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[ro-sham-no]

summer heat / warm tap water, a poem by me.

[braidedgraphite]

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[halcyon-reverie3]

OBCD Chapter 10 - New! Message

“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”

— Tyler Perry

Cruel years, cruel months, cruel days.

Harsh words, harsh actions.

Spite, hatred, revenge.

And guilt. So much guilt. 

“No way I’m gonna talk to someone like her. Can I even call you a her!”

Forgiveness? He wasn’t deserving of her forgiveness. He had been so cruel when she had only been ashamed. He had been horrible when she had only wanted friendship. He wasn’t deserving of her forgiveness. He was despicable. He doubts his friends even remember. He doubts they recall what happened seven years ago. No, he thought, 7 years, 8 months, 2 weeks and 3 days. He remembered. He remembered very well. Earle remembered very well.

Diya. Oh, poor Diya. Earle knew that his behaviour was inexcusable, regardless of how she acted towards him. He should have been the bigger person. He should have been better. He should have been-

“Yo Earlie boy. Where ya mind at?” Earle’s eyes snapped towards his friend, then towards the floor. An enormous stack of books lay at his feet. His head swivelled around. Everyone was gawking at him weirdly. “Dude,” his friend interrupted, “you really had to drop the fat medical books in a library? Bro, they gon’ be gossiping ‘bout this for the next two weeks. Ain’t got nothing to talk ‘bout ‘cept this!” So many books. So much to learn. Sometimes he regretted his decision of wanting to become a doctor. Sometimes he felt he had to do this for the people suffering the same way he suffered. For people with eating disorders.

His people.

He’s an adult now. Old, yes. Guilty, definitely. Mature, absolutely not. Tall, blond, muscular. Doctor? Maybe a doctor… He doesn’t really know. He just… exists. Studying, going to the gym, making friends. Just existing. He’s honestly exhausted. Very exhausted.

An aspiring student by day, a famous influencer by night. Not just any influencer — a body-positive influencer. His message aimed to fight eating disorders and unrealistic body standards. He’d share his knowledge for the world to learn. He’d help anyone. They’d just have to admit that it isn’t a weakness, but a show of great strength. Everyone should always be themselves. Earle loved himself. He wished more people did so too.

Boring. Class was boring. He was tired and all his mind could register was hunger. Boring. Yawning, he sneaked his phone underneath his desk, opening social media. Also boring. What, he thought, gloomily. I should post something new. I’m hungry. What’s tomorrow? I’m bored. I’mboredI’mboredI’mboredI’mbored.

“-example is Miss Diya Elostra.” W h a t. Earle’s head shot up. I’m not bored, I guess. Displayed on the colossal whiteboard was Diya’s Instagram account. When did this become Influencer 101? Despite his silly jokes and ‘don’t care’ attitude, a part of him panged with guilt. She looks happier, healthier, he thought. No thanks to you, a tiny voice said, ashamed, sorry, disheartened. Guiltyguiltyguiltyguiltyguiltyguilty.

“This body-positive influencer here has jump-started one of the most popular hashtags in your generation. It’s a trend that not only focuses on eating disorders, which is your current chapter, but everything in life that’s wrong. #BeTheChange. Quite subjective, if you ask me. But I believe that was her very intention. One hashtag, one million targets.” The lesson continued as always. Earle’s mind wandered. It always did. He could never focus. “#BeTheChange, huh,” he murmured. You should do it, that tiny voice squeaked. You will never be able to meet Diya, never be able to ask for forgiveness. But maybe you can try. Maybe you can apologise, one message at a time. One saved life at a time…”

“Hello, guys! What’s up, it’s Earle right here. Today, I’ll be talking about eating disorders and other related stuff. Firstly, I’d like to dedicate this video to the #BeTheChange influencer, Diya Elostra. You see, back when I was a kid, I wasn’t always this handsome. I used to be round and pudgy and, well… I used to get bullied. A lot. Sometimes, people used to…”

He spent day and night, perfecting his video. Sharing his message. He might never be able to meet Diya. But he can apologise. And he can save others. He can do this, and he will do this.

One message at a time.