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jaskierswolf · 3 years

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Take me back to the light

Written for @fontegagrilledcheese's flash fic challenge in @thepassifloradiscord server. Thank you to @reveniemus for emergency beta-ing for me! - AO3

Ship: Geraskier WC: 5.2k Prompt: Spring Break Summary: Jaskier returns to Lettenhove from Oxenfurt after finding out his father his sick. He's feeling broken and lost... when he meets Geralt on the beach

CW: Terminal illness (Jaskier's father not MCD), dark humour, suicide references

Jaskier sighed as he made his way towards the beach.

Transferring universities mid-year was not ideal, but his father, Alfred Pankratz, was sick. The doctors weren’t sure how long he had left to live and despite never having a healthy relationship with his father, Jaskier felt guilty. For the last five years he’d been travelling the Continent, looking for inspiration, looking for himself. He’d gone straight from his adventures to study at Oxenfurt and everything had been going just fine.

Until the call.

Of course, Jaskier didn’t need to transfer schools but his mother had begged and pleaded with him to come home. He had never had been able to say no to his mother, but gods, he missed his friends. He even missed his weird professors with their funny clothes and stupid breathing exercises. How many times had he walked into a class late just to find everyone lying on the floor, his professors sitting cross legged in the middle of the puddle of students, talking them through a guided meditation? Oxenfurt was a strange but wonderful place, full of amazing and talented actors and musicians and writers. It was the epicentre of creativity in the Continent, and yes, even Valdo Marx hadn’t been that bad. Although Jaskier would never admit it to the idiot’s face.

In the short time that he’d been at Oxenfurt University, their rivalry had become legendary. They were easily the top two in their classes and they famously hated each other. It was brilliant! And it did wonders for Jaskier’s inspiration. There was nothing like a competition to get the creative juices flowing.

But Jaskier had given all of that up to return home.

After many arguments with the faculty, his dreams of graduating from Oxenfurt had been flushed down the toilet. He would not be allowed back, they made that quite clear, but he simply couldn’t let his father die without being there. It wasn’t right. No matter how much he yearned for his broken dreams.

At least it was the holidays. The last thing he wanted right now was to dive back into inferior classes at Lettenhove University. As bored as he was, being thrown into the deep end, moving back home, getting his stuff back, starting new lectures, meeting new friends, pining and yearning for Oxenfurt, it would have been rough. Instead, he had spent the last few evenings drinking himself into a stupor, a lovely little pity party where he could pretend that he hadn’t thrown everything away for a man that didn’t even care about him. He could close his eyes, and forget that his father was dying. It was just a drunken night out and Valdo would be in his room by morning with pots and pans and a gods awful smirk on his face.

Except it wasn’t.

And Jaskier knew it wasn’t. It was all just a lie to stave off the crippling loneliness of being stuck in his childhood bedroom without his dearest friends.

Still, he was lonely and as the evenings began to get lighter, Jaskier decided that he was still allowed to get out of the house. His father may be sick but the Pankratz Manor was not Jaskier’s prison, no matter how much it might feel like it.

The air outside was cool despite the sun still making its way across the orange sky, and Jaskier had to wrap his arms around himself. His jacket, whilst stylish, was not very warm and he had completely misjudged the temperature. Unfortunately, he was still too stubborn to turn back. It was his first trip out of the house in days and he’d be damned if he gave up already. So he marched onwards towards the ocean; impatient for the feeling of freedom it would bring. His fingers buried into his pockets in a feeble attempt to push away the cold. They were bluish at the ends and almost burning cold, and he really, really, couldn’t afford to get frostbite even if Lettenhove University wasn’t quite as prestigious as Oxenfurt.

“Should have brought gloves,” he grumbled to himself and marched onwards towards the coast.

Above him the seagulls were crying out, loud squawking that grated against Jaskier’s nerves, and damn things were almost as big as dinosaurs. Gone were the blissful walks across campus where he could casually pick at his sandwiches. He knew from experience that these seagulls were brutal, and would absolutely steal his food from his hands. There was a scar on his palm from a very traumatic experience as a kid when he was attacked by a rather mean looking seagull who decided Jaskier’s chips looked too good to ignore.

“Bloody things,” he muttered, narrowing his eyes at the sky. The birds just screamed back in response, because of course it did. “Yeah, yeah. I see you, and the whole bloody Continent can hear you. Bet you’re the fucker that scarred me too.”

The beach was starting to sound like a terrible idea. It was too cold and too noisy, but oh how Jaskier yearned to watch the sunset, to feel the sand between his toes. Maybe he could build a campfire to keep warm? It had been years since he’d had to do that. Jaskier scrunched up his nose and he concentrated, his tongue flicking out between his lips. He was sure that he could remember the steps, and there was always driftwood washed up on the beach. Not to mention he’d already trudged halfway across town towards the shore, it would be a waste of time if he went back.

“Come on, Jask…”

Great, now he was just talking to himself. The first couple of times he could excuse but by the third time it was just a conversation and he couldn’t deny it. The first sign of madness although, Jaskier was pretty sure he’d blown past that years ago, but that was fine. Sanity was overrated anyway. He liked being a bit strange, and after a term at Oxenfurt he’d realised most creative types were sort of weird in their own ways. Jaskier just had a lovely dump on ADHD on top of that which just added an extra level… but that was fine.

So what if he didn’t quite understand social norms?

He just got excited and passionate about things, sue him, his parents were rich enough to deal with the consequences.

Parents.

Soon to be parent.

“Fuck!” he yelled, spinning around, his hands pulling at his hair. “Stupid, fucking, useless shit stain of a father. He just had to go and get sick, didn’t he? Oh shut up!” Jaskier scoffed at another seagull that waddled closer to him.

Kicking the ground, he stormed his way down to the shore, ready to lie face down in the waves despite the cold and just… not exist. He grumbled to himself the whole way until the sound of the ocean grew louder and the fresh taste of salty sea air. Immediately, Jaskier felt his sinuses clear as he took a deep breath, and a sense of calm washed over him.

He really did love the beach. For Jaskier it was the closest thing to flying, just staring at the great expanse of water. He could imagine mermaids, pirates, and all sorts of grand adventures! Most importantly the constant back and forth of the waves breaking against the sand did wonders for his tinnitus. He could think without his ears ringing, freeing up his brain for better things like lyrics and songs, or pointless facts about whatever instrument his ADHD had decided was his new thing. It was a delight!

Except he wasn’t alone…

Shit.

Fucking ballsacks! He’d really, really wanted to be alone. Okay yes he was cripplingly lonely but he was also overwhelmed by the noise in his parents house and the constant small talk or chattering about his father’s impending doom. There was absolutely no respect for the boundaries he tried to set regarding the topic for his own mental health and anxieties, and after years of having independence and space from his family… it was driving him mad. Jaskier craved silence, just to settle his mind, to stop his heart from racing.

But of course there were already people at the beach, even at that time of the evening. The joys of living in a student town he supposed. The next year he would find a flat near the university. There was no way he was doing three years of uni whilst living with his… his mother. Not his father.

Why did he keep forgetting that?

Sighing again, he kept his head down as he walked across the sand, slipping as it shifted under his feet. “Ah fucking bollocks!” he tripped and slid across the beach until he reached the water.

“You okay?” a gruff voice said from behind him and Jaskier squeaked, spinning around and almost falling on his arse.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist and Jaskier looked up to see the most gorgeous man he had ever seen in his entire life. Like holy fucking shit that just wasn’t fair. Never mind the sunsets that glittered over the sea… Jaskier could write an entire anthology of sonnets about this man’s eyes. Oh and his hair, like moonlight had poured over the man and woven itself into magical strands of silver hair and….

“Hi…” he breathed, unable to take his eyes off of this- this work of art!

How had he not noticed this beauty from a distance?

Perhaps spring break and Lettenhove wouldn’t be so terrible after all? There was still just over a week until term started back and if Jaskier could escape more often to meet this radiant god of a man… then well, it wasn’t his Oxenfurt dream but perhaps he could work on making a new dream?

Was it too quick to be falling in love with a stranger that he knew nothing about, least of all his name? Yes. Did he care? Not particular.

Jaskier was always one to fall in love at first sight. That was something he was used to, but the fun part for him was getting to know his new love, to explore all the little things that made them tick, to discover the personality behind the gorgeous exterior until they either burned brightly as a couple, or the flame died and Jaskier would move on to his next love, leaving a little bit of his heart behind.

The handsome stranger chuckled and tentatively let Jaskier go after making sure he could stand upright. “Hello, new to town?”

Shaking his head, Jaskier glanced back toward the seafront. Pankratz Manor stood proudly on the hill in the distance. “Nah, just been away for a while. My father…” Jaskier winced, he hadn’t meant to reveal so much so quickly. “I just transferred back to Lettenhove from Oxenfurt.”

“Oxenfurt?” One perfect silver eyebrow shot up and Jaskier rolled his eyes.

This was exactly what he’d been worried about. Nobody transferred away from Oxenfurt. It was highly competitive and one of the best Universities on the Continent. If you left it was because you couldn’t handle the pressures… a failure. Immediately, Jaskier was starting to grumble at his traitorous heart for hating him and always falling in love with jackasses. A pretty face was not a pretty soul, and yet here he was, shallow and hurting as always.

“What of it?” he snapped.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean anything. I’m Geralt, Vet Med.”

“Jaskier - arts… Music primarily but I’m taking Literature on the side. It was one course at Oxenfurt, but I’m making do.”

Fuck, he sounded bitter to his own ears. Well, there goes his spring break romance…

It was nice whilst it lasted.

“What year? My younger brother is studying music too, plays guitar,” Geralt hummed, seemingly not put off by Jaskier’s bad mood. “Could introduce you, if you’d like?”

Jaskier peered over Geralt’s shoulder at the group of burly men that were wrestling in the sand by a campfire. Narrowing his eyes, he considered the offer. Whilst he wasn’t really in the mood to be meeting new people, they did have a fire, and having a friend on his course was probably not a terrible idea if he could just think rationally for once in his damned life.

“First year?” he hummed and then took a deep breath, shaking out his shoulders.

There was no point moping. He was better than this, and at the very least he was an actor! Even if he didn’t feel like it then it could at least pretend to be better than this. Didn’t he come outside for a change of scenery? Wasn’t he dying of boredom in his bedroom? Rotting at the bottom of a cheap ass box of wine that would have his parents shuddering in fear. So he plastered on a fake smile that was probably fooling no one and clapped Geralt on the shoulder.

“Sorry, I’m being a complete bore, sulking about transferring probably.” Definitely. “That’s not your fault, thank you for catching me, Geralt?”

Geralt nodded, cocking his head and furrowing his brow.

“Excellent! And I would love to meet your brother! As long as he’s not a serial killer? Wait, are you a serial killer? This would be the perfect set up for a murder mystery, meeting a handsome stranger on the beach, offering to meet his possibly equally handsome brothers, and then betrayal! Our dashing young protagonist falls victim to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune… well… love… and then-”

“Jaskier!”

“Hello!” he grinned, cutting his story off with a sheepish smile. “Thanks, sorry… I- I tend to get carried away.”

“Handsome stranger?”

Oh cock.

“Would you believe me if I said artistic licence?” Jaskier asked, biting his lip as he gazed up at Geralt through his lashes.

“So now I’m ugly?”

Bastard. Geralt was a complete bastard, and Jaskier was doomed to die alone.

“You!” he gaped and poked Geralt in the chest. “You are messing with me!”

“You’re the flirt, not me.” Came Geralt’s response, his low chuckle doing all sorts of acrobatic things to Jaskier’s heart.

Seriously, it was bad enough that he looked like that, but he had the voice to match? That just wasn’t fair, and Jaskier was just a simple bisexual that fell in love too easily.

“I am an artist!” Jaskier snapped, pouting up at Geralt… well more across, but he kept slipping down into the sand, nearer to the waves making Geralt look taller than he was. Or did that just make Jaskier look shorter?

It didn’t matter.

“Is that what they call it now?”

“Oh you, you think you’re so funny,” Jaskier grumbled, ignoring the fact he already felt lighter than he had in days. “Come on, big guy, introduce me to your brother, and try not to murder me in the process. Do you have beer? It’s a uni party down the beach, you must have beer!”

“We have beer.”

“Brilliant! Lead the way oh mighty Geralt of Vet Med!”

“Rivia actually.”

Furrowing his brow, Jaskier turned to face Geralt with a tilt of his head. “Really? Your accent sounds more…”

“I was adopted.”

“Oh fun!” Jaskier laughed and slung his arm around Geralt’s as they made their way towards the campfire, and to the blessed heat that it would bring. Ooh maybe if he were lucky, Geralt would offer his coat which looked a lot warmer than Jaskier’s jacket, or perhaps they could snuggle up together and Jaskier could have a wonderful time pretending they were a couple.

Who knew? By the time classe started back maybe he wouldn’t have to pretend.

But! But he was getting ahead of himself.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

Geralt’s brothers were a riot, and Jaskier found his bad mood melting away. His fake smiles became genuine and he laughed along with them as they teased Geralt for picking up a new friend so quickly. Apparently, despite a gruff exterior, people tended to gravitate towards Geralt, and Jaskier could totally understand why. Not only was he gorgeous, because he was… he really really was, but he was also kind. He hadn’t pushed when Jaskier clearly didn’t want to talk about Oxenfurt or his family, and he’d extended the hand of friendship when Jaskier was being a petulant child.

Kind and beautiful, and a total nerd.

Gods, Jaskier was fucked. Utterly fucked.

When Geralt started talking about his course, it was as if the rest of the world melted away. He was just as passionate about animals as Jaskier was about his music, and the soft smiles when Geralt spoke about his own horse, Roach, back home were just beautiful.

Jaskier didn’t even notice the sun setting beyond the ocean, too busy sharing tales and beers with this family that had seemingly adopted him. The fire crackled and the ash danced as they flew into the sky, swirling like fireflies in the dark. He sighed happily as he watched Lambert play his guitar. The music was heartwarming and pretty. Lambert was not quite as talented as Jaskier was but clearly he had skill. It was just nice not to be the one entertaining everyone for a change.

“What about you?” Eskel asked as he cracked open another beer. “Any pets?”

Thinking back to his poor dead plants on his windowsill at Oxenfurt, Jaskier grimaced. “Ah, no… not particularly skilled in keeping things alive. Not even my roommate could keep the plants alive after I’d touched them, and he was excellent at plants.”

“Not even a pet fish?” Lambert asked, not even skipping a beat in his chord changes, although he did glance down at the strings, his hair falling into his eyes.

Snuggling into Geralt’s side, Jaskier shook his head. “More of a people person, although I do love dogs. My cousins Essi and Ellen have a Golden Retriever and I adore him. Dogs are simple, you know? Unconditional love and all that, plus they are super cuddly.”

With a snort and a twang of guitar strings, Lambert laughed. “Seems you’re pretty cuddly as well. Hey, Geralt, looks like you found a stray dog on the beach instead of a human. Maybe he will love you unconditionally?”

Jaskier squeaked and buried his face in Geralt’s chest, not wanting anyone to see his blush. They were right, absolutely right. There was no doubt in Jaskier’s mind that he could spend the rest of his pathetic life with Geralt, although realistically he knew that was his heart speaking not his head, but pretty, nerdy, strong man that was either comfortable enough in his sexuality to not care about cuddling another man, or… he was some sort of queer - either way Jaskier was weak.

“Beer please, or vodka… is there any vodka?” Jaskier mumbled. “And for the record… I’m cold blooded - practically a lizard. Geralt is just being a good vet and making sure my environmental needs are met.”

“You’ve played too much Planet Zoo,” Eskel laughed, pulling a hip flask from his jacket. “Careful, it’s strong. Lambert thought it would be a good idea to brew vodka in the bath.”

“It was a brilliant idea. You’re just a coward, Eskel.”

Staring suspiciously at the hip flask, Jaskier sniffed. Not that it did any good, all he could smell was the burning wood of the campfire. He glanced around at his new friends, three pairs of golden eyes watched him carefully, and he knew before he’d even taken a sip that he was going to regret it, but Jaskier had also survived a term at Oxenfurt. He could drink most people under the table and be back at it the next morning. Just how bad could the homemade vodka be?

The answer was really fucking terrible.

Jaskier spat the burning liquid out onto the sand. “Fucking Meletile Tits, Lambert! What the fuck is that? I am not drunk enough for that. Bloody hell, Geralt, have you tried this?”

“Regrettably.”

With a yell, Lambert ditched his guitar on the sand and charged. Both Geralt and Jaskier went flying backwards off the log they were perched on and the two brothers began to wrestle. Pouting, Jaskier stood up, brushing down his clothes and pulling the blanket around his shoulders. It wasn’t nearly as warm as cuddling Geralt, but having drunk a couple of cans of beer, he didn’t feel quite as frozen as he had when he arrived.

And it was nice; exactly what he’d always expected the holidays to be like at university. Just a group of friends relaxing on the beach with some booze and a bonfire. All it needed now was some marshmallows to roast, and maybe some drunken kisses… definitely drunken kisses. Gods, he so desperately wanted Geralt to kiss him.

But for now he was happy to just sit back and watch as he settled into the group of brothers.

It was a nice distraction from the shit show that was his life, and when the sun began to rise once more, Jaskier was pulled from his impromptu nap on Geralt’s shoulder by Lambert poking him in the side.

“Wakey wakey, rise and shine!”

“Hnnnng… no…” Jaskier whined, blinking wearily.

“Eskel has work in a few hours, so we need to get home before Dad kills us, but give Lover Boy your number and we can meet back here tonight if you’re free.”

“Not Lover Boy,” Jaskier’s pillow grumbled.

“Want my number or not?” he countered as he struggled to get up. “My first friends from the uni, and they don’t even want my number.”

“Dramatic little shit,” Geralt muttered but pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Keep the coat. You need it.”

“I-”

No. Don’t argue Jaskier. The coat was lovely and warm and it was Geralt’s. Despite the invitation to come back the next night, Jaskier wanted the excuse to see Geralt again… and again… and again.

Until they were completely inseparable and Jaskier knew him as well as the back of his hand. The love in his heart would grow from the infatuation into a deeper attraction, one with a solid foundation.

If only.

One day…

Maybe with Geralt, maybe with whoever caught his eye next. Jaskier was aware enough to know that he was as fickle in love as he was in everything else. Not a month before he was sure he would marry Valdo Marx, until the fucker had decided to date Jaskier’s cousin instead. Before that it was his college sweetheart, Virginia Stael.

Still, a life with Geralt seemed like a nice life. He would have a fun time with the in-laws at least, and maybe Geralt could help keep his plants alive. Ooh or even a dog!

It was a nice dream at least, and it started with putting Geralt’s name in his phone.

“Thank you, Geralt. I really needed this. You didn’t need to take a chance on a grumbly old shit like me,” Jaskier sighed, as they exchanged numbers. “I’m glad you did though.”

“Looked like you needed a break,” Geralt shrugged. “And I wasn’t sure if you were gonna wade straight into the ocean and never come back out.”

“Oh wow… that bad? And here I thought it was my ruggedly handsome face, or my quick wit, or oozing charm.”

“Nah, you looked like shit,” Geralt laughed, his fingers brushing against Jaskier’s wrist as they swapped back their phones.

“We told Geralt to leave you alone.” Picking up the beer cooler, Eskel smirked at his twin brother. “But this one just can’t ignore a soul in need.”

Which was just what Jaskier didn’t need to hear. Stupid, kind-hearted fool of a man. His poor heart was going to explode, but instead of melting into the sand, Jaskier just leaned in to brush his lips against Geralt’s cheek.

“My hero,” he whispered.

Then he turned and fled before he could embarrass himself any further. Reality called him. He needed food and water… and coffee. Gods, he needed so much coffee. His neck hurt from his awkwardly positioned nap and there was no way he would make it through the day without help, especially if he wanted to see Geralt again that night. Fuck, he hoped he could get away. There was a chance that his parents would insist that he stayed home. After all, he had returned home to spend time with his father before the end.

Thankfully, luck was on his side. Jaskier stumbled through the day in a sleepy haze, napping in the chair by his father’s bedside after playing a few of his latest compositions. For once he didn’t make snide comments about the music or the lyrics or Jaskier’s entire life, which was… worrying in its own right, but Jaskier felt more at peace with his decision to come home. Maybe they could repair their relationship before it was too late. That was definitely unexpected.

After dinner, Jaskier pulled on Geralt’s coat and slung his guitar case over his shoulders, sending off a quick text to Geralt to say he was heading out. In response, he got a quick “Ok” which… wasn’t the most eloquent but Jaskier took it to mean Geralt was also on his way. He hoped. It would be very embarrassing if he wasn’t.

But of course, Geralt was there, looking all handsome in a black shirt and jeans. He had no coat or jacket despite the cool evening, instead already poking at the bonfire. To Jaskier’s surprise, Geralt was alone.

“No Eskel or Lambert tonight?”

“Apparently they had better places to be,” Geralt said with a shrug, rolling his eyes.

“Soooo… they are setting us up?”

“Yeah.”

It shouldn’t have made Jaskier as happy as it did, but hey he was a romantic at heart, and he really did like Geralt. A lovely evening spent with him by the sea, watching the sunset, maybe a romantic song or two. It could be the start of something really special.

“Is it working?” He asked with a wink as he settled down by the fire, pulling his guitar from its case.

“Hmm.”

The response didn’t exactly feel Jaskier with confidence, but the fond smile that Geralt gave him instead meant more than a thousand words so Jaskier tried to push down the feeling of rejection. Instead, he closed his eyes and plucked at the strings of his guitar until he was happy with the turning.

“Perfect pitch?” Geralt raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, umm… yeah. Yes. Very useful for guitar playing,” Jaskier winked and then gave the guitar a test strum. “Any requests?”

But Geralt shook his head, staring back into the fire with a sigh.

“Good, yeah, no that’s good.”

Was it good? Who knew, certainly not Jaskier, but it did mean he could pick something that he knew he could play well. Not that he wanted to impress Geralt, but he absolutely was trying to impress Geralt. Quickly thinking through his repertoire and peering at Geralt, Jaskier decided on one of his originals. It was catchy but not too pathetic, a hint of romanticism that should hopefully set the mood.

“Do you come here every night?” Jaskier asked as he played the introduction, repeating the sequence whilst he waited for Geralt’s response.

“During the holidays, yeah. Most weekends too.”

“You’re close with your family, yes?” Jaskier cocked his head.

“Yeah. When you come from nothing, family is all you have.”

After that Jaskier began to sing, quietly at first but gradually growing in confidence as Geralt sipped at the bottle of wine he’d brought to the beach. When he opened his eyes he found Geralt watching him reverently, golden eyes warm as he smiled faintly. It was peaceful and wonderful and bright. Gone were the worries of the day, and the more he played, the more Jaskier felt his anxiety melt away, into the sand ready to be washed away by the waves. When he finished the first song he took the wine bottle from Geralt. It was much nicer than Jaskier’s boxed wine but clearly still cheap… the life of students was glamorous.

By the time Jaskier started his second song the sun had almost dived below the horizon. He plucked at the strings, not bothering to sing along as he gazed out into the sea, then, sighing softly, he rested his guitar against his legs.

“Sit with me?”

Humming, Geralt stood up and made his way around the bonfire, plopping down next to Jaskier with a huff. Immediately, Jaskier snuggled up to him, watching the fire dance in front of them. Geralt wrapped an arm around Jaskier’s shoulders and it all felt very cosy all of a sudden. For a heartbeat, Jaskier forgot that he wasn’t dating Geralt.

He swallowed as he realised that after all the talk of yesterday, it was his turn to open up, to bear his soul. Geralt and his brothers had accepted him - no questions asked, or at the very least surface questions only, but they had told him about their childhood, the good and the bad. In turn, Jaskier had deflected his way past most of the personal questions, not even revealing that he was the son of the most influential man in the town. He was just Jaskier, not Julian Alfred Pankratz, but it wasn’t enough anymore. After spending hours with Geralt and his family, they deserved better.

Maybe not everything..

But something..

So with a sigh, plucking idly at the strings of his guitar in his lap, he began to speak. “My father is dying. That’s why I came back.”

“Hmm?”

“From Oxenfurt. All my life I wanted to study there, but when my mum called, I couldn’t stay. It wasn’t right. So I gave up my childhood dream for him, for a chance to say goodbye. Spent the last few days drunk out of my mind or hungover… until I met you.”

“I’m sorry, Jaskier,” Geralt’s arm tightened around him, pulling him closer, and it took every ounce of control not to completely fall apart right there and then.

“S’okay. Not your fault. I just wonder… Is Destiny real?”

Geralt chuckled, pressing a kiss to Jaskier’s temple in lieu of answering.

“Because if I’d stayed at Oxenfurt… I would never have met you? And I’m really glad I met you Geralt. Sometimes Destiny brings people into your life when you need them most, and that’s you, for me. Which… ah bollocks. I’ve said too much. Too soon, but in my defence I am a poet? We do tend to romanticise things and the sunset is right there!”

“Jaskier!”

“I know! I know!” he giggled and pressed into Geralt’s side. “I fall in love too fast, sorry!”

“A little fast, yeah, but I happen to like it, you. It’s endearing.”

Jaskier blushed, smiling widely even as he shivered from the cold. “Oh.”

“A holiday romance…”

“Or more?” Jaskier pouted up and Geralt, but the bastard was just smirking. Fuck, Jaskier was going to have to get used to his sense of humour, the little shit. “Shall we start with a kiss?”

“Hmm.”

Another thing that Jaskier was going to have to learn to translate.

“I assume that’s a yes. Please say it’s a y-”

It was a yes. Geralt’s lips crashed against his and Jaskier melted with a sigh. There was still a week to go, but it was shaping up to be the best spring break of his life.

Taglist: @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde, @comfyswitcherblanketfort, @fontegagrilledcheese, @dani-dandelino, @dapandapod @damnbert @officerjennie @feraljaskier @geralt-of-riviass @kueble @gilberik @llamasdumpsterfire @trickstermoose67 @alllthequeenshorses @skai6 @karolincki @eya-trying-to-function @stonedstargazer666 @aurelia-which-means-sunrise @geraltslastcoin @hot-multifandom-mess

#the witcher #geraskier #julian alfred pankratz #geralt of rivia #wolfie's witcher writing

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cafedanslanuit · 3 years

Text

catholic boy

⌘ — pairing: armin x reader

⌘ — tags/warnings: +18, HEAVY SACRILEGIOUS CONTENT (mainly catholic), dom/sub themes, slight humiliation, semi public sex, sub!armin

⌘ — a/n: I've decided to make this a multi-part series! Rather than having a plot, it's a collection of small stories about the experiences shared between Armin and the reader. Hope you like these! c:

⌘ — length: 1380

⌘ — chapter guide

part 2

Kneeling on the pad of the pew while his hands rested on the back of the one right in front of his, Armin looked forward, pretty blue eyes taking all the decoration in the chapel. His eyes set on the cross in front of him, made of expensive wood with beautiful, baroque-esque golden details. White light emerged from the top, illuminating the table and the chair where Father Louis used to seat during the mass. The rest of the university chapel was almost in the shadows, with very dim lighting, as he had been told to turn off all of the lights but that one.

That was what she had instructed him, and it embarrassed how he had almost run to the light switch and obliged to her wishes. Armin pondered how exactly things turned out this way.

He had been warned by Father Louis that a new student was going to be added to the bible study Armin ran every Monday and Friday night as a punishment for her defiant nature in class. He nodded a the words of his superior.

“Father, may I ask what kind of defiant nature it was? Was she aggressive or- should I prepare for Monday somehow?” Armin asked.

In retrospect, Armin wished he had been thoroughly warned of what he was really facing.

“She…” Father Louis paused, meditating his words. “She kept questioning God’s word during her Ethics class. Kept pressuring Sister Nancy into answering her questions about the sexual emancipation of women and kept defending the sinners that commit the sin of abortion. Honestly, I…” he sighed, making the cross sign on himself. “If her family wasn’t one of our top donators of this university, she would have been asked to leave long ago. I’m putting my hope in you, Armin,” he said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Everyone loves your bible study sessions and maybe you can be the one that makes her see the light. If anyone can do that, is you.”

Father Louis’ words resonated inside Armin’s head as he gripped the back of the pew so hard his knuckles turned white, still on a praying position. His legs were trembling and he felt as if they were going to give out any second. He gripped the pew tighter, letting out a shaky breath. How could a simple woman have so much control over him? Was Father Louis right when he had said it was the Devil all along, and women were mere vessels of him? Women were meant to walk behind men, they were meant to be quiet, servile, obedient. The ones that defied God’s commands and lived a life of sin were destined to go to Hell to forever repent the choices they made in life.

But if that was true, then why did this feel so good?

You pressed a kiss on Armin’s right shoulder, the faintest of whimpers leaving his lips. Smiling at his reaction, you shifted on your seat and bent down further, so your breasts were flushed against Armin’s clothed back. You loved whenever he wore that white shirt, how they made his blue eyes pop and how he looked even more innocent than usual. Both of your legs were situated on each side of his thin frame, shoes resting on the pad. Even if you couldn’t see his face as you were sitting behind him, you could almost imagine the red tint on his cheeks as soon as he felt your body so close to his.

Your hand was clasped around his cock, pumping him slowly. This time, you had told him only to unzip his pants and lower his underwear but somehow this was one of the times you had seen him more riled up than ever. Your thumb drew a circle around his tip and he let his head fall, legs trembling thanks to the great pleasure he was in.

Smiling softly, you took his chin gently with your free hand and forced him to lift his head once again.

“Eyes on the cross, pretty boy,” you instructed. Armin did as told and he soon felt your hand going faster around his length. “Can’t believe you’re tainting this holy space,” you teased him, before leaving a couple more kisses on top of his shoulder blades. “I should just leave you here, see how much prayer it takes you to ask for forgiveness for doing this.”

“No!” Armin quickly said and you felt him twitching in your hand. “Please. Please, don’t stop, I need…” his words died in his mouth as he started moving his hips against your hands, slowly fucking it even though he looked like he was about to collapse any second.

“Yes? I couldn’t catch that,” you hummed, the thumb of the hand that was holding his chin up softly stroking his cheeks. Armin leaned his face against your hand and your heart skipped a beat at his sweet gesture. “What do you need?” you insisted, sitting back on the pew, waiting for his response.

“I need-- I need to come, please ,” he whispered. “Please, I’ll do anything, just-- keep touching me, please.”

“Well, you have been good today,” you pondered in a playful tone, your hand following the rhythm of his hips. “Maybe you deserve to come today.”

Armin turned his head to you. The image of you sitting with your legs open wide behind him, your uniform skirt riling up enough for him to see your thighs almost made him lose control. “Please, please, I--”

This time, you hastily turned his head back again.

“I said eyes on the cross,” you said sternly.

Armin muttered an apology and you slowed your pace, getting off at the desperate, soft whimpers that left his lips, and the way his hips moved erratically trying to get more friction.

“Let him see how much of a desperate slut you’re being right now,” you said, pressing your chest against his back again, your lips ghosting over his ear. “How you’re begging me to keep touching your cock. I bet he can even hear those pretty moans you’re making for me right now,” you chucked. You licked the shell of his ear and Armin let out a shaky breath.

You picked up the pace again, your hand moving quickly and squeezing him just how he liked it. Armin’s soft pleas were breathless whispers, as he held tightly on the pew and did his best to follow your commands and keep his eyes looking forward, straight to the cross.

“Please-- please let me come,” Armin whimpered, his voice broken, pathetic whines leaving his pink lips as he kept rutting his hips against your hand. You smiled and pressed a kiss against his ear.

“Fine,” you chuckled softly. “If you really need to come so bad…”

Only two strokes more were enough for Armin to come undone in your hands, spurts of cum landing on the pad he was kneeling on and the chapel’s floor. You kept moving your hand, making sure you got every single drop of cum, milking him completely dry.

Soon, all that was left of Armin was a trembling figure, his forehead finally resting over his hands, as the aftershocks of his orgasm still ran across his body, legs too weak for him to even attempt to stand on his own.

“You did such a mess here,” you clicked your tongue as you stood up and fixed your skirt. “You should clean that before you leave, doesn’t Father Louis get here very early tomorrow?” you asked, feigning ignorance

Armin didn’t reply, his back rising up and down as he tried to catch his breath. With a soft smile, you walked back to him and gently lifted his head once more. His perfect blue eyes looked back at you, a little teary and full of devotion.

"You were such a good boy today," you whispered. His eyes opened even wider and he slowly nodded at your words.

Before you left the chapel that night, you made sure to leave a kiss on his trembling lips, his tongue tasting like strawberry milk and reverence. A wild thought about who really had a hold on you crossed your mind, but you quickly shoved it away as you walked towards the back door.

#armin x reader #snk smut #aot smut #snk x reader #aot x reader #armin arlert x reader #tw sacrilegious #armin arlert smut #armin smut

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passable-talent · 4 years

Note

*grabby hands* childhood Jedi training rival x anakin skywalker? 🥺🥺

you ever had a boy own your whole heart? I didn’t even realize how much I loved this man when I watched the prequels at 7 until I watched them again at 19- literally a gay awakening, twice. unprecidented.

also. I LIVED BITCH

Three years old, and you’ve never known anything other than the Jedi Temple. You’re learning words quickly- words like ‘up’, and ‘down’, and ‘Force’.

Five years old, and you’re told about how your parents sent you to Coruscant with pride, because you were force sensitive. They knew that someday, you were to be a Jedi.

Age seven. The time is drawing closer for you to become an initiate. You’re doing well in your classes, and you’re capable of some deep meditation, even if Master Yoda always comments that you’re too distracted.

Age nine, and there’s an eleventh added to your clan of younglings. His name is Anakin Skywalker, and he seems cool. He’s a bit old to start his training, but he’s part of your clan now, so everyone helps him study and catch up to the rest of the group.

You’re eleven years old. The initiate trials are only a few years away. Anakin is your best friend, even if you’d never admit it. He’s such a show-off, his force powers much stronger than anyone else in the unit, his marks on strategy exams are always outstanding, and he’s already a padawan, as he loves to remind you. But your politics are stronger, and when you practice with the wooden sabres, you beat him every time.

Thirteen, now. Next year, you’ll compete in the initiate trails, and if you succeed, the Apprentice Tournament. Anakin has started going on missions with Obi-Wan Kenobi, but he’s stopped teasing you about it, since he’s noticed how you redden with jealousy.

The initiate trails were a success. You’d gathered more skill in the force, though you still weren’t at Ani’s level, and passed the first trial. You had been gifted an orange kyber crystal by Master Mace Windu, and your lightsaber was distinct and brilliant. Finally, you had something to tease Anakin about- his blue blade was a common color.

For a year you trained with renewed fervor, having been moved from a youngling to an initiate. You were readying to participate in the Apprentice Tournament, where you would show off blade skills that Master Kit Fisto praised as being some of the best he’d seen from an initiate. Anakin helped you train, though he always offered with a throw-off statement such as ‘you’ll need all the help you can get’.

And if he didn’t cheat and use the Force, you certainly would’ve won more than you did.

Master Mace Windu had become an idol of yours, ever since he chose you to hand that kyber crystal to. If he didn’t mind the interruption, you would study with him, and he would guide your emotions, like your jealousy of Anakin and your angry determination, into Jedi strengths. He harbored the decision that he would take you as a padawan, as he hadn’t had one since Depa Billaba completed her trials, years ago.

He told himself that he’d take you as a padawan as soon as possible, but it seemed that you were intent on competing in the Apprentice Tournament, and he wouldn’t stop you.

Fourteen years old, and facing off against your class- and clan- mates in lightsaber duels, one by one. Your skills with the saber were unmatched by your peers. Certainly not by far, but you had a talent, a natural knack, and you quickly progressed through the bracket, until the final free-for-all. Anakin and Obi-Wan, you knew, were in the stands, just like Mace Windu. You needed only to win, or at least put up a fight, to impress them all.

Strategy was your ally, as the match started, as you did not charge headfirst into the battle. Your angry determination had turned to cool focus, picking out the best times to engage a fight and turn your opponent away. Soon enough, it was you and one other initiate- Lys Kysek. He was skilled, but you were better.

Cheers erupted when you won the duel, and you gave a humble bow, lifting Lys up to show respect to him. When you exited the Arena, you found the congratulations of your friends, and though Anakin looked impressed and happy for you, he maintained that things would’ve been different if he’d entered the tournament.

Seventeen years old- you’re a padawan to Master Mace Windu, and have been for three years. Anakin is most certainly the person you despise most in the world, and anyone who claims otherwise is clearly lying, kidding themselves. Don’t they see how you boast every time you beat him in a duel? Don’t they see the way you flush with anger whenever he bests you? What other explanation could there be for your sputtering whenever he sends you a cocky smile?

Yeah, yeah. You see, Jedi are forbidden to love. You wondered, though, if the Masters of Old would’ve written that rule if they’d seen how Anakin smiles.

At nineteen, you were knighted, having completed your trials. It was rushed, you knew that, but the Clone Wars had begun, and the galaxy needed Jedi Knights like never before. It was fine- Master Windu would do just fine without you. And besides, being a General in the Grand Amry of the Republic had its perks.

One being, of course, that you were able to chose to go on missions with your old friend, Anakin Skywalker.

He had his hands full, with his new padawan and all, so he was often grateful to have you at his side. Ahsoka, her personality not unlike a Florrumian fire cracker, seemed to reignite the rivalry between the two of you, going so far as to claim she wished that she had been your padawan, instead of Anakin.

Oh, how that made him boil.

Still, you would follow him into battle in a heartbeat. You’d protect him with your life, and of course, he would do the same. Together with his piloting and your sabre skills, you were unstoppable on missions. Ever so slowly, you forged a force connection.

It was like that of a padawan and master, but more balanced, like a true partnership. You could feel each other’s presence, location, and sometimes even emotion, when it was particularly strong. Anakin never spoke of it, and so you wondered if you were meant to hide it- maybe, it had happened because of the love you held for him as a teenager, and maybe still did. Jedi weren’t meant to grow attached to anyone, especially not the way that you had, and so you kept quiet, and just felt it when he stood beside you.

Anakin and Ahsoka had left for a mission that you weren’t meant to accompany them on. You stayed at the temple and completed the diplomatic communications you were known to be quite good at, content and confident that Anakin would return unscathed.

And then, you felt it.

In the middle of your meditation, when your body was open to the force, you felt the deepest, most raw pain you had ever felt in the depths of your stomach. It made you double over and nearly vomit, its pain so intense that you couldn’t move. It ebbed after a few moments, and on weakened legs you stumbled to your communication station.

Where pain had been only moments ago, you now felt fear settle. You had a connection with Anakin, and when you were meditating with the force, had felt horrible pain- the conclusion was obvious that Anakin was hurt. You tried first to reach him, but nothing went through. Then you tried for Ahsoka, who was equally unreachable. When you couldn’t reach Captain Rex you started to fear for the worst.

You ran to your old Master, finding him in discussion with another Jedi, who he waved away as he sensed your panic, and strife.

“What is it?”

“Anakin’s in trouble. I can’t reach him, and I think he’s hurt.” Mace turned to the nearby communication equipment and tried to reach Anakin’s unit, but gave you the side eye as he did so.

“How do you know he’s hurt if you can’t reach him?”

“Master, I- I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.” You conceded with a sigh, knowing that your master could see through you.

“Anakin and I- we have this bond, in the force. I don’t know how it happened. But it’s never been like this before- I’ve never felt his injury, and I’ve never felt him when he was so far away. I- I’m scared that he’s in real danger.” By this time, Mace had pulled up transmission with Obi-Wan, who quickly relayed the 501st’s last known meeting and location.

“Be careful,” Mace warned you, “what you’re describing sounds almost like a Dyad. It can’t be, we would’ve known by now, but if it’s this similar now, it could prove to be dangerous, later. Don’t let his pain keep you from his rescue.”

You hopped in a speeder and raced to the aid of your friends.

When you entered the atmosphere of the planet Anakin had said to have been lost upon, you tried to open your mind to the force- it was difficult, you had to admit, flying a speeder through Seperatist airspace, but you had to try. You let the force guide you to a different part of the planet, where you touched down and hid your ship amongst the foliage as best you could.

Once again you let the force guide you, sending you deep into the woods. You knew you must’ve been getting close when you began garnering fire, but instead of red droid blasters, you were avoiding instead blue fire.

So you ignited your saber and lifted it as a sign of peace.

As soon as the clones stopped firing, you rushed toward them, and found almost exactly what you feared. Ahsoka had tears running down her face, surrounded by a protection squad of clones, and Anakin was bleeding heavily from a droid blast in the center of his abdomen, right where you had felt the pain. You had taken time to get here- he was still alive, but had passed out either from the pain, or from blood loss.

“Master (Y/N), I don’t know what to do,” Ahsoka sobbed, and you feel to your knees opposite her, at Anakin’s side.

“Ahsoka, give me your hand,” you ordered her, and you pressed down her hand onto the left side of his wound, then moving your palm to its right. “Meditate with me. We’re going to give him some life force, to help him heal.” You’d tried this, once, long ago. When you were on a mission with your Master, and he’d received a similar wound. It was much smaller, and he’d been able to guide you through it. Today, you would be that guidance, for Ahsoka. And maybe, her Force powers and yours combined would be enough to heal him. “Visualize the Force, the Force all around us, within us. Visualize it traveling down your body, into your fingertips, into Anakin’s body. Visualize the energy flow being channeled by the two of us.”

Once you’d explained, you closed your eyes, and pictured it. The Force, to you, looked like golden light, compassion and kindness shimmering in the air all around you. Like a magnetic field it was drawn to Jedi, and in this instant you saw it pour downward through the funnel you created with Ahsoka into Anakin’s body.

He opened his eyes slowly, a small groan leaving his body.

“Hey, (Y/N). You made it after all.” Ahsoka called Master! and leapt forward to give him a hug, to which he laughed and hugged back, teasing that it would take more than a droid to kill him. You shook your head and sat back, narrowing your eyes.

“Skywalker, how many times am I going to have to hop in a speeder and race across the galaxy to make sure you don’t die?”

“Oh, just once more,” he shot back, that smirk back on his face, as though it had never left. “I don’t suppose you have a way off this planet?”

“You’re lucky I’m going to let you on my ship.”

As soon as Anakin opened communications on your speeder with Obi-Wan to report the successful, if nearly life-costing, mission, you let Captain Rex take the wheel, and went to the deck below to speak with Anakin in private.

“You felt it, didn’t you?” He asked, his hand over the scar that had formed from rapid healing. “When I got shot.”

“Yes,” you answered, eyes cast to the side.

“Why are we connected like this?”

“I don’t know. I think-“

“Is it because of how much I like you?” You lifted your head in surprise, and briefly felt an emotion you almost never felt from Anakin- vulnerability.

“You- you do?”

“I have since we were kids. I never told you, because I knew I wasn’t supposed to feel this way, and thought that since you were raised in the temple, you’d never feel the same.” His expression told you he was sensing the emotions that currently broiled in your heart. The nervousness, the surprise, but mostly the relief, relief that your love wasn’t unrequited, that you weren’t the only one, that you weren’t breaking the code alone.

“Anakin, I- I can’t believe this.” You took the two quick steps to him but stopped short of the hug he was expecting, briefly laying your fingers where his wound had been, where his robes were scorched. “I’m glad you’re not dead.” Anakin gave a little laugh.

“Yeah, me too.” You closed the distance and hugged him, tightly, closing your eyes and letting yourself feel as satisfaction and happiness bounced between the two of you. “I’m glad you were there when I woke up.” You snorted, pulling away, eyes narrowed playfully.

“Buddy, if I wasn’t there, you wouldn’t have woken up.” Instead of teasing back, as you had expected, Anakin took hold of your closer wrist, the playfulness only in his smirk.

“Then it’s a good thing you were there. If you hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have gotten to do this.” With his opposite hand he cupped your face, and slowly, he brought the two of you together.

Scattered across the galaxy, there were four people who felt it when the two of you kissed. Not because of the kiss itself, but because of the connection between two who were bound by the force, pulsating outward from a moment of satisfaction, devotion, happiness. Master Yoda, on a mission to Endor, who scowled, wondering how much harder it would become to control Anakin. Mace Windu, on Coruscant, who laughed, as though he expected such a feeling. Obi-Wan Kenobi, in a cruiser halfway ‘cross the galaxy, who merely shook his head. And, on the very same ship, Ahsoka Tano, who quietly received five Republic credits from Captain Rex, who’d lost their bet.

-🦌 Roe

#reader insert #angst #imagines #Star Wars #star wars prequels #anakin skywalker #darth vadar #Jedi #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin x reader #poor anakin #anakin imagine #revenge of the sith #clone wars #the clone wars

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acc3ssdenied · 5 years

Text

BRUISED | 04

SUMMARY: You don’t know what you expect when your best friend and her boyfriend invite you to one of his friend’s parties. But, it certainly wasn’t for you to be at an underground boxing venue the next day and for you to be thrown into a world that you had no idea existed.

PAIRING: boxer!jungkook x reader

GENRE: non idol au, boxer!jungkook, badboy!jungkook, tattoo!jungkook, angst, fluff, smut

WARNING: alcohol consumption, strong language, jungkook being big and intimidating, bit of angst? chaotic inner monologues

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

A/N: i really love the whole jungkook with tattoos and him being a boxer/ badboy so I have decided to write my own! this will have updates alternating with mélomanie most likely but, i also have to keep up with my wattpad schedule. please tell me what you think and ask if you would like to be added to the tag list <3

TAG LIST: @singulari-taes @lil-bai-of-sunshine @diab1a @bts-trash24 @rubydotexe @ryulite @dammit-jjk @bbyboihongjoong @bunnyboyjjk @taehyungiev13 @scvkjinrecs @milkandminie @screamingshoes @mygscafe @kimvantaee @pleasantpeachstudent @fivesecondsofsarang @frenchki @gukksluv @loserjeonjk @uugghhheveythingistaken @batakookie @itiswhatitisnt88 @srslyuwish @bubbletae7 @hhhhwww7 @unrewardingrhinestone

CHAPTER FOUR

You knew what everyone must think: Why does she keep going to parties? The answer is, you’re in your early twenties and a lot of the time you can spend with your friends happens to be at these parties. You also liked to get really drunk. It had been a part of your life since you’d dropped out of college and moved to the city. Chaeyoung had quickly noticed when you became friends that you loved to go out and let you slowly integrate her into your far wilder lifestyle. This time, she was going with Hoseok and you were arriving of your own accord — shockingly, it was a rare occurrence. The group chat had announced there would be a party a week ago, just after you had all gone out for lunch. Jimin was insistent that his friend, Taemin, would not mind you coming as his plus one — it required further persuasion in the form of a promised drink. That was what had led to you standing outside of the abnormally large house for a college student — all of the parties seemed to be at those kinds of houses but, you didn’t really question it.

Tucking your hands into the pockets of your red coat, you shouldered past the highly intoxicated teenagers, who were enthusiastically exchanging saliva directly in front of the stairs, and pushed yourself through the doorway. The house was packed. The people might as well have been stacked on top of each other there were that many of them. Thankfully, the alcohol you had poured down your throat made you immune to the sickening sensation of them touching you. A frown curved across your lips as you managed to escape the overwhelming crowds and into the kitchen.

A sigh of relief escaped your mouth as you spotted Yoongi staring lovingly at a half-empty bottle of whiskey. “Oh, thank god you’re here,” you exclaimed, groaning in relief before pulling yourself up onto the counter beside him, “I thought I would be surrounded by strangers the whole time.”

Yoongi wrapped an arm around you affectionately, holding out the bottle of whiskey — which you gladly accepted — as he gave you a gummy smile, “We’re all scattered about somewhere, I’ll take you to Chae and Jimin in a bit.” He glanced back to the area you had just escaped with a hint of disgust on his face, “That right there, is where you don’t want to be.”

You chuckle softly, taking a long drink of the sweet-tasting drink, “Tell me about it, I was tempted to kick a few of them for stepping on me.” He snorted out a laugh, tilting his head back slightly and squeezing his eyes shut. “Who is Taemin, why does he know this many people?”

“This is his fraternity house,” Yoongi explained, gesturing lazily to the interior of the house, “He’s a senior in college and Jimin’s a Sophomore, they know each other through dance classes.”

A noise of realisation came from your mouth, “Oh,” you dragged out dramatically, “You know, I just thought that you all had really nice houses,” you giggled at your own lack of common sense. He shook his head in mock disappointment before pushing away from the counter, his hand reaching for another bottle of whiskey.

“Come on, the others are this way,” he said, holding his hand out for you to take so you could jump from the counter. You happily did so, the half-full bottle still dangling idly from your fingertips as he led you back through the hellscape that had appeared in the living area. Once you had finally escaped the throngs of people, he guided you down a corridor and into a smaller living room with almost all of your group in.

Jimin immediately spotted you from where he had been sat cross-legged on the floor. Instantly, he had jumped to his feet and dashed towards you clumsily, wrapping you into a warm hug. “You made it!” He cried out, drawing the others’ attention towards where he was fussing over you.

Managing to wiggle out of his grip, you replied, “I saw you, last week idiot.” He only grinned at you widely, dragging you by the hand over to where he had been sat on the floor. “Eh!” A noise escaped your mouth as he pulled you to the floor, not realising the force he was using to do so.

He mumbled a soft apology which was overshadowed by Taehyung’s greeting, “Y/N! Hi, have you got a drink?” He smiled at you brightly — it was quite obvious that he was not as drunk as Jimin, you put it down to the fact that he generally wasn’t a big fan of the taste. Honestly, sometimes you wish you could say the same.

“I’m all set for now,” you said, raising your bottle to him dramatically. Your antics caused a laugh to come from Seokjin, who was sat on one of the sofas on your left side. “What?” you asked, an amused (defensive) tone to your voice as you looked at him with widened eyes.

He shook his head in mock disappointment, “Oh, nothing.” He paused, glancing around the room for a moment, before continuing to speak, “Jungkook isn’t here yet—“

This time you really were defensive, you’re eyebrows furrowed slightly and you crossed your arms of your chest protectively, “Why are you telling me that?” Your voice was much tighter than it had been before.

Seokjin only raised his eyebrows at you in mild confusion and amusement, “If you’d have let me finish, you would have heard me say that neither is Namjoon,” he tilted his head at you quizzically, “Why were you so defensive?”

A red flush spread across your cheeks, “I-I-uh-I don't— I wasn’t,” you huffed at him, “Fuck off.” He let out a loud laugh, his head falling back against the sofa as you pouted in your spot beside Jimin. Speaking of whom, he had been watching you with an equally amused look the whole time.

Remembering something, you turned back to where Yoongi had slid off to, curled up in a corner of the sofa, and asked, “Where did you say Chae and Hoseok were?” You hadn’t spoken to your best friends much since you’d last seen them and you had promised to find her at the best time — this meant when you weren’t blackout drunk.

His mouth hung open for a second as his eyes flickered to the right in thought, “I—“ his voice trailed off, mouth curving into a confused pout and he reached back to scratch the back of his head, “I don’t remember?” Yoongi gave you a sheepish smile, immediately shrinking further into his corner of the sofa so he could avoid your gaze.

A small, slightly exasperated, sigh left your mouth and you gave a tiny shake of your head, “That’s okay, I’ll just go and find them now.”

That was what you had thought was a smart, sensible thing to do. You were wrong. Nobody in that house gave a shit that you wanted to find your best friend, they only cared about two things: alcohol and sex. On any other occasion, that would have been you! But, it was really annoying when it wasn’t you.

If one more stiletto tried to pierce through your shoe, you were going to lose your mind. No one in this party wanted to see you go feral, no one. You had counted three beers that had been spilt on your bodysuit — THREE. It was a good coincidence that you had recently taken up meditating otherwise, someone would be losing a limb.

Just as you had managed to escape the crowd, you bumped into a hard chest and closed your eyes, preparing yourself for the inevitable collision with the ground. However, instead of smacking your face on the ground, you felt two strong hands wrap gently around your waist and hold you still. A relieved gasp escapee your mouth and you looked up to try and identify the owner of the hands.

The first thing that struck you was how bright the orange of their hair was. They looked down at you with an amused glint in their eyes, “Hey,” he said, steadying you carefully, “Everything okay?”

You chuckled in embarrassment, your eyes flickering to the side to try and avoid eye contact. Sighing dejectedly, you answered, “Yeah, sorry. I was going to go insane if one more person spilt their drink on my.” Your hand rubbed against your other forearm soothingly, trying to cool down the shame you felt from almost clothes lining a complete stranger.

To his credit, he only laughed lightly at you, guiding you to a quieter corner of the living room where you were less likely to take an elbow to the spinal cord. “I don’t blame you,” he said. It was then that you noticed the two eyebrow slits that criss crossed above his right eye.

“I feel like I recognise you,” you blurted out, head tilted to the side slightly as you tried to place where you knew him from. He most likely just had one of those faces.

There was a strange look in his eyes as he answered, “No, I think I’d recognise someone as beautiful as you.” Unfortunately enough for him, you weren’t easily flattered and even less so distracted. Just as you were about to insist that you did know him, a familiar voice came from your right.

“What’s going on here?” Jungkook looked taller than usual, as though he was making an effort to make himself as large as possible. It wasn’t difficult considering he had almost four inches on the orange haired man and he was considerably more muscular.

The orange-haired man’s face hardened and he stifled an irritated groan. He turned to Jungkook with a sly smirk on his face, “Jeon, is there a problem?” As soon as he had smirked, you knew where you had recognised him from. He was the man you had made eye contact with in the crowd at Jungkook’s match. It was a strange coincidence for you to run into him at Taemin’s part.

Jungkook’s expression didn’t shift at all, he only said, “I don’t know, Hongjoong, is there?” You had finally found out his name and you were still none the fucking wiser. At that point, neither of them were blinking and tension between them was tangible. Honestly, you wouldn’t have been surprised if they had started making out right in front of you.

“No, no problem,” Hongjoong said in a light voice as he allowed his gaze to run over you, “Just having a conversation.” There was a strange glint in his eyes that hadn’t been there before and instantly, an unpleasant chill ran down your spine. Unconsciously, you inched slightly closer towards Jungkook.

The taller man hummed thoughtfully, crossing his arms over his chest, “Really.” His voice was monotonous and far lower than you had heard it before. You really weren’t sure why he was so irritated you had been speaking to Hongjoong.

“Really,” Hongjoong answered firmly, raising an eyebrow, “She’s not yours is she?” Your mouth hung open in shock. This stranger was referring to you like you were Jungkook’s purse. Just as you were about to remove his limbs, the dark haired man grunted in affirmation as though he was a cave man. A small, outraged gasp left your mouth and your head spun round to give him an incredulous look. Fortunately enough for him, he was too busy staring longingly into his eyes to feel the wrath of your fiery gaze.

The orange haired man raised his hands in mock surrender and back away from both of you slightly, “My bad.” You scoffed disbelievingly. How dare they refer to you as though you were a belonging. You did not belong to Jeon Jungkook. Sadly, you did not get a chance to express this particular thought as the man in question had grabbed a hold of your wrist and began quickly pulling you back through the crowd.

He ignored your many curses and kept you pressed tightly to his side so he could be sure you wouldn’t get lost in the crowds. You lost count of how many times you had called him a ‘slippery little bastard’ but, you were sure that it had been enough to take effect. He only released you from his grip once you had reached the small living room where your friends were.

You knew that your cheeks must have been a flushed red colour and your eyes were wide with irritation. Immediately you wrenched your arm out of his grip and whirled round to face him, “Who—“

“Kook!” Jimin exclaimed happily, jumping on top of his best friend and dangling from his shoulders. Slowly, he slipped to the ground once he had noticed the tense atmosphere in the room. “Everything okay?” He asked, glancing between Jungkook’s stony expression and your furious one.

A grim smile spread across your lips as your turned to Jimin, “Oh yes!” The anger was apparent in your voice as you gestured back violently to Jungkook. “Everything was great until this troglodyte made an appearance and decided to take his cock out and have a pissing contest.” Jimin’s eyebrows rose in apprehension, his drunk mind unable to differentiate between whether you were being serious. “I was just talking to him. You didn’t need to drag me away, dickhead!”

Your shouting had garnered a larger amount of attention, most of the people in the room looking between you and Jungkook as though they were witnessing a very intense game of tennis. Jimin turned to Jungkook as though he was going to scold him however, he didn’t get the chance to as the latter only had to say three words: “It was Hongjoong.”

There was a collective gasp from almost everyone in the room. You heard someone shout, “Y/N, no!” The confusion on your face was obvious as you looked at the varying aghast expressions on people’s faces. What, had you been having a conversation with a serial killer?

Jimin tsked, turning back you to with a scolding expression, “He was looking out for you, Y/N.” A very small part of you knew that, it also knew that Hongjoong had made you feel slimy from the moment you first saw him at the boxing match. Unfortunately, a much bigger part of you resented the fact that you were being reprimanded by a child.

“He was treating me like an object!” You whined, pointing at him accusingly. His face was now watching you with a hint of a slightly amused smile on his face.

Jungkook groaned exasperatedly, “If he thinks you’re ‘mine’ he’ll stay away from you!” There were mumbles of agreement from the room and you pouted slightly, not liking the feeling of being ganged up on.

“God! Why are you even bothered if he stays away from me?” You exclaim, throwing your hands up wildly.

His reply came quickly after, “Because I care about you!”

You paused for a second, conscious of the room going almost silent at his words, “I care about you too, idiot! You don’t see me scaring off any girl that comes near you!” The whiskey Yoongi had given you earlier seemed to make you more prone to confessing feelings, you made a note to fight him over that earlier.

A quiet sigh came from his mouth as he looked at you fondly, arms dropping to his sides in defeat, “Look, I’m not telling you to stay away from him. If it matters that much to you, date Hoonjoong all you want. I just wanted you to be careful — I don’t want you to get hurt.” The angry expression on your face faded away instantly and you wanted to take back whatever it was that you had said to make him look like that. But before you could, he had disappeared from the living room as quickly as he had come.

“Wait, why does he think I want to date Hongjoong?”

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰

A/N: so, this is awkward... Okay, to start with I am so sorry for how long it has been since I’ve updated. Honestly, I’ve been extremely busy starting Year 12 which is the first year of my A-Levels and I’ve kind of been struggling to juggle everything. Also, my mental health has kind of been all over the place since about June so I’m kind of lacking in motivation anyway which doesn’t make writing any easier. But hopefully, this update helps me to get going again!

Anyway little disclaimer, I adore ATEEZ so I want to make it clear this is not me hating on them or Hongjoong. I just kind of used his face when I was making the character and it just kind of happened ://

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you so much for being so supportive in my inactivity! <3

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mollymauk-teafleak · 4 years

Text

Help Wanted (chapter four)

Huge thanks to my amazing betas @spiky-lesbian and @minky-for-short!

Please consider leaving a comment on Ao3 if you’d like to support my writing!

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

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WARNING: This chapter and the next few will deal with Fjord coping with his own sexuality and internalised homophobia. Avoid if this is a trigger for you.

Caduceus and Fjord start coming closer, when something comes roaring up to pull them apart

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“So...Caduceus, huh?”

Beau wasn’t very good at difficult conversations. She knew that. Whenever she had to have one, whether it was navigating her relationship with her girlfriends, letting Jester know when she needed some quiet time or getting Yasha to be more open about how she was feeling, the person she usually turned to was Fjord. He’d never say it himself but he was good at feelings talk, at least when he was out of his own head. Even when he’d been far away, the two of them had texted whenever he was docked, and he’d always been able to help her figure out what to say. Not that she could tell him that. He’d have cringed and gotten awkward about it and insisted he was really no good at ‘soft stuff’.

And Beau would have felt that urge to slap the hell out of that Vandran guy. And Avantika. And everyone else who’d ever made Fjord feel like he was worthless if he wasn’t ‘strong’. But that would have taken a long time.

But this time, she couldn’t ask Fjord what to say or how to make her smile look less like a grimace or how not to come off like a grumpy asshole. Because the person she wanted to have this tricky conversation with was Fjord himself.

And so far it was going as well as she’d expected.

Fjord gave her a puzzled look from across the counter, “Caduceus. Yeah, I know the fellah. Tall, furry, dresses like a college age stoner. I only see him every day but Sundays.”

“Damn, that is exactly how he dresses…” Beau muttered, looking across at where Cad himself was standing, seeing his drop crotch pants in an eye watering geometric print in a new light, “Anyway, I just mean...he’s nice, right?”

Fjord narrowed his eyes, “Uh, yeah. He is nice.”

“And you’ve been getting on really well?”

“I guess, yeah. We talk a lot, we’ve actually started texting. I don’t think he’s ever done it before but he seems like he’s getting the hang of it...I know he seems a little slow but he’s actually way smarter than people realise, he knows more about plants than, well, anyone I think and all this stuff he just remembers off the top of his head, his memory for some stuff just crazy. Last night when we were texting, he was describing how to make some real complicated stew thing and I know for a fact he didn’t have the recipe book because that's here and he wasn’t googling it because I don’t think he knows how to do that but he remembered everything about it…” he stopped, like he’d just realised how long he’d been talking and flushed, “Beau, when are you getting to your point?”

Beau cursed internally. The answer was she had no idea. But she had to try.

“Just sayin’... seems like you’ve got a bit of a...a thing going on with him. A connection.”

That had definitely been the wrong thing to say. Fjord’s shoulders immediately hunched, his jaw set in that stubborn, defensive way. The blush became a fire across his face, turning his green skin splotchy. He looked like a teenager caught spray painting a wall.

“What? He’s just a friend,” he said, more curt than he probably realised, “Like I said, I see him every day. I’m allowed to have friends, ain’t I?”

Beau held up her palms, getting the strong sensation that Fjord wasn’t talking to her anymore, not in his head anyway, “Sure, sure. Course.”

“You and Jess said I should work here, you wanted me to get to know him, that’s all I’m doing-”

“Right!” Beau raised her voice a little, frowning, “I know, Fjord, I know. Jeez, I was just asking…”

“Well maybe don’t next time,” he snapped, “He’s just a friend...here’s your coffee.”

The last part was muttered a little resentfully as he pushed the biodegradable cup towards her more forcefully than he needed to, quickly turning on his heel and nearly fleeing into the kitchen, with a half caught comment about having work to do.

Beau groaned and slumped on her stool. She knew exactly what was going to happen now, Fjord would spend a day being cold and awkward around her then would snap right back to the way they’d been before, as if the botched conversation had never happened. That’s how it had gone every other time Beau had tried to steer him into talking about...well, anything even remotely adjacent to that.

She’d tried before Caduceus was ever in the picture. She’d tried to bring it up around bonfires they’d set on the beach on weekends Fjord had stayed with her because the orphanage was crushing him, on the nights they’d sneak onto the school field when her own home became unbearable to be in and she needed to talk to someone who didn’t treat her like she was a mistake for being herself. She’d waited expectantly when she’d come out to him, at their usual booth in the cheap diner they both frequented, like there was a second half to the conversation in the wings.

None had worked. How were you supposed to tell someone you saw something in them when they didn’t see it themselves? When other parts of them, parts that had been transplanted in against their will, would hate it and punish them for it?

As little as she liked it, Beau realised all she could do was sit back and hope against hope that something would grow in Fjord.

Well, she sighed as she jumped down and went to head to class, if anyone could make something grow in the harshest conditions it was Caduceus.

It happened so slowly.

It started with side glances, Fjord clearly noticing things he hadn’t before. Things like the tattoo at the base of Caduceus’ neck that was only visible when he wore his hair with his undercut exposed. Things like the swirl of smooth oak he wore through the hole in his ear. Things like the markings he shaved into the fur around his wrist on certain days, namely the week when the seasons were shifting, as spring became summer. They’d always been part of him, of course but now Fjord’s eye seemed drawn to them more than ever.

And then it became questions. Not big questions but small ones that betrayed a much bigger curiosity. One day, when Fjord came in to find Cad meditating on the floor in the middle of the cafe, he politely tiptoed around him and left him to it. But he spent the morning clearly chewing over a question and finally, as the two of them sat and ate lunch in the kitchen, he burst out and asked if Cad thought about anything in particular when he did that or if he just let his mind wander. Cad had smiled and happily ran him through some meditation basics, breathing and thought exercises and such. Fjord had listened intently before quickly busying himself with his sandwich and mumbling something about it sounding interesting but not really for him.

The next day, he’d asked Cad if talking to the plants as he did counted as talking to his goddess too. Then he’d asked if she had a particular special day or if she had a temple of some kind somewhere. Then he’d asked if the way Caduceus did his hair had something to do with her whole spiral thing, the way he usually did it in braided buns on either side of his head.

Cad answered every question patiently, as if simply indulging his friend’s curiosity. After all, she was a lesser known deity in these parts, of course she’d seem interesting to someone who had grown up in a city. But each one lit a hope in his chest, like fireflies buzzing in his ribcage.

And then it wasn’t a question, it was a realisation.

“That’s a wave, isn’t it?”

Caduceus looked up from where he was lounging on one of the sofas, sewing a torn cushion back together, “Hm?”

Fjord was over in the corner, one of the carved talismans in his hand. There were several dotted around the store, looking just like indoor rockery amongst the plants or interesting art sculptures. But if someone knew what they were looking for, they’d see them everywhere. This one was a palm sized river rock, carved with the Wildmother’s spiral and painted in watercolours. His sister had made it for him before he’d left, pressing it into his palm as he’d been packing, when the rest of his family had already started keeping their distance.

Clarabelle had always been a favourite of his.

It seemed to fit perfectly in Fjord’s palm and he was studying it like he had no idea how it had gotten there, the watering can hanging limp and forgotten in his other hand.

“The symbol,” he murmured, face creased in a gentle, curious frown, “It’s a wave, isn’t it?”

Cad leaned forward, setting his needle and thread to one side, lazily resting his chin on his knees, “It is. Melora’s of the sea as well as the forest. Where’s wilder than the sea, after all?”

“I...I didn’t know that,” Fjord’s voice was small and his eyes hadn’t lifted from the talisman.

Cad nodded, “She guides the passage of ships and protects those who sail the waves, anywhere in the world. Particularly from storms.”

That snapped Fjord’s eyes up, as if one of the words Cad had spoken was a fishing line that he’d jerked, “Really?’

Cad tried to feel nothing at the sudden intensity in the half orc’s stare, “Yes. She’s all about protection and balance when people travel through wild places. Keeping things as they should be.”

Again, something about that tugged at Fjord. Enough to make him set down the watering can and come to sit on the sofa opposite Caduceus’, leaning forward on his knees. The quiet of the cafe after hours seemed to intensify, wrap around them as if they weren’t just the only two people in the building but the whole world.

“You said she’s about healing,” his voice was raspy, like he was having to fight to keep some emotion out of it, “But what about...forgiving?”

Cad blinked slowly, ears twitching, “Forgiving?”

Fjord lowered his voice, “Like if you’d...done something you weren’t proud of. Or thought something or...or you were something you weren’t proud of...or at least you thought you should be...would she still…” he seemed unable to keep going, like he was grasping for words that weren’t there.

Cad took a moment to really look at him before he answered. It was like he was seeing him in a different light, the way the colour of some eyes could look completely different depending on where you stood. There was a fear in Fjord’s face he’d never seen before, a kind of raw and innocent fear that belonged to a child. A child who didn’t understand why he’d been hurt as badly as he had. Who’d spend his life trying to reason out that hurt, finding flaws in himself that weren’t there, just to justify it all. Because if it wasn’t there then the world was just plain cruel and that couldn’t be true.

Cad was good at reading people, he was good at understanding faces and the feelings behind them. But he hadn’t seen this. And it broke his heart.

“Fjord,” he eventually murmured, wanting so badly to reach across the table to him but knowing that would do more harm than good, “Nothing is unforgivable. Certainly nothing you’ve done. And some things...some things don’t even require forgiveness, no matter what other people have told you.”

Fjord swallowed hard, “And she...she’d think so too?”

“Without hesitation,” Cad answered immediately, never breaking his gaze.

At that, something in Fjord seemed to recede, pull away. Something that didn’t have form or shape or colour so it was hard to say how it did it, but the sensation was unmistakable. A kind of...darkness had withdrawn ever so slightly.

And he managed to nod.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Cad chanted desperately in his head as he kept his face in a gentle smile and reached over to Fjord, putting his large hands over the half orc’s callused ones and closing his fingers over the talisman in.

“Why don’t you keep that, Fjord?” he murmured, “I want you to have it.”

Fjord opened his mouth to insist he couldn’t but Caduceus was already shaking his head, “It’s not a promise or anything, it’s just...a gift. It’s just a gift. From one friend to another.”

Fjord bit his lip, though the anxiety in his eyes was bleeding away, “I…”

Cad’s hands were still on Fjord’s, somehow he’d not taken them away yet, “Just use it as a reminder that...you’re good, Fjord. No matter what you’ve been told, you’re fundamentally good. And change is always possible.”

“Caduceus…” It was part question, part plea for help, part just saying his name because he wanted to hear it out loud.

There was so much more he wanted to say in return, words beating in his mouth like a second heartbeat, straining for flight. Words that would chase that darkness away for good, make it flinch so he could catch it in his hands and show Fjord how small and twisted and wrong it really was, how he didn’t have to believe what it said ever again. How it had never been part of him but something he’d been forced to take.

And then everything broke into a hundred pieces as a car horn blared outside, again and again like an angry heartbeat. Both of them jumped a mile, Cad’s ears flattening against his head and Fjord whipping around as if expecting a blow.

“Oh…” he eventually said, when the shock had died down to just an unpleasant buzz in the nerves, “It’s Avantika…”

Sure enough, past the windows and the doodles of plants and mushrooms Jester had done for Cad in glass paints when he’d first opened, out on the darkened street was a car. The horn blared again, a shout into the previously calm twilight.

“She never normally comes to get me this late,” Fjord looked lost, still childlike and terrified, “Why…I should go…”

There was a pause then, a pause that could have lasted a lifetime to the two men caught in it. A possibility bloomed between them, a road opening up in a held breath. And then a choice was silently made. Fjord stood up, a different man, broader shouldered and with a set jaw and a mask on his face he’d worn for so long.

“I’m sorry, Cad,” this other man said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Right,” Cad murmured, still reeling, “Tomorrow.”

He went to stand too but then he felt it, the talisman. Not in Fjord’s hands but his own, left there, abandoned like a broken promise.

And for a moment, the other man was gone as Fjord whispered, “I’m sorry, Cad,” and fled, taking any unspoken words with him out into the night.

The door falling shut behind him sounded louder than it had any right to.

For a long time Cad stayed sat down, looking at the talisman left in his hands, all strength to stand gone out of him. He heard the car door slamming shut outside, the tyres screeching against the road as it drove away but he didn’t look to see it happen.

He didn’t understand.

Caduceus was still yawning as he walked from where he parked to the front of the cafe. He hadn’t slept well in the night, for obvious reasons, and was feeling every minute of tossing and turning as he walked through a chilly dawn.

The tiredness wasn’t helping him work out how he was going to approach Fjord today. He didn’t want things to be awkward, he didn’t want to lose a friend. But he couldn’t figure out how on earth he was supposed to keep that from happening after things had gone so disastrously wrong. Had he pushed him? Had he come off controlling? Had he seen a desire in Fjord that hadn’t really been there, that he’d only wanted to see?

Caduceus was used to being so sure of his decisions. Even when they’d been the rash, impulsive decisions of his youth, even when no one else seemed to follow his reasoning, at least he’d always been secure in his next step forward. Like the paths through the grove he’d walked so many times, he always knew where he was setting his feet.

Now he couldn’t even be sure there was ground underneath him at all. And if he didn’t find it soon, he’d lose sight of Fjord completely.

As he rounded the corner, out onto the quiet little street where his cafe stood, he realised with a sinking heart that he had no time left to figure it out. Because Fjord was already there, under the still glowing street lamp outside the door, hunched against the chill in that threadbare hoodie of his.

Cad’s ears drooped and he prayed for wisdom as he crossed the space between them, trying to smile.

“Morning, Fjord,” he called when there was still a few yards between them, “You’re early…”

The closer he got, the more his tiredness was replaced with a cold, heavy dread. Because Fjord looked fine. Far too fine. Like he was holding it that way quite deliberately because behind it all was something else.

“Uh, yeah,” even his voice was measured, like an actor delivering lines, “I came in a little early because...because I need to talk to you about something.”

“Well,” Cad turned to unlock the door, “We can talk inside, it’s a little too chilly to-”

“No,” Fjord interrupted, “I think I need to say this now, Caduceus.”

He stopped, the dread crystallising into a full on fear in his stomach, key freezing halfway in the lock, “...oh?”

“I’m leaving.”

And there it was.

Fjord broke, unable to look at him anymore, eyes falling to the pavement between them, “Avantika bought a ship. Well...we bought a ship, really but...thats why she came to get me last night, to tell me. She got tired of waiting for another captain to take us on so...so I guess we’re just doing it ourselves. We won’t be setting out right away but I need to go help get everything ready so...tomorrow’s going to be my last day.”

There was a second long pause, before the key turned in the lock with a sharp click. Cad stepped inside, still not having said a word, calmly slipping off his coat and putting on his apron, the only sign he’d heard being a tremble in his hands as he knotted it in the front.

“Well, that’s a shame,” he finally said, voice quiet, “We can talk more about the logistics of that but I need to go and get the produce out for today. You can sort out the tables. I’ll be in the store room if you need me.”

Fjord’s eyes were up, looking shocked and confused, like he’d been waiting for an explosion that hadn’t come, “Sure...yeah, I can do that…”

“Right,” Cad stepped away into the back room and down the steps into the basement, walking quickly, keeping his head up and his jaw still just in case Fjord was still looking.

It was only when the heavy door of the store room closed behind him, so he knew that he had a good ten minutes before anyone would get suspicious and enough distance that no one would hear, only then did he stop and sit down heavily on a wooden box.

Only then did Caduceus allow himself to sob.

#fjorclay #teahaw #fjord #caduceus clay #modern au #coffee shop au #cr: fjord #cr: caduceus #critical role #internalised homophobia #pining

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yoga-retreat-in-nepal · 5 years

Link

This program is intended to cleanse and heal the stomach, small intestine, and large intestine. This includes removing growths, healing tissues, restoring the shape and tone up the intestine to their natural form, restoring the environment of the intestinal tract to its proper balance. This removes excess mucus buildups and generally removing and rebuilding diseased tissue throughout the Gastro-intestinal Tract.

This course alleviates digestive problems and tones the liver and other digestive organs and glands. It strengthens the immune system, reduces excessive mucus and purifies the blood.

If you really like to sense energized, light, and clear headed, to have glowing skin, hair and nails and look and feel younger, this is what you can achieve with a 7 days yoga detox program. For some of us, we actually feel heavy, tired, foggy headed, and suffer from digestive issues. Let this 7 days detox and yoga retreat be the kick start to a new and healthier you. Empower yourself by learning how to be healthier and brighter by taking control of your diet, not letting your diet control you. Our fantastic Adventure Yogi team will support you in this course. Return home feeling ready to take on the world!

We have a 2 hour class in the morning, and then a 1.5 hour classes in the evening to support cleanse, boost your attitude and feed the soul. Each class will focus on different aspects of the detox retreat and the yoga will follow the journey of your detox, ebbing and flowing with your energy levels and moods.

This cleansing program of fast and cleanse is becoming popular among those who prefer natural way of treating body opposed to other modern practices.

First three days of this course will be normal yoga and meditation with normal food, then your fasting will begin from 4th day.

During the fast, you can drink diluted juices, herbal teas, and vegetable broths. This course also combines abdominal massage, breathing exercises to loosen the diaphragm area, plenty of support, nurturing/relaxation, and enjoyment.

The fasting will go like following (practicing normal yoga and meditation): ==> For the first day of fasting you are eating 6 apples, 5 cups of herbal drink. ==> For the second day, you are eating 3 apples, 5 cups of herbal drink. ==> There is no meal for third day of fasting, only enough amount of herbal drinks. This is to support and prepare your body and mind. ==> Next day, you will join the flushing in the morning. For this, you are drinking Luke warm water and doing certain yoga postures in dynamic way to expel the toxic matters from the systems. After completing the flushing, you will get yogic food Khichadi after 45 minutes. There will be complete rest for the whole day, you can have Khichadi whenever you are hungry. You can leave after breakfast on the next day.

How to be prepared for this program:

Before coming on this 7 days yoga detox retreat, we recommend that you start preparing the body 5 days before so that the real detoxing can arise on the retreat. We ask to start cutting down on all acidic foods, such as wheat, dairy, sugars and alcohol.

If you have any question regarding the program, please do contact us.

Total Cost - USD $359.00 per person

http://www.shreeyogaretreat.com/yoga-courses/natural-cleansing-detox-yoga-Nepal.html

Cost Includes:

- 8 nights accomodation in a room

- Fresh Juice and Honey & Lime during the fast

- Vegetable broths and special food for transition to normal food

- All meals (vegetarian) on the first and the last day

- Natural cleanse of Gastro-intestinal tract

- Regular guided Healing Yoga and Meditation practice

#DetoxYogaRetreat #YogaRetreatNepal #YogaInNepal #ShreeYogaRetreat #SYRNepal #cleanse #Meditation

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rasccolumbus-blog · 4 years

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Real Awakening Spiritual Center Columbus

Website:

Finding Mindfulness Meditation Near Columbus USA | Feel Life In The Moment With Real Awakening

Address: 3760 Conway Dr _B_, Columbus, OH 43227

Phone No: 380-201-7054

We all have moments when we feel lost in the world - disconnected from our Higher Power, purpose, and overall sense of well-being. The result is that we can feel sad, angry, heavily burdened, stuck, and alone. One of the most common questions that my clients and students ask is, "How do I reconnect with Source (Spirit/God) when I feel disconnected?" In an effort to support you in maintaining a connection with Source & Self and in reconnecting to your Higher Power when you feel lost, I offer the following 10 Tips:

1. Identify the issue(s) that are burdening you or making you feel disconnected and make a conscious decision to shift and realign your relationship with these issues. This tip may sound obvious, but it's easy to drown in sadness, anger, or frustration. We all have moments when we feel out of control and the only way to begin to make a change is to make a decision to do so.

2. Stop telling the story of your hurt. Psychotherapy and many cultures have long valued the importance of telling a story as a way to open the doorway to healing. This concept holds some truth. However, we can run into problems when we continue to tell the story over and over again (this is how someone upset me...this is why I'm so angry...and another thing is...this is why the situation is so unfair...I can't believe that this is happening because...) Every time you repeat the story, you reinforce a connection to the feelings, experience, person, or situation that upsets you. This negative energy is held in your psyche, astral body, and cells - and it expands!

3. Shift your focus to something enjoyable (even if it's just for a moment). Recently, I was obsessing over a frustrating conversation that I'd had with someone. I took a moment to gaze at the trees. The colorful fall leaves were beautiful as they swayed in the breeze. I connected with the glorious energy of nature and in a matter of seconds my whole experience shifted. I felt better. I've even used this method by staring at an open space on the wall or floor. The idea is to shift your focus. Anything (safe) that can help you do so may help.

4. Meditate. Meditation has gotten a bad rep. Many people believe that the only way to meditate is to enter a trance-like state for 20-30 minutes or more. Although some people find that form of meditation helpful, it's not for everyone. The truth is that meditation can take many forms. Walking meditation, guided imagery, guided relaxation, deep breathing, and allowing your imagination to wonder creatively are only a few forms of meditation. You can meditate for only a minute or two and your energy will shift!

5. Ask the Universe for help. Speak to God, Spirit Guides, Angels (whoever you associate with some Higher Power). Tell Them that you would like to feel better and ask for guidance to assist in your healing. Even if it takes some time to get answers, initiating a conversation with Divine Energy or Power will help prevent you from feeling alone.

6. Allow time for healing. Sometimes we have trouble accessing "answers," because the Universe wants us to be present with the situation at hand, riding the waves of feelings that are arising in order to heal. Being present with feelings is part of our life's "work." In other words, a good cry (or a good run on the treadmill) can play an important role in the catharsis that leads to transformation, new perspective, deeper understanding of the purpose of circumstances, and greater opportunity to actively reconnect with Source afterward.

7. Spend time with people who help you connect with your Higher Power. This may be a meditation group, a spiritually focused class or workshop, or a good book that inspires you.

8. Disconnect from people who pull you down. Sometimes your loved ones can make you feel worse - even when they wish to help. If someone is carrying a vibration or belief of fear, worry, sadness, or negativity (the type of person who adds details to your story, reminding you of additional reasons why it's a difficult situation and how you really do have a problem), this person is not going to help you reconnect to Source or find peace - no matter how much s/he loves you. Many of us become addicted to speaking with certain loved ones about our troubles even if they aren't really helping. Take notice of how you feel after talking to different people about challenging situations. If you feel the same or worse, it might be time to look to other sources for comfort.

9. Hypnotherapy. In addition to bringing you into a state of calm, hypnotherapy can assist you in accessing the power of your Super-Conscious. This part of your psyche, spirit, and energy system is your innate connection to wisdom, comfort, and healing energy.

10. Take Care of Your Physical Body. It may seem obvious, but many of us prop ourselves up on junk food and chemicals when we're feeling stressed. Plenty of research has confirmed that high quantities of sugar, caffeine, nicotine, & processed food can make us feel worse - emotionally and physically. Drinking a lot of water can actually flush high levels of stress hormones out of your body. These stress hormones surge naturally when we're stressed and can make us feel irritable, anxious, and fatigued. It's been said that when we're really stressed, drinking enough water to urinate twice as much as usual can flush out enough stress hormones and toxins to improve our sense of well-being.

Please take good care and contact an appropriately credentialed medical or mental health practitioner in your area if your stress or fatigue level presents any risk of harm (at any time) or continues to burden you for more than a couple of weeks. May you find peace and health of Body, Mind, and Spirit!

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flushingmeditation · 1 month

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Online Guided Meditation Classes For Anxiety

For those who are suffering from anxiety, depression and stress like mental illness or issues, online guided meditation classes for anxiety can bring amazing result. By joining the online guided meditation classes for anxiety, you can really get free from this issue naturally.

#online meditation class #Flushing Meditation #guided meditation classes in flushing #meditation lessons in New York

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rawakeningspiritualceres-blog · 4 years

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Real Awakening Spiritual Center

Website:

Finding Mindfulness Meditation Near Ceres USA | Feel Life In The Moment With Real Awakening

Address: 2708 Garrison St _D_ 2708, Ceres, CA 95307

Phone No: 209-273-3423

7. Spend time with people who help you connect with your Higher Power. This may be a meditation group, a spiritually focused class or workshop, or a good book that inspires you.

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workhard-behappy-blog1 · 6 years

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January Health and Fitness Plan

Hi, happy Thursday! Today I’m going to be explaining my January health and fitness plan to work towards my overall resolution of treating my body and my mind better in the new year. This post will be broken down into my mental health and my physical health, with a few tips for staying on track at the end.

Mental Health:

Naturally, I’m a very goal oriented person. While this is a good thing, it also tends to give me a lot of anxiety and make it hard for me to relax, knowing that there is always something else I can be doing. To counteract this, in 2019 I want to prioritize my mental health and make sure I focus on staying calm and listening to when I’m burnt out. I’m also super excited about my new essential oil diffuser, and I’ve found that using the more soothing essential oils while carrying out the habits below has had a positive effect. Here are some habits I want to maintain in January:

-Daily meditation for about five minutes after waking up. Personally, guided meditation does not work for me, but I find it calming and helpful to just sit in silence and focus on breathing in for five seconds and out for five seconds for about five minutes total.

-Daily yoga/stretching. Similarly to meditation, yoga helps to force me to slow down and calm down, even if it’s just for a little bit. I want to at least do a quick ten-minute flow in the mornings and more if I have time. I’m also SUPER excited because next semester I’ll be taking a yoga class, which I’m hoping will help solidify technique for me and be a nice break from stressful classes.

-Daily Gratitude. Something I am not that great at is being a positive person, which I’ve been working on a lot. If I get frustrated I focus on all the bad things in a day, so I’m hoping by writing out a piece of gratitude each day, I can read these over to remind myself of the good in every day.

-Reading for pleasure, not for school. As a kid, I absolutely loved to read. I still love it, but I always use the excuse that I don’t have enough time, which is honestly nothing more than an excuse. I want to take at least 20 minutes a night to read something for me, instead of spending those 20 minutes scrolling through the same posts on my Instagram once again.

-Self-care time on Sundays. Sundays are hands down my favorite day of the week because I just love to catch up and prepare for the next week. However, I want to slow down on Sundays and do a face mask, do my nails, and relax for a little while before the hectic week starts again.

Physical Health:

I truly feel like I need to get back on track in all aspects of physical health, especially coming back from the holidays. In terms of workouts, I go back and forth with the method I like to use, whether it be cardio or strength training or high-intensity interval training (HIIT) workouts. Here is the weekly plan I’ve come up with, based on what works for me. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I’ll be doing a 20-minute cardio warm-up followed by a full body strength training workout. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I’ll be doing a 20 minute HIIT workout and on Saturdays and Sundays, I’ll be resting other than a yoga flow to keep the body moving. As far as my diet goes, I mostly cut out dairy early in 2018 just because of issues with my skin, and I actually noticed that when I eat it now I feel sluggish and bloated. I also experimented with eating a plant-based diet in the past, and I noticed positive changes in energy and how I felt as well. Taking this all into account, I’ll be eating plant-based in 2019, avoiding animal products as well as meat and I’m hoping this has positive results in the way my body feels.

General Tips:

These are just small tips that have made a big difference for me in the past, I’m not a professional or anything, but these will also be implemented into my life.

-Drink a lot of water! It sounds very simple, but drinking plenty of water flushes toxins, helps boost metabolism, and helps have more energy and stop feeling sluggish throughout the day. It also helps clear skin if that’s a concern of yours.

-Don’t quit! It can be easy to give up after eating one unhealthy meal or missing one workout but stay strong and just get back on track the next day. One or two bad days does not cancel out all progress, just make sure to change it so it doesn’t become a habit.

-Have people to keep you motivated! By telling people your progress and staying excited about everything you’re doing, you’ll be more likely to keep it up. Positive encouragement goes a long way, so get it from friends, family, or yourself!

Overall, I just want to prioritize my wellbeing and stop pushing the way I feel aside due to other priorities. These habits and routines in January are going to be the first steps at taking better care of myself, and I’m hoping planning on making them stick for months to come as long as I notice that the help. I hope these motivate you to tackle your own goals and take care of yourself in the new year, you got this! Keep a look out for Tuesday’s post, which will be a productive morning routine.

#fitness #health #2019 #janurary #goals #motivation #fitblr #inspiration #studyblr #mentalhealth #workouts #plantbased #vegan

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gettingtoknowgreatness-blog · 4 years

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Some Benefits of Practicing Yoga

The benefits of yoga vary depending on the type of yoga practiced. Although many forms of yoga practice are safe, some are strenuous and may not be appropriate for everyone. With easier movements performed at a slower pace than more advanced forms of yoga, hatha yoga is perfect for beginners seeking the benefits of yoga. There are many styles of yoga asana practice including Ashtanga, Integral, Iyengar, Kundalini and Bikram.

Hatha is one of the most common styles of yoga, and some beginners find it easier to practice because of its slower pace and easier movements. Hatha yoga is one of most popular forms of yoga poses all over the world.

The Health Benefits And Medical Uses Of Yoga

The benefits of yoga extend far beyond the typical benefits of which people are aware of. Perhaps the physical health component of yoga is secondary for you and you are looking more for the spiritual health benefits. Most women are not aware of the health benefits of yoga to increase fertility. The health benefits of yoga are innumerable and so are the benefits for the mental, emotional and spiritual self. Yoga is ideal for anyone wishing to get health conscious as it addresses all areas of health, both physical and mental. Many people are still unaware of all the great benefits of practicing yoga as a way to better their health.

The Regular Practice Of Yoga Asanas

Practicing yoga is about creating balance in the body by developing both strength and flexibility. There are five key areas where you benefit when doing yoga, and each of them improves your overall well-being. As your self-awareness increases, you will become more aware of your body, taking better care of it. Most sports build muscular strength and stamina, often in specific areas of the body. One of the many joys of advancing in a yoga practice is the ability to tackle more challenging poses. The regular practice of yoga does show a benefit towards increasing lung capacity, although it is tough to say whether the improvement is completely credited to yoga.

Yoga Cultivates Mind And Body Awareness

Yoga teaches you to become more self aware of how your mind and body are connected and what it feels like to be still and calm. Yoga will have a profound effect not only on the functions of your body, but also on the functions of your mind. After doing an hour of yoga exercise, you will tend to feel more settled and clear, as it is extremely beneficial to the mind, body, and spirit. Yoga brings the body and mind together, and many of the poses help to sharpen the mind and improve concentration skills. Once your body is relaxed and your mind is calm, all energies are focused on the Third Eye, the inner sanctuary located between the eyebrows. Yoga means to join together, so the principle is to join the body, mind and soul together.

The Effectiveness Of Yoga In Reducing Physical Issues

Yoga has been shown to be safe and help improve sleep and quality of life in a group of older adults with insomnia. Yoga is one of the most helpful things you can do for arthritis. Yoga will help you fall asleep sooner and improve the quality of your sleep. Having too many stress factors in life can lead to some mental illnesses, the main one being depression. When stress takes over your life yoga can help you relax and feel better. Practicing yoga as a family has been shown to reduce stress, reduce anxiety, and lead to healthier lives because of it.

The Role Of Yoga Breathing

The practice of pranayama (focused breathing) with simple postures is highly useful in controlling asthma. The practice of yoga involves stretching the body and forming different poses, while keeping breathing slow and controlled. One can remain content practicing simple yoga postures, breathing exercises and meditation techniques after learning them from a qualified teacher and enjoy whatever good that may come out of them. The breathing techniques, which are central to yoga, are called pranayamas. This practice of a combination of meditation, poses, and breathing techniques will help you achieve deep relaxation and mindfulness. The true goal of yoga, which involves not only physical postures, but also chanting (if you want), breathing and meditation, is to attain enlightenment.

A Helpful Treatment For Back Pain

Practicing yoga can provide chronic pain sufferers with useful tools to actively cope with their pain and help counter feelings of helplessness and depression. Back pain can be classified anatomically as upper, lower and middle back pain. Yoga poses vary from balancing, strengthening, twisting, back bending, and inverting. Chronic pain sufferers will be able to counter feelings of depression and helplessness and actively manage their pain by practicing yoga regularly. Yoga helps ease back pain by strengthening and stretching the muscles that support the spine. No kind of pain or nausea should be felt during or after yoga.

Yoga Works Different Muscles And Joints Of Your Body

The postures work every part of your body down to a cellular level flushing toxins out of your system. Yoga helps loosen and lengthen all the muscles of the body, to reverse the muscle tightness caused by running, and to make your body more flexible and stable. All of the organs of the body, including the glandular and endocrine organs, are massaged and guided back to functioning normally. One of the two control centers of the body is the nervous system, with the other being the endocrine, also known as glandular, system. To reshape and change your body safely, you have to heat it up because a warm body is a flexible body. The warm temperatures and practice of poses can make your body feel looser and more flexible than normal, which can make it easier to pull a muscle.

Get Rid Of A Stressed Life Full Of Tension

After an intense yoga session, you could feel a very high, euphoric happy feeling. Incorporating soft movements and tactile sensation, the practice has proven beneficial for people old and young.

The Flow Of Blood

Increasing the circulation of your blood increases helps with relieving you of muscle pain and making you feel fresh and energized. Yoga enhances blood circulation, which in turn, helps the various parts of body get oxygenated, nutrient-rich blood. When the twist is released, fresh blood is allowed to flow back in. When you turn upside down, you are increasing the blood flow to your brain. Yoga may be able to improve blood flow to the head, which further stimulates the vessels leading to the brain.

Blood Pressure And Heart Rate

Regular yoga practice can help your cardiovascular activity which will help get you in shape and help your blood sugar and blood pressure improve substantially. Although regular practice of Yoga has been linked to reduced blood pressure, it would be too early to say that you can go without medication after starting it. Fasting blood sugar in people without diabetes is usually below 120. High blood pressure is one of the most prevailing ailments in the world right now which is affecting people of all ages. Yoga has the ability to lower blood sugar levels when practiced on a regular basis as it helps reduce your stress levels.

A Doctor Or Other Appropriate Health Care Professional

You cannot buy good health but you can buy good health information. As with all physical activity, be sure to consult your doctor before beginning yoga or any new form of exercise. Depending on your age and health, you may not be able to do the poses the way others can. By attending practices for improving, regaining or retaining general good health, a person is likely to find that some of his more specific difficulties tend to disappear. With regular and diligent practice, you can improve your condition greatly.

Did You Know?

Teens taking yoga classes had better scores on several of the psychological tests. Many of the healing effects of yoga is clinically verified. Yoga meditation benefits both the experienced and the novice alike.

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