#guys do you think he'd love me if he knew i wasnt cis

[chamom1le-t3a]

ruh roh 😂 (im clutching my chest and crying)

[mayxo-hxh]

extremely specific queer hisoillu ramblings & hcs. question prompt was: How and when do you think Hisoillu found out they were queer?

i worked around the demi hc so for both of them.

For Hisoka I think it was obvious to him that he wasnt even close to cis and he knew he wouldve felt more comfortable generally being perceived as a man instead of a woman (i hc him transmasc) most of the time despite liking feminine stuff anyways.

TW FOR TRANSPHOBIA:

i do think kid hisoka, who very much first presented as a lil guy before his chest grew out, had heard multiple slurs thrown at him and was definitely physically and mentally abused for liking "feminine things" when he looked like a boy. and for the very short period of time where he grew a chest and saw the fact that his chest suddenly had him being called a girl no matter what.

its when it clicked with him that "normal" societal cis standards are absolute fucking bullshit and that hes gonna be whatever he fucking wanted. He actually didn't care about having a chest until they grew to their full size and he just naturally grew to dislike /always/ having them yknow. if he had the option to take them on and off when he felt like it, he'd go for it. (hehe. bungee boobs after top surgery)

That was for his trans realization. For his sexuality, well. I think he just thought he never liked people in the first place so sexuality was something he was extremely indifferent to. He saw ppl in love and heard of what they do when theyre in love and he was like. "yeah absolutely fucking not thats not for me. not even close" and the thought of sex just disgusted him because he can never imagine being this intimate with some random person (considering he literally had 0 people in his life that were even considered friends until illumi) i think its obvious. who his awakening was lmfao

illumis was basically, he knew he did not conform to cis standards and that was that. he didnt rlly think of any labels or any possibilities, he just did not give a fuck whether he was called this or that and knew he sometimes wished he was. neither. nothing at all. and his parents had no restrictions on his representation when he started to branch out and discover what he liked to present as (after his short hair teen days)

TW FOR ARO/ACEPHOBIA (probably)

mw for sexuality. same thing as hisoka basically. he knew he was gonna "have to" marry someone someday because this was the "normal" and what his parents expected but he just felt 0 attraction to anyone and everyone around him. he had a period where he thought it was normal to not feel attraction and people just put up with each other for the sake of either procreation or not living alone, then he thought he was broken because he realized akshually his parents DO love each other very much and hes the "abnormal" one.

unfortunately i dont think hes the type to realize that whatever he had going on for him was normal and completely fine, he was just extremely relieved when he realized he wasn't "broken" when he felt attracted to hisoka. but it probably took him a while to realize it was actual. yknow. that type of attraction. especially since illumi probably never formed any connections to anyone outside his family so when he did start feeling stuff with hisoka it was probably first brushed off as well. oh maybe this is normal when ure friends with someone haha. no illumi not in your case at least

basically in terms of sexuality, theyre the same but perceived their situation in complete opposite ways. Hisoka was completely fine with the thought of being alone but it freaked Illumi out 😭