#had to delete it bc the negative comments were BAD and a moderator even deleted some. but i was over it and shut it down

[sunshinexlollipops]

edit: I talked to some of my coworkers and they were surprised that I'm leaving. several said I'm a good worker but I'm shocked bc how management was acting, I felt and thought the opposite in spite of trying. wild shit. but in gen I hope I can at least get SSDI squared away. maybe I can go half/half or something else. I'm not sure. but I still feel like I needed to move to something else bc my body and mind have been wrecked like a drunk w an 4-150.

it sucks because it's almost like once I go to leave as I need to everyone is like "but wait :(" and giving me puppy dog eyes. 😭

//

been researching lawyers but so far feeling good about the direction I'm heading. in gen put my notice in yesterday and kinda grateful I have because people in my department have been losing their shit this morning and the vibes are wowza bc of it. I'm sad things didn't work out here in some ways, but I'm glad to be done with the environment here. what's wild is even their reddit was toxic ASF and I had people acting on there as I've experienced here at the store. so it seems corporate koolaid and ableism are internalized hard at this company... otherwise, it's the usual BS.

I also am glad that I've got one fellow disabled coworker, who is also ironically also planning on leaving bc shit has been bad here for us as openly disabled people. they said they have also felt like accommodations aren't actually made, and trying to be a part of the team just feels like you're constantly stepping on everyone's toes, and they take it personally. it's been an annoying mix of "I don't think you're disabled" and "you need to be babied so hard and we cannot have you do anything on your own." I couldn't find a happy medium of general respect and understanding and in gen, the morale is crumbling back there bc things have been piling up and not getting done properly, and ofc, the disabled employees are at the heart of it all in their minds. I've only seen managers pull us aside for corrections or instructions whereas everyone else is allowed to run loose like the wild west. I'm glad I'm stepping out of it.

better things are to come. imma figure it out but at least I gave this place a shot, I guess. 🤷

hoping I can plan to find another mode of work or income once I get my SSDI case sorted— whether that is getting disability or being told to fuck off. I plan to definitely go for something way more realistic for myself.

[manonamora-if]

i dont know if u feel up for it to answer but like... how do u handle negative comments and ratings and just people being negative about ur stuff? bc i have someone just being rude in comments or like notes and game folders on itch and its making me want to just delete everything and never show anyone anything anymore. or even have an acocunt on itch either.

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry you've been dealing with this, and that it took me so long to answer. I've been thinking about this for a while honestly. I've been writing a bunch of drafts for this one, because my answer seems to change with the day or my mood. Some of my stuff have had some strange interactions lately that's made me question whether I should stay on itch myself. I mean, I don't think I'll ever leave... there are too many fun jams I want to participate and, you know, to force people to play my weird stuff. But I've been more anxious about new stuff or updates I share recently.

I don't blame you for wanting an out. Some users will poison one's experience of a platform, that even opening the site would give them anxiety. It doesn't take much to have events or projects soured. Often, just a few rude words is enough to make accounts disappear without a word. And many platform don't have good safety nets (blocking, moderation, reports) to temper or avoid these situations. Many will have half-ass solutions that, at the end of the day, still allows interactions from blocked users. It's easy to wonder if all of this is worth it...

Anyway, the very boring and short answer to your question: it depends.

The probably as boring and long one is a bit of a ramble:

It depends on the day, or the mood I have. It's easier to deal with comments when I'm confident and things are going find; but I'd feel more hurt or have a harder time dealing with them when I'm a bit more morose (I think most people feel this way). I'll disregard any (even barely) negative points some days, only to take it into consideration a few days later. <- this especially during jam/comps time, just need time to digest criticism of any kind.

It also depends on the content of the comment, their tone, and intent of the commenter. Not all negative comments are on the same level. I've had negative comments in the past where the commenter was genuine, and really gave my stuff a shot, bringing interesting points or important concerns. And though it hurt a bit, because being told you made a mistake sucks, those helped me grow. But those are the good kinds of comments...

On the other hand, I try to disregard the trolls, and the abusive comments (towards my work or me), the ones where the engagement was clearly not done in good faith... you know, the ones who will literally tell me I've made the world worse by uploading my games on itch. Doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me at all*. Some of them really hurt or made me angry and frustrated, some have lingered for hours or days in my mind, a few made me close to delete stuff as well. Words are not just empty things without meaning... *I've had to block a few people both here and other places recently because of it, they had become so insistent on wanting to engage with me while bashing most of my work, my values or the few aspects of my identity that I've shared online.

It would be easy to say I just don't give them the time of day or any of my energy, or that I pretend they don't exist, because, if I do, then the trolls win. But that would be lying. Obviously.

Screaming to the void/a pillow or ranting to friends have helped get rid of my anger and frustration. I've laughed with others about some comments I got (usually the bad faith ones, some of them are funny in how sad/bad they were). I think what worked best for me was just turn off the computer and go outside for a bit. Or turned off the internet and play silly games on my phone. Or picked up a book. Or watch a movie. Essentially, any activity that would distract me from it and force me to take a break. And when none of this worked, because some trolls are just that insistent, blocking/deleting stuff*. *unfortunately, it's not always possible, see second paragraph again.

It does suck that you're kinda forced to grow a thicker skin to enjoy or even exist in those spaces, and I wish those would be friendlier... but I don't think social platforms/the internet is going in that direction anytime soon.

Maybe not super helpful to your decision, but borogove.io hosts IF games (without ratings or comments, though people can download the files), so does the IFDB through the IFArchive (but there are ratings/reviews there, also can be downloadable). I've seen other peeps host their stuff on neocities (no ratings/comments). None of those platforms are like itch, in the positives or the negative. Or just be old school, and email stuff.