#had a thought in the kitchen and wrote this in like 1hr

[medacarpyl]

A Dialogue Between The Frog and God

My small frog body wakes up in a large, endless abyss. I feel like I'm floating, still, suspended in the water with the scorpion's tail digging into me, over and over and over again, clinging onto me like a prayer. But it's dark, and light, and certainly not as viscous as the water I died in. I examine my body. Exactly the same as before the scorpion stung me. No wounds. No venom. "Hello?" I nervously call out.

"Hello, little frog. We're all God." The voices come back, a harmony of cacophony. It reminds me of breeding season, with all the frogs singing out for a mate. That's the only thing I can compare it to. I haven't experienced much, as a frog from a fable.

"May I ask where I am? It's very large in here, and I'm scared."

"Don't worry, little frog. This place is infinitely big, and yet, it's also infinitely small."

"Well, it doesn't feel infinitely small," I mumble, as I am a very small frog drifting through the very large abyss, and I'm still very scared.

"Your story has reached the ears of countless humans... We've decided to reincarnate you as one, in all Our infinite kindness. Yet, in all Our infinite cruelty, we've added a catch: you will meet your scorpion again, and you will love them just as much as you did before."

"Will it hurt?" I ask. "I don't want to keep loving, if it'll only result in more pain."

"It will hurt. More than anything you've ever known, more than any scorpion you've ever loved, more than any sting you've ever felt, and more than any venom you've ever had coursing through your small, soft body."

"This feels more like a punishment than a reward." My soft ribbit sounds more like a cry.

"It'll hurt you infinitely, but it'll fill you up with infinite amounts of joy, as well... Though, little frog, have you felt much joy?"

I think of how nice it felt, feeling like I saved that scorpion. The warm, fuzzy feeling in my cold blood doesn't leave easily. Even though the bitterness of the poison is still palpable in my mouth, I can't deny I felt a glimmer of happiness, when I thought I helped someone else. Was that joy?

"I don't know," I croak out, eventually, "what is joy?"

The voices don't respond to my question.

"Well, then, once you close your eyes again, you'll wake up human. Perhaps, instead of allowing your scorpion to drag you down with them, you'll never extend your hand in the first place."

Even the thought of it is too evil. I close my eyes and shake my head, and indeed, I wake up human, with no memory of the abyss. Only a yearning for touch, for nourishment, for love. I scream out, my lungs filling with air for the first time.

One day, I'll meet my scorpion. I don't know what they'll look like, or how they'll act. But I'll reach my hand out indiscriminately, wondering if anyone will sting me. Maybe it's stupidity, or stubbornness, or maybe just a deep desire to be needed. But even so, I can't stop, and I never will stop, even when that deadly sting catches me.

Even when I’m reborn again, and again, I’ll make the same mistake. I’ll look the scorpion in the eye, and tell them I’ll help them, even as I see their tail covered in poison.

Is it a mistake, if I keep doing it again, and again, hoping this time, we’ll make it across together?

[ericsagnes]

Day 19 (2/9)

Much like the day before nothing very interesting happened in the beginning of my day. I worked on assignments for multiple classes until my last class ended at 7:45. Then I got together with all but one of my roommates to play a new board that Patrick had gotten for Christmas. The game is called parks and we all sat down at our kitchen table to learn how to play. It was a really fun and also relaxing since it wasn’t too complicated like some of our other board games. it also had really nice illustrations of a bunch of different national parks. We only ended up playing half the amount of rounds since it was taken awhile and one of my roommates needed to go to sleep relatively early. 

After our board game, all of us guys played video games together for a couple hours. In my notes I wrote down that we played from 11:16 to 12:35 (1hr 19mins). Once we were done playing Xbox will went up stairs and went to bed. The three of us remaining were weren’t ready to call it a night stayed up and watched a few more episodes of Attack on Titan. We’ve really been binging this show lately as you can tell from numerous mentions in blog posts now. Although, I don't know if i’ve made this clear before that i’m the only one that isn’t watching it for the first time. The show isn’t over yet and i’m watching the new episodes on my own while also watching the old ones wit them. That’s because I don’t really remember the old ones that well since it was quite awhile ago that I first saw them. It also is nice to watch with others and see their reactions since I originally watched it by myself. This might have been an unnecessary explanation, but I thought it might be worth recording. It’s the only show that I’ve been watching recently, so when I look back at this blog it will be one of the most notable things that I consumed. Anyway you’ll probably see more posts about Attack on Titan since the goal is for them to catch up with me and the final season before the last episode airs.