#guildmaster jorbelox

[bigasswritingmagnet]

Relatively Speaking, This Will Probably Be Fine (ch 10)

Fandom: Girl Genius Rating: T Summary: Everyone knows Agatha Sannikova can't be a Heterodyne, even if she did arrive mysteriously one night to live with Lady Teodora and Lord Saturnus. She's got those headaches, and she's not too bright - she's not even a Spark! She does get along quite well with Lord Saturnus, which is a bit odd, but she's had a very good affect on his health. Lady Teodora doesn't like the kind of, er, "life lessons" he's tried to teach her, but Agatha hasn't set anyone on fire or unleashed any terrifying monstrosities on the town.

...what do you mean, tempting fate?

[last chapter was incorrectly labeled as chapter 10, my bad]

<Last Chapter | Chapter One | Next Chapter > AO3 Link

It was the sort of spring day that promised a perfect summer: the air was thick with the scent of flowers and growing things, the sun shone down hard but the breeze was cool enough to soften it. Whether or not that promise would be fulfilled, at that moment, it was perfect.

Cafes and eateries all over Mechanicsburg had set tables and chairs out in the sunshine, often clogging up the roads to do it, and all were doing a bustling trade. Mechanicsburg took brunch very seriously, and tables were packed with friends and partners chattering over boar bacon and bottomless Mechanicsburg Slings (‘because that’s what you’ll end up in if you drink too many’).

There was only one table in the entire square that bore a single occupant. The table was scattered with several plates and pots of tea, indicating the occupant had been there for quite some time. Hanging from the chair was a canvas bag stuffed with books. The occupant herself was visible only as a cowlick of blonde hair poking out from behind a hardcover copy of The Heterodyne Boys and the See-Saw of Destiny and a pair of legs kicking absentmindedly back and forth under the table.

A shadow fell over her. Slowly, Agatha looked up.

And up.

And up.

Agatha wobbled in her seat, nearly tipping over, and still she could not clearly see the face of the monster looming over her. The creature took a few polite steps back.

He was huge, so big Agatha barely came up to his second knees. Bull’s horns curved from the sides of his head, and four eyes gazed down at Agatha in polite curiosity. A hat was balanced between his horns; he removed it and bowed slightly.

“I do beg your pardon,” he said, his voice a basso profundo rumble Agatha could feel as much as hear. “But you are Miss Agatha Sannikova?”

“Yes,” Agatha said. “That’s me.”

She tried hard not to sound wary, as it would be quite impolite. During her time in Mechanicsburg, Agatha had gotten used to seeing monsters walking around in the open, but it was hard not to be intimidated by the really strange ones. But Lord Saturnus talked so insistantly about how important that was—Mechanicsburg was a haven for monsters, and they should be treated like everyone else—so she did her best.

“I am Guildmaster Jorbelox, of the Guild of Monsters.” He put his hat back on his head and touched the thick chain that hung on his shoulders. The links were the shape of skulls, interspursed with round red gems. In the middle hung a large medallion, emblazoned with a clawed hand reaching up towards a crescent moon. Around the edges it said Guildmaster of Monsters.

“It’s very nice to meet you.” Agatha set her book aside and held out her hand, politely.

Jorbelox stared at the hand for a moment, and then—hesitantly—reached out with two fingers (which still swamped Agatha’s hand) and shook it very carefully before releasing it again.

“I wished to inquire after the health of Lord Saturnus. I hear it is improving.”

“Yes!” Agatha said, beaming. “He’s talking again and everything!”

“How wonderful!” Jorbelox said. “Perhaps I shall attempt a visit.”

Agatha hid a grimace.

“Um...you might try a letter instead,” she said.

Jorbelox nodded, apparently unsurprised.

“And the Lady Teodora is also well, I trust?”

“She’s up at the hospital for a checkup. I get to wait here and read my books if I promise not to go anywhere.”

A waiter materialized by the table.

“Guildmaster Jorbelox, will you be joining us today?”

“I would not wish to further interrupt,” Jorbelox said, but he said it in that way people did when they wanted to say yes, but weren’t sure if you wanted them to say yes.

“I don’t mind. I’m pretty sick of this one, to be honest,” Agatha admitted, gesturing at the book on the table. “It’s not very good.”

Jorbelox chuckled.

“Then it would be a pleasure.”

He removed the colorful cushion from the chair and set the chair aside, placed the cushion on the ground, and sat down. Agatha discovered he actually had three sets of knees, which allowed him to fold his legs up quite neatly, leaving him only slightly too high up for the table.

The waiter disappeared momentarily, and returned with a fresh pot of tea.

“I’ve never heard of a guild for monsters before,” Agatha said, carefully pouring tea for both herself and Jorbelox. She tried not to be openly fascinated by how delicately he picked up the teacup with his claws.

“I believe we are the only one in existence,” Jorbelox said. “Mechanicsburg is quite unique in its treatment of the…shall we say, less normal inhabitants of Europa.”

“I meant I didn’t know there was one here,” Agatha admitted. “Do you have a guildhall?”

“Oh yes. If you look at the top of that building, the one with the red shutters, you can just see the capstone figure that sits on the guildhall roof.”

Agatha squinted and yes, she could just about see a winged statue holding a large bowl over its head in both hands.

“It must be a very impressive building,” she said. Jorbelox smiled.

“I like to think so.”

“But why are you all the way out here in the hospital district? All the other guilds are in the Court of Gears.”

Jorbelox hesitated, and covered it by taking a sip of his tea.

“The Court of Gears is where most of Mechanicsburg’s manufacturing is done, and most of the guilds are related to industry—the carpenters, the bricklayers, the merchants. We are not a profession—we simply are.”

“So what made you decide to put it near the hospital?”

“Ah, well. It is not so much that we built the guildhall near the hospital as the hospital was built near the guildhall. Do they not teach Mechanicsburg history in school?”

“They do, but it’s mostly the old stuff.”

“A pity,” Jorbelox mused. “Before Master William built the hospital, this was, er...Well, it wasn’t officially the monster district, but most of us lived here. You may notice some of the buildings have unusual proportions.”

“Oh, I wondered why that house had such skinny doorways!” Agatha exclaimed, brightly. Jorbelox smiled.

“The one three stories tall with only two floors? That would be Mr Amigara’s residence. You may have seen him around--very tall, very thin, rather…” He paused, searching for a word.

“Squiggly?” Agatha suggested, and Jorbelox smiled.

“Rather squiggly in the bones; yes, that’s him. Not much for conversation, I’ll grant you, but a marvelous chimney sweep. Very good at navigating tight spaces.”

“So why did they pick here to put the—”

“Agatha.”

Ms Teodora’s expression was placid, but the corners of her mouth and eyes were very tight, and her eyes were fixed on Jorbelox.

“Lady Teodora,” Jorbelox said, tipping his hat to her. His mouth had also gone tight. “Good day to you. I had just stopped to inquire after Lord Saturnus’ health, and Miss Sannikova was kind enough to invite me to sit with her.”

“How nice,” Teodora said, with a stiff smile. “Agatha, get your books. It’s time to go home.” Teodora drew out her coin purse.

“Oh, please,” Jorbelox said. “Do allow me.”

“No,” Teodora said, sharply. Then she smiled, almost painfully, and said in a very polite voice “Thank you, but that really won’t be necessary.”

“I see,” Jorbelox said. His voice was also very polite. He tipped his hat again. “Do give my best to Lord Saturnus.” In a more genuine voice, he said “A pleasure to meet you, Miss Sannikova.”

Agatha, very aware that something was going on that she couldn’t follow, smiled all the more cheerfully to balance out the strangeness.

“It was nice to meet you, too,” she said, pulling her bag over her shoulder. “Maybe I can come see your guildhall someday.”

“I would be honored to give you the grand tour.”

“Agatha.” Teodora put a hand on Agatha’s shoulder and began to steer her away without another word.

Agatha, feeling contrary and not knowing why, looked back over her shoulder and waved.

“Goodbye!”

Teodora’s grip tightened on her shoulder, and she began to walk faster.

By some unspoken agreement, the argument waited until they were back inside the house, out of earshot of the nosier Mechanicsburg citizens.

“Agatha—”

“What was that all about?” Agatha demanded, fists on hips.

“You shouldn’t talk to strangers.”

“I was just making polite conversation,” Agatha said. “I wanted to know about the guild. You were mean to him!”

“I was not mean.”

“Well you weren’t very polite.”

“Monsters are dangerous,” Teodora said.

“All people are potentially dangerous, that’s why you’re not supposed to talk to strangers.”

“All people aren’t twelve feet tall with claws.”

“We were in the middle of the square in broad daylight, it’s not like he could eat me.”

“Agatha.”

“You’re always saying it’s important to be kind to other people! He’s a citizen of Mechanicsburg, just like anybody else,” Agatha said stubbornly. “Lord Saturnus says most of them got chased away just for existing.”

Teodora sighed.

“I told you you shouldn’t listen to everything Saturnus Heterodyne tells you. You shouldn’t listen to anything he tells you.”

“Is that why you don’t like that guy? Because he’s friends with Lord Saturnus?”

“He’s a monster.”

“Guildmaster Jorbelox or Lord Saturnus?”

Teodora’s eyes narrowed and her lips pressed tightly together, but she did not answer. Agatha felt compelled to press on, even though she could already tell this was going to be one of those arguments where neither side would be willing to change. She’d had just as many with Teodora as Lord Saturnus.

They were all three very stubborn people.

“Lots of people in this town have done bad things,” Agatha said. “You only ever get like this about the ones that don’t look human.”

Teodora’s smile was wry to the point of bitterness.

“Because you don’t try to make friends with the human ones. Why do you think we go to the bakery on Bonemeal Road, when there’s one just a few streets away? Why do you think there are some places I let you go alone, but not others? There are many monsters in this town. I do my best to keep you from all of them.”

Agatha was quiet. She knew in her heart her grandmother was right, but it rankled her for reasons she could not explain.

“It only seems like I judge them all because so many of them have done terrible things. I would have been perfectly fine with you having tea with Doctor Hembelbrogg, but if you knew half of what I know about the Guildmaster—”

“They won’t hurt me! They never did bad stuff to the people they live with.”

“That is not my concern. My concern is they are violent, dangerous people who thought nothing of hurting others for glory and fun. I know well enough none of them could stop the Heterodynes, and I am willing to...forgive those who benefited from inaction. But the ones who joined in? I do not want you to associate with those kinds of people.”

“You let me associate with Lord Saturnus,” Agatha pointed out.

“Because Saturnus is blatantly evil. Unapologetically so. You can see him coming from miles away – and if he has one virtue, it is that he admits to what he is. He makes up no excuses; he does not try to convince anyone that what he did was not wrong.

“But most people will come up with excuses; they will lie to themselves and to you, and they can be very good at it. Good enough that they can convince others. Do you remember what I told you about hurting people who hurt you, and how easy it is to let that become an excuse?”

“Hurting people for fun is a universally immoral act,” Agatha said, irritably, confounded that she was having to make this argument to both of them. “No one and nothing in the world can convince me otherwise.”

Teodora stared at her, then rubbed her face with her hand.

“But you already have been,” she said, tiredly. “You think ‘but they don’t do it anymore’ excuses what they’ve done.”

“I don’t think it excuses it!” Agatha insisted. “And I don’t excuse it, I know they were wrong to do it, but I...I don’t…I don’t...”

Agatha struggled to put her feelings into words. Teodora was right, but in her heart, there was no judgement. She could find it in herself to condemn them.

“You don’t care,” Teodora finished for her, not unkindly.

“I do!” Agatha said. “It’s just...cognitive dissonance!”

Teodora looked startled, then amused.

“Yes,” she said. “There is a lot of that here. You may not have been born here, but you certainly...fit in quite well.”

This was said with some strange mixture of emotion, fond but sad.

“Is that...bad?”

The smile grew fonder and sadder, and Teodora reached out to cup her cheek.

“No, of course not,” Teodora said. “I meant you belong here. That is not a bad thing – I simply worry about the influence it has on you.”

Agatha wrapped her arms around Teodora’s waist and hugged her as tightly as she could. “You influence me, too,” she said. “I do listen to you. I just sometimes choose not to internalize your worldview without question.”

Teodora laughed, and it sounded genuine enough to dissuade any of Agatha’s lingering worries.

“That’s what I get for raising you to think for yourself,” Teodora said, with deep amusement, and kissed the top of Agatha’s head. Agatha stepped back and looked up at her, and was reassured that the amusement was in her eyes, too.

“If I promise not to be morally corrupted, can I go see the guildhouse?”

“Next weekend, perhaps. Tonight is a school night, and you have homework.”

Agatha flopped her head back and groaned as she slouched towards the stairs. Morality could be argued, but homework remained frustratingly irrefutable proof of objective reality.