#guys i love her shes so spinel coded

[valer13sval3ntine]

geniunely hate how this turned out take it before i rip. my. scalp off and. escape. the . evil. barber.

[faelapis]

Help, 2 of my best friends think Spinel going with the Diamonds at the end throws away her character arc because she goes from her toxic dependant relationship with Pink to the Diamond's codependant adoration. They know that the show is likely to go into their dinamic in season 6, but they don't care since they think the movie should stand on it's own. I think their relationship will give them all a chance to grow, but I can't help seeing their point.

so… here’s the thing. i think the movie intentionally leaves room for feeling like spinel and the diamonds rushed into things because they’re both quite early in their growing process, but i would hesitate to call it toxic codependence (it’s more of an intentionally flawed starting point), or in any way a break from their character growth or the film’s themes as a standalone piece. i’d like to point out three things:

point one: most familial relationships start out on the basis of knowing someone else related to the person. like. your grandparents wouldn’t take an interest in getting to know you if you weren’t their child’s child. that’s just how it works. 

and this is kind of similar - if “daughter-coded” is a thing, then pink diamond is that in relation to the other diamonds. and the diamonds have always loved gemkind *in relation to their diamond* - like, in a “we take care of our people because they’re Ours” kind of way. all gems are made by the diamonds, and if that’s the case, then the ‘daughter diamond’s’ gems may be perceived as a kind of grandchild or psuedochild it’s important to preserve and protect. 

so that’s a very benign, “we’re gonna take care of what our child made” read on it. which is pretty hard to say is inherently abusive or codependent, i think.

point two: the movie’s point is not to entirely undo spinel’s and the diamond’s issues. so to read it as a failed attempt to do so is, i think, incorrect. 

by contrast, the movie really stresses how you SHOULDN’T think there’s an endpoint to your growth. you have to keep trying to become better. you may have to keep struggling your entire life. that is very much compatible with the characters still being somewhat flawed by the end of it. it reinforces the movie’s message, rather than working against it. it’s thematically consistent.

if the movie has a thesis statement, it’s this: “there’s no such thing as happily ever after. i’ll always have more work to do”.

this is reinforced by the finale song in a number of more subtle ways: 

“happily ever after, there we were - and here we are” implies we are now somewhere else. “i’ll be ready every day, for as long as (…) i’m in the future with my friends - that’s why happily ever after never ends” carries that through. here, instead of meaning “complacent happiness without growth”, steven transforms the “happily ever after” concept into his own, more accurate version. the meaning he gives it is “i’ll keep growing with my friends by my side, and i’ll be ready to change & work on myself for the rest of my life”.

this is also reinforced by spinel herself. she admits that friendship isn’t going to be easy for her. she has to work on herself. that’s a blatant reminder to the audience that she’s ready to keep growing instead of becoming complacent - and it’s a reminder placed right before the diamonds arrive. that’s not subtle. 

so the intent here isn’t to give spinel a perfectly happy ending - it’s sweet, but its primary purpose is acknowledging the possibility of healing by giving her a new beginning. a chance to have a relationship with people she hasn’t hurt. “i’ve already messed things up with you”. this was the same thing blocking steven & the diamonds’ relationship. they’d already hurt him. so he was uncomfortable spending all his time with them. 

“you guys have really gotten better at showing affection” has two meanings. 

1. i’m proud of your progress.

2. there was a time you guys were awful at this. towards me. i remember that.

and one does not erase the other. steven is genuinely happy for the diamonds! he’s not about to downplay their growth or abandon their cooperative partnership - but he’s not gonna let them smother him either. he wants his own life.

point three: the diamonds and spinel have genuinely grown.

no, not in the way where they are no longer flawed. that would be weird. the diamonds still primarily relate to others through a “diamond’s creation” lens, even if they are making the effort to see those creations as equal. 

spinel, on her side, is not too trusting as much as she’s still trying to find a puzzle piece to fit a void inside of her. but that’s kinda normal, at this point in her development. everyone needs reasons to keep going in life when everything falls apart, and those reasons need not be perfectly fulfilling - they just have to be enough for the person in question (for now). 

so okay, how have they grown?

spinel is growing past her toxicity. her issue was not so much codependence as it was an inability to handle rejection and abandonment. those things are connected, sure, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with latching onto someone. even someone you have a familial connection with. the problem is when that becomes so all-consuming - as it did with pink, albeit understandably - that one lashes out in its absence. 

and the first step towards dealing with that is acknowledging one’s flawed behavior. which spinel does, finally, when she realizes she can’t hurt steven anymore and trying isn’t making her happy. she understands that she’s being ridiculous, toxic, and the antithesis to a good friend.

also, spinel accepted that she’s not entitled to anyone’s friendship. heck, she thought she may be alone for a while, and still thinks that working on herself is a prerequisite for keeping friends. that cannot be undone by finding someone else willing to give friendship a try. this, along with the understanding of “no happily ever afters”, shows that she is self-aware and won’t let herself get complacent in this new relationship. she’s gonna keep trying every day, just like steven.

so in summary, for spinel - she’s unlearning her toxic behavior patterns, trying to undo her damage, self-aware about her flaws, and wants to start over with new friendships. none of which is undone by the diamonds.

as for how the diamonds have grown - firstly, in actually listening to people. 

communication on equal grounds is the first step towards better relationships. this is perhaps obvious, but their flaw was never exactly codependence, either. it was a power imbalance where they ignored, tormented and condescended their “daughter” into running away. steven has helped them realize how they were wrong to do so, how their perfectionism didn’t justify what they did to pink. or to anyone else. or to themselves. 

so now, they’ve come face-to-face with their self-justification and found it invalid. they have to start over from there. they have no excuse not to listen to people anymore, and are still figuring out how to do right by others.

this is something they’re actively trying to correct - firstly, with steven, who they Very Much listen to. to the point of putting him on a pedestal. this is perhaps an overcorrection, along the lines of how rebecca sugar described peridot’s turn as, at least at her “new recruit” stage, overzealousness towards a form of caring that had never been on her radar before. 

this, of course, steven partially rejects (albeit gently) and tries to distance himself from. it’s not untrue that they’re not entirely over pink, either. for him, that’s still a sore point. but they are trying to grow & listen to others, however slowly.

like spinel, they understand they have flaws. they are earnestly trying to correct them. what both sides “need” is a chance to put these lessons into practice, forming new relationships instead of insisting on clinging to someone you’ve hurt (like they both tried with steven). 

now, they will attempt with each other. perhaps successfully, perhaps not, but nevertheless, it’s a chance to grow together, with a newfound understanding of how they, themselves, can screw it up. that, in  itself, is a good thing.

it’s a flawed starting point, because the characters themselves are supposed to still be flawed, yes. but to say that this undoes their growth, i think, is quite… heartless. like. they don’t need to be alone and in pain until they’re Perfectly Emotionally Mature, and only Then do they get to have relationships again. that’s not how people heal. they should be allowed to try, fail, explore, try again. that’s certainly in line with the movie’s core message.

[katy-keepthefiregoing]

A concept to reflect on

- Pink came from a world where lesser gems were often seen as objects. Walls and sidewalks of Homeworld are made of gems, instruments are made of gems and the shattering of a gem was not a big deal. - Pink herself was treated as a lesser gem than the other Diamonds. - Pink was pretty much always alone and she craved her sisters/mothers attention and respect. - Pink was only considered when she could entertain the other Diamonds and was never taken seriously. - Pink’s playful and childish nature is what kept the other Diamonds from considering her an equal and giving her her due respect as a leader. - Pink always had to fight and shout to be heard by her sisters/mothers. - Pink was (quite surely) mentally, physically and emotionally abused, even if the Diamonds didn’t directly intend to (in fact, I believe White is coded as a mental abuser, Blue as emotional and Yellow as physical). Pink was grabbed and hurt by Yellow, closed off in isolation and starved of light by White, and manipulated into crying and feeling guilt by Blue. - Pink Pearl was taken away due to Pink’s “excessive fun-time” and abused by White.

And you’d think that with all these premises, she was gonna bring Spinel along with her on Earth? Spinel, the gem purposely manufactured to be her “best friend” either she wanted it or not, and was therefore absurdly attached to her to the point of never letting her have any personal space (she had Spinel on a garden for a reason, I guess)? The gem that had an EXTREME childish behavior, just like the one the other Diamonds were always judging and punish Pink for? The gem that did all the things the other Diamonds expected NOT to do to be taken seriously? And Pink should have taken her on her very first colony, the first and only chance she had to prove herself worthy to be a Diamond? Nah-ah. She wanted to be recognized as capable as the others, no way she was going to risk messing things up. And Spinel would have probably messed things up, let’s be real. Keep in mind Pink never expected to fall in love with Earth and do what she did; she departed from Homeworld with the idea of building a great and thriving colony. She wasn’t gonna have time to play silly games anymore. Was Pink selfish? Of course. But her not wanting Spinel around is understandable.  Did she think Spinel would have waited for her 6000 years? No. She probably told her to stand still only to get to the wrap without Spinel following her, like when you trick a little child to deviate their attention; she evidently didn’t think it through. Could have Pink managed the situation better? Again, of course. She could have talked with Spinel and try to reason with her, maybe finding a new solution for her. maybe getting back to her and resolve thing somehow. Same goes with the whole Bismuth episode. But Pink simply doesn’t do that ever; Steven does. Why? Well... Where could Pink had learned that from, the art of resolving conflict through talking and recognizing everyone as a feeling being? The understanding that one’s actions, even the smallest ones, can truly affect another mind and behavior?  From White? Blue, Yellow? The gem crushers, tyrants and abusers? I don’t think so. Pink tried. She tried to be better ad she wanted to be free. She was the only gem to notice all the life her kind was destroyed, to see that it was “wrong”, the only one to be open-minded about fusion and unicity of others, and the only one to take the first stance against the oppressive system. Many of the concepts that are the cores of Steven’s character, she didn’t learn the existence of until Greg came into the picture. And even after that, I have no idea how much she actually grasped them, as we never truly got a chance to see her growing arch. She knew there was “something more” there, something a gem that was built and born to fit into a hierarchical system was never gonna truly understand. So she found that only a being that was able to grow and change like a human could learn these things...She wanted Steven to be born because she wanted him to have the best of both worlds, something she couldn’t have. The most powerful kind of gem, with the power to change for the better. Am I excusing Pink for her actions? No. But I’m understanding them to a certain extent. She didn’t know any better and she couldn’t be better than she was back then. She saved humans and the Earth, she let fusions like Garnet be themselves, she tried to free the gems, she refused to ever crush any gem. She made Steven and that, whatever her intentions were, was truly the best choice she ever made. Overall, she did both good and bad things. She was never malicious, though, so we should give her that. In fact, I believe she is a pretty tragic character. The community have accepted the redemption of many “bad guys” through Steven’s intervention, but will never accept Pink as a good-hearted being simply because she never got a chance to have her own “arch” under everyone’s eyes, and I believe that’s a too simplified and one-sided way to look at her character..

[tracingstarlight-archive]

Spinelle and Connie

heheh spinelle

Spinel

favorite thing about them: can I say her va? Sarah's performances are incredible

least favorite thing about them: I don't like reset!Spinel. She gets on my nerves. I'm just not a fan of small children in general I guess

favorite line: tie between "spinel, what is wrong with you?!" "oh, y'know... the usual" and "you forgot your foot-thong thingy!"

brOTP: honestly, I don't really have one!

OTP: ...conniel. stevinel's a close second.

nOTP: spinel/pink diamond. they only knew each other when spinel was coded like five so shipping them makes me pretty uncomfortable. (you guys are still valid tho)

random headcanon: her pigtails get really droppy when she's sad

unpopular opinion: there is literally nothing wrong with stevinel she is a teenager ok

song i associate with them: cough cupcakes by futret cough cough

favorite picture of them:

Connie

favorite thing about them: badass sword bisexual, what's not to love??

least favorite thing about them: her lack of fashion sense in future, the crewiverse did u dirty connie

favorite line: "It must be hard for him having to be the adult for a bunch of super-powered children!"

brOTP: her and Steven! While both are good, I prefer queerplatonic connverse to romantic

OTP: Conniel, which is such a rare pair that I have yet to find another person who ships it.

nOTP: Connie/Pearl. I'm not a huge fan of relationships that have questionable power dynamics (y'all are still valid tho, don't let me stop you)

random headcanon: has at least two knives on her person at all times

unpopular opinion: I honestly didn't have a problem with her characterization in future (I don't tend to look too far into things lol).

song i associate with them: for some reason sleepless by almainey??? I can't think of a reason why. Maybe cause Connie was the lofi girl that one time? idk my brain is weird

favorite picture of them:

LOOK AT HER GO. FABULOUS SWORD BISEXUAL. I'M INCREDIBLY FUCKING GAY FOR HER.

[writtenbyrosey]

Why I Think Steven Is Making Himself Into A Monster While Blaming It On His Gem

I’m going to start by talking a lot about Pink Diamond.

Yes, yes. We all know that-

...Right. That she’s gone.

But.. with everything that’s been happening during Steven Universe FEAR, I can’t help but think back to 3 Gems and a Baby, Change Your Mind, and the movie.

Here’s what I think’s goin on...

In Three Gems and a Baby, Garnet Amythest and Pearl each had different theories in regards to who or what Steven was. 

Amythest thought Pink was simply shapeshifting into Steven, Steven merely being a disguise and Pink pretending to be Steven. Garnet thought Steven was a fusion between Greg and Pink, also assuming that Pink was aware and that she was only remaining fused as Steven as to not be rude to Greg.

But Pearl’s theory is what’s been bothering me lately...

We know that in a way, all three of them are correct. 

That in order to even carry a fetus, Pink must have shape-shifted a womb inside her body so that she could properly incubate a child with Greg’s DNA. In order to mimic DNA that could ‘fuse’ with Greg’s, I speculate that she became one with the fetus upon his birth somehow. I’m guessing that once Steven no longer resided in her shapeshifted womb, where a child’s normal umbilical cord would be, that was also a shapeshifted part of herself. She used that cord to connect Steven to her gem, not to provide him with food (although she probably HAD to eat organic food so that Steven’s organic body could grow), but to provide his developing anatomy with her own ‘data’ so that the child would absorb aspects of herself. 

Once Steven was born, the shapeshifted illusion of what allowed Pink to be an individual while he grew would no longer be enough to keep him alive. This explains why she had to give up her physical form. This is where Pearl’s theory takes effect. During his birth, she had to poof so that her gem would always be able to provide Steven with half of what makes him whole. I couldn’t really see properly in ‘Growing Pains’, but I don't think Steven had a heartbeat at all! That would make sense because, without Pink’s gem, he wouldn’t be able to exist in the first place.

So all that being said, I believe Pink’s gem DID hold her consciousness while Steven developed his own. Remember what Pink said in her video to Steven. 

“Steven, we can’t both exist. I’m going to become half of you. And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself, that’s me, loving you and loving being you. Because you’re going to be something extraordinary. You’re going to be a human being. Take care of them, Steven.”

(This sentence is important and I'm going to mention it for another point later on: And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself, that’s me, loving you and loving being you.”)

If gems are computers, their ‘soul’ would be equivalent to a user’s files where their data would be stored, and the FOLDER that data is stored on would be the physical GEM. When Pink became Rose, nothing was changed in terms of her soul or her files, so it would be the equivalent of just renaming that folder something else. That is what pure shapeshifting would be in this case.

When Steven was conceived, Pink preparedly provided a shapeshifted female human reproductive system, which like the rest of her abilities, was powered by her Gem. When uh.. ermm... pink diamond’s file was edited with a sort of... ‘unrecognized genetic coding’ (I didn’t want to straight-up say Greg’s jizz lol) those files would begin to dramatically alter as Steven developed his own consciousness. So once Steven was born and began to experience life (ie: develop his first memories, learn skills like talking, develop likes and dislikes) every new development in Steven’s brain, every ORGANIC development from his human side began to OVERWRITE Pink diamonds files. It’s like when your computer begins to run out of file space, out of memory, what does it do to make space? 

It deletes old files.

Going off of this logic, by the time Change Your Mind aired, Pink, or to make this simpler we’ll just say Pink’s gem, had existed as half of Steven for 14+ years. I think it would be the equivalent of two users sharing a computer. Whenever Steven was running low on memory, Pink very willingly began to purposely and consciously delete parts of what made her well... her. So that Steven could be anyone he wanted to be.

Her words in that video:  “-Every moment you love being yourself, that’s me, loving you and loving being you. Because you’re going to be something extraordinary. You’re going to be a human being.”

Now I’m gonna be real with ya’ll. I believe that Pink AT THE BEGINNING wanted Steven for a selfish reason. Put down your pitch forks okay?? I said at the beginning! Originally, YEAH. She DID want an escape. She DID want to avoid taking responsibility for all her mistakes! I believe from when Steven was a newborn until he was like 7 or 8 probably, Pink was FULLY aware, she was FULLY herself and COMPLETELY feeling/seeing everything Steven could. She was literally an AUDIENCE member in Steven’s mind, watching and experiencing THROUGH him what it was like to BE him. Like a demon possessing a person, but not trying to control them in any way. Just.. squatting. Chilling in there and sharing in everything Steven felt or saw without him even realizing. 

ONLY MAYBE did she make her presence known through relevant dreams now and again, when her memories were stirred by what Steven was living.

ANYWAY like I said, I think it started this way. But I believe just like Steven has done for every other damn character in this fantastic show, Pink changed because of her experience being him. And let me ask all of you this. 

Would the OLD SELFISH SPINEL ABANDONING BISMUTH BUBBLING PEARL DUMPING GREG ABANDONING FALSE PROMISE INSTILLING CONDESCENDING PINK WE KNOW, WILLINGLY allow herself to slowly and completely fade away from existence, just to give this weird human gem hybrid experiment she created his own identity? 

No. 

But the Pink that spent almost a decade in the shoes of (thanks to Greg’s intense empathy soaked parenting) the most selfless, kind and innocent child? The Pink that FELT how good Steven felt when he helped others? Would THAT Pink just take away the life she’d given to him, just because if she didn’t she would cease to exist?  

Obviously not. I mean..

GUYS. Can you IMAGINE how HORRIBLE it would be to SLOWLY, memory by fucking memory, erase yourself? Like it’d probably be painful, confusing, just day by day slowly forgetting who you are, who you knew, your friends, your memories, your IDENTITY, your CONTROL! OH MY GOD WHAT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO PINK THAN CONTROL?? Nothing! That’s all she wanted! That’s all she was after! Control over her own life! Freedom! Being able to change! To GROW! 

And yet.. she gave ALL OF THAT UP so that Steven could be who he is.

And the proof of that is 100% at this moment when White rips Pink’s gem OUT of Steven, and when it forms without him, all that’s left is the SHADOWS, the ECHO of who she used to be once upon a time. Because that gem is like 1% Pink, 99% Steven.

Without Steven, her gem is aimless, purposeless, devoid of ANY emotion or personality. It has ONE GOAL. To become Steven. The only part of Pink that may have been aware from within Pink Steven, that teeny tiny sliver of her data that might have remained. All it wanted was to be Steven. 

THAT would have been an amazing place for the series to end, at least for the sake of Steven’s identity crisis. When he saw his gem half, he was so relieved to not see his mother. Because his whole life he was struggling with NOT BEING HIS MOTHER. He FINALLY FIGURED OUT that HE IS HIS OWWWWNNNNN PERSON! 

YAY! 

...

And then THIS shit happened.

UGH. That rejuvenation... It RUINED EVERYTHING for him.

We know from the movie that it set back all of the gems to factory settings. To their default. It completely wiped their memories!

The movie insinuated that it set Steven back to when he was a kid, and that he regained his abilities when he regained his sense of how he grew and changed from that helpless kid with no powers..

But is that all there is to it? A lot of people bring up the possibility that Pink Diamond was reset from within Steven, that she’s trying to get out from the inside of him, hence everything going on with his body in SUF. The enlarging of his body makes some people think that Pink diamond doesn’t recognize Steven, is somehow completely aware that she is trapped within him, and that she is fighting for freedom etc.

I don't think that’s it at all.

I think the rejuvenator did more than what the movie concluded, but I don’t agree with the pink diamond is corrupting steven from the inside out theories. Not at all.

If Pink Diamond and Steven were still sharing his gem, just like I had speculated before, in his early development, if they were struck with the rejuvenator THEN? Yeah. Then I’d think there was some merit to the “Pink is trying to escape Steven’s fleshy prison” theories. But what happened during Change Your Mind, that completely convinced me that if not 100%, then at least 98-99% of Pink’s data has been overwritten with Steven’s data. Resetting a computer would NOT restore data that has been overwritten. 

Therefore, I think Pink Diamond has absolutely NOTHING to do with Steven’s corruption. He is 100% corrupting because of his own mentality, because of his gem reacting to puberty charged testosterone mixing with the cortisol surging through him due to his untreated PTSD. 

Think about it.

What happens when you take a hormonal teenager and cross it with a shell-shocked war veteran who’s been having an identity crisis since he was ten?

Well. You get Steven. 

I think the rejuvenator erased everything he was able to realize at the end of Change Your Mind. It took away his sense of self. At the end of that episode, after he fused with his gem half, he said “It’s me. I’ve always been... me.”

I find it very suspicious that each gem struggled with memory loss, not only as Steven acknowledged in the movie, that he forgot ‘how much he’d changed’ and that he ‘was capable’. He also forgot AND HAS YET TO REMEMBER that he is himself. He may have inherited his gem from his mother, and with that comes her IMMENSE powers and abilities. But that’s all. Maybe that, and a tiny teeny ghost of a sliver of how much she loves him. 

BUT REMEMBER THAT LINE I SAID I’D BRING BACK FROM HER TAPE??

“every moment you love being yourself, that’s me, loving you and loving being you.”

“every moment you love being yourself, that’s me, loving you and loving being you.”

“every moment you love being yourself, that’s me, loving you and loving being you.”

Hey, guys? Does Steven still love being himself?

Or did he forget the very reason why he once did?

That’s why he’s physically beginning to look like his mother. Because that is who he is blaming for all of his self-hate. Because he looks at his gem and these stress-related painful changes and BLAMES his mother, as if she is somehow currently punishing him, trying to force him to become her.

But it’s ALL in his head.

He hates himself because, thanks to the rejuvenator, he’s forgotten the reason why he loves himself. He hasn’t remembered because he doesn’t realize that’s what his problem is! He was sent back to thinking he still is his mom.

He gets these flashbacks, these moments where his gem is struggling to remember why he is allowed to love being himself, only remembering the pain of his gem being ripped out and the fear it causes prevents him from remembering anything after that. I’d be shocked if he remembered what his gem turned into once he was separated. It’s not like anyone ever mentioned it again? Or brought it up to him. He hasn't been ASKED. 

So because he forgot, he’s just left with this emptiness. With this horrible gaping question of “Who am I?” 

And he tried all the unhealthy ways of coping. #relatable

-Controlling others lives so he could feel a sense of control over himself (Little Homeschool/Guidance)

-Replacing the idea of his mother with something new / forcing himself to be okay with the idea of his mother and faking a normal family context around her (Rosebuds)

-Fixing unfixable problems so he could feel like he doesn’t need to be fixed (Volleyball)

-Justifying his own paranoia by projecting it onto other unrelated situations, only to second guess his originally correct intuition about a malicious individual, and then figure out he was right in the first place. Instead of confirming to himself that he has decent intuition, he doubles down on deciding not to trust the advice of others. Also begins focusing on the constant presence of threats, as if he will never be safe.(Bluebird)

-Burns himself out from throwing himself into activities that keep him busy, even though he doesn't really feel passionate about those activities anymore, because instead of doing little homeschool cuz he enjoys it, all he wants is the resulting approval from others. he does. whatever anyone asks him to resulting in exhaustion and feeling like a failure, all in an attempt to feel like he is needed in order to emulate a form of love he cannot give himself. (very special episode/In Dreams)

-Misinterprets the gems concern and nostalgia cravings because of insecurities in which he feels like the others want him to be someone he's not and becomes resentful for not being respected for ‘who he is’, even though he won't admit that he doesn't actually even know who he is (because he doesn't fucking remember!!) (Snow Day)

-Feels like he’s being personally victimized and abandoned when his friends begin to move on without him to pursue their own dreams and ambitions, and allows that resentment to build while lying and saying he doesn’t blame them for leaving him behind. (Little Graduation/Prickly Pair)

-He focuses on what he can’t relate to when it comes to the human side of life that he feels he's been robbed of. Proceeds to try to solve this and everything mentioned before by running away and becoming someone else (Stevonnie) with no regard for how Connie would feel as an individual (Kinda sounds like what his mom and Greg did - the thing he was super pissed at them for. Ahhh projection and lack of self-awareness in teenagers is staggering) (Bismuth casual / together forever / growing pains / Mr. universe)

-Completely gives into his rage as an outlet, but allows it to overtake him. Having immense power + PTSD induced cortisol + Rage + Puberty charged testosterone = a very dead cheeto puff. Steven does something horrible that he himself said was something “a crystal gem would never do” and as far as we know, is something his own supposedly HORRIBLE mother didn’t even do. So he forces himself to believe he's not only done something a diamond would do, but by seeing the diamonds, he realizes that the diamonds are actually bettering themselves and trying to make up for the crimes they committed, while Steven thinks there's no way he could ever make up for what he did, even if he was able to bring Jasper back. Hits rock bottom. (Fragments / Homeworld Bound)

Shattering a gem betrays who Steven is at his core, and even if he remembers who he is and that he IS his own person, now he has no choice but to believe, at least according to his own morals, that he’s an even worse person than every single individual he had been resenting/judging. 

This isn’t Human Steven VS Gem Steven.

This isn’t Pink Diamond trying to take back her gem.

This is Steven hating himself and making himself suffer. This is Steven never asking for help out of fear that he might somehow destroy the happy ending that he helped everyone else achieve. This is Steven forgetting who he is and failing to realize that he can’t do everything on his own, that he can’t fix everything, and that he can’t make it through life without letting people help him when he needs it.

This is Steven believing that he doesn’t deserve to be happy.

I anxiously anticipate this Friday, and I hope that all the people who love him can save him before he destroys himself. 

This is and will always be one of the best shows I’ve ever seen.

[blueberryrock]

Hey guys and gals, here is chapter two with a maybe working link, and last time I forgot to actually put up the first chapter... I'm still new here...Anyways here is the second chapter. The next one will come put on Saturday, don't ask me what time because it differs

Enjoy!

Four weeks later

(Yellow's POV)

The big aqua blue doors open with a SWISH, I enter Blue Diamond's working chambers, her throne's back is facing the doorway and there is a bucket on the right side of the throne.

Then it hits like a bunch of asteroids, the pungent smell of sweat and stomach fluids.

"B-blue?" I call out, I make my way over to her throne to find her in a horrendous state.

Her once beautiful blue skin is now sweaty, cold, and almost a pale grey. The bags under her eyes only gotten worse, and her hair has now officially turned white.

"Blue what happened?" I ask, kneeling down and leaning in front of her, I accidentally close some of the screens that were up.

"I-i" she tries to says something but she starts shivering, "I don't k-know what's w-wrong with me." She tries to bring one of the screens back with her frail shaky hand.

I carefully grab the very cold hand, I start to rub slow circles on the back of her hand. "Maybe we should call Steven" I suggest. She makes a very small nod.

I carefully put her hand in her lap as I stand up, I grab the diamond communcatior that's in the left armrest, and I turn it to Steven's color.

It takes a few seconds for him to pick up "oh hey guys how is Spi-Blue are you okay" he asks worriedly.

She slowly shakes her head, she starts to shiver again "we don't know what's wrong, and I am very concerned" I state "could this be that vodka thing Amethyst gave us?"

Steven shakes his head "no, usually that only last very shorty and it's been a couple weeks, this is something different...can gems get sick?"

"Not from what I know of, and I don't think she is si-" I get cut off by Blue making a weird gaging noise "B-blue?"

Blue leans over the right side of her chair and gets sick in the bucket, "I-i have to call you back" I try to turn off the communcatior but I'm not really paying attention to it.

"Yellow wai-" Steven gets cut off as I finally press the right button.

After blue is done she sits up slowly "c-can you help me to my sleeping c-chambers?" she tries to get up, but she just falls back down.

I offer her my hand, she grabs it with her freezing hands and pulls her self up, as she stands I notice she is a bit thinner. She lets out a groan, I wrap my right arm around her waist to keep her up.

I slowly and carefully lead her out of working chambers, and we make our way to her chambers, we pass a few worried topazes as we walk to a big blue door.

The blueish-grey bridge that leads to Blue's chambers is outside, so when I open the door the wind starts to pick up and Blue shivers even more.

"Don't worry, we're almost there" I try to reassure Blue, I rub small circle in her side. We slowly make our way over the bridge, to the big doors that lead into her chambers.

"I'm going to let go of you so I can open the door, do you think you can manage" I look at Blue, a few sweat beads have formed on her pale face.

She nods slowly, I remove my arm from her side, I prop her against the wall so she won't fall. I bend down a little and punch in the code, the doors open with a swoosh, a blast of warm air hit us.

I wrap my right arm around Blue's waist and lead her into the warm room, I never really liked decorating, but Blue loves it.

When you walk in the door there is a big blue canopy bed with matching blue bedside tables in front of you, to the left of the bed, there is a navy blue vanity, the frame of the mirror is a few shades lighter the dresser part and is teardrop-shaped.

In the middle of the room is a big plush carpet, it's a baby blue color and in the shape of Blue's gem cut. To the right of the bed, there is a door that leads to her extraction chambers.

I carefully lead Blue to her bed, I move the curtains that are hanging from the top, I gradually lower Blue onto the plush bed. She lets out a groan as she lays down on her back.

I kneel down right in front of her. "Are you comfortable?" I ask her.

"Y-yes" Blue replies weakly.

"Is there anything you need me to get?" I ask.

"I don't k-know" she turns her head to look at me, those once beautiful cerulean blue eyes, are now a dull blue.

"Should I contact White?" I ask her.

"N-no, I don't want to interrupt her and Spinel's time" she replies slowly. Four days before Blue is 'sick', White decided to take Spinel to visit one of her colonies a 'vacation', whatever that is.

"Should I contact Steven again and ask him to come here with his friends?" I move so I can stand on my knees. Blue gives me a small nod.

I stand up and I open the drawer of the table, I grab the emergency diamond line Blue keeps in here, I twist it to Steven's colors and I wait for him to pick up.

I turn and sit down on the bed, right beside blue, I take one of her still cold hands. Steven picks up quickly, but this time he has theGarnet with him.

"Yellow how's Blue?" Steven frantically asks. Blue lets out a groan in reply. "I don't think this is corruption" Steven says to himself.

"I have an idea of what it could be, but, Yellow can you angle the communcatior so we can see Blue's face?" Garnet asks, I nod and I bring it closer to Blue's face, she squints a bit from the light.

Garnet leans in a little to look at pale Blue's face with a concerned look, even after what happened thousands of years ago, and she will never forgive Blue, Garnet still kinda wants to help her. Cause nobody deserves to suffer.

"So, tell me, how are you feeling?" Garnet asks after examine the ill-looking diamond.

"I feel like crap" she says, crap was a new one to me, Steven has been teaching us new words, so has that Amethyst. But Steven's pearl said we shouldn't say those words around him.

"I-it feels like som-mething is moving around in-nside of me" Blue says weakly. She lets out a small cough, huh that new and bad.

"I think I might know what this is, but you should probably contact White diamond" Garnet moves back to her original stance.

"N-no" Blue says, she tries to sit up a bit and shivers more. I put the communcatior on the bedside table and I help her get under the blankets. I sit back down on the comfy bed.

"Blue, we have to, something is clearly wrong with you, we have no choice" I growl "they can bitch about it later"

"But" Blue gets cut off

"Maybe we should go to homeworld to fully examine you and if it's really bad, then we can contact White" Steven says, Garnet nods in agreement.

Blue frowns, "sounds good to me, it should only take a couple of cycles for you guys to get here" I turn to look at blue "I'm sure we can manage until you arrive"

Blue lets out a groan, either from protest or pain.

"And I hope it's okay if I bring Pearl and Amethyst, right?" Steven asks Blue starts making the gagging noise again so I quickly say yes and turn off the communcatior.

Luckily, it was a false alarm. I message my pearl to bring a bucket and some water to Blue's chambers.

"Yellow" Blue croaks out my name, I turn to look at her "Yes, my love". She snakes her cold hand from under the blankets to grab my hand.

"I feel like I'm dying" she rubs her thumb in circles on the back of my hand.

"Don't worry, we will find out what's wrong with you" I squeeze her hand lightly, her still vibrant pale eyes stares into mine.

"Please l-lay with me" she asks weakly. I open my mouth to reply but the big blue doors open, letting in unwanted light.

"My dia-Yellow and Blue diamond, the bucket and water as requested" my Pearl salutes us as she walks into the once dim room, followed by some Amethyst carrying a large bucket and a cup of water.

"Thank you, Pearl you are dismissed" I say as I walk over to where the Amethysts is, I grab the bucket and the water, I mutter thanks. I walk to Blue as the door closes.

I set the bucket on the floor and the water on the table, I push the bucket with my boot in front of her face. "Here, in case you get sick again." She quietly says thank you.

I walk around the bed and lift the covers, I quickly phase away my gloves, boots, and armor. Leaving me in a soft pastel yellow t-shirt and dark yellow shorts.

I climb into the bed, and I move towards blue, I put my arm around her and I shove my face into her still soft hair. I let out a small sigh, today is going to be a long day.

Two hours later

We stayed in that position until someone hit on the door, who would hit the door when we have a doorbell, as Steven calls it. I quickly remove the covers and phase my armor and boots on, I keep my hands bare, I touch the panel that opens the door.

The door slides open with a WOOSH and lights trickles in, I look down to see Steven and his friends.

"Hi Yellow, I assume blue is in here" Steven asks somewhat loudly. I quickly shush him "yes, she is currently laying in bed". The crystal gems enter the room and make their way to the big blue bed, I close the door and I turn on the room light.

Blue groans, and tries to cover her face with the thick blanket, I quickly walk to where Steven and the Crystal gems are. I try not to accidentally step on one of them.

"Blue, Steven is here with the crystal gems, they are here to take a look at you" I try to pull back the covers, but blue resists.

"She can't really be that bad" I barely hear the short amethyst

"I don't know when Yellow called she looked and sounded pretty bad. Or it could've been the lighting" Steven tries to sound hopeful.

I finally get Blue to sit up, she squint's from the light, she swings her legs off the bed and stands up, she lets out a groan, the crystal gems turn and at up at her.

"Oh" Steven and Granet says.

"Oh, holy shit" Amethyst blurts out

"This is very bad," Pearl says.

Thanks for reading! See ya Saturday.