#hahahaha this is a very long rambly answer sorry

[neongreenllama]

Llama! How is pregnant omega remus doing today?

why thank you for asking, imp. i know you care very much about our pregnant man and he appreciates it.

let's see .... remus woke up very grumpy because he is so big now that he cannot roll on his side anymore and he hates being forced to sleep on his back. he also had a hard time getting up from lying down. sirius tried to help him which then led to remus telling him he's not an invalid and he can get up on his own thank you very much (he can't. sirius has to help him)

to make up for all the discomfort sirius's super sperm is causing him he makes him tea and a very elaborate english breakfast with extra pickles on the side and jam for the sausages (don't ask, he's been craving it) ((no eggs because they make him nauseous)). remus is a little less grumpy after that but then sirius sadly has to leave for work since he is doing a Very Important Job and has many Responsibilities (but not without saying goodbye to remus AND the baby)

remus is way too pregnant to work so he busies himself watching tv, reading, calling lily and asking her when this will all be finally over, going to pee every five minutes and still peeing in his pants a little bit when he sits down, and nesting. so far almost every inch of their home is covered in pillows and blankets and stuffed animals and the pantry and kitchen are close to bursting at the seams with all the food he's been hoarding (mostly canned so it doesn't expire quickly) and so much formula they could feed ten babies even if the world ended tomorrow (you never know what could happen okay??? he needs to be prepared!!!!! the baby must eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

the rest of the day he sits in his comfy nest, eats, and misses sirius terribly and texts him a lot until he finally comes home and remus can bury his face in his neck. he complains to him about his aching back and his swollen feet (sirius gives him a feet massage and then a blowjob) and that he looks like an airballoon (sirius tells him he's beautiful and lets him sit on his knot). and then he goes to bed early :))))

[notablogtwiy]

Okay this is mostly just for fun and not meant to be taken so seriously. I think shipping is okay as long as it stays in fan communities and people don't harass the actual people about it. But even then, this is mostly just fun/wishful thinking:

For a long time, I had it the back of my mind that Spencer has a crush on Angela. And for a while I didn't think it was reciprocated. But with today's video and a few recent ones I'm starting to think that it is lol.

Thank you for this message and I'm also sorry because I'll probably ramble on now because I can't help but gush when it comes to them.

I agree with the shipping thing, and that's why I was hesitant to make that Spangela moments post. It might get misinterpreted. They are simply my favorite Smosh members and I love seeing them as a duo, that's all. Does the idea of them together sound great? Sure, but it's just an idea. And it's just like you said, as long as people are respectful and know how to stay within the fandom and not make it weird, then it's cool. You can have fun without being creepy or invasive. I'm so glad they're not a "popular ship" because I don't want people sending them stuff or having them see things that would make them uncomfortable and affect their friendship and how they interact. It's very important to remember that they are real people and we do not actually know them.

But yes, just for pure and harmless fun, I've had very similar thoughts to yours, hahahaha. Spencer was the whole reason I started noticing their dynamic in the first place. I really can't explain it, but the way he is with her is just different. The way he talks about her and hypes her up. Even the way he teases her is different to me than how he does it with everyone else. It feels like he really gets her and knows her very well. It's just a feeling, of course, I know that. But to me, it's so obvious how much he admires and adores her. In what way? Who knows. I only know that it's really adorable and I very much enjoy it. I feel like with Spencer, he doesn't hide how charming and funny he finds her. Now, Angela is a little harder to read and she has such a unique dynamic with everyone, too. But you can still see the difference in how she is with him as well, especially now. You can definitely tell that they appreciate each other and that they have gotten so close and become such great friends over time, best friends, I'd say. And it absolutely melts my heart. They're very different, but they're also more alike than people may realize, and I can write an entire essay about that. But I won't, I've already made this answer too long, I'm sorry, lol.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

GRABBING YOU

YOUR AU SOUNDS SO COOL AND YOUR IDEAS ARE SO SWAG AND YOUR BRAIN IS HUGE HOLY SHIT

[grabbed] [still twirling my hair somehow] EHEHEHE I'M SO FLATTERED AND GLAD YOU LIKE THE IDEA HEHEHEHEHE AND THANK YOU!!!!

(confused onlookers, Sei is indirectly referring to this post regarding a dndads + over the garden wall AU, and more directly referring to me rambling in their tags yesterday hahahaha)- also gosh sorry I took so long to answer this I saw it and then got very very sleepy ahaha.

:] Oh oh also @transfemsparrow actually made this adorable piece based on my post that you might appreciate!

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. busy bee with a 2 year old lefty eyebag 😌

Good morning, I woke up with a sneezing fit. I'm feeling 99 percent better haha how are you today?

You guys sound very busy yesterday. That's a lot of cleaning and reorganizing. I'm sorry that you felt sad though. Hope you are better after a while.

Yes, one time I took her to this bouncy gym thing. Talk about my age showing..I tell you, after a few jumps and running around, my back was sore. How many kids does your sister have?

Hm I'll have to get back to you on that because now that I am thinking about what my type is..I couldn't really come up with a definitive answer.

Yah, Ariel is my favorite just because of her singing! Whenever part of your world comes up on my playlist, I always have to sing it. I think it's the only Disney song I know by heart 😅

Redheads and accents huh, does your crush have an accent? 🤭

Do you have any favorite words? How about words that make you cringe?

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello you Ariel's fan,cat parent n 99percent not sickly righty eyebag! 😅 did i do good on ur nick name? 😅🤣

Sorry for the late reply..today was pretty intense day for me, i got some anxieties, i couldnt reply u earlier. im pretty drained right now but im okay.

Im so glad that u r 99percent better! Whats the 1 percent symtomps u still feel now?

Yeah we cleaned n organized pretty a lot yesterday. I had fine the winter clothes box in the attic n stuff. N reorganize the pantry to check if there is anything that's expired, then put the one that's close to the date in the front line n the newest one to the back..

I used to work in the restaurant for a long time so im used to with the rule "FIFO" first in first out when i reorganize their fridge and beer mugs n stuff, so i do the same thing with my pantry 😅

Well, im not really better but okay-ish.

Haha yeah people our age already in the back pain era 😅🤣 n grey hairs.lol. i already have 4 grey hairs that are keep coming back.. n they look like silver-ish grey hair.🤭

Hmm really? U dont know ur type of women or u dont wanna tell me? Hahahaha just kidding.

Ah i see..yeah ariel is pretty.. ariel is actually em's favorite too.hahaha.

Haha yeah, redheads and accent, now u know why i'm a huge fan of wanda n Natasha.lol.

Uh,my crush, i think she has a little accent to it but not much but i think noticed her southern accent jusy a bit though, she doesnt have a thick accent. 😁 she kinda have a little deep voice which i think sounds really hot. I love women with a little deep voice n a little raspy. I think that sounds sexy than a high pitch girly voice 🤭. I love it when i hear her chuckles a little.. hahaha. Sorry for the rambling 😅

Favorite words? Hmm.. not really sure but so far i can think of is the word "sophisticated" , "gorgeous" and "delish" n i dont know why actually.lol.

Words that make me cringe? Hmm i dont know.. i think i dont like the word "vomit", "literally", "slime or slimy" n alsoo "frog" i hate frogs..it gross me out.haha. what about u?

Alsooooo i found this n it reminds me of u. Hahah.

Cheerio!

[slushglow]

leosagi coming of age au blurb

Yuichi shrugs, and there's something distant in the way his eyes rove across the horizon; something blank and empty and a little scary, the way he won't look in Leo’s direction.

It reminds Leonardo of those months before Yuichi was hospitalized, when his best friend would look through him instead of at him, and it makes his guts churn with guilt.

He didn't recognize it the first time around. He's not making the same mistake again.

“Fuck, I'm sorry,” He tries to amend, scooting closer on the bench, hands hovering but not touching as he tries to gauge if his touch would even be welcome at all, “You don't have to answer that. That was really shitty of me. I–”

A hand wraps around one of his own suddenly, interrupting him into silence. He looks up to find Yuichi’s gaze already on him, steady and clear and there.

“Leo, it's okay.” Yuichi murmurs. His voice is as raspy as always, but it's gone soft around the edges, and the tilt of his mouth is kind, if a little uneasy. His fingers curl around Leo’s, warm and tender, and he squeezes once before gently slipping away, hand retreating to his own lap.

Leo feels the absence like a missing limb, almost, the crisp fall air a million times colder than usual. He swallows past the relief stuck in his throat as he settles his own hands back into his lap, resisting the urge to rub his palms together incessantly, nerves writhing in his chest like worms.

Silence prevails, for just a moment.

Leonardo tries not to feel like he's going to crawl out of his skin, lungs rattling between his ribs with every breath. He almost wants to ask if it really is okay, because from where he's sitting, Yuichi seems like he's spiraling all the same.

He doesn't remember there ever being this weight between their silences, cloying and choking them both with all the things left unsaid.

And it physically feels like there's a hole punching through his chest; the thought that something as simple as time apart has made them so unfamiliar with each other.

okay since more than three whole people liked my last post i will publish the blurb HAHAHHA if enough people r interested i might actually publish the whole thing somewhere but for now it's my brainchild and it's actually pretty heavy in terms of stuff it covers . basically it's a high school au where mutants and humans coexist so the boys r still turtles and usagi is still a rabbit etc etc but they're all just trying to get thru shit and high school is stressful and there's mental health issues and what not . it's leo focused tho but everyone has a big role, like his brothers and their family dynamics and splinter and their dynamics and yuichi and leo being bffs, etc etc . also should make it clear that this is my version of usagi still !! emo usagi peak 😎

it'll be from leo's perspective unless i feel like being crazy and giving yuichi or another character an interlude or something. the entire fic would only span about 4-5 chapters probably but my chapters r usually REALLY long . i used to write for other fandoms and my chapters were hitting 10-12k easy but i stopped publishing and deleted everything bc i was cringe and not free HAHAHAHA

tbh i've already got it all pretty lined out and know where i want it to go it's just the process of getting there and filling stuff up in the middle OUGGHHHH . i luv writing tho it's so much easier than art !!! writing is life on easy mode fr !! waiting for my art process to do the same 🤨🤨

UHHHH anyway very sorry for rambling again everyone feel free to ask questions about the au if u want even tho i have given u bare bones info and absolutely no context for this scene BAHAHAHA

[asitrita]

Hello there! I'm sorry for the random ask but I've been wondering: what got you interested in Spanish history?

I love your blog! It's very informative and it's always nice to hear historical events featuring Spain from a Spanish perspective :)

-Cheers!

Long answer because I just can't summarise even if my life depended on it.

First of, this was very nice of you. And I'm sorry I took a few days to answer. Thank you so much for your ask and sorry for the testament you're going to read next XD

Just to give a short version (long answer below), it was basically thanks to my History teacher at the conservatory, an English teacher (both him and the subject XD), and I must confess Hetalia also played a small but significant part in my liking for history.

--------o--------

In all honestly it was a process. I think it was actually my professor of "History and Evolution of Music" who first sparked the flame. Though his purpose was to teach us about the evolution of music since ancient times up to jazz and blues, focussing mostly on Medieval, Renaissance and Classical works, he would throw in pieces of historical information in his explanations. Mostly about the wars and battles Spain had against England. The ones we won, obviously (so most of them u.u lol). He used to talk very dirty about the English hahahaha But he actually had an English (boy)friend, who of course was also a musician and played the lute, and he invited him over one day and they would have discussions about composition none of us were actually able to follow XD. But I think what sparked my interest for history was the day he brought an actual cannon ball to classroom. After telling yet one of the many battles Spain took part in, he started complaining about how little did Spanish people knew about Spain's history, and even looked down on it. He rambled about how young generations knew nothing at all (as if he wasn't in his 30's and was already and old man lol) due to Hollywood and films portraying everything the wrong way, mocking the way everything in the big screen was about explosions and fire everywhere. So yeah, next week he came to class with an actual cannon ball and made a very graphic (and maybe unnecessary gory) description of all the possible wounds it could inflict to the person it hit, and all the damages it could do to a ship.

Then came Hetalia. Actually, yet again, it was really Spuk, but long story short, Hetalia did "brought to life" my interest in history which for a couple years had muted down.

And what finally made me love history (more precisely Spanish history, but I do find history in general interesting) was actually a teacher I had in England, in one of these immersive summer courses in which you go to a foreign country to live with a host family for a number of weeks, you have intensive English lessons in the morning and activities in the afternoon. This teacher had been living in Spain for 7 years in the late 80's and early 90's and he knew much more about Spain than I did. I was the only Spaniard in my class, the rest of the students were all Germans,Swish and Italians, so i guess I stood out a little bit more because he was familiar with my country. Thing is, he would mention stuff I didn't know about my own country. Usually in a positive light. And he actually told me off a couple of times I complained about my country's doings (for example, I was once explaining how foreign languages in Spain are not taught well and that's why we struggle with English). He disagreed and he actually was so convincing in his arguments (no, we did not have a shitty education system, teachers were not bad, nor were we lazy nor bad students, problem was somewhere else) that I actually changed my mind completely. Now, quite a few years later, I am still convinced he was actually right and I was just repeating the same things I heard adults around me say without really analysing the matter objectively. To sum it up, he thought of my country better than I did, not because I intended to think bad of it, I just had a lot of prejudices. And he also knew a whole lot more about Spain than I did, and I sometimes almost felt embarrassed by this fact. He spoke so nice of certain aspects of Spain's society and history and I could do nothing but nod and say "if you say so it must be right" cause I had no idea about it nor had ever even thought of it in the way he did. I think he was the reason I started getting more interested in Spanish history in particular. Yes, I previously had an interest a bit more focused on Spain because it was my country, but I wouldn't really actively research anything but in some very scarce occasions.

To be perfectly honest, I was always good at history. I've always liked legends, cultural stuff, myths, heroic epics, etc. Sure, history is more complex, but chivalric tales are a nice start XD I always had a soft spot for foreign cultures and always tried to link the dots. I have French family, and there's always a bit of bickering over historical and cultural stuff, so when I learned about the age of 5 about the Roman Empire I was all "oh, so French were Roman like us?" and had a Roman phase, so to speak. Thing is, though I showed a liking for historish and culturish stuff in general, I never liked history lessons. My grades in History in primary and secondary school were 10/10, but I hated the subject itself XD. I think I had to get out of school and have some non-school exposure and approach to history to actually learn to appreciate it.

[xnchxntmxnt]

hihihi yes ofc im sorry I didn’t hahahaha

I really love love love love love music—

my hobbies r drawing, reading, writing, just creative things really—

I enjoy rain and stormy weather, the smell of new books (🛐), cuddles sjsksd

my outfit would be your regular tux but with chainz + necklaces n thingz, big chunky docs with leather fingerless gloves

I have a very sarcastic sense of humour and basically 12yo boy humour 😟

ty for answering :]

—🌱 anon

hq matchup for u my dear also thank you for the compliment on your last message i realized i didnt say anything about that <3

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡... 𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐘𝐎

an outfit for you similar to what you described

either one of these. i know the first one isnt a regular tux but i love it so thought i'd offer this. second one i put together i was thinking the suit w/o the tie and the necklace instead of it. just thoughts 🤷‍♂️

his suit

headcanon time!

hinata gives me the vibes of someone who loves parties but has no idea what to do at them

so he's just buzzing around everywhere

maybe he'll go dance a little

usually he's running between the table he's at and the food

sometimes he's talking to various people he knows/doesnt know but never more than like 10 minutes at a shot bc he's just. constantly. moving

god its me

anyway he was talking to bokuto and akaashi over his shoulder and runs. flat into you

with a plate full of food

lucky for you it didn't get on you it fell on him

but still it was. interesting

his poor suit

you offer to help him clean himself up a little and then there's you two just. trying to hard to get the food off his shirt & jacket

the poor suit ANYWAY i'll shut up about that

you guys get to talking though and the next time you check the clock its been like a half hour and you're still talking

about everything btw the dude can talk about anything

if you get him to talk about volleyball expect the BIGGEST smile in existence on his face while he rambles he could go on for hours if you let him

you guys will be halfway through a conversation though and he'll just kinda. start smiling more.

and you're like whats up

and he looks out at the dance floor and you realize the song changed

and when you ask if he wants to dance he nods quickly and jUMPS up and drags you out with him

he's like a little kid he's having so much fun and it's ADORABLE

please dance w him and spin him around a little

let him spin you

he's so bad at dancing but you don't have to be good at it to have fun

long story short you made a new friend and said new friend thinks ur pretty/handsome/whichever words you prefer so this could lead to potential new boyfriend or just a good friend !! up to u man

[twst-campos13]

may i,,, request jack and deuce scenario with them studying in the library,,, they touch hands,,, and they all nervous and shy together,,, romantic-like- but they're not dating yet HAHAHAHA thank you plz take care of urself~

Hello!! This is my first shipping request to have received qvq! I’m very sorry that this took so long but I hope you enjoy it !! （=´∇｀=）/

Warnings: none! Tags: fluff, idiots pining, study date

“The braincell gets passed around here” GROUPCHAT

[Isekai Therapist: Hey guys! Sorry, I can’t come to our study group rn. Grim threw up a whole lunch and I have to take him to the infirmary.]

[“I’m gonna bench press a thousand truck”: Vil is being a pain in the fuckin ass as usual :) ] [“I’m gonna bench press a thousand truck”: Sorry]

[Cabbage boy: Lilia-sama called me for an important duty! My apologies!]

[The Responsible One: Oh. That’s understandable.] [The Responsible One: It’s okay.]

[🐣Chicc baby🐣: Yeah, that’s okay! I think I got here early anyway] [🐣Chicc baby🐣: And Ace?]

[♥️Bitchppola♥️: I forgot im on flamingo duty. Sorry babe]

[🐣Chicc baby🐣: Did you call me babe?]

[♥️Bitchppola♥️: Not like anyone is going to be jealous ;) ]

[Isekai Therapist: no flirting pls]

[Isekai Therapist: Jack, Deuce, we’re sorry for not coming!! I hope you two find some time to study]

Around fifteen minutes before their meeting time on a Thursday, the ones they anticipated to come did not come at all. Well, it is not that surprising, but still, the two of them were still surprised.

Jack knows that Epel will be particularly busy at this time of the month. Deuce knows that Ace does have a habit of canceling at the last minute, but he will not do that if he is the one organizing a study session. Both of them knows that Sebek and Yuu do have their own endeavors to attend to.

It is somehow underwhelming.

“Well…” Deuce sighs, tucking his phone back inside his pocket dejectedly. He and Jack had been standing in front of the library doors for quite some time now and waited for their friends to show up. They agreed to meet there at around 4 PM at least to study. Authentic assessments and written tests are starting to loom over them, and they did not want to fail, so Ace suggested they “combine all their braincells on Thursday 4 PM and teach each other.”

But there is no sign of the redhead nor any of their peers. “I guess we can try and meet up again tomorrow.” Deuce gives Jack an apologetic smile. He was looking forward to studying with the wolf. In their last study session, he had learned so much when Jack was leading. Deuce is also excited to show Jack his own set of organized notes. Unfortunately, your plans do not always go smoothly. That is why there is a next time. Hopefully always a next time.

“You’re leaving?” Jack asks when Deuce is about to take his leave. The Heartslabyul first year looks at him with mild surprise. “Uh…yeah? We can’t really do a “study group” when there’s no group to study with,” he tries to answer lightheartedly but hearing what he said somehow sounded a bit rude. Deuce grimaced. “I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

Deuce is not sure what kind of reaction Jack’s natural scowl is suggesting. “It’s fine, you didn’t mean anything wrong,” Jack assures him. “Besides, you’re kinda right. Though, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t cancel our session.”

The suggestion catches his attention and Deuce feels his energy come back with renewed vigor. If Jack wants to continue with their study plan then that means Deuce will be able to learn more from him and he can show Jack what he had learned!

“Even if it’s just the two of us?” Deuce asks, nearly bouncing on his feet despite his cautiousness. Jack gives him a grin—a voice at the back of Deuce’s mind comments how cute it is—and shrugged. “Yeah, why not? It’s still a study session.”

“Then let’s do it!” Deuce pounds his fist into his open palm, a grin stretching across his face as relief washes over him.

Jack feels his ear suddenly tug down when he sees how excited Deuce is that their study session is not canceled. He has to admit, his eagerness is admirable. Deuce takes the chances of being a great honor student wholeheartedly. Sure, he cheated one time, but he was serious when he said he would not do it again. Jack can see what a hard-working person Deuce is. It is what made Jack suggest that they could study together instead. It is not for anything else, come on, he is just helping a friend out.

When Deuce is motivated to study because he is with a trusted friend, Jack is motivated to teach him because he is willing to learn.

They entered the library quietly and behaved, not letting their shoes squeak against the floor unlike a few second years at the end of the room. The two first years greeted the librarian right after Professor Crewel left. Deuce thought it would be rude to interrupt the two adults that were seemingly caught in their own moments.

When Professor Crewel passed by them, he gave them an approving glance at their studying materials. It is not too ambitious to hope for extra credit points because a teacher saw you studying, right?

After signing their names on the logbook, they took a seat on one of the long tables juxtaposing the bookshelves. Deuce still feels a tingle of déjà vu when he visits the library. It feels like long ago when he, Ace, Yuu, and Grim were discussing their plan of fighting Riddle during a magic duel. Now, here he is, sitting beside one of the people he admired to study for a test.

Does Deuce think that Jack does not notice his staring? Jack wants to ignore his friend and continues to lay out their study notes neatly on the table to avoid clutter. Yet, when he is finished, Deuce is still dazing out. Only then did Jack stares back at him did he blinked out of his starry state.

“Was there something on my face?” Jack asks with an arch of his eyebrow. Deuce shakes his head, chuckling awkwardly, and looks away with pink ears. “N-No no! I was just lost in my own thought. I’m sorry for staring,” he apologizes and lays out his own study materials to start. “Do you want to start with Potions first?”

He changed the subject to put behind that brief awkward moment. Jack has no complaints about that and opens his book. “Sure. Ace mentioned you have some notes about the uses of dragon blood?”

“Twelve—I mean yes!” Deuce reaches for his Potions notebook, immediately flipping over the pages where he wrote the information. From the blur of white pages, Jack notices how organized Deuce makes his notes are. When he truly wants to understand something, Deuce does his best to create his own little keywords and highlights that connect to the topic he took note of. Jack’s ears twitch at the arrows and underlines across the page. Deuce sounds to be rambling about the dragon blood, but Jack is more interested in what he wrote in his notebook that he leans forward in interest.

The proximity startles the Heartslabyul student that Jack straightens his posture when Deuce squeaked. They look at each other, equally surprised. “Do…do you want to look at my notes?” Deuce offers, assuming Jack wants to for he leaned his head so forward they nearly bumped temples. Deuce could not help but feel pride warm his chest. Wolves have good eyesight and Jack could have scanned over his notes without leaning over. But the fact that he did lean over just shows that Deuce’s notes had intrigued him!

In contrast to the happy taps of Deuce’s heart, Jack’s is hammering. He could not believe he appeared so entranced by the patterns on Deuce’s notebook. He is about to apologize for his rudeness when he sees the twinkle of happiness in his friend’s eyes. The peacock greens appear brighter and rounder that Jack might as well see imaginary stars pop up beside Deuce’s head.

His adorable expression makes his ear twitch and for some reason his cheeks warm. Deuce does not notice this. He is waiting for Jack’s answer who blinks and looks away. “Uh—yeah, sure.”

The cute smile Deuce wears on his face is very similar to a puppy who just got rewarded. Seeing him get happy over praise and recognition stirs something in Jack’s chest. He does not understand why his tail is idly wagging at seeing Deuce’s smile and eagerness as accepting praise over one’s hard work should be natural. He should not be this adorable.

Wait—adorable? Jack, this is not the time to be dumbstruck! They have a test to study for, Seven’s sake. Jack should get serious. He wants Deuce to pass his test as well, so he should not get distracted and help out his friend to the best of his abilities.

It is challenging when it should not be. Deuce is an easy student to teach. He listens and asks questions for clarification when he does not get it the first time. Jack could say this study session has been going smoothly so far…with a few minor bumps. Metaphorical and literal bumps.

The table is not occupied by anyone else but them. However, they still need to speak in hushed tones to avoid distracting the other visitors in the library. Because of this, their proximity progressively narrows, occasionally brushing elbows or shoulders with each other. Do they shy away from this? No, of course not. Jack and Deuce are buddies. Being close just means they are comfortable with each other. So where did the awkward atmosphere come from?

Deny it as much as he will, but Jack has a crush on Deuce. Their closeness would not have been a problem if the slightest brush would not send sparks up Jack’s nerves. It does not make him jumpy or snappy, but it does make him a little tense that he had to brush it off to Deuce as being cold. Which, to normal people, would be a far-fetched reason, but Deuce seems to take the excuse anyway.

Deuce is equally tensed as Jack is but only a little bit. He is used to the subtle kinship for he sees Jack as a close friend. This just means that they are comfortable with each other as bros. There is no hidden feelings or subtext with their simple study session. In fact, Deuce welcomes the warm feeling over his chest. He feels absolutely elated to be able to learn more with Jack. Perhaps their other friends being unable to come is meant for this moment to happen.

And it seems Jack shares the same thoughts as he does for the realization hit him harder than the level of intimacy they are sharing. The Savanaclaw student stops his teeth from gritting. Those guys…they can be smart when they want to. Jack does not want to assume but he can deliberate that they purposely did not attend so they can set up Deuce and him on an impromptu study date. Well, not really impromptu, but still.

Even without confessing it out loud it seems that they had caught on that he likes Deuce. Jack tries not to be transparent and keeps up a front, but Ace pointed out that his ears and tail had snitched on him. It takes anyone with eyes to know he is into his best friend, as Ace had said.

Had Deuce caught on like he did? Jack does not think so. His friend’s nose is buried deep in his Magic History book—the next subject they are studying on. Jack stops highlighting some important pointers on his own book and stares at how the peacock green color of his eyes seems to flutter as it absorbs the lesson. Jack notices that Deuce’s eyebrows crease slightly when concentrating and he even mutters the words to understand them better. His voice makes Jack’s ears twitch. He is so curious to watch and soon Jack feels the tense air thin out between them.

Deuce’s scent is comforting. When he is idle, like this, Jack could feel the coolness of his scent, almost like mint. It is not a bold scent but rather a soft one. Like timidness waiting to slowly burst.

Like his bubble when those peacock greens swiftly stare back at him.

His tail stops wagging—it was wagging?!!—and his eyes quickly dart back to his own textbook. That was a close one. He cannot let himself get distracted again. Infatuation is alright but Jack doubts it will develop into something like puppy love. Better to focus on the origins of Merlin than the origin of their love story.

Deuce feels himself flinch a little when Jack looked away. His guarded expression makes him feel distant. The library is already quiet yet the silence falling unto them makes it more awkward. Deuce, while hoping his friend does not mind, inches his seat closer to Jack. The proximity from before made him feel comfortable and he wishes to feel that comfort again.

However, Jack flinches from the sudden brush of their arms. Deuce internally panics and stuttered an apology. “S-Sorry—it’s just, well, it’s—” He is cut off from Jack holding onto his arm before he can even scoot away. The warmness of his chest creeps up to his cheeks. Jack’s ears fold briefly before it points up. “You can stay close…so—so we can hear each other.” Jack looks like he is pouting but it might be Deuce’s imagination.

Well, nonetheless, he softly smiles at his friend, thankful that Jack did not push him away.

Jack removes his hand from Deuce’s arm so that they may focus on their lesson thoroughly. There is a little part of them, however, that wishes they may able to hold each other closer during their study session.

Bonus:

“Operation: Jack of Spades” GROUPCHAT

[mamayuu: they're doing it!! they're hanging out!! wohooo!!]

[the sexy one: TOLD YOU IT WOULD WORK] [the sexy one: HAH] [the sexy one: YALL BITCHES OWE ME 10 MADOLS]

[Yeehaw, bitch: I'm already broke and this is the shit you do]

[the supportive one: A deal is a fair deal. Although, I almost doubted you, Ace]

[the sexy one: ya shouldn't have lmao]

[Yeehaw, bitch: okay but are they gonna start dating after this?]

[the sexy one: wanna bet on it?]

[mamayuu: again?? ace all of us are broke]

[the supportive one: I will choose to stay out of this]

[the sexy one: epel?]

[Yeehaw, bitch: unlikely. 20 madols]

[the sexy one: okay fair]

[mamayuu: 30 madols. they arent that dense. besides, Jack will confess after this if we give him more push]

[the sexy one: make it 50 and we’ll call it a night]

[albatris]

uhm hi there im new to your blog, and your ocs/snippets seem really interesting! i also love your art, but i have no idea whos who and i can’t seem to find a master post with all of your characters, what they look like, their pronouns, backstory etc. would it be possible for you to maybe give a brief rundown of each character or link some posts related to them?? it doesn’t have to be super in depth and please DO NOT feel obligated to do this at all if you don’t want to. but id love to know a little bit more about them! hope you have a good day and sorry for the long message :))

hello!!! thank you so much, that’s so nice of you to say!!! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed what you’ve seen so far :D :D

now, you’ll have to forgive me, it’s super late and this reply will NOT be neat or concise whatsoever....... which kinda sets the tone for most of this blog tbh so I guess it’s cool

I don’t really have any sort of masterpost, most of what I post about these guys is in the form of snippets and rambles and usually people just jump on board wherever..... which, yeah, can be confusing and difficult for folks to keep up with especially if they’re new HAHAHA

I will start out with the bits I *do* have nice neat intros for! I have two main WIPs, All The Doors Are Open and Undertow! Undertow is currently more of a side project, but you can read about the characters here, and here’s some art for Aster and Kit and also Meg so you have faces to the names c:

and now this:

the main four I speak about on this blog are Noa, Tris, Shara and Kai from ATDAO, n I have these handy character intros on hand for this exact purpose!! here u go (I mean here’s the link to the old post but it’s still got the wrong name for Tris so eh)

n honestly knowing these four is like 90% of the work tbh, I am a simple man, I post content about the same four OCs 24/7 until everyone is sick of it,,

Tris and Noa are the protagonists and viewpoint characters! 

Tris’s plotline involves him trying to figure out what happened to his older brother Jacob, who got hit by a car and straight-up vanished from existence entirely, and involves a quest into an unreality that can be described as “getting lost down the back of an interdimensional sofa”. also there’s a sword and a cat. think fantasy/adventure vibes that veer into horror

Noa’s plotline involves her work at the Department of Interdimensional Instabilities! and her becoming tangled up with otherworldly energies and gaining some strange powers, as well as her clash with basically-a-cartoon-supervillain Laurence Marrick Thiele, whose full name I like to type out and who’s attempting to manipulate interdimensional doorways for his own gain and putting a hell of a lot of people’s lives in peril. think mystery/sci-fi vibes!

Shara and Kai aren’t viewpoint characters but they’re still up there as MCs and I love them! Shara’s story centres around her attempting to solve three mysteries from her childhood which she believes will lead her to the source of the apocalypse, and Kai’s story involves them dealing with the emotional and interpersonal repercussions of losing seven years of their life to a time loop and their attempts to reconnect with their family, who thought they were dead

annnnnnnnd that’s basically all the nice neat concise stuff I can give ya! 

under the cut will be some additional rambles you don’t really need to read, I’m not so good at coming up with Nice Neat Character Summaries on the fly, so it’s just me scrambling about to find vaguely relevant posts and links..... it will unfortunately be a bit of a mess and perhaps only tangentially relevant

cannot emphasise enough that I debated not even including the next stuff but hey! I like talking

OK SO

Other side characters you might see around are Alice (she/her, red curly hair, undercut, dresses in lots of green) and Jet (he/they, green spiky hair, freckles, dresses like a thrift store got hit by a tornado), who are Noa’s teammates at the DII! Alice is Noa’s love interest n is cool and mysterious and Jet is the team leader n is completely chaotic and unhinged

these two

There’s also Kai’s younger brother Kieran (he/him) and Tris’s siblings Becca (she/her) and Jacob (he/him), none of whom I have ever drawn more than twice and whose appearances seem to change every time I write about them so I’m not going to describe them here hahahaha

I do have a Kieran for you though uhhhh where’s my One Decent Kieran Drawing

that’s the one!

anyway, backstories are................ a lot. so I don’t think I’m gonna go into too much of it here on this post

I have, like........ a collection of posts scattered all over the place that kind of go into some things? but in very tangential ways. I’ll toss you some plot + character rambles that might be of interest! though my rambles are not everyone’s cup of tea ‘cause they’re, well, rambling

first! the plot of the story is here! which might give you some context for the Everything! this one is a Big ramble, not all of them are like this lol

Greer siblings!

romance?

here’s Jacob info for an ask response I did one time which is one of the few posts where I talk about Jacob at length ‘cause he’s just lots of spoilers

also did one for Kai which might have some info for ya?? but idk if it’s all that relevant

might come back and add more rambles later, it is currently 2 in the AM

or I might come back and be like “logan could you really not think of a better way to answer this question” and delete the rambles

yeehaw thx for listening I love you

also apologies for the complete and utter lack of info on Kieran he is a mystery that eludes me still

[snickiebear]

Hi bby! 1, 2, 3, 6, 16, 27, 29, 33, 35! 🖤

mittens!!! loml!!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

oh goodness... um, i’d say a 4?? yeah, that sounds about right, only because i often make so many tense mistakes and even when i edit there’s always something to fix. and just,,, im still learning a lot (aren’t we all). plus, sometimes the stuff i put out needs so much more work (see: my recent shisaku fic... i want to tear it up and put it back together.. ugh.. also wt&r, just everything)

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

OH GOODIE! i just... well, i wrote a lot when i was twelve-fourteenish, then kind of on and off through the years. never really had anything to ground me and get me to take writing seriously. and then i found naruto and sakura who has so much unused potential and it just made me so angry to see her treated that way. 

point being, the naruto fandom (more specifically the sakura fandom) rooted me down and allowed me be able to grow as a writer even though i’ve only been posting since january my writing style has changed so much, and i can physically feel myself becoming a better writer. 

plus, i just love it. the thrill of being able to use these characters and pairings and do what i want with them?? i drink it up, i love it!!! its so freeing and such a great way to really dig deep within writing itself. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

i think its just the way i word things, you and a lot of others call it poetry but meh i just call it fancy words or word vomit from my brain AHAHHAHA

also, my thing is God Killers, God Eaters, and Angry Wrathful Women at this point, so maybe thats another thing?

but honestly,,, i have no clue... you’d have to ask my lovely readers, im so thankful for them 😭

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

plot probably. this changes often though. usually when i have an idea, the rest comes to mind and i jot it down and come back and change things and stuff, so thats usually pretty easy tbh... at least for now LMAO

and inner dialogue, inner struggles, showing the entire internal thing. its fun writing that angsty part of a story, the small insights into a character’s mind, how miserable and alone they feel. or, perhaps how happy they are, overjoyed and at peace. 

OH AND WORLD BUILDING. i pride myself so much on my world building. i honestly think thats one of the better things im good at! just weaving small details into the text, and subtly building a world within your mind, oh i love it so much!!!!

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

mmmm nothing really comes to mind? men simping for women who could kick their ass? tho idk if thats really a guilty pleasure....am very fond of same age aus, sometimes mafia aus too... ummm,, yeah

(probably big dick tenzo tbh... and the fact that kakashi’s face is a legal weapon AHAHAHA,,, and broken, vunreble men. also, shattered, all consuming women.)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

oh god... i cannot chose! you, ele, al, and hika leave the kindest comments, and literally any comment on the things i write just make me so so so so so HAPPY. i just them more than kudos tbh. 

but! one comment on the intimacy of being understood i always come back to. it was left by GuardianMars and they wrote that the fic was like a “love letter to the pairing.” and that well. i think about that comment all the time. 

there have been so many others comments that have utterly touched my heart and that i will go to read on terrible, horrible days and i value ALL comments. especially those who say “i’m rereading this again” or “i’ll read anything you put out” that just. there is something so intimate about that, that utter faith and loyalty that i do not know what to do with. 

its so touching and makes me truly believe in the good of the world. 

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

yes! i am attempting to get better at writing smut because ol&w is going to have some fucking in it so i experimented in that shisaku fic and just..... yeah idk man. idk... its something i do want to get better at cause, meh why not? and i want to write some good porn for my readers damnit! HAHAHA 

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

hmmm,,, probably that i stress so much and yet so little at the same time? allow me to elaborate! i stress so much about whether my writing is actually good or if people are just being nice LMAO and also posting, i get cold sweats and a thumping heart and yiKES

but also, i enjoy writing so its like “fuck you (jk ily guys) imma write what i wanna!”...do you see my issue? HAHAHA

also, im a planner. most of the time, and a lot of the details in my more serious fics (ol&w) are blink and miss details but they’re important and i LOVE foreshadowing!!!! like yes, i will vaguely mention something and itll simply come back with a vengeance! 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

aaaaaa okokok thank you for this ask LMAO i just love talking about writing and rambling (as i often do,, im a long winded person, im very sorry)! 

but anyways! my summer semester just started up and i’m taking three purely online classes and the college im attending (im a dual enrollment student; meaning a high school and college kid,, taking advantage of the system!) fucked up my schedule so! im taking two TWELVE WEEK CLASSES that will end in AUGUST???? and then my fall sem starts five days later so... no summer break for nadia! yay...

writing will be very slow and updates will be too, which i am so sad and frustrated about because i’ve finally hit a paved road and now we’re driving into the forest! all bumps and bruises damnit! BUT worry not! i (as i said above, am i severe planner. every day has a plan, i am also an avid lover of lists also. i have lists for EVERYTHING) am working out a schedule so that i can get all my school shit done as soon as i can (while not failing) and write while hopefully not burning myself out.  

ol&w is such an intricate fic and im truly trying to give it the justice it deserves,,, im just hoping that my dear readers can bear with me HAHAHAHA there is honestly so much going on in that fic; shikamaru’s development, the underlying plot, the hate to love build up, the world building, and then laying down the foundations for the next fic (because yes, this is supposed to be a trilogy.. question is; will i be able to write it?) (answer: maybe. hopefully. i desperately want to but it might take some time.)

BUT ASLO i have so many oneshots i want to write! kisame week! kakashi week! kibasaku long fic! and not to mention my og work that i plan on rewriting and putting up on ao3 because a few people showed some interest. there is just so much to do and write and i am itching to do it all! but. well, but school, and the exhaustion of insomnia, and the weight of stress, sigh. 

shit sucks, it is what it is. but writing is like my safe haven and i just love pouring all myself into my fics and then baring my soul to you all and you take a peek and decide to keep looking. that is my favorite part of this little pocket of tumblr. 

this was not really... fic related? more like a dump of issues! so sorry about that AHAHAHAH 

anyways! thank you so much mittens! :)))))))))

pick my brain!

[fuwushiguro]

You probably don't care but in an effort to get to know each other better I decided to answer the questions I sent you as well!

Also maybe this would help as a lil distraction from being overwhelmed? Just two besties getting to know each other!

Do you have any scars?

I actually have a ton of acne scars and growing up and seeing a majority of my classmates have flawless skin made me really insecure, I still kinda am, but I've learned to love that part of myself just a little bit! I never felt comfortable with my sonas/self inserts having acne scars as all the dots make me feel kinda ugly so to remedy that I represent my scars as stars! It just makes me feel prettier

How did you get your name?

I've asked my mom this a million times but how I got my irl name is my mom was flipping through a baby book and had no clue what to name me and I believe the nurse suggested the name or my mom saw it, slapped an e at the end, and called it a day. Fun fact! Me and my siblings all have six (6) letters in our name and we all have one (1) y!

Do you talk to yourself?

Oh abso-fucking-lutely. Talking to yourself is just thinking out loud like I always say. I could be thinking about my f/o's and tell myself to shut up out of nowhere when I get flustered, blurt random shit my ocs would say, complain to myself about my coworker asking me to cover for them, quote a random meme. It could be anything. The sky's the limit.

Favorite song?

I honestly couldn't pick one either but some I've been listening to back to back are Woman by Doja Cat, Massa or Rise by Tyler the creator, and Rene by The Free Nationals. And honestly same, when I'm too lazy to change the song or find a new song and fall in love with the beat I'll just listen to it on repeat for like 2 hours it isn't even funny😗

Hope you don't mind my rambling! Oh and I'm 19 and my pronouns are she/her! It's nice to meet you!

Omg sorry this is so long!!! -🐝🌼

Omg no please feel free to talk to me about whatever you want whenever u want my inbox is always open to random chatter or venting or whatever u guys need! As long as ur nice to me I’m always around to talk 😌

Firstly!!! I feel u about the acne stuff! I think my skin has gotten a lot better since I found a routine that works for me but honestly I still feel pretty insecure about my skin sometimes ! I’ve had acne trouble since I was like NINE so it’s very understandable that you have felt that way about yourself! But it’s so sweet you’ve found a way to make yourself feel better, ur so beautiful nonnie!!! Such a sweet kind soul 🥺

I hearing people’s baby name stories 😂 it’s always so wild to me when people don’t know what to name their children like you’ve had months to prepare for this hahahaha! But that sounds cute 🤩 and what a coincidence with ur siblings too!!

YES all of that is so relatable I do the same! I love talking to myself omgggggg I talk to myself in accents sometimes too 🥴

All GREAT songs I had a woman phase the other day too!! But I LOVE that you like Tyler, he’s my favourite artist!! I love him a lot and it’s been dope to see his growth over the years 💘

Do u have a nickname u would like to be called? Or would u prefer me just call u by ur emojis? Let me know cutie!!

Thank you for all of this hehe 💕💖

[inkykeiji]

Hiya Clari 💖

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve checked in and this is another ask that you don’t have to reply to at all I just wanted to let you know that I’m still thinking of you and hoping that you are getting rest and taking care of yourself <3

Take as much time as you need to heal, I’m not going anywhere so bitch (respectfully) you’re stuck with me as an anon for what looks to be quite a while

I’ll give you a lil life update since I have missed talking to you but I 100000% understand why you have done a hiatus because your well being comes before anything else <3 I got my tattoo so very exciting times and uni terms start back in a few weeks so another exciting year for me

Also like I said this is just a lil message for you just so you know I’m still thinking about you and sending my love, you don’t have to reply at all or if you decide you want to take as long as you want/need so as always sending you all the love and hugs in the world <333-🍯

HI MY SWEET HONEYBUN <333

oh you are so lovely, thank you so much for your well wishes and for checking in!!! i appreciate it a lot <33 i am trying my best to rest and take care of myself!!! yesterday was filled with a lot of needless anxiety, so hopefully today is a little better <33

I’M GLAD YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, BECAUSE I NEVER EVER WANT YOU TO LEAVE!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!! <33333333333

i’ve missed talking to you, too!!! sorry it’s taken me forever and a day to get to your message below waaaaah :(((( i feel really bad about that :/

OOOH U GOT UR TATTOO!? DID IT HURT??? WHAT WAS THE EXPERIENCE LIKE OMG!!!! that is super super exciting honey aaaah!!! yaaay uni!!! be safe and be kind to yourself during the school year, please!! remember that grades never equal your worth as a person!! <33

my gosh you genuinely are so incredibly sweet to me, and so understanding, and i just can’t express my gratitude enough; i literally cannot put into words how happy i am to have you in my life, my precious honey, my sweet virtual penpal <33

i hope u don’t mind me answering this here as well!! <33

BLAH it’s super hot here right now, too!! and extremely humid because it keeps raining, it’s so ._. icky. i went to the zoo with my boyfriend not too long ago and my shoulders + face got totally fried by the sun, it was awful :( fall and winter are my favourite seasons!! tho i do really love denim shorts, so i enjoy summer in that respect hehehe <3

OOOOH YES DID YOU??? I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH!!!! get out totally blew me away, literally everything about that film is immaculate, from its writing to its acting to its cinematography to its sound and music, it’s an absolute masterpiece!! i wrote an essay on get out during uni and it’s still one of my favourite academic papers i’ve ever written hehe <3 BUT YES I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU, get out expertly builds this extremely unsettling tension in its viewers ugh it’s so so so goooooooooooood

kiki’s delivery service is my favourite ghibli film!!!!!! oh my gosh!! i just think it’s so so so sweet, i love magic and cats and cute little homey spaces like that, and i love the european inspired seaside town, that whole film is just SUCH a comfort movie and a feel good movie for me <3

HAHAHAHA WELL, IF U DID REREAD THEM i hope you enjoyed <3 i recently reread my 1950s dabi fic, because i love it so much??? and i’ve been listening to a lot of like, lana del rey and elvis lately so it got me in the mood hahahaha <3 hopefully one day i can do more with that universe, i wrote a whole backstory for 1950s dabi but i couldn’t find a good place in the fic to put it so it now sits abandoned in my notebook </3 ANDDDDDD if you haven’t yet, pls go vote on my poll for what you’d like to see posted next!!

i love your rambling, stop this nonsense 🥺 i sincerely love your little letters and i promise you i always look forward to reading them and replying to them, even if it takes me a little time to get there. they always put such a smile on my face and i am so grateful!!!

in terms of plans, tiff (toronto international film festival) is happening super super soon so i’m wickedly excited for that!!! my boyfriend and i always go and make a whole week out of the whole festival and it’s just lovely, we have so much fun!! they just released the schedule for the films yesterday and i am BUZZING eeeee!!! now that i’ve graduated uni i don’t get the film student discounts anymore which kinda sucks LMAO but!!! it’s okay!! i love supporting film and i especially love supporting film in my home city!!! <333

oh honeybee i love you so so so very much, please never forget it <33

[aerielz]

3-7, 26, 35!!! sorry that’s so much hahahaha

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I’m not sure? I have a tendency to write long stretches of dialogue, and to prefer scenes over descriptions of internal monologues and stuff like that, tho, so maybe that?

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

Aw, man. Yes. There are. And I’m not a coward anymore, so I’m tagging them (and you should go follow them if you don’t already!).

@bisexual-obi-wan: who writes beautifully and has poetry in her veins instead of blood, probably

@thotsandfeeeelings: who has an output that makes me wonder what the hell do I do all day, and also a hand for scene and plot that I’ll never have. the still feels good series constantly makes me doubt my entire existence

@jessbakescakes: I just love her writing a lot, and I have no idea why the hell she talks to me. her understanding of the characters and her scenes blow my mind

simplyprologue: you know that person who posts and then you go ‘oh great there goes my self esteem for the next month’? that’s right

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

This prompt answer, probably. I wasn’t in a very nice place that week, and sitting down to write was a hard thing to do. This story is short, and it fought me from start to finish for a whole week. I was so sure it would never come out, but it did, and in the end I liked what it became. I surprised myself with it, and it was nice. People seemed to like it too.

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

Dialogue. I’ll breeze through fifteen pages of dialogue without thinking twice.

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

Anything else lmao. But specially plot. Still super hard for me to organize things in a way that makes sense, and does justice to character. Finding the right points is a messy process.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

E-rated stuff, lmao. Anything with a complex storyline. Facing that fear with the Rosslyn AU, tho.

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’m currently writing pages and pages of pure dialogue and I am thriving you have no idea how happy I am. It’s bound to not last because I’m going to have to make it make sense so. Yeah. But it’s gonna be fine because I’m loving the premise a lot, and I hope it makes people laugh, hehe.

send me asks about writing!

[madmadmilk]

Like  Dark Chocolate Part 7 | Tom Holland x Reader (FINALLY)

IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING, BUT WE’RE BACK IN THE GAME BABEYYY. Thank u for waiting so patiently~ it literally took like 6 months lol pls be kind ((pics not mine))

READ THE TEASER FIRST | PART 1 | PART 2| PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8 | (Updates next week?)

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: You can’t help but fall into something familiar, something warm, something you deserve. He’s been waiting for you while you’ve been wondering. They say time heals all wounds, but the real question is, how much time does it take to even believe you’ve healed?

Warning: Swearing, sweating, and something like forgiveness

Word Count: 10.8K petals on the floor

Special thank you to some of my lovely BETAs: @fangirl-writer-awesomeness @laucontrerasv @spidey-waffles11 (and honestly anyone who sent asks looking for this. thank you)

-

“Same old Tom.”

Your head tilts as you look into those familiar chocolatey browns. You can see the arrow run straight through his heart. It’s the first time he’s hearing your voice say his name in a month. And it’s one of the few times you’ve let yourself say it out loud.

There’s a familiar taste that coats your mouth.

I don’t want to admit it but––

A shallow breath catches in your throat, a faint smile on your lips. You just can’t hold it back anymore, old feelings threatening to spill over.

I do miss you, Tom.

They were never really forgotten.

Just a little bit.

And well, you could never hide it from yourself.

You fight the smile on you dry lips from widening, you fight the warm flush ferociously crawling up your chest, you fight every urge in your body from jumping up to wrap yourself up and all around him.

You missed him.

And the bare sight of him is enough to drive you mad.

“It’s been a long time.”

“It has been,” you reply curtly, eating up the sight before you. He was dressed in a rush, slouchy, ruffled but smelling like a cosy detergent and sexy shampoo. The giddy smile has never left his lips.

The space between you both is maddening, easy to be made close, easy to pull further apart.

Your fingers twitch by your sides.        

Ha.

He probably can’t even remember the text he sent you–– “Blink 3 times if you miss me,” how the hell would you count how many times a person blinks? We do it all the time? When does the clock run––

But, Tom… Tom gets it. Of course he does.

1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3.1, 2, 3.

A devilish grin stretches across his boyish face, an overwhelming excitement vibrating through him. He stood taller, shoulders hunched up as he leaned forward. It was a short victory he would hold against you and then it evenly faded into a relieved smile. The corners of his brows pull down as he lets out a soft sigh. You can hear the click of his tongue. His shoulders slump in satisfaction, and cheeks pinken as if his whole body being was saying, “thank god, thank god.”

He finally has your attention, better, at your admission.

His quiet voice confirms,

“So you have been reading the things I’ve sent you,” whispering now, “And listening?”

Haha.

You give him a blank stare, but inadvertently stretch your lips from smile to pucker to smile. You’re trying not to give him anything more than your telling blinks. You’re not going to make yourself anymore vulnerable, any more needy, any more…. generous. This was already too much.

But the silence gives him one more confirmation; tells him that you still think of him, at least enough to let him think you do. And this circular rationale reminds you of just how much of a sweet lil cavity he is.

An aching pain you can’t ignore.

He nods, wiggling his jaw while his eyes dance over your shoulders to your nose and back to your eyes,

“Good to know.”

Oh, hell.

Tom’s confidence comes and goes as he laughs to himself, only to flush in embarrassment. Neither of you can keep your composure. Both of your minds roll over all the little things he’s said in the messages and that’s more than enough to fill the remaining gap between you.

You feel like you know almost everything he’s feeling right now.

Almost, almost.

He clears his throat, scratching his head and bowing down,

“Listen, I–I really didn’t expect to see you at all. For the while. It’s just that Mal messaged me about an emergency, just saying that it was you and––“

“It was me. I sent it,” you clarify, not wanting to smear any more blame on your ill neighbor. Hadn’t she had enough? Questionably.

“I used her phone.”

“Oh,” he laughs emptily. You see his entire face sink in guilt. He scratches his head a little harder, trying to piece it together.

“She practically begged me to get your attention and she––“ he hums to your truth, “She showed it to me. I… I saw the messages she sent to you.”

Tom freezes, and drops his hand. He searches for an answer in your eyes. His blinks are slow, and the deep stare makes you all too aware.

Suddenly, you wonder if that was a breach of his privacy, if his healing should have been done alone. If you had stepped into a part of him you weren’t meant to see.

You step forward, putting your hands up.

“Sorry! Uhm, she… She let me read what she sent you, at the end… end of it all,” an uneasy chuckle falls past your lips, “She left your conversation open… and yeah, I saw a little bit. I think she was apologizing to me with it… or something like that.”

He nods, stare looking past you now, far away. He mutters under his breath,

“I’m still waiting for one too.”

And now you felt the restlessness of guilt; maybe it was a breach of trust. You squeeze your eyes tight for a second, trying to reorganize yourself, trust this and trust that. You’re getting tangled deeper into problems you were trying so hard to move past, smooth past.

The truth is all you have left.

You offer him a way out of the storm, praising softly,

“At the very least, I want to say thank you… for uhm, letting me know you were coming.”

His brows twitch into a furrow before he smiles gently, his cheek pulling.  His hands were itching to reach out, to hold you. And, honestly, if he did… you wouldn’t resist too hard. Maybe.

“Of course,” Tom confirms so lovingly. In that short phrase you can hear the tumbling of his feelings, the way he had to hold back from spilling his heart out and taking all of you in his arms, up and away from this cursed apartment.

But you both hear the echo of your own words, cast like a spell, “give me time.” So he did.

“And…. I’ll be getting out of your hair now.”

Your head tilts as you take him all in. His hair has dried, somewhere between curls and waves, the bags under his eyes are deep but the expression on his face is warm. You notice his pause, wondering if you should ask him to stay.

You can’t.

And he knows that.

Tom cracks into a laugh, rolling his head in a circle. You stand back on your heels, tension dissipating. He rocks back too, and starts to pick up his scattered jacket and hat. He puts them on quickly and you lean against the back of the couch. The apartment is quiet, save for the sound of his rustling clothes.

He heads to the door, ruffling his hair before he sticks it back under his cap. His hand is on the doorknob, cranking it slowly. He turns back to give you a dazzling smile,

“It was really, really amazing to see you again.”

You stomach flips. You can only nod and smile, as he holds your gaze. He looks down stepping out and––

“Hey! Tom?”

He looks over his shoulder expectantly, and you take the door. He’s still halfway inside your apartment, and sorely full in your heart. He raises his brow in question, stuffing his hands in his pockets as you hold the door open for him.

Here it goes.

“I… I stayed around because… I kind of wanted to see you.”

His jaw drops.

“It was nice.”

And that goddamn heart-stopping grin is burned into your memory. You could see the sunshine and hope leaking out of his pores as he smiles with an open mouth.

Ooh.

And with a boyish chuckle, he accepts.

“Thank you, Y/N,” the flushing boy turns back and retreats with a happy skip,

“I’ll see you around.”

My name.

You don’t let yourself watch him walk away for too long, and shut the door quickly. Similarly, trying to shut out the emotions welling in your chest. Warm, worn, weak.

If Mal was awake, listening, or even remotely on “your side” you could just imagine her slow clapping to that awkward exchange.

You and Tom had finally moved forward; maybe they were baby steps. Or maybe they were even something less.

Anything is better than where you were nearly a month ago.

You retreat back to the couch and sink into your spot, alone with your rambling thoughts. Are we in, or are we out? Are we back? Is there more? Are we less––?

Gah.

You laugh as you wipe your hands over your face. You pull your cheeks down and let out a garbled sigh.

It’s really annoying how much you miss the taste of chocolate.

-

☎️ “Hey, It’s Tom. Again. Uhm, alright… This…. This feels ten times MORE awkward now that I know that you actually listen to these. Haha, shit! And I’ve sounded so pathetic in every single message–– hahaha, but, uhm, thanks. Not sure what part I’m thanking you for… but… I’m just thankful for you. Hah, hope that’s okay. I really just can’t believe I got to see you. It’s really been a long while, and I… I just wasn’t sure how we were even going to meet again. And, I realized I don’t have many pictures of you and you haven’t updated ANYTHING so––– oh, oh my god. I didn't mean to sound so fucking creepy! I swear I’m not checking on you everyday or something, hahahaha. Wah! I–– well. I don’t think i’ll ever forget what you look like, and I hope you’ll let me stick around……………… ugh, I’m the worst. For fucks sake. Hm….. you…. You really did look amazing, babe. I couldn’t breathe. And maybe you look even better without me……. Ahem. Ah, yeah. Sorry this is a fucking, that I’m a fucking mess. I’ll leave you be. Yeah. I’ll-- uhm, later. Bye, Y/N. I’ve missed you too.”

-

☎️ “Hey! Hey, uhm, It’s me. Tom. Again, again. Haha. Okay, uhm, totally slipped my mind, but I’ll be at Jay and Jae’s wedding like next, next week. Harrison said you were going as his date? Yeah, no problem with that. Just– uh, yeah. Just letting you know i’ll be there too. I know Mal, is invited so, she might be around? I’m not too sure. And… shouldn’t Zendaya be back around that time? Hahaha. Yeah, i–– This is just a heads up. I…. I won’t bother you there but…. Can i say that i’m looking forward to seeing you again so soon? Because I am….. Ooooohhhh….. Okay. Yeah, sorry. I’ll see you there, or not. Bye, babe.”

-

You smooth out your dress over your legs as you sit in a stiff chair. You kick your feet next to Harrison, lost on his phone. He ignores your fidgeting.

True to Tom’s voicemails, that you did listen to the moment you got them, you were at a wedding. Together, but not exactly. Jay and Jae were distant friends of yours, closer to Tom and his group of friends more than anyone else.

So naturally, Tom was there, sitting alone and far off, since Harrison took you as his date. He kept a professional distance, you would say.

Now, Mal was meant to be here too–– but she wasn’t. She declined without giving a specific reason, but you could imagine a few. The idea of fluffy bright whites, bouncy chatter and the honest glow of fairy lights might not shine too well on her particular shade of red.

Not that she doesn’t deserve her own sparkly moment in time, but you suppose this is all too fresh. And all too soon.

You reach out to touch the flowers wrapped around the chair in front of you. Were they real? Were they fake? You occupied yourself like this, and wondered…. Should you be feeling the same way as Mal?

Your eyes dart around, following strings of lights and greenery and warm sounds. Being at weddings, whether you knew the party well enough or not, has always made you feel loved. There's a certain warmth and love and respect that just overflows and spills into your own heart. Making you nostalgic for things you’ve never felt before.

So lovely.

Your thumbs smooth over a large petal.

And a ceremony like this…. Isn’t that bad. One day…

Your eyes flicker up, immediately finding that curious cute cavity.

One day maybe.

Tom is sitting with his arms resting on his legs. He switches between looking up, waving at distant friends and checking his phone, only to put it away quickly. He’s fidgeting too– trying his hardest not to look directly back at you.

You still catch him a few times.

You lean back, obscuring yourself from his view and  line up your arm with Harrison. You lean your head on his shoulder and laugh to yourself, pressing a fist against your lips to stifle it.

“Hm?” Harrison hums, craning his neck to see your face, “What’s so funny?”

You quiet down and smile gently. Curiosity is bubbling inside you and you feel like you’re in such high spirits–– the giddy nature of weddings is infectious, after all.

Is it because you feel like you have the upper hand tonight? Because Tom is trying so hard to not stare, but is so bad at hiding it? Because you feel like nothing can go wrong from this point?

Knock on wood.

Having Harrison by your side definitely feeds you a bit of confidence, at his expense. But you don’t think of that immediately. Things are only just coming to focus for you, and you eyes are willing to see.

You squeeze Haz’s arms softly, and suggest,

“Shall we invite him over?”

The golden haired boy scoffs, cocking his head back before looking at you,

“You sure about that?”

“‘Can’t leave him looking like a chump all by himself, right?”

He smiles at your thoughtfulness, raising his eyebrows then standing up. He calls over his friend quickly without much question. Tom perks up at the call of his name, and you could see his eyes widen across the ways.

He shimmies his way over, dodging people with a easygoing smile. He stands next to Haz, nodding his head politely,

“Hey, guys.”

“Hey, come sit with us,” you offer plainly, pointing beside Harrison.

You could see Tom doing the math in his head, but he doesn’t challenge it. He smiles instead, a little wary and a little stiff but thanks you. You could hear Harrison snort in dull annoyance, making you giggle.

You’re giddy for real.

Haz is sat between you two during the wedding ceremony, but you can feel whenever either of them turn to look at you, hot stares on your cheek. You all sit and stand together, following the procession.

“Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” the taller boy teases over the tension, bumping you with his elbow. You bump him back and he continues, “I’m in the line of fire.”

“Shut up!” you whisper back to him, catching Tom’s attention.

He turns to you, only like quarter cheek, but you can see the side of his eye wrinkle and how his cheek lift in a smile. You’re left looking at the teasing image of his jaw and ear and cheek and the tangle of waves on the nape of his neck––

Bring the heat.

The ceremony ambles on, and in the lull you hear Tom joke with Haz,

“Can’t wait for the drinks, man.”

Pffft.

His face was dusted pink. He needed something to keep him cool, something to do with his hands, and it might as well take the edge off too. It really couldn’t do much harm at this point. But would it even help with his nerves?

You stop yourself from giggling again, some kind of ancient, wretched, cliche girliness crawling out from you. You’re trying to play coy, but you can’t go exposing yourself.

Is this what it’s like to be wanted? And know you’re wanted?

Feels a little nice to be on this end, you have to admit.

You pull through the rest of the service, crying as the grooms whisper their vows to one another. Honestly you could barely hear it, but the way that they cried and smiled and cheered told you everything you needed to know.

Your heart swells as they kiss and walk by, everyone throwing handfuls of petals over them. It rains pink and white, a small flurry of love.

And while you take in the loving visual, you miss the way that a certain brunette turns back to catch a glimpse of you. Through the light mist of flowers, he sees a happy tear mark down your cheek and wishes nothing more than to be by your side and wipe it away.

“Catch you in a few,” comes Harrison’s voice and parting tap on your shoulder.

“Huh?” you blink, rubbing the corners of your eyes delicately.

He smiles, tilting his head towards company calling his name. He disappears into the crowd after giving your shoulder a squeeze and Tom a sharp pat on the back.

Ah, alone at last. You roll your eyes and nod to yourself.

There’s a wave of people leaving the ceremony to walk over to the reception hall, but you end up waiting in your row with Tom. You step close to his back, peering over him to see if it would be any easier to get out. You don’t talk.

After a while of being stuck, you both dart between chairs and exit the opposite way. You feel his hand almost touch the small of your back as he urges your way through.

The touch doesn’t connect, but a part of you wish it had.

You laugh bitterly as you push through the doors that lead out. It’s more than a bit ironic that you meet again at a wedding. The place of commitment and love and attempt at eternal happiness.

It’s kind of funny actually.

You step onto the sidewalk, shivering slightly at the cool spring weather. The smell of spring and summer was strong, but your teeth still chattered.

You stand side by side as you wait to cross the street, cars zipping through. You’re too aware of the space you hold between each other. You hold your hands to your chest and look ahead to the reception hall, glittery lights and soft noise wafting through.

“That was beautiful,” Tom comments quietly.

“Wasn’t it?” you smile, brought back to those glimmering emotions. You blink the wetness away from your eyes as you face him for a moment.

I’m such a sucker.

His hair is gelled back neater than usual, though a rogue curl tries to coil at the side of his head.

For…. things………..

“Mhm,” he hums, returning your gaze warmly. Those dark browns caught a twinkle the evening glow. Your heart beats oddly, as your lips pressed together. Tom smiles then taps the back of your arm, looking ahead of you.

“Let’s cross this street now.”

And you walk behind him, following his steps while skipping in your formal shoes, watching the broad sweep of his back in a smart black jacket.

You felt safe here.

Again.

-

Tom stood by your side as you crossed the threshold of the reception hall. The clack of your shoes against the hardwood didn’t catch any new attention but it sounded so fucking loud to you.You felt his shoulders roll back, as yours did, taking in the beautiful sight. Fairy lights and flowers and white drapery, hidden and highlighted by crowds of people. Wah.

You turn your cheek softly to look at him, your lashes fluttering. He was doing the same thing, both cautious of what to do and what to say next. You can’t stand at the entrance forever.

Oh, fuck it all––

“Hey! Tom! Is that you–?” a new voice crackles into range. Said boy ducks down and hollers back to an unfamiliar crowd, stepping away from you.

“Y/N!” and that call was for you, from a blonde you could hardly call yours.

You bounce back to Harrison, quickly hooking your arms into his without thinking. You wanted cover, fast.

Tom’s presence beside you was short lived as you went separate ways to greet some familiar faces, to your frail relief. You both get swept away in the tides of people, hardly saying goodbye to one another. Hm. You look back over your shoulder to see Tom smiling back at you gently. Hmm. He nods simply, then turns away.

See you later.

You suck in your cheeks, feeling a pang of disappointment as your expectations didn’t last long. But it’s fine. It’s fine. You weren’t even counting on spending the time that you did with him. Its fine! Really!

You float between hanging out with Harrison to meeting up with some old friends. Eventually starting to be dragged away by some especially gossip-y pals, Jenn and Sam. You hold on to Harrison’s arm as they tug you away,

“Nooooooo, guys, I can’t leave him by himself!”

Haz pries your fingers off one by one, sticking his tongue out and pointing behind him,

“Don’t worry about me, I have some other chumps to hang out with.”

You tilt your head for a second to see Tom, of course, looking down. His hands are stuffed deep into his pockets, laughing to himself, a pretty smile you wish you could have ignored. There’s a little unease that you notice about him too quickly, and that’s when you bounce back up.

Ha.

“Enjoy,” you say quietly, quite literally being pulled to the bar.

Conversation blends in seamlessly, with the help of some casual alcohol and swishy dancing. You haven’t met with them in along time, catching up and dissecting updates you’ve only seen through instagram and facebook. Then that drama starting spilling out as you look deeper into your cup, seeing where it all was heading….

“So, I heard Tom and Mal officially split,” Sam starts.

“Tom and Mal? They were a thing?” Jenn gasps.

“Yeah, official-ish–– right, Y/N? You roomin’ with Mal right now, yeah?”

And you nodded, “Yeah.”

“And they’re over? Done?”

Their eyes both shone bright with excitement, nearly licking their lips for the spill. Please, oh please! Share that shit!

You hold your shakey glass to your lip, wishing you didn’t have to answer this. But under their wide eyed stares and the desire to speak some truth, you squeak,

“Yeah, something like that.”

And they assume the pitying position quickly with,

“Oh, poor Tom. I knew he’d get dumped. He’s too nice and Mal was obviously taking advantage of that––”

And,

“Oh, well, I heard that Mal was just trying to use him to get back with someone.”

“Like, Jon, right? Or was it Tobey? I don’t remember––”

“Yeah, and Tom isn’t the type to date frivolously, so he must have known––”

Their story was wrong, but not so wrong. Just enough to get you itching. Itching to set it straight  and itching about whether or not you had the authority to correct them. Like what, just save Tom’s face, and tell them that Mal got what she deserved? That could be easy. But what happens when they ask about your role in this story–– is it even yours to tell?

“They did look great together though, Tom was head over heels for that bitch.”

“How could she let him go? I mean, the girl was all over everyone all the time, but Tom was a good one.”

They looked for him in the crowd, spotting him and cooing in pity. They were being so obvious, god. And at this point, you really couldn’t help yourself. You spoke in a hushed tone,

“Hm, actually, Tom dumped Mal.”

“Huh? For real?” and “Tells us what happened!”

You pause for a second, trying not to get in too deep.

“I don’t know for sure, but Tom realized he could… be better.”

“‘Be’ better? Not ‘do’ better? What do you mean by that?” Sam pushes, leaning closer to you, stepping by your side so you could both get a view of Tom swaying with some friends.

You shrug, turning your back to Tom, “I don’t know! I just saw the aftermath. I haven’t really talked to him, or Mal. It’s been tense–– you know?”

“Yeah, we get it,” Jenn nods solemnly, but perks up to wave, “We can just ask Tom himself! Hey! Tom! Harrison!”

Gah–!

Both of them are waving and making a scene towards the pair of boys somewhere behind you. You can only hunch your shoulders to brace yourself. It’s not like you could just walk away––

And “poor” Tom didn’t even realize you were there until the last second, freezing as he stops next to you.

Huuuu.

You’re very aware of how close he is.

With no formalities, no greetings, your friends cut right to it, only directing themselves towards the darker brunette,

“So, how have you been, Tom?”

He shrugs coolly, laughing sheepishly. His eyes are a little half-lidded as he blinked,

“Just… ask what you want to ask.”

Woah.

You look at him in dull surprise, Harrison too. You notice the soft pink glow on his cheeks and how he’s supporting himself on one leg. Maybe he’s drunk?  Maybe he’s just that ready to get it over with.

Cheers.

“Sooooo, you? And… Mal?”

“Not a thing anymore,” he shrugs again, holding up his beer bottle and smiling cryptically.

Your old friends turn on the pity again.

“Awwww, but you guys were so cute together!”

You have to squint your eyes at that remark, knowing they were egging him on. Buttering up the situation, but…. Ugh. You hate these kind of exchanges. But hey, transitions are important right?

Tom tries hard not to look at you as he nods slowly, explaining only a little bit more.

“Yeah, we… just didn’t work out. We… we wanted different things.”

You could see the questions bubbling in their pretty lil heads, but they offer some kindness, some room to take a breath.

“Oh, well good on you for getting out, Tom. We’re happy for you.”

And there it goes. You laugh under your breath at their blatant flip of the coin.

Tom smiles a little warmer this time, eyes crinkling genuinely.

“Thanks, ‘appreciate it.”

“And you know,” Jenn sings, shimmying her shoulders, “If you’re looking for a new, new love. There’s plenty of candidates right here!”

She bumps your shoulder, making you fall towards him. You dance a few steps forward, clinging onto his arm to balance yourself. You scoff as you stand up straight, your hand gripping his sleeve and nearly stretched across his chest.

Oh.

He stiffens beneath your touch.

Right.

You pull back to yourself, stepping aside as he clears his throat. Your brows furrow but he continues to speak uninterrupted.

“Ahem, yeah… thanks. I’m still–– I’m figuring things out. But I’ll be sure to do it right next time.”

Next time.

And you crack a one-sided smile, pursing your lips and looking down. Haha.

Harrison gives Tom’s shoulder a hard pat, not to be forgotten.

“If you get a next time!”

Oh, that was a bit pointed. A little sharp.

Tom opens his mouth in reaction, booing. Harrison laughs wide hugging his shoulders as everyone teases. You can’t look straight at him, knowing that you would fold and join into the glee all too quickly.

He looks too pretty in this light.

“Well, we still have some rounds to make,” Haz hugs Sam, then Jenn, then you, “We’ll grab a drink with you later.”

You close your eyes in the short embrace with Harrison, recharging. He squeezes your shoulder and starts to pull Tom away. Tom was in the middle of hugging your old pals, no hard feelings.

He gets to stand before you but speaks to the group,

“Yeah, ‘nice seeing you guys.”

The one rogue curl has turned into three framing his face, his canine pokes over his lip in a warm smile, and you feel the world stop turning.

“Y/N.”

You nod, giving him a quiet goodbye, tracing the lovely expression on his face. You blink softly, calming the pinpricks in your heart.

Damn.

And before you realize it, you’re smiling.

Greaaat.

It’s getting harder to deny that he’s got you got.

Cos now....

I’m actually kind of rooting for you.

-

How great is it that wedding playlists are full of love songs, huh? Gives you lots of material to think about as you bob your head to some bops with a chilled glass of wine in hand.

“I love you” and “I need you,” those are the songs singing. And the warmth in your face? You can blame it on the bubbly.

Right.

You raise your glass with another circle of friends as you spin in a daze. You let yourself blend into the blur of company, focused on remaining present.

Present as in–– not falling too back into those chocolatey clutches. Too soon anyway.

You don’t need to spend this time thinking about Tom. You don’t need to worry about where he is or how you’ll meet again–– in the next hour? After this wedding? Next week or…

Stop!

You’re just two separate people living on this planet, and your worlds don’t need to revolve around each other. At least, not all the time.

Tom is respecting your space, and you his. You don’t know what happened during this month long break, but… you still have time to think some things through. Whatever.

You nod along with friends to the music, finding your attention drifting away as the songs switch to something slower. The spell is wearing off, clarity is coming.

“I’ll be right back,” you hum but sure they didn’t actually hear you, and head to the bathroom.

And what a surprise, he is standing outside talking on his phone.

He doesn’t see you at first, kicking his feet on the floor and spinning alone.  You tiptoe past him, and maybe that was when he notices you–– you can’t fully tell either because you’ve already made it inside.

You make no impression of it, only looking at your face in the mirror. You take out an oil-blotting sheet and press it against your forehead. You look at your reflection, and it simply stares back. Nothing new, just some lines of wear and tiredness beneath your eyes. The usual.

You exit the restroom, and he isn’t there.

Hm.

You make your way, pulled into some conversations and breaking free for another drink, waiting at the counter of the bar. Your fingers tap against the counter fidgeting not out of impatience and––

There’s a raucous eruption of laughter and rustling beside you. You turn your cheek to see none other than, that man. He’s hugging another guy as they stuff a few bills into the tip jar. He notices you this time.

Small smile, and then disappears into the crowd.

You managed to smile back as your drink came and you flit away just as quickly. There’s an incredulous laugh that edges in the back of your throat.

Hmm.

Next, you go out for some fresh air on the balcony and, huh, he’s there, too. Harrison and Tom smoke some cigars with the grooms and you quite literally smack your lips and turn a heel to the other direction.

Not the kind of air you were looking for at the moment.

You sputter a laugh in disbelief, shaking your head as you clomp your way to… wherever the hell else.

God, you weren’t even looking for him! He was just always fucking… right there. Your pace quickens and you focus on the tap of your shoes as you run away––

But there’s something else in your step.

Disappointment?

Maybe it’s weighing on you that he isn’t making any moves. Not that you want him to, but you kinda did expect him to.You see him miraculously after a month and he leaves all those begging and wanting messages and now you see him here and–– nothing.

Shit, Tom. Don’t be such a great guy.

You laugh, shaking your head, feeling your hair come undone a lil. You tuck it behind your ear as you come back to face the twinkling lights.

You’re making it hard to ignore you.

You take a deep breath, rolling your shoulders back in an attempt to relax. Sliding your way back onto the dance floor, you find friends and hold onto your waning freedom.

Dancing is the best way to get him out of your head. He’s outside, you’re in a tangle, you won’t find him here. You won’t even look for him here!

Shimmy. Sing. Shake. Grind.

Your eyes are closed to just fall in tune with the music, and maybe you’re dancing badly but that’s always alright. Just enough to get the feelings out.

In the throes of expressing yourself with your body, you fail to ignore another body coming up behind you, shushing your friends. Warm hands melt down your waist, rolling with the contours of your hips.

You yelp, jumping up and falling back into the body. You turn to see that it’s just Harrison, laughing smartly. His cheeks are flushed as he hugs your waist close to him,

“Hello there, thing.”

Thing.

“God! You scared me.” You swat at him, as you struggle against his arms to face him. You hug his own waist back easily, fingers spreading across his back. You giggle sheepishly, feeling the full weight of tiredness as you’re finally able to lean on someone.

His warm fingertips gently brush hair away from your sticky face, commenting,

“You’re look beautiful, even 3 hours into this thing.”

“That’s the alcohol speakin’, Haz.”

“No, no.Just accept it,” his eyes soften, watery blue, “I mean it.”

Oh, the pang of guilt.

“Not looking so bad yourself,” you say, patting his cheek. You could feel the beginnings of stubble beneath your hand, sending shivers down your spine.

The song slows and you collapse into a dance together, feet shuffling softly and heads leaned. You take solace on his shoulder, breathing in his manly cologne, still going strong. You can smell a feminine perfume mixed along in there somewhere too––

“So, where’s Tom now?” you callously ask.

“Why are you looking for him?”

“N-no, I’m just wondering,” you callously reply.

Harrison shallowly laughs at your obvious interest, shaking his head to hit his chin against you.

“‘Trying not to keep bumping into you, he says,” you hear a deep sigh come from deep within, “Ya’ll are so annoying.”

His bold hand pats the space right above your ass in poor punishment. You inhale deeply, words spilling,

“I don’t know what to do with… with this, honestly.”

“Spend some time with him, you’ll know.”

You frown, craning to look back at him, eventually standing straight before him, “I… don’t want to.”

“Then don’t look for him,” Haz says firmly, bluntly, clearly.

He’s giving you an empty smile, his eyes icy. And it hurts your heart, hurts you knowing that he’s still having a hard time with this too. You step back, making distance,

“I’m sorry, Harrison–– I didn’t mean to.”

“No, no, you’re alright,” his eyes close, tilting his head. His perfect hair falls with his movements, “I don’t want you to pity me, just–– just let yourself be happy, or else i can’t move on.”

Woof.

That’s the first time he’s said it out loud.

And you hear it loud and clear.

You don’t know what to say, offering him a crooked smile, eyebrows pulled. You try to give him a look that looks more like understanding rather than pity.

He chuckles, a bit more genuinely this time,

“What are we going to do with you?”

You bob your head. You’re a wreck and you know it.

“Dance?”

“I dare you to dance with Tom.”

“What?No way! I can’t do that,” you look past Harrison as he spins you. That pretty boy is standing alone against the wall somewhere far off. He’s not looking in your direction now, but you could never be sure of where his eyes were mere seconds ago.

“No!”

You want to tell Harrison that you’d rather dance with him, no one else, but that would just be twisting the knife in further. Pure cruelty.

“Come on,” Harrison hugs you from behind, swaying for a moment while he presses his cheek against yours. The grain of his stubble tickles your face as he whispers into you ear,

“There’s nothing to be worried about.”

Easy for you to say, is what comes to mind. There’s PLENTY of things to worry about–– but further burdening Harrison with your troubles is just.... Unfair, and you know it.

Fuck it all.

The song ends, and Haz lets you go with a soft spin and swivel. Your shoes tap on the hardwood, as he motions for you to go. It fills you with a little bit of confidence, if you can call it that.

You make your way, looking back to see the beautiful boy already chatting up some people nearby, his perfect smile on display. There was a little ease given back to you there. A little.

The songs get slower, and it’s harder to make it out there alone.

Your stupid eyes keep trailing back to Tom leaning against the wall, glass in hand. You suck in a breath and finally waltz yourself over to him.

At least you have the element of surprise on your side, right?

“Hey.”

“Ah! H-hey!” he’s caught off guard, pushing himself off the wall to stand tall.

You fall into place next to him, looking around as you control the pace.

“You enjoying yourself?”

You’re aware of how strange this sudden exchange must be, but you’re tired of running in place. You think Tom picks up on that too as his shoulder slumps in casual ease, able to speak loosely,

“Of course, great company and an open bar. It’s a good night.”

You break into a wry smile, wondering who and where his company was. You were out there with his best friend, who was left?

That’s a little mean, haha.

“You’re not gonna go dance?”

“No one I wanna dance with out there,” he bumps his head to the music, looking out into the sea, and back at you.

You exhale, taking a small leap,

“No one for the… past few months?”

Tom fights a grin, puffing his cheeks up as he turns to you fully. His eyes scan over your face, looking for permission to be back on that cheeky shit,

“There’s only (1) person that comes to mind.”

Mmhmm.

“––Well ,a few ones. But you’re the main one, don’t worry,” he jokes with a weak smile.

That’s enough to make you laugh though, his easy teasing. You fix the strap of your dress as you smooth out the conversation with just as much tact,

“So, how have you been otherwise, busy?”

“Yeah, a little bit, and you?”

“Not busy enough,” you laugh, maybe this wasn’t so easy. The nervous energy boiled in the pit of your stomach as you kept talking, “––with work and class and stuff. It’s been slow but i’d rather be stressed. I don’t know it’s weird, being idle.”

“No, no, I get it,” Tom points his finger as he takes a drink, maintaining eye contact, “Don’t overwork yourself though.”

“Thanks.”

And the conversation stops, not flowing to the next thing like it used to.

There should be so many things to talk about, so many things to catch up on, movies, shows, life, anything! But there were still wrinkles you had to iron out, not to be forgotten.

The silence isn’t unpleasant though, though you can credit that to being at a loud and rowdy wedding. Lots of background noise and things to avert your gaze to.

“How’s Mal?” he asks outright and suddenly.

“Doin’ better,” you reply just as earnestly, “Haven’t talked to her much though, if I’m being honest.”

“That’s good. She… really worried me last week, but we left on good terms.”

Thank god.

You face him fully this time too, “I’m glad. That’s great, Tom. I’m really happy for you.”

He puts down his glass, scratching his nose to hide his face. You can see his eyes were a little watery while his brows furrowed,

“Listen, I– I gotta clear some things up with you too. If you’ll––”

You hear the loud crackle of a microphone, eyes directed towards the mass of people rushing to the dance floor. The DJ announces it’s time for the bouquet toss, people pushing beside you asking you to come join, Hands reaching out as they pass.

Uhm, hell no.

You shake your head in rejection, it may just be superstition, but you’ll take no chances. Predictions for the future made you queasy, forever waiting for those star sign events to come true. It’s limiting, in a way. Strings of people pass by you, pulling at you and Tom to join. They smelled a little too hopeful and a little too much like alcohol.

“Come on, you’re single. Just go!”

“No thanks,” you breath.

“Why, are you taken?”

“No,” you had to reply over and over.

You held still, your stomach churning for some reason. Maybe it was just having your future ~love~ predicted and dissected by a crowd of people. You just felt rushed and hot and annoyed. These festivities were meant to be fun, harmless! But you feel too conscious about it in this state.

“Want to get out of here?” Tom offers, expertly sensing your nerves, his hand already hovering over the small of your back.

“Please.”

He takes the outside and you walk along the wall, weaving through threads of people while his hand guides you. You couldn’t look at him, embarrassed about your mini-meltdown as he leads you out into an empty hall. It led to a quiet lobby.

No one was there, the only sign of use were the half-drunken booze littered across a table. There was still plenty of room to stand and talk. You lean against a marble column and look out the window. There’s meant to be a view of the city, sparkling at night, but the glare allowed you to see your reflections. Both of you stood apart and stiff.

You hug your shoulders, thinking of just moments ago, “Pushy.”

“Sorry about that,” Tom offers, leaning against the same pillar, close. “Is this alright?”

“It’s not you,” is all you can return.

You both take the moment to try to look past your own reflections to the outside world, listening to the muffled sounds of the DJ and blurry cheering. Soon enough, you push off the column stand closer to the glass, looking out and seeing clearly.

“I have to apologize for speaking on your behalf… about Mal.”

There’s a beat of silence before he comes beside you again, searching for the same view. In the faint reflection, you see his hand reach for yours and stop, stuffing his back into his pocket. He pretends he hadn’t moved at all.

“No, no, thanks for saying something. I, uhm, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.”

You both chuckle, looking down–– no one really knows anything. It’s contained, it’s a secret.

It’s stills something that’s only between the three of you.

And it’s all you can think about lately.

What are we now?

During this gap, you’ve spent so much time thinking about what to say, and what you would do when you get the chance to speak one on one…. But now you’re fumbling. So far, you don’t know anything about thisTom. This Tom you have seen for days, weeks, months. You don’t know what he’s being doing, how he’s doing or what he’s even thinking about–– not like before. Not like back when you could read his mind. Not like when you knew, “I’m on my way” meant “I’ll be 10 minutes late, but I’ll be there.”

There’s so little to go off of.

The boy before you wasn’t a complete stranger, but not exactly a friend either.

And you don’t know where to start with that.

You cross and uncross your arms in the dragging echo of silence.

You feel like a child, helpless. You feel like a teenager, confused. But worst of all, you felt like an adult who has no idea what the fuck to say.

It would have been comforting to know that Tom felt the same way, but you didn’t notice that. You didn’t see how his forefinger pressed into his thumb, and how he bit the inside of his cheek, navigating the same path to the truth and apology.

It would actually be a relief for someone to burst in at this moment.

But the time for peace and clarity has arrived, and you both know you shouldn’t let it go.

“I’m sorry for… kissing you the last time I saw you. The last, last time, I mean. At the party,” Tom courageously blurts, turning a frustrated red. He steps back to the column, leaning against it as he balls his hands into fists,

“That’s one the biggest… things I have to say sorry for. And… yeah, you know the rest. I just–– I know that I shouldn’t have done that. The alcohol and confusion isn’t an excuse… and yeah, it’s disgusting, I know.” He trails off, hoping that you would pick up from there. But you don’t, properly giving him time to say what he needs to,

“I–I’ve been so lost for so long, you know? Looking for someone to be with, and Mal was there. She was someone who wasn’t perfect, needed help… Someone I thought I could help. And I wanted to stick through it, but when I met you––aside from what happened between us, you taught me that I deserved better. Better than someone who wouldn’t do anything in return for all I’ve done. That that relationship isn’t… something I had to destroy myself to save,” he looks up, looking for you.

“You just… none of this is your fault and you don’t need to feel bad for any of it. For me.”

Tom laughs, shaking his head more curls and waves coming undone.

“You don’t need to be anything to me. But I’m just going to be the sap that’s still falling in love with you for a while longer.”

The laugh takes a bittersweet turn, and you can tell he wishes he were holding your hand–– anything to physically show you he means it. But you’re not sure you’re ready for that kind of direct touch just yet.

You’re just absorbing it all in. It’s been a tumultuous few months, both caught in a vicious tide. Rolling, tumbling, drowning–– and it’s not an excuse for either of you. You can’t just let things fall where they may.

“No… Tom, I have to apologize too,” you start shakily, after you hear cheers from the vibrating reception.

“For what?”

Breathe.

The past few months of getting close to Tom, getting closer and falling apart, run though your mind. And you really wonder if he thinks that you are blameless in this catastrophe.That you hadn’t seduced him or wanted him while he was promised to someone else.

That’s pretty shit of you, right?

You lick your bottom lip in a small smile, Tom always had that kind of innocence about you. The assumption that you don’t play the game, that you could never wish ill-will. He could never think that you had ever schemed against his relationship.

And you didn’t, explicitly, but….

“Tom,” you dig your heel into the ground, leaning against the window while you watch his face, “I shouldn’t have ever… tempted you–– or spent that time with you. Back then, in the beginning, you had Mal. And I walked right in between you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did, and maybe it wasn’t forcefully or with the intention of taking you away but… it was wrong of me to even try to confuse you. It was selfish and stupid.”

And it hurt everyone involved.

Whether it started with you is up for debate, but you want this cycle of hurt to end with you. Or end with the truth.

You think of Harrison and even Mal. Maybe it’s not your fault or Tom’s fault, but it’s hard to feel blameless as you assess the damage.

“If I hadn’t gotten involved, none of this would have happened and…”

Your eyes shift left and right as you wait for his reply. Tom hangs his head, rocking for a moment before coming back up to smile,

“It’s okay.”

His words hang in the air, releasing you. And something has changed, with your confessions, something has reverted back to those glossier days. He teases,

“I’m glad you confused me.”

You scrunch your nose at your words being brought back.

Tom and Mal’s relationship was rockier than either of you knew at the start, and with your intentional slash unintentional meddling, lots of things came to light, got messy and now… you’re here.

Confused.

Far from the start, but still just as lost.

Tom’s brows raise and soften as he watches your heart on your sleeve,

“I…. I know there’s still a lot to think about but… I gotta say that I’m so happy that you’re still here talking to me.”

You have to laugh, one that you can’t swallow and pretend. You rub the corner of your eye, and muse,

“I’m not that cold, Tom.”

But you had been, and he knew he deserved it.

And while time has not swept away all the hurt, the path seemed a little bit clearer.

There were still some things you couldn’t deny.

“Hey... You know what?”

He hums in response, kicking off the column to come stand beside you again. You could see the pretty wrinkles on the side of his mouth deepen as he breathes into a smile.

You start,

“Despite this mess, I’m glad I got to know you. At all.”

His dark eyes widen as he takes it in, the future still in question. His pale hands yearns to reach out to you, and even with this new confidence he is wary of rejection. Instead he cuts through the still and get straight to it,

“What does that mean?”

You felt caught off guard at his parry, but your answer comes out all on its own.

“It means that, I’ve liked you, Tom. and––”

And?

“I don’t completely want you out of my life.”

You find yourself smiling as you tuck your chin back in embarrassment. That sounded an awful lot like you still felt That Way about him. You shut your eyes and sigh, shaking your head a little bit.

“Not completely?” he repeats, egging you on for more. He leans close to you, making his way back to your heart.

You chuckle under your breath.

“Let’s start over.”

Tom’s brows harden.

You stretch out your hand towards him, which he cautiously accepts as you put out the flames.

“As friends.”

There’s another loud round of applause that echoes through the hall. Shouts and whistles bleed out to the lobby.

“As friends,” he murmurs.

You shake firmly, avoiding his eyes as your hands fall back to your sides. You turn your cheek to face away from him and suggest,

“Let’s get back in, yeah?”

You don’t want him to see the strange, flustered, excited, happy expression drawn so obviously on your face.

“Let’s,” Tom agrees easily.

His hand smoothes over the small of your back, in a brave and bold little show of camaraderie.

Let’s start off as friends.

You smile stiffly, because you don’t want him to know that your heart is pounding like it used to.

That it would be too easy to melt back into that old mold.

Let’s just see where we go from there.

-

As with all romantic dramedies, you enter the party together with no resolution or closure to your prior conversation. And once again, you are immediately swept away into the tide.

You lose each other for a moment, following the flow of people and conversation.  But this time, you find your way back to one another, willingly.

Tom stands tall by your side, instead of cowering away, and you roll your shoulders back with inviting poise. You feel at ease and he smiles warmly.

That’s not to write off the unbelievable and undeniable tension stretching in the small gap between your shoulders. It’s TOO real.

Your hand had bumped his once, and you both jump back and fumble over hurried apologies.

“Sorry.”

“You’re good.”

And it’s back to standing still but not too still. You both manage to relax with your favorite blonde slash brunette makes his way, and stands in between. He’s throws his arms over both of you, drunken weight pulling down as he sways.

You laugh at the rumple in his collar, fixing it while berating him for still being so drunk at the end of the night. Harrison waves the hand on your side and twirls a finger in the air,

“Indulge a little.”

The celebration nears the end as the lights dim and people start making two lines by the exit, standing together holding party poppers to burst over the grooms in the grand finale. A parting gift of glitter and petals and kisses.

Tom has placed Harrison in a chair by the wall, both of you standing nearby. You both snicker  as he rubs his eyes and checks his phone, undoubtedly texting you both.

Facing forward, you hold the small device in your hands as you wait together, scraping to make small talk. Your voice startles him.

“You know, Z is coming back in a week.”

Tom’s eyes widen, looking at you with genuine surprise. He nods, looking for more,

“Oh, for real? Does she want––” His eyes dart from side to side, thinking of his next words carefully.

You finish it for him.

“She wants to see you. And uh-oh, biiiiig trouble.”

“Oh,” he pulls an exaggerated face, tugging at his collar.

“Not all bad trouble. But–– you know, it could help your case if you could help us with the move. Uhm, If I could trouble you with that.”

Tom smiles wide, his eyes crinkling near shut as he looks down. This is your arm stretched out towards him, offering a path back to where he wants to be. But it’s just a feeler, if anything at all.

“Yeah, of course, I’d love to.”

You giggle, shaking your head. No one wants to help anyone with a move, dummy. God, you don’t want to take advantage of his feelings but–– he does have a car and some apologies he wanted to make. Haha, it’s nothing malicious! You could just use the help.

“I can bring Haz and Jacob too, if that’s alright.”

“Oh, I don’t have that much shit.”

“Just Harrison then?”

Your eyes scan over him, wondering if he was worried about spending time in the same place as 3 women who were, arguably, after his throat. You really can’t blame him for looking for some protection.

You offer your sympathy with a edging smile, “Yeah, bring the drunkard with you. He’ll be a lot of help, yeah?”

You both turn back to look at him, squinting into the crowd. You laugh as he finally finds you, and offer him a little wave. You turn to Tom to see if he was waving too, but he wasn’t.

His face is close, and tilted towards you. You could see those freckles you missed so much, and the brow you’ve always wanted to tame. You could smell that faint boyish cologne that always reminded you of home––

“Oh! Here they come!” Tom interrupts, his whole face perking up animatedly. His smile is so wide and true, leaving you in a daze and you turn back to the grooms.

They make their way through the lines, dressed in white, only to be covered in glitter and streamers and petals.

You squeal in excitement, screaming congratulations as you pull the string and feel the pop in your bones. Tom is whistling and howling beside you, a cheeky hand making its way across your back.

Goosebumps prickle across your skin as you watch the new couple pass.

Hey.

They disappear into night, as the crowd collapses into one. You hear stray pops and fizzles, delayed responses but none to go to waste. The flurry of confetti is dense and never ending, feeling like a stubborn snow flurry in the early spring.

You lean into the warm palm into your back, and spin to find it’s owner.

Through falling flowers, muted music and passing bodies, you turn back to Tom.

Lovely Tom.

And he’s found you too, hair tousled just right and lips a rosy pink.

Picture perfect and sugary sweet.

“Hey, you.”

Your back is still blooming with warmth even after his hand falls away.

“Hey.”

Before the flurry ends, he’s pulled you aside to avoid the bustling of people making their exit. The dim light and soft rustling makes you feel small and lonely, yearning to be held again.

Your eyes shift towards Harrison, coming up from his seat and taking a video of the falling flowers. You blink back into your body.

Straightening yourself out, you tuck hair behind your ear, making rogue petals fall out onto the floor. You and Tom laugh, as he brushes his shoulders off and shakes his blazer.

You’re shaking off your dress as Harrison comes up, and Tom speaks low,

“Can I give you a ride home?”

Oh, the night’s not over.

You look at Haz, still in and out of his coordination and seeing that he was your ride… you agree. You walk with the pair of boys clinging to each other into the warm night and softly bump into Tom’s shoulder.

“Did you plan for this?”

He raises his brows to give you a smug smile,

“Nope, only hoped.”

You roll your eyes as you get into Harrison’s car–– Tom must have gotten a Lyft or something. Harrison surrendered his keys and quickly settled into his seat up front. He dozes off quickly, dropping his phone and making no reaction.

Tom snickers as you take a picture of the blonde sweetie, sitting back to type on your phone.

He plays some whatever late night radio music, and it’s quiet in the car but it’s not so bad. It’s comfortable.

You don’t feel the pressure to talk after all the talking you had already done.

You focus on picking off flowers that have gotten into precarious places, and rub the glitter off your skin. You seethe,

“These better be biodegradable.”

And Tom laughs, glitter and paper confetti falling out of his hair.

He takes you home on familiar dips and turn, getting back to your apartment in no time. You almost forgot about your roommate for a moment too––

He parks to the side and as you gather your things he runs out to get the door for you, making you blow up at your hair. You take the hand he offers as you step out,

“Thank you, thank you. That’ll be all.”

You start to walk to the front door, realizing Tom is following you after the car door shuts and you hear his hurried steps. You look at him, lips pressed to avoid a smile. He shrugs,

“Just want to make sure you get inside.”

You both look towards the door, only a short distance away. And reconvene with those dark browns, curious to see what could happen next.

He understands that there’s still a line, still a few things to settle. And you appreciate that–– except for the fact that your insides are buzzing to take him in, to watching something dumb or to catch up or to drink drinks or to just to have him on your couch again.

But it can’t be tonight.

You climb up a few steps, making yourself a lot taller than him, and lick your lips,

“”Thank you, Tom. Uhm, it was nice talking to you again.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he scratches the side of his neck, “This eases some of my worries.”

“You don’t have to worry,” you say softly leaning back.

“But I want to.”

You shake your head, throwing your shoulders up as you laugh,

“Stay worried then!”

Tom pouts, slapping his arms at his side in defense, and you only rub your nose.

“Thanks,” he sarcastically nods, continuing the banter. He wants to spend more time with you too, to wrap himself in that fuzzy gray blanket and tell you how much you meant and mean to him. But he rocks back on his heels, trying to get away from your sweet scent and away from the sweet licks of temptation.

Let’s not make the same mistakes twice, yeah?

“Text me when you make it back, okay? Tell Harrison to too,” you conclude, stepping on the brakes.

He smiles a little too wide at the permission you just gave him, and you only realize it a second after. Then the lines of communication were open again, that this is something you will really move forward with–– and as Tom bows his head to hide his ecstatic grin, you catch sight of a stray white petal knotted in his locks.

“Hold on!”

You reach forward instinctively, and he keeps his head lowered. You hold the side of his head with one hand, the bottom of your palm smoothing across his forehead and the other plucking the petal from a nest of gel,

“Got it.”

And he looks up then, with no warning. You hand frozen in place, and ultimately cupping his cheek. Your thumb presses against the corner of his lip, pressed in a gorgeous and heartbreaking smile.

You manage to speak, “Look, silly.”

Your hand shakes as you show him the white petal between your faces, and he defiantly looks past it and straight at you.

“You can keep that,” he whispers, making your hair stand on end.

And it’s funny because your arm lowers, and your hand slides off his burning cheek onto his chest. You smooth down his lapel and hold his gaze before you let your hand fall back to your side. You wished nothing more than to tumble forward, to collapse back into his arms. To embrace him wholly, for him to embrace you back.

To forget the stupid messes made and fall in love with the sweetness again.

“I will.”

There’s still a trust to be earned, a new recipe to follow. Proper ingredients, real sugar and in the end, it’s still gotta taste good too.

But, oh, what would wouldn't do to kiss him again.

To take a bite of that sweet chocolate.

“I’ll see you soon, Tom.”

I wonder what it would taste like now?

-

-

-

A/N: …… FINALLY. OH MY GOD. it’s been like what, 6 months? Since December? This series took a hard hit because of my birthday and holidays and tumblr banning blogs left and right. I’m glad to return to it, and fucking… END it. Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck around, remembered this series and asked for updates! This is for you.

If you can, please like, comment and reblog. I want all of those who have been waiting for this to see the end! Maybe like 2-3 more chapters left?

And i’ll let you know when i can update next. The next one won’t be as long, so maybe i can get it out in a week or two?

Track #LDC or #Like Dark Chocolate to see the updates!

Again, thank you so much and i love you guys! See you very soon.

Peace,

Madmadmilk

[notdoingsohot]

lover & wild thing for the cute asks, please 😊

Lover - how do you show someone you like them?

I gently annoy them until I break them down and they accept me as part of their life. Which means that I will info dump and go on long ass tangents and share dumb facts, sometimes catered to that person to draw them into my constant rambling. I'm kind of the same for platonic and romantic forms of liking people, if I'm honest. Blame the polyamory for that. My dumb ass just walks around half in love with anyone who gives me the time of day, hahahaha.

Wild thing - what is something about you that surprises people?

I'd say anything about my past at this point. I'm a very quiet and keep to myself kind of person these days so it always throws people off when I mention stuff about some of the trouble I was in years ago. Top of the cake for surprising though is that I've been arrested before! People find that super surprising because I am a huge nerd that never leaves the house and my best friend is my cat.

Thanks so much for asking! 😊 Sorry it took a while to get to them, university is kicking my ass like usual. These are some great questions and I had lots of fun answering!!!

[ronanvespertine]

I think what gets people about Hawks is he’s a planner- and we’re so used to merely reacting heros. There’s always the chance when you strike first that you’ll strike wrong, but the alternative is waiting until it’s too late. And isn’t that one of the huge issues people have with heros? That they were too slow and didn’t save someone who needed it? Hawks is ruthless and it’s terrifying to be on the receiving end if that. But he’s been the hero a lot of people needed

Oh my god, this.....this is a really good interpretation of him. I really like how you think of Hawks! I’ve never really thought of it that way.

I’m gonna ramble about this ask for a while, so I’ll try to put a brief answer above the read more cut. I love how you pointed out what people need/expect from heroes in terms of how they respond. The consequences of a villain attack (property damage, casualties, displacement) are what gives fuel to criticism, and heroes can’t really excuse themselves from those results because those consequences are not to be taken lightly and heroes took on the responsibility of minimizing impact. 

It’s the whole thing about “thoughts and prayers”. Pretty words after a tragedy don’t matter because they change nothing. What really matters is action—preventative measures. And that’s how Hawks approaches hero work. Preventing matters and quick resolutions to minimize impact.

And yes, Hawks’ kind of heroism is what people need in a general sense. Meticulous hard work focused around preventing villain attacks or stopping them as fast as possible. But the intensity with which Hawks goes about it is really scary—you’re right to call it ruthless. And that’s normally a good thing until you call morality into question.

I don’t really want to delve into whether his actions are right or wrong, because.....well, it’s complicated. You can’t slap a label on it. And in the high-stakes world of heroism, morality is a pretty ironic thing to emphasize. Heroes act for the “greater good”, but does that really give them the right to kill? And vice versa—is it okay to risk millions of lives for the sake of adhering to a wishy-washy ideal of no dead?

Let’s go with this: morality is meaningless. Life isn’t dictated by black and white—society is. What life is about is choices and consequences—what you choose to do and what happens because of it. (More on morality under the cut)

I tried to keep it short, but it’s still a pretty lengthy answer. Sorry about that. Anyway, under the read more I’m gonna go ramble because anon just ignited the analytics in my head. Maybe check it out, ‘cause I talk a little more about what I think of Hawks under the cut.

The difference between heroes who react (Endeavor, Miruko, etc.) versus heroes who plan (Hawks, Nighteye, etc.) isn’t something I really thought too much on. But that’s a really good way to look at heroes! In Nighteye’s case, I’d say the guy waits too much and he could possible have past incidents that would fit what you’re talking about—waiting too long until it’s too late. All Might could be interpreted as a mix of both, depending on how you look at it, but his “planning” is more an abstract ideal—establishing a Symbol of Peace that discourages crime rates.

Hawks NEVER waits. And that’s the reason why the PLF raid occurred with the heroes taking the INITIATIVE, a big contrast in comparison with other incidents in the manga. In regards to the Kamino Nightmare, UA took precautions but they fell through and the heroes reacted quickly against the LoV to get Bakugo back once they had sufficient data and forces. But later, we see this decision is touched on a little by the HPSC president when she talks about Hawks not being available for Kamino, and how heroes have been trailing after villains’ actions because no one has been doing enough intelligence gathering in advance. 

Hero society isn’t doing enough to PREVENT villain attacks. And well, that’s a big bone to gnaw on. 

We can talk about the very basics—preventing villains from being born in the first place. But that’s too expansive a task, and heroes/government can’t foresee or prevent everything. Not to mention how complicated implementing those measures will get when you start tangling with law. (If you’re from a massive country with a complicated lawmaking system and polarizing political parties, you’ll know what I mean.) 

Then if we focus on something closer to immediate—say, intelligence gathering—that gets a little murky, too. Censorship, surveillance, regulatory laws—until where do we draw the line? When do we consider those preventative measures “oppression”? People will have different opinions of that, and that’ll result in debate and gridlock. 

There’s also cultural issues—how do you mass edit a society’s perception of certain things? 

We had the issue of “villanous quirks” brought up with Shinsou and Toga. Can you change everyone’s mindsets to regard quirks as a natural gene people can’t help but be born with? In contrast, at what point do you need to start considering the evil that could be done by a quirk on the basis of self-defense? (Think about it. If someone had a quirk that made you forget being under its influence, then how would you know when to change from trusting that person to questioning them for your own protection?) 

We also have the issue of quirklessness with Midoriya and Melissa, though I don’t think it’s that complicated. How do you equalize quirks and no-quirks? In contrast, when do you need to discriminate? (It’s the dilemma of equality. Physical requirements for men and women differ because of natural differences in their makeup. It’s fair, but it’s not equal. A minor thing to point out, but you get the idea, right? If you want to take it up a notch, consider the notion of “equal opportunity”. In America, there’s a whole debate about how to raise disadvantaged groups to equal standing without compromising the ones who are already there. Especially in education. There’s this thing about “quotas” in college admissions—colleges can’t set aside a specific number of spots for disadvantaged groups because it will take away opportunities for the rest, but they can include those questions in their applications for a “holistic” process. However, it’s not a full fix. There’s still a disproportionate ratio of minority groups because it doesn’t take into account the minority background: growing up in unsafe/unequipped communities, lacking academic resources or education to compete with those of advantageous groups, family backgrounds that influence the kid’s education because of extra responsibilities, poverty, uneducated parents, cultural stigma, etc. It’s a huge, complex web of a problem that a small rule like that can’t fully encompass.)

Oh god, I got political. But you get what I mean. There’s too big of a mess that heroes/government won’t be able to address every single one of them. So, what they’ll need to do is figure out what they can do and implement it, or figure out which aspect/measure to focus energy and resources on first.

In regards to morality, I answered a previous ask about Hawks and said this:

Sacrificing another person’s life isn’t okay, period, because you never had the right/power to determine another person’s worth in the first place.

I still stick by that, but there’s something I want to make clear about what I think about Hawks. Hawks is free to choose the “wrong” decision. I’m not condoning or condemning him for it. Hell, I’m not even judging him. The way I read My Hero Academia is by watching the characters make their decisions and trying to understand what led to them. I feel like that’s something everyone should try out: just watching the characters, not judging them, but just trying to understand.

Again, morality means nothing. It’s just choices and consequences.

The thing about choices is, you should understand everything about them. And that’s what I want Hawks to build on. If he’s going to make a decision—especially a “wrong” one—then I want him to fully understand the weight of that choice. I feel like Hawks could be desensitized to the weight of life, and that’s what I’m worried about. Then again, we don’t really know a lot about what Hawks feels aside from his expressions and double-meaning dialogue. I could be wrong—Hawks could have a solid grasp on what taking a life means and feel somber remorse over it. But who knows? (I’ll love him even more than I do now if he does understand. God, I love this asshole of a bird.)

Basically, this is what I want Hawks’ approach to Twice’s death to be: it’s wrong, and he’s okay with it. He’ll willingly carry the weight of his choice so he can achieve his dream of a society without an excessive dependence on heroes.

That’s basically Hawks’ whole character. What is he willing to carry in order to achieve his goals? How far will he corrupt himself to get peace for everyone else? (Honestly, the martyr complex is hard with this guy hahaha!) I just want to make sure he seriously understands what he’s “corrupting” himself with.

Anyway, rambling’s over! Hahahaha, I literally switched from my phone to my iPad to the computer to answer this ask lol. And anon, thanks for dropping by!