#haggingroveson

[symbioticsimplicity]

Four Guys Walk Into A Bar pt 5

This really is just gonna become a whole ass fic. We’re at 33 pgs y’all. 33 pages!

Little warning for Billy’s self talk. It’s pretty negative, and reflects opinions I don’t necessarily have about him, but I think Billy himself probably would. It’s nothing terribly graphic, but I figured I’d warn yall anyway.

Part 1!  Part 2!  Part 3!  Part 4!  AO3 link!

Tagging: @thelemonbandit @ihni @love-kurdt @thediktatortot @ghostlyjax

                                                                   *

It was forty-eight hours before Billy got a chance to sit the fuck down and breathe for a second.

They’d gone from hunkering down, to sharing… too much if he was honest, to finding the kids, to fighting for their lives. 

He barely remembered the fight, he’d mostly been riding on instinct, reacting to shouts of his name every so often. He’d saved Max at least twice that he knew of, Steve probably four times, and Hagan more than that. 

The only thing he really remembered was taking El’s hand at the end, the younger Byers slipping his hand into Billy’s other one. He’d felt her in his head again, but this time it felt less invasive, and more like solidarity. There had been a second presence, lighter than hers that he guessed was the Byers kid but had no time to really worry about it.

Together they’d pushed Vecna back, though he’d fought harder than even the mindflayer had. Like the cold, emptiness of dread without a source, he’d gnawed at Billy’s thoughts, tried to drag him back into the dark, even with El and Will bracing him it had nearly gotten him. Probably would have actually, if the others hadn’t linked up with them. It had been the three of them standing against a hurricane, until it wasn’t.

They’d been more faint than Will even, but he’d felt them. 

It had taken all of them, holding onto one another, funneling their strength into El, for them to over take Vecna. 

El had fainted once the deed was done, and for one horrible moment Billy had thought she’d died. She was cold to the touch, her breathing shallow, but her pulse had been strong when he and Hopper had frantically checked for it. 

Hopper and Mrs. Byers had taken her off to the hospital, Will, Jonathan, and Mike splitting off to go with them. 

That left the rest of the group, who all agreed without speaking that splitting up any further was just something they couldn’t do. So they’d all headed back to Steve’s given that his place was the only one big enough to house all of them.

Max had had her head leaned on his shoulder the entire ride, which wasn’t entirely unexpected so much as it was him still adjusting. Since he’d survived Starcourt, their relationship had improved tenfold. Like they’d gone from never being able to tell what the hell the other was saying, to speaking the same language down to the dialect. Max was a lot more similar to him than he’d ever wanted to admit, and now without the animosity in the way it was clear as day. It made his drive to protect her feel all the more intense, almost like by keeping her safe he could go back in time and give the same thing to himself. 

What surprised him more than Max though, was how Munson had wedged himself right up against Billy’s other side. He’d kept is fingers lightly wrapped around his wrist, right at his pulse point, seeming like he hardly even had to think about their proximity. 

That…was something Billy had been trying not to think about. Their proximity, or rather, how much Billy liked it. 

He’d stopped lying to himself years ago, he knew he liked men more than women (if he even liked women at all, which hindsight being 20/20 he really didn’t think he did). But that acceptance had come with the trade off of knowing he’d never let himself act on it. He’d die single before he proved his old man right about anything. 

But in the heat of the moment, under the liminal anonymity of midnight, the voice in the back of his head (the one that actually sounded like his own) had whispered that one little kiss didn’t have to prove anything to anyone. He’d already clinically died, hadn’t he? If he was going to bite it again for real, would it be so bad just to let himself be honest for one night?

But he hadn’t died, and neither had Eddie. Or Steve, or even Tommy for that matter surprisingly. They were all still here, and now they’d have to live with their choices.

Billy had bedded himself down away from the group when they’d all started settling down in Steve’s living room. No one seemed to think anything of it, though Steve had thrown him a look or two he couldn’t quite read. He thought he felt Tommy staring at him a time or two, too, but he’d always be looking away when he turned.

Munson, as usual, couldn’t be bothered to follow the status quo. He’d flopped himself down beside Billy, so close their legs were touching, snuggling himself down into the blankets before Billy could say a word.

“M’tired.” Eddie had mumbled, his big eyes blinking slowly shut, “Y’ll keep the mons’trs ‘way won’tcha, Sunshine?” 

Billy hated that nickname. Hated how it made him think about California, about days spent in the surf and sand, about the way his mother’s skin would tan under the sun, just like his own did now. It made him feel soft, and seen all at once and it was ridiculous that some guy he’d bought drugs from a handful of times before all this shit could make him feel any of that.

“Yeah.” He said instead, “Go to sleep.”

Eddie hummed, tucking himself a little closer than was wise with this many people around. But then again, after having nearly lost each other, everyone was laying a little closer than would be considered normal. 

Billy hesitated, so long his arm started to feel heavy where it was paused above Eddie’s head, so long he convinced himself to swallow the bubble of want and pleasedon’tleaveme and worst of all hope that was expanding in his chest. He lowered his hand, rather than threading it through Eddie’s hair like he’d wanted to. 

He really needed to get his shit together. 

Even if Neil wasn’t home anymore, even if he’d left them when Billy’s X-rays had started raising questions about how many old breaks he’d had that had healed poorly, how few of them were on his knuckles, even if Billy had started to believe that maybe he was gone for good… it still felt too dangerous. 

He wasn’t built to care for other people. He…wasn’t built to be cared for. He knew what he was, even if none of them had the guts to say it to his face. 

He was a killer. Had been headed that way long before the mindflayer hopped a ride in his meatsuit. It was probably why it had picked him. A guy like him didn’t have a whole lot of other prospects, not like Steve or even Eddie. Billy knew his type because he’d seen it every day in his father, had watched himself slowly break down and become just like him. Neil may never have killed anyone, but that was more to do with luck than intent. Billy knew that same rage was inside him, had let it hurt more people than he should have if he were actually worth a shit. So yeah, he’d been on the path to become a killer for years before he was forced into it. And killers didn’t deserve…this.

“Psst.” 

Billy glanced up, drawn out of his thoughts by the whisper from across the room. To his surprise he found Dustin looking back at him, out of all the kids.

His expression was serious in a way that didn’t suit him in the least. It reminded Billy of a small dog barking, maybe a miniature poodle. 

He was so distracted by that image he almost missed what the kid was mouthing to him.

‘Do it, you freakin’ dumbass.’ 

For a moment he just stared at him, not knowing what the hell he was talking about until he mimed running his hand through his hair. 

Billy went red all the way up to his hairline, turning his gaze away from the kid as if that would help. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised when Steve came and sat himself down next to them.

“The kid send you?” Billy asked quietly, mindful of Eddie snoozing away against his side.

“Yeah.” Steve said with a little smile, “Don’t worry though, not gonna badger you.”

Billy hummed appreciatively.

“Well, okay, not about that at least.” 

All gratitude dried up in an instant. 

“What, then?” Billy turned to glare at Steve. 

“Just kinda wondering.” Steve picked at nonexistent fuzz on the blanket Billy was wrapped in, “The other night…”

“Didn’t happen.” Billy cut him off, feeling his jaw work as he tried to shove back the way the words made his chest ache, “I’ll keep my mouth shut if you will.”

“That’s not--” Steve sighed, “You’ve really gotta work on not assuming the worst, man. Look, I don’t exactly know what the hell to call all that, I’m not great at…well any of this. But I don’t want to just ignore it.”

Billy chanced looking up at Steve and immediately regretted the decision. 

His brown doe eyes were so filled with sincerity, all but pleading for Billy to hear what he wasn’t saying. To make sense of what Steve himself couldn’t. 

He was barking up the wrong tree, “Well I do. Bad enough Munson won’t leave me the fuck alone now, don’t need you and Hagan getting all mooney eyed too.”

The look on Steve’s face almost made him take the words back. It was like watching a small crack spiderweb into thousands, all while the face on screen continued to smile. Steve’s hurt wasn’t as loud as Billy’s but that only made it cut deeper.

“Right.” Steve shook his head, “That’s, uh, yeah that’s fair. Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Buuuuulllllshit.” Tommy’s voice cut him off as the other brunette sat down beside Steve, “The fuck are you backpedaling for, I know you know he’s lying.”

Steve frowned at Tommy and Billy glared. He remained unaffected by either, tossing a handful of popcorn into his mouth casually. 

“I’m not.” Billy replied as firmly as he could manage.

“And I’m the Queen of fucking England.” Tommy rolled his eyes, “What you are is freakin’ the fuck out. Wanna know how I know?”

Billy didn’t reply but apparently he didn’t have to.

“Because I’m also freaking the fuck out. Like sure. I liked what we did, it was great, actually. Kinda want more. But without the whole ‘shit we might die tomorrow’ hanging over us, that means we’ve gotta admit that its for real. And that’s fucking terrifying.”

“Yeah.” Steve nodded even though the speech wasn’t being directed at him, “Yeah pretty much.”

“You don’t know me, Hagan.”

“No? Am I wrong then? Were you not just having a whole meltdown before Steve came over?” Tommy propped his chin on his palm, “If that’s just your resting face, that blows.”

Billy licked his teeth, trying to figure out just how pissed off everyone would get with him if he just punched Tommy. Right in his pretty little nose. 

“I’m just saying, if you can Swartzenegger your way through a herd of interdimensional monsters, kissing boys should be a lot less scary in comparison.” 

“You done?” Billy asked flatly. 

“Depends, are you?” Tommy fired right back, “Cause half of the kids are out, and Steve’s room is a lot more comfortable than the floor. And I’m not gonna carry Munson up all those stairs. Handicap privilege.” 

He wiggled his now cleaned and stitched leg. 

“C’mon Billy.” Steve said softly, biting his bottom lip, his big soft eyes working their stupid puppy dog magic, “Just for the night?”

Billy had always been a sucker for pretty boys, damn him. 

“Fine. Just for the night.”                                                               *

‘Just for the night’ turned into ‘just until we leave’, then ‘just until the nightmares calm down’, and before long they stopped making excuses altogether. 

Rare was the night Billy didn’t end up in Steve Harrington’s bed, crushed by bodies on all sides. He’d never admit it, but it was the best sleep he’d gotten in his entire life. Fuck, it was the best he’d felt in years. 

He’d gotten The Look from Max one day (the one with the squinty eyes, furrowed brows and pinched up mouth that made her look closer to his age than her own) when he’d actually laughed at one of her dumb friend’s shitty jokes. She’d taken him aside and checked him for a fever, not believing him when he said he was just having a good day. In her own words, she’d “Never seen you smile before unless someone just ate shit or something”.

Billy had been a little irritated at that, he had good days! Not since he’d known her, but still he was allowed to change! Especially with Neil out of his goddamn life, and three new… people he was close with.

And he was. Close with them. He’d been utterly floored that their odd teamwork had translated from battle and dubious childcare, straight into living comfortably alongside one another. 

It was so goddamn weird, he’d never seen people actually get along, let alone as well as they all did. He’d certainly never been a part of it. But they just made sense. They worked, like each of them were cogs in the little machine that constituted their relationship. Whatever the hell that was. 

If Billy didn’t think too hard about it, things were perfect, but of course he’d always been prone to overthinking.

“What’s up, Buttercup?” Eddie leaned over the back of the lawn chair Billy was currently lounging on.

He poked him right between his brows where a crease had started forming. 

“Hm?” Billy hummed, blinking his way out of his thoughts.

“Smelt fire, figure you were probably out here brooding.”

“I don’t brood.” 

“Totally do. Very Batman like, but as the resident bat-freak, I can’t have you swooping in on my turf.”

Eddie walked around to face Billy, almost immediately choosing to straddle his lap instead. 

Out of all of them, Eddie was the most tactile. It was like the guy would die if he wasn’t touching someone constantly. It could be something as small as linked pinkies, but he’d always be in contact with them if he could. Though, he preferred things like this, better for laying claim as he’d said when Billy had asked.

“So what’s on your mind?” Eddie pushed his hair gently out of his face, hand sliding down to cup Billy’s cheek.

“Just…” Billy bit his tongue, working it between his teeth before he could force himself to continue, “Wondering. What we are. All of us.”

Eddie didn’t seem like he’d heard for a moment, his focus trained on where his hand was stroking Billy’s face. Billy wasn’t about to repeat himself, so if he hadn’t heard him, he’d just change the subject.

“We’re boyfriends, I think.” Eddie finally answered, “All of us.”

Billy scoffed, “Doesn’t work like that.”

“Oh yeah? And why not? Cause a buncha power hungry religious assholes from back in the day said it doesn’t? They said the same shit about wanting to kiss other guys in the first place, and they were wrong about that too.” Eddie tugged lightly at Billy’s bangs, “Society is fake, Sunshine. Do what makes you happy.”

Eddie’s lips quirked up into a malicious little smile, the one that made Billy’ heart race. He knew Eddie well enough now to know he was about as dangerous as a kitten, but he sure looked like trouble and Billy had always been more than a little in love with the dark side of life.

“Or who makes you happy.” He amended.

Billy couldn’t be sure if he pushed up or if Eddie pressed down, but their lips met and his worries seemed to fade back into obscurity. It was always easier when one of them was kissing him, like the whole world just went quiet for a while.