#had to call my mom and freak her out so she could take me 🙄🙄🙄

[jwooyoung]

got woken up by what I thought was glass falling on the floor, got out of bed quickly cause I have animals and don't want them to step on it, didn't realize one of my legs was fucking DEAD asleep and my ankle fucking FOLDED 😒😒😒😒😒 it didn't feel like anything happened at first but now the pain is escalating pretty badly and I can't put any weight on it at all so......... hospital visit 😔😔😔

[themthrfkinprincess]

My Astro Observations . . . TROIS

Welcome back to my posts. 😁👋🏾💗

Erm let's get into it I lol haha

This first one is not even an observation ✨but✨ whenever I just hear about Pisces I think of this photo:

This probably does not even freaking make sense to you. Well literally I was on Pinterest and I saw this and the very first thing that popped into my mind was Pisces. Like I don’t know. I think that the seal signifying toothpaste laying on the toothbrush in the middle of a rainy day very mutable water energy. There is something neptunian about it. It’s very Pisces moon to me being specific. Probably doesn’t not even make sense. My cousin is a Pisces, he reminds me of this. Hm. Idk. 🐟🫧🐟🫧

The three fire signs for absolutely no hickory darn dickory reason at all :

OOF Okay. Stereotypical. But these fuckers are just loud for no reason !!! Like fren I PRAY THEE TO SHUT THE FUCK UP🥺🥺🥺. I’m lying lol !! I love loud ppl ahaha !! 😭🤣 Like girl yes let’s yell for no apparent reason at all 😆💖 !! They’re so crazy you can take them anywhere !! But like girl wait cause you don’t want to be in A Quiet Place with them- they will have you UTTERLY. FUCKED😵🤯. Like okay- it’s not even if the person just talks loud or laughs loudly- the fellow sillylington just might quite literally make random noises. These are very spontaneous individuals. And when I speak of this I mean like maybe they might have a good amount of fire placements dominating or have some good influence of it. Like girly your just loud. 😭 I also want to include Gemini partially in this mix cause you guys do weird things out of nowhere I love it- I kind of mentioned this in my last post.

These placements are the Fifth Harmony of astrology- im talking Demi Lavato💀 I'm talking Exo 💀 Just big and loud 💀 You guys give Secret Love Song by Fifth Harmony💀

Taurus, Aries, Capricorn, Sagittarius ,Scorpio remind me of this:

My mom is a Scorpio- with prominent Capricorn influence- she is very much welcomed into the Nation of Idgafsia. LIKE WOW. I aspire to not give a fuck like her !! Like these five placements be minding they bussiness foreralzies !!! Like a bomb in somebody house across the street could go off and mean while they’re in the bathroom setting up their soaps and bodycare right before they get in the shower- like dimming the lights n lighting their candles n everything IM CRYING😭 AOSNDODNSK. These ppl r nonchalant. They’re relaxed and easy to hang around, I love it I love it I love it 💖

like no this be them fr 😭😭😭 :

But personally and specifically I think a Taurus would be the mayor/president of Idgafsia. Using a old friend for observation, I don’t personally know how you could not be cool with one. She reminds me of capybaras.

When I litteraly say shes this gif I mean it. I could put a posionus snake her bed. She would have probrobly wake up and be like “not you put a poisonous snake in my bed while I was sleep. girly that’s so crazy girl let me go to the hospital real quick. ima be back. 🏥🚶🏻‍♀️🗿 ” LIKE HUH??? CQFBHENNR😭. Like if it SERIOUSLY has nothing to do with anything pertaining to them they will rlly just be chilling forreal foreal. 🗿

Aries/Gemini/Water men are so breedable imo

LOL. Let me stop😭

but yeah i could give these men the meanest strap.

Also water sign men are so sexy? wtf??

You can’t tell an Aquarius or Scorpio SHIT. They are very much “erm ackshually my fellow scholar🤓👆🏾 the sun is shuprshingly 📝🤓not the biggest 🤓📚🧪 celestial body within our vast mind boggling universe-🤓👆🏾 you may want to consider looking into stars such Sirius 🤓🤓🤓”

Like yeah dude. We know that. An Aquarius would probably try to explain to you how to walk as if you had not learned that many years ago in your fresh years on this planet. Girl move.

It’s so infuriating!! I CANT count how many times I’ve seen Aquarius like this specifically. Like ouu girly you want to be an encyclopedia soooo bad 🙄🙄 Like I don’t know. You guys really seem like know it alls, it’s really your way or the highway. I wanna prove an Aquarius girly wrong so bad. JUST BECAUSE 😈

They are the personification of finding out your ass was really on the remote after all- and now you just don’t want to admit it. Like we don’t care fren just give us the remote I’m trying to watch Once Upon a Time for the 12948372th time. 😔😞

Like girly wrap it up or whatever 🙄

But no.

No.

I do understand genuinely you guys really like to find information that really helped you out at times-and spread it to dear ones. It's very nice of you seriously- we appreciate it. Thank you my beloved wanna-be-encyclopedia, like rlly seriously my pookie scrimblo sticks. 💗🥰

Speaking of Aquarian influence. MY GOD. Idc if it’s Saturnian or Uranian or whatever. If it’s Aquarian/Capricornian (does that even make sense? I have come to this DEFINITE conclusion; that AQUARIUS/CAPRICORN IS JUST SO SEXY🤯🤯🤯 but the big emphasis is on Aquarius like MY GAWD.

*Dance for You by Beyonce starts to play* Like no . . . Papi Hiddleston is SO. FOINE. *DRAMATIC EXPLOSION* He be having me GAWKIN!! you ever see somebody so sexy you get scared ?!?! 😧 like oooh im shivering in me timbers !!! 😰🫣😨

several Aquarius have done me like that N LOOK. DONT EVEN TRY IT- Yes. I’m a marvel girlie. I might litterly bring up anything marvel related on every post so don’t even be shocked lol. Just expect that from now on im so serious lol. and yo my sister mad whacky she said he’s ugly and talked about his bamboozled hairline what a friggin' bitch😔✋🏾n if you think so too on January 22nd, 2024- on that Monday at 8:17 AM you will slip on a banana peel. 😈 🍌🍌🍌

I’m getting sidetracked BUT I watched that new BBC interview of him after season 2.

AND YO.

HIS VOICE IS SO DEEP WHAT?? ZOO WEE MAMA !!! 🤤🤤🤤

But this is how Capricorn/Aquarius have me😋😋😋

like it’s me bby . . 😜😉 let me be ur girl . . . mmmh stop trippin papi 😚😋🥰

They are sex walking I’m so sorry. This goes for Capricorn too with that Saturn energy. You guys r so hawt n sexay. Like sheesh meowwwww puurrr slay the boots house down yas. 🐈😼 😈

Like jeez let’s play Cool Cat by queen real quick.

Now listen up!

Virgo, Sagittarius, Leo, Aquarius, Aries, Capricorn, and Gemini !!! Im talking to you !! 💗😋 These placements are so accepting imo. Like no- I've just noticed that these placements.

Virgo- I think you guys seem to be good listeners. This goes for Gemini too- maybe because they may share qualities with Mercury. They both do so in a caring sense- such in a sense that if you feel like maybe no one is hearing you/dont feel heard they will maybe at least try to hear you out. I think they r just great when u need an ear 💗

Now Aries, Sag, Leo Gemini and Aquarius I LOVE YOU AGH. Is it me or like I LOVE WATCHING YOU GUYS BE YOURSELVES AHH. You inspire me so much AHH!!

YOU GUYS INSPIRE ME TO BE BOLD N TO JUST BE MYSELF LIKE ARGHH MATEY!! IM GONNA DO IT!!!!!!

I feel like there are times. Where you can feel or felt unsure or awkward about yourself. In my opinion I often see these signs just doing their thing at times- it can be unapologetic. It does not even have to be bold or anything they can just be minding their business doing their everyday thing. I guess what I'm saying is I love how authentic the sign can be.

There is some sort of level of confidence in them that they can stand on. I love it.

And yeah- I've just come to this conclusion that Capricorns, Geminis and Aquarius can just be weird? Like lol. Thier humor can be so weird and so out of the box sometimes- personality too. I feel when they are literally just being them, it is very inspiring to me imo.

Like i feel like you can have a dance off in the kitchen like this at 4am with them idk 😭:

N i guess its why I think these signs (Cap, Leo, Aqua, Aries, Sag) can usually be very sexy easily bc they r just so authentic n raw to me its kind of poetic like im twirling my hair rn n giggling 🤭

I feel like Leo, Aquarius and Scorpio can be like this when hurt:

"I'm so tall, can't get over me

I'm so low, can't get under me

I must be all these things

For I just threw out the love of my dreams"

Of course- when it comes to modality the four signs will obviously have something in common. What I mean with Leo Aqaurius and Scorpio is- they are just so- well- fixed. I noticed they try to act like they don't care about something- when they very much in fact do. You can't jump over them, you can't get under them- you can't get besides them, and like even if you did- it cannot really affect them that much anyway . . . -right? It feels like punching a stone made of jelly on the inside (literally so random- ik fren lmfao) I can punch a stone, It's fine- well not my knuckles ofc- they can be so hard when hurt. Sheesh. Only if you knew that you wobbled up that Jello a little bit on the inside. (Does that even make sense?)

And don't even try to pick up the stone- its too heavy. They ground themselves whatever philosophy they got going on in their noggin🥴🥴🥴🥴- no matter if its emotionally or whatever.

"He is in my eyes, he is in my ears

He is in my blood, he is in my tears

I breathe love, and see him everyday

Even though my love's a world away

Oh, he's got me wondering

My righteousness is crumbling"

It will bother them. And bother them. And bother them. And bother them. Bother them. And Aqaurius with think about it- try to bargain about it imo. Scorpio with feel a very fucking speicfic way about it and not say SHIT. 🙄😒 Leo's are so silly- they just try to act unfazed

but we easily know lol like ok girl-I'm sorry but there is something too whimsical/unserious about them to not know when somethings wrong 😭. But yes-back to the point. In short- its so annoying with them bc three gwrorlies dont just want to admit or submit to things at first. These three live off of cool down time !!! lmfao 🤣 you really got to give them a moment. Maybe a long time too. They care so much. Too much at times- like girl be calm.

I feel like they can do the most. They will do all sorts of things just to stand on something- or an idea or feeling that they had. It is hard for them to be wrong, or to lose. Sometimes I feel like these three need to learn how to truly let things be or go. Not everything has to be a chess game fren. ☹️💗 It like they feel they need to be a few steps ahead- they might feel ashamed or disappointed or sad or otherwise with them.

erm i have few more things to say but im literally tired of typing lol.

Ciao!!

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

i watched the new episode of the owl house . i am not okay (spoilers under the cut)

-opening scene broke me just as much as it did at the end of season 2

-CAMILA SOBBING WHILE HOLIDING LUZ WAHHHH

-gus using magic to help with chores slay

-luz and hunter my traumatized babies :(

-“who knows if we will ever figure that out” luz ur such a bad liar

-camila just taking them all in and saying they’re safe 😭😭😭

-GUS FREAKING OUT OVER HUMAN STUFF AS WE DESERVE

-AMITY AND WILLOW BREAKING THE ALARM CLOCK LMAO PLS

-this intro is so cute that has to be noted

-i’m excited for willow’s photographer era i need her to be a vsco girl

-THEYRE PRACTICING SPANISH 🥺

-camila is a milf idc she has style

-making fun of duolingo pls

-“i never expected to be a mother of six”

-their new fits SLAYYYY

-amity being worried that “camila can’t take care of them forever” makes me so :(((

-they’re all besties they’re found family i’m crying

-luz’s main character moment in class is kinda making me giggle ngl why is she standing on a desk <- it’s because she’s traumatized

-camila wishing she could make them “demon food” wahhhh

-the deer that wasn’t a deer…

-hunter sewing and loving wolves and being happy and having a real smile and gus saying it’s good to see you happy and “one of us might as well be” and i’m gonna die

-“humans like spreading their junk everywhere” LMAO SO TRUE GUS

-gus’ nerd shrine <3

-the fact they basically added two beds to luz’s room for the girls 😭 wahhhh 😭

-camila dreaming about all the times she had to defend luz and the reality check camp…… :(

-mom why aren’t you mad at me” 🥺

-luz sleeping in camila’s bed and the bi “love” bracelet and also camila in pajamas makes her more of a milf idc

-okay once again their outfits slay

-hunter being a nerd with gus pls

-“hunter i don’t think the world is ready for the brave fashion choices of the year 2008” “DON’T listen to her”

-hunter’s blush when willow winks 😭

-HUNTER IS SOOO 🥺🥺🥺🥺

-aw the way they all cover their ears

-LMAO WILLOW SWEETIE THAT ISNT HUMAN MONEY

-i love how they hate giraffes so much

-vee has a crushhhhh… hehe

-masha’s pronouns on their name tag <333

-SLAY WILLOW WITH YOUR SCRAPBOOK

-the hooty and king masks i luv them

-luz and hunter why would you go down there ALONEEEEE

-let it all out hunter my special lil baby i love you :(

-AW IT WAS CAMILA’S NERD SHRINE LOL

-luz’s video diary is breaking my heart

-omg their costumes are so good wtf i wish i was that good at costumes 🙄✋🏼

-not that crazy middle aged asshole again

-BELOS WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE WBAT DO YOU MEAN HES PART OF THE HISTORY IN THIS TOWN

-the way masha definitely thinks this is a fake silly story and all the kids are ready to shit themselves bc none of it is fake

-hunter yelling at flapjack nooooo :(

-camila finding luz’s video diary

-OHHHH LUZ’S DAD LEFT HER GOOD WITCH AZURA 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

-okay luz slay that magic

-this isn’t hunter i can tell this isn’t hunter this isn’t him oh my god it’s belos it’s belos i can TELL

-FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS SCENE

-these poor kids :((((((

-HE HURT FLAPJACK WHAT THE FUCK BELOS

-hunter is coming out to fight omg omg omg

-CAMILA JUMPING IN AFTER HUNTER JESUS CHRIST IM LOSING MY SHIT RN

-SHE GOT BELOS OUT OF HIM BLESS

-flapjack sacrificed himself for hunter i’m cwying :(

-camila calling hunter baby :(

-OH MY GOD WHEN LUZ WAS ABOUT TO SAY SHE HAD TO STAY AND CAMILA JUMPED IN AND SAID “TAKE YOUR MAMA TO THE DEMON REALM” I LOVE HER WORLDS BEST MOM AND I MEAN THAT

-THEYRE GOING INTO THE PORTAL SCREAM

-willow: thanks for the memories

me: fall out boy reference 😩

-vee’s gonna cover for camila that’s so cute to me

-i literally wanna sob camila is the best parent ever i love this show so much im CRYING

[hollyjollybaby]

Big brain dump update?

Holly woke up last Friday morning with a crazy rash all over her body. Red angry dots from head to toe! Of course, on a weekday morning when I was alone and totally freaking out but remaining calm (I hope) outwardly. Stripped her down and took a bunch of pics/videos to document. Sent a quick text to Jake’s work phone (more reliable than his personal phone) that he needed to get ready to leave work if I could get an appointment. Jumped on the phone and waited on hold for 30 minutes to talk for a nurse for five mins 🙄 she had me give her Benadryl and Tylenol and wanted me to call back in an hour if it looked worse. Jake got home right after I got off the phone and gave her the medicine. After 30 minutes it was looking worse before our eyes, so I called back to the clinic and spent another 25 minutes on hold to have another short conversation where I was like yeah, she definitely needs an appointment. Thankfully they were able to get her in in an hour.

I really had no idea what to think as nothing like this has ever happened to her before! The doctors visit was actually pretty reassuring because he wasn’t too concerned and didn’t think that we needed to take amoxicillin off her “list” unless it happens again. Basically said that kids get weird rashes from random viruses sometimes and it just needed time to peak and then go away. It cleared up a little each day and by this Monday it was totally gone. My poor baby though, she definitely was not feeling well even though she wasn’t scratching at the rash. She slept 1-4:30 on Friday, then back to bed at 8!

I got my gigantic ass sale order in from Kate Quinn 🙈🤫 90% of it was for me and 90% of that stuff fits, so I’m happy! I’m changing my clothes like 3 times a day to wear all my new joggers and shorts and tops lol 😎

We’ve been going to a lot of outside patio lunches downtown this summer and Holls is honestly such a delight 90% of the time. The 10% she’s not are rough lmaoo. But she’s like this polite little person with the waitstaff, she exclaims loudly and enthusiastically when the food comes and always makes people laugh, and she’s just so damn cute!!

I’m having a lot of #feels about her starting preschool in 3 weeks (from today!!!). It’s sooo part time that it’s laughable that I’m nervous. She’s not eating meals or napping there, I can be there in an instant to get her. I’m not worried about something HAPPENING to her, I’m just worried about her. I’ve never left her with someone other than my mom and Jake’s mom. I trust the teacher. There will always be another parent there too and sometimes it’ll be me! I’m just worried for how she will react and will she spend the entire first few days just sobbing for 2.5 hours 😭 there’s also the matter of, she’s never been in a “school” type setting before. She’s been home with me and never had to like….meet expectations set for her by teachers/adults of authority other than me. I’ve never just left her somewhere where they’re gonna expect things of her. What if she won’t share toys or colors because she’s never HAD to before? And then what if the other kids don’t like her and she doesn’t have friends 😢 what if she’s asking for something and they don’t know what she’s saying 😔 I cannot handle the thought of her being there and wondering where I am and not being comforted by the teacher 😭 I am totally aware I’m spiraling and need to r e l a x

In order to distract from all these feels I ordered the literal cutest first day of school outfit:

I also entirely skipped the last 3 weeks of her tumbling class 😳🫥🫥🫥 not my finest hour. Sometimes things like to pop up and remind me that underneath the newfound ~control~ medication has given me, I still have some crippling anxiety. I signed her up for an open gym slot one morning a week at another place, that starts the same week as her school. We’ll have a little block of “activity” days bookended by the weekend and a couple unstructured days. I think she is too young to get anything out of the instructed class, but will love the open gym and just getting to do whatever for an hour. (Hang off the bar over the trampoline)

🐠 little fishy has mastered swimming with the puddle jumper and is fully obsessed with the pool. She asks to go over there at the funniest times, like in the middle of dinner or getting ready for bed. It makes me so happy that she loves the water so much. I was a water baby and so is she ☺️ my Pisces. I think about our trip to Florida literally EVERY day. I’m not even scared to take her on the plane haha. I’m SO excited to see her see the ocean for the first time. And to watch her play on the beach. I have sooo many happy childhood memories of playing on the beach with my parents. I LOVE this part of being a parent!! Watching that perfect girl experience joy is like the ultimate feeling in the universe.

We spent 2.5 hours at the playground this evening. All of a sudden, miss cautious is going down all kinds of slides without holding any hands, flying up stairs way faster (still cautious coming down 🤍) and just overall becoming waaay more confident at the playground and other social settings. My absolute favorite part of being a parent is discovering who she is and watching HER discover who she is. It’s a process that happens over and over again and it’s so beautiful and special.

[ficsforeren]

i have more ideas for dad!eren (i just love him so much)

so he kept his relationship secret (or as secret as he could) because you’re not a huge fan of public attention and people found out this man was married and with children during his grammy’s speech 💀

y/n is at her parent’s house with their two children (one is almost 3 and the other one is just a few months old and since eren had to leave you went with your parents for help)

the oldest one is eren’s spoiled baby girl who absolutely loves his dad (and cries every night that he’s not with her and will only go to bed listening to his music) and was trying very hard to fight off sleep because daddy is on tv and she threw a tantrum when you tried to put her to sleep

the youngest is a boy who is staring at you with the same green eyes as his father and is trying to eat your hair (like father, like son)

the grammy’s are on t.v. while you sit in the couch with your parents and your daughter is on the floor eyes glued to the screen when they announce rock album and they put that screen with several squares so you can see the artist’s reactions .when empire were announced as the winners everyone in the house started to freak out.

your mom is overjoyed for her favorite son in law

your dad is sitting in the couch with a beer in hand and proud smile on his face

you’re bouncing your son in your legs whispering to his how daddy won an award and he doesn’t understand what is going on but is doing that cute baby laugh

and your daughter, well, don’t he surprised if the cops are called to your house for a noise complaint from the neighbors.

reiner is the first one to speak, thanking his family and god for letting him get here, jean thanks the fans with a cheeky/flirty speech and now it’s eren’s turn

“to my beautiful wife who never let me give up on my dreams even when i was just a kid with a guitar writing stupid songs during lunch breaks and you trying to read them with ended up with us getting kicked out of class, i love you. and my babies, (he actually said his children’s names), i hope daddy made you proud, i miss you so much and i’ll be home soon now go to bed!”

and they leave the stage amid applause and laughter from the ending of that speech. when they get to the conference room chaos ensues and most questions are about eren’s family (how, when, where, what) and he remains vague but # erenisadilf and becomes the number one trend worldwide on twitter. his fans start calling him daddy as a joke but he prefers it when that word leaves your lips tho

and yeah, when eren’s children are older (like 10?) is when he tells them that they’re adopted 🙄 (literally my dad but he told me that he picked me up from the trash behind a walmart smh this man)

eren’s son: nirvana is overrated

eren: TAKE THAT BACK

eren’s son: it’s true! their music is not that special, just basic rock

eren: *is speechless for a good minute* you’re adopted.

(meanwhile his son is his literal clone, like sir?)

y/n: no he’s not, i carried him for 9 months and i have the scars to prove it!

(this is also known as my mom’s reply to when my dad tells me and my sister that he picked us up from the trash)

-🗝 (who is very bored in class and just wrote this instead of paying attention)

LKADSJLKASJDFKLASJDFLKSAJDF

I don't really agree with the part where eren keeps his relationship a secret because... well you just gotta be patient and read ig 😏BUT THE REST OF THESE ARE JUST AAAAAHHHHHHHHH SO FUCKING CUTE

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THIS TO MY INBOX!!!

[clatterbane]

I'm thinking again about going by something else day to day. With an extra little push, now that we're getting ready to move.

I never really liked my given first name. Haven't felt like it suited me, and it's honestly still not easy to say with the speech impediment I ended up with. Have trouble saying "R", so your first name starts with one. (Even worse, my birth last name contained two, before I changed it at 25. Not the main motivation, but it helped me want to even more.)

A right nightmare as a kid, with adults often being honestly unable to understand what my freaking name was supposed to be until they saw it written down or someone else more comprehensible jumped in to tell them. And you can maybe imagine the bullying, as That Weird Fat Kid who could barely even say their own name. 😬 That continued to get mockingly used as ammo up into high school. Wouldn't be surprised to hear it even now when they're out of lunging range, if I ever saw any of the worst offenders.

At any rate, that didn't necessarily build up the best associations around, again, my own freaking given name. I would also prefer to go by something more gender neutral, as another (increasingly strong) motivation.

And, unfortunately, the only nickname that ever stuck outside the family was some damned "Wossy" equivalent based on it. ("Affectionate nickname" my ass. The man is like 60 years old now, and too many actual grown adults are still bent on mean-spirited mockery there.) Not particularly inclined to go by the main family nickname publicly, either.

I hesitated to just call myself something else while my mom was still around, because I knew good and well that she would take it as some kind of personal rejection/criticism. She had some real problems with that--and you can bet she would NOT let go of any resentment. And I did not want to just lie and pretend it was a nickname from friends, or some such shit which should hopefully fly better dealing with her. 🙄

Anyway, it's been a long time since the lady was around to worry about it! And we're about to head somewhere that my current first name doesn't work so well phonetically with the native language. I think it might bother me at least as much--if in some different ways--to keep hearing any likely default version according to those pronunciation rules, tbqh. 😩 I know it has with some other languages.

As well-timed an opportunity as I'm ever liable to find, for a fresh start introducing myself as something completely different! Which is also hopefully more comfortable in other people's mouths.

So, of course, that still feels like a weighty enough decision that I've been having an absurdly hard time figuring out an alternative choice good enough to justify it. 🙄

Even though I am well aware that if I don't end up liking my first (or fifth!) choice as well as I thought I might? I can just pick something else. Because it's my life--and my own freaking name!

[ohifonlyx33]

i need to vent sorry.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh my dad’s ocd and anxiety is viscerally wearing on me. He takes his so-called logical conclusions to the absolute extreme EVERY. FREAKING. TIME. And it become illogical because he assumes the VERY worst will happen.

my mom went out to get a few spontaneous groceries this evening because we are celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, and he complained and then fretted about her being gone too long and the possibility of her getting ticketed for speeding through the school zone, even though she’s repeatedly mentioned how she always makes sure to follow the speed zone. 

then he rips on me for eating on the new couch even though I am 25, not 5, and being careful and in no danger of spilling (i intentionally used a deep bowl instead of a plate which I held close to my mouth and food would fall on ME, not the couch). I now want to smear lasagna all over his stupid precious couch and grind it into the rug. It’s a used rug anyway, he and my mom bought it on facebook marketplace.

Oh, and THEN he tries to tell me about picking up after myself because after me and my mom and my aunt watched a movie, I left my drink and a few things in the "living” room to go to the bathroom. If he had waited 2 minutes, I was planning on picking up. It’s a room for sitting, nothing else. No living allowed in the living room. But of course, he leaves mail spread all over the house. I can count at least four distinct piles of mail at any given time. But he’s going to lecture me about leaving a glass that I was still using in a room where I was still using it.

I think it’s kinda dumb, but my cat’s not not allowed in the “living” room so we have a gate. Anyway, the cat is nowhere to be seen. Probably in the basement, sleeping. If I see her, I’ll shoo her away of close the gate, but in the meantime, I’d like to be able to come and go. I may even leave the cat gate open, unattended for a few minutes to go get something. I am ridiculed and accused of disrespect. 

Earlier I placed down a protective surface, opened a bottle of acetone for maybe 20 seconds to wet a cottonball, screwed the lid back on tightly, and proceeded to clean up my nails... and he said adamantly  “I never want to see that in here again or I will pour it out.” To which I had to inform him, not only was I being careful, but that acetone can NOT be poured down a sink and probably wouldn’t be good for the yard. Hello? It also costs like $2 to replace at the store down the street, but I didn’t mention that. I was being respectful before. BUT NOW????  I legit want to dump a bottle of acetone all over the cheap-when-it-was-bought dining room table that was a floor model 30 years ago and is always covered with a table cloth anyway because my dad thinks it’s ugly. 

If I tell him I’m being careful, I get told not to be smart-mouthed.

He also has the idea that he does all the cooking and cleaning around the house, and that me and my mom should help him more. 

So if I try to make something, there’s a 40% chance he won’t feel like eating that day, or will complain about which pan I used. He barely lets me make bacon because it’s expensive, unhealthy, and the grease “ruins the oven” and if I set something on the burner, well don’t you know the food could FALL DOWN INSIDE IT AND IT’D ALL BE OVER?!?!  and if I wash the dishes, heaven forbid I use the garbage disposal because then it might break. Once, I made dinner and a bit of burnt grease set off the smoke alarm. It was all absolutely fine, but he yelled a me like I was going to burn the house down.

If I try to be nice and clean the mirrored tiles in the hallway (since he never does), I am in danger of “doing it wrong” because everyone knows you can’t spray windex directly on a mirror or use a squeegee... it’ll obviously ruin the mirrors 🙄

Or if I take a shower and leave the knob for the shower on ONE TIME, he lectures me on THREE DIFFERENT OCCASIONS about which knobs to turn on and off in which order. WHO FREAKING CARES???? But I ask him to NOT LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP SO I DON’T FALL IN AT 2 AM WHEN IT’S DARK AND I DON’T WANT TO TURN ON THE LIGHT BECAUSE OF THE NOISE THE FAN MAKES... and does he care? No. He continues to leave the toilet seat up.

Meanwhile, I have been rebuked for turning on a light, A LIGHT, when it wasn’t strictly necessary because we “don’t need to be running it during the day” and even after 5 when it gets dark, well you don’t need a light on just because you’re in a room. I WISH I WERE JOKING BUT HE JUST... sits in the dark. I’ve seen him cooking in the dim light of the stove light. I stepped out of the room for 2 minutes and he had turned the light off when I came back and told me that the lightbulbs in the dining room are expensive. 

And if I try to tell him he’s being irrational I’m told to respect his rules... his INSANE, PARANOID RULES.

He watches the news for about 6 hours a day, watches rereuns of black and white shows, tends to believe every bias-feeding story he hears, won’t answer the phone, changes his credit card number every time he hears about a possible scam, refuses to use a smart phone, yells at the TV whenever “rock” music (ie, music that has a beat) is on and goes on a tirade about how depraved everything is, complains that things these days are made to break yet all his “fixes” are either ugly eyesores that he plans to permanently bolt to the walls (right now he’s drawing up plans for a papertowel holder and I am afraid) or else it’s a cheap fix that makes the problem worse (at our old house he tried to patch up the roof... and it was ineffective and made the problem worse), but still he tries to use physics to explain why he’s always right and why me and my mom are always about to commit a catastrophic misstep that will cost us $500-$20,000 to fix. He’s also scared if he breathes wrong, he’ll crack a rib, and that’s only slightly hyperbolic.

[theguywiththearrowtattoo]

Captain's Log (by the way Im a sailor ⛵️ ARRRR)

Entry 1:

Lost my anchor, the rope just slipped out. Glad I had a spare from Dad's boat!! ���😪

2: Pulled up a mountain of mud and weeds🦠 in Collins Bay when weighed anchor. Motored over to the pier for electrical work with dad. Last night I became an electrician and used a fire extinguisher as a hammer to smash open the mast light plug. Blew up the paddle boat for the first time on the water, a japanese fisherman 'Steven' lost his lucky crayfish lure and offered to pay me 5$ to go get. 🎣 Didnt find it unfortunately but I learned a lot about fishermen and their faith in a single unique lure.

3: Sailed to Stella and back to Collin, fun time with Dave, learned how to use the radio and the ropes. Also, those black birds murder islands! Stear clear of the Brother Islands!! 🦅🏝 "The water is lower this year than usual." Dave's wife took pictures of us sailing back to Collins off the Conservation Area where I got the shell fragment for my necklace. Sailed back to stella alone in 10 knots of wind, Dave calls it sporty, I call it scary as hell. 😳😵😱 Got a lot of bruises from that sail, jumping side to side, running up and down the deck, lost my bungies. Certainly learned the hard way that too much sail in too much wind is a BADDDD thing!!! Rocked the boat right down near the water and tacked all over the place. Boy was I glad to see "LAND HO!!!" 😍 coming into Stella, even if anchoring took about a hundred tries 🙄😫😫. Amherst Island is warm and fit, lots of paddle boarders.

4: Sailed from Amherst Island (Stella) to Cressy in Picton, past the gap between Island and mainland which was smooth and slow sailing all the way, had to zigzag once and then again to adjust my heading into Cressy. There was a floating "island" of those Black Birds that freaked me out, thought it was land!!! 🤯🦅🦅🦅 Apparently theres a swamp around here cuz theres a few mosquitoes. Got a skitter coil but no lighter so I guess Ill be fightin them tonight. Twas a wonderful day. Listening to the geese landing nearby and hopefully aboard! 😍

5: Sailing was patchy, sometimes wind howling in the sails and other times dead quiet and I had to start the engine up to get to a chopped blue. Followed a brown smoke plume over the trees for a bit, wonder if theres a forest fire. 😳 Raced past the Glenora Fairy to get here. Sailed all the way to Glen Island, the water carves through both sides of it so Im lucky I have a shoal draft boat to anchor off current. Theres a beaver living here 🦫, just saw him paddle over to his home, looks pretty big for a little guy. Lilly pads I think, big ones with big underwater folding leaves are anchored too in the mud along with a plateau of zebra muscle shells and 2 discarded tires?? 🤨😂 A blue heron flew in and started prowling for fishes. Nice place. Just hope the Cormorants dont kill that poor island, I can see them nesting on the north tip of it. 😪

I had to take the rudder off!!! Its so shallow here that it was scraping and every sound is so scary I think my hull is grinding on a rock. 😳😨😖😖😖

Ok, mom convinced me. I moved to another spot, then a guy in a white shirt started yelling at me "HAVE YOU ANCHORED HERE BEFORE?" ⚓ and told me to go to the east side of the island to be protected from wind, so Im here now. Hopefully I dont get dragged out to sea like my poor purple bucket who's rope snapped and she went down down down before I could hook her 😪🪣, I got one deck wash out of her (lots of anchor mud) and she was gone. Watching the sunset through the gap in the trees, its nice. Getting fresh air.

Tonight is warmer and calmer than most nights, listening to the frogs singing and occasional geese. Very serene 🥰

6: Motored into hay bay today, no wind, around 20 or so fisherman to wave to, passed three swans. Anchored pretty tight and after about a half hour of monitoring the anchor with no give, I paddled to shore in high waves against wicked current and a rope between my teeth trailing empty water bottles, a bag of garbage and a gas can behind me. Twas my first ever supply run. Upon my return, my Tortuga had floated away, rope slipped right off her cleats, marking the second time I lost an anchor and the first time losing my ship. 😥 Its a sad day today and a hard lesson. Im shit at tying anchor lines... ⚓ Im scared to death that her hull may have been damaged on shore and praying that the mud is thick enough to preserve her. I want to cry. Sailing has been the hardest thing Ive ever done in my life and now mother nature has screwed me, seems more like a bitch of nature than a mother. I need to hug my baby and fall asleep in his arms... I cant take much more of this abuse. 😭

7: Don and Marybeth knew a fisherman with a 130hp engine that was able to tug it off the mud after extensive rocking and angle changing. 🛥 Me and Don were on the hull leaning side to side to wiggle her out. She came free! Motored all the way to his docks at Bayview Cottages in Hay Bay. Im going to dive under her hull and see if she took any damage, already crawled to inspect the bilge area and under any possible water collection spots. All dry! No leaks. Like a review on the internet says "the Bayliner Buccaneers are hulled with an overkill fiberglass and wood sandwich." Guess this turtle has a mighty shell! 🐢 The engine quit half way and though I hoisted the sails there was no wind to carry us and we drifted until we could get the motor going again. Don had me help level his dock as a favor returned. Im inside Tortuga now, fighting off the heat, sweating like a pig, drank all my water and some from Don and MBs cabin. Their dog Cooper died last year at age eight from cancer in his pancreas, poor baby had to be euthanized. Rest in peace Cooper. 😙 Cant wait to freshen up in this deep cool water. Took a photo of a brown water snake sunbathing on my dock and got attacked by a giant wasp. Everyday is always so eventful. I think Ill bake some loaves of bread for my rescuers tonight, and Ill pay the fishermen a 40 spot for his efforts and gas. Dave bought me 50 feet of chain and a Bruce anchor, world renowned for awesome hold and fast dig in. People are great! Always ask for help!

8: I left that god forsaken swamp at a race against the wind for a good wind break cove called Whitlow Point on the Bay of Quinte. Saw a Bald Eagle? 🦅 And swam a bit with a great white swan to cool off from the squelching sun. Yesterday, a brown water snake🐉 tried to get in my boat, I grabbed it by the neck to avoid his teeth and tossed it overboard. Luckily we dont have many poisonous snakes in Canada, he nearly got past the door and into my kitchen! I got my new anchor, a Bruce, and bolted everything together with a shackle and locking wire. This thing is mighty, and HEAVY along with 50' of chain and three wicked teeth. "Your ground tackle is gold, most important piece of equipment on your boat." Hope I dont lose it like the last two. Its nice I have my precious plants with me now, if a pirate's treasure is gold then mine is my plants. 🪴 Swans are huge! And so soft, a perfect clean white. Amazing, quiet, graceful. 🦢 I whipped a wasp midair with a fly swatter as it was trying to get in mah home and it shot out the back end of Tortuga like a bullet with the force of the hit, the thing landed on the water about 10 feet away... 😳 Its buzzin and making tiny ripples on the water. Fish food? 🐝 Kinda felt bad but I dont think wasps pollinate do they? They sting though so no thanks mr wasp 😤. Im pulling my skin off in sheets, its like plastic wrap but soft and thinner, full of holes where the hairs were. Its scary to see part of your body falling off. Ill make it my mission to never get sunburnt again.... 😔 Todays dinner: mashed avocado in a can of veggies and water. Honestly, for a poor man's meal, twas yum. Though maybe hunger makes everything delicious. Someone was shooting off fire works before night, strange time to see lights but fun to watch 😁

9: Earth has coughed up a spray of clouds and grey all over, the sky is gone, so is the sun. Spooky and chilled. Saw a beaver or ground hog swim by and the head of a snapping turtle up for air. Sailed over to Deseronto in unreliable spurts between hard wind and stillness. Got used to "beam reach" sailing as most of the wind was hitting my left side. My new anchor seems to be solid against this pretty angry afternoon wind and a crap ton of weeds, 🌿🦠🌿🦠🌿🦠🦠 I had to swim through them. It was like running through ropes, getting tied up. They arent slimy at all, kinda rough actually. I ended up ripping them out with my hands to pull me through the water. After a raft trip from boat to shore hitched a ride with dad to napanee for groceries (couple of soymilks and tomatoes to fight skin cancer from that basty sunburn on my shoulders) and movie downloads... I paddled back to Tortuga, deflated Squirt and realized, I forgot my charger in dad's car. Unwilling to reinflate my dinghy again I put on full cover clothes and treaded through the wet jungle and back with my cord between my teeth like an otter on its back. The water is warm now for swimming, ... or at least warm by a Canadian guy's standards 😋 🇨🇦. May long weekend and theres beautiful fireworks to watch, Im laying on her shell watching the explosions of red gold silver, the chinese really did gift the world a wonderful surprise 🎆 A guy has been flying a remote controlled yellow airplane over the water and just swooped in over Tortuga. Did a couple nose dives and flips, this guy is skilllllll. Thought it would get caught in my mast.... wires? Calm night, did I mention there were about 40 little turtles huddled up on a floating line? 🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢 Very cute 😍. My clothes are bungied up on the boom to dry overnight, starting to get real comfy living aboard 😄. Wow, admiring my tanned feet, they are hot, especially after swimming. Lookin FINEEEE 🔥. Wish my sexy twink was sucking my toes or massaging them.... Having pizza and watching a movie on the couch now, talk later! 😌

10: Dark skies today, blue swollen clouds blanketing the sky and a wind that whistles and howls and shakes my ship relentlessly. I only hope my anchor is strong enough to fight this angry sky. ... JUST RAN OUTSIDE, heard a god awful boom! Wind got fierce and screaming, BATTON THE HATCHES AND HOLD OUT! 🌫 Its going to be a long, scary day.

So the wind has finally died down and seeing that its safe to crawl out of my tunnel, I started uncovering my sails and attached the jib to set sail to napanee and dock. Unfortunately, the wind wasnt the only thing that died today... my battery failed to start up the engine 🔋. My spirits dropped, stressed and dismay again. How could so many things go wrong in such a short span of time?? The engine let out pathetic barks like a sick dog until I gave up on it. After some phone calls I realized that A: batteries are luxury items for people too lazy to start the engine by hand and prefer to sit and press a button. and B: You can start an engine without a battery and instead manually by yanking on the cord. So, with a little muscle, the engine started... of course; but alas by the time I figured that out I had run low on daylight and the action plan turned miraculously into a 'sit inside and wait another 12 hours' plan. Determined to not suck out the last drop of battery juice from the supply for my emergency radio, which was depressingly displaying "BATTERY LOW", Ive strapped a flashlight to the bow, a camp lantern to the mast, placed the red and green and again, locked up for the night. 🌫🌙

Side note: Dont leave the toilet open ever, it took a whole load of laundry detergent and concentrated peppermint oil soap to destroy the smell... time for a sewage pump out I suppose? Though the level line still marks green as in "GO🚽". Status: Perpetually confused.

P.p.s. on May 26th, in three days, the wind is going to be worse than it was today, I cant imagine that 😳🌪. I need to find shelter, fast. I wonder if writing this Captain's Journal keeps me sane? Or do I just hope for attention from whoever reads this? 🤔 Probably both... Anywho, back to movies. Lots of em. Canned peas SUCK. Listening to the crack of fireworks outside. 🎆

11. Woke up groggy and my eyes sealed shut... Alaine met me last night around midnight, I docked, ripped off handfulls of weeds from chain and a stuck anchor and gave him my battery to charge overnight. Now I've got some juice and my little Johnson 9.9 is hummin again. 😌 Babe got a job, or at least he's training for a job. Im so proud of him, finally getting the things he wants, no more waiting. Met a fisherman named Wayne Matthews who caught 5 Walleye, he'll eat them tonight. Yum 🐟

12. The past week or so I've been docked at the napanee springside park dock, the motor in was shallow and full of weeds, swans, a tipi and a luxurious cliff side stone mansion 😳. At ropes Ive ripped out the 50 year old orange carpet and gross ceiling plastic on the port side interior of Tortuga, sorry T gotta do it, yer ugly as hell in there. Her fiberglass is exposed, looks alright too. Will be painting her belly white, the paint is called "White White" so I guess thats as true of the color as I can get. ⬜ Humming over to Deseronto, just at the mouth into the Bay, I witnessed a display of millions of bright flashing diamonds dancing on the water's surface. 💎🔹️💠🔷️💎 Wow, incredible. Never before seen, and now Ive seen it, the jewels of the blue. Wore my leather Captain's Hat all day, handmade up north in the small town of Saint-hippolyte, Québec by a man who loves whisky and ostriches. It feels good to wear it, comfortable now, like its meant to be there on my head. 🎩 Im anchored today in the same ropey sea forest off the dock in Dez, we'll see what comes next 👀.

13. Out from the dark blue forest, a writhing beast realed its nasty head, slithering through the calm of the black night waters it came for me, then dove deep into its ropes and slime. Holding my lantern up high over the blue-now black waters at twilight I saw it come again twice, three times and then took my leave. Ive heard legends of a Loch Ness monster, could this be one and the same?

14. Some weeks later... Tacking 31 times is a long arduous task and I dare say I wish never to do it again.

15. The spring rains have not ceased to pour on my humble abode and though I pray, to no particular faith, for the dry belly of my sweet Tortuga, I fear that the 7+ crying windows will lead to an eventual and destined soggy carpet.

16. Perhaps a week again aft? I have picked a million strawblurbs and am now bloated and dizzy with the sweetness of this summer harvest. One particular berry was so sweet I smiled in delight of it. To say I were gay would be an understatement! Another though put me into remiss and I banished it from my mouth with a splat and the most convincing grimace as to threaten the plant which dared to bare such a fruit.

My ship awaits me off the Port of "North" and the tip of Quinte Point, I saw her once a night and her lights a bobbin in the dark as if a triad of stars welcoming me, missing me, and scared alone on the water some kilometer away.

17. Grass corns waving at me in the soft blow of night, not a grasp on my mind can justify my fright. Glow dots bouncing on shadow, unbeknownst to they is the hollow ground below. The winds rage on an invisible lake and the waves roar, so fierce are they that I cant repress my memory of a lost Tortuga, an army of fishermen and a ghastly rough day.

18. After nearly a fortnight Ive journeyed to the very beach I first paddled a'shore to Trenton in North Port and began the long paddle to Tortuga under the growl and boom of a gang of dark clouds. Upon nearly a quarter of way to her a rod struck the water with such might it was if the sky had been divided in two by the purest blinding white light and my father hollered out from ashore "COME BACK!". Twas a good thing too for Squirt blew her belly out and was on her way to Davy Jone's Locker. I fear no patch can save her and will be in the market for a replacement. Meanwhile I count my lucky stars that I hadn't been fried into a straight man on that electric lake of fire.

19. A canoe that's seen better days was my ferry to Tortuga after a month of her isolation through lightning storms and tornadoes. Ive been to the family cottage thrice I believe since last seeing my ship and drove around many cities in between buying food, soaps, and treasures. Aboard, a swarm of strange looking black faced gulls circle overhead, curious as to what I might be doing on their likely established perch. My poor ship is full of spiderwebs, notably a funnel web on deck in the loop of a lay rope which is home to a tarantula like brown spider. All around she is polka dotted with brown gunk, musty as an old man's basement and well, surprisingly, despite a counted seven good leaks in a many windows, dry. After an inpection of the bow below I found her utterly void of the murky puddle I had assumed would be there. No, alas after wind and storm and monsoon Id say, my beloved Tortuga has forbidden any and all water from penetrating her shell. I am awe stricken.

I am all too familiar with the howl of the south westerly wind and the waves rolling and plopping up against her belly and the rattle and whipping of my mast and halliards but, this time, I find my breath shortened, my chest heavy and constricted and a fear. An indescribable nervousness inside this ship that has me uneasy. Ive been scared heartless twice with the shadow of a tree disguising itself as a dark figure boarding a-stern. What is this uneasy whisper? This clenching of my gut and pulling of air from my lungs? I best distract myself. Of course as with any night aboard, I hear buzzing. But, as the critter lands on the word 'wind' of my screen, to my mind's surprise it is not the oft visiting mosquito but a well fattened... may fly? Perhaps? Seems almost a ghost of a fly. So pale. It is raining a second time, light, scattered drops. It is quite an other worldly feeling to live aboard an old boat in a vast and mysterious water.

Anyway lets not bore you with flies and shells and seven good leaks dry, and the ghastly screams of the blue and the white. I should sleep. And so I shall. Perhaps in a few minutes... I hear a voice.

It is night and I see an orange blurred V glowing through my window. I climb up the creaky steps and find my binoculars. My head pops out from the hatch and my hazel eyes peer into the antique glass to see a huge fire, reaching its flame out in every direction. Around it three or five boys my age perhaps or older are standing there, talking loudly, drinking beers and discussing women of interest I presume. One of them lifts his shirt off and drops for an attempt at a pushup. Maybe there is a girl there too and it is a courtship, a display of strength, however clumsy. My mind displays a rather proud scene before my eyes of a forest ablaze and a plume of smoke overhead and I worry for a second that they have died in the fire and that I should sail away before Im next. But then I realize that it is only my imagination. And of course now. My logic is telling the child in me to sleep. I guess this is goodnight.

20. I sailed off from Northport to the Napanee Docks with the wind in my back and flying her colors for the first time. Not the flag but the colorful red and orange genniker, looks like a fire on the water when she's up. Before the Deseronto-Prince Edward County bridge a mid sized yacht charged me full speed and displaced a tsunami of water towards my vessel. In a panic I dropped the sails and rushed back to deck to pull the ropes tight and steer her nose-first down into the swallowing abyss of a wave so dark and deep it towered over Tortuga and smashed her poor body before lifting her up again and dropping her midair. She performed a horrific belly flop and if she could have cried Id imagine her to be doing so still now, wailing and begging for it to be over. Doesnt he know he could have killed me? He could have drowned us easily if I hadnt have been quick enough and we'd been struck a-port, we'd have rolled over, belly up, and sunk in that massive swell.

Im docked at last in Napanee, pushed once again by the wind with the flaming sail of the genniker and Tortuga rests now tied firmly by 5 lines to a goose poop littered dock. She doesnt seem to mind however and I get to put my broom to good use brushing off all the partly digested logs of algae and sea life back into the water.

21. Ive gutted a good portion of Tortuga's old belly and begun painting her a clean fresh white inside, and the illusion of added space is setting in. I poke my head out of the cabin ever minute for a gasp of air. Apparently white paint contains crystaline silica, and as luxurious as that sounds, it causes cancer. Doesnt everything nowadays?

22. ...Months later and winter is nearly upon us. Blue glimmer rolling atop a frigid deep blue. Like mother of pearl. The sky, liquified on the water, its mesmerizing.

23. Days are cloudier now, there's no exception at Stillwater Basin, a cut into the land where the boats hide from crushing ice and current. Interesting people here. Shirtless hairy men with huge netted ships and chin beards. Some of the vessels tucked away in this tranquil marine community have wide wooden hulls. One is intricately painted and sculpted at the bow to show a breasted figure attached to colorful beams. Another ship looks as though a full tree had been raised and cut to form the mast, the sailor fits the lumberjack description too. Everyone either has an accent ( I met a british sailor lady ), is young, dumb and very tanned to almost brown, hairy and old and alone or all of the above. These are a whole new breed of people. They seem wild, and the night before, with still water, I saw them dining under candlelight. So peaceful, tranquil. The kind of peace that pulls on my hearts strings when I see it, and the same feeling of freedom, warmth and... purest happiness that I felt laying aboard my little Tortuga.

Smoky (I adopted a dog), who is both Canadian Labrador, a powerful web pawed natural swimmer and Border Collie, a protective herding dog, slept most of the way from Deseronto to here. He's already comfortable with sailing and Id say he's got his sea legs. He's guarding his human from the man eating seagulls swooping overhead.

Ill be scrubbin the sea spray and anchor muck off of Tortuga today and dropping her mast. In 4 days she gets lifted out for the winter.

theguywiththearrowtattoo