#guess who walked into and out of the abyss while y'all weren't looking

[hunxi-after-hours]

hunxi’s danmei awards 2.0! (aka 2022 edition)

Featuring the return of some categories such as:

Best Worldbuilding

Best Interrogation of Themes (aka the “Rent-Free Award”)

Best Moment That Wrecked Me (aka the Knifiest Award)

Best Beleaguered Side Character Award

Best Unreliable Narrator

As well as never-before-seen categories like:

Best Himbo

Most Brilliant Moment of Backstabbery

Most Ambitious Scope

Most Heartwrenching Line Delivery in an Audiodrama

…and more!

This year’s candidates in the running:

《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu by 一十四洲 Yi Shi Si Zhou

《不小心救了江湖公敌》 Bu Xiao Xin Jiule Jianghu Gong Di by 六木乔 Liu Muqiao (有声漫画 audiomanhua season 1)

《无双》 Wu Shuang by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi

《问鹿三千》 Wen Lu San Qian by 光合积木 Voicegem, 吼浪文化 Houlang Studio, and 斗木獬编剧工作室 Doumuxie Screenwriting Studio

《师弟还不杀我灭口》 Shidi Hai Bu Sha Wo Mie Kou by 子鹿 Zi Lu

《默读》 Mo Du by priest

《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing by 杨溯 Yang Su

《海中爵》 Hai Zhong Jue by 七药 Qi Yao

《哏儿》 Gen’er by 南北逐风 Nan Bei Zhu Feng

《杀破狼》 Sha Po Lang by priest

《金牌助理之弯弯没想到》 Jin Pai Zhu Li zhi Wan Wan Mei Xiang Dao by (nominally) 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang and (mostly) 传奇火箭队 The Legendary Rocket Team

(unmarked spoilers, including but not limited to these titles, under the cut. for introductions of these titles, click here. for last year’s danmei awards, click here)

Best Worldbuilding

Winner: 《杀破狼》 Sha Po Lang by priest

This award goes to 《杀破狼》 Sha Po Lang for the effortless ease with which p大 manages to merge the genres of imperial intrigue, steampunk mecha, alternate history, and wuxia elements. Over the course of the novel, priest explores how the development of 紫流金-based technology leads the fictional Liang Dynasty into industrial revolution, and doesn’t hesitate to include all the negative consequences of early industrialization. So you’ve rolled out mechanical alternatives for farming? Have fun dealing with the uprisings of unemployed farmers while fending off international threats on your borders. So you want to roll out paper currency/government bonds to stimulate your war-torn economy? Good luck even getting people to trust the validity of paper the way they trust the hardness of coin. In a way, 《杀破狼》 Sha Po Lang carries on the tradition set down in priest’s earlier novel 《七爷》 Qi Ye of protagonists using decidedly underhanded methods to effect the change they wish to see in the world, and the morality thereof remains just as thorny in 《杀破狼》. what would you do in the name of peace? how much of yourself can you give away before you are no longer the same person?

oh and I have to give a shout-out to the trains in this book, I’d give this award to 《杀破狼》 Sha Po Lang for its (re-)invention of trains alone

Best Interrogation of Themes (aka the “Rent-Free Award”)

Winner: 《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu by 一十四洲 Yi Shi Si Zhou

I listened to 《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu via audiodrama before I read the novel, and every time I finished an episode I would have to just sit for a few hours, processing. Despite its seemingly lighthearted premise,  《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu shows us an apocalypse in all its cruel magnificence. The oppressive atmosphere of unending martial law, the seductive proximity of despair, the omnipresence and unpredictability of death, the utter lack of justice or closure or meaning in a world slowly grinding to a halt, the vast, inhuman lengths civilization will go to in the name of survival... to this day,  《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu haunts the solemnity of my early mornings with questions like what would you condone to survive? and wherein lies the locus of meaning when everything it means to be human has been stripped away? and like. I haven’t been the same since my mushroom phase, okay

Best Beleaguered Side Character Award

Winner: Ji Bolan from 《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu by 一十四洲 Yi Shi Si Zhou

This poor man had to deal with his childhood friend growing up to be a governmentally-licensed and universally-reviled mass murderer, the complete breakdown of the laws of physics, and witnessing Lu Feng and An Zhe flirt in front of his salad soup, all during the apocalypse that he is frantically trying to solve. Frankly, he’s allowed to roast Lu Feng as much as he wants, and the fact that he’s voiced by the same person who did AD!Jiang Cheng and AD!Xiao Zheng (winner of last year’s Best Beleaguered Side Character Award) is 1) extremely funny, 2) very on-brand, and 3) further proof that being in voice actor fandom 其乐无穷

Best Moment That Wrecked Me (aka the Knifiest Award)

Winner:  《默读》 Mo Du by priest

The character of Fei Du in priest’s 《默读》 is easily the character who had me clawing at the walls the most for the better part of this year (I’m still clawing at the walls, if we’re being honest). I am in love with everything about the way priest wrote him; from his introduction as the flamboyantly aggravating playboy chasing after Tao Ran (brilliant character work there as well as brilliant comedy, 感谢陶然不弯之恩 etc etc) to the slow, methodical reveal of his backstory and how deeply, deeply traumatized he is, Fei Du is one of the most complex and intelligent and nuanced and terribly lovable meow meows characters I’ve had the good fortune to run into

To pick a single Fei Du moment? A single one? Well if I have to choose, unfortunately it’s going to have to be chapter 180 朗诵（五） for the simple reason that it hurts me:

他恨不能撕裂时空，大步闯入七年前，一把抱起那个沉默的孩子，双手捧起他从不流露的伤痕，对他说一句“对不起，我来晚了”。

[Luo Wenzhou] wished he could tear apart time, to barge back into that moment seven years ago and pick up that silent child, to cradle those hidden wounds and say to him, “I’m sorry I was late.”

“我来晚了……”

“I was late...”

直到上了救护车，费渡才好像是有了点意识，难以聚焦的目光在骆闻舟脸上停留了许久，大概是认出了他，竟露出了一个微笑。

Fei Du only seemed to recover a semblance of consciousness when they loaded him into the ambulance. His eyes, unfocused, stopped on Luo Wenzhou’s face for a while before smiling slightly.

骆闻舟艰难地看懂了他无声的唇语。

Luo Wenzhou read his words in the soundless shape of his lips with difficulty.

他说：“没有了……怪物都清理干净了，我是最后一个，你可不可以把我关在你家？”

He said, “They’re all gone... All the monsters are taken care of, I’m the last one. Can you lock me up in your house?”

I’m just. if you need me I’ll be screaming about sunflowers in the abyss

Best Unreliable Narrator

Winner: Yan Zhuoqing and the Deer God of 《问鹿三千》 Wen Lu San Qian by 光合积木 Voicegem, 吼浪文化 Houlang Studio, and 斗木獬编剧工作室 Doumuxie Screenwriting Studio

surprising shortage of unreliable narrators in this year’s contenders, but 《问鹿三千》 makes up for it by having not one, but TWO unreliable narrators involved. can you believe that BOTH of these semi-immortal dumbasses have amnesia? smh Deer God you’re literally the god of time and memory, how you’ve even gotten this far I’ve got no idea

honorable mention: Fei Du from 《默读》 by priest. this man had the audacity to say the words “我没有创伤” / “I’m not traumatized” after asking for Luo Wenzhou’s assistance in recovering some of his repressed memories that he’d blocked out because of the — you guessed it — trauma

Best Himbo

Winner: Situ Jin from 《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing by 杨溯 Yang Su

I think it’s safe to say that Situ Jin is a Very Good Egg With No Braincells Whatsoever. None. This man had to be bullied into a hurt/comfort scenario by his future wife, and when she came to him for comfort, grieving her father’s death, he responded to her “now I’m all alone” with “don’t cry: you’re one, I’m one, together we’re two.” proud of u for basic math, bro, but is now really the time. his other highlights include: thinking dreamily about his wife while in prison, defending innocent bystanders regardless the personal cost, and continually failing to seek medical attention while bleeding out

Side Character I’m Still Mad About (aka the Gongyi Xiao Award)

Winner: Fu Luo from 《海中爵》 Hai Zhong Jue by 七药 Qi Yao

so it turns out that I am Weak for this very specific kind of character, the one who is a Good Kid, the one who tries their best to be responsible and reasonable, the one who could honestly be a protagonist in another novel. double points if you can trust them with a spreadsheet (Bian Yanmei), triple points if they’re delightfully lowkey devoted to the actual protagonist (can I get a wahoo for the Jiangzuo Alliance in here??)

and you know what the author does? murders them with prejudice

tl;dr I’m still not over Fu Luo, because like oh man that scene was well done but also ouch

"most memeworthy/meme-able"

(this one’s for you, @presumenothing)

Winner: 《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing by 杨溯 Yang Su

I mean I literally—

this book is a Very Serious and Somewhat Grimdark book, but I have to say the sheer amount of misunderstandings that occur are comical in their quantity. have you ever met two people more in love with each other and less capable of uttering a single sentence about it, it is only by the grace of the author that these two didn’t murder each other before their happy ending at the many given opportunities throughout the book

"most deserving of a shenshen OST"

(this one’s also for you, @presumenothing, ty for all the brilliant category recs)

Winner:  ........?

this is such an interesting award category to consider, because it’s like asking “which one of these texts would you like to hand a steak knife to gut you with,” but it also begs the question of what a shenshen OST would bring to the text that the existing music/adaptation doesn’t. it also raises the question of what kind of narrative (grand, sweeping, vast in scale or minute, gentle, heartbreaking?) would be most compatible with a shenshen OST?

my first thought was 《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu, since it has both the monumental scope and the fragile, breakable heart that shenshen OST’s are so suited for (他只是一个小蘑菇 goodbYE—), but the music of the 《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu AD is already so perfect I don’t actually want to add anything to it. my next thought would be 《问鹿三千》 Wen Lu San Qian — again, for that blend of scale and sorrow, wistfulness at what can never be and gratitude for what we have. but 《问鹿》 also has five songs already, and while a shenshen OST would be nice, it most certainly isn’t necessary

so I think I’m going to cheat and give this award to a title that isn’t even on the list of candidates this year, one that already has a shenshen OST: 《天宝伏妖录》 Tian Bao Fu Yao Lu by 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang, which has the great fortune to have Zhou Shen’s 《天地为念》  for its ongoing donghua title song. what a beautiful, meditative song; what an ethereal, gently sorrowful melody. extra brownie points because I maintain that Zhou Shen and 锦鲤 Jin Li (the voice of Kong Hongjun) are counterparts of each other in their respective industries, and also because I’m ride or die for both of them

"most untranslatable ever"

(category shout-out to — you guessed it — @presumenothing)

Winner: oh ABSOLUTELY 《金牌助理之弯弯没想到》 Jin Pai Zhu Li zhi Wan Wan Mei Xiang Dao by 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang and 传奇火箭队 The Legendary Rocket Team

I consider myself fairly proficient in audiodramas on 猫耳FM as a medium/genre now; I’m familiar with the ways script adaptation dovetails with post-production, the roles the voice directors and producers and casts play, the different twists that can happen with 报幕, what names to keep an eye out for while checking out the production team... so when I say that this audiodrama knocked me flat on the ass when I first listened to it, I really do mean that I was in no way prepared for the chaos that was to come. where do I even begin to describe it? the speed? the unhinged energy? the unending 吐槽 / roasts? the brilliant comedic pacing? the extremely 洗脑 片尾曲？whatever the hell this is?

this audiodrama is not only the most untranslatable ever due to the high concentration of internet and culture-specific slang, but also apparently the most impossible to explain ever. idk. listen to this AD and lose your mind

Most Brilliant Moment of Backstabbery

Winner: ch. 116 of 《无双》 Wu Shuang by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi

I described 《无双》 Wu Shuang as “a book about roasting your rival first, saving your dynasty second,” but perhaps didn’t do justice to the sheer lengths these two will go to one-up each other. I’d like to take this moment to recognize a certain flamboyant demonic sect leader (that is somehow not Yan Wushi) for not just habitually backstabbing (gently, for funsies) his love interest but also getting some frontstabbery (once, with great intention) in as well. truly, no one out here is doing it like Feng Xiao

honorable mention: 《不小心救了江湖公敌》 Bu Xiao Xin Jiule Jianghu Gong Di by 六木乔 Liu Muqiao, for the sheer quantity of backstabbing that occurs. maybe this is simply what happens when all of your characters are professional evildoers at fluctuating levels of retirement

Best Comfort Media

Winner: 《哏儿》 Gen’er by 南北逐风 Nan Bei Zhu Feng

earlier this year, I went around asking various people: what makes a book, movie, or other text comfort media for you? listening to the answers, it occurred to me that I don’t really have texts that I turn to on a semi-regular basis to re-read or re-watch. especially because my favorite books tend to be the ones that rip my heart out through my throat, the idea of choosing a “comfort read” from among them seems somewhat, er, misguided

and then I ran into 《哏儿》 Gen’er, which is the only text I’ve chosen to carry over from last year’s danmei awards because the second season of the AD  aired this year. this webnovel/AD is also, genre-wise, the outlier in this year’s awards — no magic, no speculative elements, not a single sword in sight, just slice-of-life, daily trials and tribulations, characters balancing budgets and bantering backstage and discussing art over hotpot. the cast and characters of 《哏儿》 feel real and lived-in in a way that is so deeply precious to me; at times throughout the year, I would simply cue up the beginning of S2E2 to listen to the first fifteen minutes or so to quiet down. the ongoing discussions threaded throughout the narrative about the roles of traditional culture and art in modern society, how to adapt traditional forms to contemporary values and preferences, and the ever-relevant question of how to get other people to care about things you love... 《哏儿》 hits different, hits real close to home, asks thought-provoking questions in a gentle, lighthearted manner in a way that is totally unique among the danmei works I’ve read, so here I am, conferring this new, foreign honor upon it. it’s a first for both of us!

Most Ambitious Scope

Winner: 《问鹿三千》 Wen Lu San Qian by 光合积木 Voicegem, 吼浪文化 Houlang Studio, and 斗木獬编剧工作室 Doumuxie Screenwriting Studio

I know, I know — very bold of me to give this award to an audiodrama that’s still airing, that we don’t know if it’ll ever be completed, but I still have to take a moment to yell about this completely original episodic gufeng AD, because like... wow. there is no answer key; there is no original work; there is no blueprint to work off of, no pre-existing fanbase of readers to appeal to. this entire project with its xuanhuan scope will succeed or fail based on its merits alone, and what scope it has, too — from the five voice actor songs (I guess everyone in 光合积木 can sing too??? sure that’s fine I guess) to penning scripts that play specifically to the voice actors’ strengths, to engaging with thorny dynamics of family and relationship and devotion and misalignment, I think it’s real gutsy of the 《问鹿》 creative team to embark on such a vast and ambitious project, and carry it off as well as they did. now it’s just 乖巧坐等更新.jpeg hours, fingers crossed they come back for a season 2

Best Work I Was Songbaited Into

Winner: 《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu by 一十四洲 Yi Shi Si Zhou

Definitely the first thing that even put 《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu on my radar was 奇然’s 《风过荒野》  appearing in my YouTube algorithm. The song’s arrangement is haunting, lyrical,  and so unlike any other AD song I’ve ever heard. The second season’s 《极光入夜》 is also transcendent in lyrics, composition, and the fact that both of the main voice actors can sing 哎呦还让人活吗—and don’t even get me started on the beautiful piano and string covers they work into the soundtrack! 声罗万象请受我一拜！

let’s put it this way: I actually went out of my way to translate the 《小蘑菇》 songs (here and here) for how hard they go. one day I’ll get over the lines “玫瑰静默凋谢” and “审判是我于你的吻别” but today will not be that day

honorable mention: 《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing by 杨溯 Yang Su, for having the opposite energy of the 《默读》 AD asdlfskdfjs no less than FIVE original songs composed for a THREE season AD. I was on the fence about listening to this AD until I heard 远皓ZIL’s 《燃灯》, which immediately joined my playlist before I’d even read the book. Again, the lyricism, the arrangement, the melancholy, deeply thoughtful atmosphere of the song got me interested in exactly what kind of maddeningly angsty plot could result in these lyrics:

我愿抚拂前尘 燃着灯 做你归途的引 / I would brush away the dust of our past and light a lamp, and be what guides you back

只求你破迷津 渡极乐 回首看我在等  / I only pray that you break free from the labyrinth and deliver paradise, to look back and see me waiting

我匍匐入尘埃 叩长阶 奉上所有虔诚 / I crawl through the dirt, pressing my forehead to the stone steps of the long stairway, offering up all of my piety

 只为听你亲将 相思说 那纸情书太薄 / just to hear you say, yearning for me, that this love letter is too thin

不载残生颠簸 无你我 苦不可脱 / it cannot carry what’s left of our tumultuous lives — without you or me, life would be bitter with no escape

Audiodrama Adaptation with the Strongest First Episode

Winner: 《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing by 杨溯 Yang Su

Adaptation is a delicate and tricky practice; how do you accommodate for the limits of production, the requirements of medium, when it comes to translating a work across dimensions? And particularly when it comes to AD’s, how can you capture a listener’s attention within the first few episodes, to bait them into the story and make them willing to pay money to unlock what happens next?

this award has to go to 珞玉 Luo Yu and 子穆木 Zi Mumu for their adaptation of 杨溯 Yang Su’s novel 《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing. The book itself runs chronologically, from the two main characters first meeting each other as children, the months they spend together, their sudden (and deeply traumatic) parting, and then resumes the narrative the next time they meet each other seven years down the line, attempting to kill each other (in their defense, it was dark, and neither of them were sure if the other survived the massacre that separated them in the first place). Episode 1 “故人来” of the AD begins with that reunion as Shen Jue, disposing of a body, finds an injured assassin just outside the palace walls. They grapple in the dark until they recognize each other, and the way post-production editing fills in their backstory through a quick, tantalizing flashback and brings the listener back out of it by overlapping young!Xiahou Lian and present!Xiahou Lian saying the same lines (“shaoye, remember: don’t look back, don’t say anything—”)... well done, well played, I sure paid money to listen to the rest of this AD

Audiodrama Adaptation with the Strongest First Ten Minutes

Winner: 《海中爵》 Hai Zhong Jue by 七药 Qi Yao

haha I think I’m hilarious, but while 《督主》 has the strongest first episode I would also like to shout out how good the first ten minutes of 《海中爵》 Hai Zhong Jue are. seamless transition from baby Hailian to adult Hailian, from quiet lullaby to sea battle, and establishing Hailian’s sass, competence, kindness, and swashbuckling swagger as well as introducing Fang Tinglan (and his shamelessness asldfksj). credit has to go to the director 齐杰, the scriptwriter 虾仁猪心@一梦还江月, and the post-production editor 时柒@丶为之奈何 for pacing the opening scene so well, and an extra special shout-out to 梅梅 (韬韬你是最棒的) for the funniest little “bye~~~” as he throws someone off a boat

Most Heartwrenching Line Delivery in an Audiodrama (aka the Knifiest Award, audio edition)

Winner: S1E7 of the 《默读》Mo Du audiodrama

I can yell for years about how talented voice actors are, but there are specific moments while listening where I have to pause for a second or ten and silently mouth “damn”

杨天翔 Yang Tianxiang’s performance as Fei Du in season 1, episode 7 of the 《默读》 Mo Du audiodrama knocks it out of the goddamn solar system with the plaza broadcast scene — this was a scene that I was pretty eh on in the novel, but after listening to it in the AD... 当! 场! 封! 神! with Yang Tianxiang’s measured delivery, the slow excavation of the depth of Fei Du’s anguish, the forced steadiness of his voice when he says “你们如果都这么狠心，为什么以前还要表现出好像很在乎我们的样子?” / “If all of you were always this cruel, why did you pretend to care about us so much in the beginning?” underlaid by the devastatingly quiet, melancholy piano backing of 《以沫》 that then kicks into the sequence that culminates in 何忠义 He Zhongyi’s “等我回来!” / “Wait for me to come home!”... (silently screams into a paper bag) I’m not okay and I haven’t been okay for months

Honorable Mentions:

S2E2 “也恨相逢” of 《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing by 杨溯 Yang Su: specifically for 梅梅’s line “少爷，这是我的命” / “shaoye, this is my fate.” for a scene that didn’t even exist in the original novel... hot damn wow

E12 “绝不复寡“ of 《师弟还不杀我灭口》 Shidi Hai Bu Sha Wo Mie Kou by 子鹿 Zi Lu: 锦鲤 has the range and this AD proves it! While he spends most of the AD being generally the comedic, satirical commentary, Zhong Yan/Qin Mingxi absolutely begging, tears in his voice, for Gu Xuanyan to leave him to die in this scene? look I’m not immune to this trope either

S1E13·上 of 《问鹿三千》 Wen Lu San Qian by 光合积木 Voicegem, 吼浪文化 Houlang Studio, and 斗木獬编剧工作室 Doumuxie Screenwriting Studio: (cups hands around mouth, yells) 马! 老! 师! it’s hard to explain the heartbreaking context of the line I have in mind without giving away the entire story, but 马正阳’s throat-scraping scream of “我要你爱我” / “I want you to love me!” is wince-inducing from the sheer force of the raw anguish in it

wooooo and that’s a wrap! thanks for tuning into the 2022 danmei awards :)

looking forward at my reading list, I’m not sure I’ll be doing a 2023 round since my reading is taking me in different directions and I simply might not have enough candidates to fill out a whole awards post next year (and I suspect I’ll have gone so far off the map that people won’t even have the faintest idea what I’m talking about anymore asldkfajsd)

it’s been fun!!! catch you all in the new year!!

[happysoldlady]

Coney Island - Nestor Oceteva

a/n: this is a lot longer than the others because I got a little carried away. also this song is top 5 from evermore, argue with the wall. I couldn't decide which lyrics to use, they're all too good. I might do a part two to this? idk I kinda like the storyline. y'all can shit all over my dreams if you wish lol.

part 2 link

warnings: idk everything? heavy, problematic drinking, violence, suggestive conversation, angst!!!!

-----

"Break my soul in two looking for you But you're right here If I can't relate to you anymore Then who am I related to?"

The longer you stare into the abyss of a lonely house, you can't help but wonder how you got here. Consumed by what? Love? Lust? Greed? You met Nestor at a time in your life where you needed someone to take care of you, and now, sitting alone in the house the two of you put so much of yourselves into, you can't figure out who that person was.

It's only midnight and you've been doing this long enough to know that Nestor won't be home for another couple hours. So you sit back into the couch, glass of wine in hand, sipping a generous amount before letting out a quiet sigh. You don't bother turning on the television, knowing you won't pay attention to anything on it anyway. Nothing could possibly distract you from the fact that the man you love has been absent for the better part of a year, and you've allowed it.

Allowing it has been easier than walking away. You've invested too much of yourself into this, and walking away feels more like a betrayal to yourself than anything else. Meeting him for the first time all those years ago seems like a fever dream. Something that happened in another lifetime, and now you're stuck in this one, desperately trying to grasp onto something, anything to hold on to the life you once shared that you'd do anything to get back.

You can see it like it was yesterday. You were working at a shop your grandmother owned late one night, wiping down the counters following a particularly rowdy group of teenagers. You sold treats: ice cream, brownies, fudge, etc. It was just something part-time to do while you figured out your next move, but honestly, you kind of enjoyed it. The shop door chimed just as you were rounding back around the counter to toss the dirty rag in the back. You had to do a double take when you looked up as you saw none other than Miguel Galindo and his men standing in the lobby. All dressed in suits, sunglasses resting on their noses, looking expensive overall. You cleared your throat, giving them all a warm smile.

"Hi," You squeaked out, avoiding eye contact with the infamously cocky Miguel. "What can I get for you?"

"My son loves your butterscotch soft serve. Can I just get a scoop of that maybe in a cup? He's only two." Miguel says politely, adjusting the cufflinks of his sleeve.

You nod, "Yeah of course, any toppings or anything?"

Miguel looks at you like the question takes him off guard. "Uh, I guess not."

You nod, and then get to work. You slide the cup of ice cream over toward him, sticking a spoon in it, and grabbing a napkin.

"Can I get anything else for you guys?" You end up making eye contact with the guy standing near the tables in, behind Miguel. The only one besides Miguel that wasn't wearing sunglasses, although you weren't complaining. The man was very attractive. His tongue darts out his bottom lip as he makes eye contact with you, his back stiffening.

"Actually, yes. My wife comes in here a lot, and she gets some sort of fudge. I don't know if you still have it. A coconut white chocolate something?" Miguel asks, eyes dancing over the fudge flavors. You smile and nod.

"Yeah, it's seasonal but I think we may have some in the back. Give me just a second." You say before scurrying, kicking yourself for not asking how much he wanted. You lean back around the door, "I've got 2 pounds left."

He nods curtly, "We'll take all of it."

Once his fudge is wrapped up, you ring him up, wishing him well. As they're leaving, the man you made eye contact with before lingers, giving you a once over, then making his way out the door. Days later, you've almost completely forgot about the encounter, you see a rather familiar pair of braids stroll into your shop, and the rest is history.

As the clock ticks, you end up just drinking straight from the bottle. The fuss and the fight have left you once and for all. After all, you figure, there's no need to pretend like you aren't going to drink the entire bottle anyway. And then Nestor will come home, notice, and you'll tell him to wipe the worry off his face. You're not entirely sure that he could fix it even if he cared enough to want to.

"And if this is the long haul How'd we get here so soon? Did I close my first around something delicate? Did I shatter you?"

Nestor dreads going home. And it's not solely because you don't look at him with the same fire in your eyes anymore. But he just really hates to see you drinking yourself into a stupor every night because of a life he can't get out of either.

He loves you. That much has always been true. He's adored you from the moment your eyes connected in that ice cream shop, and in that regard, nothing's changed. But there was nothing he could do to stop the ever changing circumstances around him. His life belonged to the Galindo cartel, and it didn't matter how much he hated watching you succumb to the darkness of it, he still had a job to do. His loyalties lied with them no matter how much he loved you.

So, yeah, he fucking hated going home. And as he walks toward the front door, he wonders what flavor of wine you've chosen to drown in tonight.

"Y/N? Mi amor?" He calls, unloading his pockets and turning the safety on his handgun. He hears you before he sees you. The deep breath, and then your unsteady feet.

Your hair is disheveled from the couch, the bottle of...white wine in your grasp, and you lean against the wall. Your eyes meet his, a watery grin on your lips.

"Missed you." You mumble as he walks toward you. He tilts his head, pressing a sweet kiss into your hairline, his hand sliding down to cup your face in his hand as he stares down at you.

His eyes glide over the wine bottle. You're down to the last fourth of the bottle, and the very broken part of him wonders if you're on the comeback. At least you haven't finished it yet. He slips the bottle easily out of your grasp, gulping down the last fourth, then leaning into to plant a kiss to your lips.

"It's 3am, amor. What are you doing up?" He asks, voice quiet, lips brushing against yours.

You let out a sigh, pecking his lips. "You know me, I don't really sleep if you aren't here."

Nestor nods, setting the wine bottle down, undoing the first few buttons his shirt. "Well, I'm here now."

He watches his words roll over you, settling into your cracks and threatening to split you wide open. Your watery grin slips off of your face, and one of your hands runs through your hair absentmindedly.

"That's it?" You ask, your voice barely registering to his ears.

He doesn't want to hurt you, really. But he can't fuck you like this, and he won't coddle you into reversing whatever story you've managed to spin around him tonight. Icing you out isn't his intention, it's just a very unfortunate consequence of losing his trust.

He stares at you a minute longer, then turns to walk down the hallway, into your bedroom, turning on the hot water in the shower. And when you hear the bathroom door close, you crumble.

"Lost again with no surprises Disappointments, close your eyes And it gets colder and colder When the sun goes down"

You had plans. And considering you were hardly ever invited anywhere, you were almost too excited. Fitted black dress, tall heels, dark makeup and hair styled to perfection. You were just finishing strapping on your shoes when your front door opens. You jerk your head up in surprise, meeting Nestor's confused gaze.

"You're home early." You comment, leaning back down to adjust your heels.

"Yeah I asked Mikey for the night off..." Nestor trails off as he notices how dressed up you are. He had plans too. Plans for the two of you, in a desperate attempt to reconnect. "Where are you headed for the night?" He keeps it casual, not wanting to guilt you into a change of plans.

"Girls night with a coworker." You say, giving him a wide grin, only to notice his face falter at your words. Your eyebrows furrow as you sit up, eyes scanning him. You stand, watching his eyes wash over you, drinking you in.

"Well," He mumbles, meeting your gaze once more. You almost expect him to object, but he doesn't. He wouldn't. "I hope you girls have fun."

You nod, giving him a slight smile. You open your mouth, wanting to invite him to tag along, be the Girls Night Out bodyguard, but you quickly close it. He didn't take the night off to babysit you and your friends.

"I'll text you the location." You say, grabbing your purse off the hook, running over to him to give him a goodbye kiss. He gives you a slight grin, and a curt nod.

"If you need me..." He trails off, meeting your lips once more, giving your hips a squeeze, then releasing you. You nod, muttering out a quick 'of course' before heading out for the night. And you do text him the address, adding a not-so-subtle winky face as an invitation. You kind of want him to show up. Tell you how hot you look. How he can't stand the thought of another man looking at you. But he doesn't, and you desperately try to hide your disappointment in the bottom of a margarita pitcher.

Nestor, a few beers deep himself, stares at the winky face for a long time. Types out a few messages, deletes all of them, letting out a frustrated groan. He doesn't know what you want. You won't tell him, and he's never been the type of man to guess. So he decides that if you text him again, he'll show up. But hours pass by, and nothing, so he drinks a few more beers, pausing one bottle at his lips when he hears your giggles on the porch, and then a key in the door. He doesn't have it in him to tell you the door's unlocked.

He hears you stumble in, your heels clicking against the floor of the foyer. He stands, setting his beer down and meeting your very inebriated figure halfway. Your tangled up in your coat when you feel Nestor's hands slide up to help you remove it. You mumble out a 'thank you', staring up at him as he hangs your coat up in the small closet in your entryway. He even puts it on the hanger. You notice that he's got his hair down, and it makes you smile. He turns and does a double take when he meets your eyes, furrowing his eyebrows when he sees the wistful look on your face.

"What is it? You okay?" He says cautiously, holding out his hands. Honestly, you look like you're way past fucked up, and he's concerned you're going to throw up. He's in no mood to clean up vomit on his night off.

You nod, leaning against the wall, trying to focus on him enough not to fall down. "I really wish you would've shown up tonight."

He tilts his head at your words, and opens his mouth to apologize but you interrupt him, "No, you didn't want to spend your night off babysitting. I get it. I just," You pause, letting out a sigh, and running a finger over his cheek, "I just really miss you."

Nestor crosses the floor in a matter of milliseconds, his hands coming up to grip your face in his hands. His lips press against yours, his body backing yours into the wall. You tangle your fingers in his hair, and revel in the groan he lets out. But he breaks the fevered kiss, his breathing heavy against your lips, as he rests his hands against the wall on either side of your head. He doesn't say anything, though. He doesn't need to. He said it all with his mouth.

"The question pounds my head What's a lifetime of achievement If I pushed you to the edge? But you were too polite to leave me"

Following the Girls Night fiasco, Nestor invites you to an event hosted by the Galindos. He, of course, will be on duty but Miguel usually lets his men peruse, only jumping in if needed at events like this. Really, Miguel had wanted to get everybody together to show his appreciation for all their hard work. Miguel, after all, was no stranger to the toll it could take on relationships. Nestor, however, tried to ignore how disappointed he was that Mikey had scheduled this party on his birthday. You and him had made...other arrangements for the evening.

But you dressed up, swiped on your best lipstick, and showed up on Nestor's arm anyway. Mostly because you knew how important it was to him that you come along, even if the two of you had been in a weird place.

As you near the doors of Miguel's mansion, Nestor plants a kiss to your head (carefully as not to fuck up your hair), and then opens the door for you. Hand in hand, you walk in, greeting both Miguel and Emily and then turning to greet the fellow men.

Throughout the night, everyone seemed pretty friendly. The other henchmen had riveting stories of Nestor to tell you, much to his demise, but he enjoyed watching you laugh along so he allowed it. You decided to take the night off from drinking and only had a glass of champagne when Miguel made his toast. You could see the preemptive glint in his eye though, and it made you wonder what tricks he had up his sleeve for the evening.

You decided to leave your gut feeling alone, and let yourself enjoy the one night you and Nestor had had out together in a while. The two of you danced to the music, mingled with the other guests, and genuinely seemed to be having a good time. And then the thing happens. And you had been waiting for it.

Nestor's hand tenses up in yours, and his focus is on something else. Definitely not on his dolled up wife, trying to get him to dance again. He glances around the room and you see the moment that Miguel gives him the signature head nod. Nestor's entire disposition changes and his eyes soften only a little when they look at you, he lifts the hand he's holding to his lips, then leans down to your ear, "El deber llama, mi amor."

You let out a sigh, turning to meet Miguel's gaze also. But his focus is on Emily, and you find a seat, letting your feet rest from the assault of the heels you had worn. You swirl the remaining champagne in your glass aimlessly, before downing it, and then smiling as Emily plops down next to you.

"It's hard." She blurts out, sipping on the drink in her hand.

"What is?" You ask curiously.

She turns to look at you, "Staying. Knowing what they're doing instead of this."

You let out a sigh, shaking your head, "And what are they doing?"

She doesn't answer you at first, just sips on her wine and watches all the other guests then she lets out what's probably meant to be a laugh and says, "That's the million dollar question, Y/N."

"And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?"

"I just want you to be honest!" You found yourself shouting, although you know Nestor doesn't respond to it. You're just angry, and hurt. Tired of trying to figure out how to navigate his world, and yours.

"I am honest." He says, throwing up his hands. "I can't give you all the details because I don't know. I just take the orders."

"Bullshit. I'm not an enemy, Nestor. I'm your wife!" You yell, and you know you shouldn't be but fuck, he's infuriating. "Don't downplay your role in the cartel to me. I've watched you earn it. I helped you earn it!"

Nestor laughs, "And what did you do that helped me get good with Mikey?"

"Oh! That's it. I don't get to know things about your life outside of this house because I'm separate from it. Is that it?" You egg on, heated. "You think that because I haven't killed anyone personally my hands are clean?"

Nestor rolls his eyes, "Nobody said tha-"

"You didn't have to." You cut him off, your voice calmer now. The two of you glare at each other for a few moments and you watch Nestor's resolve fade.

"I have appreciated your support." Nestor says quietly, giving you a genuine look of appreciation. "But you are on a need to know basis. And you don't need to know this." Correction: he didn't want you to know this. He didn't want you to be anymore disappointed in him than you already were. It's one thing to hear rumors about the things your husband gets up to when he's not home, it's quite another to hear him say it.

You nod, your eyes narrow as you glare at him. "Well, I guess I should be thanking you, then?" You don't wait for a reply, just run a frustrated hand through your hair and walk to your bedroom, making sure the door slam is extra dramatic. And when you hear the front door slam, you slide down the door, putting your head in your hands. Hurt, but mostly just confused about what the fuck that argument was actually about.

"...Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray? A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face..."

Mierda was the only thing Nestor could think. Mierda, he fucked up. He should've taken this guy out when he had the chance, and now here he is, tied up, being beaten for information he would never give. Apparently, loyalty even overrides unbearable pain. And he was most definitely in unbearable pain.

The punches just kept coming, to the face, ribs, stomach. One guy even started kicking at his legs. He would kill him the slowest, he figured. What kind of asshole goes for your legs when you're tied up to a fucking chair?

"Yo sé que tú sabes. Bien podría decirnos." The man said, leaning down with a cocky grin on his face. Nestor found it quite amusing that he had yet to actually tell him what information he wanted, but kept beating him anyway. Not that Nestor would ever say anything, but this seemed like some bullshit. Nestor took several more blows to the face and stomach, doubling over in pain, his grunts muffled by the bandana stuffed in his mouth.

"Es ese cabrón de jefe, o tu chica. You choose." The man sneered, and at the mere mention of you, Nestor's eyes narrow. Who the fuck was this guy and how did he know about you? He starts going through his mental checklist of where you would be today. It's Thursday...probably evening? You got off work at 4:30 so you'd definitely be home. Nestor closes his eyes, not giving anything away but his insides start bubbling in panic. If you're home, they're going to find you. If Miguel didn't intervene soon, he would have to tell them something, anything. Nestor would make up something, or tell them something insignificant. Play dumb? No. They obviously knew he was Miguel's right hand.

The man in front of him breaks his thoughts with another hard punch to the face. Nestor turns his head slowly back to the man, a glare planted in his gaze. If he could just get his hands free, he could take this guy. He tugs on his restraints, hard, hearing a slight crack of hope but he huffs in frustration as that's all he gets. A meaningless, twinge of hope.

Meanwhile, you're dancing in your kitchen, stirring the soup you had spent the last hour or so making. You turn off the burner, reaching up into the cabinets for a bowl, only to feel a hand hastily grab your waist, and then the other pressing against your mouth. You try to twist, screaming against the hand in alarm. As your kicking against nothing, another figure comes at you, masked and grabs your legs, carrying you out your back door and throwing you into a van.

You bang your head against the door on the other side, letting out a groan of pain, looking up to see none other than your husband staring at you with wide eyes. His leg bouncing as he glances around the van or something, anything to break the two of you free. You feel a kick to one of your legs and you sit up, pulling your knees to your chest as you stare up at one of the masked assailants.

He roughly jerks your hands out and duct tapes your wrists together, then slapping a piece over your mouth. Your eyes meet Nestor's again, and he looks you over, checking for any injuries. He figures that if they actually hurt you, he'll lose his cool, and he hasn't yet. Only probably the bump on the back of your head, he figures. You sit quietly as both men climb into the front, swerving the van around wherever they're taking you. You see Nestor trying to see but the frustration on his face tells you it's unfamiliar. His eyes meet yours again, his foot reaching out to you and you grin against the duct tape, stretching your foot out to touch your shoe to his. He's trying to comfort you, and while it doesn't do much for your nerves, it makes you smile.

The van takes a sharp turn and you tumble over, hitting your head again on the bench next to you. You whimper, scooting back up. But you don't have time to dwell because all at once, the van door slides open behind you and arms pull you out, closing behind you with a more than stressed Nestor. If he can't see you, he can't comfort you (or himself, for that matter). His wild eyes meet the mans, and the amusement he sees behind them infuriates him. God, he hopes Miguel pulls through soon. If they hurt you, he won't forgive himself.

"Last chance..." The man says, his tone condescending. Nestor stares up at him, his stance resolved. This earns him another punch to the stomach, but then he hears the van door shut and it's just him. And his thoughts.

He's not sure how long goes by, but it's dark out when the van door opens, and Nestor's almost lost his mind trying to figure out who the fuck these guys are and what they want. If he knew, he could manipulate the information in their favor.

"Alright, pendejo," The man begins, but before he can finish, a bullet rings out and he drops to the ground. Nestor's relieved for a moment, until he sees you stepping into the van, blood dripping down your arm and a bruise forming on your left cheek. He's absolutely elated to see the pistol in your hand, though. Your breathing is heavy as you tug at his restraints, frustrated grunts leaving your throat as they won't rip. He watches you lean down, searching the guy for a knife, and he smiles slightly at your small fist pump when you find what you're looking for. The knife slides through the material with ease, and he immediately pulls the bandana out, spitting it into the van floor. His bruised hands come up to your face, his eyes searching you for anything life threatening. You shake your head, giving him a kiss to the cheek.

"I'm good, mi amor." Your voice is a little shaky, but overall, you look okay and he gives you a nod, eyes apologetic. He presses a long kiss to your hair, then slips the handgun from your gasp, wrapping an arm around you and stepping out the van, eyes on the prowl for any more men.

Nestor digs into his pocket, handing you the gun back, but standing in front of you, eyes peeled as he waits for Miguel to answer. It seems that only minutes later, Nestor sees an Escalade roll up, only excited to see Marcus just this once.

Miguel steps out of the vehicle, and you have to do a double take because he's not in a suit. Nestor and him speak quietly as Marcus leads you to the car, helping you inside and then asking you questions about the men. You tell him everything you noticed, which wasn't much, and lean your head back against the seat, resting your eyes. Marcus goes to join the other two men, who are still talking in hushed tones.

Nestor is so invested in trying to talk through who the men was, that when he glances up and sees your eyes closed, he panics. You hit your head really fucking hard, and there's a rule about falling asleep with a concussion. He's quick on the draw, at your side in a moment, shaking you awake by your shoulder.

"Y/N? Need you to wake up for me, mi dulce." You groan awake, eyes meeting his in frustration as relief washes over him. His hand trails over the cut on your arm, then sliding up to cup your cheek. "Might be concussed."

[kuroos-babie]

Guess Who

Matsukawa x gn!Reader

Synopsis: Playing a game with the Seijoh third years turns out to be more than just that

a/n: please accept this 2 am issei brainrot because i literally could not sleep until i wrote this down

"That's definitely Hajime's", you confidently remarked whilst running your fingers over the rough hand splayed in front of you.

A short tut of defeat reached your ears, making you smirk at your victory once more, "Alright that's six wins for me, boys!"

When you woke up this morning, you wouldn't have even imagined you'll be spending your afternoon like this— sitting on the gym stands with a blindfold on, trying to guess which body part belongs to who after your friends made a promise of free ramen after school if you got eight correct answers.

"No fair, Y/N-chan's too good at this game"

You heard a harsh smack followed by chuckles, causing you to let out a short laugh of your own, "Let's wrap this up so I can get my free ramen, please"

The shuffling of feet rang through the empty gym as you laid your hand in front of you, waiting for their next move.

A pair of hands gently tugged at your wrist after a few moments, pulling it up to a pair of lips, "Hmmm these are soft and kinda sticky, smells like strawberries too..."

You felt it stretch into a smile under your fingertips before you blurted out an answer, "Tōru!"

"Bingo!", the brunette chimed before pressing a playful peck on your fingertips

"Okay next one", you shifted in your seat excitedly, giddy at the thought of free ramen by the end of this dumb game.

Your hand laid out in front of you in the same way, waiting for someone to reach out for it— but this time no one did.

Instead you feel another pair of lips press against your fingers, "Why is it w— EWWW"

Hand instantly recoiling back to be clutched near your chest, the third year boys choked and cackled at the utterly disgusted look on your face, finding absolute delight in your horror

"DID YOU REALLY JUST LICK YOUR LIPS BEFORE MAKING ME TOUCH THEM???"

You aggressively wiped your damp fingers on your seat, "Takahiro this is you, I swear to god and everything holy", you said with so much conviction Makki couldn't help but put a hand to his chest, feigning an offended gasp

"Y/N, you hurt me too much, too often"

"No rights for Takahiro, you're yucky", was your retort, moving to stand up and remove the blindfold over your eyes but failing when a pair of hands grabbed yours.

"Last one before we all go"

It was Tōru's voice, a nervous chuckle escaping him as he softly urged you to sit back down, someone behind him letting out a cough.

"Whaaaat? You said eight correct answers for a free ramen!"

"I know, just this last one okay? For the clincher", he tried to persuade you

"Nothing needs clinching!"

The group's voice of reason spoke in the midst of you and Oikawa's arguing with a sigh, "I'll throw in an order of gyoza and katsu if you do this last one"

His offer made you huff and slump back into the bench— much to their relief, "Fine, but only because Hajime said so"

You held your hand in front of you for the last time as you heard more shuffling and hushed voices, "Hurry it up! I'm getting hungry"

Another beat passes before a big hand wraps around your wrist, thumb brushing at the base of your laid out palm

Your breath hitched and caught at your throat when a pair of lips pressed against yours in a hesitant kiss.

"Guess who"

He pulled away but stayed close enough to let your breaths linger together before going back in for another kiss— this time more certain as you brought your hand to his face, his fingers never letting go of your wrist

"Issei," you exhaled against his lips in a momentary pause

His other hand snaked it's way to the back of your head, supporting you as he pressed further against you, fingers clumsily undoing the blindfold's tie

Your vision was fuzzy when you came to— whether it was because of being in the dark for so long or because of Matsukawa's frenzied kisses, you weren't sure.

He pressed a final peck on your lips before pulling back, laughing at the dazed look on your face, "Don't look at me like that, you're making me want to kiss you again"

Eyes widening at his words, you brought your hands up to cover your face in embarrassment when you finally realized what just happened

"Oh my god", Matsukawa just snickers at your epiphany, "You kissed me!"

He sat beside you, taking your hands in his, "Did you at least like it? I was afraid you wouldn't like it", he chuckled while nervously fiddling with your fingers

"Of course I did, dumbass!! I've liked you for so long even Hiro and—", you gasped as another realization hit you.

"They were in on this, weren't they?", you said in a sigh when you noticed the rest of the group was nowhere to be seen

"Yeah", he said in a laugh

You pressed your forehead against his shoulder in utter defeat, nuzzling against his palm when it came up to rest on your cheek

"Come on, let's go get your free food"

He gave your thigh a few pats before standing up, holding out his hand which you took in yours with a lopsided smile, "Okay"

"Don't look so dejected, you just got yourself a boyfriend and free food", he said with another chuckle

"Yeah? Who said we're together? You didn't even ask"

"Well can I? Be your boyfriend, I mean"

You looked up to him in a brief display of defiance before turning away, "Yeah"

He gave your hand a squeeze, intertwining his fingers with yours before breathing out a soft "Nice"

bonus:

"Did y'all planned that thing?"

"What, the game? Yeah, Oikawa came up with it"

You just hummed, nodding and swinging your hands as you two walked to the ramen shop

"He was so bent on the kiss, even gave me breath strips for it"

"Ahhh that was why it was kinda minty"

"Did you like minty?"

"Nah, I still kinda smelled your lunch. You had fish, didn't you? Stinky boy"

He cocked an eyebrow at you, "Yeah? Next time I'm gonna bite on an onion before kissing you"

You looked at him for not even a second before letting go of his hand, walking faster to get ahead of him, "Issei Kissing Rights are officially revoked"

"I WAS KIDDING" he laughs as he catches up to you in two strides

taglist: @churochuu @bakarinnie @faithieeee @strawberriimilkshake @paulazockt @pattys-got-cakes @hidden-otaku-stuff @haikyuubabie @shou-kunn @your-local-abyss @stcrryskies @toosaltyforacookie

✨send an ask to be added/removed✨

[hunxi-after-hours]

introducing the candidates for danmei awards 2.0 (2022)

I’m hard at work on (procrastinating on the writing of) this year’s danmei awards, so I figured I’d introduce all of the candidates since I’ve gone pretty far off the map at this point and don’t expect anyone to recognize most of these titles asdlfkads (别问，问就知北极圈的冷)

a table of contents!

《小蘑菇》 Xiao Mo Gu by 一十四洲 Yi Shi Si Zhou

《不小心救了江湖公敌》 Bu Xiao Xin Jiu Le Jianghu Gong Di by 六木乔 Liu Muqiao (有声漫画 audiomanhua season 1)

《无双》 Wu Shuang by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi

《问鹿三千》 Wen Lu San Qian by 光合积木 Voicegem, 吼浪文化 Houlang Studio, and 斗木獬编剧工作室 Doumuxie Screenwriting Studio

《师弟还不杀我灭口》 Shidi Hai Bu Sha Wo Mie Kou by 子鹿 Zi Lu

《默读》 Mo Du by priest

《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing by 杨溯 Yang Su

《海中爵》 Hai Zhong Jue by 七药 Qi Yao

《哏儿》 Gen’er by 南北逐风 Nan Bei Zhu Feng

《杀破狼》 Sha Po Lang by priest

《金牌助理之弯弯没想到》 Jin Pai Zhu Li zhi Wan Wan Mei Xiang Dao by (nominally) 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang and (mostly) 传奇火箭队 The Legendary Rocket Team

#1: 《小蘑菇》 by 一十四洲 (full length crash course here)

genre(s): apocalyptic science fiction

mediums: original novel on JJWXC, audiodrama by 729声工厂 / 729 Voice Studio on 猫耳FM

in a world where genetic mutations threaten to destroy humankind and a man-made aurora dances across the sky each night, a sentient mushroom goes undercover in a human city to recover a part of himself that was stolen. a book that investigates humanity and personhood, sentience and benevolence, the role of order in a lawless world, how to face despair and the end times with dignity and meaning. also, mushroom-based comedy

#2: 《不小心救了江湖公敌》 Bu Xiao Xin Jiule Jianghu Gong Di by 六木乔 Liu Muqiao (有声漫画 audiomanhua season 1)

genre(s): wuxia

mediums: manhua on bilibili comics, audiomanhua by 回声漫响工作室 Huisheng Manxiang Studio on 猫耳FM. both ongoing

when Liu Jianghe, a feared demonic sect leader, turns up half-dead on Lu Qingyun’s doorstep, the reclusive jianghu doctor reluctantly saves Liu Jianghe’s life. but Liu Jianghe’s enemies are almost as numerous as his secrets, and soon, the two are dragged into the turmoil of jianghu intrigue and conspiracy. Lu Qingyun has his own hidden past, Liu Jianghe his own mysterious motivations, and neither of them are held back by something as silly as moral scruples. an audiomanhua about the vortex of jianghu politics, in which every single character is a villain

#3: 《无双》 Wu Shuang by 梦溪石 Meng Xishi

genre(s): wuxia, political intrigue

mediums: original novel on JJWXC

a few years after the end of 《千秋》 Qian Qiu, unrest returns to the newly-founded Sui Dynasty as domestic intrigue and foreign plots threaten to fracture the hard-won peace. Feng Xiao, an unbelievably handsome government official who moonlights as the sect leader of the demonic Fajing Zong, finds his unexpected match in the frail wandering Daoist Cui Buqu. But beneath Cui Buqu’s waning health are more secrets than Feng Xiao can guess at, and the fate of the Sui Dynasty rests on these two setting aside their rivalry long enough to work together. a book about roasting your rival first, saving your dynasty second, and maybe, just maybe, falling in love in the process

#4: 《问鹿三千》 Wen Lu San Qian by 光合积木 Voicegem, 吼浪文化 Houlang Studio, and 斗木獬编剧工作室 Doumuxie Screenwriting Studio (full length crash course here)

genre(s): wuxia, xuanhuan

mediums: audiodrama on 猫耳FM, ongoing

an intricate, interlocking serial narrative following four intertwining stories: a famous zither master investigating a new, mysterious rival, a cat yao impersonating a prince and the assassin sent to kill him, the obsessive quest of an emperor searching for a lost dao and the person who lived inside it, and two spirits seeking their forgotten pasts. oh, and a former king-turned-talking-rabbit. an audiodrama about fate and loyalty, devotion and trauma, memory and grief, love and loss

#5: 《师弟还不杀我灭口》 Shidi Hai Bu Sha Wo Mie Kou by 子鹿 Zi Lu

genre(s): xianxia, transmigration

mediums: original novel on 长佩 Changpei, audiodrama by 米波文化 Mibo Culture on 猫耳FM. AD trailer 1 translated here, AD trailer 2 translated here.

when college student Zhong Yan is drawn into the world of the xianxia novel he just finished instead of studying for his exams, his sympathy for the book’s antagonist lands him a near-impossible mission: stop the antagonist from killing more people, or risk the consequences of failure. now, if only he hadn’t transmigrated as the antagonist’s useless shixiong, who is also the witness of his first murder...

a book about how kindness can change the path of fate, often when you aren’t paying attention. also, an audiodrama about 锦鲤 letting loose asldkfajsdf

#6: 《默读》 Mo Du by priest

genre(s): crime fiction, detective fiction

mediums: original novel on JJWXC, audiodrama by 729声工厂 on 猫耳FM (currently banned), donghua and live action adaptations in progress that will never see the light of day because this book contains trenchant commentary about social issues and cycles of violence perpetuated by wealth and power (and therefore too transgressive for the censors rip)

ETA 12/23/22: the 《默读》 AD has returned! more of it has likely been censored, but I’ll take what we can get.

when a series of complex cases begins to shake Yan City, police inspector Luo Wenzhou must team up with Fei Du, the cryptic heir of a business empire, to uncover what may be a larger, decades-spanning conspiracy tying the crimes together. at the same time, a mysterious radio station releases reviews of classic novels in Western literature that all feature plots, events, themes, and crimes that bear uncanny resonances to the cases they are investigating. a book about the dark side of modern society, and the slow, grueling path out of the abyss and toward the light

#7: 《督主有病》 Du Zhu You Bing by 杨溯 Yang Su

genre(s): wuxia, political intrigue

mediums: original novel on 长佩 Changpei, audiodrama by 米波文化 Mibo Culture on 猫耳FM

the unlikely childhood friendship of a court official and an assassin must weather the rise and fall of regimes as well as grasping reach of their own backgrounds if they are to reach a distant, elusive happy ending. a book where the question “can things get worse?” is responded to with a hearty “always!” 

#8: 《海中爵》 Hai Zhong Jue by 七药 Qi Yao (full crash course here)

genre(s): PIRATES, secondary world fantasy, political intrigue

mediums: original novel on 长佩 Changpei, (free!) audiodrama by 株木琅玛工作室 Zhumulangma Studio on 猫耳FM, audiodrama ongoing

when a smooth-talking, deep-pocketed rival ship’s captain offers him a deal he can’t refuse, Hailian reluctantly agrees to assassinate someone for the mysterious Fang Tinglan. drawn into the complex tangle of Fang Tinglan’s schemes, Hailian must navigate intrigue, betrayal, and his own lost past to find his way to some place he can call home. a book about fighting and falling in love at the same time

#9: 《哏儿》 Gen’er by 南北逐风 Nan Bei Zhu Feng

genre(s): contemporary, entertainment industry

mediums: original novel on 长佩 Changpei, audiodrama by 音熊联萌 VoiceBear Alliance on 猫耳FM

in a few days, Ye Ling will graduate from the illustrious Tsinghua University with a master’s degree in thermal engineering, so in a few days, he’ll no longer have the time to pursue his extracurricular dreams of performing 相声 xiangsheng / crosstalk, a form of traditional Chinese stand-up comedy. but when the brash, bold, and charismatic Xie Shuangchen barges into his life, Ye Ling’s heart is swayed — and what if he decides to pursue his dreams? what if this is what he’s meant to do? a book about making it as working artists in Beijing while falling in love. also book about 相声 xiangsheng and Chinese opera, and adapting classical forms to the modern era

#10: 《杀破狼》 Sha Po Lang by priest

genre(s): political intrigue, alternate history, steampunk wuxia

mediums: original novel on JJWXC, audiodrama by 729声工厂 on 猫耳FM, live action adaptation trapped in censorship hell

from the moment the powerful fuel 紫流金 ziliujin was dug out of the ground, the path of history was destined to change. in an aging and weakening Liang Dynasty, two young men come of age as the kingdom’s foremost general and the court’s most capable minister. but malevolent forces both external and internal, domestic and foreign threaten to destroy them before they can save the dynasty they inherited. a book about saving your kingdom while extremely burnt out by the traumatic events of your youth. also, steampunk mechas and navigating the industrial revolution in the middle of war

#11: 《金牌助理之弯弯没想到》 Jin Pai Zhu Li zhi Wan Wan Mei Xiang Dao by (ostensibly) 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang and (mostly) 传奇火箭队 The Legendary Rocket Team, aka Fuck the Rocket according to their subtitles

genre(s): contemporary, entertainment industry

mediums: original novel on JJWXC, (free!) audiodrama by the 传奇火箭队 The Legendary Rocket Team on 猫耳FM

so full disclosure, I never read the original novel, and the 《弯弯》 audiodrama should be considered a lot of things but a faithful adaptation? lol absolutely not (their own words)

this is actually a 网配 wangpei audiodrama from 2015, and the energy on it is utterly unhinged. it is simultaneously a love letter to and satire of 非天夜翔 Fei Tian Ye Xiang’s novel 《金牌助理》 Jin Pai Zhu Li, a novel that follows the misadventures of hapless aspiring musician Xiao Yi as he finds a day job to pay the bills while struggling to make it in Beijing. said day job? working as a personal assistant to the extremely frosty, extremely handsome superstar actor Lu Zhou. absolute hijinks ensue

this audiodrama is far ahead of its time, and also completely upends traditional adaptation by rewriting the script satirically and cranking up the speed. I screamed; I laughed; I definitely missed a turn while driving. words can’t really describe this production for its sheer insanity, so I’ll just link it above and call it a day

[hunxi-after-hours]

yooo you should totally make the handshake chain an actual chain.

1. character A 🤝 character B

2. character B 🤝 character C

3. character C 🤝 character D...

i wonder how much of the casts you could include in it lmaoo

ahahaha anon I think I need to read a few more priest novels before I feel qualified to do that but I can offer you this handshake instead

[hunxi-after-hours]

Zhou Zishu/Sheng Lingyuan/Fei Du: honestly, I was just planning on dying at the end

Wen Kexing/Xuan Ji/Luo Wenzhou: seriously??? I'm not sexy enough to stay alive for??

[hunxi-after-hours]

okay the funniest thing about finally starting the 《杀破狼》 广播剧 is that they got 郭浩然 to play the exact same character he plays in 《默读》

[hunxi-after-hours]

I need to stop listening to 《默读》 music it keeps making me want to cry

[hunxi-after-hours]

[大写] LI老师 你是我的神！！！！！！

[hunxi-after-hours]

receipts:

《七爷》, chapter 16:

“世间有白首如新，有倾盖如故。好友，前生约了与你不醉不归，如今你虽不记得，我却是前来赴约了。”

“In this world, you could accompany someone until both of your hair went white, only to find that they remained a stranger, that you didn’t know them at all. And you could meet someone’s eyes by chance, to discover that it seemed like you’d known each other forever.

My good friend — in our past life, I promised you that we would not return until drunk. Today, though you don’t remember, I’ve come to fulfill this promise.”

《天涯客》, chapter 67:

“七爷摆摆手，转身往回走去，口中说道：‘子舒啊，我不是什么南宁王，你也不是周大人了，以你的聪明，竟还没想明白么？’”

“Qi Ye waved a hand, turning to walk away. He said, ‘Zishu, ah, I am no longer the Prince of Nanning, and you are no longer his excellency Zhou. With your cleverness, have you still not figured it out?’”

《烈火浇愁》, chapter 66:

“卯三教会了他木雕，辰十七教会了他调笛，未二教会了他吹埙，子初教会了他东南小调......他们一人一刀，把它刻成一尊人皇。”

“Mao Three taught him how to whittle, Chen Seventeen taught him how to tune a flute, Wei Two taught him how to play a xun, Zi Chu taught him the folk melodies of the southeast... Blades, each one of them, that carved him into a Human Emperor.”

《默读》，chapter 129:

“‘你知道如果是我，我会怎么样吗？我会削下那块肉，放出那碗血，再把下面长畸形的骨头一斧子剁下去砸碎。我不是凝视深渊的人，我就是深渊。’ 费渡冲他露出一个带着点血气的微笑...”

“‘You know, if it were me, what I would do? I would cut off that piece of polluted meat, let out that bowl of fouled blood, and then hack off the deformed bone below with an axe and smash it to pieces. I am not someone who gazes into the abyss.’ Fei Du smiled at him—a small smile, the edges of it bloody. ‘I am the abyss.’”

p大’s novels always have that one chapter that features an interaction between one of the main characters and a side character that comes for your entire soul