#guys it's been so long....... downside of actually having a life smh smh so sad.

[daz4i]

i am asking everyone to come together and manifest a day off for me next thursday so i can get strapped. amen

[kachulein]

🌸85 Questions🌸

Since the last time I did this tag was a few months ago, I thought I’ll do it again. I was tagged by the cutie @taeyongsflatbutt thanks dear💖

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last

1. Drink - tea and water

2. Phone call - I literally never call anyone besides my therapist, so yeah, my therapist :3

3. Text message - I’m currently spamming my baby @taetaejagiyaaa95 with links to dance performances of the dance club I’m in lmao

4. Song you listened to - I’m listening to What Now by Rihanna as I’m writing this (I’m actually listening to the playlist @taetaejagiyaaa95 made for me💖)

5. Time you cried - Today while listening to Grow Up by Stray Kids because the lyrics and the song in general hit me so hard that I cannot listen to it without crying T-T

Ever

6. Dated someone twice - nope, when I end something it’s a definite end and I’m not getting back together with that person

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Actually yes... because there was this one time when this guy pressured me and kind of forced me into kissing him and I didn’t know how to escape ;-;

8. Been cheated on - not that I know of :o

9. Lost someone special - Haven’t we all? :/

10. Been depressed - Probably at some points in my life

11. Gotten drunk and threw up - yup >.< but I was like 13/14 years old back then and a stupid idiot

Fave colors

12. I seriously love all colours

13. Especially pastels

14. and of course black

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - YES💖

16. Fallen out of love - definitely (glares @ ex bf for treating me like crap and just ghosting on me without ever explaining his actions to me...so I guess that’s over for good)

17. Laughed until you cried - I always cry when I laugh tbh and my friends like making fun of me then xD

18. Found out someone was talking about you - probably but I can’t really remember since I push such moments out of my mind

19. Met someone who changed you - I believe every person you meet in your lifetime has some kind of impact (big or small) on you and thus changes you to some extent (maybe only just for the time being they’re in your life but still)

20. Found out who your friends are - Yes, I am actually better at reading people than it may seem^^

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - Idk I don’t use facebook anymore xD

General

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - Again, idk since I don’t use it anymore

23. Do you have any pets - a Kitten💖

24. Do you want to change your name - My last name, yes. Since I don’t like it and people like making fun of it smh

25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went out to dinner with my mom and stepdad and ended up having the whole restaurant sing me happy birthday^^ it was awesome omg

26. What time did you wake up today - At noon I think

27. What were you doing @ midnight last night - I was finishing off a reaction on my blog @kachuwritings and posted it

28. What is something you can’t wait for - My I am WHO album to finally arrive T-T

30. What are you listening to right now - Daya - New

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - nah, I don’t know no Tom :o

32. Something that gets on my nerves - Someone interrupting me when I’m in the middle of daydreaming, people who brag about how great they are and in general just arrogance gets on my nerves a lot, animal cruelty is something that makes me extremely mad and sad and in general people with bad personalities/who abuse others/treat others badly, any form of discrimination and inequality in this world, our society and especially the unrealistic beauty standards our subconscious is being fed through the media 24/7 and so many more

33. Most visited website - Tumblr, YouTube and Vlive

34. Hair color - black^-^

35. Hair long or short - about middle length but I’m growing it out c:

36. Do you have a crush on someone - yesssss but not on someone I know irl glares @ Han Jisung from the other side of the world

37. What do you like about yourself - I really like being an empath tbh because it allows me to fully understand other people’s struggles and it can be nice to feel everything so deeply (love for example) (of course there’s also a downside to it) :3

38. Want any piercings - I already have 8 piercings on my ears but I always thought about getting nipple piercings someday but I honestly don’t know about that one^^’’ what do you think?

39. Blood type - A

40. Nicknames - Kachu

41. Relationship status - married to Han Jisung in my head single like a pringle

42. Zodiac - Aquarius

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fave TV shows (Can I add anime? I don’t watch other TV shows) - Sword Art Online, Tokyo Ghoul, Ouran High School Host Club

45. Tattoos - A violin key with a rose on my right forearm (that I drew myself and it signifies my love for music) and I’m thinking of getting angel wings on my shoulder blades but I need to draw them first kdjdksooidsfuhi

46. Right or left handed - right

47. Ever had surgery - nope

48. piercings - ears

49. Sports - dancing,,,mainly & hula hooping

50. Vacations - I’ve been to England, Spain, France, Germany, Switzerland(of course), Denmark, Czech Republic, Austria, Italy and Greece already but never outside of Europe jckdcudscn but I’m going to South Korea next year c:

51. Trainers - uhm... don’t really know what to answer here???

More general

52. Eating - I ate potato salad for dinner but that was around 6 hours ago lmao

53. Drinking - water^-^

54. I’m about to watch - Nothing since it’s 3.30am and I should go to sleep

55. Waiting - for better days *sigh*

56. Want - to be more motivated and not always feel exhausted and powerless on a daily basis because every little thing gets me overwhelmed lately and I feel so lazy since I lack power to accomplish anything and I have so much shit to do T-T 

57. Get married - not sure ._.

58. Career - Probably psychologist but I’m actually dreaming of becoming a singer&songwriter

Wich is better

59. Hugs or kisses - Depending on my mood either can be better

60. Lips or eyes - ....I love both equally tbh, beautiful eyes and plump lips really affect me sjakdansfunoj Hyunjin’s lips are a good example seriously they look so soft :( and Felix’s eyes are extremely beautiful and big wow

61. Shorter or taller - shorter because I’m too tall and I hate it ._.

62. Older or younger - younger, I don’t wanna grow up the world seems to only get worse the older I get akfnsdfisdsuld

63. Nice stomach or arms - hmmmmm I LOVE slim waists so I guess stomach?

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship!!! ALL. THE. DAMN. WAY. i can’t stand hookup culture :/ (but you do you fam, I’m not gonna judge anyone since it’s none of my business)

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant (I’m a good girl okay :c)

Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger - I don’t think so omg

67. Drank hard liquor - yup, long ago though, I barely drink since I don’t like alcohol due to,,, reasons

68. Lost glasses - surprisingly, no xD

69. Turned someone down - unfortunately, yes :/

70. Sex on first date - It wasn’t a date... o.o it was just a hookup and that made me realize that I dislike sex without love involved and that’s how I found out that hookups are nothing for me^^’’

71. Broken someone’s heart - Probably the people I’ve turned down :/

72. Had your heart broken - ...yes

73. Been arrested - OMG NOOOOOO :o

74. Cried when someone died - Yes

75. Fallen for a friend - No never

Do you believe in

76. Yourself - I really wish I could

77. Miracles - not sure but I hope they’re real T-T

78. Love at first sight - naah

79. Santa Claus - yeeeah no, I’m not 5 years old anymore honey^^

80. Kiss on first date - Sure if it feels right

81. Angels - Not sure o.o

Other

82. Best friend’s name - I don’t have a best friend actually... (applications are open lmao)

83. Eye color - a really ugly brown istg there are so many beautiful kinds of brown eyes out there and mine just look ugly tbh D:

84. Fave movie - I have so many skaudbjf but Harry Potter is pretty high up on the list (I cannot trust people who dislike Harry Potter... my ex disliked it...yeah that just confirmed my hypothesis)

85. Favorite actor/actress - I always liked Audrey Hepburn, Olivia Newton-John, Julia Roberts, Keira Knightley, Emma Watson, Cameron Diaz, Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried, Pierce Brosnan, John Travolta, Patrick Swayze, Jack Black, Logan Lerman, Dylan O’Brien, as well as Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Colin Firth and Hugh Grant - see, I can’t choose D:

soooo that was it yay^^ I’m tagging @marculees @taetaejagiyaaa95 @glamjae @bloomingfantasy @taetarte @1oonar @00njm @star-sam @hyunjinsgiggle @jbemin @orrin-uwu @redcucumbers @donghyuwus @alonelysquid and as always, you don’t have to do it💖

[vaultsixtynine]

okay this is the final post i’m gonna make on pyre for right now, an Idealized version of how i wanted things to go. a proto-fic outline for if i ever get off my ass to write fix-it fic. spoilers obviously

got a little long, but not insurmountably long

zaire gets all of the exiles out except bertrude, volfred, and hedwyn (and herself obviously) - zaire sent jodariel second-to-last, because parting from her was the second worst. she felt she had to keep volfred around to keep the downside half of The Plan intact, and bertrude just didn’t seem like she wanted to leave, really.

but hedwyn... zaire was conflicted. jodariel never brought up the fact that zaire has basically been in love with hedwyn for at least most of the year that they’ve spent together, and zaire was grateful for that. she would rather it remain... unspoken, so that he can go back to his commonwealth life with the woman he claims he loves, etc.

anyway. she sends him back, in the final rite. he tries to give her freedom but she’s openly weeping at this point and she sends him back anyway, mouthing (again because she can’t speak) an ‘i love you’ while holding his hand until he’s whisked away. that’s the last she thinks she’ll ever see of him, and is glad she said That at the very least, so that he knew. 

the uprising happens, bloodlessly. the sahrian union rises to prominence afterwards. she grows incredibly lonely, but more or less disappears from bertrude and volfred’s life to meander the downside by herself. messenger imps occasionally find her with news. she keeps sandra’s orb with her, and they form an even tighter bond than they had previously - zaire doesn’t need a voice to talk to sandra, it’s all in thoughts and she can have herself speak with the voice she once had. 

meanwhile, i feel like i need to add like. a disclaimer here. i love hedwyn but i think he’s a dumbass for thinking that this random harp woman he met once would still remember him after five (six? with the year with the reader) years. supergiant wants me to buy into the romeo/juliet and even if i didn’t have a character stake in this (ie, if my stupidt reader wasn’t in love with his ass) i’d still be skeptical of the overall thing. so. disclaimer: this isn’t purely tied to my desire to depict zaire and hedwyn together, though that is a factor and i feel like the fact that it’s a factor makes me a bit less credible b u t ; 

so: meanwhile, hedwyn tries to track down fikani and does so, but she just isn’t. interested. in him anymore. it’s been five years, they met once, and even initial attraction can’t really make her wait for literally five years for a random cute guy. worst case scenario, she was just distracting him for the subsequent raid for which he wasn’t present to ring the alarm, and best case scenario she’s like a normal person who doesn’t pine for someone she met once for five years. 

hedwyn is thus violently bunced out of his idealized ‘love at first sight, romeo n juliet’ scenario, and is subsequently despondent. he relies on jodariel for support and she’s just like smh. you gotta figure this out on your own, boy. you had someone who loved you a lot and you loved them back but you were too fixated on this Idea of A Woman to actually parse that, so. again, your issue to solve.

other outcasts do well - the ones she liberated. they find their places in the new country, and many search for a way to free the exiles left behind. i’m still not convinced that The Only Way Back is via the 8 scribes, but i think that figuring out another way would be very Difficult.

zaire herself thinks about the fact that the original way into the downside was via the river - the thinnest place between the discrete worlds. she doesn’t know if she really wants to fight a force of nature to get back to the place she came from, but she also wants to see all her friends again. she’s very, very sad and lonely. and she knows she sacrificed herself for her friends willingly but that doesn’t... that doesn’t make her feel better, in the aftermath. she spectates manley’s attempts to get out, and all his failures. 

she starts getting actual letters from hedwyn, and sends the messenger imps back with replies of her own. they’re bright spots, really, the only ones she has besides chatting with sandra. 

and i don’t know if she ever gets out, but i do think she tries at some point. not via holy rites, but careful exploration of the natural boundaries of the downside vs. the larger world. i think after a few failures she’d probably just say goodbye to volfred and bertrude and make the long climb back up to the place where she last saw her friends disappearing into the stars and falling off the edge of that mountain, like orech (sp? for some reason i’m having a problem remembering his name) did. it’s not a pretty death, sure, but she made sure that volfred would send her goodbyes via messenger imp, and that’s enough, right. it’ll have to be.

alternate version of this: she left volfred, bertrude, and ti’zo behind, sent everyone else home - and then volfred, whom she tried to liberate in the last right, instead gave liberty to her. and she was so prepared to give away her liberty to ALL of them that she’s stunned into not replying (with her hands or anything else) - and volfred gently pushes her into the shimmer-pool or whatever before she can fight him about it.

the rest is much the same regardless of if she gets out The Hard Way or The Easy Way - hedwyn realizing he’s a damn fool, etc., but in this case she actually gets to walk the world again, see her friends, hold their hands. and Something Something emotional confession session with hedwyn, who just. he’s finally realized that the ~year he spent with her was filled w some of the most love-filled moments he’s ever experienced, but he was so fixated on fikani, etc, that he never noticed them for what they were. that Feeling of realizing you really, really love your best friend - that hits you like a brick wall of stunning realization. and then (in the easy ending) she stood next to him while they overthrew the commonwealth’s corrupt government, and he just.

anyway. she either meanders the downside alone for all her days, finds a way back from the downside, or swapped places with the man who had his time, and passed it to her in recognition and reward for her selfless actions (volfred ofc) - and i guess these are three very different endings, but she doesn’t regret any of the journeys with the nightwings. she doesn’t regret making the best friends she ever had in her short life, or helping them find freedom; it’s only what comes afterwards that she has the possibility of regretting (a lifetime alone, a quick, chosen death, or a long struggle to get back to her friends) (or, in the nice ending, she’s just deposited back automatically, and helps in the uprising and subsequently helps with the literacy stuff because it’s what volfred would have wanted, and she wants to honor him)

and she sails with pamitha, and visits rukey while he works, and maybe opens up an antique shop from which she sells some of ron’s goods, and visits jodariel often for tea, fae in tow. her short, miserable life could have ended in the downside, but instead she had the time of her life, and made friends who truly care about her and accept her for who she is - no voice and all.