#had to unplug the bathroom nightlight last night

[brian-fuxing-may]

Loving these 8+ hour long migraines that are starting up again

Add a dash of insomnia and we're having a party

[tendercoretroglodyke]

[nostalgia and i guess trauma dump warning under the cut lol]

-the rocking horse nightlight my grandpa gave to me when I was super little in the only memory I even sorta-have of him that I recently rediscovered at my dad's house, which I'm finding to be vastly superior to the dinky amazon nightlight in lighting my apartment bathroom (brighter & warmer light WITH a switch so it doesn't need to be plugged and unplugged constantly!)

-the mattress i sleep on every night that my mom and grandma went in on together a couple years ago when I was complaining of back pain every night from my shitty foam mattress

-hand-me-down couches from my parents that we used when I was growing up, watching TV together like malcolm in the middle or king of the hill or big brother idk and when I was REALLY little mom would lie on the loveseat with her feet up on the armrest and I would fit myself in the little pocket behind her legs and watch from there. they're scratched to hell and sometimes give off whiffs of cat piss now but they've furnished our empty apartment living rooms for years now

-the silk flowers artwork and (currently nonfunctional, ornamental) 80's era typewriter my grandma gave me when she downsized into assisted living last year and then the two golden-drawing artworks (which i will always instantly recognize as part of her immaculate bathroom decor) i got when she passed away in september

-the amish-style dining room table and chairs set and the coffee table from my OTHER grandma's home in Georgia, where we used to gather for family reunions every summer, now finally brought back to use in my apartment after sitting for years and years in dust and cobwebs after my grandma's passing and the gradual dissolution of our family reunions, now that we finally had to sell the house she'd dreamed of for so long. now being used to host gatherings of me and my roommates'/besties' families together ❤️

-the artificial tree i bought some years ago for mom and myself to save us the trouble of panicking about whether to bother with a tree last-minute again this year and then usually not doing it, now residing (mostly) in my apartment. (it's very tall so I left the bottom third in storage lmao)

-the christmas ornaments, most of which acquired during my childhood, but some from before my birth and carefully preserved by my mom

-the snowmen who dance and sing "we wish you a merry christmas" and the 1998 jingle bell rock dancing santa who stopped dancing in like 2010 but remained a permanent fixture in our A-list christmas decorations based on memories alone

-the menorah i just broke out of storage which I stole from dad who most likely got it from his mom (the grandma who died in september) many years ago as a spare

-the photo album my mom once made of our 2006 family reunion that I rediscovered AND the two handwritten journals my mom kept loooong before she had me (including one from her [famous? infamous? crucial-to-mom-lore] college study abroad in Luxembourg!!) that i discovered for the first time, all on my last visit to dad's, found just moments after flipping through an empty "mom's memories"-style book and feeling so very sorry for myself, wishing I had any of moms memories written down--all of which can't help but feel like a christmas gift from her for my first christmas without her

-even the fishing-pole cat toy i put together for my last cat AND the pouch of catnip left over from my first cat I had growing up, now reside in the basket of cat toys at my apartment! and are used frequently!!

not to be overly sentimental this time of year but the love stored in various household items gifted or passed down to you from loved ones since passed is really getting to me right now...

[dreamfinder83]

Stancy week Day 2: Dreams

Nightmares are dreams so I’m going with this. It’s basically a little continuation of my stancy week day 1 fic. Pure fluff parents Steve and Nancy with their little nugget Ruth.

Nightmares

Ruth Barbara Harrington was now 4 years old. She didn’t need help getting dressed or going to the bathroom anymore (Most of the time). She picked out her own clothes and used a real cup not a baby cup. She was a big girl now but sometimes at night she would feel like a baby again. The dark was a little scary sometimes and sometimes she thought she saw monsters in the dark corners of her room.

Tonight was one of those nights. She pulled the blanket up to her eyes and peaked out into her dark room. Her nightlight turned off a few minutes ago and she was too afraid to get out of bed to go get her Mommy or Daddy.

She wanted to cry but she was a big girl now and big girls don’t cry… we’ll maybe they do sometimes. She started sobbing and yelled for her Daddy.

Her parents room was right across the hall so it didn’t take long for her Daddy to come in and turn on the light.

“Peanut, what’s the matter?” Steve asked rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Da.. Daddy.” Ruth cried opening her arms and lifting them towards him.

Steve picked Ruth up and she wrapped herself around him holding on tight while still crying. He sat on the bed and rubbed her back soothingly.

“Shhh it’s okay sweetheart. Did you have a bad dream?” Steve asked already knowing the answer.

Ruth nodded into his shoulder. “Th..there was a scary monster in my closet and it tried to eat me.” Ruth said pointing to the corner of her room.

“A scary monster? Ha! Did you know your Dad is the greatest monster hunter in the world?”

Ruth shook her head rubbing her eyes.

“I know the secret to keeping them away. Do you want to hear it?” Steve asked.

Ruth nodded her head enthusiastically.

“You need some monster spray.”

“What’s monster spray?”

“Come on let’s go get some. Then, there won’t be anymore monsters in your room.” Steve stood up with Ruth still in his arms. He walked out of the room towards the stairs.

Ruth turned her head back towards her room looking worried. “What if the monster gets Mommy while we’re gone?” Ruth whispered.

Steve smiled at his daughter. “Nah, Mommy is an even better monster hunter than me. Don’t you worry she’ll be okay.”

They went to the kitchen where Steve sat Ruth down on the counter top.

Steve rummaged through the bottles under the sink and came up with a spray bottle with no label on it. They used it to water the plants around the house. There was only water in it and it was perfect for “monster spray”.

“Aha!” Steve said as he turned around with the bottle in his hand.

“This is super secret monster spray. You can’t tell anyone about it… except Mommy. Promise?” Steve asked.

“Pinky promise!” Ruth said holding out her little pinky.

Steve had taught her about pinky promises last week and now every promise she made was a pinky promise.

Steve wrapped his pinky around her little one and shook it. “Okay come on let’s go spray your room.” Steve picked her up with one arm and held the monster spray in the other.

Steve sprayed the corners of her room with the water and under her bed and in her closet. Once Ruth was satisfied she asked Steve if he could fix her nightlight.

Steve sat on the floor in front of the outlet with the nightlight. He flipped the little switch back and forth but the light did t go on. He unplugged it and that’s when Nancy cracked open Ruth’s door.

“Everything okay in here?” Nancy asked looking at Steve and Ruth.

“Just a little monster prevention Nance. Sorry if we woke you.”

“No, you didn’t you’ve just been gone a while. I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“Daddy got me monster spray so the monsters won’t come no more.”

Nancy gave Steve an amused look and turned back to their daughter. “Well that was nice of him.” She sat on Ruth’s bed and wrapped her arms around Ruth. Ruth cuddled up to Nancy sleepily resting her head on Nancy’s chest.

“Looks like we need a new nightlight.” Nancy said watching Steve on the floor fiddling with it.

“I don’t want to sleep in the dark. Please don’t leave me alone.” Ruth said her voice cracking and her hold on Nancy getting a little tighter.

Nancy’s heart broke for her daughter. She knew the monsters Ruth saw weren’t the real ones her and Steve had faced but she was always extra sympathetic to monster nightmares. She shuddered at the thought of Ruth having to confront anything from the upside down.

“It’s okay baby. How about you sleep with us tonight so that Daddy isn’t up all night trying to fix the light and tomorrow we can get you a new nightlight.” Ruth happily agreed with Nancy. Nancy looked to Steve who smirked and nodded.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Steve hopped up off the floor glad to be rid of the nightlight problem.

Nancy stood up with Ruth in her arms. “Oh my goodness you’re getting too big for me to hold. Pretty soon you’ll be bigger than me!” Nancy exclaimed and Ruth laughed.

“Not like that’s hard Nance.” Steve mumbled and Nancy shot him a look.

Steve surprised them both by lifting Nancy and in turn Ruth into his arms bridal style. They both squealed.

“Steve!” Nancy yelled and Ruth giggled.

“What?” Steve asked innocently. “Come on ladies lets get some sleep.” Steve carried them across the hall and deposited them on the bed gently.

“I think you’re both getting too heavy for me.” Steve said stretching out his back.

“Watch it.” Nancy said playfully pointing at him.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Steve raised his arms in surrender and bent down to kiss her good night again.

He climbed in on his side of the bed and kissed Ruth on the head.

“Goodnight my beautiful girls.”

“Goodnight!” Ruth exclaimed as she burrowed under the blanket between her parents. Steve and Nancy were both on their sides facing Ruth. Ruth held one of their hands in both of hers and fell asleep quickly feeling as safe as she possibly could.

After a few minutes of Ruth breathing deeply Nancy picked her head up and looked at her husband to see if he was awake.

“Monster spray? Really?” Nancy whispered in an amused tone.

“Hey, it would’ve worked if the nightlight didn’t crap out on us.” Steve whispered back.

“Just don’t let her spray too much water everywhere.”

“Come on, what do you take me for?” Steve scoffed.

“A push over.” Nancy smirked.

“Oh, you’re lucky Ruth is here.” Steve said in fake outrage but still whispering.

“You know you’re a pushover when it comes to her.” Nancy held in a laugh at Steve’s face.

“I am not.” Steve said indignantly.

“How many times in her life have you said the word no to her?” Nancy waited knowingly.

Steve scoffed. “Plenty of times… like…like the other day she wanted to climb up on the roof of the garage to jump into the pool. I told her no then.” Steve said pleased with his answer.

“Glad to hear you draw the line at jumping off the roof.” Nancy rolled her eyes.

“Well it’s really all your fault when you think about it.” Steve shrugged deflecting the blame.

“How is it my fault you spoil our daughter?” Nancy asked in disbelief.

“She looks just like you. I never stood a chance with her.” Steve said defending himself with a crooked smile.

“You’re an idiot.” Nancy smiled at him grabbing his free hand with hers and squeezing it tight.

“I’m you’re idiot.” Steve corrected her.

“Yes, and I love you.”

“Love you too.”

[shatteringzimmermann]

Part 11

Parts One & Two  /  Part Three  /  Part Four  /  Part Five  /  Part Six  /  Part Seven  /   Part Eight  /   Part Nine  /  Part Ten  / 

NGL i’m not super sold on this section. It’ll probably be either heavily edited before going up on AO3 or deleted all-together. TW anxiety/concussion stuff

It took three days until Jack could go into his bathroom without the nightlight setting off a migraine. Eric had to help a few times, much to his horror, and Jack made sure to turn on the water while he peed because he knew Eric waited just outside the door, listening in case he fell. It was too early in the relationship (was it even a relationship yet?) for learning each other’s bathroom habits.

 “I don’t have regular ol’ job,” Eric had said when Jack worried about the days he spent in bed. “I work from home every day anyway so as long as I tweet once a day no one will think I’m dead and right now, that’s good enough.”

He’d cooked them brunch the first day Jack managed to be in his kitchen. All the curtains were closed until only narrow beams of light brightened the space. Omelets and biscuits, the latter of which Jack was quickly realizing was a new favorite food. He’d eaten one layer by layer as Eric cooked. Shitty had been delighted to come home from class to find leftovers waiting in the fridge for him.

 The Falconers had two away games and won them both. Jack breathed a bit easier after the first game, a matchup with the Bruins. Teams that close to each other always formed intense rivalries and he’d dreaded not being on the ice with Marty and Tater. But a win was a win no matter who was on the ice. Or if a rebounded shot had ricocheted off the leg of a Bruins player and bounced into the goal. A win was a win.

 Over glasses of orange juice Eric scrolled through Jack’s phone and read him well-wishing texts and emails. He pulled out his own phone and talked about tweets and tags and reblogs. Jack pretended his headache returned and Eric pushed his phone away, brows creased with concern. Jack wanted to scoop Eric from his stool and carry him to the couch, to hold him tight like in that last dream.

 Instead he stole both phones from the counter top and stuffed them into the couch as quickly as he could. Eric was laughing too hard to stop him even though Jack was clumsy enough still that it took much longer than it should have. His phone had a thick rubbery case but Eric’s was protection-less and slippery in his fingers so he’d been extra careful.

 They sat on the couch for a few hours as Eric read 1776 aloud. As the time passed Jack found himself leaning more and more towards the man he was so convinced was just a dream but every time their shoulders nearly brushed Eric would shift away.

 Jack pushed the coffee table away with his foot and slid onto the floor. Eric paused in his reading. Waving him on, Jack sat in the figure-four position and began to stretch. If Eric wasn’t going to let him touch him then he was going to listen. He couldn’t help that he was drawn to brushing against Eric. He would have to keep himself away even though it felt like the scrape of a knife on a dinner plate.

 Eric finished the chapter. He marked the spot with the scrap of paper Jack usually used and set the book on the empty couch cushion beside him. “How are you doin’?”

 Jack shrugged. “That first night was rough but overall I’ve felt better than I did during my last concussion.”

 “You don’t feel upset about missin’ games?”

 Jack shrugged again and then felt stupid. Who shrugs that many times in a conversation? “Eh, yeah, but I’ve learned the hard way about taking care of myself. A few weeks of games isn’t worth my safety or my life.”

 “My dad could take some points from you. He’s of the belief that the Player’s Safety Commission over exaggerates the danger of concussions. Says they’re tryin’ to make the game so weak MooMaw could play.”

 Switching outstretched legs, Jack frowned. “Is he really ignoring all the research?”

 “He’s been coachin’ football since he graduated his high school team. He’s a bit set in his ways.”

 “Yeah, but there are even players who have talked about how post concussive syndrome and how it’s wrecked their lives-”

 Eric held his hand up. “You’re preachin’ to the choir.”

  Eric cooked dinner while Jack slipped back into the nearly black bedroom to rest. Jack’s appetite hadn’t even partially returned so he picked at most of his plate before Eric shooed him off. He lay in bed and drifted in and out of work, the sound of Eric typing on his computer drifting through the cracked door.

 They’d unplugged the clock that sat on his bedside table. The neon green light had burned even though his closed eyes but now Jack wished it worked. He’d know when Shitty was going to be back or he’d know when there would be a game on.

 He rolled over. Pressing his palm against the cool, empty space where Eric had spent the last several nights. He understood Eric’s hesitations. He did, really, and he’d back off on the touching. He just didn’t necessarily like the hesitations.

  Jack had four things in his life that he knew were true: His parents loved him. Shitty loved him. His team had his back, no matter what. Hockey was his number one love.

 He felt a fifth truth forming the past few days. Eric (Richard, he’d learned during one late sleepless night chat) Bittle was important. Jack didn’t know how yet, if Eric would let them be more or if they’d just be friends, but those dreams had brought them together for a reason.

 Eric smiled when Jack emerged. It was toothy and free and Jack wanted to do whatever it took to make him do it again. He crossed the cold tile floor and sat on the barstool across from him, his hands firmly tucked under his legs. Shitty was snoring so loudly it was surprising he hadn’t woken himself up yet.

 “Can’t sleep?” Eric asked. He hit a few buttons on his computer and then closed the lid.  He’d lit several candles and left them burning in the center of the counter. The firelight darkened and brightened Eric’s hair, hid and showcased the freckles across his nose. Jack felt his breath disappear from his lungs. He searched Eric’s face with hungry eyes, mentally cataloguing every inch of him. His fingers pressed hard into the soft padding but he didn’t move them.

 Eric tilted his head to the side. His lips pursed into something between a smirk and a grin. Jack had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from leaning over the wide countertop and kissing him.

 ���Jack?” The amusement was still evident in Eric’s voice but concern laced his voice.

 He cleared his throat. “Eh, yeah. Hi.”

 “It’s nearly three.”

 Jack’s eyebrows rose. “Aren’t you tired?”

 “Aren’t you?”

 Jack shrugged- god, Jack, enough with the shrugging- but said no. “I think I’ve slept enough the last few days that I’m gonna stay up the next week.”

 Eric shook his head the tiniest bit. He stood and offered Jack his hand. Without thinking about it Jack went around the edge of the counter, taking his warm hand. “Do you have any more of that sleepy tea?” he asked. He began to walk back to their- Jack’s bedroom, Jack falling into step beside him.

 “Yeah, eh, I think so.”

 Less than ten minutes later Jack was sitting in bed clutching a half-empty mug of warm tea. Eric was beside him with his own mug, talking quietly about how he and his MooMaw came up with the recipe when Eric was young. The kitchen candles were blown out save the one Eric brought into the bedroom.

 Eric finished his tea first. He put the mug on his bedside table and flopped down on his back, arms spread wide. One hand hung off the edge of the bed and the other arm was pressed against Jack’s leg. Jack quickly chugged the rest of his drink and turned away to put his mug down, hiding his blush. Eric moved his arm as Jack slid down until his head was on the pillows.

 He was expecting Eric to pull away again so Jack turned away, pulling off his t-shirt and dropping it over the side of the bed. When he lay on his back Eric was watching him, the earlier amusement on his face gone.

 “Sorry, I normally don’t sleep with one on. I’ve been really hot at night with it on. I can put it back-”

 “Oh hush. You should be comfortable. Don’t worry about anythin’ but that.”

 “But-”

 “It doesn’t bother me, Jack.” His words were quiet but still cut through the growing fog in Jack’s head. He reached over and brushed the tips of his fingers over the back of Jack’s hand.

 His heart pounded at the touch. Eric’s face was mostly in shadow and unreadable. It remained that way when Jack turned onto his side facing him, and laced their hands together.

 The silence in the room was heavy. Breathable but malleable, depending on what came next. The tea began to weigh on Jack’s eyelids but he forced them open. The distant Eric was gone and the warm, open, I’m –right-here Eric was in his bed. He didn’t want to miss these moments.

 “How come you’re fine with me touching you now but you weren’t earlier? When we were on the couch?” He hadn’t meant to ask it. He was going to respect boundaries and limits. He was.

 Eric played with Jack’s fingers. “Can you blame me for not wanting to get used to something I might not get to have for real?”

 His words rang in Jack’s ears, sounding loaded and false and just…wrong. “How come this is okay?” He wiggled their hands. His mind raced as he tried to figure out why what Eric said bothered him.

 “I-” Eric sighed. “Two reasons. One, I know how important it is to be comfortable when you’re healin’ so I’m here to make sure you’re doin’ okay and aren’t over exertin’ yourself. As for the second…don’t  be makin’ fun of me for this, but if we’re lyin’ down and gettin’ ready to sleep, I can pretend it’s one of our dreams.

  In daylight things get…messier. More real.” He avoided Jack’s eyes. “Now, I know how stupid I’m soundin’ but it’s workin’ so far so I’d appreciate any cruel opinions not bein’ voiced.”

 Jack protested. “Eric, do you seriously think I’m going to be cruel to you?”

 He wrinkled his nose. “Lord, even my momma doesn’t call me that. And honestly? No. I don’t think that, but I shouldn’t be relyin’ on my gut for major life decisions. I need talkin’ and trust and all the other important stuff.”

 “I think you talk enough for both of us,” Jack chirped.

 “Ha. Ha. Ha,” Eric said dryly.

 “As for the other part,” he said, wrapping his fingers firmly around Eric’s and bringing his hand to his mouth. As he brushed his lips across each of his knuckles Eric’s mouth parted with a quiet gasp.  “Don’t you know you already have it?”

 In the dim light Eric blushed. “Lord, you keep harpin’ on this.”

 Jack’s heart squeezed. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to force anything on you, I just don’t understand.” He inhaled as quietly as he could, held for four, and exhaled. Eric noticed and sat up. His movements dislodged the blankets from his chest.

 “Darlin’, you haven’t done a thing wrong, okay? None of this apologizin’.” Eric hauled himself out of bed and filled the empty glass in the bathroom. Jack sat up in bed, the blankets falling away from his bare chest, and took the offered glass and pills. He swallowed them easily. When he handed the glass back to Eric he saw the hunger and longing in Eric’s eyes. They stared at each other for what felt like minutes until Eric broke away. He was muttering under his breath when he put the empty glass on his bedside table and slid under the covers. Jack couldn’t hear what it was.

 Maybe he was regretting coming over to wait on Jack hand and foot. Maybe he regretted ever saying his name in that dream. Maybe he regretted ever moving to Providence because now he knew Jack and would see his face on promo material throughout the city. He was never going to be able to get away from Jack no matter how this ended. Maybe he didn’t know how to say that so he was just waiting here until he figured it out.

 Maybe.

 Maybe.

 Maybe.

 Jack had spent enough time fraying at the edge to know what a too-close spiral felt like. He glanced at Eric, who was curled on his side facing Jack with his eyes shut.

 Tell him?

 Don’t tell him?

 Tell- no- don’t- don’t show him all the fragments of your heart because that’s how people get cut and don’t want to come back or help him clean it up. Why should someone stick around to love a heart that’s more in pieces than not? He’d repaired much of it himself, using tape and Elmer’s glue and what tiny bits of forgiveness he could manage but so much of himself was shattered beyond repair.

 “Brah.” A hand, large and rough-skinned, rested on his shoulder. “You’re sitting in bed at home. It’s….it’s almost four in the morning. You’re safe.”

 There was something in Jack’s hand. When he squeezed it, it squeezed back. Person. Who, though, no clue.

 Jack just held on.

[yournewapartment]

Adulting 106

Ya’ll. My ask box is open. Please ask me questions. I know ya’ll got questions. Also, I created a separate page for all my weekly adulting posts. Check it out here if you are interested.

This week I’m giving a shout out to @rihagoesrawr and @girlfriendsofthegalaxy. Please go show them some love! 

1. Plastic shopping bags. I always ask for plastic shopping bags when I’m at the supermarket, and I even steal extra if I get the chance. I use these bags to tie up undesirable things before dumping them into my trash- leftover pizza, cat vomit, dead plants, etc. It keeps my trash smelling fresher for longer.

2. Unplug your charger chords. This is so important. For one, this saves you $$ on your electric bill. Two, overcharging your laptop or Iphone is not good for the device, it actually lessens your battery life.

3. Carpeted floors. Carpeted floors are a must have if you are living in a cold climate or on the bottom floor of an apartment complex. They’re also a lot easier to maintain than wooden floors, because it’s harder to feel pizza crumbs and cat litter through carpet. 

4. Unclean-able. There are no decent cleaning products for leather or denim furniture, so be cautious when purchasing a chair or couch made of this material. 

5. Apartment placement. If possible, choose an apartment close to a fire department, police station, or school. Apart from the obvious conveniences, sharing a power grid with the local fire department or police station means that you will never have to worry about losing electricity. If you live in a colder climate, your roads will be the first plowed and treated with salt.

6. Nightlight. Invest in a nightlight for your bathroom and/or kitchen. In the middle of the night, you shouldn’t have to choose between peeing in the dark or blinding yourself with a too-bright bathroom light. I bought this one at Target and love it. 

7. Free condoms. Tired of paying for condoms? Take a trip to your local Planned Parenthood and ask the desk clerk for some. A friend of mine once brought a cardboard box to Planned Parenthood and filled it with different types of condoms. She handed them out as gifts during Christmas and still had enough to last her a good six months. 

8. Dishwasher pods. I’m a big fan of pods over liquid soap, and I’m always looking for the cheapest way to clean my dishes. I’ve found that store brands or knock-off brands (while significantly cheaper) leave a white residue on some of my dishes after I’ve run a cycle. Experiment and find what works best for you, but know that it will probably be Cascade. 

9. Scented tampons. Under no circumstance should you be buying these cursed, evil things. 

10. Duplicating keys. One of the first things you should do when moving into a new apartment is to get your key duplicated. You can take your key to essentially any hardware store and have it copied for super cheap. Always have an extra key, no matter how many roommates you live with. Landlords always keep a master key so that they can open you apartment in the event of an emergency, but you can’t count on them to be around if you’re drunk and get locked out at three am.