#hadika experiences basic human interaction
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My school friend came to my uni for a debate competition, so I went to see her. I was the only dumb and nonverbal person in a debate chamber full of cool people and I'm genuinely so charmed by all of them??? Whoa.
Spent some time with my friend's team after the competition and I'm amazed at how easy it was for me to engage with people I've never met before, and the credit solely goes to them. Ugh I can only wish I was witty.
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Not me in a delusionship in the year of two thousand twenty three... Have I not learned?
Just in case you were wondering, yes I CANNOT get that boy out of my mind. Our little interactions are cute and all and I actually can sense(?) attraction(?) from the other side but it's still too freaking early to assume anything. I feel so pathetic I could cry. Why am I suddenly so desperate to prove to myself that I can be true to my romantic feelings for someone, for once in my life??? Are my past regrets haunting me? At this rate, I'll throw myself at him the next day I see him. I'm scared for myself, but I cannot stand this delusion stage for any longer. One time a certain delusionship pushed me to the lowest point of my life.
I shared this with my friend he said that he had no idea how terribly lonely I am. Yeah, maybe this is it. And maybe I don’t necessarily need a romantic connection to begin with...
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Not to be delusional or something but kouhai attended two consecutive classes for the first time in this course after I had pestered him on Monday. Today, he took a seat right next to me.💀 This was unexpected. He also tried to strike a conversation but I acted rather cold today because I didn’t know what to do. 😳 I swear he was stealing glances as well... Did I just captivate someone with my swagless looks and cringefail personality?
#we have just two classes per week and he misses most of them so i don't know how this little crush will progress#i still haven't made eye contact while talking to him 😐#we are not connected on socials and i kinda prefer it that way for now#i'll keep you updated#hadika experiences basic human interaction#i'll refer to him as kouhai to differentiate him from my other crushes#kouhai bc he's academically my junior (our age is same though) and yeah the course is japanese language
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I talked to the two classmates sitting beside me today instead of not acknowledging them due to my social anxiety. Growth.
#talked as in i asked one whether he had attended the previous lecture and he said no 💀#just in case you catch up with my lore he's the guy who cancelled his follow back req on ig but the push notif was up there#i lowkey have a crush on him and i end up sitting beside him a lot#we have mutual friends but my socially anxious ass never allowed me to start a conversation#but he should know i like him right? i literary followed him on ig fb and used to sit beside him radiating with my unapproachable aura irl#anyways i asked the other guy about a course topic#so proud of myself for the two sentence conversations i've started#hadika experiences basic human interaction
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#hadika experiences basic human interaction#i went to a posh bookshop today to kill time#i browsed for a long time but couldn’t find some of the books i was looking for#so i approached a staff there and asked ab the books#He helped me find the books i was looking for and went on recommeding books (i appreciate that but sorry i cannot with conversations :|)#he just didn’t stop and suddenly offered me tea :|#i was like i'm not adult enough to be offered tea wtf i am 12 chill#i spontaneously said no thanks#he insisted it’s complementary#of course i knew it’s complementary but i was thinking thoughts#then i said okay 😐☕#another staff brought tea and told me the ~staff~ I approached was the CEO
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#hadika experiences basic human interaction#yesterday before exam i borrowed a pen from my friend#bc the barrel of my pen fell off (?)#i forgot to return it after exam#we had plan to go out today so i thought i would return it today#then yeah i took the pen with me but completely forgot about it again 😗#in the second part of hangout we went to a super shop#when she was wandering around the pen section and trying out some#that's when i remembered ab her pen#and quickly pulled it out from my bag and handed it to her (without properly saying something)#and she didn't take it 😬 she was saying things like no i'm looking for a brown inked pen#she is actually very very nice person and ofc she wasn't hinting at me 😭#but did she think i took it as a hint and felt embarassed? 😭#bc she refused to take the pen back i want to kms#when she gave me the pen it was brand new and even though it's just a regular ballpoint pen i feel really bad about it#wish i could just talk 😭😢#what should i say to her? will it get weirder if i bring up the topic again?
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Twirling my hair and kicking my feet
#hadika experiences basic human interaction#damn that escalated quickly(?)#today I sat on aisle and kept my bag on the seat next to me bc it was kinda heavy#kouhai came in and sat beside my bag 💀 then I was regretting occupying the seat between us#after a while he legit asked if he can move to the seat next to me 😳 (occupied with my stuff)#I said sure and moved my stuff on the floor#he needed help with the lesson bc he missed the last class as usual 🚶♀️#we had a brief eye contact for the first time mid lesson 🥶#after the class he asked (finally?) about my department academic year and name so I asked him back even though I knew it all 💀#I just hope he doesn't take me being his senior as a wrong signal 👀
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Someone in the super shop mistook me for a salesperson there I sure hope he thinks about it all week
#he was showing me whatever he was holding and asking me if there was a smaller size#and my dumb ass thought he was asking my opinion in general#so I was looking at it for a minute and wanted to help him as much as I can 💀#but I don't know what it was so I said sorry bro I don't know#then he realized and apologized#I told my roommate after coming back and she pointed out it's because I was wearing black hijab#salespersons' uniform their is black#remind me to dress extra to the grocery store next time#anyways I think he was holding a dishwashing glove?#*there#hadika experiences basic human interaction
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I am little bit in love with everyone who was nice to me once <3
#there’s a kid i always thought were conceited#the main character of class type you know#so we had morning class in a different building today which has a bit complicated design and i didn’t know where the classroom was located#we were in the lift together and after getting off i asked him if he knew where the room was#we had never talked before and I'm sure he doesn’t know my name#he said no and i didn’t say anything else and headed towards opposite direction#I was circling without a clue and apparently we got off on the wrong floor and then he came back to take me?#that was unexpected#hadika experiences basic human interaction
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Never underestimate my ability to catch feelings
#we had an exam yesterday#before the question papers were distributed someone called my name#and asked me the course code 💀#from the sitting arrangement i was not the closest person he could ask that#so i was like damn i exist??#it's silly but i'll think about him for at least a week#hadika experiences basic human interaction
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