#haha adhd am i right gang (i am suffering)

[crystal-mouse]

i thought i'd lost my trek pronoun pin and couldn't find it anywhere/remember where i'd put it,,,

i usually keep it in the same place in my bag as my earplugs but i recently lost a pair of those too so i was getting worried i'd lost more things without noticing (like my travel cutlery which are still MIA and i really don't know how that happened) i remembered vaguely that i either lost/left it at a) an interview or b) at a con or c) in my trek uniform/bag and i couldn't find it in any of my trek gear at first so i was getting really sad that i'd lost it/probably wouldnt be able to get it back- especially cuz it was a few months ago

IT WAS INSIDE MY TRICORDER

T_T

[switcher666]

First post: ⚠️ 1st warning ⚠️ triggering content “committing not alive” “sharp things” “addiction to things” “harmful” “Sad”

— — — — —

⚠️ 2nd warning! ⚠️

This is going to be emotional to certain people and this is my story. I’ve dealt with a lot so im going to say a lot. Remember on “UnFiltered Depression” there is no filter and your are allowed to speak your truth and admit your wrongs.

Names:

Going through school i was considered the “weird kid”, “Gothic Fag”, “That one asshole”, “The Barcode kid”, “Actual scar face”, “pin cushion”, “Scary dude”, “Austin scissor wrist”, and many.many.many more.

School:

In High school it was not easy for me. I had to keep my head down and never talk because, when i talked i got in fights I win at most of my fights but, not when I’m in my vehicle driving away and a student drives in front of me and 4 people from the car drags me out of my own car. I was gay for a year of my high school life because i was trying to find who i am and right about when i had a boyfriend for a week they break up with me because of rumors which are true. And the rumor was self harm and restoring who i was with pain, suffering, punching things, smoking cigarettes in the parking lot, telling the teachers to quote from quite “Fuck of and burn in hell where you belong.” 😬 not my proudest moment in life but, hey at least i didn’t have to go to weight class haha. I have much more and way more about my high school life but i want to keep this short and i might drop more of my stories if you are interested. And this story is based off my life in high school i graduated in 2021 and this is just a soft story compared to what i have.

Friends:

I had very little friends in my life and high school put together. And when i had my 2 best friends they were just like me all fucked up and broken like me. But I had a friend named shawn im not dropping initials or his last name but, when he was still alive he always told me to “Stay safe,live, and stop the cutting shit.” He was suffering from self harm too just like me but i was worse. I told him EVERY single day of my life “how are you feeling?” “Are you okay?” “Do you want me to help you?”. He vaped just like i did and he always wanted a aegis hero mini kit for salt “nic” and 2 weeks before we

Were about to turn into seniors i got him one from STL (St.Louis mo) and i was excited to give it to him! Then things took a change. He started to show up more limp than usual. Slouched over, eye lids dropping,straight faced, and always wore a gigantic black hoodie even when it was 90 (F) degrees outside (32 C). I know what happened. He “quit” he told me straight faced and not looking me in the eye. I cant tell the rest because im getting emotional just writing this.

He committed suicide,gashes on his wrists/arms,neck,face, and Shoulders. I never got to give it to him the vape is still in my possession and i use it still but im quitting now i only use it every 6 hrs but i stare at it and currently keeping it as a way to remember him by. I miss him everyday.I promised him 2 days before he committed suicide that i would never fight unless i have to

(I have controlled anger issues and adhd etc. and i was in boxing so i can hold my own and i would never cut or use self harm again.) i kept my promises and never broke them. Well i whooped some ass here and there but that’s because people try to gang up on me and i had a crack headish person in stl try to get in my personal space and tried to hit me with a broken plunger with spit and maaaybe shit on it 😬 trust me i 1000% had to. I often look up at the sky and pretend he’s waving at me from the clouds and i wave back like a mad man. Rest in peace my brother continue to party and drink whiskey with the angels and watch over us all.

⚠️ 3rd trigger warning ⚠️

My harm.:

Im getting this out of the way now. Yes I DID self harm but I currently am not because, the one i love with all my physical soul and passion is with me so there’s no more reasons to feel pain anymore. And i swore an oath to my partner. Also my friends who are no longer with us currently that’d i’d NEVER cut or use self harm as a “Comfort” ever again. Im going to list the things I did so you can understand how emotionally damaged i was. And you can use this as a way of looking at yourself and feeling better that your not doing these things. And I’m doing this so we can ALL open up and admit our wrongs and find a way to fix this. Not as a community but as a family. You are not alone anymore, I welcome you to your new family where you wont be judged or insulted.

⚠️ Please do NOT read these if you have a weak stomach or triggered easily ⚠️

-Cut

(face,neck,chest/stomach,shoulders, and hands,wrists)

-starved

(even when i was only 140lbs in high school)

-Punching

(punchingmyself in the face till my teeth were almost crooked and bleeding and my face looked satisfactory to me)

-Headbutting

(bricks,wood,trees, marble counter tops,cabinets. Anything that was around me.)

-Suicide

( once with a gun with no ammo and a rope that i found in my garage and has been worn to hell so it snapped)

-driving

(I left my hand off the wheel and closed my eyes for 10 seconds after i got done counting to 10 i opened my eyes and placed my hands on the wheel and repeated “I guess it wasent my time to go.”)

-Burning

( i held lighters to my skin after 15 seconds of being on them i put the flame out and place it on the most sensitive parts of my body and watched me scream and squirm with anxiety and thrill)

-Free running

(Free running is a hobby i used to do and still do whenever i get time, but back then i would “accidentally” fall off of large platforms and fail “trying” to do a back flip or a hand spring off of something)

END:

Thats it for now. Sorry for making it shortish/long posts. I still have many many many more stories unfortunately. So stick around and get help with what you or a love one needs. Remember! WE are a family and you are apart of it now. You are not alone anymore.

We love you being here and hope we get to see you another day.

MORE INFO:

Go to my snapchat:

I do face to face therapy talks on Snapchat

Monday4:00pm-9:30pm

Wednesday 5:00pm-7:30pm

Saturday 4:00pm-9:30pm

ALSO! My native tongue is only english but i do know a decent amount of Japanese. And im not promising you i know it Fluently but i know enough to help you. 😁