#guy i named izaiah in my brain................. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

themarchblessing · 5 years ago

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Como Estan?

COREY

Making a left at the stop sign and following the line of traffic I glanced in the rear view mirror to a depressing sight.

“Fuck.” I groaned. “Goddamn it.” Thinking quick on my feet I reached behind me to tap Izaiah’s leg. “Zay, wake up.” I shook his legs feeling him move around.

“Stop.” He grumbled.

“Izaiah get up man I need you.” I panicked. Checking behind me I picked up my phone from the cup holder and unlocked it.

“What is it?” He yawned.

Handing him my phone I pulled over on the side of the road, speedily gathering my wallet and my dad’s registration from the glove compartment. “Turn the volume off and send our location to your mom. Do it now.” I said with all seriousness.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He frantically did as I asked and peered over the baby’s car seat, checking on her.

“No, I didn’t do anything wrong. Send your grandparents the exact same message and tell my dad to get here ASAP. You turned the sound off right?” Watching from an undetectable view as the officer stepped out of his car, I took a long deep breaths. Living out of the country has been an absolute breeze and walk in the park in every way. Any encounter with law enforcement in Panama is beyond cordial and friendly. New York is a different ball game when it comes to cops and how they treat my people. Especially up here in Westchester. I understand why my folks moved back to their roots but I hate this fucking city so much.

Sabrina, the kids, Diane and myself decided to take a trip back to the states to see my folks for the holidays. I was so busy trying to make sure the flight here was hiccup free that I forgot to get us a rental car. My dad being the gracious man that he is said we could borrow one of his in case we needed to go anywhere. Bri, my parents, her mom, and Ellena are back at the house. I had some last minute shopping to do so I brought Zay and the baby with me.

Now I wish we had stayed at my parents with the rest of my family. It’s going on six in the evening which means the baby needs to be fed soon. Sabrina is going to curse me out if we don’t get back in time for Suleija’s next feeding.

“Yeah, they got the message. Mom is responding now. Pop, I’m worried. What if Leija starts crying? I don’t want any trouble with the cops because the baby is upset. And you know she won’t settle unless you or mom have her.” Izaiah voicing his concern for this soon to come police encounter is making me more nervous. But he’s right about the baby not being able to calm down unless she’s in the arms of her mother or myself.

“I know. I’m worried too but I need you do everything you can to stay calm and don’t say anything. Alright? Don’t even look at him when he gets up here. Your grandfather on his way right now, yes?”

“Yeah. He said he should be here in fifteen.”

Nodding in response I braced myself and handed Zay the bag with all of his sisters bottles inside. Everything my old man taught me about how to address and respond to law enforcement came back to me full circle. I feel seventeen, twenty-one and thirty-five years old all over again.

“Keep that blanket over her. I don’t want this nigga looking at her face. An-and take one of her socks off so there’s proof she’s a baby and not something else. If she starts to fuss play with her foot enough to soothe her but not too much to draw attention to yourself. And please keep your left hand directly near my headrest. Keep your attention elsewhere. Do not look at this man in the eye.” The older Zay gets the harder I drill these protocols into his brain. Obviously I never want my son to have any sort of negative encounter with police but he needs to know how to protect himself in this situation.

God forbid he should ever end up in this predicament.

“I got you.” He replied.

Once the man knocked against the car I rolled the window down and turned the radio all the way off. Placing my hands at the top of the steering wheel I stared at my wedding band, praying to myself. I just want to make it through this stop so I can get my kids and myself back to Sabrina.

“License and registration.” The condescending tone in his voice made the hair on my arms stand up. I hate rude strangers. I despise strangers who talk down to other people even more.

Cautiously I handed him everything he asked for without a word or a fight. Eyeing him from the side I controlled my breathing, waiting patiently.

“Whose vehicle is this?” He asked.

“It’s my father's car.” I said with a low sigh.

“Don’t have an automobile of your own? You must be what, 35?” He continued on with his pissy attitude which is beginning to push my buttons.

“I’m in town visiting family.” That’s all I care to explain. He doesn’t need to know where unless he asks. Which he probably will. I sensed his knack for being nosy the minute he opened his mouth.

“That so, huh? Where is it that you live?” His weight shifted from right to left looking deeper into the truck.

“Panama.” I simply answered.

“Well do you know why I stopped you tonight?” Finally. The only thing I care to answer.

“I do not.” I disagreed.

“You failed to come to a complete stop back there. Do they not have stop signs down in Panama?” He snickered in such an annoying way.

I can hear Izaiah talking shit at a very low tone. I want to set this boy straight so badly for even reacting but I can’t.

“My mistake, I could’ve sworn I came to a complete stop.” I muttered.

“Yeah well I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” He walked away and once I saw that he was sitting in his car I reach behind me to do what I’ve been waiting to do.

“What the f- what is wrong with you?” Zay complained, trying to manage the pain at which he feels from me gripping the life out of his knee.

“Don’t I always tell you to be quiet? Don’t make another fucking sound Izaiah I’m not fucking around. I’m not giving this bastard even the slightest reason to turn this situation into some shit we see on the news. I can handle this but you need to be quiet and not respond in away way.” Roughly releasing him from my grasp I asked for the Lord’s forgiveness for scaring my son and cursing in front of my little girl. “Where is he?” I questioned my dad’s whereabouts knowing he’s the only one who can truly help.

“Five minutes away.” Zay gritted through clenched teeth. .

Looking up in the mirror I dropped my shoulders seeing how pissed off he looks.

“Forgive me. I’m scared out of my fucking mind and I don’t want anything to happen to you or your sister. Please don’t take my frustration to heart.” I apologized.

Izaiah reaches forward and gripped my shoulder. “Don’t be. I understand and I’m sorry.”

We went back to our positions as the officer came back to the car. This time he checked out the exterior, the taillights, the tires, even ran his finger along the body. The second stunt he pulled by looking into the backseat made me twitch internally and externally. I’ve become very sensitive to other grown men all in the face my kids. Especially my daughters. All the tragic news stories about children being harmed in some way at the hands of an adult has both creeped me out and made me paranoid.

The cop came back to the window handing me the registration and my drivers license back.

“So tell me, where are you headed?” He began tapping the sole of his foot against the ground for no apparent reason. Even with the slight rain coming down and the other traffic passing us by I can hear his foot moving clear as day.

“Back to my folks.” I stared ahead of me fighting the urge to touch my ring.

“Hmph. I noticed your last name and it rings a couple bells. What’s your father do for a living?” Now, I’m at my breaking point. I only want two things. A ticket or being sent on my way.

The sound of a door shutting peaked my interest. I saw him look past the car and mumble quietly to himself.

“There a problem officer?” My dad’s voice had me silently crying in relief to have another pair of eyes watching this play out.

“Can I help you?” The cop’s tone switched to defensive the closer my father came to the truck.

“This is my car and my family. I want to know why you’re stopping my son.”

“Well for your information, your son here failed to come to a complete stop. I’m trying to get some additional information as to his plans and destinations. You need to go back to your vehicle right now.”

“Can he have his ticket now or do I have to make my own call and have you suspended for unnecessary harassment?”

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t stutter. I can have your boss on my line faster than you can touch that glock on your hip. Write the ticket or we’ll be on our way.”

The worry is over now. My dad made me switch seats with him and the second he put the car in drive I leaned forward covering my face. My palms shook my entire head as I continued to rock myself in the passenger seat.

“Relax son it’s over. Everything is alright now.” My dad encouraged.

“Dad, your phone.” Zay said touching my back.

I sat up and turned to take my cell. Sabrina’s face on the screen requesting to see me shook me up again. I answered and threw my head back against the seat.

“Corey, what the hell happened?! Are you guys okay?” She freaks out a regular basis so now is nothing new. Since I have the baby with me, I know she’s more concerned than usual.

Biting my lower lip I nodded. “We’re fine. My dad’s driving.” Exhaling sharply I cupped my hand over my mouth watching Bri get dressed. When I didn’t speak she paused to look at me longingly.

“Are you okay, baby? Ser sincero conmigo.” She spoke softly.

“Soy ahora. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay, I love you guys. Please be careful.” She begged.

“Yeah I promise. We love you too.” Ending the call I closed my eyes not wanting to look at anything until I step in my parent’s house.

——————-

Shutting my door I worked with speed to undo the belts keeping the baby’s car seat strapped in. I see her feet dancing and I can hear squirm around telling me she’s about to wake up. My dad and Izaiah grabbed only minimal items knowing I don’t want the girls to see what I bought them. My dad ushered us inside to a full house. Friends of my folks, distant family and some of my old friends spread out amongst the house.

Kicking off my shoes I unbuttoned the top of my shirt and went upstairs to get away from everybody. I opened our bedroom door, closed it quickly, and threw my head back against the wood eyeing the ceiling.

“Corey?” I looked straight ahead to see Sabrina and Elle. I closed our distance and gently set the car seat by my feet to hug them. The smell of my wife and daughter put me back to where I was before I left this house. This warm, tingly, soul igniting sensation does wonders to my troubled mind. “I’m so glad you guys are okay.” She whispered. Her hands on my back and Ellena’s hands on my neck is really soothing to me.

Kissing the top of Bri’s head I backed up to smother Elle in affection.

“I missed you daddy.” Her eyelashes tickling my face and her small fingers against my skin made me smile.

“I missed you too princess. You let mama give you a bath early tonight?” Fixing her collar I kissed her forehead and took her from Bri.

“Yeah. Where’s my brother?” She asked, holding me close.

“With grandpa.” I said to her. Rubbing Ellena’s back I used my free hand to finish undoing this shirt.

“Was she fussy?” Sabrina asked. She stood tall with the baby removing her other sock and going to sit on the bed.

“Not at all. I was scared she was gonna wake up when I got stopped but she didn’t. I can’t believe that happened. I know without a doubt in my mind that I fully stopped before turning.” Laying next to the girls I pat Elle on the back, basking in the sound of her breathing in my ear.

“I hope they don’t expect you to stick around to go to court for this ticket. We’ll be gone by New Year’s Eve. Oh you’re hungry, my love. That’s why you look so angry. Don’t worry, mama’s got you covered.”

Waving one of my arms around I stopped searching when I got a hold of Bri’s upper thigh.

“Are you sure you’re alright? How bad was it?” She pressed on.

“My nerves made the entire situation drag on. Every little thing overloaded me with so much anxiety. I kept thinking of little scenarios and how they would play out. If Zay and Leija weren’t with me, I wouldn’t have felt so caught off guard and defensive. I haven’t felt that scared to be alive since Zay was taken away from me.” The visuals of so many years ago when my bitter ex planted drugs me intensified my bad mood.

“Daddy, be quiet please. Baby sister is resting.” Elle demanded for silence so Leija could enjoy her milk in peace filled this room with laughter.

“Oh my goodness. She is so dramatic.” Bri gasped.

“I’m sorry princess. I didn’t mean to be so loud.” Stretching out I felt around to see if Bri was wearing anything underneath of her dress. Not feeling anything aside from skin I chuckled to myself.

“What are you laughing at? What is with your quick change in moods?” Sabrina’s pat on the back of my hand to stop me from going further I laughed some more.

“I’ll tell you later.” I grinned.

The girls and I spent some alone time upstairs for a little while. I know my parents will probably be disappointed with my disappearance but it was necessary. My family time towers over the need to please other people just so they don’t feel offended. I also got to take a shower to wash the chip off my shoulder. Ellena looked after her baby sister since I needed to talk to Lori in private about how I was feeling earlier.

Helping Elle off the last step I walked beside her with the baby against my chest.

“Daddy, I’m hungry. Tengo comida?” She clung to my hand and shirt the louder the voices grew.

“Hambre? A esta hora de la noche?” I teased, tickling her scalp. She removed my hand fro her hair and began nibbling at my fingers as we rounded the corner.

“Yes..” She giggled.

“I’ll find you something baby girl. Don’t even worry.” Guiding her where to go I listened out for Lori desperately hoping she comes down soon. I can’t tell my parents this but I would rather everyone leave now. I’m not in the mood or right frame of mind to converse with this many people.

“Corey, where is Sabrina?” My mother asked coming out of the living room.

Turning to her with Elle clinging to my hip I motioned upstairs.

“Oh, okay. Do you want to-”

Shaking my head I saw my dad’s brother walking into the kitchen. “Not right now, ma. It’s not the time. Speaking of time..when are they leaving?” Feeling Leija touch my cheek I looked down at my baby to find her sizing me up. The act tickled me simply because she looks so much like her mother when she’s bothered by something.

“Will you relax? These aren’t strangers to us, baby, they’re family and friends so be nice.” My mom and uncle made conversation thankfully leaving me out of it. I’m focused on my kids at the moment. All this time spent not involved in family functions or conversations has put a hole in my heart. I don’t even consider these people real family to me. Maybe for my parents they have that title but not me because I take family seriously.

These people don't mean as much as they used to, to me. We share the same relatives and blood line but they’re not family. Sabrina, our kids, and my parents are the definition of family. Even Brian and Ravyn are closer to me than everybody here.

“Cake please, right there.” Elle spoke up.

“Didn’t you eat already? I could’ve sworn mommy said she fed you while I was gone.” Helping her onto a barstool I walked around the counter to get her something to drink.

“But papi I’m hungry again. Please..please!” I sat a cup of apple juice in front of Elle watching her place a straw in it.

“What do you want Ellena? I mean real food not dessert.” I questioned. The sound of recognizable footsteps could be heard as Elle rambled about everything she wants to eat at once.

“Are you asking for more food, little girl?” Lori sang. Her entry earned her so much attention. That irritated me. Everything except for my family is irritating right now.

“Mama, quiero comer. Puedes ayudar a papi?”

Sabrina’s light hearted giggle sparked life and warmth into me. I won’t bother allowing anyone else to take away how good it feels to have my wife in the same room as me. Lori waltzed over in my direction appearing happy as a clam.

“She thinks you need my help. In the kitchen? That’s the cutest thing she’s ever said.” She beamed. “And how are you doing, my love?” I stood still at the stove making Elle something to eat while Lori entertained the baby.

“Little does she know.” I smirked.

“Little does she. So...where’s Izaiah? I haven’t seen him since he came in.” Sabrina started entertaining the both of us as more people seemed to walk in. The increase in volume is making it that much harder to drown out the other voices. Judging by Sabrina being so intimate let’s me know that she’s trying to keep me calm. Distracted too. She knows I won’t bring any attention to us now. Not with Leija in my arms or Ellena right behind me. “You really don’t seem happy with everyone here. I don’t care because I don’t really know them all that well but I feel bad for you.” She mumbled, reaching around me to take a bowl out of the cabinet.

Shrugging without obvious care for their presence or existence for that matter, I turned the stove eye down. “To be honest I would be much happier if they were all out of my face. I just want peace and quiet.” Taking the bowl from her hands I looked around for any bread or rolls knowing Elle will beg for it. I found some homemade rolls my mom made the other day, cut one up and began toasting it.

“You need something else. Peace and quiet is not going to remove this tension from your body. Or any part of you for that matter. Give me that I’ll do it.” Stepping back so Sabrina could finish what I started I put bounce in my step purely for Leija’s enjoyment.

“If you’re offering and willing..” I left the statement open, curious to see if she’ll take the bait. Knowing that she will. “If you catch my drift.” Chuckling at her eye roll I took a seat at the counter right beside Elle.

“Oh honey I’m doing far more than just offering. I’m suggesting and advising.” Sabrina turned the stove off and ladled a small amount of curry into the bowl for Ellena.

“Baby sister have some too?” She asked.

“No baby sister can’t have anything but milk. Please Ellena be careful, it’s hot.”

Hard, loud, repetitive knocks rang out through the house scaring Elle and Leija both. The baby is now upset and Elle is begging for someone to get the door.

“I got it, Carla, I’ll take care of it just go back in the kitchen with everybody.” I heard my dad say.

Rising from my chair I encouraged Elle to eat and handed the baby over to Lori.

“Corey, where are you going?” She called after me.

“I’ll be right back.” I said. Making it to the door I walked around my dad to come face to face with the cop who pulled me over earlier tonight. “What the fuck are you doing here? And how did you find out where I’m staying?” My attitude came off strong but I’m not afraid this time. He caught me off guard earlier but I’ll be damned if I let him do it twice in one day.

“Whoa there son, I’m not here for any-”

He shut up the minute I stepped into his personal space.

“Corey, don’t.” My dad warned me.

“I’m not your son. You’ve got two minutes to explain why you’re here before I slam this door in your face.” I warned him.

“Your ticket. I want to see you in court for disrespecting an officer and lying to one.”

“First off, fuck you. Secondly, you can forget about the ticket. You had your chance to write it the first time you stopped me and you passed up on it. You have a lot of nerve coming here trying to force me to accept a ticket I don’t deserve. Three, I didn’t lie to you about anything. Have a good night.” I got most of the door shut until I felt him fighting me back.

My dad stepped in between us working harder to get this guy out of the doorway. “Both of you cut it out! Corey, move. Now.”

Doing as he told me I held my breath in.

“And you. What grounds do you have coming to my home at this time of night trying to serve a ticket that you opted out of hours ago? I warned you earlier. I’m done playing around. Get off my property and I will not ask again.”

—————-

Closing the door behind me, I removed my shirt and laid it across the chair. Following the noise I pushed the bathroom door open to find Leija in her bathtub playing with her feet.

Sabrina is stretched out in the bathtub brushing her hair. “I figured you should bathe her tonight since you didn’t get the chance last night.” She uttered. Her tone reeked of disgust from my behavior downstairs in front of so many people. With our kids present she’s even more pissed.

My dad’s long time friend who’s also a lawyer and the local chief of police were also involved from tonight’s double encounter with that cop. He really tried to force me to take a ticket he failed to give me hours ago. I don’t think his actions were brave for showing up at my dad’s front door when he did. I think the guy was stupid as shit. He should’ve stayed wherever he was but lucky for him I didn’t get to put my hands on him. But we did exchange some words amongst some other unnecessary actions.

With so many eyes present I would’ve been a fool to start a fight that would have surely ended up with me in handcuffs. I can’t afford any trouble being that I no longer live in this country. Our flight home is in two days so that’s another reason I can’t get myself into trouble.

With a heavy sigh I put a smile on my face for Leija. “You love the taste of your own feet huh?” Turning the water on to get warm I washed my hands thoroughly before washing her up. Glancing over to my left I caught Lori eyeing me. She pretended not to but it was too late. “You’re mad aren’t you?” I assumed.

“No. I’m disappointed.” That dry ass laugh of hers echoed throughout the bathroom and then it faded.

“Why? Because I didn’t let him play me into accepting that ticket? I didn’t deserve it from the beginning.” Picking up the washcloth Bri has laid across Leija’s tub I lathered the fabric in soap. Little mama is trying to keep up with my movements but every second of action is taking her by surprise.

“Dammit Corey...ese no es el punto! Como se atreve a decir que a mi? Como te atreves? Usted actuó como un niño y en frente de los huespedes, tambien?” She fired back facing my direction not bothering to hide her anger.

“You really think I care about what those people think about my actions? News flash Sabrina, I don’t. The only opinions that matter to me are yours, our kids, and my parents. And besides I wasn’t in the wrong, entirely.” Grabbing Leija’s foot I ran the washcloth through her toes making her laugh. “You’re ticklish on your feet just like mommy.” Leaning over I kissed her cheek several times over.

“You were stupid. Simple as that. What if he tried to arrest you or worse? Then what? Huh? We’ve only been here for two days and look what’s happened already? What are you gonna do if he serves you to go to court? What then?” Draining the tub Lori stepped out, dried off, and forcefully took her bathrobe off the hook on the wall.

Pumping soap into my palm I rubbed my hands together and placed them on the sides of Leija’s neck. Moving my hands around delicately I rubbed the area down being sure not to miss a spot. Leija’s become a messy eater. After her feedings she typically has milk right under her chin in the folds of her skin. So, Lori and I have to make sure we thoroughly clean underneath our baby’s neck after she eats.

Thinking about what Bri said, I sighed feeling myself get a little annoyed. Not with her but with the day itself. “I highly doubt that because he didn’t have probable cause to arrest me. I wasn’t trying to start nothing baby I swear I wasn’t. I simply wanted an explanation for why he came by and how he found out where I was. That’s it.” I finished bathing Leija just in time to stop Lori from storming out. Wrapping the baby in her special towel that’s partially a robe, I closed the bathroom door with my foot.

“Usted todavía esta perdiendo el punto. Corey, move your foot.” Bri whined.

“You hear all this nonsense? Mommy thinks I acted stupid and childish. Basically I was another version of your big sister. And she’s mad at me now.” Matching my baby’s giggles I took her out of the tub and stood in front of Sabrina.

“It’s not funny, stop that. And move out of my way, I don’t want to be around you right now.” Lori tried taking the baby from me but I didn’t let her.

Deciding to lighten the mood I spun Leija around so Sabrina had no choice but to appear a little less angry. I don’t know how but Leija has managed to pick up on our bad moods. If either one of us is frowning or we look upset, Suleija cries. She has a full blown meltdown no matter where we are or who is around.

“Tell mama to fix her face.” I whispered in Leija’s ear, placing my face right next to hers. She turned to look at me and frantically focused on her mom. Sabrina lightened her facial expression just as the baby started to fuss. Her shoulders fell and her eyes closed quickly. Placing our baby directly in front of her I silently counted the seconds until she opened her eyes.

Thirteen seconds later and Bri was sporting half a genuine smile. “para ti solo mi amor. You want milk?” Trading places with me Bri began drying off Leija’s head. “Si, quieres leche?”

I stretched out beside Sabrina watching her prepare for the nightly feeding session. She was cautious not to lay on her hair in order to get comfortable against the headboard. Not a sound came from me but my little girl wasn’t playing along. She pulled and tugged on her mother’s ear drinking her heart away.

“So are you really mad at me?” I quizzed, sitting up to watch her work. Rolling her eyes again she nudged me with her foot. Catching it I began massaging her sole. “Don’t ignore me, Delores.”

“I just don’t want to talk about it anymore. You respect my wishes any other time babe why can’t you do it now?” She complained. “Can you tell your daddy to leave me alone? You’ll tell him that for me?”

“I always do but I want to know if you’re mad at me. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore than you do but I care how you feel towards me regardless if the feeling is good or bad.”

Sabrina bargained with me that it I let her feed Leija in peace she would reopen the conversation about the cop. I accepted and made the move to go talk to Izaiah. I haven’t seen him since we got out of the car but it’s time for him and I to discuss the stop. My folks know that I treasure them and will always be a flight away but I’m beyond ready to go home and sleep in my bed with my wife. The Christmas holiday is almost over and so is this vacation.

Panama, we’re on our way.

#the march blessing #short story

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