#guess what ring every year the day and time he died ? That fucking clock

[uglypastels]

You're On Your Own, Kid / A Munson Story

a/n I got this random idea today of "what if Eddie had a long lost sister" and thought it would be fun to just drabble away at it, but the drabble got longer and I got more and more invested in these two dorks, so yeah, I might write more about them if anyone is interested..

word count: 2031

warning: swearing. Mentions of troubled families. not much else[?]

Taglist Temporarily Inactive - Masterlist - Requests through Inbox

When the Hawkins gang met Eddie, the first thing they learned about the Hellfire Club leader was that he was a talker but rarely talked about himself. He can go on for hours talking about DnD campaigns or the latest fantasy book he's read [and don't get him started about the upcoming Metallica album. He will not shut up,] but he rarely reveals anything about himself. Learning about his past was more of a scavenger hunt of his life story's tidbits rather than... a story.

The worst part was that Eddie did not even realise he had done this. Perhaps he assumed everyone knew everything about him (since most act like that anyway, accusing him of shit left and right.)

Thus, moments like this happened as Eddie was talking about how he needed to fix his car because the last time he drove it, it shut down in the middle of the road.

"Made me think of the time my dad's car flunked and he send me and my sister out to find someone to call for help since we didn't have a phone."

"What?" Robin asked.

"Yeah, we had to walk like fice miles until we ran into some shack. Nice lady lived up there. She gave us cookies." Eddie shrugged, reminiscing.

"No, no that," Nancy clarified Robin's question. "You have a sister?"

"Oh. Yeah." Eddie just blinked. "Didn't I tell you guys?"

A collective No erupted all around the room. So, Eddie was forced to tell them everything about you. How you were only a year younger than him, always a pain in the ass, but a great sport to tag along in all of the shenanigans that he came up with as a kid. The two of you were inseparable until your dad landed in jail for the one too-manyeth time, and you were separated.

"I went to live with our uncle, while she went upstate to live with our grandma. She would have taken us both but her house smelled too much like sauerkrout."

"Do you still see her?" Steve asked.

"My grandma? No, she died last year."

"Your sister." Steve said, failing to hide the exhaustion caused by the conversation.

"We used to visit each other every summer and all the school holidays, but you know, as we got older, we just grew apart, I guess. Last year, she went off to college, then granny died so we saw each other at the funeral, said we’d call but neither of us did… and we haven't really talked since." Eddie started finicking with a loose thread on his ripped jeans as a moment of heartfelt silence fell across the room. 

 Robin broke through that flawlessly, however. ‘So, call her now,’ she called out. Eddie looked up at her, bewildered. 

‘What, like right now?’ 

‘Yeah, invite her over to stay for the summer. I’m sure she’ll be glad you have re-entered civilisation and made some new friends.’ Robin’s eyes grew in size with excitement as she declared all the new plans, and the rest listened intently, whether they wanted to or not.

And that’s more or less why you were woken up in the middle of the night by the phone ringing. 

‘Hullo?’ you grudged out, wiping the sleep out of your eyes. ‘Hey, Judes.’Your brother’s voice came from the other side quietly, not at all what you were used from him… not that you were used to hearing anything at all these days. 

‘Hey, everything alright?’ You checked the alarm clock next to your bed. Why the hell was your brother calling you at 1 am? 

‘Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. I’m just with some friends and—’ 

‘Let me stop you right there,’ you cut him off, ‘are you either A) dying or B) in prison?’

‘No, I’m fine.’

‘Then why, in god’s damned name, are you calling me at this fucking hour?’ There was a moment of silence. Some mumbling on the other line, followed by a hushed curse as Eddie presumably checked the clock and finally realised what time it was. 

‘Shit, sorry. I didn’t even realise it was this late, like I said I’m just hanging out with some people.’

‘Figured.’ You grumbled, letting your head fall back onto your pillow. ‘I’m hanging up now, E–’

‘No wait!’ He shouted hard enough to wake you up again, as well as all your neighbours. ‘I wanted to ask you something.’

‘Then just do it. I’m trying to sleep.’

‘Would you want to come back to Hawkins for the Summer?’

‘Why the fuck would I want to go back to Hawkins?’ The sweltering heat was nothing to be missed, and the last time you were back in your hometown, the most interesting thing that happened was a man getting attacked by an owl. Of course, you missed your older brother and waited with a heavy heart for the day that he himself left that shithole to pursue the dreams you knew he still had. 

‘My friends want to meet you.’

‘I’ve been to like 5 of your “concerts”, you dork. I know all of your friends.’ Your eyes were getting heavier by the second, and all your energy was being used to remember to hold up the phone to your face and respond to whatever nonsense Eddie was spewing on the other end of the line. 

‘No, I uhh— I made somed new ones, believe it or not.’

‘No fucking way. At your grown age?’

‘Fuck off.’

‘No, fine, I’ll come. Will have to check with work but I’ll let you know this week.’

‘Ok, cool.’

‘Cool.’

‘Cool.’

‘I’m going to sleep now.’ 

‘Cool.’

‘Fuck you.’ And with that, you hung up. Not even five seconds later, you had dozed back off. 

Simultaneously, Eddie hung the phone back on the wall, feeling both as if a weight had fallen off his shoulder and as if he had just swallowed a giant boulder and was sinking to the bottom of Lover’s Lake. 

He turned around towards the room and was met with three awaiting pairs of eyes. 

‘And?’ Robin nudged him to speak.

‘She’s got to check her schedule.’ Eddie shrugged, not thinking much of it. That’s how your conversations have been over the last few years. Schedules always seemed to be booked, but promises would be made just to be broken over and over. So when his friends looked so excitedly at him, he was unsure what to do. After all, he doubted that this would be the time things would be different.

And how wrong he was. 

The next day, you called him back, this time waking him up at a slightly more human hour: noon. 

‘Sorry, I forgot you were taking your nap.’ You joked, certainly much to his appreciation, before telling him you got a few days off in the upcoming month. Maybe it was his abruptly awoken state, but it took a moment for the penny to drop and Eddie to react. And even then, it was a bit lacklustre. 

‘Ok, great. See you here in a few.’

It wasn’t your fault. At least not yours alone; in truth, you felt the same. Your childhood had not been a very stable one, as you moved from house to house as your parents tried to cling onto any job until it was finally too much. You and Eddie got dragged apart into two completely different sides of the world [that’s how big Indiana felt at the time, at least.] But no matter what, there was always one thing you could count on your family for: disappointment. 

Somehow, they [you and your brother included] just always managed to screw things up in the most fashionable way. To the point that it was easier not to have any hopes for anything because you knew that, to a certain extent, they would never be met. 

So, in the days leading up to your reunion, you didn’t let yourself be excited or dare to think of what to do or say to Eddie, only expecting a phone call from him to cancel everything with a half-assed apology. You knew that he was most likely awaiting the same thing from you. 

But somehow, against all odds, none of that happened. The days went by, and there were no changes to any plans. Your drive back to Hawkins was as smooth as ever, up to the Welcome sign. 

You weren’t entirely surprised to have learned that Eddie was still living with your uncle, but at least that was an address you knew all too well. It was really only once your wheels started to graze that gravel road that the reality of the situation hit you. And there he was, standing at the door of that damned box on wheels, hands in pockets like he always used to do when he was nervous, swinging back on forth on his feet. The only change was the cigarette between his lips to calm himself down. 

Assumably, at the sound of your approach, three heads popped out of the trailer door. More or less. You could see them looking through the little curtain that usually covered the window. You drove until you couldn’t any longer and stopped the car, taking the time for three deep breaths before getting out and into your brother's arms. 

‘You smell like shit.’ They were not meant to be the first words you said to him, but the ratchet stench of weed was overwhelming. 

‘Good to see you too.’ He hugged you tightly.

‘So good.’ You hugged him even tighter until he squeaked out in pain. 

Eddie groaned as you let go of eachother. ‘I really missed you, Judy.’

‘Wait, Judy?’ The curious heads finally popped out from behind the curtain and stepped out into the trailer's front yard. So it really was true: Eddie had made new friends—friends who looked particularly confused, just like you and Eddie had predicted at four years old. 

‘It’s just what Elroy calls me,’ you pointed at Eddie. ‘Don’t worry.’

‘Judy— Elroy— wait, like the Jetsons?’ The guy in the middle said. His brows had knitted together as he deducted this conclusion to your little joke, and you had to admit he looked pretty cute. 

‘Exactly like the Jetsons. It was one of the only things we could agree on watching together.’

‘Well, that’s just adorable.’ The girl on the cute guy’s right said before introducing herself. ‘I’m Robin.’ She waved her hand with a slightly awkward smile. ‘That’s Steve,’ she poked the guy in the ribs with her elbow as he just stood there like a lost, yet excited, puppy. 

‘Right, hey, hi.’ He leapt into motion, extending his hand for a shake. 

‘Hi.’ You replied before letting go, then turned your attention to the other girl who politely awaited her turn.

‘I’m Nancy. It’s really nice to meet you. Eddie’s told us so much about you.’

‘I highly doubt that.’ You laughed, glancing over at your brother, who you never knew to talk about personal things.

‘We might have forced him a little bit.’ Robin admitted. ‘Would you like a drink? We got some rootbeer on ice inside.’

‘My favou-

‘We know,’ they said in chorus, confirming the previous statement made.

You heard your car door open and shut behind you, and when you turned around, Eddie was hauling your bag over his shoulder.

‘You could have just left it in the car for now.’ Sure, the trailer park was full of interesting characters, but no one would go as low as stealing from their neighbours. 

‘It’s not safe.’ Eddie huffed out over the weight of the bag. ‘Not since the raccoon?’ 

‘Raccoon?’ You blinked, looking between Eddie and Steve, who held the door open for you.

‘It’s better if you don’t ask,’ Steve said, making you want to ask even more. As you entered the trailer, with endless images of what could have happened between Eddie and that raccoon, the smell of popcorn filled the small living room, and you found your spot on the couch next to a politely smiling Steve, you suddenly felt like your Summer in Hawkins could end up being quite interesting after all. 

[madeofcc]

🔑 and 👻?

oooooh thanks a lot for these good questions Nuka ♥

Key to my heart ?

Well, I fall in love easily the moment someone's cute is being really nice to me in real life usually hahaha ^^" As I recently broke up, I kind of don't know anymore ? As long as this is someone's with an open mind who's not racist/homophobic/male toxic/psycho or sociopath I guess we're good ? I'm mostly into feelings and what I also feel when I see the person in real life. I have kind of a super intuition power that helps me sometimes. Just like Spiderman, I have like little warnings inside my body that triggers the moment I meet someone that will hurt me ^^" It's kind of a bummer when you feel that for someone for years and you try your best to make that feeling disapear but at the end, this person ends hurting you ><

Do I believe in ghosts ?

If I say above that I have kind of super power then yes, I must believe in ghosts XD More seriously, I have experienced 2 things that scared the hell out of me and still scare me a little when I think about it because I have 0 explanations for this story. Ready for spooky time ?

I was 18, it was sunday and as usual, I would play the sims 2 all day long after my homeworks. We were living in a flat with 3 rooms. My mother was in the living room, my father was sleeping in their room and I was in my room with the door closed. I was playing fully awake, it's was around 4 p.m or something and I felt someone grabbing my left shoulder from behind, like pushing me behind. It was a strong move that hurt me a little. No one was in the room and the door was still closed ><

When we moved to another house later I also heard some noises when I was sleeping the first night there. Noises that sounded like someone was entering the house and put something liquid on the ground like diesel or something. I was alone in the house with my dog and I was sure it was in my head but my dog woke up and started to barf and attack like he never did before ... I never felt good also in that house. Glad no one lives there anymore actually.

I also have multiple friends that have seen ghosts and know a witch who frequently sees dead people in her home asking her for help so yep ... Ghosts are real people :p Or at least there's something we don't see around here I swear

[sammygvfslut]

i like you a latte | s. kiszka

Summary: Words cannot espresso how much you mean to Sammy Kiszka.

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: Hey besties!!! this is my first ever sam fic, and i really hope you guys enjoy it! it’s super cheesy so beware of some tooth-rotting fluff ahead. any and all feedback is appreciated <3

Loud chattering and the sounds of espresso machines hissing and whistling filled the cafe. Every few seconds or so when a new customer walked in, a soft ringing above the door rang. Glancing at the clock, you sighed as it read 7am. Way too early for your liking. You wished to be back in bed under the covers with your cat Joey snuggling. Plus, the cold weather made it even harder for you to get out of bed every morning. Damn you, winter.

“Good morning.” A voice said suddenly, startling you as you slightly jumped. “Whoops, didn’t mean to scare you there for a sec.”

Turning around at the voice, your heart fluttered and a smile pulled at the corners of your lips. “G-Good morning, Sam! Nope, didn’t scare me at all. I was just uh...focusing very hard and you caught me off guard.”

A chuckle rumbled from his chest, his own lips curving and flashing that beautiful grin. God, he made you melt. You took a quick chance to admire his appearance for the day, luscious brown locks pulled back into a low bun with a few stray pieces framing his face, and he wore a slightly oversized brown grandpa looking sweater. He exuded true fall energy today and all you wanted to do was snuggle with him watching a movie while sipping on hot chocolate. “Right. Focusing on what exactly? Staring at the register?”  

“S-Sure. Yes, the register.” Totally not him instead. “Um, I realized it turned off right now and my mind blanked to turn it back on.”

Sam placed a hand on your shoulder as he laughed, his touch leaving a wave of goosebumps to rise out of your skin. “You’re so cute. I’ll leave you to that then, but if you need help trying to get the register to turn back on again, let me know.” And with that, he sent you a wink and turned on his heel away to start on the customers orders.

Alright, alright. So maybe early shifts weren’t as bad as you thought thanks to your insanely charming co-worker. Sam and you had been working together for the past year, and almost instantly you started falling for him. He welcomed you with open arms and he was a great help when it came to your training. Your co-workers were nice too, but Sam took that extra step in making sure you were comfortable with what you were doing. If you made a mistake and were freaking out about it, he somehow knew the way to calm you down. He was too precious and good for this cruel world. And most of all, out of your league too.

With his dashing looks and amazing personality, you just knew there was no way he’d ever feel the same about you. Except, any time you’d voice that thought to any of your friends at work, they’d tell you you’re crazy and that he likes you too. Apparently they caught on to the signs more than you did, which wasn’t a shocker considering that you’d have no clue if a guy was interested in you unless he blatantly confessed. So, trying to figure out hints was completely pointless for you.

“Uh oh, she’s deep in thought,” one of your friends/co-workers, Danny, teased. He also happened to be Sam’s best friend, and current band mate since the pair are in a band with Sam’s older twin brothers. “I bet I can guess what, or who you were thinking about.”

“Don’t even say it,” you warned with a finger, “He’s literally four feet away from us—”

“So?” Danny rolled her eyes with his arms folded. “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? Come on, it’s been almost a year now. What’s the worst that can happen if you confess?”

“He can hear me.” You stared blankly at him, shaking your head. “Absolutely not though, Danny. I will not embarrass myself from the humiliation I’d have to face from his rejection.”

Danny groaned frustratedly, placing his hands on both your shoulders and shaking them. “You’re so hopeless! Y/N, how many times do the guys and I have to tell you he likes you too!” He raised his voice a little louder than necessary which accidentally caught the attention of almost everyone in the cafe. Sam included unfortunately. Danny’s eyes widened, silently cursing under his breath. “Carry on, everyone.”

As much as you hated to admit it, Danny wasn’t lying when he mentioned about the guys agreeing that Sam likes you too. Every time you came over Josh’s apartment and Sam was there he’d find any little excuse to have his arm around you or teasing you constantly. You’d shake it off that he was just treating you like a friend would, but of course the guys would disagree with you.

“We’ll finish this conversation later,” Danny told you sternly, “But for now, and don’t make it obvious, but Sam’s looking at you.” A mischievous grin spread across his face as he winked and stepped to the next register before greeting a new customer and taking their order.

Heart pounding out of your chest, you slowly looked over your shoulder in Sam’s direction. You saw his head quickly turn and finish off the drink in front of him. Your cheeks burned at this and tried taking deep, slow breaths to calm yourself down. Didn’t work much, but as a new customer waved and told you their order, your breathing turned back to normal.

On the other end of the counter, Sam was currently freaking the hell out from what he heard a few minutes ago between you and Danny. He didn’t mean to, but he also wasn’t that far from either of you. Plus, Danny wasn’t the best at keeping his voice low. He had a strong feeling he knew you were talking about him, and for that reason alone he overflowed the cup he was pouring into and made a mess. He cursed under his breath and wiped his hands on his apron, shaking his head.

You caught sight of this and rushed to his side, grabbing a cloth from under the sink and started wiping the sticky counter. Sam was certain his cheeks were tomato red from his embarrassment, making a complete fool of himself for not paying attention to what he was doing. More so focusing on your conversation and your damn smile from earlier. You weren’t the only one here with a crush.

“T-Thanks, Y/N.” Sam chuckled nervously, throwing the cup in the trash and tossing the drink pitcher he held in the sink. “I’m normally not this much of a dumbass.”

“I’m not too sure about that one, Kiszka.” You teased lightly with a grin. “It happens, don’t worry,” you assured. “I’m just glad it was cold tea you spilled and not steaming coffee. I’d hate for you to get a third degree burn. That happened to me once, don’t recommend it.”

“Didn’t I drive you to the hospital for that?” he asked. “I think that might’ve happened a few months ago.”

Your eyes widened at the memory. “Oh shit, you’re right. God, I’m still so sorry I had to drag you into that.”

Sam shook his head, lips curving and cheeks no longer flushed. “For the hundredth time, stop apologizing about that, Y/N. You know you can count on me for anything, so of course I didn’t mind driving you to the hospital. I remember even blasting some ABBA on the way over there so you’d have something else to focus on instead of the pain you endured.”

You smiled at the memory. “Didn’t we also go out for ice cream afterwards?”

He nodded, lightly rubbing his arm. “Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I mean, I always have fun when I’m with you.”

Your breath caught in your throat at his last few words, blinking slowly. “O-Oh.”

Oh? That’s all you have to say? Nice one, Y/N.

Sam’s heart dropped. Fuck. Maybe you weren’t talking about him after all. Maybe it was Danny or one of his brothers that you had a crush on and he was mistaken about it. He wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole right about now. Being anywhere but here sounded splendid to him.

“Y-Y/N, I—“

“Ihavefunwhenimwithyoutoo,” you muttered all too quickly, and poor Sam barely even understood what you said. He didn’t have the chance to ask you to repeat yourself because you quickly walked away to the back and he was left with a tug at his chest, frowning.

Within the next few days after Sam’s tea spill, literally, things between you and him became...awkward. Something went off in him to become even more clumsy than normal and forget everything he’s ever known when you’re near him. He’d get flustered, stuttering a lot, messing up orders, dropping dishes, and nearly tripping all the time. He hated it so much and wished he could just muster up the courage and apologize for being such an idiot and confess his feelings to you. Even during your hangouts with the guys, Sam and you wouldn’t interact as much and honestly you were well aware you were being super childish and immature about the situation. Sam did too, and he needed to snap the fuck out of it.

The next few days at work Sam would ignore Danny’s little side comments about his immaturity and continued working in silence. For the rest of his shift he didn’t talk much to anyone other than the customers. He wanted to talk to you when he had the chance, but then he’d quickly back out and walk the opposite direction.

He couldn’t figure out why it was so futile for him to just grow a sack and tell you he likes you. He’d never gone through this struggle before. Then again, as cheesy as it sounded, the other girls he’d asked out in the past couldn’t compare to you. Never in a million years, and maybe he was too afraid that he didn’t deserve someone as amazing as you.

Nearing closing that same day, it was only you, Sam, and Danny. The flow of customers died down and not many people came in towards the end of the night which you were grateful for. It finally gave you the chance to relax a bit and start cleaning things up ahead of time so you wouldn’t have to stay after. Joey and a nice warm bath were waiting for you at home.

While Sam decided on working the register and you and Danny would clean, he grabbed your arm and led you into the back.

“What are you two still doing not dating each other or talking?! It’s been way too long now, Y/N. And since it’s only us three tonight, you have no other choice. Come on, I know you can’t take this any longer, and he can’t either. I can take over the register for a bit while you and him talk.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, contemplating his offering. As incredibly thankful as you were for his help, you were also scared shitless of the possible outcome. Perhaps it was finally time though that you say fuck it and say what you needed to. You couldn’t go on for any longer to keep your feelings bottled up inside. Maybe, just maybe he might feel the same way, and by God you hoped that would be the case.

Inhaling, you nodded slowly and made your way back to where you were. Your eyes searched for Sam and saw he was busy making a drink, except there was no one else here besides you, him and Danny. It could’ve been a drink for him, so you shrugged this off and went towards the sink to start washing the dishes.

A few moments later, Sam cleared his throat from behind you. “H-Hey Y/N, so um, I know the créme brûlée latte is your favorite, and I thought I’d make you one. You seemed really stressed and busy today and I wanted to try to cheer you up. I hope that’s okay.”

Your heart swelled at his generosity and your cheeks burned as you felt his gaze burning into you, his palms soaking from nervousness. “Sam, you didn’t have to do that for me.”

He shrugged casually, a small smile on his lips and his cheeks tinted a light pink. “It’s okay, I wanted to. And I uh, tried my best on the art. Hope you like it.”

Raising a brow, your gaze dropped on your cup and your eyes widened as you saw what he was referring to. A small coffee cup with the words I like you a latte around it.

“It’s true,” Sam chewed on his bottom lip while running his fingers through his hair. “I really like you Y/N, and I’m so sorry for acting like such an idiot these last few days around you. I don’t know what came over me, and I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you much either.”

Setting your cup on the counter, you took a step closer to him and cupped his cheek, rubbing your thumb softly against his soft skin. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, Sam. I’m sorry for not talking to you too, as well as for making a fool of myself. I tend to do that around someone I like.”

Finally, the realization dawned on Sam as a wide grin pulled at his lips. “Glad we’re on the same boat.”

“I-Is it alright if I kiss you?” he asked shyly, his eyes sparkling as he looked at you.

You giggled. “You don’t even have to ask, loverboy.” You playfully rolled your eyes and cupped his other cheek before connecting his lips with yours.

A smirk pulled at Danny’s lips as he glanced at the two of you, shaking his head. Josh and Jake owed him $20 now. 

It was about damn time that Sam and you finally espresso’d your love for each other. 

tagging these lovely folks bc they helped inspired me and their work is amazing <3 @godlygreta​ / @flowervanfleet​ / @dharma-divine​

[eddiemunsonwoofty]

Fix Me - Part Five

Summary: You reach out to the local "freak"/drug dealer for some kind of escape after your mom dies. Turns out he's the escape you needed.

Caution: kissing, necking (f receiving), drug use. The start of some serious sexual interaction.

📝: I have none really other than I'm loving this little series I've put together.

..................................................................................

Finally I'd made my way home. School was a total haze. It usually was for me, but today the haze was filled with Eddie and this feeling I had for him. I still wasn't sure what it was, but I knew I liked him and how he could make me laugh. Maybe this was just turning into a really nice friendship. Maybe more than friends. Maybe it was nothing. Who knows.

I ran up to my bedroom to change. It was starting to get pretty warm in Hawkins and my usual get up was just to much. I dug around the back of my drawer for a pair of shorts. I had plenty of them, but I wanted a pair of shorts that didn't cry out "SLUT!" As all my old clothes were. I finally settle on a pair of black ones. They were still pretty short, they would just have to do.

I heard the front door open. It was Steve. He worked at family video pretty much every day. He had most Fridays off but not all the time. I popped my head out of my door. "I'm here, in case you were trying to freak and call dad again!" I hollered. I could here him smirk. "Good to know!" He responded.

I decided to leave on the oversized tee I had been wearing. I head downstairs and found Steve in the kitchen. "How was your day?" I asked. "Uh...pretty good actually, I met a girl in the video store and I'm gonna take her out tonight." He seemed pretty excited about it. "Well?" I pried. "Who is it?" "It's this girl Meagan, I think she graduated last year...I'm not really sure, but she is a smoke show!" He said with even more excitement.

I just rolled my eyes and smiled at him. He grabbed a fresh shirt from the laundry and changed out of his work clothes. "Don't wait up for me kid." Steve gave me a wink and hastily walked out the door.

*Ring, Ring* went the phone. *Ring, Ring* I really didn't feel like talking to whoever was on the other end of it, so I just let it go to the answering machine. *beep* "Steve, y/n, anybody home?... Well ok, its dad and I've decided to go out after work with a few colleagues. Its been a crazy day here at the office. I'll see you later kids....Lo-love you guys. " *beep* Hmmm.....I guess I have the place to myself. I was ok with that.

I had a fully laid out plan for my evening. I was going to actually eat dinner tonight (without being forced) so I didn't wake up starving like I did this morning. Then I was going to take a bath and shave literally everything. I remembered yesterday that I could feel every hair on my legs pushing against my jeans while I was high and it was driving me nuts! Then I was going to step out on my "balcony", (really just the roof I could reach outside my window) and smoke. Then to bed and hope for another successful night without nightmares.

That was the most relaxing bath I think I'd ever taken. I tried to set the mood and light some candles and add bubbles. I was already somewhat tired so I put my shorts and t-shirt back on. I left the bra and panties there. I was done for the evening, I had no need for them now.

After brushing my hair and teeth, I head for the jewelry box. I pulled the joint out of the top drawer, grab my cup of water, and head for the window.

*Ding, Dong* "Are you fucking kidding me?" I say as loud as I could. Hopefully whoever it was would hear me and leave. I looked at the clock. 9:30. Who the fuck would be here this late. *Ding, dong, Ding, dong, Ding, dong* whoever it was just kept pressing the door bell over and over again. I rush down the stares to answer the door. It was....Eddie.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" I asked angrily. Not because he was at my front door, but because he just rang my doorbell like a 3 year old who just figured out thats what a doorbell does. "I've been thinking, princess." He says, and he asserts himself through the door. "What, Eddie, what could you possibly be thinking?" I ask sarcastically.

"Well, I am thinking, that I'm fucking insane for just giving your free bud." His eyebrows raised. "I never give away anything...for free." He stepped closer to me. "You know, princess, I can't let word get out that I'm letting someone get one over on me. Everyone would try if so." He kept getting closer to me. I tried to step back but when I did, a wall stopped me.

Holy...shit! Eddie Munson now has be backed against a wall and he keeps getting closer, and closer. The look in his eyes is one I've never seen before. His eyes burned into me, like he was hungry. The smile he had on his face was a smile only serial killers would have. And I had never been more turned on by it. By this point he was right in my face. I could feel his chest against mine. "Wh-what do you, want for it? My breath deepened. Everytime I breathed in I could feel my breasts push against his chest. He leaned in towards me. He was so close to my mouth that they warmed to his breath.

He reached up and brushed some hair out of my face. "Well, y/n I want you....to smoke with me again, LETS GO!" He hollered as he jumped back from me. He grabbed my wrist and hauled me up the stairs. We made it to my door. "If I remember right, thats Harrington's room," he said pointing across the hall to Steve's door. "Sooo...this must be yours." He smiled and booped my nose. He opened the door and practically slung me inside it, then shut the door. How did he know so much about my house? Is he a stalker or some shit?

"What the fuck, Eddie!" I exclaim as I shove his hand off my wrist. "You can't just hang out here! You know Steve can't stand you!" "Last I checked, Harrington's not here." He said with his serial killer smile again. "What do you really want, Munson?" I say with a sort of pout. "I told, you princess," he said as he lifted my chin, "I can't be giving out free product." He made a chuckle under his breath. "Lets blaze, baby, where's the joint?" I roll my eyes and walk towards the window. Why is he teasing me? Is he crushing on me too, and I just don't know how to tell anymore? I used to have such a good radar for guys. Maybe its because Eddie was so different from all of them.

"I was going to smoke out here," I say, nodding towards the rooftop. " I didn't want to smell up the house." Eddie walks over and looks out to see no railing and a somewhat steep roof. "You're ballsy, y/n, I dig it." He steps through the window first and turns around to help me out. I hand him my cup of water and then he takes my hand with his free one.

I found a spot that I felt comfortable at. Eddie scurried over and sat beside me. He lit the joint and just like last time, puffed it twice and passed it to me. "So the only reason your here is to smoke the weed you gave me?" I ask as I take my first hit. Eddie smiles, puts his hands up to cover his face and sighs. As he pulls his hands down he says "oh man, you really don't take hints very well. Do you, princess? " "Uh, I guess I dont." I said, embarrassed. He did like me, I bet I just ruined it. Why did I even care if I did? Two days ago I couldn't stand him. "Explain, Munson, please?" I beg.

"Well, you know that shotgun, that I said was just a shotgun? He flirted. "Yeah?" Warmth started to rise in my belly and.... other areas. "I lied, I wanted to see what your lips felt like." His grin got wider, "I've always had a crush on you. Even when you were fucking around with all those loser, jock boyfriends." He lowered his head seeming to be embarrassed himself. "Are you serious, Eddie?" I asked. "Yeah." He said covering his face again.

I passed him back the joint. "I like you too, Eddie. I realized it yesterday. That you were the first person to make me laugh in a long time." "And when you kissed me," I say sarcastically giving him a nudge with my shoulder. "I liked it. It felt good. I haven't felt good in a long time either."

"Wow, it felt good?" He said kind of sly as he turned to look at me. "How about I give you and actual kiss and we'll see how much you like it, princess?" I nodded my head yes. He took one more hit and blew it out before he leaned toward me.

He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in. I could feel the cold of his rings on me, and it made the warmth in my stomach turn into a fire between my legs. As he got to my lips he looked at me and smiled. God that fucking smile. Brushed his lips against mine, then pressed against me. He slipped his tongue inside my mouth and rolled it gently around mine. This kiss was hot, this kiss was full of desire that I could feel coming off of him. He wanted me and, fuck did I want him. I tried to move closer to him, but he then lifted his lips off mine. I pouted. "Easy, princess." He said as he took a hit and blew me another shot gun. Once I blew out the smoke he kissed me again. His hand moved from around the back of my neck, to around the front of it. He squeezed a little and I heard myself moan into his mouth. "Oh, yes you do like it." His eyes widened and he bit his bottom lip. "Tell me if you like this " he said as he pushed my head back and bit my neck. I moaned again. Obviously, I liked it. He started to devour my neck. With out lifting up he handed me back the joint. "Hit it, baby" he said as he began sucking my skin right behind my ear. I could feel the mark he was leaving, but I didn't stop him. I took a hit and held it. He moved his lips down to my collarbone. I blew out. "Oh fuck, Eddie." I moaned as I grabbed a fist full of his hair. "Lets go inside, princess." He said as he took one last hit of the joint. Then dropped it into my glass of water.

We go back into my room, I went to the bathroom and took a drink from the sink. I came back out to see Eddie taking off his vest and leather jacket. He had on a plain black tee this time, instead of usual Hellfire one. He turned around and looked at me. Those eyes burned into me again.

He smiled at me and said, "Get on the bed, princess."

[icequeen-07]

well hey there! hope your trip's going (went??) well ;P i saw you were lookin for laura/max requests, and i gotta tell you i've just been like, chin-in-hands thinking about those two ever since playing the quarry, so if you're feelin it, what about a peek into what you think goes down after they leave the camp once and for all?

Oh wow I haven't stopped thinking about this since you sent this in what have you done lmaoooo, it fell so far out of my hands, but happy birthday to me, here's my gift to y'all! I might cross post this bad boy onto AO3 later too 🤔 (my first time writing these two in fic form so let's see how it goes!! ^^)

edit: on ao3 now!!!

--Stay with me, I don't want you to leave--

--2.5k words, hurt/comfort, Laura/Max, title--

The clock on the wall was driving her crazy. 

Four days. Ninety six hours. 5,760 minutes. 345,600 seconds. All of them a loud ringing in her skull each time the pendulum on that stupid clock swung. Click. Click. Click. 

It had been Ninety six hours since she last saw Max on that dock. Since she last got to hold him, be near him. She was going stir crazy, agonizing over everything. People were dead because of her. Max almost died because of her. Her fingers itched. Everything itched. 

She wanted to go home. She wanted to sleep for a million years. She wanted Max. 

Fuck she wanted Max. She wanted him so bad it brought tears to her eyes as she curled her arms around herself and stared at that stupid clock. 

345,601. 345,602. 345,603. 

Click. 

Click. 

Her fingers tapped on her thigh as she stared into space, her stomach curdling from lack of food. Lack of…everything really. It’d been a long four days. 

She wondered where Max was. How was he holding up? Was he just as antsy as she was? Were they treating him okay? Was he scared? She wondered how he felt, at this very moment. Bored? Nervous? Scared? Angry?

The questions were eating her up inside, her arms coiling around her middle as she bent over. 

Click. 

Click.

She wanted to go home. 

Everything was different now. She was different. It was all unknown. 

And she was terrified. It was like staring into a big black pit and being asked to jump alone. She didn’t want to go, but she knew she had no choice in the matter. This was the path she’d chosen. 

All to save him. 

Saliva pooled in her mouth, thick and suffocating. It tasted like blood, from where she’d gnawed on her cheek too hard she guessed. 

She scratched at her thumbs, eyes darting from the clock to the door. Eternity stretched on in a few days, leaving her sick and numb. 

Where was Max?

She pulled her legs into the chair with her to curl up further, nails digging into her palms as the seconds continued to tick by. 

Click. 

Click.

Click?

Her head snapped up at the sound of the motel door unlocking. 

“Ms. Kearney?”

“Yes?” she gasped, stumbling to her feet at the sight of the police officer. Her heart thudded in her chest at the thought of more interrogations. More questions. Less Max. 

The officer had a worn face with thick eye bags and wrinkles from smiling and frowning. Her eyes were downturned and heavy as she let out a sigh. Laura felt her hopes dissolve at her fingertips at the sound but then the officer’s lips quirked up into a tiny smile. “You’re free to go.”

She stood in stunned silence before the questions coating her tongue sprung to life. “Is Max still here? Is he free to go too? Can I see my boyfriend?” she sputtered out, her hands trembling in their clenched fists. “Please, please let me see him. I-I have to…I need to see him.” Her voice trembled, cracking at the edges as she continued to stagger forward. 

The officer didn’t respond, only shifted slightly to the right to reveal the oh-so-familiar boy standing behind her. She stopped moving for a moment, her arms falling to her sides as they stared at one another for a moment. 

When he gave her that awkward little wave of his, every single emotion she had bottled up for the past four days came crashing down on her all at once; tears springing to her eyes as she launched herself at him. He let out a tiny yelp as he caught her, stumbling back a step as he spun her around. “Laura, Laura, Laura,” he murmured, petting her hair as she sobbed into his chest. “It's okay honey, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”

She pawed at the fabric of his shirt, her voice coming out in thick whines as she sobbed into his chest. 

“I’m not going anywhere ever again,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head fiercely. “We’ll get you home, okay? I’m gonna get you home.”

“I wanna…” she let out a tiny gasp, unburying her face to get a good look at him. A bit scratched up from what she heard was a fall from a tree, but otherwise fine. He swiped the tears from her cheeks as she lay a trembling hand to rest on his left cheek. He leaned into it as she let out another gasp. “I wanna sleep forever,” she finished, letting out a humourless laugh. 

He kissed her forehead, down the slope of her nose to finally press the lightest kiss against the tip. “Mind if I join you?” 

This time when she laughed, it was real. It was soon followed by another sob but it was real. “Fuck, yes Max, yes. I don’t want to go anywhere without you ever again. I can’t…” more tears spilled down her cheeks as everything fell over her in waves. 

The lack of sleep. The lack of food. The stress. The blood. The nightmares. 

He hummed to her, wrapping her up in another hug. They rocked back and forth as her nose found its way into the crook of his neck. “You didn’t leave,” he murmured, their hands finding their way to one another. He was warm. She was cold, she didn’t realize how cold she was until she found herself in his arms again. 

“Of course I didn’t,” she responded, breathing him in. He smelled like cheap soap. She never wanted to leave. “I couldn’t…I would never leave you. Where you go, I go.”

He chuckled softly. “How’s home sound then?”

“Yes, please.”

He made eye contact with the officer over the top of her head, nodding once. “Thank you, for keeping her safe.” He didn’t sound like he wanted to say it, it came out a bit gruff and she was sure if he had it in him he’d growl. 

She snuggled closer, letting him tighten his grip on her shoulders. 

“You two better be gettin’ home safe now, you have a long drive ahead of ya,” the officer replied. “Phones downstairs if you need to call someone. Bus is coming in half an hour otherwise.”

He nodded again, still rocking her back and forth. The only sound after was the officer’s footsteps down the hall and his soft murmurs to her hair. “See? We can take the bus to the next town over and call my mom, she’d be happy to pick us up.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, gripping his shirt so tightly her knuckles turned white. “I’m so sorry.”

“Laura? Hun? What do you have to be sorry for?” he asked, holding her shoulders gently to push her out of the embrace to get a good look at her face. The pad of his thumb brushed the corner of her lip as his eyes searched her own for answers.

“I got us into this mess,” she whispered, the words the final nail in her metaphorical coffin. It was the truth, the honest to god truth. She got them into this mess. She was the reason Max got hurt. She was the reason he turned. She killed and maimed to fix her mistake. It was all her fault. 

Admitting it didn’t make her feel any better.

He kissed the top of her head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, hun. It happened, that’s all I can say. It happened, and we can’t change that.”

“I nearly got you killed, Max,” she said, pushing him away to wrap her arms around herself. 

“I’m still here, aren’t I? Takes a lot to get rid of ol’ Max a million.”

The joke fell on deaf ears as more tears welled in her eyes. “Shit, Laura, I didn’t mean-”

“You are, you are alive, but what if you weren’t? What if you died, Max, what then?” Everything she thought about over the past four days came bubbling out, all at once. She was a pot boiling over, and there was no stopping the hiccuped words or shocked look on his face. “Where would that leave me?”

“I didn’t die, Laura,” he said softly, reaching out to her. “It was scary, I won’t lie. I was fucking terrified. But it was never about me.” She raised a brow, he conceded with a small sigh and a little smile. “Okay maybe part of it was about me, but not all of it!” He ran his hand down her clasped arms to find her own hand, trembling. “Didn’t you stop to think, just for a moment, how I was feeling about it?” His voice was whisper soft as he threaded his fingers through hers. “I clawed out your eye, hun.”

“But that wasn’t-”

“I know,” he snapped, making her cheek twitch. “I know, but it still doesn’t make it any better because in some way it was me. It was me behind those bars, it was me reaching out.”

“It was the stupid fucking curse.”

“But it was still me.”

“I don’t believe that,” she murmured, letting him untangle her arms. “My Max would never willingly hurt me.”

He sucked in a small breath through his teeth. He ran a hand through his hair before letting out a tiny sigh. “Just like my girl wouldn’t willingly put me in danger,” he replied, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Simple as that.”

Her shoulders started to sag. “Can…can we go home now?” she asked, lifting her head to peer at him through her lashes. She was tired. She was so tired. 

Heavy bags pulled at his beautiful eyes, but his smile, as small as it was, was real. He was real. It was all real. 

And they were free. They were going home free. 

“The bus should be here soon, I told my mom to get us in the next town since it's going to be busy with the others.”

“Us?”

“Your mom is on a trip right? And your dad is too far out to get you today. My mom was itching for us to be released, so she jumped the gun and got my sisters all packed up. They really want to see you.”

She barked out a tiny gargled whine. “You didn’t…I don’t…”

He didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arm around her shoulders before planting a kiss in her hair. “Yes I do, and yes you do. We’ll go home and get you that nap, if you don’t mind me passed out beside you.”

She laughed. “I can’t think of a better place for you to be.”

His tiny hum turned into a tiny gasp as he looked at her. 

“What?”

He pulled away to crouch in front of her, his smile growing larger. “Well well well, lookie here,” he said, his smile lopsided as he brushed her cheeks with his thumbs gently, catching the tears that went astray. “Mhm, that’s right.”

She leaned into his touch, kissing the pad of his thumb. “What’s right?”

“You’ve still got the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.” His brows shot up to his hairline and his smile grew into a grin. Her cheeks heated. “And woulda look at that!” He tapped the skin under her eyes, making her fight her smile. “One…” a dramatic pause before he tapped her other eye and rested his hand against her cheek. “...two. You’ve got two of them!”

She started to giggle, her nose wrinkling a bit at the gesture, his cheeks growing rosy at the sound.

“God I love making you laugh,” he said, wonder shining in his eyes. She stopped her giggles as heat climbed into her face. “It’s my favourite sound.”

“S-Stop, you don’t mean that,” she sputtered as he brushed her lips with his thumbs. 

“I do, I do mean it. I mean it more than anything else.” He surged up to kiss her, the sweetness of his words painting his lips as he leaned so far into her he was starting to lower her into a dip. 

She loved him. 

Fuck she loved him. 

She loved the way he loved making her laugh. She loved the way his eyes lit up whenever he was excited. How soft his hair was. She loved him.

And she would do it all again, if it meant getting to hold him. 

“Let’s go home,” he whispered against her lips before she pulled him back into another desperately sweet kiss. 

~~

The bus smelled something awful, but she was relieved they were finally leaving. The demon clock that haunted her for four days straight a low thud in the back of her skull as Max held her hand. 

The aisle was small, Max letting her squeeze through first to find seats in the very back by the window, just like he liked. His eyes glittered as she let him sit in the window seat, never letting go of her hand as she plopped down next to him. 

They were both exhausted, watching the bus remain empty. The low hum of the engine covered their conversation as she yawned. 

“I think…I’m gonna take a year off,” she murmured, snuggling into his side. “From…school.”

He pressed a kiss to her temple. “You deserve it.”

“And…and I want to spend time with you.”

“What happens after?”

She yawned again. “I don’t know. I just know that wherever you are, that’s exactly where I wanna be.”

He chuckled. “You get so sappy when you’re tired.”

“Savour it while it lasts,” she giggled.

He tilted her face up to press a whisper soft kiss against her lower lip. “Can I see a smile before we go?” he murmured before kissing her again.

It was small, but she slowly felt her smile climb across her face as he continued to shower her in kisses. He kissed between her brows, pulling back to look at her. His eyes were a bit duller from the months but they were still her Max’s eyes. So large and so blue. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck as they kissed again, curling her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. He nipped at her lower lip once before pulling away. “That’s my girl,” he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. 

Warmth settled in her stomach as she curled up against his side, basking in the feeling of being closer to him. As the bus sputtered to life he kissed the top of her head and twined their fingers together.

“I love you,” she murmured, squeezing his hand as she let herself nod off.

She watched his eyes widen a bit through a tired gaze, his cheeks flushing pink before he looked down at her with a softness in those big blue eyes of his. 

Another kiss to her forehead as he whispered to her skin, “I love you too.”

She was staring into that black pit again. It called to her in a soft song with slurred words. Swirled around her ankles. 

But she wasn’t alone this time. 

Max squeezed her hand as he followed her into the unknown.

[lubdubsworld]

Falling for you ( Falling from grace) ( Complete )

Summary : Friends with benefits? Or maybe Enemies who just happen to fuck? Areum and Jungkook love driving each other crazy, but also can’t keep their hands off each other.

Chapter 1 

 Chapter 2 

 Chapter 3

 Chapter 4

 Chapter 5  

Chapter 6  

Chapter 7

Chapter 8 ( Final ) 

Something about sitting on the counter in Jungkook’s kitchen, wearing nothing but his shirt and chopping carrots , while the clock read 2.20 AM felt so right, that I couldn’t stop grinning. 

Jungkook was singing softly and apparently singing was yet another thing he was ridiculously good at.

“You’re singing at our wedding. You sound like an angel.” I declared, pointing one red veggie at him.

Jungkook laughed.

“Sure, what song?”

“Something sweet and nice and-”

“ Take off those heels- Lay on my bed- Whisper dirty secrets as I’m pulling on your hair.....” 

I glared at him. 

“absolutely not.”

“Aww Come on... “ Jungkook gave me the full brunt of his puppy eyes, “We should be true to ourselves and lets be real, yes I enjoy being corny and romantic with you but...it’s in the bed that we truly shine as a couple.” He grinned, bunny teeth poking out in an entirely too adorable way considering that he wanted to sing a fucking sex song at our ‘not-even-sure-if-its-happening wedding’ . 

“No one else needs to know that...” I shuddered. My sister would expire on the spot. 

“ They will when we sneak out at the reception to have sex in the closet.” 

“In my wedding dress? Yeah right.” I rolled my eyes.

Jungkook’s eyes glittered. 

“We’re going to be married in the Maldives. You’re going to be in a bikini.” He said casually. 

I blinked.

“A bikini?”

“Yes. A bikini. The kind I can undo with just a couple of tugs on a string. “ 

“You’ve...given this a lot of thought.” I smirked.

He nodded.

“I am...but only because it’s damn near impossible to think of anything else when you’re in front of me.”

“You’re ridiculous.”.

He shrugged,

“Even picked out a ring.”

“Liar.” I hissed and he laughed.

“You’re right. I haven’t picked a ring. We’ll pick one together ....when we want to get married.” 

“But...thats ...not anytime soon right?” I said nervously. Jungkook gave me a smile, moving back to stirring the saucepan with the meat and adding some sauce. 

“It doesn’t have to be ever. I’m happy this way. If one day you wake up and feel like you’re missing a ring on your finger, we’ll go do the whole wedding shebang. If not, that's fine too. We can spend the rest of our lives being the horny couple everyone avoids at family gatherings. ” he shrugged. 

I laughed but felt my heart expand a few sizes inside me. 

“Thank you.” I whispered and he leaned over the counter to gently grip my chin, planting a soft kiss on my lips. 

“No one else gets to say what we are. No one else gets to say what we can or can’t do. Okay?” He rubbed his nose against mine and I nodded.

I bit my lips, thinking about something that had always bothered me. 

“Your parents-” He cut me off before I could finish.

“I won’t lie. They’ll probably want me to...reconsider.” He sighed. “ But I don’t think they’ll give  you  a hard time about it.. They’re polite and good people. Just have a different idea of what I need in a wife.”

I played with the hem of his shirt. 

“Sana , she’s-” i couldn’t even say it, just looking up at him. He was already staring at me. 

He nodded, smiling a little.

“Someone my parents have been trying to set me up with, yeah.” He admitted. 

“You didn’t turn her down ...” I said softly, feeling hurt . 

He stared at me, turning the heat down on the pan before coming around to stand in front of me. 

“Hey, come on, don’t look like that, baby...”

“And she’s going to be there at your fight today and-”

“I just didn’t want to pick a fight with my parents before today’s match. Because believe it or not, I was going to ask you out today , after I won.”

I blinked at him, surprised.

“Really?”

“Really. I... you’ve been staying over and stuff, and you actually looked jealous of Sana so I thought...you know maybe you’ve changed your mind about us.... So I wanted to ask you out. And I wanted my parents to  be in a good mood when I told them I’m with you. So I indulged them a little , that’s all.” 

I nodded. Talking about his parents made me think of my own mother and God, I could feel a headache coming on. But I had to tell him the truth. 

“My mom...she’s...she’s a little...”

He squeezed my knees, leaning closer and bumping my head with his.

“I’m not the kind of guy women usually want to bring home to their parents, but i will wear a nice button down,  brush my teeth  and get a whole bunch of flowers for her when you ask me to.” He whispered. 

“She’ll only want you for your money.” I blurted out.

He straightened, looking confused.

Embarrassment flooded me but I had to be honest with him.

“My mother, she... she got used to a really luxurious lifestyle with my dad and when he died, she just...she couldn’t accept that she’s going to have to give up a lot of stuff... So she’ll try to get you to buy her things. I’ll try to keep her away as much as I can but-”

“I really wouldn’t mind buying her stuff-”

I shook my head fiercely.

“No..No..that’s... I can’t ask you to that.”

Areum look at me-” He demanded and I stared at him. 

“You do know that I’m like, filthy rich, right?” He said firmly.

I rolled my eyes.

“Yes but-”

“Buying your mom a few trinkets every month wouldn’t even put a dent in the amount of money I make in a fucking  hour.” He raised both his eyebrows.

I frowned.

“Okay, stop bragging.” 

He laughed. 

“ I’m serious. You don’t have to worry about it okay? Besides you can always repay me for it. “ 

I gaped at him.

“I cannot repay-”

“In kisses.” He finished. 

I stared at him, not fooled at all.

“And office sex. I really really want to spend a whole entire day at work with you wrapped around my cock...not even fucking,,,just you in my lap, me inside you.... Its like my biggest fantasy.” His eyes looked a little glazed. 

I felt heat rush all the way up to my ears, my face flaming. 

“You’re insatiable” I muttered, whacking his shoulder. 

His eyes shifted, gaze darkening and heavy with something that was more than just lust. More than just attraction,. It was heavy and over powering, strong and impossible to ignore. It was so heavy and dark and sensuous and yet somehow so achingly soft and affectionate. 

“It’s never enough, “ He leaned in close, curving fingers on my waist and kissing my neck. “ After two years, I tell myself I should have had enough of you but...” He brushed his lips against mine, “   It’s not. I want to touch you more. I always come away from our time together wishing I could touch you some more. Want to touch you more, take in that scent of yours, watch your eyes flash when I make you cum. ” 

He grabbed my knees, spreading my legs and I became acutely aware of being completely naked underneath his shirt. 

“We’re not having sex on the kitchen counter.” I protested, laughing  and he hummed, kissing my jaw gently.

“Come on, its a rite of passage. Its not true love if you don’t have sex on the kitchen counter while your dinner burns on the stove...” 

Oh, well. 

Maybe he was right. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Should i just forfeit the match tonight?” Jungkook whispered, voice muffled against my shoulder blades as he pressed soft little kisses to my skin , deliciously slow and gentle. 

I frowned, face down on the soft duvet on his bed, fingers curled into the fabric, trying to chase sleep. 

The slightly golden light spilling into the room told me it was morning, but still pretty early. We could definitely afford to sleep in a few more hours at least. It had been almost four in the morning when we had finally fallen asleep. Jungkook had wanted to leave the kitchen as it was but I couldn’t fathom leaving some poor maid the task of cleaning cum off the mahogany surface. 

“Why would you say that?” i said, surprised. 

Jungkook sighed.

“I don’t know. “ He pulled away from me and rolled to the side. I stared at him as he gazed back at me. 

“What’s wrong?” I whispered, genuinely concerned.

He gave me a soft smile.

“It’s just a thought. I have it every morning of a major match.” He ran a palm over his face, mussing up his hair bore reaching out to press a kiss on my forehead. 

“Is it nervousness?” I asked, feeling anxious. There was something oddly frightening about seeing this side of Jungkook. I’d only ever seen the cool, confident asshole. The one that had no qualms about taking what he wanted, when he wanted. 

And I felt .... like it was a privilege he was granting me, letting me see the vulnerable side to his well earned cockiness. 

He shook his head. 

“It’s not. I’m not worried about losing, wouldn’t even mind losing once in a while.”

“But you don’t... you’re literally incapable of losing, golden maknae...” I teased and he rolled his eyes. 

“It’s actually about you.” He reached out and cupped my cheek gently. 

I blinked, pressing my own fingers over his. .

“What?”

“I’m not sure you’ll....like  that  side of me.” He said hesitantly. 

“Jungkook...”

“A large part of why I never let you see me fight is because, I’m not a nice person in the ring. I don’t show a lot of mercy ... I sometimes use more force than necessary and well, there’s nothing beautiful about beating the shit out of someone is there?”

I swallowed.

“You think I’ll see you differently, if I watch you fight.”

He nodded. 

“Won’t you? It’s not a very dignified sport.” 

I hesitated, not sure what to say to that. 

“I’ve not... I don’t think I’ve ever thought it was weird, in a bad way, that you boxed. I just thought it was something you were good at. It’s not... I don’t think I feel that deeply about it.” 

He nodded.

“I believe you . But it still worries me. I’m just scared I guess...”

“Scared..?”

“Scared that seeing me in the ring will make you change your mind about us.” 

I jolted, stunned. 

Moving quickly to his side , I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him hard. 

I pulled back to glare at him.

“I’m not going to leave you over a sport you play.” I said drily .

He chuckled and kissed the tip of my nose.

“If you say so.”

“I’m serious. I’m not a delicate flower, Jungkook. I’m not going to enjoy watching you get hurt, yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to just...give up on everything that you are.... because of this.” 

“You’re right.... I’m sorry if i worried you.” He said softly , and it was so disarming, how much adoration was writ large on his features.

 I was used to the lust and the passion and the roughness but this Jungkook, the tender, gentle lover....he was sending me into a downward spiral. 

“This is weird.” I laughed a little.

He grinned.

“What?” He scooted closer, reaching out to gently hold my hand.

“You...being so...” I stopped when he stroked the delicate skin on the back of my hand with feather light touches. 

“So...what?” His eyebrows quirked up, teasing and I felt myself blushing so furiously . 

“Stop it...” I whispered, mortified with how hot my face was getting. That tender, adoring look on his face was making it impossible for me to breathe.

Jungkook gave me a wicked smile and carefully slotted his fingers between mine, holding my hand gently before raising it up to kiss my knuckles.

“What’s making you turn so red, angel?” He pressed soft affectionate kisses, on each knuckle and then the inside of my wrist and I smiled so wide my cheeks began to hurt a bit. 

“Jungkook...” I could barely get the words out and it was so incredibly embarrassing that something as innocently affectionate as him holding my hand was filling me with an incontrollable urge to just burst into tears. 

“ I love you...” He whispered , blowing gently on my fingers. 

“Oh, God...” I could feel my soul threatening to leave my body. 

“Love every little bit of you...” He rolled over me, straddling my waist , arms caging me in as he pressed one soft kiss to my temple. 

“I’m going to cry.” I said firmly.

“Love that you’re so brave, so unafraid. “ He kissed the edge of my brows., “ love that you stand up for yourself, love that you don’t take shit from anyone, even me and I love that you’re here. In my arms. Like this, although I don’t deserve you at all, my beautiful goddess....” he whispered. 

The nickname made me astral project for one hot minute. 

Determined to get some control back, I grabbed the drawstrings of his sweatpants, untying the loose knot before slipping my fingers into the waistband. 

“Hmm... you’re right. You don’t deserve. But because I’m a generous generous goddess, how about I let you worship me, the way  I  deserve ....” I whispered, tugging his pants down, pushing the fabric past  his muscled thighs. He laughed.

“And how would that be?”

“Let me use that hot, thick dick of yours... Wanna ride it till my thighs shake, make you cum so hard you’ll see heaven...” I whispered and he rolled his eyes. 

“This is supposed to be a soft moment .... and all you’re interested in is my cock , you dirty little-” He choked when I shimmied down, quickly. Scooting down the bed till i was face to face with his dick, his thighs straddling my chest and his cock right up against my mouth. 

I licked the tip, gently. 

“I love you too..” I whispered, wrapping my lips around the soft head , letting my lips suck on the sensitive skin, tongue licking the soft underside as he grabbed on to the headboard to steady himself. 

“Areum-” 

“Love how much you care for me,” I ran the tip of my tongue all over the head , getting it nice and sloppy, “  how upset you get when I’m hurting....” I opened my mouth wide, lifting up just a bit to suck more of him into my mouth. 

“Oh God-”

“Love how kind, and talented and nice you are. Love how good you are at making me feel good. No one makes me feel as good as you do, Jungkook...” 

He was staring down at me, eyes blown with a mixture of arousal and affection, fingers carding through my hair gently.

I gave his hip a small pat.  

“Fuck my mouth... i can’t suck you off like this.” I squeezed his ass , enjoying how hard it felt beneath my hand. I gripped his thighs, stroking them up and down, leanly muscled and corded with strength. 

And then, completely losing my senses, 

“Namjoon’s thighs are a little bigger than yours right? ”  I said thoughtfully, completely serious and not even realizing what i was saying and  who  I was saying it to until his grip on my hair tightened hard enough  . 

Jungkook’s eyes widened comically and he was off me in a second. 

The look of sheer and absolute horror on his face made me laugh so hard i nearly choked. 

Growling, he grabbed me by the shoulders, flipping me over so fast, i bounced off the mattress. I laughed into the fabric of the pillow . 

“Jungkook, i was just jok--” I got cut off by a smack to the back of my thigh, hard and stinging. 

“Hyung’s thighs? Really, Areum, you wanna got there?” He smacked me again, and I whined. 

“Is this any way to treat a goddess?” I choked out, struggling to crawl away but he held me down easily. 

“Shouldn’t ever go soft on you..., called you a goddess one time and suddenly you wanna be a little brat about it......” He grunted, fingers closing around my upper arms and pulling my hands back so hard that my shoulder actually popped. 

He pulled me up till I was on my knees, his chest pressed to my back as he gripped my wrists hard. 

“Ow!! I’m sorry!” I yelped, but he wasn’t listening,  and I grinned when i felt the familiar cold of metal on my wrists. 

“You’re so easily riled...” I added a slight lilt to my words, knowing how much it annoyed him. 

He didn’t disappoint, grabbing my chin hard and yanking my head back so I could stare at him. 

“Only when you forget your place, angel.” He whispered . 

“My place?” I blinked innocently. “ And where is that?”

He gave me a quick bruising kiss.

“In my heart most of the time. But right now, on your knees up against the head board so I can fuck your brains out.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I love you.” Jungkook said cheerfully, leaning against the wall and grinning like the Chesire cat. I straightened from where I was kneeling, tying my sneakers. 

I stared at him, completely amused.

“Jungkook you don’t have to say that so often...” I shook my head.

He frowned. 

“I like being able to say those words to you. I spent entirely too many months thinking them and not being allowed to say them.”

I felt my heart melt a little. 

“I love you too. “ I whispered.

“I wouldn’t mind you being there, you know. I know I said all that stuff, but if you really want to see me fight from up front....” 

I shook my head. 

“Its alright. I won’t be anywhere near the front and I’ll make sure to look away when you’re punching your opponent. “ I teased. 

He sighed.

“Just remember that’s not who I am, okay? I... I love you.” He said again.

“Now the word’s just beginning to lose all meaning.” I laughed. 

He looked hurt at that.

I rushed to sooth him.

“I’m just joking, I’m joking... Of course it has meaning and i love that you’ve suddenly turned into a love bot, but let’s just... tone it down. Just a little bit.” I pinched my fingers together,.

He tugged his lower lips between his teeth.

“You’ll be okay to get to the venue by yourself right? I’m going to take a shower and a nap before I head there.”

“I’ll be fine.” I waved him off. “ We’ll meet up after you win and celebrate properly.” I winked, giving him one last kiss before waving bye. 

As the door closed behind him, I couldn’t help but grin ear to ear.

Ain’t love grand? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was wrong. 

I couldn’t do this.

“He is so hot. Oh my God, you’re so lucky, Sana...look at his fucking abs.” 

I willed myself not to take a swing at the girl next to me. I wanted to clench my fist, raise my arm and just let loose till she was knocked out on the floor. The women from the office had seen me hovering awkwardly at the back and swooped on me like a pair of vultures. 

I’d been swept to the very front with them, my protests falling on deaf ears and now, suddenly I had front row seats to watching the love of my life get hurt. 

There was nothing even remotely enjoyable about watching Jungkook get hit. And although it was clear that he was winning , clear that he was so much better than his opponent, there was no denying that the other guy was good too.

And the two times he had managed to catch Jungkook off guard, landing a couple of punches, my entire heart had cracked into two. 

“He’s going to be my husband...can you believe?” San whispered next to me and I startled.,

Oh God. 

The girls looked at me eagerly.

“Oh...that’s yeah. Sounds amazing.” I smiled. 

“He could probably like fuck you against the wall, “ Jieun whispered, giggling .

Sana blushed so red I wanted to scream.

“So hot... Do you think he’s... you know...big?” She nudged me lightly, laughing. 

Oh wow. I clenched my fists, feeling rage fill my veins so fast that I saw red. 

But I was saved by the sound of a commotion up front and my head whipped around, panic setting in. 

I stared at the ring. Jungkook stood back while his opponent was flat on the floor, unmoving. 

Great, these horny bitches had made me miss him taking the winning shot. 

i watched the referee kneel beside the prone man, counting slowly and I saw Jungkook turn to stare right at me.

“He’s looking at you, Sana... He’s looking at you, look!!” Jieun grinned. 

I bit my lips, smiling at him. 

“I think you should go to him.” The girls told Sana and I jumped.

What the fuck??

Unable to bear it, I pushed past them, ignoring their surprised squawks as I pushed past the crowd to the aisle. 

“And , ladies and gentleman, we have ourselves a winner. Give it up for our very own, Jeon Jung Kook!!” 

The crowd went wild, the referee raising his hand up in victory.

I ran all the way up to the ring, narrowly missing the guard near the front and crawling up into the ring. 

Jungkook stared at me, wide eyes as I jumped on him with a running leap. 

He caught me around the waist easily, laughing. He gripped my butt, hoisting me up and I wrapped my thighs tight around his waist. 

“Oh, wow”. He whispered, but I was too busy searching the crowd for the three girls who had triggered me into this madness. 

Sana and her two friends stood slack jawed, eyes wide as saucers as they stared at me. 

I snatched the mic out of Jungkook’s hand. Glared right at them. 

“To answer your question...yes.. he’s big. The biggest I’ve ever had and what’s more he knows how to use it too. Also, stay the fuck away from my boyfriend and stop talking about him like he’s a piece of meat, you whores. You do know I work in the HR department right? I will file sexual harassment suits on the three of you so fast you’ll-” 

Jungkook grabbed the mic out of my hands before I could finish, looking absolutely horrified. 

“You crazy little bint!” He laughed aloud and I pouted.

“They’re taking about your dick. I don’t like that.” I protested. 

“Baby, you know my dick is yours.” 

“Damn right it is.” I said firmly. 

He grinned a bit. 

“And so is my heart.” 

I let him kiss me, the background noise and the sound of of cheering fading away as I let my eyes flutter shut, reveling in just him. 

Of course, we had things to do. Meet our parents. Make our relationship public.... a whole lot of messy grown up stuff that would annoy the fuck out of both of us. 

But for now, kissing him in front of everyone, ignoring Namjoon’s screams of, ‘ Jungkook there are reporters here!!! ’ and my sister’s shouts of, ‘ stop you heathens’.....

Well, this felt just right. 

The End .

Authors Note : Well, this was a whole entire journey wasn’t it!!!!! I will deeply miss Jungkook and Areum, I loved them with my whole entire heart. I hope you guys loved them too... Let me know if you did... As always, feedback is much, much appreciated !!!! Thank you for sticking by.  Love and kisses. 

taglist : 

@veronawrites

@ladyartemesia

@jincentvangogh

@unicornbabylover

@ggukkieland

@yoongisdragon

@aamxxrii

@brooky95

@apollukee

@bonyg 

@craztextae

[americasmarauders]

I Had a Dream--Jason ToddxReader.

Summary: She dreamed about him once. And then he appeared in front of her and she just couldn’t believe it. 

words: 9,756

author’s note: so, here it is. the last of this year. this one is special. it’s based on a dream i had with a guy I went to middle school with. I mentioned it on the group chat and @batarella​ said this sounds like a fic, write it. and so I did. It’s immensely personal. Basically reader is me, the friends I mention are my actual friends and the coversations with the therapist are vaguely based on conversations I had with my own therapist (specially the first one). I hope y’all like it. I had a blast writing it. Special thanks to my best friend Julia and @offendedfishnoises​ for proofreading it. Also thanks to every one in the group chat who cheared me on and made me finish this monster. 

don’t forget to check out my jason playlist here. also. please reblog so more people can see the fic :)

#

“I just haven’t had the opportunity to be in love, I guess,” she explained, her psychologist writing stuff she had said down. 

          “Is that so?” the therapist lifted her eyes, her eyebrows shot up in confusion. 

          “Yeah,” she shrugged. 

          “‘Cause the way I see it is you’ve never allowed yourself to fall in love,” the therapist commented. 

          She felt heat coming to her cheeks and tears rise in her eyes. “No, no, that’s not like that,” she whispered, refusing to admit that her psychologist was right. 

          The therapist let out a small sigh. “Have you had crushes when you were a kid?”

          She shook her head. “The boys weren’t that nice and…” she drifted off, thinking of a couple of crushes she might have developed when she was a young teen. “No boys were interested in me.”

          “I find that hard to believe, Y/N,” the therapist said. “Let’s think of it this way: were there any boys who picked on you?”

          She snorted. “Plenty,” she responded. “I wasn’t exactly popular in middle school,” she shrugged. 

          “Yes, yes, I remember,” the psychologist said. 

          “There was one boy that used to run around recess calling me a weird nickname he had for me: peanut.”

          “That’s not weird,” the therapist pondered. 

          “It is when you’re 13 and you love eating packed peanuts in recess,” she countered. 

          “Well, this boy did you like him?” the therapist asked. 

            “Yeah, he was nice,” she omitted that she had a crush on him in ninth grade before she left the school and never saw him again. “He was one of the few boys that talked to me without wanting me to help him with his homework or anything.

            “I remember one day in eight grade he stopped to talk to me before class but I was kinda rude to him and he never really talked to me again,” she shrugged. 

            “Why?” the psychologist quizzed.

            “I thought he wanted something out of me,” she sniffed, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face. “They all wanted something out of me. It was safe to assume, I guess.”

            “You scared the boy away, Y/N,” the therapist said kindly. “I think that boy liked you,” she finished. 

            “No, no, Todd, he--” she shook her head negatively, “he was kinda popular, I was a nobody. He didn’t like me.”

            “He liked you, Y/N.”

#

#

#

That conversation stayed in her head for days. The words of her therapist echoing in her head. You scared the boy away. The truth was: she had scared the boy away. It was heartbreaking to think that she could have had what she wanted, a romance, someone to hold and to be held by. Instead she was alone, an adult who had never even dated anyone for that matter. 

          It wasn’t just that boy from middle school. It was every boy that ever tried getting too close to her. It would be comical if it wasn’t so tragic. A romantic at heart, completely alone. Thank god she had her friends. 

          She hadn’t thought about Jason Todd in years. He hadn’t so much as graced her thoughts since she last saw him in ninth grade. Then she dreamt of him. And things started to change. 

          In her dreams she was his girlfriend. He was loving, he would caress her delicately, look into her eyes lovingly as if he was seeing the whole world in her eyes. He would kiss her tenderly, she could feel his lips when she woke up. 

          He had gotten so big in her dreams, even more handsome than he was when he was 15. Jason was a lanky and tiny kid, but somehow her brain imagined him tall--very tall--and very muscular. His eyes were green, and not the blue she remembered. He looked beautiful and waking up after the dream, she could feel her heart race. 

          After she dreamed about him the first time, she dismissed it. It was her brain making weird connections, it made sense: she had talked about her pseudo-love life and about him that week. But after the second dream she knew there was something wrong. 

          She decided to look him up on the internet. What appeared wasn’t something she liked. 

          News coverage about how he had died mysteriously. ‘Adopted son of Bruce Wayne dies at age 16.’ She couldn’t help but tear up a bit on those headlines. The most recent ones though reported him being wrongfully declared dead and how he was estranged from his family. It even showed a couple of pictures of him and she was surprised to see her dreams were not very far off.

          Other than a couple of tabloid headlines, there was no trace of this guy on the internet. He was almost a ghost story, and  she felt her heart beating faster in anxiety. She couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity for him. 

          She otherwise forgot about him--other than the occasional thought about what if that would cross her mind. That is, until she literally stumbled into him. 

#

#

#

A part time job to help with the finances, that’s what working in the bookshop was supposed to be. It would help pay tuition and her insurance. Her parents had said that she didn’t need to do it, they could pay and it wouldn’t even make a dent in their bank account. But it wasn’t for them, it was for herself, a sense of achievement. 

          It was supposed to be just that. No meet cutes, no falling in love in a bookshop, just boring old work. Work for half of the afternoon, close up, get her salary and move on with her life. 

          The shop was quiet that day. No one had come in to buy or even browse anything. It didn’t really bother her. She occupied herself with other things: homework, studying, drawing, texting her friends, the list was endless. She was so engrossed in her drawing, she didn’t even hear the bell ringing and the door opening. 

          She heard someone clear their throat and she looked up from her drawing to meet their eyes. She gaped a bit as she met his gaze, intense blue eyes meeting hers. She closed her mouth quickly, trying to cover the fact that she was clearly staring at him. The gods must be really enjoying themselves playing with her life like that. Of course, she thought, of course that he would fucking appear in her life like that: out of nowhere. The one day she had a calm evening and Jason Todd, the guy who was haunting her dreams and thoughts like a ghost, appears. 

          “May I help you?” she asked, professionally, ignoring her racing heart and the anxiety increasing in the pit of her stomach. 

          “Yes,” he replied. “I’m lookin’ for the complete H.P. Lovecraft collection. I stopped by the other day and a guy separated it for me,” he explained. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, and she hoped that he hadn’t recognized her. 

          “Oh,” she said. “Wait a moment, I’ll check if it’s in the back.”

          She walked controlled, to mask the fact that she wanted to run out of that place as fast as she could. 

          She closed the inventory door and leaned her back against it. She breathed heavily, trying to calm herself. It was only a guy, she had talked to plenty of guys before. She calmed herself down, steadying her breathing. 

          She glanced around the shelves looking for his book. The sooner she ended this the better. She could move on with her life without his face haunting her. She found the book (almost like a brick). She got it and took a deep breath before stepping out of the inventory and calmly walking to the front desk. 

          He stood there calmly , his eyes glancing around the shop. He had picked another book to buy, something significantly smaller than Lovecraft's collection.  She itched to see what  it was, before catching herself and stopping her curiosity. She couldn't get attached, even if just a little bit. 

          "Here," she said, resting the book on the counter. She smiled at him kindly, her hand open for the book resting in his hands. He handed it to her, confusion plastered on his face.

          "It's 60 dollars," she stated, calmly and controlled. 

          He handed her the money. She accepted it and packed his books neatly. He clocked her moves as she did so, she felt a bit uncomfortable under his gaze. 

          "I'm sorry, do I know you?" He asked. "I feel like I know you."

          She gulped imperceptibly. So he had recognized her. Goddammit. "I don't think so," she replied, hesitant on whether or not he would see right through her lie. 

          He hummed. His eyes then  shifted down to her name tag, and she knew he had put the pieces together. "Did we go to school together?" He insisted. 

          She smiled tightly. "I don't know, probably," she shrugged. "I went to a pretty big school, there were a lot of people there," a lie. Gotham Academy was big, but it was nowhere near as big as she made it sound. It was the kind of school where you knew everyone, even if you had never talked to them. 

          He smiled at her coyly, sensing her awkwardness. Maybe it was just that that made him finally remember her, or maybe not. Either way she did not like that he indeed recognized her fully. "I remember you," he trailed off. "We had English together," he stated. 

          She pretended to search her memory for him. She couldn't give away that just days before she had dreamed about him yet again. How pathetic, dreaming about a boy from middle school. "Oh yeah," she dragged. "Jason, right?"

          "That's me," he whispered. "I thought you had moved."

          She smiled, it was cute that he remembered enough of her to know that she didn't stay in Gotham for a couple of years. "I did move," she explained. "I came back for college."

          "Why?" He asked, confused by her statement. "Gotham is a shit city, you should've stayed elsewhere."

          She tried not to take offense to it. "It has its appeal," she shrugged. "Besides the science program in Gotham U is very good, it was the best move."

          Jason smirked. "Science huh?"

          "Yeah," she breathed out. She slid the package to him, a sign that she maybe was done talking. 

          Thank the gods his phone rang. She couldn't handle anymore of that. She averted  her attention once more to her drawing, his voice talking angrily on the phone only a background noise to her. "I gotta go," he said and her eyes went back to him. "It was good seeing you, Y/N."

          She tried not to notice how her heart picked up the pace at the sound of her name leaving his lips. "You too," she smiled shyly and he left the store, the bell ringing as he closed the door and her mind plagued by the image of him. 

#

#

#

If she thought Jason Todd had plagued her mind and dreams before she had seen him at the bookshop, now he was downright living in her head rent free. She just couldn’t get him out of her mind. The dreams about him, the ones where she would be tenderly loved by him, were getting more frequent and more intense. When she woke up, she would still feel his arms around her and an emptiness would settle in her chest. 

          Why did it have to happen to her? She just wanted to go through life unnoticed, why did the gods have to pull this prank on her?

          She huffed as she closed the shop, the sky already dark enough to be considered dangerous to stay out. It was only a couple of blocks to her car, she could get through the walk unscathed, she had done it before. 

          But then again, it seemed that Fate had it out for her. 

          She could feel someone following her the moment she had left the shop. The looming presence of a threat made her hyper aware of everything, her heart beating out of her chest. She tried to think of ways to lose the guy--she assumed it was a guy, it usually was--but her mind came blank. She thought in passage if her friends would miss her, who would contact them if she were to die. She shook the thought quickly out of her head and hastened her pace. 

          But the guy gained on her, and as soon as she could blink, she felt his arm snake around her neck. She gasped for air desperately, clawing at his arm trying to take it off. It was then that she felt a cold metal press against her back. A gun. She felt the tears coming to her eyes. If the guy were to pull the trigger, the best case scenario was she wouldn’t be able to move her limbs anymore. The worst, well, who would tell her friends she had died in a robbery?

          “Give me your bag,” the guy--now confirmed for his gruff and raspy voice--whispered in her ear.

          “Please, take it,” she begged. “Don’t hurt me.”

          She heard the guy scoff as he pressed the gun further on her back. She whimpered. “We’ll see about that,” he said, his voice laced with malice.

          It was then she heard a loud bang coming from behind her. She thought the guy had pulled the trigger, and she was ready to feel the wetness of her blood sipping through her clothes. Instead, all she felt was a splash on her shoulder and his grip on her loosening considerably. The guy had fallen to the ground behind her, clutching his shoulder and screaming in pain. She turned around to see him and a pool of his own blood forming beneath him. She was paralyzed in fear of the sight.  

          “The police’re on their way,” a distorted voice sounded. She looked up and found a massive man, standing menacingly on top of the thieves body. His red helmet glinted in the moon’s glow. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said softly. 

          She breathed out. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I--I--,” she teared up again, “I would’ve died. You saved my life.”

          “It’s what I do,” he shrugged. “I’ll walk you.”

          “How about the…” she pointed towards the guy laying on the floor in pain.

          “If he wants to live to see another day, he’ll stay exactly where he is,” he said, his voice serious and threatening. 

          “Shouldn’t I give the police a statement?” she whispered. 

          She swore she heard a chuckle of amusement through the voice disruptor he had in his helmet. “I have a video to prove he was tryin’ to rob you, you don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna,” he explained softly. “So, wanna lead the way?”

          She looked down at her feet, nervous to look at him. She nodded and started to walk once again towards her car. He walked behind her respectfully, and she felt the difference between him and the robber. He wasn’t trying to get something out of her, and his large physique felt like there was a literal wall following her to her car. 

          It was a blink till she got to her car. Her hand rested on the door handle and she gave a deep breath, trying desperately to calm herself, trying to remember the breathing exercises her psychologist had taught her. She opened her mouth to say something to the Red Hood, her eyes searching for him next to her. 

          But he was gone. And what was left was just the memory of him in her mind. 

#

#

#

“So how was your week?” her psychologist asked, sitting on her armchair, Y/N sitting cross-legged in front of her. 

          “Crazy,” she rolled her eyes in disbelief, her mouth quirking in a weird shape. “So much stuff happened.”

          “Oh do tell,” the psychologist urged her. 

          She sighed, thinking where to begin. “Well, you remember the boy I told you about?”

          “Yes, Jason wasn’t it?”

          “Yep,” she popped. “He showed up at the store the other day.”

          “You’re kidding.”

          “I wish I was, honestly,” she replied breathily. “I didn’t even realize he had come in.”

          “No way,” her therapist responded in disbelief. She seemed invested in the pranks the fates were pulling on her patient.

          “I was too invested in my drawing, mind you,” she smiled. “It’s been weeks since I’ve done a decent piece of scribble so I was excited.”

          “Yes, yes right,” her therapist acknowledged. “And how about Jason? Did you talk to him?”

          “Briefly,” she responded. “I was hoping he wouldn’t recognize me, but he did.” 

          “What did he say?” she quizzed, making notes on her paper. 

          “He asked if he knew me, which I denied at first,” her psychologist looked at her angrily and she shrugged. “Then he finally placed me and asked what I was doing in Gotham. I answered, said I was in college. He said I should’ve stayed elsewhere ‘cause Gotham apparently sucks.”

          “He isn’t wrong,” her therapist pondered. 

          “He isn’t but I like Gotham,” she shrugged once again. 

          “Did you get his number?” her therapist quizzed her. 

          “Nope,” she denied. “He left pretty quickly.”

          “Why don’t I believe that?” the psychologist smiled. 

          “It’s true!” she laughed. “He answered a phone call, got angry at something I didn’t really understand and left pretty quickly.”

          The therapist hummed. “You think you’ll see him again?”

          “I don’t know,” she sniffed. “He got pretty big books when he appeared, I think it’ll be a while before he needs another.”

          “You never know,” she conceded. “What if he does? Do you imagine what you would do?”

          “I mean,” she trailed off, “what I want to do is talk to him and maybe ask for his number,” she finished coyly. “What I will do is be very weird and awkward and scare him off.”

          “Y/N,” the therapist warned. “We’ve talked about this.”

          “I know, I know,” she waved off. “I won’t do it. I’ll try to be friendly.”

            “Good. What else happened this week?”

          “Almost died,” she swallowed, nervously, “quite literally, I’m afraid.”

          “What?”

          “Was leaving the store, it was pretty early in the night, I think. And a guy got me by the neck and pressed his gun to my spine,” she recounted quietly. “I thought I would die.”

          “But you didn’t,” her therapist comforted her. “What happened after?”

          “The Red Hood showed up,” she sniffed. “Shot the guy in the shoulder and then knocked him out.”

          “When did that happen?” her therapist’s voice was filled with worry.

          “2 days ago,” she replied quietly. 

          “I’m so sorry this happened to you,” the psychologist cooed. “Are you alright?”

          “I’m okay,” she nodded, her eyes filled with tears that did not dare to spill. “The Red Hood was very gentle, he walked me to my car and made sure I was safe.”

          “Uhum,” the therapist hummed, jotting down something. She always wondered what her therapist wrote down about her, but maybe it was for the best that she didn’t know what was written down. 

          “I did some research on him afterwards,” she diverted the subject out of her. “Turns out he’s very famous for protecting street kids.”

          “Is that so?” 

          “Yeah,” she nodded enthusiastically. “There’s a couple of stories going around social media of people who witnessed him, you know…” she trailed off. “He seems to look out for people in poorer neighborhoods. Like Crime Alley. He seems very active there,” she added.

          “I didn’t know that,” the psychologist said. 

          “Yeah, you’d get mistaken by the bat symbol on his chest, but there’s very few reports of him getting involved in Batman-esque adventures.”

          Her therapist laughed. “And what might those be?”

          “You know,” she shrugged. “Aliens, psycho-clowns, riddles, those kinds of stuff. Although there are a couple of people that said he did have a crazy huge fight with Black Mask once, there doesn’t seem to be any other. If there is, he sure made a good job hiding it.”

          “You seem very excited about this Red Hood,” the therapist noted. 

          “He was nice,” she shrugged once more. “And I’m thankful he does what he does. I wouldn’t be here if he didn’t,” she added quietly. “Literally.”

          “Well, then we got to make sure you live your best life after this second chance you got granted.”

#

#

#

As soon as the words ‘what if you see him again’ left her therapist’s mouth, she knew she would see Jason Todd again. Because the Universe was out for her like that. It was only a matter of when. 

          Turns out ‘when’ was a week later after the first time she saw him. She concluded he was either a hoarder or a very fast reader. She hoped it would be the latter. 

          This time, she was paying attention. She was organizing the shelves calmly, and as odd as it seemed, that was the best part of her job. It eased her anxiety to know everything was where it was supposed to be.

          She jumped at the sound of the bell, her heart beating faster and her mind racing at the worst case scenarios. But it was just him. And she was entirely relieved that it was just Jason. She settled the book that was about to go on the shelf--‘there you go Little Women, back to where you belong’--and got out from behind her hiding spot. “Hey, Jason,” she said and his eyes found hers. 

          He opened a smile that knocked the air out of her. “Oh hey,” he breathed out. 

        She swallowed her nerves down. She would make her therapist proud, goddammit. “How can I help you?” she asked, opening a smile she hoped it was charming. 

        “I finished the books I bought the other day,” he said, his face a tad bit nervous. Did she make him nervous? “Do you have any recommendations?” he finished, his hands shoved in his pockets, shifting his weight slightly. 

        “It depends what you’re looking for,” she trailed off, returning to behind the shelves. Her fingers trailed lightly over the spine of the books she had just organized. She heard him walk behind her accompanying her to wherever she intended to go. “What are you looking for?” she turned around to see him, and saw him gulp nervously. 

        “Romance,” he blurted out. “How about a romance?”

        “Ummm,” she hummed, her eyes once more trailing over the spines of the books. “A love story or a real romantic type of book? You know with loads of self pity and drama. Or maybe just a very long and nice novel?”

        He laughed airly. “Surprise me,” he teased, and it seemed all his nerves were gone. 

        She smirked. “Okay then.” She pulled a book off the shelf. It wasn’t a big book, it couldn’t be longer than 300 pages. She gave it to him. “Epitaph of a Small Winner,” she said. “A romance, a realist one but nevertheless a romance.”

        He grabbed the book, looking tiny in his big hands. His fingers tracing the title delicately. “What is it about?”

        “A dead person narrating their life and reflecting upon it,” she shrugged. “A very interesting read indeed, but you’d have to do a bit of research. It’s set in 1880s Brazil.”

        “I’m okay with that,” he smiled looking at her. “Any more recs?”

        “Not for now,” she smirked. “How else am I going to have you come back if I give all my recommendations at once?”

        His smile faltered for a split second before taking permanent residence on his face. “Who’s to say I wouldn’t come back even if you did give me all your recommendations?”

        She was left speechless. She felt heat coming up to her cheeks and he looked somewhat proud he left her flustered like that. “Well then, do make sure you come back after you’ve finished.”

        “I will, Y/N.”

#

#

#

Jason didn’t know why he went back to the bookshop. He truly didn’t. 

        He wasn’t expecting to see her working there. He wasn’t expecting to see her at all, actually. He barely even remembered her from his middle school days. He vaguely remembered finding her pretty and he knew she was very smart. Other than that, she was basically a stranger to him. Just like that version of himself was a stranger to him now. 

        It was a surprise to say the least. She had grown up marvelously, from what he remembered at least. She wore glasses now, and in his opinion it only made her prettier. His breath caught in his throat just remembering the sight of her that first time. His brothers caught up in his behavioral shift, and teased him endlessly. Jason stopped that rather quickly: it’s easy when you’re bigger and more intimidating than them. It also helps that they’re desperately trying to maintain the thin and fragile relationship they had. 

        Jason wanted to say he hadn’t rushed to finish those books to see her again, but he did. He wanted to say he hadn’t rushed to read her recommendation, but he did. He finished it in a day. He wished he had read it sooner. Somehow he felt like that sometimes, a dead man narrating his own story. At least he was strikingly different from the protagonist. At least he wasn’t an asshole. Not most times anyways. 

        He went back to the shop the next day, around closing time--he realized they were closing early and he wondered if it had anything to do with the incident Y/N was involved in. He was sure she would be there. Something told him that she would. He got in, as quietly as he could. The store was empty, after all it was a Thursday afternoon. The door made the usual bell sound behind him, and Y/N appeared behind the shelves, her face stony. 

        “I finished it,” he said with a smile.

        She smiled back at him, and his heart did a somersault. “That was fast, it is not an easy read.”

        “Well, it was a very good book,” he pointed. “It’s easier when the book’s good.”

        “What did you think of it?” she asked curiously.

        “It’s very complex,” he began. “You want to believe Brás but he’s just so….”

        “Insufferable?”

        “Exactly. And he’s a hypocrite too. Which just drives me fucking nuts,” he ran his hands through his hair. “The parallels you can make to the present, though, are just… very daunting,” he added. “It’s impressive the guy wrote this stuff in the nineteenth century and...” he trailed off.

        “Society hasn’t changed one bit since then,” she completed him, her eyes glinting. She was smiling pleasantly, and Jason found it confusing, after all they were talking about something entirely serious.  “So, you here for another rec?” She changed the subject.

        “If you have one, I’d like that,” he said sheepishly. 

        She smirked. “Let’s see,” she moved to behind the shelves once again, her eyes trailing the books expertely. “How about a nice little love story, huh?”

        He shrugged, his heart beating harder in his chest. “Sure, why not.”

        She smiled at him and took out a yellowish cover with a dagger drawn across it. The title was written in the middle of the cover in nice flowery letters. “It’s about a girl that has a special power. And she kinda is trained to be an assassin of sorts, and she is set to a quest with a prince that has the same gift as her. Kinda. But you get the gist.”

        “Yeah, I do,” he nodded, his fingers trailing slightly over the title. 

        “It’s an YA novel so be kind to it,” she warned. 

        “I’ll be.”

        They both made their way to the cash register. She was behind the counter when Jason’s phone rang. He took it out of his pocket and answered it without even looking at the caller. “Hello?” he said, trapping his phone between his shoulder and ear, to fish the money for the book out of his pocket.

        “Is this Mr. Todd?” the person--a woman--said.

           “Yes. Who’s speaking?” he asked. Jason could feel anxiety rising in his body and mind and he tried to push it down. Who the fuck was this person and, most importantly, how the fuck did she get his number?

            “I’m Principal Genoise-Beckham, from Gotham Academy,” she explained. What kind of name was Genoise-Beckham? “I’m calling because of your brother Damian. He got into a fight during the end of the school hours and you’re the next on his contacts list.”

            Jason sighed, a twinge of anger sounding through it. “So no one’s available?”

            “I’m afraid not, Mr.Todd.”

            Not even Alfred, and he knew that for a fact because Jason was the last on the contacts list. Bruce wouldn’t put him any higher, because Bruce doesn’t quite trust him. Not anymore. “I won’t have to sit through any meetings right?”

            “No, Mr. Wayne already arranged one,” the principal said, tiredly. 

            “Tell the kid I’ll be there in 20 minutes,” and then he hung up. 

            She looked at him quizzically, his book neatly packaged in parcel paper with a nice little bow on top of it. “Is everything okay?” she asked, concerned. 

            “My brother got into a fight at the Academy and now I have to pick him up,” he said grumpily. 

            “Oh,” her face fell, and Jason felt guilty. “I hope your brother’s okay.”

            “The little shit probably is,” he gritted through his teeth. He saw a twinge of sadness go through her expression. “Listen,” he started, “I really wanted to stay, but if I don’t pick him up, it’ll start a whole thing with my family and I…” he didn’t complete but he was sure she understood. 

            “It’s okay, Jay,” it was the first time she had called him by a nickname, and his heart beated faster at the sound. “I was about to close up anyways.”

            “Oh,” he breathed. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

            “Yeah,” she nodded, her eyes a bit glossy. 

            He turned around, his book on his hands, when he heard a small ‘Wait’. Jason turned back to her, she was looking at her feet, maybe embarrassed that she had called him, maybe she just didn’t want him to go. He didn’t want to go either. “Can you give me a ride?” she asked. “I mean, I live pretty close to Gotham Academy, it wouldn’t be too much of a detour.”

            His heart picked up the pace, and he fought a smile. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”

          She smiled at him. “Great,” she replied. “I just need to pick up my things and we can go.”

          She was very quick. She turned the lights off of the entire store and returned to the front desk with a small backpack and a few notebooks in hand. She smiled at him. “Lead the way.” 

           Like the gentleman he was raised to be, he took the notebooks from her hands and led the way, Y/N only a few steps behind him. She fished out a key out of her pocket and locked the front door. She tied a chain around the doorknob in a very specific way that almost seemed like a sailor’s knot. She put a locket in the end of the chain, and dragged a metal door down, then locking it to the ground. It seemed excessive, but it was Gotham, and Jason knew first hand what the city was like. 

           They walked a few doors down. Jason’s car glistened in the fading sunlight. He was fucking proud of that car. He had fixed everything in it, he knew that machine inside out. He made it what it was, a beautiful and powerful car. It was one of the few things he had done he felt proud of it. 

          He unlocked the doors with the alarm--yes, a 1962 black Corvette with electronic alarm, he had done that--and he heard a gasp beside him. He turned to see Y/N and her eyes glistened with amazement. “What?” he asked, confused. 

           “You have a ‘62 Corvette?” she asked, shocked. 

           “Yeah,” he dragged, still confused. 

           “I fucking love this car,” she said completely ignoring him and getting closer to the car, analyzing it carefully. “It’s so beautiful.”

           “It really is,” he got around it, looking at the street to see if there were any cars coming down. He then opened the door of his car and got in. “Get in,” he smiled at her. 

           She opened a beaming smile. She opened the door and sat on the passenger seat, her bag resting on her feet, her notebooks now on her lap, she noticed the roof of the car on--the better option for the approaching winter--the head rest he had added, the bright red color of the leather seats, and the original panel, even though she knew he most likely altered everything behind it. She looked like a little kid in it, and Jason could get used to the sight of her beside him. 

           He started the car and she squealed excitedly at the sound of the motor. He looked at her, a small smile on her face. “Is it the original motor?” she asked. “It doesn’t sound like it, it sounds electrical.”

           “That’s ‘cause it is electrical,” he responded. “The original one was very poluent so I switched it.”

           “That’s so cool,” she said, closing her eyes. Jason hinted she was trying to hear the sounds of the car, like someone you’d listen to music. “This is so cool,” she breathed out. 

           He hummed in amusement. “Never met someone who was as passionate about this car as me,” he noted. 

           “You didn’t meet people with good taste then,” she joked. “I’ve loved this car since I was a teen. Always wanted one, but I never had it in me to buy it.”

           “I found this one in a junkyard basically,” he said. “It was in pretty good condition considering where it was. Spent a year tryin’ to fix it to the original conditions, gave up and then another year buildin’ it to what it is today.”

           She looked at him, he noticed out of the corner of the eye, incredulously. “You’re so fucking cool, Jason,” she said. “You’re beyond cool, you’re just…” she trailed off. He looked at her quickly and she had a shy smile and she was looking at her hands. 

           “Thank you,” he thanked her. “People haven’t found me cool in,” he let out a breath, “forever.”

           “Well, you haven’t been walking with very nice people then,” she said. “No offense to your friends, but you’re just… you’re special, Jay.”

           And, fuck, did he love hearing that from her. She left him speechless. She turned to him and saw his stony expression--an expression of panic and chock, not of disgust as she thought--and she inhaled sharply. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” she said, desperately trying to correct her mistake. “I said too much. Forget I said anything, please,” she completed, smally. 

           “It’s okay, love,” he replied softly, the car stopping slowly at the intersection. He turned to her. He grabbed her hands, that were twisting nervously in her lap--a nervous tick he remembered noticing she had in school--and looked at her softly. “You’re fucking special too, Y/N.”

           She looked at him and her eyes filled with tears. “I--” she hesitated. She smiled at him, sniffing and wiping her eyes with one of her hands, the other still intertwined in Jason’s. “Thank you,” she said. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

           He smiled at her. “I’m just saying the truth, love.”

           That made her even more flustered. “You’re just being kind,” she said, shyly, looking at her hands entangled with his. She removed her hands of his, the traffic light turned green and Jason resumed driving the car. 

           “No, I’m not,” he denied her. “I’m telling you the truth. You’re special, and you’re amazing, Y/N.”

           She shook her head in denial, her bottom lip trapped by her teeth. “I’m not all that great,” she whispered. “I’m pretty annoying in fact. You just haven’t seen it yet.”

           “I don’t believe you. Why’d you think that?”

          She shrugged. “When you spend your whole childhood and teenagedom hearing that you’re nothing but an annoying crybaby nerd, you start to believe it at some point.”

Jason swallowed tickly at her remark. He couldn’t believe what she had just said. “Who said that to you?”

        She shook her head. “You don’t have to worry,” she replied, dismissing his concern. “It’s over now.”

           “But it still hurts you,” he noted. He noticed how this could easily apply to him. How he easily would get worked up on the little things Bruce would mention and Jason would brush it, say it’s over, it doesn’t matter, when it clearly does. It fucking does. 

           She looked at her hands, and sniffed. “It’ll always hurt, I guess.”

           Jason was rarely speechless. But, at that moment, he didn’t know what to say. Because he remembered hearing those things about her. He remembered people talking about her in that way, saying she was weird, and that they only talked to her when they needed help with homework. Admittedly, he never ever said those things about her--he didn’t even believe those things--but he never said a word to those who called her that. And that, arguably, was worse than saying those things. 

           He struggled to conciliate that guilt with the fact that he didn’t even feel like that boy--he wasn’t that boy anymore. That boy died by the hands of a clown. What had emerged from it was something entirely different. And yet, he still felt guilt over something he hadn’t done when he was that kid. 

           “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

           “You don’t have to be sorry, Jay,” she said, her hands finding his, on the gear shift. “You didn’t do anything.”

           “But I--” he started, “I didn’t say anything about it. I knew about those things and I didn’t stop them.”

           She looked at him, and he saw by the corner of his eye. “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m sure you were going through other stuff and you just wanted to fit in.”

           How was she so fucking understanding? He scoffed lightly. The thing is: he wasn’t trying to fit in, he was trying to stay out of sight. So he just listened and said nothing. “How are you so good?” He said, incredulously. He was the first person to say Gotham was rotten, head to toe, and yet there she was, fucking pure soul. 

           “I guess I just am,” she shrugged. 

           And then they fell in a comfortable silence. Her hand was still in his, and he fought the urge to bring her knuckles to his lips and plant a kiss on it. Every now and then he would steal glances at her, and he swore she was glowing in the orange sunlight peaking in the window. 

           “That’s me,” she said, pointing to a tall modern building a block before Gotham Academy. 

           “That’s a big fancy building,” he noted slowly. 

           “It’s one of my parents’ apartments,” she explained. “I live in it rent free, but I have to pay for electricity and food and stuff. It was the condition for using it. They insisted they’d pay the tuition and I demanded this apartment in return, ‘cause I wanted to pay the tuition and they wanted to--” she trailed off noticing a weird look in his eyes. “I’m sorry I ranted.”

           “It’s fine, I like to hear you talk,” he said, smiling. 

         She smiled back, looking at her feet. “Well, I should get going,” she said opening the car door. “Thanks for the ride, Jason.”

           “No problem, love,” he shook his head slightly, and looked at her softly. 

          “Yeah,” she whispered, her eyes fixed on his, already out of the car. “Bye,” she finished awkwardly and quickly walked to the building. 

           Jason watched as she floated to her home, mesmerized by her. 

           Fuck. 

#

#

#

“Red Hood has been following me,” she manifested her psychologist looking at her with wide eyes. “It’s weird to say it out loud.”

        “Why do you say that?” her psychologist asked. 

        “‘Cause I’ve seen him,” she replied. “A couple of times actually.”

        “Are you sure?” the therapist asked. 

        “Yes, I am,” she nodded enthusiastically. “I just don’t get why he’s following me.”

        “Isn’t he supposed to be a good guy?” her therapist quizzed. “Following people doesn’t seem like a good guy thing to do.”

        “Yeah,” she whispered. “I’m not scared though. I know I should be, but I’m not,” she commented. “I know I haven’t done anything wrong, there's no reason for him to be following me, at least no reason like that. I don’t know,” she sighed, “maybe he just wants to be my guardian angel,” she shrugged. 

        “It sure is a weird angel,” the therapist noted. “Have you talked about this with Jason?”

        “I did mention it to him,” she nodded. “But he got all weird about it and changed the subject quickly.”

        “That’s strange.”

        “Yeah, he definitely knows something about this,” she said smugly. “I really want to find out.”

        “Well, on the topic of Jason,” her therapist said as if she hadn’t brought him up, “how’s things with him?”

        “They’re okay,” she shrugged. “He comes to see me at work almost every day. Then he walks me to my car or gives me a ride home.”

        “I see,” the psychologist noted. “And what do you guys talk about?”

        “I don’t know,” she mumbled under her breath. “Mostly about books. Sometimes about life,” she recounted. “He’s very reserved. He doesn’t talk much about himself.”

        “And you? Do you talk about yourself?” 

        She hesitated. There was no point in lying to her therapist, it would go against the very definition of therapy and if there was one thing she hated was hypocrisy. “No,” she shook her head quietly, “I-- everytime I try, something happens and…” she shrugged. “I guess I’m too scared of scaring him off.”

        “Y/N…” the therapist warned. “You need to open up to him. How do you expect him to stick around if you don’t share things about you?”

        “To be fair,” she said raising her finger as if it would make the point she was about to make more believable, “I’ve talked about myself once with him and it was… fuck, it was hard.”

        “How did he react?” the therapist inquired. “Was he a dick?”

        “No!” she was quick to reply. “He was the sweetest. But I’m just…”

        “Depriving yourself of a potential relationship,” her therapist completed for her. “You’re sabotaging yourself, Y/N.”

        “No, I’m not,” she denied, fooling herself. “I just don’t want to get my hopes up and end up heartbroken.”

        The psychologist sighed. “I know you’re scared of getting hurt, but you’ll never know unless you let him in,” the therapist stated. “You might be pushing him away and sabotaging yourself when investing in this relationship could very well be something right for you,” she finished.

        “I know,” she mumbled. “But I just,” she sighed, defeated. “I’m scared.”

        “I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to try,” her therapist added softly. 

        “Okay,” she nodded, softly. 

#

#

#

She waited at the edge of her seat for Jason to come in at the store. She was going to try. Fuck, she hoped she didn’t mess anything up. Up until that moment she didn’t know what she was doing, she just did it. She hoped she knew what she was about to do. 

        The bell rang and Jason walked in, his hair swept by the chilly wind and his hands stuffed in his jeans’ pockets. He wore that leather jacket she loved so much, it made him so much more beautiful. She just wanted to grab him by his shirt and kiss him to no end. She smiled at him and he smiled back. 

        “I was waiting for you,” she announced happily. 

        “Yeah?” he said, leaning on his elbows. His face was inches away from hers. His pupils were blown wide, his blue eyes twinkling with something she couldn’t quite place yet. “Excited for the next rec, huh?” he smirked. 

        “No, actually,” she corrected him. “I needed to tell you something.”

        “Oh,” he said. “Go ahead then, I’m all yours.”

        “Okay,” she whispered, her heart racing at his comment. She swallowed nervously, looking him in the eye. This was it. She was going to open up to him. “I was talking to my therapist actually,” she started, “and we agreed--actually no,” she laughed. “She said that I need to open up and be vulnerable more. And it may seem a bit weird that I’m saying this to you but I swear there’s a reason.  So here it goes,” she breathed out. “I really like you, Jay. Like, really really like you. And I’m sorry if I’ve seemed weird or standoffish or anything, I’m trying to work on that. So if you want to, I don’t know, take this, um, friendship somewhere else, maybe somewhere romantic, I’d be, you know, happy to take it there too. With you, I mean.”

        He smiled genuinely at her. His eyes shifted to  her hands. She was twisting her fingers nervously. He rested his hand on hers, her hand immediately relaxing under his touch. “I’d like that,” he responded quietly. “Wanna go on a date tonight?”

        She smiled, her eyes a bit teary. Her heart raced in her chest, the worst case scenario hadn’t come true. He liked her too. He wanted to date too. Her anxiety was wrong. Thank God for that. “Yeah, I do,” she confessed. 

        His smile got bigger somehow.  “Great,” he breathed out, and she could feel the nerves leaving his body. “I’ll pick you up at 8,” he stated. 

        She smiled at him. “Great.”

#

#

#

“I need you to cover patrol for me,” Jason said to Tim, his phone pressed between his shoulder and ear. He carried a bouquet of flowers, bags from the market and a suit he had it pressed and sent to the Iceberg Lounge.

        “Why?” Tim quizzed him. 

        “‘Cause I have a thing,” Jay responded. 

        “Yeah, Imma need more than that, Jay,” Tim said. “What thing?”

        “You’re a little fucker”, he answered, resting the bags on the floor. “You just want gossip.”

        “No, I want a reason why I’ll have to add the Narrows to my patrol tonight,” Tim argued. “It’s quite far from my usual route, y’know.”

        “Fuck you, Tim,” Jason muttered. 

        “Why such hostility?” Tim teased. Jason could practically hear his brother’s smirk over the phone. “Is someone going on a date tonight?”

        Jason exhaled deeply, trying not to lose his temper and drive to Wayne Towers to choke his brother to death. He was on a schedule, he had dinner to prepare. “Will you cover for me or not?”

        “Will you tell me why you're ditching patrol?”

        “No,” Jason gritted through his teeth. 

        “Then no,” Tim said plainly. Jason knew he was messing with him. 

        Jason sighed. There was no way he’d cancel on Y/N. Not because his motherfucking brother was toying with him. “I swear to God, Drake, if you tell anyone I'll kill you the most painful way possible.”

        “So you are going on a date,” Tim stated. 

        “Fuck,” Jason sighed. “Yes, I am. Now, please Timothy, would you cover patrol for me tonight?”

        “Who’s the girl?”

        “Tim,” Jason started.

        “Or boy, I don’t judge.”

        “Will you cover the motherfucking patrol?”

        “Yeah, yeah,” Tim dismissed. 

        “Thank you,” Jason sighed relieved. 

        “Will you introduce me to t--”

        Jason hung up on his brother. He had a date to get ready to. 

#

#

#

Jason spent the rest of his afternoon getting everything ready for the date. The food, the flowers, the ambiance of the roof. Everything was perfect, just like she fucking deserved. 

           He was nervous out of his mind. His hands were sweating and he couldn’t stop running his hands through his hair in a nervous habit. It was so long ago the last time he had gone on a date with someone he cared this much about. He didn’t want to screw it up. 

         She was so precious, so good. He didn’t know what someone like her saw in someone like him, someone tainted and broken. But she saw something, and she wanted him. And he wasn’t dumb, he wasn’t going to let her go. Even if everything in his life told him to run from her, protect her from a distance, don’t get close ‘cause she’ll become a target. 

         And he was doing just that, he was protecting from a distance as the Hood. He was being fucking dumb about it too, cause she had seen him more than once. But being distant was not enough, not anymore. 

          So there he was, in front of her apartment, black ‘62 Corvette, crisp black suit and blood red t-shirt. His hair was messy and his hands were in his pockets. He leaned on the hood of the car, waiting patiently for her to come to his encounter. He was early anyways, he could wait, even if he hated the looks of pity he was receiving. She would come and those fucking pedestrians knew nothing. 

           She opened the doors and stepped on the sidewalk. She was wearing a beautiful red knee-length dress with black heels and Jason was just paralyzed at her sight. Fucking hell. How can someone be so perfect? How can someone so perfect want him?

          She stopped in front of him, a smile framing her face beautifully, her glasses crystal clean. “You look great, Jay,” she stated. 

          “I--” he opened his mouth but no words came out of his mouth. Her face fell and her eyes flashed with worry. 

          “What’s wrong?” she said. “Is everything okay?”

          He breathed out and smiled at her. “Everything’s perfect, love,” he said. He picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles gently. “You look breathtakin’.”

          She looked down shyly. “Thank you, Jay.”

          He opened the door of the car for her. She thanked him kindly, and he closed the door for her. He entered the car and started the engine. “Where’re we going?” she quizzed him.

          He looked at her with a smirk. “It’s a surprise,” he stated. “It’s part of the charm.”

          She smiled at him. “You don’t need to surprise me to charm me, Jason.”

          “Cute you think that, but you’ll see,” he responded. “This is going to be a perfect night.”

          She looked at him and sighed quietly, like she was considering something. “It’s already perfect. I’m here with you,” she said coyly. 

          Jason looked at her quickly, her gaze fixed on him. He smiled shyly. One of his hands left the wheel and found hers, holding it tightly. He brought her knuckles to his lips and kissed it softly. He wanted to say three little words, and he almost did. But she was too precious and he couldn’t just waste those words in a moment like this, an immature moment at that. No, he would cherish her like she was supposed too. He would love her in secret for now, and when he was sure she reciprocated his feelings he would say it with all his heart, he would shout it from the highest rooftop. 

          But, for now, he just looked at her, hoping his look was enough to say what he couldn’t. She smiled like she understood what he was trying to say. 

          Yeah, she was perfect. He wasn’t going to let her slip through his fingers. Fuck the voices in his head saying to run. For once in his life he was going to welcome this feeling with open arms. 

#

#

#

“So, how was your week?” her therapist quizzed. 

        “It was great, actually,” she said. “Jay took me to the museum in Metropolis. I did well in a test and I got my salary early so I bought a new pin for my collection.”

        “You’re sure spending a lot of time with Jason,” the psychologist noted. 

        “Yeah, yeah,” she sighed softly. “I really like him, you know.”

        “I do know,” the therapist replied. “How does it feel to be in a relationship?”

        She looked down at her hands, flustered. “It feels nice and weird and...and…” she trailed off. “I have no words to describe it.”

        Her therapist smiled at her. “He seems like a nice guy, Y/N,” she commented. “How do your friends like him?”

        She twisted her hands nervously. “Henry was suspicious of him at first,” she started. “You know, Jay’s a bit shy and intimidating, Henry was concerned he’d hurt me.”

        “And how did you react to his concern?”

        “I mean,” she shrugged, “it’s a valid concern. But Jay wouldn’t…” she hesitated. “We’ve talked about this, y’know? He knows where I stand, he knows where my fears come from and he gave me his word,” she sniffed, her voice strained. “He promised. And so far he didn’t break any of his promises.”

        “You do trust him a lot,” the therapist noticed. 

        “I trust him with my life,” she added. “I hope he doesn’t break that trust.”

        She hummed and wrote something down. “What about your other friends?” her therapist questioned. “I know Henry means the world to you, but he’s not your only friend.”

        “Julie thought he was okay and the other boys were just very neutral about it,” she explained. “You know how they’re like. As long as I’m happy they’ll be supportive.”

        “Are you happy?” the psychologist inquired. 

        “Yeah,” she replied enthusiastically. “Fuck yeah. Jay’s just… He’s the best, you know. He gets me. He’s respectful and he’s smart and handsome. I really like him.”

        Her therapist smiled. “I’m glad you’re happy, Y/N,” she said. “It’s been a long time coming.”

        “It sure has,” she chuckled quietly. 

        “How about the Red Hood?” the therapist asked. “Have you seen him lately?”

        “All the time,” she replied. “Ever since I started dating Jay, I’ve seen the Hood when I wasn’t with him.”

        “Doesn’t that concern you?”

        “No,” she shook her head. “It’s weird but it doesn’t.”

        “Why’s that?”

        “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “He seems familiar, you know? Not because I’ve seen him up close or seen him more times than I can count but…” she pondered. “His posture and his stance, it’s so so familiar to me. I wonder if I’ve met him as a civilian.”

        “You could have,” her therapist pondered. “How does Jason think of this?”

        “He doesn’t,” she answered. “He always changes the subject very quickly every time I bring it up.”

        “That’s weird.”

        “Yep,” she agreed. “I know he’s up to something. I just haven’t had the courage to ask him. Yet.”

#

#

#

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

        Jason messed up.  He messed up bad. 

        He could live with the fact she had seen him a couple of times lurking in rooftops making sure she was safe. He could live with the fact she was onto him, that she knew he was hiding something from her, something related to the Hood. Jason knew eventually he would have to tell her, this double life would become unsustainable, and he’d have to merge it into one. As much as he dreaded that day, he would fucking do it. 

        But when she sat him down in her living room and said that she knew he was the Hood, he knew, he was fucking sure, he should have been more careful. 

        “I’m not mad, y’know,” she said quietly. “I get why you hid from me.”

        Jason remained quiet, trying to make sense of his thoughts. “How did you find out?”

        A smile passed on her face. “You were just so familiar, I guess,” she explained. “You felt so familiar even from afar. So I just started connecting the dots.”

        “I see,” he whispered. His heart beated faster and faster with anxiety. He couldn’t handle it, he thought he would have more time to tell her. He hadn’t realized she could very well discover on her own, he had given her enough clues to do just so. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

        “It’s fine, Jason,” she replied quietly. “You don’t need to feel sorry.”

        “I feel like I should,” he said. He sighed and grabbed her hands softly. “I owe you an explanation, Y/N.”

        “You don’t owe me anything besides your safety,” she cut him. “I don’t care about what you do at night, Jason. I care about you, I--” she looked at him, trying to search for something in his eyes. “I love you, Jay. And I don’t think I could bear to lose you.”

        Jason opened his mouth in shock. He wasn’t expecting that. “I love you,” he replied to her. “I’ve fucking loved you ever since I laid eyes on you, Y/N,” he grabbed her face and rested his forehead on hers. “I was just so scared to let you in on the secret. ‘Cause I know of the dangers, I know first hand how fucking dangerous this life is, and loosing you would kill me,” he explained. “For the second time,” he whispered. 

        Her hands rested on his cheeks, her thumb caressing him gently. She kissed him, softly, and he reciprocated it. 

        “I want to tell you,” Jason whispered, against her lips. “I have to tell you, how I became what I became.”

        “You don’t n--” she began. 

        “I do, though,” he interrupted her. “I do,” he whispered. He sighed, and looked down. He held her wrists carefully. “If you don’t want to see me after everything I tell you, I’ll understand. I won’t blame you.”

        “Imma stop you right there,” she looked him in the eyes. “You think I don’t know anything, but I know a couple of things, Jay. I did my research on the Hood,” she commented. “You don’t scare me.”

        “There are things that I’ve done that…” he shook his head. 

        “It’s okay, Jay,” she said softly. “One step at a time, love.”

        So he took one step at a time. He told her everything carefully. Some details were left behind, he couldn’t say them out loud, not even if he wanted to. She held his hands through it all, and he was truly grateful for it. 

        “I had no idea,” she whispered. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”

        “You don’t have to be,” he shook his head and squeezed her hands. “It led me to you.”

author’s note: here is the link to my jason playlist once again and the link to my masterlist.

[krappykawa]

ಌ i mildly like you more than like (p.4) 

— in which an incessant fan girl, a kiss, and a little bit of denial makes oikawa tooru realize he might mildly like you more than like

description. you’ve been in love with oikawa tooru for longer than you can remember. having known him for the better part of nearly 11 years, you’ve come to accept that you’ll never be more than a best friend to him. but with the help of a few irritatingly persistent fangirls and a kiss that was only meant to drive them away, a tale of unrequited love might just prove to be something more.

warnings. language

word count. 3.8k

oikawa tooru x f!reader, childhood best friends to lovers, fluff, some angst

parts. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Received: did you get home safe?

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Sent: yes (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ 

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Received: what’s with the hearts?? … did something happen with captain pretty face?

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Sent: captain pretty face?  

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Received: that was hard enough to type y/n-chan i’m not saying it again (>_<)

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Sent: he bought me a cup of frozen yogurt and free frozen yogurt makes me happy :D

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Received: that’s good to hear

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Received: i think i’ll crash for tonight, don’t stay up too late

1 new message: tooru ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭

Received: goodnight y/n-chan ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ sleep well

Oikawa sets his phone down on his nightstand and lets out a heavy sigh as his fingers come up to massage his eyes. His gaze comes up to the ceiling, eyes locking on a picture of you, him, and Iwaizumi that’s surrounded by bounds of glow in the dark stars. It’s from your first year -- the first time that he’d lost to Shiratorizawa. 

He’s laying a head on your shoulder, looking dejected in comparison to the grin on your face as you hold your arm up for the selfie. On his right sits Iwaizumi with a mildly confused look on his face as he pokes Oikawa’s shoulder with a lone chopstick. Oikawa feels a grin crawl up onto his lips as he stares at it. He wonders for a moment how different he’d felt about you then. He wonders if first-year him felt the same fluttering in his stomach laying his head on your shoulder the way it does now. 

The grin fades when he remembers that that fluttering should’ve died the moment he started dating Hishoko. He knows that it should’ve. 

And yet, despite it all, he ends up calling you at 3AM in the morning, feeling that same familiar feeling when he hears your mildly fatigued voice on the other end. 

He falls asleep to the sound of your laugh. 

You thought that maybe it would get easier. You thought that maybe your heart wouldn’t ache every time you saw Oikawa’s fingers wrapped around Hishoko’s smaller ones. 

It doesn’t. Not when Oikawa still smiles at you like you’re the best thing to happen to him. Not when his eyes still look for yours whenever you enter a room. Not when he still calls you in the middle of the night to tell you about his day because it’s well past midnight and he just can’t fall asleep. You decide that maybe you’d let him tear your heart bit by bit every day for the rest of your lives if it meant that he would always love you the way he does now -- even if it’ll never be in the way that you want. 

It seems like maybe you could actually do just that, to love him from a distance for the rest of your lives, when suddenly it hits you that this isn’t like the other times he’d gotten a girlfriend. That something about loving him now is different. Maybe it was the kiss you shared, or maybe it’s something else, but you realize for the first time that maybe you can’t keep holding on to him the way you do. This realization comes after Aoba Johsai’s first win of the Preliminaries. 

You’ve been going to every single one of Oikawa’s and Iwaizumi’s games for as long as you can remember. The only two games you missed was a day in which some bad planning landed a date with Kaoru on the same day as one of their games, and the other was when you were forced to take an extra shift at the bakery.  

Hishoko stands next to you, speaking quietly to you. You feel relaxed as she speaks, the tenseness in your muscles ebbing away with every soft word from her lips. Despite her relationship being the cause of the ache in your heart, you can’t find it in you to fault her. She’s a friend to you now, no matter what happens with Oikawa. 

Your eyes follow the small figures of your best friends as they huddle up, and a smile slips onto your face when Matsukawa looks up at you and smiles that tiny smile that he only reserves for people he really cares about. Hanamaki follows his line of vision and blows a kiss in your direction, which you make a show of catching and stomping on. 

But then Oikawa turns and smiles like he’s ready to take on the world and you think that the ground might fall out from under you. Because for a moment you think that smile is for you, but you remind yourself that you’re sitting next to his girlfriend. The knife in your heart twists. 

The game goes by the way you expect it, with Aoba Johsai winning after two relatively easy sets. You wait with Hishoko in the lobby afterwards, waiting for the team. 

It’s only when Oikawa walks out and Hishoko runs up to him and pulls him into a kiss that it finally hits you. It hits you for the first time that you might not be able to do this. That despite everything, you might not be able to watch them fall in love when Oikawa still has a firm string tied to your heart. 

You try not to cry as you run into Iwaizumi’s arms and stay there. He’s understanding. 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa each throw an arm around you. Hanamaki ruffles your hair. Matsukawa offers to hold your hand. 

For a bit, it doesn’t hurt as much. 

You think that maybe the world hates you when you’re about to close up the bakery and Kaoru walks in. You had to leave shortly after the game, but your shift was only until 6 pm today, so you didn’t really mind. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa were going to spend the night at your house to watch a movie anyways, so you didn’t feel too bad about leaving them so early. 

“Hey,” Kaoru says as he walks up to the counter. If there’s anyone that you would rather not see right now, it’s him. 

You try your hardest to muster a convincing smile. “Did you want to order?”

Kaoru rolls on the balls of his feet and you already know from when you dated that he’s about to ask you something big. You remember because he confessed to you while rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet. “Actually, I was hoping to ask you if you’re free today?”

You almost laugh at yourself at that point. Here’s your perfect-on-paper ex-boyfriend asking you on a potential date, and you can’t find it in you to say no because you’re still thinking about another brown-haired volleyball captain that’s probably happily smiling at his girlfriend right now. 

“Not today, no. I made plans,” you reply with an apologetic smile. 

You try not to notice the way he seems to deflate. “Oh that’s okay. You’re closing up though right? I’ll buy two cupcakes and walk you home if you want?”

“As friends?”

You can’t seem to understand why he decided to ask you this today, of all days. 

“Sure. As friends, if that’s what you want.”

“Okay,” you say because you’re only human after all. 

You feel the tears flow down your face the minute that you close the door after thanking Kaoru for the nice walk.  

The tears come hot and heavy because you think that it’s fucked up how you’ve got a guy that’s so obviously still in love with you, and you still can’t love him back. All because you’re in love with your dumb, stupid, oblivious best friend. 

You wish that you’d never taken him up on his offer to kiss him in order to get the fangirls off his back. If you’d never kissed his lips, then maybe you wouldn’t be as hopeless as you are now. But you did, and now all you can think about is him and why -- just why -- the kiss hadn’t meant something to him the way it meant something to you. 

You’re still curled up on your couch with tears leaking out of the corners of your eyes when the doorbell rings. The clock on the wall opposite to you tells you that it’s not even close to the time that you and the others had set for your movie night. 

“Give me a second!” With as much haste as you can muster, you run to the kitchen and attempt to rid your eyes and face of the redness that crawled onto your features. A quick glance at the window tells you that you didn’t do a very good job, but it’d be more suspicious if you took more time. 

You open the door to find Iwaizumi standing there, his expression changing the moment he lays eyes on you. “You’ve been crying,” he says.

“No.”

“I’m not Oikawa, Y/N.” He closes the door behind him before looking back at you. “You don’t have to try so hard to hide your feelings around me.”

You sigh to yourself and make yourself busy with cleaning up the randomly scattered objects littering your floor. “I don’t do that.”

“Right,” he snorts. “You’ve been walking on eggshells with him ever since he’s started dating Hishoko, it doesn’t take a genius to notice.”

Oikawa hasn’t noticed, you think bitterly. He’s been able to read you like the back of his own hand his entire life, and yet, he seems to be completely oblivious to the way your heart belongs to him. 

“Yeah, well he hasn’t noticed, so I guess doing alright,” you shrug.

“He notices.”

Your head whips up faster than it should’ve and Iwaizumi raises a brow at you. You bow your head. “Oh.”

Iwaizumi sighs before taking a seat on your couch. “Not in the way you think he does though. Knowing that shithead, he’s probably come up with some bullshit excuse for why you’re acting different.”

“And what would that be?”

“Kaoru.”

It’s a half truth. Kaoru has been putting you on an extra edge lately. You two kept on friendly terms after your breakup, but you rarely saw him. At least, you barely saw him before. Now you see him nearly everyday, either in passing in the hallways or at Takeru’s volleyball camp. You’re not sure why he’s decided to start making the extra effort to see you now, months after your breakup. 

“He knows that I don’t like Kaoru like that anymore.” You’re sure that he should at least know that with how much you complain about the brown-haired baseball captain whenever Oikawa ends up calling you at some ungodly hour. 

Iwaizumi chuckles lightly, like he’s amused. “Does he really? Cause if he did, he wouldn’t be talking my ear off whenever Kaoru comes anywhere near you.”

“He does that?”

“Yeah, makes me want to punch him in the face. Maybe if his voice wasn’t so annoying …” There’s a smile on his face as he says it, so you know he doesn’t really mean it in a harsh way. 

A silence engulfs you as you head to the kitchen for a glass of water. You don’t know what Iwaizumi wants you to do with that information. At the end of the day, the way that Oikawa reacts to Kaoru is of no matter because he has a girlfriend who he seems happy with. At least, that’s what you tell yourself. 

“Do you want something to eat?” You call from the kitchen. “You came early.”

As you walk back into the living room with a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of juice in the other, Iwaizumi looks up at you with that same worried gaze that he had on that first day that Oikawa had broken the news of his new girlfriend. “I wanted to check on you. It’s not healthy not talking to anyone about it. I know you’ve been avoiding it.”

You hand him the juice and sit down next to him. “I haven’t been avoiding it, I’ve just been … skirting around the problem.”

“You were crying because of him,” he says as he takes a drink from his juice. 

You shrug. “People cry, no big deal.”

“I can’t just stand here and watch while you tear yourself apart watching them. It’s like seeing your heart fall to pieces. It’s painful to see.”

“I’ll get over it, Iwa. I always have.” You train your eyes to your feet and try to stop yourself from feeling that same drop in your stomach. 

“No,” Iwaizumi shakes his head. “Something’s different this time and neither you or Oikawa are willing to tell me what the fuck went down between the two of you. So as much as I respect your privacy, tell me before I drag Oikawa’s ass over here and make you two sit here until you finally fess up.”

A small smile creeps up onto your face as you remember the way he looked at you after you pulled away from that kiss. Despite everything, that look is forever ingrained in your brain. “We kissed.”

Iwaizumi looks at you warily. “You … kissed? Don’t tell me that he…”

“No!” You’re quick to deny that assumption. “No, it was before he and Hishoko started dating. It was the day before we went for karaoke actually.”

Realization dawns in Iwaizumi’s eyes. “Christ. He’s so fucking dense it hurts me. How stupid is he?”

“What?”

“Nothing, he’s an asshole. I’ve got things to say to him later. But I came here for you. How are you really feeling?”

“It hurts I guess. I really thought … Iwa, he changed after we kissed. Something changed, I could’ve sworn it did.” You don’t even notice that you’re crying again until a tear falls into your lap. Iwaizumi places his arm around your shoulders. You smile gratefully at him. “But then he started going out with Hishoko and it was like waking up from a really good dream you know? I thought that maybe he finally liked me back but … I guess he didn’t.”

“That’s a lie and you know it,” Iwaizumi mumbles as he rubs your shoulders. You remember a similar conversation you had like this a year ago, when he confided in you about how he figured that he had a crush on Hanamaki. Though he’s since moved on to having eyes for the girl that sits to your right in class, it still brings back an odd sense of nostalgia. Iwaizumi chuckles from beside you. “Have you seen the way he looks at you? It makes me want to gag, but he loves you. That much I can tell.”

You shake your head. “He loves me as a best friend, just like he loves you. You know that.”

“Bullshit. That’s bullshit. He’s never looked at me the way he looks at you. You know that.”

You know that maybe Iwaizumi has a point, that maybe all the years you spent denying that Oikawa could ever see you as something else might have been in fruitless efforts. But, even if Iwaizumi has a point, Oikawa has a girlfriend. You don’t know what hurts you more - that Oikawa might actually love you the way that you love him but decided to get a girlfriend anyway, or that Iwaizumi is wrong and that Oikawa doesn’t think of you that way at all. 

“Whether he’s in love with me or not, that doesn’t really change the fact that he has a girlfriend,” you sniff. 

Iwaizumi sighs. “Yeah, well he fucked up.”

Before you can even think of a reply, the doorbell rings. Neither of you have even moved from your place on the couch before it swings open. 

“Makki, you can’t just go around opening people’s doors,” comes Matsukawa’s exasperated voice. 

There’s a snort, and you’re sure that Hanamaki’s about to reply with something mildly sarcastic until you find his eyes on you. Evidently, you forgot to rid your face of the evidence that you were just previously crying. “Woah, what’s going on here?” 

Matsukawa’s head appears right behind Makki’s shoulder. “Y/N? Why are you crying?”

You shuffle away from Iwaizumi’s hold and wipe at your face before moving to get up. “Nothing,” you say as you flick your arms.  “Just stressed.”

Matsukawa snorts. “Didn’t know that Oikawa’s name is ‘nothing’ now.”

Your head snaps up to where Hanamaki and Matsukawa are standing. They’re both looking at you with raised brows that are so similar that you have to suppress a shiver. 

“Does every person know?”

Matsukawa walks into your living room and puts his bag down next to your coffee table. Hanamaki follows after him. “No, just us. The rest of the team could really care less because they all have some weird massive crush on you, and Oikawa’s been living in denialville for a while now I think,” Matsukawa says as he takes Hanamaki’s bag from him to put it down next to his own. 

You slump back down against the couch, feeling a fatigue that you’re sure is a result from all the crying that you managed to do. Makki hurries towards you.  

“Ah, ah, ah. No getting down on yourself. Seriously though, moping over Oikawa? Not a chance. Come on, up, up,” Makki extends a hand towards you, but you simply look at it stubbornly. 

“No, you’re mean. I’d rather talk to Mattsun.”

Matsukawa smirks. “You hear that Makki? She likes me better.”

“Yeah, Mattsun’s my favorite.” You nod. “He’s nice to me and is only irritating when it comes to bombarding me with requests for lemon squares.”

Iwaizumi cocks his head from beside you. “Hey, what am I then? A pile of dog shit?”

“You transcend all of them, there’s no competition there. Though you might be marked down points for not carrying me everytime I ask.”

“So all I have to do is carry you? Fine then.” Before you can protest, Hanamaki takes you by the midsection and throws you over his shoulder. You slap his back in an attempt to get him to let you down. You can practically hear his crooked grin when he yells, “I’m not letting you down until you stop crying over a stupid brown-haired bitch!”

You hear Matsukawa yell out from where he’s leaning on the wall. “Yeah fuck brown-haired bitches!”

Iwaizumi scoffs, but even as you hang upside down, you can see the small smile gracing his face. “Mattsun, you have brown hair dumbass.”

“Okay then fuck brown-haired bitches.” You can’t see either of their faces, but you’re sure that Matsukawa is smirking at Hanamaki. You can only guess that Hanamaki has turned red from Matsukawa’s comment. 

“Oi! Don’t flirt with me when Y/N is crying over her love life! It’s rude.”

“Who said I was flirting with you?”

Hanamaki gasps dramatically. “So you want Y/N and Iwaizumi to fuck you then? I’m wounded.”

At this point, the blood is beginning to rush to your head. You continue to thrash around in Makki’s grip. 

“Makki, let me down!”

You can feel Hanamaki stand straighter and you’re sure that he has the stupidest triumphant grin on his face. “No. Not until you stop crying over captain pretty face.”

“Y/N-chan’s crying over who now?” 

You feel Makki freeze in the middle of his marching. Awkwardly, you turn to see Oikawa’s figure at the door from your position thrown over Hanamaki’s shoulder. You forgot that he was the only one that doesn’t knock. 

Something in Oikawa’s expression is odd.

“Makki, fix this or I cut off your dick,” you whisper into his ear. He gulps.

“Oh, hey Shittykawa. We’re just helping Y/N with her captain pretty face problems,” Hanamaki says. You already don’t like the way that this is heading.  

“Who … exactly is .. captain pretty face?” Oikawa’s eyes are on you. The irony of the nickname is not lost on you. You can only hope that the words that come out of Hanamaki’s mouth next are not the words you’re dreading. 

“Don’t worry. You’re not captain pretty face. Kaoru is!” The world does not seem to be on your side. 

Oikawa’s smile drops and suddenly you have the urge to cut Makki’s dick off anyways, because he just made this a lot, lot worse.

note. don’t read too much into the hanamaki-iwaizumi crush thing,, it’s really up for interpretation but at this point in the story, mattsun and makki have this weird will they-won’t they relationship so iwaizumi’s crush on hanamaki was unrequited and he never confessed. (also, iwaizumi’s crush on makki wasn’t huge, it was just important to him because it was how he realized that he liked guys too). 

taglist. @bumbledunce @angelkogane @waitforitillwritemywayout @mrsbakug0u @salty4tsukki @ppangiiroo @pharvhs @haksblade @whosmorales @yoitsseulgi @seijohreign @intheawks @smellssharpies

just send an ask to be added to the taglist!

[lakesandquarries]

oh it’s you (that i lie with)

for Oumota Week Day 2 - Timeloop

warnings: major character death (temporary but graphic)

notes: title from as the world caves in by matt maltese but i just listened to the cover by sarah cothran. happy oumota week everyone!! consider joining my oumota discord maybe!

AO3 Link

Kokichi lazily spins a french fry through his ketchup as Momota takes a seat across from him. The movement makes the table jostle. Kokichi doesn’t move.

“Getting used to it, huh?” Momota asks. “I guess this is just life now. Beats being dead, at least.”

“You failed, then?”

“I think every smoke alarm is busted.”

At 6:15 pm, the cafeteria will explode. A stray spark will hit an errant gas line and the entire place will go up in flames. There will be no survivors. 

Kokichi knows this because he has experienced it eleven times already.

The first time was unexpected. Obviously. When he woke up this morning (eleven mornings ago) in his dorm room he assumed today (eleven todays ago) would be normal. 

That assumption was disproven before he died and the day reset, but that’s unrelated.

The first time he died, the last supposedly normal minutes of his life, he and Momota were at this very same table. They weren’t alone then. Their friends had been with them, and Akamatsu had been in the middle of telling a story about a bird flying into the room during one of her classes, and suddenly there had been the loudest sound Kokichi had ever heard. He’d felt an intense, searing heat for just a moment, and then something large and heavy falling on top of him, and then he didn’t feel anything because he was dead.

When he woke up in his bed again he’d assumed it was a dream. Even when the morning played out much like the morning in his “dream” - well, that wasn’t too strange. Saihara had lost his favourite socks, but he did that often. Yumeno fell asleep in the cafeteria during breakfast, but she did that every day. Amami tripped down the stairs and had to go to the nurse, but he never paid attention to his surroundings. 

And then, right at the end of breakfast, Momota got down on one knee, presented Kokichi with a ring pop, and asked him to go on a date with him after dinner.

The beginning of the day had been typical. It wasn’t strange for his dream to match with reality, because his life was predictable.

That was not something he could have predicted, unless he had suddenly developed a new superpower.

The first time, he’d beamed at Momota, took the ring pop, and said he would be delighted to and that if this was a prank he’d have Momota killed.

The second time, he’d just said “What the fuck,” and then took off running.

The rest of the day went differently, but it was just close enough to make it clear. Kokichi had snuck around unused halls, spying on the classes he was skipping. Chabashira still had a five minute argument with the teacher during math, Hoshi still spilled a beaker in science. This time he got to watch Akamatsu’s unfinished bird story play out.

Just like before, he went to the cafeteria, and just like before he felt his bones flattened and then nothing at all.

In the present, whatever that really means, he tells Momota, “I hope I don’t get crushed again.”

Momota frowns. “At least it’s quick. The fire was the worst.”

“Well, I at least want some variety. It is the spice of life and all.”

Leaning forward, Momota rests his chin on his hand. His eyes keep darting to the clock on the wall. “I’ll toss you into the fire this time, if you want.”

“My hero.” Kokichi folds his arms behind his head and leans back.

They’d really tried, this time. They’d tried every time. This time, Kokichi had barely broken into the kitchen when he was caught. At least it was one of the kinder chefs. They’d given him french fries and instructed him to stay in the cafeteria where they could see him. 

“We still have some time,” Momota argues. “I mean, 6:15 is in like, an hour. We can at least prepare for next time.”

“Hm, would you like to scope out some more interesting places to die? I’m getting bored of the cafeteria. At least maybe something different will crush me.” He’s fairly certain it’s a table that keeps killing him, at least in the last few loops. For a second he’d felt the texture of the wood crushed against his face. 

“We’re gonna figure it out,” Momota says. His voice is full of empty confidence, a thin soap bubble that will pop if looked at for too long.

“Well, of course. You still owe me that date, after all.”

Perhaps it’s his imagination, but the glint in Momota’s eyes gets sharper. “I do. I’m a man of my word, you know.”

“You’ve given me your word more than a few times. I think you might owe me a few dates, my dearest Momota-chan.”

Momota’s eyes dart to the clock again, and Kokichi follows his gaze. 5:25.

“I’ll take you on as many dates as you want, Ouma.”

Momota had asked him out again in the third loop, and the fourth. Kokichi had accepted those, though in the fourth one Momota hadn’t bothered to drop to one knee and hadn’t even offered him a ring pop. He’d just turned to Kokichi and asked, “Will you go out with me?”

“I want a ring first,” Kokichi had said in response. 

“A ring,” Momota repeated. “What kind?”

“Grape.”

Momota had presented the ring pop, and Kokichi said yes.

In the fifth loop, Momota got down on one knee again.

“Ouma,” he started.

“Will you go on a date with me?” Kokichi asked. Momota reeled back, looking around the room in surprise. 

“Uh….yeah.” He stood up, blinking heavily. “How -”

“I have my ways,” Kokichi said with a wink. 

He’d skipped his next classes. That had been the first time he broke into the kitchen. He did a decent job sneaking, and his little recon mission was how he figured out the likely cause. He’d only gotten a brief glimpse before the chef kicked him out.

Momota was waiting for him at that same table. “Ouma,” he’d called out, waving him over, and Kokichi obliged him by taking a seat in the same chair he’d died in four times. “Are you hiding something?”

“Always. Are you?”

“You knew what I was doing this morning.”

“I’ve known you were in love with me for months.” Kokichi leaned back in his chair, twirling a strand of hair around his finger. “Obviously I knew what you were doing.”

“But you didn’t! The first - Uh, I mean...Oh, fuck it. You know what’s happening, right?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He kicked his chair back, balancing it on two legs. He was not going to be the one to say it first, and it was so fun to get him worked up like this. “I mean, I know everything, but -”

“The loops! You’re the only one acting different! The first loop, you were surprised, the second loop you were - and now you’re stealing my lines!” Momota leaned towards him, hands on the table.

Kokichi raised a single eyebrow. “Your first performance was your best, Momota-chan.”

“So you are aware. How?”

The chair’s legs thudded against the ground. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“I…” Momota hesitates, bluster wavering before it comes back full force. “Obviously, the universe knew I was the best person to task with fixing this. I’m gonna save everyone, just you watch.”

“Oh, good. I was worried I’d have to do something.” He stood up abruptly, almost knocking the chair over. “I’ll see you for our date, then.”

A hand grabbed his sleeve, pulling him back down. Momota was reaching across the entire table, gripping Kokichi’s sleeve tightly. His brows were pinched together, face unguarded and open and desperate. There was only a second of hesitation before Kokichi ripped his sleeve away, narrowing his eyes at the man across from him.

“You can’t seriously plan to do nothing,” Momota insisted. “There’s gotta be a reason -”

“Maybe I’m supposed to be working against you,” Kokichi said. His expression fell away to blankness. “You’re so eager to trust, Momota-chan. It’s very stupid of you.”

“That shit stopped working on me last year.” Momota jumped to his feet, hands pressed against the table as he leaned dangerously forward. Kokichi doesn’t need to have time traveled to know he will inevitably topple forward and crash into the table. Perhaps he would be the one to die to it this loop. “Ouma, I know you. Fuck, I asked you out this morning, you really think I’m still gonna fall for your evil bullshit?”

“I mean, it’s worked before. Recently, even.”

“You broke in through my window! Look, you’re missing the point. I know you wanna save everyone as much as I do.” His eyes were alight, grin too sharp for Kokichi’s liking.

“It’s in the kitchen.” 

Momota leaned forward again, and there it was - he fell face first onto the table.

“Idiot. Maybe the universe did choose me to help you. You’re clearly too stupid to figure it out on your own.”

Momota didn’t waste a second. He pushed himself back up as Kokichi spoke, completely ignoring his words. “See! We’re a perfect team, Ouma. What’s in the kitchen?”

A mess was in the kitchen. Every surface had at least five distinct fire hazards, and all together it combined into something unfathomably dangerous. A stray spark ignited a chain, and at the end of that chain was a crater.

Since that loop, they’d tried different ways to fix the kitchen. They’d tried scoping out times where no one was there (there weren’t any), they’d tried convincing the chefs something needed to be fixed (they’d been kicked out), they’d tried fixing it themselves (the explosion happened three hours earlier that loop), they’d tried setting off every smoke detector they could find (none of them worked). 

It’s starting to look a little hopeless.

Students begin filing into the cafeteria, happy and carefree and unconcerned. Akamatsu’s voice carries as she rushes to their table. “Ouma-kun, Momota-kun! I was wondering where you’d gone. The strangest thing happened in math earlier -”

Kokichi lays his head on the table. In his mind, he could only see Akamatsu’s broken body, her flesh beginning to bubble. Her screams were always the loudest.

It‘s always the same. Akamatsu starts her stupid story. Saihara arrives late, feathers in his hair, and Harukawa trails after him and glares at Kokichi. 

She usually survives the longest, from what Kokichi can see. She stays standing until the end. Saihara crumbles quick and quiet.

“Are you alright?” Saihara asks as he takes a seat next to Kokichi. 

Kokichi looks up at him. He’s too tired for expressions. “You’re going to die in twelve minutes.”

“Right,” Saihara says, and then he turns to Akamatsu and asks if she can help him get the feathers out of his hair.

They smile, and laugh, and talk, and at 6:15 exactly, that spark is set off.

Kokchi lives a moment longer than the last few loops, long enough to see Momota crushed by a falling piece of ceiling. 

“Liar,” Kokichi says to him, and then he too is gone.

---

He wakes up in bed.

[buckybabybaby]

Birthday Wish

A/n: As promised, Bucky smut to celebrate this blog turning 3 on Wednesday!! And the first time I posted fanfiction! (And me turning 27...)

If you're not over 18 please don't read.

Proof read by way of a text-speech device

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader (Female) friends to lovers

Word count: 2055

Warnings: 18 + Smut. Thigh ridinggg ;)

Plot: Bucky finds your fan blog, and decides to reward the birthday girl

(I'm posting this in May 2020, so you can imagine you and Bucky are stuck together because you're in quarantine like half the world is atm, but if you're reading this in the future when (hopefully!) we're a bit more free to move just imagine you're on a mission or awaiting rescue or something, and that's why you're together...)

(Part Two)

added in May 2021!

Birthday Masterlist – the other fics I've written on my birthday in the past 3 years are all here

Main Masterlist

*****

 “Y/N? Can I borrow you for a minute?”

This isn't an unusual request from Bucky. Ever since he joined the team, the two of you have spent many hours together, working through one issue or another. Sometimes it'sa trivial problem, like how to use the fancy coffee machine or turn on the gyms sound system, other times its more delicate in its nature, such as helping him catch up on eighty years of rather eventful history, some of which he had an unwilling hand in.

More often than not though, it is to do with the internet, and the endless mess it throws at him. Judging by the laptop resting in front of where he's sat, you're guessing he's found something else to worry about.

“What seems to be the problem, Bucky?” You ask, wandering out of the kitchen and into the living room, taking a seat next to him on the sofa.

“No problem, not right now at least. I just wanted to talk.”

“Oh?”

He nods. “First, close your eyes.”

As instructed, you shut your eyes. Being isolated with Bucky for over a month now, you're so comfortable around him you don't even question his request, somehow knowing that his intentions aren't malicious. It feels like that trust goes both ways, too, as before this forced seclusion together he wouldn't have let you sit any wear near as you are right now.

“I found this in the supply cupboard last time I was using the vacuum. I thought it would be appropriate, given what day it is.”

Blinking your eyes back open as you feel him place something lightly on top of your hair, he smiles softly at you as you reach up to take it off and work out what it is.

“Happy birthday.”

Your gaze, which had been fixed on the sparkly tiara adorned with those two words in silver gems, snaps back up to meet his in shock.

“How-?”

“You think I'd forget?” He laughs kindly. “I was at your party last year.”

“But still, with everything-”

“I know, and I know why you didn't mention it.” He takes the tiara from your grip and replaces it upon your head. “You think just because we can't go out anywhere or see any of your other friends, then its not worth celebrating?”

“Kinda?”

“Doll,” He chides. “We can have fun together can't we?” The air in the room shifts and feels heavier as his fingers linger close to the side of your face, and you don't think it's your imagination that his voice has got deeper. “Isn't this what you wanted? Just you and me?”

“Err?”

He opens his laptop and turns it towards you. “This is the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. I think you'll find this quite interesting.”

Leaning into his space to see the screen, the image in the corner grabs your attention, and when he scrolls further down the page to reveal the whole picture, your body goes rigid with fear.

Bucky is on your blog.

More specifically, your fan blog dedicated to the man sitting next to you, where you've shared every dirty thought you've ever had about him, and had very explicit conversations about what you want him to do to you.

“Recognise this, Y/N?”

Time unfreezes, and as the adrenaline kicks in you stand so quickly you get dizzy, bolting for the front door to escape. Unfortunately your light-headedness makes you slow and Bucky easily catches up before you can get too far. Spinning you back round to face him and walking you half a step backwards to the wall, his hands come up on either side of your head to box you in, and you swallow at the audible 'click' of the lock as he commands the security system to seal you in.

“Where are you off to, sweetheart?”

You can't look at him. Never before have you regretted something more, wished you could turn back the clock, or just simply disappear. Why did you think you could get away with it? There's no one to blame for this situation but you and your stupid arrogance.

“I'm sorry,” You whisper, still avoiding eye contact. “I never meant for you to find that.”

“Clearly,” He says, laughing under his breath until he notices the tears forming. Tilting your head up so your gazes meet, he smiles reassuringly. “Hey, I'm not angry. Or creeped out or disgusted, or anything. I didn't let you know I'd found out to make you cry, especially not on you're birthday. So please don't get upset.”

Wiping at your cheeks gently, he continues to speak calmly. “I may seem clueless when it comes to technology, but I can put my own name into a search engine, and when I found this blog with very specific details about me only someone close would know, it didn't take long to put two and two together. Especially when they'd post about their day, couldn't be a coincidence every time that it was exactly what you'd done too, could it? I've known about this for a while now, if I felt uncomfortable about it I would have said something sooner.”

“Why now?” You whisper, letting one of your hands move up to grip at the hem of his top, a more pleasant sort of internal heat taking over from the shame even as your heart continues to race.

“Thought I'd fulfil that birthday wish you posted about this morning.”

You nearly go limp against the wall behind you at his words, so turned on you can't think straight, tugging sharply on his shirt as he chuckles at your reaction.

“Thought you might like that,” He grins slyly. “There is some absolute filth on that blog of yours, darling. Where's that Y/N been hiding?” Guiding your arms over his shoulder, his mouth presses kisses along the column of your neck. “Some of the things on there I never even knew existed, definitely not things I ever would've imagined you'd be into.”

Bucky pushes he hips into yours, and you gasp at the feel of his erection. “Sweet little innocent Y/N. Not so innocent it seems, hmm?”

Your positively dripping at this point, the ache in between your legs growing with every second Bucky fails to do anything about it.

“And what was it you were talking about earlier, huh?” He teases a hand over your collar bone, where your skin is flushed and hot to the touch. “Thigh riding?”

You whine as he says that, knowing how in-depth you'd gone on that particular post. “Oh yes, Y/N. I know all about how much you love having-”

“I've never actually-” You squeak out, voice breaking at the end as you try to defend yourself.

Most of your blog is just talk, without any real life experience to base it off, but that was what it is there for. An outlet for your frustrations, especially after spending all day with Bucky.

His surprised expression quickly morphs back into lust at your admission. “Never? How about you test it out then, see if it lives ups to the reality?”

You can barely get enough air into your lungs to stay upright, let alone form a reply, but he waits patiently as you process your thoughts.

Pushing all your nerves aside, you nod shyly. “I mean, I don't really know how-”

Grinning at obtaining your consent, he gracefully sweeps you up into his arms. “That's alright, we can figure it out together.”

He's sat back on the sofa before you know it, this time with you on top, his hands resting gently on your sides as you try to work out what you should do.

A light swat to your bottom makes you jump. “Come on, Y/N, don't keep me waiting.”

The slight dominance in his tone has you hurrying to comply, eager to please. Shuffling onto your knees so you can rise up off of his lap and quickly slip off your joggers, you lower yourself back down on to one of his thighs and rest your arms over his shoulder again as you breathe heavily.

Cautiously rolling your hips, the resulting spark of pleasure is a welcome surprise. Even in your lust fogged internet rambling, you had considered how awkward this could be outside of fantasy, but with Bucky its easy. It feels like his thigh was made for this, just the right size between your legs to have you whimpering, seeking out more as his hands on your waist push you to move faster.

“Oh, fuck Bucky,” You moan shakily, finding the perfect rhythm quickly with his help.

He watches open mouthed as you grind on him, pupils blown at the sight. “That's it, good girl. Take what you need.”

You hadn't expected it to feel so good, even though you're still wearing your panties, and Bucky's own trousers are soaked with the evidence of your arousal. Normally you need a lot of stimulation to feel good, a lot of build up to get you anywhere close, and before today you couldn't imagine anything could feel this intense this fast.

Maybe its the days and weeks of confinement that have had you on edge and frustrated constantly, or maybe its just because its Bucky Barnes, but either way, your high is nearing in record time and there's not a thing you can do to stop it.

“Bucky, I'm-”

“I know sweetheart, I've got you. Let go.”

His wish is your command, your body shuddering as you reach your climax, clinging desperately to him as white hot pleasure shoots through you, your toes curling and breath coming in shakily. He helps you through it, moving his thumb to rub circles over your clit just as you're recovering, sending you into another spiral of bliss, his name mumbled quietly as you twitch.

Bucky watches you closely as you come down, your body going floppy in his hold once the ringing in your ears dies down, and then his lips are on yours for the first time, hands cupping your face to keep you close. He can't resist you, not when you're all blissed-out and pliant in his lap.

Nobody could resist you like that.

Too quickly for you to react and return the kiss, he's jolting away, back pressing into the cushions of the sofa as if he's trying to escape.

“Shit, I'm sorry,” He gasps, avoiding your puzzled stare. “I shouldn't have done that, I don't even know if you like me in that way-”

You cut of his panicked rambling by pressing your mouth to his again, not able to kiss him properly as you're still short of breath, just pecking at his lips clumsily in an attempt to convince him of your deep feelings.

In a reversal of roles from earlier, you rest your forehead against his to catch his eye. “Of course I like you outside of... this. I like you a lot Bucky, and I'd like you a lot more if you kissed me again.”

He does just that, sucking gently on your lower lip when he pulls away with a grin. “Would you also like to have dinner with me tonight?” He asks, a little of his confidence back as he anticipates your answer. “I know we can't go out properly, but it could still be a date?”

“I'd love that,” You say, leaning into his chest happily.

He grunts quietly as you shift in his hold, your elation at finally getting everything you want with Bucky making you forget for a second about his own arousal still trapped between your bodies.

Deliberately rocking your hips into his again, his eyes darken at your giggled, “Oops?”

“Little brat. Just because you're wearing that tiara doesn't mean you can act like a princess. Was that not enough to satisfy you?” At the shake of your head, he purses his lips “Well, I'm not that hungry quite yet. I think it would be a good idea to go work up an appetite, and maybe work through your other little fantasies?”

Picking you up and carrying you in the general direction of the bedrooms, Bucky's smirk has you squirming all over again.

“If I remember correctly, there was something on that blog of yours about my face between your thighs.”

******

(Part Two)

A/n: Happy birthday if it is your birthday today!!! all the kissess xxxxxxxx

[inkedstarlight]

Bittersweet: Chapter 11

Summary: The Inner Circle rings in the New Year. Notes: Read it here on AO3! Warnings: brief mention of (implied) self-harm scars, themes of depression Bittersweet Masterlist

“I fucking hate the holidays,” was Emerie’s greeting to Nesta a couple days after Christmas.

Nesta glanced up from the drinkware she was cleaning to watch Emerie hang her jacket on the hanger in a huff. Her raven hair was pulled back in a loose braid, her eyes lined thickly with kohl and mascara. Nesta couldn’t help but smirk with amusement. “I take it seeing the family didn’t go well?”

Emerie snapped her head to glare into Nesta’s eyes. “They spent all of Hannukah lecturing me about doing something else with my life, something more respectable than 'slinging drinks around a dirty bar,’” she recalled with air quotes, her lip curled in disgust.  

Nesta dried the last glass. She threw the towel on the counter and turned to face her coworker. Crossing her arms, Nesta inquired, “And your response was?”

“I threatened to go into sex work.”

Nesta quirked a brow. “I thought you already worked at Euphoria on the weekends. If I recall correctly, you invited me to watch one of your performances.”

“Yes, Nesta, I'm aware that I'm already a stripper. That's the beauty of it. I threaten to join an even more unconventional line of work so they will accept my moderately unconventional job. They would much rather I bartend than strip.”

Nesta snorted. “I can’t argue with that logic.”

Before Emerie could try to convince Nesta to visit her at Euphoria again, Helion swooped in from behind them. He planted a loud kiss on Emerie's cheek. She feigned disgust, wiping the spot where his lips had been. Turning to him, Emerie smacked his chest playfully.

"Hello to you, too. You look ravishing," Helion wiggled his eyebrows with a wolfish grin.

Emerie rolled her eyes. "I'm immune to your charm, Helion. You should know that by now."

Helion gave her a questionable look that said, You sure about that?

He then turned his attention to Nesta with a grin and took a step forward - most likely to try to kiss her cheek as well - but he was quickly met with a death glare. He did this every time he came into work, and Nesta always rejected his affection. She had to admit he had balls for not giving it up.

Then again, he was a certifiable slut.

Helion's hands were raised in surrender when he turned to address both of them.

“I see you ladies are falling behind," he said, nodding his head to the current score of their little competition. Helion had titled the game, "Who's Got the Biggest Tip?" with an obscene drawing next to it.

Nesta looked behind her at the chalkboard. She was in last place.

The tip competition hadn’t even crossed Nesta’s mind. What with college, Tomas, and family, she wasn’t quite prioritizing the opportunity to man the music at Rita’s. Free booze on the other hand... that she could get with.

“Hey, I’m not that far behind you!” Emerie protested. “It’s Nesta who’s lagging behind.”

They both turned to her. Nesta merely stood there as they inspected her, Helion rubbing his chin in contemplation while Emerie tilted her head as if she would see something different horizontally.

“I’m not entirely surprised,” quipped Helion. “I mean, she’s gorgeous, but if looks could kill…”

Emerie hummed in agreement. She gestured to Nesta’s chest. “The uniform does wonders for her tits. It’s just once you get to the face. The hair can be let down, maybe pinch some color on her cheeks.”

Nesta continued to give them a blank stare. She was highly unamused.

“Don’t forget the smile,” Helion chimed in.

“How could I forget? Gods, her resting bitch face is even worse than mine.”

"There's potential, though."

"Undoubtedly."

Before the mischievous duo decided to go all "Miss Congeniality" on her, Nesta interrupted their daydream. “Are you guys done?”

Her question brought them back to reality. Helion sighed. "Yeah, I guess. Time to make some tips."

With that, the three of them got to work. Throughout the night, Nesta found herself trying to smile more. At customers, at Emerie and Helion. But every time she managed to pull her lips up, an invisible weight seemed to drag them back down to a deep frown.

Smiling had never been so hard.

They were celebrating New Year’s Eve at Feyre and Rhysand’s place. Nesta hadn’t been looking forward to it considering they had all just gotten together on Christmas Day. Seeing her sister’s asshole of a boyfriend and her infuriating neighbor biweekly was enough for her, thank you very much.

The night was uneventful. Elain had volunteered to be the designated driver, so Nesta took the opportunity to have more than just a couple drinks. By the time the clock struck 11:30, Nesta was far gone. She rarely ever got drunk in social situations, instead choosing to get fucked up in the comfort of her own home. The last thing she wanted was to lose control and do something she would regret the next morning.

But all those worries were thrown out the window the minute she had her first sip of liquor.

Nesta hated the phenomenon of New Year’s resolutions. She hated the idea of self-reflection, of changing, of setting a personal goal. It was bullshit. She felt this obligation to be better. To change into an entirely different person, someone sensitive and warm and outgoing. In other words, someone - anyone - except for herself. It was suffocating.

So as Nesta downed drink after drink, she watched the people around her – she doesn’t quite consider them friends, save for Amren – waiting for the new year to begin. Particularly Elain and Azriel.

Since Elain confessed her feelings for Azriel to Nesta – though some may say Nesta forced Elain to spill the beans – Nesta had been watching them like a hawk. Elain hadn’t yet been in a relationship, at least to Nesta’s knowledge. Perhaps that was why Nesta felt so protective over her sister. That, or because she was the most gentle person Nesta knew.

Nesta didn’t know much about Azriel. Their conversations had been scarce. All she really knew was what Elain told her. He had grown up across the street from Cassian and Rhysand, and the three of them had been thick as thieves since childhood. While Rhysand attended Pryth U and Cassian joined the Marines, Azriel stayed home after graduating high school to take care of their mother, much like Elain with their father. But their mother died just a few months after the three boys graduated. After working a couple minimum wage jobs, Azriel founded a local animal shelter a couple years ago with his friend and since then, his entire life had been dedicated to it.

From what Nesta could tell, Azriel seemed like a good man. But she could tell he still struggled with things from the past. And it wasn’t just the scars on his hands that gave it away. Feyre had briefly mentioned to Nesta that Azriel had gotten in trouble with the law many times in his younger years. Although Feyre didn't elaborate on his wrongdoings, Nesta couldn't help but imagine the worst.

Nesta would be lying if she said she didn't see similarities between herself and Azriel. The scars, the haunted looks, the guarded demeanor. And because she knew that there was no way she could possibly be in a healthy, functioning relationship, she had a feeling that Azriel couldn't either. It was painfully clear that he hadn’t yet dealt with whatever trauma he’d experienced. If he were to get into a relationship with Elain, it would only end in heartbreak for her.

Nesta watched from the kitchen table as Elain and Azriel played the Wii. Nesta could tell just by Elain’s body language that she was smitten. Her entire body leaned towards his when they sat next to each other to take a break from their “bowling” competition. And while Azriel engaged with her, Nesta noticed the hesitance in his expression, the way he shied away when Elain got too close. Almost like it was a reflex.

Nesta's hand twitched. She wanted to interfere.

It’s Elain’s life, Nesta reminded herself. As much as you worry, she has to be the one to make her own decisions.

With that uneasy thought, Nesta relaxed back into the kitchen chair she was sitting on and took a large gulp from the mixed drink she held. Everyone was mingling in the living room as Nesta watched from the breakfast bar. All their backs were facing her, offering her the slightest bit of solace knowing that no one was paying attention to her.

She hadn't seen much of Cassian tonight. They both seemed to be holding themselves to their agreement to distance themselves from one another. He seemed perfectly content to stay out of Nesta's way, and Nesta felt the same. She just couldn't help but be surprised he hadn't tried to get a rise out of her.

At least, not yet. There was always time.

Nesta loathed the way Cassian was able to get under her skin, hated the way he made her feel. She didn't understand it. He was virtually a stranger and yet he made her blood boil. And all because he found it entertaining to watch her lose control? Gods, he was twisted.

As the thirty-second countdown began, the couples paired off. Mor grabbed Aurra until nothing separated them. Feyre leaned against the wall and Rhysand rested his hands above her head. That only left Azriel, Elain, Nesta, Cassian, and Amren.

Cassian and Amren remained seated on the couch that was directly in front of Nesta. Amren was whispering to him, no doubt making fun of every couple in the room. They laughed together. Then of course, Azriel turned to Elain with a shy smile.

And that left Nesta sitting alone at the bar, her drink half empty. Her glazed over eyes followed Elain and Azriel.

Ten.

They looked at each other.

Nine.

Azriel took a couple steps closer.

Seven.

Azriel dipped his head to Elain’s ear and whispered something.

Five.

Elain blushed. She looked up at him and nodded with a smile.

Three.

Azriel gripped her waist with one hand and pulled her in.

Two.

Elain melted into his touch.

One.

They stared deeply into each other’s eyes.

Zero.

Azriel pressed a soft kiss on Elain’s cheek. She closed her eyes as if she were trying to savor it, to hold onto that moment for as long as she could. Azriel’s lips reluctantly left her cheek, only for him to lean his forehead on her temple. Their chests rose and fell heavily, their breath seemingly in sync. They remained like that for a moment, both unwilling to let go of one another. It wasn’t until Rhysand hooted, “Happy New Year,” that Azriel broke away from her and re-entered the present. Eyes wide, all they could do was blink at each other, the air between them palpable with uncertainty and excitement and pain and hope.

Everyone around them was cheering. It was almost too loud for Nesta. Her ears rang.

As everyone around them laughed and yelled, Cassian looked behind his shoulder from where he sat and his eyes met Nesta’s.

They looked at each other for the briefest of seconds before Nesta flipped him off.

Nesta could've sworn Cassian's eyes brightened before he returned the gesture.

---------------------------------

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[artificialqueens]

Everything And More, 1/3 (Blu/Cheryl) - Juno

Summary: Blu and Cheryl discover they are soulmates … at the worst time possible. Does distance really make the heart grow fonder?

(A/N: This is a prequel to another fic I wrote which is on AO3, but can be read on its own too. Just wanted to do something with some DRUK girls, and there will be more to come! No CWs for this chapter. Hope you enjoy this so far.)

“Surprise, surprise!”

Cheryl had only had to open the door to the oddly quiet living room to instantly jump out of her skin the sight and sound of all her friends, the synchronised bangs of party poppers, streams of colours through the air. Something shattered in the kitchen through the open door at the back of the living room (most likely the walking hazard that was Kendall knocking a mug over), but shrieks and cheers covered up most of the noise.

She instantly turned backwards to meet Vivienne’s smug smile, as she stood behind her, and hit her with the paper KFC bag that was in her left hand.

“I knew you were doing this!” Cheryl cried, although really she would never have guessed.

“Give over, Chez, you had no idea. You thought we were just going for nuggets. Anyway, d’you like it?” Viv’s grin was a little forced.

“I love it! Babe, thank you so much!” Cheryl tugged Vivienne down the six inch difference in height to hug her round the neck.

A gentle ahem from inside the front room interrupted them, and Cheryl turned to Divina, standing waiting her turn.

“Divina did the decorations,” Viv muttered, but she needn’t have said; it was obvious by their precise locations and mix of pastels (but no other bright colours) that it was Divina’s hand leading all of this set up. Cheryl just dragged Divina towards them both, happy they’d put their mutual dislike aside even if it just for this.

“You didn’t think we’d let you go off to America without one last party, did you?” Divina exclaimed.

“Guys! You really shouldn’t have! Oh, I’m gonna cry!” Cheryl finally put down the KFC bag, nuggets spilling on the floor, to wipe her eyes.

Divina seized her by the cheeks. “Less of that, Cheryl, no tears today, okay? Come in and we’ll get the party going.” Divina steered Cheryl into the living room out of Vivienne’s arms, and Baga grinned as she handed her a mug.

But Cheryl knew better than to drink it right off the bat.

“What’s this, Bags?”

“Just coke,” Baga shrugged.

“Coke and what?”

“Coke and a mug.”

“Coke and what, Baga?”

But Baga just grinned. “Drink it and find out!”

Cheryl put the mug to her lips and … Oh, yes, coke and some fucking paint thinner, she realised. This was going to be an interesting afternoon. Just Baga feeding them all more and more alcohol from her mum’s special cupboard and topping it all up with water or apple juice or whatever hair-brained scheme Baga seemed to have thought up next.

Speaking of her mum …

“Viv,” Cheryl realised, turning to her, “does my mum know you’re all here?”

Vivienne blinked and looked at the painting on the wall.

“Viv! Tell me!”

“What are we playing first, girls?” Baga ignored Cheryl, steering her to the dining table which was large enough for six, and littered with bottles and cans. “Make space! Cards? Anyone brought cards?”

“Baga, no way, I told you I’m not playing Ring Of Fire again.” Kat folded her arms, glaring at her.

“Shut up, Kat. Who wants Ring Of Fire?”

“I’ve got a deck of cards!” Vivienne declared, producing one from her bra.

“No way am I playing with those.” This time it was Divina’s turn to put her foot down. “Not when they’ve spent all morning in Vivienne’s tits. I might catch something.”

“Only thing you’ll catch is some class, girl.” Vivienne replied smoothly.

“Class? From you? I don’t think.”

“Okay, okay!” Baga huffed. “Jesus Christ, you lot. Someone else suggest something then. Chez, get that down your neck.”

Cheryl focused on drinking while the others argued about the game. Viv and Divina kept shooting barbs at each other, with Vinegar egging them on and Sum waving her hands in the air trying to calm both of them down. Baga’s face grew redder and redder as she fought not to shout at them, while Crystal, Kat and Kendall went to the back door to vape.

Wait.

“Is Blu not coming?” Cheryl asked in the kitchen, but the argument was reaching a crescendo. She drained the mug and went outside to the back garden. Crystal was blowing smoke rings, while Kat and Kendall sat in the grass, legs intertwined, passing Kendall’s vape pen between them and picking at the daisies.  

“Where’s Blu?” Cheryl asked Crystal, thinking Kat and Kendall were too preoccupied for company.

“She’s still got flu,” Crystal replied, blowing a cloud of smoke through the centre of her newest smoke ring. “She couldn’t come.”

——

Fuck this. Fuck the flu.

Blu felt like shit, and not just because of the flu. She was missing Cheryl’s surprise party. God, what irony. She hadn’t missed a day of term over the whole of sixth form, and now she had the worst flu of her life at the end of the summer holidays, right before everyone was going to uni and right before Cheryl was flying to America.

She looked down at her phone from earlier when she’d messaged Viv.

Blu: sorry im still sick

Blu: mam wont let me out the house

Blu: best i can hope for is to be better for monday to come to the airport

Viv: Can’t be helped girl xx

Viv: Hope your feelin better soon xx

She’d wanted to see Cheryl’s face when Viv brought her in for the surprise, because Cheryl would never guess in a million years and her face would be a picture.

She’d wanted to savour every minute she was still with her best friend before he had to get on the plane and go on that scholarship.

She’d wanted to give Cheryl her present at the party. Nothing worth a lot of money, or big, but something that meant a lot to Blu and she hoped to Cheryl too.

Sighing, she looked over at the corner where it was wrapped, ready to go. Where she’d almost fallen on it this morning, getting up and out of bed. Telling her ma she felt fine, before her unsteady legs gave out under her and she crashed into the wall.

It sucks being in bed all day.

She looked down at her watch - one of those new ones with the soulmate-finder on it, to see that the day was moving frustratingly slowly. There was nothing onTV, she’d watched what felt like the whole of Netflix, and she still didn’t really want to eat.

With a growl of frustration, she tugged the duvet over her head and snuggled down, hoping that being good and staying in bed would help her fever hurry the fuck up and leave her in time for Monday.

Then I can say bye.

She couldn’t let Cheryl go without saying goodbye. Cheryl was far more than her best friend.

Coming over from Belfast after her parents’ divorce two years ago felt like wrenching a tree from its roots and trying to plant it in rocks. London was too big, and even now Blu still wasn’t altogether used to central London, but here on the outskirts wasn’t as bad.

In addition to a different country, she’d had to shift her studies here too, and her first day at her new school had felt like all the wires in her brain had been rearranged. Besides, having the badge of honour of being the New Girl among these sixth formers who had already known each other for five years was never going to be straightforward.

But her first lesson, on her first day, Business Studies, had seen the prefect Cheryl toss her hair back from her shoulders and pat the empty space at the desk next to her, her smile charming and so fucking genuine.

It had been all Blu had needed for something hot to blossom in her chest.

She’d been so confused. Back at school in Belfast, she’d convinced herself having crushes on her girl friends was just a phase, as her ma had said, and she would grow out of it. But meeting Cheryl had made her sure that it definitely wasn’t just a phase. The crushes she’d had in Belfast came and went, like clouds on a windy day; like the boys who had entered her life but who had never felt real, and had let her go like the wisp of smoke she turned into. But Blu had never once moved on from Cheryl. Cheryl was the sky beyond the clouds. In her mind now, that was all there was.

Blu had shook when she’d told her ma she was certain now, over Christmas holidays in Year 12 - certain that she didlike girls, this wasn’t going away, and there was This Girl in her life now, and This Girl was incredible, kind, talented, gorgeous … and probably as straight as a poker. And her ma had nodded along with her confession, reassured her, let her cry at the relief.

Cheryl remained This Girl.

Incredible, kind, talented, gorgeous, and Blu was convinced poker-straight.

Blu opened her eyes, stunned to see the clock had moved on to seven pm in what felt like no time at all. She’d slept, by some miracle.

Her throat felt much better, too.

——

Three rounds of Ring Of Fire and countless attempts at Among Us later, and Cheryl was warm and drunk and swaying happily to the music from Divina’s Spotify playlist. Among Us had gone to pieces after everyone had collectively decided that Crystal was just always going to be the imposter and Crystal made no attempt to dissuade them; simply flipping her hair back and winking at them.

Cheryl felt the familiar sensation of Vivienne’s fingers at the back of her neck, tugging her hair back to braid. It transported Cheryl to being in Year 7 again, when Cheryl had had her super-long hair, and Viv had been obsessed with braiding it at every opportunity. Now, with long gentle fingers at the base of her scalp, Cheryl let herself ascend to cloud nine of relaxation.

“You having a good time?” Viv asked softly.

It was a tone she didn’t really use with the rest of the group; her own quiet way of caring. Cheryl tried to nod.

“Stop it, girl, your braid is coming out!”

“Sorry. Viv? Mum did know about this party, didn’t she, babe?”

Vivienne cackled in response to Cheryl’s tentative question. “Of course she did, like Divina would have decorated your house like that if your mum hadn’t known about us giving you a party.”

Divina spun round at her name, her red hair seeming to flare up. “Vivienne, if you don’t stop -“

But Divina was interrupted by a sharp nudge in the ribs from Crystal, and a pointed glance to Sum, who Cheryl only just noticed was lying on the ground, her hands in her rucksack. She sat back up with an impish grin.

“Do you want to play some pass the parcel?” Sum asked, her eyelids drooping as she handed a parcel wrapped in brown paper to Cheryl. Her words were slurred; Sum was the lightweight of the group, for sure. Still, Cheryl was drunk enough not to think that pass the parcel was a stupid idea.

“Let’s do it then!” Cheryl shouted above the music. “Everyone get on the floor!”

“Some of us don’t need to go far, do we?”

“Shut up, Kendall, I’m not that short!”

“Just shut up and sit down, Baga,” Cheryl pulled her down to sit with them all. “Right - who’s got the music on?”

“Me,” Divina said, holding her phone up. “I’ll do the stops.”

The parcel took forever to go round everyone, with them all having a turn to unwrap a layer. After the seventh layer was unwrapped, Vivienne realised that Divina was not stopping the music when she had the parcel, resulting in yet another argument. But once everyone had had a turn, as expected, the parcel landed on Cheryl as the music stopped.

It was a small box, big enough to fit in her hands as she cupped it. It had to be the last layer before the gift was revealed. Obviously, Cheryl thought to herself, they’ve planned all of this.

She tore the paper off, and was stunned.

“This is - guys -“

Cheryl had seen the adverts for the soulmate-finding smart watches, but holding it in her hands … it felt surreal.

“We wanted to get you something meaningful,” Sum was smiling warmly as she spoke, “and so we all got together and bought you this watch.”

Sure, Cheryl would have loved to have owned one of these watches before, but they were so expensive and so new, that she thought it would probably be years before she’d own one at least. And now, here was the small box that held one, of her very own.

“God - you must have spent a fucking fortune on me, you didn’t have to do that …”

Cheryl found tears come readily to her eyes as Baga gave her a hug.

“Chez, it’s fine. Maybe now you’ll find an American soulmate!”

“Maybe.”

“And then you can stay in America and not come back!”

Cheryl forced a smile as she patted Baga on the back, letting the tears fall now.

“We’ll need to set you up before you go so when you get there you can meet some American as soon as you land. There’s some, like, personality quiz or something they make you take so they can set you up with a soulmate. Give me your phone and I’ll set you up.” Divina reached for Cheryl’s phone.

“Hey, hey, what makes you think you’re going to be setting her up, Divina?” Viv protested. “We all bought it, so we allget to do it.”

“Why can’t you fucking -“

“Shut the fuck up! Both of you!” Crystal shouted above them both; the only one still seemingly sober. “God, you’re both being fucking childish.”

“We’re all doing it,” Vinegar announced, and her authoritative tone as always caused the rest of the group to go quiet; Divina as docile as a lamb as she handed over Cheryl’s phone and the watch.

The nine of them poured the rest of the spirits and the mixers into each other’s mugs and glasses, and gathered round Vinegar as she downloaded the app onto Cheryl’s phone and started filling in the questions on the personality test.

They’d been a group for seven years, and although they didn’t always all get along now, it was the closest Cheryl felt to anyone. Cheryl glanced round at her friends, close as sisters but loyal as family, feeling tears hot in her eyes once again. The slight unnerving feeling in her gut that she had every now and then threatened to throw her off course again, intrusive thoughts creeping back in.

Is this the right thing?

Divina and Viv weren’t staring daggers at each other for the first time in the last month; instead working in tandem and chuckling softly at each other. Vinegar, her tongue worrying her lip in concentration, tapped answers to the questions as the girls called them. Kendall motioned to Kat with her vape, and the two backed away to the door of the kitchen, Sum following them.

A Levels had been and gone, and school was officially done. Cheryl’s scholarship to the prestigious Iman Performing Arts college in New York City was secured, plus the resettlement grant which would pay for moving costs.

She was the only one leaving England behind.

Blu would get it. Blu knows what it’s like to move countries. But Blu has the flu.

She giggled to herself at the rhyming thought, the only thing she could do to keep from crying again. Baga was already eyeing her to make sure she didn’t. The last thing she wanted was for her makeup to smear any more than it already was.

But it felt so much like her bubble of school, of normal life, was ending; ready for this new world of academia and New York to begin. It was a dream come true and a nightmare rolled into one. But Blu would understand, because she’d already moved to another country.

She wished for Blu more than ever at that moment.

Before she could think about it too much, her phone was thrust back into her hand by Vinegar, the questions all completed.

“There you are, babes.” Vinegar pointed to the bottom of the page. “If you like what we’ve done, just hit go.”

Cheryl didn’t feel as if all the words were going in, as she looked down the page, reading descriptions of herself, answers to family questions, life, hobbies, hopes and dreams. She could see the words, but they didn’t register; and as she read them, they felt as if they were describing someone else, someone who maybe existed in a mirror rather than a physical form.

When she got all to way to the top, she blinked at the ‘looking for’ box. Vinegar had entered Men, but Cheryl hesitated. That wasn’t … quite right.

This is it, Chez. Now or never.

Vodka was great for a confidence boost. She tapped the button where Vinegar had added that she was looking for Men, and changed it to Any gender instead.

A detail that wasn’t missed by Vinegar’s inquisitive gaze.

“Wait, hold on, hold on. Chez? Chez!”

Vivienne turned to look, and so did Divina and Baga.

“Oh, finally!” Baga exclaimed, dragging Cheryl back into a hug. “We wondered if you’d admit it before you left.”

“What? How did you know?” Cheryl cried.

But none of them would tell her; just smirking at one another and alternating her with hugs.

——

Cheryl’s flight wasn’t set to leave until five, but she had to be there three hours early to get through customs - how did that make sense, Blu thought, when she could arrive forty minutes before and still get back to Belfast - and so Blu had wanted to be there early, but there were so many people on the Tube, plus a breakdown at St Pancras, meaning she had barely any time to sprint across the glistening tiles at Heathrow airport.

Where is she?

The departures board said her flight was already going through baggage check in and security. There wasn’t much time. She followed the signs to the bag drop …

“Blu!”

Crystal was coming towards her, and Blu saw behind her Divina, Viv and Baga; all presumably having come down in Divina’s cramped little third-hand Ford KA. Viv was rubbing her eyes, and the telltale mascara lines on her cheeks told no lies.

“That’s it, then,” Crystal nodded, looking gravely at Blu. “She’s putting her bags through and then - well, she’s gone until Christmas.”

“You can still catch her after she comes out of baggage check in, Blu,” Divina said gently.

Blu didn’t pause to second guess; she sprinted past them, towards the baggage drop, watching people queue with their cases, looking at the queues for any sign of her.

And there she was.

Cheryl in the flesh, coming out of the baggage drop and about to ship herself almost halfway around the world; her normally perfect blonde hair tied off her face; her normally flawless makeup not even slightly present. Just Chez in a baggy shirt, denim jacket, and a pair of leggings, ready to fly. Ready to leave this bubble behind.

Blu had never loved her more.

Before she had the chance to call her, their eyes met. Blu watched them expand, the elated grin flood her face, and her arms open as Blu ran into them. Cheryl caught her, squeezed tightly …

Time stopped.

How was she meant to let Cheryl go? They’d only known each other these last two years …

They hadn’t had the time as besties the rest of them had had, but Blu knew that Cheryl just felt like a part of her now; as if each of them were a jigsaw with one piece of each other that fit perfectly.

It’s not the end. It’s not the end.

But as much as Blu repeated that to herself, something churned in her stomach at the thought of Cheryl leaving.

When time finally flooded back into their day, as Cheryl pulled away; Blu watched her green eyes fill with tears and Cheryl hurriedly wipe them away.

“Sorry,” Cheryl muttered, “I knew I was gonna cry at some point.”

“It’s alright,” Blu whispered, her own voice breaking too much to speak louder.

Cheryl nodded, taking Blu’s hand and squeezing, gazing at the ground, giving Blu as reassuring a smile as she could muster when she was evidently breaking in two.

“I’ll be back at Christmas,” Cheryl was murmuring, meeting Blu’s eyes again, “and in summer. That’s not long. Christmas is only, what, four months away. And we’ve got Skype. Facetime. Whatever. We’ve got - we’ve got everything. We’ll stay in touch. We will. We all will. We …”

“I know.” Blu nodded back at her. “We’ll talk - every day if you want, Cheryl.”

Cheryl nodded again, hitching her rucksack higher on her back.

“I have to go through security.”

“Before you go -“ Blu had almost forgotten. Her own present. She tugged it from her bag, small as it was, wrapped in brightly-coloured paper. Cheryl would probably guess at what it was from the size and shape, but she still rattled it next to her ear for good measure, before laughing and taking off her rucksack to put it in.

“I’ll open it on the plane.”

“Alright,” Blu replied, but Cheryl was frozen, her eyes wide, pleading. Asking something that Blu couldn’t hear, couldn’t understand.

“You don’t want to miss your plane, do you?” Blu whispered.

“No.” Cheryl took a deep breath. “Thank you, Blu.” And with a shy smile, she leaned in and ever so gently gave Blu a kiss on the cheek.

It was the last thing Blu expected. She held her breath, wishing time would stop again, wishing she could hold on to this moment, or drag Cheryl back off the plane. But they’d had so much time. Over school, over summer, and nowwasn’t the right moment.

“Bye, Blu. Thanks for the present. See you at Christmas.”

Blu feigned nonchalance. “If we let you back in the country.”

Finally, Cheryl managed a laugh. Squeezing Blu’s hand for the last time, Cheryl pulled away, finally letting her go.

Blu let her, and watched her walk away to the escalator up to Security, the first steps to her new life in America.

It was only when Blu reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes that she saw the blue notification light on her new watch. She hadn’t figured out what all the notification lights meant yet, so frowning, she tapped the button on the screen.

‘A soulmate is within a 10m radius. Please press the blue button to start your timer. You have one day for your soulmate to respond. You then have 100 hours to connect. Alternatively, please press the red button to decline this opportunity.’

Blu felt her legs tremble.

No fucking way.

She was frozen to the spot, reading the message over and over.

Turning her head back up, she watched Cheryl reach the top of the escalator. About to head to Departures.

Now was the only chance she would have before she lost her.

But Blu couldn’t move.

Finally, her legs seemed to obey her as she tore to the escalator, taking the steps three at a time, and at the top - sighing with relief - Cheryl was still there, putting her liquid items into the tiny plastic bags, draining her bottle of water to the last drop.

“Cheryl!”

Cheryl spun at the shrill sound of her name, a split second before Blu launched herself at her. She opened her arms and caught her a second time that day.

“Blu? What’s wrong? What -“

“We got you a soulmate watch, didn’t we?” Blu could barely catch her breath, her heart hammering. “Are you wearing it right now?”

“Yeah, it’s here,” Cheryl nodded, and held up her wrist. Something caught her eye, and frowning, she looked at it. “Why is there a light on it?”

Blu didn’t reply; she simply held up her own watch, with the same notification light.

“You’ve got a soulmate watch too? Wait, why is yours like that as well?” Cheryl said, but Blu didn’t need to respond. Cheryl’s mouth fell open, and she turned her eyes from the watch to Blu; who watched her realisation and her every thought as it crossed her face.

Cheryl - isn’t straight either?

“You -“ Cheryl’s eyes filled with the same easy tears that she always seemed to produce; always the easiest cryer of the group of them, always the most emotional. “I can’t believe it. You did, too?”

Blu nodded, weak with relief. “Since the start of sixth form.”

Cheryl gasped. “Since we got paired up for business studies! God, two years! Two years we’ve wasted, not doing this!”

Before she could ask what she meant, Cheryl tugged Blu towards her, closing the distance, kissing her lips; and it was everything and more that Blu had dreamed it would be. Cheryl might not have been wearing makeup, but she still smelled divine, her warmth a solace, a right place to be. Blu wrapped her arms around Cheryl’s waist, hoping to go deeper, but Cheryl let her go suddenly.

Blu saw her eyes cloud over once again.

“How am I meant to get on the plane if we’re -“

But she couldn’t finish the sentence, words failing Cheryl for probably the first time in her life. Blu looked at the Departures gates, ignoring everyone else around them, and took a deep breath, swallowing hard.

“For your dream, Cheryl,” Blu whispered. “This is what you’ve wanted forever. You’ve always said that. Remember - remember that day you got the scholarship through? When we were in class?”

“God, we got so drunk that day,” Cheryl giggled.

“Yeah, well, you need to go for your dream.”

“But - “ Cheryl swallowed, her voice an octave higher than usual. “But we’re soulmates, Blu.”

Her words wrapped themselves tightly around Blu’s heart, and she thought she’d never in her life forget the ice-cold sorrow in Cheryl’s voice … but she couldn’t let that influence anything rash.

She sniffed, trying to hold her tears back. “You have to go, Cheryl. You’ll miss your flight. I’ll be here for you, when you get off it again, at Christmas. I promise.” Blu rubbed her arm. “I’ll be right here, at Heathrow. Go get your dream, girl.”

“God, we’re stupid,” Cheryl muttered, “for not realising sooner.”

Blu pressed Accept on her watch, and a new message came up.

‘Thank you for selecting. Your soulmate has one day to respond. You will be notified when they make their decision.’

“Tap yours.”

Cheryl giggled. “Why? It’s definitely me.” But she did so anyway.

Blu felt her watch vibrate again, presumably with another message, but she didn’t care; Cheryl was here, and the watch had somehow made everything they’d both hidden for two years come into the light, fall into place like the missing jigsaw pieces.

“What - what now?”

But Cheryl didn’t reply; she grinned through her tears as she pulled Blu back towards her for a last kiss; one that felt like sustainment, like life itself. Blu could do nothing now but enjoy this moment, the final one for now.

Cheryl finally let her go, and Blu had to tell her to go before she changed her mind.

“Get your flight! Go and get your dream!”

Cheryl looked at the security desks, then wistfully at Blu.

“I’ll be back at Christmas, alright, babe?”

“I’ll be here for when you land. I promise.”

Blu let her go.

[disaster-bay-leaf]

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

[m00nlitknight]

emergency contact.

fandom: IT (2017) -- in a more modern setting pairing:  henry bowers / reader ( gender neutral ) word count:   2.4k+ warnings:  hospitals.  foot & shoulder injuries.  past relationships.  henry being a bit of an asshole but also just grumpy cos he was awoken. taglist:  @rvf3 extra:  based a lot off of a dialogue prompt i fount while perusing pinterest!  sorry my updates have been so bad lately but i hope you like this ♡  thank you for reading!  +  masterlist.

Responsibility.  Gained through years of maturing with the understanding that sacrifices must be made.  Giving up things one is used to doing to in turn be given an inkling of consideration for worthiness and respect in the eyes of the world.

To you, it meant having to give up the adrenaline-rush of teenagerdom that came in the form of a backwards sleep schedule in comparison to those around you for being able to work.  A sacrifice which you were more than willing to take, mainly for being able to reap the monetary rewards.

So you did what you’d grown used to, a dull routine you’d come to dub ‘the baby steps into adulthood,’ which began with going to bed at a reasonable hour.  You settled in, read until your eyelids became too heavy to bear, and dozed off with the stars as your voyeur.  It was a peaceful slumber, until your phone - at full volume - rang into the still and night-stale air.

You awoke with a start, jolting with tenseness before sighing and relaxing.  Your hand, groggy and zombie-like, padded around your bedside table for the cellphone, eyes still mashed into the pillow to try and soften the attack of the senses that came in the form of a shrill and default ringtone.

Finally, by the third ring, you managed to grip it and drag it to your ear.  “Hello?”  your voice was thick and gravel-like, coming out in a deep murmur you were hardly able to register yourself.

“Hello, are we reaching,” the voice on the other side came out clear and feminine, despite the underlying tiredness that went under your own radar.  She paused momentarily, before saying your name with a questioning tone.

“Yes…?  Who is this?”  whether it be the professionalism shown by the woman or the alarm of being awoken in the dead of night by someone who knew your name.

“Fantastic, this is Derry Home Hospital and we’re reaching you on account of Henry Bowers signing you as his emergency contact.”

“Huh?”

“Would...would you like me to repeat that?”

“No -- no, I’ll be down there as quickly as possible, thank you for calling.”

“Alright, thank you for your cooperation, and see you soon,” with that the woman was gone, leaving you to quickly ruminate over what the hell Henry had done.

Your history with him wasn’t exactly tidy, having gone through an on-again off-again relationship throughout highschool, mostly being left by him due to your ‘overly emotional’ nature.  However, these were mostly after arguments and fights initiated by him for petty reasons.  Eventually, after you’d graduated and found yourself on that mid-June morning, all contact with him had been reduced to some times you’d saw him in public.  You’d cast a gaze his way, then quickly do anything and everything in your power to either appear busy or disappear completely.

Groaning, you dragged yourself from bed, and did your best to work with getting ready in a timely fashion.  Truth be told, you honestly did not want to come face-to-face with the guy you’d been successfully avoiding for the past month.  But, when fate came ringing on your phone, what were you able to do?  Sighing through your nose, in the haze of a rude awakening, you pulled on the most comfortable but presentable clothing you could find, inclusive of a flannel, tank top, and pair of sweatpants.  Considering the shape these people had seen in the past, they could bear to see your tired eyes and laziness.

Before heading out the door, you briefly brushed your teeth, grabbed a water bottle, your keys, and wallet containing identification.  Though you hadn’t glanced at any clocks, you could deduce that it was the early morning, just before the sun was getting ready to come over the horizon.  Dark and starless.

The drive wasn’t exactly unpleasant, but you couldn’t really call it a tranquil drive, either.  What had Henry wound up doing?  Why was he in the hospital?  Was he gravely injured?  Where the fuck were his friends?  Even if it had felt like a wash of panic was coming over you, it was undeniably far less intense then the first two times you’d been called as his emergency contact.  Whatever the reason, he kept putting you down, practically claiming you as the most important and safest person in his life.

Fellow headlights were few and far between on the road, streetlights illuminating further then what your own car was doing for you.  Eventually, the fluorescent lighting of the hospital came into view, attracting you like an unfortunate moth to it.

Pulling into a space, you sighed in preparation of the worst.  The last two times you’d been there for him, he had been drugged up and nearly impossible to understand.  No matter what he looked like, you just hoped that he was going to be a tolerable presence.  With that thought, you headed into the main doors to reception.

“Hello,” you greeted, timid and taking a brief moment to hear your voice bounce against the walls and let your voice register.  “I, uh, was called as an emergency contact for my friend?”

“Oh, yes, are you here for Mr. Bowers?”  as she spoke, you registered her voice to be that of the nurse on the other side.

“Yeah! Yeah, that’s me.”

“His room number is number forty-four, I’ll show you to it,” she said, getting up and showing you down the pristine and sterile hallways.  On the way there, you take note of the few turns and landmarks that may need to navigate later.  She stepped into another room, one meant to house multiple patients, but with all but one bed empty.  “Here you are, another nurse will be seeing you shortly for his discharge.”

You padded further into the room, getting a good look at your peer laying on the bed, appearing to be fast asleep.  “Henry?”  You called out to him, the volume a bit of a strain against the tiredness practically coating your entire mind.

He awoke with a jolt, head jerking over to you with a scowl before softening slightly.  “Oh. S’just you,”  through the initial distaste you could feel a faint sense of relief from him.

“Yeah, just me,”  you took a seat at his bedside.  “What’d you do?”

“Right out the gate with the questions, huh?”

“Yep.  Now what’d you do, Hen?”

“Broke my foot ‘n dislocated a shoulder.  It was a fuckin’ blur how it all happened, so I don’t really remember all the fine details….my friends left me here, though.”

“Don’t they always,” you mumbled, taking a second to glance down at your phone and allowed your thoughts to flow into your focus. 4:22 a.m.  It was likely you wouldn’t be able to get back to bed.  Should you call in, allow yourself to take a day off?  Or should you rely on the power of caffeine and power through it?

“What happened t’us?”  his voice cut through the ebb and flow of the silence, the sound alone startling you into the present.

“Huh?”

“It’s like we saw each other every day then jus’ -- stopped,” his brows knit together as you looked to him, confusion blooming on each of your features, but with different origins.

“I don’t...I don’t know?”

“Neither do I...I miss it.  I miss you ‘n the way or you made me feel,” his face contorted further, like he was trying to solve a complicated math problem.  You shifted in your seat awkwardly and casted your gaze anywhere but him once again.

“I...I guess we just sorta fell off, Hen--”

“Don’t use that fuckin’ nickname with me,” he snapped, looking to you with a sudden harsh tone.  “S’been, what?  Two months since you spoke to me, four since y’last took the time to look at me?”

You sank into the depths of your seat when his ire-filled gaze turned to you.  Whatever words you had to say to him had long since died within your throat, not that any of them came with any type of maliciousness.  If you were able to be honest with yourself, you were somewhat surprised he hadn’t taken a more direct action to garner your attention in the months prior, and had instead taken the route to laying whatever you two had to an incomplete, and admittedly unsatisfactory, end.

“I’m sorry,” you were hardly able to muster, instead taking to fiddling with the long sleeves of the flannel you had.  Was there always an accent of red on the otherwise grayscale plaid color scheme?

He scoffed, rotating his uninjured shoulder and shifting in his bed.  “All y’can say is a ‘sorry’?  Shit, dude, I’d’a thought’cha to have more fight in ya.”

In the back of your mind, the snark of you had recalled the time to account for the lack of so-called fight within.

You sighed outwardly, once again, and dragged a hand down your face.  “Do you have anywhere to stay tonight, Henry?”

“Psh, old man’ll kill me if I barge in at fuck-all hours like this.”  No work today afterall.

“You wanna stay at my place?  You can take my bed.”

“Really?  Y’think I’m finally good enough to take a place in your bed, princess?”

“Careful,” you snap back, voice having taken on a sudden warning to its tone. “You sound like Hockstetter.  Don’t let his weird shit get to your head, Henry.”

“Oh, so you suddenly give a fuck about me ‘n who influences me, huh?  Fuck you think you are, my parent?”

“No, I just--”  You were cut off by a nurse stepping into the room.

“Mr. Bowers?”  He started, looking between the two of you with an air of caution.  “You’re free to go, just stop by the desk on your way out.  Would you like help getting into your wheelchair?”

“No,” he nearly barked back and shifted to move from the bed.

“Thank you,” you said quickly, getting up to help your friend from the bed when the nurse awkwardly shuffled from the room.  You didn’t scold your friend, even if how Henry had treated the nurse didn’t sit particularly well with you, the thought of another argument seemed to be on the horizon if you did.

He practically flung himself into the wheelchair with a grunt, pointing impatiently at the boot at the foot of his bed. “Don’t forget about my boot.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” you had said, voice truly devoid of any emotion whilst you grabbed your things to make a quick departure.  The quicker you could get home, the quicker you’d be able to fall back into sleep.

The discharging process proved itself less strenuous then you feared, only really consisting of yourself zoning out and Henry writing down his address - albeit, with the caveat of anything especially legible due to his dominant hand being injured.  At his prompting, and being drug involuntarily into reality once again, you wheeled him to your car and watched him struggle into the passenger seat.  You knew better then to offer help when he only wanted to keep up his ‘tough man’ act.  Silently, you put the wheelchair away and rushed back to your car.

It felt like the times when you were in a relationship with him all over again, something that settled uncomfortably onto your shoulders once you sat down in the driver’s seat and buckled your seatbelt.  “Buckle in,” you said, while starting to back out.

“Fuck off,” he snapped back.  You started driving in silence once again.

Both hands on the wheel.  The radio was drowned out by the engine.  You could nearly call it romantic had it been any situation when the two of you were infatuated with one another.  Running away and eloping under the moonlight, like you’d babbled about a few nights at the peak of your heart swelling for him.  Meaningless and empty words and fantasies of helping him from the predicament that was Derry.  It wrenched your heart, really, when you first met him.  Just a broken guy who maybe you could help out in some ways.  Maybe it was selfish of you.  Whatever.

The air felt stale and uncomfortable on the drive back, and it felt like an eternity before you pulled back into your driveway.  You glanced at the clock in your car. 5:00 a.m.  The sun was beginning to awaken, dusk starting to take ahold of the sky.

“How the hell am I gonna get you inside,” you murmured when you looked over to Henry, who stared blankly back at you.

“I’unno how well crutches would work since my shoulder ‘n all...Jus’ fuckin’ uh...help me to the door ‘n we’ll figure it out from there?  Y’still got that office chair, right?”

You nodded, opening the door and getting out.  You strolled up the pathway to your own door before going back to help the boy out of the car.  It was entirely too awkward, the way he threw an arm around you and leaned nearly all his weight on you.  The way you put an arm around your waist.  It brought back the past in the oddest way possible.  God, you wanted this to be over more than anything.

Many grunts and swears and a chair ride through hardwood floored rooms later, Henry laid in your bed and the front door went back to its closed and locked default.  If you had the energy in you, you would’ve sneered at the very idea of Henry fucking Bowers in your bed sullying your newly washed sheets.  Though, you could only stare for a few moments before beginning to gather things to sleep on your couch.

“Why?”  you asked as he stared at the ceiling.

“Why what?”

“Why do you keep putting me down as your emergency contact?  Don’t your friends know how to do that shit?”

“They’re scared.”

“Of what?”

“Bein’ fuckin’ adults’r somethin’, you done with the damn questions?”

“Yep.  See’ya, sleep well.”

You shuffled from the room, setting the couch up and staring at the ceiling to mirror his position.  The morning shaped itself to be odd.  While you dozed back off, you remembered the feeling of how it managed to turn out; it was uncomfortable.  You didn’t hate it, you didn’t like it, but you surely didn’t love it.  Henry bowers coming back into your life already felt odd, obviously, but he felt like just another part of high school you were supposed to leave behind.  Did you really want to leave him completely behind?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #322

“you will hear it when your god cries  /  you will see it when the sun dies  /  upon the altars of change”

What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee," from my old best friend. I don't want others calling me it, though. Where did you go on the best date you’ve been on? A big arcade. It was a super fun double-date. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No, and I don't want one. It'd be so awkward. What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. What act would you be most likely to perform in a talent show? I got nothin'. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? I don't. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yep, because of the whole "not wearing my retainer" thing. Whose was the first baby shower you remember attending, and for what baby? I'm unsure. Possibly my sister's for her first daughter. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? Many people. When was the last time you did something that felt like rebellion? So every now and again, I get a massive craving for soda at night, so I grab one from the kitchen and can hear my sleeping mother rightfully nagging me about it, haha... What is one present you got for your last birthday? Ashley got me this really cool skull bank that says "tattoo fund" on it, aha. I love it. What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have a clear memory of bringing a Snorlax plushie one day. Do you remember losing your first tooth? Not my first, no. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it's kinda easy to make me jump just a lil bit when one is popped. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don't know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? That is fucking HARD. I adore both, but I think the original is slightly better. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I'm pretty sure none of them did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, definitely. As for my snake, I'm aware that snakes' brains simply aren't developed enough for love, but she clearly trusts me. Are you proud of your body? Fuck no. I'm humiliated by it every waking moment. Watermelon or cherries? I don't like either, but if I had to pick, watermelon. Favourite brand of cookies? I don't really have a favorite brand. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? No, that shit grosses me out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your goddamn cart. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Uhhhh. I guess places I've "done it." When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? I did. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Yeah; at least, before Covid. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? Fuck 2016 into the next millenium. Do you like fried bologna? I haven't had it in so long that I don't really remember the taste. I think I would. Have you spent money on a game online? Yeah, very briefly with WoW. Mom was nice enough to refresh my subscription after the breakup (Jason paid for it prior), but from then on, I was rich enough in-game to use monthly game tokens to "pay." Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. What about your "Z"s? Also yes. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah, yummy. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Yessss. Toaster or toaster oven? We've always used a toaster oven. What are you most known for? Being artsy, I guess. Do you have any reputations? What are they? *shrug* What was the last thing to leave you speechless? No clue. What is the curviest part of your body? Well, I'm overweight, so it's difficult to tell where I'm naturally curvy... but I guess my hips. Even when I was at a perfectly healthy weight though, I don't think I was exceptionally curvy anywhere. What is your opinion on sex change? You are entirely deserving to feel comfortable in your own body. If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you? I'm not, though I thought I was when we were together, when we were really just using a loophole. It was a denial thing BECAUSE my virginity was so important to me. If you have lost it already, do you regret it? No. Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)? I didn't. What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? Things I said to Jason. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Pollen. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yeah, my most recent niece I actually held. I don't THINK I held Aubree or Ryder as newborns because I was so afraid of not doing it right and hurting them. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yeah. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. How many times have your comments been top comments on YouTube? A few times. I rarely ever comment, but if I do, it's because I feel like I really have something worth saying. Would you ever wear a wig? I'm not opposed to it. Do you like the moon or sun more? The moon. Do you like turkey or ham more? Ham. Have you ever slapped someone’s butt? Yes. Do you think dimples are ugly? I think they're cute, actually. Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Do you consider yourself a good kisser? I assume I am from experiences. Do you watch Pewdiepie? Not anymore, no. His current content doesn't interest me. The most recent thing I watched was his playthrough of The Last of Us 2, because I adore the first game and definitely wanted to see him play the sequel. I think he's pretty funny and have no personal issues against him, though then again I am so uninvolved in the fandom that I have no idea if he's done something stupid again. Do you like "Despacito?" Haha, my mind went to The Dark Den's bearded dragon before the song... I'm not a fan of it, no. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but I absolutely want to dye it pastel pink one day. :( I even edited a picture of me "testing" different hair colors out, and pastel pink looked suuuuper pretty. Do you drink energy drinks? No, they're too strong for my taste. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? I don't now how many I have, but I know it's below 100. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, but I enjoy the franchise. I'm not totally clear on all the lore, though. Do you like religion? Quite honestly, no. Do you swear in front of children? No. What is the next craft you are going to make? There's no telling. I don't really do crafts. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? Maybe "The Call." Favorite *N Sync song? I don't remember enough of them, at least not right now. Which of those two bands did you like best? The BSB, baby. Do you learn choreography easily? When I danced, I'd say I learned at a fairly average pace. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reeseeeeeee's. <3 Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? No. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? Oh man, idk. Maybe something from Troy, though I honestly barely even remember the movie by now, haha. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, actually. Who takes care of your pet(s) when you’re out of town? Hypothetically, one of my sisters would come to feed and water Roman and clean his box. I'm certain I couldn't talk either into spraying Venus' cage, though... What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? Some group work during therapy. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? Oh dear, I don't make those. Do you like celery? Yuck, no. By what age could you swallow pills? I dunno. A normal age. Do you like to drink alot of water? I need to drink more. :/ I've gotten better, though. For years, I literally never drank water. How I even survived, idk. How many times have you gone fishing? Countless times. Ever been to a roller-skating rink? Yeah. I loved having bday parties there as a lil'un. What do you refer to your mother as? (Mom, momma, mommy) Mom, Ma, and Mama. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yeah, multiple times. What is the last movie that made you cry? I think the remake of The Lion King. What would you like to swim in other than water? Nothing? If you could uninvent one thing what would you chose? Damn, just one? Maybe cigarettes? Have you ever read someone's diary? Absolutely not. I respect people's privacy. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No, but that'd be dope. Who has inspired you the most in your life? Probably Mark. Is there a place where everyone who lives near you tends to hang out? Idk. Teens sure do love to hang out at Sonic, though, reving their stupid fucking trucks. Does your alarm clock wake you with music, or with an annoying buzz sound? Music. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes; I was obsessed with those as a kid. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which one are you more scared of? I feel like being alone with a tiger would scare me most. Though let's be real, I'd probably try to pet it. Have you ever changed your favorite color? From what to what? It was originally red, but then became pink when I actually understood it was its own color. Then it was maroon forever, and now it's back to pink. On a scale of 1-10, how competitive are you? Eh, 4-6? It depends on the situation, I guess. At what age did your have your most memorable birthday? My 21st, because I was in the psych hospital for it. Yes or no: Guys in skinny jeans? Yeah, man. Yes or no: Girls with dreads? Some people can pull it off. Have you ever attended a themed b-day party? What was the theme? Oh yeah, plenty. Do you have any Eminem on your iPod/MP3 player? I do. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What do you think about putting ‘spinners’ on cars? So long as they're not too distracting, I don't care. Do what you want with your car - again, so long as it is not disruptive. What celebrity do you wish would have a big comeback? I wish poor Britney Spears could catch a goddamn break and be happy again. She's a legend that doesn't deserve to feel like a puppet. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say there was a pretty even split. Do you or have you ever owned a horse? No, but I LOVE horses. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? (weird, I know, but it happens…) Most of my relationships started through a text message. Did you believe in unicorns as a small child? I don’t think so. Would you ever date a guy with longer hair than yourself? Yeah; I have short hair anyway, and I also like long hair on guys. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I used to love that show. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No; humidity aside though, that would be so amazing. Bats are not spooky or are they? I think they're precious. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" I sure do, actually. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really, but I'll eat it. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. What kind of headphones do you have? Just cheap earplugs. Do you experiment a lot with new looks on yourself? No. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? Dissecting a frog was my favorite, and doing the same with an owl pellet was also very cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Guilt. I lied to get out of group therapy early because I was just NOT feeling it whatsoever that day, and I hate lying. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? Jeez, what haven't we had... We've had cats, dogs, snakes, rats, gerbils, a rabbit, hamsters, lizards, fish, guinea pigs... Hell, I'm probably forgetting one or two. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? She's so creative, a real advocate for proper reptile education and appreciation, and very kind. Name three bands/artists that you hate. Uhhh The Talking Heads, Bob Dylan, and The Police. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Playing softball with him in the front yard, and when he taught me to ride a bike. Should tattoos be meaningful? You get a tattoo for whatever reason you damn well want. I don't plan on all of mine to be meaningful. Some stuff I just want because I think it's cool. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. What's the most recent good news you’ve heard? Hm. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Last night. What’s the worst thing in your life right now? Financial struggles. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? No. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. Have Jehovah'ss witnessess ever called to your door? Yep. when was the last time you went to mass/church? I have no idea. It's been many years. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Thank heavens no.

[thegodshavehorns]

Dave Strider and the Hollowed Heart (3/5)

Chapter 3: Love | Death

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are thirteen years old. This is the day that you’re going to remember, more than any other. Even if you live forever this day will ring out clearly for millions of years to come.

You spend a lot of time at hospitals. That’s where your friends are— and maybe you’re a little weird, having gods for friends and hanging around the dying. But between the sword-fighting lessons and the smuppets, you've never exactly been a normal kid.

The doctors barely pay you any heed as you walk through the halls this time. They’re used to you, and their only prayer is that your friends don’t scare away anyone that needs immediate attention. Some people just plain never go to this hospital. They add another thirty minutes to their trip just so they don’t have to go here. And other people, of course, slit their wrists or guzzle pills in the hopes that the Forgiver of Sins will pass them on the way.

You’ve seen it happen. You’ve seen it all. People who have hurt themselves, and people in the act of hurting themselves. People who have gotten what they wanted, or what they thought they wanted, as their hearts get swapped out and replaced and interchanged like so many puzzle pieces. Nepeta does it when she’s asked and she does it when she’s bored. She says that it’s like breathing, that it’s easier to let it happen than to hold it all in, and you wonder how that must feel.

But you aren’t here for games today. This is business, as sure as the gods live. Your Bro has never been too chill with the gods being all up and in your business like they are, but you’re going to make it up to him. All that worry that he’s suffered on your account is going to be paid back with interest.

All you have to do is sit by his bedside and wait.

Nepeta isn’t there. You didn’t tell her and… As bad as it feels to acknowledge it, she only cares about Bro because you do. She only listens to what you have to say about him because you’re saying it. She won’t find out about any of this until after you’ve told her. And you think that you’d like to be alone. At least until she appears.

She’ll stop for you. She has to.

You’ve done the calculations. GardenGnostic on the SBHJ forum helped you out. You got some basic figures, some estimates that GG got from some mysterious unnamed source, and then you crunched the numbers. If Aradia visits every single intelligent being in the universe, which is sort of the thing that she does, then she could be a hundred trillion years old before she finished. A hundred trillion years of personal history. When, in all that time, did she meet you? When did she become your friend? And when is she coming to talk with Bro?

She’s always known who you were when you come to the hospital with Nepeta. You want to take that as a good sign, that she has some sort of system to this thing and doesn’t just bounce around like she’s the timey-wimey ball of a cosmic pinball machine.

You spend your time waiting for her to arrive, hoping that your guesses are right, and hoping that she’ll care enough to have a word with you. Bro doesn’t wake up. They’re not sure when he will. If he will.

The clock turns round and round forever, endlessly tracking the minutes and hours, and you wonder if this is why she’s called the Clockwork Witch. Or maybe there’s some other reason why.

Eventually, you get impatient. You wonder if maybe she visited him some other time. Maybe your Bro won’t ever wake up and she grabbed him before the truck hit. But you won’t let him just die like this, some shitty mundane death, one out of thirty-three million.

“Aradia Megido. Aradia Megido.” You nearly shout the name. She can’t help but hear you. Wherever she is, she’s hearing you. She knows you’re calling. “Aradia Megido.” You’ll keep it up for as long as you need to, and if he dies then you’ll fucking send her back and change the way things went. “Aradia Megido.”

She comes like a sinking gale. You dare to think you feel her before you see her, but then there she is, and the whole world is silent. The beeping machines have quieted and frozen, and even your Bro has been left out of this moment-between-moments.

“Th-there was an accident,” you begin, but then you quiet down as she lifts a hand. She does not look in your direction, but at your Bro.

“i kn0w why y0u called me,” she says in burgundy Tinge. “i kn0w what he is t0 y0u”

“Then you’ll save him,” you say, but she shakes her head. Not sadly, either. Her eyes still appear white to you, painted over on the eyelids and shut tight.

“But we’re friends. Aradia, I thought we were friends!”

You don’t understand. She can freeze time. She can traverse its lanes like some kind of sleek shiny time convertible, cruising without crashing and crushing, splattering blood on the pavement and STOP. DAVE. FOCUS.

Anyway, she can bring people through time. When she is especially gracious, she can bring the dying to their loved ones, to offer last goodbyes or see the children they died too young to be remembered by. And somewhere out there, in the millions and billions of years that the universe will keep turning, they can fix him. Compared to that, she wouldn’t even have to bring him very far.

And all that she gives you… All that she says, as if it’s any kind of excuse, is “everything c0mes t0 an end”

Aradia vanishes, and in her wake comes the wail of the machine. The doctors rush in, but they know as well as you that he’s dead.

She already did it. She waited with him as the rest of the world was frozen. She had her words with him, answered his questions and expressed her hollow condolences, and then he died, and she didn’t let you say goodbye.

You hate her so much that it hurts.