#gs:alt

[genesiskrps-blog]

KIWI MUSIC NEWS: IDOL PROFILE SERIES !

[+ 500, -15] Wow! Oh Jiho is my favorite guitarist in ALT ! [+ 243,  - 5] XXXtra is lucky to have him, aren’t they?! [+ 225,  - 9] I can’t wait to see more of them !

PROFILE !

FACECLAIM: Kim Myungsoo (L) NAME: Oh Jiho AGE: 24. POSITION: guitarist of XXXtra (X2) TIME WITH COMPANY: 4 years. STRENGTHS: Jiho has struggled his way through the majority of his life, and so his outlook on music, on his band is much the same. He’s willing to put in the mileage to ensure that they’ll succeed (in whatever scope they are capable of succeeding in, at least). He’s able to push himself forward without letting it show when him (or the band as a whole) is in a rough patch, and this has certainly helped him throughout his life, as well as within xxxtra, especially after being signed. He’s also fairly talented at the guitar, which is something of a requirement, considering.

WEAKNESSES: Jiho did not go through a trainee period. The band was built up organically, but with this comes the fact that Jiho never learned the ‘correct’ way that he should act, and what’s more, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t act like an idol, he acts like a borderline-delinquent. Which makes sense, that’s exactly what he is. ALT signed xxxtra as is, and with that comes all the baggage. He is not particularly deferential, he doesn’t take direction well, he doesn’t stop and think if something will impact his image (and to be frank, his image has already been tarnished). His behavior, personality does little to help his career in the eyes of the larger public. He also has a complete lack of interest when it comes to variety, especially on shows where they ask him to do questionable and/or humiliating things. ALT has long since stopped attempting to push him onto these shows, despite the fact that they had at first (larger because they hoped some amount of fame would catch on due to his looks).

BIOGRAPHY !

TRIGGERS: abuse, violence

* Jiho grew up poor, in what he considers to be a broken home. His parents didn’t love each other, and the entire reason that they got married because his mother got pregnant. They were young, they didn’t have a lot of money, and his father got a job in construction so that they could pay their bills.

* A large part of his income got rationed out to the bar, which led to him stumbling home drunk late at night, getting into arguments with his mother, and punching holes in the wall when his anger rose too high. It was largely normalized throughout Jiho’s childhood, and he learned that doing something wrong was an invitation for violence. Or sometimes not doing anything wrong all, it was a tossup, really.

* It led to resentment, though Jiho largely became dependant on his mother when he was younger. Most of the positive memories of his childhood involve her. Trips to the park and collecting change so he could go and buy hot chocolate. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the environment he grew up in, and so he learned to just accept it.

* As he got older, Jiho had a tendency of making friends with the wrong kids. Or maybe it was just that he was the wrong kid to make friends with. Vandalism, fist fights, drinking under age and getting brought home by the cops. He was branded an iljin in high school and had a heavy temper to go with it.

* He started to play guitar in high school, and largely used it as an escape mechanism from his home life. Learned through a combination of an upper classman who didn’t mind helping him figure things out, videos found online, and screwing around with it himself.

* When he was sixteen his mother got pregnant (again), accidentally (again). Their home was far from the best place to bring another child into. Volatile, unbalanced, and Jiho was working a handful of odd jobs himself under the table to help pay the bills. There seemed like there wasn’t an option not to when it was either stock shelves for half the wages he should have been earning, or not having their electricity cut out.

* Still, his mother kept the baby. Jiho played a large part in raising his little sister, Jina. When his mother decided to go to beauty school to get certified to become a stylist, he was usually the one left to take care of her when he didn’t have school. It’s left him largely overprotective of her, and he’s had many a fights with his father (verbal and physical) when he’s attempted to treat her in the same fashion that he treated Jiho growing up.

* This isn’t to say that Jina being in his life changed him for the better. Jiho was still reckless and brash. He got into too much trouble and scored abysmally in school. His future seemed like it would be just as bright as his father’s before him: namely, not at all. His violent streak was often set off by his temper, something that Jiho is incredibly worried is just innately inside of him, that he somehow managed to inherit form his father. He’s not too sure that’s how that actually hurts, but it’s hard to usher out those fears – as rational or irrational as they seem – when it’s sometimes so very easy for him to snap, for adrenaline to surge up, and for the impulse to fight to take center stage.

* After a particularly nasty fight that his mother and father had (and then Jiho and his father when he walked in on it), his mother decided to take them both and find a new place to live. Eventually she went through the process to divorce him as well, though it did take a bit of time.

* Once he graduated Jiho picked up blue collar work and continued to live with his mother and his little sister, helped to pay rent and bills, as well as watch Jina when his mother was busy and Jina wasn’t in school. He helped put together a band on the side with a couple of his friends, and he always meant it as more of a hobby. Something to do on Friday nights and an easy way to pick up girls after shows played in bars.

* However, since they were able to get some level of popularity, at least within the little scene they’d been playing in, the band ended up getting picked up by ALT. Media. While Jiho would have been alright if they’re friend decided to go solo, he agreed simply because he so fiercely seemed to want to keep them together. To be honest though, Jiho was never intensely interested in fame. The money he was offered though, well, he took great interest in that.

* The same terrible traits he’s been dragging around with him remained though, despite the fact that he was pushed into the public’s eye with a makeover and a new guitar in his hands. He’s had his fair share of scandals, and he has little to no regard for his own reputation. Maybe if the rest of the band wanted to appear clean he’d try harder, but they don’t and so neither does he. He doesn’t care if he gets resigned. To be honest, Jiho doesn’t really wants to be. He just wants to take the money he’s been given in order to support his mother and sister, give them both better lives, maybe get Jina into a decent school. It’s for this reason that he at least tries to act somewhat respectively at gigs like modeling shoots, because they give him some extra income on the side. Given XXXtras reputation though, it’s not like he gets a ton of offers. Still, he’s been in some talks with the company, as they’re considering trying to push him into acting to try and regain some of ALT’s reputation, and since Jiho was considered to be something of a visual the choice landed on him. Though whether or not this will come to fruition is up in the air.

PROMPTS !

Detail the day/moment/process during which your muse was cast.

It was some bar. The type that seemed a little grungy, like they weren’t sinking their money back into the interior when they had the chance. XXXtra had been playing a show there, it wasn’t the first time, and they hardly got paid much. But it was a gig, and it was something to do, and some girl hanging near Jiho’s right while he’d been playing had been making eyes at him through the whole set list. He’d been planning on chatting her up after, seeing where that got him. Knows he’d managed to get her number before he got pulled aside by his friend, the singer of the group to tell them about an offer. It wasn’t necessarily so immediate, because ALT. hadn’t exactly wanted XXXtra at first, they’d just wanted their front man so they could build up their own rock band. But after it because clear it was all or nothing, they relented. Still, he didn’t know the complications that would come after the fact, and at the moment it seemed like an odd bout of luck. Or, maybe not luck.

To this day he isn’t sure if he got lucky by being picked up. It’d be a lie to say he wasn’t happy in that moment, the initial realization that he wouldn’t have to pick up manual labor jobs. That he could sink his time into music, into performing, and probably make a little bit more money. It’d be a lie to say he wasn’t initially hyped about the attention that he’d get, more fans that just their little group they’d picked up bar hopping around Seoul. Those initial feelings wore off pretty fast, and Jiho’s never been determined to claw his way into fame, stardom. It just sort of fell into his lap. Something nice, but it didn’t mean the world to him. Not that part, at least. But he’d been excited then, remembers throwing back shots and wandering home drunk through the streets laughing with his friends about their great fucking luck, about future plans, infamy, and the promise of more money than he’d ever seen before. The memory is nice, the reality that came after? Not so much.

Detail the greatest hardship they have faced thus far, relating to the theme of the site (idol life, entertainment industry, etc).

Jiho had never been the sort of person who thrust himself into the spotlight. He wasn’t shy, he just never really cared if he was the main focus. Scrutiny made him slightly uncomfortable, and he liked having his own privacy. Perhaps given this information, it becomes obvious enough that Jiho originally struggled with having people interested in knowing who he was, what he was doing, what fuck ups his past was riddled with. Granted, he disliked it, but he could deal with it. Could deal with posts, articles being written up about him online, pictures grabbed from websites where his old high school friends were on that showed him drinking underage, smoking, grinning past a bloodied lip after a fight. Could deal with stories of things he’d done being recounted, and then stories that were completely fabricated in order to drag him down.

What hit him the hardest though was the realization that it all excited outside of his bubble. Outside of TV, the company, his band. It went something like this: he was back at his mother’s apartment during a break. His sister was a little standoffish and Jiho wasn’t really used it, they’d always been close. He got her to talk with him in the middle of re-reading some picture book, a question of if he’d really done the plethora of terrible things that the kids at her school said that her brother did. He remembers one thought in particular, when she asked if he was going to 'end up like dad.’ Jiho tried his best to explain to a seven year old how some things weren’t true, that some things were because he made mistakes, too. That even though he made mistakes that he still cared about her, that he wouldn’t ever want to hurt her. He’s not too sure he did a great job of it, but Jina phased out of acting strangely around him soon enough. But it’s always stuck with him, always weighed him down, the possibility that he might do something that loops back around to hurt his family, and considering half the reason he’s still going through the motions because of them. Well, it scares him.

[genesiskrps-blog]

KIWI MUSIC NEWS: IDOL PROFILE SERIES !

[+ 500, -15] Wow! Kim Aeri is my favorite soloist in ALT ! [+ 243,  - 5] ALT is lucky to have her, aren’t they?! [+ 225,  - 9] I can’t wait to see more of them !

PROFILE !

FACECLAIM: min hyorin NAME: kim aeri AGE: 25 POSITION: soloist (sounds like lim kim) TIME WITH COMPANY: 2 years STRENGTHS: 

Aeri has always been musically inclined. This isn’t to say that she’s comprised of raw talent or genius intuition, but she grew up in an environment where access to music, to instruments and composition techniques was made available to her. She has the ability to create her own songs, to pen her own lyrics, to start with an idea and build it into her own song. Separated from talent completely, Aeri has always had a knack for understanding how to market herself. Not in the grander sense where she can appeal herself to the majority of the general public, but more so on a micro level. When she was still playing around Hongdae and considered to be indie (as in: relatively unknown) she could often manage to get her name tacked onto set lists at popular bars, and eventually got herself signed to ALT., presumably due to how she was presenting herself at the time.

WEAKNESSES: 

Aeri is selfish, and this branches into her music as well. Above everything, she wants to create music that she, herself, likes. While this may have been completely fine when she was an underground artist playing part-time in cafes, she’s on a different playing field now, but still resolutely remains stubborn. Perhaps if she tried to appeal to the public just a little more, changed up the sound of her music, she might garner herself more attention. As is, however, she’s labeled as unique and has something of a niche, loyal following. While it isn’t of the utmost importance due to her being both a soloist, as well as being under ALT., Aeri has little to no dance skills, and she also has little to no interested in attempting to develop them, either. She also doesn’t tend to work well under time-crunches, and often scraps work halfway through when due to pressure. This can be seen in her discography at ALT where she was able to rework a lot of the material she had already written to turn them into two albums, one at the beginning of 2015, and one at the end nearing 2016. Throughout the entire year of 2016 though she’s yet to release an album due to her slow progression and insistence that she wants to be a part of the process. This isn’t exactly optimal for the fast-paced environment on the Korean music scene, however, and there’s always a worry that her fans might move on.

BIOGRAPHY !

*Aeri was born to a world that was turned into her playground. Her father was a professor at KNUA, and taught composition and performance. Her youth ran to the backtrack of classical music that spun through the living room, fingers brushing against the keys to the piano that sat in the study. Her mother was an academic as well, though she buried herself in art history. The (often repeated) story of how they met is something benign, involved a cafe at the university they went to and an old piano in the corner of the shop.

*She was an only child, deliberately planned and expected, with intentions to give her as many opportunities that they could offer.

*Everything was always eclectic, bright. They wanted her to think, and they wanted Aeri to invite creativity upon herself.  She has memories of puzzles, elaborately drawn children’s books, and screeching her way through the rooms of their apartment with a recorder. Something that probably made her parent’s ears bleed, but she always received praise for her efforts.

*It was perhaps due to the way she way raised that Aeri grew to become self-centered, selfish. While she doesn’t necessarily think she deserves attention, or think she’s the best, she likes to be in the spotlight. She likes to be another person’s focus.

*Whenever Aeri found interest in an instrument growing up, the ability to play or learn was usually made available. This isn’t to say that she’s mastered a plethora of instruments (for instance, she gave up on the saxophone after about fifteen minutes), but she did continually receive lessons and time to learn a few instruments, namely the cello and piano. The cello was traded out for the guitar, however, when she was in high school, and she hasn’t really gone back to it since.

*Aeri was often described by her peers as someone who constantly had her head in the clouds. Daydreaming about something seemingly more interesting that her math lesson. She’s built up dreams and avenues in her own head of what she wants, but she doesn’t generally share these with others. Of course, disengaging from things that she simply doesn’t like isn’t the smartest thing to do, but she’s found that if you’re growing up with a pretty face, you’re given far more slack than others.

*After coming to this realization, Aeri has used her looks to help in whatever it is that she’s doing if she thinks it will benefit her. She’s been called airheaded, lucky for getting a pretty face, and that’s partly true. Mostly though, she’s just manipulative, and her looks are simply a tool that’s made available to her, and so why shouldn’t she use it to her advantage?

*Aeri got into singing and songwriting at the beginning of high school. Luckily (or not so luckily, considering her father was on good terms with a number of staff on the school), it was a well-regarded arts focused high school. It allowed her the chance to hone in on her skills, and eventually gave her the jumping off point to pursue music.

*Her parents were always concerned that the path that she chose for herself wasn’t entirely the best option, but they had always fostered creativity in her and were also able to support her throughout her endeavors. However, her father did insist on her going to university, and due to the fact that her father was a professor at KNUA she ended up being admitted and going to school without amassing a considerable debt, which was helpful, considering after college she threw herself into the ‘starving artist’ sort of lifestyle.

*After she graduated with a bachelor’s degree in music and composition, Aeri started to piece together her own songs and albums, experimented around until she found a style that was distinctively her. She started playing on the streets of Hongdae, trying to promote her own music and make connections, taking opportunities to play at cafes or bars whenever a chance came. After a few years of doing this, she got noticed by a talent scout at ALT. that signed her on and into the company.

*She’s still given creative control within ALT. over her music, and she’s still just as passionate about its creation, though Aeri still hasn’t entirely gotten used to being in the entertainment industry, even if she’s been there for two years. She loved it at first, loved the fact that ALT. knew people who could get her onto variety shows where she could promote her music, loved that the added exposure gave her more fans, that extra funding meant she had nicer sound production and music videos. She loved the attention too, but eventually after the novelty wore off she realized that not everything about being signed was a perk. There can be moments where fans are invasive, where privacy is stolen, and where you need to hide away aspects of yourself if you don’t want nameless ID’s trashing who you actually are online. It’s a tradeoff she’s made, though she can’t really bring herself to regret it. This was what she wanted, after all.

*However, at least for the moment, Aeri is not considered to be all that well known. She has fans, and considering that she makes her own music, the company isn’t losing money on her, but she’s not under nearly as microscopic scrutiny that some idols are.

*She’s been struggling slightly through the creation of her third album. This is largely due to bouts of self-doubt, writers block, creativity slumps, as well as some amount of personal issues. She does have some songs created for it that are set to be included, though she’s still working on completing it.

PROMPTS !

Detail the most significant moment (positive) of their career so far.

The most significant moment of Aeri’s career thus far was when she completed her first album under ALT. While she had been making music herself over the years, this was the first time that it had professionally been put together, looked at by professionals, and re-worked until she was finally satisfied with it. It represents the first chapter of her professional venture into music, into trying to shape her lifelong pursuit of music into something tangible. It represents that she’s managed to do this on her own, to not only just pursue music, but music that’s meaningful to her. Aeri had spent stretches of time where it seemed like she was going nowhere with music, where her parents and friends suggested that maybe, instead of trying to making music for the public, she should turn her interests elsewhere. Working behind the scenes, or trying to implement it into a career in some other way.

It could have been a stupid decision, to keep chasing after this goal, but the fact that she managed to get out an album under a company signifies that it wasn’t a complete waste. Sure, she might not be a household name, might not be the most popular singer at the moment, but people enjoy her music, bought her album. Whether or not she’ll gain legitimate stardom under ALT is still up in the air. Perhaps she’ll continue to be a name among the indie scene, won’t really come up in decision for award, stay off of the general public’s radar. She wants more, she wants to achieve as much as possible, why just go halfway in when you’ve already got your foot in the door? But even if that doesn’t happen, even if she’s just given this small bubble of support and fame, at least she’s managed to work her way into achieving that, which was more than the numerous other singers she had met and befriended on Hongdae’s streets have done.

Tell us about what your idols goals are after their time as idols runs out- after all, one can’t bear up under that pressure forever.

Aeri’s career path is slightly different from the idols that dance their way through music shows. Her career is still dependant on her looks, her fans, but the expiration date on an indie singer is a little bit different than that of an idol. She knows she wants to continuously stay involved in music, because it’s always been what she’s most passionate about, has always felt fulfilled in her pursuit of it. She’s not entirely sure if she wants to continue to strive for more stardom past a certain point, though. Life within the entertainment industry is stressful, and Aeri is experiencing this currently, and with this in mind she does eventually plan to detangle herself from the web of companies, producers, and backdoor deals. She’s not entirely sure if she wants to turn back to self-producing music as a hobby and try to find a career behind the scenes in music, if at all possible. She’s thought briefly about potentially becoming a lyricist, but many of the thoughts about her future goals she doesn’t bring out to examine in full detail. She wants to continue on the path she’s on right now, wants to see how much she accomplishes, and if those accomplishment will open up doors she has yet to consider for the future.

All she knows for sure is that she wants music to remain in her life in some facet, even if she’s not the one actively performing the music that she’s creating herself. She hopes to have at least built up a decent amount of money to live off of where she doesn’t necessarily have to throw herself into another career in order to sustain herself, and so, while she has not seriously looked into it as of yet, she’s been considering making some financial investments. An ideal future for her would be one where she doesn’t have to worry about anything monetarily-related and can just focus on her hobbies, or whatever whim strikes her fancy at that moment, so she can just pack up and leave or do without sitting and wondering if it will be okay with managers or executives, if she’ll be able to afford it, if she’ll be in a time crunch if she wants to. Aeri’s has always prioritized her own needs and desires, and so it’s fitting enough that one of her future goals is to have the ability to do so without having obstacles barring her path.

[genesiskrps-blog]

KIWI MUSIC NEWS: IDOL PROFILE SERIES !

[+ 500, -15] Wow! Choi Remi is my favorite soloist in KWN ! [+ 243,  - 5] KWN is lucky to have her, aren’t they?! [+ 225,  - 9] I can’t wait to see more of them !

PROFILE !

FACECLAIM: jung soojung /krystal NAME: choi remi AGE: 25 COMPANY: ALT POSITION: soloist (sounds like iu) TIME WITH COMPANY: 2 years STRENGTHS: Remi has, above all else, experience. After debuting young with a now defunct company, she’s been in the industry for what feels like a lifetime and has clawed her way to the top. She’s fielded countless criticisms, dropped impressive hits, taken up some small acting roles, and so on. Her highest and greatest natural strength is her voice, for which she is predominantly known. She’s skilled with the guitar and the piano as well, and does some of her own composing, lyric writing, and producing- something she has been able to do with the freedom given to her by her new company. WEAKNESSES: Her greatest weakness is probably her reputation, at this point. Tainted by a past dating scandal, an unsuccessful attempt to rebrand her image, speaking out against the “lolita” box she was put in by her former agency, and long running attitude controversies often manufactured but occasionally not. Climbing out of this hole is something that has proven miserable. Her mentality is something she struggles with, and she is currently on hiatus (though preparing a new album recently) as a result. She stubbornly continues updating her SNS despite the continuously rude comments her updates receive, as if in some masochistic attempt to keep herself aware of what she must still overcome.

BIOGRAPHY !

i. her parents are normal, inconsequential people. they own a restaurant, and remi grows up with the smell of smoke in her hair, delivering napkins and chopsticks to tables the moment she can walk.

ii. her first words might as well be “may i take your order?” - it would certainly be one of the first full sentences she can recall saying. she probably mumbles it in her sleep to this day.

iii. she learns to love the buzz of the restaurant, the funny dishes her father is always trying to create, claiming “fusion is the future” any time someone criticized a bizarre pairing. it must be working, however, because customers keep coming to the little hole in the wall.

iv. she can hear the sound of the restaurant from her room at home, an apartment perched above the restaurant. her bedroom is over the kitchen, and the lull of her father shouting orders puts her to sleep when her mother lays her down for a nap.

v. she starts to sing along with the performers on the radio and her father loves it, calls her his little songbird, strokes her hair as her mother scolds him - “you’ll get her dirty!”

vi. her mother is tired, and it shows in the lines of her face, wearied expressions that deepen as the days pass. her father’s positivity is so bright it shines, but he can’t see past it to notice his wife’s difficulties, so remi takes this burden onto her own shoulders.

vii. she sings her mother’s favorite songs to cheer her up at work, and soon, she starts to notice people in the restaurant talk a little quieter when she sings, pass her a few won, some coins, and praise her for it. she likes the feeling, likes the contribution she makes, likes the lightness and softness in her mother’s face when she hits a note just right, bends it pretty and ringing.

viii. its a surprise, when one day, at 13 years old, a man hands her a business card instead of a few won. her mother is sure its a scam - who would want to scout their daughter, just from hearing her sing in the corner of an old restaurant? surely not. her father’s unflinching optimism wins out however - of course they’d want her, their remi, their darling songbird.

ix. it seems like the best moment of her life, when they accept her. she debuts at a scant 15 as a solo artist, but the songs they have her making are hardly her favorite. they dress her up and slather her in makeup, bill her as the nations little sister but make her sing about “oppas” that she loves, put her in childish outfits and have her sing about how she isn’t a little girl anymore and this and that. it makes her uncomfortable, but what can she do about it, really?

x. on her release of a song called ‘good day’ things start looking up. she starts charting, hits higher and looks better. of course, this is due to the rampant body image issues debuting as a chubby cheeked teen will give a girl. she’s slim now, but it fluctuates and she spends more time worrying about it than is healthy. she gets on shows and starts to panic, slowly gets better at variety.

xi. a bit later and she’s cemented herself in this niche she never asked for, has hordes of uncle fans screaming her name, but its weird. she doesn’t want this image- she tries to counter it on the varieties she goes on, to show she’s kind of a tomboy, a little shy, a lot goofy.

xii. there are controversies, there always are. those scandals follow her from one company to another. the album she produces herself is met with scandal again.

xiii. at twenty one, on the edge of twenty two, a dating scandal destroys her relationship and for a little while, her career. she lays low, comes back, prays her voice will help her hang on. for awhile it works.

xiv. when her newest album in 2015 tries to tackle the frustrations she’s had with the industry, with her image in it, with the way she was pushed into a box. instead, she earns a new moniker of “sly fox,” and things go misinterpreted, and it all comes back on her again, resentment and criticism. she reads it all compulsively. she goes on hiatus. each time she posts a picture on sns, there are those who tear her down- write articles just to speculate about her mental health, her happiness, her brazenness. she’s on the down turn and falling apart fast, even if her OST work keeps selling, even if acting deals keep being offered (though she turns them down, not ready to expose herself to another realm of critique).

PROMPTS !

Detail the most significant moment (positive) of their career so far.

there is a familiarity in the quiet ,suspended state of anxiousness that precedes something special. something important. she feels it before the lights come up, when the stage is bathed in darkness, when the crowd is hidden behind a lightless veil, when the weight of the microphone in her hands is a solitary comfort. she feels it in the deep of the night, when she unlocks the studio room at ALT that has been dubbed hers, flicks on the light in the booth to let the dim illumination light her way.

those moments are her favorites. she lives for the feeling of the precipice, that single, still, silent second before the jump, before the adrenaline, before the roar and thunder. the calm before the storm.

sitting in the quiet alt waiting room that day, years ago now, had felt like that. a suspended moment, frozen in time. remi had been poised in the crossroads. her childhood had been stolen by fame and by the warping of her image, the commoditization of a girl she hardly recognized in the mirror. when the company tanked, there had been a chance to walk away. maybe she should have. maybe if she had known what was yet to come, had known what the world would make of her, how they would twist her words and warp her actions and hunt her down, she would have broken that silence, would have stood up and walked away.

but maybe not.

maybe she would have stayed right where she was, until they called her back to the ceo’s office. until they offered her the contract and, for a second time, she signed herself away.she doesn’t regret it- signing on with ALT. even if she is hated, ridiculed, mocked, misunderstood, at least now its for music she has had a hand in making. at least now it is for choices she has made.

the autonomy of that is enough, for a girl who has been so controlled for so long. it has to be. after all, what else does she have left?

Tell us about what your idols goals are after their time as idols runs out- after all, one can’t bear up under that pressure forever.

remi tries to consider what will come next. what she will be when all this is over. when antifans no longer care, when the weight of her name doesn’t carry, when the public has forgotten her. sometimes she wonders if she’s already peaked. if her future will never shine as brightly as her past. but even then, even if she dulls and fades, at least now it is at her own behest. at least now she can say and think and act as she pleases (and perhaps she overindulges in this, perhaps she is smitten with the novelty of it, a new way to numb and dull and mask overactive senses).

when she thinks about the far future, there is only a blank. she saves money. she invests in properties. she knows when her contracts will end. she follows advice carefully, tries to carve out a niche here or there, to cultivate new talents. but the idea of being anything beyond this, anything other than choi remi, former nation’s little sister, current sly fox sliding off the rails? its hard. she can’t imagine it. she can’t picture a world without van windows and a crush of people, a world without diets or check ins or photoshoots.

remi doesn’t know anymore. she doesn’t know who she is without this, without the image that has been made for her, without the narrative the public constructs around her actions. she doesn’t know who she is without the brand of idol stamped firmly across her forehead like a warning. when she can’t even contemplate the present, when she fears the past so much, how can she consider a future?

maybe she just isn’t meant to have one.