#halcyotic

[luxdelumin]

this is my cat, missy. short for missile launcher.

“cayde.”

grasping his shoulders, ikora pulls him close. the drawing is incredibly detailed, yes, and she has to give him credit-- he does know what he’s doing. but every time he does something she admires, he then goes and opens his mouth.

“cayde, i love you. i do. and i will put missy up on the fridge, if that will make you feel better. but sometimes, you drive me absolutely bonkers.”

she takes the drawing, and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“now please go catch colonel. i think she’s running off with your pencil.”

[blitzherzen]

a hug where one muse stops the other from collapsing. right after that arc incident, where cayde goes into overdrive in a panic attack. :)

oh god oh fuck

Someone should have warned him of this.

It was just a simple brush of his palm on Cayde’s shoulder, what he thought would be a simple way to greet his Vanguard to tell him about his first and most recent mission success. He was buzzing with excited Arc, there’s no way he wouldn’t be; A static shock jumped between them.

He never expected a simple greeting to result in this.

He staggers back a few steps when he’s shoved away ( Why did he shove me? Did I do something wrong? ) , confused and somewhat alarmed by the defensive gesture displayed to him. He was about to snap back, ask why the hell would he do that? But the look in the Vanguard’s face freezes him solid cold in his tracks. Wide, glassy optics, agape mouth, and a hand flies to the neck before he just… Gives out.

( WAIT SHIT NO NO N ONO NO OONNOO )

Arc immediately stifles itself as he lunges forward to catch Cayde before he can fall, his own expression plastered with high alarm and almost edging towards panic. He lowers himself and Cayde to the ground, sitting on his knees and tilting the other Exo’s face up so he can see if there is anything he might be able to do to reverse this.

( PLEASE BE OKAY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY )

“H-Hey, are you okay..!?” He speaks as he inspects the rest of his state, Arc itching to get out in the midst of anxiety charging it up with the energy of emotion in his chest, but no, he needed to contain it right now. It started with the static. He cannot let this happen again, ever. “Vanguard, are you okay?”

( I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP I FUCKED U— )

Cayde is practically dead weight in his arms, shock having shot his mind and body completely, and soon enough Keylime realizes that there is nothing that he can do about this development. There is nothing that he can do because he is the one who caused it, he is the one who triggered this with his excited Light, and it didn’t matter that this was purely an accident.

He was still at fault.

( WHAT KIND OF FUCKING GUARDIAN AM I IF I HURT THE ONES AROUND ME I’M AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL— )

He gently lays Cayde to the ground and backs off so someone else can help, as he probably should. He steps back, then staggers, then turns on his heel and runs. He runs as far as his legs were willing to carry him, through crowds, down stairs and winding corridors until he finds somewhere quiet. Somewhere isolated and alone where he can condemn himself for this mistake, for he doesn’t need anyone else to do it for him.

Maybe he was overreacting. He knew someone would tell him so. But rationality was out the window for him right now, all that remained was this awful, crushing guilt.

It figures that there are others that will make Cayde feel better than Keylime could ever hope to achieve.

( I deserve this, don’t I? )

He hisses as his claws dig deep into his arm, dragging through carbon fiber and metal, but it’s the best way he thought he should punish himself for this.

[ungleichgewichtig]

Fave blogs ?

@v-ersuchung @lavendelsommer @hoffnungsschwimmer @halcyot @augustzeichnerin @engelsfresse 😇

[plantifulkitti]

Favorite Blogs?

blackoblivion haendchenhalten emotionsueberfluss wirsindamselbenheimwehkrank kacqer jvnelle-shaw bluemorpho-0 inkonstanz denkweisen halcyot

i guess?? and all the other i'm reblogging from  

[driiftcr-blog]

gimme a hug.

Take me out for dinner first, what the hell?

[voidstomach-blog]

ok ok quick list of things i owe and also i’m so sorry it’s taking me so long to get to these waHHHHHH

some asks  that i’ll get to eventually starters: @yikeen , @masiahs , @blazewrought replies: @ttrblmaker ( from nephliems ) , @vijekni x , @shizibande x , @vnmfckr x , @hundredkicks x , @comnder x , @arshiul x , @gunsmithin x , @halcyotic x , @beforewecrash x , @dvlhntr x .

if i missed smthn of ours, just im me !

[flleuri]

R u the gf of @unrecht?

no but of @halcyot haha

[luxdelumin]

[sms] idk how some people don’t swear, if i can’t say the fuck word every 15 minutes i just will explode

[ sms ; cayde ] bitch, me, too.[ sms ; cayde] the fuck.

[blitzherzen]

OHHHHH WE'RE HALF WAY THERE OHH LIVIN' ON A PRAYER !!!

TAKE MY HAND AND WE’LL MAKE IT I SWEEAAARRR

[blitzherzen]

take onnnnnn meeeeee, TAAAAKE MEEEE ONNNNN

I’LL BE GOOOOOOOOONE,

IN A DAY OR

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[blitzherzen]

“One delivery for you, Guardian!” The nearly monotonous voice of the Postmaster rings out in the air as it places down a single paper envelope very neatly on the counter, the writing on the back clearly addressed in neat handwriting to a certain green-clad Hunter.

( I know only one person who’d send me something in paper and ink like this. )

Keylime signs whatever needs to be signed and takes the envelope into his hand, inspecting it for a short moment as he walked back towards his flat. He gets his claw under the lip of the fold, tearing it open in one motion. He carefully reached inside and removed the contents, unfolding and reading what it says.

Coordinates on Titan and a short message, signed with a simple spade.

'Hey there, 'Lime. If you're reading this, there's a cache in the Archology waiting for ya. It's important, so go grab it before those slimy Hive do.'

The trip from the hangar to the methane moon was made with great haste, and his arrival without warning.

His ship swoops in through the thick Titan atmosphere, descending through perpetually raining clouds and soaring over the gargantuan ruins of the moon's great cities. He wastes no time closing in close to a platform near the entrance of the specified structure, transmatting down and making the trip on foot into the depths of the Hive-infested ancient city.

( Cayde loved to hide his caches in the most unusual places. )

He doesn't wait for the Hive to run away when he fires his gun, emptying clip after clip of his Huckleberry into the bodies and heads of the creatures without a second beat. ( Thank the Traveler for self-reloading guns. ) He was determined to find this cache, find whatever Cayde may have left behind for him after the prison incident. He needed to find it.

An hour's worth of trudging through gross Hive infestation and mowing down what was probably a hundred Thralls by now, he believes he had reached the dark, damp place that this cache was left. ( I thought he hated gross things. Why here? ) The submachine transmats away and he climbs, he put it quite a ways up and out of prying claw's reach.

And just as the letter said, the contents that he found inside once he cracked open the code were addressed to him and him only. A small note on a tablet were all that was inside, and so Keylime gingerly picked it up, dusted it off with a few light brushes of the hand, turned it on and watched the screen flicker to life, and now he found the special recording waiting for him.

A familiar voice crackles to life from its speakers, playing from where it was held in his hands.

hey. there’s one of my favorite guardians. probably been a while since you’ve heard my voice? ah... i’m sorry, ‘lime. i really am.

He pauses it. For a looong moment. Leans back onto the cache as he draws in a deep, pained breath and tries to determine if he is really emotionally ready to listen to this. It hasn’t even been six months since his death and yet it feels like it’s been ages upon ages that he hasn’t been able to get over. ( If time flies when you have fun, the polar opposite is certainly true. )

He stares at the device in his hands. Optic lights flicker with the grief welling in his chest, seizing his throat as his emotions wrap their hands around his neck and make him choke out a small whine. But... This is the last thing that Cayde left for him. He has to at least hear what it has to say. A single finger, shaking, lifts to the tablet screen and allows the audio to continue rolling.

well, uh. y’know the drill. i’ve.. probably told you about these at some point. whether i told, you found out, or you felt it somehow, i’m pretty sure you know all about my doomsday planning. it’s... a bit obsessive, yeah, but hey. when you’re a hunter who’s lived as long as me, who’s done an awful lotta shit, upset a lotta people, y’gotta be prepared for just about anything.

It’s something he knew. Cayde always had a plan, had a way to get out even when he’s between a rock and a hard place. Though every Hunter needed to have a way to get themselves out of a hairy situation if it so happened to rise, Cayde always tried to be a hundred and one steps ahead of everything. As much as it may have worried Keylime sometimes, with all the planning ahead that Cayde did for situations like the one that stole his Light, he always knew that there was good reason behind it.

But when you try to run like that, you just might end up tripping.

He tries to not focus too much on the sound of Cayde’s voice, but rather on the words that are being said by him. ( It hurts too much now to hear you now, liebe. )

so, uh... that being said. i don’t really think you’d be the one to kill me. so, this isn’t for you based on that. this is for you based on the fact that you deserve this, to hear my voice one more time, to have happiness. 

( I wish I could be happy listening to this, I wish I could be happy just for you, but the pain is still so, so fresh and too much... )

His fists tighten on the tablet.

not to say sol, or ikora, or anyone else doesn’t, but i feel like if they’d have to kill me, it’s for good reason. and they’d be able to do it. you? i don’t think you could ever. and hey, that’s not a bad thing. it makes this... incredibly easier.

It was true. He never liked killing other Guardians, even in relatively recreational activities like the Crucible. He never liked the idea of bringing harm upon an ally for any reason unless provoked, and that went doubly for the people that he held close, for the people that he loved. 

Cayde left these recordings mostly for people who he thought would kill him under the needed circumstances. Whether that was him being seized by a greater force, his mind going awry, or whatever may be the endless number of reasons that would probably be listed away in journals a many, he could always find a reason for someone having to kill him.

But not for Keylime. And that simple fact only added gasoline to a pot mix of burning, grieving emotions. He knew that he was able to pull Cayde back together in ways that sometimes neither of them even realized. He was a lighthouse to a lost ship floating in circles, guiding Cayde away from the deep, dark ghosts of the past in only the softest and sweetest ways. He could never destroy something that he’s worked so gently and meticulously to love, piece by piece.

The lighthouse has gone dark now. A small sob flashes green in his throat.

i suck with words. but you knew this already.

 but, ‘lime... if it ever happens, just wanted t’ let you know that i’m proud of ya. know you’re gonna be upset, but... that’s the price of being a guardian. death happens all the time, and we’re left to pick up the pieces of what once remained. that’s how it was for me, once upon a time. lost a dear, dear friend... my partner in every sense, someone i trusted wholeheartedly with my life. he was murdered, and i outlived him. i had to pick up the pieces.

( I know. I know so, so well, and now it hurts so much. )

He hasn’t felt this shattered since the Red War, and that whole shebang wasn’t even that long ago either. He laid there in that Farm for its duration, weakened and distant from the world around him, not knowing if the people he loved were even alive until he either saw them face to face afterwards or was informed of their deaths. 

He thinks that he’s not gonna let himself lose anyone else, and yet here he is. ( What a pitiful delusion, that thought. ) Here he is, tired and broken and grieving for something he’s had for so long and then it was suddenly lost. Just like that. And he knew he could’ve done something more. Anyone could’ve done something more. And that’s where the guilt festers between the cracks of the wounds.

He smells of upset ozone. He curls up more from where he sits.

i think you’re gonna be going through that now, but i just wanna let you know, as long as you lean on others, lean on ikora, and sol, and rocket, and let them lean on you, then, really, what am i leaving behind? you all have such unique strengths so individualistic to yourselves. i believe... this won’t douse the love that burns so bright within you. i believe you’ll hurt for a while, but i know you’re never gonna fall down and let yourself stay there. just another bump in the road, darlin’, and at some point we all have to love and lose.

forget the horrors, ‘lime. forget the horrors here, don’t fall prey to the darkness just waitin’ on our doorstep. i know you won’t.

Knees up to his chest and he can’t hold it in. Quiet, stifled crying echoes throughout the vast walls of the Archology’s vast interior, reflecting back to him in the very Darkness that the ghost of his love’s voice now tells him to not let himself fall deep into. ( It’s too early to tell if it’s too late, liebe, but this sorrow is swallowing me. )

There was some logical part in him, some voice of reason in the back of his mind poking out through the sludge of depression and grief that told him he can’t wallow like this forever, that as much as this loss may have torn whole chunks out of his soul he cannot forget who he is in the midst of it all. He may not have to pick up everything right now, no, but there will be some point where he must start to move on. Maybe he’ll need help with it, and he figures hey, that’s not so bad. The more the merrier, after all, but things aren’t very merry right now. He can’t let himself be consumed by this, consumed by the pain and depression and anger and every other little thing that’s been picking him apart piece by piece since that day. 

Because he knows that Cayde will be wrecked seeing Keylime turn into the same masked, broken man that he became after Andal’s death.

i love you, keylime. you flourish so much as a hunter, and i was so proud to be your vanguard. keep your head held high, honey. 

i’ll see you starside.

The recording ends. The tablet slips out of his hand and clatters to a hard floor and he curls up into a ball, his limbs barely muffling the agonized noises choking out of his vocalizer into the vast, dim chasm of a once great city now long lost. They echoed in a mirror of pain that he’s been forced to look into this whole time since then, and oh, it fucking hurts It still hurts so much, and it will continue to hurt for a long, long time. Hearing that voice, those words that Cayde never got to say to him in person before losing his Light to the clutches of the Darkness.

But at the same time... A small but now slowly growing part of him was comforted in knowing that Cayde made sure that he went out with a proper goodbye to everyone he loved. The pain in his heart did not falter, not one bit, he still grieved as much as he did before. But now... It seemed like things were going to be a little bit better in the future.

( Ich liebe dich auch, mein sternenherz. )

[blitzherzen]

your eyes, they shine so bright ; i wanna save that light. i can't escape this now, unless you show me how.

Bright green optics met shimmering blues as he listened to the small rhyme flicker out of Cayde in soft orange, lyrics of adoration laced with sorrow that drew out an all too familiar bittersweet feeling out of the marksman’s heart. So he did what he did best; Snuggled Cayde tight in their current embrace and spoke any sweet comfort he could.

“I know that you’re scared.” He acknowledges the fear he sees in those words first, the part that most likely prompted that string of words in the first place. “Take your time, and I’ll help as best I can. You know I always have and will continue to. Always.”

[blitzherzen]

a letter’s response . / @halcyotic​

hey.

you probably have guessed by now that i found that not-so-little letter that you tucked under the door to my flat not too long ago. i read it. several times. and i figured i needed to give myself some time to process a response to all of this, so... here i am. yeah, i know you said that you didn’t want me to bring this up until you were ready to come to me, but i thought that it wouldn’t be too fair for you if i didn’t respond to this in some sorta way.

alright, uh... here we go.

since i’m really good at putting things bluntly; i was drawn to you. attracted in a sense that i still can’t really pin down to one reason that well. still am, and probably still will continue to be now that i know you mean to reciprocate it. i mean, it’s been a long while since i arrived at the tower, about... more than a decade, i reckon. linear memory isn’t exactly my strong suite. but i know that i avoided you for a long while at first. when i caused you to freeze up when my excited arc triggered something, i thought you would never want me near you again after that.

heh. look at that now, eh?

but yeah, that and... me going full EMP blast from keeping all my arc in so i wouldn’t hurt you, hurt anyone else… but our interactions got better. you got used to being around me and slowly stopped freaking out whenever i let off a little bit of static when i was within a five foot radius of you. i learned your limits, when to can it and when to release, and i noticed the tolerance had increased ever so little from, say, six or seven months ago. and… i think that’s when we kinda started gravitating towards each other. that’s when i started to notice the masks and the walls. and knowing how curious hunters are, i wanted to draw in closer. i wanted to see what was lying under that facade, peek between the cracks in the soot to see the shining gold light that’s poking out ever so dimly. why? well… guess i wasn’t really sure until that little moment. 

and, well… once i did see it, when i stayed by your side undeterred while you had an attack, as you practically melted into my grip after allowing me to embrace you… you looked like you were about to fall apart into a thousand little pieces right then and there. but then your solar poured out, a fiery waterfall carrying all those little broken pieces i thought i had seen before, and in that moment i was able to pull off the mask. i was truly sure why i had been drawn to you. to help? to love? perhaps it is both. perhaps there is more to it than meets my own eyes.

it’s true that there’s still a lot that i don’t know about you, and that’s alright. we have one thing that the mortals of this world do not, and that thing is time. so, i tell you this. i’ll wait for you. i’ll wait, right here where my arms can reach, and when you’re ready you can come to me. you do not have to tell me everything, at least not right away, but when you do, i’ll do everything i can to understand who you are and keep every secret guarded with my light. truly. i may not be the man you lost so long ago, and i never will be in the most basic sense, but if you so desire it… i’ll be by your side through and for it all.

you’re something special too. don’t forget that.

 -  💚

[flleuri]

Was hast du heute noch so vor ?:-)

Berlin mit @halcyot