#gus is fucking dead!!! /ref

[samualcheese]

i think someone should kill them with hammers

[queercoded-disney-villain]

Camila is so supportive it melts my heart. The bisexual bead bracelet on her bedside table that says love!

Camila is trying sooo hard to parent her surprise five extra children. I love her.

Luz is even neurodivergenter holy shit. The not fitting in. The social and school struggles. THE HYPERFIXATIONS. Her dad (HIS NAME IS MANNY!!) gave her The Good Witch Azura I’m goin to cry.

Their journal entries! AHHHH

Camila is trying to support them! She doesn’t think Luz is weird she loves her! There’s so much leading up to the summer camp ahhhhh! There is a family curse passed down the Noceda bloodline and it is ADHD /ref. She was bullied toooooo. SHE LOVED STAR TREK. HYPERFIX AHOY. SHE HAD COSPLAY.

Amity you dork (library scene.) Willow, Gus, you dorks (goth store.) Hunter you dork (entire fucking episode.)

FLAPJACK.

They dress up as Good Witch Azura! They dress up as Star Trek! They nerds! I love them!

I am using too many exclamation points!!!

BELOS. HOLY SHIT BELOS. The worst part is that it makes sense. He was possessing skeletons and dead bones. Grimwalkers are made. of dead bones.

LUZ AND HUNTER ARE THE SIBLINGS OF ALL TIME.

Why was there a King and Hooty mask. I honestly think that Luz made them and forget and then they blew into the woods.

DUOLINGO. HOOTY X DUO CANON. NO ONE CAN STOP ME.

Stupid conspiracy theorist face. Smart Gus doing illusion in front of everyone (/srs. It got him bitches.)

Mashaaaaaaaa. I love themmmmmmmm. The nonbinary flag on their nail polishhhhhh.

WITTEBROS! WITTEWIFE CANON NAME! EVELYN EVELYN EVELYN AHHHHHHH.

I’m screaming a lot. I’m screaming a whole lot.

How are they gonna get back to the Human Realm? There’s no Titan Blood left.

Except in King.

oh no.

THE FIGHT SCENE THE FIGHT SCENE THE FIGHT SCENE THE FIGHT SCENE THE ANIMATION THE POSSESSION THE DESIGN ITS ALL PERFECT I WANT TO. EAT IT.

MORE CANON SCARS FOR HUNTER LETS FUCKING GOOO.

More canon angst for Hunter. I’m all for angsting the Hunter but the kid needs a break. Honestly I really hope that things are mostly okay for him the rest of the time. Please please please let him be happy.

FLAPJACKKKKKKK

Camila’s coming with them! I cannot overstate how much I love that! CAMILA’S COMING WITH THEM!

Vee’s staying. I’m happy for her. She gets to be her own person, she gets to make friends (and partners. Masha kiss kiss kiss). I’m so happy that she doesn’t have to go back to the place of her trauma. It’s so good that she’s staying in the Human Realm. BUT HOLY SHIT I’M GOING TO MISS HER. Man. She’s only going to have a a substantial role in TWO episodes. Fuck you Disney I needed more episodes with this transgender lizard.

You know who else I’m going to miss.

FFFLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPJJAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKKK

I am never going to emotionally recover from this.

[lunavak]

I make movies in my head a lot so... since a lot of people keep discussing how there should be a Holy White movie (which it shouldn’t, mostly because the ending feels so complete I don’t feel like there could be any way to tie her back into Walt’s mess and make an interesting conflict around an innocent child, but still)..

Here’s the cast??? Of grown up kids from the Breaking Bad universe?? More just of what I think they’d look like grown up, for no reason other than I felt like it ❤️

1. Julia Garner as teenage Holy White

I feel like she’s pretty much the perfect mix of Skyler and Walt, could straight up be their daughter and I wouldn’t doubt it for a second, and also looks very young and sweet. Also a great actress :,)

Seriously, am I wrong?

You gonna look at me and you’re gonna tell me that I’m wrong?

2. Tyler Posey as teen/young adult Brock Cantillo

It’s hard to imagine Brock as an adult because he’s.. he’s a kiddo and we don’t have a dad to ref and properly mix in our collective heads with Andrea but!!!!

I think Tyler would do a great job of playing Brock :,)

It’s the eyes I guess, but when I saw him while scrolling through IMDB for an unnecessarily long time, I thought “yup, yes, Brock, hi there”

He looks a decent amount like Andrea too?? And maybe imagining him as an adult could help fill the endless void left in my soul after her death? Yeah ❤️

3. Caitlin Gerard as Kaylee Ehrmantraut

There have been 4 Kaylees. FOUR.

Yes, you read that right. So since the OGs didn’t give a fuck about consistency, neither do it. Just gut feeling.

Also lowkey based on these two. (Young Johnathan Banks btw~)

✨ Honorable mentions ✨

1. Adam Hick’s as Spooge’s son

This kid deserves the fucking world and therefor I will, absolutely, write him into my imagine Holy White movie and give him a happy life thank you very much.

2. Ben Penty back as Jake Pinkman

Kid kinda sucked ass but also is just a kid so why not have him try to find his brother or something like that? He’s in the HMs because I didn’t need to search for an actor. His actor can just come back and play him.

3. Michelle Rodriguez as a potential Lalo daughter (absolute headcanon territory)

We all have headcanons that make no sense but have great emotional value to us, and here’s one of mine I guess. Last Salamanca alive that totally went under Gus’s radar? (if Lalo is also dead, which I really don’t want him to be but he probably is, considering what Gus told Hector)

Yes please.

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

the scorpion inside you

Cross opened the box and extracted the thing that killed my father.

It was there, and it wasn’t. With one eye I could clearly see Cross pinching empty air, as if miming the extraction of a dead fly or spider. With the other I could see, just as clearly, the thing he was holding. It looked like a cross between a centipede and a scorpion, about a foot long, with a dozen horrible little claw-legs along an articulated body with a chitinous black exoskeleton. One end bore a wicked-looking stinger as long as my index finger, and the other was marked by two pincers and an insectoid eye. There was no eyelid, but I knew that the eye was closed; or at least, that it saw nothing. I closed my eyes, but I could see it still. I opened them again, and practiced crossing and uncrossing my eyes: there, and not there. There, and not there. Just a trick of the light. Nothing to worry about.

Cross said, “This is going to hurt.”

+++

CLASSIFIED WHITE DELTA

GEM CASE NUMBER 444615 REF EMPTY HEART

EMPTY HEART is a spirit, approximately named “Ixoche”, appearing as an arthropod XX cm long and XX cm in diameter. Current status is “on loan” from the 23rd Ministry, which has jurisdiction over its geographical origin. Records indicate abilities including the sorcerous, necromantic and psychological.

EMPTY HEART is currently bound to Andrew Jing age XX bound to Gu Xilang age XX unbound and dormant beneath a class II binding. It is always bound by a living host, designated EMPTY HEART 1. EMPTY HEART 1 is always a blood relative of the previous EMPTY HEART 1, usually a direct descendant. EMPTY HEART entered GEM jurisdiction on XX/XX/XXXX, when Andrew Jing immigrated to the United States and took up residence in XX XXXXX. It returned to the 23rd Ministry on XX/XX/XXXX, upon Andrew Jing’s death, and returned to the GEM on XX/XX/XXXX, upon Gu Xilang’s death, due to the next EMPTY HEART 1 residing in the United States.

EMPTY HEART is classified threat level minimal. EMPTY HEART 1 gains the powers of EMPTY HEART, but possession is detrimental and inevitably fatal to EMPTY HEART 1. Records indicate the longest possession to be approx. 40yrs, during which the relevant EMPTY HEART 1 sequestered herself atop a mountain and consumed only dew. The tradition of EMPTY HEART 1 successors emphasizes caution in working with EMPTY HEART, resulting in minimal incidents. Currently no neutralization procedure exists, as EMPTY HEART is sorcerously bound to a future state and cannot be destroyed. Official GEM policy is to cooperate with EMPTY HEART 1, who is almost always a magician and therefore under GOLDEN SCROLL if they are an American citizen.

Currently EMPTY HEART is in transition to the next EMPTY HEART 1, Iris Jing age XX. Iris Jing’s term is classified threat level minor due to her inexperience, but communications received before Andrew Jing’s death indicate the presence of a guide XXXXX (cf CLAY RIVER). This reduces Iris Jing to threat level minimal. WHITE DELTA is extended to EMPTY HEART 1 for the next five years, to be reviewed upon the end of that term.

+++

I woke up and thought, god i want to die

Wait. No, I didn’t.

The words entered my head, and I heard it in my voice, but I had not formed the thought. It was as if I’d forgotten the thoughts leading up to it, and remembered only the idea itself.

god i wish i was dead

A chill ran down my spine, more literally than usual. Cross was looking at me with concern. “You hear it,” he said.

There was a sensation of….coiling? At the back of my mind. Something dusty and scratchy said, all hail the new boss same as the old boss

“Holy fuck,” I said.

Cross sent me upstairs to go look in the mirror. I twisted around so I could see my back, and it was the same: there, and not there. I could see perfectly well my own skin, ribs and vertebrae nudging the surface. But there was also a demon on my back. Its legs dug into my spine, each pair piercing a different vertebra. The stinger at its end was dug deep into my flesh, though there was no wound. Likewise, the piercers at the top sank into the nape of my neck. It was utterly bizarre to see, especially given that my bra strap passed right through its middle. I waved a hand through it; there, and not there. I could unsnap my bra easily, but if I closed my eyes and put my hand where I knew it was, I could feel its cold chitin.

Worst of all was that eye. It swiveled around to face me in the mirror. Hello, I thought experimentally. The gleam of its gaze sharpened and I heard it say in my own voice, pleasure to make your acquaintance. It sounded like something that was not rotting, because everything that could decompose had already done so. Like if bones and darkness and silence could use my voice. Like if nothing could talk.

I went back downstairs. “Holy fuck,” I said.

Cross nodded sympathetically. “Take your time,” he said. “I’ve written some exercises you can do to fortify your mind, to separate your thoughts from its whispers. Your mom is calling you out sick for a few days, too. I’ll be back on Friday, and we can start then.”

“Wait,” I said. “Start?”

Cross looked at me indecipherably. “The magic,” he said. “This is just the sacrifice. Now you get the magic.”

[theliterateape]

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year for Netflix

By Don Hall

As we roll into the Christmas Season, we are confronted with the dichotomy of being the fat, lazy, imperialist nation of consuming hordes that we are with the presence of unprecedented generosity of spirit that the holiday tends to bring out in the best of us. We are slapped in the jaw with the fact that we love our families even if we ignore them for most of the year. We look around and figure out ways to show appreciation to those we love and mercy for those we don't.

And we watch movies about how other people deal with this state.

I love Christmas and I love movies about Christmas. Here's my list of the movies about this time of year that I truly love.

5) Bad Santa This film embraces the cynicism of the holiday without reservation. Billy Bob Thornton is an unapologetic drunken criminal who, with the help of a black midget, dresses as Santa Claus in order to steal all the meaningless consumer goods trolled out for the locust-like shoppers.

At the heart of this dismal, hysterically dark film is the relationship between Thornton and the fat, pathetic, snot-nosed and possibly autistic kid he unwillingly takes under his soiled, boozey wing. Also notable are genuinely funny performances by the late Bernie Mac and John Ritter.

4) Scrooged My personal favorite spin on the Dickens classic, Bill Murray is the morally stunted Scrooge who happens to run a FOX-like network and is visited by all the ghosts one expects but with twists that play to Murray's pre-Wes Anderson talents.

Who can resist a snarky Christmas movie that includes Carol Kane, Buster Poindexter and Buddy Hackett?

3) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation In my opinion, the best of the Vacation movies and the one that speaks most clearly my own personal Christmas experiences. Cousin Eddie is like half of my family and the relentless desire of Chevy Chase's Clark to make sure that everyone in his family have a great goddamn Christmas no matter what the personal and collective sacrifice reminds me of my mother when I was a kid.

My family watches this every Christmas—it's a holiday staple—and nothing is more warming come Christmas Eve than hearing my dad cackle with laughter at classic holiday lines like:

Ellen: What are you looking at?

Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...

[Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet]

Eddie: Shitter was full.

and

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?

Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

and the best Christmas rant in history

Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?

2) The Ref By far, one of my favorites on this list. Denis Leary is a burglar who ends up stuck with the most dysfunctional family on Planet Crazy—Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey take bickering to an artistic height and Leary's grim, angry, impatient asshole teaches them the meaning of Christmas rather than the family teaching it to him.

NOTE: I understand the knee-jerk desire to eradicate Spacey from the face of the planet but, for chrissakes, this is still one hysterical film and I an a grown-up, which means I can divorce the man from the character.

Once again, an incredible cast (JK Simmons, Christine Baranski, Raymond J. Barry, Glynis Johns and Bill Raymond as a lactose intolerant Santa) all headed by three of the funniest, angriest performances you're likely to see in movies not about Christmas.

Gus: You know what, lady? I'd like to tie you to the back of a fucking truck.

Rose: You don't have the balls.

[Gus leaps up from his chair toward Rose and is intercepted by Lloyd]

Lloyd: Don't do it! It's not worth it.

Gus: I fucking hate her, Lloyd!

Lloyd: I know, I know.

Gus: What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding.

and

Gus: Caroline and Loyd, will get the coffee and deserts then we'll be opening presents.

Connie Chasseur: We can't open presents til midnight.

Gus: Why not?

Connie Chasseur: Because it's not Christmas until midnight!

Gus: We'll be changing the rules, a little bit. We are opening the presents now. Not later, now. Why? We're adults, and we can open our presents, WHENEVER WE WANT!

and, of course

Lloyd: You know, you and my wife have a lot in common. You both think you have some right to life working out the way you want it to, and when it doesn't, you get to act the way you want. The only trouble with that is someone has to be responsible. I'd love to run around and take classes and play with my inner-self! I'd love the freedom to be some pissed-off criminal with no responsibilities, except I don't have the time! But you don't see me with a gun. And you don't see me sleeping with someone else. You think my life turned out the way I wanted because I live in this house? You think every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and say "Gee I'm glad I'm me and not some 19-year-old billionaire rockstar with the body of an athlete and a 24-hour erection!" No I don't! So just excuse the shit out of me!

1) It's a Wonderful Life C'mon. Most people only remember the part where George Bailey remembers his life without him and how much his presence made a difference. They forget that this is the fever dream of a man about to commit suicide because his life has slowly but certainly spun down the toilet and in one greedy moment, the town Republican takes advantage of George's dim-witted uncle and, like a McConnell or a Ryan, tries to shut down the one bank that isn't a shitty, profit-driven monstrosity.

This is a beautiful movie filled with rage and despair and evil as well as romance, good will and a message each person alive should heed. Merry Christmas, Bedford Falls!

Yes, yes. I'm leaving out all the Rankin and Bass TV shows and the Charlie Brown Special and even A Christmas Story—sue me. I like it dark, fraught with peril and genuine sadness to balance out the saccharine nature of the commercial end of the holidays and the moralistic bent coming from the religious types. If it makes you feel better, I left out the Die Hard movies, too.