#guess im just built different anons idk what you want from me

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok cue my memory loss moment part 5 I can’t tell if I sent this reply in or not before so if this is a dupe I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE hsvshshs but anyways

OMG EVERYONE CHEER!!! Guys the moment is finally upon us…another mira banger about to drop….

LMAOO fwtkac was the gateway…once you start you can’t stop its just how the Karasu rabbit hole works! Bro hollyhock is actually so good…I can’t even put it into words properly but just the whole setting giving a new depth to a diff side of otoyas characters ugh so good

True!!! I’m ngl I’m a little surprised that for marketing sake they didn’t try to throw in some like popular character bait…maybe it’s because most of the actually popular bllkers are already out and as opposed to merch I guess book sales would be a bit diff? Like fans would buy to read even if their absolute faves aren’t in but yeah…the stories were fire though LMAO new appreciation for Barou fr

And IM ON IT o7 very happy to serve the miraverse and honestly it’s good for me too because if I wanna reference something quickly I can just go command f it or if I wanna read something fast I can just read my tl LMAO I also just like having my own TL/interpretations written down just for my reference too…which is part of the reason why I also ended up TLing Hioris too even though there was a TL already out! I remember reading the TLd version that got posted and some wording kinda threw me off so I was like let me just look at this myself…LOL Also I’m kinda a lore nerd so I wanna make sure I get to see any intricacies or in between the line messages that can get lost in translation! So yeah TLDR I will most definitely be here for tabieita LNs!!!

IM CRYING they’re gonna have to scroll through our manifestations and convos just to get to the chapter like imagine the link gets passed around and the first thing people read is us screaming about mariokart in yuki’s novel or anri getting done dirty (I clicked on the links just to see what they’d have to go through and oh my god chapter 2 LMFAOOO there’s like a whole minute of scrolling worth of convo before you even reach the LN part it’s so funny)

We’re truly just built different sorry this is exclusive content gatekept by the insanely long convos we have

-Karasu anon

HAHAH this time you did in fact send this in already 😭 but it’s okay i will delete the copy!! but no worries 😋

FINISHED ROUND ONE OF PROOFREADING!! heading to monaco for my mother’s birthday dinner soon hehe but once i’m back tn i will get on round two and hopefully i’ll be able to post it by tmrw!! lowkey idk how i feel about it but at least it’ll be out in the world after i’ve been talking abt it sm 😭

you came to my inbox and showed me the ways of karasuism and i’ve never looked back since 🙏🏻 jkjk but fr though i love writing him sm now he’s so good at the one sided pining thing which i loveee in a male lead 🤩 like YESSS be absolutely sick over this girl who doesn’t even know she likes you yet YESSS 🤤💖

hollyhock otoya is so fun i love him and i cannot WAIT to write more of him and y/n…idk if you’ve heard that one tik tok sound that’s like “you belong with me” from taylor swift and then it transitions into “you belong to me” from house of balloons / glass table girls from the weeknd but that’s literally hollyhock y/n + karasu’s dynamic vs her dynamic with otoya 😭😭😭 like with karasu it’s all sweet innocent besties (they are platonic soulmates coded eventually like they end up loving each other SOO MUCH but not romantically??) vs with otoya she’s literally like “i want you to belong to me” (exact quote from chapter 2: “you wanted this ninja to belong to you”) FHDKSJSJ man atp free otoya 😰🙏🏻 but he matches y/n’s freak so well he probably doesn’t even WANT to be freed

i feel like the people who would buy light novels would buy them no matter what + they probably thought barou would be popular enough to carry it?? who knows…agreed though the stories were all rlly good (well aryu’s was a little goofy but wtvr)

LMAOOO THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING people will be like “why are they freaking out over mario kart??” FJSJDJS but ykw if you want to read you have to go through the trials and tribulations of our massive convos 🤩 we are elite though…carrying the bllk fandom with our translations + fics 😋

[bunniefckhole]

fav song? fav book? fav singer and band? fav tv show? fav colour? fav food? fav pass time? weirdest fantasy? do you prefer fems or mascs? most embarrassing memory? dream holiday destination? favourite app? fav life lesson? wildest thing you did in college? if you could switch lives with anyone for a day who would it be? what do you look for in a partner?

Sorry for the overload of questions!! you just seem so fun to talk to so i’ve sent a bunch of questions :)) x

thank you for all the questions anon and don’t be sorry i love to yap so im happy to answer them <3 these questions are lovely seriously

my fav song rn is Nat-West-Barclays-Midlands-Lloyds by Manic Street Preachers but it changes all the time

my fav book is The Girl With All the Gifts by M. R. Carey

my fav band is prob hole. in terms of solo artists i like annie dirusso and lingua ignota a lot.

my fav tv show is hannibal

my fav color is lavender

my fav food is coconut korma

my fav pastime is probably cooking or creative writing or swimming or something idk i have a lot of hobbies

my weirdest fantasy beyond the incel one i told y’all about comes from a dream i had a couple weeks ago in which a hot friend of mine had me join her in a gig as stress relief at a motel for bands on the road to dump cum into

i have a slight preference for mascs but i love a fem ! i’m a pretty equal opportunity hoe

my most embarrassing memory is the time i dove into a pool and my bikini bottoms fell off in front of everyone ://// (and before you say it’s sexy i was like ten. very not sexy.)

my dream holiday destination is morocco but if i didn’t have to cover my hair

my fav app is pinterest bc im a basic b at heart

the best life lesson i’ve learned so far is it’s a waste of time trying to control something over which you have no control. if you can’t control it, let it go.

the wildest thing i did in college was probably the time i flashed the crowd at a football game. or the time i kissed everyone at this one house party bc it was my birthday. or the time i danced on every single guy in this group when i was in ireland bc they said they all liked me. or the time i fucked two different pairs of roommates. or the time i threw a party in a parking garage. or the party i threw in an abandoned house. eh. i’m kinda bonkers as a person i guess.

if i could switch lives with anyone for a day it would be a rich man of some kind so i could transfer some cash into my own bank account and know what it’s like to have a dick and also be treated like a man. i’d jerk off and then go running at night.

something that almost always without fail makes me like someone is if they have a weird idiosyncratic hobby they love. like a guy told me he built his own guitar and i immediately wanted to marry him even tho he was ugly. beyond that i want a partner with whom i can have fun. someone who is more chill than me bc i can be high strung. someone who can think outside the box and is capable of changing their mind.

thanks again anon <333

[bonesandthebees]

SHAKES UR HAND PRISMO !!!

together we can convince the bee tumblr community to become as obsessed with it as us

ALSO DAMNNN DEDICATED /POS

on a side note-

hold up

on a side side note: i get so distracted in these asks bee omfg im so sorry, i feel like my high energy can get too much sometimes KFDSJKDF pls let me know if u need me to turn it down a notch, i just get excited whenever i talk about fics soo aksdfjkSKJDF

anyways on the original side note: talking about the bee tumblr community just made me think about it, it really does feel like a sort of family <3 i love seeing all the random updates from the different anons here and getting to connect to you and to each other, it feels much more wholesome and secure than places like twt LMFAOO but idk it's just nice <3

i had tumblr for awhile but i never used it until i started reading the asks here, and it took me awhile to join in bc i felt intimidated skfdkjsd which is ironic bc yknow i could always go anon? but idk it just felt like everyone had their groove going and i didn't want to intrude, but i joined and i never felt that way

anyways oops this got long (as it always does kjfsdkj), but i just wanted to say that i appreciate you bee <3 for letting us anons n non anons ramble in ur ask box and analyze ur fics and/or just straight up scream noncoherent things

this has been a bright spot in my life lately and it's really special to me <333 and ur genuinely like . one of the kindest authors i've met, but you also have such a good sense of your boundaries n stuff, i admire you really. ur super cool

and also to all the other sillies in bee's asks, i appreciate u guys too <3 ur all super cool people, and i love hearing what you have to say :)) it's genuinely really nice and comforting to be a part of this community <33

lol no you're fine icy!! while it can be a Lot it always makes me laugh whenever I post a chapter of something that has sandduo in it and my inbox just fills with you screaming. it makes me so happy to know how excited my fics make you and the others though so :D

the thing you said about the tumblr community we have here is so sweet though and it's more right than I think even I realized initially. it's really nice when I see regular askers/anons pop up in my inbox and get to catch up on tiny parts of your lives and then in turn you guys talk to each other—it's just so sweet y'know? the thing I really love about having such an active inbox especially with asks about my fics is that it's a lot easier for me to respond to tumblr asks than ao3 comments. I rarely reply to ao3 comments because it's really just overwhelming and then I'm like "well if I respond to one person I feel bad about not responding to everyone else" but sometimes I just don't know what to say or there's just too many comments y'know? I LOVE my ao3 comments they mean so much to me but it's really nice to have people come into my inbox here to tell me their thoughts on my chapters bc it gives me a chance to reply with my own thoughts in a way that feels a lot more like a discussion I guess

so yeah. thank you guys for coming into my inbox to give me your thoughts it seriously makes me so happy and is definitely part of the reason why I have so much motivation to post so much.

also I'm really glad you decided to start popping in here one day icy you're very fun to have around :)

one thing I've always been very aware of since getting 'big' in this fandom is how to maintain things like boundaries while still connecting with the community and my readers specifically. because I wanna talk to you guys and I love interacting with you and all that, but also sometimes people in fandom who get 'big' can be a bit strange to others or get way too involved with discourse and just stir the pot and to each their own do fandom how you want but I don't wanna do that y'know. I'm here to have a good time and I want this little community we've built to also just be a nice, welcoming place for everyone

thank you for this icy it really made me smile to read <3

[ifidiedinadream]

"reminder that there's no tmi on this blog"

lmao okay. I wanted to send this non-anon but chickened out. nevermind let's go, if you can be off anon talking about this, so can I.

so i'm on-off antidepressants (for doctor reasons and stuff), and I noticed that during the times I'm on my meds, especially when the dose gets higher, The Thoughts TM pretty much more or less disappear, like I don't wake up distracted thinking Thoughts, the daydreaming is still 90% of my day like usual but there's rarely any 18+ thoughts and even if there are, they're on the very sweet and soft side only, and reading explicit fics is... different. Like, it's still fun because it's fanfiction and I enjoy reading fanfiction, especially if there's feelings between the characters to explore, but it's... idk. Tamed down? Like eating a meal you like but it was made differently or with less spices or whatever and you still like it but the sensations you experience are... lower? idk if I'm making sense, it does make sense in my head but putting it in words is difficult.

Anyway, the point I was getting to is that while the meds only mildly help really, I don't want to stop taking them because.. I figured out I actually prefer feeling this way. Hold on, my cat's on my keyboard. first she steals my water from my glass and puts her nose in too deep and sneezes in it so I have to get a new one, now she sabotages my unstructured whatever this is. Anyway, where was I. Ah yes, I really prefer being in this kind of.. ugh I'll just call it vastly lowered sex drive state; because usually, I feel kind of bad or uncomfortable with what I've been thinking/fantasising about, and I KNOW that fantasy =/= what you actually want, but idk. When I've finished daydreaming or whatever you wanna call it, I mostly feel weird and like I've wasted time and also like I should never ever tell anyone about that so... giulia and her anons for the sex ed is maybe a good starting point to getting okay with it? then again, if I were to stay on those meds forever and these effects kept up forever, I wouldn't mind at all.

I know that that's a side effect that bothers many people when they start anti-depressants but yeah. Between all the other side effects I could absolutely do without, this is one I really don't want to let go of again.

Why did I tell you all that? Idk, it's just something I've noticed and that I've been wondering about and you've well established there's no tmi on your blog and maybe someone else has had a similar experience who also wondered about it.

good night ✨

hey jess!! you explained yourself perfectly and it all makes sense, don't worry 😌 this is such an interesting perspective!

for me it's... honestly im pretty bummed that my sexual fantasies aren't doing much for me at the moment (today i did wake up to a new fantasy though so i see it as a good sign, i also started my period today so maybe it's the reason?? who knows), im dealing with heartbreak and i was relying on my fantasies to help me cope but it isn't happening. and im always so damn bored. im not a person who's bored often because of my band obsessions and sexual fantasies about the members but now?? i feel so hollow lol like i always have to actively find something to do when it's not something i usually need to do

i understand how you can experience daydreaming like a waste of time. when i worked it got in the way of my job (not majorly but i struggled) but even then, if i didn't have a fantasy to unwind to in the evening i would go insane. i feel like my daydreaming (sexual in nature, mostly, sometimes i get soft fantasies too but it's mostly when im stressed or anxious) is a major part of my life and im used to living in my head 24/7 so if it was tore away from me what would i do? who would i be?

should i seek help? probably, but this is literally the last of my symptoms i need treated 😂 guess what im trying to say is i struggle to share your point of view because of how im built but i think it's 100% valid and if you find you have more time on your hands right now (because you don't waste it feeling guilty afterwards) then im super happy for you!! thankfully i don't deal with that kind of guilt but i do struggle with feeling like i should be doing something more "adult-like" at almost 28, but at the same time i know it's stupid and people daydream until they die anyway

sorry if it turned into a personal rant 😅 i don't think i could live on soft/vanilla fantasies only because i don't get enough of them for the usual amount of daydreaming i need in order to function but if you feel more comfortable with yourself like this, then amazing!! 💕 on this blog we support whatever fantasies you prefer if it grants you a peaceful inner life and the coping with the real world you need!

[bluesandboos]

BESTIE ANON IDK IF YOU'RE STILL HERE BUT I AM AND I STILL HAVE MORE CONTENT FOR PART 2

another line break so im not annoying ppl!

here are some more immaculate vibes because, you know, they were immaculate!!

okay, so then people started to clear out but i managed to capture my man dibu!! on the tv ofc not irl. he was crying :( (but also :) you know)

and we headed out of the park to start walking... somewhere. i think there were some tourist sights nearby so we thought we'd just knock those off while we were in the area. but the people were beginning to party!! (as they should). the honking was non stop. im 99% sure that people got into their cars just to drive around and honk and be happy.

unfortunately i couldn't make my fam stay to watch the whole trophy ceremony because they aren't Football Minded and Built Different like me (it was super hot that day and we were hungry so we kinda wandered around looking for food and here's some vids i have) (very unnecessary side note but at one stoplight, a very cutie young man rolled down his window and showed me a heart symbol with his hands and these days i have very little faith in men but holy shit in that moment i Fell In Love. that's what that messi magic does to you i guess)

(we went to the jardin japonés bc it was on our way, which is supposed to be very nice and peaceful with all this lovely greenery and koi ponds but literally all you could hear was the honking)

PEOPLE WERE GOING CRAZY (as they motherfucking SHOULD ofc) and obviously drinking so we got some fun sights like this (don't know if you can tell, but it was like ~13 people on one car that they drove off in)

our airbnb was about three quarters of a mile from the obelisco, so we were heading towards there but little did we know that the entire population of buenos aires (probably argentina) was walking there as well. THERE WAS SO MANY PEOPLE

and everyone was just so happy! singing, dancing, vibing, drinking. immaculate vibes had returned.

also we tried to go to mostaza to get a dibu burger but the line was too long :(

i kept wanting to party with everyone at the obelisco but my fam was all like "no. you will die. or your phone will get stolen and we won't be able to find you" and i was like "that will be best death and i don't care" and they were like "-_- stfu we're going home" and i was like :(

we kept trying to find dinner but everything shut down early. i think restaurant/store owners were nervous about overcrowding/crowds getting rowdy? we ended up buying a bunch of chips/instant noodles through the security door of a convenience store lmao

^in this vid, the mass of people are all headed to a train station. i think you can kind of hear them singing? but yes, as you can imagine "muchachos" was on blast.

and then this was the headline of the newspaper i saw at a cafe the next day :)

(honestly i should've stolen it as a souvenir but 1) i am not a thief, especially in a foreign country and 2) an older gentleman wanted it after i was done. also i don't speak/read/understand spanish very well)

and, well, that was the day of the final. literally the best day of my life.

i WISH we could have been there for the parade, but unfortunately we left very early on the morning of 12/20 to go to patagonia

literally as we were about to fly out of AEP (the domestic airport in ba), la scaloneta was flying into EZE (international airport), allllll the way across town. i'd actually been tracking their flight all day because they were supposed to land AT AEP very close to when we were supposed to leave and we were nervous we'd have a hard time making our flight if the crowd was too much. fortunately/(unfortunately for me bc i wanted to catch a glimpse), they re-routed to EZE and instead i got watch them disembark on a tv playing at AEP.

so for approximately 30 glorious minutes, leo messi and i were in the same city. like an hour away from each other. (this is the second time in my life leo messi and i have been in the same city. the first time was in march 2021 when i went on vacation in paris. unfortunately the people i went with did not want to go to a psg match because they are Lame. also i have standards and did not want my first live professional football match to be a psg game lmao)

ALSO LMAO all they were playing on the tvs at the airport were replays of the game. and people really got into it too, cheering at the penalties as if they didn't know what was gonna happen. but of course, it is an Objectively Good Game as well.

and bestie, that is pretty much it. a summary of the Greatest Day of My Life. literally altered my brain chemistry. i was always a Messi Stan of course, but being in ba turned up the dial a lot more and now im somehow even more obsessed. i even created this blog! im following twitter accounts that report Breaking News that anto may not be enrolling the kids in a parisian school (messi to barca confirmed!!!). the other day i read an unverified tweet that messi was going to sign with PSG for one year, go to MLS, and then play in the 2026 wc and it put me into a depression for the rest of my night. my delusion is at an all time high.

also i still have the shoe tan from the uncomfy walking sandals i wore that day

but it was all worth it :) my off-brand messi jersey is the greatest thing i own even though it's lacking that newest star.

like i said before, im not argentine/from argentina, but on that day, in true gianni infantino meme format (may he suck a dick), i felt argentine

also i ate the GOAT chips. bc i had to, ofc. he's the GOAT

also argentina is a beautiful country!! i highly encourage everyone who is able to visit

thank you for asking me bestie anon and letting me get on my soapbox :) i hope this ask satisfied you even though i talked too much and probably added way more details than you wanted lol. this was so much fun to type out and reminisce :) im sad it's over, i wanna go back!! but isok, we got the third star and everything is good :)

[narumi-gens]

hi!! so i just started writing fanfics, and i was just wondering -- how do you deal w/ numbers and the whole posting online thing? while i know that i should be writing for fun and stuff (bc it is!) and that im literally JUST starting out, BUT i just.. im someone who really heavily relies on validation, and when people don't really respond to my works well (or at all), i kinda just.. feel bad ): idk.. do u have any tips?

🥺 You came to me for advice on this, anon? 🥺 Thank you so much! I’m more than happy to pass on what I’ve learned and help out a new writer. I’ve been reading/writing fanfics on-and-off in some form or another for like ten years, but especially over the last four and am happy to share some tips. There are five main things that I think can help grow your follower count and the amount of feedback you get:

Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

Consider the platforms where you post.

Write for active fandoms and popular characters.

Post frequently.

Interact with other authors.

This got rather long so I have more info under the cut about each of these. 

1. Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

There’s this dumb trap that we all fall into as writers that tells us that validation isn’t important and that what matters most is our love of writing. While I enjoy writing, if my stuff got no notes and no feedback then I would definitely have gotten discouraged and quit writing awhile ago. Why would I put all that effort into something if no one seems to appreciate it? There’s nothing bad about wanting people to let you know they like your writing! I get so happy when I see someone left a comment on one of my fics or went crazy in the tags or sent me an ask. And when something doesn’t get any feedback, I get depressed about it and second guess whether I should have bothered writing it. So, definitely try not to get caught up feeling bad because you want people to tell you that they liked your work. 💕

2. Consider the platforms where you post.

I only use AO3 and Tumblr, so I can’t speak to any other platforms, but posting my writing on both of these are widely different experiences. Part of the culture of AO3 is giving kudos and leaving comments, so you’re more likely to get feedback there than anywhere else. I slowly built a following on Tumblr because of my AO3, even when I wasn’t posting anything on Tumblr itself. I would really recommend checking out AO3 if you’re not already on there! You do need to request an invitation, but it only took me a couple of days to receive one. I also have 8 invitations that I haven’t sent out, so DM me if you want one and I can give you one! 

I’m sure you’ve already seen posts about this, but the unfortunate thing about writing on Tumblr is that the feedback is absolutely minuscule and I’m not sure why. There’s this awful culture on this platform of people only liking content and not reblogging it to make sure it gets shared with other users. So, you end up really reliant on your own followers and the tagging system for your works to reach people. And the tagging system is a mixed bag. Sometimes your posts don’t show up in the tags or they will but only after a couple of days. If your post gets enough notes then it might go to the top of the search feed but then only for a few days at most. 

As a sidenote to readers, this is why reblogging is so important! Even if you only have five followers or don’t leave a comment, just reblogging it means a lot to content creators!

Here are some of the tips I have for the mechanics of Tumblr:

Use the tagging system, as imperfect as it is. I think Tumblr now reads the first 20 tags in your post, so use that to your benefit. I usually always tag at least: [character name]; [character name x reader]; [fandom]; [fandom x reader]. You can always also try things like: [character name genre], [fandom genre], [fandom fanfic], [character fanfic] as well.

Make sure your blog is easy to navigate and have a masterlist that’s easy to find. If a reader sees your content on their dash and decides to check out your other works, if they can’t find them on your blog then they’ll probably just leave.

Self-reblog as much as you feel you need to for your followers who may have missed your post. I self-reblog a lot for new content over the first couple of days and then even will do a few icymi self-reblogs later as well. It also helps to have a list in your profile somewhere of your recent updates so people can easily see if they’ve missed something. 

3. Write for active fandoms and for popular characters.

This might seem like common sense, but I think it’s something to keep in mind if you want to grow your follower count and your chances of getting feedback. And there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing a fic over another just because you want more feedback. I actually really want to write something for Chainsaw Man but the fandom is so small compared to the other fandoms I write for that I’m putting it on hold until the anime comes out. 

That’s not to discourage you from writing for characters or fandoms that are less popular -- I have a bad habit of writing for niche characters and fandoms. But I always see my activity spike when I write for more popular characters. Another tip is to try and figure out which characters people are thirsting over but where there’s a lack of fics for them. You’ll also find that some characters or fandoms just have louder fans than others. The stuff I’ve written for Gojo has gotten a lot of likes and notes, but not so many comments or much feedback. But the amount of asks and thirsts I’ve gotten for Naoya is wild. This is something you’ll learn over time as you keep writing!

4. Post frequently. 

This one is annoying because writers have lives and real-world responsibilities and we can’t just write 24/7. But when you’re trying to build a following, even if you can do a couple of short drabbles a week, you’ll really start to see your follower count and feedback grow. I’m not sure if people tend to like longer or shorter fics more, but overall people are just hungry for content and if you can give it to them on a frequent or at least regular basis then they’re more likely to interact, especially if you’re taking requests. 

But don’t prioritize writing and posting content at the cost of your own well-being. As authors we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, but your followers will understand if you have writer’s block or you need to take a step back! Taking care of yourself is more important than getting feedback or interaction. ❤️

5. Interact with other authors. 

Building relationships with other authors is a big one, but it’s also probably the hardest because a lot of us (me included!) are just so shy about reaching out! It’s like asking someone on a date or trying to be friends with someone you really admire. I know it’s scary to come off of anon (I still sometimes send asks on anon!), but authors recognize the names we see often in our notes and in our inboxes and we’re all really nice, I promise! 🥰 And I’m much more likely to read the fics of my mutuals and the people I follow than I am to be searching through the tags.

And I think there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to an author you love and politely asking if they’ll read your work. I think it’s totally okay to send something like, “I really love your writing and wanted to know if it’s alright if I share this fic I just posted with you? I’ve seen you thirsting over [character] and think you might like it if you have the time to read it!” The worst they can do is turn you down. I would never be upset over getting an ask like that as long as it was polite and the person was understanding that I might not have time to read their fic. But, I know that this is really scary to ask of someone. I’ve only done it once or twice, so maybe I don’t have any ground to stand on here, but I really think you should try it even if you need to send the ask on anon first.

Please just be mindful of an author’s rules before reaching out.

Another added bonus is that authors are more likely to reblog and give you feedback on the stuff you write because we’re in the exact same boat as you! We’re the perfect audience. 

And don’t forget...

Growing your follower count and reaching the level of feedback you want takes time. If you’re just starting out, don’t get discouraged. The more you write, the better you get so even if you’re not getting the feedback you want now, that doesn’t meant that you never will! 

And of course, pay it back in kind. Just how you want people to interact with your fics, we want the same. I always try to leave comments on the fics I read on AO3 and always reblog the fics I like on Tumblr and try to go wild in the tags so that the author knows that I loved their works. 

I hope you found all of this useful, anon! Best of luck with your writing! 💕

[burnedbyshoto]

I wanna start a blog where I write any advice?? I’m lost I don’t know what to dooo please HELP

oh my… you’re coming to me??? for help????? i just… okay…

um

so, as you may or may not know i had started writing for shouto since about… march last year but it was an OC, and then i finally built up the courage to submit my writings for people to read here… also i didnt proofread any of this im waaaay too tired but i wanted to put this out asap for you!!!!!!

this is what i did!:

i created a whole new blog tbh. my old blog is hella old and i never really did anything on it except like literally everything, so if youre curious about what it is youll be disappointed because i haven’t reblogged anything on there in 4 years. i know, i was a terrible supporter of writers and artists back then!!!!!!

created an account with the name burnedbyshouto hated the way the u ruined the symmetry of the title so i made it burnedbyshoto! LMAO if you were curious about that. i went in knowing that i what i was gonna write!

before i created the blog i actually had my first piece ready, idk if you read it but its Watermelon Seeds and Strawberry Milk. that was my first piece and let me tell you i almost cried when i uploaded it. i didnt get a single note on it until 3 days later. now that was the scariest thing ever.

i didnt go looking for help, and i certainly didnt have a single tumblr friend. so i had to wait for my post to show up on the tags! turns out it didnt show up for 3 days!!!!! so if you get around to starting this blog, and would like me to read it ;) ill gladly give you exposure!! because i get it, that first piece is the hardest thing to upload. i was panicking to the point i was nauseous those entire 3 days when i wasn’t getting any attention from it because i thought it meant i was a failure at writing! so you have to be patient and be confident!!!! by day 4 my post had hit 20 likes and i literally messaged everyone who liked that first post because it was world changing to me. i honestly cried as i sent out my thank you’s and those first few likers and followers i remember their urls and im positive im following them all because they’re the ones who got me to say “maybe… my writings aren’t as bad as i thought!”

spurred into action by this new found courage i began working on ideas. i had two at the time, both for shouto (of course). and i got my first ask by ashtheteenagewitch (i wont tag her because i dont want to disturb her, but her ask changed my life). it was the childhood friends to lovers troupe, and it was the first post i made that hit over 100 likes. i sobbed when it broke 100. 

so it kinda,,,, snowballed from there. i started a schedule. i post once a day around 12 pm - 4 pm PST idk if any of you noticed that LOL. i tried going between original content and asks, something ive been lacking clearly on nowadays because i have so many requests! dont get me wrong, i love all the requests that come my way but i havent had time in awhile to write something that comes from me.  but again im not as creative as my requesters, love every single one of you requesters btw. you save me a lot of headaches and pain.

i made sure to create a rules list, and a masterlist soon after, and then i started getting attention i guess. since i primarily stayed within shouto in the beginning and i posted once a day when other writers are focused on other posts i must have gotten the “i just want new content” people liking my posts LOL

i dont know… i can’t say for certain what the trick is to all this…

you just… have got to be confident in yourself!

do what you love to do and your followers and readers will see that. pour your heart into it so that way no one can say it was for naught. never be discouraged, like i almost was, by lack of notes. because guess what! if youre happy writing, theres nothing else that matters!!!! nowadays i don’t even look at my notes because im proud of everything i put out.

im happy about every single one of the things i put out, my only fear is that the requester wont like it, but so far i haven’t heard back from too many of those anons… since theyre anon and wont be informed i finally got to their ask…. but yeah. 

write and post because YOU LOVE TO DO IT stop caring about stupid things like followers, likes, reblogs, and replies. i mean theyre great, i love every follower i get, i smile knowing i made a bunch of people happy, and i cry with every reblog i get. but getting that first like is all i need to be happy. nothing more. 

the final advice i can give to you is just,,, never compare your writing with other authors and writers. everyone has their own style! don’t get me wrong i can tag so many writers that i admire who all have different ways of writing that i wish i had, but the thing is no matter how much i wish i had their writing, i have to live with mine and i love my style even though i feel that it on the blander side of things! you also can never compare your number of notes to other people LOL of course the super incredible authors of our fandom are going to have 1,924 notes on their 1.7k scenario. why? because they first and foremost have the followers to get that amount and then people who may not follow them can still see it on the popular and read it and like it, or whatever they may do. i currently have like 650 followers so of course im not expecting 1.9k notes on anything im putting out! i mean my first piece had 20 notes for the entire month of august and now im pretty sure its at 100. its all about giving it time and patience.

just write bby and someone will love you for it!!!!!!

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[sweetbunnykook]

I just want to say that ofc we'll miss your writing but your health and well being are much more important. So take as much time as you need and get your life together, and you can start writing again when you feel inspired, or you might not even write again, whichever one is okay. I just really really hope things are better for you soon. Idk when you'll read this bc you said you wouldn't be replying to asks but oh well Love you 💕💕

Bunny We love you. We're glad you're staying. A and I were so sad when you said you were leaving, but we understood and supported your decision. You're so loved and so cherished. You deserve all the happiness in the world. -💜💜💜bang-tan-bitches

Hello bunny it’s been awhile! I used to check your blog everyday but I’ve been so busy with school! I came back to see that you aren’t feeling so good unfortunately. I support you 100% if you think leaving is better for your health. I just wanted to thank you for helping me with my own issues,your stories and posts help me a lot. I’ve came to love your personality and the laughs you’ve gave me while fangirling over Bts.I love you girl! And I hope you find your peace I really am rooting for you❤️

Hey I've just discovered you last month but honestly?? You are so incredibly sweet and kind. You're so interactive with everyone and honest!! Whether you deactivate or decide to stay and just go on a writing hiatus is okay as long as you feel happy!! ٩(^ᴗ^)۶ 🌸dahlia

Hwaiting, Bun! People might be upsetti like spaghetti; bc youre so quality. Youre not gonna lose that overnight. Take a break if you need one. No matter how long! If you want an in between mayhaps still be active just not as a writer. Just another blog on the tumblrs who reblogs things. 💞💖💞💖

Aww Bunny! Obvis do whatever you feel is comfortable. You dont 'owe' us anything really. We just want you to do whats best for you. Youre writing is amazing, so are your tags and reblogs. Things'll be different n change but giving yourself time to focus on life outside of this can be good. Step back from contact as an author, maybe? A sideblog for fun reblogs? Your tags are so funny and relatable Bun! Something to transition back into. Whatever you do, know you have our support! Take care Bun 💓

#1 Hi Bunny! It might be weird that I send you that message but I really wanted to tell you that whatever you'll do with your blog now, people that truly like you won't be all too mad about your decision. You're one of the main reasons I actually created a Tumblr account, but not only because of your astonishing writing but also because you as a person are wonderful. At least what you show us of yourself (even though I doubt that you as a person are less as nice as you are here).

#2 So whatever you decide to do now, I hope that it can help you feeling better! Okay that was awkward and I'm really not good with words but I hope you get what I wanted to say 💜💜

thank you for your work that you’ve contributed to this site, and I wish you nothing but the best in the near and far future!! you’re a wonderful person, and im glad you’re doing this for your own mental health and emotional wellbeing! we’re supporting you from the sidelines!💞💞Nooo i’m so sad, i just found your blog like a month or two ago and you’re leaving 😭 guess i’ll just have to make an ao3 account now lol. I hope you’ll take care. Love you so much 😘😘 

 Thank you. I found your blog at a time when I needed it most. I was lost, depressed and lonely. There was a time that I ended every night on your blog just reading stories & asks, laughing & getting giddy at your answers about each story. I'm sad you'll be leaving but am grateful for your stories because you built a world that I could escape to & I love you for it. I hope you are doing well & I just want to let you know the influence you stories have had & that you have touched many

These are the asks that made me rethink my decision on deactivating. I love every one of my readers dearly and I feel like I need to work on my communication skills more because I often felt pressured to produce work all the time and it has made me stressed when I’m feeling enough heat from my reality with school and work and personal problems. You guys are the light of my life and I’m so happy that this community has stayed the same no matter how many followers I’ve gotten in the past few months ❤ people have been so kind and so warm and you have all made me laugh so many times than I can count. I will forever be grateful for these messages. 

So please let me compile the anons under one message and thank you all for the love you’ve given to me and my writings 💕 I love you all. 

- 🐰

[bartsugsy]

this storyline really make people hate robert and shows his selfishness. why you think they did it, it is because robert is devil since born or he actually never changed? Im not suprise if half of the fandom jumping ships. just weird why people didnt ship robecca but rooting for aarex.

i’m not touching the ‘why do people support aaron/rando and not robecca’ because it will only lead to a barrage of angry anon abuse and i don’t have the strength

but anyway, wrt the rest of your ask, i feel like we’re coming at this from very different perspectives and very different ways of watching the show, which makes it hard for me to really answer you in what will be a satisfying way for you, i imagine?

like. idk why it’s making people hate robert because… i’m thoroughly enjoying it so i’m entirely the wrong person to ask. it’s utterly beyond my comprehension, you know? you’ve gotta ask the people who feel that way if you want to know, i guess.

so where i’m coming from personally - i think this storyline has made robert as sympathetic as possible while still having him fulfill the villain role - something that is a necessity because it’s all a part of the lead up to the whites leaving - regardless of whether or not that has anything directly to do with robert in the finish, he’s currently a part of the reason why the whole business is failing and why the whites are losing money left, right and centre.

i mean. rob is not a good person. he’s not. he plays a long-term villain role in a soap, which means that they can have him do terrible things and it works for the character - it’s what you expect from the character a lot of the time - even robert and aaron have talked about this explicitly: how aaron gave robert a lot of props for being completely and totally honest with him during the affair reveal, which is a hell of a low bar to set, but people quite rightly don’t really expect more than that from robert and honestly rarely is he able to give more than that. he’s not a good person.

he’s a great character - complex and layered and the softer side of him actually balances out the villainy in him in a really interesting way. but i personally think it’s naive, or misguided, to think that this blip into madness is something we won’t have to deal with time and again with robert, because of course we will. this is the kind of shit he pulls. it’s just not usually so insane, because usually he has aaron to provide him with some sort of restraint, or compelling reason to not be utterly reckless. so in that sense it’s fairly unusual, (but that in and of itself makes it compelling to me) and they’re actually making real efforts to explain why he’s acting so over the top right now, so much more so than he would even usually be, which is amazing (and truly why he’s being portrayed in the most sympathetic light they can whilst still having him do all these awful things).

but i challenge you to look back over the last two years and give me a month - one month - where robert appeared and wasn’t up to something ridiculous.

i personally think it’s fun to see him dip back into almost total villainy (except not at all, because he’s still the very well rounded character they’ve built him up to be) for a bit, before he goes back to the more standard toned down version we usually get, but that’s just me.

i guess what i’m saying is - he changed because he both wanted and needed to because of aaron, to some extent, but without aaron he’s sort of throwing himself back into his old ways, but it’s way more aggressive, way more reckless and he still hasn’t even completely reverted back because his number one priority at the end of everything isn’t himself, it’s aaron

and like… he had to protect his own back by going off at liv (and the stakes are so damn high for him at the moment, which is becoming his biggest issue), look what happened. and he looked wrecked over it. and told the doctors about the drugs, stayed with her at the hospital etc etc - none of which he would do for anyone else lbr (cough paddy cough) bc of the risk involved.

but anyway basically this is a fundamentally different rob to the one we knew in 2015, even if he’s desperately trying to relive that horrible stage in his life (what a dumbass)

[smallblanketfort]

Sending this ask through submit because it got super long. 

okay i’m going to make this interview format, yeah? so the ask is in italics, my word just straight up.

my friend recently told me that they have bpd and even that I’m one of their fps so I decided to read more about it. A lot of it matched their behaviour perfectly but I was somewhat confused when I read that bpd people are super clingy, especially with their fps because my friend isn’t clingy at all. In fact I was even surprised when they told me that I’m one their fps since they very rarely text me if I don’t text first and they aren’t especially affectionate when we are hanging out or anything. tbh I always felt like the clingy one in this friendship and highkey felt like I was constantly bothering them, lmao. Could you maybe shed some light on this? I don’t wanna bring this up because it might seem that I’m doubting their diagnosis? Idk. 

this is me tbh. at first the diagnosis very much confused me, bc my patterns didn’t seem to fit. what i never ever want to admit is that part of bpd is having abandonment issues. so, you could say that people deal with these fears by either being very clingy, or very distant, to avoid any sort of abandonment, a sense of leaving first, if you will. believing that you’re annoying and frustrating or fearing you are manipulative. also sometimes wanting to be pursued. it is confusing, but those are what i’ve come to assume, from my experience anyway. texting first is one of the hardest things for me, and being texted first is validation at its finest, perhaps.

Also could you give me some tips on communicating with bpd people? Like, sometimes I can tell something is wrong but I ask them and they tell me they’re good and shut down the conversation. Sometimes they even seem a little pissed that I asked how they are doing or if everything is ok. I guess it makes them feel like a sick person or something? They haven’t told me that, it’s just my guess. But it’s totally not about that, I ask the same thing to my non-mentally ill friends all the time, I just actually wanna know how they are doing because I care about them deeply, and I wanna be able to understand what is going on with them. Like not in a “charity case” way, but just because they are my friend and I love them, dammit. And sometimes I don’t even think there is something wrong, I just ask “how are you” to start a conversation because I’m bad at coming up with things to talk about, but do wanna talk to them. So I’m thinking, I’m probably not doing this right? Do you have any tips? 

anons are funny bc it always gives me a tiny bit of room to wonder if this is someone i know, talking about me. this whole thing makes me chuckle slightly, bc yesterday i was like “yo i dont have bpd” and then i read this and im like o shit yes i do, fuck, this is p much me that’s wild. i hesitate to answer these bc everyone is different so i dont want to give u the totally wrong thing for this person?? but,, okay uhmm,,, ye i guess it could stem from a) them actually being fine b) not wanting to talk about it c) wanting to feel normal/healthy/not sick d) actually wanting to be pushed e) feeling like isolating themselves f) lack of trust g) the words freezing up. idk how to explain this. i really don’t, bc i’m thinking of my own experience and it’s like very splitty/opposites at once. like part of me wants to be pursued, but the other part of me gets totally spooked by this. so i guess i suggest either asking them about it, or simply continuing to ask. you’re giving them opportunity to talk to you, and that’s valuable. it can be hard to open up, but you’re still there, which is something in itself, does that make any sense?? the reality is, as long as you ask and show u care, they can decide how to direct the conversation. also it can help if u say how you are feeling too, so there’s some equality and trust being built. 

Oh, and also any tips for when they are clearly in a crisis? Like when they’re just about to self-harm, do drugs or something reckless and I’m not physically close to them. I’m always at a loss in these situations because a part of me just wants to scream “DON’T DO THE DUMB THING” or just turn into a mom and be a complete buzzkill but at the same time I want them to feel like they can tell me these things and that I’m not judging them. So how can I be helpful? When it happens I’m often afraid I’ll say something wrong and make an already volatile situation worse. 

i’ve been on both sides of this and i fluctuate so much!! like,,, when i’m being you, watching someone, sometimes i’m like “lol nice have fun be safe” bc i feel like the be safe is loaded, and i high key wanna join in the self destruction. but i think u can get mad sometimes. bring some reality and remind the person of the gravity of what they doing. and shows u care. but not doing it all the time, yanno? sometimes the probably perhaps manipulative side of me wants to be yelled at, like show me you care!!!!!! one of the most hurtful moments was when i almost od’d and was lying on the floor freaking out, and someone was like “okay talk to you tomorrow be safe” like dude. clearly i wasn’t safe do u care at all? so ye, another one that is hard to figure out, honestly. but being there, and being available is good. also, it depends what you mean. like self harm is peeerhaaaps more urgent/negative than recklessness. again, presence is probably what helps me most… this is such a hard balance, i know!! i almost hate hearing about others’ substance abuse and self harm bc it makes me feel really helpless and sad and angry, but also like i should just join bc fuck it. this is a really hard question to answer… sorry babe

i’m answering these in such a confusing manner, i apologize omg 

Sorry for making such a long post but I don’t know anyone else with bpd and since their diagnosis is new I still don’t know what can I ask them or not? They can be so private and cagey about things so I’m afraid to step on their boundaries. And I don’t wanna make everything about their bpd you know? Thank you so much for always answering these questions about mental illness and trying to help people, I’m sorry if I put too much on you with all these questions but I didn’t know where to go with this. 

maybe it’s just me, but i’m super open to questions bc i feel like i’m a hard person to have any sort of relationship with, so if i can clear anything up so that no one feels as bad, i’’m for it. ask me away. so ask them too. chances are, they are nervous and confused (it’s been like a year and a half and same), but they’re THEM and they have been for awhile. the label is rlly the only thing that changed u know?

so i guess my advice would be to ask them how you “can best be there for them”, “what would help them most, bc u care about their wellbeing.” be present. like not it being about bpd, but them as a person.

don’t be sorry!!! im honored that you’d come ask me about it!! these things kinda help me too bc it forces me to think of bpd things from my pov, someone else’s, and from another bpd person’s. it’s helpful. and ur a rlly sweet, great friend trying to better understand n be there for ur friend, im such a fan of u. 

im so sorry this was so unhelpful and confusing probably!!! i wish i could be better, but it’s difficult bc of splitting and all that. i hope this helped a tiiiinnnyyy bit tho

all the best xx

[tayegi]

Its going downhill omg “And if I find out that you’ve let someone else touch what’s mine… You’ll regret it.” HE'S A PSYCHOPATH....I'm curious About what will happen between jimin and her while jungkook is away!

Anonymous said:I started getting creepy vibes from Jungkook in equilibrium back in ch 4 when the girl said she felt like he might hit her before he kissed her (which is not a normal feeling you should get from your lover, even fleetingly) and he just keeps getting worse. You're doing a great job at showing how unhappy she is so I think people who are defending jungkook are purposefully being blind cause you're clearly not portraying it as a healthy relationship and never have been. Hope you're doing well!

Anonymous said:The relationship the OC, Jungkook, and Jimin have in Equilibrium honestly makes me sad. Separately, I think they could be much happier but together they're toxic and destructive. None of them are doing something good because they're all using each other, and Jungkook's behavior is in no way "hot"... you've built an incredibly interesting story, and I'm excited to see where t goes!

Anonymous said:To the people who think jungkook in equilibrium: NO HE'S NOT. Honestly, I can't understand how people find him attractive still, but I'm going to try to guess. Maybe it's the idea of being so completely "loved" by someone or having them pour all of their attention onto you. But the thing is, you deserve better than some psycho who says they care. (1/2)

Anonymous said:You deserve someone who treats you like a human, not and object. You deserve to feel safe. to you, Lu: Thank you for writing such a beautifully morbid piece. I know it's not finished, and with all the frustrating responses it may be a lot to deal with at times since you're already so busy, but thank you. This story shows that relationships aren't always nice, or good, or healthy. It shows how tragic they can really be, and while someone may not be "good", they shouldn't have to deal with bs(2/2)

Anonymous said:It terrifies me that girls can find jungkook's character to still be attractive. There's a difference between someone being kinda protective or playfully jealous and straight up psychotic and possessive. I get that maybe it's like "oh but he was such a good guy" or that they're attached to an idea of jungkook in real life, but that doesn't make it any less concerning. In fact, it find it even more terrifying frankly. (1)

Anonymous said:The reason I find it more terrifying that people would still find him attractive if their reason is attachment to the real life human or previous attachment from earlier in the fic is that this is exactly how abusive relationships happen. It's not likely that someone will start off hitting you or being controlling on like the second week you're together. Everything will be close to perfect probably. (2)

Anonymous said:The whole issue (that I think your fic executes perfectly) is what happens when a relationship becomes something toxic, and this person (who you may or may not be in love with) becomes someone you never would have originally dated. But the inability to see the situation for what it is and to continue to idolize and love someone unconditionally is a huge concern. When you have to blur the lines of right and wrong for someone, chances are something is wrong. I just wish people could see that. (3)

Anonymous said:As someone who has been in a past relationship with him being possessive. It's not cute it's not sexy it's fucking terrible and terrifying. Lucky I was able to get out of it quickly. My older brother and mommy made a sure he would stay the hell away from me because he keep harassing me calls, texts, showing up at my house unannounced. Even tho this is a fanfic they are things people need to take seriously and not be light hearted about this.

Anonymous said:Ok honest time right now the new chapter of equilibrium gave a anxiety,It was just like I could feel the tension and the idk everything just coming over me and the times Jungkook said the oc was his and only his made me so uncomfortable and uneasy srsly it was like I was the one in an abusive relationship and then she tries to "escape" to Jimin and even then she can't because even subconsciously, idk if it makes sense,Jungkook its still trapping her and not letting go and I feel so bad for her

thekookiecrush said:I started reading Equilibrium today and I just finished it and omg, everything that is said or is happening, it's like a shot in my heart, sometimes I shivered because the whole situation is so fucked up but your story is so good, my heart is still racing from chapter 11. I can't wait for the story to be continued... thank you for that high-quality masterpiece

Anonymous said:ok like tbh im super done with every single anon that takes the time to actually defend jk's disgusting behavior. it might be difficult to look past his real-life persona as an idol, but come on. no man, no matter how beautiful or nice to other people, should be allowed to do this or even 1/5th of this to a woman. it's just not.......justifiable at all. like please get your heads straight and think for a few moments before sending practically misogynstic messages like this. im just....wow wtf

Anonymous said:Patiently waiting for Jin or yoongi to separate all of them. I can't trust jungkook for one sec it sound like there's more going on when he's not around the oc and jimin. I don't trust jimin obviously and the oc. Now it's gotten to the point where I'm just like please leave eachother the oc and jimin are hurting as of jungkook idk if he actually has real feelings for the oc but hmm. THEY ALL NEED TO GO.

awkward-kooks said:This is why we need to work harder against abuse. It's not a pretty thing to romanticize it since it is dangerous. As someone whose best friend is in an emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive relationship, it hurts seeing some of your readers thinking that Jungkook's personality (at least in the FANFICTION) is completely OK and valid since he's just "protecting" the reader or "getting jealous" of Jimin's character.

Anonymous said:Argh, reading the new chapter makes me feel kind of sick. I feel so bad for the OC and this whole situation is giving me anxiety. The way Jungkook is acting makes me want to scream at him hahaha :( I can't believe he doesn't see how wrong this is (being all possessive and guilt-tripping her and all) :((( but it was amazingly written so thank you!

Anonymous said:So I'll be honest enough to say that I just started reading Equilibrium. At first it feels so intense and you just start feeling on edge (in an angsty/giddy way). But after a while, the relationship dynamics begin to feel digusting! Don't get me wrong tho I 100% luv ur writing but the abuse is getting way out of hand and I wouldn't want that for myself my gawd i would've quit from day 1 hahaha cause im kinda possessive, and sharing with another person and endure abuse is a big fuck no!!

Anonymous said:Wow Equilibrium is getting scary. What scares me more is that you are writing an OC who is scared about what could possibly happen, she is being emotionally manipulated. And there are people who think that what JK is doing is sexy. I hope that your readers eventually understand what is and what isn't a healthy relationship. None of this is healthy. You want relationship goals look at Morticia and Gomez Adams. This is a fantastic piece of writing though. Thank you.

Anonymous said:Thank you for that amazing update holy shit. Jungcock is seriously scaring me so much and I feel so bad for the mc and Jimin. I feel as if Kookie purposely poisoned Jimins food. And honestly I'm so scared for the mc. Like the way Jungkook traps her and has this possessiveness, powering over the mc freaks me out so much. I feel as if the mc will not be able to take the possessiveness anymore and well run away? Thank you for the update. This chapter I feel is very important. Have a good day!

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR NOT FALLING PREY TO OUR DISGUSTING MISOGYNISTIC SOCIETY THAT TELLS US A POSSESSIVE, CONTROLLING, CRAZY MAN IS SEXY!!! IT’S NOT. IT’S FUCKING SCARY AKLSJDFKLSJF IM SO GLAD THAT THERE ARE SANE PPL OUT THERE

[6gpymfzi-blog]

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