#had another ******* scare last week and i'm still a little iffy about........everything.
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people will be very smug about anxiety disorders, even/especially if they have a mild one, and say "you have to do the scary thing, then you'll teach yourself it's not actually scary, you just have to do the thing instead of giving in to your anxiety ['like i did, you fucking baby' being the subtext]" but i've been picking up my own medication for around a decade now and it's never gotten easier. i still avoid it until or past the very last minute. sometimes the meds go back on the shelf because i can't face two minutes of interface with the pharmacist in the drive-thru, an interface i have carried out dozens upon dozens of times already, an interface i know full well will not kill me or bring shame upon my family name. no one tells you what happens then. no one has their flippant easy answers for when you HAVE been doing the scary thing and it's still fucking scary. "it's okay if you fall, just make sure you get back up again!" I HAVE GOTTEN UP MORE TIMES THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. so why am i not happy now, dr. youtube comment. why am i not normal, professor tumblr user. dipshit.
#mythtakes#venting <3#had another ******* scare last week and i'm still a little iffy about........everything.#anyway to my other mentally ill folks who are sick of the 'never give up <3 try try again <3' toxic positivity bubble.....#idk. keep truckin. unwashed and tired and pissy and grumpy and decidedly unwhimsical in mood#the fact that we're still here is victory enough. you dont gotta be happy about it.
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