#had to throw this bitch under a readmore bc it was long as fuck and no one deserves to have to see that on their dash

[1800duckhotline]

Ok ok so I gotta know, what is Salice's dynamic with everyone in the party? Does she generally get along with them or would she feed them to the wolves if it wasn't for the brain worms?

A/n: This is long. im sorry. this goes under readmore. What playing the game for 2 week straight does to a mf

SO ITS FUNNY. Salice is generally a kind of dry, sarcastic bitch that generally doesn't particularly enjoy 'befriending' people. The only person she's ever been truly friends with is her is her best friend & (previously) colleague Allen Owen, a wizard of the school of conjuration, who she met when she was studying law way long ago, like 10 years or so prior to the start of the story.

At the start she's kind of neutral towards everyone due to the Circumstances. she is kind of a bitch, and rude, but due to the situation (that being, you know, the brainworms and possible transformation into an illithid) she tries to be less of an asshole simply because she does not want to risk being killed by the few people she's met that are sound of mind and not Absolute fanatics

This is also me generally throwing spice on the concept as a whole since the game isn't really full ofliberties in terms of shaping your tav's personality. In general, she tries to do the good thing, but can be a dick about it, and isn't against doing scummy stuff if it means getting to the bottom of things or resolving matters without necessarily risking certain death. This means she's generally more likely to get along with Shadowheart, Wyll, Gale, and even Karlach. I imagine with Lae'zel and Astarion the relationship is definitely on the neutral side. She doesn't really hate anyone but doesn't really like Astarion tbh lol

She has issues with being closed-off and has difficulty opening up to people. She has a full-on machismo complex caused by her father and tends to be very competitive when it comes to putting in show her skills especially when she meets masculine people like her (regardless if they're men or not), HOWEVER...Circumstances make this a little easier to break through.

TO PUT IT SHORT BECAUSE I'M ALREADY RAMBLING:

Wyll: They're pretty good friends by the time of Act 2 (where I've played until now), they bond over the fact that they are warlocks stuck in bad contracts with bitch devils. Unfortunately he's genuinely a fully good person which means she feels too bad to truly talk to him about Her Contract and who Her Patron is bc it's a weird, and not exactly "good-natured" story lol. I imagine he thinks of her as someone he can relate to due to their similar situations but I can't think he'd be exactly approving of the selfish reasons behind her pact.

Gale: I have to be frank she initially finds him weird and awkward but very very fast starts liking him - he's the one she's most likely to get feelings for, truth be told, because Salice has a weakness for nerds of that type. That and it seems fated (to her) that she ends up being chummiest with wizards, for one reason or another. She does not handle her own feelings well tho so if I had to write the whole thing instead of having to follow the way the game does it it'd be a liiiiiiiiiittle complicated.

Also consolidated because of this insane ass line

Because she probably does in fact NOT bathe that much during adventuring. Anyways . I can't fully develop thoughts now. Tl;dr they get along well. Much to everyone's surprise

Astarion: boy she can't stand his ass....she feels sorry for him and everything like it sucks obviously. He had a shitty life. But she honestly sometimes is like "king just because you have been miserable you don't need to make everyone else miserable too. whats with you". The feeling is otherwise mutual I imagine because he also is like "this bitch has the audacity to tell me how to act after 200 years of Torture when she's in a contract with a fucking DEVIL.." which he is right for also. but they can be friendly sometimes. She lets him drink from her and such because she dgaf that much. frenemies. Would hit it if he acted straightforward for once though

Shadowheart: Salice would think she's okay and feels sorry for her that she's devoted to the point of mindlessly accepting her own suffering as part of her devotion. She doesnt care that shadowheart is a follower of Shar, she just thinks she needs to reevaluate at what point her religion should override her own comfort. Another case of damn that sucks on salice's part and Shadowheart also thinks Salice is fine herself, evenif she thinks it's weird that after opening up to her about her own struggle Salice has basically like. Said almost nothing about herself to her. Is considering holding her at knifepoint just to know ANYTHING (this is because salice is paranoid about sharing anything abt herself). But little does she know all she needs is a little alcohol and salice will be babbling in no time

Lae'zel: I think she and Lae'zel are on good terms because of a few things: Salice is cutthroat and can also fight well and LOVES to fight, honestly. they definitely banged once (and fought for dominance while doing it) but salice was like that was awesome but i think im good for a while (clueless about things to come) (Faerun's most sexually repressed woman [in the sense she likes showing off but can't take back what she dishes out]). Salice is just like, nice to Lae'zel because she's like what am i gonna do? Act like a bitch to her when she's helpful and surprisingly refreshing to be around ? Absolutely not. They're good friends who spar sometimes

Karlach: Salice likes Karlach because she thinks she's so Genuine and its so Rare to see . And as a result salice feels a little inadequate to being her friend but, considering everything and their shared passion for fighting, she does what she can to help her out. Even if it ain't the easiest task sometimes. I gotta think about this specific dynamic some more, but in general, they're on friendly terms. But Karlach wishes that salice was a little nicer and less of a cunt at times (not directly at her but at the others & people in general)

(smiles painfully) i think that's it. for now. Anyway. Thank oyu for the question i hope it helps

[dameferre]

beekeeperoscar replied to your post “i would really appreciate it if people could stop unironically...”

Do you remember that tweet by that blond midwestern lady that was like “"it’s 20whatever, you’re in the kitchen and your husband comes up and smacks your butt as you’re unplugging the crock pot full of buffalo dip, something about beer pong, the kids are laughing in the livingroom, it’s super bowl sunday and your heart is full”? He looks like he would be the husband that’s smacking the ass. He looks like he sells homeowners insurance, and cares too much about his lawn. He looks like a man that can’t fix a dripping faucet and throws a tantrum while trying to assemble Ikea furniture. He looks like his wife buys all his underwear and he hates all of them, but also won’t go out of his way to buy his own, so he’s just always angry about it a little bit deep inside Couldn’t you at least be into a guy that looks like. I don’t know, a sexy mailman?

im actually fucking sobbing oscar this is the funniest thing i’ve ever read in my life. everything about it, the underlining tone of both judgment and concern, like you’re not angry but you are disappointed, the fucking drag of the century, its all hilarious

i know there’s nothing i can Truly say in my defence but i would like to present the following:

i did imply i was Unhappy to remember my attraction to this man (and i am. i Really am)

i know this doesn’t help my case but as i did used to be obsessed with him at 15 i still remember that he wasn’t really the midwestern, toxic masculinity type, he did (does?) a bunch of charity work and always seemed like. a fucking weird & alternative person

i really cant believe im doing this w my morning i have work in an hour but i feel i have to defend my honor and taste (or lack thereof, but you know what i mean) in men so i’m diving into his insta & he is actively, aggressively anti-trump and was really encouraging his fanbase to vote blue, even going so far to hold zoom interviews w female democrat candidates & be like ‘these fictional characters yall are obsessed with would vote for these progressive female politicians go vote for them too’, & he like. did a bunch of stuff for blm and he does still do a ton of charity work for a variety of causes

like i dont know how to prove it but i promise of the myriad crusty-ass spn men to obsess over @15yo i definitely chose the best one

when i talk about remembering my attraction i dont mean like. now misha collins who is a Rough 46 (he’s only 46?? jensen’s only 42?? jared’s only 38?!?!? these white men aged Punishingly holy shit) i mean young, first-season cas misha, which was. better. at least

and im not Actively into him!! i’m just. remembering that old attraction, like when you see an ex a lot and you’re like ‘...oh yeah. that’s why i was young and stupid for you’, because so many people are being spn blogs on main right now and it’s bizarre

in conclusion you are correct but it’s not As Bad as it could be??? maybe??

[sameteeth]

kiSing 2 movie thoughts!!! finally got around to watching it on netflix and immediately got to Thinking. thank u chase matoitech for wanting to hear my thoughts lol

readmore bc it’s probably gnna be long, am gnna try to chunk it out into paragraphs for ease of reading

i was honestly surprised they went with a sequel! the first movie wrapped up pretty damn well and i think it’s more indicative of the movie industry’s need for more profit that they made a second one.

buster always kinda annoyed me - he’s not someone i would like to be around, he’s pushy and always endangers other people for his own reasons. he takes suki’s dislike of them to be a very personal thing, and while i think what they did in the end was cool, i also think it was buster’s need to prove suki wrong and make himself even more well known than he already was.

i do like that he and nana settle into an amicable relationship tho!! she was always one of my fav designs and her outfits r always so cool

they don’t bring back eddie or mike, which i wasn’t surprised about for mike but i figured eddie would at least show up once or twice??

the meat of the movie is in the prep and final execution of the show ofc, and they pepper in PLENTY of conflict, side characters, and tension to keep things interesting. buster has conflict with jimmy crystal, suki, rosita, clay calloway, even johnny tbh!! not to mention other characters. ill mainly stick to the actual singers, bc i prefer those characters

not a super big fan of johnny having a cockney accent + dad being a criminal + unable to dance “properly” but idk. that fucking monkey was a bitch tho i hated him. klaus kicknklober or whatever. him meeting nooshy (???) and being able to actually learn to dance how he wanted to was cool, bc unlike rosita and gunter, johnny doesn’t dance/learn to dance in the first movie, so the continuity was a nice touch. i also liked that they just let nooshy and johnny be buds and didn’t try to force a romance or something stupid like that. however that might be a weird kid’s movie species thing where they only match up pairs of animals that are the same species.

also. the tiger johnny had to do the fight dance scene with ? totally into him.

rosita being a hard working mother and also having a career and having her main role taken by porsha was a shit move on buster’s part. like i get that he had to appease jimmy crystal but like jesus. way to spit in rosita’s face. esp dressing her in the GREEN costume and having porsha “defeat” her, like damn. that was HARSH. esp since buster wrote that role into the play (performance?) JUST FOR ROSITA. like damn. and her crying in the hotel bathroom and having to ask her husband for space made me sad. she’s just trying to keep everything afloat :( i did like that although rosita was upset she wasn’t ever petty to porsha, though i dont think they interacted enough for it to even be possible.

SPEAKING OF PORSHA. dude she definitely has daddy issues. they barely brush on it but the way he treats her is so bad, it’s not like the typical dad who dotes on and infantilizes daughter regardless of how much she cries, jimmy crystal got sick of shit REAL quick with her as soon as it interfered with his image and immediately dropped her. like yeah obviously stupid spoiled teenager but also she is a kid. idk if they have canon ages beyond teenager and adult tbh. i wish they had fleshed out her and her dads relationship a bit more too - obviously theres teenage rebellion there and jimmy crystal has clear issues with “being humiliated“ and all that and he’s so concerned w that he throws his daughter under the bus. also what happened to her mom?????

meena having to deal with that yak made me pissed off too, buster clearly STILL doesn’t know what kind of person meena is and who she would be comfortable singing with, but i guess they wrote out the kiss so that makes it better. i like that alfonso is like smooth with the moves and meena runs into the glass door with the ice cream. and that the orangutang coworker of alfonso’s is clearly rooting for them (watched meena get ice cream 4 times trying to talk to him and nudges alfonso to talk to her during the show) i did like that her romance wasn’t super in ur face and her challenge wasn’t stage fright again but this time just a teenager problem. i feel like porsha and meena couldve had a moment together where they meet in the middle and learn something from the other (confidence and maturity for meena and porsha respectively)

ms crawley was an absolute champ in this movie i love her so much. queen of getting shit done and also her visor is so cute ^_^ i felt so bad when she got paintballed. she also has great music taste

ASH AND CALLOWAY BOTHERED ME SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!! ash being a solo artist was awesome and totally in character and even her being a calloway fan makes sense kinda ? but there was no moment in the movie where i felt like they had a genuine connection or moment of realization. ash just bugged him when he was very literally setting a boundary (electric fence ??? paintballs ??? firecrackres???? ALL THE SIGNS ????) and pushed him to perform again bc buster made an empty promise he had to badger some old man into agreeing to to fulfill. yeah ash plays him a song but like. her knowing his wife died and was his muse didn’t feel very emotional or give her a leg up over anyone else who knew who he was. she just was there and then calloway changed his mind. i also didnt understand the tea scene, whether or not there was significance to that or not. if i were to flesh out their characters more i would build a father daughter relationship between them tho, i feel like that would be cool. but it just felt like ash was forcing calloway to deal with things just so they could use his name for something instead of actually wanting to play w him for musical reasons. he didnt do anything particularly special in the performance except show up. idk he looked cool tho but i felt like they forgot to animate his tail ?? or it was placed weird on his back? i liked the white mane tho

they also just fucking fridged his wife which is bullshit. it makes sense story wise but also they could have easily made it something else. and then bc we aren’t given much mroe detail than “she was his muse she died of an illness (unidentified but we know it was bad bc she was in a wheelchair)” we have no way of connected with his story or empathizing with him about her death. it’s literally just “she died :(”. just seems like a cop out and a sexist one at that. then when she comes back spiritually so he can overcome his grief and perform it felt so hollow and contrived, there was nothing really emotionally charged about that scene. idk it just was lame.

also. for a kids movie i was surprised they showed buster almost getting killed and made that as explicit as they did ????? like damn.

johnny being able to call his dad and their ex-gang (just 2 other guys rlly) as protection was kinda cute tho, im glad their relationship got all worked out and stuff.

klaus literally trying to humiliate johnny in front of the entire crowd was a little scary too. i wasnt expecting such an in-your-face confrontation like that, but i like that it gave johnny a chance to freestyle and that the other dancers recognized that the teacher was being unfair to johnny and joined in with nooshy’s drumming. sky full of stars is also just a great song, i rlly love it!!

overall, an ok movie. i think they had wayyy too much going on to give each story the time it needed to reach their full potential, but the songs were good and i had fun watching it! which is rlly all that matters i guess. just wish they could spend mroe time fleshing out characters and stuff but when your cast gets that big your story becomes very plot driven very quickly and you stop being able to give everyone a fair chance on character development and stuff.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[nowoyas]

Your 'katsudon' looks delicious,.. How did you make it,, 😍

*breaks fingers* alright recipe time bitches, gonna throw this shit under a readmore for ur dash’s sakes

ingredience:

1-2 chicken breasts (I used one cus I got a different brand from usual and these chicken breasts were THICC, u wanna make sure they’re kinda thin otherwise cut em in half or they won’t cook through properly)

rice (1 cup white uncooked is what I used)

onion (half a large yellow onion, I used two small yellow onions cus I’m an onion whore)

panko, which is japanese bread crumbs! (like 1 cup)

1 large egg, beaten

2 more large eggs, beaten, SEPARATE from the first egg

about 1/4 cup flour

salt n pepper baybeeee

grated lemon peel (if it doesn’t have lemon peel, soy sauce, or just so much sugar I didn’t cook it, but you can leave this out if you want :( )

2/3 cup dashi stock 

1 1/2 tbsp mirin (rice wine, it’s a cooking wine so you should be able to buy it even if ur not legal drinking age)

1 1/2 tbsp sake (NOT a cooking alcohol, u will need someone to buy it for u if ur underaged)

1 1/2 tbsp soy sauce

1 1/2 TEASPOONS, not tablespoons, sugar

if ur life rocks and u can find it, mitsuba which is japanese parsley. if ur life doesn’t rock and u can’t get it (Aka ur me), regular parsley works fine

oil! a flavor neutral cooking oil like canola oil or veg oil. don’t use olive oil. the amount will depend on the size of ur frying pan but we’re gonna b shallow frying this shit

resippy:

set everything out, cook ur rice ahead of time

start by slicing up your onions. what I do is cut the onion in half and then do wedges, then separate the layers and toss that into a bowl. set aside for later

I like to set up ur breading station first so u don’t gotta do it with chicken hands or wash your hands 50000 times, so set out either shallow bowls or plates with ur flour, ONE beaten egg, panko, and then one clean plate for once ur chicken’s all bready

then u wanna prep ur chicken, if ur chicken breasts are thin slicing in half once longways is fine (like chicken tenders) but if u got thicc bois first slice em in half so they’re not so thicc. u want this shit to b able to cook all the way thru because in this house we do NOT stan salmonella poisoning or any matter of food-born illnesses. I find 4 chicken tender-sized slices to b the perfect amount to fit in my pan

if u didn’t prep ur breading station ahead of time, wash ur hands and do it now. ur order is flour -> egg -> panko -> finish plate

if u prepped ur breading station first, then sprinkle salt + pepper over both sides of each chicken not-tender, maybe a lil bit of lemon peel. then, one at a time, cover each piece with flour, then dredge it in egg, and then the panko. b careful to completely cover ur chicken during each step! when it’s bready, place the chicken+seasoning+floureggpanko on the plate, rinse ur fingertips bc they’re probs gettin breaded too, and repeat until all ur chicken’s covered and breaded

get a plate and line it with 2 or 3 paper towels, have some extra on the side too, you’ll need em

now for the fun part and the reason i smell like burn ointment right now: frying!

you wanna get a shallow frying pan and pour enough oil so it’s half an inch deep in. heat it over medium heat 5-10 minutes, you want the oil to be around 350 degrees fahrenheit (176.66 celcius according to google?) but I don’t own a thermometer lmao. take a tiny piece of panko and drop it in the oil, it might sink a lil and if bubbles carry it back to the top kinda slow-ish you’ll know you’re ready to fry. u wanna make sure it’s not too cold or too hot cus too cold won’t get crispy and too hot will over-cook ur breading while ur chicken doesn’t cook all the way thru

drop one of your katsu tenders in the oil s l o w l y. if u did it right the oil probably doesn’t cover the tender all the way--that’s ok, using either tongs or something scoopy or like, long chopsticks, carefully flip it every now and then until the whole thing’s nice and golden brown. remove and set on ur paper towel plate, repeat for the rest of ur katsu tenders. I recommend one at a time so you don’t overcook any of them! it also makes em easier to flip in the oil without being a dumbass like me and having oil pop all over ur goddamn s k i n and burn u cus god knows I do that shit every time or grab fresh hot meat with my bare hands when it’s barely out of the oil

once you’re all done frying, remove ur oil from the heat and let it cool before you even THINK about cleaning that shit. get another frying pan (probs deeper than the one u fried in), toss in ur sake, mirin, dashi, sugar, soy sauce, and onions, and stir it up. heat it until it starts boiling, drop ur heat to medium, and cook it up until ur onions are all wilty. 

at this point, put ur fried up chicken in and turn the heat up to medium high. take ur other two beaten eggs and pour em over the chicken so it’s about as evenly ditributed as u can get. nice egg bath for our nice bready chicken. 

when the egg’s around half cooked (I’d give advice on what that looks like but it’s kinda somethin u gotta feel with ur heart of hearts), turn off the heat and add ur mitsuba or boring old dried parsley I GUESS and more lemon peel. probably less than i would add. I’m known for eating more lemon than is healthy.

remember your rice? I sure hope so! get some of that shit in a bowl and scoop out some chicken tendie, make sure u get onions and some of the liquid and stuff, and lay that shit on top of the rice.

take a bite and fucking ascend. holy shit. izuku was right. katsudon is so fucking good. the first time I made this shit and tried it I got some rice, meat, and onion and egg all in one bite and yelled “oh FUCK” so loud in my kitchen my roommate came out of her room and I had to let her try some. but don’t be fooled. this recipe could probably maybe serve two, potentially three if ur all small eaters. don’t share. eat all of it urself. c o n s u m e it. I highly recommend gettin a bite with everything in it, cus you’ll fucking d i e. 

izuku was so right. this shit slaps. even if it’s not technically katsudon. (I think it makes it oyakodon? but shhhh it’s katsudon if I SAY it’s katsudon) it’s just. so good. i’m a lil drunk cus the sake isn’t resealable so I’ve been drinking it but f u c k this shit’s so good. call me a kinnie but katsudon’s one of my favorite foods now too i’m lowkey crying a little it’s so fucking g o o d