#hal has a collection of silly staws
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if hal was given a functional body he and dirk would be doing stupid shit to each other but for different reasons
hal just wants to irritate dirk and get on his nerves
dirk wants hal to suffer
#if they got take out hal would finish his food and then go in the fridge to eat dirks leftovers at 2 am#dirk wont order for hal unless hes in the room#if hal is in his room or taking a shower he wont even like tell him that hes ordering he just has to be there#dirk keeps his snacks up on high shelves and writes his name on them#this wont stop hal from getting the stepladder and 'not noticing' the blatantly written DIRK on the chip bag#hals spice tolerance is flamin hot cheeto level#dirk has a higher tolerance and makes/gets spicier foods to prevent hal from eating it#dirk has absent father fantasies#they drink each others sodas#they dont like each others sodas#hal drinks with two straws to feel powerful#dirk will occasionally pinch the straws as hes slurping#hal has a collection of silly staws#two of each of course#two straw hal au#he noahs arks his straws no matter what#sometimes individual silly straws will go missing and dirk 'doesnt know' where they went#tells hal that 'its not his shit and therefore not his responsibility to keep track of them'#hal would probably blow bubbles in his milk#i cannot believe that the foundation of my entertainment in hal being given a human body is just about how he would drink#one day i just said 'hal would be drinking soda at all times' and it snowballed#dirk strider#lil hal#hs#mustard thoughts
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