#ha pros not cause unless i'm pretty drunk in usually know exactly what i'm saying

[rap-monstuh]

Things I Want to Say/Ask You

1. Are you truly okay with Riley?? You wouldn’t care of I know that he’s into me and I’m just hanging with just him and smoking? Would you really be okay?

2. He didn’t say ‘will you ride me’ he said ‘when you ride me’. He’s someone I was kind of Wirth when I was in Korea. And it would have gotten serious if it wasn’t for these problems in order of importance. 1. His personality. It could easily make me angry or upset. Not the best for me,but it wasn’t terrible. Plus he bought me stuff like food all the time to show his affection. But that was the only way he shows his true affection 2. His age. Usually don’t give a shit but see below as to why I did this time. 3. His goals. He was at a way different point in his life. One where he felt stable and so wanted to get married and have kids as soon as possible especially since he felt he was getting older. Not what I wanted. But I know he’s lonely (like you) and so I still talk to him once in a while even though he had been a pervy jerk when texting me recently.

3. Now here, I really don’t go spying on your phone bit when I went to look at it I see that the numbers of notifications change on your dating apps that you still have on your phone. So being a bit curious I checked one and realized you had started a conversation with a girl that day… I even toldyou i checked it though. Anyways kind of sad. So when I ask you about if you’re searching for girls you say friends maybe yet you’re searching specifically girls? And on dating apps??? I know you’re lonely with almost only me…. but they’re dating apps.

4. When you went to sleep in another room so that I can keep watching videos and stay awake, you left your phone, unlocked, in my room. So just to be cheesy and funny I sent a pic that I liked from my phone to your phone and saved it. I went to go change your backgrounds on your phone to that picture and I see your most recent pictures when choosing a picture….. you forgot to delete your dick pics. And also another picture that seems like it was supposed to be flirtatious. So pretty much looks like you have been sexting other girls. Which get into more later.

5. Last time we actually really talked about how I feel… with the lack of affection and sex you basically said you didn’t want to confuse me since he doesn’t feel right to have a girlfriend right now so you didn’t want to have sex with me. How you’re holding yourself back because you haven’t had sex since you went to Thailand either. Which was like okay but we haven’t had sex for almost a month by the time you were leaving for thailand. So, okay you hooked up with a girl I want to say in Thailand? Okay. Whatever can’t say anything cause I’m not your girlfriend.

6. So we spend most of our days with each other, you always want to hold my hand or have me hold onto your arm, you want at least a kiss goodbye whenever I leave, you always want me to spend the night, and we always have to have time to cuddle. But you don’t want to have sex to not confuse me? You should know that it wouldn’t confuse me because you told me you don’t want a girlfriend and I still do all this stuff and more with you and for you. And I’m supposed to fill all these roles except for a sexual one? That one will be filled by some other girls is what it looks like. Which is dumb cause it makes me feel not good about myself and sick eith myself and I’m tired of feeling that way without your help so I don’t need your help in feeling that way in general. You know what you’re right. You didn’t want to confuse me, but congrats you have.

7. For a while my thought on your place in my life was to help and watch you grow into a more stable place in life and better person while I wait for a day when you feel more comfortable with the idea of a girlfriend. Seeing how much time I spend with you, how much I have invested into you. That was when I felt that I had meant something a bit similar in your life. But now, I don’t know what I’m meant to be and I keep thinking I’m nothing more than a distraction from how your life is now. Some kind of comforting distraction. The wanting and willing to wait and invest more into you always dwindles just a tiny bit when I think of all of this. Especially if these thoughts come up when were laying in bed together and cuddling and you calling the dumb but kind of cute nickname of “boocicles”.

8. Your apartment feels like home to you and that’s great and everything so my opinion doesn’t matter when I say if you take out the fact that you have stuff on that tiny kitchen nook and the fridge is stocked, your apartment looks like a drug house they would show in a documentary on TV. There’s barely ANY furniture and it’s just scattered in random places. The living room just has your office stiff like your printer and cords just lying on the ground with a piano keyboard just sitting randomly in the room. A tiny tiny tiny side table is just up against the back wall with nothing else. And the places you have to sit is your office chair and a really old and rusted up fold up chair that was probably a nicer fold up chair at one point but is now looking kind of..mm gross just leaning against another random wall. Was worse when you didn’t have a mattress and was just sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag, but still didn’t help much when you got one cause it’s just lying randomly in the room on the floor. Clothes are just thrown into the closet with only a couple things actually hanging up. The bathroom is not too bad in the fact that it looks like a person actually uses it, but it’s so cluttered and messy. Also should think if getting a trashcan with a lid because if you don’t remember to throw your trash away like you did yesterday your place smells. So again, home to you. But if you plan on bringing girls over to have sex with them that isn’t used to your style of what is home to you then I suggest you organize and make it look less like a hangout for hardcore druggies and drug makers. It might help your chances of getting laid.