creature whines at the loss of its arm and grabs for the wing parts again. Shermie sighs and hands them over.               “Sorry, I should’ve just tried to use some glue instead.”               Oblivious to Shermie’s plight, the creature munches away on its rocks and Shermie presses the arm back onto the body unenthusiastically.

“This might take a while. If it works at all that is.”               Observing the little guy more closely it becomes apparent that he has difficulties chewing up his rocks. Maybe Shermie should work on the face first and then buy some glue to fix the arm tomorrow.

But would clay even hold? The material is no solid rock and if this creature eats rocks, then wouldn’t the clay just break apart again the first time it tries to chew with its new mouth?

The creature finishes its meal, but the sounds of rock grinding against itself doesn’t stop.

“Woah!”

Shermie watches in astonishment as a thin layer of stone grows over the parts he fixed with clay.               This time around the arm stays in place when Shermie lets go and he can’t stop himself from grinning. This makes everything so much easier.

Freshly motivated, Shermie gets back to work and starts fixing the creature's face. He’s not sure what the creature looked like before his fall, so he simply copies the mostly intact half of the face and tries to form it into something as symmetrical as possible. The closer he gets to finishing shaping the face the more familiar looking it becomes.      

“You look a lot like my little brother, you know?”               Maybe that’s the reason why he felt so protective the moment he saw the little guy. Or maybe all babies just simply look the same.               Luckily the creature seems to enjoy Shermie’s gentle prodding and doesn’t put up much of a fuss. After a while, it stills completely and closes its eye.

Oh. It’s falling asleep.

Shermie understands. Fighting with his dad is always exhausting and that’s without getting smacked out of a window with a table lamp.               Shermie tries to finish up quickly, not wanting to disturb its sleep any more than he has to. Now all that's left is the empty eye socket. Shermie considers it for a moment and decides to use a glass marble as a substitute until he finds the lost gemstone. Maybe it can work as an eye as well? Just in case he picks out the best blue marble he owns and hopes for the best.

There. It’s finished.               Shermie watches in fascination as a layer of stone starts to grow over the face as well, though it seems much thinner and more fragile than before. He will most likely have to look for some rocks to feed the creature tomorrow. If his assumptions are correct that should fix the problem. More stone eaten equals more stone growing back or something, right?               The creature closes his new eye as well and stops moving as if a spell has ended. If anyone were to enter now they would simply see a big rock on Shermie’s desk and assume it's nothing but a little statue carved out of stone.     

“Sleep well and don’t worry. I’ll protect you.” Shermie whispers and carries the creature to his bed, placing it on a pillow between him and the wall. Now, someone who enters his room will have to go through him first before they can reach his little friend.      

He turns off the lights and falls asleep.

***

Something growls. A scream. There’s no time to think. The pounding on his door shocks Shermie awake and in a manner of seconds he’s up, hiding the little guy in his closet and opening the door to get scolded for locking it in the first place. His father confiscates the key to his room and orders him to go and help Ma with breakfast.

Shermie’s head is spinning. He hasn’t even woken up properly yet, let alone processed that last night really happened. This is all happening too fast.

He enters the kitchen dazed. Ma is too busy with his little brother to do much of anything else and Shermie murmurs a tired “Good morning” before setting the table. It proves to be a difficult task as his hands suddenly start to shake with the realisation of how close he has come to being discovered already.

Turns out hiding a whole living baby monster from his father is way more stressful than doing the same with a box of crafting supplies. If it hadn’t been for his little brother’s perfectly timed screams, Pa would’ve surely heard the creature growling in fear when he came to wake Shermie up. And now the door to his room isn’t even locked. Damn it. He promised to protect the little guy, but every time he solves one problem two more appear.               The baby finally stops crying and they sit down to eat.

 His parents behave like they normally do after a fight. That is to say his father ignores them like usual and eats his food in stoic silence and his mother talks to Shermie as if nothing at all happened last night.               And just like always Shermie hates it, but has no choice but to play along. He wants nothing more than to demand an answer from his parents about where the creature came from and what the hell is happening, but he knows when to stay quiet. He’d just be in trouble with his father for asking questions instead of getting some answers.               No. Demanding answers is not an option. Shermie has to be patient and wait for Pa to leave so he can ask his mom. There's a good chance she won’t give him proper answers either, but at least he won’t get reprimanded for asking. Maybe she’ll even be willing to help him keep the creature safe. She tried to stop Pa from hurting it after all. Then again, she also seemed frightened of the creature last night, so Shermie should be careful who to trust until he’s absolutely sure.      At least he has little Stan on his side, he muses and smiles to himself. It would be nice if the baby could always just scream their ears off whenever Shermie needs a distraction away from the creature.               “Boy,” Pa says and Shermie stops smiling immediately. “You’re off shop duty for today. Finish up and go find me that damn monster!”               ”Yes, sir!”               Shermie stuffs the last pieces of breakfast into his mouth and runs off into his room, finding the creature already out of the closet and roaming about.

The moment it sees Shermie its eyes light up and it holds out its arms. Shermie cradles it into his arms.               “Guess what little guy, we’re going on an adventure!”               The creature coos.               “You like that, huh?” Shermie smiles and hides the creature inside the biggest backpack he can find.

“Stay as still as you can, okay?” He says, zips the bag closed and without wasting anymore time runs out of the apartment.

Next Chapter

[yoonseoksoftie]

deadly friends. | ch. 0

› pairing: min yoongi x reader › word count: 2.5k › tags: ghost!yoongi | high school au | mystery au | [future] angst  › summary: ❝ there are many things a person should consider before buying a car. mileage, gas consumption, and motor condition are a few to name, but never a supernatural entity. after buying what you presume is the car of your dreams, you find that an annoying dead boy was never part of the deal. ❞ › a/n: i was in the shower when this idea came to me so i had to write it! like the entire story came to me, from beginning to end, so am so happy to write this. i hope you guys enjoy it! don’t forget to let me know what you think!

"Well, what do you think?"

The seller's voice held an edge of optimism while she looked over at you from the passenger seat. Her tight smile was bordering on demented and if you focused on it, you could hear her teeth grinding against one another.

You tapped your fingers over the peeling material of the steering wheel, nibbling on your bottom lip. The car wasn't in poor condition, it passed all the requirements necessary to qualify as a useful car, and after the three test drives around the block, it had proven itself to be the one.  The only issue was the price, were you willing to spend that much money on a used car?

"I'll take it."

"Yes!” she cried out, clapping her hands together and smiling even wider than before. "I'll go get the paperwork."

She stepped out of the car and with one final crazy smile she was gone. You wanted to laugh at how ecstatic she was, it was as if she was the one buying her first car. But you couldn’t blame her, you were over the clouds. The black convertible was your ride to freedom. No more taking the smelly bus filled with rowdy kids to school, or waking up an hour early to catch it. Now, the only thing stopping you from going everywhere you pleased was your mom.

"Bookstore..." you said to yourself. "Here, I come."

As soon as the words left your lips, you felt your shoulders drop. Memories of you laughing with your friends flooded your mind. What had once been a fond memory that warmed your heart, now brought you immense sadness. It had been three weeks since you had moved towns. From one day to the next, your mother had hauled your entire life onto the back of a truck with the excuse of pursuing love.

In those three weeks, you had walked around your new neighborhood countless times and had failed to spot any people your age. The only person you had stricken a conversation that lasted more than five minutes was with a lady that lived three houses down from you and spent the majority of her days gardening. Her name was Hye-Kyo, and she loved to talk. Like no joke, the only reason you even conversed with her was because she carried the entire conversation all on her own, jumping from topic to topic with no concern for time. You did learn that she had a son named Jungkook, he was around your age and loved video games. You had yet to meet him but you were hoping the two of you would get along, that way you wouldn’t be alone once the school year began.

"The bookstore, really?"

You felt your cheeks burn at the thought of the lady hearing you blubber your thoughts out loud but were surprised when you looked up and found yourself alone. Frowning, you twisted your neck to search for the source of the voice and felt your heart stop when your eyes landed on the review mirror.

In the back seat of your car sat a pale boy with light brown hair.

"Hey!" you exclaimed, turning in your seat to face him. "What are you doing in my car? Didn't your parents teach you about stranger danger?"

The boy looked stumped, eyes wide and mouth agape as if you had just told him you wanted to go bungee jumping with Beyoncé.

“Y-you can see me?” he propped his right leg on the seat, bending it at the knee so he could rest his chin on it, his eyes flashing bright with curiosity.

You ignored him and eyed his mud-caked boots with fury. How dare this punk put his dirty shoes on your semi-new car?

"First of all," you began, reaching towards him through the middle console. "Take, your nasty ass,"—you smacked his leg with enough strength to show him you meant business— "boot of my seat."

The boy gasped, horrified. "Y-you can, you can touch me too?"

"What? Of course, I can touch you," you let out affronted. This kid was just aching to get hit again and you were more than happy to comply. "Want me to show you?"

"But how did you—?"

"Alrighty," the passenger door opened to reveal the sale's lady carrying a manila folder filled with papers. "Here we go. These are the papers you need to sign, uh…is everything all right?"

You removed your irritated gaze from the pale punk to look at her.

"Oh yeah," you assured her. "Just," you pointed in the direction of the boy only to find an empty seat. "...talking to myself."

"Hope you're not talking yourself out of it," she half-joked, offering you a faint smile.

"No, no, no," you waved at her absentmindedly, "Where do I sign?"

The drive back to your new house was the longest and most awkward drive of your life. And you were alone in the car! The pale punk had shaken you up, leaving you to go over every second of the quick encounter continuously trying to figure out how he got in and out your car without making a sound.

Every now and then you'd spare your backseat a quick glance through the review mirror hoping to find him sitting there, but that was completely ridiculous because a person couldn't just appear and disappear at will.

You shook your head, clearing your mind of such thoughts. The boy was probably some dumb kid that didn't have anything better to do than to bother people and he foolishly considered you an easy target. Well, he had another thing coming. If you ever saw him again, he was going to get a piece of your mind.

Parking in the driveway of the white house set the butterflies in your stomach free. The mystery boy was long forgotten. You couldn't wait to see the look in your mom's face when she saw your new car. You had been saving up for almost a year and a half now, taking up different part-time jobs and doing side jobs for quick cash, and finally, you were cashing in your reward. Obviously, you still had to pay for its insurance, but that was for you to worry about later.

Fetching the keys from your pocket, you unlocked the door.

"I'm home!" you exclaimed loudly, "And I have a surprise!"

Your words echoed throughout the empty house.

Making your way to the kitchen, you spot a neon yellow sticky note on the refrigerator door.

"Went out with Camilla, there's leftover pasta in the fridge.

Love, Mom. ♡"

You sighed.

Of course, she was out with Camilla. Everything was about Camilla nowadays. Camilla is part of the wine club, Camilla is building a pool in her backyard, Camilla this, Camilla that. You understood your mother was putting herself out there and that she was exploring her sexuality but did she really have to abandon you like this? You knew it wasn't her fault, you hadn't told her about the car but still. You hardly see her around lately, and even though you live together, you were beginning to miss her.

You drag yourself upstairs, this whole Camilla mess making your head hurt.

The extravagant staircase was one of your favorite things about the house. The wood was a rich brown color with a layer of shine, and it went up in a spiral-like shape. Every time you went up and down the stairs, you felt like royalty. For this house, it seemed your mom had chosen everything based on one word: bigger. This house had a bigger kitchen, living room, bedrooms, restrooms, backyard, you name it. But it was beautiful, everything was fresh and new and you loved it.

You had to hand it to your mom, she had good taste.

Unlike you.

Your room was bland, for lack of a better word. Your bed was pushed against the far left corner of the room near the window. Next to it was your desk, your computer and books laid messily over it, and to your right was a dresser with clothes sticking out of half-opened drawers. Home decor was not your thing. Lately, nothing seemed to be your thing.

This was your final year of high school and you had yet to decide on a college or career. Your mom was constantly on your ass about it but every time you tried to make a decision, your mind went blank with panic. Another wave of sadness hit you like a brick to the head.

Oh, the tragedy.

"Not very organized I see," came a contemplating voice over your shoulder.

You jumped forward, a shriek leaving your lips.

The punk with muddy shoes was back, and he was inside your house, inside your room to be more precise.

"How did you get in here?"

Your heart was pounding against your chest rapidly, and your face was burning hot with awareness. An unknown boy was standing in your messy room. The clothes sticking out of the dresser were screaming at you and you realized that it was underwear sticking out of the top drawer, and the books all over your room were chastising you for not shelving them when you had time. You felt embarrassed and then you felt angry. How dare he make you feel embarrassed about being in your own room?

"Through the door," he answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He walked towards your bed and laid down, placing his folded arms behind his head. "I hope you're planning to do something about the walls, they look really bland."

This was the second time this boy had shown up in your presence unannounced, and you weren't liking it. The backseat of your car was one thing, but your room? Your room was a whole new level of invasion of privacy. And he had the nerve to insult you. You were just about ready to explode.

"Five seconds," you said, pointing a finger at him menacing manner. "I'm going to give you five seconds to explain yourself before I go full Bruce Lee on your ass."

The boy stared at you for a long while, his eyes searching your face. He seemed to have found whatever he was looking for because he said, "My name is Yoongi."

Yoongi.

The name was strange yet familiar. You’d heard that name before somewhere, you just couldn’t remember where.

"Okay Yoongi," you said slowly, taking crablike steps until you were standing in front of your dresser. You reached behind you and worked your fingers hastily to shove the clothes back into the drawer as best as they could. "Could you explain why you've been following me? I'll tell the police to go easy on you if you do."

Yoongi puffed out his cheeks and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not following you,” he explained, before straitening up against the headboard and scratching the back of his head, looking uncomfortable. “I mean I am but not in a stalker way, I just…”

“Oh, thank God!” you exclaimed, your voice an octave higher than necessary. “You are not a stalker! You’re just a stranger that follows people they don’t know around, oh wait.”

He rolled his eyes again, before shooting you an annoyed look. “Are you always this sarcastic? And I’m not a stranger, I told you my name.”

You couldn’t help the dry laugh that fell from your lips. It was more of an airy “ha!” rather than an actual laugh at this kid’s nerve.

“I know your name?” you let out hysterically, pacing back and forth and throwing your hands in the air. “Why don’t you stay over for dinner then? Since we know all about each other now. How does that sound?”

If you thought Yoongi was annoyed with you before, he looked like he was just about ready to push you out the window. His brows were drawn together in a frown and he was pouting, cheeks covered in a light flush. If you weren’t completely freaking out about his sudden appearance, you would have pinched his cheeks. He resembled an incredibly cute pissed off kitten.

He let out an exasperated breath as if he was the one dealing with a breaking and entering situation.

“I’m going to show you something, okay?” he placed his hands in front of him to show you that he meant no ill will. “But please,” he begged. “Don’t be frightened.”

Before you could mention how untrustworthy his words sounded, he disappeared.

Yoongi was gone and you were staring at an empty bed.

You had seen many strange things in your life. Like your friends eating ice cream with toast or that kid from school who used to listen to heavy metal music while he studied but never had you ever seen a person disappear like that. Hesitantly, you moved forward and swung your arm through the space where Yoongi had been sitting. Your arm was instantly met with something solid.

Both of you exclaimed at the same.

“Heeey!” you heard Yoongi whine as he reappeared, rubbing at the side of his face. “Why did you do that?”

You were stunned.

Yoongi had superpowers.

That was the only explanation you could offer. He could make himself invisible. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. This strange boy you had just met had superpowers.

This was the strangest day of your life.

All the books you had read before were coming back to you. Was this the beginning of your adventure? Was this the part where Yoongi told you that you were not of this world and he was here to take you back to your people? Did you have a superpower?

The two of you were silent for what felt like hours.

“Please say something,” Yoongi spoke gently, worry swimming in his eyes.

“You have superpowers,” you let instantly, the words spilling from your mouth like they have been stuck there for years and had been finally released.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling, murmuring something under his breath.

A million questions were running through your head right now. Too many for you to properly turn them into words and express them verbally. This was insane. Completely fucking insane. This boy in front of you had superpowers and you had witnessed it firsthand.

“How long have you had them? Why are you showing them to me? Does anyone else know? Do you work for the government? Oh my god, is this about the stolen weed because I had nothing to do with that, I swe—”

“Stolen weed?” Yoongi questioned, a look of utter confusion plastered on his face. “What are you talking about? I don’t have superpowers, dumbass.”

“Then how are able to turn invisi—Hey! Who are you calling a dumbass, dumbass?”

Yoongi sighed, for the hundredth time that day and ran a hand over his face. His lips were pursed and there was a serious look in his eyes. You wanted to shake him and demand an answer but you refrained yourself. Instead, you stared right back at him and thus, began the world’s most intense staring competition.

“I’m a ghost.”

next

[thesinglesjukebox]

FULL TAC FT. LIL MARIKO - WHERE'S MY JUUL??

[6.11]

Do we choose rule, or do we choose suck?

Alex Clifton: Juuls. Juuls. Juuls. Oh my god, Juuls. [7]

Katie Gill: It's a little bit telling how all the comments on the YouTube video are comparing this song to other meme songs and not talking about the merits of the song itself. Still, there will always be a place in the world for meme songs that are serviceable memes but less than serviceable songs that teenagers can obnoxiously quote on the bus. "Where's My Juul" fits that niche perfectly. I expect a fleet of TikToks featuring people lip-syncing to this and will be very disappointed when this inevitably doesn't happen because I am out of touch with the youth. [6]

Kalani Leblanc: I can see there's already an abundance of blurbs submitted for this song, and the number will have risen by the time I finish this. After thinking so hard about how to go about being the fifteenth person to say "It sounds like "Shoes"," I'm realizing it's not really "Shoes" anyway. While they're both jokes that bear a resemblance in the thrash of a breakdown, "Where's My Juul??" is also listenable. The comparison is getting tired because it's like did anyone listen to "Shoes"? As a song? In earnest??? While this is not an entirely impressive piece, no concerto or FKA Twigs production, it's enough. Since 2006, we've been making everything into jokes, so it makes perfect sense. Nicotine-induced freakouts would've been the subject of an after school special ten years ago, but now they're joke material for hypebeasts and others on Twitter. Lil Mariko makes an impressive case while trying to find her Juul; I can't find anything this song did wrong, sorry. [8]

Will Adams: The mid-song 0-to-11 ramp is what takes this past the mean-spiritedness of "#Selfie" and the meme-spiritedness of "Phone" into effortless "Shoes"/"Let Me Borrow That Top" absurdity. The Juul is a placeholder; sub in any other monosyllabic cultural artifact, and Lil Mariko's rage against Full Tac's electroclash-y beat would cut through just as effectively. "Sorry, guys!" she says at the end, except there's nothing to apologize for. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I wrote 20 pages about Juul culture in 2018 so I should in theory be the exact target audience for this. Yet "Where's My Juul??" doesn't really click for me. It's charming and funny in parts (Lil Mariko's spoken verses, which transmit nervy anxiety and barely restrained fury effectively) but the hook, which takes up most of the very long minute-forty-five, is comedy via brute force principles: repeat a phrase enough and it will transfigure into a joke. [5]

Brad Shoup: About as funny as the related TikTok meme, though not as menacing, surprisingly. I wish so badly that Full Tac had gone full hardcore -- or even brostep! -- but am glad that Lil Mariko's Danny Brownian ad-libs and sudden reversals grind "#SELFIE" into the dirt. [7]

Oliver Maier: I need not catalogue the myriad ways in which this is transparently designed to blast off on TikTok -- you would probably know better than me -- but that cynicism detracts from "Where's My Juul??" for me. There's none of the spontaneity or sense of genuine fun that animates certain other genre-agnostic, threat-spewing, extremely online weirdo duos, more savvy than it is genuinely silly. It's not badly executed, but I felt like I got the picture before even hitting play. [4]

Will Rivitz: I get this is supposed to be more meme than song, but I so wish it had leaned into the latter for more than half its runtime. The "FUCK!!!" at the beginning of its second chorus is worth at least a [7] on its own, and its redlining nu-metal production is such a tight fusion of XXXTENTACION's sonic fingerprint and simplified TikTok trap that I'm surprised the "oh my God" ad-libs aren't followed by a "Ronny." As it stands, "Where's My Juul??" and its just-a-little-too-long interludes that grate after listen number four or so functions as a sort of "Thrift Shop" for the current day, a track defined by its novelty that we as an Internet music-Twitter hivemind all agree was genuinely good about five years after it's exited the public consciousness. It deserves more. [8]

Ian Mathers: Both less musically compelling and with less of a point than "Can I Get a Box?". [5]

Katherine St Asaph: It's kind of amazing how it took seven years for Rebecca Martinson to release her debut. [1]

Nortey Dowuona: Lil Mariko is actually kinda weird in the lol so random funny way that people think that [insert overrated white comic who had a Comedy Central show] is and has a really great metal screaming voice. I don't know who made this dull approximation of Kenny Beats and Pi'erre Bourne, nor do I care. Lil Mariko will hopefully get a recurring cameo role on Nora From Queens and get her own show from that. [5]

Mo Kim: The best joke here is the escalation of nonchalance (hey, where's my Juul?) into something desperate, and therefore dangerous: it hits like the drop in a rollercoaster when Lil Mariko finally breaks out the deep-throated metal screams, but the moment wouldn't have half the thrill without the masterful way she gradually ups the heat on the song's first chorus before that. Both of her spoken monologues, where she merges Valley Girl affect with murderous menace, only sweeten the deal. [8]

Ryo Miyauchi: "Where's My Juul??" gets spiked with an infectious dose of adrenaline when it suddenly turns a lot more aggro than you'd expect from a meme-y cross-section of Rico Nasty's mosh-pop and PC Music's ironic bubblegum. The demented beat stings with a pungent metallic sourness, and while her Valley Girl accent scans as an obvious put-on, Lil Mariko's blood-curdling scream is legitimately hair-raising. The song rapidly combusts, ensuring the joke doesn't overstay its welcome. [7]

Joshua Lu: Yes, hearing the unassuming Lil Mariko scream and snarl over a missing Juul is intrinsically funny, especially accompanied by a music video that knows exactly how to push the limits of its concept. But the real strength of "Where's My Juul??" lies in its sheer relatability. The title could be anything -- where's my wallet, my phone, my eraser -- because anyone who has ever misplaced anything can relate to the escalating panic and rage in not only the cataclysmic vocals, but also Full Tac's discordant production. Also crucial to the song is its sense of plot, as it steadily progresses from confusion to blame to outright violence. The ending, though predictable (Lizzo used the exact same twist not that long ago), is a necessary denouement, as it provides the moment where everyone involved can look back on the last minute and a half of chaos and laugh. [8]

Iain Mew: As a song structure trick, I love the fake-out final verse, those ones that seem like something slowly developing before the artist brutally cuts it off for the chorus or instrumental to come back stronger than ever; the "Don't Speak" and "Your Best American Girl" kind of thing. The key moment of "Where's My Juul??" comes in taking that same trick to a ludicrous, brilliant extreme. It has a drawn-out, jittery verse, a cartoon scowl of a chorus, and then one question into verse two it veers straight into swearing, screaming and fucking everything up. That's perfect enough that it would ideally be even shorter than it ends up. [7]

Kylo Nocom: Full Tac and Lil Mariko do in less than two minutes what took Justice five. The gimmick is the least fun part, and judging by my sample size of BigKlit's "Liar" and Full Tac's very own "CHOP" the producers behind this might not even be as funny as this video would imply. But I've long settled with music that's good on the merits of just being fun; when the production here is layered with discordant guitar sampling, analog drum kits, and distant screams of "piss!" and "fuck," I'm willing to buy into the ugliness. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Full Tac returns with another take on "Liar," succeeding because the goofy conceit here finds an appropriately goofy (that is, unexpected) vocal performance. Part of the appeal is how "Where's My Juul??" could sit comfortably alongside songs from Rico Nasty and Rina Sawayama, but has the appeal of shoddy viral videos from yesteryear. It's that "Kombucha Girl"-type reaction it's striving to elicit, and it accomplishes that as soon as the screaming starts. The best detail, though, is the most subtle: the moment Lil Mariko stops herself from saying "who" and politely asks "have you seen it?" [7]

Michael Hong: Have you ever been dragged to a party only for your only friend to disappear, leaving you to mingle with a group of people you don't know? And one person makes a comment so absurd that you just giggle along with the rest of the group even though you're not really sure if they're layering their statement with even a hint of irony or if there's something much more unsettling lurking underneath? But the jokes are getting more and more uncomfortable and suddenly fewer people are laughing along, instead furtively glancing across each other with an exasperated look as if to say "is this person for real?" And instead of backing away, that person instead starts doubling down, getting more and more aggressive, screaming across the room for what feels like hours and surely people must be ready to head out. Instead, when you finally catch a moment to glance down at your phone, you find that only two minutes have elapsed since you arrived and you realize that not even a quarter of the time has passed before your ride will come and you can leave this godforsaken party. You have absolutely no choice but to continue standing in the group in discomfort, waiting for this moment that feels like an eternity to finally finish, with the only background noise being the stereos blaring what sounds like someone's first attempt at using GarageBand. [0]

Crystal Leww: While I was digging through "likes" on SoundCloud, I noticed that a friend of mine had liked "Baby Let Me Know" by Full Tac, which sounds like the synth heavy dreamy pop that was popular at the beginning of last decade. I did not stick around for "Where's My Juul??" so imagine my surprise today when I turned this on and it's umm, screaming. A consistent genre as an essential part of an up-and-coming artist's brand is less essential than ever, especially in an age where (waves hands) dance music has eaten itself alive in its swirling storm of troll energy. Chaos in and of itself is a brand -- from 100 gecs to Alice Longyu Gao's dueling sister tracks "Rich Bitch Juice"/"Dumb Bitch Juice" to any DJ Bus Replacement Service set, it has fully infiltrated dance music. How this goes from sweetly threatening to full-on psychotic and back to cutely apologetic is chaotic so yes, I think Full Tac could make some noise (both in creating a fanbase and also like literally) with this. [8]

[Read and comment on The Singles Jukebox]

[hasty-touch]

Tips for leveling DoH & DoL

I am fondly known by my friends as "that guy who's obsessed with crafting and also Ishgard", so I'm ecstatic about getting to enjoy both those things in Shadowbringers. And I've been hearing a lot of my friends excited about the latter wanting to catch up with the former so they're ready to participate! I love crafting so much I've capped classes on 4 alts... so having leveled multiple times, I thought I'd share some of my thoughts and tips -- not a detailed how-to guide (though maybe I'll try to write one of those someday), but broader opinions about what strategies to take. This is geared more to DoH than DoL (which is more self-explanatory IMO) but I'll include thoughts on DoL too.

I learned how to craft back in the 2.5 era from GameFAQs and from ffxivguild -- though I can't easily recommend the latter anymore because their ads and autoplay videos have gotten really aggressive. If I find a good, current guide I'll add a link here.

Other resources well-loved by me or friends are Crafting as a Service for shopping lists and leveling planning, Ariyala for gearing, FFXIV Teamcraft for their endgame-invaluable simulator, and Garlandtools Bell for unspoiled nodes.

So let's see. What would my general tips be for people who are picking up DoH and DoL now in anticipation of Shadowbringers?

Your leveling options

There are lots of different ways for you to level your DoH and L, so if you hate one there's sure to be another option. Some of them, and my thoughts on the pros and cons of the different methods:

Class Quests. I strongly recommend doing your class quests as you unlock them! They give nice lumps of experience, shards/crystals for DoH, and gear (albeit NQ gear, so inferior to what you could make yourself). You should especially do 60-70, Stormblood era quests as you unlock them, as they give you powerful new traits and abilities. Of course, you have to fill the gaps between class quests with something:

Grinding. Just makin' stuff from your Crafting Log or gathering from your Gathering Log, or hanging out at a level-appropriate fishing hole and fishing. Potentially boring, but can actually add up to nice chunks of EXP, especially under Rested and with the aid of Engineering Manuals/Survival Manuals. (More on them later.)

Leveling DoH through grinding is probably your most expensive option, not only in terms of gil spent on the MB but retainer space used to store those materials.

Synthesize (manually crafting) gives more experience than Quick Synthesis -- if I understand correctly, the more steps you use in a craft the more experience you get, up to a point renofmanyalts says you get more exp the more you fill your Quality bar, which makes a lot more sense!

You can recover some of your gil by selling the items you make, so a little time researching what you can make at your level that sells well may be profitable in several ways.

Leveling DoL through grinding, on the other hand, is potentially a way to make money, if there's a high-demand item in the right level range.

You'll get more experience for HQ items and by maintaining a chain (i.e., not missing an item).

Since you can start and stop grinding whenever you want, you can use it both if you have lots or limited time to play. But I wouldn't recommend it as your primary method!

Grand Company Supply and Provisioning. One item requested each day for each class. You get a very nice chunk of experience, doubled if HQ, with a further bonus to starred items.

I like the GC as a leveling method. They usually take the length of one food buff (<= 30 minutes for all eight DoH classes, plus an additional <= 30 minutes for all three DoL classes), which is a manageable amount of chores per day. You get GC seals, which can be spent on manuals, Cordials, squadron missions, etc., to further help you.

You are limited to one item per class per day, so once you've handed in your day's items, you have to find something else to do. It's great if you play every day, but if you have a lot of playtime on just a few days of the week you may not be able to take the same advantage.

You do have to buy and store the materials, and since the assignment each day is random, it may take up a lot of retainer space.

Levequests/guildleves. While technically limited by your leve allowances (which can be checked at the bottom of your journal), you get 3 allowances every 12 hours and you can store up to 100, and you've gotta really grind leves to spend 100 leve allowances. They give nice chunks of experience, doubled for HQ.

"Levekits" are bundles of items sold by higher-level crafters and fishers which, when handed in to levemetes, get you enough experience to bump you up to the target level (50, 60, etc.) They're an option -- and if you really must be level 70 today, they're your only option -- but I don't really recommend them. If you learn to craft yourself while you level, you'll understand how the abilities work together and won't be overwhelmed by buttons at cap. Even if you intend only to craft at cap using other people's macros, a little bit of knowledge will help you troubleshoot and improve them.

If you take advantage of DoH leves, I would recommend you make the items yourself instead, gaining experience both for the crafting and for the turn-in. You will have to buy/gather the materials, but since you can decide what leves you're going to target in advance and just get materials for those, storage is not as problematic.

MIN and BTN leves send you to a location to gather key items that are handed in at the end of the leve, sometimes with special targets (changing what actions you'd spend your GP on). For the time invested you get more exp than just grinding, but you don't have items to sell at the end of it.

Large-Scale Temple Knight leves (marked with "(L)" in the levequest name) are generally considered not worth your time because they take 10x the allowances and only give 3x the exp.

You can do as many leves as you want per day as long as you have the allowances, so you can take advantage if you've got a lot or a little time.

Beast Tribes. You can get DoH exp from the Ixal (intended for level 1-50) and the Moogles (50-60), and either DoH or DoL from the Namazu (60-70). You're limited by Beast Tribe Daily Quest Allowances (12 per day for any beast tribes of your choice) and the number of quests that tribe offers (Ixal start with Deliverance, which is sort of like a bonus daily GC supply mission + 3 dailies, and progressively more are offered as you level up; Moogles and Namazu normally gives you 3 a day, but you get a bonus 3 on days your Reputation ranks up.) They give nice, moderate lumps of exp.

One of the great advantages of beast tribes is that you are given the materials for the item(s) required by the quest, so you only have to pay for crystals -- and you're often rewarded crystals for completion, making them free aside from teleport and repair costs!

Ranking up unlocks more items at the tribe's vendor. The Ixal have a wonderful selection of lumber, and you can buy the Adept and Trailblazer (level 58) sets from the Moogles with Carved Kupo Nuts, etc.

Unlocking Ixal only requires the level 41 MSQ "In Pursuit of the Past". But you gotta unlock the Moogles and the Namazu not only through MSQ (respectively, level 56 "He Who Would Not Be Denied" and level 66 "In Crimson They Walked") but through sidequest chains. The Moogle unlock chain is long and starts with "A Pebble for Your Thoughts" in Moghome (and then after "Trouble at Zenith" you gotta pick up "Into the Mists" from the Pillars). The Namazu require two short chains from Yanxia, starting with "Courage the Cowardly Lupin" and "Perchance to Hanami".

The Ixal daily "Deliverance" will take items you bought off the MB, but otherwise you must do all beast tribes tasks yourself.

The tasks given to you in the Moogle and Namazu DoH quests are really easy -- as long as you grasp the barest basics of crafting, you can succeed at them (and you can retry as many times as you like, only losing crystals). The Ixal dailies take away your hand slot gear to begin with and slowly add challenge with increasing restrictions such as cross-class ability lockouts. They're not hard, per se, but you have to puzzle over it a bit more than usual.

You can cheat and do Moogle dailies on a higher level class than you hand it in on. You can’t with Namazu -- you have to complete the quest with the same class you picked it up with.

Though quick, they do take a little bit of time, most of which traveling between quest points. Denisot's round today of 3 Moogle dailies took 5 minutes, but if you get one that involves repreated trips it can take longer. Still, they're good if you can play every day even if only briefly.

You might get asked to type "free kupo nuts" in /say.

Collectables (Rowena's House of Splendors). After (IIRC) level 50, after MSQ "The Better Half", you can unlock collectables via the quest "Inscrutable Tastes" in Revenant's Toll. You can then hand in collectables to the House of Splendors (via kiosks at the main cities, Revenant's Toll, Idyllshire, and Rhalgr's Reach) to receive experience and scrips. Like GC supply and provisioning, each day the requested items change. Also like the GC, there's a chance the requested items will have a star next to them, giving bonus scrip and exp. It's always the highest-level turn-in available to you that has a chance of a star.

Collectable crafting works exactly the same as regular crafting. You just toggle on Collector's Glove (an action you can get from your actions window and/or put on your hotbar) and craft as if you were trying for HQ; your HQ chance is converted into collectable rating.

Collectable fishing is AFAIK essentially the same as fishing for HQ. Again, you just toggle on Collector's Glove and try to land a big/HQ fish.

Collectable MIN and BTN, on the other hand, is its whole own little mini-game added on to the normal gathering minigame. You'll want to look up a guide on how to do collectable gathering -- I don't have one handy at the moment. It's not hard, necessarily, but it's a new system to learn!

Rowena's House of Splendors is truly unlimited, and you can hand in as many collectables as you want each day. The experience isn't great, though, even for starred items, so I would recommend against going crazy and doing these all day long. LOVE YOURSELF!

The amounts of scrip rewarded isn't great to begin with, so grinding for rewards will be pretty miserable until you get up into the mid-high 50s. However, if you must have the full Adept's set today, it's an option!

Red Crafters' Scrip (the current common scrip) can be traded for a variety of items, such as manuals, level 60 gear (via Rowena's Token (Blue Crafters' Scrip)), Soul of the Crafter (for changing specializations after your free choice of three from Alderan), IV-V materia, old mats, etc. Red Gatherers' Scrip can also be traded for gear and materia, more valuable old mats (like Pterodactyl), and good fishing bait like Brute Leech and Silkworm.

Collectables are not tradeable, so you must do them yourself. You can't buy the items or get a friend to make them for you.

For DoH, you do have to buy and store the materials, as with Grand Company Supply, unless you exclusively do:

Custom Deliveries. The first client is Zhloe Aliapoh, unlocked at level 60 with quest "Arms Wide Open" in Idyllshire. These tasks take collectables, like Rowena's House of Splendors, but are limited to 6 hand-ins per week per client and 12 hand-ins per week across all clients. If you do them at level cap, you get valuable yellow scrips, but you can also use your allowances for leveling classes below cap.

The materials for DoH Custom Deliveries are sold by vendors in town (Scrap Salvager in Idyllshire, Material Supplier in Rhalgr's Reach, and Blue Merchant in Tamamizu) They're cheap, and you're awarded gil at hand-in, so DoH Custom Deliveries are almost-free-to-profitable to do. DoL, as usual, cost only teleport and repair costs.

The time required is generally very little -- FSH probably takes the longest because of RNG. And you can do them whenever you have time during the week.

If you're using them for leveling, the experience is only modest. But it is a very easy, low-effort way to get red scrips and experience (if you do them below cap) and yellow scrips (if you do them at cap).

AFAIK, Zhloe only requires you unlock Idyllshire level and be 60 in one DoH or DoL class. M'naago requires the MSQ cleared through "Return of the Bull" (SB 4.1). Kurenai requires you to have unlocked M'naago and finished the quest chain that starts with "The Palace of Lost Souls" (including quests not currently marked with a blue unlocky !).

For DoH, like with Moogle dailies, you can craft the collectable item on any class, then change classes before handing it in.

Challenge Log. Don't forget that you get lumps of experience each week for crafting NQ and HQ items, melding materia, gathering NQ and HQ from nodes, and fishing NQ and HQ fish. The quantities are modest, but they're a nice bonus if you choose to level through a method that involves crafting/gathering items yourself (GC Supply/Provisioning, levequests, grinding, etc.)

Overall, my recommendation would be to try a little bit of every leveling method and find out what's enjoyable for you and fits nicely into your budget and schedule. We have a half-year until Shadowbringers, so if you start now you can take a relaxed pace -- no need to rush, grind doing stuff you hate, and burn yourself out.

Engineering and Survival Manuals and similar buffs

There are a variety of buffs that will help you level, giving you more experience per craft or gather. For DoH, you want Engineering Manuals (the yellow ones); for DoL, it's Survival Manuals (the green ones). You can get these from all sorts of sources -- all the ones I remember are:

Rewards from doing your class quests. Another reason to stay on top of em! These Commercial * Manuals give a 150% boost and last 60 minutes or up to 300,000 exp. You can buy more from Rowena's House of Splendors with red scrips.

Bought from your GC quartermaster (Grand Company Seal Exchange). The strongest ones available are Company-Issue * Manual II (+50% for 180 minutes or for 100,000 exp) for sergeants. Company-Issue * Manuals do not stack with Commerical * Manuals.

Free Company actions. "Helping Hand II" and "Earth and Water II" can be bought from the OIC Quartermaster and give 10% more experience to DoH and DoL respectively. The more powerful III versions are charged on an Aetherial Wheel and provide a 20% bonus.

Rewarded from Squadron Priority Missions. You unlock your GC squadron, IIRC, at Second Lieutenant rank, and unlock Priority Missions by completing the level 40 Flagged Mission. The Squadron * Manuals (+20% for 120 minutes, no limit) you can obtain once-a-week from Priority Mission manuals do not stack with Free Company actions.

Company-Issue/Commercial manuals DO stack with Squadron manuals/FC actions.

The recruit-a-friend reward, Friendship Circlet, can be worn while crafting and gathering for 20% more exp when level 25 or below. Same for the Stormblood preorder(?) reward, Ala Mhigan Earrings, which gives 30% more exp when level 50 or below. Brand-New Ring is wearable only by Disciples of War or Magic, so you can't use that.

While it's not an exp bonus, the crafting facility furnishings (Woodworking Bench, etc.) grant a nice 60 minutes of bonus CP to DoH of level 60 or lower, AND THEY CAN NOW BE PUT INTO STORAGE!!! \o/

And of course, don't forget to eat some sort of food while you're crafting or gathering for the 3% exp bonus.

Which DoH should I level up first?

The correct answer to this question has been, and continues to be, everything at once; omnicrafting is the best way.

In the eras of 2.0 and 3.0, the cross-class abilities you gained from the classes were essential to being able to craft HQ items. Not just at endgame -- having those cross-class abilities while leveling makes your life much, much easier. And because the recipes of each class take components from other classes (e.g., WVR recipes always want a bit of leather and metal), leveling everything up together made you self-sufficient and less vulnerable to wild mark-ups on processed materials at the Market Board. Therefore, I join the majority of crafters in continuing to recommend leveling up all your DoH together.

However...

In 4.0, Stormblood, the designers' vision for DoH changed. From levels 61-70, all classes learn the same abilities, which are stronger (but more expensive) versions of the old cross-class mainstays like Careful Synthesis, Manipulation, and Hasty Touch. Nowadays, if somebody slogged through levels 1-60 on one DoH with no cross-class abilities, they would actually be able to craft at level 70 almost as successfully as an omnicrafter. Since the developers have stated that they're very happy with the crafting system right now, it's reasonable to guess Shadowbringers will be similar.

Additionally, not all cross-class abilities are equally valuable. Whenever a new tier of crafting difficulty is added, the endgame meta shifts slightly, but right now, cross-class abilities like Waste Not and Flawless Synthesis aren't really used.

Therefore, while I do recommend you level up everything together, if you really don't want to, you can get away with abandoning some classes along the way. If Ishgard Reconstruction turns out to be similar to beast tribes, you might get away with having just one capped DoH. On the other hand, the developers have teased exclusive challenges for endgame crafters somehow connected to the Ishgard Reconstruction content, so if you want to be ready for whatever that turns out to be, you should at least get all your cross-class abilities.

My tentative recommendation for DoH leveling priority is something like this:

Get anything to 10 to unlock Quick Synthesis.

Get everything to 15. For example:

WVR 15 (Careful Synthesis)

ALC 15 (Tricks of the Trade)

GSM 15 (Manipulation)

CUL 15 (Hasty Touch)

CRP 15 (Rumination)

ARM (Rapid Synthesis), BSM (Ingenuity), LTW (Waste Not).

CUL 37 (Steady Hand II)

WVR 50 (Careful Synthesis II)

ALC 50 (Comfort Zone)

CRP 50 (Byregot's Blessing)

ARM 50 (Piece by Piece)

CUL 50 (Reclaim)

BSM 50 (Ingenuity II)

GSM 50 (Innovation)

CUL 54 (Muscle Memory)

If you MUST skip one DoH entirely, I'd pick LTW, since the Waste Nots are generally inferior to the Manipulations.

You COULD drop CUL after 54's very useful Muscle Memory. And since CUL doesn't correspond to gear, it doesn't help you repair or meld materia, and other classes generally don't need materials processed by CUL.

Various classes' level 54 Name of [Element] cross-class abilities aren't that useful at present -- they're sometimes used in endgame rotations. GSM's level 54 Maker's Mark is also not currently that useful, though it was OP a couple patches back.

Still -- I think it's safest, and for me less annoying, to level everything together.

Should I craft using macros?

Yes -- I think macros are great for relieving the tedium of the repetitive crafting tasks, which you’ll often have while leveling. (Wish I could tell you where to look for good macros, but as I mentioned, I learned years ago, and I just write my own macros these days!)

However, I think you should spend some time manually crafting as well. It will help you understand when and why you use certain abilities, how not to overcap Durability and CP, why you might or might not take Tricks of the Trade, etc. That skill and knowledge will help you even if you plan to primarily use macros at cap, since it will enable you to tweak those macros to be even better for your stats, teach you when you should cancel a macro and take over, etc. Nevermind that macros are very vulnerable to server congestion and lag...

And once you know how to craft, you will almost always have a higher potential quality manually crafting than using a macro -- your ability to respond to changes in Condition can get you precious more stacks of Inner Quiet or CP for upgrading Touches. I often use macros for putting together components but manually craft the final product to be sure I get the highest possible quality.

Other tips for leveling DoH?

I think you'll find one of the most invaluable resources for leveling baby DoH is access to a house or apartment with a Material Supplier. Your friendly FC (or apartment) Material Supplier will take care of practically all your materials needs through level 20 or more.

There are other useful Materials Suppliers scattered around -- in addition to the those in main cities and each of the guilds, check out the ones in the marketplaces out in residential districts.

I also strongly recommend unlocking every 2.0 A Realm Reborn beast tribe because even at mere Neutral standing the tribe vendors offer materials like Undyed Velveteen and Mythril Ingots that you’ll be using in quantity.

Don’t forget to upgrade your gear as you go, even if you’re just putting on new NQ gear from your class quests. DoL is particularly sensitive to gear -- you can really feel the difference when you upgrade a piece.

And really -- like in all aspects of the game, please be sure to pace yourself and make sure you’re enjoying yourself as you go. We’ve got plenty of time.

If you’ve leveled your DoH and DoL recently, what lessons have you learned you wish you’d had at the beginning? Or if you’re leveling right now, what questions do you have? I’m happy to opine or give basic pointers!

You may find my guide/checklist for DoH and DoL class quest items useful, if you haven’t already seen it. And as I mentioned, I may work on a more detailed, how-to-actually-craft-the-things guide in the future, if there’s interest.

Please, don’t be shy and get in touch! I am so excited to work together to rebuild Ishgard with you!!

[wolfliving]

The Maker Movement and its discontents

*Via nettime mailing list

James Wallbank:

Fascinating to hear about personal engagement in Making, Graham!

I, too, have been personally, hands-on involved in Making since Access Space's turn towards digital manufacture, and the interface of the physical and the digital, since around 2010.

(For those of you who aren't aware of Access Space, it started as a "DIY Media Lab" which I and various friends who had accreted around "Redundant Technology Initiative" (lowtech.org) in 2000. It re-interpreted donated digital debris as resource, rebuilding computers, installing free operating systems, making them available to participants, and encouraging and supporting creative, self-directed projects.)

Part of the motivation behind Access Space was our hope that digital engagement and skills had the potential to empower. This proved to be the case in the early 2000s, and numerous time-rich participants engaged with Access Space, taught themselves and each other technological skills, and became web designers, graphic designers, technicians or even better-known artists. (Though whether "art" is, in the context of networked global capital, a viable or empowering career for a statistically significant proportion of its participants is, I suggest, in question.)

By 2010 we'd seen far less business incubation, and proportionately fewer participants able to self-teach to a level that it made a real difference to their life prospects or creative leverage. We saw that hardware and software skills devalued as pre-installed devices became cheaper, and that the digital realm was becoming dominated by global digital services, including social media, that, while they didn't do a great job, diverted the vast majority of potential digital design clients away from bespoke, local service providers.

In short, the window of opportunity suggested by the first phase of the graphical internet was closing. While, in 2000, speed-reading an HTML primer, combined with a little design flair, a few copywriting skills, and some sales confidence could make you a web designer in a month, in 2010 this was no longer the case.

We concluded that when any new technology is introduced, there's a period of opportunity, before that technology has become fully adopted or systematised, in which the individual can get involved, and (in a short time, with a level of skill only one page ahead of their clients) can empower themselves, converting an interest into saleable skills, products or resources.

We've seen the same window open and close with blockchain (which I believe to be illusory, unproductive, and, in the end, simply gambling). A vanishingly few people made money though cryptocurrency trading, but now it's dominated by grinding Ponzi schemes, viral mining fiddles, or blockchain is being repurposed by multinationals. The moment of opportunity for the individual has passed.

At Access Space we saw Fab Lab or "Maker Technologies" as a more genuinely productive line of approach, and, even though many of the technologies had been around for a decade or more, saw that the window of opportunity had not yet closed. As technology requiring significant physical engagement and investment (you need to buy real-world machines and materials!) the timescale of its adoption and exploitation by capital would be far slower.

So at Access Space we raised money (thanks EU structural funds!) and bought a CNC, a Lasercutter, a 3D Printer, Arduinos, Raspberry Pis, a digital embroidery machine... and set about a research partnership to explore the potentials of these technologies for creating local jobs and enterprises.

In the end, for those not in the highfalutin' and disconnected academic realm (sorry, researchers - you're my friends really!) a key element of whether a technology is empowering or not is "Can you get paid for using it?"

And "using it to engage and educate" doesn't count - actually using it to create product or paid-for service is key. In Access Space's particular case, we took the position that we didn't care about "industrial transformation", nor "increasing supply-chain efficiencies". We cared most about actual, tangible jobs in Sheffield, not abstract (however numerically significant) jobs in San Fransisco or Shenzen.

The research engaged with local makers, both individuals and startup enterprises, and concluded that the technology we looked at with most potential to generate local jobs and enterprise was lasercutting, and the one with the least potential was 3D Print. Even seven years later, we still agree.

This failure, it seems to me, to engage with the economics of making is exactly what's thus far marginalised the "Maker Movement". It's also true of the Fab Lab - while it's a powerful context for education, the economics of fabbing just don't work.

To give a simple example: one of the Fab Lab founding principals its to engage with a wide range of materials and processes, on a wide range of scales. For a business to become profitable, the imperative is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE. To optimise manufacture, it's necessary to reduce the number of processes, and minimise the variety of materials. In terms of marketing, the key is to focus on a particular product and market. It is supremely irrelevant to a person who wants to buy a new pair of shoes to know that you can also make customised wifi amplifiers, repair bicycles, design lamps or sell toy robots.

Shoe advertisers (physical or digital) sell shoes, not "Anything... uhh... including shoes".

The Maker Movement comes out of academia, where the core product is learning. To the business world, high skill is the enemy. Skilled processes are expensive - you want your highly skilled people to be doing as much as possible, over as wide an area as possible, so you can employ as few of them as possible.

So, with this context, my wife Lisa and I opened "Makers". It's a shop, where we make things. You can commission us to make things, or come and make things with us. We run educational workshops, too - but it's not the mainstay of our business. We did this with the intention of further exploring the opportunities afforded by digital manufacture, with a view to uncovering the sustainable business models that might emerge from it. Having just done two and a half years of research into the employment potentials of digital manufacture, I thought we might have a head-start.

Makers is now coming up to its fourth birthday, and we haven't gone bankrupt yet. (Not to show off, but that fact alone apparently puts us into the top 5% of UK retail!) We've discovered a whole load of stuff about digital and analogue making, the economics and sustainability of local manufacture, that we just didn't know, and we've not seen the wider Maker Movement really touch upon.

We've rejected whole categories of product lines, and focussed on particular processes and products to make our living. We still make a wide range of things, and we're constantly experimenting with new ideas, but bearing in mind that we need to create things that aren't characteristic of the typical maker-space product ("really fascinating, but I have no use for it!"). The objects we make must have the key characteristic that people are prepared to put their hands in their pockets and buy them - for a sensible price - and that means that they must be appealing.

We have a range of clients for our making services, including individuals and businesses. For individual clients, we're typically making home decor, but for micro-businesses we're at the cutting edge of business incubation - people come in with an idea (often its something crafty, with a very specialist market) and we help them design and produce their products.

But... get this... around 80% of clients who commission us to make things, or make things with us, are women. It's a completely different demographic from the typical "maker dude" who inhabits our friendly neighbourhood makerspace. Our repeat making clients are often making money out of making - we're helping to design and manufacture stuff that they sell. There's also an interesting line of products that helps people to sell - signage, packaging, point-of-sale displays.

We're also thinking about how making impacts on our locality. Traditional retail is in freefall - but we're finding that shops are being replaced by "makey" and "crafty" services. Our shop was (twenty five years ago) a greengrocer. Now it's "Makers". On our little block of 16 shops we see computer and phone repairs, a dressmaker, bicycle repairs, baking, and of course, a barber and takeaway food shops. Very nearby we find micro-brewers, woodworkers, picture framers, upholsterers, photographers...

These sorts of services seem, over time, to be replacing the once ubiquitous mini-marts and retail outlets that have been displaced by online shopping.

Recently, we've been a research partner in research into making (MakEY - Making in Early Years) which has been very interesting, but again does what academia is wont to do - assume that the product is learning. In my view, far from being over the hill, making may now be transforming from academic and hobbyist interest to actual economic models. I think it has huge potential to revitalise localities and communities, and I urge researchers to get involved. (Will lecture for food!)

But let's lose the glamour - and start thinking about real products, real places, and real business models. Want an example of "sustainable superlocal digital manufacture"? How about key cutting? Yeah, it's not so cool now, is it?

All the best,

James =====

On 11/06/2019 18:43, Graham Harwood wrote: I just want to interject a little into the Post-Maker universe.

I work a lot these days with the maritime, a technical culture of wooden boat repair that in Essex, I also worked a lot with people who restore old telephone exchanges and people who build steam engines - through having run a free media space in 00 ties were we hacked, pirated recycled at will. Among the many things that are interesting about these technical cultures is that they produce value for those engaged in the process - but this value has only a limited relation to the accumulation of capital. The maker phenomena could be seen in this context as a way to monetise the non-discursive technical cultures - a tinkering world that has an unbroken line back to at least the enlightenment but probably before. In 1799 the Royal Institution of Great Britain was established to put science to work for particular class and keep the theoretical away from a populace that presented a threat (the demon of the French revolution) - The Royal Institution was a place where an artisan class built technicals object but where not allowed in, or allowed to lecture. 

Faraday had to have elocution lessons, learn how to eat properly before being allowed to lecture and even then had to be deemed a genius to escape the his class background and address gentleman. What Im trying to suggest is that non-discursive technical tinkering exist within many technical cultures and long may it remain so.

I'll tag on a little introduction this I wrote.

“The science which compels the inanimate limbs of the machinery, by their construction, to act purposefully, as an automaton, does not exist in the worker’s consciousness, but rather acts upon him through the machine as an alien power.” Karl Marx(1858)

In 1958 the French philosopher Gilbert Simondon published On the Mode of Technical Objects to address just this form of cultural alienation implicit in the quote above. He writes, among other things, about two ways in which people come to know technical objects. He says technology viewed from a child's eye, which I imagine he is seeing as, naive and innocent we gain an implicit, non-reflective, habitual tendency. 

A baby strapped into a buggy, is given a parent's mobile phone and is happily learning to play a game but cannot yet utter the words to express these interactions. Simondon then imagines an inverse, a trained adult engineer, reflective, self-aware using rational knowledge that is elaborated through science. Something like an Apple engineer who creates closed technologies imagining its users still strapped in that buggy unable to articulate their critical needs. 

Simondon seeks out another form of relationship with technical objects which he finds in the Enlightened Encyclopaedism of Denis Diderot and Jean le Rond d'Alembert (Encyclopédie (1751–1777)) in which concrete knowhow is abstracted and assembled into a technical orchestra. Contemporarily, is it worth considering our networked technologies in this mode of encyclopaedism? An evolving off-grid, red-neck, student, coder, geek pedagogy producing technical information, hacks, howto’s, shakedowns, and open source code repositories, that respond to an evolving technical culture. This technical republic is nothing new, it’s genealogies can be traced to and beyond the amateur experimentalistsof the London Electrical Society and William Sturgeon (1783 - 1850) and the artisanal formation that knowledge can be contained in the object built and it’s functioning is its explanation.

Is a tinkering internet a critical technical republic? A social space that potentially can break down the state actors with encryption, corporations by opening up software and proprietary technics by hacking them open, making things public? Is the marginal technics on a teenagers dirty bedroom, the dank basement of a bored salaryman, the ham radio garden shed a strategy to unfold the clean room and its magic men in white coats? Or is this largely a white male space that has eradicated other forms of objectivity and subjectivity from view? How can we attempt to instate a devolved technics that refuses misogyny, racialisation and yet envisages technology outside of the paradigm of human slave or potential human enslaver.

Harwood

From: nettime-l-bounces@mail.kein.org <nettime-l-bounces@mail.kein.org> on behalf of John Preston <wcerfgba@riseup.net> Sent: 11 June 2019 17:39:00 To: nettime-l@mail.kein.org Subject: Re: <nettime> The Maker Movement is abandoned by its corporate sponsors; throws in the towel On the mention of recycling I just wanted to mention the Precious Plastic (https://preciousplastic.com/) project, which is very much in this vein and currently active. Looks good, I'd like to build a recycling machine and melt down some plastic at some point.

On a more local and mainstream level, my town has a show that sells 'upcycled' furniture which has been done up (new handles, repainted with flower motifs etc). Recycling and maker culture is great but I'd like to see more projects which are local or community oriented: this is essential to truly address the problem of waste. We separate glass in my borough, maybe we could feed that into local double glazing firms, or something else.

*stopping here before I ramble on for 10KB*

John

On 2019-06-11 16:27, Jaromil wrote: > dear Bruce and nettimers, > > On Sat, 08 Jun 2019, Bruce Sterling wrote: > >> *Well, so much for the O’Reilly Web 2.0 version of popular >>  mechanics.  Fifteen years is not too bad a run by the standards of >>  an increasingly jittery California Ideology.  Now what? — Bruce S > > Felipe Fonseca has seen it coming years before and express it well: > https://medium.com/@felipefonseca/repair-culture-65133fdd37ef > > he wasn't alone: for those of us who were into the "recycling" and DIY > scene in the late nineties, the Make magazine circus was the sort of > poison to kill a movement by sugar coating and extraction aka > franchising. While doing that for 15 years, there are a three points > it missed to address IMHO: > > 1. the right to mod your hardware, esp. video-games which represent >    the vast majority of new hardware sold and thrown away around the >    globe > > 2. the "peripheries of the empire" aka South of the World (remember >    Bricolabs?) where DIY is *amazingly* developed in various forms. >    As usual, we have learned nothing from that, just advertised us >    westeners doing it better and with more bling. > > 3. the "shamanic" value that can be embedded in uses of technologies, >    as opposed to the sanitized and rational interpretation given by >    designers in the west. Techno-shamanism is something Fabi Borges, >    Vicky Sinclair and other good folks in Bricolabs have been busy for >    ages! > > so then, what now? I believe the functional need of aggregating places > for "hacker culture" is lowering: everything can exist virtually as > software, more or less. Machinery + franchising have a too high > production cost compared to their output, not sustainable at all. Also > moving hardware around is a *big* effort and the only ones lowering > overhead costs for new players are in China (...Aliexpress). > > Plus the acceleration of hardware production resulted in way less > sustainability especially in relation to obsolescence: buy a part now > then ask if it will be still available in 20 years! you'll be > presented an NDA to sign and then discover there is just a 3-4 years > plan behind it. Spare parts anyone? Meanwhile is almost 2020 and there > is no service to print and sell-on-demand USB sticks with stuff on: > what a contrast if you think of the CD/DVD on-demand industry of 15 > years ago! which partially resists only on garage music productions. > > So, software still offers possibilities, but will it produce a > cultural shift? I doubt it will do more than what it did already in > crypto, which is already highly controversial and poisoned of a sort > of unstable sugar coating mixed with toxic financial capitals. > > At last, looking at the new generations, the bling is what really > counts: I guess most "fablabs" could be converted to > "fashionlabs". Personally I'm planning to revamp dyne:bolic which > besides running on old computers and modded game consoles did one > thing which is still actual: it was a media production studio. The > best part of "maker culture" was its cultural expression, mined for > its value until exhaustion; but isn't it harder to express cultural > values using hardware? Much easier with music and videos etc. they > also travel easier. > > For more *practical examples* of projects who may inspire new > horizons: you are all invited to an event we (Dyne.org) are setting up > in Amsterdam on the 5th July. We will fill the stage with many new > faces: 16 projects we awarded with EU funding for their pro/vision of > "human-centric" solutions, purpose driven and socially useful. Hope to > see some of you, we will also have a new call end of year, its about > 200k EUR equity free so lets engage in new sustainable challenges > https://tazebao.dyne.org/venture-builder-eu.html > > ciao

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[lostmynovelties]

see you in the dark - jimmy vesey nsfw

about: you and jimmy are roommates (oh my god you’re roommates) warnings: this is just smut. also contains voyeurism word count: 2832 note: special thanks and shout out to my wife @sabathias for reading every sentence immediately after i wrote it and fixing any mistakes

It’s been a long day. You nearly break down the door to your own apartment, just so ready to get away from the rest of the world and into the cozy two bedroom you share with your best friend and New York Rangers forward, Jimmy Vesey.

You’ve been friends for years, having met while in your freshman Expository Writing class bonding over Harry Potter during one peer editing session. If you’re being honest with yourself, you’ve been harboring more than friendly feelings towards him since that moment, even if you maybe didn’t realize it at first. But you are so happy with your life right now that you wouldn’t risk anything for more. 

Tonight though, you’re glad Jimmy has a game and plans afterwards that will keep him out of the apartment all night. He’s a fantastic roommate – always washes the dishes after you cook and checks with you before inviting his teammates over, even though you tell him every time that he doesn’t need to ask. Still, you’ve had a stressful week and are looking forward to nuking some leftovers and pouring yourself a glass of wine and unwinding.

You eat your food while standing in the middle of the kitchen, feeling no sense of urgency or decency to make a place for yourself at the table. Afterwards you bring your wine glass into the living room and flick on the television as you make yourself comfortable on your enormous couch.

You’re still in your work clothes, you realize after you set your glass down on the coffee table. You unzip the side of your pencil skirt and skillfully remove your bra from underneath your white linen button down, tossing in beside you, knowing you’ll have plenty of time to clean up after yourself when you find the motivation.

It takes you a moment before you realize that what’s playing on the TV is porn and you know it had to have been Jimmy. Maybe on another day you’d be annoyed that he’d done that in a shared living space or question who even buys TV porn anymore but you’re half a glass into your red wine and think fuck it.

The movie playing the TV features a woman with really lovely tits and a dude with a chiseled jaw mouthing greedily at her cunt. You close your eyes and just listen to the soft moans of the actress as you picture your roommate sat in the same place you are now, his dick in hand. You think of Jimmy slowly stroking over the head as you can feel your wetness pool between your legs.

You pull your skirt up so it’s bunched around your waist and dip your hand beneath the lace of your panties. Your fingers slide through your folds, spreading the wet.

Images of Jimmy play across your closed eyelids, accompanied by the continued explicit mewing on the screen. You picture his fingers wrapped firmly around his length, his head thrown back against the cushion – the same one you’re resting against. The thought makes you moan and two fingers circle your clit, gently teasing yourself just the way you like it.

You slip your fingers into your cunt, relishing the slow stretch, while your other hand pulled at your nipples. You wonder what it would feel like to have his long fingers stroking you from the inside, reaching places you never could. You bite your lip as you insert another finger, hoping to chase the idea of Jimmy inside you.

The next few minutes you spend like that, alternating between stretching your cunt and thumbing at your clit. Usually you can come just like that but right now it’s not enough. You just want to feel as full as possible and your small fingers aren’t cutting it.

Reluctantly you pull yourself off the couch and rush yourself into your bedroom which is right off the living room. You reach into your bedside table and pull out your thick pink vibe. Before you even lay across your duvet you’ve got it between your legs.

The stretch is just right. You don’t even bother turning on the vibration, just loving how full you feel.

You can still hear the porn playing on the TV in the living room. The girl’s moans get louder and more high pitched spurring you closer to the ends.

Your eyes squeeze shut as you imagine Jimmy’s head between your legs, mimicking the scene playing. The thought has you clenching around the hot pink cock inside you as you tumble over the edge.

It’s a good orgasm and you can feel your face going numb but you know you’ve got another one in you.

When asked later, you’d blame it on how loud the TV is and how fixated you are on chasing your second orgasm. But you don’t hear the front door open.

Unbeknownst to you, Jimmy’s after game plans fell through.

He walks in and immediately hears the familiar sound of pornographic moans. His first thought is to be embarrassed. How stupid of him to leave that channel on when he knew you’d be home soon. He thinks maybe you’re mad and maybe you’ve stormed out of the apartment and you never want to see him again.

As he moves further into the room he notices your bra flung haphazardly on the couch which raises an eyebrow.

Then he hears you.

He isn’t sure at first, the TV being as loud as it is, but he thinks he hears his own name.

Jimmy’s not an idiot. He’s pretty sure he knows what’s going on but he can’t stop himself from quietly making his way closer towards the open door of your bedroom. He can feel himself growing hard at the thought of what he’s about to see.

Your moans grow louder as he moves closer to your room. He palms at himself through his sweats as he rounds the door jamb and.

There you are. You’ve got your legs spread and he easily see your hand thrusting your vibrator into your dripping cunt.

He shouldn’t be there, he thinks, but his feet are glued to the hardwood as you take another breathy moan. Your chest heaves with it and Jimmy can’t help but stare at your peaked nipples straining through the thin white material of your work blouse.

You’re close again. You can feel that familiar tightening in the pit of your stomach, your thighs quivering. With your bottom lips wrenched between your teeth, you grind your fingers over your clit, begging for release.

“Jimmy,” you whisper to yourself breathlessly.

“Yeah,” you hear and your eyes bolt open.

You see him there in your doorway, his hand rubbing his hard length that you can see through the soft material of his sweats, a wet spot forming at the head.

“What—,” you start, but then Jimmy’s moving towards you.

“Let me help, yeah?” he says, his voice rough.

You’re far too keyed up to even think it through so you let an affirmative yes fall from your lips as you throw your head back into your pillow as he sinks between your legs.

Jimmy grips tightly at your thighs as you continue to move the vibrator inside yourself. He mouths softly at the crease between your cunt and thigh.

“You been thinking about me?” he asks. You look down at him through hooded eyes and meet his heated gaze. All you can do is nod.

His fingers move down to meet your hands between your legs. He traces one digit up your slit.

“All this for me?” he says, feeling how absolutely soaked you are. He face is so close to your cunt you can feel his voice vibrate through your center.

Your bit down on your lip hard, arching your back. “Yes, Jimmy,” you breathe.

He’s got his own hand now over your own where you’re holding the vibrator deep. He moves his mouth down and runs his tongue up the length from where the vibe meets your center to you clit.

“Please, Jimmy,” you beg, as you let him take over.

Your hands tangle in your own hair as he moves the hot pink cock in and out of you agonizingly slowly. He had his mouth on your clit, sucking gently.

“Do me a favor?” he says, face still in your pussy.

All you can do is moan in response. “Anything.”

“Let me see you play with your tits, babe.”

You deftly undo the buttons of your blouse and you think you can hear Jimmy groan at the sight of your naked breasts for the first time. You palm at them relentlessly as you realize Jimmy really likes the show you’re giving him.

He’s still fucking you with your vibrator but his dark eyes meet yours. He smirks.

“You’re so fucking hot, you know that, (y/n).”

You want to roll your eyes a little but fuck, you’re so close but you need…

“More,” you let out through a whimpered gasp and you can feel him smirk against you.

Jimmy moves your center closer to his mouth, his fingertips leaving bruising the soft flesh of your thighs as he hooks one of your legs over his shoulder. His tongue laves over your clit as he picks up the pace, fucking you harder.

Your second orgasm overtakes you, sending electricity down your spine and down to make your toes curl. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you all but scream as your thighs tighten around his face. “Oh, Jimmy.”

He pulls his face out from between your legs, helping you ride out your high with a thumb on your clit and the vibe stilled inside you. He can’t help but stare out how gorgeous you look, coming down from the pleasure he gave to you.

Soon after Jimmy kisses up your stomach as he removes the vibrator from your core. You can feel yourself gape for a moment as you gasp at the sensation.

Jimmy moves up your body and finally meets your lips with his. You can taste yourself on him as his tongue glides alone yours, his fingers tangling in your hair.

He pulls away for a moment and you meet his eye. You can feel his erection through his sweats as his grinds against your hip looking for some kind of relief.

“Can I?” he asks, a bit timid for a guy who just ate you out.

And maybe Jimmy does have a point. Maybe you should talk about what this is and what it’ll mean but you’re so fucking into him and you can feel a blurb of his precome on your thigh through his pants. It’s the most erotic thing you can think of.

“Oh my god, Jimmy,” you say, pulling at his shirt. “Please get naked and fuck me.”

You follow Jimmy as he gets up on his knees to help him remove the rest of his clothes. You quickly shed the rest of your clothes as well and only giggle for a moment as his struggles out of the leg of his pants. You’re quickly silenced when you see his pink cock between you.

It’s beautiful, you think, in a certain way that dicks can be. It’s long and solid with a slight curve and you really just want to put your mouth on it.

Reaching down, you stroke your thumb over the head, smearing a droplet of precome. Jimmy throws his head back as his hips buck into your hand. You kiss him again, rough and biting as your hand strokes down his length.

Feeling brave, you push him onto his back, following him down, your tits skimming his chest. You kiss down his throat, biting at his collar bone, on your way down his chest. On your knees between his outstretched legs, you lean down to take his head into your mouth.

Sucking lightly at the tip, you run your tongue across his slit savoring his heady taste. Jimmy’s moaning above you, his thumb tracing the hollow of your cheek.

You lean down to take him deeper, gagging slightly when you feel him his the back of your throat. At that Jimmy tangles his fingers in your hair and pulls you off.

“Not that I don’t want to come down your throat, but I’d really like to fuck you.” He says. “Maybe I’ll fuck your face next time.”

And honesty, you hadn’t even considered a next time or thought about what any of this means. It makes you falter a little and Jimmy notices.

“I mean, if you’re into that,” he says, almost blushing with a hand rubbing through his hair.

“Jimmy,” you say, crawling up to grab a condom from your nightstand. “Shut up.”

And he does, kind of, as he watches you, on your knees between his legs. You tear open the foil gently and roll it down is length, pressing a kiss to the tip when you’re done.

“You ready?” you ask, like you can’t see the lust in his eyes.

He nods stupidly, eyes lingering on your tits, as you position yourself over his cock and sink down on his length.

You both let out moans that you’re sure the neighbors will be complaining about later but, fuck, you don’t care. His cock is stretching you so good.

Jimmy gives you a moment to adjust but starts moving impatiently below you, his hands holding you down by the hip. He grinds up into you and immediately you need more.

Placing your hands on his chest to steady yourself, you start bouncing above him, riding his dick. You start slow, relishing the feeling of him inside you.

Jimmy groans, wanting more. “Fuck, (y/n).”

His desperation makes you smile. “We are, Jimmy,” you tease, leaning down to capture his lips. It’s all teeth and tongue but it’s hot and wet.

You begin to move your hips faster and Jimmy’s meeting you halfway now in a steady rhythm. One hand moves up and down your back while the other grips your tits, his thumb flicking at your sensitive nipple.

You’ve got your hands in his hair, pulling at the short curls on top. Your teeth run along his jawline as you relish his grumbling moans.

The rhythm of Jimmy’s hips begin to falter as he snakes a hand between you to thumb at your clit.

“Please come with me,” he say, against the shell of your ear, and it’s too much. It sends shockwaves right down your neck as you come around him with his name only a whisper on your lips, your pussy pulsing.

Collapsed and panting against his chest, Jimmy dicks into you as you ride out your orgasm. He shutters after only a few more short thrusts, emptying himself inside you as his bites into your collarbone.

The two of you lay there for what could be days, a tangled sweaty mess. As you come down from your high, breath heavy, you can feel yourself smiling stupidly into his chest.

His hands hold you close and his kisses the top of your hair and, yeah, you just fucked, but this feels so achingly intimate.

Looking up at him, you grin when he meets your gaze. “Well,” you begin but he silences you with a quick kiss.

“You mind if I—?” he starts, motioning to where he’s still inside you.

“Oh,” you say, cheeks beginning to tinge with embarrassment. “Yeah.” You move off of him as his grips the base of the condom. He gets up quickly and disposes of it in your nearby trash can.

He’s back in bed with you before you know it, spooning himself behind you, tucking his chin over your shoulder. He lays a quick kiss to your cheek as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he says.

“What, kiss my face?” you reply, a bit teasing.

“No,” Jimmy says. “Fuck you.” He’s blushing a bit as soon as it’s out of his mouth, like maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

You spin yourself in his arms so you’re faces are together. You raise an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” he replies earnestly. “I mean, that’s probably a crass way to put it but I’ve had a pretty big crush on you for a long time. You can ask Brady about it. He’s getting pretty sick of listening to me.”

“Me too,” you admit. “Like, since freshman year.”

Jimmy’s face splits into a big smile as he pulls you into his chest. “God, you mean we couldn’t been banging this whole time?”

You laugh deeply and curl into him. “Guess we’re pretty dumb.”

“But we went to Harvard,” he bemoans.

You laugh again, playfully batting at his chest. “Some things even Harvard can’t teach.”

“Yeah, I can show you some other things they didn’t teach me,” he says, teasing, kissing your neck, his hands finding your naked breasts again.

“Jimmy, please.”

[allenmendezsr]

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[airadam]

Episode 129 : Wheel And Come Again

"I don't wanna be a playa...I just coach the team."

- Lord Finesse

I had a new experience recording this episode - making an error which meant I had to re-record the whole thing again! Still got it out on time, and so we have our annual tributes to the catalogues of J Dilla, Big L, and Big Pun - alongside some other heavyweight picks. We open proceedings with something fairly topical...

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Ice Cube : Chase Down The Bully

The recent march in Washington DC by masked white supremacists (with a police escort, at that) put me in mind of the Charlottesville rally in 2017, which is sampled in the intro to this track from "Everythang's Corrupt", and made this a fitting opener for the month. Ice Cube may be running a basketball league and making family films now, but he can still bring the righteous fire on the mic whenever he chooses. Beau James' beat has the kind of heft needed to match, although I think the little breakdown on the second half of each verse could have been swapped for more of that heavy main loop!

J Dilla : Jay Dee 37

I don't think I've played this one before - with so many Dilla beat compilations created over the years, filled with tracks with no real titles, it's easy to make a mistake! This is taken from the 2016 "The King of Beats" release, and it's a neck-snapper for real - doing the most with just bass, a simple drum pattern, and a few keys. 

Jay Dee ft. Frank N Dank : Pause

If you're a fan of the man's work to any substantial degree, you'll know this one - a favourite at every tribute night and on mixtapes for sure. Frank N Dank grab the mics and swagger all over this one with the kind of lyrics that make the whole crowd join in! This banger was a clear standout on his solo LP "Welcome 2 Detroit", which was the first of the "Beat Generation" releases on BBE. There's a specific reason why that LP was first - many of the other producers signed up were so intimidated by the total free rein they were given, they let Dilla go first to see what he'd do!

D.I.T.C. : Stand Strong

If the lyrics sound familiar to some of you, that's likely because this is basically a remix of the Show & AG track "Dignified Soldiers" (as you can hear in the hook), done for the crew's self-titled LP. I think the original does have the edge, but I wanted to play this for those that may have missed it, and of course for everyone who wants to hear lyrics from the late Big L!

Marco Polo ft. Supastition : Heat

I somehow overlooked this one for quite a while, despite the fact that pretty much any Marco Polo beat is worth your attention, and Supastition is never one to bring a weak verse. Don't sleep - make sure you give "Port Authority" from 2007 a few good end-to-end listens for some straight-up Hip-Hop.

Big Pun : Leatherface

The title may be a reference to "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", but the sample on the hook and outro tie this one firmly into the infamous motel scene in "Scarface" (actually, doesn't show as much as you remember). This version is from a white label 12", but you can easily find the uncut raw on Pun's second LP "Yeeeah Baby", with the same production by Arkatech Beatz (known elsewhere as Infinite Archatechz). 

Mix Master Mike : Rebel Enforcer

The "Anti-Theft Device" album by one of the founders of the Invisibl Skratch Piklz probably had more straight-up beats (rather than cuts and juggles) than many would have expected before hearing it, and it certainly set out that Mike has a well-rounded skill set. This was a nice inclusion with a few samples heads will immediately recognise alongside others that aren't obvious at all!

Sean Price & Lil Fame : Center Stage

Given the aggression of the lyrics you can actually hear, I can't even imagine what the censored material was! "Price Of Fame" (genius!) is a major Brooklyn team-up of the late great Sean P and Lil Fame of M.O.P, who not only contributes the hook here but also produced the raw beat. His use of the "Brownsville" vocal sample is a perfect, inspired addition! Great video too - worth watching just for the puppet version of Jill Scott :)

DJ Shadow : Walkie Talkie

A producer I know was commenting recently how different DJ Shadow's catalogue has been since "Endtroducing", which is the work that brought him to prominence. That's definitely true, but this track from "The Private Press" has a touch of the energy of something like "The Number Song", as Shadow pieces together pieces of vocal to go braggadocious in his own way over an abrasive beat.

Inspektah Deck : City High

Dug this one out on a mixtape and realised I didn't have a good copy, so digital purchase came to the rescue as I grabbed it from the "The Movement" album. Deck is in solid form describing the grind of trying to come up in NYC - though it's a tale that could fit many other places. Production is by Phantom of the Beats (aka Haas G), whose catalogue has tracks as varied as "Apollo Kids" and "Magic Stick"! This one is soul-sampling crispness from the era when producers were leaving the vocals in and letting them run through the verses; notably in this one, the sample isn't actually saying "city high", but I'll leave you to find it...

Busta Rhymes : Show Me What You Got

One of my favourite Dilla beats gets an outing here, highlighting the fact that the work he did with Busta Rhymes is still probably the most weirdly-overlooked part of his overall production catalogue. The drums lazily skip over a late 90s sample - bearing in mind that this is from the 2000 "Anarchy" album, so this was an unusually contemporaneous sample source - that is guaranteed to move your neck or shoulders!

14KT : Down The Street From Peace

Skills to pay the bills...for everyone on the street. The Michigan native coming out of LA with the ill jazz styles is an absolute wizard on Maschine and this track gives you just a taste. This track is a great example of the work on the "For My Sanity" album, which often throws tradition structure and bar counts out of the window, and embraces freedom and experimentation.

Away Team ft. Nervous Reck : Look

It's been a very long time since we visited the "Training Day" album from the heyday of the extended Justus League crew out of North Carolina, but it's never too late to go back. Khrysis is on the boards with the heat ;) and Sean Boog joined by Fayetteville's Reck, who strides along next to the beat just daring it to say something!

Black Moon : Look At Them

Only partially chosen as a thematic companion to the preceding track, this was from a strangely overlooked LP from last year, the long-awaited return of Black Moon on "Rise Of Da Moon". With Buckshot's slithering flow, 5 Ft giving contrast, and Evil Dee on the turntables and the beats, how could you go wrong? If you've not heard the album yet, do give it a shot.

J.Chambers ft. Koro Fyah : Escape The Kingdom

New single from a Manchester MC who continues to grind on the underground and work on his craft. With the recent resumption of deportations of British Black people to Jamaica, this reggae-fused track is right on time. The Rastafari vocalist Koro Fyah is the perfect addition on the hook for this short and pointed piece.

Gang Starr : Beyond Comprehension

This isn't the first track that comes to mind when I think of the "Step In The Arena" LP, but it's a low-key smoker. Guru's ability to use his monotone style at slow tempos was solidifying in this period , and Premier's scratching fits the beat perfectly.

4Hero : Les Fleur

This is a beautiful cover version of the classic 1970 song by the legendary Minnie Riperton - not an easy act to follow by any stretch! Nonetheless, Carina Andersson does a praiseworthy job vocally over the production from Marc Mac and Dego on a song just made for the springtime. The 2001 "Creating Patterns" LP is the source for this one, an album which has aged very well.

Royce Da 5'9" ft. Cee-Lo Green : Politics

We finish the month with a great track from the time after Royce had build something of an underground audience, but long before much of the wider world had caught on to what he was bringing. This standout from the 2005 "Independent's Day" album is a great collaboration - Nottz' beat is gritty, but is shepherded into a bluesy feel courtesy of Cee-Lo's voice and re-interpretation of an old Spooky Tooth lyric for the hook. Perhaps despite the curses, this track for me definitely fits into the category of "Tracks That Could Play At The End Of A Series Of 'The Wire'"!

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[myqualitycollectioncrown]

Benchmade 940-1 Review

Benchmade 940-1 Review

Benchmade is hallowed company among knife enthusiasts. Their name is a byword for quality, and their designs are wildly popular with professionals in every arena. Among the product line of such an established company are a few models that have reached an almost legendary status due to their design, quality, and general badassery. The Benchmade 940 Osborne design has fallen into that category for some time, and recently Benchmade decided to kick it up a notch with their release of the Benchmade 940-1. Is the reputation well deserved, or is this a case of knife industry hype gone crazy? I’ve now owned and carried this knife for the better part of a year and I’m ready to share my views with you.

Get the 940-1 at Amazon or BladeHQ

Benchmade 940-1

Blade

Handle

Design

Value for Money

Superb

Benchmade took the already excellent 940 and added an extra dollop of perfection

Key Specs

Blade length: 3.40 inches

Overall length: 7.87 inches

Closed length: 4.47 inches

Weight: 2.44 ounces

Blade material: S90V

Handle material: Carbon Fiber

Locking mechanism: Axis Lock

County of origin: USA

Price range: About $260

For sure this is not a cheap knife. Not everyone has $260 to splash around on a blade and many of you will be scratching your heads as to who the heck buys pricey knives like these. Most of my readers will get it, but for the rest of you…if by the end of this review you don’t go out and buy this knife or at the very least put it on your Christmas list then I have failed. Here we go…

The Blade

A fairly recent surge in innovation has brought many new blade shapes to the fore in the knife game. By far one of the most popular, and useful, of the new breed of blade shapes is the reverse tanto. Sporting a keen yet beefy tip allows this blade shape to excel at piercing cuts, and the long cutting edge gives it excellent slicing ability as well.

The Benchmade 940-1 sports a top of the line reverse tanto blade, forged from Crucible’s top of the line steel: S90V in all it’s powered metallurgy glory. Without getting too far into the specifics of the chemistry, S90V is a highly hardenable, ultra tough stainless steel with above average corrosion resistance – but really this steel is all about wear resistance.

Crucible’s micro-carbide processed steels display a super fine grain structure with excellent element distribution, which means no brittle spots. The large vanadium carbides (think super hard steel chunks along the blade edge) will ensure the blade holds a keen working edge for a long time for the average user, while resisting edge rolls and rust spots regardless of the climate you’re in. Bear in mind though that sharpening won’t be a walk in the park through so you’ll need patience, and if you want to keep that micro razor edge you should touch up regularly. Look, you guys know I’m a steel nut…and let me tell you that S90V is something I drool over unashamedly.

Benchmade hardens the 3.40 inches of S90V to a Rockwell hardness of 59-61, which is just slightly higher than the S30V of the base model 940. The blade is finished in Benchmade’s classic darkened stonewash, which does a fair job of hiding use. The factory edge is sharp, yet a bit obtuse for my tastes, and is a bit thick behind the edge due to the flat grind which starts only about halfway down the blade stock.

There is a prominent top swedge beginning at about halfway from the base of the blade which thins towards the tip. With a blade stock thickness of 0.12″, there is plenty of steel to tackle tough jobs without worrying about blade flex, while a slender 3/4″ width means it doesn’t get caught up slicing through a tomato, or take up a ton of real estate. There sure is a lot going on with this blade but it’s done with style and purpose.

No blade is perfect, but the Benchamde 940-1 proves that you can come damn close.

Handle and Ergonomics

Arguably it’s most striking feature, the handle of the 940-1 is a beautiful combination of organic, flowing lines, and beautiful materials. Benchmade needs to be commended for choice of materials when it comes to the 940-1, because they managed to find the most gorgeous basket-weave carbon fiber that I’ve ever seen. The carbon fiber is entirely free of voids and defects, and shimmers even in low light.

There is a flowing line towards the top that creates a mock bolster area, and contouring on both sides offers comfort and style. Three small black screws hold the nested liners securely to the carbon fiber scales, and a slightly larger screw makes up the pivot along with a flat black female side. For a knife of this length, nearly 8 inches overall (7.87″) with about a 4.5″ handle, it is amazingly slim and slender: just 0.41″ thick and about 1″ wide at its largest.

When it comes to a knife that skinny, ergonomics and comfort can be a concern. The 940-1 addresses this with a gentle forward choil and matching nested gimping on the front and back, giving traction to your thumb and pointer finger in the saber grip. The handle is equally comfortable in just about any grip, and the pocket clip disappears into the meat of your palm without any discomfort. The proportions on this knife are the most naturally balanced I’ve seen in a long while. In fact, for such a light knife the balance is incrdible. Although I ended up installing the Benchmade silver deep carry clip on my 940-1, the knife is equally attractive and serviceable with the stock clip as well.

Deployment and Lockup

A huge part of Benchmade’s claim to fame and popularity is the Axis lock, which is in use on the 940-1, thankfully. Without getting in to the specifics of how the Axis lock works, it allows the 940-1 to be perfectly easy to use in both the right or left hand. Deployment is achieved by using the thumb studs, and this blade flicks out *fast*!

For traction during deployment, the thumb studs are a tiered design, which creates ridges that allow your thumb to dig in. One small nitpick in this department would be a lack of easy access to the thumb stud when coming across from the handle, and instead you place your thumb below the thumbstud and flick the blade upwards. Alternatively, with a bit of practice you can flick the knife open using your pointer finger on the opposite side thumbstud.

The knife opens smoothly on fairly thick phosphor bronze washers, and rests when the rear of the blade contacts the stop pin. At that point, the Axis lock clicks in to place, and the knife is effectively locked into place until the Axis lock is depressed. Another popular method of opening the knife is to hold down the Axis lock and swing the handle, flicking the blade out and releasing the Axis lock just before the stop pin is reached.

That’s certainly part of the attraction of these Benchmade knives: while they make excellent tools, they also make an addictively fun toy to play with. Lockup is absolutely solid, and there is no blade play side to side or back to front.

Features, Fit & Finish

In all honesty, I’ve had issues in this department with Benchmade before. Two Griptilians I’ve owned had blade play on lockup, as well as centering issues. I’ve had a Presidio and a 530 that I couldn’t center for the life of me. While Benchmade is usually happy to deal with those issues, it can be depressing when your knife isn’t perfect out of the box. The Benchmade 940-1 I can happily say was, for all intents and purposes, without flaw when I received it. The blade was dead center perfect, the lockup was solid without compromising the speed and ease of deployment, and there wasn’t a mark or imperfection I could find.

The pocket clip that comes with the knife is the Benchmade split arrow pocket clip with a black painted finish. The black finish seemed to come off fairly easily, which is what prompted me to call Benchmade and request a silver deep carry clip. A week later I had the new pocket clip, and in my opinion it is a much better stylistic and functional choice.

The original 940 is a closed design with a backspacer, whereas the 940-1 is a flow-through design with two blue anodized aluminum standoffs. Because of the design and material differences, the 940-1 is nearly a full half-ounce lighter than its base counterpart, with the 940-1 weighing in at a feather light 2.44 ounces. Having a knife as slender and lightweight as the 940-1 in your pocket is a true pleasure, mostly because it’s so easy to forget the knife is even there.

Field Test

When it comes to field testing a knife like the 940-1, I try to be as realistic as possible. We are, after all, talking about a knife that weighs under 3 ounces. My testing consists of the day to day activities that I would expect to use a pocket knife for, with a few added tests to make sure the knife won’t fold when I need it most. In the kitchen, the 940-1 excels at processing vegetables and fruit, slicing bread, and basically anything you could use a paring knife for, the 940-1 can do.

Processing cardboard is another area where the 940-1 shines, largely because the full ability of the reverse tanto is on display: piercing cuts through the cardboard followed by the slicing cuts needed to process it down. I found that the S90V Benchmade uses could continue cutting cardboard much longer than I could imagine having a need to do so, while maintaining the ability to shave hair from my arm afterwards.

My rope test yielded equally impressive results. The blade also does a fantastic job as a letter and package opener, without being overkill, by using the keen tip of the reverse tanto.

Now, as I said earlier, I add in a test that goes above and beyond normal use, entirely for my own amusement and peace of mind. I wrap the handle in a towel, secure it in my vice-grips, and whack the back of the blade with a rubber mallet a few times, in a sort of pass/fail test to see if the lock holds up to back pressure. The 940-1 thankfully passed this test as well.

Alternatives

So how else could you spend your $260? This is a fairly tough category for me with regards to the 940-1, because the knife world these days is such a vast landscape. Even with all of the options out there, however, there aren’t many knives that give you the reach that the 940-1 can, while still competing in the lightweight category. One knife that I’ve owned, and feel compares relatively well with the 940-1, is the Spyderco Southard. Both knives pack a huge amount of blade into a relatively compact package, have extremely high level fit & finish, and carry very well in the pocket. The 940-1 is the lighter of the two, and in my opinion the more attractive, while the Southard is the beefier and better in terms of blade steel.

Probably the most obvious alternative to the 940-1 is its predecessor, the Benchmade 940. Both have the same basic design, blade shape, weight, and deployment method. The 940-1 obviously wins when it comes to blade steel, weight, and handle material, but at nearly $100 more than the base model, it really comes down to how much you value the extras that the 940-1 carries. That’s a decision you’ll have to make for yourself, obviously, because we all value different things moreso than others.

Strictly speaking, as a tool first and foremost, the 940 can do pretty much anything the 940-1 can do just as well, while keeping an extra $100 in your pocket. The way I was able to justify spending the extra dough came down to time. I carry my knife every day, I spend time fondling and playing with it, and when I look at my knife I want a sense of pride of ownership, which the 940-1 has in spades over the 940. When you spread that out over a lifetime of ownership, what’s $100 really?

Wrap Up

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this review half as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it, and if I was able to help you to decide on owning the Benchmade 940-1, so much the better. It’s true that I’m in love with the 940-1 and congratulate Benchmade on an outstanding feat. I feel almost as if the 940-1 is as much a piece of art as it is a tool, and in the time I’ve owned it, it has been flicked open and fondled, covered in food and once even in tree sap. One of the greatest strengths of this knife is its ability to continue to perform, while looking damn sharp doing so, day in and day out. Simply one of the very best EDC’s your money can buy. I’m sad to say my original 940 may rarely see the light of day, there’s a new sheriff in town.

The Good: Beautiful, sleek, light with insane levels of performance The Bad: Black pocket clip can lose color, a tad expensive Bottom Line: Quite possibly the perfect large ‘n’ light EDC, if you can afford it

Get the 940-1 at Amazon

The post Benchmade 940-1 Review appeared first on Buy Best Knife.

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[unholyhelbiglinked]

Bitten | 005

Hospital's always carried a certain form of death around with them- a distinct scent of illness and a deep dread that hung in the air. I was never sure if the feeling was always there, or if the establishment just earned it's reputation after they installed morgues underneath a building that was supposed to cure you. You never walked into a hospital with the intention to die. That's something I learned early on.

The whitewash walls and bright fluorescent lights seemed to make my head pound even more- almost as if it was forcing the thought of demise into me. I tended to keep looking forward. I could hold my breath for awhile, the rough smell not hitting me as hard in certain wards.

I got a few odd looks as I kept walking, a few from nurses, but mostly from patients. A few of them being in here as a result to Florence's antics. I didn't exactly have the best reputation in town- so walking into a hospital with a bouquet of flowers was well out of everyone's comfort zone.

"Grace?" Mitchell's voice caught my attention, his words a bit sharp as I almost collided with him where two corners of the wall met. His dark eyes scanned my face quickly, a white lab coat making him appear even greyer than normal. "What are you doing here? I already gave you what you paid for."

I cocked my head to the side "Mitchell, am I not allowed to say hello to a few patients?"

He stared at me like I had grown a second head, his chest rumbling softly as he pulled me away from the bulk of the hallway, his voice dropping even more "Not when you could easily give a heart attack to half of them." he started to say something else, his words running together "You know, Clark can't even walk right now, much less run away from you."

"Relax, okay." I held my hands up in surrender "I admit, I was a little harsh. Am I not allowed to apologize, heal him?"

"No!" Mitchell sighed "No, Grace. Just stay out of it. If Florence knew you were here-"

"She won't find out." I deadpanned, a bit of bite to my words. "Besides, these aren't for Clark anyway."

Mitchell ran a hand through his hair, leaning heavily against the wall, my eyes pleading against his slate ones. "Mitch, just let me see her."

"She's not well enough, Gracie-"

"When have I ever hurt her?" I whispered "I would never hurt her."

Mitchell was quiet, his mouth opening slightly as I tuned into the sounds of the hospital; the slight rhythmic beeping of monitors, the distinct ringing of the phone that rested at the nurse's station, even a conversation happening across the floor.

"Grace," he shook his head "You know if it was up to me then you would have your own key to the room. But it's not."

"It's up to Florence," I scoffed, clenching my jaw. Mitchell's eyes held nothing but apology, nothing but pain and worry. I had known him for years at this point. It wasn't his fault. He had done everything in his power to help me understand what was happening.

"She has people everywhere," his voice was low as he slowly took the flowers from my palm. I didn't fight him on that one. The floral scent started to brush against my lungs "Just because you're her right hand man doesn't mean she doesn't keep tabs on you."

I let out a small sigh "I know. I know."

My boots tapped against the linoleum as I started to back away, not seeing much use in staying around in a hospital like this. The scent of stale blood and sharp illness was overbearing and made my head pound. I turned my back, staring to walk towards the exit for the stairs.

"Grace?"

"Yeah?" I stopped in my tracks, looking towards Mitchell.

"I'll make sure she get's these."

The sharp crimson liquid dripped down my chin, it's heat not bothering me much. It seemed to reap upon the rough cravings that I could never quite settle in the bit of my stomach. It tasted almost stale and metallic. Like licking a penny that you found on the edge of boardwalk.

I never liked the taste of the stuff when it sat in the freezer for awhile. But it was safe- safe and easier to obtain. The stuff still extinguished the burn that my throat would inherit, even if it did leave the microwave smelling a bit off.

The handle of the mug was still warm against my palm as I finally drew the edge of the porcelain away from my lips, letting out a long sigh as my back pressed into the cool leather of the couch. It had been a long day- one that left me sore and my throat burning with a sharp hunger.

I could hear the small hum of the crowd in the bakery. I lived right above it in a small two bedroom loft, Rosanna occupying the other room. She found it more convenient to just travel up some stairs to get home instead of across town to some old apartment complex.

It was a small yet modern place. The floors were a light hardwood, the whole loft an excuse of Rosanna to try out any type of pinterest creation she could find. I sat curled up on the sofa, not daring to move as I stared blankly at the flat screen television. Nothing was on- my mind not up to processing the twist and turns of a courtroom drama or the sickeningly fake storylines of a romance.

The balcony doors were opened, a light breeze blowing in from the bustling street below. On Saturday nights like these the whole block was buzzing. A few teenagers would be out, trying to con people into buying them beer or letting them into the nightclub across the street.

I could hear the strong pulses of music everytime the door opened, making it a bit louder. I never liked clubs much- the loud songs, the foul smells, people grinding up close to one another like the dancefloor is a lawless land.

"You can hear them can't you?"

A sharp pain moved through my temple, my jaw clenching as I pressed my hand against my ear. I had been so intent on hearing the music across the street that anything else in the room sounded like a jackhammer against my skull.

My gaze moved quickly to the doorway, it's dark mahogany cracked open slightly, Rosanna holding her keys in her hand as she balanced the rest of her bags. I raised my eyebrows, it was only around eleven at night. She must've closed early.

"Yeah," I shook my head slightly, placing the almost empty mug of liquid on the small log like coffee table. It had intricate designs and rings in the wood. I couldn't really tell how old it must have been. "You're home early."

She simply nodded, letting the door close behind her as she made her way over to the couch, sitting down next to me with a bit of conviction, or lets touching. Her skin was warm against mine, my eyes focused tamely on the numbers flashing across the VCR screen.

"You know I could smell that from downstairs, right?"

I let out a huff in response, Ro's eyes trained on the side of my face much like Mamrie's had been hours earlier. "Sorry, I had a long day."

"Florence?"

"She killed a tourist." My eyes moved to meet Rosanna's "On Lucy's property too."

"I'll have to talk her down tomorrow." She referred to the bar owner.

"That shouldn't be your job."

"Sweetie, that's always been my job." Ro shook her head, placing her palm calmly on my knee. "Florence is reckless. She's powerful and she gets what she wants."

"I know, I know." I let out a heavy sigh "She cracks a mirror, and I shatter it. I've heard this speech before."

Rosanna let out her contagious giggle, something that my whole mind fought off. I wanted to smile with her, but some strong form of dread kept me from doing so. "Forgive me, I'm running low on material after almost 150 years."

I cracked a small smile at this, shaking my head as I let my back sink further into the couch.

"What's bringing this up now, Huh?" A small scoff rose from my chest, my fingers pressing against the bridge of my nose. "The human girl?"

"Mamrie? No." I got a skeptical look as I knit my eyebrows together "God no. I just met her today. Florence just wants me to keep an eye on her."

"She worries you though?"

"I don't want her to get caught in the crossfire of this town." I shook my head "You know, it was a lot easier when Florence was prone to travel up the coast."

Rosanna clenched her jaw, studying me again "Grace?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't let her out of your sight."  

[davidpires578]

A Ming-Inspired Cabinet (80)

Click here for a the previous post. ------ During the interim in which I constructed and installed the Japanese ceiling, I moved the cabinets along in a couple of minor ways. I have been applying patination to the bifold door hinges, still in progress, and contracted with a local machine shop for the fabrication of hardware for the bifold door main hinging. One thing did crop up while the woodwork for this cabinet sat, and that is a problem with the four plank shelves, three of which cupped. I guess that's one advantage of proceeding slowly with a build, you get to see certain outcomes that otherwise would have occurred after the piece had been delivered to the client. Given the choice, I'd much rather the problem occur while the piece was still in my possession of course. I took precautions, as usual, when dimensioning stock down to make those shelves, jointing and planing over several days, balancing stock removal on both sides of the blank, etc., and after applying 4 or 5 coats of finish to both sides, they were flat. Several weeks go by, and they had moved out of flat to an unacceptable degree. The cause, given that bubinga is generally a decently stable material, particularly when in quartered-to-rift grain orientation, as these shelves were, lays either in how the material was originally dried, or possibly in growth stresses in the tree that were slow to manifest. I tend to think it was mostly attributable to the drying, and therefore I won't be buying bubinga from that supplier any longer. It goes to show as well that solid plank construction is going to allow for a greater amount of movement than frame and panel construction. There's a reason you don't see much of it in the classic Chinese work. This aspect - the advantage of frame and panel over other methods -has always been quite clear to me, however I had thought that maybe for shelves it would be okay. In fact, making 3/4" (19mm) thick shelves at 17.5" width out of single boards might in most circles be considered quite luxurious as a use of material. No such luck though, so I am fabricating new shelves and these ones will be, you guessed it, frame and panel. I sliced up the original shelves, jointed and planed them down, so as to form panels:

That took next to no time at all, as they are 'merely' quartersawn bubinga. For the frames, I had but little extra material from which to choose. In fact, all I had was a remnant flatsawn chunk from the middle of the original 16'x 52" x 3" slab that had jump-started this project many moons ago. While I have little use for flatsawn stock generally, by resawing this piece lengthwise I was able to obtain 4 sticks of perfectly quartersawn curly bubinga. Curly bubinga was a harmonious match for the material used for the two principal horizontal frame and panel assemblies in this cabinet, which lie above and below the shelves themselves, so from that perspective curly bubinga was an excellent choice. What made it a less than scintillating choice however, was the fact that as curly material, normal jointing and planing was only going to get me so close to dimension, lest I risk too much tear out, and that meant that my milling machine was going to be the route for getting to finish dimension. That meant that basic dimensioning was going to take a couple of days, not 15~20 minutes. There's something about having made well-fitted shelves, and then applied many coats of finish to a pleasing result, only to have to start all over again, and to boot be employing a different material and form of construction which was going to add many days of work. I had thought I would be moving into final stages with the door framing  - instead I take a step back and work on shelves again. I thought it over long and hard before committing to this course. I was initially a little grumpy about the extra work, however I am more than happy too knowing that the result will be better than previous. And that is what it is all about for me and my woodworking: a continuous striving for improvement. So, on with the stock prep, day one comprising the resawing, jointing, planing and that left me with decently clean stock, albeit a little tear out here and there:

The stock is sufficiently oversize that the tear out is of no concern. Then first pass with the milling machine on all the long sides of each of the 16 sticks:

I'm using a CMT top bearing bit with negative rake teeth, which all but ensures zero tear out.

Now working the edges:

 In my humble opinion, so long as you are producing chips and not dust, all is good with the world:

After round 1, I had the sticks good and square - you can always get a sense of that by how well they stack next to one another:

Notice on the far right of the pile that there is a defect there. I had to patch that area, as I simply have gone through absolutely all of my curly stock. As with many other stages of this job, i have no spare sticks to work with, so layout and cut-out mistakes must be avoided at all costs. During the first day of action with the milling machine, cutting left to right to left to right..., I noticed towards the afternoon a certain odd noise start to develop with the machine. This noise grew worse over time and it associated to the power feed. Every time I shifted direction, the noise intensified. I started to get this feeling of dread come over me, akin to the feeling you get when you start to apprehend something is decidedly wrong with the internals of your car's engine. As anyone with experience knows, you don't pull an engine out of a car and strip it all apart just to replace a single valve, or pushrod seal, or piston ring. When you take an engine apart, it is generally wise to rebuild the whole thing. It's cheaper in the long run. I was worried that the gearbox on my Zimmermann mill was developing problems. That's sure what it sounded like, and I could see that to get at the gear box was not a simple job, and may even mean stripping the mill down just to get at it. Besides the timing being lousy for this, I am not in a position to have the mill down for long periods, let alone pour money into it. I didn't sleep well last night, and was feeling a bit on the mopey side when I went to the shop this morning. I was fearing the worst, but I hoped, with another round of dimensioning to do on the mill that the gearbox would at least do me a favor and hang in there until the task was done. The next day I started milling, and sure enough the noise was there right away. I couldn't seemingly wish it away after all. But this time I got in a little closer with my head to the gearbox to see if I could more precisely localize the sound, and discovered, to my considerable delight, that the noise wasn't coming from the gearbox after all, but from the motor and pulley drive set up on the outside of the gearbox. I removed some allen cap screws and got the motor cover off, and sure enough I found the culprit: the motor's drive pulley was coming loose. Whew! That was good news indeed. Curiously, the square key which ties the pulley and motor output shaft together was absent. I'm not sure if it was missing from previous repair or whether it had simply come out at some point and worked its way past the cover and to the floor (somehow). Whatever the case, a new square key and set screw were needed, so off to the local hardware store I went. Now, the correct size key was 5mm x 5mm, 25mm, however, this is the US after all and selection of metric parts remains less than optimal at most hardware stores. As expected, they had no metric square keys. I was able to find 3/16" (4.76mm) square, 1" (25.4mm) long key stock, so that would have to do in the meantime. Better than nothing. I fitted the square key and new set screw to the pulley, and put things back in order. It worked, but not silently, and after a while started getting noisy again. I took it apart again and realized that after the old key had fallen out or been lost, and the pulley gradually worked its way loose by grinding the set screw away, that the inner bore of the pulley had been sufficiently worn to now be a poor fit. Correcting the problem, however was, at best, a job for a machine shop. I wasn't interested in yet another delay however, so I improvised, taking a plastic dado set shim, wrapping it around the motor output shaft, and then slipping the pulley back on over top:

Surprisingly, this worked like a charm! The pulley spins without wobble or any noise, stays put, and all is well. Now, I'm not the sort who leaves a 'spit and bubblegum' type of repair, as this one surely is, until it next fails. I'll be taking that pulley to the machine shop soon enough and get it properly repaired, but for the interim, my mill will be usable and I can get the job done. Round 2 of milling could then  proceed, and a whole lot more quietly I might add. Here, after having worked all the broad long faces, I am gang-cutting the edges of half of the short pieces:

They were done after not too long:

The stock is about as square as can be, and within a few thousands of dimension in every axis. I'm always pleased to obtain results like that - it's like putting the dart into the bullseye when you actually meant to do so.... The frame stock now prepared, it was time to turn to the joinery work. Options abound for corner joints. I'm going with a form of mitered, tongued, and tenoned corner joint with shachi sen. I last did this variation of that joint on a Walnut Vanity I made about 10 years ago (link), in that case with both a tabletop frame containing a tongued panel, as well as the support frame below it. I've cut this type of joint in myriad ways, and this time I decided to have a go with my mill. I thought it might offer some advantages, although if I had certain (other) tooling on hand, a preferable choice might be to process the joints partly on the shaper's sliding table. You work with what you got, be it hand tools, or sliding saws, or sliding shapers, or milling machines. I lucky enough to have all of those pieces of gear and decided try the mill this time, and meanwhile dream about what sort of shaper tooling I'd like to acquire sometime down the line.... Here's the jig I came up with on the milling table:

A couple of screw adjusters allow for fine control of position, and the slotted table and beefy hold downs mean that the material is securely held:

So here's a rough step-by step accounting of how I processed the cuts on the tenoned sticks. First, I ripped the cheeks using a quick-built MDF jig of scraps on the table saw:

That left the following result on both ends of the short sticks:

Then the chop saw, with depth stop engaged, to trim the waste off the miters:

Though both table saw and miter saw could have been used to go to a finial surface with those same cuts, I don't rely upon those tools for that in this case, I merely rough out with them. After the chop saw work is done, the mitered tenons are defined, but not yet to their lines:

Then into the mill with the same pieces. After having taken some time to calibrate the cut on a test stick, and I deck the tenon cheek and trim the mitered shoulder in one set of passes:

The stick is then flipped around to the other side of the jig and the process repeated on the other side, with the slight difference of using a climb cut on the abutment. Result is a tenon within a few thou of dimension for thickness and with cleanly cut mitered abutments in a common plane:

The process was repeated until both ends of all the short s

[allenmendezsr]

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/rocket-ukulele-get-70-recurring-commission-per-customer/

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 Buy Now

    This instrument is the sexiest instrument on the planet and thanks to your amazing lessons I learned to play it in less than a month! And when I say play I mean play! My friends literally could not believe their ears. The look on their faces as I played all the latest tunes was priceless. I had tried to learn ukulele as a kid and all I remember of that is frustration and painstaking practice. It was horrible. With your lesson it is fun to learn especially as the results come so quickly! Thanks a million.

– Alexandria Albert, Los Angeles California

Why It Works! (Say Goodbye to Dull Practice)

Let’s face it…learning to play an instrument can be one of the most grindingly boring experiences you will ever have. Sure being the center of attention as you play fantastic tunes perfectly and with flair is cool. But if you have to spend literally a thousand hours practicing to get it that point is it really worth it?

We didn’t think so.

We heard people around the world complaining about the ridiculous grind of getting good at a musical instrument and we decided to find a way to make it fun, fast and almost effortless. After all human beings have been playing music for thousands of years.

The result is this intuitive, revolutionary, fail proof program that taps into the musician inside all of us to get ANYONE playing Ukulele brilliantly in under thirty days.

So… why play the Ukulele? What is so great about it?

Frankly the ukulele is the instrument of the moment. Forget guitar, as you know half the world knows how to play that – though most of them not very well.

Right now the the ukulele is new, it is highly portable and it is THE instrument that everyone wants to learn to play.

As an added bonus it is actually easier to be brilliant at than the guitar, so the instrument is impressive and after you learn our way, your playing will be far beyond impressive, it will awesome.

JOIN NOW AND GET INSTANT ACCESS TO:

Our Step-by-Step Video Lessons

Have access to hundreds of our online step-by-step videos that makes learning the ukulele easy and fun!

Learn ukulele in 30 days program – A 30 day video series accompanied by ukulele exercises that will help you familiarize yourself with ukulele terms, notes and chords. This is a great course is you are a total beginner. The skills you learn here will allow you to play the ukulele casually, allowing you to play slow and simple songs such as romantic ballads, classics and some of the new hits from today.

Become a better ukulele player program – Once you are playing well the next step is to start making you an artist. This section of the course will have you playing complicated, fast and impressive songs with in weeks.

Being a ukulele master – If all you want to do is play fluently and wow your family and friends with your talent then you can stop after the second program. But if you dream of bigger things and even a rewarding lucrative career playing ukulele then this part is for you. By the end of this program you will be a true professional of the highest standard. Bands will line up for your services.

Play ukulele by ear – Everyone knows that the pinnacle of musical mastery is to be able to play an instrument by ear. This program is scientifically based on your inner musician to have you effortlessly playing ukulele by ear in less than 30 days.

PLUS

If you dream about playing a certain type of music our program hones in on specific skills that allow you to become the master of any genre you choose

Jazz

(R&B) Rhythm and blues

Rock

Pop

Country

Gospel

Classics

All of these will flow effortlessly from your fingers allowing you to play your favorite songs to a magnificent standard.

BONUS #1: Famous Songs Tutorial

And talking of your favorite tunes we have a bonus for you that will blow your mind. We know that one of the joys of playing a musical instrument is being able to play the popular tunes so… we have put together a set of videos that take you step by step in live color through how to play all the top songs.

Watch and learn – effortlessly

Better still be update our database of these tunes every week so there is always something new for you to master and impress your friends with.

BONUS #2: Ukulele Learning Forums

Sometimes you hit a mental block and need extra help. We know this! So as well as all this awesome teaching material we have an online forum manned by ukulele professionals ready to talk you through your problems and answer your questions, anytime you like.

You can ask any ukulele related question and have it answered. Want to know which is the best ukulele for you? Need help getting a certain song right? Just want some words of encouragement. Ask and one of our consultants will be right there to give you the information you need.

Plus you can share your extraordinary experience learning and playing the ukulele with others just like yourself.

Bonus #3 Ukulele Tools, Software and Resources

Our online tools will allow you to engage in highly efficient, away-from-the-ukulele practice and reinforcement of key skills and knowledge. This way you can get in a bit of practice wherever you are.

Our tools and softwares include:

Record and edit your own tracks and music tools

Ukulele quiz and games

Ukulele visualization tools

Play ukulele on your computer

Music Theory Flashcards

Ukulele flash cards

Bonus #4 Thousands of Music Sheets, Tabs and Audio Files

ALL OF THESE AMAZING RESOURCES TO HAVE YOU PLAYING UKULELE LIKE A PRO IN THE SHORTEST TIME POSSIBLE!

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

I gave my long time girlfriend with the most romantic marriage proposal that made her burst in to tears! I went down on my knees, start playing my ukulele while singing my love to her in front of her officemates. I was that confident after less than 30 days of lessons from you. Thank you guys! Learning this amazing instrument made possible. And it was so fun!

– Robert Prusienski, 36 year-old, Manassas, Virginia

I am so happy I found this site! I don’t believe this at first because I always find music lessons are boring but if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made my parents proud of me. Not only that, I am now the popular Ukelele player in this small town Beaufort. People love my music. They want to hear my music all the time. I received many invitations to play at several occasions and events. And this became my profession. Thank you so much. Two thumbs way up!

– Erick Philipps, 21 year-old, Beaufort, NC

I had never thought that I would be able to play a musical instrument until I found your website! I would like to say many thanks to you as I had a greatest performance in my whole life. My eight-year-old daughter and I played together in her school and we got a standing ovation! I am so thankful that I found you. Through this music, I gain more friends that kept me and my daughter companies all the time.

– Christine Palmares, Single mother, Canada

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

Test us out and see how revolutionary this program really is. The best bit is click the join now button below and we will email your membership details within 5 mins. Don’t you love instant gratification? Just click the button and in 5 minutes you will be learning to play ukulele like a consummate professional.

Our program is the very best way for you to learn Ukulele because:

It’s more affordable than private tutors…

There are nobody to make embarrassing mistakes in front of

You move at your own pace never feeling rushed (or held back) by someone else…

It’s always evolving, allowing you to learn exciting new songs as soon as they’re released…

Lessons are planned using your natural inherent ability to master a musical instrument.

Absolutely no boring repetitive practice…

Thriving community where you can share hints tips and even brag a little

Tons of training aids, from software to sheet music and regularly added content…

So why wait any longer? Join now! You really have nothing to lose and we guarantee you are going to be blown away by the ease with which you master the ukulele. In no time at all you will be impressing your friends and relatives and holding center stage at parties with your amazing talent.

Join now to discover your hidden talent and be playing the ukulele five minutes from now.

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

P.S. If you miss this opportunity you WILL regret it. Haven’t you always wanted to play and instrument and play it well. This is the best chance you are ever going to have. DO NOT MISS OUT. Join Now and have instant access!

P.P.S. Start today and be playing your favourite song on the ukulele within 30 days – guaranteed.

[allenmendezsr]

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/rocket-ukulele-get-70-recurring-commission-per-customer/

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

 Buy Now

    This instrument is the sexiest instrument on the planet and thanks to your amazing lessons I learned to play it in less than a month! And when I say play I mean play! My friends literally could not believe their ears. The look on their faces as I played all the latest tunes was priceless. I had tried to learn ukulele as a kid and all I remember of that is frustration and painstaking practice. It was horrible. With your lesson it is fun to learn especially as the results come so quickly! Thanks a million.

– Alexandria Albert, Los Angeles California

Why It Works! (Say Goodbye to Dull Practice)

Let’s face it…learning to play an instrument can be one of the most grindingly boring experiences you will ever have. Sure being the center of attention as you play fantastic tunes perfectly and with flair is cool. But if you have to spend literally a thousand hours practicing to get it that point is it really worth it?

We didn’t think so.

We heard people around the world complaining about the ridiculous grind of getting good at a musical instrument and we decided to find a way to make it fun, fast and almost effortless. After all human beings have been playing music for thousands of years.

The result is this intuitive, revolutionary, fail proof program that taps into the musician inside all of us to get ANYONE playing Ukulele brilliantly in under thirty days.

So… why play the Ukulele? What is so great about it?

Frankly the ukulele is the instrument of the moment. Forget guitar, as you know half the world knows how to play that – though most of them not very well.

Right now the the ukulele is new, it is highly portable and it is THE instrument that everyone wants to learn to play.

As an added bonus it is actually easier to be brilliant at than the guitar, so the instrument is impressive and after you learn our way, your playing will be far beyond impressive, it will awesome.

JOIN NOW AND GET INSTANT ACCESS TO:

Our Step-by-Step Video Lessons

Have access to hundreds of our online step-by-step videos that makes learning the ukulele easy and fun!

Learn ukulele in 30 days program – A 30 day video series accompanied by ukulele exercises that will help you familiarize yourself with ukulele terms, notes and chords. This is a great course is you are a total beginner. The skills you learn here will allow you to play the ukulele casually, allowing you to play slow and simple songs such as romantic ballads, classics and some of the new hits from today.

Become a better ukulele player program – Once you are playing well the next step is to start making you an artist. This section of the course will have you playing complicated, fast and impressive songs with in weeks.

Being a ukulele master – If all you want to do is play fluently and wow your family and friends with your talent then you can stop after the second program. But if you dream of bigger things and even a rewarding lucrative career playing ukulele then this part is for you. By the end of this program you will be a true professional of the highest standard. Bands will line up for your services.

Play ukulele by ear – Everyone knows that the pinnacle of musical mastery is to be able to play an instrument by ear. This program is scientifically based on your inner musician to have you effortlessly playing ukulele by ear in less than 30 days.

PLUS

If you dream about playing a certain type of music our program hones in on specific skills that allow you to become the master of any genre you choose

Jazz

(R&B) Rhythm and blues

Rock

Pop

Country

Gospel

Classics

All of these will flow effortlessly from your fingers allowing you to play your favorite songs to a magnificent standard.

BONUS #1: Famous Songs Tutorial

And talking of your favorite tunes we have a bonus for you that will blow your mind. We know that one of the joys of playing a musical instrument is being able to play the popular tunes so… we have put together a set of videos that take you step by step in live color through how to play all the top songs.

Watch and learn – effortlessly

Better still be update our database of these tunes every week so there is always something new for you to master and impress your friends with.

BONUS #2: Ukulele Learning Forums

Sometimes you hit a mental block and need extra help. We know this! So as well as all this awesome teaching material we have an online forum manned by ukulele professionals ready to talk you through your problems and answer your questions, anytime you like.

You can ask any ukulele related question and have it answered. Want to know which is the best ukulele for you? Need help getting a certain song right? Just want some words of encouragement. Ask and one of our consultants will be right there to give you the information you need.

Plus you can share your extraordinary experience learning and playing the ukulele with others just like yourself.

Bonus #3 Ukulele Tools, Software and Resources

Our online tools will allow you to engage in highly efficient, away-from-the-ukulele practice and reinforcement of key skills and knowledge. This way you can get in a bit of practice wherever you are.

Our tools and softwares include:

Record and edit your own tracks and music tools

Ukulele quiz and games

Ukulele visualization tools

Play ukulele on your computer

Music Theory Flashcards

Ukulele flash cards

Bonus #4 Thousands of Music Sheets, Tabs and Audio Files

ALL OF THESE AMAZING RESOURCES TO HAVE YOU PLAYING UKULELE LIKE A PRO IN THE SHORTEST TIME POSSIBLE!

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

I gave my long time girlfriend with the most romantic marriage proposal that made her burst in to tears! I went down on my knees, start playing my ukulele while singing my love to her in front of her officemates. I was that confident after less than 30 days of lessons from you. Thank you guys! Learning this amazing instrument made possible. And it was so fun!

– Robert Prusienski, 36 year-old, Manassas, Virginia

I am so happy I found this site! I don’t believe this at first because I always find music lessons are boring but if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made my parents proud of me. Not only that, I am now the popular Ukelele player in this small town Beaufort. People love my music. They want to hear my music all the time. I received many invitations to play at several occasions and events. And this became my profession. Thank you so much. Two thumbs way up!

– Erick Philipps, 21 year-old, Beaufort, NC

I had never thought that I would be able to play a musical instrument until I found your website! I would like to say many thanks to you as I had a greatest performance in my whole life. My eight-year-old daughter and I played together in her school and we got a standing ovation! I am so thankful that I found you. Through this music, I gain more friends that kept me and my daughter companies all the time.

– Christine Palmares, Single mother, Canada

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

Test us out and see how revolutionary this program really is. The best bit is click the join now button below and we will email your membership details within 5 mins. Don’t you love instant gratification? Just click the button and in 5 minutes you will be learning to play ukulele like a consummate professional.

Our program is the very best way for you to learn Ukulele because:

It’s more affordable than private tutors…

There are nobody to make embarrassing mistakes in front of

You move at your own pace never feeling rushed (or held back) by someone else…

It’s always evolving, allowing you to learn exciting new songs as soon as they’re released…

Lessons are planned using your natural inherent ability to master a musical instrument.

Absolutely no boring repetitive practice…

Thriving community where you can share hints tips and even brag a little

Tons of training aids, from software to sheet music and regularly added content…

So why wait any longer? Join now! You really have nothing to lose and we guarantee you are going to be blown away by the ease with which you master the ukulele. In no time at all you will be impressing your friends and relatives and holding center stage at parties with your amazing talent.

Join now to discover your hidden talent and be playing the ukulele five minutes from now.

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

P.S. If you miss this opportunity you WILL regret it. Haven’t you always wanted to play and instrument and play it well. This is the best chance you are ever going to have. DO NOT MISS OUT. Join Now and have instant access!

P.P.S. Start today and be playing your favourite song on the ukulele within 30 days – guaranteed.

[allenmendezsr]

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/rocket-ukulele-get-70-recurring-commission-per-customer/

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

 Buy Now

    This instrument is the sexiest instrument on the planet and thanks to your amazing lessons I learned to play it in less than a month! And when I say play I mean play! My friends literally could not believe their ears. The look on their faces as I played all the latest tunes was priceless. I had tried to learn ukulele as a kid and all I remember of that is frustration and painstaking practice. It was horrible. With your lesson it is fun to learn especially as the results come so quickly! Thanks a million.

– Alexandria Albert, Los Angeles California

Why It Works! (Say Goodbye to Dull Practice)

Let’s face it…learning to play an instrument can be one of the most grindingly boring experiences you will ever have. Sure being the center of attention as you play fantastic tunes perfectly and with flair is cool. But if you have to spend literally a thousand hours practicing to get it that point is it really worth it?

We didn’t think so.

We heard people around the world complaining about the ridiculous grind of getting good at a musical instrument and we decided to find a way to make it fun, fast and almost effortless. After all human beings have been playing music for thousands of years.

The result is this intuitive, revolutionary, fail proof program that taps into the musician inside all of us to get ANYONE playing Ukulele brilliantly in under thirty days.

So… why play the Ukulele? What is so great about it?

Frankly the ukulele is the instrument of the moment. Forget guitar, as you know half the world knows how to play that – though most of them not very well.

Right now the the ukulele is new, it is highly portable and it is THE instrument that everyone wants to learn to play.

As an added bonus it is actually easier to be brilliant at than the guitar, so the instrument is impressive and after you learn our way, your playing will be far beyond impressive, it will awesome.

JOIN NOW AND GET INSTANT ACCESS TO:

Our Step-by-Step Video Lessons

Have access to hundreds of our online step-by-step videos that makes learning the ukulele easy and fun!

Learn ukulele in 30 days program – A 30 day video series accompanied by ukulele exercises that will help you familiarize yourself with ukulele terms, notes and chords. This is a great course is you are a total beginner. The skills you learn here will allow you to play the ukulele casually, allowing you to play slow and simple songs such as romantic ballads, classics and some of the new hits from today.

Become a better ukulele player program – Once you are playing well the next step is to start making you an artist. This section of the course will have you playing complicated, fast and impressive songs with in weeks.

Being a ukulele master – If all you want to do is play fluently and wow your family and friends with your talent then you can stop after the second program. But if you dream of bigger things and even a rewarding lucrative career playing ukulele then this part is for you. By the end of this program you will be a true professional of the highest standard. Bands will line up for your services.

Play ukulele by ear – Everyone knows that the pinnacle of musical mastery is to be able to play an instrument by ear. This program is scientifically based on your inner musician to have you effortlessly playing ukulele by ear in less than 30 days.

PLUS

If you dream about playing a certain type of music our program hones in on specific skills that allow you to become the master of any genre you choose

Jazz

(R&B) Rhythm and blues

Rock

Pop

Country

Gospel

Classics

All of these will flow effortlessly from your fingers allowing you to play your favorite songs to a magnificent standard.

BONUS #1: Famous Songs Tutorial

And talking of your favorite tunes we have a bonus for you that will blow your mind. We know that one of the joys of playing a musical instrument is being able to play the popular tunes so… we have put together a set of videos that take you step by step in live color through how to play all the top songs.

Watch and learn – effortlessly

Better still be update our database of these tunes every week so there is always something new for you to master and impress your friends with.

BONUS #2: Ukulele Learning Forums

Sometimes you hit a mental block and need extra help. We know this! So as well as all this awesome teaching material we have an online forum manned by ukulele professionals ready to talk you through your problems and answer your questions, anytime you like.

You can ask any ukulele related question and have it answered. Want to know which is the best ukulele for you? Need help getting a certain song right? Just want some words of encouragement. Ask and one of our consultants will be right there to give you the information you need.

Plus you can share your extraordinary experience learning and playing the ukulele with others just like yourself.

Bonus #3 Ukulele Tools, Software and Resources

Our online tools will allow you to engage in highly efficient, away-from-the-ukulele practice and reinforcement of key skills and knowledge. This way you can get in a bit of practice wherever you are.

Our tools and softwares include:

Record and edit your own tracks and music tools

Ukulele quiz and games

Ukulele visualization tools

Play ukulele on your computer

Music Theory Flashcards

Ukulele flash cards

Bonus #4 Thousands of Music Sheets, Tabs and Audio Files

ALL OF THESE AMAZING RESOURCES TO HAVE YOU PLAYING UKULELE LIKE A PRO IN THE SHORTEST TIME POSSIBLE!

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

I gave my long time girlfriend with the most romantic marriage proposal that made her burst in to tears! I went down on my knees, start playing my ukulele while singing my love to her in front of her officemates. I was that confident after less than 30 days of lessons from you. Thank you guys! Learning this amazing instrument made possible. And it was so fun!

– Robert Prusienski, 36 year-old, Manassas, Virginia

I am so happy I found this site! I don’t believe this at first because I always find music lessons are boring but if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made my parents proud of me. Not only that, I am now the popular Ukelele player in this small town Beaufort. People love my music. They want to hear my music all the time. I received many invitations to play at several occasions and events. And this became my profession. Thank you so much. Two thumbs way up!

– Erick Philipps, 21 year-old, Beaufort, NC

I had never thought that I would be able to play a musical instrument until I found your website! I would like to say many thanks to you as I had a greatest performance in my whole life. My eight-year-old daughter and I played together in her school and we got a standing ovation! I am so thankful that I found you. Through this music, I gain more friends that kept me and my daughter companies all the time.

– Christine Palmares, Single mother, Canada

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

Test us out and see how revolutionary this program really is. The best bit is click the join now button below and we will email your membership details within 5 mins. Don’t you love instant gratification? Just click the button and in 5 minutes you will be learning to play ukulele like a consummate professional.

Our program is the very best way for you to learn Ukulele because:

It’s more affordable than private tutors…

There are nobody to make embarrassing mistakes in front of

You move at your own pace never feeling rushed (or held back) by someone else…

It’s always evolving, allowing you to learn exciting new songs as soon as they’re released…

Lessons are planned using your natural inherent ability to master a musical instrument.

Absolutely no boring repetitive practice…

Thriving community where you can share hints tips and even brag a little

Tons of training aids, from software to sheet music and regularly added content…

So why wait any longer? Join now! You really have nothing to lose and we guarantee you are going to be blown away by the ease with which you master the ukulele. In no time at all you will be impressing your friends and relatives and holding center stage at parties with your amazing talent.

Join now to discover your hidden talent and be playing the ukulele five minutes from now.

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

P.S. If you miss this opportunity you WILL regret it. Haven’t you always wanted to play and instrument and play it well. This is the best chance you are ever going to have. DO NOT MISS OUT. Join Now and have instant access!

P.P.S. Start today and be playing your favourite song on the ukulele within 30 days – guaranteed.

[allenmendezsr]

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/rocket-ukulele-get-70-recurring-commission-per-customer/

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

 Buy Now

    This instrument is the sexiest instrument on the planet and thanks to your amazing lessons I learned to play it in less than a month! And when I say play I mean play! My friends literally could not believe their ears. The look on their faces as I played all the latest tunes was priceless. I had tried to learn ukulele as a kid and all I remember of that is frustration and painstaking practice. It was horrible. With your lesson it is fun to learn especially as the results come so quickly! Thanks a million.

– Alexandria Albert, Los Angeles California

Why It Works! (Say Goodbye to Dull Practice)

Let’s face it…learning to play an instrument can be one of the most grindingly boring experiences you will ever have. Sure being the center of attention as you play fantastic tunes perfectly and with flair is cool. But if you have to spend literally a thousand hours practicing to get it that point is it really worth it?

We didn’t think so.

We heard people around the world complaining about the ridiculous grind of getting good at a musical instrument and we decided to find a way to make it fun, fast and almost effortless. After all human beings have been playing music for thousands of years.

The result is this intuitive, revolutionary, fail proof program that taps into the musician inside all of us to get ANYONE playing Ukulele brilliantly in under thirty days.

So… why play the Ukulele? What is so great about it?

Frankly the ukulele is the instrument of the moment. Forget guitar, as you know half the world knows how to play that – though most of them not very well.

Right now the the ukulele is new, it is highly portable and it is THE instrument that everyone wants to learn to play.

As an added bonus it is actually easier to be brilliant at than the guitar, so the instrument is impressive and after you learn our way, your playing will be far beyond impressive, it will awesome.

JOIN NOW AND GET INSTANT ACCESS TO:

Our Step-by-Step Video Lessons

Have access to hundreds of our online step-by-step videos that makes learning the ukulele easy and fun!

Learn ukulele in 30 days program – A 30 day video series accompanied by ukulele exercises that will help you familiarize yourself with ukulele terms, notes and chords. This is a great course is you are a total beginner. The skills you learn here will allow you to play the ukulele casually, allowing you to play slow and simple songs such as romantic ballads, classics and some of the new hits from today.

Become a better ukulele player program – Once you are playing well the next step is to start making you an artist. This section of the course will have you playing complicated, fast and impressive songs with in weeks.

Being a ukulele master – If all you want to do is play fluently and wow your family and friends with your talent then you can stop after the second program. But if you dream of bigger things and even a rewarding lucrative career playing ukulele then this part is for you. By the end of this program you will be a true professional of the highest standard. Bands will line up for your services.

Play ukulele by ear – Everyone knows that the pinnacle of musical mastery is to be able to play an instrument by ear. This program is scientifically based on your inner musician to have you effortlessly playing ukulele by ear in less than 30 days.

PLUS

If you dream about playing a certain type of music our program hones in on specific skills that allow you to become the master of any genre you choose

Jazz

(R&B) Rhythm and blues

Rock

Pop

Country

Gospel

Classics

All of these will flow effortlessly from your fingers allowing you to play your favorite songs to a magnificent standard.

BONUS #1: Famous Songs Tutorial

And talking of your favorite tunes we have a bonus for you that will blow your mind. We know that one of the joys of playing a musical instrument is being able to play the popular tunes so… we have put together a set of videos that take you step by step in live color through how to play all the top songs.

Watch and learn – effortlessly

Better still be update our database of these tunes every week so there is always something new for you to master and impress your friends with.

BONUS #2: Ukulele Learning Forums

Sometimes you hit a mental block and need extra help. We know this! So as well as all this awesome teaching material we have an online forum manned by ukulele professionals ready to talk you through your problems and answer your questions, anytime you like.

You can ask any ukulele related question and have it answered. Want to know which is the best ukulele for you? Need help getting a certain song right? Just want some words of encouragement. Ask and one of our consultants will be right there to give you the information you need.

Plus you can share your extraordinary experience learning and playing the ukulele with others just like yourself.

Bonus #3 Ukulele Tools, Software and Resources

Our online tools will allow you to engage in highly efficient, away-from-the-ukulele practice and reinforcement of key skills and knowledge. This way you can get in a bit of practice wherever you are.

Our tools and softwares include:

Record and edit your own tracks and music tools

Ukulele quiz and games

Ukulele visualization tools

Play ukulele on your computer

Music Theory Flashcards

Ukulele flash cards

Bonus #4 Thousands of Music Sheets, Tabs and Audio Files

ALL OF THESE AMAZING RESOURCES TO HAVE YOU PLAYING UKULELE LIKE A PRO IN THE SHORTEST TIME POSSIBLE!

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

I gave my long time girlfriend with the most romantic marriage proposal that made her burst in to tears! I went down on my knees, start playing my ukulele while singing my love to her in front of her officemates. I was that confident after less than 30 days of lessons from you. Thank you guys! Learning this amazing instrument made possible. And it was so fun!

– Robert Prusienski, 36 year-old, Manassas, Virginia

I am so happy I found this site! I don’t believe this at first because I always find music lessons are boring but if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made my parents proud of me. Not only that, I am now the popular Ukelele player in this small town Beaufort. People love my music. They want to hear my music all the time. I received many invitations to play at several occasions and events. And this became my profession. Thank you so much. Two thumbs way up!

– Erick Philipps, 21 year-old, Beaufort, NC

I had never thought that I would be able to play a musical instrument until I found your website! I would like to say many thanks to you as I had a greatest performance in my whole life. My eight-year-old daughter and I played together in her school and we got a standing ovation! I am so thankful that I found you. Through this music, I gain more friends that kept me and my daughter companies all the time.

– Christine Palmares, Single mother, Canada

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

Test us out and see how revolutionary this program really is. The best bit is click the join now button below and we will email your membership details within 5 mins. Don’t you love instant gratification? Just click the button and in 5 minutes you will be learning to play ukulele like a consummate professional.

Our program is the very best way for you to learn Ukulele because:

It’s more affordable than private tutors…

There are nobody to make embarrassing mistakes in front of

You move at your own pace never feeling rushed (or held back) by someone else…

It’s always evolving, allowing you to learn exciting new songs as soon as they’re released…

Lessons are planned using your natural inherent ability to master a musical instrument.

Absolutely no boring repetitive practice…

Thriving community where you can share hints tips and even brag a little

Tons of training aids, from software to sheet music and regularly added content…

So why wait any longer? Join now! You really have nothing to lose and we guarantee you are going to be blown away by the ease with which you master the ukulele. In no time at all you will be impressing your friends and relatives and holding center stage at parties with your amazing talent.

Join now to discover your hidden talent and be playing the ukulele five minutes from now.

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

P.S. If you miss this opportunity you WILL regret it. Haven’t you always wanted to play and instrument and play it well. This is the best chance you are ever going to have. DO NOT MISS OUT. Join Now and have instant access!

P.P.S. Start today and be playing your favourite song on the ukulele within 30 days – guaranteed.

[allenmendezsr]

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/rocket-ukulele-get-70-recurring-commission-per-customer/

Rocket Ukulele | Get 70% Recurring Commission Per Customer!

 Buy Now

    This instrument is the sexiest instrument on the planet and thanks to your amazing lessons I learned to play it in less than a month! And when I say play I mean play! My friends literally could not believe their ears. The look on their faces as I played all the latest tunes was priceless. I had tried to learn ukulele as a kid and all I remember of that is frustration and painstaking practice. It was horrible. With your lesson it is fun to learn especially as the results come so quickly! Thanks a million.

– Alexandria Albert, Los Angeles California

Why It Works! (Say Goodbye to Dull Practice)

Let’s face it…learning to play an instrument can be one of the most grindingly boring experiences you will ever have. Sure being the center of attention as you play fantastic tunes perfectly and with flair is cool. But if you have to spend literally a thousand hours practicing to get it that point is it really worth it?

We didn’t think so.

We heard people around the world complaining about the ridiculous grind of getting good at a musical instrument and we decided to find a way to make it fun, fast and almost effortless. After all human beings have been playing music for thousands of years.

The result is this intuitive, revolutionary, fail proof program that taps into the musician inside all of us to get ANYONE playing Ukulele brilliantly in under thirty days.

So… why play the Ukulele? What is so great about it?

Frankly the ukulele is the instrument of the moment. Forget guitar, as you know half the world knows how to play that – though most of them not very well.

Right now the the ukulele is new, it is highly portable and it is THE instrument that everyone wants to learn to play.

As an added bonus it is actually easier to be brilliant at than the guitar, so the instrument is impressive and after you learn our way, your playing will be far beyond impressive, it will awesome.

JOIN NOW AND GET INSTANT ACCESS TO:

Our Step-by-Step Video Lessons

Have access to hundreds of our online step-by-step videos that makes learning the ukulele easy and fun!

Learn ukulele in 30 days program – A 30 day video series accompanied by ukulele exercises that will help you familiarize yourself with ukulele terms, notes and chords. This is a great course is you are a total beginner. The skills you learn here will allow you to play the ukulele casually, allowing you to play slow and simple songs such as romantic ballads, classics and some of the new hits from today.

Become a better ukulele player program – Once you are playing well the next step is to start making you an artist. This section of the course will have you playing complicated, fast and impressive songs with in weeks.

Being a ukulele master – If all you want to do is play fluently and wow your family and friends with your talent then you can stop after the second program. But if you dream of bigger things and even a rewarding lucrative career playing ukulele then this part is for you. By the end of this program you will be a true professional of the highest standard. Bands will line up for your services.

Play ukulele by ear – Everyone knows that the pinnacle of musical mastery is to be able to play an instrument by ear. This program is scientifically based on your inner musician to have you effortlessly playing ukulele by ear in less than 30 days.

PLUS

If you dream about playing a certain type of music our program hones in on specific skills that allow you to become the master of any genre you choose

Jazz

(R&B) Rhythm and blues

Rock

Pop

Country

Gospel

Classics

All of these will flow effortlessly from your fingers allowing you to play your favorite songs to a magnificent standard.

BONUS #1: Famous Songs Tutorial

And talking of your favorite tunes we have a bonus for you that will blow your mind. We know that one of the joys of playing a musical instrument is being able to play the popular tunes so… we have put together a set of videos that take you step by step in live color through how to play all the top songs.

Watch and learn – effortlessly

Better still be update our database of these tunes every week so there is always something new for you to master and impress your friends with.

BONUS #2: Ukulele Learning Forums

Sometimes you hit a mental block and need extra help. We know this! So as well as all this awesome teaching material we have an online forum manned by ukulele professionals ready to talk you through your problems and answer your questions, anytime you like.

You can ask any ukulele related question and have it answered. Want to know which is the best ukulele for you? Need help getting a certain song right? Just want some words of encouragement. Ask and one of our consultants will be right there to give you the information you need.

Plus you can share your extraordinary experience learning and playing the ukulele with others just like yourself.

Bonus #3 Ukulele Tools, Software and Resources

Our online tools will allow you to engage in highly efficient, away-from-the-ukulele practice and reinforcement of key skills and knowledge. This way you can get in a bit of practice wherever you are.

Our tools and softwares include:

Record and edit your own tracks and music tools

Ukulele quiz and games

Ukulele visualization tools

Play ukulele on your computer

Music Theory Flashcards

Ukulele flash cards

Bonus #4 Thousands of Music Sheets, Tabs and Audio Files

ALL OF THESE AMAZING RESOURCES TO HAVE YOU PLAYING UKULELE LIKE A PRO IN THE SHORTEST TIME POSSIBLE!

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

I gave my long time girlfriend with the most romantic marriage proposal that made her burst in to tears! I went down on my knees, start playing my ukulele while singing my love to her in front of her officemates. I was that confident after less than 30 days of lessons from you. Thank you guys! Learning this amazing instrument made possible. And it was so fun!

– Robert Prusienski, 36 year-old, Manassas, Virginia

I am so happy I found this site! I don’t believe this at first because I always find music lessons are boring but if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made my parents proud of me. Not only that, I am now the popular Ukelele player in this small town Beaufort. People love my music. They want to hear my music all the time. I received many invitations to play at several occasions and events. And this became my profession. Thank you so much. Two thumbs way up!

– Erick Philipps, 21 year-old, Beaufort, NC

I had never thought that I would be able to play a musical instrument until I found your website! I would like to say many thanks to you as I had a greatest performance in my whole life. My eight-year-old daughter and I played together in her school and we got a standing ovation! I am so thankful that I found you. Through this music, I gain more friends that kept me and my daughter companies all the time.

– Christine Palmares, Single mother, Canada

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

Test us out and see how revolutionary this program really is. The best bit is click the join now button below and we will email your membership details within 5 mins. Don’t you love instant gratification? Just click the button and in 5 minutes you will be learning to play ukulele like a consummate professional.

Our program is the very best way for you to learn Ukulele because:

It’s more affordable than private tutors…

There are nobody to make embarrassing mistakes in front of

You move at your own pace never feeling rushed (or held back) by someone else…

It’s always evolving, allowing you to learn exciting new songs as soon as they’re released…

Lessons are planned using your natural inherent ability to master a musical instrument.

Absolutely no boring repetitive practice…

Thriving community where you can share hints tips and even brag a little

Tons of training aids, from software to sheet music and regularly added content…

So why wait any longer? Join now! You really have nothing to lose and we guarantee you are going to be blown away by the ease with which you master the ukulele. In no time at all you will be impressing your friends and relatives and holding center stage at parties with your amazing talent.

Join now to discover your hidden talent and be playing the ukulele five minutes from now.

Start Learning How to Play the Ukulele Today! Click Here to Access all the Ukulele Lessons!

P.S. If you miss this opportunity you WILL regret it. Haven’t you always wanted to play and instrument and play it well. This is the best chance you are ever going to have. DO NOT MISS OUT. Join Now and have instant access!

P.P.S. Start today and be playing your favourite song on the ukulele within 30 days – guaranteed.