#ha. kaz. revisiting music . verse

[sociieties]

@peachmuses: " zu, rai! you two are never going to believe this shit, " shuuzou all but bursts down the door entering into their space. ( it's family dinner night, and he has complaints. ) unwrapping scarf around from neck, as he continues, " so apparently the kids decided that i'm their new pet project, " he dips down to take off his shoes before putting them neatly into the closet and grabbing his own slippers, " and so they're trying to get me to date the english teacher the--- " he's walking into the living room, voice trailing off as he stares wide-eyed at makoto and tatsuya. " we have company, shuu. " shuuzou blinks, " i ... see that. anyways, where are my children at ? koda, baby, c'mere! " there's a bark, and an excited dog barrelling it's way towards shuuzou, who barely manages to balance himself before the dog knocks him over. " whose the bestest boy in the entire world ? you are ! yes you are ! " yippi too, makes her way over to him, before she sis and loudly meows at him, putting her paw on his leg, " yes yes, i didn't forget you too, princess. " / bad end.

makoto's talking about one of the times he ended up lost in la -- some story about how he was out with tatsuya just for tatsuya to go off somewhere for about two seconds and next thing makoto knows, he's standing outside some wendy's and there's a group of drunken twenty somethings trying to talk to him. when the door opens, he's at the part where they'd been trying to invite him to some after party and that was around the time tatsuya had come back, only for everyone around him to scatter. he doesn't get to tell that part, though, as attention shifts to the door when it opens and shuuzou's calling out / makoto peering over at the scene with tatsuya, now silent.

kazuya, as mostly expected, is smiling when shuuzou enters their line of sight, head tilting towards his soulmate as he stops what he was talking about just to change the subject and his gaze soon moves back towards the other two. well -- he's not really surprised, and as koda comes racing down the hall, kazuya leans back into his seat, a warm satisfaction resting in his chest. " i'm almost convinced you're using us for out children, " kazuya muses gently, laughing to himself as he remembers how he had to put koda away as he wouldn't stop growling at makoto and tatsuya. " if you're talking about the same kids that're trying to keep you caught up with whatever slang the kids are using now, i'm not really surprised. " but that can wait for when the other two aren't around, so he waves his hand dismissively. " they sorta just dropped by, i dunno. " smile turns grin, " koda wouldn't stop growling about it, either. "

[sociieties]

@peachmuses: " yama-chan says everyone is in love with me. " she's talking to kazuya - her head in his lap actually. " i think that's stupid. "

" he said what? " not that he thinks that og is wrong, but still. moving on from the initial pause, he gently drops his hand back onto her head, peering down at her with a short glance. " i think everyone wants to be. when was this? "

[sociieties]

@tempestflames: with his guitar in his lap, katsuki squints watching his fingers move across the instrument. "again. show me again." he demands. ( katsuki to hara)

kazuya sneers, half amused, half annoyed with the other. this is ease, but katsuki is snappy and kazuya never said that he was the most patient person in the world. if katsuki thinks that, he is very, very mistaken and kazuya has no particular issue with proving him wrong. still, he finds himself counting to three / five / ten, before he's forcing himself to breath. ( these days, he's learning to be patient, but today, kazuya feels anything but. maybe it's katsuki's own impatience getting to him. )

" demanding, " word rests in the back of his throat as he raises his head to eye the other, blinking slowly as he reaches out to adjust the way katsuki holds guitar neck. " what are you rushing? " it's beginning to piss him off, actually. " pay attention. "

[sociieties]

" you're completely insufferable, " kazuya tells him, head tilting to the left as he twirls drumstick between fingers. he hasn't looked at bakugo since he's shown up, actively choosing to ignore the irritated look in his eyes. something about something that he doesn't necessarily remember. ( bakugo's really fucking stuck up, kazuya's decided. ) " fuckin' prep school kid. " / @tempestflames liked.

[sociieties]

@peachmuses: txt; He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm and play Candy Crush at the same time? / momoi at hara.

[ text ; the doll ] actually yes [ text ; the doll ] lmao [ text ; the doll ] so... did u? [ text ; the doll ] i usually take it as a personal challenge. see if i can commit to it

[sociieties]

@peachmuses​: [text]: I need a hoe opinion / momoi at hara 

[ text ; the doll ] yes, doll?

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@peachmuses​: [group text: ma-chan, ya-chan, yo-chan, yama-chan ] Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they’ll die if they don’t send unsolicited dick pics

[ text ; yo-chan ] idk im GAYand i have respect for people [ text ; yo-chan ] ask the others. [ text ; ya-chan ] girly, you gotta stop talking to new guys. stay in your circle [ text ; ya-chan ] when are u gonna learn ur lesson [ text ; ma-chan ] Just send back a picture of a bigger dick, it kills the pride. [ text ; yama-chan ] they will die, they need to be validated. [ text ; yama-chan ] same reason guys hype up their dicks bc they know nobody wants to see that shit

[sociieties]

@peachmuses: 5 times niji worried hr. / bad end

i. kazuya hates that he was right about this. hates that he knew that there was one of two ways things would end after tatsuya came back and tried to wedge his way between shuuzou and makoto. he despises the way that it worked even after he'd told tatsuya to not break them up after tatsuya said that he could. this was not supposed to happen. this much, kazuya distinctly telling ryou the same day that it happened and he also remembers ryou telling him that there was only so much he could do about the situation. ryou, naturally, was right, but both of them knew things had gone from bad to worse after shuuzou appears on his doorstep, wasted, telling him that makoto had left with tatsuya.

shit. shit / shit / shit. why -- kazuya doesn't have time to stress about it because he's too worried that this might be shuuzou's breaking point. he forces himself to drop his own frustrations, carefully guiding soulmate inside to offer him home for the night. when ryou comes around the corner, kazuya frowns at lover and later that night, when shuuzou's out cold on the couch, he explains everything to the love of his life.

ii. on makoto's birthday, shuuzou is quiet. he'd come to stay the night before and while kazuya's concerned, ryou tells him they can keep shuuzou company while kazuya goes off with his band. ( really, they should be touring, but kazuya's too worried about his best friend to think to leave. his band mates know that something is up, but kazuya makes it up to everyone by suggesting they get two - three more albums out before they leave tokyo. )

he's gone for all of two hours when he gets the call from ryou / they're distressed and talking about how shuuzou hasn't moved an inch. he's not speaking, only sitting on the floor, clutching a pillow for dear life while tears freely stream down his face. shuuzou is unresponsive and ryou is bad at this -- kazuya's usually the one that talks to people when they're crying. kazuya, in turn, drops everything and heads back home to find a slowly breaking shuuzou and a helpless ryou. when he steps inside, they're both crying -- for two completely different reasons -- and kazuya wants to rip his hair out.

iii. the first time someone brings up makoto by name, it's ryou, in passing, telling kazuya about how they researched autism after makoto told them he was autistic -- something to go along with how ryou researched bpd after shuuzou said something about it. kazuya mentally cringes at the mention of the name and while his outwards expression doesn't change, ryou reads him like a book and asks him what's wrong. kazuya then explains how he thinks -- very loosely put -- that maybe, now after everything, he feels like he hates makoto now. this has nothing to do with shuuzou and everything to do with makoto's piss poor decisions.

the next time anyone hears from shuuzou, it's because, as it would seem, shuuzou had added kazuya into his emergency contact. as it stands, it's not shuuzou on the other end of the line, but a paramedic / they tell him that the first person in his emergency contact didn't pick up and asked if he could come. kazuya asks who the first person was / they say they cannot say / kazuya guesses makoto / the short silence on the other end of the line confirms everything that kazuya needs to know.

right. he was right to think that he now hates makoto. the makoto of old would never ignore a call from shuuzou / the makoto of old always made sure to answer his phone because he always worried that something would happen to shuuzou -- something serious -- something like some fucking paramedic calling at three in the fucking morning because someone found him blacked out, face down in middle of the street, completely unresponsive despite now being awake. whoever makoto is now, kazuya hates everything about him.

iv. kazuya's in fukuoka with his band / ryou's back home, watching over home and the pets and shuuzou, if need be. kazuya hopes, with every fiber of his being, that the need doesn't come.

fate tests him six days into being away and ryou's calling him saying that shuuzou had come over and when kazuya asks if he needs to come home, ryou tells him not to. ryou says that they can handle it and he can hear shuuzou speak in the background / worry about your band, zu, i just stopped by to say hi. before he can call either one on their bullshit, someone's calling out to him because they need to do a soundcheck. kazuya sighs before saying his goodbyes, telling ryou that they can talk later, after the show.

like clockwork, kazuya calls back only to get no answer and just as he starts thinking of the worst possible scenarios, ryou's sending him pictures of them and shuuzou. there's two of shuuzou in the kitchen, learning how to make the rice ryou usually makes for him, another of ryou on the couch and shuuzou stretched out across him / one of koda resting atop a sleeping shuuzou.

[ text; mine. moon. ] so he's fine? [ text; mine. moon. ] you know when we got koda i didn't think he'd end up being an esa, but if it works then it works ig. [ text; mine. moon. ] don't forget to take care of yourself too, love [ text; zou ] when we swing back by tokyo, i'm taking you with me

v. shuuzou is allowed his space. he is allowed to go silent for a bit, so long as he returns to the real world. with that being said, a week of nothing from shuuzou is concerning and it worries not only ryou, but kazuya, too. it's neither one of them who find shuuzou, but koda. it's koda who runs off from kazuya when they're walking down the street and dog takes off before kazuya has a proper grasp on the leash ( his fault, really ) and he's following his tosa all the way to shuuzou and -----

it's that clubhouse. kazuya remembers it, vaguely, after having been there two or three times before. it had nothing to do with him, and he'd avoid it even now if it wasn't for koda. koda stands outside the door, barking as kazuya catches up to him and takes his leash up again.

" koda, baby, you can't ju-- " scolding stops cold when the door opens and shuuzou steps outside. while he looks terrible, it doesn't top the time he had to rush to emergency care to get to him after being called up in the middle of the night. " zou... "

whatever's going on in shuuzou's head, kazuya has no clue, leaving kazuya quiet as he watches his best friend rub sleep out of his eyes before he drops to koda's level and presses a tired kiss into his head. koda whines softly as shuuzou speaks to him before attention turns back to soulmate. somehow, kazuya is not surprised. phone is already in hand, texting lover to let them know that he's with shuuzou and he's in one piece. " how's lunch sound? " ( kazuya doesn't immedately ask. shuuzou doesn't immedately tell. they can talk about whatever happened later. ) " i've been thinking about checking out that new sushi bar. get cleaned up, it's my treat. "

[sociieties]

@peachmuses: ‘  i have never left your side. you left mine, but i never left yours.  ’ / haryou. :)

one day, kazuya will never have to hear about it again, but until then, he's forever haunted by the memory of how he went and left his best friend in the entire world not once, but twice. forever reminded about it, if not by ryou, then himself / and if not by himself, than by others than don't know that the topic is a landmine that ruins his entire day. today / it's late, cold and raining. it's only the third time that he's stayed the night with ryou after they'd made up.

kazuya's gaze is on the window, watching the way the rain pelts down on the window just to fall and split it's own way as ryou brings it up. his hand remain wrapped around the mug of hot cocoa and eventually, he blinks, hidden gaze shifting from window to best friend ( now normal ) and kazuya doesn't refuse to think about it this time. they'd promise to actually talk about the things that bothered them, but did that mean that it happen at around three am when thunder shakes the house and there's once again no one around but the other to catch one if the other is falling?

when he left / the first time / the second time / kazuya never imagined what it did to ryou. if he cried or not / if he bothered looking for kazuya or not / if ryou even cared that kazuya wasn't around anymore. each time, kazuya felt nothing — couldn't. he didn't allow himself to. maybe that's why when his friend finally speaks up on it, it hits him like a shot to the chest and his eyes slowly fall out of focus.

" we were just kids, " he begins, softly, and he knows that it's not enough. the first time he left, they were just kids and there would never be enough apologizing in the world for ryou to ever let it go. they were kids and kazuya's entire life was being uprooted, everything he considered safe and sacred were being threatened. he did what he had to do, did it to survive and manage how far the damage spread. " i'm sorry. "

he's sorry / sorry for leaving / for coming back / for doing more harm than good.

he doesn't know what to think anymore as he didn't necessarily see the point in explaining himself over something that happened when they were children. the second time / kazuya left his most important things and blurred lines.

lightning strikes not too far off, lighting the entire room for a split second and in it, kazuya's thought about bolting. he stays anyway, drinking the rest of his drink before placing empty mug to his right. " when i did it, " which time? " both times — i wasn't looking to hurt you or anything. " that was easier said than done, though. intention and outcome were never the same when he did anything. " i did it for me, because i didn't... i didn't want to make anything worse. " better to walk through hell alone than to drag someone else through it / he can't reach the same thought process behind it anymore. " i don't know. "

a pause / " i didn't do it for you to bring it up any time you feel hurt about something i've done. " he breathes out, eyes back on the window again. " i didn't know what to do with knowing that you'd never go anywhere because that i never get that. " his siblings, his own parents, ryou's parents, nameless faces and old friends / all came and went. kazuya wondered if ryou knew that he needed ryou just as much as ryou needed him. his presence was mandatory, but just as much as it was, kazuya didn't know what to do with such a consistency. better to ruin it before ryou did, he'd think. it would be better for him to burn all his bridges down himself than to be caught in the fire someone else set. " so, " he shrugs, " i did the only thing i knew. what do you want from me? to say that i'll never do it again? "