#hack n slash is IN right now fuckin REMASTER it goddamn you

[crowsent]

so when i was young there was this game where the storyline is that your little sister is sick. a villain with magic is responsible and you, being the good big sibling that you are, set out to save her. but theres no actual time limit so i spent most of the game fishing and running away from hostile npcs. little salt was in the single digits and he was not about to fight pixel enemies.

it was basically 3d stardew valley with rpg mechanics and minigames available on the main menu for shit like racing and obstacle courses. you help the various npcs in your town, buy accessories like hats and scarves and shit. bribe someone to ferry you to different areas. help some black shadow blob thing that child salt didnt look at for too long bc he was convinced it would leap out of the tv and devour his soul.

well anyway i never finished it. i got stuck in a cave chapter where the only way to progress is to get past a series of enemies and child salt was a mix of terrified and sad. terrified bc again, single digits. having a child go through a scary cave with snakes and gorillas and other such nonsense should be qualified as cruel and unusual punishment. sad bc even though the models and sfx had no right to sound that intimidating, child salt still had to go and fight snakes and gorillas and other such nonsense and child salt LIKES snakes and gorillas. they were enemies, but child salt didnt want to fight them. or the wolves. or the bats

so why does this rpg-esque open-world-esque chill game with a decent narrative force you to fight animals when you could be fightin orcs or goblins or other such nonsense?

bc you played as a regular house cat