#hahaha ha-deez nuts

[salmonrainy]

taken by the styx 🩸

[nukebag]

headcanon: fives makes the worst ‘deez nuts’ jokes

Fives: What lives on Tatooine, has large horns, and is herded by Tusken Raiders?

Jesse:…. A bantha?

Fives: Bantha deez nuts hahaha lmao gottem

[y0u5444]

Ella’s relationship chart with other starlight gangs:

Ella: my heart is still hurting and…i need…it. (Friendly)

Newbie: the hell?! you mea- OH sorry wait…your heart is very hurtful??? (Friendly)

Ella: …you… (trust)

Andy: i see…is look familiar his past and his gemstone, maxixe and…are you? (Trust)

Eleven: Oh! Hey! i’m sorry for very late…also…here is flower! Is bluebell! A gift for you! (Lover)

Ella: oh…thank…! (Lover)

Vi’lio: HAI! BESTIE! HI! (Best friend)

Ella: Ummm…hi? (Best friend)

Beelzebub: ARRRRGGGHHH!!! I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE SO MUCH! ELLA! (frenemy)

Ella: guh? i hate you too. (Frenemy)

Iris: ella, but why so….kinda…familiar…like so younger? (Familiar)

Ella: because, was born and i was created me is was seikei and crystalline…my gemstone. (Familiar)

B2/aboji: is…you…my old friend… (memorial)

Ella: … (memorial)

Amarillo: dude…you are crazy person. AND WHY?! (Tension)

Ella: Hm, meh! (Tension)

Nilla: HEY HEY! I GUESS WHAT?! DEEZ NUTS! HAHAHA!!! (Tension)

Ella: guh? Wha? not funny. (Tension)

Crayola: perhaps…ella my siblings is not good person…and…i has enough for anymore… (trust)

Ella: is alright crayola…your siblings is….very evilest you can’t save them. (Trust)

Elikro: HELLO?! CAN YOU HEAR YOU?! WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?! (Rival)

Ella: Nah. (Rival)

Derrick: B-BRO! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! (Tension)

Ella: ralax. i just a comically large for- I MEAN A TRIDENT! (Tension)

-

Part 2 (soon)

[complete-idiot-in-love]

Once Upon a Witchlight: Episode 43 (SPOILERS)

This episode is so good because of the mushroom people curse, I've included some lines my S/I would say and the songs they're riffing off

ANDY AND DEREK SWITCHED SPOTS, I DON’T LIKE IT AHHHHHHH

MUSICAL EPISODE??? MY S/I WOULD BE SO HAPPY

Frost singing rainbow connections YESS, I LOVE THAT SONG

I love it when Andy does his lil dancy dances, he is so gender

Shroombek is a moldy mushroom lmao /j

Imagine my S/I's mush-sona, mushroom with horns lookin ass

Michael Jackson Gideon!!

I love all of Derek's references, bro is so good at comedy

Death metal Gricko is so FUNNY!!

I swear to god if Twig is dead again bc of mushroom shit I will scream

TWIG NOOOOOO, WAKE UP!!!

I love this episode already because of singsong Torbek and Death metal Gricko

Torbek and my S/I would definitely be duo dancing, besties who binge musical theatres are besties forever (more like I force him to watch them w me >:3c )

Gideon is so sad because of his rhythm being stolen, F’s in chat for my fire dad

"Just dance! It'll be okay, gid a do do. Let's dance! And kill that hag fam do do do do!" - My S/I (Just dance)

Bard era in this episode fr fr

"So tell me do ya wanna go, kill a fuckin hag tonight? Run away after we fight? Impossible maybe to you, it's what we gotta do whoa! This is the greatest curse!!" - My S/I (Greatest Showman)

Torbek talking naughty as usual with his "hairy mushroom"

Are we lost in the forest lmao

CANON TORBEK HEIGHT? HE'S 7FT?? (If Andy has mentioned this before, I'm fuckin stupid /j)

Gricko trying to day-o (The banana/beetlejuice song) the bird and therefore getting disadvantage on his roll is so FUNNY TO ME, LIKE HE WOULD USUALLY BE SO GOOD AT ANIMAL STUFF BUT WITH THIS MUSICAL CURSE HE SUCKS ASS!!!

PLUS 8??? GRICKO IS OP AS HELL WHEN IT COMES TO ANIMAL SHIT (makes sense tho cause of the whole “druid w an owlbear daughter thing”)

“Torbek! Is a big hairy mushroom!” is gonna be my new stim phrase I swear to the gods

In my mind, their mushroom colors are: Torbek = Pink, Gricko = Blue, Frost = Green, Kremy = Purple and Gideon = Red (I'd be yellow because my two fav colors are already taken)

“This is little green to purple bird” YES, I LOVE THAT NICKNAME FOR GRICKO AND I LOVE THAT IT KEEPS COMING BACK!!

“Help! We are stuck as shrooms, I don't wan’t to sing to death!” - My S/I (Stop! in the name of love)

Oh no, pixies! Please Gideon, don’t fuck them!

“Bumpin noses” sounds very suggestive coming from the bird

“I've got candles and rations galore, you want makeup? I've got plenty!” - My S/I (Part of your world)

Is she a phoenix now? Because that's cool af Nikkie

“Roll Athletics or Acrobatics” HAHA JOKES ON YOU I'M PROFICIENT IN BOTH!!

“They'll bust in your mouth, watch out” HAHAHA YEAH AND SO DOES FROSTY!!!

BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM “ARE YA READY??” ARE YA.. REAAAADY??” I love my alligator dad so much

Torbek and Gideon are pixie attracting CHADS

Mikey's commitment to still trying to say deez nuts jokes is so good, like Gricko would definitely forget about the fey pact and try to do it

“PULLON DEEZ NUTS!!” *Gricko and My S/I high five*

Kremy being really good at makeup is CANON IN MY HEART. WE GIVE EACH OTHER TIPS ON FOUNDATION AND EYELINER AND SHIT (We both have disguise kits)

Torbek reminiscing about Reada Flaugh and Gricko reminiscing about Busty

YOOO, ARE THE WITCHLIGHT PIXIES FAKE???

Torbek is a teenage boy with his horniness and libido /j (I still love my bestie tho)

THE BEEZLEBERRIES MAKE A CAMEO YESSSS

GODS DAMN IT KREMY, DON'T HURT TORBEK FOR MORE “WITCHES BREW”

Frost and Kremy talking about meta stuff in their voices just makes me think of an “Actors Au” where this is all a movie that they’re acting for and ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

Torbek, dear. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOU “Squeeze out some Torbek juice.”

Torbek’s one hard no is house piss kinks?? Bro is wild fr fr

Torbek and Andy are so deranged, I love the gremlin activities

YOOOOOOO NAT 20 FOR TORBEK!!!!!

Torbek eats a cigar and my S/I has to find the fey equivalent to bleach for their eyes after watching him “Milk” himself

Alligator husband offers to make fire husband uwu death whey protein powder, very cute

CARLFISH RETURN YESSS (also carlatafish omg!)

Pixies love my fire dad (-_-)

Kremy and Gideon are a poly couple where Gideon gets all the babes and then Kremy swindles them out of their money /j

Disgruntled wife Kremy is so damn funny

Divorce arc for my dads /j

Gideons home depot asshole XD

Family dinner of Carlfish :)

Uh ho, Frosty teleported us in his sleep /j

[cryptiles]

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

RANDOM TEXTS — PART 1 / PART 2 

— details ; brothers x gn! reader ; head-cannon based ; 〘🐙〙 ; obey me m.list ; they/them/you/yours

— summary ; domestic texts between you and the brothers

— requests are open as of 7/9 , match-ups are closed.

— a/n ; since y’all liked the first part so much , i’m feeding y’all with another. this one was kinda unhinged , i kept wanting to use ‘ oh my god ‘ as a reaction but then i remembered theyre demons.

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

LUCIFER

“ why does the class size have to be so big , i can’t remember everyones names. 😐 “

“ well , maybe if you stopped texting and instead focus on your work it won’t be that hard. “

“ jeez thanks for believing in me. “

“ anyways i need help , do you know this guy named Willya ? “

“ he’s supposed to hand up some overdue work today. “

“ Willya ? no , i have not. “

“ WILLYA PUT DEEZ NUTS ON YOUR CHIN BITCHHHH “

LUCIFER HAS BLOCKED YOU.

“ damn. “

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

MAMMON

“ MC ARE YOU IN ONLINE CLASS ? “

“ NO LMAOO THE STUPID LINK ISNT WORKING. “

“ OI SEND ME THE LINK I LOST IT 💀 “

“ NVM I FOUND IT , I ACCIDENTALLY THREW THE PAPER AWAY. “

“ DUMBASS. “

“ BROO WHY DID DIAVOLO TRY ONLINE CLASSES ? THE TEACHERS ARE OLDER THAN MY GRANDMA , THEY LITERALLY CANT DO SHIT THIS IS SO FUNNY HELPP. “

“ MC ENOUGH. LMAAOAOAOSO “

“ RIGHT HAHAHA LOOK AT STUDENT#1 CAMERA ANGLE , THE FUCK IS THATTT 😃”

“ MAMMON STOP MAKING FUN OF THEM I CANT KEEP GOING OFF CAMERA PRETENDING TO SNEEZE SO I CAN LAUGH. FUCKING HALT. “

“ IM GOING TO YOUR ROOM THIS IS WHOLE THING WAS STUPID AS HELL , WE’RE SHARING YOUR LAPTOP SO SCOOT OVER. “

“ IM BRINGING SNACKS TOO. “

“ AND OUR SHARED BLANKET 😼 “

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

LEVIATHAN

“ 😭 “

“ 😭😭 “

“ 😭😭😭 “

“ are you okay ? and why are you crying in numerical order… “

“ i’m not okay mc 😭😭😭😭 “

“ the human world had a pre-order bundle for ‘ insert long anime title ‘ and i missed it because i slept in. “

“ how am i supposed to be okay after that ?! “

“ it had a pc and stuff in it too 😭😭😭😭😭 “

“ i see. “

“ well i’ll let you know that i bought 2 already , one for you and me. “

“ REALLY ? “

“ YOU’RE THE BEST MC THANK YOU 😭😭😭😭😭😭”

“ STOP ADDING ONE MORE CRYING EMOJI EVERYTIME YOU CRY , PLEASE. “

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

SATAN

“ SATANN GUESS WHAT “

“ ?? “

“ I FOUND A CAT THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU ITS SO FUCKING CUTE. “

“ ‘ insert cat pic ‘ “

“ ITS JUDGING ME SO BAD ITS MAKING IT CUTER. “

“ MC WHERE ARE YOU AS OF RIGHT NOW. “

“ I HAVE TREATS , TOYS AND EVERYTHING WHERE TF ARE YOU. “

“ UHH TBH IDK I WAS JUST WANDERING AROUND AND I FOUND IT.. “

“ WHAT ?? WHERE ARE YOU ? “

“ IM FUCKING LOST SATAN. IDFK WHERE AM I. “

“ STAY WHERE EVER YOU ARE WITH THE CAT IM COMING TO FIND YOU. “

“ HURRY PLEASE THE CAT IS LOOKING AT ME WEIRD AND ITS WALKING AWAY. “

“ IM MAKING A BAD DECISION AND FOLLOWING IT. “

“ MC , AS MUCH AS I LOVE BOTH YOU AND THE CAT PLEASE DONT FOLLOW IT. “

“ MC ? “

“ FUCK. “

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

ASMODEUS

“ bye 15/50 for chemistry , again. “

“ finna kms fr. “

“ mc its alright , half the class did like shit anyways. “

“ yeah but ‘ disliked persons name ‘ beat me , you know how embarrassing that is ? “

“ damn , that is embarrassing. “

“ thanks a lot for the compliment 😐 “

“ wellll at least you didn’t fail chemistry like her , i mean who ever fails that subject has to be hella stupid 🤭 “

“ … “

“ WAIT I MEANT MATH. “

“ NOT CHEMISTRY. “

“ SLIPPED MY MIND IM SORRY MC “

“ WRONG INSULT IT WAS DIRECTED FOR ‘ disliked persons name ‘ “

“ IM SORRYYYY “

“ YOU BITCHH 😾😾”

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

BEELZEBUB

“ have you tried mango sago ? “

“ that shits bussinnn “

“ mango sago ?? i never heard of that before , what is it ? “

“ its a chinese dessert ! i’ll make it for you one day 😼 “

“ that’ll be nice mc thank you. “

“ also could you help me open the door ? “

“ i’m carrying food from madam screams , i’m trying not to eat your favourite dessert so please hurry 😭 “

“ i love you beel , AND IM OTW “

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

BELPHAGOR

“ ‘ tiktok edit ‘ “

“ broo they’re so fineee and for what 😩🙏”

“ whats that song ? its been on loop in my mind but im too lazy to search it up. “

“ i’ve heard it everywhere but idk the name. “

“ in that case… should i gatekeep 😻 “

“ I WILL BLOCK YOU BITCH “

“ I INTRODUCED YOU TO SO MANY SONGS “

“ IM PRETTY SURE ITS THE OTHER WAY AROUND 🤨 “

“ MY MUSIC TASTE IS IMMACULATE COMPARED TO YOURS “

“ PLEASE ALL YOU LISTEN TO IS TAYLOR SWIFT AND DEPRESSING SONGS “

“ THE BASICS BITCHH 🤌 “

“ STFU THEYRE GOOD “

“ YK WHAT IM GATEKEEPING THAT SONG YOU DONT DESERVE IT “

“ i’ll kill you. “

“ again ? at least make it special “

“ mc please stop-“

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧────────❅•

© 2022 cryptiles. please do not repost / translate my work and post it to other social media websites without permission , thank you.

[txdxsh1]

RANDOM HEADCANONS OF THE KARASUNO FIRST YEARS I HAVE !!

genre: CRACK oh my god

authors note: i genuinely hope you guys like these cause it was so much to make hahaha

they share a spotify family plan

whenever they go to tsukishimas house to study, they all simp so hard for his mom, calling her a milf and shit-

meanwhile yams has a crush on akiteru HAHA

yes i believe in bi yamaguchi

they have contests to see who can tie their shoes the fastest

tsukishima and yamaguchi go to the library so often that the librarian knows their names

yamaguchi and hinata play just dance when they’re bored

kageyama screams randomly when he feels overwhelmed

they all SUCK at skateboarding HAHAHAH

like they literally go to the skate park and all end up just eating shit

they get better at riding in their second year tho :)

they all simultaneously had a david bowie phase

like i said in this post, they definitely make deez nuts jokes

kageyama: hey tsukishima, what band sings that one song called believer?

tsukishima: imagine dragons you idio-

yamaguchi: IMAGINE DRAGGIN DEEZ NUTS ACROSS YOUR FACE

of course your mom jokes are also very common

they went to play laser tag for yamaguchis 17th birthday and it was …… eventful

they all LOVE star wars

tsukishima and yamaguchi play rock paper scissors whenever they’re bored and have been keeping score for YEARS

hinata and kageyama truly cannot cook a single meal (not because they don’t know how, they’re just so bad at it)

oh my god they have a group chat and it’s … definitely something

it probably consists of them yelling at each other, reminders for practice, memes/tiktoks, talking shit, and so much more oh god

they play video games together and are on voice chat while they play

let’s just say a lot of vulgar language is used

tell me why yamaguchi straight up trips on literal air like all the time

tsukishima is scared of rollarcoasters but just says they give him a headache as an excuse

they get into arguments over the most stupid things and they continue the arguments into practice until daichi yells at them LMAOO

oh god can you imagine them on a 4-way facetime call ??

you can’t tell me they don’t have a minecraft server

they have a shared playlist and it’s a mess and like 50+ hours long

i’d like to think that tsukishima was the first one to learn how to drive which, in turn, means that the group begs him to take them places

daichi definitely forces them to do group bonding so they have a sleepover

they end up going to 7/11 at 3am and they all have way too much energy (except tsukishima who just desperately wants to go to bed)

kageyama can hold a handstand for an extremely long amount of time

tsukishima will avidly pretend he does not see hinata since he’s not in his line of vision LMAO

yamaguchi and kageyama live pretty close to each other so sometimes they’ll go on walks or go get snacks and sit on the curb

hinata gets songs stuck in his head all the time and by the end of practice, everyone has it stuck in their head too (and it’s always the most ridiculous songs lol)

cue everyone at practice mumbling the backyardigans theme song lmaoooo

yamaguchi is so accident prone like this boy gets bruises and cuts so often

kageyama likes feeding ducks at the park

they’re all double jointed

tsukishima and yamaguchi LOVE going to the movies and sometimes will purposely go see bad ones so they can laugh

they all like playing uno but get so competitive for absolutely no reason HAHA

yamaguchi owns a record player and whenever one of the other boys comes over, they ask him to play something on it

i feel like they can all play at least one instrument

they trip each other in the hallways and it’s SO FUCKING FUNNY

[kpxkevin]

Introductions

Today we is the first day documenting 18 randomly selected players as they begin their journey in the world of soccer/football.

On Jan 01, 2000, a shooting star shot across the sky and eighteen fine young men were born. All had the same exact goal - to become the best player in the world. Without further ado, let us introduce these men:

Shlomo Quanzinski

He plays for his favorite team, Genoa as a goal keeper. He hopes he will learn a lot. Just like this Shlomo’s name suggest, we start the introductions slowly.

Tom Arnold

Representing Adelaide United in Australia, Tom is a right back who is worth 205k!

Marcus Jespersen

This Ikea product is currently worth nothing despite some decent technical stats. Will someone put this man together again or will he sit forever in the “Help I lost a leg” section?

Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen

Is he number one? Who knows? Currently he’s worth less than that, but we do see some major German interest as Dortmund, Frankfurt, Gladbach, Koln, Leverkusen, and Nurnberg all want his signature. Who will he pick?

Bongo Flongo

This American with the bing-bang-boom name is not yet on a team, but we see some crazy interest in England. Arsenal, Chelsea, Fulham, Liverpool, Manchester City, and Manchester united vie for him on their rosters. He is an absolute unit and would probably eat you up.

Alan Cole

The player with the most boring name of the bunch is just that. He’s boring. Jacksonville and North Carolina - both teams in the NASL - want to sign his boring ass. Who will he pick? Do we really care? I do want to point out that his secondary nation is Chad.

Anthony Agramonte

Agramonte used to run a favela back in Venezuela. Now, he’s trying his hand at soccer. Unfortunately nobody wants him yet.

Deez Nuts

Deez Nuts has recently just signed for the team that plays for the NY Red Bull, a team who’s slogan is probably “Red Bull gives you deez nuts.” He’s worth nothing but makes almost as much as I do. 

Diblizio Bufledorf

Formerly of the Gubledorfs, a sworn enemy of the Bufledorfs, Diblizio has taken up a second job while working as a congressman in the US Senate. He’s a deadly German striker for DC United worth over half a million Euro.

Fondil Mabols

Fondil Mabols started life as Deez Nuts’s penpal. He now is worth nothing and is looking for a club to play at. As such, he makes up 10% of South Sudan’s GDP.

Mahlubandile Jambase

Born in the Kalahari Desert, Jambase has just signed for the team he has idolized since he was little - West Ham United. He has seen all of their 2003 home games six times on his little VCR. Who knows how he got that tape. He makes less than Deez Nuts and more than Fondil Mabols.

Qwantez Manning

Our only Malian on the list, Qwantez hopes to bring his country into the ranks of nuclear powers. Hope he finds a club soon.

Shaakir el-Mirza

Shaakir seems like a nice guy, and I’d let him take care of my kids while I am on a date. Unfortunately, he has nobody to take care of him as he is currently club-less. Poor guy. His morale is “Quite Poor.”

Spud Mussolini

Spud Mussolini is currently wanted in twelve different countries for war crimes as he as the one who orchestrated the potato famines of 1943. Fortunately for him, the Welsh have no idea. and he plays on the Swansea U23 squad.

Confucius

I have no idea how this man is still alive, but he is 17 yrs old and has some major interest from five different Chinese teams. He’s a tactical genius from what I know.

Thomas the Tank Engine

This 17 year old is an absolute unit. Like Fondil Mabols, he is 210cm tall and weighs in at 120kg. He will run a train through you. He also plays at Lokomotiv Moscow. Hahaha. Choo choo mother fuckers.

David Icke

Although David plays on no team yet, he has some major interest from Arsenal, Aston Villa, Birmingham, Bournemouth, and Brentford.

Overview