#hadvar hammersmith

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"Did you sleep alright?"

"…Not really."

"Why not?"

"I had this nightmare about my mom."

"Yeah?"

"We were arguing."

"She was always strict with me, growing up, but… It was different this time."

"How so?"

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

"She looked at me with such… Hate."

"Has she ever done that for real?"

"No. Not like that."

"I can't breathe."

"Hey… Hadvar."

"Hey…"

"I'm here with you."

Quiet, slow breathing.

"Is she… Still with us?"

"Yeah… She and I, uh… I haven't…"

"…"

"I haven't seen her in person since last fall."

"Before you transitioned?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think she'd be-… That she'd treat you wrong for it?"

"I don't know."

"Did she ever express… Feeling that way towards anyone else?"

"We didn't really… Talk about that kind of thing."

"Maybe I should call her."

"Go for it. I'll be with you the whole time."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

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"Morgyn… Maeve…"

"Mom."

Deep breath.

"Goodness, gracious… At this hour? Who--"

Soft gasp.

Click.

"Hel, darling, you haven't called since last year!"

"Hi--… Yeah, hi mom. I'm sorry I just sort of… Vanished like that."

"You sound so different, dear. Are you ill?"

"No, I'm not sick. A lot has, uh, happened since last year."

"Shall we talk about it now, then?…"

"Actually--… I, uh…"

"Don't say 'uh', dear, it's so unbecoming."

"I can… Afford to bring you up to Del Sol for a little while. You know. For a visit."

"For a visit? Oh, dear, I'd love to."

"You're--… You want to come see me?"

"Of course, Helly. I've missed you."

"You mi-… I missed you too, mom. How does, uh, the second day of Fall sound?"

"That sounds perfect, darling."

"Just have your things ready, ok. I'll have someone pick you up and everything."

"You'll send a car for me? Oh, darling, operating in style."

"Ha, yeah, I learned from the best."

"But, I gotta go for now."

"Alright. Call again soon, Hel."

"I will, mom."

"I love you."

"I love you too, mama."

"Bye-bye, love."

Click.

"You did great."

"I've got you."

[19]

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m e m e n t o _ v i v e r e

[11]

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Everything feels… Good. Comfortable. Almost permanent.

We split up who decorated what room.

I was… Apprehensive, at first. Just for a little bit. What if he wasn't into me after?

If there was ever a reason to figure out I'm into dudes, too… It's him.

--

"Still convinced you want to stick around?"

"Nah, I totally decided I'd make a break for it after blowing your back out, moving in together, and dropping the L bomb."

"I can totally see it. Actively running for the hills."

"Sprinting, even."

"I wanna go somewhere tomorrow." "Yeah, where?" "It's a surprise. Get dressed all nice for me." "I can do that~"

[13]

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House, Meet Home

[12]

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[ t h a n a t o s & a c h i l l e s ]

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"Yeah. Script change; Richard is gonna confess his feelings for Tilly."

"…What? That doesn't make any sense, Richard and Brohannes have been a thing for like half the show."

"Dude, for real, what?"

"The writer writes. You read."

"Wow. Ok."

"Fuckin' asshole."

"The hoes are gonna hate this."

"I don't know if it's more or less comforting when you talk in SimTok quotes."

"Bullshit in, bullshit out, right?"

"Bullshit in, buillshit out."

"That was mad weird."

"Yeah, full script change. Reynard is pissed. His whole character got cut from the show."

"What?!"

"Yeah. Him and the writer damn near came to blows."

"What?… That's not like him."

"I know. But-… I gotta head home. I'll text you when I get there."

"I will too. Seeya."

"Looks like the mail ran late."

"Huh?…"

"I mean… Because it's like… Late."

"It's like 10:00pm."

"Oh. Yeah. There was a… Sorting error."

"No worries. I'm a total nightowl."

"So you're--"

"Hm?"

"You're Hadvar Hammersmith?"

"Uh… Yeah, I--"

"Oh."

"Bye, I guess."

"…Weird."

[21]

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Every time I move, I feel like a snake shedding it's skin.

I've done it a million times.

I'll probably do it a million more.

But every time I do it…

Things seem to get a little better.

"It's so hot in here."

"I'm sorry, love."

"C'mere. You're like a human ice block."

Definitely better.

[20]

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"--Don't fuckin' touch me, Brohannes." "What? Brohannes?"

"…Brohannes."

"This is stupid and I feel stupid."

"Why am I even doing this in the mirror? I literally cannot see myself." "Be so for real right now."

"--Literally, my character's name is Richard Ryder." "I bet he does." "RIGHT."

"I know it's goofy, but everyone starts somewhere." "Yeah…" "You're gonna do great."

[15]

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"You are so fucking handsome." "And look at you. You're wearing pants and everything." "I can change that."

"You will. As soon as we get home." "For real, though, you actually look amazing." "You do too. Look at this, we almost match, too." "Ha… I tried." "You didn't just try."

"Yeah?" "Yeah. I promise."

"I love this gallery!" "I had a feeling you would."

"Wait-… Is that…?" "Mhmm." "Bjorn. I'm going to cry. I'm for real going to cry." "I just thought this one was so nice… It had to end up in a gallery." "This is, like, the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me." "You're an artist, love. People recognize you on the street."

"I just had to see this one like this."

"I love you so fucking much, Bjorn." "I love you too, Hadvar."

"That's… Why I brought you here."

"Huh?" "I've been thinking about… Us." "I know its only been like… a few months, but…"

"Oh my god--"

"Will you, uh… Will you marry me?" "Fuck yeah I will."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

[14]

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"Spoiling you is just… Fun."

"It is?"

"Absolutely. Seeing you happy… There's nothing like it."

"Wait… Does that mean--"

"Mhmm. I know you were looking for a colt out of Starlite Drive…"

"I'm--" sniffle, "I'm actually going to cry. Oh my god."

"Nooo, don't cry, your eyeliner!"

"His coat looks crazy. It's like he's split down the middle-- half chestnut, half black. And the white mask!"

"I know, right? Turns out Starlite throws chimeras surprisingly often. You just don't see those offspring at shows."

"I can't imagine why."

"He's beautiful."

[22]

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"Oh god. That must've been what had you up all night."

"Yeah. Maybe we should like… Move again."

"Are you sure? It's gonna be expensive if we look for another place in Del Sol."

"Well-… If you could hide away somewhere, wouldn't you?"

"Probably."

"I think I want to get a dog, too... And horses."

[18]

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It started to feel less novel and more… Normal.

Put on the costume.

Stand here. Move there.

Kiss that guy your character has been flirting with for the better part of an entire season.

I promised myself I wouldn't do much online until after the first season had been out for awhile.

"Hadvar!"

"Huh?"

"Smile! What's gonna happen in season 2?"

No, no, no, no, no, no…

Maybe it was a one-off thing.

[17]

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"For the last fuckin' time, Brohannes, I'm not like that…"

"Bo so for real, you are a bottom. This is not getting less stupid."

Blue moon, you saw me standing alone.

"Y'know… It's fine."

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

Without a dream in my heart.

"Line, line line… Homoerotic subtext… Line, line, line… Dudes kissing… Yeah."

"I can totally do this."

Without a love of my own.

"That was crazy, dude. Hah."

"Yeah! You did great. Really."

"Thanks, man. I was kind of scared."

"If you can keep a straight face through being called Richard Ryder, you can do anything."

"Did Brohannes and Richard kiss yet? It happens earlier on in the comic."

"Pfff… No. Not yet. Amping up the gay, though. Love it."

"Jostling the gay, if you will."

Gremlin laughter.

"You're so fuckin' cute."

"Rehehehehehe."

"Pfffucking--… I'm trying to sleep."

"I know, I know."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

[16]

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Dead at Sea, dir. Anton Dirke.

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if you tried to smack Hadvar on the ass, your hand would shatter on his diamond hard pelvis.

Bjorn however.. .... .

joosey

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it feels good god, it feels g o o d

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