#grrr i just want to make it look pretty and fancy!!!

[serpentarius-fr]

WHY

[malleleothreesome]

August 30th is my birthday!

🤍 Platinum Jacket Erica 🤍

When summoned: "We're going to some fancy museum? Wow! So cool! Bring out the free champagne and hors d'oeuvres! ...they don't do that here? Damn..."

Summon line: "I'm just glad for the opportunity to wear something truly beautiful. I used to love to dress up in my home world. Thank The Seven Crowley didn't 'accidentally' leave me on campus this time."

Groooovy!!: "When I was a kid, I was never one of those girls who wanted to grow up to be a Princess, because I thought all they did was sit around and do nothing. Here in Twisted Wonderland, I've come to realize there's a lot more to being royalty than I initially thought. Unless you're Leona."

Home: "100 year anniversary? *Squints eyes* Does that mean... Twisted Wonderland experiences a similar passage of time to my home world?"

Home Idle 1: "If Grim does something to mess up one of these paintings, or if he knocks something over, I don't think I'll ever live it down..."

Home Idle 2: "I love just following Riddle around... he's so knowledgeable about everything, it's like having my own personal tour guide!"

Home Idle 3: "Every time I see a painting of Maleficent I have to stop myself from saying, 'Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry.' Would that get me smited on the spot? Or do you think she'd take me in as her daughter like in the live action movie? ...what live action movie? Oh, nevermind..."

Home Idle - Login: "So this is The Land of Dawning. I'm always so excited to visit new locations outside of Sage Island! I hope I can travel this entire world before I have to go back to my home world."

Home Idle - Groovy: "Where's Malleus? I think he'd really like this painting! Don't tell me... oh, no... he's trying to get some champagne and hors d'oeuvres..."

Home Tap 1: "I'm trying not to let this fancy outfit get to my head, but damn, I look good... this must be how Vil feels on the red carpet!"

Home Tap 2: "The Queen of Hearts is really scar– I mean, cool. Really cool. Utmost respect. I'm bowing down. Please, don't take my head."

Home Tap 3: "Tweedledee and Tweedledum, I mean Ace and Deuce, are actually being pretty respectful in here. For once."

Home Tap 4: "If The King of Beasts could earn respect in Twisted Wonderland, I hope that means that Leona can, too. I want him to realize he has what it takes to make a difference in this world."

Home Tap 5: "Whoever painted these is really talented. I love looking at the fine details. It's amazing what people can accomplish with only their hands. It makes me feel a bit better about being magicless."

Home Tap - Groovy: "Since this is a museum, they gotta have a gift shop, right? I love looking at the gift shop! Can we go, please?"

Duo: [ERICA]: A battle?! Aaaa, I'm so unprepared for this! *Fists in the air even though she has no idea how to fight* Let's fuck shit up! [LEONA]: Grrr... Quit your whining and just get behind me already! You're doin' more harm than good, Sweetheart.

For the paintings, I wanted to showcase two of my favorite locations in my home world ;) When I think of what Disney represents to me, these are the two places I think of!

Yuusona art is from @hhyeart, template is from @thoselethalarts here.

[solkteaa]

Hiiii! How are you ?

I Hope you had a good day. I saw your post about taking requests and wanted to request something :)

So my idea was like being Marie’s s/o ( so a x reader story ) that behaves like an old person as in hobby’s and such. This is like kinda based on the comment Callie makes on Marie’s hair…

Preferably I would like a gn!reader but you do as your comfortable I don’t really care! + you don’t have to take this if you don’t want to

Being Marie's S/O, but she has old lady habits.

[Author's note; I literally forgot about this, sorry!1!!! I didn't know how to put this into a story, so instead enjoy the head cannons]

Grrr I love doing these they're so fun

MARIE, who has one of those small beaded coin pouches

She used to collect these pouches and shows them off to you, but now she learned how to make them and even made you one!

She has one for coins and one for those little candies most grandmother always had.

She mainly keeps those strawberry ones and butterscotch ones.

She munches on them before concerts.

MARIE, who has all this money and could get a fancy, brand new Bugatti if she wanted but instead has a 2011 Volkswagen that she refuses to get rid of.

When you first saw her car it caught you off guard. I mean, she's definitely pretty wealthy but it doese make since she's not pretty materialistic, given her personality. Though you'd think she'd at least get a newer model.

When you asked her about why she hasn't gotten a new car yet, she felt judged.

"If you have a problem with my 2011 Volkswagen named Beatrice, you can get out and walk."

Don't judge her car she will fight you over it.

MARIE, who sits on the patio with her little "Fish in the area wants me" mug in her hands every morning.

It's her own little ritual she does.

Every now and then she'll ask you to sit with her, which is a honor as usually she doesn't want anyone to bother her or near her when she does this.

MARIE, who bakes

this originally started because growing up she would make cakes for her parents for their birthdays. To perfect her recipes she would bake everyday until it was were she liked it.

Now it's became a habit.

Considering your her S/O, she'll randomly bake for you.

It's not too rare for you to come home and there will be a fresh batch of cupcakes or brownies waiting for you!

She'll also pull you out of whatever your doing just to taste test for her.

"Marie, I'm in the middle of a turf battl-"

"I don't care, I need you the try this icing."

Just make sure your home when she's experimenting.

MARIE, who gardens in her freetime.

she's always had a green thumb for plants, but I'd like to think the one thing she can't keep alive is orchids.

It's just simply to hard not to overwater them, or give them too much sunlight.

Worse part, they're her favorite flower.

Don't give her orchids, she'll cry.

MARIE, also has a garden in her backyard and plants out through her house.

Her worse fear is being on tour for a month or more and coming back and her plants are dead.

So she begs you to check up on them for her!

Just keep in mind, you kill her plants, she'll kill you.

You swear she gives more love too her goddamn flowers than you at times, but as long as she's happy!!

MARIE, who's bedtime is strictly 7pm.

if she stays up any longer she's a moody and slightly clingy mess.

MARIE, who crochets.

She has many quilts and sweaters she's made.

She would make some custom just for you, but that's too much effort so instead she let's you have some of the ones she already made.

She's also tried sowing.

She kept on poking her fingers over and over again and had enough.

It looked like a murder scene and she'd went through a whole pack of bandaids.

So much for those expensive ass fabrics she bought to make you something.

Never again.

[Unfortunately ran out of ideas but this was fun anyways. Thanks for requesting!!!]

[skitskatdacat63]

Dear beloved mutual,

1. You have the power to revive one fashion trend, which trend do you revive?

2. How do you come up with niche but cool au ideas? Do they just appear out of nowhere?

3. You are to help create the perfect f1 driver, choose the dna of two drivers that will be used in the creation of this perfect driver and pick anyone related to f1 to raise them.

Oh my god, these are such fantastic questions. I feel like I have to turn the question back on you and ask how you came up with such unique ones?? Whenever I do this kind of game, I cannot think of actually interesting questions at all lmao

1.

Hmmmm....maybe that we all have to dress formally/more dressy all the time- Again, I like comfy clothes as much as the next person and sometimes when I wake up and have to go out, I cannot muster the energy to dress well at all. HOWEVER at the same time, I don't really feel incentivized to dress up anyways, considering I'll probably end up severely standing out. It just makes me so grrr to look at old paintings or pictures and everyone feels much more stylish compared to nowadays. Though, I guess their version of "dressing down" appears formal to us in modern day. Sigh, I just wanna dress up fancy and not feel like I'm super out of place. I'm just not a huge fan of modern fashion, especially fast fashion. Like we own so many more clothes now then we did in the past, but they're all so much worse quality and mainly boring.

2.

Ahhhhh good question. I think I might have said before, but a lot of them just come from me doing something or learning about something new, and I want to share it with people. But it feels much more interesting to actually do something with that information, rather than just infodump. It's actually a symbiotic relationship. I learn/do something -> I use making an au as a medium to share this new interest -> I then have an actual reason to learn more in depth, actually retain the info and have a reason to share it! I think it has to be something very fascinating to me for it to actually become a full, committed AU though. I joke a lot about creating random ones, but it has to actually stick in my head for it to come to fruition. But a lot of the things I joke about usually end up integrating into an AU. Such as when I use Machiavelli quotes, or draw specific scenarios. But yeah they're usually just random concepts that I want to draw, and then I come up with lore to make it make sense. It's fun though to randomly discover parallels, and make associations prob no one else would ever make. Like to who else other than me would HRE Charles VI and Sebastian Vettel being similar make any sense?? Let me try to write out how I remember coming up with my main AUs: Boy King AU: I've talked about this in depth before but basically I saw a little statuette of a Holy Roman Emperor as a literal boy king and it stuck in my mind for a while, and I'm like, haha Seb statue??? And it all spiraled from there. Matador AU: I think I randomly got a thirst trap tiktok of matadors on my fyp, and I became a bit obsessed with their clothes and aesthetic. And then I was like, Spain...Fernando...matador Fernando!! And actually, the only reason that AU has lore is bcs I'm a vettonso stannie lol(same with Boy King AU tbh!!) Nandopoleon: Well, I've been obsessed with Napoleon a while, so of course I unconsciously started trying to make comparisons. But honestly....they really are so fucking similar, it's insane to me. They are the same person, okay!! Renaissance Muse AU: Purely came from thinking Seb looked similar to The David. But tbh now it's more about statues/works of art I think he looks similar to and want to draw! + Bond AU and Hussar AU: I just find them fascinating and love the parallels. One of my fav posts of mine is still the Hussar to F1 comparison, very similar to matador AU.

3.

Lmfao you already know I'm making the vettonso baby. I like to think since they're pretty similar, the baby would be 2x as talented. It's hard to say who could raise them bcs I feel like those related to F1 who are good parents prob wouldn't put their kid into F1. So maybe Mark? And also I think it's kinda funny for him to have to raise vettonso's love child. But it's like Mark with Oscar. Maybe Mark didn't totally succeed, but maybe he can through managing the next gen, y'know?

anonymously message me (3) things you want to know about me.

[ao3writers-pls-love-me]

Hi so im thinking this idea of au where Nico can see ppl mind whenever they touch him and back. its a cursed thing bc all he ever felt is ppl's hostility towards him, whether that "annoying kid", "scary scary", "thy son of hades holds the world's crushing grudges", "hes suspicious we cant trust him", "hes gonna kill us all one day", "creep" or "im going to kill him"

Solangelo mind reading upon touches au (with Nico can read a small amount of thought from people's mind base on how they touch him)

Bianca is straight out, "youre annoying and i love u so much, but i dont want to carry more burdens, dont want you to always put everything u care and trust on me, i want u to find yourself, your own path, follow your heart, not me and also, you are not allowed to watch aquaman until your 13th birthday"

Percy's more complicated, its a mix with guilt, anger, betrayal, brotherly love, annoying, sad, sorrow, "im so sorry Nico", "gods this kid is going to be the death of me", "why did u do that i trusted you!", "im sorry im so sorry you dont have to forgive me im sorry", "i trusted you", "why", "he doesnt...hate me?", "imma make a drop dead joke abt his dad", "i hate him im going to do everything for my lil bro"

Annabeth is quite brief actually, but i imagine it goes like "u go and slay kid", "thank you", "deserved", "gods hes such a nerd i like him", "wtf we can eat spiders as FOOD??? the demigods saved humanity for million times and this is what we ge—"

Hazel is very wholesome and nice, "you saved my life", "Im willingly trust u with everything", "youre my brother! happy happy!", "f— sh— holy he—", "baby bear frank we stan", "ppl find u untrustworthy but dont worry Nico i do and i will shove this sword up thei—", "i love u brother", "i wonder what Bianca will think of me"

Jason's wary at him at first but after the Cupid incident he becomes protective and cares for him a lot, "i dont trust him", "son of hades what will u do", "grrr woof woof bark arf", "piper, leo piper leo..", "hes scary", "does nico eat fancy stuff—", "hes brave", "nico youre the best u deserved the world", "im sorry for not trusting u", "im glad i know i appreciated u", "i hope hes ok", "nico you idiot thats not self loving thats self harming com'ere ill give u a hug", "its going to be alright bro", "dont be sad youre great you should know that everything is going to be alright"

Lastly Will Solace, dude this guy is just full on, sentimental, love, gentleness it makes Nico shooked so badly every time they touch, theres even this electrify feeling and warmths and affections, is not like, is not the same as everyone else. And, Nico fall for it every time, in denial, but he can not chase that weird sappy thing in his heart away, cannot ignore it any longer, cannot be in denial, any longer.

they touched the first time, and all Nico see is just worried and strangely huge amount of adoration, "omg did i...touch him, with my hand, which just delivered a baby satyr?", "shit hes cold", "also cute", "dammit Will nows not the time everyone's dying", "imma warm up his pretty warrior hand that is full of scars and scratches", "hes fading", "oh no oh gods no shit keep calm keep calm keep calm", "please i just met him", "i dont want you to fade away", "i have to—i have do something—anything", "fricking speak Will! speak! hes going to disappear again!", "that shirt is cute and disgusting, but overall looks very nice on you", "not that idiot", "smart stuff", "youre going dark and its terrifying me how much i dont want you to—", "what did you do to me", "you are driving me insane"

the second time in the infirmary is just Will being a lovesick puppy and a concerning friend.

"youre old", "im sorry let me fix that", "youre dense and i love-hate you for it", "im worried", "careful focus stitches careful steady blood careful calm bandage", "did i hurt you", "im sorry if i did", "no why would i think that", "of course hes hurted", "he doesnt look like it", "i want to somehow help you other than healing i want to help you but what should i do", "what if hes uncomfortable", "what if i make him uncomfortable", "but hes just", "i need you", "i want to help you", "not as a medic or healer or therapist", "something more", "you are so...nice", "what did you do to me", "ambroisa unicorn draught maybe lights he needs to be at shine", "please dont go", "please come back, "i look forward to seeing you", "hi its nice your face nice your smile nice", "please dont disappear", "i like you", "lots of things about you", "everyday nico everyday nico", "you need every rest you can get you can have everything you want", "even me"

the third time and is just, is too, driving Nico crazy. Despite all the things Will said, not even once of them connected to those inside his head, why, why tho, why him, why this Apollo's son choose him, of all campers, why him, why? And one single touch then this mind-blowing fact hit him harder than a truck.

"i love you"

oh...huh, its simply as that? he is, nico—is, that dense and stupid, isnt he.

Nico, tapping Will's shoulder: Will, can I um, have that?

Will: Have what? "im here you know u can have me instead", "that fricking caramel chocolate candy bar", "you can have anything hon just kiss me", "actually no id died", "worth it", "he looks cute today as well", "dear diary hes cute FUCK—"

Nico, choking: I—nothing. I want to sit with you

Nico, petting Will on his head: Hey, I was just wondering—

Will: "FUKA AFSHEJDKHSSHJA HE TOUCHED MY HEAD—", "soft hand soft hand soft hand soft hand soft hand", "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA—", "its Nico", "Nico Nico Nico Nico—", "and iiiiiiiiiiiii—", "crying right now", "fuck my face is red isnt it duck shieee no no nono calm calm"

Will, blushing: Yes, I'm available, what's up?

Nico, snorts:

Will, leaning his head on Nico's: Nico? "oh gods its happening everyWill calm down oh gods oh gosh", "calm calm calm calm wheres medic Will! We need his ungayness", "nowhere! we lost him seven days ago!!", "wtf thats three nico days he died that early!—", "fuck we doomed"

Nico, trying to hold in his laughter: Y—Yeah?

Will: It's on my mind for awhile "no itS DUCKING NOT—", " i dreamed abt you", "no this is not a dream fuck fuck duck duckshit", "i thought of you every—", that I always wanted to, um, wanted to spend more time with you, to hang out or wanted, you know, be with you, like, "for the rest of my life say it coward say it say it saY IT SAY IT" m—most of the time, and would you mind if I—

Nico is so red, he's not even ashamed of it at this point: If you?

Will: A—Ask you out..."on a date on a date on date on date" on a—on a—

Nico: Yes...?

Will: —trip to Starbuck where we can eat fancy coffee and laugh at stupid drinks like Crystal Ball Frappucino or something "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—", "WHY DO WE KEEP LOOSING", "FOR GODS SAKE ITS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE", "WE ALMOST FRICKING HAD IT FUCK—", "BUT ITS TECHNICALLY A DATE RIGHT??? ITS A DATE RIGHT???"

Nico, trembling: G—Gods sure Will sure, snorts I—of course I'd lov—love to

Nico, pokes Will's back: Will...

"Will", hardly breathing: "cute cute cute cute cute cute nico cute cute cute", "hes being a babyyyyyy—", "fuck thats cute", "is he pouting??? is thaT A FCKING POUT—", "mind be calm and im having a heart attack", "i wanna hug him"

Will: Oh? What's wrong, love?

Nico: It's nothing important, really. I don't know how to explain it. I'm just...kinda, gloomy, at the moment

Will, immediately: "i wanna hug him", "you wanna hug?" You wanna hug? "—OH SHI—"

Nico: Yes, took you long enough

[realcube]

haikyuu!! characters with a chubby! s/o 💗

characters: tsukishima, oikawa, atsumu, osamu & suna

thank you anon for this cute request 🥺

tw// comfort, fluff, angst if you squint, insecure! reader, swearing, they/them reader but reader wears a dress (in osamu’s)

(a/n): anon requested comfort but i feel bad bc i’m writing this like ‘no, (y/n)! stop being sad! you’re beautiful! 😡’ then i remember that i can just select+delete the pain away💗💖

Kei Tsukishima

let’s not pretend like tsukki gives a fuck what you look like tbh ✋

like nobody is ‘perfect’ and everyone is insecure (to varying degrees) so why would he care about your weight?

nobody ticks every single box to meet society’s definition of ‘beauty’  

plus, tsukki thought beauty standards were stupid away so he created his own - and you meet every single one 💖

in fact, almost everyone meets his beauty standards - besides himself ‘:)

he seriously doesn’t care about your weight tbh, it’s the most trivial thing so why would he care?

although, he wasn’t naïve enough to think that everyone was like-minded

your front of ‘i don’t care about what other people think of me’ was strong enough to fool even the most observant of poeple, including tsukki

however, tsukishima failed to take into consideration that you were his girlfriend, meaning that you could be playing the same game as him; ‘pretend to not care about superficial things like beauty so nobody will think for a second that you are insecure about your body’

he wasn’t one to give compliments but neither were you tbh so the mutual agreement y’all have of ‘let’s call each other names as a form of endearment to avoid those awkward moments were you are looking for the right words for praise but can’t come up with anything’  was fair

but after you accidentally sent him a self-deprecating ‘joke’ message that was clearly meant for a friend, he never passed up the opportunity to compliment you ever again

like he kinda just stared at the message like 😮 ‘does (y/n) seriously care about their weight? why? it doesn’t even matter. how stupid! who told them that the shape of their body is important? bc it’s not..’

then he turns to look in the mirror like ‘wow you srsly need to put on muscle, lanky bitch. or else (y/n) will probably leave you for some built jackass like kuroo. pick up some weights, noodle arms!’

anyway, he’s not too good with words and comfort in situations like these but he’ll probably reply to your text with something out-of-character and surprisingly sweet

to paraphrase (bc the actual text would probably be like a whole damn persuasive essay LMAO he starts with the introduction, makes five points and finishes with a conclusion pfft) , i think it would be something like: ‘hey, (y/n). ik that text was probably meant for one of your friends (but if they’re the ones making you feel bad about your weight then you should probably drop those toxic cunts anyway 💅✨) but i just wanted to say that even though you are the biggest clown i’ve ever met (/j) you’re still v beautiful 💗 stop being insecure or i’ll pass away ⚰💀 ok thx love you bye’

Tōru Oikawa

how are you insecure if you’re dating oikawa? /j

like he is such a hypeman

whenever y’all take pics in your ✨fancy outfits ✨ for formal event, he acts as though you are second most beautiful thing on the face of this earth 😍 (second to him ofc)

but he only does that so he can keep up the reputation he has of being effortlessly confident bc he’s scared that if it slips for even a second, everyone will see how truly insecure he is

truthfully, in his eyes, you come first place by miles (❤ ω ❤)

like srsly, you’re so gorgeous in that dress!! he hopes that you know that he is joking about the whole ‘second place’ thing bc you should be able to tell by the way he looks at you that you’re genuinely the most striking person he’s ever laid his eyes on 

you never acted overly confident in front of him but he definitely didn’t think you were as insecure as you are

he thought you were just..humble :)

sometimes he’d hear you mutter something mean about yourself as you passed the mirror but he paid no mind to it as he figured that you just cared about your appearance and wanted to maintain a certain image

however, once he was made aware that you didn’t want to maintain your image but rather, change it - he never let you murmur anything nasty about yourself under your breath ever again, not without proceeding to tackle you to the ground and shower you with his love, affection & praise 💞💕❤

and he never made a ‘second place’ joke ever again, he started his honesty streak by reassuring you that you’ll always be the number one in his eyes 🤩

also, after that, he was a lot more open about his own insecurities with you and you made sure to respect them and help him in a similar way that he did

there is just so much love and admiration between the two of you and at first you were both to shy to express it but now, you both are showering each other in compliments 24/7 bc you both just want the other one to know how perfect you view them as (❁´◡`❁)

Atsumu Miya

atsumu is a hypeman like oikawa but...better :)

IT’S BC HE HAS NO SHAME

he’ll compliment you on anything you wear and he makes it a point to use the most inappropriate compliment as possible, relative to the outfit you’re wearing

so if you’re wearing your pyjamas, he’ll call you ‘glamourous’

if you are wearing a swimsuit, he’ll call you ‘elegant’

if you’re in your work clothes/school uniform, he’ll call you ‘sexy’

and if you’re in lingerie, he’ll call you ‘adorable’

but it makes you blush so hey, no complaints

so when he finds out that you’re actually insecure about your weight, he’s just like ‘no ❤’

like he hates the idea that when you look in the mirror, you don’t see the god(dess) he sees

like why? it’s the same person

💞 fuck ‘perception’ 💞

💕 ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ TF YOU ARE THE FUCKING BEAUTY💕

grrr he was so mad  

but he was also soft 

he was like ‘if (y/n) insecure? then why hot? then why pretty? then why fit perfectly into my arms?’

plus, THIGHS

he’d never diss a person bc they had small thighs or anything BUT he’d also NEVER complain about being given the chance to be with someone with some good thighs 👍

tbh the best could do to help was compliment you ten times harder to eliMINATE ALL YOUR INSECURIES 

(and ofc i don’t mean that in a way - for example - if you’re insecure about your nose, he’ll fkn chop it off......he won’t chop your nose off LMAO he’ll just show you how much he loves it, to the point where you have no choice but to love it too ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ )

anyway, plz love (or at least, tolerate) yourself or else he’ll suffocate you with all his love and affection :D

Osamu Miya

osamu is at a loss when it comes to typical beauty standards tbh

to him, weight (and most things) are similar to..hand size, for example

just like how you can’t imagine someone feeling self-conscious about the size of their hand (especially if their hand is a healthy size) 

he can’t imagine why some one would be shamed for their weight (especially if they’re a healthy size)

so had no idea you could possibly be insecure about something like that and he probably on realised after a few years in the relationship 😅

there was a formal event coming up and y’all were going as dates so you wanted to shop for outfits together 

as couples do ✌

anyway, he was on a dress site, scrolling away until you pointed out one that you thought was pretty - and it matched the color of the tie osamu bought too!

it was a fair price (for a formal dress 🙄 which is probably like $68/50) so osamu was like ‘buy it then ( •̀ ω •́ )✧’  bc he thought it would so gorgeous on you 

but you were like ‘no’

and after he pried further, you explained how you thought it wouldn’t ‘suit your body type’ 

GRRR HE dislikes IT WHEN PPL SAY THIS SO MUCH BC HOE YOU DON’T HAVE A BODY TYPE YOU’VE GOT A BODY 😡💕 WEAR THE DAMN DRESS IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL 

but like deadass it’s not your blood type-  it’s just a thing ppl made up to make ppl (mostly women) feel bad about themselves for no reason

but that might just be his inner atsumu talking 🤷‍♂️

he didn’t even know what to say at first- he was just like ????? body type ????

but once he figured out what you meant, he still had no idea what to say- at least, without sounding rude

what if someone came up to you and told you they were insecure about the shape of their knee.......what do you even say???

so he was silent for like the rest of the day

you decided to give him some space just in case something happened which had upset him

he had no idea what to say, in all honesty, so he hoped that his actions spoke louder than words 

around 3 days had passed since you last spoke to osamu and you were beginning to think something you had said made him uncomfortable

you were studying in your room until there was a ring at your door so you rushed downstairs and you opened it to reveal a package sitting on your doormat

you had recently ordered some cleaning equipment so you were sure that the content of the package was probably that

so imagine your surprise when you tear it open to reveal  — you guessed it —  the dress 💕

Rintarō Suna

when he says that he doesn’t care what ppl look like, he means it

he upkeeps his own appearance though bc..it’s his!

like why would he care about what weight you are? that’s none of his business

as you can tell, he’s generally not shallow but sometimes when y’all are just cuddling and your face is pressed to his chest, the words ‘you’re so cute’ just fall from his lips

so ofc he appreciates compliments over his skills, personality, humour etc over flattery about his appearance 

hence, the praise he gives you is usually based around those things too bc he just thinks that you’re just like him in the fact you don’t appreciate skin-deep comments

so when he found out that you’re actually insecure about your weight (or something else), he kinda blames himself

he thinks that the whole reason you’re not extremely confident in your appearance is all due to him and the fact he fact he maybe didn’t compliment you on your looks enough  — but that’s not to say that he doesn’t think you’re beautiful 

you’re the most radiant person he’s ever laid his eyes on and he thought you knew that regardless of whether he vocalised it or not

he wasn’t really sure what to do tbh

bc he loved you and wanted to comfort you ofc but he was scared of making things worse

like what if something he says accidentally makes you so upset that you break-up with him 😭

but he knew he couldn’t just stay silent about the issue, especially when he wanted to say to much

thus, he sent you a heartfelt message on discord 

(rather than snap, whatsapp etc so he could edit it after he posts it bc knowing him, he’ll probably write something, reread it ten times then as soon as he hits send, he spots a bunch of mistakes)

and he’d explain how you’re simply divine regardless of your insecurity and if anything, it just makes you cuter 😍

ok ok so i really don’t want it so seem like he has a fetish bc HE DOESN’T 

but he think your curves are so fun and pretty ❤ 

like everything about you is pretty but suna just can’t comprehend why you’re insecure about something like your weight when he literally adores it (bc he adores everything about you) 

[zelk0va]

Akuneko (AKNK), Event Story "Butler's Valentine", Chapter 6: A Letter

-Devil's Palace, your room-

......

>Ugh...is it evening already? >Guess I should get up now...

Muu: (yawns) Before I realised it, I ended up falling asleep, too... Muu: Hmm? Master, look. There's a letter left here for you!

>Let me read it >What's all this about...

"I did not want to wake you, for you looked so comfortable as you slept, so I will leave this letter here.

"The butlers have left the mansion to make preparations for the nobles' party...

We will return as soon as we are finished, so please do not worry.

"Also...when you have the time, please do stop by the kitchen."

Muu: The kitchen? Let's hurry up and make our way there, Master!

>Yeah, let's go!

-Devil's Palace, kitchen-

.....

Muu: There's no-one here.

>You're right, not a soul...

Muu: Hmm, doesn't seem like there's anything here, either... Muu: Oh, I get it now! This is a scavenger hunt! Muu: I bet you there's some delectable cake hidden here somewhere!

>R-Really now...?

???: Ready, set, and...! Lono: Master! Happy Valentine's!

>Aahhh! >You scared me!

As Lono yelled out his surprise greeting, he and Bastien both emerged from where they were hiding.

They were both holding a large cake.

Lono: Hey, c'mon Bastien, you say something too! Bastien: Hmph. Tell me why I need to take orders from you? Bastien: Also, you're going to scare the Master if you raise your voice all of a sudden like that. Lono: I told you, this is a surprise! That's the whole point! Bastien: I don't want to startle the Master... Bastien: If anything, I want them to feel calm and relaxed. Lono: Ugh, forget it! There's no use trying to get it through that thick head of yours.

>No fighting, you two... >What's all this about?

Lono: Ah, sorry, Master! Lono: We just wanted to, uh, surprise ya! Bastien: I was against it, Master. Lono: Grrr, Bastien, you little... Lono: Anyways, Master! Let's head over to the living room! Lono: There's still tons more surprises waiting for ya!

-Devil's Palace, living room-

I almost couldn't recognise the living room once I step foot into it.

The wallpaper and decorations were changed to ones for Valentine's.

Lamli: Ah, the Master's here!

All the butlers were gathered in the living room.

Boschi: So, what do you think? Pretty, ain't it? Fennesz: We all decorated the room together, in hopes you would like it. Ammon: Yup! We put way more energy into it than the set up for the party with all the nobles! Haures: That's...true, if I'm being honest. Haures: Preparing for the party is our job... Haures: But we did this because we genuinely wanted to see you happy, Master. Lucas: There's lots of drinks here♪ Lucas: The ones here are better than the ones we brought over to the function. Nac: Of course, there are non-alcoholic options available too. Don't hesitate to request for some.

>I appreciate it

Lato: This occasion calls for some music. Flure: Mister Miyaji, whenever you're ready! Miyaji: Alright.

The beautiful timbre of the piano began to fill the room afterwards.

Berrien: Hehe...things have certainly livened up quite a bit here.

>Are you sure you guys shouldn't be working? >What about the party with all the nobles?

Berrien: We have a bit of free time right now, so you don't have to worry, Master. Berrien: Actually, we had plans to surprise you on Valentine's day for some time now...

>Oh, did you now...

Berrien: The cake and drinks, and even the decorations... Berrien: We butlers happily prepared it all for you.

>Thank you, everyone...

Berrien: Everyone was so excited to work on it. We did it all for you, after all. Muu: Cake, drinks, and even music! It almost feels like a fancy party! Lucas: Well now, Master, shall we dance♪

>Pardon? > T-That was sudden

Lamli: Aww! Must be nice to get to dance with the Master... Lato: Master, please also do honor me with a dance. Lucas: Wait your turn, now♪ Lucas: Now then, this is a simple waltz, Master. Lucas: Let's enjoy the night together.

Afterwards, I had a lovely, fun time with the butlers.

The butlers looked like they were enjoying themselves, too.

Then, once the time for the nobles' party began to draw near...

The party at the Devil's Palace drew to a close.

* * *

←Chapter 5 Chapter 7→

[moonlightguardianmoon]

The story of Nasir the Cat part 1

This is a drawing I did for Nasir... ya I know it terrible 😓 I haven't drawn cat's in a long time if anyone wants to redraw Nasir I give full permission as long as you follow the copy right and give credit where credit is due

Oh another thing Nasir is Arabic for eagle

The story of how Nasir became Altair's little furry partner in crime.

It was a Friday morning around 6;30. People were driving or walking to work, as the birds chirped and the eagles soaring through the open air, somewhere in the crowds of people, there was a blade walking among them, that blade was... Altair lbn-La'Ahad.

Altair was wearing his modern outfit, which was a plain white jacket hoodie, a black T-shirt underneath, navy blue pants, a leather belt, and black brand shoes. He was walking towards Mike's cafe, as he did every Friday and Monday morning.

The cafe bell rang as he walked inside, there at the cash register was Michael, wearing an open jean-jacket with some different pins on it, a red t-shirt, tan pants, and a red beanie hat.

Michael: yo! Altair! How's my main man doing?

Altair: I am doing well Michael.

The two fist bump, Altair and mike high fives from top to bottom then ending the handshake ending with them gripping both their forearm and shaking them. They both then let go and continued talking.

Altair: how have things been with you and the cafe?

Michael: I've been doing good, the same goes for the cafe too. So what can I do for my favorite customers slash good friend, today?

Altair: the usual Friday and Monday breakfast, please.

Michael: the butter coated croissants with a warm brew latte.

Altair: that would be it yes.

Michael: all right, and how many croissants would you like?

Altair: the usual five, please.

Michael: alrighty then, that'll be $17.99, please.

Altair: *hands him a coupon and three dollars*

Michael: Awesome, I'll get your drink and latte in a few minutes.

Altair: -nods-

A few minutes later Michael handed Altair his Latte and a white paper bag with the five butter-covered croissants inside.

Michael: there you go, a latte and five butter coated croissants.

Altair: *grabs the Latte and paper bag with the croissants inside* shukraan lak, thank you, Michael.

Michael: no problem man, hey you, Desmond, and Ezio are still going boating with me next week, right?

Altair: I believe we still are, yes.

Michael: right on dude! Well, I'll see you later then! *waves goodbye*

Altair: *makes a small wave back*

Altair exits the building and begins walking two blocks over to a bench that was next to an alleyway. Altair takes a seat on the bench, as he took a sip of his Latte.

Altair: ... *looks around to see if anyone was watching him* ... *turns around to the alleyway* *click* *click* Goldie~ come here Goldie~

Just then a large black cat came slowly emerging from the alleyway. The cat was a midnight black cat that had ember gold eyes just like Altair's eyes. The cat meows happily back at Altair when suddenly a large bulldog came around the corner and growled at the black cat.

Dog: GRRR- BARK BARK!!

Goldie: HISSSSS! *scratches at the air and towards the dog*

Altair: HEY! GET AWAY FROM HER!!!

Altair quickly got up and got in between the dog and the cat.

Altair: I SAID GET AWAY FROM HER YOU STUPID DOG! LEAVE HER BE!!!

Dog: *snarls and growls* BARK! BARK!

Altair: *gets in the dog's face* GRRRR! HISSSSSS!

Dog: ... *whimpers* *leaves with his tail between his legs*

Altair: Tch, stupid dog never learns! *sigh*... you ok Goldie?

Goldie: Meow~ *rubs her head on Altair's leg* Purrr~

Altair: Heh, I take that as a yes.

The cat smiles at Altair as it jumps on a few boxes and onto his shoulder, as he walks back to the nearby bench. The cat leaped off his shoulder and onto the bench and sat next to him on the bench. Altair pulled two butter coated croissants out of the paper bag and gave one to the cat.

Altair: one for you.

Goldie: meow~ *starts eating the croissant*

Altair: and one for me *starts eating his croissant* *pets the cat with his left hand* did you miss me, girl?

Goldie: Purrr~

Altair: Heh, I missed you too.

A woman came walking up to Altair. The women had a short dirt blond hair cut, wore black high heels, long light grey pants, and a fancy grey, open, button, jacket, and a white shirt.

Women: oh, look who it is. Tch, well I guess it is pretty common in New York to find psychopaths on the streets, so why am I surprised?

Altair: 😑 oh... Hello Linda... what brings you to the streets at this hour?

(Altair threatened Linda at a bar after she was being a jerk to Desmond)

Linda: *looks down at Goldie* What. Is. That? *points at Goldie*

Altair: *sarcastic gasp* Linda I'm shocked. Did your teacher not inform you about what a cat is?

Linda: -_- don't be a smart @$$ with me, you know what I meant... so is it yours?

Altair: sadly no, she is a stray.

Linda: gross. Why is it sitting on public city property?

Altair: uh... cause it's public and anyone can sit here?

Linda: ya, people can, not wild, dirty animals. I would say you're not allowed to sit there either, but unfortunately to the government's eyes, your a person to I guess.

Altair: really? Cause right now I'm staring at the likes of an old crusty dinosaur and I'm pretty those went extinct a long while ago.

Linda: *gasp*! Well I- HMF! Well doesn't matter cause I'll just call animal control if you don't get rid of it!

Altair: you're not doing sh*t, you sayidat majnuna! You're not gonna call them for sh*t! Goldie is-

Linda: he isn't legally yours! What authority do you have to stop me!? Hm? Tell me, what legal authority do you have that will prevent me from doing so?

Altair: ... (sh*t she's right for once) still, birds sit and stand here all the time! You gonna call them on a bunch of birds too!?

Linda: listen here alt!

Altair: Altair.

Linda: I don't care if your name was bob or steve! If I could I would, but those little rats with wings are everywhere! And I can't do much about them, but this I very much can!

Altair: so help me Linda you call them on her-

Linda: you have no control here!

Altair: *swiftly gets up* LINDA I WILL-

Linda: *she wags her finger close to Altair's face* tisk, tisk, tisk, now Altair. Wouldn't want to cause a scene in the public eye, would you now?

Altair: ... (I can't let them know, what I am... Linda already has enough suspicion on me and the family)

Goldie: mow?

Altair: *looks down at Goldie*

Goldie had gone ahead and pull out another croissant from the bag and eat Altair's half-eaten one.

Altair: ... *makes a small smile at Goldie and pets her gently on the head* (I can't risk word getting out and exposing us to Abstergo.) *looks back at Linda with a glare* I won't let you.

Linda: well if you don't, why not just adopt the thing?

Altair: as much as I'd like to, Shaun doesn't let us have pets in the house.

Linda: well what a shame... tell you what, since I'm in a generous mood. I'll give you till tomorrow to say your goodbyes. But by the time I come back, that chubby cat has got to go! Now ta ta, I'm about to be late for work.

Linda continues walking past the two, leaving a lonely Altair alone with his cat.

Altair: ... *sighs* *slumps back down on the bench* ... what are we going to do? ...

Goldie: meow? *nuzzles into Altair's side*

Altair: ... Heh *scratches behind Goldie's ears* don't worry Goldie, I won't let her take you away to some animal prison.

Goldie: mow~

Altair: *reaches into the bag and pulls out another croissant and gives it to goldie* here you go, my little qath saghira.

Goldie: Meow~ *starts eating the croissant*

Altair: *chuckles* ... maybe Linda is right, you are getting a bit big. *pets goldie* Maybe I should stop giving you so many croissants.

Goldie: mow~

Altair: you have been eating a lot more as of late, funny *rubs her tummy* it's almost like you're-... You're... *looks over at Goldie in shock* goldie... your... no...

Goldie: *happy Meow sound*

Altair realized that goldie was pregnant, as an assassin, he doesn't get surprised rarely, but when he does, it's quite the sight to see.

Altair: ... *chuckles* I can't believe this. *picks up Goldie in his lap* you are pregnant aren't you?!

Goldie: meow~ purrrs~

Altair: I'm going to be a grandpa! *chuckles* well I'm technically already am, but this is different. I'm so happy for you my little gold~ *chuckles* Eha... ha...

Goldie: mow?

Altair: ... I can't let Linda take you away, no less leave you here with that stupid mut! Lurking around every corner... I can't just leave you when your most vulnerable at this state, nor can I leave you and your kittens here, the streets are no place for you and your kittens.

Goldie: meow...

Altair: ... *sighs* ... you know what, screw Shaun's rules of no pets!

Goldie: mow?

Altair: *whispers to Goldie* I'm the leader of the assassins and one of the best according to history. *normal talk* I should be able to make my own damn decisions!

Goldie: Moew!

Altair: damn right Goldie! If Shaun has a problem he's gonna have to deal with it!

Goldie: MOEW!

Altair: *picks up Goldie and stands up* yes goldie! Let me hear you roar!

Goldie: MOEW!

Altair: THAT'S THE SPIRIT! WE-

Man: *clears throat*

Altair and Goldie: ...

Man: ...

Altair: *clears throat* ... how much of the conversation did you hear?

Man: ... just about how if this guy named Shaun has a problem with you and your cat that he'll have to deal with it...

Altair: ... oh.

Man: ...

Altair: ... don't you have work or something?

Man: don't you?

Altair: no.

Man: oh... lucky. *leaves*

Altair: ... *looks at Goldie*

Goldie: *looks back at Altair*

Altair: *chuckles* tomorrow Goldie, I'll take you home before Linda can take you away. There you can have your litter of kittens in the house and not out here in the streets.

Goldie: *happy meow*

Altair: *kisses Goldie's forehead* I promise, I won't let anything happen to you little one. I will take care of you and your kittens for as long as I may still breathe.

[Current] - [next]

Hoped you guys liked part 1 of How Nasir became Altair's fury little companion✌😸

[olicitysecretsanta]

A Significant Other for Christmas

 Happy Holidays Valie ( @v4l13 ) I wrote this fluffy Christmas story for you. I so hope you enjoy and have a lovely holiday! @hope-for-olicity

Felicity had tried. Like, REALLY tried to stay with her boyfriend through the holidays but she just couldn’t. She had too much self-respect to put up with a boyfriend that continued to cheat no matter how much her mother liked him. Secretly, Felicity thought her mother liked him simply because he was a man that Felicity was dating.

Felicity sighed as she walked along the snowy Star City streets looking in the pretty shop windows. Something about Christmas lights always brought her a sense of cheer.

She smiled thinking back to her mother’s visit just last week to celebrate Hanukkah. She could hear her mother’s voice clearly in her head, “Now, Felicity don’t you let this one go. Good men don’t just fall into your lap.”

Felicity turned from the window display, began walking when she collided with a man carrying way too many packages. She reached out to try to regain her balance, it was a lost cause. She ended up grabbing the man instead, they both went down, packages flying everywhere.

“I’m so so sorry are you hurt?” Felicity asked as she looked down at the man literally in her lap. Oh my, he’s beautiful, she thought before she stopped realizing who it was. “Mr. Queen, I’m so sorry. Let me…”

Oliver began to chuckled. “Please don’t apologize, it was entirely my fault, my sister warned me I’d walk into someone carrying all these packages. And as I am the one who knocked you over, leaving you on the snowy ground, let me help you up. Miss…?”

“Felicity, Felicity Smoak. I work in the IT Department at Queen Consolidated, so you are my boss.” She began to wipe the snow off her coat as she stood. Not the way she wanted to meet her new boss. Way to make an impression, she tsked herself.

Oliver began collecting his packages with Felicity’s help. “Woah, slowdown. I’m not your boss yet. I don’t become CEO until the new year. It’s nice to meet you Ms. Smoak.” Oliver held out his hand.

Felicity could feel the warmth of his hand through his glove. She couldn’t help but smile as it sent a thrill about her spine. She shouldn’t be thinking about her boss this way, but as he pointed out he wasn’t her boss yet. She couldn’t help herself, she shivered.

“Oh you must have gotten a chill from the snow! Can I get you a coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate? It’s all my fault after all.” Oliver had literally just met this woman however he felt drawn to her. Usually, this would be his signal to run but with Felicity, he didn’t want to go anywhere.

“Mr. Queen,” Felicity began.

“Oliver. Sorry to interrupt but Mr. Queen is my father. My father who is your boss right now. Right now, I’m just the guy who wasn’t looking where he was going.” Oliver really wanted her to see him as just a guy.

“Oliver,” Felicity blushed. “It really wasn’t your fault, I turned without looking…”

“Sorry, to cut you off again. I swear, I’m not normally this rude. My mother would not be impressed by my manners.” Oliver smiled at Felicity apologetically. “Please, let me take the blame and buy you coffee.”

“Okay, if it’s that important to you.” She smiled. “I’ve never been one to turn down coffee.”

“Great! There’s a place right around the corner. I mean, if you have time right now. If not I can meet you another time.” Oliver couldn’t help but sound eager. He didn’t know why but he knew this woman was amazing.

“Now is good. Would you like some help carrying your packages?” Felicity leaned forward to take one of something.

“Maybe, one or two. Just so I can see where we are going.” Oliver handed Felicity a couple of the lighter bags.

“Good idea. Let’s make it to the coffee shop without any further collisions.” Felicity smiled wondering what she was getting herself into.

→→→→→

They both stomped their boots on the mat as the entered the coffee shop that was very decorated for the holidays. Seriously, it looked like Christmas threw up on it. And of course, Christmas songs were playing lowly. Felicity shook her head.

“Too much?” Oliver chuckled.

“A little.” She smiled. “Just looking for a free table.”

“There’s one.” Oliver led them to a small table near the back. He began putting his packages on the floor. “How about you take a seat, guard the goods. What can I get you? Something festive?” He couldn’t help but tease, she seemed to like and not like Christmas at the same time.

“Coffee, black, black coffee, please. A big one if you don’t mind. Lots and lots of coffee.” All Felicity could think was the warm, yummy coffee in her stomach.

“On it. One big black coffee. Be right back.” Oliver headed to the front to grab her coffee. Man, the woman was adorable. Who made ordering coffee adorable? Apparently, Felicity Smoak. Oliver usually didn’t do adorable but Felicity, Felicity was different.

She was not watching his butt as he walked away, no she wasn’t. It was just that the jeans fit so well, she really should appreciate the good craftsmanship of whoever made those jeans - they fit so well.

Oliver stood in line tapping his foot. What was wrong with him? He’d had coffee with women before. So lost in thought he almost missed it was finally his turn to order. He got them both coffee, added a couple of sugars to his, then headed back to Felicity.

“Thank you!” Felicity took a sip of her coffee, sighed with contentment.

“Well, I’m glad you like it. So Felicity Smoak, tell me about you. Are you from Star City? Married? Children?” Oliver couldn’t help it he wanted to know everything.

“Let’s see, I’m from Las Vegas, never married, no kids. What about you? I mean, of course, I’ve seen you in the tabloids but you never know if that stuff is true. Aren’t you with Laurel Lance?”

“Thank you for not believing everything the tabloid say, it’s good to know there are people like you out there. Yes, I did date Laurel Lance for a while but we broke up almost a year ago, turns out she was in love with my best friend.” Oliver smiled, he loved that the tabloids never told that story as he was sure they would love it.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Oliver!” Felicity touched his hand without thinking, felt that zing again, she quickly went to pull back but Oliver took hold of her hand.

“No, don’t feel sorry. I encouraged it! Laurel and I were high school sweethearts but the romance had been over for ages, when I saw them together - I just knew. He’s going to propose at Christmas. I really am happy for them. I hope I find that kind of love someday.” Oliver squeezed Felicity hand before releasing it.

“Oh, that’s good then. I’m sure a nice guy like you will someone sooner rather than later.” She gave him an encouraging smile before heading back into her coffee.

Oliver sighed. “Not soon enough for my parent’s sake. There are these holiday parties I must attend, according to them it doesn’t give the board confidence to have a single CEO. This may sound awful, but I wish I could just hire someone to be my girlfriend for the holidays. Bet you don’t think I’m such a nice guy now.”

“You’re wrong. I still think you are a great guy and I completely understand your point. I’m not becoming CEO but I do have to face my mother for New Year’s and I just dumped the boyfriend who she liked more than I did. I really don’t want to hear again, how I don’t try hard enough and how the kids I used to babysit are getting married but you aren’t dear….as if I would have missed getting married! Grrr. Sorry, I kind of unloaded on you. I’m fine, I swear. It’s the pressure, especially over the holidays. I’m Jewish, my Mom was here for Hanukkah at least I had a boyfriend for that.”

Oliver listened but the HAD a boyfriend really stuck out. “But no more boyfriend?”  

“No, I ended it. I really should have stuck it out through my New Year’s visit home. So, the hiring a fake significant other totally has its merits.” She smiled. “I get you, that’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Felicity, maybe we could help each other out. Please, feel free to say no. But how would you like to be my significant other for the holidays? You come with me to all the corporate Christmas stuff, family dinner on Christmas Day and I’ll go with you to Las Vegas for New Years. It would keep our families off our backs and we can end it in the New Year.” Oliver hoped they wouldn’t, though, because he really wanted to keep this thing going.

“Oliver, that’s very sweet of you to take pity on me like that. I swear that wasn’t my angle when I said I understood. I’m sure you can find someone far more suitable to take to your parents. I’m just a girl from Vegas, not really of the Queen social class if you know what I mean.” Felicity blushed.

“I think you are perfect.” Oliver reddened. “I mean perfect to be my significant other. Plus, I know having you there would make the parties less boring. I promise to keep in you in coffee and whatever else your heart desires. Please, think about it.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I would be grateful for the help but I’m worried I’d embarrass you. I’m not used to fancy parties. I don’t know all the forks…” Felicity’s voice drifted off.

“I will help with any silverware emergencies and yes, I am very sure. You are the woman I want to be my significant other for the holidays.” He reached out, squeezing her hand. He normally wasn’t so affectionate but everything about this situation was different from the norm.

“Okay, let’s say I’m on board. When is the first event? What type of dress is needed? I mean is every event black tie?” Felicity didn’t want to admit it but she could afford one new dress probably not two. She knew she probably shouldn’t wear the same dress twice.

Oliver could see the worry cross her face. He loved how much she cared when she barely knew him. “Listen, let’s get this out of the way. As you are doing me a favour I will pay for the dresses, hair salon, anything else you need to get ready for the events.” He could see from Felicity’s face she was uncomfortable with this idea. “You can pay if you need me to wear or bring something specific to Las Vegas. Sound okay?”

“Oliver, you don’t need to do that! I can buy my own clothes.” Felicity began to play with the stir stick someone had left on the table.

“Felicity, I’m asking you to buy clothes you wouldn’t ordinarily buy and remember, I’m rich.” He flashed a grin.

Felicity thought about it, if she was honest she really did like Oliver, when would she have the chance to attend fancy parties again? You only live once, right? “Okay, I’m in.”

“Fantastic! You won’t regret this Felicity, I’ll be the best fake significant other ever. Now, I need to run. All these packages are for our first event. A charity auction tomorrow night. Can I have your phone to put in my information?” Oliver was so happy.

Felicity handed him her phone.

“Here is my info,” he typed his name, number and email into her phone. “My family has an account at Valie’s, do you know it? It’s a high boutique, near here. I’ll give them a quick call in a moment authorizing you to put your dresses, shoes, whatever else you need on that account.”

“Wow, thank you, Oliver. I do know the shop they have beautiful dresses.” Felicity beamed. She felt like she was just made a princess.

“You will need three formal dress and something semi-formal for the Queen family Christmas dinner. You are okay with Christmas dinner, right? I know you are Jewish, I don’t want to be offensive.” Oliver loved seeing her face light up when he mentioned Valie’s he didn’t want to take a step back by insulting her religion.

“Nope, all good with Christmas dinner. I think I’ll head over to Valie’s now, as I have to work tomorrow. I know you have to run, you can text me and we can sort out the details.” Felicity stood up, began putting on her coat.

“Thank you so much, Felicity, you will not regret this.” He leaned forward kissing her cheek before thinking better of it. “Oh sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s all fine. We have to start pretending to be a couple. Now go,” she shooed him with her hand. “I’m heading to Valie’s. I’ll text you later.”

→→→→→

Felicity found the people at Valie’s to be truly kind and oh so helpful. They had other customers going to the same events so they were able to suggest dresses for Felicity to try. She ended up getting dresses in blue, red and green. A simple black cocktail dress with red jewellery to wear on Christmas day. She thought the whole thing would take much longer but the saleswoman took one look at her then did the shopping for her. So this is how the rich live.

She was admiring her new dresses and shoes when her phone vibrated. Felicity smiled when she saw Oliver’s name.

“Hey, you. I got dresses! Pretty ones!” Felicity smiled.

“Well, I’m very happy to hear you were successful. My sister sometimes takes forever to find a dress.” Oliver loved that she was happy.

“Well, I got them all. I am ready to be your awesome significant other. Do you want me to meet you there tomorrow night, I mean, once you tell me where there is?” Felicity suddenly felt nervous. She had the pretty dress, she would be fine.

“I’ll come to pick you up if you text me your address. Say 7 pm? Does that give you enough time to get home from work?” Oliver wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as possible. She was doing him a favour.

“I was thinking we should come up with a story. Like how did we meet, when was it? You know a meet-cute?” Felicity began to pace.

“That’s a great idea, although I’m not sure what a meet-cute is. I think I want one.” Oliver chuckled.

“A meet-cute is the scene where the couple meets in a romantic comedy. I was thinking, this is totally up for discussion, that we keep it simple.” Felicity stopped pacing, taking a seat on her bed. “We met at a coffee shop, you didn’t know I worked at Queen Consolidated, we hit it off and we are in the process of getting to know it each other. It’s all very new. This story would work with my mom too as she knows I just broke up with my boyfriend. What do you think?”

“Perfect. Easy to remember and mainly true. You are a genius, Felicity!” He really lucked out finding her.

“About that,” Felicity bit her lip. “Just so you know, I am actually a genius.”

Oliver smiled, of course, she was. “Well, I look forward to hearing more about that and all things Felicity Smoak tomorrow night.”

“And I am looking forward to getting to know the real Oliver Queen. Well, I best get my beauty sleep big day tomorrow. Good night, Oliver.”

“Good night, Felicity.” Oliver hung up the phone, already excited for their second date. At least that’s what it was in his mind.

→→→→→

Oliver showed up promptly at her apartment door at 7pm the following evening. Felicity was just doing one final check on her hair and makeup.  She rushed to open the door, shoes in hand.

“Oliver!” He stood at her door in a stunning tuxedo, she thought she spied suspenders. “You look amazing. Come in, I just need to put on my shoes and grab my purse.

“I brought you these,” Oliver revealed a bouquet of pink roses from behind his back.

“Oh, Oliver! You really didn’t need to do that. You do too much.” She took the flowers, smelled them before heading to the kitchen for a vase.

Felicity came back, put on her shoes, took one last look in the mirror before turning to Oliver. “Ready?”

“Felicity, you are stunning. That blue dress looks amazing on you. It really brings out your blue eyes. It’s like it was made for you.” Oliver knew he should stop talking he didn’t want to overwhelm her but he needed to say something.

“Why thank you! I’ll definitely accept the flattery as I thought the dress worked too.” She laughed, leading him out the door.

→→→→→

Turned out Oliver liked Felicity’s red and green dresses as well. There next two events went well. Oliver never left her side and she had the opportunity to meet lots of interesting people. Plus, the wine was good.

It was Christmas Eve and she was glad to have the night to herself. No rush to get all pretty. Instead, she came home from work put on some comfy clothes and ordered Chinese food.

When the Chinese arrived she hit play on her DVR, she needed to catch up on the shows she missed when she attended the fancy galas with Oliver. Felicity started her show, then pressed pause as she realized she missed him. Oliver would probably like this show. She wondered what he was doing.

Felicity shook her head. She was being silly she’d see him tomorrow. She was not that needy. She hit play again, took a bite of her Chinese food. Then her phone vibrated.

Oliver: Whatcha doing?

Felicity: Eating Chinese and watching TV

Felicity: What are you doing?

Oliver: Being bored

Felicity: Want to come over?

Oliver: On my way

Felicity laughed. What a pair they made.

→→→→→

Christmas dinner was a success, Felicity was so glad she had gotten to know Oliver’s family at the events before hand. She was really glad Oliver’s parents did not disapprove of him dating someone who worked at Queen Consolidated, she had to admit she was concerned.

They had just finished dinner when Oliver announced that it was time for gifts.

Felicity was confused. She didn’t celebrate Christmas but she wasn’t an idiot. The gifts happened in the morning. It was one of the reasons she felt comfortable coming to Christmas dinner. She had brought a hostess gift but nothing special.

She grabbed Oliver’s arm to stop him in the hallway outside the living room. “Maybe, I should go. I didn’t bring any gifts…I didn’t realize…”

“Woah, don’t you go anywhere.” Oliver began to rub her arm in reassurance. “You weren’t supposed to realize. You did nothing wrong. No one expected you to bring gifts. It’s just a family tradition to save one gift for the end of the day. If you really feel uncomfortable you can leave but I’d really like it if you stayed.”

“Okay, but I really don’t want to intrude.” Felicity looked away the back nervously. “We both know this isn’t real. Your family has been so nice to me, I’m starting to feel a little guilty about the lie. They really want you to be happy Oliver, it’s not just about the business. I really hope you can find someone after this because I want you to be happy too.”

Oliver took Felicity hand in his. “This is the last night with my family. Your family’s up next. We’ll talk tomorrow to see if there is anything special I need to bring to Vegas.” As he lead her through the living room he said softly. “Dad, said we can take the the private jet so cancel your plane tickets.”

Felicity’s mouth opened in “oh” as he pulled her down to sit next to him on the sofa. Oliver put his arm around her, pulling her close. Felicity couldn’t lie, she was totally going to miss the cuddling. Oliver had a way of making her feel so special even if it was just an act.

“Okay, present time!” Thea announced. She turned back to the tree and began collecting the remaining lovely wrapped presents. “To Moria from Robert,” she handed the present to her mother. “To Robert from Moria,” Robert leaned down to take his present. “To Oliver from me,” Thea handed him the present. “To Me from Oliver,” she put the present by her side. “One more, to Felicity from Oliver,” she handed Felicity a small wrapped box.

Felicity looked at Oliver. “You really shouldn’t have,” she whispered. “I have nothing for you.”

“You have already given me so much, Felicity. I’ll never be able to give you enough in return. Please,” he looked at her pleadingly. “Please, accept this.”

Felicity was surprised by how important this seemed to Oliver so she nodded. First she watched the others open their presents. Moira got a lovely bracelet, Robert a new clock for his office, Thea was given a box set of her favourite TV show and Oliver got a gift certificate for archery lessons.

Thea laughed. “You said you wanted to shoot a bow and arrow!”

“Thank you, Thea. I’m shocked you remembered. Now I shall have to learn.” He smiled at his sister who was always paying more attention than anyone realized.

Oliver turned to Felicity, “your turn,” he said lowly.

“Oh,” Felicity blushed. Then began to open her present as everyone watched. It was a beautiful, simple necklace, silver with three pearls. Felicity loved it. It was so her. How did Oliver know? She hadn’t worn anything like this on their fancy dates. “Oliver,” she looked up at him, her eyes a little glassy, “I love it. Thank you.” Then before she thought it through she kissed him softly on the mouth.

Felicity’s first thought was his lips are so soft. He kissed her back and she lost all thought. The kiss probably only lasted a moment, she pulled back. “Oops,” she mumbled.

“No, oops,” he said lightly in her ear. “I’ve wanted to do that since the day we met.”

“Oliver,” Felicity looked into his eyes realizing she was falling for him. Who was she kidding she started falling for him the moment they fell to the ground.

Oliver see the panic shining in her eyes. She really thought she did something wrong when really she had made his dreams come true. “You don’t have to say anything, Felicity. It’s okay.”

Felicity looked around the room, realizing they were now alone. “I drove your family away, not such a good guest. I guess it’s good that I don’t need to be invited back.”

Oliver smiled. “Felicity, my family loves you. Maybe more than me. They all wanted to give you gifts but I told them no. I warned them that they would make you uncomfortable.”

“They wanted to give me gifts?” Felicity was truly shocked. Sure she spent most of the last week with these people and they were all so nice but wanting to buy her presents?

“Felicity, you really have no idea how wonderful you are, do you?” Oliver cupped her cheek.

Felicity leaned in. She didn’t know what she was doing but she liked it.

“Yes, you have made quite an impression on them and me. I feel like I need to be honest. Felicity, I really like you and I was wondering if you would consider dating me for real? You don’t have to, we have an agreement but maybe you could think about it.” Oliver felt like holding his breath. What if she said no? He was falling in love with this amazing woman. She made everything in his life better.

“Oliver,” she turned her face and kissed his hand. “I like you too. A lot. I tried not to but you are wonderful so, yes. Yes, we can date for real!” Felicity moved up to meet Oliver lips again. This time for a much more passionate kiss.

→→→→→

Felicity had never been happier. She and Oliver had spent a couple of days hanging out without their families before their trip to Las Vegas and she really felt like she knew him. They didn’t agree on everything - how dare Oliver prefer healthy food! But they agreed on the important things.

They were cuddling on her couch the night before they were set to leave for Vegas when Felicity looked up at him. “How do you feel about sharing a room?”

Oliver smiled. “A little presumptuous of you, Felicity but I can follow your lead. Although, now I’m starting to think you might only want me for my body.”

“Well,” Felicity grinned. “I can’t lie, that is a big part of it. But I brought it up because I worry my mother might just assume.”

Oliver’s eyes widened. “Wow, I already like your mother! Do you think we should practice? Do you want me to spend the night here, you know, to see how we fit?”

“I think we fit just fine but I’m certainly not against practicing.” Felicity tried and failed to give him a sexy wink.

“I’m feeling really tired now.” Oliver pretended to yawn. “Maybe, we should head up right now.”

“Oliver! It’s nine o’clock.” Felicity threw up her hands.

Oliver rose an eyebrow. “Yes, and I do believe I was just invited to my girlfriend’s bed. Why would I wait?”

“Girlfriend?” Felicity gulped.

“I’d call you my lover but we haven’t quite made it there, yet.” Oliver struggled to sit up in an effort to get off the couch, Felicity kept him pinned.

“Woah, we need to talk about this, I may love you but there will no use of the word lover, it’s creepy.” Felicity smiled but stopped when she said the look of shock on Oliver’s face.

“You love me? Do you want to take it back?” Oliver was so worried. “Please don’t take it back. I love you too. I know it’s super fast but I’ve never felt like this before and kept worrying I was going to say it accidentally.”

“You mean, like I did?” Felicity blushed. “Are you sure you are okay with this? I didn’t screw us up?”

Oliver sat up pulling Felicity with him so he could kiss her on the mouth. “I love you, Felicity Smoak. You didn’t screw anything up. You just made me the happiest man alive.”

“Really?” Felicity was still nervous. “You can’t take it back now.”

“I’m not taking it back, ever.” Oliver sat there with a stupid grin on his face.

“Well, my former fake significant other turned marvelous new boyfriend, would you like to come up to bed?” Felicity stood extending her hand.

“I would be honoured.” Oliver bent down, picked Felicity up into his arms. “Point the way.”

→→→→→

They landed in the Vegas the following day and headed to meet Donna Smoak.

Felicity watched her mother checking out her boyfriend, “Mom, this is MY boyfriend,” she grabbed Oliver’s arm, “Oliver Queen.”

“What a pleasure to meet my future son-in-law. I can tell from the way my baby looks at you.” Donna extended her hand

Felicity turned every shade of red before she heard Oliver’s reply.

Oliver beamed. “Hopefully, by next New Year’s Ms. Smoak.”

[blue-eyed-bloodstains]

survey time, been a minute...

So far who did you talk to the most today? My fiance.

What is the best name for a butler? Whatever the person’s actual name is?

What was your last weird encounter? A few moments with other patients in rehab

What’s the weirdest story of one of your scars? A small scar on my inner left calf from when I did a quick snip job of leg stubble with scissors so I could wear a skirt/pantyhose to a bday party my friends set up for me (I wasn’t shaving with a razor yet and I didn’t have any Nair). I was careless and went too fast and accidentally clipped a piece of skin

Do you remember the part from Bambi when Bambi learns to say bear? You mean “bird”..? Burr...burrr....burrrr-duhh!

What color is your toothbrush? Gray and white

What is your middle name spelled backwards? nnyL ellebasI

Can you eat well with chopsticks? Hell no, my fiance is the chopstick nazi lol I can never coordinate em right

What odd things creep you out? Odd? Hmmm....I guess like real murky ocean water, even though I’m born and raised NJ so that’s all we have at the shore but just the fact that you can’t even see your hand in front of you underwater freaks me out cause you can’t see what lies beneath or how close it is to you..

Have you ever felt an earthquake? No, only one has ever happened near me in my life and apparently I slept like a rock through it cause I had been up for days on end on a laptop bender haha

What do you do with the hot grease when you’re done cooking bacon? Save it of course!

What’s the weirdest thing you have ever eaten? I’d have to say a rabbit...it was pretty gamey and obviously little to no meat but smoked the right way it actually tasted pretty good (and yes I still feel bad about it, blame my ex for that)

What color are your socks today? White ankle socks

What is your favorite word that starts with the letter G? Goddammit

Who do you blame for your mood today? Surprisingly no one upset me today, just annoyed at issues with my truck but other than that I’ve been fine today

If Ricky Martin had a trademark what would it be? Dance moves

What is something scientists need to invent? Immunity to physical damage from alcohol, aka get wasted all you want without it being painful and slow suicide

What is the closest object to your left foot? Purse

Who is your favorite Golden Girl? Never watched the show, but I’m sure it woulda been either Betty White or Bea Arthur

Do you have an inside joke that has to do with numbers? Not really mine but 77, it’s a thing with my fiance from when he served in the Navy and ever since he told me I point it out whenever it comes up too lol

What is the longest amount of hours you have slept in a row? Almost 20 hours once from days on end of not one ounce of sleep staying up on my laptop with online friends ignoring my hell of reality

Where was your mother’s hometown? Highland Park, NJ (I think it was, at least around that area anyway)

Where was your father’s hometown? Keasby, NJ

What are the posters on your walls? No posters, just a few things hung up

Say two words that rhyme. Drink, Sink

Do you use online terms in real life? A few, they crept into my subconscious over time grrr :P

What do you think people think of you? Everything I wish I wasn’t...

Do you think this year will be better than the last? Thank god it’s almost over, and nope not holding my breath on next year either especially now that I’m sober..fuckin ay...

Who is the 1st person on your incoming call list and how do you feel about them? Mom...not going there right now

Do you know who Salad Fingers Is? I only recently this last year really learned what it was thanks to my fiance and Roku and what the actual fuck....

What is the stupidest thing you have ever done? How much time you got?

What is your favorite commercial of the moment? The “Fancy Like Date Night” Applebees ones with the Tik Tok dances, That damn song and the dances are catchy as shit I almost got the dances memorized XD

What does it take to make you cry? Barely anything at all

What are you looking forward to? A fuckin hard, stiff drink which god knows when that’ll happen unless it’s a relapse...

Have you ever cried because you thought you were ugly? All my life and won’t ever fully go away I’m sure.

Who did you kiss today? My fiance

What do you like to do when you are alone? Drink, overthink, music, crosswords, cry, panic, lie there wishing for sleep to shut everything off and failing...

Who are your 2 favorite characters on Full House? Never was a fan

What is missing from your life? Purpose...

Would you be ashamed if you wore hippie clothes? I don’t think so, I mean not really my style but I’m my own style and tomboy driven so depending on what they were, maybe

Grab the closest book, what does the 7th sentence on the 23rd page say? If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk. - Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition of The Big Book

When was the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? Back around 2017/2018 I think? My fiance (bf still at the time) got me a big stuffed green T-Rex for comfort for when he travels so much for so long at a time for work...definitely gotta pick it up again soon

If it was your last day on earth what shoes would you wear? Converse, hands down

Do you own a Super Nintendo? Noooooo I wish I could get all the classic consoles and games again!

What do you think of Law and Order? SVU has always been, still is, and always will be my shit! El/Liv for life!

Can you name all 7 dwarfs? Bashful, Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy

Have you ever pretended to be Jewish? No

What was the last thing you thought you lost, but ended up finding it? My engagement ring! It had slipped off when I was doing his laundry for a trip, he ended up finding it in our hamper when he got home. We immediately went and got rubber ring guards for it so it wouldn’t happen again!

What were you doing at midnight last night? Ummm either on my phone playing apps or had dozed off for a bit

If you had a ball of clay what would you mold it into? Not really good with stuff like that so it would probably suck lol

What does your milkshake bring to the yard? Fat and shame

Do you have any famous relatives? Not that I know of, doubt it

[okageshadowkingfannovel]

Book 2: Chapter 2

The day is calm and peaceful. Ari notices the brilliant blue sky overhead. Little plops of cloud lazily mosey on their way. As he walks, there’s a breeze that escorts him down the path and gently tousles the loose strands of his hair. There comes the sounds of bird chatter and snapping twigs. The sun warms his shoulders and paints the dusty path and the grass and the trees and the rocks all in vibrant, blazing color. Such a perfect day provides an interesting contrast to the panic attack rocking around in Ari’s head.

This is it. I’m actually doing this. Is this happening? Am I supposed to be doing this? No, no, I was never supposed to leave Tenel. Ordinary boy. I. Am. Ordinary. But then, of course, there’s Stan- er, King Stanley High-something Trini-whatever the XIV, and then suddenly, here I am. Taking down ghosts with sticks. Overdrive. Overdrive? Really? Overdrive? What the heck is overdrive? And a stick? Really?! A stick?! I should be dead. I shouldn’t be walking right now. I should be dead in the Church basement! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Ari walks down the path, away from Tenel, away from home - very, very slowly.

What do I do if I run into another ghost? Ha ha. If? Of course I’m going to run into another ghost! I’m going to run into a whole FIELD of ghosts! And then, THEN! I’m going to die.

“Boy, your panic is so loud I can smell it!”

He looks over his shoulder at Stan. “That doesn’t make any sen-”

“Silence! You’re moving so slowly! We’re not even past the circus yet!”

“The circus?” Ari pauses, inspiration putting the panic to rest for a moment.

“We’re still in sight of that wretched to-”

“Let’s go to the Circus!”

“What?!”

“The Cyphertext. Of course, we can’t leave before completing the Cyphertext.”

“Oh no you don’t, slave! We just spent a whole morning wandering around that fly smear of a town! You will NOT stall us any longer!”

“Alright, let’s take another look to be sure,” muses Ari as he fishes the Cyphertext paper out of a rucksack pocket, “ok, ‘sdnuorg eht ot og s’tel ereh si sucric eht.’ Well, it’s obvious that the whole thing is backwards. The circus is here. Let’s go to the grounds. Alright, we’re going to the fields!”

“Slave, I may not be able kill you, but I will set your shoes on fire and I will laugh!”

“Look! The banner! And hey! The tent’s still up! I thought the circus troupe would have moved on by now.”

“Grrr …” Stanley growls.

As Ari strolls up to the giant candy striped tent, he spots a suspicious looking man leaning against one of the tent poles. He casually picks at his fingernails and looks as if he’s waiting to persuade somebody to buy something.

“Uh … hello?” risks Ari.

The suspicious man looks up and as soon as his eyes set on Ari, he seems unimpressed.

“Hmph,” he grunts, “congratulations. You’ve passed.”

“I … oh!”

From some reason, Ari thought it would take just a little bit longer that this.

“From now on, you are a member of the Sermo Comixtus Society, the World Crypto Organization.”

“Um, th-thank you.”

“It’s a great organization. It …” the man pauses to shuffle a card out of his pocket, “… it ‘searches for the world’s secrets through cyphers.’ We are playing … I mean, studying the creation and decoding of cyphers. Now, we give you, the newcomer, the following command.” The man reaches into his pocket and pulls forth another fancy looking envelope. “This cypher indicates a location somewhere in Madril. We heard you’re heading that way, right?”

“Er, yeah … I guess.”

“Decode this one, newcomer. You must live up to the Society’s expectations!”

Without another word, the suspicious man runs away, leaping into the surrounding forest and disappearing amongst the trees.

“Humans are so weird.”

Ari can only nod as he looks on, still able to hear the awkward tromping and thrashing as the suspicious man fights for a mysterious and suave disappearance. But then, as that fades into the distance, another sound makes itself known. It’s familiar and rhythmic and … ticking.

“Stan! Do you hear that?”

“Yes, the idiot just tripped over a log. Now, I think he just ran into a beehive. I hear buzzing.”

“No! Not that! The ticking! Do you hear the ticking?”

Ari looks to the ground frantically, expecting a tiny gear to be settled in the dust at his feet.

“You think I’m so simple that I would fall for such a lazy, pathetic trick? Stop. Wasting. Time!”

After a moment of concentration, Ari realizes that this ticking is not coming from the ground, but is instead catching him from behind, from much farther away. He spins around and wanders towards the other side of the tent, towards the stone pillar in its stone circle -

- which is glowing.

Ticking and glowing.

“… it’s never done that before,” Ari whispers.

“Slave, what are you talking about?!”

“You don’t see that? That thing’s glowing! It doesn’t normally do that!”

“All I see is a rock sticking out of a bunch of other rocks.”

He looks over his shoulder helplessly. If Stan, the weird magic shadow, isn’t seeing the weird magic stuff going on, what does that mean for Ari? It’s a question that’s been nagging at him since the gear in the basement. He turns his attention back to the stone circle and walks towards it cautiously.

The glow is a bright, vibrant, burning green and it radiates out from the circle’s center in waves. With each wave comes a ‘wap’ sound accompanying a persistent low humming - and the ticking of course.

It isn’t until he’s standing right in front of it that Ari sees the gear - or gears. They float before the stone circle much in the same way the one in the Church basement did. There’s four of them, interlocking and turning and ticking.

“Slave, has my dark malevolence overwhelmed you into utter stupidity once again? Why are you just standing here?”

What do you want to bet these break as soon as I touch them?

Ari reaches out a hand and pokes the largest gear, seemingly at the center of the quartet’s motion. At the barest graze of his fingertip, the gear halts as does its fellow gears. The ticking stops. They hang there a moment as if unsure of what to do with themselves. But then, the center gear falls backwards, out of its place, and they all fade away.

“The rocks! They’re glowing!”

“Oh, now you notice?!”

“What is this strange structure, slave?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, I’ve never seen it do this before.”

Ari’s hand is still outstretched. With the gears gone, the green waves are able to lap against his fingers. Each brings a strange, pulling sensation as if to draw him into the center of the circle. In a moment of curiosity or absentmindedness or possibly stupidity, Ari lets himself be drawn into the glow-

And immediately regrets it.

He screams as his body lifts into the air. But it’s not like flying or floating. It’s more like he’s being sucked up through a straw, thinned out and stretched. His vision fills with white and a high pitched ‘wap’ pierces his ears. This all happens and passes in just a moment, but it is a strange and terrifying moment.

When his feet touch ground again, when his body is un-thinned and un-stretched, when the white clears from his eyes and the sound dies away, Ari finds himself nowhere near the circus tent. In fact, the more he sees, the stronger his suspicions that they are suddenly nowhere near Tenel. He sees ocean, large and blue and infinite, meeting the sky at the horizon. And the ocean has never been visible in or near Tenel.

Ari finds himself on an island that towers into the sky. When he peaks over the edge, he is met with the horrifying vision of miles and miles of rocky cliff-face extending down into the sea. This awkward island doesn’t stand alone. Off in one direction, there are more islands, hilly and grassy and seemingly untouched by people. Out of the water in another, there stick the jagged shapes of stone ruins, man made things half swallowed by the sea and reduced to bones.

On the island Ari finds himself, there’s nothing but more stone circles. The one at which Ari stands, has the same green glow as the one into which he stupidly stepped. But all of the others are still and glow-less. There are six in all.

“Welcome to the Island of Wap-Wap,” comes a completely monotone voice.

Ari whips around. Standing by the edge, there is a woman dressed completely in black. She wears a black dress and black gloves and black shoes. She even has chin-length black hair. The only spot of color on her, which Ari doesn’t notice until later, is a red flower tucked into the band of her bell shaped black hat. She watches him with wide, black eyes. She’s very pale and thin, but there’s a macabre prettiness about her.

“The … island of Wap-Wap?”

“Also known as ‘Traveler’s Island,’ it connects to all over the world from this stele.”

The monotone way she talks makes Ari think of an encyclopedia having been brought to life.

“If you are to continue to travel,” she carries on, “you will have to frequent this place. But I’m afraid most of the portals lie dormant.”

“Portals …” Ari looks around. “Do you mean … these rocks link to other places?”

She nods. “Correct.”

For a moment, Ari thinks he should be more freaked out by the existence of portals magically linking cities across the land, but having his shadow possessed by a reincarnated evil king has severely increased his tolerance for ‘weird.’

“Where do they go? Is there one that opens up in Madril?” Ari asks hopefully.

Maybe I won’t have to face that field of ghosts after all.

She shakes her head. “There’s no way for you to know … until you unlock them.”

Ari sighs defeatedly.

Nevermind.

“Um … so, who are you anyway?” Ari asks, “how did you get here if all the portals are closed?”

Up to this point, the woman’s expression has matched her way of speaking - flat, emotionless, monotone. However, at these two important, natural to be asked questions, Ari thinks he catches just the barest hint of what might just be a smirk …

Wait, no, nevermind, her expression hasn’t changed in the slightest.

“Good questions … for another time, if fate allows.”

“Oh …” says Ari awkwardly.

“Fare thee well, traveler.” As if to dismiss him, the woman in black turns her gaze back out to sea.

“Oh … um … bye then.”

Feeling odd about the whole encounter, Ari turns away from her and starts to inspect the stone circles. Each one is like how the Tenel one used to be - kind of strange, but overall ordinary and frankly unimpressive. He supposes this will have to be yet another thing to keep an eye out for while trying not to die out in the world.

With nothing else to do, Ari wanders back over to the Tenel stone circle, the green waves beckoning him once more. Holding his breath and bracing himself, Ari steps into the green waves. He doesn’t scream this time as he’s spaghetti flung into the ether … but he wants to.

In the next second, his feet hit circus ground. There is the circus tent, surrounded by the familiar forest of Tenel. Off in the distance, there is the path with left leading back to safe and familiar Tenel and right leading to what is most assuredly Ari’s untimely death in the fields. He steps away from the stone circle, eying it suspiciously. The glow of it taunts him with its strangeness.

Just another weird thing to be aware of, I guess …

NOTE: Okage Shadow King is owned by Sony Computer Entertainment and Zener Works. This novelization is purely a fan-work and the writer claims no ownership over the characters, general plot line(s), etc.

[steves3511]

So you want to convention

I am going to show you all the supplies you need to rock out your next Comic Convention

At my last convention I attended I was asked about writing a blog post about how I prepare for shows and the essentials I bring with me.  Since I have been thinking of writing a post on this very topic for a while I thought that this was the kick in the pants I needed to finally start writing .This is my third year attending and exhibiting at shows, my second year exhibiting full time as my primary source of income.  Over those three years and almost 30 shows I have exhibited at I have learned a lot about booth setup, packaging, and selling and interacting with customers; and I want to share with you those insights I have learned through trial and error so you wont make those same early mis-steps and hopefully help you have the best show you can.

     First things first, you decide to test out selling at comic conventions and you are like "San Diego Comic Con here I come!"  Hold your horses there brother;  I like many artists strongly recommend starting with your local shows, its hard enough making money at your first show, you don't want to add to that by having to pay for travel and hotel costs as well.  If you are lucky like me and have several friends and family scattered around the country offering a free couch to sleep on it certainly makes things easier, thought that airfare is still pretty killer (baggage fees grrr).  Make things easy for yourself start local and expand out from there.

     So you signed up for your local show, now what? First and most importantly if you are an artist in artist alley you are going to need prints of your work. At shows and online I often get asked where I get my prints from, or if I print myself from home (hell no!!).  Having good prints is really important, it doesn't matter how good your image looks on a computer screen, if it doesn't look good as a print nobody will buy it.  I get my prints from El-Co Colorlabs in NJ (dont worry non New Jersians they ship anywhere)  The prints are more expensive than other places, though I will argue those cheaper prints do not come close to matching the quality of el-co, and I will happily pay a little more for that higher quality. (I challenge anyone to find a place that has better quality at a cheaper price)

High quality photo luster prints for an affordable price, what do you not love about that?

If you are looking to start out slow before splurging on more expensive prints and save a few bucks at the start I know several people get prints from MGX copy and have had pretty good results.  They are a great beginner bang for your buck printer.

     The next big thing you will need is some sort of backdrop.  From experience a lot of the people walking around shows do not look down at the tables, they are all looking up looking for something to catch their eye.  It is really important to have your work up high so people can see it, and to see it from far away.  Every show I have people come up to me saying “OMG I saw your work from way down there and I just had to come over”

     For my backdrop I use a photo backdrop display.  When looking for displays there are a bunch that are cheap and affordable, I strongly recommend getting the most expensive display you can afford.  Those cheap light weight displays are on the flimsy side and may not support your work, try to find one that looks like it is made out of a thicker sturdier metal and preferably says it can support 30-40lbs before bowing.  This is the display I have

Ravelli ABSL Photo Video Backdrop Stand

This is is a similar setup to mine, sturdy enough to hold your prints and also easy to travel with

     Now that you have your display you need something to drape over it and a way to hang your prints.  At my very first show my booth neighbor and super awesome and fellow dragon aficionado Tyler Walpole had a very similar setup to this.  It looked so easy for him to set up/tear down his display, the display also went up high so people could see it from across the hall.  Watching him pull customers in and rake in sales I decided then and there to follow in his footsteps. (note, walk around the show when you can, taking notes on other artists setups and ask them questions, everyone I have met has been happy to answer questions and give helpful advice, you can learn a TON from from your fellow exhibiting artists)  

     What I do is drape a large sheet of felt fabric (Joe Ann’s) over the display and use clamps to hold it in place.  To attach the prints to the fabric I tape the edges of my prints to a backing board and then place velcro to the back of the backing board, the backing board and the print then “sticks” to the fabric and hangs in place.

Heavy Duty Muslin Clamps

I place velcro on the 4 corners and then tape the corners of the print to the backing board.  The print stays flat against the board and to hang it you just "stick it" to the fabric.  Super easy.

     I do recommend having larger prints behind you so it is easier for people to see, these larger prints are my fancy 18X24 limited edition prints.  I use these both as large display prints and also as a higher premium item for customers.  If someone loves your work and has cash to spend and you only have $20 prints then all you are going to get from that customer is $20.

     Okay, now that the backdrop is taken care of now I need a way to display my prints on my table.  First I have some black fabric (Also from Joe Ann’s) draped over the table to make it look all fancy. I then lay out these foldable display stands, one for each print.  Have as many of your prints out on the table as possible.  From experience it is hard to convince people to flip through a print bin/book, so the more stuff you have out on the table the easier it is for people to see and look at.

You can see I have all of my prints laid out in a line so its easy for people to see, you never know what print is going to catch someones eye, solve that by having all of them out.

Gibson Holders 6 DCWB Adjustable Wire Display Easels

If you cant fit everything on the table a good solution for a print bin I have found is this foldable bin I found at Target.  Its the perfect size to hold 11X17 or my 12X18 prints, and its light weight for easy storage and transport.

For the display prints on the table you need some way to protect them and make them stand up.  I currently bag and back all of my prints.  I get re-sealable bags from clearbags.com and the backing boards from Uline (if you don't want 400 backing boards to start you can find them on amazon and elsewhere in packages of 20 or so)  To start out you really only need the backing boards for the display prints; later on as you get busier and want to save precious time during the checkout process you can pre bag all of your prints before the show.  Dont skimp on the bags though, you need some sort of protective bag for people who purchase prints, otherwise they may not buy for fear of damaging them.

     In addition to my prints I also sell tabletop gaming playmats or otherwise known as gigantic mouse pads of my work.  If you are a fantasy artist like me this is a great product to have, gamers love collecting mats that have cool art on them.  Also it helps me stand out from everyone else at the Con, I am usually the only one who has them and its a great option for people who have run out of wall space with all of their prints.  You have no idea how many times at a show I get “holy crap, he has game mats…I need a game mat”  Just beware, these things are super heavy and add a lot of weight to your setup.  If yo are interested in trying out some game mats I strongly recommend Drew Baker, I and many of my friends use him for his mats.

If you do fantasy art, Game mats are a great way to stand out from the crowd and offer something no-one else has

Okay now that you have your super awesome setup, you just sit back and watch people start flooding to your table buying up everything you have….right?  Unfortunately not quite.  No matter how good your work is you still need to sell it to people.  Over the course of a weekend I maybe get 3 or 4 people total that just walk up and say “I need to buy this, how much” every other person that buys from me I have to sell my work to them in some way.  I have seen several artists at shows sit back with their arms folded looking down because sales aren't as good as they hoped.  Trust me, you don't want to be that guy.

     The thing is nobody wants to approach you when you are down in the dumps, at that point it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where you are bummed you aren't doing well and people aren't approaching you because you are bummed, thus making you even more bummed.

     The best way to break through that cycle is to put on a “Con face” be happy and engaging, say hi to as many people as you can.  No matter how bad a day/week you are having you cannot let it show while you are behind that table.  Smile, be upbeat, say “Hey hows it going” try to get them to stop and start a conversation, and then lead that conversation towards you and your work.  (in my opinion standing behind a table not talking to anyone for 8 hours is boring, if I am not making any money I mine as well have fun talking to people) No matter how bad the day is going you CANNOT let people know, you gotta be happy and engaging the entire time.  There is plenty of time to vent at the bar after the show talking with your neighbors and fellow artists.

     The selling thing is really what is going to make or break your experience at a show.  No matter how nice your display is, no matter how good your work is, if you do not have the confidence in yourself and your work to tell people they should buy this, conventions will be a struggle.

     That being said, my final bit of advice for first time con goers is to just have fun.  Chasing sales throughout a weekend is a stressful endeavor, dont get bummed if you only make back the table cost.  There are a lot of up front costs associated with exhibiting at shows, so if you dont earn a profit at your first show, do not despair and give up (I did not make back the costs of my first show, these things take time to build up).  Have fun, work on your sales pitch, talk to your booth neighbors and ask them lots of questions, and scope out ideas for a better/improved booth setup.  Use the show as a learning experience to apply to future shows and you will have a good time, and the knowledge of this show will make the next one even better.

Finally, if you are looking for more information and knowledge about conventions and selling and running a booth I highly recommend checking out 1 fantastic week.  These guys host a weekly webshow going over not only conventions but how to earn a living as an artist (useful topic dont you say), I learned a lot about selling at conventions and running my business from them and I cannot recommend them enough.

[koganphrancis]

Season H8 Episode 2 Recap

TV Guide’s review of this ep begins thusly:                                                            I don't want to write this story. Can I start by saying that?

I hear that-there’s so much just truly AWFUL in this episode that I’m not sure I can do it justice.  

An important point I want to hit right away is that what really gets to me the longer the show goes on is how nothing that happens to Ian is advancing his story.  In this week’s episode I can’t even begin to count how many splats of poop plop onto him, and by the end nothing has changed.  He’s still in grief, he’s still pretty dumb, he’s still “with” Terror.  What was the point of any of it?  

I’ll try to summarize the other storylines as quick as I can-Fiona continues her nowhere near reality building manager life.  She’s battling tenants for the rent (??? this is the first month she’s collecting rent even tho Monica died months ago?) and SOOOOO much time is wasted with her yelling at people we don’t know.  By the end of the ep, she’s slapping an eviction notice on a door and warming that if the family isn’t out the next day, she’s calling the marshals.  I know this show isn’t a documentary, but that bit was so far from the way things work I wanted to cry.  I’m stuck working in the next cube over from a woman who owns a couple of small apartment buildings with her husband, and I’ve had to hear how hard it is to evict someone more than once.  It takes months, and lawyers, and court appearances, and if there’s little kids involved-like the family they showed on Shameless-it takes even longer.  There are no branches of “marshals” sitting around waiting for landlords to call and tell them to kick people out, same day service.  Also, it’s already getting to me how unrealistic it is for Fiona to even own this building.  Who is taking care of cleaning the common areas?  How does she pay anyone to fix clogged pipes, broken heating, etc?  She’s still working at the diner too, so she’s not rolling in cash.  The show just handing her this enterprise to run is too hard to believe (or get interested in, but don’t let me digress).  It’s so soap opera-y, they might as well have said she was suddenly running her own fashion design firm or cosmetic company or something.

Lip continues to be a dink.  Mooning over Snore, wanting to come up with a way to show her her ex is no good.  He takes advice from fucking Frank and has a pizza guy come to the diner so he can order a special pizza to be delivered to the ex-why does Lip know his address?  The pizza has a bag of coke on it, and the ex runs to a meeting to resist the temptation.  Now, I don’t know if he’s also an alcoholic also, so he goes to AA meetings too, but in an incredible coincidence, Lip and the ex are at the exact same meeting!  Fancy that!  While he’s talking about trying to not snort the coke, he conveniently mentions it’s still sitting in his house.  Lip tears out of the meeting, breaks into the guy’s house and gets his leg chewed up by a guard dog for his trouble.  Too many coincidences PLUS the shitty idea it was to begin with make this storyline pretty unbearable.  We also learn, in passing, that Lip is 23 now, so that makes Ian 22, Debbie 18, and Carl 17-he could totally be charged as an adult for dealing that meth, not that the show is going to go there.

Debbie got her hair washed.  That’s it.  That’s what we see now on this show.  

They continue to push the poverty vs the 1 percenter life style with Liam.  I’m sorry, I can’t get into it.  We all-including the Gallaghers-have TV, we know that rich people live differently than most of us.  Can we move the fuck on, please?

Carl was barely in this ep-all he did was sell Ian’s meth and set Ian off at the end of the episode. 

Frank is, as usual, not really worth talking about-we all know it’s just a matter of time before he’s back to his old ways.  However, in his job interview scene, the other character got to sit there and tell the story of his past relationship and cry about it-so, another scene Ian should’ve had long ago where he talked about Mickey like that, grrr.  

Now Ian, eye roll.  The “here’s what you missed” went to him this week-he’s on the job, running from the EMT ambulance to a victim and he says, “Shit, I’m out here saving lives...” and I couldn’t help but think, “and looking to push my meth.”  

Ian shows up for breakfast that Carl’s making, and Lip is at the sink with a plate, filling his face.  Ian teases him, asking if he’s eating for two, and oddly rubs Lip’s stomach for an unnecessarily long amount of time.  It made me realize how little those two have physical contact-they never even clasp each other on the shoulder or anything.  This OOC rubbing from Ian was wicked weird, but of course it’s setting up the fact that Ian is very aware of BMI and how much a low one means to him. Lip says he’s trying to fight the urge to drink with extreme nausea, Ian answers, “Sounds healthy”, foreshadowing the other theme the show will hit hard this week-trading one unhealthy thing for another, sort of a lesser of two evils thing.  

Carl says he can finally move Ian’s meth, so he runs to get it, but when Ian goes to hand it over, he gets weird about it-not because it could kill people/ruin lives, but because it’s the last (I would say “only”) thing Monica gave them, and “when it’s gone, she’s gone”.  Carl couldn’t care less, and says he’s going to take a bigger cut from Ian than he did from Lip since Ian’s being a pussy or whatever.

Ian’s at the youth center, outside, taking care of a couple of kids and he’s all mopey and doesn’t even acknowledge Terror.  Terror, of course, can’t have Ian not hitting on him, so he asks Ian if he’s okay.  Ian says he got “kinda sad about Monica today”, Terror says that’s not weird (who said it was weird?  Him not hitting on you is the only thing you think is weird, you rapey idiot), she hasn’t been dead very long.  Ian sadly says, “I guess.”  Terror tells him when he’s sad he goes to Bear Back.  Ian is incredulous.  “The chub bar?  You’re into chubs?”   The bigger the better,” says icky T.  Ian says, “How do I not know this about you?”  Because, Ian, you know almost NOTHING about this little asshole-there’s nothing to know and the writers haven’t bothered with anything other than he’s trans and he’s annoying.  

I’m not going to bother trying to describe the disdain on Ian’s face and in his tone with everything that had to do with this part of the story-suffice it to say it was there, and it made me very sad that they’re painting Ian as this shallow, callow person who only cares about a guy’s body type not being big.  Line up Mickey, Faileb, Terror, Kash, and Ned-none of them even have the “same” body type, but none of them were overweight.  I guess that’s the only thing that bothers Ian.

Ian says he doesn’t get it, so Terror finally, after all this time, says they should go get a drink and Ian will “get enlightened”.  “Or smothered,” Ian says-oh ho, that’s a great joke!  

Cut to them at the bar.  They have the following conversation:

Ian: This is seriously your type?  Terror: Sometimes. I: What’s the attraction? T: They like to please.  They’re tender. I: (to the bartender) Two shots of well whiskey.  (What, no “please”?  What a prick!) (to Terror) These guys? T: It’s not like I go for them all the time.  It’s just when I need someone really nice in my life.  Like let’s say there was this guy that I really loved (I screamed while watching this when he said that, Ian just sort of made a dismissive face-it’s not like he was hurt thinking that Terror truly loved him.  Terror knew him for what-18 days before Ian ran off with Mickey?) and he deserted me (why are you being such a drama queen?) for three days to go to Mexico with his escaped convict ex.  (I think you mean love of his life, asshole) I: Um-hm... T: I would come here, find a chub to worship me. (Get the fuck over yourself!!!!) 

Terror tosses back his drink, leads Ian over to meet some guys at the pool table, they say Hi all interested, Ian sucks down his drink, looks like he’s not into this at all.  Hello scene with the girl on the train all over again.  

Next thing we know, we’re watching Ian have an orgasm-something we never got with Mickey-as he sits on a couch getting a blowjob from one of the big guys who is on his knees in front of him.  In the background, about 15 feet away, the other big guy is on a bed facing the room Ian is in while Terror plows into him from behind.  Seriously?  Ian and Terror are this type of fuck buddies now?  Ian’s wanted to get back with Terror since getting back from Mexico (allegedly), but he’ll put up with the two of them having sex in basically the same room?  

Ian’s guy finishes him off and sits on the couch next to Ian and says, “Oh, you’re such a good boy.”  5 years with Mickey and we never got to see them talk after sex, but this rando gets to compliment him?  Ian makes a face and says thanks and gets up-to leave, I hope, and not to go join in on the bed with Terror and the other guy.  Ian’s guy asks where’s he going, Ian looks over at T on the bed and says, “What?”  The guy says “Come here,” and lies down on the couch.  Ian immediately gets in the little spoon position for no reason we can see whatsoever, but then Nancy pulls a little fan service and has him cry lying on his side, just like that scene from yesteryear.  Ian doesn’t say anything, so it’s not like we can think he’s crying for Mickey, or because he’s flashing back to when he had meaningless sex with too many strangers to count before or because he feels bad about using this guy-it’s all supposed to be about Monica.  

Next time we see Ian he’s in the hot tub and Fiona comes and joins him and he  tells Fiona “other than crying in some fat fucking furry stranger’s arms tonight” he’s great.  They have a boring talk about her day, and then Fi says she wants to know what’s going on.  Ian says it’s embarrassing, Fi says, “Okay”, Ian tells her, “Terror said that hooking up with a chub would make me feel better about Monica but it don’t-it made me feel worse.”   Fiona: Really?  You’re upset she died?  (This is why you never go to Fiona for advice about interpersonal relationships, Ian!  She’s not wired like you!) I: Yeah.  I know you guys have all moved on and I haven’t.  (Shit, Ian, you really are all alone in this world now, aren’t you?  You really should’ve gone to Mexico with the one and only person who cares about you!) F: Moved on while she was alive. I: Well, I guess I’m the family freak for not wanting to forget about her. (yeah, you should just forget about her-you could do it with Mickey, and he actually had your back!) F: I don’t think you’re a freak cuz you don’t want to forget her.  I think you’re a freak cuz you cried in a fat dude’s arms.

They splash each other and the next day I’m reading posts about how great it is that Fiona’s acting like Ian’s sister again-huh?  Did I miss when she said, “I’m sorry you’re hurting, I’m here for you, what do you need”?  She told a fat joke and didn’t look the least bit worried over Ian’s suffering-or what he did to try to alleve it.  And what about her worrying/saying that fucking Terror will set a match to Ian’s sweet life that he’s worked so hard to achieve?  Shouldn’t any big sister’s response to “Trevor said...” be, “If Trevor told you to sniff glue would you have done THAT?  That’d make you forget your pain over Monica for a while too, but IT’S NO FUCKING SOLUTION.”  

Also, this whole thing just proves that Terror has no credentials whatsoever.  He’s probably just a volunteer at the youth center-they let him drive kids around without a valid license and now his advice to someone who’s had bad sex almost his entire life is to go have some more to feel better for a while.  Fuck this noise.  There’s no way he’s ever had formal training to be a counselor working with at risk kids.

At least this time the hot tub had steam rising off it.

You’d think that’d be enough bad for one ep, but no!  We still have the tattoo to get through!  Ian’s already getting inked when the scene begins, and the artist asks if he’s doing okay, and Ian says yeah, he’s digging the pain.  The tattoo guy says a lot of people say that especially if they’re going through a hard time.  Ian asks why is that and the guy says, “Emotional pain has no location.  Physical pain does-you can name it.  So it becomes a little more manageable.”  Um, Nancy?  Did you just sign off on self-harm?  That is NOT good or reasonable advice!  What is it with this episode pushing Ian into destructive behavior?  

Anyway, Ian asks how’s it looking, the guy says, “Your girlfriend’s gonna love this one, bro.”  Ian says, “It’s not my girlfriend, it’s my mom.”  The artist says, “Your mom?  Oh you shoulda told me that before I started working on these titties.”  

So, what, exactly, was the conversation when Ian got there?  “I want a woman’s headless torso tattooed on my back-I’ll explain the significance of it later”????  As with everything on this show, their complete lack of research and respect for the work people do in the real world is non-existent here.  

Next time we see Ian he’s drinking a beer shirtless in the Gallagher kitchen and TERROR is there-all my earlier hopes while I was watching that the dueling sex scene was going to be a deal breaker for Ian, at least for a while, has flown out the window.  They don’t even say why he’s there-if those two assholes are back together and Terror’s settling in there again, I’ll riot.  

Carl comes in from the front door with a random girl we never see up close.  He walks all the way to the kitchen leaving her in the background and says Ian’s “lost it” when he hears the tattoo is supposed to be Monica.  Oh, that reminds me-when Ian gets his money from Carl, he asks what Ian’s going to do with it and Ian says he’ll use it to do something to memorialize Monica-so, Carl gave Lip 9 grand, even if he kept an extra thousand from Ian, you mean to tell me that tattoo cost Ian all his money and he couldn’t pay the guy to cover it or turn it into something else?

Ian flips out when he recognizes Monica’s jacket on the girl.  Carl said he gave it to her for some beers and a blowie.  The whole time he’s drinking the beer, Ian’s acting like he did the day at Mickey’s when he wanted to go after the protesters at the serviceman’s funeral.  Are we supposed to think he’s getting manic again?  That would certainly explain a lot of shit/bad decisions that have gone down in this episode, but they showed him with his pills in the first episode and the writers have said they “dealt with” Ian needing to be medicated-although then they did cave and give us that brief look at Ian needing to get his dose adjusted last season.  I hate how the show cares so little about anything, that you just don’t know if there’s reasons for Ian’s behavior or it’s just the indifferent script writers trading off week to week.  Anyway, Ian insists Carl bring him to Monica’s storage unit since there’s still some of her stuff there, and Carl calls him “Psycho” but says he will. 

The next day Ian’s wearing his bright red Nike high tops, out on the stoop shooting daggers from his eyes as the snooty rich mother of Liam’s sleepover friend is waiting.  I assume there was some dialogue that got cut, because why is Ian so hostile towards her?  Is he hurt because she’s judging him for living in a bad neighborhood-looking down on him?  Isn’t that how this hypocritical fuck was about the big guys in this episode?  Why does this show suck so hard now?  

The woman’s kid and Liam and Carl come out, and Ian and Carl go to the storage unit and discover a big bad meth dealer there.  He figures out they’re Monica’s kids and that she either gave them his meth or they stole it and either way he wants his $70000 back.  Setting up the next pointless episode...

There was one scene with a kid playing Yevgeny in it (bring the Henckels back!), and Kev’s cancer scare that I had already read in a spoiler was going to be just that-only a scare.  And Kev gets to join a cancer support group but we can’t send Ian to grief therapy because Gallaghers don’t do therapy.  

The show is going nowhere.  To Cameron after his rant this week I can only say, “Fuck me for giving a shit, you prick.”  

[endosomania]

((Here’s the first part to me and my partner Muse’s hungerplay rp! I haven’t done a hungerplay rp before so this got me really excited aaaah ; ; I would have loved if this had been drawn out even longer, with poor rupa reaching the point of desperation… But aah I guess that’s just a goal to shoot for next time <3 It was just getting so late

Rupa is mine of course. Damien, Mouse/Muse and Nota are all mouse’s characters.))

rupa walks alongside you, her hands behind her head, taking a walk through the neighborhood. It’s a pretty warm day, and sunny. We’ve been walking for a while and it’s a bit past noon - well past breakfast, and high time for more food. uv u

Nice day today, huh~?

MuseMouse-Yesterday at 10:55 PM

Yeahh, not bad… bit warm, but it’s nice after the long winter. u u Has his hands in his pockets, walking a bit behind you, sated and comfortable just spending time together.

Getting a bit hungry

’  ’

Rupa-Yesterday at 10:57 PM

Yeah, same really… u   u

she rocks on her heels. The nice heat is making her quite unaware and susceptible to negotiation~ It wouldn’t be hard to convince her to go eat wherever you want.~

MuseMouse-Yesterday at 11:02 PM

… i could go for a gyro

Damien makes a mean gyro with fries. -3- ever tried?

His menu is so variable its hard to try everythin

Rupa-Yesterday at 11:03 PM

Ohh, gyros, really? o   o

I’m surprised… thats not usually a bar thing…

Sure! u U u that sounds good right now~

MuseMouse-Yesterday at 11:05 PM

He considers it a bar-come-restaurant, haha.. he’s a real revolutionary.(edited)

Yeah.. right around the corner anyways

How convenient. rubs his nose, looking away

((Read the rest under the cut))

Rupa-Yesterday at 11:10 PM

:3 Huh, yeah! We musta been walkin a long time… Time kinda flies just wassailing with you~ uUu she turns the corner, and damien’s place is right there, big wooden sign and old wooden door, and large front windows…

MuseMouse-Yesterday at 11:11 PM

./w/. … Smiles dumbly at the comment, pleased. Follows you in. It’s an average business day, plenty of tables. Damien waves as you both come in, leaning over the counter and working through some receipts, tail swaying in contentment.

Rupa-Yesterday at 11:13 PM

^ o ^ Damien~ Long time no see~

A little birdie told me you have gyros on the menu…?~

MuseMouse-Yesterday at 11:19 PM

The dragon nods! Mmmhrm, little miss. I had a feeling you two might be by to stuff your craws today. … Too nice to be stuck indoors, care for a balcony seat?

muse glances at you. he just got that balcony… room sorted last week, he’s so proud of it.

damien smiles. It’s a nice view.

Rupa-Yesterday at 11:21 PM

Oh, sure! ://3 Expanding, I see~

MuseMouse-Yesterday at 11:30 PM

damien shuffles the papers up and puts them under the counter, tossing a towel over his shoulder and walking out to guide you both to the back. Nota waves to you both, squirreltail wiggling all chipper

the back is quiet and dim, sounds of festivity faint behind every other door. Clear blue skies overhead past the weird looking glass ceiling. A short way in he opens a door, which leads to a shift in aesthetic; wooden panelling walls, a short hallway leading to a stunted staircase. All clean lacquered wood.

An open doorway at the top of which leads to a balcony at the side of a brook. It’s somwhere relatively near- you’re not suddenly in Paris, you can see the familiar forest near the house on the skyline, well past the city- but its still jarring. He must have rented the space for this purpose.

a few other folks are enjoying food and drinks on the balcony, and music plays faintly from speakers installed overhead on the side of an otherwise silent building.

Parasol’d seats surrounded by cushioned beach chairs, all very mediterranean*

Rupa-Yesterday at 11:37 PM

oh my… o. o Yeah, very new…! Is this uh… In the city, or just in the outskirts…?

MuseMouse-Yesterday at 11:40 PM

In the city. He guides you both to a seating by the railing. The brook babbles softly below, in a little ravine leading out of a thin underbridge river into the lake. The sounds of light traffic and such nearby.

Outskirts… more or less. Just a space not used by many, so I thought I would try something new.

Thoughts? the dragon scratches his chin with a claw

Rupa-Yesterday at 11:43 PM

Prettyyy! I love it! I love the water especially~… And I’m always a sucker for forests. rubs head

MuseMouse-Yesterday at 11:55 PM

mouse. Yeah, I agree u vu

The kid takes a seat, streeeetchin out…

damien pads over and takes off his jacket, making him squeak as its delicately lifted off his  stretching arms and set over the back of his chair.

oh. th-thanks ./.;

Rupa-Yesterday at 11:59 PM

:3 she sits down across from you, and she can’t help but giggle when she sees damien carefully peel off your jacket. once a ward, always a ward.

July 23, 2017

MuseMouse-Today at 12:01 AM

-//- mouse rubs his head. Damien is as politelt unaffected as ever as he takes your orders; Mouse orders extra tzatziki sauce of course

Rupa-Today at 12:02 AM

rupa orders the same, of course, pattering her fingers on the edge of the table across from you. With extra fries.

MuseMouse-Today at 12:07 AM

damien. Lovely…  ah, and one more thing for your order.

snaps his claws and a length of rope pops into existence- wrapping around your wrists and under a part of the table’s edge to bind them firmly down to it. Your ankles to the legs of the chair. It’s instant and shocking.

Mm, doubly lovely. Be right back with that. He clicks his pen and saunters off. A faun couple  at a table at the other end of the balcony stifles a laugh.

Rupa-Today at 12:13 AM

Oh, yeah…? I- before she can even react, the ropes instantly grip onto her wrists and her ankles tightly and firmly, anchoring them in a flash, with expert-level knotwork. They almost audibly creak with how neatly they’re tied. …!!!

Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa…! she looks down at the rope, her eyes a little bit wider, and rather caught off guard. She tugtugs, but the rope holds very firm, not budging an inch. Hey…! What’s the big idea!?

MuseMouse-Today at 12:15 AM

ovo

Rupa-Today at 12:16 AM

> >… Mooouuusssee? What are you tryn'a pull…?

MuseMouse-Today at 12:16 AM

Mouse pours himself a water from the icy pitcher and sips

Rupa-Today at 12:17 AM

=A= Hey! Ropes! You planned something. tug tugtugtug.

MuseMouse-Today at 12:28 AM

Heh… maybe.

sips his drink, looking blankly at you like he has no idea

Rupa-Today at 12:29 AM

=  =… Youuuuu totally had this planned, didn’t you…?

What’s my offense, officer, huh? = w =;

flexes her fingers. Stuck. She rolls her head around, arms thrust awkwardly and tied to the table in front of her…

MuseMouse-Today at 12:32 AM

he giggles a bit. I know what you like, is all.

So… I thought I’d treat you to a nice meal.

u v u Yours might be a bit late, though. he shrugs, clinking the ice in his glass.

Rupa-Today at 12:33 AM

=   = Hmmm? Funny business, eh…?

she thinks. a little lost for what you want to do. ‘a bit late’? It can’t be transmogrification again… that’s too predictable, and besides, damien orchestrated that. What’s this little homonculus got planned…? She blinks, a little lost in thought.

she shakes her head. The nice, brisk walk on a balmy day… a really good way to work up an appetite. .A. She’s pretty hungry actually, she just now realizes…

MuseMouse-Today at 12:41 AM

Mouse sits back and blinks at you, seemingly admiring his handiwork (hes done nothing)

-u- Look at you, all cozy. At least the chairs are nice, right?

You could probably tip it over and try to get away but. Uhh. glances around at the patrons of Damien’s.

… whispers, leaning over that might be a bit embarrassing

eventually the gyro arrives. Just Mouse’s; a paper plate with a nice thick gyro in a bed of lettuce, the meat crisped and steaming. Thick cut russet fries, steeped in a rich tzatziki sauce with sliced cucumbers.

the smell is immaculate. Nota sets it down in front of Mouse, who just smiles a bit wider at you. Thanks, Nota dear.

nota. My pleasure! 'U’ Please enjoy your meals!

she practically bounces away.

Rupa-Today at 12:47 AM

=   = she grrrs at you, shifting her leg around. “”'cozy’“”, indeed. She’s shackled to the table! TwT

MuseMouse-Today at 12:47 AM

leans forward, over the plate, hands on his cheeks. Smells goooood…

Ah… my stomach’s rumbling…

u v u

I’d let you listen… if you werent otherwise… busy.

the gyro must be a pretty popular dish; you can see a centaur in the background currently snarfing down 3 of them.

Rupa-Today at 12:53 AM

… she sees nota come up, and gets a little glimpse of hope, finally! Maybe mouse’s ~big plan~ is to cram her full of gyro like a fancy pasty, but her hope flees just as quickly once she notices that nota is only carrying… one gyro. She sets the gyro down in front of… Just mouse, all the way at the other end of the table.

And the gyro is so lovingly overfilled with meat and sauce and slices of veggie, one of the more overfilled gyros she’s seen! There’s steam still coming off of the freshly sliced meat! Her mouth is agape a little as she gawks at it… She unconsciously is leaning forward on the table. She only realizes this when a line of her drool plips onto it. Her eyes go a little wide and she snaps her jaws shut, and makes eye contact with you. Oh. So this is what you had planned.

MuseMouse-Today at 12:54 AM

o  v  o Staring at you, deeply amused.

oh my god. youre like a hyena.

grin.

Rupa-Today at 12:55 AM

she falls back into her seat with a fwoomp. She leans over a bit, over your shoulder, and notices the centaur with a pile of SEVERAL gyro. She licks her lips and swallows dryly, looking down towards the floor of the balcony.

MuseMouse-Today at 12:55 AM

Muse carefully picks up the gyro with both hands, still not breaking eye contact with you. It’s messy and hard to handle, tzatziki dripping from it..

o vo

man… you’ve never tried one of Damien’s gyro, have you

theyre soooo good… he slices the meat at the literal perfect thickness, to the millimeter…

ah… i’m drooling thinking about it. adjusts his hands, letting his tongue poke out a bit -y-

Starvin here

Rupa-Today at 12:58 AM

her expression, as she watches you pick it up, is a very strange mixture of anger, yearning, mesmerization, and shyness. She stares at the food, and the, incredibly tasty, SHE ASSUMES, mixture of grease and sauce dribbling from out of the pita bread. Her expression reads as if she’s saying 'try it, I dare you, PLEASE’.

with a different emotion for each part of that sentence~

MuseMouse-Today at 12:59 AM

o y o Stuffs as much of it in his mouth as he can, chomping down audibly. Soft crunch, and a tear as he sinks into the pita bread, taking a biiiig bite. His cheeks bulge, and you cant miss the shock of pleasure that dulls his eyes. mmph–

chews slowly, eyes closing.

MuseMouse-Today at 1:00 AM

crispy, salty, bit rough,tzatziki mediates the texture, its unreal

Rupa-Today at 1:02 AM

!!! >////< CRUNCH. She immediately nibbles her lips when you take the bite. No! No no no no no no She shuts her eyes, shaking her head! Aaaagh…!(edited)

MuseMouse-Today at 1:02 AM

’ v’ Chews slowly, meticulously

Mmmmmmmmm.

Mm mm.

Rupa-Today at 1:06 AM

It smells like lovingly, slowly roasted meat and the identifiable umami of meat fat. And just a little bit of the crispy tzatziki sauce. Even with her eyes closed, the smell of the food is still noticeable a mile away, and the sound of you hedonistically enjoying your lunch still assails on her sensitive lil ears.

MuseMouse-Today at 1:08 AM

Mmph! He kicks his head back, eyes scrunching as he forcefully swallows. Gggllnp!! Forces it down, his breath held

>/ u /<

Your sensitive ears cant escape picking up Mouse’s thick swallow.

Rupa-Today at 1:10 AM

!!!!!!! T////T AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa her ears twitch, and her heart skips a beat, when she hears you gulp thickly. She emenates a petultant little, helpless, whiiiiiiiiine…

first bite of many. And she’s totally helpless…

MuseMouse-Today at 1:12 AM

… aaah. Hmph.

he licks his lips and smacks them obnoxiously, picking up some fries and cramming them in his mouth! Didnt realize how hungry he was, h-haha…

-/3/- nom nomph, takes another smaller bite. So good..

Rupa-Today at 1:16 AM

T///T Didn’t expect to be enduring this kind of torture todaaaayyy… Her whole body still feels that fun after-exercise tiredness, but without the after-exercise meal to cap it off. So, she just feels… energized… and tired… and… really… really hungry.

MuseMouse-Today at 1:17 AM

stuff chew chomp! Mops up some of the 'ziki with the frayed, crispy edges of the meatvegpita, and chomps in heartily. Messy.

=//=

Mmmhmhm.

Rupa-Today at 1:18 AM

she exhales and opens her eyes again, and the first thing she sees is you with your cheeks poofed full of french fries. She flinches and grumbles, cheeks hot with blush, staring down at her hands, and by proxy, her poor, empty, hollow stomach.

as if on cue, her belly, feeling very devoid of anything except a little bit of air, finally lets out a petultant, long growl…

TwT

MuseMouse-Today at 1:21 AM

he almost chokes on laughter as he hears it, covering his mouth > W <

Hnnhnhn

he swallows and pats his chest, sitting back. One bite of gyro left in his hand.

-y- ah… about stuffed… wow

… i ate a lot! Feels great…

Rupa-Today at 1:29 AM

T//A//T she can feel the empty pressure as her belly does nothing but push around what’s left of the slime and air inside of her… She slumps in her chair, flexing her feet as she watches the last couple bites of that soft pita and crispy meat disappear into you.

MuseMouse-Today at 1:30 AM

pokes the last mouthful into his mouth, chewing and swallowing. ^ 3^ mmph.

making a show of it. Which is funny to see, he’s usually a veeeery quiet polite eater. He know you’re watching. And listening.

Rupa-Today at 1:34 AM

Indeed… as torturous as it is, she’s mesmerized. The tasty food, and yearning to even try a tiny nibble of it… Not to mention just shyly watching you eat in general. God, she’s feeling such a heady mix of emotions right now…

she’s leaning over the table again. As much as her shackled wrists can let her, at least. The pita’s a lost cause, nothin’ but meat for your belly at this point. But she’s staring in nothing but desire at the fries on your plate. Anything at this point! T///T

MuseMouse-Today at 1:37 AM

u vu picks up a fry and eats it. Already full, but the fries are just… so good…

munch.

tzatziki fries… one of Mouse’s fav things. Oh he’s evil.

Rupa-Today at 1:40 AM

she staaares at your plate sulkily. Her stomach again lets out another growl…. deep and loud and rolling, from deep in her guts, as loud as thunder…

she flops her cheek onto the table, and briefly debates whether the table is edible.

MuseMouse-Today at 1:45 AM

Once he’s done eating he just sits back with his hands folded over his belly, completely satisfied.

Rupa-Today at 1:49 AM

Mmmmp…. B… .///. she’s straight-up staring at your hands folded over your gently-domed, stuffed and satiated stomach. You tucked away all of that delicious food so easily…! That huge plate of gyro… into your…. belly… @////@ Under your hands… Full… and warm…

MuseMouse-Today at 1:50 AM

u w u mmmh.(edited)

Rupa-Today at 1:53 AM

she slumps into her chair, boneless and weak. Meanwhile, her stomach feels practically concave. None of that bodily warmth you associate with a large meal. Instead, she just feels completely empty, never having even a grain of salt…

MuseMouse-Today at 1:54 AM

u vu … how you feelin? Urp.

Rupa-Today at 1:55 AM

=////= she growls. This time from her throat, not her hips.

the feeling in the warning translates to, 'how do you think?’(edited)

MuseMouse-Today at 1:59 AM

hehhh. Want me to untie you and get your food?

Rupa-Today at 2:03 AM

she hears the word 'food’, and you can see her huge bat-ears flex in the direction of the word. She picks her head up, as if she has one last little spurt of energy. ’    ’

Food?

MuseMouse-Today at 2:09 AM

hur.

u vu it should be here soon…

… here

he gets up, hand still on his belly, and walks over. Casually unties the ropes under the table, and bends down to untie your ankles

Rupa-Today at 2:13 AM

urrrrgggghhh T    T she almost accidentally slithers onto the floor, such an assault on her senses, finally released!

MuseMouse-Today at 2:16 AM

Ah ah! Mouse’s hands rest on your shoulders, holding you up. … h-haha, wow… that really did a number on you, huh? You look spent.

… shifta you so your head rests on his stomach with a 'paff’.

Rupa-Today at 2:18 AM

!!!! @/////@ aaaaaa she blushes bright when you squish her head onto that soft belly!!

MuseMouse-Today at 2:18 AM

u/ /u

Full.

hugs your head in

Rupa-Today at 2:21 AM

blrrrrrgghh flails weakly against your hands, before giving up, accepting her fate. Whines helplessly against your warm and stuffed stomach. NOT THAT SHE WOULD KNOW WHAT THAT’S LIKE, or anything……..

MuseMouse-Today at 2:25 AM

u w u

you hear a soft 'clmp’ on the table

((The rest coming sometime soon *winks but it makes a duck sound*))

[tumbalumps]

Gein Memes

Unfinished, I wrote this while flipped on amphetamines and I need more to finish it; it’s one of those that cannot be written sober. Plus I am really unsure of how I should end it 

"Grr... fuck you..." a battered Raiden muttered through gritted teeth after being beaten by Armstrong for the 100th time. Damn, he was tough on Revengeance mode. Raiden had been retrying him for hours determined to get nothing less than the perfect S rank but to no avail. He was exhausted, frustrated and badly wounded. He needed a few hours to recharge before he tackled him again. He limped away in retreat as Senator Steven Armstrong looked on with a sickeningly smug grin. "Child's play!" he laughed. "Fuck you... your mum," Raiden grunted, his comebacks being poorer than usual because he simply didn't have the energy. He staggered back to World Marshall HQ as stealthily as he could in desperate need of a healing item. A nanopaste was useless to him; he'd gone through that many that his tolerance had built up to the point where he was pretty much immune. He needed something new and stronger or at the very least a few hours sleep. Finally he found a deserted dark room he could hide in and as luck would have it, it just so happened to be the Nanomachines storeroom! Ha! Now he could give that smug bastard of a senator a good beating. He rifled through the boxes until he found the rock solid, super strength ones that Armstrong used. "Nanomachines be fucked!" he chuckled as he helped himself to a heap of them. He was about to leave but realised that the half empty box would arouse suspicion immediately. He would have to bulk them back up so it would look untouched but with what? Ahh... those bathsalts he had picked up in Denver as a gift to Rose for a romantic night in. He had found a better use for them to enhance his Ripper mode but he'd descended so far into his true nature he didn't even need them anymore. They were perfect for cutting with the Nanomachines and it was impossible to tell that they had been tampered with. Now Raiden was the one to be smug!

Meanwhile, out in the Japanese gardens, Monsoon was relaxing under the trees after a hard day throwing helicopters and shattering peoples' realities. There was nothing he liked more than trawling the net for memes and listening to music and that was just what he intended to do with his evening. Peace and quiet and much needed time alone. To make things even better some mushrooms had just sprouted at the foot of the tree, which could only mean one thing: destination utopia! "Mmm nature," he said, stuffing handfuls into his mouth. Being Cambodian and a former worker in the drug trade, he was no stranger to getting high and natural highs were the best. When he wasn't hacking people to bits, he was a peaceful, enlightened being who loved expanding minds. Tonight's musical choice was Songs for Sanity by John 5, the legendary guitarist (Monsoon loved an awesome guitar solo). "Exquisite," he mused. As he guzzled down mushroom after mushroom he got thinking about the song meanings on the John 5 album. The theme seemed to be Ed Gein... The serial killer that had robbed graves and used body parts as furniture... He had most certainly lost his mind. Had he grown up on killing fields too? Were there killing fields in Wisconsin? He must have been exposed to some pretty ghastly memes to have done something like that. What was wrong with people? They really were diseased... Was there any hope for humanity? Further investigation was needed. He tapped Ed Gein into Google and to his sheer delight an Ed Gein meme popped up! 'I want to make a lampshade out of your flesh... because you light up my life!' A huge, slightly twisted grin spread over his face. Those mushrooms were kicking in now and he found himself giggling like a little schoolgirl. "What are you laughing at candy ass?" Armstrong's loud bellowing voice interrupted his thoughts. "Oh, nothing," he answered, hiding the screen on his laptop and trying to compose himself. He figured Armstrong more than likely did not share his sadistic, mushroom-induced sense of humour. To his annoyance, he sat down, loosened his tie and sparked up a cigar. It seemed he planned on chilling with him for a while. Monsoon hoped his loud, opinionated nature wouldn't interfere with his mushroom-meme buzz. Armstrong opened up a fresh batch of Nanomachines that he had got from the storeroom, (unbeknownst to him they were laced with bathsalts) and injected a huge shot into his bulging arm. Ugh... his Nanomachine habit was getting worse every day and they seemed to be making him more and more angry. "Ahh... that saucy Jack. I'm gonna knock him out again later," he said. "Yeah..." Monsoon mumbled unenthusiastically as he discreetly slipped a headphone in for more John 5. Armstrong didn't understand, there was a war going on underneath his shiny red dome. A war between the intensifying mushroom cloud and keeping his maniacal grin under control. He didn't have any mind power left to listen to his boasts. The Senator puffed on his cigar as a cherry blossom fell from above and landed on his shoulder. He grunted in disgust and flicked it away then began ranting and raving about the trees again and how the people who had designed it were pansies and that he could snap the president in two... blah blah. And to think, he was the one always being accused of waffling on! Monsoon couldn't help noticing he was grinding his teeth a little and spoke with a touch more aggression than normal but he just put it down to Raiden winding him up. He nodded politely and pretended to listen. His concentration drifted further away as the mind altering plants seeped through his brain. The memes... The Ed Gein meme was most amusing. No! The corners of his lips began to curl as his grin refused to be tamed. Magnetised back to the laptop, he could not resist lifting the lid for another cheeky peek and there before his artificial eyes, was another meme! 'The awkward moment when Ed Gein gives you a lampshade.' That was it. Defeated by nature, he burst into fits of uncontrollable, maniacal, psychotic laughter. Armstrong turned and glared at him, beads of sweat forming on his oversized forehead and chest beating hard. His jaw appeared to have been wound as tightly as possible without it snapping off and behind his specs, his eyes were glowing red and wild. Monsoon was unsure whether or not he was hallucinating or if Armstrong really did look like a wild feral beast. "What's so funny you little shit?" he bellowed in his face, his cheeks flushing as red as his eyes. He snatched the laptop off him and saw the screen full of Ed Gein memes. As Monsoon suspected, he wasn't a fan. His face was so tightly contorted that he probably could not have laughed even if he had wanted to. "You freak," he snapped at him. "You've gotta stop hanging around with people who do drugs." Monsoon giggled, "Wind blows... rain falls... and the strong make the weak into furniture." Armstrong looked unimpressed. He ripped his tie off and unbuttoned his shirt as the sweating intensified. He was as red as a beetroot. "Grrr... hungry," he uttered what sounded like a growl. "There's some mushrooms left," the shroomed Monsoon grinned. "Hmph. Pansy! I don't want that candy ass hippy shit. Meat. Grr..." "Meat?" did he just hear him right? Armstrong was certainly behaving very strangely. He continued to grunt incoherently about meat while his eyes darted around wildly.  He couldn't figure out why he was feeling this way. His senses seemed to have abandoned him and all he could think about was food, the raw, fleshy kind. Yet despite devolving, an intense energy was rushing through him that made him feel almighty and ready to conquer the world... with his bare hands. He would happily sacrifice some of his sense to have this supreme power! He studied the psychotic cyborg sitting next to him scanning him for food. He didn't look very appetising at all. He was mostly made of magnets, which wouldn't digest very well even with his Nanos. The only part of his flesh that was visible had a slightly demonic looking drug-addled grin spread across it. Plus he had that weird purple Lorentz aura about him. And the hair. Too much hair. He decided to pass. What the hell? Why was he even considering eating Monsoon? Something had gone seriously wrong. "Would you mind not looking at me like that?" Monsoon asked, unnerved. Armstrong stood up and turned away, trying to distract himself from his craving for flesh but instead tripped over the stump of the tree and face planted the floor. This sent him into a whirlwind of unstoppable fury as he spewed more profanities over his hatred of the layout of the Japanese garden. "FUCK! This fucking fancy pants reception area makes me sick! ARHHHH!!! GRRAARHHH Meat! When I get my hands on that candy ass! Grrrflesh!! I will tear them apart with my bare fucking hands and feast on his flesh! ROOOOAAAAAARHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Monsoon shook his head in despair. Armstrong was overly masculine and aggressive at the best of times but whatever was in those nanomachines had transformed him into a monster firing off nothing but bad vibes. Bad vibes and mushrooms were not good bed fellows. "If you feel that strongly about it, why don't you redecorate? It's up to you to take charge of your own life and change the things you are not happy with. Don't be a pawn, you are the boss here, is that correct?" "Hmph," grunted Armstrong who had stopped listening after the first sentence (Monsoon did tend to waffle a bit) he responded with, "Meat." "Yes, we could revamp the place. A little dining area near the pond would certainly look exquisite." Suddenly a dark epiphany flashed in his mind. The memes. The Gein Memes. Furniture. Made with body parts. A mischievous smirk appeared on his face... Why not pass a meme on to Armstrong? "I was just looking at a unique style of furniture online. We could do our own Desperado designs - Lampshades, tables, chairs, accessories; whatever you wanted. They would be one of a kind: limited edition. It could be good for business. That's definitely a pretty meme!" Armstrong pushed his specs up his nose and rubbed his chin as he pondered the suggestion. Monsoon could hear his teeth grinding together as his mouth watered. "Flesh. Yes!" he bellowed triumphantly raising a flaming fist.  "I have a dream! I will control my own destiny and shape this garden as I see fit! Wipe the slate clean! BURN IT DOWN!!  ARRHH I'll rebuild this garden following my own rules and what I believe in! From the ashes, a new Japanese garden will be born evolved, untamed with the weaklings we purge as trophies! This garden will be great again!! Grr.... RAAHHHH!" He raised his leg up at an 180degree angle and slammed it down in defiance. Monsoon smiled in agreement. Holy shit, even he had the fear driven into him by Armstrong's bloodthirsty, violent mood. For once, he was thankful that he was cyborg or he may have been on the menu. "What do you think son?" Armstrong's tone softened as he sparked up another cigar. "What do you say me and you enjoy a banquet tonight? We will feast on the weak! You know Monsoon, you do babble on sometimes and you're the most ambiguous person I've ever met but you're a real asset and your guidance more than makes up for your flaws. You are a cruel spirit guide, but an effective teacher. I think you deserve a reward." Monsoon's face lit up. A new set of armour? His own Metal Gear perhaps? His joyful expression soon fell as Armstrong pulled out a shot of the dreaded Nanomachines and held it out to him. "Nanomachines, son. Limited edition, take a shot and become indestructable!" Monsoon hesitated. He switched to augmented reality mode to examine the syringe because nanomachines sure as hell weren't meant to transform the subject into flesh hungering raging beasts. Armstrong may not have cared about his dignity but he did. What... No way! How was that even possible? 50% Nanomachines (super strength) 60% Bath salts!!! "No!" he cried but it was too late. Armstrong had injected the concoction into his neck. Monsoon sighed in despair. He would fight with every ounce of his being not to turn into a bloodthirsty cyborg 'zombie'. Hopefully all the magic mushrooms he'd eaten would be counter productive of them. In any case, it was done now, he may as well enjoy the ride whatever it entailed. Armstrong wrapped his arm around his shoulders, almost crushing him under the weight, "Kindred spirits... you and I."

An hour passed. The World Marshall HQ was ominously quiet. Sundowner was in the server room giving his pincers a polish and enjoying a beer. Nothing was out of the ordinary and he was about to clock off when suddenly his codec rang: Senator Armstrong. Damn, what the hell did he want? If he wanted him to do more overtime, he could forget it. Sometimes he wished he had stayed on DLA (disability living allowance)... Still, he couldn't ignore it. He pressed the accept button and looked at the screen. What he saw startled him, he dropped the codec and leapt back. "CHRIST!" Armstrong's face was pressed against the screen, every Nanomachine in his body hardened and black. Sundowner had only seen him like this when he was in battle. Why was he like it on the codec? His trademark smug look had been replaced by a contorted, scowling, snarling lunatic. Sundowner had seen many horrific things in war and committed sadistic warcrimes so it would be fair to assume that nothing could scare him. Wrong. This feral Armstrong on the other end of the line made his cyborg blood run cold. "'The fuck..." Armstrong growled like a rabid dog. It took him a few moments to tear his rigid jaws open so his chilling words could be unleashed, "Grr... Oooh arhhh you listen to me Sundowner. I'm gonna be hiding by your bins. I'm coming for your fucking solar panels!" He assumed the squat position and slammed his leg down demonstrating to him that he really meant business. In the background some kind of cackling laughter could be heard that sounded like it could have been Monsoon, only much more maniacal and demented than usual. Whatever little humanity he had left in him sounded like it had finally died. "Christ..." Sundowner whispered anxiously to himself. The fear was setting in. But if the solar panels were all he wanted, that was OK. He would gladly part with them if the crazed lunatics stayed well away from him. It was a small sacrifice in comparison to his life. Fear descended upon him like a dark, black raincloud. It was the first time he had been scared in a very long time. Armstrong looked like he would be more at home in an Umbrella lab. And as for Monsoon... That high-pitched laugh he had heard could only be made by a demon, or perhaps a character from Wrong Turn. It sent shivers down his spine. They had obviously taken their body modifications a step too far and crossed over to the other side. He stepped onto the heliport. A clap of thunder sounded and the first drops of rain fell. He couldn't see Monsoon or Armstrong but was filled with a sense of impending doom. He disarmed his solar panels and laid them on the ground ready for collection. The words 'I'm fucking invincible' rang empty now. He turned to head back inside when he saw Monsoon standing upside down on top of the doorway. Huh, he was always showing off his tricks. It was just as well he had that big dome on his head to contain his inflated ego. Still, Sundowner relaxed a little knowing that he was the lesser of two evils. "Yeah, yeah Monsoon, we all know you're magnetic and can do weird shit," he said brashly. He looked at the cyborg more closely and it dawned on him that there was something different about him. His huge toothy grin was spread earpiece to earpiece like a psychotic cheshire cat but there was something else too... "Christ Monsoon! Why the fuck are you green?" Sure enough, the red patterns on his armour had changed into a dazzling neon green as a side effect of his mushroom, Lorentz, Nanomachine and bathsalt cocktail. "Well this is my terrifying true form, Sunlounger!" he shrieked at him then burst into fits of laughter. What was once a chilled, mushroom induced giggle had morphed with the deadly bathsalts into a high-pitched blood-curdling cackle like a maniacal hyena. "What the fuck did you just call me?" Sundowner raised an eyebrow. "Seriously though man, you've gotta leave off those shrooms." "Shrooms? Hahaha! Are you that stupid? It's back to the garden for you Sunlounger hahaha! I am going to feast on your insides!" "Asshole. Talk to me when you wanna make sense. I ain't got time for this shit." He was about to go back inside when suddenly the whole helipad shook. Sundowner's first thoughts were that it was an earthquake until he saw the terrible abombination that was Armstrong. Eyes red, glasses crooked, black from head to toe in concrete Nanos and foaming at the mouth, Sundowner didn't need to be a mindreader to know that he was out for blood. "Wait..." Armstrong growled, his eyebrows darkened and he wound up his clenched fist to strike. Fully charged, one strike would be instant death and even if by some miracle he escaped, Monsoon was prowling like a vulture from above with his Sai's drawn ready... Sundowner drew his pincers ready, although he knew they were as much use as a chocolate fireman against these two, especially with whatever disease they had contracted that had made them flesh hungry psychopaths.  However, the fact that they were not in their right minds was little comfort to him as Armstrong landed a skull crushing blow knocking him to the floor. He was conscious long enough to feel Dystopia swoop down and claim his arm just as Armstrong sunk his teeth into his jugular. Christ... zombie cyborgs... what a way to die...

On the other side of the building were Mistral and Jetstream Sam, blissfully unaware of the approaching danger. By now Armstrong and Monsoon were so far gone, they were communicating in one syllable words and grunts, driven by their burning desire for one thing alone: flesh. Monsoon, who looked more and more like a demon every minute, had his sights set on Mistral and Armstrong on Jetstream. He had always harbored a bit of a ‘thing’ for the cheeky Brazilian. They let themselves into their apartment. Mistral and Sam had no way of knowing about their transformation so would have no reason to fear them. They were simply going about their daily business just like any other night. Sam lay stretched out on the couch, glued to his phone as he fed his Candy Crush addiction. Upstairs, running water could be heard as Mistral was in the shower. Monsoon decided he would have some fun with her. With his memes in mind, he crept up the stairs and was greeted by a group of Dwarf Gecko who were standing guard at the bathroom door. They did not stand a chance. against him; the illicit glitchy aura about him had transformed him into a walking chaff grenade. Having been alerted to his presence, the Geckos sensors were sent into a frenzy and their circuit boards simultaneously blew leaving them nothing more than smoking scrap metal. Monsoon smiled smugly as he stepped over the mechanical carcasses; he didn’t even have to do anything: his presence alone was enough. The first she knew of his presence was when she felt his disconnected metallic hand caressing her breast. "Hello there handsome," she said. Monsoon pulled the curtain back and boldly stepped into the shower with her. "Mistral... I have a confession to make," he said to her putting his hands on her face. "You light up my life." Mistral's eyes lit up and her body tingled. She had been waiting to hear those words for what seemed like an eternity, "Oh Monsoon! I had no idea that you felt that way. You have made me a very happy girl."

Monsoon grinned, "Yes… you light up my life… so I am going to make a lampshade out of your face! Ah hahaha!" He whipped out Dystopia and delivered a deathly blow to her throat, severing her lifeline and capturing her confused wide eyed look forever. He licked his lips as he watched her crimson blood flow down her tall curvacious body like a waterfall and swirl down the plug hole. Exquisite. As her body slumped into the tub he knelt down and looked her up and down with a lustful yet hungry smirk on his face. A strange clash of emotions were simmering under his dome at the glistening perfectly rounded breasts. Did he want to eat them or molest them? Well it wouldn’t hurt to get a cheeky feel of the goods before they were manufactured into limited edition Desperado furniture. He squeezed her round bosoms; they were soft like finely made cushions just begging for a head to be nestled between them. He happily obliged and slopped his lips upon them to satisfy his curiosity for her taste. Now he was totally confused – food or furniture?

[socialattractionuk]

Dating trends: They’re truly not that deep

A happy couple, in the first flush of romance, just before breadcrumbing, pocketing or orbiting inevitably tears them apart (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Last night, Instagram’s advertising algorithm somehow figured out that I am a hapless, unlucky-in-love singleton. It punished me for this by forcing to watch a promoted story concerning a new – and very serious – dating trend I should start worrying about.

‘Shelving’, this one was called – which is when someone tells you they’re too busy with work commitments to see you. This doesn’t seem particularly sinister, for the following reasons:

Everyone is busy these days (thanks in no small part to a little-known economic system called neoliberal capitalism) so it stands to reason that sometimes work gets in the way of dating.

I ‘shelved’ someone just the other week, because I genuinely had too much work to do and, if truth be told, I didn’t like them enough to prioritise them over my career. Admittedly, if I’d fancied them more, I would have sacked off my deadline faster than you could see it happening.

But if someone can’t appreciate that you’re not constantly at their beck-and-call and that you have other commitments, then maybe you don’t want to date them anyway.

If ‘shelving’ really is a way for someone to communicate that they’re not into you, then…maybe just take the hint? Most of these supposedly malicious ‘dating trends’ seem more like polite attempts at letting someone down gently.

Grrr, I really hate this new dating trend where people don’t want to date me. What the hell is wrong with our generation?

I posit that the vast majority of these trends really, truly aren’t that deep. Here are some of the stupidest ones, and why, if you take them seriously, you need to get a grip.

To get more insight, I spoke with Moya, a 24 year old journalist who writes about relationships.

Orbiting

Orbiting was the subject of a viral New York Times article last year, which was promoted to me as a tweet for months on end until I finally caved and read it. The idea is that someone, after breaking up with you or otherwise rejecting you, continues to hover round the edges of your social media, whether that’s viewing your Instagram stories or liking your tweets or Facebook posts.

‘This one is weird,’ Moya admits, ‘stop looking at my fucking stories. You ghosted me – you could see me in the flesh.’

I, too, understand how maddening orbiting can be. I once became vaguely obsessed with the fact that someone with whom I’d had quite an acrimonious rupture, but still liked, was viewing every single one of my Instagram stories. The only explanation was that he was madly in love with me, right?

Well, tough – he’d had his chance and he blew it. Instead of just taking the L, like an emotionally mature adult, I devised an entire social media strategy solely to torment him. Every single thing I posted was designed to remind him how cool and attractive I am, and the enormity of what he’d discarded. Truly tragique.

Incidentally, this behavior has its own name, Gatsbying, inspired by The Great Gatsby – a novel in which the titular protagonist hosts a series of extravagant parties in the hope that, one day, the woman he loves will attend one. She eventually does, and I’m pretty sure they get together and it all works out – but it’s been a while since I read it.

So, yeah, I found orbiting vaguely upsetting for a while. But then one day, I realised that I didn’t actually have to care about whether this man viewed my stories, that I was torturing myself for no reason. I soft-blocked him (which means you block, and then unblock someone, so that you no longer follow each other) and very quickly forgot all about it.

Unless someone is actively stalking you, it’s really not that difficult or awkward to kick them out of your online orbit. To sum up, orbiting is a somewhat annoying problem with an incredibly easy solution.

I’m sorry she’s still watching your Insta stories, bro – that must be tough (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Pocketing

According to Yahoo Style this is one trend to look out for in 2019. It basically means that someone you’re in a relationship with keeps you from meeting their friends or family – the implication being that it’s because they’re not serious about the relationship, or even that they’re embarrassed of you. I can’t imagine this is often the case.

If this is happening in your relationship, it seems just as likely the issue is that they’re worried about what you’ll think of their family, rather than vice versa.

Not everyone has a great relationship with the people they grew up with, and there’s all sorts of valid reasons why they might want to keep you apart. This is perhaps particularly true in the case of LGBT+ people, who might not even be out.

More bluntly, Moya reckons: ‘I haven’t experienced that but if a friend of mine was in that situation I’d just say “he’s not that into you, bro.” I mean, that’s the answer to most of these, isn’t it?’

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Breadcrumbing

This is one of the OG dating trends, a mainstay of the genre, with almost as illustrious a career as ghosting. It’s when someone tosses you just enough affection and attention to keep you on the hook, but without having any real intention of making it a thing. That text they sent you that had you bursting with joy and hope? They were probably just bored.

Again, I’m not sure this is always such a big deal – do you have to intend to ask for someone’s hand in marriage before you send them a flirty text? But if it goes on for a long time, breadcrumbing can be hurtful.

Moya says, ‘it’s very tiresome – eventually you need to cut the cord and stop replying.

‘But that said, although it’s a real phenomenon, I think the fact we have to give names to all these specific behaviors misses the point of the wider pattern that they’re part of: a growing general lack of decency and communication in modern dating.

‘They’re not really new, they’re just far easier to identify and track now we do so much via technology and have such a clear paper trail.’

Maybe we do need to have a conversation about how to be kinder to one another when it comes to dating; maybe we need to establish a better etiquette of rejection.

The problem is how easy it is, and how insignificant it feels, to be unwittingly cruel to someone when you just don’t like them as much as they like you (not to mention how utterly devastating it is to be on the other end – the disparity of feeling is tragicomic).

But attributing malice to the uninterested party, or coming up with ever more contrived names for ever more specific behaviors, probably isn’t the best way of going about that.

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